Parents in Recovery: Navigating Sobriety While Raising a Family

Parenting can sharpen joy and stress at the same time—and for moms and dads in recovery, that edge can test every habit that keeps sobriety strong. We sit down with Sarah Benton, licensed counselor, addiction specialist, and author of Parents in Recovery, to unpack how families can protect recovery without sacrificing the warmth and wonder of raising kids. From morning routines to packed weekends to those birthday parties where wine shows up next to the cupcakes, we get practical about limits, language, and the lifestyle choices that prevent burnout.

Sarah explains why “recovery first” isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation that keeps everything else standing. We explore the high-functioning myth, where substances quietly enable overloaded schedules, and what happens when you remove the “checkout” at day’s end. Expect candid talk on right-sizing commitments, navigating the dip of post-acute withdrawal, and building a toolbox that actually works: therapy, meetings, peer support, and simple rituals for rest. We also dive into partner dynamics, from two parents in recovery to mixed households, and the education and respect that make those setups sustainable.

Prevention gets the spotlight too. Genetics raise the stakes, and delaying a teen’s first drink past 15 meaningfully lowers risk. We share how to start honest conversations by middle school, present family history without shame, and set boundaries around alcohol and cannabis in social spaces. You’ll hear real-world scripts, ways to model “social battery” limits at home, and strategies to swap FOMO for intention. By the end, you’ll have a clear map for turning recovery into a steady family culture—one that keeps parents connected and kids grounded.

If this conversation helped, follow the show, leave a quick review, and share it with someone who needs a practical, hopeful roadmap for parenting in recovery.

To learn more about Sarah's work:

www.bentonbhc.com

www.waterviewbh.com

To contact Dr. Grover:

ammmadeeasy@fastmail.com 

Transcript

Welcome And Milestone News

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Addiction Medicine Made Easy podcast. Hey there, I'm Dr. Casey Grover, an addiction medicine doctor based on California's Central Coast. For 14 years, I worked in the emergency department, seeing countless patients struggling with addiction. Now I'm on the other side of the fight, helping people rebuild their lives when drugs and alcohol take control. Thanks for tuning in. Let's get started. Before we start, I have to share some great news. I use the platform BuzzSprout to host my podcast, and I found out that in 2025, Addiction Medicine Made Easy was in the top 25% of all the podcasts that BuzzSprout hosts in terms of the number of downloads and the size of my listener base, which is awesome. The podcast continues to grow and expand. So, to help the pod continue to grow, please leave us a review on your podcatcher app and consider sharing the podcast with a friend or colleague. With that good news, let's get on to today's episode. Today's episode is an interview with Sarah Benton. Sarah is in recovery and is the author of the book Parents in Recovery. Sarah and I are both parents, and we know firsthand that parenting is hard. In fact, parenting is probably the hardest thing that I have ever done, and I can't imagine navigating the challenges of raising a child while also working to stay sober. Given Sarah's lived experience and expertise, we connected to discuss the unique challenges parents in recovery face, as well as how they can successfully raise healthy, happy children while remaining strong in their recovery. This was a fantastic conversation, so let's get started. All right. Good morning. I'm so glad to have you on my podcast. Why don't we start with you just telling us who you are and what you do?

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Sure. So I'm Sarah Benton. I'm a licensed professional counselor and an advanced alcohol and drug counselor. I actually started my career off in television production. So I always love doing media because it goes back to my roots. But I changed fields and got into general therapy and mental health. And then after my own recovery and getting sober, I wrote a book about high-functioning alcoholics. And that led just naturally into working in addiction treatment programs. And so I've become a specialist in that area. I've worked at different levels of care from psych hospitals to outpatient. And I have done a lot of consulting for different types of innovative programs that treat addiction and mental health issues. And then, fast forward to becoming a parent, I got inspired to write Parents in Recovery. And that has opened itself to a whole new topic, but yet I think the two have some overlap. I own my own with two other partners, a mental health-intensive outpatient program called Waterview Behavioral Health. And I also, with my husband, own Benton Behavioral Health Consulting. So I've had my hands on a lot of different things. I have mostly gotten out of direct care. I have a huge interest in clinical operations of businesses and organizing the structure, quality of care, the more macro level pieces. So it's been really enjoyable for me to be in management and be in ownership. So I'm also a parent in recovery. I have been sober for over 20 years, and my daughter just turned 14.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

So I've been to medical school. I did my residency. I worked my 36-hour shifts. Parenting is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Like medicine has been fairly easy compared to parenting. Talk to me about the unique issues that face parents in recovery as opposed to us parents who only have to deal with the struggles of parenting.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

I first of all, the whole thing came to me because I wasn't prepared for the two layers, if that makes sense. So I was 35 by the time I had my daughter. And I was always aware of the challenges of being a parent. It was not something I was naive to. However, I do still feel like people underplay some of it. And it's like they want you in the club, but they don't want to really tell you the true story. But what I realized was the extraordinary challenges that it brought to my own recovery. And I also was friends with many individuals around the country that also had the same experiences. And so we would talk about it. I even had a self-help meeting at my house in Boston when I was there. And there were a group of mothers who had all had kids around the same time. So I I became aware that we had unique sets of challenges and that parenting was hard in and of itself, but that it posed specific and special challenges for people in recovery from both addiction and mental health issues, which we can get into. But but they were things that I've sorted out with the people I know we found our way. I wanted to make essentially a field guide or a shortcut for people that would help them to navigate those different layers. Because I start off the book by saying recovery is hard, parenting is hard, right? And the two have to overlap.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Yes, as we were talking about just before we got started recording, I tell my patients who are parents that parenting is a risk factor for relapse. We talk about the negative emotional states that lead to relapse, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and you added in sick. So hungry, angry, lonely, tired, sick, that's parenting. My daughter just gave me a cold. Yeah. And it just, I'm hats off to you for being a parent in recovery. Parenting has been so challenging and yet so rewarding. And I'm just curious how you approach that. Is it I'm a sober parent? I'm sober and I'm a parent. I'm sober first, I'm a parent second. How do you start the mental framework around maintaining sobriety as a parent?

Recovery As A Lifestyle

SPEAKER_00 6:34

So the subtitle of my book is Navigating a Sober Family Lifestyle. I think that I would hone in on the word lifestyle there. And I put that there very deliberately because I think what people don't realize when they first get sober or into recovery, and I speak broadly because I do think that recovery from mental health issues is also part of what I'm referring to. I even have a chapter on co-occurring disorders and mental health. I feel like there's a lot of similarities there. But the lifestyle changes needed to maintain recovery impact parenting in so many different ways that I actually didn't realize it. Like when you spill a little bit of water on your desk and you're like, oh, it's just a little bit of water, it seems to seep into every single piece of paper. And so that is what addiction does. When people get sober, they didn't even realize all of the choices and decisions that their addiction was making for them. And so recovery is the same way. When you pull back and realize that so many of your social circles, so much of the way that you behaved, the way that your reward system was set up, how much you took onto your plate because you were able to check out at the end of the day, all of those pieces are affected when you get sober. And parenting is part of that. I believe that it's recovery first. There is a saying, anything you put in front of your recovery, you will lose. And I find it very natural to put myself first. Whereas I find particularly women in our society tend to put their children first. And that actually doesn't end well for a lot of people. I don't think you need to have a substance use disorder to hurt yourself by not taking care of yourself. I think the stakes are higher, and I know the stakes are higher for those in recovery because the consequences of addiction. But at the same time, we have to look at all of the medical conditions that people get from stress, from not taking care of themselves, from overeating, from drinking, from a million different habits that are not good for you because you're overly stressed and not taking care of yourself. So I feel like people in long-term recovery don't have the luxury of not taking care of themselves in certain ways. We can only go so far without snapping, and we're scared of that. Whereas the general population doesn't have the same fears we have.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

You said something interesting, and I want to see what your thoughts are in more detail, is you said something to the effect of you can take on more things as a parent because you can use substances to check out at the end of the day. Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

So what I've noticed is that parents who are not in recovery, parents, fathers, mothers, oftentimes the substance, whatever it is, it doesn't have to just be alcohol. I don't want to discriminate. There's plenty of substances to go around, can often take on more because they will have this self-medication or this checkout. And so when people get sober, they start to realize, oh my gosh, I can't handle as much as I could before. What's that about? And what that's about is that many people are taking on more than they actually can handle in their schedule. If they were to look at their calendar and what they're doing. And so the short circuit for them is the substance. But if they stopped, if they pulled that substance out of their life, they would realize that they actually can't do all that they're doing without having some sort of pacifier or some sort of numbing agent. And so that's the part for people in recovery where we have to be realistic with ourselves and others about our limitations and what pushes us to limits that are not healthy because we don't have that checkout at the end of the day. Yeah, I can put on Netflix and chill, but it doesn't have the quite the same effect that substances do. And I find that process to be very eye-opening for individuals to have jam-packed their lives. And I'm sure you did when you were in your talking about residency. There are certain times in our lives and weeks that are hard, but to maintain those things long term, if you're using substances as your coping mechanism, which ironically I find some people have one tool in their toolbox, you need to develop other tools and you need to get your schedule straightened out.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

So that probably ties into your work with people that are very high functioning with addiction, is that the substance almost allows them to remain high functioning.

High Functioning Myths And Capacity

SPEAKER_00 11:09

100%. So there's different types, right? There's a binge drinker where they're like checkout at the end of the week and they're not necessarily highly functional the next day. And so they're working throughout the week and then they have that binge checkout. There's other people that are packing a lot in or they have a maintenance mode where they have the substance in their system consistently. There are people that have stimulant use addictions, and that allows them to focus and have more energy and in their eyes be more productive. And so there's different things that, yes, naturally allows some people to function at a higher level. And it's very scary for them getting sober and feeling like they can't do as much or that they can't handle as much and they're confused because they're like, wait, I'm doing the healthy thing. Everybody's telling me this what I need to do. And now I feel like crap and I feel like I can't handle as much. So what happens in recovery really is that there's a bit of a boot camp aspect to it where you need to get beaten down and get down to baseline and allow your nervous system to adjust and post-acute withdrawal symptoms to subside, which can take upwards and more than a year. And then many people are able to actually do and handle more than before, but they often have to go through this dip-down period where their nervous system is adjusting and all of their neurotransmitters are trying to reactivate dopamine and all of that. And then for a lot of other people, they realized I actually had a really unrealistic schedule, and that's not maintainable in recovery. Those two things cannot coexist.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

So when it comes to parenting, and you have one child and I have one child, which means that we put all of the eggs in that basket, it is so easy to create an insane schedule for that child, wanting them to learn martial arts and a language and soccer and a musical instrument.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

You've named two already. You've named two already.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

So how much expectation setting do you have to do with parents in recovery to avoid them getting so into a crazy schedule for their child that it disrupts their own recovery?

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Parents that I interviewed for my book actually, some of them got sober before having children, and some of them got sober after, and some of them had kids when they were in active addiction and also in recovery. So it was very interesting to talk to people with these different patterns. What I did find is for those that had a solid recovery going into parenthood, they were actually better able to manage some of those components because they realized that they had to do their recovery pieces. They had to fit them in somehow. It's much harder, especially when children, I think, are infants and a little bit less self-reliant to be able to go to a meeting or go to therapy, do these things. I do think the silver lining of the pandemic was it allowed us to do some things virtually, which is more conducive to parenting and being in the house. At the same time, some parents tend towards codependency and people pleasing, and that stuff comes out. There's really only so far you can go with that in maintaining emotional sobriety, right? So we can remain physically sober, but that doesn't mean that we're emotionally sober and we can feel that, right? So that's the stuff that feels like before we're actually picking up a substance. And finding balance in and moderation in everything in life is pretty important for people that are in recovery from addictive behaviors because they can have that tendency to have extreme, extreme interests, extreme preoccupations, extreme behaviors, even in sobriety. That's just it's a character trait. It can make them very successful and focused, but at the same time, there can be a lack of equilibrium in their lives. So the parenting component and part of what I feel has been a blessing is that my husband and I do talk with our daughter about when my social battery is dead. My daughter actually copies me and says that back to me. My social battery is dead. I'm like, okay, that's great. She ran out of words. We're modeling limits and boundaries. We're modeling downtime. We're modeling not packing too much in. And I personally don't feel selfish about that. I think a lot of parents struggle with guilt, especially working parents. I actually don't feel any of that. So maybe that's a plus of being in recovery. I already pissed everybody off, you know, 20 years ago with my nose. So I do feel like there's a baked into the lifestyle of somebody in recovery, their children should be exposed to the idea and concept of balance and self-care and downtime and right. So that's it, it shouldn't be just a complete extreme burnout on everybody's end. That's really not the lifestyle we're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

So you mentioned you work with people that were sober and then became parents, or became parents and then got sober, or even weren't sober, had a kid, got sober, had a second kid. What do those different experiences look like in terms of the support they need or their insight or their parenting styles?

Kids’ Schedules And Emotional Sobriety

SPEAKER_00 16:10

I do think it's easier to get sober and have some time under your belt and then become a parent if you were to put those things in order. However, there is one interesting pattern that happens for those individuals, including myself, is that you get very used to your kind of the way you've set up your life, and then you throw this giant confounding variable into that mix. And everything, pretty pretty much everything has to change. It has to change whether you're in recovery or not. But when you've relied on these different, either spiritual recovery, mental health, like whatever these patterns are in your life that have allowed for you to stay sober, when that gets disrupted abruptly, as parenthood does, you really need to find new ways to do things. And that's part of recovery is adaptation. It's not just, I did the same thing for 10 years and it's the only way I can do it. If that's your mentality, parenting is going to really take you down because you can't be that rigid because things are they're not as organized and controllable. For those that got sober after having a child, I find what's really hard for them is that they're in that the treadmill, right? The parenting kind of treadmill that you feel like you're on where you're going. And you're when you come home from work, you're it's different than when you're either single or when you're not married, or when you're married and you don't have a kid and it's your time. The giving doesn't end, or the helping doesn't end, or the need doesn't end. And so it can be harder for these parents sometimes to carve out a family system behavioral schedule for themselves without the support of their family members because they were living their life one way and maybe they were not taking care of themselves. And all of a sudden, recovery can be more time consuming because it's a lot quicker to just throw back some drinks and smoke some pot at the end of the day than it is to actually keep your head on straight throughout the day and have some type of balance. And I do think that recovery is front-loaded. So the first year or two, most people would say I had to put a lot more time and effort into it. That's harder when you're also at the same time a parent, right? So it's completely possible I've seen it done. And in fact, I've seen children absolutely very overjoyed that their parent or parents have gotten sober, especially like teenage tweens and teens that are more conscious of it. But then I've seen people do it with infants and toddlers, and their kids never remember the fact that they were actually active alcoholics or addicts. And, but it doesn't mean that it was easy for them. Yeah, I think they have their own challenges. And it's very interesting to talk to the people that have done it both ways or were active during the lives of some kids and sober during the lives of others. I think they feel like they have a second chance at doing it different and being more mindful and being a more intentional parent with the second round. Yeah, I think they all have their challenges, but I have a lot of compassion for the two together. I think that's why I wrote the book. If it were simple for me, then I probably wouldn't have written it.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

What's it like when both parents are in recovery versus one's in recovery and one's not, or one has no history of addiction and the other's in recovery? How does that dynamic work?

Paths To Sobriety Before Or After Kids

SPEAKER_00 19:22

So I did see combinations of those partner relationships in the interviews I did. I also have personally treated and am friends with all of those combinations. I do find that it's easier, typically, it's easier if your partner is in recovery in some way or just doesn't use that substance or thing that you did. That just makes it easier. However, I've seen successful marriages between a person that got sober and then their spouse that is a, I'm going to say, a social drinker and has a little more indifference towards the substance. I think it is equal. Extremely difficult and often doesn't end well for people that one partner gets sober and the other has an active addiction. That just typically does not end well. I can for a variety of scenarios I could play out. However, a partner that is supportive of their spouse going to self-help meetings, going to therapy, needing to take a night, needing to stay home for an event or whatever it is, like respecting their recovery is the biggest gift that you can get from your partner. And also they're getting educated about addiction and recovery is all part of this process. Because I think people, and I had friends that thought this, if you just stop drinking, then you're sober. What's all this broohaha? Why is everything got to change? Why do you have to change? Why are you acting differently? Why I don't understand all that confusion. It's really important for a partner, loved ones, friends to get some education around what recovery entails. I think my book actually is a good read for loved ones too. Actually, my mother read it and felt like she had more understanding around my experience as a parent and my recovery and the intersection with my recovery, yet she was helping out every week. So it's amazing what people don't understand, even though they were right there. I was surprised that she took so much from it because I felt like she got it when I was sober, but still, I don't know. It was interesting to hear that feedback. I think that most people who get sober and are with somebody who is in active addiction and won't seek help. Usually the outcome is when one person gets healthy and the other isn't willing to or doesn't. It usually the relationship doesn't work either now or in three years, inevitably. And then some partners come around and decide that they want to do the work too. So that's a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

As you and I both know, addiction runs in families. And that happens for many reasons. There's a genetic predisposition, there's the environment in the home, there's situational factors related to a parent with addiction. For parents that are sober, how do you counsel them around raising a child that they want to see be healthy and not develop addiction as well?

Partner Dynamics And Support

SPEAKER_00 22:08

I see this is probably the most common question. Like, how what do I say? What do I do? What's this discussion like? I actually think that there's a lot of carryover with medical in this particular topic. I think that in our society we're a little more open about, oh, we have cancer in our family, we should probably get earlier screening, we have diabetes, we should keep an eye on blood sugar, we have autoimmune disorders, we should probably get tested, we should probably cut out gluten, blah, blah, blah. I don't find the same for mental health and substance use in terms of the dialogue that goes on between family members. However, the heritability is so wild, in particular with alcohol and substances, like to the point where, you know, if you have one parent with alcohol use disorder, it can account for 50% the chance of developing an alcohol use disorder. So when you have two, it doesn't mean a hundred, but but it does mean watch out. So that being said, the important statistic to me really is the age of onset. So age of onset of drinking and also of other substances, but I I know a lot of the research around the around alcohol in particular indicates that if you can wait and delay onset until at least the age of 15, you can decrease your chance of developing alcohol use disorder by 40%, which is a huge number. And for each year you push it off, I believe there is about a 7% decrease in chance. If you hear people in self-help meetings, you will often hear, I started drinking at 13, I started drinking at 14, I started drinking at 12. You will hear it over and over again. For people that started drinking at 18, I just typically I hear fewer issues. I don't hear that as much, especially in my field with the clients when I'm doing histories and stuff. I'm I hear a lot of under 15. So that statistic completely rings true to me personally and professionally. I started when I was 14. So there we go. So what I encourage is I know there's an amount of protection that goes on for parents in recovery where they don't want to necessarily take their children's innocence away or skew their perspective of them as a parent on a pedestal. And I respect that. I also know people that took their kids to meetings at a young age have told them right from the beginning, your parents are sober, they're in recovery, we had addiction. They're just throw it all out on the table. Then there's other people that are very guarded around it and oh yeah, mommy doesn't drink, but it's not healthy. That's why. Whatever floats your boat, I have in my even in my book in that chapter, like I list all the different ways people did it. I do professionally, though, have a limit with this. I do think by the time your child or tween or teen is in, is being exposed to substances, whether it's because your family is wildly into them or your or their social circle, it's potentially going to come up. I do think it's their right to know their genetics and to make informed choices that if they did delay it, they have a better chance of being a normal drinker, or maybe use pot here and there. I'm just throwing it out there. Whatever it is, like you're not setting them up for success if you hide it to such a point where they make poor decisions at a young age because they were never given the information. So I do think we owe that to our children to give them that genetic information, give them the statistics, even incentivize delayed onset.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

I usually teach parents that by the time your child is going from fifth to sixth, if you haven't started the conversation around drugs and alcohol, that's the time.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Yeah, I would agree with that. And I'd say my daughter was around 11 because I started writing this book and I decided she probably should know what the book's about for real. She knows her parents are sober, but she doesn't know why. She hears the word sober, she hears the word recovery, but she truly thought it was just a health choice, actually. She really didn't think it was because of addiction. She was stunned, actually, which stunned me because I thought she'd figured it out since I'm an addiction treatment and we talk about all the time. We have so many friends over that don't you like drink and use and it's part of our field. I just figured she assumed it, but you can't assume what they know. And they put and remember, your children have an idealized view of you. So even if, like logically, it would have made sense for her to conclude that we both were in recovery or we were both sober or didn't drink because there's some part of the brain where we don't want to believe that about our parents. And like we're invested in that sometimes, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:42

So I'm trying to remember how old the kids were when this happened, but we went to a birthday party and there was loads of wine.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

And that's the thing, by the way. I the West Coast is really rocking with those kid birthday parties with the alcohol. I hear about it.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

I was gonna say, I want to make my one of my many addiction jokes. If I told you, like, hey, let's go wine tasting this weekend, a person might say, That sounds fine. If I said let's go heroin tasting this weekend, you'd be like, What's wrong with you? We've just decided that alcohol is the drug that's okay. So I feel like people who use cocaine, methamphetamine, fentanyl, when they're in recovery trying to be in a social circle with other parents, they're less likely to run into their drug of choice. But my but my patients who are in recovery from alcohol use disorder, alcohol's freaking everywhere. Gas stations, grocery stores, birthday parties, shelters. Yes, yes. So I'm just curious how you specifically approach people in recovery from alcohol use disorder that are parents in recovery versus other substances.

Genetics, Onset Age, And Prevention

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Right. No, I totally agree with you. Social heroin use is not really a thing. And it depends on the circles you run in, right? I'm sure there's people that, again, who are you friends with, you're hanging out with, blah, blah, blah. People, places, and things. Yep. I think that I will put marijuana in the same category as alcohol at this point, especially in California. And California has the wonderful California sober, which it has become known for, which means you're not really sober, but according to California, you are. You can smoke pot. I've been hearing a lot about gummies getting passed around at parties. The THC contents are really high. So I don't want to, I don't want to exclude pot from the discussion because I'm hearing it a lot with parents. And I'm also hearing a lot of minimization because the THC content is so high that we're having a massive epidemic of psychosis that's resulted from that. So I don't want, I do want to give a shout out to Pot for that. But the the culture depends on the area you live in. I will give you that. I think it depends on your family, it depends on the neighborhood you're in, it depends on the area of the country you're in. Because I interview people all over the country and the culture around drinking and around kids' birthday parties was different. Where I'm from, we don't have alcohol at kids' birthday parties, pretty much. I haven't been to too many, or maybe I'm just not invited to them. But I've talked to other parents because I was like, can we can I just like fact-check this with you? I'm in Connecticut, but just the town I'm in, it just doesn't seem to be part of the thing people do. However, best friends on the West Coast, oh yeah, that's a thing. So what happens really, and I've been to parties where there's alcohol, of course, like soccer, this, that, and the other, and feel like other parents know we're sober, and then it's oh my God, how are you here? Or is this so uncomfortable? And I'm just like, I think other people feel more uncomfortable around us sometimes because it points out that they're drinking, even though I'm not even trying to, just my mere presence. My mere presence is, I think, alarming. But you really have to possibly take a break more in the beginning. I think the first year is just so vital and you're so vulnerable and raw. It doesn't mean that's the way you always have to be, but it is really something to consider. Are there ways to spend time with your friends in different ways? Is this the only thing you have in common? Is there something else that you could do with them? Are there parties that you have to go to, or are they because you want to? Why what's your reason and motivation for being there? Intention is really huge. If it's to live vicariously through other people, that's not necessarily the best reason. Yes, there's a lot of FOMO. Social media is a nightmare. That's a whole part of a chapter I had to put in because people then torture themselves by not going to the event. They then go on and start looking at what they missed out on. So I have to say recovery is about growing up. Like you need to start being responsible for what you expose yourself to. Also, your phone. So the social aspect is not just the event, it's the event you didn't go to. It's the life other people are living that's just so wonderful. Keep in mind the more PR you have to do around your life, the worse things may be going, actually. I do encourage people to first of all develop a sober network, meet other people that are in recovery and have that counterbalance. I have friends that are normal drinkers and maybe smoke pot here and there. And then I have people that are in recovery in my life. I have both. But the thing they have in common is they all respect my recovery because I won't have that in life. And so the social aspect is really hard. I think there's an amount of shame that comes up for people that they feel like they're the broken one. Bear in mind a majority of the other people you may have been drinking heavily with may also have problems. They just haven't yet admitted it. So I do recall my mother saying, You were embarrassed about getting sober, but yet you were fine with your blacking out at the bar. So I was like, true. Like you're okay drunk at the party with the parents, but then the minute you admit that you have a problem, suddenly you're embarrassed. How does that work? So this is a lesson in like really in like growing up. Like it is, because there's something about substance use that carries over from our youth and that makes it nostalgic and makes us feel like we never got to be older and it makes time stand still. And me, people often say that you are the emotional maturity of the age you stopped using substances. So, yeah, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's hard. I think navigating the social component involves having a therapist help you, involves having potentially peer support, recovery coaching, a sponsor. I can't explain to you how much has exploded with self-help virtually in our country and in Canada. There's a program that we go back and forth with. She recovers. There's Celebrate Recovery, obviously the 12-step programs. There's Dharma Recovery, which is Buddhist, Celebrate is Christian, Celebrate Recovery is Christian based. There's Phoenix Multisport, which I believe may have changed its name, but it's activity-based. There's move to heal. There's just so much, right? And you have to meet other people that are sharing this lifestyle. That's not up for debate with me. I don't want to do therapy with somebody where I am their higher power and I am the reason they're sober. Because once you're annoyed with me, it's all over. If I'm your recovery plan, it's done. So to the point of the parties, if your entire social circle depended on people that were heavily using substances, it is part of your recovery lifestyle change to find other social outlets. Doesn't mean you don't ever hang out with them again. But if that's all that you're going to hang out with, you're going to be in a lot of pain.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

You mentioned something there about when people get overly focused on one person as a reason for their recovery. How do you reconcile that with people who find that their children are the main reason they want to get or stay sober?

SPEAKER_00 33:39

I'm a fan of whatever gets you sober. Right. I had a mentor in recovery say whatever gets you to a meeting in the law, right? People get mandated to treatment. There are people that stay sober from that. I know everybody thinks like you can't make somebody go to treatment. No, you really can. Like actually, has anyone heard of AE intervention? I know it doesn't always work, but interventions are a real thing. I work in a field where their interventions are very common. So when that motivation is perceived to be external, a child, a spouse, a job um actually really effective. Some of the highest success rates are I'm going to give a shout-out to physicians' health services. I don't know if you're familiar with that, but but every state works with physicians and can potentially hold their license over their head if they don't get help. So they have about an 85 to 90% success rate. Okay. So if children or your spouse are the thing that motivated you to get sober, that's okay. But over time, that motivation somehow needs to shift to internal, right? Relationships break up. You may stop caring as much what someone's opinion is. But I do think those things are amazing to get people in. To keep the long-term part of this needs to become internal. The motivation needs to shift over time. And honestly, it can be a combination of both. It has to become from you at some point.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

As we get to the end of our time, what's next on your to-do list? What are you working on?

Alcohol Everywhere And Social Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 35:08

Actually, some of my to-do list was to not to-do. So this was like one of my goals was to do less. Last year, I felt like I was doing too much. And this is back to that whole lifestyle thing and that I've been focusing mainly on my mental health treatment program and instead of four or five different projects, and that's been a blessing. I would, as far as parents in recovery, one of my longer-term goals is to start some support group meetings virtually that are accessible and more peer-led. So that's something that is a longer-term project. I also would like to, and I'm I got about halfway through, I'd like to be doing trainings for therapists in working with this population. And I put together a workbook and having like group therapy protocol, things like that. So some clinical pieces. I'd like to do a little more clinical and a little more general public. But honestly, yeah, my brain, when I get an idea, sometimes I have to complete it and I stress myself out because I of that immediacy. So slowing down, enjoying the moment, but also getting things done.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

I appreciate Yeah, I appreciate your honesty. I I hadn't gone mountain biking, which I love to do in about a year because I've gotten so busy, and I went for my first ride in about a year yesterday, and it felt great. So, yes, I'm on the same page with trying to work a little bit more on self-care. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

And we work, and for those of us that enjoy our work, we work, but we also have to remember to not everything is a to-do list, and sometimes it's okay. Giving yourselves permission to sit down and read a book. There's my to-do list for the day. Mine lives in my head sometimes. It's so annoying. My obsessiveness. That's right. So can some of that to-do list be like allowing yourself to not do or to just read or to chill or go for a bike ride or a walk with your dog or whatever it is, right? But I love that question because I have painfully waited on these projects that I so wanted to do all at once.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Let's just say it's been hard to control myself. As we wrap up, any last words of wisdom to parents in recovery?

SPEAKER_00 37:27

I always like people to know that they're not alone and likely anything you're feeling, somebody else out there has experienced the same thing and has wisdom to share with you. The wisdom in the book I wrote blew me away because it's not my wisdom. It's 400 years of sobriety baked into a book. So I encourage people to get social support and to find their people because they're out there.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

Before we wrap up, a huge thank you to the Montage Health Foundation for backing my mission to create fun, engaging education on addiction. And a shout out to the nonprofit Central Coast Overdose Prevention for teaming up with me on this podcast. Our partnership helps me get the word out about how to treat addiction and prevent overdoses. To those healthcare providers out there treating patients with addiction, you're doing life-saving work and thank you for what you do. For everyone else tuning in, thank you for taking the time to learn about addiction. It's a fight we cannot win without awareness and action. There's still so much we can do to improve how addiction is treated. Together, we can make it happen. Thanks for listening. And remember, treating addiction saves lives.