Supersex Reheated: How to Have Good Sex

Most people treat sex like a race to the finish. We don’t. Jordan, Sherman, and Victoria pull back the sheets on what actually creates better lovers: communication that turns you on, safety that lets you let go, and generosity that makes pleasure the point—not just arriving. We talk about how to ask for what you want without killing the mood, why receptive partners (women, bottoms, subs) often hold the real power, and how all-day foreplay—texts, neck kisses, and practical help—switches the brain from stress to desire. Expect science, stories, and a few savage truths, like why spit isn’t lube and why slowing down usually speeds everything up.

We get practical about anal sex prep and empathy, explore the mental side of arousal for busy partners, and share scripts you can steal tonight: sexy check-ins, clear boundaries, and step-by-step “roadmaps” that remove guessing. There’s a beautiful detour into the “garden” of sexuality—how culture plants weeds, how to pull them, and how to grow what really lights you up. We also name a quiet truth many couples feel: the best sessions don’t always end in orgasm, and that’s not failure. When you shift from performance to collaboration, desire expands, pressure drops, and the fun returns.

If you’re ready to trade mediocre routines for mindful heat—more oral, more care, more courage—this one’s for you. Listen, share with a partner, and tell us: what helps you switch from work brain to sex brain? If this resonated, follow the show, leave a review, and send the episode to someone who deserves better nights.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome, Wine, And Warm-Up Chaos
• 7:30 Consent, Kitchen Strategy, And Snooker
• 12:05 Framing The Big Question: Better Lovers
• 14:40 Communication Is Foreplay
• 20:40 Power Dynamics: Bottoms, Women, And Control
• 27:30 Mental Foreplay And All-Day Build-Up
• 34:40 Lube, Prep, And Anal Realities
• 45:20 Safe Space, Stress, And Emotional Safety
• 53:30 Straight Scripts vs Honest Sex Maps
• 1:01:00 The Garden Metaphor: Owning Desire
• 1:08:00 Oral Sex, Slowing Down, And Generosity
• 1:16:20 Not About Coming: Redefining The Goal

Transcript

SPEAKER_03: 0:02

Hey friends, Jordan here, your resident next nerd, occasionally an anime enthusiast and man doing his absolute best to keep up with the emotional intelligence of the women around him. Today's episode, well, it's a big one because I've invited someone very special into the studio. It's my wife, Victoria. Yep, the one who sees me at my worst, my weirdest, and thankfully, still wants to sleep with me. Anyways, we're talking about what guys can actually do to be better lovers. Not in the last longer, lost harder, pro science way, but in the real intimate. Makes your partner want you again kind of way. You know the one. Anyways, Vicky's bringing the truth from her perspective. Sherman's chiming in with his always fabulous insights, and I'll be sprinkling in the science behind why everything they're saying actually works. Spoiler, it's less about the D and more about the way in which Dopey fits. So, if you're ready to level up your bedroom game with some laughter, love, and light roasting along the way, let's dive in. Hey to all the straits, gays, and nays. Welcome to Super Sex, the podcast, where we have conversations and share our perspectives on sexuality, sex, and more. I'm Sherman. And I'm Jordan.

SPEAKER_05: 1:33

Two friends, one straight, one gay, taking on all things sex.

SPEAKER_01: 1:43

I found a really good filter, by the way. Another one that you liked.

SPEAKER_03: 1:46

I like it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:47

It's a really good filter.

SPEAKER_03: 1:48

We've really started this episode. We're starting this episode talking about Instagram filters, aren't we?

SPEAKER_04: 1:54

Yes, we are. Are we recording?

SPEAKER_00: 1:56

Are we recording?

SPEAKER_03: 1:57

Oh, it's red.

SPEAKER_04: 1:58

Oh shit. Hey guys.

SPEAKER_00: 2:01

Hi.

SPEAKER_03: 2:03

So, Jordan, how are you, mate? Good. Back for another threat to me with my wife. Seems to have gone very popular the first time. Hi guys.

SPEAKER_04: 2:11

So um we have a guest on tonight. Hi. Who is it? You, bitch.

SPEAKER_02: 2:16

Oh me. I just I just want to stop and talk about the filter.

SPEAKER_03: 2:24

Sherman knows what I mean. These two motherfuckers are like a bottle deep in wine right now.

SPEAKER_05: 2:29

Not a bottle, like maybe half a bottle or three quarts of a wine.

SPEAKER_03: 2:32

Dude, you've had like three cans of eight percent whiskey.

SPEAKER_05: 2:35

Is this why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling?

SPEAKER_03: 2:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_05: 2:37

Oh, that makes so much more sense.

SPEAKER_03: 2:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 2:46

Look, welcome, welcome everybody, to this week's episode of uh Super Sex.

SPEAKER_03: 2:51

Nighttime session.

SPEAKER_05: 2:52

A nighttime session. Oh my god, why did you always make it so awkward?

SPEAKER_03: 2:57

Not awkward. I was trying to be sexy. No, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys.

SPEAKER_04: 3:01

You you being sexy makes me very awkward. Oh.

SPEAKER_02: 3:07

So all the while I'm sitting here thinking you two motherfuckers are so loud. And we're next to our son's bedroom.

SPEAKER_03: 3:16

There's a girl who's just sitting there yelling about a filter. Look at that.

SPEAKER_02: 3:21

That filter is fucking awesome. Did you see the effect on that filter? I did. That filter didn't scream. I have had a long week at work.

SPEAKER_03: 3:28

What filter was it?

SPEAKER_01: 3:29

I have no idea.

SPEAKER_03: 3:31

We have a whole week at work, a really bad week at work. Just chuck a filter on, guys.

SPEAKER_02: 3:42

My god.

SPEAKER_04: 3:43

Alright, so let's take it back to uh introductions.

SPEAKER_03: 3:47

Good day, everybody. So you know me, you know him, you know V. You know me. I know you. She knows you, he knows you well. Okay, so start off every episode with listener question.

SPEAKER_06: 4:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03: 4:01

Let's I'll put one out on Instagram earlier today.

SPEAKER_02: 4:05

Sorry, he put one out.

SPEAKER_03: 4:07

I put one out earlier today. Let's have a look at what it's come back with. Okay, so there is one listener that says, Can I bonk you? I know, okay.

SPEAKER_05: 4:15

Look, so I just for the record, number one, it's not me. And number two, let me guess who it was. Is it the current person that we might be um Yeah, it's the person that we're interviewing.

SPEAKER_03: 4:25

It's sort of strange. So what was that? Thanks for asking me for consent though.

SPEAKER_05: 4:28

That was very good. What was that about, um, Ms. V.

SPEAKER_02: 4:35

I don't want I don't want to say anything contrary to the fact that consent is required.

SPEAKER_05: 4:40

Look, no, just remember, guys, consent, consent is sexy.

SPEAKER_02: 4:44

But I'm looking at Jordan and he's not nodding for consent. He's like, yes.

SPEAKER_05: 4:49

Do what you will.

SPEAKER_02: 4:51

Generally how it happens, I could be asleep, I don't care.

SPEAKER_05: 4:54

I think after a few years of marriage, you uh consent. What's that?

SPEAKER_03: 4:59

Is that I think it's sort of like taken out of your vows. Like from that point on, you just consent.

SPEAKER_05: 5:06

In all fairness, if I got married, I'm just letting my husband know on the on on our you know what I'm putting in our vows. Just so you're aware, I love you, you're amazing. This is a this is great. But your ass is fine. I consent to anything, and you do too.

SPEAKER_02: 5:23

Oh, Shane. Okay, I have said to Jordan, I have absolutely no problem with him having his way with me while I'm asleep, as long as he doesn't interfere with my sleep.

SPEAKER_04: 5:33

Not a problem. You do not know. Look, look, look, we've like an assassin. We have spoken about this before.

SPEAKER_03: 5:41

It's Assassin's Creed. I can get in and out without a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02: 5:46

I think you fell asleep in that movie on the opening crew.

SPEAKER_03: 5:49

I didn't fall asleep in Assassin's Creed, actually, didn't I? Yes, you did. Take Vicky for a really nice date night. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01: 5:58

We went to the I took Jordan for a really nice night out to Assassin's Creed.

SPEAKER_03: 6:02

So what she wants to see, and she goes, I want to see Assassin's Creed. I was like, Of course. I'll sort that out for you. I didn't get it to the end of the trailers. And you fell asleep. I was like, what a beautiful date night. Like slumbering. That was fantastic. 55-year-old man with sleep apnea. So do you mind?

SPEAKER_02: 6:21

So do you understand why I had the Evo?

unknown: 6:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 6:25

You needed some excitement in your life.

SPEAKER_02: 6:28

And why he was holding off for a dear life.

SPEAKER_03: 6:31

That was so inappropriate. I'm so kidding. I love you. Talking about holding on for dear life, right? This motherfucker here, gorgeous as she is, um, we used to play football every Wednesday night. Not me. Little place. You didn't. So um, first week, first no, first two or three weeks that we were together. Um, I'm playing football. She comes to pick me up one night. Yep.

SPEAKER_02: 6:57

You also should probably mention that I did bring a six pack.

SPEAKER_03: 7:01

She brought a six pack of beer. Of course she did. Um, she's driving her Evo, which was packing what, 485 at the wheels? 460. Look at you.

SPEAKER_04: 7:12

Look at you.

SPEAKER_03: 7:14

Proud moment. I'm very proud, mommy. I think there's a tear in his eye.

SPEAKER_04: 7:17

So proud.

SPEAKER_03: 7:18

Um, okay, so nonetheless, 460 at the wheels. I jump in the car, all sweaty. Sherman's sitting there going, fuck, that's arousing already. I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_04: 7:29

You just said at the wheels, and then you were sweaty. Jordan. He's aroused. We friends and stop. There's a bowl which I mean shit.

SPEAKER_02: 7:37

And he was also sitting in my sweat ricardo seats. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03: 7:42

We're in there. Um, she turns a corner nice and slow. Like I'm sitting there going, this is the first time I've been in the car with this person, right? Um next thing, she flaws it. My life flash before your eyes. That's so funny. There was a roundabout. An Evo, apparently, you don't need to break going through roundabouts at all. You just wanna go. You just go through them. Your passenger's head hits the fucking window screen.

unknown: 8:07

Boom, boom, boom.

SPEAKER_03: 8:08

It's like a fucking tennis ball. You know what? Smack back and forth.

SPEAKER_02: 8:12

When I bought this car, they said to me this is a very safe car for females to drive because they can't roll it over, and I attested that 100%.

SPEAKER_05: 8:21

All I'm saying is let me just say, if I if my new boyfriend picked me up in a very fast sports car and did that, dude, I am blowing him in that car straight off that roundabout.

SPEAKER_02: 8:35

I think I blew Jordan's You know what? I I think I blew Jordan so hard he didn't know what to say.

SPEAKER_03: 8:41

I was a quivering mess.

SPEAKER_05: 8:42

All I'm gonna say is I in that situation, I would swallow. Wow, I would swallow 100%.

SPEAKER_02: 8:51

That was the reaction that got out of Jordan. He was more so holding on to his own.

SPEAKER_03: 8:56

He was holding off of Dear Life. I I owned a Supra before that. Like Supras you need to slow down.

SPEAKER_02: 9:01

That bucket C he was sitting in wasn't enveloping him hard enough. Oh bliss.

SPEAKER_03: 9:07

Fuck this. Okay. What are we actually talking about? We've gone for seven and a half minutes of talking about Instagram filters and Ricaro seats that are filled with like my own jewelry because I've fucking pissed yourself. Piss myself. Let me ask you a question.

SPEAKER_05: 9:25

What are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_02: 9:27

Definitely not incontinence.

SPEAKER_03: 9:30

Not incontinence. Although I can because I've read a shitload of studies about that this week. Um course you have. Yeah, it's just what I do in my spare time. Your spare time. Other people go play tennis.

SPEAKER_02: 9:41

Some people Jordan has new material, usually approaches me in the kitchen to tell me about that.

SPEAKER_05: 9:47

So babe, incontinence.

SPEAKER_03: 9:55

So disappointed with you. I love you. I'm so disappointed with you.

SPEAKER_05: 10:00

He's like, I I love you, but I don't like you right now. I'm not mad.

SPEAKER_03: 10:05

No, just for context. I mean, how do you know?

SPEAKER_02: 10:11

So, for context here, Jordan, many episodes ago, he was talking about how you should approach new topics, communications with uh neutral environment. Like you could be in the kitchen and introducing a new thing you might want to do.

SPEAKER_06: 10:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 10:26

So we have had those conversations about new things we wanted to do.

SPEAKER_05: 10:31

In the kitchen.

SPEAKER_02: 10:33

And when Jordan dropped the episode, and I listened to it for the first time in my car on the way to work. I was like, motherfucker, he's snooking me.

SPEAKER_06: 10:42

I was like, and I got him.

SPEAKER_02: 10:44

I was like, did you fucking snook at me with this conversation in the kitchen? I love it.

SPEAKER_05: 10:50

So basically, guys, for the record, the uh advice that Jordan gives, it works.

SPEAKER_03: 10:55

Lived experience. It literally works 100% until until your partner listens to the episode. Lived experience. Matched up with the snooker. It works.

SPEAKER_02: 11:08

So from that moment onwards, every time Jordan has a new idea, I'm like, do we need to be in a kitchen for this? Or if we're in a kitchen and he tells me about something new, I'm like, is this a thing thing?

SPEAKER_03: 11:22

Is this a thing thing?

SPEAKER_02: 11:23

A thing thing.

SPEAKER_03: 11:24

No, it's just a thing. It's not a thing thing.

SPEAKER_04: 11:25

It's not a thing thing.

SPEAKER_00: 11:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 11:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_05: 11:28

Constant. So Jordan, what are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_03: 11:31

Can I speak now? I feel like this episode is gonna be ripping other asshole.

SPEAKER_05: 11:36

It's gonna be Jordan um trying to uh what's it called herd cats, basically. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 11:43

Two pussies. Two pussies. Far too much hard work. Alright. So basically, I figured that since I had two people in front of me who both bang guys, I would ask those people.

SPEAKER_02: 11:59

Who bangs guys?

SPEAKER_03: 12:03

You that'll be you and me. You see your husband's a guy.

SPEAKER_04: 12:08

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00: 12:10

Oh, I see.

SPEAKER_03: 12:11

Take away the wine glass lady. Okay, so basically, I've got two people that bang guys. Yep. I want to ask them what are some tips that guys need to know about getting into the sack.

SPEAKER_01: 12:25

Oh god.

SPEAKER_05: 12:26

Oh I'm so glad you asked this question. I'm gonna start off with one thing. We've got 50 50 minutes.

SPEAKER_02: 12:33

Okay, so is this like what guys can do better or what girls can what what guys can do better, but also what guys can do better in a bit.

SPEAKER_05: 12:40

I'm gonna start with one thing. Yep. Exactly what you just said. What were you your words? You want to ask what guys can do better, right? What can guys do better? Fucking have a conversation, first of all.

SPEAKER_02: 12:52

Don't assume a hundred percent. First thing, you don't want to be hijacked in the middle of a session doing something that you did not know that you want or may not want to do. 100%. You gotta have communication.

SPEAKER_05: 13:04

Yeah, number one, the the top of the list is talk about don't assume that you know what that new partner wants or likes. Yeah, because everybody is different. So at the top of the list is communication. Ask a question. Like you might have been with a person for four years and they were into I don't know, piss play, for example. Yeah, that does not mean every person after that is into piss play. Yeah, or you might think that for even better example, fingering. I fucking hate being fingered.

SPEAKER_00: 13:35

Sneaky finger in the butt.

SPEAKER_05: 13:36

Exactly. I it's it's not for me. I do not like being fingered at the bottom.

SPEAKER_00: 13:42

I don't like a sneaky finger in the buttons. It's the fingerprints.

SPEAKER_05: 13:44

It's the fingerprints. My arsehole is so sensitive.

SPEAKER_02: 13:49

And with the communication as well, is like while you are having sex and someone says, Oh, I don't like that, or I don't feel comfortable with that.

SPEAKER_05: 13:58

Listen, yes, and just comply.

SPEAKER_02: 14:00

Don't just fucking on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 14:03

But also forget, don't wait for the partner to tell you what to do. Ask. Are you uh so if for example, if you go down on someone, go down on them and be like, stop, are you enjoying this? Do you like this? And you can do it in a sexy way.

SPEAKER_00: 14:19

On the opposite side of that.

SPEAKER_05: 14:20

How do you do a sexy way? Okay, for example, I'm going to reenact it right now.

SPEAKER_00: 14:24

Oh, exactly.

SPEAKER_05: 14:25

I go down.

unknown: 14:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_05: 14:26

Do we need to put like a little time?

SPEAKER_00: 14:29

Wow, are you choking?

SPEAKER_05: 14:31

So no, for so, for example, okay, let's say, for example, I start licking your balls.

SPEAKER_00: 14:36

Does that work?

SPEAKER_05: 14:37

I will lick your balls and then stop and look up and be like, Do you like that? In a nice sexy voice, and they'll look at you and can you do the sexy voice for me? Do you like that?

SPEAKER_03: 14:50

Do you like that? I want to feel it.

SPEAKER_04: 14:52

Oh my god, Jordan, this is getting really awkward. Am I getting harder or not?

SPEAKER_02: 15:01

Jordan's Jordan's dance is very tight right now. And I don't know if I should be worried. But they're making eye contact.

SPEAKER_03: 15:09

You never need to. I want to know why he said he was looking at you when he said, uh, I'm licking your nuts.

SPEAKER_02: 15:16

I feel like he's seeking permission here. I don't know. He knows who the master is.

SPEAKER_05: 15:20

Yeah, of course I know what the master is. But that's the thing, is like, so you can, for example, I'm just gonna go sit on the table, guys. You guys finish this off. So I could lick you not in your nuts, but I could lick your nuts and be like halfway through, do you like that? And nine times out of ten, they like it so much they can't even, they're just like, I didn't even know I liked that, but I do now. Exactly. So my point is is that you can do something, try it. If you feel a bit uncomfortable to have the conversation before because it's ruined the moment, try it after you like you do it for a little bit. Do you like that? And they will you can tell. We've spoken about this before about communication. You can look at the person's face, or how about start doing it, look up at their face?

SPEAKER_06: 16:05

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 16:06

And if you can see that they look uncomfortable, stop doing it. If you if you don't want to ask, or you do it, look at them, and if they are like making noises and their face is like they're grinding down on it, you know that the person likes it. Continue. But don't assume, for example, I don't like being fingered, right? So if you put a finger in my ass, if you look at me and my face is screwed up and I'm like, ugh, you know that's just that's not true.

SPEAKER_02: 16:33

Conversely, you've got to be able to say, I don't like that. I think that we should own what we like and what we don't like, but it's and say, I don't like that. Stop it. And I think, especially for women, I don't know how for guys it is, but for women, we tend to take on things we might not like during sex because we want to please, because we assume that we should be this.

SPEAKER_05: 16:55

But this is the same thing. I feel like it's the same thing for bottoms in the gay community, yeah. That they would just do something based on because it's it's almost seen as they have kind of the female role, even though in this fucking heteronormative world that we live in, fuck it. That even tops would see it as oh well you are the equivalent to a female in a straight relationship, which is bullshit.

SPEAKER_02: 17:18

Because that all also puts you in like the weaker position where you should have no power of saying what you like.

SPEAKER_05: 17:23

In my opinion, and this is my opinion, but it's the it is the right opinion, that's females and bottom guys and sub people are more in control than their than their um than the tops, the um the men and the DOMs. Yeah, so as much as I'm being submissive, I'm allowing you to be dominant over me.

SPEAKER_02: 17:48

Dude, we're power bottoms.

SPEAKER_05: 17:51

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 17:51

We're power bottoms, we know what we're like, exactly.

SPEAKER_05: 17:54

But also we're taking control of it.

SPEAKER_03: 17:55

But put it this way, right? How disempowering is it to a masculine top when a person who's bottoming just sits there and goes, is that all you got? Exactly. Really? Like that's what you're doing. Yeah, but that's poor that's poor communication. But but what I'm saying though is that as a bottom, you have the ability to absolutely destroy the ego of the topic or females or in power. And that's my point, is that but that's why really a bottom has more power. Has the power, which is exactly what you were saying.

SPEAKER_02: 18:36

But a lot of the times they may not know that they have the power.

SPEAKER_05: 18:38

And this is the problem, is that females, I think a lot of females and bottoms don't realise that they have the power, and they're the ones that are more important because you're putting it into me.

SPEAKER_00: 18:47

Yeah, I'm allowing it.

SPEAKER_05: 18:49

I'm allowing you to enter my body, that is way more I have way more power because if I say no, what you gonna do? You got two tops, what you gonna do? It's not gonna work. Top, top. Exactly. Whereas all I'm saying is if you if I am a bottom or the female that um that does that, I'm the person that's going, I'm allowing you if I'm the the sub, I'm allowing you to dominate me, right?

SPEAKER_03: 19:20

Really, it's technically a position of power.

SPEAKER_05: 19:23

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03: 19:24

If I'm in the position of power because it's a position of power.

SPEAKER_05: 19:26

And this is so as when I bottom, I don't like guys to put me in a position where I feel like they are dominating me. Yeah, I want to allow you to do it, but if I feel like I mean, remember the first time a guy ever tried to dominate me when I was bottoming, and he made me feel like he's like, Oh yeah, that's right, you'll do this for me. And I was like, bitch, what? I literally turned my head around going, uh-uh, you are all of uh five foot nothing and skinny as fuck. You do not dominate me. I am six foot two and ninety-five kilos. What the fuck do you think you're gonna do to me?

SPEAKER_03: 20:05

Absolutely nothing. Is that when he picked you up and you were like, oh my gosh, you can do whatever you want?

SPEAKER_04: 20:10

No, that's a different situation.

SPEAKER_02: 20:12

He liked that one. No, that one was like that's different. Let's not talk about that because he's like he relinquished power then.

SPEAKER_04: 20:18

No, I'm I'm not gonna lie, that's the one time I won her.

SPEAKER_03: 20:23

So I want to cycle back right to pro communication on communication, yeah, prior to getting in the bedroom. Right. That sort of sexy talk, dirty talk throughout the day leading up to let's call it, you're having a shag at night.

SPEAKER_02: 20:45

I think it's like a two-part thing though. One is first of all, you have to, I think before you even engage in sex with anyone, you should always have your boundaries. That's first and foremost, and say what you like, what you don't like.

SPEAKER_06: 20:56

Yep.

SPEAKER_02: 20:57

If you're comfortable and you know yourself enough to say that. But I think that as you're uh coupled, it's probably a bit harder with like a random shag situation, yeah. In a couple situation, you should be able to play up and excite because 80% of sex is mental. Yep, I think, right? That's what we say, especially for men as well. So before you even engage in sex, you've got to have that foreplay happening.

SPEAKER_05: 21:24

Yeah, and that foreplay could start anywhere, it doesn't have to be physically in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_02: 21:29

That foreplay could be during the day, you like slap the ass, or like say something dirty, or send a flirty message, or whatever it is. Like, I think that's really important. I never knew that until I had a partner that was into it and introduced me into that kind of thinking. And I now understand how important it is because it's almost like a cold start. You know, with racing, you've got the rolling stars, you don't exactly take a lot longer to get you know through, power up.

SPEAKER_05: 21:57

I mean, it's like starting your car up in the morning, not us talking about cars, but it's like starting your car up in the morning and flooring it.

SPEAKER_02: 22:02

Yeah, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_05: 22:03

You're gonna damage shit. You want to start it up, warm it up for for five minutes, yeah, and then start driving, right?

SPEAKER_06: 22:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 22:11

So in the exact same way, straight, gay, whatever, you want to warm it up. For example, if I'm yeah, if I'm bottoming for a guy that's nine inches, you're not just gonna shove it in me. But it's just nine inches. That's what I want to do. You're gonna you're gonna start, you're gonna start slowly. Do you know what I mean? Like you're gonna be like, work it up, maybe a finger or two, maybe a little bit of rooming, you know, like some kissing, so that I'm in a position where I'm ready to receive that. Do you know what I mean? So it's all about getting prepared and getting ready.

SPEAKER_02: 22:44

That's also mental.

SPEAKER_05: 22:45

Mental. And that's what I say. It could mean having a conversation, it could mean you can ask what someone's into without it being a clinical conversation. But you can also sit there and just drop hints throughout the day.

SPEAKER_03: 22:58

Exactly. I would love to bend you over and eat you from.

SPEAKER_02: 23:03

I think I think if you're coupled, that's super essential.

SPEAKER_03: 23:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 23:07

But I think that if you're meeting someone over 15 relationships, would you like would you like an example?

SPEAKER_05: 23:14

Would you like an example? So I with a person on that I've happened to uh fuck, get fucked, whatever the case is, on an app, and they messaged me again and were like, hey. And we had a conversation and so that was the second time.

SPEAKER_02: 23:33

So I already had sex and already had sex once, it was just like sex by see you later. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 23:38

And it was more of a what you want to do.

SPEAKER_00: 23:41

It was a repeat, yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 23:42

And he said he started the conversation off with, Oh, well, what are you gonna do to me? Oh, yeah, which is a perfect, perfect segue to me explaining what I like.

SPEAKER_00: 23:56

Get a notepad, buddy. Get a notepad. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03: 23:59

And that's before you come out of this room.

SPEAKER_05: 24:02

Essentially, Dickin, I gave a step-by-step of what I liked through foreplay.

SPEAKER_02: 24:13

How amazing. So I basically have amazing sex.

SPEAKER_05: 24:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 24:17

Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_05: 24:18

So I started off with this. Yeah, so I started off with well, this is what I like, and then I I kind of flipped that on him going, what do you want? So in my mind, this dude is a top.

SPEAKER_02: 24:30

Did he know what he wanted though?

SPEAKER_05: 24:31

So this is the thing, is I thought he was a full top. Yeah, and then he brought up, uh, well, would you would you play with my ass? And I was like, if you wanted me to, I would. Why? What do you want me to do to your ass? And then it went into what would you do to my ass? And I was like, all right, cool. So I would I would smile. Yeah, I was like, all right, cool. I would I would rim you, I would stick a finger in there slowly. God, rimming is so ticklish. It's beautiful. I love it. And once it's that's gotten to the next stage, it was all right, and then I thought, let me just push it a little bit and see how far I go. And I was like, all right, and then I would make sure you're ready. And then I'd try to bucket in. Wow. No, my cock. Same thing. Um, slide my cock in there and slowly fuck you. And he was like, Oh, fuck yeah, that's amazing. I was like, oh, I didn't realize I had the I had that opportunity to fuck you because I thought you were top. But yeah, based on communication, I did in a way that was almost like foreplay. So he was into being a lot more open than if I just said, hey man, so are you a top or your bottom?

SPEAKER_03: 25:43

So you know you're still there's three different things going on there. So what V said, giving the person a roadmap, right? Like it's a lot easier to know where you're going when you've got it all mapped out for you beforehand, right? And you can't do that without having that communication. So guys need to open their mouths and more importantly, open their fucking ears. But then the other thing that comes from that is um basically understanding what you want as a person. You know, like we've talked about it before. How many fucking guys actually do that? Like not a lot. Not a lot of guys actually sit there and go, Oh, you know what? Actually, I do want my ass to be played with.

SPEAKER_05: 26:26

But be open to having the conversation about it is also important.

SPEAKER_02: 26:29

I think in a header or a relationship, it's probably worse as well because guys are expected to take targeting know exactly what they want, and women are supposed to just we're expected to know how to give you pleasure.

SPEAKER_03: 26:40

Yeah, that's exactly right.

SPEAKER_02: 26:42

And we're not gonna close because we're expected to be able to give that to you. That's it, yeah. But I think that is so wrong because you have two people that are completely lost in sex, and they're expecting one thing and another one is expecting another thing, and no one is happy.

SPEAKER_03: 26:58

Yeah, yes. Alright, I want to do something real quick. Okay, go on. I do this with kids in my school, like classrooms and stuff like that. Like, trust me.

SPEAKER_00: 27:08

Are we gonna get called?

SPEAKER_03: 27:09

All right. I'm gonna sit there, look at you, and in my head I'm gonna think of your favourite flavour ice cream and the way that you want it given the way that you want to eat. I'm also gonna think of these and the fa the way that she wants her ice cream, right?

SPEAKER_06: 27:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_03: 27:25

Okay. Now I've got it in my head. How would you have your perfect ice cream? Like, what flavor would it be? Would you have it in Capo Cone? Where where would you have it? What toppings would you have? Who would you eat it with?

SPEAKER_05: 27:38

What kind of I want rum and raisin ice cream on a waffle with no cream or just maple syrup.

SPEAKER_03: 27:50

Okay. Who would you eat it with?

SPEAKER_05: 27:52

By myself.

SPEAKER_03: 27:53

Where? Julari. Okay, I was completely fucking opposite of that.

SPEAKER_05: 27:58

What did you th what did you think?

SPEAKER_03: 27:59

I thought you were gonna go for vanilla any kind again the beach.

SPEAKER_05: 28:03

Vanilla? Oh my god. I'm not shaming vanilla, but you think I'm that boring? No, but like in in in all fairness, my my favorite ice cream to buy is French is classic vanilla in uh thing, but that's that's beside the point.

SPEAKER_03: 28:18

So but the whole point has just been made. Yes. Is that we think differently sat there and thought that's what Sherman would like. I have been so far away from actually what you would like and the nuances of that. Like, who in the fuck would have thought that you want rum and raisin on a waffle? Nobody's ever heard of those two things together. Exactly. Apart from you.

SPEAKER_05: 28:40

And if you thought to yourself, if you thought to yourself, oh my god, I'm gonna take Sherman out on the best date ever and be the guy, quote unquote the guy, and order for him and you took me and you went, Oh, don't worry, wait here, I got something for you, yeah, and ordered me vanilla in a cone and brought it back, and I'd be like, Oh, thanks.

SPEAKER_03: 28:59

But if I ordered you rum and raisin on a waffle and getting too ice cream, had you just gone to it later when you finished that, it would have been great.

SPEAKER_05: 29:05

Or if you had said at some point in a conversation previously gone, oh, by the way, like what's your favorite, your favorite ice cream flavour? And I went, Oh, I love rum and raisin. Awesome. You would know that if you were gonna do that without asking any questions at a later point in time, you know that I'd enjoy it. Why? You communicated, yeah, and I told you. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_03: 29:29

That's it. Communication. I like that number one thing. Okay, let's get off communication because it's like at the end of the day. Because a staple, like literally every time.

SPEAKER_02: 29:39

Communicate, it's such a basic thing. Seriously, just talk about what you like in Dorothy.

SPEAKER_03: 29:43

Can we get into what the guys actually want to like?

SPEAKER_05: 29:46

Okay, you ask us what what is that, Jordan?

SPEAKER_03: 29:50

You being the guy, what do guys want to know?

SPEAKER_05: 29:53

He wants to know what guys want to know.

SPEAKER_03: 29:55

What guy guys want to know something? What can I do with my dick that's gonna

SPEAKER_02: 30:00

Sorry, guys want to know what they can do to get her off.

SPEAKER_05: 30:04

Yeah. Or the or the or the or the bottom.

SPEAKER_02: 30:07

Where to even start? Do we even have time for this?

SPEAKER_05: 30:11

Okay, so from a gay perspective, right? I will go, okay, I'm gonna speak as a bottom. I'm verse, but I'll speak as a bottom, right? What do I want from a for a guy to do with his dick? One. You cannot stick your dick in me. Dry. Everyone? No my god. Straight up. 100% number one.

SPEAKER_02: 30:36

Why are guys so funny about lube? Like it's not an insult. No, it doesn't have anything to do with you.

SPEAKER_05: 30:41

You first have to start with lube. Number one.

SPEAKER_02: 30:44

No, seriously, it's not like an insult to you. You gotta start off with not every person lubricates the same way, naturally. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05: 30:51

I mean, for example, as a as a gay man, yes, your ass does actually lubricate. They itself lubricating, but on the inside, you have to get it in me first. And that requires lubricate. Exactly. It requires a little and I'm sorry for those men. This is a this is a big tip. Spit is not lube.

SPEAKER_00: 31:12

Spit is not that's really bad.

SPEAKER_05: 31:14

Actually, spit is a blue bad lube. I mean, I get it. If you're in a position where you don't have any other option, go for gold.

unknown: 31:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 31:23

But it dries out so quickly, like, why would you even? It's like three pumps and you're done.

SPEAKER_03: 31:27

I'm gonna put like a little bit of a caveat there. So spit by itself is not a lube, right? Three pumps, you're done. But you're also introducing a different type of bacteria into that, right? Yeah. Okay, so there's the first thing. If you've already got water-based lube on there, you can make the lube better. You can add to the lube by hydrating it, technically. Yes. But also what you're doing is diluting the lube at the same time. Right. So basically, yes, you're hide unless you're making it more slippy for a couple of pumps, but also you're diluting it so the lube is going to dry out a lot quicker from then on in, right? So that's that.

SPEAKER_05: 32:09

But what like the thing is it's like number one, I can understand there are certain situations I've been in certain situations where there is no lube you impromptu.

SPEAKER_02: 32:19

When were you fucking in the middle of a forest or something? What the fuck? Yes. Who doesn't have lube?

SPEAKER_03: 32:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 32:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03: 32:26

What do you want? Do you walk around with lube in your pocket all the time?

SPEAKER_05: 32:30

Okay, for example, see I'm gonna fuck in a forest. I'll give you an example. Fucking in a car.

SPEAKER_02: 32:35

I always have lube.

SPEAKER_05: 32:37

But the thing is, I didn't have lube.

SPEAKER_02: 32:39

Well, there's always like, I don't know, hand sanitizer.

SPEAKER_04: 32:44

Oh my god, please people do not use hand sanitizer.

SPEAKER_03: 32:48

This is how Eastern Europeans just roll, right?

SPEAKER_02: 32:51

Also, Jordan's dick is banged. We don't have dicks in the car. There's no fucking space. This is true.

SPEAKER_05: 33:01

But this is the thing is, right?

SPEAKER_03: 33:02

So one Lu's a Vicky, that's your new nickname.

SPEAKER_05: 33:06

Lubi is so important, and it's important to understand that if you're in a key if you especially if you're a top and an only top and you've never bottomed before, you need to understand that uh bottomers are not gonna be ready just like that. And the thing is, if you've never taken a dick in your ass, you need to understand what it's like. And the best tops are the tops that have bottomed. Yeah, yeah, because you understand that one, I can't just slam it in. Two, you need some lube. And three, if you're big, you fucking know you're big. Don't pretend like you don't know you're big. You know you're big. Don't just shove it in there inch by inch.

SPEAKER_01: 33:45

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_05: 33:47

Yes, Jordan, one and a half inches is huge from the ground.

SPEAKER_02: 33:51

I feel like for guys, it's it's just so much more prep preparation because for women, we've got our vaginas, which I feel like get ready a lot quicker. For me, from my personal experience, vaginal sex, I can get into a lot more quicker than anal. For me, anal is like I really need to be halfway through, super excited, poppers, what whatnot, for me to be even able to enjoy anywhere near. But the thing is it's also as if you're a gay guy, like if you're a guy, gay guy, that's the only option you have.

SPEAKER_05: 34:20

Yeah, but also the thing is what you don't realize also is that you as a female can have sex at any point in time.

SPEAKER_02: 34:26

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_05: 34:27

Me as a as a gay man bottoming, yeah, I have to douche.

SPEAKER_01: 34:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 34:32

Or make sure I feel like I'm I'm I'm okay to take it. Um a big meal. If you think about this for a second.

SPEAKER_03: 34:42

That was a perfect fucking joke, and both of you just what did you say? So you gotta find somebody that's willing.

SPEAKER_00: 34:47

Wow. Fuck you together.

SPEAKER_05: 34:49

That was funny, good joke. Both of you just ignore it. We just ignore it. We're just ignoring him. We love you, Jordan. Like I said, I'm gonna call that desk.

SPEAKER_02: 34:57

I'm speaking, you're the heterosexual guy that doesn't have to do fuck all apart from stick your dick in something. For me, I'm nearly not as bad. Like I have more options than you do because there's one option to you. Whereas for me, I've got I've got a vagina. Yes. I'm ready to go. Bit of lib, no, no problems. But if you know, I I want to have anal, I've obviously got to prepare for that in advance. But it's not my only option. Whereas it's not your option.

SPEAKER_05: 35:22

It's for me, it's my only option. And the thing is, not besides being your only option, like for example, you have this is how I go on a date. I give you a perfect scenario. You two go on a date on date night, right? You have a lovely time. What's for for dinner? You want to order a steak or whatever, you feel like you're gonna order them. You go from Mexican, you can have whatever you want. Yeah, eat it, go home. You might be a little bit bloated.

SPEAKER_01: 35:43

Not Jordan.

SPEAKER_05: 35:44

You can be a little bloated. Yeah, sorry, bro. No, but we're gonna hold it in. You can have whatever you want. You can be a little bit bloated, but you can still have sex.

SPEAKER_01: 35:53

Yeah, Jordan is a kid. I go out.

SPEAKER_05: 35:56

Ever I go to a restaurant with a dude, and I'm the I know I'm bottoming. Yeah, I'm probably not going to eat or eat less. And whatever I eat, I'm I'm gonna think about what I'm eating. Because I'm gonna make sure that I the the fucking 45 minutes of douching that I did just before we came, yeah, is safe.

SPEAKER_03: 36:16

So but you only drank the tequila when we're taking you out to that Mexican restaurant. Shut up, you dick it. And here I was thinking that you just didn't like the food. Fuck.

SPEAKER_05: 36:26

It was too spicy, bro.

SPEAKER_02: 36:27

You only have for two hours, right? Roughly.

SPEAKER_05: 36:29

And that's exactly the thing.

SPEAKER_02: 36:30

It's like, so you can So how fucked up is that?

SPEAKER_05: 36:32

Exactly. Or for example, what about this? What happens if you are a bottom, a strict bottom, and you have IBS?

SPEAKER_02: 36:39

Then you're you're fucked not in a good way.

SPEAKER_03: 36:42

Not in a good way. Yeah, you're not fucked, actually.

SPEAKER_02: 36:44

Then you're not gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_03: 36:44

You're literally not fucked. See, but here's the thing, right? Like a lot of people with anal tend to not eat so much during the day. Yes. Imagine you're going out on a date, eight o'clock at night, you do shit, seven o'clock, get ready, and you haven't eaten throughout the day. You get home at eleven o'clock and you're ready to go.

SPEAKER_06: 37:06

Yep.

SPEAKER_03: 37:08

Is there gonna be some drop there or not? Like if you haven't really eaten, or isn't or if you've had a couple of drinks, that's a big thing, right? It's how that alcohol interacts with your gut.

SPEAKER_05: 37:22

Exactly. Yeah, but like for me, um for I know for example, I can I have gone to extremes of making sure I've taken immodium.

SPEAKER_00: 37:31

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_05: 37:33

And that is terrible because you're taking it not for the right for the right reasons. Yeah, yeah. But you go, okay, cool. You know what I'm saying? I'm taking modium, that's gonna slow my digestive system down. Yeah, um, I mean me, I'm not gonna eat. And if I do have a few uh drinks of alcohol, I hope that it doesn't affect, but then again, as a bottom, you've got this constant anxiety in the back of your mind that you could possibly have a quote-unquote accident.

SPEAKER_02: 37:58

Yeah. Okay, so let me And I thought women were the only ones that worry about that.

SPEAKER_05: 38:02

Oh, we worry about all the time.

SPEAKER_03: 38:04

Let me just go there because although this is maybe not a tip that as a health professional, which we sort of are now because we're giving a lot of advice on this, as a health professional, we probably shouldn't be doing this, but this is a lived experience, right? Yeah, um taking imodium. Do you take imodium? You basically douche, take imodium at the same time. Yeah, is that what happens? Because basically the idea is I've cleaned out, now I'm slowing down my digestive system. Correct. And I should be good to go in four or five hours. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_05: 38:43

Because also, for example, like I have IBS. Yeah. Right. So that being said, it's diarrhea-based, right? So I know what I'm gonna eat that could cause an issue.

SPEAKER_06: 38:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 38:55

So I take di I take um immodium a lot. So if I know I'm gonna bottom or I plan on, let's just say I'm going on a date or whatever, I've organized to meet somebody for tomorrow. Yeah, I have to plan for that day. So if I say to me, I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna meet you on Wednesday, on Tuesday, all day I'm making sure I'm eating good food. You're prepping. I'm prepping. That evening I might eat really early. Yeah. Uh the next morning I might douche, not eat anything, possibly take an emotion just in case. Yeah. And then make sure that if I do have anything, it's gonna be something that I know it's not gonna mess with my stomach.

SPEAKER_06: 39:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 39:31

And then when we meet up, if we're going for dinner, I'm probably not gonna eat. There's so much prep to go into have it to bother me that a woman wouldn't have to do that has or a person with a vagina has.

SPEAKER_03: 39:46

Or a person who doesn't want to have anal sex.

SPEAKER_05: 39:48

Or a person that doesn't want to have anal sex, which to me.

SPEAKER_03: 39:56

And they're following that protocol.

SPEAKER_05: 39:57

Can we talk about side people for a second?

SPEAKER_03: 39:59

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_05: 40:02

Unpopular opinion.

SPEAKER_03: 40:04

I love these.

SPEAKER_05: 40:05

Go I can't deal. I can't deal with not that I don't like them, I just can't deal because like I'll see a profile. I'm sideist. I'm sorry, but this is the thing is is that I look at a dude and I see a peach and I'm like, fuck, he's sexy. Start talking, send some peaches. Oh my god, he's got a beautiful ass, or he's got a beautiful dick, or whatever the case may be. I'm ready to go. What do you like to do? Oh, I'm just into side action. I'm like, what is side action? Can you explain to me what side action is? Because you got a top really left out that gives. What you got a top that gives, right? They're the person that is penetrating. Yeah, you got the bottom that is getting penetrated. Yes. And then a person that's a side isn't into anal sex at all, they're into everything else. So that might be hand jobs and blowjobs. Hand jobs, blowjobs. There's like a lot of females. Uh jacking. Yeah. So they are those people are sides. Now for me, you know, and we all know, listeners, you all know, I'm not a massive fan of head, yeah. Getting or receiving.

SPEAKER_03: 41:12

Literally led you to the hand job. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05: 41:14

So for me, it is I to me, head is a precursor to anal sex in my mind. Yeah, it's like a foreplay. It's foreplay, right? Yeah, you're doing it to get me hard, I'm doing it to you to get you hard. Yeah, but then we are going to eventuate into anal sex, and then we're gonna fuck each other. I'm gonna fuck you, you're gonna fuck me, and then we're gonna finish.

SPEAKER_02: 41:36

I think as a female, I I do see like I do like penetration, and I would concur with that that I feel like if someone just went down on me.

SPEAKER_05: 41:45

It's not enough almost.

SPEAKER_02: 41:46

It's not, yeah, because like I like penetration. Yes, yeah, let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_03: 41:51

It's more intimate. Yes. Let's talk foreplay though. Because a lot of guys just sit there and think penetration is the uh is the game.

SPEAKER_05: 42:01

No, no, don't stick it in. I've had situations where guys have walked in, not even kissed, taken their clothes off, trying to throw me on the floor or throw me on the bed and then want to stick their dick in me. Dude, that's not the way it works.

SPEAKER_01: 42:16

Or even the most important thing.

SPEAKER_05: 42:18

Or even better, my favorite thing in the world. Um I'm on the bed, walk in and fuck me. Bitch, do you think that I'm gonna walk into your house and instantly be hard? No, like I need some kind of granted, I'm not I'm saying I don't love being sucked, but you got you at least gotta suck me to get me hard.

SPEAKER_02: 42:43

You can you can do touching the other ways.

SPEAKER_05: 42:46

But the point is anything.

SPEAKER_02: 42:47

Anything, literally, I'll just stick it in.

SPEAKER_05: 42:49

Don't ask, don't be ass up and expect me to walk in and fuck you straight away. How am I how am I gonna get aroused?

SPEAKER_03: 42:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 42:56

I was just driving to you getting irritated by the fact that I don't know where you live and have to put in GPS, I missed your house, all the shit. Yeah, I'm not thinking about your asshole that I'm gonna fuck now. I need to get there and be warmed up, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 43:10

Of course. We've had this conversation as well, actually. And you've said to me that you just can't just start it like out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_06: 43:18

No.

SPEAKER_02: 43:18

You're like, I need a bit of a work up. And I always thought that was really funny because I always assumed that you can just No.

SPEAKER_03: 43:25

No way.

SPEAKER_02: 43:26

No, you need you need to prepare as well.

SPEAKER_03: 43:28

Yeah, you've got to like granted, it's a lot less than a female needs to get there. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 43:33

Um, and it's what is it like female need like 30 minutes or something?

SPEAKER_03: 43:36

30 to 45 minutes, yeah. Depending, it gets longer as it gets older, but um anywhere 20 to 45. Yeah. Wow. Not there yet. Um stop at you two. But yeah, like I mean, you can't just sit there and like go from nothing, nothing, nothing like watching.

SPEAKER_02: 43:56

Like a cold like a cold start.

SPEAKER_03: 43:58

You can't go from watching adolescents downstairs to walking upstairs and be like, come on, let's fucking go. Like, yeah, no, you're gonna start with the stuff.

SPEAKER_05: 44:06

For example, you sitting downstairs in your lounge and you're watching TV and you look at your your wife or your partner, your husband, whatever. You turn to them, maybe you kiss the back of their their neck, their ear, say something sexy in the ear, you look beautiful. Just a little bit of you know, some light touching. Yeah, but you've gotten to a point where that's the point where that's all foreplay. You've gotten to a point where kissing, I know for me personally, if I kiss somebody, I'm getting hard within five minutes. Not in five five seconds.

SPEAKER_02: 44:35

I'm very much into kissing as well.

SPEAKER_05: 44:36

For me, for example, every time I've um definitely gone to a club and kissed a dude on the on the dance floor, I'm hard within 20 seconds, and I'm gonna rock hard. Even the dude with the big teeth. Literally, even him. I am it's funny that you said that because I was talking about him today. Um, even that dude, immediately within 20 seconds, I'm hard because that's what gets me there.

SPEAKER_03: 44:59

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 45:00

So it doesn't take me a lot, but it does take something. Yeah, it takes some effort. Oh, so you've got to shift gears.

SPEAKER_03: 45:09

Yes, back and neck, ears, all that sort of thing. Herogeneous zones, right? Herogenous zones, right? What else is in that foreplay? Why is it so damn important?

SPEAKER_02: 45:21

Well, you've got to shift gears from one mode to another, especially like us, we're working, full-time working parents.

SPEAKER_06: 45:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 45:29

And for me, I am very full-on nine to five into the working mode, so I can't go from that in the world. To sex straight away.

SPEAKER_05: 45:40

Like you need to be, you need to co you need to be coerce is a wrong word. I'm sorry. But it's a little bit of a player.

SPEAKER_02: 45:48

You need to be it's conditioning, but it is not a good thing. So, for example, you in first gear, you need to be in fifth before you can even think about doing something to get me out of my stressed up mode into my sex brain, and that brain that engages with that part of my body to be able to go, okay, that's I've shut the door down, like I'm I'm out. I'm out of the Vicky at work, and I'm like into my Vicky sex brain. Yes. Yeah, not even wife. I'm just like a sexual person, right?

SPEAKER_03: 46:18

Talk to talk to us about how that happens. Like, what are some of the things? And obviously, you're talking from your perspective.

SPEAKER_02: 46:26

Yeah, because every everyone's different.

SPEAKER_03: 46:27

Everyone's gonna be different on this. So for a female perspective. But from a female perspective, like what does it look like of coming down and what are the things that a partner can do to help you move from work brain, stress brain to sex brain. Sex brain.

SPEAKER_02: 46:45

Well, I think it depends on a person because every female is different and they react differently. For me, I am very compartmentalized in how I live my life. So there's a definite, there's a definite structure to my days. Like 905, I'm at work, I can't think of anything else other than at work, and that's it. I come home, there's toddler, and there's dinner, and there's everything else. But I think that when I know that everything is taken care of, I can relax.

SPEAKER_06: 47:15

Yeah, sorry, I'm just taking bench right now.

SPEAKER_02: 47:19

You are you're actually very good at it because you taught me this.

SPEAKER_03: 47:23

I did.

SPEAKER_02: 47:24

Yes. For everyone out there, I have the perfect husband.

SPEAKER_03: 47:28

Um, but you taught me this being able to relax into the different roles.

SPEAKER_02: 47:35

So I know that when I come home, I know that dinner is taken care of and I can just throw my shoes off and spend a little bit of time with you know, family and whatnot, and then kid goes to bed, and then that's my time. Like, I don't have to worry about dinner, I don't have to worry about anything else, like I don't know, cooking, cleaning, dogs, whatever it is, like that is all taken care of.

SPEAKER_06: 48:00

Yep.

SPEAKER_02: 48:00

If I can come home from work and I know that everything else that comes after work is taken care of, then I can the stressful shit that you've been worrying that that you have to worry about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 48:09

Because look, at the end of the day, look, people have, we have lives, you have work, you have to do shit. So as a female that works full time, you work full-time, you come home, you have to slowly decompress for your day.

SPEAKER_02: 48:22

You're gonna find a way to transition from one to the other.

SPEAKER_05: 48:25

As a as a guy in a straight relationship, as a guy, you could let's just say today's a day you want to get some sexy time. We're not trying to give you the cheat codes here, but we are come home, make dinner. What you should be doing is come home. If you get home before your your wife, your partner, or your partner, cook some dinner because you know she couldn't.

SPEAKER_02: 48:45

Release some of the stress, some of the stress that the cook dinner.

SPEAKER_05: 48:48

Call up Nando's, order some Nando's, yeah, make sure so that the fact is that when she comes home, she doesn't have to cook at least one thing.

SPEAKER_02: 48:56

Cook, which is amazing. Anything mended for that.

SPEAKER_05: 48:59

And then you have jumped from work wife or partner to sexy partner within a matter of two hours rather than it taking six hours normally.

SPEAKER_03: 49:12

It's also done like a little jar role, though, right? Yeah like first up, you've taken away the stress. Yes, but secondly, you've sat there and presented yourself to your partner as though this is a person that's fucking doing the right thing by me. Yeah, because they care about me.

SPEAKER_06: 49:30

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03: 49:31

And that emotional care and caregiving basically means that they're in a safe place. Yes. As soon as they're in a safe place, they can unleash their best self. Exactly. Right. Absolutely. So like if you know that if you're in a you're in a safe place where you feel 100% comfortable, you're getting your freak on. 100%. But if you're not 100% comfortable, there's like a little 10% out, you're leaving 10% out of there. You know, maybe a lot more.

SPEAKER_05: 50:01

I mean, there's been many times that I've I've gone to, for example, completely unrelated but related. I've been to some a guy's house and I just haven't felt safe, for example, or comfortable for whatever reason, whether it just might be the environment, the person, what they've done, what they've said, I'm not feeling the best. And I go into it, like you're saying, having sex that is a little bit mediocre.

SPEAKER_01: 50:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 50:25

And because the whole time I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about something else. Yeah. I'm thinking about am I in a safe environment?

SPEAKER_02: 50:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 50:34

And then you're not thinking, you're not fully putting in your 100% or whatever it is you have to give into that moment.

SPEAKER_02: 50:40

I feel like women, women like working parents, for example, I'd say, because that's my example, but I feel like women tend to do that as well. Because it's not like it's not like it's not their safe environment, but they can't relax into it because they don't. Yes. They need those things to be done. They need to be kids need to be fed, kids need to be in bed, and then they can go, okay, all of these things are done. Now I can't.

SPEAKER_05: 51:04

Now I can now I can relax. Now I can do me.

SPEAKER_02: 51:07

If that relaxing only comes at 9 30, 10 o'clock, well, you know, it's it ain't gonna happen. You know, if you're gonna get up at six o'clock to work out or whatever you need to do.

SPEAKER_06: 51:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 51:18

Yeah. So I think it's creating a a space, if you're in a relationship, creating a space, if you're the party that can create a space for your partner to be able to take away some of the stress from them, whether you're the female or the male, because it doesn't really matter, do that.

SPEAKER_06: 51:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 51:35

Because that really helps.

SPEAKER_06: 51:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 51:37

And if you're in a position where you are not in a relationship, but you're looking for um you're with random partners or whatever, creating a safe space, you've got to figure out what that means to you.

SPEAKER_05: 51:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 51:51

Really, because that's very amazing.

SPEAKER_05: 51:55

Like what is a safe space for you.

SPEAKER_02: 51:57

But I feel like maybe creating safe space would have to come down to communication.

SPEAKER_05: 52:01

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03: 52:02

I think that's what it is. Like as in what you like, what they like.

SPEAKER_02: 52:08

But think about it. Come on, chats. Hi. Yeah. What do you like?

SPEAKER_05: 52:13

Oh my god, you you know what? You literally uh you took the words out of my out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_02: 52:18

You have you tell me, like, when you're on Grind or whatever it is, like you meet someone you like, what do you like? Oh, you have a profile, so they're basically not what you like. But you say, Well, I'm into that, you're into that, I'm not into that. Okay, I don't like that. You already have the I mean it sucks.

SPEAKER_05: 52:33

I'm just telling you now, it sucks for straight people because gay people have it down. Because one, they are very open and honest in their grinder profiles, for example, if we're using grinder as an example. Two, you have a conversation where it consists of being very straightforward. There's no there's no sugarcoating. Yeah, I know you're not trying to date. Yes, because things I know I saw on your profile you're into hookups. Cool, I'll message you because I went into hookups. Hey, how's it going? What you into? Oh, I'm into um anal, this is this this not into kissing. Sick, awesome. So before I even get to that person's house, I know the thing that they're not into, which is kissing. So I'm not gonna try and do that, right?

SPEAKER_02: 53:12

So, how much more better your sex will be because you have taken away all the shame, stigma, all the crap out of it. And the best part is what I like, that's what you like, and it's amazing.

SPEAKER_03: 53:22

You've done that by establishing a roadback.

SPEAKER_05: 53:24

Exactly. And the thing is this is that a lot of a lot of straight people don't get when I'll talk about you know hookups that I've had, they don't get the whole they see it as very um transactional and unemotional. But the thing is what we it's not unemotional because the sex that I'm having is still an emotional connection.

SPEAKER_02: 53:40

But you're communicating, I think.

SPEAKER_05: 53:42

The difference is that I've communicated before I've gotten to the person's house, right? So that when like I'm very straightforward when it comes to hookups. I will let them know I will let them know exactly what I'm into to the point where I will say, Hey, just so you know, number one, I'm only into hookups, I'm only into you coming over, doing what we need to be doing, and then you need to leave.

SPEAKER_06: 54:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 54:10

So that we're not in a position where afterwards you're trying to chill and talk, and then I look like a dickhead going, yeah, please leave. Please leave. Because I told you before you got here. So I said to you, I'm into rimming, kissing, um, uh whatever, except for uh what's it called? Oral. That's not my thing. Cool. So you get there, you know exactly what I like. Both of us are in understanding that I like this, I like that, you like this. So we're gonna have good sex because we've both determined what we both like and what we don't like. All the fluff. We're taking it out of all the fluff. So when you walk in, you walk in, you don't even need to say hi. Yeah, you walk in.

SPEAKER_02: 54:52

So you know why you're there.

SPEAKER_05: 54:53

We have sex.

SPEAKER_02: 54:54

You're honest.

SPEAKER_05: 54:55

You leave once you're ready, you leave and you're gone, and both of us have gotten what we need from that interaction.

SPEAKER_02: 55:02

I feel like heterosexual relationships, male, male, female, I feel like there's this really fucked up template where you get together and you try and present this front of what you expect the other person expects you to be like, and then it takes you about five years to figure out that you're probably not compatible, and then you get then you just waste it all this time.

SPEAKER_05: 55:26

And you've either maybe you've had a child together, you've bought a house, you or a cars. Whereas you could have been upfront and honest from the beginning.

SPEAKER_02: 55:34

That's what I like. That this is I'm a freak, and this is what I like, and you find out five years later.

SPEAKER_03: 55:40

You know, 15 years ago.

SPEAKER_05: 55:42

I know you didn't.

SPEAKER_02: 55:43

But I think I feel like so much more of the heterosexual relationships are based on lies because they there is so much expectation.

SPEAKER_03: 55:53

I th I feel as though heterosexual people try to fit the scripts all of the time, right? And it's only after five years that you become comfortable enough to sit there and go, oh, like in my ass played with.

SPEAKER_02: 56:08

I have to st I have to I must say that what one thing I've realized is I feel like in heterosexual relationships, women, there's a lot more weight on them to be perfect or to fit a certain mold. So for example, me coming into a relationship, if I had tankings that are completely not normal in a heterosexual relationship, like normative way, to but to stand it to life. If I came out to you with that, it'd be like, I like being flogged or I don't pissing on your whatever. Yeah, if I turn around and said to you from dead dot I like that, chances are you'll probably be like, fuck this, this is too much for me.

SPEAKER_05: 56:51

Yeah, you're a hundred percent correct.

SPEAKER_02: 56:53

You might in time figure out uh the fact that you might actually enjoy this. Yes. But when someone first up says to you, a woman, I like this. Yeah, it is so off-putting because A, a woman is so empowered to say that to you that she must naturally want to dominate you.

SPEAKER_05: 57:10

Or they're gonna assume, oh, she's she's she's a slut. She's a whole.

SPEAKER_02: 57:15

Yeah, she's a slut, exactly, because she knows what she likes. So I feel like women don't have the option to be who they want to be. As open as they want to be. There's all they are upfront with men and it there's this charade. Whereas with gay or homosexual relationships, it's like you've got nothing to lose. Because it's like, I just want to be there for the sex.

SPEAKER_03: 57:34

Because I think as well, like a lot of hetero relationships, the sort of end goal is to procreate. It's coupling, it's it's a coupling. Yeah, yeah. If you're sitting there going, oh, I really like this girl, but she's into getting flogged at kink parties. Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 57:53

It's like I don't know how I feel about that.

SPEAKER_03: 57:56

I don't know how I feel about the mother of my child.

SPEAKER_05: 57:59

I was just about to say you gotta you you start you're gonna start thinking about never mind, you've never had the conversation about kids. You've got to go, oh, but this is gonna be mother of my child. I have to take this woman home to my mum to meet my mum. What is she gonna think about it? Yeah, where but the funny part is you've you know this person, yeah, you know that they're decent human beings. This person could be the best human ever, but you're judging on them because they have a few kings that maybe you're not into or you haven't heard of.

SPEAKER_03: 58:26

It's so so messed up because like everybody's got their own thing. We talked about it a couple of weeks back in a paraphilia episode, right? Everybody has their own thing. And to jump on what you said before, compartmentalize. People compartmentalise in every facet of their life. Like, I have my things, you've got your things, Vicky's got her things. We disclose those to who we choose to who we feel comfortable with because we compartmentalize that particular part of our life, correct.

SPEAKER_05: 59:00

You're not gonna explain it to your work partner, your um, I don't know, your doctor, you're whatever you're gonna tell it to your wife or your or your husband or your boyfriend or your girlfriend. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 59:10

My doctors are very judgmental, too. Exactly. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05: 59:13

Or that that's a whole nother episode of that.

SPEAKER_02: 59:16

You think that they're not, but oh my god.

SPEAKER_03: 59:18

That's a whole nother episode, yeah. But like you can be so compartmentalized under all of that, you could be a fucking amazing person. Yeah, but that one tiny little box of your life.

SPEAKER_02: 59:33

But that doesn't matter because people judge you so harshly when it comes to sex, anything to do with sex, people judge so harshly. I I find that so strange because how you do your sex is such a personal and such a non-consequential thing to your personality. But but also that it has nothing to do with anybody else. No, but you get boxed on how you do sex. It's like it doesn't matter that you are humanitarian, you help people, you do all these amazing. Things, but if you I don't know, you like to be choked, for example, whatever it is, like you would automatically be class as a freak.

SPEAKER_05: 1:00:08

And the thing is, it's like just because I'm into like I don't understand. But also, like, if I be too big pissed on, are you pissing on me? No, you're not. So why do you care? Yeah, am I pissing on you? No. Yeah. So why do you care?

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:24

So why is it so consecration to your life?

SPEAKER_05: 1:00:26

It's the same thing that I hate to always bring it up, but like straight versus gay. What why do you have an issue with gay sex if you don't partake?

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 1:00:35

If it affects me in no fucking way whatsoever, why do you care? You're not seeing me having sex. Why do you care?

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:43

Why do you care so much to make a comment? Why are you so threatened? That's I don't know.

SPEAKER_05: 1:00:48

Those are the ones you have to worry about the most.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:50

But it is threatening, yeah. I I've never stood what I think.

SPEAKER_05: 1:00:53

Threatening sometimes, other times jealous. Envious.

SPEAKER_03: 1:00:59

Depends who's uh veteran.

SPEAKER_05: 1:01:01

Number one, the person that's doing it that feels either threatened by what you're doing or envious of what you're doing, and they don't know how to um be an adult and express it, so then it comes out as jealousy. Yeah, yeah. You're doing something that I've never been able to do, so I'm jealous.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 1:01:20

Or I have internalized homophobia based on the fact that you are an open gay man and I'm a guy, a straight guy that's in the closet, and I can't live my life the way you are, so fuck you, I hate you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:32

That's can you imagine if people took homosexuality the same way as they did gardening? You know, like how different people have their gardens done different way. It's like, oh, you've got like European garden, you've got like a more I don't know. Balinese garden. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 1:01:49

It's like, but oh my gosh, Vicky, that is the best. That is one of the best things I've ever heard. That is amazing.

SPEAKER_03: 1:01:57

Fuck you. Yeah, but it's different because that was garden.

SPEAKER_04: 1:01:59

Vicky brings it up as gardens and yeah, because I understand it better. It makes more sense.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:06

So many times it's like, so I don't want to minimize anyone's sexual preferences, but and obviously I'm a heterosexual, so I'm in a privileged position to say this because I've never been discriminated.

SPEAKER_06: 1:02:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:16

But at the end of the day, it's like, I don't give a shit how you have your sex. It's your fucking business.

SPEAKER_05: 1:02:21

If you drive down the road, right?

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:23

I mean, like, I don't care how you have your sex. Like, why should you care how I have my sex, then why should I care how you have your sex?

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:29

I mean, like you say, maybe start in a traditional garden. I just can't.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:32

But it blows my mind that people are judged for their sexual preferences. Like, it blows my mind. It's like, why would I give a fuck how my neighbour has their sex?

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:42

It offends me that you cut your hedges into a ball shape. It's terrible. Why a ball?

SPEAKER_05: 1:02:49

It's because, like you're saying, using the example, the analogy of a garden. I can drive down the street and go, oh my god, what a beautiful gardens. That person's got a lovely Balinese style garden. I don't maybe I don't particularly love Balinese style, and it wouldn't be wouldn't fit, it wouldn't fit, it wouldn't fit my home, but I can appreciate that that's beautiful. I'm not going, what the fuck? How dare they fucking have a Balinese style fucking thing I don't like? Who the fuck am I?

SPEAKER_03: 1:03:19

So while we're on the subject of gardens, and I completely agree with both of you. But but Emily Nagoski said that our sexuality is like a garden. You've said this before.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:35

I have I have it I've heard uh. I know we've talked about it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:03:38

I don't know what it's talking about this before. Everybody's got their own garden. We're born with like a basically vacant block, and we can start planting the plants that we want from day dog. Our parents sometimes plant some plants, our friends sometimes plant some plants. And I feel like that. Our friends will sometimes plant some weeds. Yeah. But it's our job to remove the weeds and keep the shit. There's an analogy.

SPEAKER_05: 1:04:08

But also, adding on to that, your garden, how you mulch your garden is specific to your garden. Yes. So that could be you could have the right job, the right people, the right friends that give you the correct nutrients to be able to make your garden bloom. Yes. Correct? Yep. Whereas if you had the wrong people that are giving you no nutrients, no fertilizer, not no water, and your or your garden starts withering because you're you don't have the correct people around you to be able to for you to blossom.

SPEAKER_03: 1:04:47

I mean, remember that interview that we did with Keely, Frankin. Right? And what do what do we say? 97% of people have fantasies. Yes. 3% of people don't. And then she turns around and goes, Yeah, but those 3% of people, I just don't think are working hard enough. Basically, they're not gardening. They're not gardening hard enough. Or they're not understanding caring for their garden.

SPEAKER_05: 1:05:09

They're not understanding the garden they have. Yes. Because they think that their understanding of what kinks or whatever are, to them is different. Yeah. But it could be something. Yeah, yeah. But they're just not putting enough effort into it, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:29

Some people are just maybe scared of partaking in that because it is a scary thing. If society tells you that you're supposed to be a certain way, and then all of a sudden you feel like you have these thoughts and ideas about things that sit outside of that.

SPEAKER_05: 1:05:43

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:44

You know, there are a lot of people that are probably scared of actually even exploring that because even for themselves, they're scared of facing that themselves. Exactly. So that's even in a private.

SPEAKER_03: 1:05:52

That's why heterosexual people, because they don't want to challenge themselves and think about this, they sit there for the first five years of their relationship and go, I'm just going to put dick in vagina because that's what you do. Because that's what I'm up in terms of what you do.

SPEAKER_05: 1:06:05

A dick goes in a vagina, I pub, I come done.

SPEAKER_03: 1:06:09

Yeah. And if I do that, my garden's taken care of. The whole time their garden's overgrown with weeds because they're sitting there thinking they're looking at plants, but really they're looking at weeds, right?

SPEAKER_05: 1:06:19

I mean, I've had a conversation with some with a person before that had never given head to her partner and had never received received it either.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:30

How is that?

SPEAKER_05: 1:06:32

It happens so often. It happens so often.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:34

It's like a basic that's like a topic.

SPEAKER_05: 1:06:36

It's basic to the basic thing. It's basic to you. It's basic to me.

SPEAKER_03: 1:06:40

It's basic to him.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:41

It's intimacy. How can you not?

SPEAKER_03: 1:06:43

I read a study the other day, an evolutionary um perspective study, basically. But they were talking about how oral sex is actually a proxy for vaginal sex and how it's there's still a bonding mechanism between oral sex and that oral sex. There's part of the saliva going onto the penis, which is more bonding and releasing oxytocin and all that sort of stuff because it's important, the body knows that you can't have sex four weeks out of every month, you can have sex three weeks out of every month, but you need to be able to keep that flow going. So that's where this evolutionary theory came out that oral sex is actually an important part of human sexuality, but a lot of people don't have it.

SPEAKER_05: 1:07:30

And that's the thing, is like I've I and I've known many people that I've spoken to throughout my life that have spoken about the fact that they don't have any oral sex either way. And I said, Wow, that's that's so interesting.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:44

I can't even I can't fathom that like my brain doesn't compute how you cannot possibly have not not have to be. How is this not possible?

SPEAKER_05: 1:07:53

Again, it's not my favorite thing to do, but I understand that that is a part of sex. Like I'm not doing it, look, granted, no one's forcing me to do it, but I know that by me doing this, this is gonna have this is gonna get this person off. So I'm going to do it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:08:07

So you're talking about being a generous lover.

SPEAKER_05: 1:08:10

I am a hundred percent a generous lover.

SPEAKER_03: 1:08:12

I think that's basically the last thing that we need to end on, right? Is by being a generous lover, by understanding what they want, how they need it, and what they need. You can if if you want to be the best lover out there, you've got to give them that and be generous. You just you have to give it a lot.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:34

Can I just tell you something really random? When I was um reading, well, obviously I I knew what I was gonna talk about tonight, but I went online to have a look at what the recent studies were conducted about what women wanted from men.

SPEAKER_05: 1:08:47

Uh-huh. Okay, Jordan's wife.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:49

Like 87%. So this was like a really wide this is why we're supposed to be together.

SPEAKER_03: 1:08:56

This is Jordan's wife. I love it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:57

So I I I've read quite a few studies across, and these were quite wide cast studies that were done. But essentially what it boiled down to is that about 87% of women, the one thing that they wanted from men was to go down on them. Reciprocal. That's all that they said. It's like we're giving you this, we want that back.

SPEAKER_03: 1:09:19

Women want to 17% of women that don't want that.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 1:09:22

Well, that's so sad.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:24

That's what the study said. And women were like, We give you head, we want to get that back. We just want to get that back. Yeah. And there was the study went on to other, like you broke it down into other percentages, but in that study or that particular study that I read is there was nowhere saying that we want any more dicking or anything. In fact, women said we want men to slow down.

SPEAKER_05: 1:09:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:45

Because it's not a race.

SPEAKER_05: 1:09:46

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:47

I think women were more more focused on pleasure and what felt good rather than dick and vagina.

SPEAKER_05: 1:09:56

Then the end result is what a lot of guys are in. That's it, yeah, thinking.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:01

Yeah, women were not goal-oriented, which is like the orgasms, but the male goal is I need to come. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 1:10:07

That's it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:08

But I also on that on that trend as well, I feel like women also expect that men will come.

SPEAKER_05: 1:10:16

Or no men will come.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:17

Yeah. Like this is like the end thing, which is like you've had fun, you've come.

SPEAKER_05: 1:10:22

But I think as a woman, you're laying there and going, okay, as soon as he comes, it's over. You justify that. Now it's done. We're over.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:29

I feel like both sexes should probably realize that orgasming or coming is not the end goal.

SPEAKER_05: 1:10:33

Yes. Like this is not the goal.

SPEAKER_03: 1:10:35

The goal is pleasure.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:36

Pleasure, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 1:10:37

You can have an amazing time.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:38

Because think about it, so 100%. Some women can come over and over and over and over again, and some men can come once.

SPEAKER_05: 1:10:45

I mean, I've said to you this before. I'd love I said to you before that I realized at some point, I could never understand when I used to top only, how I could fuck bottoms and I would come and I'd say, Hey, are you done? Like, do you want me to do anything? And they'd be like, No, I'm good. And I'm like, What do you mean you're good? Yeah, yeah. Like you didn't come. And I never understood it until I bottomed and had a great experience with a guy that was really in tune and he topped, he fucked me for a long time.

SPEAKER_04: 1:11:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 1:11:17

And he was done, and I hadn't come. And he's like, Are you good? And I was like, No, no, no, no, I'm good. Like, I enjoyed every moment. Why? I enjoyed every moment because number one, the little bit of communication and the fact that he knew what he was doing. Yeah. And I was like, Holy shit, the end goal is not coming. Like that was a great, great session.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:37

One thing that we should be teaching like the younger generations is that the goal is not to just make someone calm, is that it's to enjoy what you're doing. Because at the end of the day, when you're on your own, you can make yourself come. Yes. So coming is very easy. Orgas orgasming is easy.

SPEAKER_06: 1:11:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:54

But the things in between, which is the build-up of desire and like connection and all that.

SPEAKER_05: 1:12:00

And you can have so much more powerful phasing time without orgasm.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:04

80% of sex happens in your head, right? Exactly.

SPEAKER_03: 1:12:06

It's yeah. So I play I played football with a guy who couldn't come. Yep. Well, couldn't come partnered sex. And I was like, dude, like, how fucked up is that? He's like, it's not. He's like, you come out and play football. Do you orgasm when you're playing football? No. I was like, no? Fuck no. He's like, Did you have a good time? I was like, fucking, I love playing football. He's like, that's the way sex is for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 1:12:31

I was just like, uh, so the the the the the the goal, quote unquote, is is that you can play football and play a match and not score a goal. But have had a great game.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:43

Yeah. And still enjoyable.

SPEAKER_05: 1:12:45

The point, yes, to win the game, you need to score a goal.

SPEAKER_03: 1:12:50

The man at a match is not the one that scores the most goals but has the most touches. There you go.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:57

So many football references like are going over my head right now.

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:00

Girl, I can't. I cannot with you.

SPEAKER_05: 1:13:06

You always remind me now and again that you are such a fucking dad.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:10

The boss line is not all about coming, you guys. Although obviously that is like an amazing thing to do.

SPEAKER_05: 1:13:18

Is that the name of the episode? It's not about coming. It's not all about going. I think so. It's not all about arriving because we don't want to get banned.

SPEAKER_03: 1:13:25

It's not all about arriving. Alright. One sentence or less. Let's wrap this up. One sentence or less. Final tip. Just one sentence. No more elaboration. One sentence. One sentence. Can I go first? Go. My mine is not just the tip. Okay. Not just the tip. I'm believing at that amount saying anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_03: 1:13:50

Basically go all in.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13:53

Oh, okay. Oh, this is gonna be a hard one.

SPEAKER_03: 1:13:56

That's what he said. She didn't even get it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:14:02

I know I did.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:02

I'm not I'm not reacting to the thing.

SPEAKER_03: 1:14:04

She's not reacting. Wow.

SPEAKER_06: 1:14:07

Cheap.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:08

Be engaged.

SPEAKER_06: 1:14:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:11

In w with e either side of this, be engaged with what you're doing. Like whether you're the giver, the receiver, whatever it is, be engaged. Whether it's communicating or listening, be engaged with what you're doing. Because sex is not about getting off, it's about connecting.

SPEAKER_03: 1:14:29

That was more than a sentence. But that was but you know what? That was a beautiful more than a sentence.

SPEAKER_05: 1:14:34

I like it, it's better than mine.

SPEAKER_03: 1:14:36

What's yours? Not just the tip. Okay, with yours. You know what? Similarly, you guys talked about pretty much the exact same thing.

SPEAKER_05: 1:14:42

Okay, go on. What's yours? Smart off.

SPEAKER_03: 1:14:44

Mine is know thyself. Oh my god, shut the fish. That includes a lot. That includes a lot of masturbation.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:52

That is all I'm hearing right now. All I'm hearing is wanking.

SPEAKER_05: 1:14:58

I'm sorry. No, he's he's just so wanky. I'm sorry. You are, I appreciate you and your feedback. What do you mean? Sorry. Elaborate.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:09

Who does that wanking? So know thou yourself. Doesn't include him, does that? Self-exploration.

unknown: 1:15:15

No, no.

SPEAKER_03: 1:15:16

Know thyself. Explore yourself. Know what turns you on. Know what you like, know what you don't like, and be apologetic in expressing that what you are now. You know what?

SPEAKER_05: 1:15:29

Because fuck you. I'm with you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:31

But possibly give people heads up before you do something weird.

SPEAKER_05: 1:15:35

Don't stick your kitchen. Don't stick your finger in your hole in someone's asshole and assume they're like fisting. Yeah. I'll never not bring that up.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:45

Please just communicate things beforehand.

SPEAKER_05: 1:15:49

I love how we all just screaming at the mics. Well, you know what, guys? I feel like that was a really good episode. Vicky, thank you so much for joining us. We always love having you here, and I'm sure that the listeners too. It is the second best threesome I've ever had because the first one was also with Vicky. It's true. Um so I think at that we can wrap it up.

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:10

Thanks for having me, guys. I really had great threesome time.

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:15

You're so welcome. Jordan, did you enjoy your time today? Always love a threesome with you and my wife.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:20

Although, although he didn't come.

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:22

Any day. No, no, thank you. I don't think. Sherman's blowing right now, but I don't know if that's coming. Vicki, I fucking love you. You're so the best. Like oh the dirty jokes are about.

SPEAKER_05: 1:16:36

Jordan, I love you more. Sorry, Vicky. I love you more because you're first, and you'll you will always be my first.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:41

I'll never want to compete.

SPEAKER_05: 1:16:43

I love you so much.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:44

I mean, you got the tattoos to prove it.

SPEAKER_05: 1:16:45

And we've got the tattoos to prove it. There's a butt there.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:48

There's a butt. There's two butts there. We're tattoos.

SPEAKER_05: 1:16:50

There's a big button coming. Did we actually post a picture for our listeners of our butt picks?

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:55

Vicky can take one now.

SPEAKER_05: 1:16:57

Okay, guys, we're gonna um take a picture because we promised you that we're gonna take a picture of our butt tattoos that are fucking terrible. And we will show you. No, yours is great. I fucking hate mine.

SPEAKER_03: 1:17:08

Cesar, the tattoo artist, did not like your ass tattooing. Oh fuck, I hate it too.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:15

I don't know what you're talking about. Selfies?

SPEAKER_03: 1:17:17

Of your butt? You've got a butt tattoo? Have I missed this? She's about to.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:23

You need to look closer.

SPEAKER_03: 1:17:26

It's a dot.

SPEAKER_05: 1:17:27

Obviously.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:28

I need to get my glasses fixed. I'm gonna just have to rum it in. She's gonna like observe.

SPEAKER_04: 1:17:33

Oh my god, on that note, guys. We're out. Goodbye. Aloha.

SPEAKER_03: 1:17:42

Alright, and that's the show. If you just had a few oh moments, or maybe even an oops, shit, shouldn't be doing that moment. Good. Growth starts with awkward realizations, my friend. Huge thanks to Vicky for coming on and dropping wisdom with that perfect blend of grace and savage honesty that I know all too much about. It's not easy hearing where we mess up, but it's way easier than living in sexual mediocrity forever, right? Anyways, look, if there's one takeaway here, it's this. Being a better lover starts way before the clothes come off. It's about paying attention, slowing down, and treating your partner's pleasure like it actually matters. Because it does. I'll leave you with this though. Science says the best sex lives aren't about being the best performer, they're about being the best collaborator. So, go forth, communicate, get curious, and as always, keep it super sexy.