Sexplained: Rebuilding After Cheating: The Brutal Truth No One Tells You

Betrayal cuts deep. Whether you're the one who strayed or the one left reeling from a partner's infidelity, that moment fractures everything you thought you knew about your relationship. But here's the truth many don't want to acknowledge: recovery isn't just possible—it happens more often than you might think.

This episode dives straight into the messy, painful process of rebuilding trust after infidelity. We explore why it's typically not the cheating itself that destroys relationships, but the dishonesty that follows. Research consistently shows that post-betrayal healing hinges on radical transparency from the unfaithful partner—what Dr. Shirley Glass calls bringing down walls and opening windows between partners.

We break down the practical steps that successful couples take: establishing a six-month period of complete honesty, understanding the neurobiological impacts of betrayal through predictive coding, and becoming "boringly reliable" to create safety. You'll learn why couples therapy provides crucial structure during this vulnerable time, helping both partners explore not just what happened, but the underlying why. Most importantly, we discuss why rebuilding trust isn't about restoring what was, but co-creating something entirely new—a relationship where both partners feel truly seen and secure.

Whether you're currently navigating the aftermath of infidelity or supporting someone who is, this episode offers science-backed guidance without judgment or platitudes. Recovery takes time (typically 18-24 months), consistent effort, and the courage to be honest—not just with your partner, but with yourself. Come join me online to continue the conversation about creating healthier relationships through understanding, compassion, and truth.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Can Relationships Recover From Cheating?
• 0:57 Truth After Betrayal
• 3:04 Building Reliability and Safety
• 4:20 The Role of Therapy
• 5:15 Creating a New Relationship
• 6:43 Connect With Jordan Walker

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

All right, buckle up this one's tender. Whether you broke the trust or she did, the aftermath of infidelity feels like standing in the ruins of something you thought was safe. You're probably wondering can we even come back from this? And the truth? Yes, many couples do. But the ones who make it aren't just lucky. They work their asses off. They communicate with surgical precision and rebuild something real, Not just what they had before, but often something stronger. So let's break it down. How do you rebuild trust after infidelity? Let's start with the thing that actually breaks most relationships. It's not the cheating, but the lying that follows. It's the dodging, the half-truths, the I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. But here's the kicker Dishonesty is the hurt.

Speaker 1: 1:14

Research consistently shows that post-betrayal recovery hinges not on what happened, but on how open the unfaithful partner is afterwards. So if you cheated, you need to get radically honest. 100% transparency. That means timelines, passwords, what you felt, what you risked Not to be punished, but to rebuild. Dr Shirley Glass, author of Not Just Friends, puts it pretty damn plainly the walls must come down and the windows must open. Secrets keep the trail alive. Truth starts to heal it. But and this is critical don't let this become a never-ending interrogation that traps both of you in the past. Set a clear time limit. Many therapists recommend giving your partner six months to ask anything they need to. For that period, you answer every damn question fully and truthfully, no omissions, no sugarcoating it, Because every lie that you tell, even the protective little white lies, they eat away at the foundation that you're trying to rebuild Now, after six months, the goal isn't to erase the past.

Speaker 1: 2:43

It's to shift the focus forward. You can't rebuild trust if you're still reopening the crime scene a year later. Partner's brain is on high alert. Predictive coding, which is a neurobiological process, means everything from a delayed text message to a new haircut can trigger fear. You can counter that by becoming boringly reliable. If you say that you'll be home at seven, be home at seven, and if you want to change that up, you need to talk about it well before now. This isn't about control. It's about creating a sense of safety. Dr john gottman calls this trust building through attunement, that is, showing your partner that you're emotionally available and behaviorally consistent. Couples who rebuild trust over time usually 18 months to two years they don't do it by making grand gestures. They do it by showing up every day in small ways that say you matter, I'm here and I'm not hiding, you matter, I'm here and I'm not hiding. This next part can feel intimidating, but it's where the transformation happens.

Speaker 1: 4:20

If you're trying to rebuild, consider couples therapy. Not just the what of betrayal, but the why beneath it. Unmet needs, attachment, injuries, patterns of disconnection all of these things a really good therapist can help you with, can help you with, but therapy also helps structure those difficult conversations so that they don't spiral into blame or shutdown. It gives the betrayed partner a safe container to express hurt without managing the unfaithful partner's guilt, and it gives the unfaithful partner a roadmap to take accountability and rebuild emotional connection. Ultimately, though, rebuilding trust is about creating a new relationship, not dragging the old one forward.

Speaker 1: 5:15

Whether you're the one who cheated or the one who's been hurt, the real question becomes who do we want to be? Now? That means co-creating a future where both partners are seen valued and safe. So yeah, it's messy, but it's possible. If you're in the thick of it, know this you are not alone. You're not doomed and you're not broken. You are in a stage of repair. Trust doesn't come back with promises or apologies. It comes back with the truth. It comes back with time and with those tiny daily actions. Make sure that you give yourself a container Six months of brutal honesty. Use therapy like it's a compass and then, if you are both still, all in turn towards the future together, Because healing after infidelity isn't about going back, it's about choosing each other again. Eyes open, heart open, truth on the table. All right, If you are loving this kind of honest, science-backed, sometimes spicy take on sex and relationships, come hang out with me online.

Speaker 1: 6:43

I'm on Instagram and at YouTube. Just search Super Sex Podcast or Jordan Walker Sexology and hit that follow or subscribe button. I'm serving up curiosity, kindness and some serious myth busting. If you are an adult who's ready to level up your sex life, head over to jordanwalkerrsecom. I've got juicy tips, real talk and ways that we can work together to take your pleasure education to the next level. And if you've got a teen in your life who you desperately want them to have better sex ed than you did because, let's face it, we were not given the tools to deal with this sort of stuff head over to youwon'tlearnthisatschoolcom. You'll find workshops, one-on-one support, resources and a whole lot of game-changing info. Alright, then legends. Stay curious, stay kind and never stop learning about the messy, magnificent world of sex and relationships. Catch you next time on Supersex.