Super Sex
This is an 18+ podcast!
Supersex Daily is where men and couples come to expand their sex lives — not analyse them to death.
From January 2026, the show shifts into a new daily format: short, punchy episodes every weekday, designed to spark desire, deepen connection, and open doors you may not have realised were there.
We talk about what actually turns people on over time.
How we see ourselves as guys shapes what turns us on.
What keeps long-term sex alive and interesting.
Why fantasy, kink, and curiosity aren’t threats to intimacy — they’re often the key to it.
This isn’t a show about being “better” in bed.
It’s about having more range.
More confidence.
More play.
More depth.
Some days are focused on men and male sexuality.
Some days on couples and shared desire.
Other days we explore non-monogamy, answer real listener questions, or step into the edges most sex podcasts avoid.
If you’ve ever suspected your sex life could be richer, bolder, or more alive than it currently is — this show is for you.
Supersex Daily.
New weekday episodes starting in January 2026.
Super Sex
Episode 56: How To Have The Perfect Threesome
Curious about threesomes but stuck between fantasy and “okay… now what?” We bring the heat and the homework, unpacking how three people can create a safe, thrilling, and genuinely connected experience without getting lost in porn scripts or performance pressure. From the first conversation to the final aftercare cuddle, we map out the moments that matter.
We start with the real reasons people want threesomes—curiosity, novelty, voyeurism, exhibitionism, and exploring sexual orientation—and explain why a good plan beats a good fantasy. You’ll learn how to open the conversation with your partner without spooking them, what boundaries to define before anyone meets, and how to choose the right dynamic for you. We share practical scripts, profile tips for Feeld, FetLife, and swinger-friendly platforms, and the crucial difference between being vague and being inviting. Safety gets the spotlight: STI talk without shame, how to avoid cross-contamination when switching acts, and why “are you clean?” is a red flag. We also cover neutral locations, hotel-lobby meetups, live-location check-ins, and what to pack so the night flows.
Then we go deeper on human stuff: jealousy as information, not a stop sign; traffic-light signals and preplanned exits; and why aftercare—water, warmth, and words—cements trust. Performance anxiety doesn’t have to run the room; pleasure is bigger than penetration and many people prefer the “side” of intimacy without insertion. We challenge body myths with resources like the Labia Library and the Vulva Diversity Gallery, and remind you that porn isn’t a measuring stick for genitals or pleasure. The core takeaway is simple: the perfect threesome isn’t about flawless choreography, it’s about communication, curiosity, and care that starts long before anyone gets naked.
If this helped, follow the show, share it with a curious friend, and leave a review to boost us. And if you’re rooting for us, vote for Super Sex as Podcast of the Year at AdultChoiceAwards.com.au/vote—up to three times a day.
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Welcome to Super Sex, the show where we strip back myths, explore the science, and celebrate the joy of sexuality in all its forms. Today we're diving into one of the most fantasized and most misunderstood experiences. The threesome.
SPEAKER_00:We'll talk about what makes them work, what makes them awkward, how to communicate before, during and after, and what the research actually says about who's having them and whether they're as fun as people actually imagine.
SPEAKER_01:So it's no judgment, just real talk, solid stats, and a few stories that might make you blush. Let's get into it.
SPEAKER_00:Welcome to Super Sex, the podcast that dives into sex, relationships, and absolutely everything in between.
SPEAKER_01:We're stripping away shame, turning up the truth, and keeping it smart, playful, and unapologetically real. So buckle up because the comments are deep, the topics are juicy, and the safe word is always more. Let's get into it.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, wait, it's dying off.
SPEAKER_00:What it is dying off.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Good. We're on.
SPEAKER_03:Are we?
SPEAKER_00:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03:Hello, guys.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, that's so sexy. Josh is just quietly dining in a corner. Can you figure that one out and we'll carry on our conversation? Hello, ladies.
SPEAKER_03:Hello, super sex podcast listeners. How are we this morning? Right. What is so funny? Is that because I don't look like I sound sexy? No, you do.
SPEAKER_02:It's just I couldn't get over that.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, well what a start to an episode.
SPEAKER_02:I am not starting episodes ever. Just context for the listeners. We're debating if um we're just laughing at how Jordan starts every episode and then Kate was gonna give it a go. But she did she did sexy.
SPEAKER_03:She did good.
SPEAKER_00:She brought sexy back to this podcast. I like it.
SPEAKER_03:You know, just kind of hey, how's it going? Easing you back into it. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01:Sort of like maybe that talks a little about uh how we pick people up. Maybe you like cruise in. Hey, how do you?
SPEAKER_02:I just start laughing.
SPEAKER_01:You're just laughing at somebody's face, and I'm like, hey, how you doing?
SPEAKER_03:Let's fucking go, guys. I can tell you that I have no game. So I don't pick up. This is not how I pick people up. I don't pick people up by looking at them and smiling all because they'd be like, people try to flirt with me, and I just like it backfires.
SPEAKER_02:I don't understand flirting sometimes. Like one person was like, Oh, we're in the same room. I'm like, you're allowed two people in the room with COVID, and they're like, um, yeah, and why are you here? That's just like he's trying to pick me up.
SPEAKER_00:Your flirting seems like threats.
SPEAKER_03:That's an interesting segue.
SPEAKER_00:It is.
SPEAKER_03:Like what we're talking about today.
SPEAKER_00:What are we talking about today?
SPEAKER_03:We're talking about threesomes. Threesomes. Yeah. How to have a good one, how to plan, how to mitigate, yeah, how to enjoy.
SPEAKER_01:Well, it is one of the questions that we get asked most. Alright. What's top tip to have a threesome?
SPEAKER_02:And having three people.
SPEAKER_01:Or just two people and one with a split personality.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Or just one person with multiple personalities. The name's Patricia. Yeah, they're just having a mass orgy on their own. Like six cents. That's TV show six sense. I love it. But you said that it's one of the it's one of the top fantasies for people, right? Like most people, that's high on the list.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. So where's this wonderful book? I've got that one, Tell Me What You Want, Justin Lamella.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, he did a survey of 4,000 different Americans and basically had a look at the top rated fantasies of what people are crushing on. And multi-partner sex, group sex is pretty much right there, number one. Um and interestingly, it is just as popular, well, almost as popular with women as it is with men. So you know communication. Yeah, it goes across gender and all that sort of stuff.
SPEAKER_03:But I wonder what it is.
SPEAKER_01:We'll dive into it. But when you when you think about threesome, no, what's the first thing that comes to your mind? Fucking is another story from Tarsh.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, Tosh. Three people. God hotel room. Oh, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:So outside of your home space.
SPEAKER_02:Because to me, like, you know, if you're gonna invite someone into your set like a home is a safe space with you and your partner. And if you're going to explore a threesome, I always think of hotel. That way you're out of your safe space, but it's a mutual space where all three parties could probably feel more bit more safer. Like mutual territory. Yeah. Okay. And there's a bar downstairs, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:The bar's very important, but maybe not too important. No, no.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:No, but these downstairs like for a meet up and then go up.
SPEAKER_01:Interesting. Okay. Okay. What comes to mind? Threesome. There's another story here.
SPEAKER_03:What comes to mind is uh exploration.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. It's like um like going on an adventure.
SPEAKER_06:Side quest.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, side quest, but also um sorry. Really scary.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Actually, like I think while a lot of people fantasize about things, the reality um is quite confronting and scary. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And the reality becomes the problem.
SPEAKER_01:Especially if it's a couple who is reaching out and going and grabbing a third. Shit just gets even deeper and heavier. Yeah. And there's a lot more stuff that goes into that. So yeah. Yeah. I would say awkward.
SPEAKER_04:Ah.
SPEAKER_01:Awkward. Because when two people come together, it's it's it's still maybe quite awkward at times, but then introducing a third dynamic in there. And that's everyone's trying to keep each other happy, but not everybody's gonna be happy in that situation.
SPEAKER_02:Jealousy.
SPEAKER_01:Jealousy, you're trying to worry about stepping on toes, you don't know what's happening here, and go by the rule book. Yeah, and then it's like it's trying to marry that fantasy with reality as well.
SPEAKER_03:And I think a lot of the time, like people, when they think threesome, they think a couple and another, or they think like um like two men and a woman, or two women and a man, like that's usually you know the cishet male's ultimate is having two women. Um, but like threesome can be three completely single people, yeah. Um, it can be, you know, queer people, it can be three women, it can be three dudes. Like it doesn't there's any sort of yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it could just be a few boys going out on a fishing trip and having a few too many drinks, and all of a sudden broke back mountain style.
SPEAKER_03:Or just enough question. Or no drinks. They're like, and while we're here in the middle of the ocean, do you want to try some stuff?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, or happens outside of and here's Tarsh when she finally finds someone he went on a fishing trip. Tell me what happened. What really happened?
SPEAKER_01:Somebody sit on somebody else, tell me. All right, so let's first then clarify what a threesome can be. So you sort of touched on it a little bit. It can be male, female, male, which basically the idea behind that, and this is like where a lot of this online language comes in, but like MFM, yeah, that sort of situates the female as the middle person and the receiver. So the two males don't touch, it's just the female. But an MMF means that the two males can interact together as well as a female, and the converse is you know equally applicable. So you an FMF implies that the two girls only play with the guy, and you know, the FFM implies that the two girls go that way, but then of course that applies to cisgender people, but then there's also a whole heap of other people out there that don't conform to that that have their own way of expressing themselves within that sort of space.
SPEAKER_03:So yeah, because I think a lot of the stuff that we see about threesomes, especially like on porn sites and just in general, is very, very cishet normative, like it's very much about like the ideal male and female bodies, um, you know, and the different acts that they would do. Like obviously, if a if a a female has a couple of men with her, then you know, multiple holes, let's fill them. That might not be the goal, but I think like a it's a lot of people's expectations about what should happen.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And the thing is as well, um, I've talked to a few people about this in particular her lifestyle. But when it comes to the MFM, you know, there's multiple.
SPEAKER_02:Keep thinking about MMs. Yep, go on.
SPEAKER_01:Well, there's some Halloween candy somewhere around. Um but the MFM, so that implies that there's three different holes where you can go. You can vagina, anus, mouth. Yeah. Right. But generally people would think that there's going to be a situation where there's going to be vaginal penetration and anal penetration both at the same time. But then there's this other thing where some women want either DVP, so double vaginal penetration, or DAP, so double anal penetration.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But then there's like this whole weirdness of with the two guys. Oh, dicks are gonna touch. Dicks are gonna touch, and oh that's does that make me gay? No, you know, and during these conversations, it's just absolutely fucking wild. But yeah, yeah, so there's like all these different nuances within that's reason, I suppose.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely, and you can see why it scares people too, because like in fantasy, in your fantasy world, that sort of thing would seem really cool. Like, you know, like to to be able to, I don't know, if you're in a couple and and your female partner wants to, you know, be double penetrated. Um, but then I imagine that you would get, you know, some uh insecurities around that as well. Like, well, you know, what happens if she likes that dick more?
SPEAKER_05:Well, that's a thing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. What if what if he performs better than me? And I think that's when people start getting anxious and um talking themselves out of something.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And it's like a lot of people I I sort of work with, because I work with a few people who are starting to get into this sort of side of things, and that is a massive worry for them.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I always say to that couple, you've got to do your work before you get into that space. Because if you don't resolve your thoughts and feelings around that first and then just dive headlong into it, you're gonna have a lot more issues later on. But I mean, realistically, apart from Donald Trump's wife, did anybody actually just marry a dick? No. Right?
SPEAKER_03:I mean questionable, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. But like nobody marries you for your dick, nobody's with you just for your dick. Oh no. It might be a really nice added bonus in some some situations, but nobody ever just marries you for your dick. So you know, and nobody's having sex five, six hours a day. So you've you've got to be able to fill that gap with some form of personality, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You'd hope.
SPEAKER_03:It's like, oh yeah. Love me a bit of personality, yeah. I did a whole lot of personality.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, you got it all. You got a bucket fucking loads. Here's an interesting little stat for you though. Um, they did a study in 2021 with a whole heap of college students, and I think there's this big myth that once you have a threesome, you're gonna keep on having threesomes and it's gonna become like a lifestyle thing.
SPEAKER_02:False. Oh, that's not so false.
SPEAKER_01:It's false because I thought we've paid. In this particular study, 83% of people who had had a threesome said that it was a one and only event. So they basically just tried it out, see if they like it, and then that was it.
SPEAKER_02:Birthday present.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah. Did it say anything about like what motivates people to do it? Like, because I feel like some people would have you know, like fantasies of being almost like the centre of attention, yeah, and then other people might do it for a bit of variety or you know, just to try something else, or some people might have like that power play cuck fantasy where they want to invite someone else in. So I think when we say like threesome, yeah, it's so expansive.
SPEAKER_01:It is, and it it you're so right. The motivations are so vastly different. Right, I mean this particular study, it it just says the main driver is exploration.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:But what the fuck is that exploration? What are you exploring?
SPEAKER_02:Mine would just be two men feeding me chocolate while I'm in the bathtub. That sounds like a really good season. But no, nothing else. Just feed me chocolate while I'm in a bathtub.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, it sounds more like a sub-dom kind of role play rather than an actual threesome. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, well, I'd be sort of happy with that as well. Yeah, just put some music on and feed me chocolate. It doesn't really matter whose hands feeding me chocolate, just to make it a threesome, just have two men there.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Sure we can make that happen for you, Tosh.
SPEAKER_03:Any volunteers, get in touch with the pod.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, love it. All right, but I think the big major drivers, we've got curiosity. Because I think I think the stat was something around about 80%. 80% of people have this fantasy at some point, with something like 50 or 60% having it regularly. Okay, so oh well over half per half of the population is regularly fantasizing without having a threesome. Um, but a lot less are actually doing it. So obviously ticking that curiosity off your bucket list is gonna be one thing.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um the next big major driver is novelty.
SPEAKER_03:So yeah. It's the opportunity to play with someone new without going beyond the partnership, right?
SPEAKER_01:That's right. You know, you're you're bringing that in.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You're doing something new together, it's exciting. And all the relationship research looks at novelty as one of those things that bonds a couple together more, you know. And especially, like I've talked about this heaps on the pod, but especially when you do something that's at the edge of comfort zones, it's almost like what is it, a Stockholm effect.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Where you basically like you're not introducing full trauma, but that real boundary pushing together helps to solidify that relationship.
SPEAKER_03:Psychological edging, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, pretty much, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah. Seeing how far you can go within your comfort zone, and there's this thrill that comes when you sort of get there.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And it's the debriefing and holding space for each other afterwards as well that really helps solidify that relationship. Um there's the one that you sort of said we're like alluded to with like the birthday present or the desire to please a partner, which I think is fucking problematic in quite a lot of very quite a lot of set um senses.
SPEAKER_02:Because it's like more of a present than a gift. Yeah. Yeah. And it's you're doing it more for someone else than yourself, which is that causes more issues than anything.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely right. Um, so another major one, there's two more major ones, actually. So one of them is voyeurism and exhibitionism.
SPEAKER_04:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:Which everybody's into. I don't give a shit. Oh yes. Like everybody's either into looking or into showing off.
SPEAKER_03:Like if you watch any sort of adult content, you're into looking.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's right. Yeah. And even you see you see like a beautiful person walking down the street.
SPEAKER_02:Mm-hmm. You're gonna look.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean, you're gonna look.
SPEAKER_02:Like the rule is you can look at, but you can't touch.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Or like, you know, I don't care where you get your motor running unless it's parked in my garage.
SPEAKER_05:I like that one. You like that? I like that one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Because you get those girls that are like, oh, don't have stripped pairs at the back tonight. Why? They're just getting their motor running, they're gonna come home to you. Yeah, I'm gonna have some steam. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I'm not a fan of streamers.
SPEAKER_02:No, but you know what I mean? I'm just just saying in context. Like some women, I I know a few that are like that. Oh, don't go look at strippers, or you're checking that girl out. Yeah, I check the girl out. I'm the I'm the one that goes, Oh, look at that butt. Yeah, it's just appreciation, right? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I mean, we're visual animals, you know, it's how we perceive the world. But the final one, sexual orientation exploration.
SPEAKER_07:Yay.
SPEAKER_01:So I suppose it's a safe way to play around with some bifantas, you know, some queer more queer fantasies. Like it's a safe space, isn't it?
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:Because at the end of the day, you can sit there and go, oh shit, I was actually really turned on by that girl or that guy. But no, I was I was with my partner, so that was something that we explore together, so it's okay, you know.
SPEAKER_03:And maybe like in the moment, like you know, when you're you know feeling the things, you you might want to try something, like your hand might slip, or you know, you might you know want to want to touch something or see what's going on down there. Yeah. Uh it's sort of a safer, I guess a safer way to do it to see if you you know, if I touch this other man's penis, will I suddenly feel gay? Am I going to die?
SPEAKER_01:Most guys would actually, most heterogue guys would be like, fuck if I touch a dick, then I'm instantly gonna be gay.
SPEAKER_03:And I can't do that because that's gross. It's like, dude, you have one.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Can't touch it, it's gross.
SPEAKER_02:Pretty much everyone, every time you shake someone's hand, that hand pretty much would have hold a penis at some point. Oh it's harsh. That's okay.
SPEAKER_01:So true. I've I've got a very funny story to tell you guys off off there, but yeah, it's mad. Um, but yeah, and then so like they're the main drivers, but then the next drivers are like the more I'm gonna say the kinkier sort of drivers. Less common, but equally as potent. Like you mentioned the cuck fantasy.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, that's where would we necessarily call like cuck holding like a proper threeson?
SPEAKER_03:Well, I was just gonna say, I don't think so. But it could be if he joins in if he joins in, right? But then, okay, let's let's flip that on its head because we were just saying in the like in the first episode earlier today, that uh sex is not just physical. So if someone is present in the room and emotionally involved and getting pleasure and getting something out of it, are they not participating in a threesome?
SPEAKER_01:I would say very fucking much though.
SPEAKER_03:Yep, I agree.
SPEAKER_01:Consensus!
SPEAKER_03:Yay! And the gavel is hit, bang, yep, threesome.
SPEAKER_00:That's probably the first and last time that ever happened on this podcast.
SPEAKER_02:We agreed, we did agree on something. Oh that's amazing, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah, so like we've definitely got that idea of the cuck holding. Yeah, there is definitely some dom sub stuff that happens in there as well. 100%, you know, um, even if it's not necessarily like the cuck stuff. Some people are just into their wife sleeping with a well-hung dude to just be completely emasculated.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know? And I've I've seen a whole heap of that with some of the people I've been working with. And it's like, oh, you know, all I want my wife to do is just sit there, shag a bigger dude, and then I want to come in after her and I want her to turn around and say, I can't feel shit.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And that's is that really cuck holding, or is it just a pure form of emasculation, which is more like BDSM style stuff?
SPEAKER_03:Still can which can be considered as a freesome, though.
SPEAKER_01:It is, yeah, because the psychological component component is still there.
SPEAKER_03:We've just agreed on this.
SPEAKER_01:Shit, that happened a second time.
SPEAKER_03:Twice in one day. Something's happening, guys. We're thinking like in sync, not the Titanic.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, NSYN, like in sync. I was like, are we going like 90s pop now?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, that'd be fun. 90s pod.
SPEAKER_01:90s pod.
unknown:90s pop.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Weird sidetrack. Yeah. 90s pop style shag.
SPEAKER_03:Um, the entire boy band of five. Okay. Maybe it all at once. What was the question? All at one time? Five five or less. Yeah, because like in it's like that group effect, right? It's like when you see a group of police officers or firemen and they're really, really hot, but individually they're not that much. Like, I would never like the boy band individually. Yeah, but as a group, oh what do we call a group of popcorn?
SPEAKER_02:That was the question. I wasn't listening.
SPEAKER_01:Of course you weren't. It's a podcast, it's actually a really important skill touch.
SPEAKER_03:Get with it.
SPEAKER_02:I was too busy drinking my cup of tea.
SPEAKER_01:No, the question is what 90s pop star with a shag?
SPEAKER_02:Um, Gwen Stefani.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah, I'm all about it.
SPEAKER_02:Great choice. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:She was hot, she still is hot. Yeah, back in the day.
unknown:Damn.
SPEAKER_02:I'm listening. That's and also listening to No Doubt on the way here. So love it. Oh, great. How about you, Jordan?
SPEAKER_01:She knows Wayne.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah. Feel like a woman. Yeah. In the um, in the leopard print.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah. So love leopard print. Yeah. Pretty sure that's where that comes from. Social scripting, right? Thanks very much, Shania. Yeah. Yeah. See, I'd just be really worried though, that like halfway through, she'd start singing that song. I'd don't impress a meme.
SPEAKER_03:You would have to bring someone else in, Jordan. Have a threesome with Shania.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well. Who would that be though?
SPEAKER_03:Brittany. It's Britney Bitch.
SPEAKER_01:Not into Britney.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Gwen's Defani.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, maybe Gwen.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, Gwen, Gwen and Shania would be ripper. Yeah. Oh, Jennifer Aniston.
SPEAKER_01:No, no. Um, who was it? Ciara, the rapper.
SPEAKER_02:Oh.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, you could go like I was just sort of like having that thought.
SPEAKER_03:Any of the Spice Girls? Oh. Oh, Spice Girls threesome. Who would you pick? I would. I reckon I would definitely get some. Oh nah. Oh fuck, I don't know that's scary and sporty. I'll see. I'd go scary and ginger.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, scary spice. She was always my one.
SPEAKER_03:Scary spice. Scary and ginger and Kate. Mmm. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, we're so diverse. You'd have to come up with like a better name though. Like, how to say you have ADHD without saying you have ADHD. You'd have to come up with like a spice.
SPEAKER_02:Scary, I'd be sexology spice.
SPEAKER_01:Sexy spice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Me.
SPEAKER_01:Alright, okay.
SPEAKER_02:ADHD spice.
SPEAKER_01:What? Don't quite know which thing's suppressed spice. You'd have to rename that song when two become one to three become one as well. So that could be cool. Alright. Now while while we're here, the ultimate threesome who do consist of. Outside of 90s pop figures.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Oh shit. Um, like are we talking celebrities?
SPEAKER_01:Could be anybody.
SPEAKER_03:Could be anybody. All of Kate's crashes.
SPEAKER_01:That's more than a threesome.
SPEAKER_03:There's not enough room. There's not enough room. I mean, I'm not saying no.
SPEAKER_01:That's like bunny blue shit.
SPEAKER_03:Just no, no, no. Um, who do I think would be really fun?
SPEAKER_02:Uh I don't know, actually. That's a really hard question if I could choose anyone. Like, my mind's just going wild right now. I'm like, do I want Thor? Do I want Iron Man?
SPEAKER_01:Do I all of them at the same time?
SPEAKER_03:Don't ask me why. Don't ask me why this came to my mind, but I feel like Gordon Ramsay would be really fun.
SPEAKER_01:Why? Because he's gonna shout at you the whole time.
SPEAKER_03:You're fucking shit, mate!
SPEAKER_01:Some weird BDSM stuff coming out of here.
SPEAKER_03:I know, but like, wouldn't he? He would just have such an interesting, weird dynamic, and he would have no problem telling you what he thought and what he wanted.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Like it would be very sexy thing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So he would actually be very directive and be like, no, yes, this is how it's gonna look. I'm not happy with this, let's change it. I reckon he would be a to like top communicator.
SPEAKER_01:Even if it was shouting.
SPEAKER_03:Even if it was shouting, like at least it'd be communication. Um, so maybe like a Gordon Ramsay and see, I like Colin as chefs. Okay. Oh, Colin Firth. Yeah, yeah. No, I'd go Gordon Ramsay and Colin Firth. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So you got one shouting at you and one talking to you in like a very typical British accent.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Fucking put your leg over there. Now let's calm down here, chap. Let's you know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's interesting. I don't know, it'd be an interesting dynamic.
SPEAKER_01:And it would be.
SPEAKER_03:I think both would be very good communicators.
SPEAKER_01:Totally. In their own special way. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:That would be a very interesting.
SPEAKER_01:Tosh, here we have him.
SPEAKER_02:Um the actor from Lucifer.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my gosh, yes.
SPEAKER_02:See, yeah. Yes. And oh I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:I really don't know if we're a Nathan Nathan Fillion would be good with that. Let's go that. Yeah, I reckon I could go, yeah, Lucifer and Firefly. Or Robert Downey Jr. Oh.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:What about you, George? I seem to have a pattern of faith. Yeah. Not saying anything.
SPEAKER_01:Mine? Who would mine be? My wife.
SPEAKER_03:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01:Definitely. Like it's and I'm not just saying that. Yeah. She's yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You married her for a reason.
SPEAKER_01:I married her for a reason.
SPEAKER_03:You're still married for a reason.
SPEAKER_01:Keeps getting better for a reason.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um and then who on top of that.
SPEAKER_03:Who would make the Jordan sandwich? Would it be a Jordan sandwich? Maybe that's too personal.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I don't know. I I reckon Selma Hayek. Oh yeah. Just like that Latin fieriness and sexiness.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And honestly, she's got the best rack I've ever seen.
SPEAKER_01:And it seems to get better every year. I don't know what the hell it is.
SPEAKER_03:No, man. She's getting better with age. It's just not right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I know if you asked my wife who who she'd include in that, it would be Tom Hardy every single day.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, that's another one I didn't think of. I have a problem.
SPEAKER_01:He's a grubby-looking little creature, but for some reason she's just all over that.
SPEAKER_03:He is not a grubby-looking creature. Have you seen the latest copies of it? I like dark hair.
SPEAKER_02:I think we've come to a conclusion.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Yeah. Oh, you're starting to learn stuff about yourself. Well, let's go a couple of hours into conversations.
SPEAKER_00:Let's call it therapy.
SPEAKER_03:We're exploring. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Alright, so let's get back on track. Side talking about talking about exploring, talking about understanding communication. Alright. That's like study after study after study shows that when people uh have a really positive threesome experience, it's because the communication is on point. Which is what I really like about your threesome, Kate. Yeah. And the fact that you've just got two wicked ass communicators.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And we just went for two people who were. Cotton. But yeah, like that communication. And I think a lot of people get hung up on the idea that communication only happens during.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, before.
SPEAKER_01:But it's before, isn't it?
SPEAKER_02:Sometimes after for the aftercare.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know. Like I've been involved in some situations where there was no communication before, except for visual, like a wink and a nod.
SPEAKER_01:Let's go. How did how did that work out then? Because like everything that we sort of get told is like you gotta talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. And make sure everyone's on the same page and consent and this and that, and like, you know, gave a lesson the other day on the Fry's model on consent and so freely given reversible, informed, enthusiastic specific, but like a wink and a nod is neither informed nor specific. It's let's just like it.
SPEAKER_03:Try some shit. Yeah, but I think like I think when people think of like communication and consent, I think that they they have this concept that you're just continually talking at each other and like verbalizing everything when it's not that at all. No, like communication and consent, like yes, you want an enthusiastic yes, but you're also looking at just reading other people's body language and you know, like uh do they seem to be enjoying what I'm doing? You can do little check-ins like, is this okay? Do you mind if A, B, or C? It's not continually like, I'm about to do this, and I'm gonna put my hand here and you let me know if it hurts. And then um, if you don't like that, then and then it's just it's not this. We're not constantly talking. Yeah, that's just so that would be so annoying, wouldn't it? Just want to use a gag. Just sit on their face to shut them up.
SPEAKER_00:It's just like that's when you pull your wallet out and give them 50 bucks and for them to go.
SPEAKER_01:Or if it's a yes, just muffle me.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. But yeah, like I think um like communication before it depends on the setup, right? Like if it if it's something that happens organically and like whimsically, um, it'll look very different to something if there's a couple of people or even a group of people planning ahead and being like, okay, this is how we want things to look. So I think if you're like after something specific and you want to plan something and you've got your partner and you're gonna look for someone else, or you you're on your own, you're gonna look for a couple, um, that's gonna look very different to, you know, sort of running into this situation where you're like, oh, there's a vibe. Yeah. Um, do we do something here? Okay, yeah, no, all right. Yeah, let's give it a shot.
SPEAKER_01:Let's and I like where you went with that because I think for a lot of people, they've got this fantasy in their head.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And they want to get that fantasy in real life.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And they try to make this real life situation as close to that internal fantasy as possible, right?
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So they want the right setting, they want the right lighting, they want the right person, they've got to have the right boobs or the right dick or whatever, you know, and they need to give off the right vibe and they need to do this, and then they need to do that. But that's worked only because it's in a fantasy or because you've seen it in some form of porno, right? It doesn't work translated to reality because that other person also has their own thoughts and feelings and all that sort of stuff as well. So, you know, there is that element where we can't recreate these things in our that are circling around in our head.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Or maybe you can, but with a lot of time and practice, like because some people like play or they, you know, like they role play and they they set out their fantasies and whatever with the people that they play with. It's absolutely achievable to really nail something, but you have to be willing for it to not be perfect for some time before.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And like just feel it out and not beat yourself up if things don't go according to script because sex is messy. Yeah. And it probably won't go to script.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And I think that's why, like a lot of people in lifestyle, they have those partners they regularly play with for years and years and years and years.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because there's that level of communication between them, and they got they realize that, hey, I'm only going to get to where I need to be with that level of safety and comfort that comes from that understanding somebody. So then they're just like, you know, let's keep playing and playing and playing, and eventually we'll get to where we need to be.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But then conversely, you've also got the other people who are just like, right, had that one once, I try a different one another time, and you know, so just little bits and peace in between. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But I also wouldn't want people to get discouraged if they like if they thought that they wanted to have a threesome and they did what they thought was, you know, right in terms of communication and all that sort of stuff, and like they had they set it up or they ran into people that they thought it was going to work with and it didn't go according to plan. I would hate for them to think that that's how it's going to be all the time. Yeah. Because a threesome is just like having sex with anybody. Sometimes it does not go to plan.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And sometimes, like, even though you're horny as hell, it just doesn't work out on that particular day.
SPEAKER_03:No, you might be really in your head and anxious, and you know, maybe you can't get an erection or you can't get wet, and you're just like, um, no, not feeling it today, and that's okay. Yep. Don't force it.
SPEAKER_01:All right. What about then? Like, let's talk about those people that are doing it with their partner and they're pre-planning it, discussing boundaries, all that sort of stuff. Like, how would you even bring up that conversation for starters? But then how do you then talk about actually what you want?
SPEAKER_02:Like, don't bring it up in the bedroom in the middle of sex.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, top tip.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, top tip. Yeah, good. Why?
SPEAKER_02:Because in the moment.
SPEAKER_01:Fair enough.
SPEAKER_03:Not the time. Not the time. Enjoying sex together, and you're like, you know, it'd be really good if we brought someone else in. What are you trying to say? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:See, and there are people out there that would advocate for bringing it up during the middle of sex. Because, like, you know how your disgust factor goes down during that. And it's like they're like, oh, if you plant that seed during sex when they're really aroused, it's more likely to be absorbed by them. That almost seems corrosive and manipulative as well.
SPEAKER_03:Maybe after. I reckon it well, I reckon the delivery would depend. Okay. So imagine that you okay. Imagine that you're having sex with your partner, and you could say something like, Oh, I'm just trying to think, like, um, oh, like I'm loving this right now. Can you can you imagine if there was like another someone like me behind you doing this? I wish that I could reach this part of you while we were doing this. Yeah. Like it's almost like, can you imagine if someone else was here and they could do that for you while we were doing this?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I'd love to be able to duplicate myself and give both of myself to you at the same time or something like that. Yeah. That sort of stuff is. Yeah, that's interesting, way.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So make it more about like, this is awesome. Can you imagine if someone else was here and could do this at the same time? Yeah. Or like, you know, I wish I had an extra pair of hands.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I wish I was one of those strange little Indian gods with like 10 pairs of hands. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Can you imagine if I had an extra pair of hands, the things that I would do to you right now?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. An extra tongue and an extra seven lips. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. So I think that could work. But yeah, it's how they word it through sex. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Like, like, you know, if you're in in the in the middle of uh in the throes of things and you're like, I think we should have a threesome, but I not have a delivery of that.
SPEAKER_01:That's a quick way to end the session, right?
SPEAKER_02:But you know, in the moment, a lot of people probably would say it like that. I know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, totally. And they absolutely do. And it stops and it causes like massive rifts because it's like, what the fuck? Am I not enough? And you know, what are you really trying to get at? And with all this sort of stuff. But all right. So imagine then that we've sort of brought it up there. So many other ways, I suppose you can you can bring it up. It's like you see something happening on TV, you know. Yeah. See a three someone there. Oh, what do you think to that?
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Or, you know, you read it in a book or something like that. Um, I know for instance, I've had dreams about some weird ass shit, and I've brought it up with my wife, and she's been like, Is this a thing? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm gonna sit with it. I don't know if it's a thing. Yeah, but I'm gonna sit with it, and then in the weeks and months that come after that, we sort of unpack it together, and that's that's a thing another way. Yeah you know. Um, but yeah, there's like a whole whole heap of different things, like, oh, I had a conversation with another guy who's had a threesome with his partner. What do you think about that?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And broaching that subject.
SPEAKER_02:I am always one to tend to ask, like, you know, oh, how do you like, like, what do you like in the bedroom, but also do you have any fantasies? Because then you're down, it's just blunt straight to the point, but then you can discover, okay, that's their list of fantasies. How do I feel about those? And would I be able to act out on any of those? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But then some people might not even know that at that point, and then later down the track they're like, Oh, you know what? Actually, think a threesome would be really great with you.
SPEAKER_01:Because fantasies develop though. That is true. That's true. That's the other thing. Um, and like as I'm exploring, not just like academically but personally as well, like sexuality is it changes fluid. I'm not talking like gender fluidity, I'm talking sexual fluidity. Yeah, in the fact that it's constantly evolving and changing. And what you liked when you were 18 is not going to be the same as 25, not gonna be the same at 30, not gonna be the same at 40. No, and you're constantly adding to like this little collage of yourself sexually, right?
SPEAKER_02:So it's revisit it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, just constantly check in because yeah, you might suddenly have this one thing, and like some of these things get sparked by a moment as well. Like you guys ever had a moment where like you've seen something and then you've gone, oh fuck, maybe I'm into that now. Yeah, you know, like your your Frida thing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, you're like, oh boobs, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, yeah, shit, I could get around that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But we all have those strange moments that change our sexuality all the time. But yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Interesting. So yeah, and I think then, you know, if if it's not something that you've ever bought up with your partner before, that can be really scary as well. Because if it's, you know, if it's something new and you're like, oh, maybe I would like to try this, or maybe maybe you've thought about it and it's like not really something serious, you know, just sort of meh, that could be all right. And then maybe, I don't know, maybe you see or meet someone, you're like, you know what? I would love to invite them. Yeah, would love to you just get a vibe. See what that see what that dynamic is like.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's cool.
SPEAKER_03:So I think like a lot of the time things just sort of happen organically. Yeah, there are definitely people who are like, no, I want to have a wanna have a threesome. This is what I want.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, how the fuck do you go about it?
SPEAKER_01:How the fuck do you go about it? Okay, perfect. How do you go about getting a threesome? Because it's a lot fucking harder than people think.
SPEAKER_03:Oh I know. Stupid apps.
SPEAKER_01:Alright, apps.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you can definitely, yeah, you can you can go on apps and find people who are into the same stuff, like things like hinge and field. Yep. Um, you can definitely look, and there's definitely couples on those apps looking for unicorns.
SPEAKER_02:Websites as well. Yeah, like your Fet Life and stuff as well.
SPEAKER_01:So Fet Life's for like more kinky people, red hot pie is more for swingers.
SPEAKER_03:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:Field. Is that more like that's less swingery and just more like people?
SPEAKER_03:Field is like very diverse.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's it's a big broad spectrum.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's like it's like Fet Life and Hinge and um everything all in one, you know, like there's really like vanilla, um, like cishet vanilla stuff on there. Um, and there's also, you know, like a lot of queer friendly, um, trans friendly, lots of like kink BDSM. You can really put what you're desiring on there. So it's definitely one.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so like field field hinge, they're like the catch-aw-y sort of ones. Red hot pie is more the one that's more swinger sort of lifestyle based.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then then Fet Life. Fet life is your kink. Yeah. Because like let's let's be real, like a threesome might go from anywhere from an emotional connection with a third person to just wanting to get your rocks off sexually to wanting to be dominated and tied up in a bag by two people. 100%. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So so again, like when we say threesome, it's so diverse. All it is is three people.
SPEAKER_02:See, I was right from the start. Three people. Amazing.
SPEAKER_01:Look at you. I'm not just sitting in the corner too. Ten points, Gryffindor.
SPEAKER_02:I don't get ten dollars.
SPEAKER_01:Uh ten points for Gryffindor.
SPEAKER_02:I'm not even a Gryffindor.
SPEAKER_01:Why not? You're a Slytherin. Yeah, yeah. Of course you are. Slithery. All right. Um, so we've got that. So you can use those apps.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:One of the things I've found to be very true is that you need to, if you are on those apps, you need to be very specific about what you are looking for.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:And go quite deep into what you're looking for, the type of person that you're looking for, because the people who don't do that, they're not very specific. They generally just catch anybody. And then when they catch somebody and they have a bad experience, they go, Oh shit, I really didn't like that. I better go and edit my profile and figure it out. So, you know, some people what might want a person to come in and be a bit dominant.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Some people might not like that. So you've got to sit there and really specify exactly what you're wanting.
SPEAKER_03:Unless you're in exploration phase. Because some people, you know, they're like, I think I I think I really want to threesome. Maybe what they're looking for are people who know more than them. So their profile will be quite uh, you know, like less, like maybe something really cliche, like just out exploring, don't know what I'm looking for just yet. I'll know when I find it. You know, which is fine with Swip. But you know, like if they had something generic like that, then I would probably encourage them to say, I'm not I'm not quite sure, but you know, look happy to be guided, and then you're gonna attract people who know you wanna so more experience, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Which leads into my next question of age. So imagine you're a couple like 30s, 40s, 50s, because that's when most of this exploration starts happening, right? Yeah. So 30s, 40s, 50s. You're a couple, you log onto one of these apps looking for something. One of the big things that I always hear back is inviting young people into that space. Problematic? Is that a problematic thing? Is it not problematic? Are they consenting out adults? Is there gonna be some issues with experience and transference and shit there or what?
SPEAKER_03:I mean, there is as long as they're over 18, right? Um then it's legally not a problem, but it depends what you want. I like older. Yeah, but like if if you want like if your fantasy is to have someone younger, then you know, that's gonna be if it's if it's just for sex, you know, if you're not expecting to have anything in common and you know, build a life, it probably doesn't matter all that much. Sure. Again, it depends what your intention is and what you actually want from it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Like who do you want to connect with? Like, do you want to have things in common? Then you probably want to look for someone around your own age.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. What about if you're in that exploration stage though? Do you go for somebody a bit older or around the same age or who's gotten a lot more experience in your lifestyle?
SPEAKER_03:I think that would I reckon that would depend if you're that's a tough one, isn't it? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Because sometimes experience can be um helpful, but then also do the experienced people get pissed off if you're so inexperienced.
SPEAKER_03:I guess I mean you would tell them.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But like because some people generally don't want to be teaching other people, and that's fine. They usually would say that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But some people like it. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:But it comes down to that disclosure, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is what I'm looking for.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. But then you also don't know you might meet someone younger that is actually very experienced because it's just through their 20s, and that's what they've liked.
SPEAKER_03:Maybe they had a really early slut era. Yeah, just bursting with knowledge and experience.
SPEAKER_01:I tried to have an early slut era, but nobody would accompany me in that.
SPEAKER_03:Poor Jordan.
SPEAKER_01:It was really sad.
SPEAKER_03:There's still time for you, man. It's okay. I tried. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I've given my best shot. All right. Okay. So now imagine that we've had this conversation. We've we've had a had a conversation with our partner. We've found the right app for us. We've gone on, we've found the right person who we think. Now, Kate, this is where I'm looking at you because now I'm gonna start talking about condoms, STI protection, all that sort of stuff.
SPEAKER_02:How come you're not gonna look at me?
SPEAKER_01:Because I know that Kate is all in the this is her gem, right? This is her gem because she said it in the last episode.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, she did. There's still vulvas involved, probably, but don't worry too much. Thank you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:There might be. I'm just trying to think. Yeah, okay, I'll I'll figure it out. I was just trying to think like how threesome works with three guys and condoms and stuff like that. But that's just like completely like pit stop and interchanging rubbers all the time.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. All right. How do you go around that conversation around sexual health? Sexual health safety.
SPEAKER_03:I think it should just be part of the the initial conversation, really. Like when you're talking about what sort of activities you might want to do, or like if there's boundaries on, you know, who touches what, or I don't know, I think I think it's early on and then always have stuff available.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Uh, but yeah, I would always have the conversation early. I mean, like if there's a sexual health disclosure to be made, that should be done before any planning. Um, so it can be planned around. Um and again, I'll just say like if someone discloses uh an STI status, they're doing that because they're safe and responsible. Yeah. It's not a reason to run away in fear. Yeah, so they're gonna be they're gonna be responsible and look after themselves and you. So if anything, thank them. Um and don't look for someone who doesn't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And um, yeah, you know, like have have things available, have the barriers there, have the chats.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You know, like do you do you want to have dental dams? Do you want to have like prophylactic things in place for this? What are you gonna do? You're gonna do butt play. What does that look like? Like you have to know where hands, penises, mouths are gonna be.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. That's exactly right. Because and that's where we're starting to get into that specifics, right? Because if you just go and start doing something, somebody's gonna get real pissed off if that's impacting their safety. Sure.
SPEAKER_03:You know, yeah. And we want to, you know, like if whatever the fantasy or how it's gonna play out as well, like if you're if you're going from like anal to vaginal or you know, vaginal to getting a blow job, you know, think about what what is on the penis first. Yeah. You know, like do you need to change condoms? Do you need to not use one for this act, but this act? And you know, how are you gonna keep everybody as safe as possible? Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_02:Cross-contamination. Because it is a thing. I learned this from my education I just went to. Um, with even with condoms and stuff, so the HPV is in the vagina, um, and in the cervix, it could be or on the vulva. But like you're saying, cross-contamination. If you're using the same condom up the um up the backside, you can actually get HPV anal cancer. Yeah. And it transmits. Even though HPV it's says to be an SCI, but I don't classify it as one. But it's still something to think of. It's not just your, you know, herpes or anything you're thinking of, you're actually thinking about other um other um genes that can actually turn into cancer. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And like the thing as well, a lot of people will throw in a rubber for anal or vaginal sex, yeah. And they'll take it off for oral.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right. But then that person then might go down on somebody else. So, you know, you can have one dick in your mouth and then you go on another dick, and that's a way of transference.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, so it's just having that conversation. But I suppose the other thing, like I'm really big on since our first conversation, actually, um, is that idea of never ask the question, are you clean?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah. Do you know my pet peeve on on fucking dating apps is people who say I value hygiene and cleanliness. I'm like, okay, what are you trying to say? Like that what no, and someone actually even wrote, Oh, I'm not like I value hygiene and cleanliness. Please don't bring your diseases to my door. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about, man?
SPEAKER_02:Like everyone has a disease.
SPEAKER_03:Everybody has a disease.
SPEAKER_02:Everyone has a disease.
SPEAKER_03:Like we're human beings. So like immediate red flag, that person is not going to be fun in a threesome. You know what their disease is?
SPEAKER_02:Totally puntiness.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So people aren't dirty.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But people have germs. So whether you like whether you have um herpes or not, whether you have HPV or not, HIV, any other like bacterial vaginosis, I don't know, candida, you know, like anything that you've got going on in your body.
SPEAKER_01:We're all spreading shit.
SPEAKER_03:We're all spreading shit. You've got germs in your mouth, you've got germs up your butthole, like you can have a lot of fun, but just be smart about it.
SPEAKER_05:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:You know, like, and your STI status doesn't mean that you can't have a super fun, horny as hell, mess everywhere threesome. You just have to, you know, change condoms in between, just be mindful of where mouths are. Exactly. All good.
SPEAKER_01:That really hit home. Remember that seminar that we sat in with Ryan Oliver, HIV advocate.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And they were talking about how their dating profile says, says on their Tinder app or whatever it is, Grinder, HIV positive.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And the question got asked to Ryan, like, do you disclose it? And he goes, it's on my profile. They need to start asking, like, they need to read it before they make that. He's like, if they've read it or if they're hitting me up, I'm assuming that they've read everything. Yeah. You know, so if you are positive for something, but then that's a really good thing.
SPEAKER_02:The discussion went into do you have to declare it if you're taking the um if your viral loads below as well.
SPEAKER_01:But you don't. You don't. No. You don't. So, you know, you don't need to disclose.
SPEAKER_03:People don't have to disclose. No. Like, unless you've got an active, like HIV viral load, you need to probably need to disclose like your STI status. But it's not, it's not even about like I think it's about reducing shame as well. So you know, like it's about encouraging people to just be open with what's going on with their body. Um, because again, like STI is one thing, but maybe maybe you've maybe you've organized a threesome and then you've got your period. And you're like, well shit. Uh maybe I don't feel like doing this and this, but I still want to do that.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You know, so things can change. You know, we have to adapt to what our bodies are ready for as well.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, exactly. No, I love those, love those ideas. All right. Talking about that, let's talk about some of more like the common pitfalls, how to get around that. Let's name first one jealousy.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I'll just that was jealousy.
SPEAKER_01:All right.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Jealousy is gonna be the first one. Like, how the fuck do you deal with jealousy?
SPEAKER_03:Well, you you don't avoid it and um put all the barriers up and hope that you don't ever have to deal with it. Uh, because that's a really terrible way to deal with things. I think it's understanding like jealousy is just a an experience, it's an emotion, um, and it's information.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Jealousy is information. Yeah. Yeah. And uh it's not a reason to stop.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:It's a reason to be curious and be like, ooh.
SPEAKER_01:Lean into that idea.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:What's going on there?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Because on the other side might be even more connection.
SPEAKER_01:True. True. And when you talk to a lot of people who who do have threesomes, 90% of them sit there and say, There is some form of jealousy.
SPEAKER_07:Of course.
SPEAKER_01:But then there's a subset of those that go, Yeah, but the jealousy's also like a little bit of a turn-on. But it's only a turn-on because I've done the exploration and dug into it.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know?
SPEAKER_07:Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_01:And there are like there are certain triggers that might happen in a random moment that cause jealousy.
SPEAKER_03:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:But it might not actually be based in truth, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_03:It's usually an internal experience, right? Like it's something that you're worried about or an insecurity or a fear that creates that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And you can you can lean into the discomfort or you can run away from it.
SPEAKER_01:And if you run away from it, the like likelihood is that problem's never going to be solved.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, it's it's always going to be there.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. But if you do lean into it, you'll find something out more about yourself. Like it happened to me the other day. So my wife's got this male friend. And I have never been a jealous type ever. Well, with her anyway.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, the relationship is just so super solid. We've always been really good communicators.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And she's like, I might go and catch up with with this guy for coffee. Is that all right? And I'm like, sure. Like, you're just friends. That's totally cool. You know, not a problem. And that was that for a couple of days. And then all of a sudden, there was something else that happened in a different stratosphere of our life. But my wife was quiet for a couple of days. That somehow linked with her going out for coffee, which got me jealous. And I was just like, where the fuck did that come from? Like, I've never had that emotion with her before.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But I had to unpack that to see where that actually came from instead of just running away from it. And now that I did, it's like, oh, okay. It's not a problem anymore. Which is yeah, it's really cool.
SPEAKER_02:You've got to make yourself so I read this is part of um a chapter in my book, actually. Um, you've got to face the challenges and the unbeing uncomfortable to be able to overcome them, to be able to move forward. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And to be fair, if jealousy does come up in a threesome situation and you don't feel safe, then absolutely communicate it, right? Yeah. Like don't ever push through discomfort because you're, you know, you don't want to ruin it for other people. That's not fair on anybody. So like absolutely, if you if you started feeling uncomfortable for any reason, then you could just say, Oh, like, I need to stop for a second. Yeah. I'm feeling really jealous. And I don't and then let everybody then unpack that together. Yeah. Have the traffic light system.
SPEAKER_02:Yep. Yep.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Or orange, orange, okay, what we're doing, you're not liking. Let's go back to what was green.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah. Because you might not be able to really deep dive and and figure out what's going on in the moment. You might be overwhelmed and that's okay.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So, you know, you can pivot and revisit it later. It's not a reason to stop completely. Yep.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah. And it might even be like a pre-negotiator thing as well. Where like you turn around to your partner and say, Hey, if I just get up and go outside for some air, or if I go and make myself a cup of tea or go for a drink or something like that, that's my cue to you, without making the other person like a bit weirded out to say, Hey, come and check in on me.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And that's like that's a nonverbal way of doing some shit. Yeah, sure.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Alright. But there was something that we started talking about at the very start of the episode was about places. Right. Hotel rooms. Location. What are the pros of doing it at a hotel room and what are pros of doing it at home? Apart from the bar downstairs.
SPEAKER_02:No. So to me, like well, if you've got allergies like me, you can walk into someone's house and you're like a covered in hives, already uncomfortable. But also how I think about it is if you've got a family as well, or your personal life, your family life's there. So if you don't like if this is just someone you've met on an app and all that kind of stuff, do you really want them in your personal space, your family home?
SPEAKER_01:That's true. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Or do you want to keep that separate? So if it does go wrong, you're not it doesn't damage your home life because you don't connect it to Yeah, they don't know where you live and all that sort of stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So it's like a few.
SPEAKER_02:So if if all parties feel a bit more safer, then it's more likely there's going to be happier, more comfortable, more relaxed within the threesome. But also as a single female, if you're going to a couple's house you've never met before, you've also got your safety in the back of your mind. Like I've never met them in person, I'm going to their house. I don't know what's at their house.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So it's just that safety mechanism, I think. And then you just meet downstairs at the bar, have a bowl of chips, tomato sauce or something. Just hello, and then go up to the room. Yeah. Or say this is the key to the room. This is where the room is. Hotel, it's a neutral space. And if they do feel unsafe, they can escape.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I think that's really a good idea to meet in like the lobby way or somewhere. Right. Because you're talking about risk. Hotel lobbies are covered by security cameras. Right? You're gonna have to be one dumb fuck individual to like meet up with somebody in a hotel lobby, go up to their room, and then do something stupid to them. Yeah. Like you've already incriminated yourself right away.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Like and it's safely on you and your partner if you bring them back home and that's they say you say.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah, cool.
SPEAKER_03:It also depends on the fantasy though as well, right? Like if you if you really like maybe you've got a room at home that's set up for that kind of stuff. So that's where that's where the sex room is or whatever. But also, you know, if you want to if you want to explore outside of your comfort zone, then yeah, definitely being somewhere else would be good.
SPEAKER_01:And it's it comes back to like that idea as well of what you're doing it for. Like if you're doing it for novelty, a hotel room's fucking great. Yeah. There's nothing more not novel than a hotel room because realistically, are you ever getting the same hotel room twice in a row?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:No.
SPEAKER_03:So but if it's a you know long-term or you know, multiple sort of event, um, then you can go elsewhere. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And like home might be the better place because you might feel a little bit more safe and secure there, especially if you know the person.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, if you know the person, it's a different story.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. The other thing I think as well, like if you are going to somebody else's house as like the single person, I always think that you should have a safe person who you can say, Hey, I'm going here.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:This is the address. I will check in by this time. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because then if they don't get the check-in, somebody knows that something's wrong.
SPEAKER_02:My friends have me on find my phone because they don't trust me with dating and going to random places, like once I went on a date in a nat nature park that had no reception.
SPEAKER_01:Um cereal card.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, no, right. I didn't even know about that. And I learned how to do fire flowing things, and everyone was scared. So since then, I've got two good friends that actually do follow my location. Lovely.
SPEAKER_03:That is good. Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_00:Love it, love it.
SPEAKER_03:So we've done location, and what's the next one?
SPEAKER_00:Oh. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I was just we talked about ST STIs. I think the other thing as well for guys is performance anxiety.
SPEAKER_07:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right? Like and special especially if you're a guy with two girls, in your head you're always you're already sitting there thinking, shit, I've got to perform here.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And let's be fair. Like, what do we talk about in the last episode that foreplay overall takes 19 minutes, but the average for penetration is about five or six minutes.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, so there's 14, 13, 14 minutes that is used for other stuff. Though you're gonna give a whole heap of plasia with your mouth, your hands, yeah, elbow, whatever else it is, you know. Something's a feet. Yeah. Depends on somebody's big toe. Yeah, you would not want to go near mine. Okay. Ultra running screwed my toes. Okay.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Some people are really into them.
unknown:Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_00:That's a whole other other episode.
SPEAKER_03:It is. But we're not gonna yuck anyone's yum. No, we're not. No. Just not for me.
SPEAKER_01:See, I'm I come at it from a curiosity point. You come at it from a disgust point. And I bet you Kate just comes from it and it's like this pure psychological fascination.
SPEAKER_03:She does. Yeah. Correct.
SPEAKER_02:I've just I've just looked at us at so many people with manky feet in hospitals that I'm like, nah, I can do. Fair enough.
SPEAKER_03:Fair enough. So yeah, performance anxiety would be huge. But I think that's I think it's the same for anybody involved because there's this script in our heads of how how a threesome should look.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And how we know if people are enjoying themselves. And um performance anxiety comes from w women as well.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. Like oh, I don't know, like, you know, especially if they're like exploring and it's their first time, the woman might be like, Oh, I don't know how to actually please her because I've only got with a penis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So yeah, I think, yeah, and there's like this thing like, oh, I have to perform like I'm enjoying myself. Yep. Um, so yeah, I think it would come on both sides.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely. And I think that comes back to what we were talking about earlier, right? Where it's like you've got to constantly be checking in and observing the other person's body language and all that sort of stuff. Like, are they enjoying themselves? Are you enjoying yourself, but like observing your own body language? Yeah. What's happening with you and your internal state? But I think for guys as well, we get to this point where we're like, okay, I've got to perform, I've got to be this guy. But we're nervous about it.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So we go and have a couple of drinks, and then we get the whiskey dick. Right?
SPEAKER_00:And then we try to just what is the whiskey dick?
SPEAKER_01:The whiskey dick.
SPEAKER_00:When you've had too much whiskey and you're yeah, there's the flopped.
SPEAKER_03:It's a little flop. Love it. It's a flop.
SPEAKER_01:But and then they start this thing where they start popping Viagra Cialis. But that shit don't work with alcohol.
SPEAKER_03:No.
SPEAKER_01:You know, and then they're sitting there, and then what happens? They go, Okay, I've had a few drinks, had some Viagra, my dick's not working. Suddenly that becomes a massive issue because it's like, oh fuck, my dick's just not gonna work at all.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, what use am I?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Viagra is just like a 100% like guaranteed thing to get my dick up, but it's not working. Yeah. They don't think that they've had alcohol, and the alcohol's just completely like taking away the effects of the Viagra.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So now it's this whole issue with them. It's like, I can't perform. I'm less of a man. And suddenly it's all over. That guy's running out crying in his bed by himself at night.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, and the two girls or the other guy and the girl or the two guys are just sitting there going, I wasn't all about your dick, mate. Like, come on, you know.
SPEAKER_03:There are so many, again, there are so many other things that you can do to please yourself and other people that do not involve a penis, that do not involve putting your penis in something. Like it doesn't matter. I've had this like with with partners before that have had, you know, like erectile dysfunction, or there's just a day where they're off, and they just you know, they just fixated on it into a little shell, and and I'm like, this is like the the least important part of you to me.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, precisely.
SPEAKER_03:Like I didn't become attracted to you the moment you took your pants off. It happened way before then. I like your I like your face, I like your hands, I like your body, let's just enjoy that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And realistically, like let's say you're a couple that's getting another guy in. Why would you get another guy in instead of going out and finding your wife the absolute perfect dildo if it was just for sensations?
SPEAKER_03:Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:You know, you're getting them there for something more. It's the energy, it's the it's the person that it's attractive.
SPEAKER_03:Extra hands. Yes, yeah, the extra hands, the extra mouth.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's the attraction point for a lot of people. They just want to be like consumed by attraction.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, they just want to make out, they just want to have two bodies all over them.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Sometimes that's just enough.
SPEAKER_02:Yep. So sometimes women just don't want the penetration, they just want the the loving.
SPEAKER_03:I heard an awesome term. Um, that you know how people want to identify as tops or bottoms. Some people are sides.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Some people are sides. They don't want to penetrate, they don't want to be penetrated, they want all of the other good stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Some people are switches.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, switch up and in, go anyway. But yeah, it's like a threesome's it's really hard for us to talk about it, like what makes perfect threesome because realistically it's gonna change for every single person over time as well. Like the perfect threesome at 20 is gonna change between the age of 30.
SPEAKER_03:So maybe, maybe like the recipe, oh god, I can just imagine Gordon Ramsay saying this, who's my threesome communicator guy?
SPEAKER_01:While he's on top and Colin Firth is on the bottom. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Anyway, um visuals. Yeah, lost my train of thought completely there. Um, okay, so the the recipe for a threesome then, based on what we've said, yeah, is uh communication um and like having realistic expectations, yeah. Safety for all parties, yep, and making sure that there is pleasure and fun. Yep.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. And I would say on there as well, know yourself and know your intent.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I think that's perfect recipe. Put that in the oven for 20 minutes and you're done.
SPEAKER_03:Yep. 19 minutes on average. Yeah, I learned that in the pup quiz.
SPEAKER_02:But I want to go down another route as well, because you were saying guys comparing penises and all that kind of stuff, but the females do it as well. And no vulva is normal, they're not all the same, they're all different.
SPEAKER_01:They're all pretty nice, though.
SPEAKER_02:They are but if if you do start to wonder, like, oh, mine doesn't look like that, I must be weird. Is he gonna like hers better? How's that gonna be for me? Look up the lot um Labia Library. Oh, that's great. Yeah, they'll be my recommendations for anyone. Yeah, like if you haven't been exposed, not to porn, don't watch porn because they friggin' airbrush that shit. But look at the Labia Library, probably not in the Qantas Air Lounge like I did in public with a lot of people sitting behind me while I was doing my um education session. Yeah, just screenshotting vulvas and put them in them on my um on my PowerPoint. But yeah, that's a good thing for women to look at is the Labia Library, and then you can notice that actually they're all different, they're all unique. So I'll be fine.
SPEAKER_03:The Volva Diversity Gallery is another really good one.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, is that the one where it's just like a wall of plastic arts?
SPEAKER_03:Uh that's in um I think that's in Tassie.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But the Volva Diversity Gallery is a is a um a channel, like it I've got the book, yeah, um, but it's also like an Instagram channel, so there's lots of b vulva and body diversity art.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, cool. And as per the last conversation with my um female cosmetic surgery assignment, most the guys don't care. It's the girls and you that care about the look down there. So that's right. Just keep that in mind, too, women out there. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And it's a there's actually a wall of decks as well for guys. Very similar. Wow. You know, it looks more like either a giant coat rack or like a climbing wall for kids, but nonetheless, you will see oh, see that's cool.
SPEAKER_02:But I don't like the wall of vaginas because they're not vaginas, they're vulvas. So that pisses me off from a medical side. No, it's not a vagina wall. No, it's a vulva. If it's gonna be a vagina wall, it's just gonna be full of holes.
SPEAKER_03:I was just gonna say it must be like, yeah, just holes in a wall. Holes in the wall.
SPEAKER_01:I just had this weird ass thought like Willie Wonka style where like each of the vulvas has like a different like taste to it. So like you can go up and just like lick the wall. It's like the licking wallpaper from Willie Walker.
SPEAKER_03:R-rated Willie Wonker adventure. It's actually not the worst idea. Yeah. Because it would be match it. That would be brilliant. Let's do it. Because people would then have a real life experience of what their expectations are around taste and smell of genitals. Because people don't know what they think they're gonna taste or smell like, but guys, they taste and smell like genitals. Yes, and let's be let's be yum yum yum.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, let's be real. Like you don't go down on a pussy or a dick because you want to taste soap.
SPEAKER_02:No, no or don't use soap, don't use soap on the vulva. You if you want to feel in quotation marks, clean QV dermis, the ones that don't have the smell and the um fragrance because yeah, there are diseases that are caused by the soaps, guys. So don't use soap down there.
SPEAKER_01:No one if you want it to taste like strawberry kisses, don't.
SPEAKER_02:And soap don't taste like strawberry kisses. Yeah, it's soap tastes like soap.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, smells like strawberry kisses, yeah. But that's not good.
SPEAKER_02:But then it doesn't smell down there like that because of the pH. So you'd not do that.
SPEAKER_01:All right, let's wrap it up though. Final thought reasons. What's your final like big tip? Something.
SPEAKER_02:Communication.
SPEAKER_01:Communicate.
SPEAKER_02:And three people.
SPEAKER_01:Very good.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Unless you've got bipolar disorder and then okay.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I reckon um you gotta give it a shot.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Just just try and have fun and do it. There are so many cool things that you can do literally with an extra pair of hands. Handstands. Um, yeah. Like hip guidance. Uh you know, there's so many, so many fun things that you can do with more than more than two extra hands. So 100%. Give it a shot, have fun.
SPEAKER_01:Hell yeah. Suppose I'd wrap it up and just by saying, know what you're getting it into for, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Just do your research as well. Like labial library, wall of cops.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Just gonna look at some dicks and some vulvas. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Just to know that you're normal.
SPEAKER_03:Just my usual Saturday night. Yeah. Just looking at some dicks and vulvas. Literally, it is mine.
SPEAKER_01:Oh Lord. And on that note, we're out.
SPEAKER_03:See you next week.
SPEAKER_01:Over and out.
SPEAKER_00:And that's a wrap on how to have the perfect threesome. If there's one thing that we hope you take away, it's that the perfect threesome isn't about performance, it's about communication, curiosity, and care.
SPEAKER_01:The best experiences start long before anyone gets naked.
SPEAKER_00:Anyway, if you enjoyed this episode, please follow or subscribe wherever you listen. Leave us a review and share it with a friend who loves a good myth bust and a laugh. But don't forget this one.
SPEAKER_01:Super Sex has been nominated for Podcast of the Year at the Adult Choice Awards. Now, if you've been loving what we do, please, please, please take a moment to vote for us at Adult ChoiceAwards.com.au forward slash vote. You can throw vote up to three times per day, and you'll have our eternal gratitude. Anyway, thanks for joining us. We'll catch you next time.
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