Honest Christian Conversations
A weekly podcast dealing with cultural and spiritual issues within the Christian faith.
Honest Christian Conversations
When Life Throws Curveballs
After being told natural conception wasn't possible due to her husband's autoimmune issues, Karen Dittman and her husband built their family through adoption, welcoming two children and assuming their family was complete. Years later, at age 46, Karen received shocking news – she was pregnant. Her life story defies medical probability and showcases how adoption mirrors the heart of God.
Karen's Website: https://karenadittman.com/
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Hey friends, welcome back to Honest Christian Conversations. I'm your host, anna Murby. This week's guest is Karen Dittman. She's a wonderful woman. I enjoy talking to her so much because we talked a lot about mom things and community, which are two things that moms have a difficulty making. But her situation is a little more interesting because of the age difference between her kids and how she came to be a mom in the first place. You're really going to enjoy what she has to say. She's got such a sweet heart and her story reminds me so much of God's grace and mercy and once you hear it, you're going to notice it too, and I just I pray that you are encouraged by this episode.
Speaker 1:And if you, if you need community, please make sure that you join the Honest Christian Conversations community, because we're here for you. I'm involved in the group I have. My personal friends are involved, family members, everyone from the globe who listens, everyone is invited. Who wants to have a deeper relationship with God and who wants to grow in their faith with others who are like-minded. So if that is you and you need a community, you are welcome to join. But before that, let's listen and watch this wonderful conversation with Karen Before the episode starts. Make sure you follow the show so you never miss another episode.
Speaker 1:Thank you, karen, for coming on the show today. I'm very excited to talk to you. You have a unique story. I have heard it on a different podcast. Shout out to Regina Bartlett's podcast, will and Grace. That's where I heard your story, where you mentioned how you have a 10-year-old in your seasoned years. We'll go with that, because I'm pretty much there. My husband and I are there too. I'm in my 40s and he's in his 50s and we've got five kids. So yeah, but tell us first of all, how did you come to faith in Christ, and then we'll get into how you ended up having two adult children and then having a 10-year-old along the way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, my gosh, it's all God, yeah, yeah. But how I came to Christ? I grew up in a churchgoing family, so my parents would take us to church every Sunday and it was very formal and it was not like where we really heard the gospel, but we were churchgoers and that's how co-workers I think it was actually her boss had come to Christ, and so he shared the gospel with her and she accepted Christ. And then she started telling us our family and I was probably 10 years old, 10, maybe 11 at this time but she started telling our family how we needed to invite Jesus into our hearts. Well, I had always believed in those cosmic scales. You know, if my good deeds outweigh my bad deeds, then God will be happy with me and I can get into heaven. So when she started talking about you need to invite Jesus in your heart, I was like why, what's this other thing I need to do? It's the way I saw it.
Speaker 2:But then I watched and God changed her dramatically. She had grown up in a family where her father was verbally and emotionally abusive. It's not that she was a bad mom, but she had her baggage and she struggled with expressing love too and I'm the oldest in the family, so I felt it more than I think my younger siblings. And so she started changing and like she became loving like she had never been before, and after a while both my father and I went this is real, I want in on this and so we trusted Christ. My younger sister and brother not long after also came to Christ, and so we went from being a churchgoing family to a family of faith at that point. But that's how I came to Christ and, like I said, I think I was about 11 years old at that point.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. It's amazing when you can see God changing someone's heart, especially when you're used to them being one way and then all of a sudden they're different. When you're used to them being one way and then all of a sudden they're different, that definitely changes one's perspective about things and changes their own heart. It's like, well, if that can happen for them, it can happen for me. Whatever it is, I want in on that. Like you said, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it was great. Yeah, god is just. I mean, I've got the word grace here on my wall and that was the power of God's grace to change her, change who she was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, god's grace is amazing.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So let's get into your story now. So you have two grown adult children, right? Mm-hmm? Yeah, and are they? They're not biological, correct.
Speaker 2:Right, our oldest two we adopted. My husband and I really wanted to have kids and, just you know, it wasn't possible. He had some autoimmune issues that compromised his reproductive system, and so we got to the point where the doctor said, well, unless you want to do in vitro fertilization, you're not going to get pregnant, you're not going to have a child the natural way. I had watched some friends go through that and I just went that emotional cost is not worth it to me, and so after a few years, we decided to go ahead and adopt kids, and so we had two kids that we adopted and we thought our family was complete, had been, you know, we were raising them. By the time they were in their early teens.
Speaker 2:My daughter, the younger of the two, really, really wanted us to adopt again, and we were doing some ministry with some organizations in Haiti at the time and we had gone after that big earthquake in Haiti. That was like 13 years ago, no longer than that. Anyway, after that earthquake, we had gone to Haiti not immediately, but in the years following with the family and we were serving with some orphanages and my daughter's like look this little baby, we can adopt this one, michael, and I prayed about it and just God said, no, that's not what I have for you. She was like God's not answering my prayers, because I want to have a sibling, I want to adopt another baby. But then, surprise, surprise, a couple of years later she was 13 and my son was 15 and they got a baby sister.
Speaker 1:How did your daughter react when you told her?
Speaker 2:that she actually said that she had gotten to the point where she thought that God didn't hear her. At 12, 13, she was wrestling with a lot of things in her life and her story is her story. But just with being adopted, there are a lot of things that children can tell themselves, a lot of stories they can believe about being rejected, not being really loved, not really having a family, and so she had felt like, well, I guess God doesn't really hear me, god doesn't really love me. And my husband was like, hey, guess what? This pregnancy, this is the answer to your prayers. God heard you. So she was thrilled, she was excited and she, when her younger sister was born, she was an amazing helper. She was just right in there. She loves little kids and babies and so she was a great helper. At first it was yeah.
Speaker 1:How did you and your husband react to this?
Speaker 2:Well. So what's really funny is we had been on vacation. It was during the summer. We'd been on vacation. We came home and I was just feeling really just run down, really crummy, like not morning sickness, but every evening I'd be like I just don't feel good. Yeah, and after about a week or so of this, he was like do you think maybe you should take a pregnancy test? And I was like, no, I mean, I'm 46. Yeah, no, this is my body is changing. And he's like, really. And I was like, fine, okay, set, set your mind at ease, I'll do a pregnancy test. And then it came back positive and I was just like, whoa, wait, what God you really. I was just, you know, I was blown away. I was shocked. We were both thrilled, the whole family. We were just so excited. But it was a shock. But it was also a joy to actually have that biological child that we had thought would never happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can imagine that because in my family having five kids already and then my kids keep saying, oh, we want another sibling, your dad's 50. I'm 40. No, it's not happening. So for us to have a positive pregnancy test would be more like okay, god, what are you doing? Are you kidding me right now? What are you doing, are you kidding me right now? But I can see it from your perspective, even in your advanced ages, that you would be thrilled with it because you were told you'd never be able to and it just completely blew the lid off that and God said no, I'm in control, and that would just give you that assurance that he sees you, that he knows what you've been through and that he loves you. And to answer your daughter's prayer in a way she wasn't expecting either. So that definitely. I could see how you guys would be initially shocked I didn't think this was possible but also, at the same time, be extremely thrilled. Unlike somebody in my position, we'll be like, whoa, okay, we got to do this all over again, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And at this point in my life I mean, you know, now I'm in my late 50s I'm like it's not happening. But at this point in my life I was like, no, I don't want to have to go through the baby stage again. I've got two granddaughters. Last fall I potty trained my three-year-old granddaughter because her dad and her mom were just like like her mom had tried. Her dad and mom are no longer together, but her mom had really tried. But there's just. She just needed like somebody who had the time to stay with her for three days straight and focus on make sure you use the potty when you need to. So I was like I'll just do this for you. And then I'm like, okay, this, hopefully, is the last child I will have to potty train.
Speaker 1:I really hope that's the last time I have to do that Potty training. The struggle is real with that one.
Speaker 1:So, through having your three children, what struggles have you and your husband gone through that you've noticed God working in? So, having your three children, what struggles have you and your husband gone through that you've noticed God working in? Because there's definitely going to be struggles, especially with adopting. I know you mentioned a little bit that your daughter had some of her own struggles that she was going through.
Speaker 1:And adoption is such a beautiful example of unconditional love because you know ahead of time, for the most part, what they've been through, where they're from, and yet you still choose them. And that is such a significant example of Christ's love for us and how he chooses us. He knows what we've done, what we're going to do, what we're in the middle of doing, and yet he still chose to die on the cross for our sins. He wanted us in His family. So it's a really beautiful example, and every so time I hear of someone that they've adopted, I just immediately go to that and remind myself that I am blessed to be adopted into God's family. So how did you guys make it through the difficult struggles when you had your two?
Speaker 2:older children. I think one of the blessings for us was that we were married for 11 years before we had our first child, and so we had a lot of time to get really grounded and solid in our relationship with each other. That was super helpful, and also having this perspective that we are following where God has led, and it's still not really easy. But you know parenting. I don't know how old your oldest is, but you know, even when they're in their 18. Oh, she's 18, your oldest is, but you know, even when they're in there oh, she's 18. So you know, even when they're in their 20s. There are needs and and also I have to be aware of how I can show up with the boundaries of. This is what I can do for you and this is what you can do for yourself. But through years, my son struggled with ADHD, and we didn't know that what he was experiencing was ADHD until he was 19.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And then he was diagnosed and then my daughter, just kind of for a long time she again just because that story. Even for a while at first she was awesome as a big sister and then she kind of fell into this belief that well, they love the baby who's their biological child more than they love me. They love me. I don't really understand how and I deal with this a lot even now children get this perspective that love is limited, like you have to love someone. You know there's only a certain amount you can love someone more than others.
Speaker 2:But anyway, my daughter before I had gotten pregnant and then a while after the baby was born, had fallen into some really unhealthy relationships and had started using drugs and there was just some really horrible stuff that she just kept going down the road for a long time. And so for me there was a challenge of how do I protect and guard her when she is running as far and as hard and as fast as she can away from the structures and the limits that we're trying to set up with our family? I mean, it got to the point when she was 19. She was homeless and not living with us and she had had a baby. So we were raising her three-year-old daughter at that point. By God's grace he, in His timing, brought her back and she is sober and doing well and getting her feet back under her.
Speaker 2:But she went through a hard time and so for me I had to really walk this road of learning what are the boundaries that I need to hold and where do I need to say. This is her journey and you know for all of my kids and so going through literally just the hardest thing I could imagine going through as a parent, I mean there are harder. There are also other hard things, like I've known people who have lost children to cancer and to other things, so it's not like the only really hard thing or the hardest possible thing.
Speaker 1:No, I know what you mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one of these, really, really hard. What feels like an impossible road has taught me that I'm not in control of my children. I can set up boundaries, I can set up limits of my children. I can set up boundaries, I can set up limits, but ultimately, even when they're young, they are their own people and they are on a journey that God has for them and I can't control it. As much as I want to, as much as I want to protect them and stop them from experiencing pain, hey friends, have you joined the Honest Christian Conversations online group yet?
Speaker 1:If you haven't, you're missing out on a perfect opportunity to grow your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:This is a community for those who want to go deeper in their relationship. You can do Bible studies together, ask the questions you have biblically and get the answers that you might need or maybe you're somebody who has answers to somebody else's questions. You can leave your prayer requests. You can leave your praise reports. This is a community. This is what church is supposed to be, and I am so glad that I finally took that step to make this group so that people's lives can flourish in Jesus' name. Also, if you haven't signed up for the mailing list, you're missing out on an opportunity there as well. I send out a weekly email chocked full of so much awesome content that I don't have time right now to share it all with you. But when you do sign up for that mailing list, you get my seven-day free devotional that I created just for those who sign up for the mailing list. If you haven't joined either of these, you can go to my website, honestchristianconversationscom and sign up there, or you can use the links for it in the show notes.
Speaker 2:It's not it's not me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm learning that daily. My eldest is a prodigal child right now and going through a lot of different things that I can't change. I can't do anything. She's an adult now, and my others I try really hard to hold on to them, but I don't want to hold on too tight because I don't want them to be like I was. I was very sheltered and I felt like that wasn't too helpful for me when I got older, because then I wanted to try the things that I wasn't able to do before. You're right, it's hard to find that healthy balance of what I can do and what I can't do, and what I can allow them to do and to even trust God through the process that he ultimately loves them more than we do and we need to allow Him to do what he needs to do. So, yeah, it's definitely. Parenting is not easy at any age?
Speaker 2:No, it's not. And adopted or biological or foster or whatever. Or you know, raising grandchildren it's not easy, it's. Yeah, parenting isn't for cowards, but by the grace of God, we can just let watch him work and I just encourage you, you know, with your daughter who is? You said, your daughter, right? Or your oldest anyway?
Speaker 1:Yes, my daughter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that prodigal stage. I am seeing so many people who have got kids, who have walked away and then come back and been powerhouses for God, so I pray that he catches her heart and in a way that she would never have experienced otherwise. I pray that you get to see that. Yeah, amen.
Speaker 1:Me too. So how has your church, your local church, been instrumental in helping you through the struggles you have gone through and the ones that you might be going through now and over the years we've been part of different churches.
Speaker 2:When our older two were younger, we were part of a really really tight, small-ish church, up to about 100 people probably, so it was small enough that everybody knew everybody, and so we had people who were no-transcript.
Speaker 1:This terrible thing when churches do things like that. Yes, where's the grace? Where's the grace and the mercy that is shown to you? Sorry, where's the? Grace and the mercy that is shown to you.
Speaker 2:Sorry, yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean we needed mercy and grace and we needed somebody to come alongside our daughter and say, hey, what you're doing, you are, you know you're walking away from God and just to love her and show her God's love, instead of saying, oh, we're going to church, discipline you now. I mean, who church disciplines a 16-year-old? A 15-year-old, yeah, and just to love her and show her God's love, instead of saying, oh, we're going to church discipline you.
Speaker 1:Now, I mean, who church disciplines a 16-year-old? A 15-year-old, yeah, so Not what?
Speaker 2:it's for, yeah, but now we are part of a really small house church and we have people around us who love us and who will come alongside us and will call us up to what you know, call us into greater places of walking with God when we need it. And we have people who you know I mentioned I'm raising my granddaughter and people who love our kids just as much as we do. And even as simple as I can be sitting and trying to worship and the six-year-old walks into the room and somebody else will grab her a bagel or a donut as simple as that. Having people who see and care for us and for our kids just shows us how God sees us, and it is a beautiful thing that we're experiencing in our church right now.
Speaker 1:That's good. Yeah, a strong Christian foundation and a community is very vital to having a successful family life, I believe. I mean you need to have a community with you to help you through the tough times, to help you with simple things. I mean, if you're in the middle of worshiping, your child wants to come up to you to have somebody who's like let's go do this, let's let your mom have her moment with God. Then your child gets to see that that is a sacred moment, that is an important thing, why? And then maybe they can ask the person who took them to go get the donut. Maybe they can ask you later and say, hey, mom, why did so-and-so do this when I was coming to see you while you were worshiping? What's the significance of that? And then you get a teaching moment to explain the significance of sometimes you have to have that quiet time with God and you can't be interrupted. I mean, jesus went many times off on his own to go find seclusion. There's a significance to it. You need it.
Speaker 1:Moms don't always get that. I mean, I go to the bathroom and my kids will just walk in the bathroom and if I lock the door, they'll just knock on it until I answer or talk to me through it. So it's like why even bother at this point? Uh-huh, talk to me through it. So it's like why even bother at this point? Yeah, so that's mom life. You don't always get those moments to yourself.
Speaker 1:So to have a church family that sees when it's important, sees that that's needed and can fill a need that your child has, that you know someone else can fill, then that is a really good church find, and there aren't too many churches out there doing that. They're more just legalistic. Or you know, like you said, someone's doing something bad. They're just going to excommunicate you or they're just going to, you know, stop talking to you because your child's doing this. I don't want my child near that. Maybe it's going to rub off on them and it's not healthy and it does not help the believer or the one who's got the faith that's wavering. It's not going to help them come to Christ.
Speaker 2:That's so true, that's so true. And you know you were talking about how much we need community and also we need our time and our space alone with God. And that's one of the things that I think we need to sometimes wrestle with that tension like need community, I need support, I need people who see me and who will support me, who will speak into my life what I need to hear, and also sometimes need solitude and alone. And we have this tendency, I think, in our churches to be like I'm good, I've got this, I can support everybody else, but I don't need anybody to support me. And it's so important to recognize no, I can't go it alone. And to stop trying to power through, doing everything on my own and to ask for help or ask for friendship.
Speaker 2:And I'm all actually, through a Facebook moms group or two that I'm part of, I see more moms reaching out and saying you know, I just need friends. Who wants to be my friend? And I see that more in the world than I do in the church, because in the church we have to look like we've got it all together, or we think we have to look like we've got it all together and we don't need people. But we really do need people. We really need community support.
Speaker 1:Yeah, without my church community I don't know where I would be, because, going through my second divorce, I didn't have any family near me, I didn't have anyone, and I had just barely started going to the church that I was at. So I was picking myself up spiritually, came back to Christ, didn't have anyone but God to rely on, and he said I will take care of you. And he sent me two wonderful ladies who helped me get back on my feet. And my stepmom was very instrumental in helping me with that too, and I had just barely met her too, because my dad had just remarried, so I didn't even really know her. But she came to live with me and help me get back on my feet. And if I didn't have that community, I don't know how I would have survived, because I had two young kids at that point, and five and one. So, yeah, you definitely need to have a community.
Speaker 1:Moms struggle the most with this, I think, because we feel like we got to have it all together. We're scrolling through Instagram and we see all these moms making all these fancy lunches for their kids and we're like, oh, I just threw in some chips in a sandwich that you know, the peanut butter may have been expired, I don't know, we're not all the same and some people can do that, some can't. Some strain themselves trying to make that video and make it look like they got it all together, but maybe they don't have it all together. And that's where we forget. To think is that this is only a snippet of what they're wanting us to see. What aren't they showing us? And once we start realizing that that we are all struggling with something, I think we can stop comparing ourselves to others.
Speaker 1:And moms need to have a community Like. My church has a moms group and it's very important because we feel a lot of times we feel alone because we're with the kids all day and we don't have adults to talk to. And then we want to talk to our husbands and they're like we don't want to talk. We've been at work, we're good, we just want to do nothing and we're like but we want to talk to someone who's got a bigger vocabulary than a toddler. Can we just talk to you? You don't have to say anything, we're just going to talk to you, you know. And to have that mom group who understands is definitely helpful.
Speaker 2:And yeah, even to have conversations with other moms who get it that I might be in the middle of a sentence and somebody comes up and is like, hey, I need something, take me to the bathroom, whatever you know, and it's like, oh, oh, no, I get it. That happens, so what a blessing. Or you?
Speaker 1:make plans and then you're like, oh, hey, one of my kids threw up, sorry. And they're like, oh, I got it, I get it. Yep, I never used to want community. I used to be I'm a lone wolf, I don't need anybody because I had been burned before. So I didn't want to, didn't want to deal with it anymore. So I was like I don't need people, I can do this on my own. And then, as I got older and started going through certain things, I realized I can't do this all on my own. And at some point God gave me really good, solid friends that I still have to this day, that I enjoy being with and I make plans to go out with just us, on top of hanging out with our kids. And I finally realized this is what I needed all along, this is what I want, and I'm glad that I have it. And, yeah, community is everything important to a thriving community, a thriving life, a thriving marriage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't stress it enough yes, yes, I totally agree, I totally agree, yeah.
Speaker 1:So do you have a website where people can connect with you if they want to? You know, pick your brain about adoption, or how you're handling your kid's ADHD, or how you handled things with your daughter while she was being a prodigal raising grandchildren, potty, training, any of these things. How do people get a hold of you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, my website is karenadittmancom. You have to put the A in there, otherwise you get somebody different. But yeah, people can find me through my website and they can see things that I've got going on. You know opportunities to engage with teachings that I'm doing and yeah, I've even got a link to all the podcasts that I'm interviewing on is there? So, yeah, that's good, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you, karen, so much for coming on and talking with us. You're a very sweet woman and you have so much love in you. I can tell just by the fact that you adopted children, and when God threw you a major curveball, you praised him through it. Threw you a major curveball, you praised him through it and, yeah, it couldn't have been easy to handle, but I can see that you are leaning on God and to have a good community to help you is definitely a great thing. So I thank you so much for coming on and talking with us today. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1:If you enjoyed the episode, leave a review for the podcast wherever you are listening or click the link in the show notes. If you have feedback for me, use the leave a message or voicemail links also in the show notes. You can check out my website, honestchristianconversationscom to leave a review or feedback as well. Join the community and become part of something bigger than yourself. Lastly, sign up for the mailing list and get the free seven-day devotional as a thank you gift. Once again, thanks for listening. I look forward to our next conversation.
