The Vibration Fit Podcast

Episode 6: Breaking Free From Parent Guilt

• Jordan & Vanessa Buckingham • Season 1 • Episode 6

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In this episode of The Jordan & Vanessa Show, we dive deep into the all-too-familiar feeling of parent guilt—why it happens, how it spirals, and what we can do to break the cycle. From unplugging the TV to setting boundaries, we explore how today’s fast-paced, instant-gratification world puts extra pressure on parents to constantly fulfill their children’s desires.

We also discuss:
✅ How our emotions shape our parenting experience
✅ The vibrational momentum behind guilt loops
✅ The importance of teaching kids emotional resilience instead of just changing circumstances
✅ Real-life stories of temper tantrums (theirs and ours!) and what we learned
✅ Why kids are naturally better at bouncing back and what we can learn from them

Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being conscious. And sometimes, it takes a 5-year-old coaching us on how to regulate our emotions to remind us of that!

✨ Join us as we unpack the emotional journey of parenting, break free from guilt cycles, and embrace the freedom of conscious creation—both for ourselves and our children.

💛 If you enjoy this episode, don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with a fellow parent who needs to hear this!

#Parenting #ConsciousParenting #EmotionalResilience #TheJordanAndVanessaShow #VibrationFit #AboveTheGreenLine #ParentGuilt

Vanessa:

Welcome to the Jordan and Vanessa show. I'm Vanessa.

Jordan:

And I'm Jordan.

Vanessa:

And today's episode is called parent guilt.

Jordan:

Yes, we have plenty of it.

Vanessa:

Doesn't everyone these days?

Jordan:

man, it's a. Thing.

Vanessa:

What's even going on?

Jordan:

I don't know. I watch Bluey and I'm from the 80s.

Vanessa:

You know I was born in 86 from the 80s and I remember that time where, parent, it was like the wild wild west of parenting you know, Like they seemed to do what they wanted to do without being too concerned about what it would do to us. Yeah, without the emotional repercussions of their children. Like when did parent guilt become a thing, because now I feel like it's so rampant. Did that happen in the 2000s? I don't know, man.

Jordan:

I'm sure our parents had some.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

You know, I'm sure they did. It's just now. They're grandparents and they hardly remember that and they don't have to tell our children no Right Ever. So, like they're like, I don't even know what you're talking about, gil is like well, you literally give them ice cream for breakfast.

Vanessa:

So then I'm the bad cop.

Jordan:

So then I'm the bad guy and I'm like you can't have ice cream for breakfast, and then they just say I want my Nana. It's like I'm sure you do. She gives you like literally all the things.

Vanessa:

I think what's really going on is our brain just remembers the good.

Jordan:

Like even.

Vanessa:

I try to recall things from even yesterday and, depending on where you are vibrationally like, if you're above the green line, then trying to recall negative things from yesterday just doesn't happen because you're not in the vibrational vicinity of even receiving those things.

Jordan:

Yeah, totally Like. A great example is yesterday our daughter had basically an I'm tired.

Vanessa:

Meltdown.

Jordan:

Meltdown For like two hours yeah totally, and I remembered that maybe because I was a little bit more below the green line than you. You were like oh yeah, she was just an absolute dream. Yesterday I was like did you forget, like the period from like 10 am to say 2 pm? Yeah, was she, you're like oh. I was thinking last night, after her nap, before she went to bed yeah, because that's all I can recall right now and that's all.

Vanessa:

I'm in the vibrational vicinity of so I think that's what happens, like days past, months past, years past, decades past, and what we have vibrational access to are those good feeling memories, those good feeling situations.

Jordan:

Yeah, and I think you nailed it. Like you said, you were above the green line. So, that's what you had vibrational access to and you're getting data of all these above the green line experiences to support that. Likewise, when you're below the green line Right, that's when you're flooded with all of the memories. That kind of match, that.

Vanessa:

Like.

Jordan:

I know, whenever I get into a spot where I feel like I'm basically failing as a parent and I'm like feeling super guilty about, I don't know, turning off the television or turning off like the iPads or whatever, and then you have the meltdown and it's like am I doing the right things? Like am I blowing it here or what's going on? Anyway, whenever you have those situations where you are experiencing that now you're kind of flooded with all these other events that happened that were similar.

Jordan:

You want some guilty moments I've got plenty here, and then it's like you get deluged, like I'll think of things years ago that I did that I could feel guilty for right now.

Vanessa:

And isn't that crazy that, like you, can perpetuate a below the green line vibration with stuff that happened years and years and years ago oh yeah and that's definitely one thing that I can say our kids do not do so it's kind of like we have a file manager in our brain and it's constantly sifting through all of these different memories that are in the same vibrational vicinity of what you have active now. So if we're feeling like a bad parent, then it's going to go through all of those memories, all of those times in your consciousness whenever you had that same vibrational feeling of being a subpar parent, and it'll bring that to your awareness. It'll bring that to your current now moment. And it's not that it's true, it's just what you have active now.

Jordan:

Right, Well, and some of the things are true from the past, but you kind of put them in the same bucket. So it's like I'm feeling this way about myself right now. It's like, oh yeah, well, it's kind of like this hundred other times you behaved that way, you know it really like flooded on you it's like.

Vanessa:

you want evidence, here you go, and then on top of that you have the law of attraction, which, if you stay in that vibrational vicinity, then it'll start bringing you more circumstances in your now moment that will verify what you're thinking.

Jordan:

Yeah, absolutely.

Vanessa:

It's so important to work your way up above the green line on whatever, whatever subject it is.

Jordan:

If you want to feel good.

Vanessa:

Yeah, if you want to feel good, in this case, parenting.

Jordan:

Yeah, totally, and you know there are some days that you get below the green line and there's a natural evolution of a downward spiral right. There's also a natural evolution of an upward spiral and and essentially think about it directionally Once you're down below the green line, you have a tendency to drive further and further down with your thought if you keep choosing that direction Right.

Jordan:

And if you're above the green line you have a tendency to drive up, especially if you keep choosing that direction, especially if you keep choosing that direction. So I definitely had a day yesterday that was one of those days where I just kind of started off okay but then like I kind of drifted below the green line and then like I let it go. I sort of let the downward spiral continue. I kept allowing that worse feeling, worse feeling, worse feeling thought happen. You know rather than like catching it and get myself out of it.

Vanessa:

Yeah, when you wake up with a teeter totter, then any circumstance can really throw you below the green line.

Jordan:

Yeah so even your kids throwing a temper tantrum or yeah, just like whatever's going on, like if you're teeter tottering. I like that example. I also like the wobble so if you're wobbling, you know.

Jordan:

So for me yesterday two things happened that were kind of main. It was a Sunday, so we kind of sometimes have this social idea that the weekends are for, like, the kids and the family and you're supposed to be doing that stuff. You're not supposed to be doing work stuff, you know, and I spent a few hours of my yesterday doing work stuff and it was something I had promised that needed to get done and it took me maybe about four hours. So I think that kind of started the downward spiral because I just felt guilty. I felt so guilty Like you should be playing with the kids, engaging with the kids in the bonus room, playing in the backyard, playing, going on a golf cart ride, going, fishing, going and doing something. You're supposed to be doing something besides what you're doing right now. And it ended up being a bigger project than I anticipated. Like what I thought was going to take like 30 minutes or an hour ended up taking like four hours, right.

Jordan:

I thought was going to take like 30 minutes or an hour. Ended up taking like four hours, right. And so that whole time feeling this pull, like I should be doing something else.

Vanessa:

Yeah, right, you should all over yourself.

Jordan:

Yeah, and you're shooting all over yourself and then the further down the rabbit hole that goes. It's like I should have been doing something else this whole time, and now that more time has elapsed, now I'm getting deeper and deeper and deeper into this hole of something I shouldn't have been doing in the first place, you know and it's like, and then I went from that to what I had originally kind of wanted to do for the day, which was clean up the backyard.

Jordan:

I had, like, basically projects strewn about materials for projects, like I need to put the basketball goal back on the trampoline. I'm working on my boat over here.

Vanessa:

You had a junk pile. I had a junk pile, it was a big ugly junk pile.

Jordan:

I would call it a junk mountain it was like what is going on.

Vanessa:

It definitely could have been scaled by our children. I had a secret.

Jordan:

What I thought was a secret location around the side of the house where basically nobody ever goes over there. It's just like kind of this whole wall.

Vanessa:

I had not seen it for months.

Jordan:

That's what I'm saying. You hadn't seen it for months. And then, finally, I was like, yeah, I'm going to work on the backyard. And you came to assist me and you walked around that corner. Good Lord, the backyard and you came to assist me and you walked around that corner and, good lord, what happened over here, and it was literally like a mountain of like.

Jordan:

Every time I had gotten yeah, or like I had gotten partially through a project and we're just like I had all the materials left over. It was like, ah, this is my, I'll deal with it later pile.

Vanessa:

Yeah, and it had turned into Just throw it on, I'll deal with it later mountain.

Jordan:

So then I went from, like this feeling of like guilt having worked on a business project on Sunday for way longer than I thought I was going to directly into this other thing. So now I feel like I'm compounding the. I feel bad because I was doing this other thing that I perceive I shouldn't be doing, or, you know, like you said, shooting all over myself directly into Well, now let's clean up the backyard. And now again, now I'm going into this feeling of like neglect, like I'm neglecting the kids, and I'm feeling like even worse, like even though the kids are there they're on the back porch playing with you.

Jordan:

I jump on the trampoline here and there with all the and like we're doing stuff, but the train had already started moving South.

Jordan:

You know what I'm saying I think that's sort of the thing Like, if you look at the day beyond that moment, where I had built like momentum inside of feeling guilty, it was actually a pretty normal day, it's fine, everything's fine. But like I had activated this like lower guilty vibration and then just rolled it right into what ended up taking until like close to 10 o'clock at night I was in the backyard like trying to deal with my junk mountain.

Vanessa:

And that's the power of self-talk. Yeah, absolutely, it's funny. I'll go to the kids a lot of times, and especially on days whenever I feel like I was off or I was operating below the green line for part of the day. I'll ask them do you think that mommy did a good job today? Like I, I feel like I struggled today, and it's so funny. Usually, when I ask them that they're like I love you, mommy. Or sometimes I won't even ask them and they'll just say I'm so happy I chose you as my mommy.

Jordan:

Ollie did that to me a couple nights ago. He was like I'm so glad I chose you to be my dad glad I chose you to be my dad.

Vanessa:

I'm like yes, and it just makes you think like all of that negative self-talk that's been going on in my brain is for nothing. That's not how they perceive me at all. Yeah, you're exactly right, that's just my own insecurity coming through and it's not even warranted.

Jordan:

Yeah, what did Ollie say to you last night?

Vanessa:

I said do you think mommy and daddy did a good job today? And he goes, yep.

Jordan:

Like I didn't feel like I did a good job. I literally feel like I neglected you all day and like I went in a super downward spiral and I was feeling horrible about myself.

Vanessa:

But they don't, they don't feel that yeah you're right. They're above the green line.

Jordan:

They're doing whatever seems the most fun in this moment. Yeah, that was funny because I've seen like a Joe Dispenza thing where he's like you know, just be open with your kids, let them know how you feel and you know, like have honest conversations with them whenever you feel like you were having a tough time or whatever. Like really open up to them and share that with them and whether they respond right now or later, later on in life, they'll feel more open to open up to you whenever they're feeling a certain way or they're dealing with a certain problem or whatever.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

So I've been doing that. And last night we went to bed after I kind of had this like guilt stricken, feeling like a neglectful father day, and I was having that same conversation with Oliver and I was like, yeah, you know, I had kind of a tough day because you, you know, I really like hanging out with you and playing with you, but I feel like I kind of got caught up in work projects and other projects and I didn't get to spend as much time with you as I wanted to, and um, but it was just funny the responses because I'd be like, yeah, you know, I kind of had a rough day. And he was like, why?

Vanessa:

like he's not. I didn't see that at all. He's completely unaware, right, oh yeah.

Jordan:

And um so anyway, we just kind of get through it and just like brief 20, 30 second me talking about it and I'm like yeah, I'm like is it okay? Are you okay, son, or is it all good? He's like yeah, good. Kind of continued to talk and then in about 15 seconds I heard him snoring on my shoulder.

Vanessa:

I was like he's like I'm pretty tired you trying to resolve your guilt with me right now is so boring.

Jordan:

I'm going to sleep, you know, but that's the thing. Like you're just trying to have this little conversation, like partially, to let them know. Like you know, when I'm struggling with something, I share it with him. Hopefully he can reciprocate. If he's ever feeling a certain way, he can have that conversation with me.

Vanessa:

It's so healthy to be able to share your emotions with your kids yeah, I did that the other night with Adeline too.

Vanessa:

I was journaling and I started crying about something Like I just started tearing up and she goes Mommy, are you okay? And I said Addie, sometimes parents get really sad about things. And I said what do you like to do when you're sad? And she goes Well, when I'm sad, I like to hug my mommy. And I said I would really love to hug my Addie right now. And she did. She gave me a huge hug. And she was just like you know, she was soaking it up, like oh, I'm like, I'm soothing mommy.

Jordan:

Yeah, so she's like petting my hair.

Vanessa:

Yeah, but yeah it was just like this. It was a special moment that I was just like really grateful that we have that with our kids. Yeah's like we can share emotions and not be afraid of them, cause I feel like that happens a lot of times, where it's like, let's, let's not feel this, let's not talk about this, let's just let's suppress it and get past it and not bring it up at all, which isn't healthy for anybody.

Jordan:

Yeah, and I think we do a good job of this, like we'll actually use the words from the emotional guidance scale.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

And so we try to kind of formulate it. You know, I was feeling guilty or I was feeling this. Like I told Oliver yesterday, I kind of had a little daddy face going on when I was like cleaning the backyard, which is great. Daddy face is like horrifying face, where my nose gets really sharp and my face gets kind of red. I don't know it's like, like it's definitely an angry face oh yeah we call it daddy face. Yeah, like I literally hear from the background, why does daddy have daddy face?

Vanessa:

you know, like, like. Why is daddy?

Jordan:

mad. Yeah, why is daddy mad? And then you said I think, oh yeah, why does daddy have daddy face? And I like I go back over there and I'm like I'm just feeling a little angry right now, son. And you were like, why don't you tell us why?

Jordan:

and I was like, well, this backyard's a real mess and I like really just ripped it apart and I'm tired and I'm tired and, um, I'm just looking at it, thinking about all this work that I'm gonna have before me, and I'm just feeling a little angry about it it's kind of how it is, but that's healthy.

Jordan:

I didn't, I didn't say but I'm not gonna be angry anymore. I was still angry, I was still feeling. I was still feeling that like in reality, like if you were to boil the emotion down further, like if I were to more clearly describe it, it would be like, well, son, a few hours ago I started a guilt train in the garage and I really started to build momentum and I really got it going. And you know, there's kind of a thing the vibrational momentum, unchecked, it continues to move in a particular direction. Son and um, I just allowed the natural evolution of a downward spiral to overtake me to where I was just feeling horrible.

Vanessa:

Until that, train was in Funky Town.

Jordan:

Until that train was in Funky Town, and now I'm bobbling between rage and anger at myself for being such a horrible parent.

Vanessa:

But it didn't stop there. Oh, no, yeah.

Jordan:

We're going to keep going, and I think that's the thing, like when you arrive at the bottom.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

You and I're talking about that this morning.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

When you arrive at the bottom. The bottom of the emotional guidance scale the bottom of the emotional guidance scale More powerlessness. Yeah, you can really like beat up on yourself. And a lot of times like we're kind of taught in the world that something's really wrong if you have thoughts like that.

Vanessa:

You know what I mean.

Jordan:

Like severe depression, severe powerlessness, and they're concerned about your well-being. So, like you'll see, like 800 hotlines, like if you're feeling this way or you're having these thoughts, call this line like literally stuff like that right and like. One thing I would like to say to that is a lot of us hold that inside and we have like thoughts that reach the bottom.

Vanessa:

We judge ourselves and we judge ourselves for having them. Yeah.

Jordan:

And then society basically says if you're having thoughts like this, it's bad, it's wrong, that's not normal, that's not normal you should be, you know, seeking help, seeking guidance.

Vanessa:

It's like that's the most normal thing.

Jordan:

Yeah, you just nailed it the natural evolution of a downward spiral is completely normal.

Vanessa:

It's just your guidance.

Jordan:

Yeah, and it's guidance, and it's the law of attraction and action. It's just vibrational momentum.

Jordan:

Yeah, so essentially, you're always going to have access to thought that's in vibrational proximity to the thought that you're currently thinking and the idea that you're currently holding. So you're always going to have access to thoughts that feel a little bit better and you're always going to have access to thoughts that feel a little bit worse, and that's just kind of how it is. So the natural evolution of a downward spiral. You're kind of sliding downhill. So the tendency is, if you have equal access to both, one that feels a little better and one that feels a little worse, if you've been going down, say, from guilt, like I was, like guilt you start moving down.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

I'm already sliding down the hill, so I've got momentum in that direction. So it becomes directional, so you start pushing your way down there and, essentially unchecked right, boom.

Vanessa:

well, I've seen it as like a guilt cycle. That's how it shows up in my head. It's like you're.

Vanessa:

You have these thoughts that definitely resonate with feeling guilty so you have these guilt ridden thoughts that produce guilt emotion and from that, the law of attraction is bringing you circumstances that correspond with that same guilty emotion. So these circumstances arise, and usually it comes through action. So you're feeling guilty about something, you do something that makes you feel even more guilty, and then that produces even more severe guilt thoughts, that produce more severe guilt emotion, and then that creates a circumstance that makes you feel even more guilty. So it's this, like this negative loop, which is what we're talking about today in this podcast Guilt like parent guilt.

Vanessa:

Yeah in this podcast. Guilt like parent guilt, yeah, so there's like this guilt cycle that if perpetuated it's a really nasty feeling place to be.

Jordan:

Yeah you, you're guilty, you feel guilty, and then you feel like you should be doing something else, and then you do something else that matches the guilt like for example it makes you feel more guilty. Yeah, so, for example, it makes you feel more guilty, yeah.

Vanessa:

So, for example, like you have these thoughts of guilt and then all of a sudden the kids do something, whereas you would usually maybe stay above the green line. The kids act out and instead of staying above the green line and responding in a healthy way, you kind of lash out at them and you kind of bark at them like don't do that, steve, the snapping turtle has arrived. Yeah, snap snap, snap, snap it's like ah. You do that, you're going to hurt yourself. Yeah.

Jordan:

Yeah, and they're like totally fine, yeah, and they're totally fine.

Vanessa:

And so then, like you, you lashed out, and of course that produces another feeling of guilt, because you didn't want to respond that way, and then it just continues the guilt cycle.

Jordan:

Yeah, totally, and I would say sometimes this is just conceptual in our mind, that we're trying to talk this through, but then you'll actually see it activate itself in physical experience, like you were just talking about, and sometimes it's not even like a direct thing that you did, but it is something that will kind of perpetuate the guilt cycle, like, for example, I was working on a project and so now I'm like feeling guilty that I'm applying time to this. So then there's like this weird pressure to like finish faster.

Jordan:

Yeah, you know what I mean, and sometimes that can actually create problems, like I remember, a couple of days ago I was on the same thing.

Vanessa:

Believe it or not.

Jordan:

This is not the first time this has happened you know, especially with three children, you know. And so, like I'm doing the thing and I get the box of painting supplies down, and on my way down the ladder I drop the entire box. It just explodes on the floor. And so the first thing I think is I was in vibrational harmony with that which isn't great.

Vanessa:

It's like oh no, I'm feeding my train with the wrong kind of coal Exactly.

Jordan:

It's like oh no, like I was at my favorite level, but then it's like now I have to clean up that mess which is going to keep me from my kids even longer, which is going to perpetuate this guilt cycle even further. So it's like this whole like just thing.

Vanessa:

And then, like Adeline comes out to the garage wanting to help but there's like the insecurity of wanting to finish faster and you're like in a hurry so you don't really want their help. So then you lash out and it's like go away. I'm trying to do this very important thing.

Jordan:

Yeah, well, and in this particular instance I was dealing with a very intense, permanent substance that if you touch it in your, not in your, princess dress yeah, so that's the conversation. It's like yeah, this stuff was designed to have like a 50-year warranty attached to it, which means if you get it in your princess dress, it will never come out. Daddy still has pants from five years ago that still have this substance in it.

Vanessa:

So now he got it on it. So then you realize you're trying to reason with a three year old and it just turns into this like kind of battle of trying to politely say you don't want their help so that you can get. You can just complete the project at hand. Yeah, but then she goes inside, and then there's more guilt.

Jordan:

Oh, even better yeah. So, let's just finish that little circle out. So you're going to get that in your princess dress. It won't come out, you won't be happy. So then she goes and actually changes and takes off her princess dress so that she can help me. I'm already like a couple hours deep into my guilt train you know yeah.

Jordan:

Comes back out to help me, and now I'm just like I was really just trying to say that to get you to like, go engage something else entirely, so that you don't get this substance on you at all, you know. And so she comes back, being all cute, ready to help. I want to help daddy with his project. And then I bark at her like a junkyard dog, like this awful, horrible human being. I'm just like this stuff is not for you to play with, don't touch it. I'm just like I don't know how to say this, but like please don't touch this.

Vanessa:

Go do anything else.

Jordan:

Like go do literally anything else besides this. And then she erupts crying because she just wanted to help. And for all those people watching this you can accurately say man Jordan was a real asshole right there. Like she went and changed out of her princess dress to come out and help you play with this substance and like now you're not helping her and you're being a jerk about it. Anyway, don't worry, I've beat myself up plenty.

Vanessa:

I don't need your judgment. I don't need your judgment.

Jordan:

Actually feel free.

Vanessa:

Feel free to cast judgment because I deserve it. I deserve that judgment.

Vanessa:

I feel like one of the reasons why we wanted to have this podcast is because a lot of times things look hunky-dory all the time you have all these Instagram reels and you have the perfect Facebook life and all of these things that outwardly show this perfect appearance, and the truth is nobody's like that. Yeah and all of these things that outwardly show this perfect appearance. And the truth is nobody's like that. Anybody with little kids or kids at all, any age, anybody who is human knows that there are times when you are below the green line.

Jordan:

Yeah, I saw this like real the other day. You showed it to me and it was like meal ideas for your child, like look what, look at all the meal prep that I did. And you're looking at it and it's like, that's like a seven course chef inspired meal of healthiness for your two-year-old yeah, meanwhile my daughter is scaling the elfa pantry to get a Twinkie.

Vanessa:

You know like cause I looked away for five minutes.

Jordan:

Yeah, she knows where they are.

Vanessa:

Oh my gosh. This is the real stuff, though, and anyone who tries to show you differently.

Jordan:

It's not true. You know what, if you do have it differently, where you've figured it all out and you never go through these guilt cycles and you're just always above the green line and you always have these perfect like prepped meal thingies for your children and you never mess up ever and you're always perfect please share please share help.

Vanessa:

How do you do that? How do you do?

Jordan:

that, oh my. And what's really crazy, too, is like you and I intentionally built this life where we spend a tremendous amount of time with the children.

Vanessa:

Oh yeah.

Jordan:

Like, honestly, we've worked from home until now we have this office. So like we just now even started separating ourselves for a few hours to go to the office to work. So like, up until this point in their life, like we've been there like 24, seven, all the time tending to their every whim. Which actually takes me kind of down another path that we were going to talk about, which is when the children are in these situations or when we're in these situations.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

Where it feels like the circumstance itself is dictating our emotional state, like for example our five-year-old son.

Vanessa:

He is very much into the television right now.

Jordan:

He likes it.

Vanessa:

It's hard to get him away from it and we've had to unplug the TVs and all sorts of things because he like the moment that we're not engaged with him he goes and turns on something and even if we ask him like come on, come on, oliver, let's go do this thing, let's go play together, let's go play with magnet tiles or blocks or whatever it is, it's so hard to just take him out of the tv and, like you've said, jordan, like there's a frequency to that. There's a frequency to the television.

Vanessa:

Yeah. So you're like completely engulfed in this thing, in this program that you're watching, and then you try to peel him away and his energy is still matched with that frequency of whatever he was just engaged in. So it takes him a moment to actually engage with the family. So it's this big thing that we've been dealing with and I know we're not alone.

Jordan:

Like in today's age.

Vanessa:

There's so many screens. There's iPads, there's phones, there's televisions. There are so many screens that can completely grab their attention and for kids like him that are completely stimulated by it, it can be difficult to peel them away.

Jordan:

Yeah, absolutely, and, like you said, there's kind of a frequency to it and we've all had this experience. So, like as an adult, I would equate it to like a work project or a business project.

Vanessa:

Something you're completely into, something I'm completely focused on.

Jordan:

So, like it's, captured my attention, something I'm completely focused on. So, like it's captured my attention, I'm thinking about it. And then let's say you say, honey, I have lunch ready, come out of that business project and come eat this sandwich. Well, I don't just snap from the business project to the sandwich, like I'm still thinking about the business project, right? And so I kind of bring that frequency with me, and if it's a temporary jump out like 30 minutes, then I'm probably barely going to start the reduction of that frequency into something else before I pop right back into it.

Vanessa:

Right, because your wheels are still spinning on, trying to create the solution to whatever problem you're dealing with.

Jordan:

Yeah, exactly, and you could say that mine is constructive because I'm working, but it's the exact same thing he's just like totally engaged in that. So whenever we're like, hey, let's turn that off and go have dinner together, you know he's going to have sort of like this half-life of the frequency, so to speak, where it's like it's going to start reducing itself. But I notice a lot with him, especially if it's going to be a temporary thing.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

For the first like five or ten minutes of the temporary thing. He's trying to get back over to the TV, you know he's trying to be like have I satisfied your wishes enough for me to go back and do what I want to do, which? Is watch TV yeah. And so it is definitely a thing.

Vanessa:

It's kind of like getting another hit yeah totally and so it's like, it's like an addiction almost yeah absolutely.

Jordan:

And you know, if you really look at it, that is the thing that actually sort of bothers me the most. I guess I would say is it's not necessarily him watching the television, but like whenever he's trying to disengage from the tv, like he's not really able to do it, he's not like able to like enter back right, at least in a short period, and it seems to me like the longer they watch it, then the harder it is for them to break out of it, especially if they go like watch it for a while, get out for just a little bit, watch it for a while long, get out for just a little bit. You know what I mean, right? So we've all had that experience. Maybe a grandparent takes them and they watch the TV all day, or whatever.

Jordan:

But at the end of the day, I'm dealing with these things the best way that I can deal with them, and it's out of love for my child. But what will happen is so like perfect example is this morning I actually decided to just take the plugs out of the TVs, like to where they physically can't be turned on. But the kids are so smart. I started with Amazon plugs and they're so smart. They figured out how to bypass the Amazon plugs in like five seconds, and they're five, three and eight months. I don't know if Eloise is in on it, but the five-year-old and the three-year-old figured out how to tell Alexa to turn the plug back on within like 48 hours.

Vanessa:

And it's so funny because the oldest one, Oliver, he's very much into the screens. But our middle child, Adeline, she could care less about the television, the only thing she loves is spending time with her brother. So she watches TV just because he's watching it and she wants to hang out with him, but if it's just her, she never goes to turn on the TV. Yeah, totally so every kid is completely different too.

Jordan:

Yeah, absolutely. So then, like from there, I'm like well, if they're going to bypass the plugs, I'm just going to unplug the TV. Yeah Well, believe it or not, a five-year-old can figure out how to plug the TV back in, how to plug the TV back in.

Jordan:

So, like you said, if we're not just like completely engaged 24-7, he can figure out how to go do it again, and I don't want to have that kind of restriction on him, but I also, at the same time, don't want him to engage in that frequency so long that it's making it difficult for him to like engage with the world, you know, because it's like this two-dimensional thing.

Vanessa:

Whenever I ask him to turn off the TV and engage with the family, I tell him it's important that we remember how to use our imagination, because you like. It's important to be in the world. That's why we're here. You don't want to just be consuming all of the things that other people are doing in the world. You want to be doing it yourself.

Jordan:

Totally so. Then you know, take it one step further today. I actually didn't just remove the plug, like pull it out, I removed the plugs entirely to where, right now, the TVs in our house cannot be turned on.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

And I have all of the cords in a secret place.

Vanessa:

But when we were leaving, that even produced guilt.

Jordan:

Yeah.

Vanessa:

That produced parent guilt where you were like. Am I making the right choice? Is this too extreme? Should I plug the TVs back in and let him watch TV? And the clarity that we really want to capture today is what we're trying to do with our kids is not try to change all of the circumstances in order to make them happy, but rather we're trying to teach them that the ultimate freedom is knowing that you have control over your emotions, no matter the circumstances in your life.

Jordan:

Yeah, you nailed it, and that's not always easy because, like, literally on the way out the door, adeline comes up to me and says almost verbatim what I'm about to say. She says, daddy, can you plug the TV back in? Because Oliver said, and you unplugging the TV made Oliver sad. So circumstance, yeah, so so circumstance that you created basically made Oliver sad.

Vanessa:

So change the circumstance and you will make Oliver happy.

Jordan:

Precisely so. She's like trying to make Oliver happy and she comes to me and she's like so, because Oliver's sad, you need to plug the TV back in so that Oliver won't be sad. Right and super sweet. She's three years old, she's trying to figure it out and she's really trying to help her brother out and she's basically telling me, like Bubba's outside sad on the swing because you unplugged the TV. So circumstance. So, if you plug the TV back in.

Vanessa:

Change the circumstance. Change the circumstance. Then Bubba can be happy Right and by doing that which is what most adults do with children, including us sometimes with our own kids is. We try to change the circumstances in order to instantly gratify the child.

Jordan:

You just nailed it Instant gratification. So that's a thing that has kind of happened in our generation. Back in the day you didn't have access to such speed, right.

Vanessa:

We didn't have, like, all of this internet and Google and like all of this. No, we had VHS tapes, right. We didn't have all of this internet and Google and all of this.

Jordan:

No, we had VHS tapes.

Vanessa:

Yeah, we didn't have streaming.

Jordan:

And we were stoked about that. You could take this giant black square and plug it into a machine and watch it. I still remember buying a rewinder.

Vanessa:

Yeah. To speed up the process.

Jordan:

We didn't have the speed for moving from one point of simulation to another point of simulation. If you wanted to watch Mulan, you could watch Mulan, but if you wanted to stop Mulan and go turn on the Lion King, you had to pull out, eject the VHS, pull it out of the machine.

Vanessa:

Go over, find the other VHS.

Jordan:

Find the Lion King, pull it out, look at it to see if the tape is at the right place on the reel. Like has it been rewound? Oh, whoever got it out of the machine last time didn't rewind it. Gotta take it over the rewinder. Jing, jing, ring, yeah, literally it's just like, and a couple minutes will go by and it's like click when it's done. And that click is like oh goody, we get to go stick it in and do the whole thing. And then you had to go through like 15 minutes of previews. You remember back in the day it was like da-da-da-da-da-da. And it's like, if you watch the old movies, like snow white, for example, the intro yeah is like so long, so long, like several minutes long.

Vanessa:

I started that the other day on disney and adeline goes. Why is the movie starting at the end? Because the beginning credits are so long. This is what movies used to be like people used to sit through the credits at the beginning before the movie even started. Yeah, exactly.

Jordan:

So I mean, I'm not saying that like things have changed and now it's harder, and blah blah blah. What I am saying is things have changed Right, and now they have the ability to bounce from thing to thing to thing to thing so fast that it's hard not to teach instant gratification. Right Because if they want to go from Mulan to Lion King, they can do it in like half a second.

Vanessa:

So that puts a lot of pressure on parents nowadays, where kids are used to getting their needs met immediately. So if you're not there to fulfill, then they have an outburst or they act out in a certain way because they're used to getting what they want from either you as the parent or somebody else a grandparent.

Jordan:

Yeah.

Vanessa:

It puts a lot of pressure on us as parents. Totally To always be doing whatever they're asking of us.

Jordan:

Yeah, and they just expect this speed.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

So I'm not saying it's universal, like all kids feel that way, but what I am saying is I've personally experienced this, so where it's just like they have been accustomed to getting things super fast and now they can't, and they're also accustomed to massive choice Right Back in the day, if you didn't have the VHS, you didn't have the VHS. You could borrow it from someone, you could swap VHSs, you could go to the library, you know, eventually it swap VHSs. You could go to the library, you know, eventually it migrated to DVDs and ultimately you would have a lot more involved to get your hands on the resource. Or maybe you just couldn't get the hands on the resource.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

Whereas now my five-year-old son can turn on a TV, navigate to different applications within the TV Netflix, youtube, disney, can jump app to app to app and have basically unlimited choice in what he can consume right now.

Vanessa:

Right. When you're a parent, you really want to be able to instantly gratify all of your children's desires. You can't even describe, if you've never had kids, that connection that you feel with your child. So then you have this beautiful, perfect human being and anytime they want something, you want to be able to give them what it is that they desire. And in today's age you really can, for the most part, in a lot of ways, fulfill on what they're asking for and immediately in a lot of situations. Yeah, absolutely.

Vanessa:

But it reminds me of the quote give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but teach a man to fish and he'll eat forever.

Jordan:

Yeah, totally. So you really, if you want to empower your children, which I do so, if I want to empower my children, I want to teach them that it's not the circumstance or that instant gratification that's making you happy, holding how the infinite part of your consciousness is responding to those thoughts, and that's ultimately what's producing the emotional state, not the fact that you were instantly gratified. And when we have these experiences where the children aren't instantly gratified for whatever reason, and they have these like volcanic eruptions, reminding ourselves that it's because of the way that they're perceiving the situation, not the actual situation itself. I think sometimes it's healthy because, at the end of the day, if they're just used to getting what they want really rapidly and then all of a sudden you say no, or it's going to be five or 10 minutes, or setting a boundary.

Vanessa:

I'm setting a boundary intentionally which is what they want, by the way.

Jordan:

Right. So they see I don't get it now, I'm mad, I'm going to blow up whatever. Ultimately, if they can be in a situation where they can say I'm not getting it now, but I can look at this in a way that makes me feel good, I can make a better choice. It's not about me not getting the thing right now. It's more about how I'm perceiving me not getting the thing right now.

Jordan:

That would be the ultimate empowerment. Because then it's like well, if I can't have the thing for five or ten minutes, then I'm going to go play magnet tiles. I'm going to go play with my sister.

Vanessa:

I'm going to go do this.

Jordan:

I'm going to go do this, I'm going to go do that. I'm going to do the thing that sounds most fun right now. Exactly, I'm going to go do whatever else I can do in its place, and I'm going to choose to be happy rather than to choose to throw the temper tantrum.

Vanessa:

And you know, kids do this naturally. They're so good at being happy, they're so good at being above the green line.

Jordan:

Totally.

Vanessa:

It's us that that have a tendency to get into these negative thought loop cycles, these negative thought patterns for example, the guilt. So we get into these feelings of guilt and we get into these guilt loops.

Jordan:

Well, you just nailed it, you said pattern.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

So what happens is we've practiced these patterns and they're right there, available for us to return to.

Vanessa:

Because they have momentum. We've activated them enough times.

Jordan:

Totally.

Vanessa:

That whenever we do get into the vibrational vicinity of it, it's activated, and then we have that train moving fast again.

Jordan:

Yeah, totally. But you know I'm reminded that our kids don't want us to be sad. You know they don't want us to be below the green line Right and we don't have want us to be below the green line. Right and we don't have any influence or power below the green line.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

So perpetuating those negative patterns is not going to serve us.

Vanessa:

Correct.

Jordan:

So how do we move back above the green line whenever we've been practicing these patterns? How do we recognize them and start to move ourself in that direction? I think it's a really important question to ask because ultimately, we could live in these guilt patterns our whole lives, and I think some people do like. Whenever you never do figure out how to deal and how to get yourself back up above the green line, in a way, you're robbing your child of the above the green line parent that they could have, right, right, and I don't want to do that. I mean certainly. I'm talking about this experience that I had yesterday.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

And how I built momentum around guilt and kind of had a rough day emotionally, right, but I'm talking about it and I'm figuring it out and I'm thinking what I could have done better. Right, but I'm talking about it and I'm figuring it out and I'm thinking what I could have done better for the next time.

Vanessa:

You know, it's funny because before we became parents, I used to think like I need to have everything figured out before I have kids. I need to be this perfect human being that never makes mistakes so that they have this perfect childhood. And now, of course, I've come to the realization that, like conscious, parenting isn't being perfect all the time.

Jordan:

Yeah.

Vanessa:

Conscious parenting is about doing life. It's about experiencing the emotions and then observing the way that you feel whenever different things happen in life, and then making the conscious choice to change how you respond in the future to a similar situation, so that you can feel better.

Jordan:

Man, I love that definition of conscious parenting. I want to get that tattooed on my arm. Like what was conscious parenting again. Well, my wife said it was like this, but you're right.

Vanessa:

Well, guys, that takes a lot of the pressure off Whenever you take the weight of feeling like you have to be perfect all the time and not show your emotions to your kids, or show them whenever you're feeling below the green line emotions. When you take that weight off and you just allow yourself to be whatever it is that you are in this moment, then it takes the pressure off your kids when they become adults too.

Jordan:

Yeah, and while they're kids, I've actually noticed this about our kids that Oliver will get mad or upset Right, and I've actually noticed him voicing it the way that we do.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

And.

Vanessa:

I feel, mad.

Jordan:

Yeah, I feel angry because, you know, and in his world he's still generally tying it to a circumstance, right. So I feel angry because you turn the TV off and he's done it to my mom whenever she's babysitting. She's done it to babysitters Like basically, like you turn the TV off Now I'm angry, right. I see him voice this and he'll take action, like I'm gonna go to my room now, but sometimes he'll actually take a minute, like intentionally. Oh yeah, like I'm angry and I'm gonna take some time to myself and he'll run off and do whatever and generally he'll come back better, yeah, with purpose, and that's what is really exciting to me is whenever.

Jordan:

I see my kids purposefully move from a lower emotional state to an upper emotional state, below the green line emotional state to an above the green line emotional state, and they even have processes for it.

Vanessa:

Like you asked him yesterday, yeah, I said what do you do whenever you feel bad? And what did he say? He started singing a song.

Jordan:

He started singing a song and you recorded it and it was actually really awesome, you know he said, whenever I feel bad, I just start trying to think healthy thoughts.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

Yeah, so our kids are like really starting to figure it out and they're really nailing it and I'm really proud of that. In fact, I've had coaching sessions from my children. Oh yeah, should I talk about that one? Yeah, definitely yeah that was pretty great. So one day I had a similar experience to this. It had happened before.

Vanessa:

Jordan had a temper tantrum.

Jordan:

I had a little temper tantrum. This one was actually instigated because I was jumping on the trampoline with the children.

Vanessa:

I jumped a little too hard and Adeline got hurt, so she was like crying and I was already in a guilt loop, yeah.

Jordan:

And then she started saying, daddy hurt me, yeah. And then I'm like, well, how am I going to deal with this, you know? So, basically, I get off the trampoline and, somehow or another, a piece of furniture got moved from the porch into the yard.

Vanessa:

With brute force.

Jordan:

With brute force. I sound like a terrible person. We should not have a podcast. Everyone's going to know.

Vanessa:

One of our favorite quotes is from Wayne Dyer. What would he say?

Jordan:

He would go out on stage and say you should see me when I lose my keys.

Vanessa:

Yeah, turn it over couches and stuff and say you should see me when I lose my keys.

Jordan:

Yeah, so this, yeah, this is just yeah, this is just to bring in the relatability, yeah, I mean, and and so like. So obviously I'm trying to deal with you know, whatever experience I just had. Yeah, so the next morning, oliver standing by the window and he looks at me, he says, daddy, why is the couch in the yard?

Vanessa:

And what did you say?

Jordan:

Said I was doing some rearranging, and then he's not satisfied with the answer because he knows where he's going with this.

Jordan:

He goes no, no, no, Daddy, how did the couch get in the yard? I was like I threw it there. He was like why did you throw it there? And now I have to like fess up, you know. And I was like, well, you know, we were playing on the trampoline and Adeline got hurt and daddy was mad at himself and I felt guilty and I just threw that couch in the yard. He was like you know, daddy, when Adeline gets hurt, there are all sorts of things that I can do to make her feel better. I could go give her a hug, you know, give her a pat on the back, make her feel better. I could pretend I'm a doctor and I can go, like, put band-aids on her boo-boos. There are just so many different things that I can do. I can say nice things to her to make her feel better, and there are just so many ways that I would say are better to deal with that situation and literally is like therapy, coaching me on how I could be better next time.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

But the big thing is there are a lot of things that I can do to help her feel better, and there are a lot of things I can do to help myself feel better, and so it's really fun to watch them come up with these things.

Vanessa:

Oh, it's amazing. They're such incredible teachers.

Jordan:

Yeah, they really are.

Vanessa:

They've been some of my greatest teachers in life.

Jordan:

Totally and I do see the above the green line approaches that we have, which are the majority that is the thing so for us. We're mostly above the green line. We're mostly experiencing these high vibe states with our kids, but we can really beat up on ourselves about these kind of low below the green line experiences that we have.

Vanessa:

Like you said the guilt loop.

Jordan:

So that's one of the reasons that we even shot this podcast is we wanted to capture the clarity on this situation right, and what conscious parenting actually kind of looks like for us, and really capture the idea that it's not our job to instantly fulfill all of our child's wishes. It's our job to teach them that they have control of their emotional states, no matter what the circumstances are around them.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

And I feel like if we continue to do that, then we're going to see more and more coaching sessions like that from Oliver where he's telling me how I could feel better now and how it would be really better for everyone involved if I would just behave that way. But that's really good because I know that came like partially from him in his own mind, but also from Arlene, to what would feel better now what would be a?

Jordan:

better way to handle this where I would feel better, what's a way that I could look at this situation that would allow me to feel better now? And they see us actively coaching ourselves and each other on how we could stay above the green line now rather than dip below it, and so it's really encouraging to me that we're seeing that show up in our kids.

Vanessa:

Oh, definitely. Yeah, it's really incredible, like the influence that's still in the house. Even if you and I are below the green line, we still have our kids that are operating above the green line that can sometimes help us out, coach us or just say I love you, mommy.

Jordan:

I love you, daddy.

Vanessa:

I feel like they feel that too sometimes totally and they tell us that and it means the world to us.

Jordan:

Yeah, he's actually that he's stopped full-on meltdowns from me just by saying I love you, daddy. I love you, daddy.

Vanessa:

Yeah.

Jordan:

He sees me kind of like welling up to like basically go on a guilt train or whatever, and then he'll like diffuse the bomb. Yeah, and he's done that a bunch, Like the kids, like they'll see it and you know kids are observant. They know what's going on With them 24-7.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

With them 24-7,. There's not going to be a situation where you never get mad, you never get sad you never get upset you never get a business call that you don't have to deal with. That produces some anxiety and you're doing stuff.

Vanessa:

I think it's really healthy that we all own our vibe in the house too, because we know that it's not anybody else's fault. There's no blame there. It's just we feel off, but we'll get back above the green line. It's fault, it's not. There's no blame there, it's just we feel off, but we'll. We'll get back above the green line, it's okay.

Jordan:

Yeah, and we, and we do talk it through with our kids. And I think that's the cool thing. One thing that I really admire about the kids and maybe you could speak to this is how short lived they're below the green line moments are.

Vanessa:

Oh yeah, they're. They're incredible. Like I wish that I could mirror that in my own life how infrequent, they stay below the green line, but when they do dip down there, it's very, very quick because it feels so painful to them, and that's something that we kind of we we train ourselves out of that as we get older. Instead of actually expressing emotions, we suppress them and then eventually they come out as diseases.

Vanessa:

In real life. That's how it usually happens. We're in these unfavorable things that develop in our bodies because of all of these suppressed emotions that we didn't know how to deal with or we didn't want to deal with them.

Jordan:

Yeah, negative thought patterns, that just feel horrible.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

Whether it manifests into a disease or whatever, just living in that chronic pattern is painful, right, super painful.

Vanessa:

That's why you see kids have temper tantrums and they dip below the green line with an exclamation point. But then they come back up. They have their bobber go back to the surface very quickly. And like we see it all the time, like the kids will be at each other, like they'll be hitting each other and just like saying ugly things, and then five seconds later they're cuddling and they're saying I love you so much, and it's like whoa, those are completely different people.

Jordan:

Yeah, totally Like if someone had just slapped me in the face, I'm not sure I'd be like you want a Twizzler?

Vanessa:

Like three minutes later. You know, bestie, bestie, yeah, it's kind of how it works. But yeah, it's just so incredible to see how quick they are to realign.

Jordan:

Yeah, that's it realign and I think it's so natural to them it takes years and years, and years to train them out of it, which the world kind of does right where it's like it, basically teaching them to behave, conform, do what's expected right, this is what you should be doing.

Vanessa:

This is how you should be yeah, this is how you should express emotion.

Jordan:

Correct.

Vanessa:

These are the emotions you shouldn't express. I actually believe that you are really good at staying above the green line, because of your temper tantrums sometimes.

Jordan:

Yeah like you know, it's a weird thing, but I have this kind of bouncing. I don't tolerate being below the green line very well. So, like I had super don't tolerate disempowerment very well, so you won't find me depressed, kicking rocks much.

Vanessa:

Not for long, not for long.

Jordan:

If I do get down there, like I'm generally, grabbing some anger, some rage, some anger.

Vanessa:

Just to bounce back up the emotional guidance scale a little bit.

Jordan:

I'm like. I am not going to be disempowered or depressed, I'm going to be full of rage and anger but at least in rage and anger, I have a little bit of what feels like power over the situation. Now I've learned to not only control that, but to understand that better where, when I feel, those chemicals arise in my bloodstream now. I can kind of see it coming on. So like temper tantrums now as an adult are very infrequent versus whenever I was younger.

Vanessa:

Right, but you know you're like I need to go for a run, I need to go do a bunch of pushups. I need to go diffuse the energy somehow, because I feel it there.

Jordan:

Totally, and that's what I'll do a lot.

Vanessa:

This is a healthy way to expend it.

Jordan:

Yeah, a healthy way to like get the energy out of the body, but ultimately, I do feel like I use that as a bridge to above the green line a good bit. I use that as a bridge to above the green line a good bit, like we were driving the other day and like we're having a conversation about conscious creation and how to Vibration fit, vibration fit and our product.

Vanessa:

How to be the conscious creation.

Jordan:

How to be the conscious creator of your own life experience. And then, like we hit this wall of traffic and I remember just exclaiming something like ah beep Mother, mother, mother, boop. And then like so I have like this like exclamation real quick, and then I look back at you and I go so back to conscious creation. It was funny, we had like a good laugh about it because like that is kind of true, like you don't have to stay there just because you went there.

Jordan:

You know what I mean. You don't have to stay there just because you went there. You know what I mean. You might just have an experience that triggers a different pattern that you've practiced somewhere else and temporarily bounce there, but you don't have to stay there just because you went there. And I think a lot of times when people go there, they sort of get stuck there.

Vanessa:

Right, they have a tendency to stay there.

Jordan:

They don't know how to find their way back out. Yeah, totally. So I definitely try to remind myself that just because I went there doesn't mean I have to stay there. But that was a really funny experience just because, like, of the conversation we were having and then bouncing out and bouncing right back in. It was kind of hilarious.

Vanessa:

Yeah, totally yeah. But kids, it's just so incredible to see how they can. They can dip really low on the emotional guidance scale and then five seconds later they're all the way back at the top again. Yeah, so we have a lot to learn from them. Totally, I want them to keep that Like I want our kids to keep it.

Jordan:

I want them to nurture it. I want to learn more from them about how we can do it, because ultimately, I think that's the path to do it. Because ultimately, I think that's the path to essentially not developing those negative patterns of thought that hold us down below the green line, like if we just let kids be kids and we didn't train them out of their above the green line tendencies, then they'd be a lot better off in the future, right.

Jordan:

So, I think naturally they'll develop a lot more above the green line ideas, perspectives and make those types of decisions about situations If we teach them that they're empowered to do that and then ultimately cultivate it within them.

Vanessa:

Right, and I've actually. I've observed myself in situations whenever they're expressing themselves in anger or whatever it is, and it's crazy how my natural tendency sometimes is to be like you shouldn't feel that way or don't be mad, and that's just something maybe I was trained into as a child.

Jordan:

Right.

Vanessa:

And what I would like to say is it's okay to be mad, and that's usually where I go, but I still find myself. If I'm not completely in the situation completely present, I can find my natural behavior. My natural tendency is to say don't be mad, Don't feel that way, and it's just something that's so natural in society, I think. To tell each other like don't feel that, you shouldn't feel that way, and the reality is that's the most natural thing in the universe is to feel these emotions, is to take the guidance and say thank you, yeah, I have the guidance. Now what do I choose to do with it?

Jordan:

Absolutely, I have the guidance. Now what do I choose to do with it? Absolutely, yeah, I've had those experiences where, depending on what side of the green line you're on, you can sort of match the energy. So like if the child is angry, sometimes if I'm below the green line, I might sort of meet that with anger, like sort of like meet them where they're at. If I'm above the green line, I might do it playfully. So one of them is actually like not fun, like why are you?

Jordan:

mad. Now I'm mad about you being mad. That is not fun.

Vanessa:

Right.

Jordan:

The more playful approach is. Ollie will be doing something like magnet tiles won't be sticking together right or whatever, and he'll get frustrated and like knocking over or whatever, and he'll like express anger. And I'll come in and be be like you know what. I completely understand that you're angry. I'd be mad too. You know what. I'm really great at destroying things.

Vanessa:

If you want, we could take this to the next level. We could take this to the next level. I have a blowtorch in the garage.

Jordan:

Like I've got all sorts of tools, like we could like super destroy these things, not only the magnet tile creations here, but I could lay waste to even the toy itself with some of the stuff I've got in the garage. Oftentimes that kind of diffuses him where he's like actually Dad, it's fine, I'm not really that mad at the magnet tiles. I would want to destroy them in the garage, maybe knock them down here here, but with the intention of rebuilding it's like okay.

Jordan:

Well, I'm just saying I'm here for you. If you want to destroy, I'm a great destroyer you know like I can destroy things. I'm on your team whatever you want to do, but if you want to rebuild it, I can help you rebuild it too, and generally that's what happens. He'll be like given the choice of assistance in destruction or rebuild, like we'll generally rebuild the thing yeah, now you're the crazy one.

Vanessa:

Yeah, oh, I've always been the crazy one. That's for sure, that's no so I'd like to end this with the conversation you were saying happened this morning with adeline. So how we would approach that conversation now with the clarity we've received. And what I'm talking about is when Adeline came outside and she said Daddy Oliver's sad because you unplugged the TV. Can you plug the TV back in so that he's happy? How would we approach that situation with the clarity that we've received now?

Jordan:

I think the number one thing is what you do all the time, which is inform them that there's a choice there. So Adeline Oliver has a choice in whether he's going to be happy or whether he's going to be sad, based on how he chooses to perceive the situation. Based on how he chooses to perceive the situation With the TV off. There's opportunity to do art, to color pictures, to jump on the trampoline, to play in the bonus room, to draw on your fun pads that Nana and Poppy got you and Bop and Meemaw got you and Gigi got you. They all got them pads.

Jordan:

They have tons of these little coloring pads you have like an entire box full of these things and you could present all these options for ways that you might be able to focus on something else.

Vanessa:

Focus on the fun.

Jordan:

Yeah, focus on the fun instead of focusing on the deprivation. So focus on what opportunities that opens up for you rather than focus on the opportunities that have been shut down, and you'll feel a lot better. And for me, that empowerment is what I want to give. And then, knowing Adeline, she would probably take that back. She's really good at being the mediary. One of the reasons that adeline is the mediary is because all of her smart enough to know that when adeline comes to daddy for almost anything like it's really hard for me to say no, mostly yes like like daddy, can I have a thousand dollars?

Jordan:

I'm like like you're three, what? What were you gonna do with this money? Yeah, it's like like whatever, it's fine. So now, like oliver will send adeline, yeah, as his accomplice to get what he wants, and we can see it pretty clearly. But she's also good about relaying the message back. So I think yeah if I were presented that situation again, I would go there.

Vanessa:

Right, yeah, and two other things that I like to remind myself are one they chose us as their parents. They chose earth. They chose to have the contrast that they knew would occur as a result of being in the land of contrast Totally. And two I'm not responsible for their emotional state Right, they have their own emotional guidance system. They have their own point of focus and that's their responsibility to tend to. Nobody can tend to anybody else's vibration. So when I remind myself of those two things, I feel like in my life I take back the power.

Jordan:

Totally. You're 100% right, so I'm with you on that. I think next time I'm presented something like that, I'm going to try that. And I'm going to read the tattoo on my arm and I'm going to be like what is a conscious parent?

Vanessa:

Oh yeah, that was a win. That was a win.

Jordan:

That was a win. So, as the fisherman in this relationship, I would say teach a man or woman to fish, don't give them a fish.

Vanessa:

And then they will know how to choose happy.

Jordan:

Absolutely.

Vanessa:

So with that, we're sending love and light to all.