Solomon’s Paradox

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Have you ever noticed how wise you can be about somebody else’s life?

A friend tells you about a difficult relationship, and somehow you can see the situation clearly.

You tell them:

“Don’t make a decision while you’re angry.”

“Give it some time.”

“Try to see the other person’s side.”

Very sensible.

Then something similar happens to you…

and suddenly all that wisdom seems to disappear.

Transcript

Have you ever noticed how wise you can be about somebody else’s life?

A friend tells you about a difficult relationship, and somehow you can see the situation clearly.

You tell them:

“Don’t make a decision while you’re angry.”

“Give it some time.”

“Try to see the other person’s side.”

Very sensible.

Then something similar happens to you…

and suddenly all that wisdom seems to disappear.

Hello and welcome to a weekend episode of Daily English, where we try to grow—in English and in life.

There is actually a name for this tendency:

Solomon’s paradox.

The name refers to King Solomon, traditionally associated with great wisdom.

The psychological idea is simple: we can sometimes reason more wisely about other people’s problems than about our own.

Psychologists Igor Grossmann and Ethan Kross explored this in a series of experiments. They found that when people thought about someone else’s personal conflict, they were more likely to consider different perspectives, recognize uncertainty, and think about compromise. When the problem became personal, that kind of wisdom became harder to access.

Suggesting that perhaps the problem is not always that we lack wisdom.

Perhaps we are simply too close to the problem.

When something happens to someone else, we can stand back and see the bigger picture.

But when it happens to us, fear, hope, pride, history, and emotion all become part of the picture.

We are no longer observing the storm.

We are standing inside it.

And when you are standing inside a storm, it is much harder to describe the weather.

The useful part of the research is that psychological distance seemed to help people reason more wisely about their own problems too.

In simple language:

Sometimes we need to step outside ourselves for a moment.

Not to disconnect emotionally.

Not to pretend the problem does not matter.

Just to create enough distance to see it more clearly.

So the next time you feel stuck, imagine that someone you deeply care about came to you with exactly the same problem.

What would you tell them?

Would you tell them that one mistake has ruined everything?

Would you expect them to know exactly what another person is thinking?

Would you demand a perfect decision immediately?

Probably not.

You might be more patient.

More balanced.

And perhaps a little kinder.

Another useful question is:

“What might I see differently six months from now?”

Today, the situation may feel urgent.

With distance, you may see more context.

And one more question:

“What do I actually know—and what am I assuming?”

That can create surprising space between the facts and the story we are telling ourselves.

I like Solomon’s paradox because it is quite humbling.

We often think wisdom is something we either have or we don’t.

But perhaps wisdom also depends on where we are standing.

Sometimes, we already have much of the advice we need.

We simply hear it more clearly when we imagine giving it to someone else.

So the next time you feel tangled in a problem, instead of immediately asking:

“What should I do?”

Try asking:

“What would I tell someone I love if this were their life?”

Then listen carefully to your answer.

You may be wiser than you feel.

You may just need a little distance to hear yourself.

Thank you for being here.

Take care, and I’ll see you tomorrow.