How Friendships Change as We Grow, Drift, Heal and Reconnect

Friendship changes as we grow — and this episode of The Ritual Pantry gets honest about what that really looks like. 

Stephanie and Heather unpack the many layers of friendship, from work friends and childhood friends to the people who feel like family, the ones we drift from, and the ones who show up when life gets hard.

This conversation explores how friendships evolve through different seasons of life, how adult relationships shift from quantity to quality, and why vulnerability, boundaries, loneliness, and connection all play a role in who stays close. 

The episode also touches on parenting, social comparison, self-isolation, emotional support, and the reminder that meaningful relationships
need care, intention, and time.

There’s a lot of heart in this one — including stories about long-distance friendships, work family, childhood transitions, love letters, and the life lesson that work should never come at the expense of the people you love.

In This Episode
How friendship changes through different stages of life
The difference between work friends, school friends, and deeper friendships
Why some friendships pick up right where they left off
Quality vs quantity in adult relationships
How comparison and judgment affect connection
What happens when shame leads to self-isolation
The truth about “toxic” friendships and overused labels
Why validation and busyness can make rest feel uncomfortable
Love letters, slower connection, and life before instant communication
A powerful reminder to call someone you love


03:13 Why friendship is layered
06:18 Different levels of friendship
11:09 Quality vs quantity in friendships
21:56 Self-isolation and asking for help
27:07 Boundaries toxic friendships and emotional drain
36:41 Validation busyness and free time
40:24 Love letters and slower connection
42:15 Work less and prioritize loved ones

Call to Action
If this episode resonated with you, let us know in the comments:
What kind of friendship matters most to you in this season of life?
And if someone came to mind while watching, send this episode to them.

#FriendshipPodcast #AdultFriendships #WomenSupportingWomen #ConnectionMatters
#HealingConversations #TheRitualPantry #PodcastForWomen #MentalWellnessPodcast#OkotoksPodcast #CanadianPodcast

Hosted By:

Stephanie Stefan — Instagram: @spaghettitreechef 

Website: spaghettitreechef.com

Heather Wurz — Instagram: @heather.wurz

The Ritual Pantry — Instagram: @theritualpantry

📩 Send in your Pantry Confessions: sarah@puremedia-solutions.com
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@theRitualPantry

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Do you know what's so interesting? You just like that light bulb, just like it just like lit up the whole room for me. Because that like friendships are weird, man. They can be so weird. They're such an intricate web. Because I mean, again, different perspective from the mom, but uh you may have experienced with or know people who have experienced this, that as soon as you have kids, or if you're the first one in your friend group to have a kid or get married, what changes? How many women say they they lost all their friends?

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Or I'll turn that one around. Be the only woman in your friend group who doesn't have friends, who doesn't have kids. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Where I mean, I have phenomenal friends where I go to the zoo and I go to Heritage Park and Yeah, you get to do all the things and live through us and not take the kids home to put to bed or feed.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

I really do have the best life. Best of all worlds.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Welcome to the Ritual Pantry. I'm Heather, and I'm Steph. And today we're gonna be discussing friendship and what that means in our lives and the different levels of friendships that we have.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

This is a killer topic. I'm actually super excited about this. I love friends. Hello, you're my friend. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was totally thinking about this like so much. And because I have kids, I get to see that side of friendship too. So there's so many, so many layers, aspects to friendship.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Oh, and it's the best. Yeah. And every relationship serves a different purpose. Like absolutely. Like just before we started the show, I was messaging with a friend of mine who have we haven't seen each other in a year and a half, and I'm gonna go have lunch with uh her and her husband in April. Yeah, we have to plan that for because that's life in the busy world, right? Like we it's and then we have friendships that we see at least once a week when I'm home and other friends that we don't see for years, or others that live across the sea and get together over Zoom. And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

And so what what's it like when you are gonna go see this friend? Like, is it like awkward? You're like, oh, I haven't seen you forever. Is it weird? Or do you just pick up and it's you flow?

SPEAKER_02 2:43

No, with these guys, it's I met them through one of the courses I did. So we have that deeper connection where it's not just surface level, like, oh, how's the weather? Oh, that's great. Oh, yeah, it's for the kids, it's a little bit more in depth. So we can we always just pick up exactly where we left off. And the beautiful part is they're Sri Lankan, so they always do like this beautiful Sri Lankan meal.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

So are they gonna cook for you? Yeah, you're not like going out for lunch. No, no, that's a great friend. That's a really great friend that can cook for you.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

And they always put on like such an amazing spread, and it's always so delicious.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

I'm really looking forward to I could I'm into making new friends. I could come as a long actually.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

They're so they're so loving and warm. And and then this morning I was was up super early, and my girlfriend That's a lie.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

You weren't up super early, you just didn't go to bed. Okay, well, coming off nights is a little hard sometimes, okay?

SPEAKER_02 3:45

We keep it real between friends. So my girlfriend over in Croatia, she's up, so I sent her a message because she's been on my mind all week. And I'm like, hey girl, haven't seen, like haven't heard from you in a while. It's just you've been on my mind. Let's catch up. So we have a call on Friday. So we're just gonna get on WhatsApp and just have a little video call. And chitty chitty chitt chit. Chitty chitty chat chat. You got it.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Nice. That's awesome. So it that's really cool. I love it when you can have like friends that you can honestly just pick up and the the conversation is not, you know, surface level. But we have those friends. We're, I don't know, what do we call them friends? I mean, they're not not friends, but the investment of time is different. The investment of well, we have different levels of friendship, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Like if we look at my friends from work, I never see them outside of work. Yeah. But there's still like I just had someone come back from Japan and him and his wife are doing runs over there.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Like marathons? Yeah. How cool.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

So they both did marathons, two separate ones. And I saw him in the hallway and of course some of the nights, and he's like, I have something for you. So he brought me something back from Japan. So that's cool. And I do, I consider him a friend, but I've never seen him outside of work. Right. Yeah. I know his kids, like what his kids are up to, and his wife, and what she does. And like I sent him a text when I knew that she was her running. I'm like, go, girl, go!

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Like, you got this. And yeah. Well, that's really important that you say that because it it is true, because even like obviously a boatload of people work in their lives and work with other people. And it's always funny because you always have people at work that you gravitate towards, and they're they're like your work friends. Those are your people. But then you're right, you really don't see them outside of work. But they still, you still know each other really well, which is that's that's fun and interesting. Cause I feel like I've had people in my life that I've worked with. Pardon me, that's the coffee. Um, that I know better at work as a friend than the people who who I know outside of work.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Well, and especially with my situation, because I work away, right? So I spend 50% of my life in camp. So we work together, we eat together. Yeah. We're in the same areas. Like we see each other in the morning, we see each other after work, we see each other in the gym. When I choose to go to the gym. Yes. So the people I work with, they they have become my family. Like it's a second family. It's different, but I still hold them very near and dear in my heart.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

Well, and especially when you have to spend holidays and stuff up there. Like you were there for Christmas. I was. I was there for Christmas this year. I think you're gonna be there like the next several by the sounds of your schedule. So, like, yeah, that those people do become your family because they have to.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

And we do. We celebrate wins and it's great. But the funny thing is, is when I first started mentioning that we're doing this podcast, I don't show this side of the work that I've done or the holistic nutrition side. Or so it's unfolding those different aspects that I typically don't share with them.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Totally. Yeah, I I can a hundred percent relate to that. There's so many people that I know, and they're not necessarily friends, but they're very good acquaintances, or or even like my kids' teachers. They literally have no idea what I do for a living until they show up at a birthday party or something, and they're like, What? You're a spaghetti tree chef? And I'm like, what's up? You know, it's it's so funny because it's it as I guess as as more than base level friends or acquaintances, yeah, you kind of tell people sometimes, and it depends where your evolution goes, right? Because you talk about like so many different things. But then, you know, with un they're not unfriends. That's a mean word. They're just not they're acquaintances. You just don't tell things to as much.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

Yeah, but there's also different not purpose friends, but like you have your friends that you call when you need to get something off your chest, or if it's like, hey, you know what? I'm gonna go to a concert. Like you have your list of people who you're gonna go with because they're gonna be a good time. Totally. And then you have the people who you're like, hey, I'm gonna be moving. Can you come help me unpack my stuff?

SPEAKER_00 8:31

There's pizza and there's beer. You know the pizza who are gonna show up for pizza and beer. No, no, no. At this point in their lives, we're gonna have kombucha. No, you hire a moving truck. Yeah, you don't ask the phones to come and help you. Facts, that's facts, yeah. So I'm moving. We're getting a moving truck. You want to eat pizza beer and watch them?

SPEAKER_01 8:51

That's more like it.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Yeah, that's more accurate. Free housewarming. Yeah, yes, yeah. So is it it it is interesting, and you know, I I feel like I'm being offered a totally different perspective now with my kiddos, is because I'm always, and I feel like I've always been this way, but I don't know that I have. I was kind of actually yesterday thinking like back to when I was younger. What was I like with friends? Was it about quality or was it about quantity? And I think that there's always a shift, right? And I can see it in the different ages of of the kids. So um Nova right now is moving towards quality, but she's still, you can tell by the way she talks, has that desire for quantity. But she doesn't actually want to be with people, which is interesting.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

Hey, sometimes I don't want to be with people either. Some days I just want to hang out with my dog, which is a totally other different kind of friendship. Yeah, yeah. My best friend.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah. Although And and so it's it's interesting when I think about that, because what it's the and and obviously this absolutely changes with age, but what is the value that we put on friendship through the ages? And and like so Jasper, well, both kids have their birthday parties coming up this this month. And so Jasper, he's got like the maximum amount of kids that he could possibly invite to his birthday. And I mean, like, I think that that's the seven, eight-year-old thing to do. And it's also, I think, for him about inclusion, which because some of the kids that he's invited, mm-hmm. I I wouldn't say they're not friends, they're all school friends, right? Um kind of like them friends. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're the they're the school friends, and so it that's the obviously the natural place that he would get people to come to his birthday. And um, so it's it's quantitative right now, but and even when things go sideways with a friend, they're so much more willing to like forgive and be like, it'll be okay. And so it's been interesting setting up those boundaries. I was just with them so that they can uh discover quality. Whereas Nova for her birthday party, for this is two years now, and this is also what Phoenix does, it's about quality 100%. She last year invited my niece and one other friend. This year, it's just my niece. And every time I'm like, are you sure you maybe don't want like one more or two more? She's like, No.

unknown 12:05

Like, ooky dookie.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

I mean, your niece is pretty cool, so I know, right, right. Uh so it it's funny that and it and it's hard for me to wrap my head around, and again, because I'm thinking it from the adult perspective.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Well, have you seen those Instagram reels where it's two ladies in a parking lot and the lady's like, the caption is like, if adults met friends as kids and it's like, hey, nice shoes. Thank you. I love my shoes. The other lady's like, yeah, nice jacket. And they're like, hey, you want to look for friends? And they like run in the store together and they're like best friends, and that's what kids are, right? Like, yeah. They just want to ex have all those experiences. But as time progresses, it's almost like we get very choosy on who we want to have those quality, quant like quality relationships with. Yeah. And the quantity doesn't matter so much. Yeah. If you think back to like my friend group when I was 20. Done. Downloaded. Downloaded, right? Like that's much different than how it looks now. But it was like that was But you still have some of the same friends. Oh, I and I do, and I cherish, like I cherish the people I've I love people. Like I generally do. I have a genuine love for people. But over time, our lives have just kind of drifted apart. And there's people who I haven't seen in 20 years. Yes, I'm that old. But if I saw them today, we could still catch up and still pick up where we left off. Yeah. So does time and our ability to manage our lives play a part in our friendships?

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Oh, totally. I it I had so many thoughts just going through my mind about this because I'm gonna go back to the kids, but I'm gonna bring it forward. So I was thinking about judgment because right now I just thought about this because I think Nove is just going into that friends compare themselves against each other, right? And who's who's better, who has hair that's something. There's there's the comparison. And then for sure, I know with Phoenix being in junior high and grade nine now, that absolutely happens. And it it's just so weird because again, from an adult perspective, you're like, bro, just shut up and sit down. You're an idiot. Like, but because we've lived this and we're on the other side, and I've actually gone through my brain and I've forgot what it was like. And I thought about this this week, like hard, and not even about this episode. I've like, it was just on my brain. That I had to go back and think about judgment and what it was like to be in like middle school grade, grade six for a girl, especially, because boys don't really care as much. I think that that okay, that's a blanket statement. I think things are changing. They didn't care as much, and I think there's a bit more now, but that's I think a whole other conversation, not a bad one, but it it actually I do remember things and I had a tough time, but I had decent friends. And so I I have to like when it comes to relating to my kids and friends, they're so funny because even yesterday, and Nova never says this, because she's just like in that stage where she's like, screw you, mom. She honestly is. And but she had a friend over uh yesterday after school, and both of them were like, Mom, all my friends think you're just the coolest. And I'm like, I am, just ask me. Like, seriously. Honestly, what are you even thinking? I am cool. Uh, it took me this long to get cool, but um, but it's so funny, um, because even then, like, I'm not friends with their their moms, like we know each other's names. But um even that that kind of comparison, I'm like, well, it's funny because Nova definitely doesn't think I'm cool. Like, she's like so the opposite. But I think deep down she's like, my woman is so cool because she's so chill. It's that wishful thinking. I actually think she's starting to see the difference in like in actual chillness because I mean I'm not a gentle parent by any stretch of the imagination. But I'm an understanding parent. I would agree with that. Yeah. And I'm more willing to meet them where they're at because sometimes I do remember.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

And I remember being the little weirdo. I was gonna say, like, if I'm thinking back that long ago, when I first moved to Okatoks, it was it was a tough transition for me. And I moved here in grade eight. So the friends that I had growing up were nothing like the friends that I met out here, and it took me a while to create those connections. And I mean, a lot of those girls I still talk to. Yes, yeah, you do. Yeah. We went from Mexican last week. It was great. Yeah. And because we have people who move around different sites, I always tell people, give it six months. And it does. It takes about six months to develop that like foundation where it's more than just, hey, hey, how's the weather? Oh, what'd you do on days off?

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Yeah, same thing as last time. It's like pinky in the brain. What are we gonna do today? Take over the world.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Try to take over the world.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

That's that's what it feels like. It's just the same thing, groundhog day, right? Um, so that was gonna bring me up to the point of comparison to your friends as an adult. Because I know that I have totally done that. And you know what? I have to say, COVID really messed with me. It really messed with me. Um, and I I sort of realized it in the time, but then not at the same time, because we were forced apart, blah blah blah, and the bullshit of COVID, okay? But it I and I know I wasn't the only one because this friend group and I have actually talked about this. We actually all felt like each other did not like each other because we just weren't talking, and it was we couldn't see each other, so there wasn't the get-togethers or the you know, wine night or whatever. And so we sort of all fell into this weird, like, oh, they don't like me because of this. And you create these stupid ass stories in your head that let's be real, they're your stories, but they're brutal. They're brutal.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

The things that we can convince ourselves of, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Yeah. So do you experience that with any friends? Like just like your own thoughts of like, oh, we haven't talked. This person must be mad at me. Or I I I don't experience it as much now, but COVID messed with me.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Where I really felt that was when I was transitioning between like when I got laid off and I could no longer afford to go out. And I I was going through something and didn't know how to express my feelings and didn't want to share that shame that I felt. So it was a self-isolation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Does that make sense? Yes, a hundred percent. You just I had a light bulb moment there. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

Where sometimes when we're going through something, we need those connections and have no idea to be like, help. Help, I need help. You're always there, you know me. Yeah. You were my first stop on my way home that day when I got laid off. So um. But it's it's difficult when you're going through something and don't know how to open yourself up to that. Because it is, it's being super vulnerable. And being vulnerable with anyone is not how we live life.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. Do you know what's so interesting? You just like that light bulb, just like it just like lit up the whole room for me. Because that like friendships are weird, man. They can be so weird. They're such an intricate web. Because I mean, again, different perspective from the mom, but uh you may have experienced with or know people who have experienced this, that as soon as you have kids, or if you're the first one in your friend group to have a kid or get married, what changes? How many women say they they lost all their friends?

SPEAKER_02 21:51

Or I'll turn that one around. Be the only woman in your friend group who doesn't have friends who doesn't have kids. Yeah, totally. Where I mean

SPEAKER_00 22:00

I have phenomenal friends where I go to the zoo and I go to Heritage Park and Yeah, you get to do all the things and live through us and not take the kids home to put to bed or feed.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

I really do have the best life. Best of all worlds.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

However, it was me who still fostered those relationships. Yeah, absolutely. Well, it both it came from both of us. It wasn't just one-sided where I understood the importance of you're still an adult woman who needs to have this connection with another adult woman and not just watch Bubble Guppies or whatever that show is.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

What time is it?

SPEAKER_02 22:42

I'm never gonna say that. It's time for lunch.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Brought to you by thank you, Trihouse. Uh yeah, okay, that, but see, that's so great because yeah, you are offering the complete opposite perspective.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

And like if I think back to elementary and junior high, if there was a new student, I couldn't wait to go and be their friend. Right. And wait to, and it it's really transitioned like throughout my life, or even I have a new person outside, and I'm like, hey, like, how's it going? Like, let's make you feel welcome. Yeah. And it stems back to me not feeling welcome, and I don't want other people to feel that way. So it's life lessons that I've learned along the way, and I've put in my little basket and be like, hey, you know what? Yeah. I generally like people. I love people. So how do I make people feel like they're loved? Yeah. And really, that's my whole role in life, I think. And try I don't always do a good job. I'm sorry, I don't.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Nobody does. Right? It's that moon cycle shit. Whew! Whew! Be my friend, don't be my friend, be my friend, don't be my friend. You know? Yeah, it happens. There's so many things firing in my brain, honestly, because you uh also just made me think about friends who have an agenda. And so the people that we continue to hang out with, and we all do it, uh, and then we know that okay, uh if you do the sir, if you do the work, you know that the relationship is in service for them, not for you.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

And absolutely, but those type of relationships are always going to be inner inner privy. Is that the word? What it comes down to is recognizing it and either accepting that person for who they are or not accepting that and walking away from the relationship or staying with it because you still cherish them for who they are.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

And this is this is a very interesting one for me because I've had this conversation or experienced this conversation like with other people. And there's some really interesting perspectives around it because again, I'm gonna use the almighty word boundaries, right? People, when we have people in our lives where they're like, oh, do you want to go out for lunch? And you know that you're going to feel more drained after the interaction than than going in. Now, typically it's easy to say, oh, well, you just shouldn't go to that. But for some reason, there's something that keeps you in that relationship. We all experience this. And we often label them as toxic. But is that even a right title? Because what keeps us going back, and I mean, I'm I'm going down a different tangent. However, there's a reason. There's always a reason those relationships or those friendships are in your life. And there are obviously ways to protect yourself so that you know you know exactly what you're gonna get. You're gonna get the person who is talking about the exact same things that they've been talking about for the past five years, but they're always going to be the person who life is happening to them instead of them shaping life for themselves. And we all have that friend. We all do.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Yet we keep going back because we're we're remembering the times that that wasn't in our in our view, right? We're going back to Take my hand, let me guide you out of this. Man, we had some good times together. Oh yeah, this is a good like reminiscing about the good days gone by and still trying to recru recreate those moments where sometimes we have friends that are staying stagnant and some that grow along with you. And sometimes those ones that are just staying stagnant eventually it's there's still lots of love in your heart for them, but they're not serving a this is gonna sound awful, but they're not serving a purpose anymore.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

And it's funny because I was just gonna say the complete opposite, because somewhere in there, everything happens and is in your life for a reason and a purpose, and it serves me, right? Is it's in there somewhere, and and like that's the reason we keep going back for that coffee or that lunch.

SPEAKER_02 27:53

And when that person who hasn't done the growing or you label as toxic and you've just drained your energy, it's probab most likely because they need that boost in well, they need that boost in energy, they need that positivity, they need that someone to talk to, someone who relates to the situation that they're continuing to go through. So, how do you break that circle?

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Well, I actually don't think you do, to be honest. Um it's a tough one. It's a really tough one, right? Because you can you can label it toxic and just be like, I'm done. Right. We all have a line. We all have a line.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

I think that word toxic is so overused to dismiss boundaries and toxicity.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

No, just hear me out. Just hear me out. Oh, I'm hearing you. I'm with you.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Where we use that word so often to describe something that has nothing to do with that other person.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

It has everything to do with where we're at and it isn't serving us. So we label it as toxic. That's all labels are. So those toxic relationships aren't necessarily toxic. Like that other person isn't, well, sometimes they go out of their way to do harm, but yeah, that's not typically how people show up, especially to their friends.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Right. And so in those moments, like I this is this is my call to action for everybody, because it's it's tough, is in those relationships, in those moments when you're thinking, man, I need to put up my invisible boundary here and label this as toxic and go, okay, what's the reflection? Let's sing Michael Jackson. I'm starting with the man in the Okay. What's the what's the reflection? Honestly, what is it showing you? What is the the service that having that relationship is showing you? And honestly, do the work. And if it is in fact like so bow dunk that you're like, boy, you got to go, then do it. Like that is okay to do. But walking around, again, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna go down the boundaries and if your boundaries again, but if you put these things up, then you have to have the awareness that it's within you and you cannot expect everyone else to know and understand what is within you when you're just slapping labels on everything.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

So that's easier said than done. Oh, absolutely. Especially in our society today with social media and the way that we are so busy and don't have the that connection, the time for connection, where we're already feeling alone and isolated. We're not willing to draw people out of our lives.

SPEAKER_00 31:07

That's true. I uh this is not related, but I really want to bring it up because I this goes back to us talking about like adults, kids, and social media. You just brought it up. So I really want to say something because it was so interesting to me and so refreshing, I have to say. Because um, as you know, my kiddos are in 4-H and we have public speaking and they did their their public speaking and Nova did another one. And there was more kids in this one and some really incredible topics and so cool to be offered from a uh youth perspective, because as an adult perspective, it is just like so not the same. And so, long story short, there were two kids that were tied, and when you're tied, you do a um an impromptu speech, and it has to be on the same topic. And so you don't get to, they don't get to listen to the other kids speak. So then the there were it was actually a boy and a girl, which was fabulous for this because their topic was gender equality in sports. And the adults, there was like a visible, ooh, what kind of topic is this in the room? There was like a where is this going? Like, oh my god, because we clearly have a very adult perspective on this. And outside influence is coming in, right? And that's it. What they talked about was so refreshing. It was like the so the young man spoke about um he wanted gender equality in sports, but it was because the uh WNBA, the women, weren't having large audiences, and he didn't think that was fair. So he thought the NBA should give them some fans. So that was his perspective. And the young ladies was that she didn't like what some of the women had to wear in sports. And so it was like volleyball, I think was really what it was. Yeah, yeah. With the short shorts and the tank tops and and the exposure, right? And so it was so cool. And I just think that that sort of ties in with like we have such a different perspective as adults.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

Well, we go in there with our minds already made up before we even hear a perspective.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

Yeah, yeah, we do. We do. Is it that time? It is. Not time for lunch. I need to make a jingle about pantry confessions. What time is it? It's pantry confession time. Oh, let you read it today. Oh, you're gonna let me read it. Okay, okay, okay. Um, uh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Um and do send these in to our producer.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

Yeah, yeah. Okay, guys, we really, really, really want you to send these things in. And they don't even have to be like this. You could just like share a funny story, um, your thoughts, moments of real life, funny, vulnerable, complicated. We'll just pick you apart. That's all. No, we will not. No, we won't. I'm just kidding. Uh take a joke, bro. Take a joke. Um Okay. Okay, pick a number. One, two, three. Let's go, number two. All right. I had a rare free afternoon, and instead of feeling grateful, I felt anxious. I've got a thing for that. I kept checking my phone, refreshing emails, looking for something to respond to. It made me realize how uncomfortable I am when no one needs me. I don't think I miss the work. I think I miss the validation.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

What do you think of that? What do I think of that? I think that in the world that we live in today, where we have something constantly coming at us 100% of the time, that when we don't, and we're like, whoa, what am I missing? Like, there's we don't know how to relax unless it's on a beach. Drinking a margarita. Totally go to the beach. Uh how about that validation piece? Well, the validation piece is the more you do, the more important you are. Yeah. I don't look at life that way. You want to do it? Okay, give her. Yeah. Let's let's style out. I like my relaxing time. I like having lots of down time. I have that luxury though, right? We've discussed this. I have lots of I have lots of spare time.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

It's yeah, it's super interesting because I mean, yeah, I I have learned to lean into spare time. I'm digging it, man. Yeah. Tell me about your spare time. How many hours a day do you have spare time? Let's not talk about that. It's it's not a lot, but my classes are a little lighter right now. So I legit thought today was Thursday last night. And I was like hustling to get some stuff done. And I was like, wait a minute. I have another full day. I was like, what? This is the greatest thing ever. Um, now don't get me wrong, I'm not, I still cannot just like sit down on the couch and turn on Maury or anything or Dr. Phil and get some therapy. But um I I mostly just like clean my house when I've got free time. Because I've discovered that cleaning my house actually frees my mind. I have to like, if I just like look around and see the clutter everywhere, I'm just like, oh, I don't like it. Um, but the validation piece, you need to do some inner work, man. Because we're so used to everything's external. Everything is external and it's instant validation of things. Like if we had something to look up right now, we would say, Hey Sarah, could you look this up right now? And she'd be like, Yeah. And she'd make it appear on this thing. That's instant validation.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

Which is all over our world. Our communication is instant. Like, there's this guy who has been reading his grandparents' letters back and forth during the war. That's so cool. Yeah. So here would probably make me cry. Really wants to like bring back handlet and wretter.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

Wait, is this a book?

SPEAKER_02 37:52

He's turning it into a book. Okay, I've heard about this. So, and I just think it's a really interesting, like it's so cool because like can you imagine waiting? You wrote a letter, sat down and actually like hand wrote a letter, took the time, went to the mailbox, dropped it off, put a stamp on it, had to wait for it to go two weeks to get to its destination. And then when they had time, and if you're lucky, it was right away, and then wait for another two weeks to get this letter back.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Okay, I literally okay. I'm gonna that's a long ass time ago. But I would forget what I wrote in the first place. Like But that was the fun of it. Because do you know? And because you know me, I never had a phone. I did not have a phone until I was into my I was already married, bruh, when I had a phone, uh, a cell phone. She knew she did. Uh and I didn't pay for it, man. My cousin paid for it because I was like, nope on a rope, not happening, not doing it. And so my cousin paid for my phone.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

Yeah, Steph in culinary school did not have a cell phone.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

So the point that I'm getting to about these letters is that when Arthur and I met, he lived in Vancouver and we wrote letters. Yeah, we did. I there was no instant gratification, there was no validation, but he loved me so much. But that's so fun. I know I gotta go find those. You know what? I'm gonna go read my old love letters. There was probably some weird shit in there. What the kids read? Okay, we went like way off. Okay, how do you relax, like legitimately? I know it's different for you. How do how do we relax and actually lean into the fact that we have a free afternoon and make it okay? It is okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

So, how I switched my mindset because it's it has like this. I didn't come over this. I didn't come to this overnight. No. This has been a long time coming. Many, many hours of work and thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars. And it's been a lot. Yeah, it's it's a lot. This has not come overnight where I'm like, yeah, you know what? I just chill when I want to, or I'm schedule my time. You know, that makes me really uncomfortable. It makes a lot of people uncomfortable because I have a father who hit the background that he has is very task-driven. They wake up to a certain time, they all ate at the same time. Like it was very regimented and routine, and every single moment of his day was laid out. And that's how I grew up. And if I wasn't doing anything, there was something wrong with me.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

I was being lazy. Right? And isn't it so it's it's funny, not funny, because my dad, my dad did not obviously have the same background, but he worked, worked, worked, worked, worked until he couldn't. Until he couldn't. And then oh, oh then he said, you make sure you don't work all the time.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

No, you need to take those times and make those memories memorable with those that you love. Foster those friendships, foster those relationships with your family. You know what? Go through your phone. Someone who you love dearly in your phone, give them a call. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

Who you haven't talked to in a while. Yeah. So when you have that moment in the afternoon, make definitely phone someone. Phone someone because it's later than you think. You got it.

SPEAKER_02 41:36

Anyway, I love you. I love you so much. Bye, guys.