Episode 4: Top 3 Traits of a Conscious Couple

In this episode of The Jordan and Vanessa Show, we dive deep into what truly defines a conscious couple. We break it down into three core traits that have shaped our relationship and allowed us to thrive together:

1️⃣ Tending to Your Own Vibration – The foundation of a strong, conscious partnership starts with self-responsibility. When you tend to your own emotional state and stay above the green line, you bring the best version of yourself to your relationship. We share personal stories, including an unforgettable Abraham Hicks lesson on why you can’t vibrate for another person.

2️⃣ Allowing Your Partner to Be Fully Themselves – True love is about seeing and embracing your partner exactly as they are. We reflect on how our relationship flourished because we both gave ourselves permission to be authentic from the very beginning—no dimming of light, no compromises on who we truly are.

3️⃣ Intentionally Co-Creating a Satisfying Life Together – The magic of conscious coupling is in co-creation. From vision boards to our “Life We Choose” document, we discuss how aligning on a shared vision allows us to manifest and live the life of our dreams—together.

We also unpack how to navigate differences, the power of focusing on gratitude instead of blame, and why conscious couples naturally uplift each other instead of dragging each other down. Whether you’re single and seeking this kind of partnership or already in a relationship and looking to deepen your connection, this episode is packed with insights, real-life examples, and encouragement.

💡 If you desire a conscious relationship, it’s possible for you. Hold the vision, tend to your vibration, and allow yourself to be fully YOU.

✨ Sending love and light! 

🙌 Visit https://vibrationfit.com/ where we bridge the woo-woo with the how-to!

🔔 Subscribe for more conscious creation insights & vibrational wisdom! We believe that together we can make good vibes go viral!

#ConsciousCouple #LawOfAttraction #ManifestLove #VibrationFit #AboveTheGreenLine #JordanAndVanessaShow

Transcript

Vanessa 0:01

Welcome to the Jordan and Vanessa show. I'm Vanessa and I'm Jordan, and today we're going to talk about what makes a conscious couple.

Jordan 0:09

There are three things that we've come up with what we would describe as a conscious couple ourselves.

Vanessa 0:15

Yes, After thinking about it for a long time, we've boiled it down to the top three traits. The first trait and I believe the most is tending to your own vibration. The second is allowing your partner to be fully themselves and allowing yourself to be authentic too. And the last and third trait is intentionally co-creating a satisfying life experience together.

Jordan 0:39

Absolutely. I'd say the first two are individually focused it's really what you're working on within yourself and then the third one is whenever you co-create as a team. Yeah, and I think ultimately, that is the funnest part of being a conscious couple, in my opinion, is being able to share a common vision for your life and really intentionally manifest it together and have a lot of fun along the way. So totally. Let's get into these three points individually.

Vanessa 1:09

Yes.

Jordan 1:10

Starting with number one.

Vanessa 1:11

So we're going to start with the most important one, which is tending to your own vibe, Because if you don't tend to your own vibration, then the rest of life pretty much sucks yeah absolutely.

Jordan 1:27

It's pretty much a universal. If you're not attending your own vibration, it's going to be a thing.

Vanessa 1:29

Cause, really, if you, if you don't take care of yourself, if you don't take care of your own vibration, then there's really nothing you can give to another.

Jordan 1:38

Yeah, absolutely, I'd say it's really important that we always remember we all have an individual point of attraction going on and while we have relationships in our lives that are highly meaningful and become what feels like is a part of us, right at the end of the day you still have an individual point of attraction going on that you need to tend to, and it's never your partner's job to vibrate for you. In fact, we have a pretty funny story about this. We were at an Abraham Hicks conference, actually on a cruise, and Abraham called up a man and he got up there and got in the chair and they said, all right, what'd you like to talk about? And he was like, well, I didn't actually have a question. And they said, all right, what'd you like to?

Vanessa 2:25

talk about and he was like well, I didn't actually have a question, my wife had a question, so let me, I'd like you to go call my wife up. So you can answer her question.

Jordan 2:31

Exactly, or if you're not going to call her up, then I'm going to ask her a question for her. Yeah. And Abraham literally looks at him and goes dude, you can't vibrate for another person.

Vanessa 2:46

It was actually you up here. It was a huge example that they were setting for the whole room, which was exactly that. You can't vibe for somebody else.

Jordan 2:52

Yeah, totally, and he goes well. I didn't have a question, it was my wife's question and they go exactly.

Vanessa 2:57

Go sit down, go sit down.

Jordan 2:59

And they literally sent the guy away because their only point was you can't vibrate for another person. We didn't call her up here. We called you up here, and that's basically how the universe works. It's always responding to your own individual point of attraction, your own individual vibration. And.

Jordan 3:16

I really love that and I think for me personally, on top of tending to my own vibration for myself, I also feel like that's one of my biggest contributions to you and our family unit is whenever I'm living an above the green line life, then I feel like that's where all my power and influence lies in actually helping pave the way for other people to live an above the green Line experience as well.

Vanessa 3:43

Definitely there's a vibrational mix that's always going on. So, for example, there's your vibrational signature, there's my vibrational signature and then there's the vibrational mix of our vibrational signatures. And then you have our three kids. So we're at home, say, in the living room, and then all of a sudden one of the kids comes in. Now there's a vibrational mix between all three of our vibrational signatures, and then another kid comes in and then there's another vibrational signature of that vibrational mix.

Vanessa 4:12

So, there's always this vibrational dance going on, and whatever your vibrational signature is in the moment, it can be felt by those around you. So tending to your own vibration is so important.

Jordan 4:25

Absolutely in terms of relationship and also, at the end of the day, your emotional guidance system is responding to what you've got going on in your mind and the vibration that you're offering so you can be sitting in the room amongst a bunch of people that are above the green line and be tormenting yourself and your own mind, and I know we've all had that experience before, where you're sitting there and you're experiencing potentially emotional pain, maybe below the green line emotional state, and it's because of what you're focused on or how you're focused on it.

Vanessa 4:59

Right your self-talk.

Jordan 5:00

Your self-talk exactly and relative to how the infinite part of your consciousness is seeing it. So, at the end of the day, because no one can vibrate for you, no one can force you to feel a certain way, At the end of the day. You've got to tend to that. And if you're going to live an above the green line life, you've really got to tend to your own vibration first.

Vanessa 5:21

Definitely. I know for myself. I grew up in a house where I was really training my vibrational muscles to be an empath. So when I was younger, when I was two years old, my sister passed away and eventually my parents got a divorce a few years later. So I was always trying to fill this gap in the house, this vibrational gap, to really just bring the energy above the green line. I didn't know what I was doing back then, but now when I look back I can.

Vanessa 5:51

I can just kind of observe that my actions and just how I was feeling. I was really trying to raise the energy because there was a lot of stuff going on. And so over the years I trained myself to really just be able to read people's energy and I feel like I even brought that to our marriage where I could really feel where you were and I would really just try to meet you there. But I've discovered over the years that you have no influence, you have no power whenever you join somebody below the green line. So it's kind of like there's a big gaping hole and you have all of these tools that you could help them out of the hole with while you stay above the hole, but instead of getting the rope or the pulley or whatever it is that you could actually help them with and throw that into the hole and when they're ready, they can climb on out. You just jump into the hole with them and now you're both screwed Now you're both down there, powerless and non-influential.

Vanessa 6:51

And then maybe eventually you can whittle your way out. But over the years I've discovered that's not the way to do it. I like me. Joining you or anybody else below the green line doesn't do anything for me and it doesn't do anything for anybody else.

Jordan 7:05

Yeah, absolutely. I'd say one thing and just to be clear, when we talk about the green line, we're basically saying above the green line is positive emotional states generally that feel good, and below the green line are what we would call negative emotional states that don't feel super great. And the further you get from the green line, the worse it feels on the low side, and the further you get from the green line on the high side, the better it feels.

Jordan 7:32

So ultimately, I find it interesting how infrequent it is that both of us go below the green line, and that's one of the great things about a conscious couple is because we're both tending to our own vibration.

Jordan 7:46

First, I may dip below the green line because of how I'm focused on something and be experiencing the negative emotional repercussion of it, but you haven't gone there, so you can still be living this above the green line life and I feel like it is a great thing to have someone who's above the green line. If you're below the green line because you've just got this example of someone who's happy and you kind of have an elastic pull almost back to the right side of the green line, almost like a rubber band, as if the partner's saying hey, listen, man, I'm not coming down there to meet you. All right, I'm not doing it Like. This is where all my power and influence lies. This is where I want to be with my kids, this is where I want to be as I enjoy this dinner or I enjoy whatever I'm doing in my life. So you know you're either coming back up here or you're going to stay in that hole by yourself.

Vanessa 8:37

Yeah, and sometimes it's definitely annoying whenever you're below the green line and the other person is above the green line. It's annoying hearing all of their positive feedback on what on your negative lean, you know. So I feel like over time we also get really good at reading that energy in each other. So if one of us needs space, then the other one gives them space and grace it's like.

Vanessa 9:00

I understand like this isn't who they are. They're feeling negative emotion because they're focused in a way that that infinite part of themselves isn't focused, but they're going to come back, they'll. They're going to come back above the green line and I'm just going to give them space to find their way back.

Vanessa 9:19

And we always do no-transcript lot of weight off your shoulders too, if you come at it from that perspective, because then it takes away the conditions. It takes away all of these conditions you place on yourself, or the perceived expectations of what they expect of you, because then you're not trying to operate in a way that makes your partner happy, you're just operating in a way that allows you to be fully yourself and allows them to be fully themselves, which brings me to point number two, which is allowing your partner to be fully themselves and allowing yourself to be authentically you, which I believe we've done from the onset of our relationship.

Authentic Relationship Foundations

Jordan 10:30

Oh, absolutely. So we have some pretty funny stories. I've always been a pretty big energy and I've been excited about life and I've had friends in the past that were well-meaning, basically literally coach me that if I wanted to be in a relationship with a normal person, I needed to dim my light. Like literally they'd say dude, I love you, I get it, you're a super high energy person, I like it, but I know who you are and it's great to be around that. But if you're ever going to date like a normal person, you're going to have to tone it down.

Vanessa 11:09

And I had buddies like literally teach me how to interact with normal people.

Jordan 11:11

Well, you were even dating people who said that you were too happy. Yeah, absolutely, and that's kind of how it is whenever you're an above the green line person. You're the conscious creator of your reality. You've come into conscious awareness of universal law and you're pretty pumped about bringing yourself into harmony with universal principle to create the life of your dreams.

Vanessa 11:28

You know you're excited about being the conscious creator of your reality. And they're like um, I just woke up, can we not yeah?

Jordan 11:36

Or I have not woke up, can we not?

Vanessa 11:40

That would almost be a way to say it, and I don't want to wake up and I don't want to wake up. I won't be waking up. Can you just not be so happy so I'm more comfortable?

Jordan 11:48

Yeah totally so.

Jordan 11:50

I think it's funny that I've had those experiences in the past and I literally got to the point where if it was going to be myself on the chopping block, like basically I'm never going to be able to be myself on the chopping block, like basically I'm never going to be able to be myself, but I'm going to be able to have a relationship with a normal person. Or I was going to allow myself to be fully me and I would have to be alone. Then at that point I just chose I would rather be fully me and alone than some dumbed down, dimmed down version of myself. Right.

Jordan 12:28

And that was actually right before you met. I kind of had this release where I was just like you know what, it's okay At the end of the day, if I'm too much for the world. If there's not like a person out there that can handle this energy or build this co-creative life with me, then I'm at least going to allow myself to be me. And there was some sort of an unlock in that for me, Cause I remember when I had this kind of surreal experience where I really sat with that and became okay with being myself alone, Two weeks later I met you, which is really trippy.

Jordan 13:05

Such divine timing, yeah, such divine timing and the cool thing is, from the very beginning, both of us gave ourselves permission to just be ourselves, because I had tried the other and it didn't work for me. So I was like she's going to see all of it from the very beginning, and that way, if it works, it works, and if it doesn't, then that's okay too. And that's what was really cool about us is we were both completely us and it completely worked.

Vanessa 13:32

It's incredible we went through. I remember a couple years into our relationship. We went all the way back to our initial texting to each other and it was just so funny how us we were at the beginning, even in those beginning stages, you know a lot of people are trying to impress each other at the beginning of a relationship.

Vanessa 13:51

But we just like, we let the full crazy just come through and we were just like being funny and being ourselves and silly and it was just really neat to see how authentic we were from the from the start yeah, I remember like whenever we first started dating, we had only known each other for like a few days, and one day you just sent me a picture of a real baby.

Vanessa 14:16

So I had told them that I worked at. At the time I was working with a church in the town that we lived and I would volunteer sometimes to work with the babies at the church.

Jordan 14:28

Yeah, well, I had kind of forgotten that she might be at work that day. So like one morning I just get this text message and it's a baby and I'm like, whose baby's that you know? Yeah.

Vanessa 14:41

He's like oh no, I didn't know, I just met her.

Jordan 14:46

I was unaware. She was a baby mama she could have a baby, and then obviously, you didn't have a baby at the time. But it was just funny that, like in the beginning, you're still learning things about each other and we're most prone in the beginning to kind of put on this version of ourselves that isn't really us.

Vanessa 15:06

Put on this veil, yeah, put on this veil Of perfection.

Jordan 15:10

Yeah, like kind of like your Instagram life, like this is what my life is actually like, you know. And ultimately we wonder why, a year or two years down the road, things don't work out with some people. Well, from the very beginning, maybe they weren't genuine, not because they didn't want to be but, because they had these perceived expectations of a partner like oh, this is probably what they're going to want to see from me, so that's how I'm going to show up.

Vanessa 15:35

Right.

Vanessa 15:36

No, such a beautiful unfolding because of that foundation that we laid at the very beginning, of authenticity and just completely letting the other person see who we, who we were and who we are and it was crazy seeing how thing characteristics of ourselves that we may have seen as negative, like you were just talking about people like your closest friends they were like, well, you can't be you like you're too much, you're too much of an energy, like, well, you can't be you like you're too much, you're too much of an energy. Things like that I actually saw as really incredible traits. So things like that were things that I was attracted to. So it was funny because the things that we may have seen as negative characteristics to ourselves, the other person actually brought out as positive characteristics.

Vanessa 16:24

So it's just like this beautiful intertwining of our characteristics, of ourselves and just this beautiful unfolding in our relationship.

Allowing Your Partner to Be Themselves

Jordan 16:33

Yeah, totally. And I would say, if you're at one of those spots where maybe you're in between relationships or you just haven't found like this conscious coupling that we're referring to, I can tell you that I definitely experienced that At the time that I met her, I was 28 years old and I was starting to have these thoughts of well, oh my gosh, I'm single, like for me to ever have the dream life that I've always wanted, of With the kids and the family.

Vanessa 17:01

Exactly All of the things. My time clock is ticking. Yeah, my clock is ticking.

Jordan 17:05

Like, in a way, you just see yourself getting older and it's like you start to go through the traditional idea of like what relationship is supposed to look like.

Jordan 17:13

And it's like, well, if I met someone tomorrow, then I'd have to do the preliminary dating to try to figure out who she is and have her figure out who I am, and then there's going to be a certain amount of time that goes by, and then, once the time goes by, then you can propose and then, once that happens, then you can get married and then, hopefully, you know.

Jordan 17:32

So I'm like, oh man, I'm like so far out from the potential for this awesome life to develop because you're putting standard clocks on things. But the great thing about a conscious couple is when you really come into the relationship being you and your partner does the same thing, and you've also had it built into yourself that you're tending to your own vibration first and you've allowed yourself to be you and because of that you're encouraging your partner to be the same. Right, it's like I want you in totality, I want you in entirety, I want to know all of it, I want you to be the fullest version of you, because if we're going to be a conscious couple. That's the you that I want to experience. So in allowing yourself to be you, you also give your partner permission to do the same. Right.

Jordan 18:24

And it's this really beautiful unfolding. So from the time that we met, we were engaged in six months, married a year after that and had our first baby in 2019.

Vanessa 18:36

Right, yeah, it was just so easy. Everything flowed so easily. I had never met somebody that I wanted to be with 24-7. I had heard so many people say, like, well, marriage is basically you having to. What's the word? You have to?

Jordan 18:54

give up yes.

Vanessa 18:56

So many people told me you have to compromise in marriage. Like you bring things to the table, he brings things to the table and you're going to have to compromise with some things because they won't match up. But I've never felt that way in our marriage.

Vanessa 19:09

And I feel like that is very unique, and it's now that I've experienced it. It's so possible, and that's just something that I really want people to hear is that they don't have to settle, because there were so many times before we met each other that we just thought, since we had never experienced anything like this, we thought, well, this must be it, this must be all there is out there, right? What if he doesn't exist? What if Jordan Buckingham isn't out there?

Jordan 19:37

for me yeah, what if it's crazy to think that I ever had sort of those trains of thought? Right. But also, deep underneath it all, I had this belief that matches a Denzel Washington quote, which I'll say, but I basically believed, if I had this huge desire within me to experience this, that it must be possible.

Vanessa 20:02

I love how Denzel Washington must be possible.

Jordan 20:04

And Denzel Washington has a quote. He says true desire in the heart for anything good is God's proof, sent beforehand, that it's already yours. And I get chill bumps thinking about it because I really latched onto that and I was just like you know what, Anytime I was down or didn't know if it was going to happen or whatever people are telling you not to be you.

Vanessa 20:25

Yeah, people are telling me not to be me.

Jordan 20:27

You know, I would think you know what. I still had this powerful desire for this. I want this so badly and I just believe that it's possible for me and it must be out there. And so, as low as I would get and as much as you would kind of go down those rabbit holes I was describing earlier, sometimes I still always had this glimmer of hope within me that I would just never let die.

Jordan 20:53

So if you're watching this and you're kind of in that place where you're wondering if you have true desire in the heart for something like this, a conscious coupling, it's out there for you there is a person who's in vibrational harmony with you. And that particular person may not be in harmony with you right this red hot minute, but we always like to ask ourselves the question if you can have less of what you want now or more of what you want later when do you want it?

Vanessa 21:19

Wouldn't you choose later?

Jordan 21:20

Yeah, Like wouldn't you choose later? And most people would say, well, I'd rather wait and get more of what I want, and that's kind of how it is with relationship intersections. I would say, so this is a little bit of the how to of the woo woo, but it's kind of like how do you wait or how do you have the patience to be able to allow that intersection to happen?

Vanessa 21:49

And for us like it just wouldn't have worked any other time. The time that we met was the exact right timing because you were 28, but I was 21. Right. Because we have a seven year age gap there.

Jordan 21:58

Right.

Vanessa 21:58

So it wouldn't have made sense. What am I? 14?

Jordan 22:01

Yeah, yeah, totally so like I wanted to have a relationship like what we have whenever I was, say, 24, but you were 17 at the time. That doesn't work.

Jordan 22:10

So, at the end of the day, it needs to happen when it needs to happen and there'll be a beautiful unfolding toward it. You just remind yourself, based on, or I just remind myself, based on my experience now, that that intersection was a beautiful, perfect intersection that was exactly right, exactly when it needed to happen. It was divine timing you were free, I was free, us coming together was perfect. There was no messiness to it.

Jordan 22:42

It was just this perfect opportunity for us to join our lives together and move forward. And I'm not saying it has to be perfectly clean and not messy like that all the time, but what I am saying is there may be a person out there for you that's actually in another relationship right now. They might be completely focused on school or they might be completely focused on something else, but ultimately, you two are the ones that are going to be in harmony and you're going to be the conscious couple. So if you give yourself permission to number one, tend to your own vibration. Number two allow yourself to be you.

Vanessa 23:19

Because, by the way, if you're not authentically you, then you might miss out on the opportunity to have that exact right person, that conscious coupling, into your life.

Jordan 23:31

Totally.

Vanessa 23:31

So the more you can be authentically yourself, the more opportunity you have for someone else who's authentically themselves to be matched with you.

Jordan 23:40

And that's exactly right. So if you'll give yourself the opportunity to be those first two things right, If you're waiting for the conscious other half to show up, right.

Jordan 23:52

Then you can be in the action phase, like feeling, like you're moving toward that, just by really practicing these first two things. Number one tend to your own vibration, work to stay above the green line and really train your vibration into this awesome good feeling, life. And number two allow yourself to be you, don't hide yourself from the world. Be all of what you came here to be, because at the end of the day, you don't want to intersect with a person who's only in vibrational harmony with half of you.

Jordan 24:25

You want to intersect with somebody who's in vibrational harmony with all of you. You want to intersect with somebody who's in vibrational harmony with all of you, and for that to happen, you need to allow yourself to be all of you now. So the more you can practice those first two things, I think, the better off you'll be at arranging the intersection, so to speak.

Vanessa 24:42

Definitely, and the more you, you can be like at your core, you are source energy. You, you have the same energy pulsing through your veins that creates worlds, so you wouldn't want to cut off any part of that. The more fully you can be yourself, the more fully you can experience life. And there's nothing more fun than experiencing life to the fullest with somebody else who is? Also experiencing life to the fullest, which brings us to point number three, which is intentionally co-creating a satisfying life experience together.

Jordan 25:16

Totally. This is my favorite part.

Vanessa 25:18

Mine too. It is so much fun.

Jordan 25:20

So this is interesting. But when Vanessa and I met, I had a document called the life I choose document and I take it pretty far because I believe that having a clear vision for what you want your life to be is a really strong component of actually moving towards it right. So what was interesting about us is how rapidly we went from having a life I choose document to having a life we choose document, which was really cool and satisfying for me. Something I had never really had before is just a common vision for my life with another person that we had really honed in and carved out and made decisions about and wrote together and really got into harmony together and then ultimately focused on together. So I just think that is another thing I was talking about with timelines. Whenever I was kind of nervous like oh my gosh, like when am I going to start my life with this person?

Jordan 26:24

I haven't even found her yet, you know it is really cool, once you do have the other half of you show up with this conscious couple, how rapidly it can turn into a life. We choose situation.

Vanessa 26:35

Definitely yeah. It's been so much fun. We've created so many vision boards that have just thing after thing after thing have just flown off the vision board. They've been accomplished and it's just so much fun knowing that we put them there and that we're the creators of our own reality. We're experiencing the things that we dreamed about five years ago. Our vision documents have completely changed over the years too. They're always this constant ebb and flow of different things, so we're always drafting new vision documents, and the core of them a lot of times stay the same, but different details in it change as our life changes.

Jordan 27:13

Yeah, and this is funny One thing I'll mention about the life I choose document versus the life we choose document. There were a lot of things in my original life I choose document that were solely there because I thought you were going to want them.

Vanessa 27:27

Yeah, so like perceived expectations of my future wife, totally so it's like it's really funny because it's like yeah, exactly.

Jordan 27:36

And I would ask myself a lot like who do I need to become to attract this person into my life experience?

Vanessa 27:43

That's one of my favorite questions I believe that's so powerful. Who do I need to become in order to attract this type of person into my life?

Jordan 27:51

Totally, and back then I was kind of on the lower end of the conscious creator ladder, where I was really into basically, hey, thoughts become things. If I can create enough of the things that would attract the partner, then everything would be great, Right.

Jordan 28:12

And so the financial goals that were in there, the type of car that I drove, the type of house that I would have whenever you showed up, the type of career and business or whatever that I would have whenever you showed up, we're all kind of designed in a way that I thought would attract you. And then ultimately what I found as I progressed. And now you and I've been together for a decade, which is amazing from the time that we met.

Jordan 28:42

But now I realize that when I look back at that first document, a lot of what was in it disintegrated once I met you, because a lot of things that I thought were going to be important to you just weren't.

Vanessa 28:56

I know you had like fancy cars and crazy houses and all of these things. I remember once at the beginning of our relationship, maybe a year or two in, we weren't doing very well financially. And I remember you looked at me one day and you just looked completely defeated and you asked me honey, would you live with me in a trailer? And what did I say?

Vanessa 29:21

he said honey, I live with you in a tent and I just remember you almost having this peace come over you where you had this, knowing that we had this partnership.

Jordan 29:35

Yeah, that we were a team. Right, we were a team, that we were a team.

Vanessa 29:39

And you weren't carrying the weight in our relationship or in our life. It was very much you and me in this. Together we are a team. Whatever we do, whatever we go through, we'll get through it. And we're going to bring the best gifts to the table and we're going to forge a path, but it's not. All of the weight isn't on your shoulders.

Vibrational Harmony in Relationships

Jordan 30:03

Yeah, absolutely, and you know it's interesting. You may not know this, but that wasn't the first time I'd ever asked someone that in the past. I don't know if I ever told you that.

Vanessa 30:13

Yeah. What were some of the other responses you got?

Jordan 30:16

I had never gotten that one before, that's for sure.

Vanessa 30:18

No one would live with you in a tent silly.

Jordan 30:28

It sounds now that I had all that stuff in my vision document. Yeah, but whenever you ask people a question like that and they go, oh no, I would never live in a trailer, I would never live in a trailer park. That's I'm not outdoor Barbie, you know like that's not, that's not how I roll. Then you know, we kind of get conditioned by the world and all these TV shows and stuff that we see.

Vanessa 30:46

that that's kind of the expectation, like what's important, and I'm the man I have to provide for the woman I need to figure all this stuff out. And you know.

Jordan 30:56

I definitely came from an upbringing that was kind of like that. My dad was country and, you know, always took it upon himself to provide financially and whatnot. So at the end of the day I just found that with you I really did have this peace come over me because I realized you meant it and we have actually stayed in a tent before we actually, when we were broke we camped all the way back to Texas from California because we actually couldn't like afford hotels and stuff at the time.

Jordan 31:26

So like we bought a tent and just like, like cheaply camped all the way home yeah, so it's kind of funny that manifested itself.

Vanessa 31:35

We used the money that people had sent from our wedding yeah, to buy a tent and a little cot. And yeah, we just posted up at all these different campgrounds those are still some of my most favorite memories.

Jordan 31:46

It was so fun.

Vanessa 31:47

Yeah, that's the irony of it all.

Jordan 31:50

Yeah, exactly, and I think now that I found you I can really speak to that, Like now that I've made it farther up the conscious creator ladder so to speak. I realized that, more than anything, I want to live an above the green line life, and I want to allow myself to be myself. So more than any of the physical assets in the document that you know I thought were important then now. I realize it's just these first two items.

Jordan 32:19

The more that I can tend to my own vibration first and really train myself to live an above the green line life and allow myself to be myself. Train myself to live an above the green line life and allow myself to be myself. Ultimately, that's what attracts and maintains this conscious coupling that we have is me being in vibrational harmony with me.

Vanessa 32:39

And ultimately, if I want to most important relationship. It's the most important in your entire life.

Jordan 32:44

Exactly so. Like my vibrational relationship between me and me is so important, that's where my above the green line life comes from. So, it's so important that I stay there and ultimately I feel like that's what p of broke you can be to make somebody else wealthy.

Vanessa 33:09

There's no amount of depressed you can be to make somebody else feel happier. There's no influence down there. So it's all about maintaining your relationship between you and you, yeah, and you know what?

Jordan 33:22

Some people kind of have this idea that these opposites attract kind of thing, and so somebody will be like really bright and bubbly and try to live this happy life, and sometimes they're with a total grump.

Vanessa 33:34

You know what I mean? Cantankerous yeah cantankerous grump.

Jordan 33:37

And they say oh well, that's just how they are and this is how I am. And I totally get it because you know relationships form the way that they are. But at the end of the day, I think a lot of us have had that experience of someone who stays below the green line and is just perpetually there. You try to stay above the green line in that environment and it is pretty.

Vanessa 34:02

Exhausting, exhausting. Right, Because you're you know you're trying to stay there, Because you're tending to your own vibe and they're not really tending to their own vibe, and occasionally you don't tend to your vibe and then you're down below the green line.

Jordan 34:14

Yeah, totally. Yeah it's just not a good feeling place to be. To someday have this beautiful life where both people tend to their own vibrational state, where both people allow each other to be themselves in entirety and you consciously create this beautiful life together, then you've got to have the courage to be in vibrational harmony with who you really are.

Jordan 34:46

You've got to have the courage to develop a state that's dominant, that is in harmony with that deeper, infinite level of your consciousness, and allow yourself to feel good and allow yourself to be all of who you are. And I actually have seen it before, and you've probably seen it too, where people will dim their light because they're afraid that they're going to outshine their partner.

Vanessa 35:12

And it's so sad.

Jordan 35:13

And it's super sad. I mean, like you see people that have like this potential and have this God force energy within them and you just see them intentionally dim themselves because they're in this relationship that either doesn't allow it or they're afraid of what it'll mean if they let their own light shine. And I'm here to tell you, being somebody who was literally told to dim his own light, do not do that, never do that. Never settle for a life of quiet mediocrity. Do not put yourself in a situation where you're turning off your light so that someone else can feel a little bit brighter, because that is not the path and it will never be the path.

Vanessa 35:52

Right. You're dying part. You're allowing parts of yourself to die to hopefully make somebody else happy and happiness is an inside job. There's no amount of action you can take that can make somebody else feel more secure in who they are.

Jordan 36:10

Exactly. There's no amount of dimming your light that's ever going to make anybody else brighter.

Vanessa 36:14

Right, there's no amount of circus acts you can go through. Have you ever tried to make family happy around holidays?

Jordan 36:21

Oh man.

Vanessa 36:21

Like every single person in the family. It's nearly impossible.

Jordan 36:24

Especially if you're talking simultaneously. Oh yeah, and that's the funny thing about holidays. Right, it's like let's all simultaneously be above the green line together. Yeah, and it's like ah.

Vanessa 36:37

And then you're like running from person to person. Or have you ever tried to go to like Disney World and try to do everything that every single person wants to do in a big group?

Jordan 36:45

Right.

Vanessa 36:45

And it's like this person wants to go on this ride and this person wants to go on that ride. And this person wants to go eat lunch and this person wants to go. Do that. It's like, by the time, you try to make everybody happy, you're not happy because you're not tending to your own happy?

Jordan 37:00

Yeah, exactly.

Vanessa 37:00

So, yeah, it's the same thing. Every time you try to put other people's happiness above yours, you're putting your own happiness on the chopping block, your own vibration.

Jordan 37:09

You're exactly right. So it's extremely important that you maintain that relationship between you and you and, at the end of the day, having the courage to do that sometimes will create scenarios where you're not in vibrational harmony with certain people in your life anymore. Right. Sometimes you get into vibrational harmony with who you are. You tend to your own vibration.

Vanessa 37:35

You allow yourself to be you fully, in your complete entirety, and your complete, 100% awesomeness, exactly, and one of two things happens, right, because we've had people in our lives who have gone through different things like that, where they're in a relationship and they know it's not with somebody who is high vibe, so they decide to tend to their own vibration and live in above the green line life and you always say one of two things will happen. What are those two things?

Jordan 38:04

So, number one, you'll either meet an entirely new person on the other side of who you're currently with or those other relationships in your life. All of a sudden you'll be like, oh my gosh, they're responding to me completely different, they're being completely different, I'm rendezvousing with them completely differently than I ever have in the past.

Jordan 38:25

You'll meet a completely new version of them and it's actually kind of fun to see, because you're like, oh my gosh, this person was that awesome person. All along, I was the one that was out, I was the one not tending my own vibration and I was the one not allowing myself to be myself. They were always here and supportive and loving me Right. And all of a sudden, you'll literally meet a whole new person and it'll be this glorious thing.

Vanessa 38:48

Because, all of a sudden, you're focused on these positive aspects of them that really bring you gratitude. Absolutely. So it's always about what you focus on, right? In your life that produces the emotion, the emotional state that you experience. So you can either focus on attributes of your partner that bring you negative emotional states, or you can focus on attributes that bring you positive emotional states. But the more you focus on those positive things, believe me, the more they'll show up.

Jordan 39:15

Totally, and that's exactly what happens with number one is you actually get into vibrational harmony with who you are. You're above the green line and then your focus naturally goes to all those wonderful things in your partner and you see what's been there all along, and it's this awesome, glorious thing.

Jordan 39:31

And then you can develop this conscious coupling together and it's awesome. The second one is less fun, but that person stays where they are. If you're not in vibrational harmony with someone, when you're tending to your own vibration and you're allowing yourself to be all of who you are, then sometimes that's just not the right thing, man right.

Navigating Vibrational Harmony and Conscious Relationships

Vanessa 39:57

It's like playing a guitar or playing the piano. You know, if you're playing twinkle, twinkle little star and you hit one key, that's wrong. It stands out really badly absolutely like I know that's the exact chord that's wrong. Yeah, and it stands out really badly, absolutely Like. I know that's the exact chord that's wrong and it stands out and you know it.

Jordan 40:12

And sometimes you'll reach this whole new vibration and you'll be living this above the green line life and you'll be allowing yourself to be all of you and you'll find that the relationship just becomes uglier and uglier and meaner and meaner and less allowing, less allowing, trying to be more controlling, more controlling to put you back in the box that they thought you lived in whenever you got married or you got together or whatever. And when that happens, sometimes you just have to release the relationship and go on to something else, because I can tell you, if you've lived that experience, you've been putting a lot of stuff into the vibrational escrow so to speak and there is something awesome for you out there.

Jordan 40:59

But you just have to have the courage to go about getting into vibrational harmony with who you are, tending to your own vibration and allowing yourself to be yourself, because the other way is no way to live, and that's why sometimes it takes courage is sometimes those relationships are going to acquiesce out of your life, but it's for the best.

Jordan 41:20

Right, you just you just have to do it, because I can't imagine being 38 years old which I am now and having gone down that other path of dimming my own light or not allowing myself to be myself and not tending to my own vibration, like I can't imagine the type of personality.

Vanessa 41:37

Yeah, we wouldn't be here, that's for sure. I believe that's. The biggest reason why we feel compelled to share this is because we've literally been to conferences and to different things where people follow us around like puppies just because they've never seen a relationship like ours. And I can honestly say I have not seen many relationships like this, where both parties really bring out the best in each other. Yeah.

Vanessa 42:00

And they encourage each other to be more fully, authentically who they are Definitely, and I believe that's why we feel compelled to even share our relationship and even delve into these concepts.

Jordan 42:15

What are?

Vanessa 42:15

the top three characteristics of a conscious couple.

Jordan 42:18

Yeah, exactly Like trying to define this is interesting, but when you see conscious couples and you see like you were talking about those people that have kind of figured it out in a way, You'll find these three present in pretty much all those relationships.

Jordan 42:32

They do individually, tend to their own vibration and take personal responsibility for their own vibration. They're not looking to their partner to make them happy. They are allowing themselves to be all of who they are and hopefully, in doing so, allowing their partner to be all of who they are, and you'll see this like just bright, glowing openness about those people. And then generally, if you go to dig in and you say, how do you guys live so happily? They'll generally say something along the lines of well, we've got a common vision for our life that we feel like we're teammates in, and every day we hit the field together to actualize that into physical experience.

Jordan 43:12

And I feel like when you see that it is this beautiful example and it's totally possible, especially considering that the first two out of the three are an inside job right. This is something that you can tend to right now. You can start to tend to your own vibration and allow yourself to be you, and then that's what opens the door to this consciously creative partnership.

Vanessa 43:38

Right, yeah, it can feel like we need to take all of these actions, like what could I do to get the exact right person to come into my life? And it's like truly just be yourself, just fully be yourself, and hold this steadfast vision of this person that you would want to attract into your life. What are they like? What would that feel like? And just staying true to that and not going to the negative self-talk, because the more that you can hold the bead on that type of relationship so even seeing how you and I interact and just having that as an example if you can hang on to that vision of that person, if you can just kind of entertain what that would feel like and just hold on to that and not go to the other side of things, of how things are maybe right now or what you've experienced in the past. If you can just stay focused on what it is that you do want to experience, then it will be yours. That's exactly what you did.

Jordan 44:35

Yeah, that's totally true, and you know, the funny thing about my life I choose document is you were the only thing in it that I nailed. I got you a hundred percent right, and whenever you read it back, it's like wow, that's really incredible.

Vanessa 44:50

And what's funny? I had goosebumps the first time that I read it.

Jordan 44:53

Yeah, because you were like that's me. You wrote me down and if you look at that paragraph, you won't find the color of your hair. You won't find the color of your eyes or the color of your skin, or how? Much you weigh or how tall you are, like none of that stuff was in there, it wasn't in physicality it was definitely in personality.

Jordan 45:14

Yeah, absolutely. And what's interesting now is, whenever I look back, that was something that was really fun for me to get into vibrational harmony with. So I remember when I was single going down the road, I remember I would do things to just imagine you being with me and I had written you down. But I would go on these long drives because I was trying to build a business and back in the day I was in college and I always had these big long drives in Texas where there'd be several hours long, and I remember there were times that I'd put songs on the radio and I would reach across to my empty passenger seat and I would put my hand there like we were holding hands and listening to this song, and it was really cool, just like, and I would just like imagine being with you and that version of you that I'd written down in my document and just really getting in a vibrational harmony with that.

Jordan 46:08

And sometimes, whenever you're in that experience, it can be challenging, because you want that probably more than anything else in the world. There's huge desire there and whenever you feel like you're being held apart from it or you're holding yourself apart from it or you just aren't experiencing it. Yet it can be extremely painful, especially whenever your mind goes to the place of. It may never happen for you. You know what I mean.

Jordan 46:30

Right Whenever you want something so badly and you're not experiencing it yet.

Jordan 46:36

So… I just remember, whenever those times would come up, that I would just really try to get in harmony with that version of you that I had imagined, and I would essentially just allow that side to soften and just try to go to the place of it's possible. The first rung above the green line is something along the lines of hopefulness, hopefulness, positive expectation is something along the lines of hopefulness, hopefulness, positive expectation. And so I would always just tell myself, if I have this massive desire for this and I can feel it so clearly, then it must be possible for me. It must be possible for me. So, getting into joy, appreciation, like love. You know, I could do that too to an extent, because I would start with hopefulness, positive expectation, and I would just say who cares if it's not real. I'm the only one in this car, you know what I mean.

Vanessa 47:27

So I'd be doing that Like anybody didn't get a cardboard cutout or anything, no, it didn't get that weird.

Jordan 47:34

But I mean, anybody that knows me knows that I was probably cranking some Celine Dion or something.

Vanessa 47:40

You know I drove all night Envisioning like a duet happening. I don't know, what's going on?

Jordan 47:47

over there, Like the power of love like these big songs. It's like ah, you're like singing them. Oh yeah, and now you, like, are totally down for that, which is hilarious, like you're, like you'll come in and I'll be like doing the dishes, like cranking some Celine Dion on our Alexa Like let's go.

Vanessa 48:07

We have duets all the time.

Jordan 48:10

Hello honey, let's go about our life together. But you know, I would say a little bit of the how to. There is when that side pops in like that, basically this may never happen for you, kind of thing. I just want to remind you that if you do have that desire within you, it has been assembling the cooperative components to that fulfilling relationship existing for you, relationship existing for you. So just keep yourself in potential mode. I would say, just give yourself the hope, give yourself the belief that, hey, if I have this huge desire for it, the infinite part of my consciousness is constantly assembling the cooperative components for the huge things that I desire. So there must be some of that in there and the current.

Vanessa 49:04

is there the current?

Jordan 49:05

is there. So you know, I just believe that this is possible for me and I'm hopeful towards that. And you know what I believe if I can get into vibrational harmony with it, that I can begin to experience what that would feel like now. And in a way I'm giving myself the gift of what this feels like now. And regardless of whether that relationship shows up today or tomorrow, it doesn't matter, because I'm working my way into this feeling place of being able to experience it here now.

Jordan 49:30

And I just remember that example pretty vividly of like holding your imaginary hand and singing these songs crazy on my crazy road trips and stuff, because I used to do stuff like that and I would go there whenever my mind would try to go somewhere else, because the other, when you have what we have, you have this huge energy like this. This is amazing. This is the best part of my day. Like us being together is like just such an amazing part of my life, you know, and so you can imagine the scenario where you're imagining that never happening or never being able to be possible.

Jordan 50:09

Oh, dude, like you talk about pain, like when you have something that now I know this was a big, fast moving current that was supposed to happen, kind of thing At least it's how it feels like for me then when you have that emotion within you, it's showing you the disparity between what you're focused on and how you're focused on it, and what's actually there for you. So whenever you have a huge moving energy like this and you focus on the lack of it, dude, that is a huge gap.

Jordan 50:39

And it was extremely painful for me, like honestly excruciating. So I think training myself into feeling good about the situation, feeling good about the situation, ultimately allowed me a lot of peace. It allowed me a lot of above the green line time whenever I didn't have you yet and ultimately, I do believe that it allowed for an intersection whenever it was right.

Vanessa 51:01

Right yeah, and when you're allowing yourself to be you, you can have fun along the way to the person that you're trying to intersect with until you have that rendezvous, because it's also about your current, present moment. So I feel like the more fully you allow yourself to be, the more fun you can have in your moments, totally.

Jordan 51:20

Yeah, and imagine yourself kind of like the more fun you can have in your moments. Yeah, and imagine yourself kind of like a beacon of light or like a radio signal Right and just say you know what, If my partner's out there, they might be feeling like me.

Vanessa 51:30

Yeah, my transmitter's on.

Jordan 51:31

Yeah, so like, well, think about that, like, if so, so, like all that time that I was experiencing that you were out there too. There were probably times where you felt the same way whenever you like, if you had this idea of you know, settling for mediocrity or settling for this below the green line, life or, um, just thinking, maybe there's not somebody that cool out there for me, or maybe somebody that cool wouldn't love me or whatever kind of ideas, all those are kind of a similar vibrational state of basically I don't deserve someone like that because of whatever reason or whatever, Whenever you're experiencing those things and there is something like this lined up for you, it's going to be excruciatingly painful.

Jordan 52:15

So just imagine your partners out there experiencing the same excruciating pain and just be like you know what. I'm just going to send them some light and love right now. And I'm going to get into vibrational harmony with them and I'm going to tell them hey, I'm here, Don't worry about it. We're going to intersect whenever we're supposed to intersect. Things are going to be right. It's all good, I'm here. I'm here. I love you.

Unconditional Love and Conscious Coupling

Vanessa 52:46

We're going to love each other. We're going to be conscious creators of our own reality together. It's going to be cool, it's going to be a fairy tale, it's going to be amazing, and the funny thing is I feel like I did have glimpses of that. I feel like I was a romantic. I always loved English, I loved the stories and I had these glimpses of a relationship like that, of what it would feel like to be loved unconditionally, and so I had those glimpses sometimes. So I always felt like it was possible. I just was. I was an unconscious creator then and I had no. I had no example in my life of what that would even look like. I had no relationships to glean on that were even remotely conscious couples.

Jordan 53:20

Yeah.

Vanessa 53:21

And that unconditional love that is possible. So I feel like I had those glimpses and eventually I got the real life fairy tale.

Jordan 53:30

Yeah, totally. And if you want a little bit of a description, at least for me, the amount of energy that's unleashed into my body just as a result of being in this unconditionally loving relationship where I'm allowed to tend to my own vibration, I allow myself to be myself, I allow you to be you, so I'm not even setting up resistance there, like I'm totally allowing you to be you. And we're consciously creating this life together Like it's like an atomic bomb going on in my solar plexus every day of awesomeness.

Vanessa 54:03

Yeah.

Jordan 54:03

And so it's worth holding out for.

Vanessa 54:06

One important thing I really want to add here is that the law of attraction has no judgment. It doesn't matter how old you are, it doesn't matter what your background is, what your history is. If you have the desire for that conscious coupling in your life, then it will be yours if you just focus on it Completely unconditional.

Jordan 54:26

It does not recognize sex, gender, race, age, vibrational harmonies, vibrational harmony.

Vanessa 54:33

Right. So if you can get into that feeling, if you can hold steadfast to that vision and just have your transmitter on and leave it on, don't turn it off to have this negative self-talk. Just leave that transmitter on, then you will have that rendezvous with that perfect person for you.

Jordan 54:53

And I totally believe that. I do believe that if you do have that desire that that harmonious relationship is out there, and if for no other reason than just to send some light and love to your future partner, give yourself permission to tap into that and really engage it as much as you can and send that beacon out because you're really giving them the gift. Maybe some of those glimpses of romanticism and love that you received were from me.

Vanessa 55:21

Yeah, it definitely could have been. I wish I would have sent it back to you back then. I think you did. They definitely did.

Jordan 55:29

Because I could feel it. I could feel whenever I would get into that zone and I would actually get to the point where I was really high, like super, above the green line joy, appreciation, love, and that's what I would do whenever I was, you know, focused on you and holding your imaginary hand. I would just be so grateful that we found each other and I would appreciate you so much and I would be experiencing that joy and I would just allow all of Celine Dion's powerful voice to penetrate my soul and like experience this, like love that we have for each other and like, even if it was completely imaginary, you know it felt real.

Jordan 56:07

It felt real to me and I believe you can give yourself that. A lot of us just don't. Maybe we feel kind of silly, kind of crazy in doing that, but to me I think it's crazy not to do that. You know, give yourself that above the green line emotion and if you can make it all the way to joy, appreciation, gratitude for that experience, then you're experiencing that above the green line emotion. Now that is an in the moment thing and if you can get there with your imagination, then you're free.

Vanessa 56:39

It's kind of like an experience. And now it's kind of like you tinkering in the garage. The fun part for you isn't the creation, it's not the end result, it's the tinkering, it's along the way, it's the fine-tuning things yeah the imagination.

Jordan 56:53

It really is fun to start to feel out what that would feel like, and one thing that I can tell you is, no matter how close I ever thought I got there in my mind, the. One thing that I can tell you is, no matter how close I ever thought I got there in my mind, the real thing was just like you know what I mean, like if you're playing with firecrackers in your imagination, to be in sync with your partner.

Jordan 57:29

I really feel like that is the magic secret sauce that ultimately allows it to happen.

Vanessa 57:36

Definitely, and one last thing that I'd like to share is that being a conscious couple isn't always being perfect. Right. Like, believe me, there are days that we are not operating above the green line.

Jordan 57:50

Vanessa, sometimes is not perfect, oh yeah, I generally am.

Vanessa 57:54

I have a lot of rage.

Jordan 57:56

I mean like I'm pretty much always I am perfect. Yeah, he wakes up like this I wake up like this and so no 100% yeah.

Navigating Vibrational Communication in Relationships

Vanessa 58:08

I don't want to put unrealistic expectations out there. I see this couple, jordan and Vanessa, and they're always conscious, they're always operating above the green line and they're always perfect. That's not what it's about above the green line and they're always perfect. Like that's not what it's about. I believe being a conscious person or a conscious couple is just getting really good at exercising your ability to read energy, really just knowing how you're feeling in the moment and knowing that if you're below the green line, you can give yourself grace, knowing that you can work your way back up above the green line. And when there are two people, one usually is above the green line and they're holding steadfast to the person that they know you to be and they're not going to join you there.

Vanessa 58:54

So, being a conscious couple, I believe, like one person's usually above the green line, but occasionally, if you're both below the green line, giving yourselves both grace and knowing that eventually you will be above the green line again, I think, it's kind of like a rubber band, like the more conscious you become, the more taught the rubber band is. So, even though you drop below the green line sometimes, you just bungee yourself back up faster and faster each time.

Jordan 59:22

Absolutely. I feel like when you're the above the green line person in the relationship, you're like source energy. And it's your job to stay up there and give that person a guiding beacon back to happiness, and I think, one thing that you and I do really well on this subject is we're really good about voicing how we feel. Right.

Jordan 59:43

And I will disassociate from the feeling which we've talked about before. But basically, I'm not my emotions, I'm not the thought that my emotional state is responding to and I'm not the vibration that's attracting that thought. So if I can give myself some space and grace and say I'm not this emotional state, then it allows me to say I feel angry versus saying I am angry.

Vanessa 1:00:15

Right, right or.

Jordan 1:00:16

I am an angry person Because emotion is just energy in motion. That's the way the energy is flowing. A drill bit.

Jordan 1:00:38

I can't find a tool in my garage and but I'll literally say I'm feeling angry right now because there's this particular tool that I need to do this job and I just don't know where it is right now. So I'm going to walk away, I'm going to go eat an ice cream bar, I'm going to go chill because right now, like I'm not in vibrational harmony with where that tool is and I'm pretty upset about it.

Vanessa 1:00:58

And having an outside perspective is so powerful because a lot of times, when it's our own problem or our own life, we almost have blinders on to the solution. So, if you bring in an outside perspective which is what we are for each other a lot of times and we know who the other one is fully and we hold steadfast to who they are then we can just more clearly see the solution because we're not so engulfed in the problem.

Jordan 1:01:25

Absolutely, and that's actually really handy in the workshop because it's pretty frequent that you'll walk out and be like, is it this thing? And. I'm like yes, Like it happens actually a lot where, like, I'll be out of harmony with something and I literally won't be able to see it right in front of my face because I'm not in vibrational harmony with it.

Vanessa 1:01:42

I've convinced myself that I've lost it or can't find it and I haven't been in the problem for the last hour, so I don't have that resistance around the solution. Yeah, absolutely so by the way pro tip if there's something that you've lost. Something I do is. I say I know exactly where it is and it's incredible how the things show up whenever you tell your conscious mind, I know exactly where it is. If you keep repeating that on repeat, I think I've helped you stay above the green line many times because of that one.

Jordan 1:02:14

Absolutely and be open to your above the green line partner helping you if you just like. Sometimes somebody can walk in and you feel like, oh well, they don't understand my problem because they haven't been here. Well, the that's actually great. Yeah, you know, because they're not in resistance to the solution so sometimes your partner can walk in above the green line. You're below the green line and instantaneously identify a solution for you.

Jordan 1:02:48

So I think that's one thing I've also gotten really good at is accepting your solutions to some of the things that I'm out of harmony with. You'll come in and be like, well, how about this very simple solution, you know, and I'll be like, oh wow, I didn't look at it that way. That's 100%, spot on. I really appreciate that.

Jordan 1:03:03

So I feel like that is, like you said, a really positive attribute to having a conscious coupling is when one person's above the green line, someone else is below the green line, you've got that person that still has clarity, which can actually kind of help the other, and I feel like we definitely go back and forth on that and we've done a really good job of just learning how to communicate.

Vanessa 1:03:28

Definitely Communication is so important. And. I feel like doing that on the level of the emotions is very powerful, especially when you tie it to. Emotions are just guidance. We help each other really define the guidance, sometimes too. So if you say I'm feeling angry, then I can help you kind of get to the bottom of defining that emotion, maybe what you're focused on or the perspective you're choosing on it.

Jordan 1:03:56

And you do the same for me all the time, essentially kind of presenting the. Do you want help with that? Or do you just want space and grace kind of thing? You know that's sort of like a I'll be like I'm feeling angry about this and you'd be like, all right, well, would you like help finding the tool, or do you just want space and grace to do your own thing, or do you just want space and grace to do your own thing? It's kind of like with our toddlers.

Vanessa 1:04:25

I see that you're frustrated about putting your shoes on. Would you like some help with that, or would you like me to leave you alone and let you struggle with that by yourself?

Jordan 1:04:35

Absolutely. There are a thousand instances in a day that you could compare me to a toddler. 100% true, aren't we all, though? But it really is that way it is. You know, vibration is so precise. You know that, like there's not a huge difference in a grown man in his workshop struggling with finding a tool and a toddler trying to put on their shoes, Like it's basically all the same thing when you're talking vibrations.

Jordan 1:05:06

So I think just being in a relationship with you has really allowed me to be me, even whenever I'm feeling below the green line, because I have the ability to communicate it and long before I had the ability to do that, I would just suppress and hold it all inside.

Jordan 1:05:25

So I'd say as a conscious couple, that's one thing I really appreciate is just being able to talk it out so to speak, and not in a way that I need you to fix my problem, just a way to be able to say I feel this about this and vibration really transcends words.

Vanessa 1:05:45

So the longer you're with somebody, the more you're practicing these things like exercising your muscles, exercising your vibrational muscles, the better you become at it and you realize that vibration transcends words. Totally. And over time you can feel things easier, so your intuition becomes more developed yes, you can really feel where somebody, where your partner is vibrationally and you don't even need words to explain it yeah, it's just a feeling.

Jordan 1:06:15

Find people like us that have been in relationship for a while, and a very simple example is what's for dinner? You know like there'll be times where I'll be off doing something and I'll think, oh, you know what Thai food sounds really good. And then I'll get home and you'll be like I was thinking Thai food for dinner. I'm like, of course you were, you know and you know when you've been together a long time, you know those kinds of things happen a lot, where it'll pop into your head and it'll kind of pop into my head.

Overcoming Insecurities in Relationships

Jordan 1:06:44

I believe there's communication happening at multiple levels of our consciousness and I think there's a lot more going on here than just our physical words to each other. Which is one of the things that I really appreciate about this ongoing evolution of our relationship is just seeing how we evolve together as a couple and how we communicate with each other. And I think there is one thing that you said early on to me that really paved the path for who we are that I would like to share, which is in the very beginning. I had been in relationships before where it wasn't always just passive, aggressive. It could also be aggressive, aggressive, right.

Vanessa 1:07:22

People weren't really tending to their own vibrations.

Jordan 1:07:25

Correct.

Vanessa 1:07:25

Expecting you to operate in a way that made them happy.

Jordan 1:07:28

Totally so, like you can definitely have been burned in the past where someone will intentionally do or say things to hurt you.

Vanessa 1:07:36

Yeah, and if we've ever had that experience, manipulation, yeah. In a way.

Jordan 1:07:40

Totally so. There are all these different experiences that sometimes you bring into a relationship and now you've got this fresh person and they may this fresh person, but old baggage right. So this person may do something that sort of triggers you and triggers this old emotional state and now all of a sudden you sort of feel attacked. And I remember early on, you said something.

Vanessa 1:08:08

I was being sarcastic about something. I don't even remember what it was. I was just trying to be funny because I feel like I am a pretty sarcastic person and we have a lot of sarcasm that we pass back and forth throughout our day.

Jordan 1:08:17

Yeah, totally, so that was very early on. And. I remember taking it wrong, so I remember you saying this thing to me and it's like etched in stone in my mind forever.

Vanessa 1:08:26

But you said I would never say or do anything to intentionally hurt you.

Jordan 1:08:32

Exactly.

Vanessa 1:08:33

And to this day I don't even know where that came from. It just like came straight through me. It was the truth, yeah, but the way that it was said it makes a lot of sense.

Jordan 1:08:43

Yeah, it was like well, and at the time I was just like I really felt it as genuine. I was like, oh my God, she's serious. She is not going to say or do things with the intention of hurting me or harming me.

Vanessa 1:08:58

And that's really how I operate my entire life with everybody. I would never say or do anything to intentionally hurt people. So I I remind myself that a lot whenever I'm. You know, sometimes after you have social interactions, you kind of replay all of the things that you said.

Vanessa 1:09:14

And sometimes you can remember something you said and it's like oh no, I hope they didn't take that the wrong way because, that could have been taken a completely different way, but if you lay that as the foundation in all of your relationships, I would never say or do anything to intentionally hurt you and mean it?

Jordan 1:09:30

And mean it and do it.

Vanessa 1:09:31

Right and mean it and do it.

Jordan 1:09:33

And.

Vanessa 1:09:33

I feel like that really gives you a freedom in your life to just be you and know that it doesn't matter what comes out of my mouth, because I know my intention is for good.

Jordan 1:09:43

Right.

Vanessa 1:09:44

And if they take it wrong, then that means that they're in vibrational harmony with feeling, that insecurity but, that's not how I'm putting it out there.

Jordan 1:09:54

Totally. And, on top of that, when you said that to me and I really did feel it, I made that decision right there that I was going to be the same way with you and I. We all sometimes feel those lower vibrations and the emotional states that are attached to them, and a lot of times they do feel like insecurity, and one of the places above that level of insecurity disempowerment is blame.

Jordan 1:10:27

Right and I think that happens a lot in relationships, where somebody will lash out at their partner because the blame feels better than the disempowerment and the insecurity. That's down here. So I feel like if you really make that conscious decision, just say you know what. I'm not going to say or do anything with intention of hurting my partner and if I'm feeling insecure, anything with intention of hurting my partner. And if I'm feeling insecure.

Jordan 1:10:54

every attack is from a point of insecurity. So even when you have those thoughts form in your mind where you would attack your partner a lot of times, what I'll do is, first off, I've trained myself so well that that pretty much just doesn't even happen in my mind because I'm just not in vibrational harmony with that or blame. I haven't given myself that out really almost at all in 10 years. So fortunately I bypassed that altogether now and so I can say when you become vibrationally fit around this subject, you can just totally skip that step, which is really great, or you become you.

Vanessa 1:11:25

It's easier to be aware of times when that does happen.

Vanessa 1:11:29

I feel like it's almost like holding up a mirror to be aware of times when that does happen, I feel like it's almost like holding up a mirror. So, for example, whenever, sometimes when I'm cleaning up around the house or I'm doing dishes, I can have these thoughts. I don't know if it's like programming from growing up, where it was an expectation that you should be helping out around the house and you should be able to keep a really nice home. So sometimes I'll be doing dishes and you'll be playing with the kids, and it's like I all of a sudden I hear these like nagging thoughts in my head, where it's like I'm doing all the work and he's just playing with the kids and I this happens a lot. Yes, this happens a lot.

Jordan 1:12:02

I am a child. And.

Vanessa 1:12:03

I've trained myself whenever those thoughts start, instead of letting vibrational momentum develop around that, and then all of a sudden eventually lash out at you for no reason. I've become really good at holding up the mirror and telling myself like this isn't on him, this is on you.

Jordan 1:12:25

What insecurity within me? Is leading to me attacking him in my mind, and that's exactly what I'm trying to say.

Vanessa 1:12:33

And then you can transfuse it into like wow, he cares more about our kids and giving them a really fun time than keeping a clean house. That's really admirable. Or he cares more about filling his own cup up than trying to do all of these things that aren't even required.

Jordan 1:12:53

So like, or that's in a conscious relationship, he's doing what he needs to do to stay above the green line.

Vanessa 1:12:59

Right, he's staying above the green line and I'm choosing below the green line, so really like, who's winning here? Yeah?

Jordan 1:13:06

totally, and that's exactly what I'm trying to say is it's not that those thoughts aren't going to arise, because when you're feeling super low down there, one of the places above there is blame, so you'll just naturally attract thought that's in harmony with the blame game Right. Yeah. That blame game. But just realize that it's got nothing to do with your partner. It's got everything to do with you, and that's what tending to your own vibration is all about. I love that, whenever you feel that.

Vanessa 1:13:35

Yeah, I love that quote. We use it all the time. Every attack is from a point of insecurity. So if you can hold up that mirror and realize I'm acting insecure in this moment I'm having insecure thoughts and then kind of play with it and be like how can I turn this insecurity?

Vanessa 1:13:53

into gratitude for my partner, instead of blaming them for this thing. How can I turn that into gratitude? And it may not be instantaneous, but the more you practice this, the easier it is. I can wash one dish and go from like a negative blame thought to a gratitude thought of you. So, it's like it's incredible how, the more you exercise these things, the better you get at it and the more you can stay above the green line.

Jordan 1:14:20

Yeah, I have some pretty specific ones Like my mind. Sometimes I'll be like so last night. I'm washing the kids all in the bathtub right, and we have three, so it's an absolute anarchy situation. It's a zoo up there when it's bad time.

Vanessa 1:14:36

It's going to get crazy. It's like a splash pad in our bathroom, so like, so like.

Jordan 1:14:42

Sometimes I might feel insecure about the situation, like how am I going to get all these maniacs like bathed and dressed and like whatever? And so if I'm feeling that little bit of insecurity, my mind might reach for a better feeling. Thought of where's Vanessa? Like where's my backup?

Jordan 1:15:00

Like is she just downstairs looking at the Instagrams, you know, like whatever's going on there which doesn't happen? And then, like you're always off doing something else? And that's sort of what I've done is I've programmed myself to be like I bet she's doing something that is beneficial to the whole family right now.

Jordan 1:15:23

Right Because she does that a lot, and even if she's not, that doesn't matter. But essentially I've trained myself. Instead of going to that like where's Vanessa? She should be here. She should be helping me because I'm feeling insecure about getting all this done by myself.

Jordan 1:15:35

Yeah, like instead of allowing that to build vibrational momentum. I'll just skip it and I'll go directly to that place of you know what. I bet she's doing something like to make all of our lives better, because that's what she does all day, every day, and I'll just skip all the way to there, so you're right. Like being able to train yourself to do that, and then when you get there, obviously that feels better and that is what I build vibrational momentum around, so it's really easy for me to return there.

Jordan 1:16:02

No, matter where I am in terms of insecurity.

Vanessa 1:16:05

And I have that to revisit. Definitely. And that same example that allowed you to actually enjoy the bath time with our three kids.

Jordan 1:16:12

Instead, allow yourself to get to the point of blame, and then you sit there blaming your partner in your head you're never allowing yourself to progress above the green line, whereas when you're the conscious creator of your reality, realizing that you are responsible for your own vibration and your own emotional state, you can decide to skip blame altogether or only bounce on it like almost like bouncing on a trampoline, like yoink. I'm out of here, you know what I mean. I'll bounce off of that. That's fine. It feels better than insecurity. But I'm going up here and then at the end of it I've got three beautiful bathed dressed children.

Vanessa 1:17:07

Good smelling babies.

Jordan 1:17:08

And I feel like a real winner yeah because you did that smelling babies and I feel like a real winner. You know like you. Like you come upstairs or I go back downstairs and it's like look at all these clean bathed and clothed children.

Vanessa 1:17:18

I did that. I did that knock it out.

Jordan 1:17:21

You're welcome. Or aren't you proud of me?

Fostering Gratitude and Appreciation in Relationships

Vanessa 1:17:23

yeah, no, I was very proud of you and they were all so happy that you're their best friend you're so fun. But one of the thought patterns that I've really developed in my mind is that, like sometimes you're out in the garage tinkering, you're doing something that you love to do and I'm one on three with all of the kids, and it's so easy for that to come through your mind like well why is he not in here helping me?

Vanessa 1:17:48

I'm? I have all this stuff going on one kid's painting, one kid's getting milk out of the refrigerator and the other one's like crawling trying to eat oreos underneath the table where'd that oreo come from?

Jordan 1:18:01

yeah, where did that bottle of slime come from is that I bet he bought the slime.

Vanessa 1:18:05

Jordan buys the slime yeah, this was all his doing.

Vanessa 1:18:09

So, it's so easy for the brain to go there. But then I always go back to I've just like developed these, these thought patterns in my brain. So say, you're out in the garage for this example, and all three kids are just mass anarchy inside. I think he's doing something he loves outside, he's tinkering. That's really awesome. And then it goes like one level further. Well, the way that his engineering brain works and the way that it's able to do all this tinkering is really the attributes that made us successful in our business. His ability to rip apart something that is whole and find all of the things that he could fine tune and make better, that's what made us successful in business. So that same brain that's out there tinkering is what made us successful in our business and has given us this life.

Vanessa 1:19:00

So then, like you know, you just go deeper and deeper and deeper and then, the gratitude all of a sudden is everywhere and it's like thank you for being outside in the garage tinkering. It's amazing that you can do that.

Jordan 1:19:12

Yeah, you're a hundred percent right, like I feel like I actually love this podcast right now because we do these in part to capture our own clarity.

Jordan 1:19:21

And for me, like I'm just seeing all these instances of times where where a normal couple may stop down there at blame how we've actually turned that into an above the green line situation and added more vibrational momentum to our love and appreciation for each other, like when you, when you really look in, you think about examples like that. There are just thousands upon thousands of them that have contributed to this, and what's really great is now we have this massive spinning disc of love and gratitude and appreciation and we have massive vibrational momentum around that.

Jordan 1:19:58

Right and it just makes it easier and easier and easier to even be a conscious couple.

Vanessa 1:20:03

And part of that is seeing each other's gifts and really milking those gifts. So, like you were saying, like you being in the bath with all three kids while I was putting things together for the next day, I was getting things ready for the morning.

Vanessa 1:20:17

so it wouldn't be so hectic in the morning and we would be on time and I was cleaning up the whole downstairs and the kitchen and everything. But even looking at that, it's like the quality that makes me motivated to do those things around the house and make things look pretty and look nice. That's the same. Those are the same attributes that have made us successful in business on my side. So, like I've brought the whole design aspect to it and I love making things look pretty, so I've been that person for the businesses and it's like when once you start really looking for the gratitude and your partner looking for their gifts and really milking those things.

Vanessa 1:20:52

It becomes really easy and fun, and then you're sitting there with your kids or doing whatever it is in your life and you're actually able to experience gratitude in that moment. And you're able to enjoy your moments more fully, instead of having that icky like resentment or that icky blame feeling yeah you're able to operate above the green line and enjoy your moment, because, yeah, the purpose of life is joy, right?

Vanessa 1:21:21

totally so if you live your life with a lot of your moments below the green line, then you're not able to enjoy anything. Yeah, you nailed it. The real gift is to you, right? You're not able to enjoy anything.

Jordan 1:21:31

Yeah, you nailed it. The real gift is to you. Right.

Jordan 1:21:34

You're the one that's training your vibration above the green line and it may be in how you're focused upon your partner, but it's still an above the green line emotional state. Right and I would definitely say, like one of the things that you do so well is you really create scenarios where we get to enjoy whatever experience we're having more fully. So, for example, I kind of remember the Bluey episode if you're a Bluey fans out there where the dad goes to the pool with the kids and they show up and go ahead.

Vanessa 1:22:07

They're calling the mom a fuss pot, like oh, mom wants us to do all of this stuff before we go to the pool, but dad's so fun, he doesn't make us do any of that stuff Mom's boring, mom's boring.

Jordan 1:22:18

And he's like, yeah, mom's boring.

Vanessa 1:22:20

She's a fuss pot. And then they go to the pool. They didn't bring their goggles, they didn't bring the swim toys, they didn't bring sunscreen, so the dad's making them stay in the shade and they have, like this teeny, tiny little bit of the pool.

Jordan 1:22:33

Exactly, and then?

Vanessa 1:22:34

at the end, after they've suffered for however long, the mom comes with all of the stuff that they forgot. They're like Mom, you saved the day.

Jordan 1:22:43

She's like the superhero. And that's exactly it, because mom got the sunscreen, she got the flip flops, she got the snacks prepared in advance. She got all the sunscreen, she got the flip-flops, she got the snacks prepared in advance. She got all the towels.

Vanessa 1:22:55

She's the preparer of fun, yeah, exactly.

Jordan 1:22:57

There's a lot of preemptive striking for a really fun day you know, and I feel like you do that better than anyone I've ever met, not only just on like a kid's day, but also preemptively striking on making our business endeavors successful. Like you paved the way for us to be able to come in here and be productive, and it's really fun to watch. I've actually been learning and training myself and I have like a WWVD bracelet. What would Vanessa do Like how would?

Vanessa 1:23:30

Vanessa, prepare for this situation we do that a lot for each other.

Jordan 1:23:34

You've been my greatest mentor in life oh, totally, and and I feel like same from you is just like watching you be you is just so fun and all the little idiosyncrasies about you that I love, like I've trained myself so hard to appreciate you that for the most part, that is what has giant vibrational momentum within me and you think about it. What's the highest place on the emotional scale Appreciation joy love gratitude. So, I'm holding myself above the green line by focusing on all those things about you.

Jordan 1:24:12

So it really is this beautiful co-creative dance where you're giving yourself the gift of an above the green line life, focusing on all that awesomeness in your partner.

Vanessa 1:24:22

The more you can practice that, the more you feel good and the more you make your partner feel good and the more you make each other feel good. It just is this all around good feeling. And the work is just what we're explaining. Like you can hold up a mirror and if you're feeling something below the green line, try to change it into something that's above the green line.

Vanessa 1:24:43

And then the more you do that, the more you're training your thought patterns. You're more the more you're making those positive, good feelings a an emotional rut in your mind yeah, an emotional home.

Jordan 1:24:54

Yeah, a new emotional home.

Vanessa 1:24:56

You're programming that into your new emotional home.

Empowerment Through Conscious Coupling

Jordan 1:24:58

Yeah.

Vanessa 1:24:59

So like, for example, even the trash. How many couples do you know that yell at each other about the trash?

Jordan 1:25:05

Just little bitty things like that.

Vanessa 1:25:06

Yeah, like for me if I see the trash piled up, instead of being like how could Jordan not take out the trash? He knows that it's overflowing and he's the man and he's the strong one, instead of like going through what I hear so many women say about their spouse, I just take the trash. It's like well, am I incapable of taking the trash outside? And putting it in the dumpster. No, I can do that just as easily as he can.

Jordan 1:25:29

Yeah.

Vanessa 1:25:30

So, just like, the more you practice that, the easier it becomes.

Jordan 1:25:33

Well, and I think what really happens is you're training yourself into empowerment, right, because it basically says it does not matter what's going on with my partner, what my partner's doing, how they're behaving, I can focus my attention on things that make me feel good. Now, right, and the more that you can train yourself on that and you take control of your own vibration, then you just really realize oh wow, I can be happy regardless of what's going on. And then, ultimately, the universe operates on a very precise set of laws. So when you can get into vibrational harmony with that above the green line version of yourself, the entire universe will wrap itself around you and bring you more things that support that.

Vanessa 1:26:18

Totally yeah, it's. It's just so much fun.

Jordan 1:26:21

So this has been such an awesome episode.

Vanessa 1:26:23

This has been awesome.

Jordan 1:26:25

I love it I can't wait to watch this one back.

Vanessa 1:26:27

Same. I feel like we captured a lot of the clarity that we've talked about for a long time, and our intention with this is to have it go out to people and then believe that it's possible in their own life, because it is. We're sitting here and all of this is true, no matter how annoying it may sound to you if you don't have this at the moment. It's true and I hope that this is a good example of that, and I just want to tell you stay true to that desire that you might have for a conscious coupling, because it will be yours if you stay true to that desire.

Jordan 1:27:01

I completely agree.

Vanessa 1:27:02

So with that, we're sending love and light to all.