Super Sex

Episode 55: Meet The New Supersex Crew: Smart, Sexy, Unfiltered

• Jordan Walker, Kate Campbell & Tarsh Wilson

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We reboot the show with three sexologists and set the tone for evidence-based, shameless talk about sex, stigma, and real pleasure. We share our paths into the field, bust common myths, and swap stories that make space for better questions and kinder boundaries.

• reboot with new co-hosts and clear mission
• why sexology: psychology, nursing, and education perspectives
• rising shame in young people and mixed-gender sex ed
• body image pressures and “Barbie look” surgery risks
• male size anxiety and performance scripts
• first kisses, early social scripts, and unlearning
• attraction beyond looks and values as turn-ons
• dating app boundaries, safety, and banter
• playful quiz: averages, nerve endings, odd animal facts
• practical takeaways: talk more, double the time, hydrate
• closing gratitude and ways to support the show

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Or see what Jordan is up to, teaching all things sex ed at:

www.youwontlearnthisatschool.com




SPEAKER_00:

Super Text is back! Yep, the podcast that explores pleasure, connection, and all the delicious complexities of being human. I'm Jordan Walker, I'm a psychotectural educator and textologist, and today is a bit special. We are rebooting the show with two brilliant new co-hosts, Hate Campbell and Tash Wilson. We'll be sharing our journeys into technology, the myths that we love busting, and yeah, we'll be playing a few games to see just how well we know our stuff. So, with you here for the science, the stats, a little bit of oolala, settle in. Because this is Supertext 2.0. Welcome to Supertext, the podcast that dives into sex, relationships, and absolutely everything in between. We're stripping away shame, turning up the truth, and keeping it smart, playful, and unapologetically real. So, buckle up, because the combos are deep, the topics are juicy, and the safe work is always more. Let's get into it. Alright guys, we are back! Super Sex is on again. Super Stax to Four. I don't want to say it's a new season because we're not really doing seasons.

SPEAKER_02:

It's kind of November, so it's not really a season, is it? No, it's not.

SPEAKER_00:

That's really weird. Like unless you're a Netflix series and then we're gonna do eight episodes and disappear for another three years.

SPEAKER_01:

But sounds like me in general. Eight episodes and disappear. Yeah.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

We're talking about your dating life. Shit got deep real fucking quick.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, that's why we're here, right?

SPEAKER_00:

It'd taken 40 seconds to well done, Tarsh.

SPEAKER_01:

You can always count on me.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, all right. So I think because we've had both of you on the pod at various times, but that was with a different sort of intention, right? Like, Kate, you were first a guest, and Tarsh, you were first a guest, and then you like sort of did a little bit of co-hosting with us. But I think what we need to do is we need to seem as though we're all going to be doing these episodes together from now on in till hopefully we're about 75 and are just sitting there talking sexy stuff over 17 gin and tonics.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the goal.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02:

So we need to consummate this relationship. Yeah. We need to have like a super sex threesome of of co-hosting.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. That's it.

SPEAKER_02:

Let's nail it. That's exciting. Who are we?

SPEAKER_00:

I love it. Who are we? Exactly. All right. Who wants to go first? Tosh.

SPEAKER_02:

Tosh. I'm just sitting here smiling. I don't know. I don't like going first. But we know how extroverted you're not.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Hi, my name's Tosh. Oh no, the sex podcast. No. Um, so yeah, my name's Tash Wilson. I um have a background in emergency and mental health nursing and switched over to women's health. Yeah. Um, I've got a few postgrads up my sleeve, so my hex debt is probably more than my house now.

SPEAKER_02:

Um let us not compare hex debts. No, no.

SPEAKER_01:

Am I using half the pod uh the postgrads? No. Um using the sexology one though, right? I am, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. No, that's just for shoots of business.

SPEAKER_01:

That's just for show as well.

unknown:

Just a bit of fun.

SPEAKER_01:

Um so I have recently been offered two contracts as a sexologist in Perth.

SPEAKER_00:

Nice. Congratulations.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you. Um, so I'll be specialising in women, obviously, and fertility.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh nice. And you do prod vulvas and vaginas all day long. That's literally what you do as a guy and nurse, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, just look, look and poke.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So that's like your your special skill and like your special interest.

SPEAKER_01:

Open one flap, open the other flap, and just close it up and say, come back in three months.

SPEAKER_02:

Amazing. Yeah. I was like, yeah, there's something about that that sounds too familiar, and I don't know why, but you just nailed it.

SPEAKER_00:

Brilliant. All right, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Who are you? Who am I? Um, I'm a psychologist and sexologist. Um yeah, I have a some really interesting key interests. So I love I love talking about STIs and stigma. Um, I love talking about gender and sexuality and the patriarchy. And I could just, I probably have like 70 soap boxes in my head that I could step on at any point. Um but no, like I work as a I work as a psychologist, um, just started doing some more private practice stuff out of the workers' comp sort of industry.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh so really starting to work with um, yeah, like sexual health, sexual dysfunction, uh well-being, body confidence, all of the fun stuff. Um, and I too am trying to work off an enormous hex debt.

SPEAKER_00:

Isn't it great?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, thank you, Masters in Sexology.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, all right. So you guys know me. I'm Jordan. What am I? Fuck, that's an interesting question.

SPEAKER_01:

Well see, and you've made me go first.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Well, you're because we were avoiding the question.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, we're like, what's Tash gonna say, and then I can work from that. That was a dangerous path.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so what am I? I am a weirdly, I'm a heterosexual male in a sexology space, which is from what I'm starting to really understand, really quite fucking rare.

SPEAKER_02:

I know one other.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So Tam Fraser. Yeah, technically, I'm a unicorn.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, congratulations. Yes, you're so pretty. You wouldn't see this, but his eyes just lit up, like he was like, oh my god, he's just had a realization.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you know why? This just this talks about the depths of my mind. Because I was um I was having a chat with the guys from Hankies a couple of months back, and in the background of their sort of vision in their office, there is like this unicorn horn dildo that they had. Oh, like I could get a unicorn horn dildo to wear on my head for uh for when we record, but that's please do. I was gonna say that's great idea.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I think we're on board. Yeah, so that's what you okay. But who are you, Jordan?

SPEAKER_00:

Who am I? I I really don't know. Like, I've just turned 40 and I'm still trying to figure that shit out. Um I suppose professionally, I'm an educator. I'm a sex educator, relationships educator. I also do some private work with couples and heterosexual guys because there is a space where heterosexual guys find it hard to approach sex therapists who are either female, um, queer, you know, different sort of gender identities, all that sort of stuff. Guys find it hard to approach people to talk about these things. But when there's a person with my background, with the educational background and with the sexology background, they find it a little bit more easy to talk to. So I've sort of jumped into that space as well. I work with a lot of kids with disability. Um, so that's me professionally. But I suppose personally, I'm a dad, I'm a sports nut.

SPEAKER_02:

I've got a sex nerd.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm a sex nerd. I love it. I think we all are to be here right now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But like, do you guys like just cram random facts into your head?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00:

And just like proper at times.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, in the tea room.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And everyone looks at me and goes, This is not the time and place Tarsh. I'm like, but it is, we're all nurses.

SPEAKER_02:

So I was at an awards night a few weeks ago, and the award, look, I'm just gonna say it was butt plug-shaped. It it wasn't like spherical, but you know, it was it was flat and glass, but it it had a flared base. And um apparently these were facts that my colleagues didn't need to know.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I went to an education night in regards to so it's the it was a vulva interest group. We've got a little group and we go to education nights, the consultants and myself. And um, where they're eating dinner, and I'm looking at the light, and I'm like, oh, that's shaped like a vulva. The whole time I'm just watching this light. I'm like, very interesting right now. Like I love it. I was learning, I was listening, but I was just more fascinated about the light shape.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Like when you get into this world that we're in, you see shit that other people don't.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, and then you tell them when they can't unsee it, it's great.

SPEAKER_00:

But like the thing I like as well is some of the stuff that we talk about, we talk about as though it's just normal. Because it really is. But that is so deeply shocking to some people, and I fucking love doing that. Me too.

SPEAKER_02:

Just with a deadpan face, you know, just just spitting out some sex facts or just saying some words that people would normally be really afraid to hear or say in public.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And they just look at you like, are you okay? I'm like, I'm fine, how are you? Is there a talk about anal and flared-based toys? Okay, that's cool. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. It happened, it happened to us the other week at a lunch table.

SPEAKER_01:

But I'd like to say, talking about awards, with you, congratulations, Jordan. Oh, yeah, congrats on your recent award, Jordan.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

What was it for?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, uh RSE rising star. So that means that basically I'm doing pretty good teaching kids sex ed.

SPEAKER_02:

Fuck you. Thank you for your service, my good sir.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. It's uh we need more. You know what though? Strangely speaking, it's it's going the opposite way. Like sex ed as a whole is going the opposite way. I think Australia takes a lot of our social cues from the states, and that seems to be coming a lot more reclusive, and we're sort of moving in that fashion as well. Um and I'm noticing that young kids, generally between the ages of like 17 to 21, 22, they're really like struggling to open up about sex. Like whereas our age group was we were already there, right? Like we were we were into the magazines and we were talking about it and it was all happening, but now I think they're just getting bombarded with so much social media shit that they're really sort of going back into themselves, especially young young boys, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Shame.

SPEAKER_00:

It is shame.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

It is shame.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, we need to do more of these then and and you know, just keep talking about it, talk about all the fun stuff, talk about the vulvas and the Oh, I can.

SPEAKER_00:

You just talk about fully all day long.

SPEAKER_02:

Where am I starting? And so we're all sexologists. Um, you guys are uh completing the masters next year.

SPEAKER_00:

What more is two more units? Two more units, two more units, and even then I should really get an RPL. I'm doing it, I'm doing a unit. I have to pay for a unit to do education.

SPEAKER_02:

WTF man.

SPEAKER_00:

I know, right? I've literally just got an award from the fucking the course coordinator of our course to say that I'm like a top-notch educator. Top notch educator, and yet I've still do got to do a semester of work on education.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, if you don't get a high distinction, Jordan, I just don't know what we will do with you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

No pressure.

SPEAKER_00:

None at all.

SPEAKER_01:

So I'm actually graduating this year, but not with the masters. I've dropped to the grad dip, and then I'll take on the master's part-time because um full-time work and full-time uni was like a bit of me. Yeah, a little bit, a little bit.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you just went all out. Like it's literally you you went, you know, I'm gonna do sexology, I'm gonna do the masters, I'm gonna carry on working full-time. I'm also gonna try and start a business. What else? Well, you you wrote a fucking chapter in a book as well.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I only have three to four hours sleep a night, but I'm okay now. I'm doing eight hours a night.

SPEAKER_02:

That's I'm tired just thinking about that.

SPEAKER_00:

I know. Like, I thought I had a busy life. I thought you had a busy life too. Tasha's sitting there saying, Yeah, I've wrote my beard a fucking book as well. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, chapter.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, chapter. Chapter.

SPEAKER_02:

Still, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Still, a chapter in a book is pretty huge.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So why sexology though? Like you said that you had a bunch of grad post-grad stuff that you never use.

SPEAKER_01:

Why were you like, oh, I should add this one to it? Um, well, at work, I've really started to open up at work and um talking to everybody, and they're like, uh one consultant's like, You'll be an amazing sexologist. Because every time a patient came in, if they were in their 20s and they were having issues with their vulva, I would straight away be like, and how's sex for you? And then she's every time she heard that, she's like, Oh, we need to get you in there. She was saying it for two years, and I was like, nah, nah. And then, like, yeah, at the beginning of the year, I was like, Oh, I'll give it a go. I haven't looked back. I love it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I should have done it two years ago, but oh well.

SPEAKER_03:

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Maybe then I wouldn't have done it full-time. Speed of light.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You would have been able to avoid your meth habit that you have now because of that. That's so good. How did you get into it, Kate?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh, I was in my um third year of psychology and I was doing um some counseling units. And one of my uh counseling lecturers, I think we did two units. One was um human sexuality and counseling, and the other one was um contemporary issues, which was a really nice way to talk about uh domestic violence and sexual abuse, contemporary issues. Um and this this um, so it was Madalina Grobola. She is a uh sexologist in Perth, and she just spoke about the hardest, most important taboo subjects with such care and grace.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And I was like, oh my god, I want to be this human being. And then she dropped that she also taught um as part of the master's in sexology at Curtin. I was studying at a different um university, and I thought, oh, what is that? And I looked it up and my like, yeah, everything just lit up. I was like, yeah, this is what I want to do. And I spoke to her a couple of times and just about like what the what the whole course was about. And I was like, yep, that's me. Yeah, that's the nerdy part of me. So I actually stopped doing psychology because I wasn't sure I wanted to keep going.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_02:

Went and did the did the masters, um, and then decided to go back to psych so I could use it the way that I wanted to. But yeah, I just she inspired me.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow, and it's like psych and sexology are so intertwined. And like, and this is where I think this is really a perfect pod now that we've got it. Because we've got you with your psych and sexology, we've got Tarsh with the medical side with the nursing and the sexology, and then we've got me with like the educational and sexology. And I sort of come come at things from like that social perspective. I love looking at what what socially drives people to do things, yeah. I remember first year of this course, I wrote a paper all about dick size and why guys are so hung up on it. And the social pressures feed into the psychological, which then feed into the biological because guys are trying to make their dicks grow bigger and all that sort of stuff, right?

SPEAKER_02:

So probably dysfunctional because they're so anxious. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01:

That's the same with um females as well with the female genital cosmetic surgery.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, because you've just wrote a paper on that.

SPEAKER_01:

I did. Oh, it was bloody interesting. I haven't got the marks back yet, so I don't want to, but it was it's uh it's already been due, so it's past the due date, so I can probably talk about it. But like, you know, 52% of women are seeking this surgery because of the Barbie look in quotation marks, and um literally half of that or half of the surgeries they have to go back for a second surgery because they were botched.

unknown:

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01:

That yeah, see that and then you got um female um genital um well, I'm gonna say circumcision on here.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, or cutting.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, cutting. Um, and my paper was based on how cosmetic surgery is pretty much similar to the same of um female cutting, and people are actually paying for their minors to have the cosmetic surgery in quotation marks for cultural reasons, but they can't prove it's for cultural reasons.

SPEAKER_00:

That is so that was my paper.

SPEAKER_01:

It was so interesting.

SPEAKER_00:

Because, like, even um, you know, just cutting away like the labia, there's so many nerve endings in there.

SPEAKER_02:

And there is nothing wrong with your genitals. Like you were born that way, they're full of nerve endings, they're they're functional, they're purposeful, they should feel good just because they don't look like you know Barbie. Yeah, like Barb I mean, no one looks like Barbie.

SPEAKER_00:

Isn't there that one girl that spent like half a million dollars trying to get there?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and she's probably not happy, let's be fair. She's probably she's not happy with herself.

SPEAKER_00:

Ken ran away with somebody else.

SPEAKER_02:

That's why with other Barbie.

SPEAKER_01:

Ken's non-existent penis as well.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, she did all of this like beautiful, you know, beautifying her vulva for Ken, and it turns out Ken doesn't even have a dick. No.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that's true. She's riding the Barbie as well.

SPEAKER_01:

The toy fact she's like, we need to put a penis on Ken.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, there's gonna be uproar about what size that penis is gonna be, though. No, but that's the thing, and w women are going out and getting these surgeries, but a lot of guys aren't into that Barbie look.

SPEAKER_01:

No, well, they don't really care. No, and that's that's in my paper. That's the f that's in my introduction. Yeah. Women are the ones that care, not the men. Yeah. But we think they care.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's no conversation back and forth.

SPEAKER_02:

No, it's all internalized.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And this is where like what I like to do with the sex ed stuff is a lot of schools are doing this whole thing of segregating cohorts. So they'll segregate the boys and the girls to talk about sex. And I'm sitting there going, like, fucking that's dangerous.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then like all the admins is coming to me saying, Why is it dangerous? Why shouldn't we be doing this? You know, they can open up more. And I'm like, Yeah. But then what you're doing is you're telling them that they can't talk about sex with the opposite sex, they can have sex, but they can't talk about it together because it's shameful.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and they won't understand. That's right. But how do you get people to understand and how do you like erase shame without talking about it?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and it's like the peer moderation as well.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, because I basically ran over the top of my admin's head and just combined all my classes.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I got boys and girls in there, same room, and I was like, right, here's a topic. And let's have a chat about it. Separated them all into their little groups, got them to talk about it, brought them back together, had a boys' group and a girls' group within the class because I really wanted to see what the dynamic was like when we had a whole class discussion. Had a whole class discussion, and you could see that the boys were saying stuff, then the girls were like, What the fuck are you guys talking about? That is not okay. Like, but the boys were learning more from the girls than I could teach them.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. They moderate each other. Moderate? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, wonderful. It's good work, children. On on that, I have a question. Uh, what is the one sex myth that you believed for too long? Because you work in education, you would see some kids with some real like interesting ideas. What's something that you believed for too long? Holy shit. I know.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I I'm thinking, and I'm very, very, very much aware of this. That although I was having sex from the age of 16, I didn't have a clue what it was until I was 25, 26.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I don't know, I can say that because I thought it was performance, and I thought that my dick was the way to a girl's heart or to a girl's happiness.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And that is completely the opposite. I realised that sex isn't really a physical thing, it's more of a psychological and emotional. And yeah, I I think for pretty much most of my young adult life, I thought wrongly that sex is a physical act. That's my thing.

SPEAKER_02:

You got a myth?

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know. That's okay. I don't know because Yeah, that's a really hard one.

SPEAKER_00:

It's it's a deep question, eh?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, these are good questions.

SPEAKER_00:

How about you, Cat?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Oh no, don't turn it back on me.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you are the question. I know. But I've got the piece of paper with the questions. Yeah, but this way I can think about what I thought was a myth. Yeah. Mine was mine was similar to Jordan's, so is that like I always like we we got a lot of sex education. Well, I got a lot of sex education about the um, I guess the mechanics of sex, like why, why we do it, um, which was mainly for procreation. But you know, you sort of know in the background that people do it for fun. Um, but I didn't really understand uh just how much pleasure could be had. I think.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, okay, yeah, that that that makes sense now. Yeah, like that gets me thinking.

SPEAKER_02:

Because for me it was always about um like a way to, like you said, like a way to get people to love you. Like if I offer my body, then you'll love me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And it was, yeah, very disconnected. It was always, you know, like physical rather than social emotional. Yeah. So I think that was the biggest myth for me was that um thinking that like having sex with people would bring you closer.

SPEAKER_01:

And like with Jordan, I was I was 17, 18, so I didn't know much. But for me, probably it'll be that I could only like you know, this is it. In like um penetration is the only pleasure.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I wasn't really aware of the whole clitoral pleasure because I TMI penetration does not much for me in the pleasure sense.

SPEAKER_00:

So it's like, you know, it doesn't for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01:

And for a lot of people, but I didn't know that, so that's one myth for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You know, I'll I'll be entirely vulnerable here with this one as well. I thought for a long time, specifically more like my teenage and like early twenties, like up to about 23, I thought that females were either non-sexual or entirely sexual. And if they were non-sexual, they just wanted the emotional side of things, and if they were entirely sexual, then they were just gonna be cutthroat and just walk all over the top of everybody.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And I thought that it was only two types of people, two types of females, and that really fucked up my way of viewing relationships for a long time. Because if a girl if if a girl I was dating showed that she was really sexual, I'd be like, okay, well, she's got no emotional attachment to me. And that is purely socially scripted.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And it taken me a long fucking time to work out that a person can be sexual and emotional all at the same time, and it doesn't really have a bearing on their moral comforts or anything like that. But yeah, for a long time it fucked up so many of my relationships because I just didn't know any better. Which yeah, comes back to education.

SPEAKER_02:

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, deep. I know.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you want something fun instead? Yeah, let's do it. All right, let me find out fun with you.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm all a bit of fun.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um, okay. Well, I think, all right, I think the first time is really cute. So what was your first kiss like? And would you redo it, Tash?

SPEAKER_00:

There's a story here. She's cackling like a witch. Same as though it's Halloween.

SPEAKER_01:

So the first time I kissed somebody was in year seven. Uh-huh. Um, it was in my garage.

SPEAKER_03:

Nice.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I wouldn't redo it again. I'm sorry to the guy that that was with, but there was slobber everywhere.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like wait, that's not a good thing.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it's like I was in a washing machine. Like, it was yeah. And that's how I expected kisses to be. And then I had another one. I was like, oh, oh, that's not how we're supposed to kiss. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Can you just slow down? I'm about to write this down. So no swirly tongue and less saliva.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it's like he was licking my face. No, no licking faces.

SPEAKER_00:

Are you sure you just weren't making out with a greyhound or something?

SPEAKER_01:

No, it wasn't that.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, it wasn't my greyhound. Wilbur wasn't born back then. No. But yeah, no, that was my first kiss experience. And was it like, did you plan? Like, were you like, let's do this?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, yeah. Well, year seven. Yeah. Like date at my house, which is very weird.

SPEAKER_02:

Shit.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so funny. Year seven. So year seven, you were what, like 12, 13? Yeah. 1112. 1112.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. That's about average age for kissing. Kissing.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. Well, I'm gonna blow that out of the water because I was six. With another. I know. Started early. And then I was a very late bloomer, so you know, it doesn't make any sense. But um, it was like it's innocent, right? So it's two six-year-olds. It was me and my little boyfriend um who lived across the road, and we were watching Disney movies.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, and I was the social script.

SPEAKER_02:

I know, social script. Oh, Disney. Don't even get me started. Anyway, so we were watching, I think it was Sleeping Beauty, and I think I just sort of looked in and I'm like, Do you want to try that?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna lie down, and you come and kiss me and make me.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know that we lay down, but I think we just attempted to mush our faces together, and there was a there was a clash of teeth. There was, I don't know what happened. I'm sure there was some lips involved somewhere, but um would I no, I would not redo that. Um we both wouldn't redo ours.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey Jordan.

SPEAKER_00:

Now I'm like feeling like I was a super late bloomer. Um, I must have been 14, 15. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

I was an ugly fucking kid. I looked changed. Yeah. Cool.

SPEAKER_02:

Throwing some shade. You're a very handsome man, Jordan.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. I'll give you$10 later.

SPEAKER_01:

You're getting paid to say shit. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00:

I need a good stuff. Um, yeah, I was 13, 14, I think, and yeah, it was just like this random sort of thing. Like, oh, I like you, I don't really know what to do. I was an ugly, super ugly kid. Started losing weight then. And yeah, this girl was there. Can't really remember too much about her. Is it party? It's just like oh, little peck, and then it started a little bit more, and then I was a bit like, oh, this is sort of a little bit strange. I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for this just yet, and made some excuse. Went and joined my mates and the rest of the party, and then that was it for another couple of years after that.

SPEAKER_02:

Boys. Boys, boys are so.

SPEAKER_00:

We act like we've got it all down pat, but do we fuck no inside terrified? And we're like really trying to connect to something emotionally that we just don't fucking understand.

SPEAKER_02:

No. I think that's similar for a lot of people though. Like they're just, you know, they feel like they need to perform it, but there's no connection to why or what they're doing. And so we're all just kind of running on scripts. Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's all we're doing, hey.

SPEAKER_02:

All the time.

SPEAKER_00:

All we're doing, especially as guys. Guys are so susceptible to these scripts that I think girls get a lot get off a little bit easier with it, especially now in the age of porn. Like, because there's so much more variety in porn. You know, like you have a look at different types of body types in in porn. And women have got a range. There's big boobs, small boobs, big bums, small bum, small bums, skinny, fat, there's everything in between. But for guys, what do you get? Six pack, chisel chest, fish stick.

SPEAKER_02:

No dad bod. I want the dad bod. Yeah, I don't mind the dad bod. A little bit of smush on the side just to hold on to.

SPEAKER_00:

Like even now at 40, when when a female says that, I still struggle with that chair. I'm like, nah, you're fucking lying to me.

SPEAKER_01:

No.

SPEAKER_02:

But just so this is the same way that I feel about my own body, because I'm like, you don't want you don't want this. Like you want some supermodel, right? Like you don't want like the thighs and the the jiggly bits. Just shut up. I know that you're.

SPEAKER_01:

If you've got like someone that's like, you know, dad bod and someone with a six-pack and they've got the same face. I don't know what it is. I'll just be like, hello daddy buddy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Give me those love handles.

SPEAKER_00:

Something to grab, right?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something to hold on to.

SPEAKER_00:

I get that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I like that. Alright, what's our next fun question?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yes. Oh, um, okay. Oh, well, let's go. Okay. The first celebrity crush that made you feel things.

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh. I got two.

SPEAKER_01:

I've got two.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh. I've got two.

SPEAKER_01:

I've got one as a teenager and one now. Oh go. So Johnny Depp as a teenager. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00:

Generic, but yeah, cool. I get it. He's a fucking handsome dude. Well, was a handsome dude.

SPEAKER_02:

I still show him out. Yeah, I would still.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. He looks more like Keith Richards every single day.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but he's not that old.

SPEAKER_00:

No, he's just the drugs and the alcohol that have made him look that whole.

SPEAKER_01:

And I don't know what it is. Everyone at work's like, ew Tosh, why would that celebrity be your chosen? Have you guys watched Ghost Adventures?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh fucking, we're back to this shit. No. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01:

Zach Bagan's. Oh, yeah. I don't know who that is. Oh, I'll show you later. Yeah, I'll show you guys later. But yeah, no, so that's my now one.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_01:

And like, yeah, when I'm at home watching Ghost Adventures, the kid I live with would be like, oh, your boyfriend's on the TV, Arnitaj. Yep, I know.

SPEAKER_00:

All right. I'll I'm gonna throw an earlier one in then. Cartoon Crush.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh. Scar from the Lion Kin.

SPEAKER_00:

What?

SPEAKER_01:

I think Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Hawkers through that shit.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm really confused. I don't know. I understand.

SPEAKER_01:

I like Scar from the Lion King.

SPEAKER_00:

Is it the voice?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I think it's the voice.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Or is it the deviant fucking action?

SPEAKER_01:

I think Kate's like, we really need to go to therapy.

SPEAKER_00:

She just got a calendar out. I don't know what that's all about.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, like when when can I schedule you in for a little chat? Do we need to work?

SPEAKER_00:

We've had a day and a half. All right, Kate. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so um early early cartoon um was definitely Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah, I can see that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

The hair, the boy or the beast.

SPEAKER_01:

There's something wrong with me.

SPEAKER_00:

Fucking nervous.

SPEAKER_02:

Actually, no, because I definitely had a had a thing for the beast as well.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

I think because it was actually really disappointing when he turned into a human, and I was like, oh, ugly.

SPEAKER_01:

This is where our dad boded in.

SPEAKER_02:

I was like, no, I'm not into this like pretty man. No, no pretty man. And I was like, oh, sorry, Belle, you really lucked out there. I wouldn't have kissed him.

SPEAKER_00:

Give me that giant strapping hulk of hair.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, sure. Yeah, big hairy dude. Anyway. Um, all right, and then so I had a huge, huge crush on Salma Hayek.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, like this. Yeah. So there's many, many times where she's just bloody hot, but for some reason in Frida, she just yeah, blew my mind. And I was like, well, maybe I'm not straight.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Was that was that the moment?

SPEAKER_02:

I think it might have been. Yeah. And I was like, oh there might have been inklings before. I was like, no, I'm queer. I'm queer as fuck now. Self-pire.

SPEAKER_00:

It's turning people queer since 2000.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_02:

But I think like currently I'm gonna have to just be really cliche and say I'm I'm on the Pedro Pascal train.

SPEAKER_03:

That man He's a good looking dude.

SPEAKER_02:

He's such a cool guy. Like, and it's it he's actually not even that physically good looking. I think it's everything that he stands for.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And just the the human being that he is, and how he can be so famous and so gentle and just quietly stand up for shit that matters.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, yep, that's my guy.

SPEAKER_00:

I like that in a person when they're just like quietly confident and just willing to stand their ground. Fucking yeah, that and that's what we're talking about now. We're starting to talk about like attraction as being more than just physical. Because I always say attraction lasts about two or three weeks in a relationship, and then if there's fuck all else behind there, you get your ass out of there.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe I should have done that in some previous relationships, but whatever. We live and learn. We live and learn.

SPEAKER_02:

We can say this when we're four being physical for five times. What about you, Jordan?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh alright. So Disney princesses and you'll be able to see a correlation for everything that I say from now on in. Excellent. Right? Um the two Disney princesses that were always my thing, Princess Jasmine and Pocahontas. It was the curves, it was a dark, thick hair, it was dark eyes, it was yeah, it was suddenly Vicky makes so much sense.

SPEAKER_02:

She does. I was just like, yeah, I was waiting. I was like, it's gonna be someone with dark hair. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

See, like my wife, you put the silhouette of the body shape, it's Princess Jasmine. She's got the hair, yeah, she's got green eyes, but she's got like the tan skin and all that sort of stuff, and yeah, so my wife has all that. Um as a young guy though, or like teen, Jennifer Aniston.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah, yeah, fair.

SPEAKER_00:

I I was like proper fanboyed over her a few times.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, she's she's good.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but like as I got older, don't find her attractive anymore.

SPEAKER_02:

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00:

But now, who am I into now? Alright, I've I've got two. There's one girl who I think is absolutely smoking. Don't know her name, but she was from Warrior Nun. I've got to figure out her name. She's a Portuguese girl.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And she's um who is it?

SPEAKER_01:

We we can Google later.

SPEAKER_00:

Google it, yeah. The the main character from Warrior None. Okay. Something about her, just she's cute. But then the other one, and I sort of feel like a little bit ashamed to say this, and this is where it links to the Princess Jasmine thing. Hate her as a person. And this is the exact opposite of your Pedro Pascal thing. Hate her as a person, hate everything that she stands for. In fact, if I ever got the opportunity to sleep with her, I'd probably want to drive an elbow into her face at the same time.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

Kim Kardashian.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh. So that's like Cedar Princess Jasmine thing.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks, Disney.

SPEAKER_01:

See, I used to like Angelina Jolie, but in gone in 60 seconds with the black um the blonde dreadlocks and stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

She's too skinny for me.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh man. But yeah, she's too skinny now.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Really problematic crushes. Um, Leonardo DiCaprio, when I was younger, I used to just scoff over him, and now I'm like, you are an issue, my friend. Yep. He's a he's a he's a walking red flag.

SPEAKER_01:

Walking red flag, yeah. Uh I follow them. So that's about him.

SPEAKER_00:

Why is he a walking red flag?

SPEAKER_02:

So what is he, 50 something now? Um, and he won't date anyone uh under 26. Yeah, I'm out. So so so he only dates young women, and as soon as they hit 26, they tend to break up.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, that's an interesting psychological thing.

SPEAKER_02:

It is interesting, but who has the time or money to deal with that shit? I don't care, Leo. Go sort your shit out. Yeah. Stop being toxic.

SPEAKER_00:

That is fucking.

SPEAKER_02:

Just say Kate. Yeah. No, don't go and see Kate. Kate doesn't care. Kate doesn't have time for this shit.

SPEAKER_00:

I thought you were talking about Kate Winslett from Titanic. I was like, fuck man, that ship sailed. No, that that ship sunk. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh man. All right, should we do some uh never have I ever?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, fucking let's do it.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. Never have I ever ghosted someone after sex.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I've done that.

SPEAKER_02:

We've done that. Same. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I've ghosted somebody during sex.

SPEAKER_02:

How? Do you just disappear halfway?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, let's go doggy style so I can run out the door.

SPEAKER_00:

Just leave this toilet brush here. No. Um basically it was night out, absolutely steaming drunk. I can't even remember the girl. Um we ended up back at my house, and I all I wanted to do was just lie in my bed and let the world spin around me. And she decided that she wanted to sit on my face, and I was just like, oh fuck, there's no like please. I just want to sleep or vomit. I don't want to do this. So I basically got up, gave her 50 bucks or a hundred bucks out of my wallet, and said, make yourself home. So that's as close to ghosting as a thing you can possibly get during a shag, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02:

So you know, I would commend you on that though. Yeah. For um, you know you don't want her to sit on your face. You you didn't you're like, no, thank you, ma'am.

SPEAKER_00:

No, listen, it wasn't that I didn't want her to sit on my face, it's just that if she did, like, that world would have started spinning a lot more because the bed was already going pretty quick.

SPEAKER_02:

And the last thing you want to do is throw up during that. That could have been a really good story for the podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

No. No. The nurses just sitting there going, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02:

Natasha's like, vomit and vulvas, no, they do not. All right. Uh, never have I ever crushed on a friend's partner.

SPEAKER_01:

I actually haven't. Not on a friend's partner.

SPEAKER_00:

I've done that. She's my wife now.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I crush on everyone. I think I said that to you before I can't. Yeah. Yeah, I probably do. I probably have had a crush on, you know, whoever's listening, if you know me, I've probably had a crush on you and your partner. And um, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_00:

That's not an open invite to give you a call and say, let's do it.

SPEAKER_01:

I've had a crush on my partner's best friend before, but not on my part. Like, not my friend's partners. I see them all as brothers. Yeah. Like the whole sexual kind of everything just disappears. I'm like, you're like a brother to me now.

SPEAKER_00:

Fuck, that's worse than a friend zone.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I know. I that's something I always do. Like, someone will try to flirt with me, and it's like straight away friend zone.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but you take it one step further and go bro zone. Yeah, I do. Maybe you do need a session with Kate.

SPEAKER_01:

I do think I do. I think I do. At my birthday, we put my Tinder on, I downloaded Tinder and we put it on the TV. And like just what I was replying back to on the like, because they could see my messages. They're like, no, Angada, she gets unmatched straight away. Aww. Yeah, like one guy's like, what are you looking for? And I was like, the Uber driver who's lost our food.

SPEAKER_00:

Like maybe not the best approach on TV.

SPEAKER_01:

And then he's like, oh, you've got a sense of humor, or you're high, or you're afraid of something. I'm like, I'm not afraid, you should be afraid of me. Um, similar to Mike Myers. And then he unmatched me. I'm trying to make a joke.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know about that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Jordan and I are just sort of looking at each other on the side, like, is this a problem? This is a problem. Book out of month, Kate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, we need to work with you on that.

SPEAKER_00:

That's okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Sorry, I deleted the app. People piss me off.

SPEAKER_02:

Speaking of Tinder, uh, have you been on a truly awful Tinder date but stayed for the story?

SPEAKER_00:

This has got to be good.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so I had to pick him up.

SPEAKER_00:

Red flag.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Because apparently something was happening about a car and ex issues, blah, blah, blah. Me, I'll drive to the red flag and pick you up, no worries. Um, so then we went to Indian and he's like, let's go halves. I said, That's fair enough. Like, you know, I don't expect you to pay for a date. I don't know, I've got issues with that, but anyways, and then after that, and he's like, Well, and you get to choose where you go for dessert. So I took him to Cheeky Waffles in Northbridge, and I said, I'll pay for dessert because he was minging about something. Anyways, so I got myself a Volva waffle, and I got him a penis waffle. And I gave him the penis waffle and I said, Eat dick because you don't get pussy on the first date. Well, he did not like that. I thought I was hilarious. I mean, it was second must anyway. He got the shit, and he's like, I'm not eating a dick. I was like, Why not? It's just a waffle shaped as a penis. It's not like I'm shoving a real dick in you. Anyways, so he didn't eat the waffle, so I was like, You didn't? No, I was like, Oh, we're not gonna get along because I love to banter and like you know, I like to keep people on their toes. Yeah, um, it's always interesting dating me. Um, and then so I had to drive him home and I was holding in a massive protein fart the whole time. So I wound up the windows after I put the payment for the I paid for parking, locked the windows, and I just let it rip. Oh, it was great. He was like nearly hurling, and the windows were locked, and I was like, I'm jumping you home now. Oh, sorry, I farted. Uh yeah, payback's a bitch.

SPEAKER_00:

I've got no words. I think you've just like unliked yourself on 90% of guys' digno profiles.

SPEAKER_02:

That's that's amazing, and I'm really down for like the passive aggressive. If you're not gonna eat a dick waffle, you can consume my poo particles.

unknown:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

Like farts. I'm gonna gas you. Farts are funny, they are. So, like, you know, that is you know, I need to meet someone that's gonna be like fart and laugh about it as well, but then also nearly vomit and have to open the actual door.

SPEAKER_00:

So I think you need to edit your profiles, your dating profiles from now on in to say if you're not willing to eat a dick or my poo particles, then don't even comment.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but that was my Tinder date. Amazing. I don't know that I can top it.

SPEAKER_00:

Like I did.

SPEAKER_02:

I did have a story and it was like similar in lines of like I had to go and pick him up, and then we went to the movies and he talked throughout the whole movie. Oh, what? Yeah, like talking, like, oh did you hear that? Oh my god, what about this bit? Oh, this bit. I'm like, dude, I do not need your fucking commentary. He did, I was waiting. I stayed for this part of the story because I was waiting for him to ask me a question. Any question, like any question, anything with a question mark at the end. Um, it was there was none. Like, not a single question of me did he ask at all. I just sounded like Yoda when I said that.

SPEAKER_00:

He just wanted to fucking talk about himself and his thoughts and feelings on certain things.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know that he had thoughts and feelings, he had verbal diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01:

I would have just said to him, like, fucking shut up. I'm in the same movie theater as you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Or you should have done the passive aggressive thing and said, No, I didn't hear that last part because you were talking here have it load of my uh gas.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I mean, I should have I should have brewed up. Then you gas out the whole of points. That's not fair.

SPEAKER_02:

That's true. Yeah. What about you, Jordan? Have you got one?

SPEAKER_00:

Honestly, mine's like quite benign compared to those it. Okay. I I was only ever on Tinder for two weeks. Um got on it, hated it, absolutely hated it, had a couple of like real sort of just bad experiences, like whatever. And um, I think the final straw was there was this girl who um she presented herself one way, caught up for the for a drink, and profile photo did not match anything. Like the height that she talked about in her profile was completely different from a real height. There's just so many other things that were just not right, and I was just like, even the personality side of things were not what she discussed, and I was just like, Yeah, I'm fucking out of here.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, fair.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, didn't know what the fuck to do, didn't have a solid excuse. So basically went to the bar, text my mum and said, Hey, give give me a call and tell me I need to get to keep need to come and rescue you. So my mum uh rescued me from a tinted date that went wrong. That was it.

SPEAKER_01:

I think that's what makes me upset that like people just lie and everyone judges you by your photos. Yeah, I can't take photos. I'm like one of those awkward people that when you the camera's on me, I'm like, hey, heh, how do I smile? Um, but I don't have any dating naps. Yeah, but then it's hard to date if you don't have dating naps because everyone's a bit scared to come up to you in person because they don't know how people are gonna react these days, yeah. Or they don't have the skills.

SPEAKER_00:

That's another.

SPEAKER_01:

Or is there a psycho partner sitting down at the table ready to pounce on anybody that approaches you?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's another one as well.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a minefield out there. Yeah, see, when people ask to buy me drinks, because drinks are dangerous because people can spike them, I ask them to buy me food instead for the table. So they usually get a bowl of chips with soft tomato sauce for the table.

SPEAKER_00:

No protein shakes.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00:

That that's an interesting episode, I reckon, that we should dive into because um we've got like we know a few people in within the lifestyle, and they were talking about like energy, or we were talking about energy, and like people who are in the lifestyle must exude a certain energy when they go out into vanilla sort of spaces.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And the way that people approach them and the way that things interact and all that sort of stuff. So I reckon what we've got to do is we've got to do a whole episode on interaction, interactions hooking up, how people approach each other, all that sort of stuff, because that is a lost art.

SPEAKER_01:

With approachment to Tash, it's caution.

SPEAKER_00:

It's with a giant pitchfork.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not that bad.

SPEAKER_00:

Sweet, I'm in.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm not that bad. I just like a good sense of humour and a bit of banter.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But no, it's true. Like the art of um actually just talking to other human beings has been slowly lost because we're so we're we're on digital spaces all the time, you know. Like there's keyboard warriors, you know, you can just say whatever you want without any consequence, but then to front up in front of another human being and look them in the face. People can't. I don't, I just say it anyway.

SPEAKER_00:

They can't.

SPEAKER_02:

Other people that are touched.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like I'm I'm that meme when it's like if I ever get a partner and it's like she's messaged me, guess what? It'll be either I started a fight with a six foot tall dude, I've got a cow in the backyard, or I've just painted a wall. Like I go from one extreme to the next.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, maybe another session. Okay, yeah. Yeah, several sessions.

SPEAKER_01:

In in private for therapy.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, we yeah, we won't. Well, maybe we could do a whole episode on a therapeutic um I'm kidding. Okay, good.

SPEAKER_00:

That would be a great episode though, hey.

SPEAKER_02:

I would do that if someone wanted to. Well, you know what? It wouldn't be a bad idea. Not maybe with Tarsh because people would know you, but to to actually show what it's like to go and see a psych and talk about this sort of stuff. I would yeah, very much be okay with that.

SPEAKER_00:

That would be super cool.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, if anyone wants to volunteer in the listener base to anonymously we can change your voice.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Give you a new name. Yeah. Nicholas Cage.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Oh, I'd love to give Nicolas Cage sex therapy. Yeah. Okay, anyway. A little bit flustered thinking about Nicolas Cage. Maybe he's my celebrity crush. Maybe. Um, it's Connor, it's the long hair. Okay. How how much time do we have? Got one more?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, go one more.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. Uh if you were a sex toy, what would you be and why?

SPEAKER_01:

Jordan and I are really thinking about this.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm trying to match uh a sex toy to my particular personality as well, which is really, really hard.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I ooh.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll be a sex swim so people can just sit on me. Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

Interesting. I think the therapy session might have started about 45 minutes ago.

SPEAKER_02:

It might have too. Okay. Okay, so that's what you that's what you think you are. Do you know, do you know what I would have said?

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I I love this. Let's do this. Do you know what?

SPEAKER_02:

Do you know what sex toy I would think that you are, Tosh? What? I think just the way you look at it. It's so funny. I think that you would be a like some sort of multi-tool vibrator.

SPEAKER_01:

Because I think that you would have like a detachable lens to change. Sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So I think that you would be like something versatile and fun that could, you know, maybe run out of batteries sometimes, which would be a bit disappointing. Uh but also the but also the ability to make people squeal. Yeah, that'd be good.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, yeah. I was gonna go with like a buzzy, like pendant necklace that you can just like rip off and just oh that would be good. But like not the real thumpy. Here I am, like not a big ones.

SPEAKER_02:

Not a big like thumpy clip sucky thing, but like just that little and it would have to be like a ridiculous sort of like fun colour.

SPEAKER_00:

Like my favorite colour's black. Yeah, no, but your personality is very different than that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Maybe like black with red polka dots.

SPEAKER_01:

Green polka dots.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, there you go. So we've got a black with green polka dot bullet vibrator.

SPEAKER_01:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02:

I think that's not a sex wing. Not a sex wing. It's interesting though, how how we see ourselves.

SPEAKER_00:

I just want to be sat on.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's my secret of not moving.

SPEAKER_00:

New kink unlocked. There it is. What about you, Jordan?

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, I have thoughts. I just keep thinking, I just keep thinking of the Hulk dildo that he's got.

SPEAKER_00:

My dad would say that I should be a dildo because I'm a stuck-up cunt. Um I don't know. Uh I would say that I have to go with something super, super nerdy that has like about 26 million settings that nobody really quite has figured out how to use properly yet.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I don't think I've ever come across something so complex in the sex toys.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and it's too complex that people just keep it in the cupboard.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Seems like a lot of my life.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah, that's where I was going. Maybe like one of those remote vibes that you work with partners.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, the long distant ones and stuff, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But the ones with like crazy amounts of different settings that really you only need one setting because that's all you really like anyway.

SPEAKER_02:

But but there's versatility there if wanted.

SPEAKER_00:

I just like to nerd out in a few different ways of doing things.

SPEAKER_02:

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I know what would you say? For you? Yeah, you're gonna say Deldo like stuck up cut as well. No, no. I don't think you're stuck up. There's another 10 bucks for you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I'm not getting any money over here.

SPEAKER_02:

You gotta learn how to work the system, Tarsh. Uh oh, I reckon. Oh like for some reason I had in my head anal beads.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Explain because you're an asshole.

SPEAKER_00:

You and my dad would get along very well if that's a reason.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, even assholes deserve pleasure. Um sorry, I just had to say it.

SPEAKER_00:

I have such a funny story about anal beads.

SPEAKER_02:

That'll be our therapy session. Um I don't know. I don't know why. Just in my head, they're just they're sort of like kind of not really mainstream, but you know, if you develop the right taste for them, they can, yeah, they can bring a bring a lot of joy.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. I'll take that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks.

SPEAKER_02:

You're welcome. Just so you know, I've had no time to think of this for myself.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's no excuse for getting out of it. No. What are you doing? What sex toy are you?

SPEAKER_02:

What sex toy am I? Uh I mean, I I make people cry a lot. Nipple clamps.

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe she is the Hulk dildo.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Maybe I'm the Hulk dildo. Maybe you're the Hulk dildo. Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Kate is now the Hulk dildo. I might be the Hulk dildo because, like, I think people, all right, this is how I this is how I see it. And this is like some own self-therapy here. I think people sometimes see me as a bit too much. So they'll they'll look at like a Hulk dildo dildo and be like, oh, that would be fun in the right context, but I don't think I can handle that right now.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. I think that's me. That's you. Yeah. So we've got a dildo, anal beads, and a little bullet.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh I was I was gonna go with, I think it's an Android 11. Have you seen that?

SPEAKER_02:

Is that the stainless steel wand?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, with like the curve.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I got one of those.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's what I was gonna go with. Oh it's quite sophisticated, it's a little bit edgy, but brings a whole heap of pleasure. And like it's because it's like a little bit bigger as well. So people look at it and go, ooh.

SPEAKER_01:

I think you've just lost ten dollars, so you've got to get something. I know.

SPEAKER_00:

It's all right. We'll just keep trading this cash.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll just sit here in the corner.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow, thanks, Jordan. Enjoy pleasure wand. I'm down. Yeah, it is sleek, sophisticated.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, just a little bit different. Not very many people want to go near stainless steel.

SPEAKER_02:

Can be hot, can be cold.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02:

Can change temperatures in an instant.

SPEAKER_00:

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I like that. I like it.

SPEAKER_00:

I do like that. All right, I've got a series of questions. Oh, it's like a little, let's call it lightning round.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

All right.

SPEAKER_01:

Shit, okay. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh. All right. So the question is well, you've when I ask a question, you've got to say your name first as a buzzer.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

All right. The person that gets closest to the first one.

SPEAKER_01:

I was about to say, what's my name? I've got it. Yep, go.

SPEAKER_00:

All right. Question number one. What's the average length of the human human penis when erect?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I reckon it's five point two inches. Six point eight. You were fucking way on six point eight.

SPEAKER_01:

Six point eight. Fuck out. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

You just ruined about a billion guys' hearts.

SPEAKER_01:

It's alright. I don't know the difference between inches and centimetres, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, what would you say in centimetres? Yeah, there is. Oh no, because when I did my my gardening out the front, the um the landscaper said I have to dig three centimetres down and I digged three inches. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, we need to talk to you about inches.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. But don't tell my wife because she thinks I'm 12.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Yeah. 12 inches.

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh, what is the correct answer, Jordan?

SPEAKER_00:

Correct answer is depending on the source that you go with. Okay. Because this changes every year. And you're always doing new studies and there's issues with data and all that sort of stuff. But the average from what we've got collated together, 5.1 inches.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh close. So close.

SPEAKER_02:

Story bar right. So close.

SPEAKER_01:

So I'll probably see a small penis be like, oh, look, six inches. And the girl will be like, yeah, not really, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Here's the thing: most studies, as well, on female pleasure, when they choose penises, penis size that they'd like, it's only six inches. So most guys would actually think it is like the foot-long giant weapon, but it's not. It's only six inches. All right, next question. Say your name for the buzzer. How many nerve endings does eclitoris have?

SPEAKER_02:

Come on, Tarsh. You're the Volver expert.

SPEAKER_00:

You literally just talked about it. This is custom design for you.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know that one.

SPEAKER_03:

What?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I don't know either, but I can make an educated guess. Millions? Make an educator guess.

SPEAKER_00:

What nerve endings does a clitoris have?

SPEAKER_02:

Thousands?

SPEAKER_00:

It's in the thousands.

SPEAKER_02:

It's in the thousands? It's in the thousands. I'm gonna go with two hundred thousand.

SPEAKER_00:

Way off.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a is it like fifty, sixty?

SPEAKER_00:

Between eight to ten thousand.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh well.

SPEAKER_00:

We're we're we're not believing you didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I don't like delve deep into the clitoris.

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe you should. I know, I need to. But I think interestingly, the male glands of the penis only has four thousand.

SPEAKER_02:

Ah, we do have a concentrated little bundle. You really do. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's spread all the way throughout as well, which is cool. Alright, which animal has the largest penis relative to its body?

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Blue whale. I was gonna say whale as well. Horse.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, largest to its body. Yeah. Blue whale has the biggest penis, but not in proportion to its body. Is it like an echidna or something?

SPEAKER_00:

Just imagine. That's why they walk with the waddle.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, they're they're they're packing. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

The answer is me.

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_00:

I wish. Um the answer is actually the humble barnacle, believe it or not.

unknown:

The barnacle.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, little barnacle is just clinging to a rock and absolutely packing. It's like, come on, ladies, but you can't get over here. Why does barnacle have a penis? It's yucking stuck in place.

SPEAKER_02:

Why is this penis proportion wasted on a barnacle? Jordan's just just fuming with the injustice. He's like, I want to be the barnacle.

SPEAKER_01:

How would have we guessed that out of all animals?

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, I'm just sitting there thinking now, like, how the fuck does a barnacle look? It must have to have a really big one because the other lady barnacle is like stuck over there and he's stuck there, and like the penis needs to get there.

SPEAKER_02:

And this is why we need to set up video because the the visual explanation of Jordan's hands at the moment. I'm just thinking, he's like, but there, and this one, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I'm just thinking of all the little sea creatures running into the penises.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, that would imagine being clotheslined, like just swinging along. Yeah. And being clotheslined by a barnacle penis. Yeah. It's like what a day.

SPEAKER_00:

What's Nemo's dad?

SPEAKER_02:

Mar Marlin?

SPEAKER_00:

Marlin. Nemo, Nemo. Boom! Whoa. Just got smacked by a barnacle cough. Alright, question four. We'll do uh we'll do six questions. Question four. If you don't get this, you are I don't like this game anymore. What is the medical term for painful intercourse?

SPEAKER_01:

You go first, Kate. No. G triple G D is in the DMS five. And then I yeah, I can't I can't pronounce it, so I don't want to say it.

SPEAKER_00:

This.

SPEAKER_01:

I know, but disph no, can you say it?

SPEAKER_00:

Dysperunia.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

Alright, we'll give you a point for that. Alright.

SPEAKER_01:

I can't you'll learn I can't pronounce a lot of words. At work, I literally point to the words to the girls.

SPEAKER_00:

Is that why you walk around with that visual flip chart? Yeah. And here I was just thinking it was the ASD.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I can't pronounce half the words in medical diction like the medical dictionary.

SPEAKER_02:

Wait, does dysperunia, um, I don't know if they still use vaginismus.

SPEAKER_01:

See, I say, I know I always say vegamisis, and they're like, what? I'm like, oh well, that one with Veginismus sounds like putting vegetables.

SPEAKER_02:

But it's pelvic penetration pain disorder. Yeah, the G chipopomas. Genito pelvop D triple P D.

SPEAKER_00:

G triple. Yeah. Gelvo penet D.

SPEAKER_01:

Genital genital. You need Tash's flip chart of words she can't pronounce.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, alright, cool.

SPEAKER_01:

I can't even say simimum, like or hippopomice. Like, and you're trying to make me say big words.

SPEAKER_00:

Love it. Alright. Penultimate question. What's the average duration of sex foreplay to finish?

SPEAKER_01:

Tarsh. Ten minutes.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Foreplay to finish.

SPEAKER_00:

Foreplay to finish.

SPEAKER_02:

Average?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

In the straight community.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm just I'm just going.

SPEAKER_02:

Alright, I'm gonna say six minutes.

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh, I reckon you're pretty close to penetration, but average duration, foreplay to finish, is 19 minutes.

SPEAKER_02:

Those poor, poor, poor people.

unknown:

I know.

SPEAKER_02:

Tw not even 20 minutes. Like, come on, guys. Your body is built for pleasure. Like, let's stretch it out. Alright, homework, double it.

unknown:

Double.

SPEAKER_02:

Anyone listening, whatever you're doing right now, unless it's already 90 minutes, don't double it, maybe, or at least hydrate. But if it's under half an hour, try and extend.

SPEAKER_01:

I was just doing mathematics in my head. Yeah, try try that.

SPEAKER_00:

Tash is doing it. 19 minutes times two, 45 minutes. Okay, I've got it. All right, last question. Let's see who the winner is. What is the most common sexual fantasy across all genders?

SPEAKER_01:

Tash!

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. I think Kate still wins.

SPEAKER_02:

She does. I mean, I'm always a winner in my own eyes. So I don't like pop quizzes. Uh-huh. Fine. I don't like that. Well, that's why we have well, this is why we had like some already, you know, printed out questions because we need to accommodate everybody. Thank you. And all of our strengths.

SPEAKER_00:

Let me just sex nerd it out. Alright, let's finish up on this then. There is always that one weird sex fact that sticks with you. What is the one weird sex fact that you guys are just constantly telling people?

SPEAKER_02:

Pigs have 30-minute orgasms.

SPEAKER_00:

Fuck, really? I'm coming back as a pig next life, man.

SPEAKER_02:

I know. Well, I don't know. Unless you want to be bacon. I'm gonna come back as an army ant.

SPEAKER_03:

Why?

SPEAKER_01:

So I can hide so like people can't squish me, but then if they piss me off, I just bite them and run away.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I feel like there's a lot to unpack here. What about your sex fact, too? What about your army ant?

SPEAKER_01:

The sex fact I like to tell people is that if you do enjoy size play, it does go back to normal. Yeah. Because everyone thinks they just walk around with a big hole. Stretchy's not gonna be wind. It doesn't work like that. That's my favorite to tell people. I like that. I like that. I knew that you would like that because that's down your alley. So yeah. Down a big alley.

SPEAKER_00:

Pun intended alley.

SPEAKER_01:

Pun intended.

SPEAKER_00:

Like a hot dog down a hallway, actually. Uh all right. My one was I love the fact that during the Middle Ages, to test if you were a virgin, they would look at UP to see if it's sparkled. Because apparently virgins had sparkly pee.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like some shit.

SPEAKER_00:

Huh? Sparkly peas. That's why medieval girls must have just been running around like whoring around on one side of things, but then going and downing a whole heap of glitter in the same thing and just yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Speaking of weirdness in those times though, do you know what I find fascinating is how we're completely obsessed at the moment with um getting rid of pubic hair? And back in those days, they had to shave their pubic hair for like crabs and other things, and they would wear Merkins. They would wear little pubic beards because it was weird not to have pubic hair.

SPEAKER_00:

Didn't Kim Kardashian come out with like a thong with pubic hair on?

SPEAKER_02:

Can't remember. You would know. Yeah, you would know, Mr. I like looking at her. Mr. I want to throat punch Kim while I fuck it from behind.

SPEAKER_00:

At least it's not weird, as weird as Tarsha's fantasies, right?

SPEAKER_02:

John, I'm not I'm not Tarsh level weird. Hey, wonderful.

SPEAKER_00:

I think this is a perfect place to end it.

SPEAKER_02:

So see you next time. Bye guys.

SPEAKER_00:

Bye. And that's it for our first episode of Super Sex 2.0. We hope that you've enjoyed getting to know the new crew and maybe learned a thing or two about what drives us to talk about sex with so much passion, curiosity, and a little bit of humor. If you loved this episode, please subscribe, share it with your curious friends, and help us grow this beautiful sex positive community. And hey, we have been nominated for Podcast of the Year at the Adult Choice Awards. You can show your love by voting for Super Sex at adultchoiceawards.com.au forward slash vote. It only takes a second and uh it means the world to us. Anyways, thanks for listening and remember curiosity is always sexy.

Head Shot

Jordan

Host