Quickie: Adventures in Fisting

Dive into the profound world of fisting – a practice that goes far beyond what many consider "extreme" or "fringe." This episode challenges us to rethink our assumptions about intimacy, pleasure, and connection through the lens of a practice that demands extraordinary trust and communication.

Drawing from Chris Barcelos' groundbreaking 2023 academic paper, we explore how fisting represents not just a sexual act but an entire epistemology – a way of knowing and being with others that defies conventional sexual scripts. When we look deeper, fisting emerges as a radical form of pedagogy, where knowledge passes through communities rather than institutions, centered on consent, care, and pleasure.

What makes this practice particularly revolutionary is how it inverts traditional sexual values. Unlike the fast, goal-oriented approach often celebrated in mainstream sexual culture, fisting demands slowness, patience, and constant checking in. It asks participants to be fully present, to prioritize connection over performance, and to embrace vulnerability as a pathway to pleasure. Even during the AIDS crisis when it was heavily stigmatized, fisting persisted as both a source of joy and a symbol of resistance within queer communities.

Whether you're curious about expanding your sexual horizons or simply interested in new frameworks for thinking about intimacy, this episode offers valuable insights. The principles at the heart of fisting – radical communication, mutual care, and challenging normative boundaries – apply far beyond any specific sex act. They remind us that sometimes our most profound connections come when we slow down, get curious, and allow ourselves to go deep.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Fisting
• 1:11 Fisting as Sexual Pedagogy
• 3:11 Navigating Risk and Stigma
• 5:54 Lessons for Everyone
• 8:15 Episode Closing and Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Hey, hey, pleasure people, Jordan here and today's episode. Oh, we're going deep, literally and metaphorically. We're diving into a super sex quickie called Adventures in Fisting, and it's inspired by an absolute banger of an academic piece by Chris Barcelos which was published in Sex Education in 2023. Now, before you giggle, blush or clench, take a breath. This isn't just about hands and holes. It's about intimacy, queerness, pedagogy and power, and how certain sex acts become symbols of resistance, of connection, of connection, of pushing boundaries in all the right and sometimes very tight places. So if you've ever thought fisting was just extreme porn material or some fringe fetish with zero relevance to your life, buckle up, my friend. This one is going to stretch your mind. Let's break it down. Fisting in its simplest form is the act of inserting a hand yes, an entire hand into the vagina or anus for sexual pleasure. But if your gut reaction is a full-body clench or an oh my god, you're not alone.

Speaker 1: 1:29

Fisting has long lived on the edges of mainstream sexual discourse. Even among the sexually adventurous, it's often spoken of with hushed tones, wide eyes, or outright dismissal and outrage tones, wide eyes or outright dismissal and outrage. Why? Because fisting challenges deeply held cultural norms about sex, which mean that it's neat, small, heteronormative and polite. It defies genital decorum. It's intense, it's messy, it's queer as hell, and therein lies its power. Barcelos argues that fisting isn't just an extreme sex act. It's an epistemology, a way of knowing, feeling and being with others that breaks open the limits of what we're taught sex should be. It requires radical communication, profound trust and a deep understanding of bodies, not just one's own, but your partner's as well. The goal isn't orgasm, though that can and often does happen. The goal is depth, both literal and metaphorical, both literal and metaphorical. When you think about it that way, fisting becomes less about shock and more about expansion of holes, of boundaries and of what we think sex can and should be, and that is sort of beautiful.

Speaker 1: 3:03

Now, fisting isn't just sex, it's education. Think about it. How do you learn to fist or be fisted? Most of us weren't handed a fisting 101 pamphlet during sex ed, and if you were, please DM me your school's address so I can send them some flowers and a Nobel Peace Prize. No, most fisting knowledge is passed peer-to-peer in bathhouses, bedrooms, bdsm dungeons and, more recently, on Twitter threads and OnlyFans tutorials and even Reddit. It's community talk, consent, heavy and pleasure forward. Barcelos describes this as sexual pedagogy Learning through doing, sharing, talking, trusting.

Speaker 1: 3:50

Fisting becomes a space where queer folks and regular folks not only explore pleasure but also teach each other how to listen to bodies, set boundaries and care for one another. In this way it's radically relational. You don't fist someone without talking, without warming up, without checking in again and again, and again. In that sense, fisting is anti-patriarchal. It doesn't rely on pornified scripts of fast-thrusting dominance. It asks how slow can we go, how deep can we breathe, and what do you need right now? This isn't just about sex. It's a model for intimacy, for consent, for community and in a world that still treats queer and kinky sex as taboo or dangerous, these underground curriculums are not just informative, they're revolutionary.

Speaker 1: 4:51

Now let's talk about risk, because you can't talk about fisting, especially anal fisting, without acknowledging that it carries physical and social risks. Physically, yes, it demands care, patience and a good amount of lube seriously, lube, like your life depends on it. But socially, fisting has long been used as a tool to shame and stigmatize queer and kinky folks. Barcelos doesn't shy away from this. In fact, he argues that fisting lives at the intersection of stigma and strength In medical discourse, especially during and after the HIV and AIDS crisis, anal fisting was pathologized, turned into a symbol of too much, too risky, too dirty, too deviant.

Speaker 1: 5:41

But here's the twist the very thing that makes fisting too much is what makes it transformative it dares to demand slowness, softness and presence in a world that rewards performance and speed. Yes, it invites us to stretch our bodies, but it also invites us to stretch our ideas about what intimacy can be. And that's where fisting becomes an act of resistance. Not in a chest beating, flag waving sort of way, but in a soft, deliberate, embodied way. Fisting says I trust you, I know my body, I want to explore, I want to feel everything that's brave, that's kinky, that's queer and it's downright political. Okay, so let's bring it home.

Speaker 1: 6:37

What does fisting have to teach the average person? Maybe someone who has no interest in ever offering or receiving a human mint into their nether regions? Well, quite a lot actually. Fisting invites us to reconsider what sex is for. It challenges the idea that sex has to be goal-orientated, orgasmic-centric or even genital-focused. It teaches us that communication isn't just sexy but it's necessary, that going slow isn't a sign of inexperience but of care, that too much might just be the sweet spot. Barcelos invites us to think of fisting as pleasure pedagogy, a lesson in queer and kinky care, in radical intimacy, in expanding our ideas of what our bodies can do and what they deserve.

Speaker 1: 7:34

Even if you never try fisting though hey, never say never you can learn from the ethos it embodies. Take your time, learn from the ethos it embodies. Take your time, check in, get curious, go deep. So maybe fisting isn't just a fringe practice. Maybe it's a flashlight showing us what's possible when we loosen our assumptions, unlearn our limits and make space for more, more trust, more connection and definitely more lube. And make space for more, more trust, more connection and definitely more lube. If this episode stretched your mind and maybe your curiosity, hit that subscribe button and leave a review. I love hearing your thoughts, especially if they're lubed up with kindness. You can also find me on Instagram, youtube and jordanwalkerrsecom and for resources your school definitely never gave you. Visit youwontlearnthisatschoolcom. This has been a Supersex Quickie, deep, slow and full of first-class content.