EP 28 - Roses & Resilience -- A Valentine for Sisterhood

Hey hey fam, 

We trust you had a great week and are moving on swiftly through the beauty, annoyance and/or whatever else Valentine's Day means to you! 

In this episode of Flex and the City, we discuss the importance of building a strong community--especially for women. Research shows that lack of a social support impacts both mental and physical health, leading to higher stress levels, anxiety, and even physical symptoms. We explore these fascinating findings a bit more and share practical tips on how to cultivate meaningful connections! 

💬 Have you ever felt the impact of not having a supportive circle? Let’s talk about it! 

🎧 Available now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. 

Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review if this episode resonated with you! 

Enjoy! 

P.S. Let us know in the comments when you would like us to do another live on Instagram again! 

#wellness#mindsetmatters #podcast #buildingcommunity #strongwomen #flexandthecity __

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Disclaimer: We’re two coaches—Ghada, a mindset coach, and Lisa, a fitness coach—here to share our thoughts and experiences. But remember, we’re not licensed therapists, doctors, or medical professionals, and this podcast isn’t a substitute for professional advice from a physician, therapist, or other qualified expert. Sound good? Great. Let’s dive into the episode!

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Follow us on Instagram:
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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome Back! Episode 28 Begins
• 1:05 Valentine's Day Recap: Flowers, Dinners & Silent Conversations
• 4:38 New German Teacher: Drill Sergeant Mode Activated
• 9:41 Girls’ Night Out: Making New Connections & Dodging Unwanted Advances
• 14:16 Club Entertainment Gone Wrong: When Michael Jackson Covers Miss the Mark
• 18:06 The Importance of Female Bonds & Community
• 24:01 Women Supporting Women: Why Does Competition Exist
• 29:05 The Science Behind Social Bonds: Stress, Cortisol & Lifespan
• 34:36 Finding Your Community: Challenges of Adult Friendships
• 41:39 Cultural Differences & The Struggle of Starting Over
• 44:47 Lonliness and the Need for a Support System
• 50:19 How Can We Make It Easier for Women to Support Each Other?
• 55:02 Ending the Episode on a Powerful Note: *You Are Enough*
• 1:05:40 Outro: Thank You & Stay Connected!

Transcript

Welcome Back! Episode 28 Begins
 0:00 okay all right hello and welcome back to another episode of flex in the city I'm
 0:06 Ghada and I'm Lisa and this is I don't
 0:13 remember 28 28 28 28 yes 28 is the next episode
 0:19 yes that took us a minute um welcome guys um and how are you how are you
 0:26 doing we've as you may have noticed or not um we skipped a week sort of we up
 0:33 we did episode 27 well it was it was part of the episode 26 and we just felt
 0:39 like it was such an important topic being a black history month that we had to put it in as a separate yeah separate
 0:46 episode so little snipp it but yeah it was just part of what we talked about before little conversations that we have
 0:52 that yeah sometimes don't make it unfortunately don't make it to the podcast just actually just talk and then
 0:59 we're like damn that would have been a good one for and then so that was just a little example

Valentine's Day Recap: Flowers, Dinners & Silent Conversations
 1:05 but yeah so I've been good I've been good some Valentine's Day oh yes yes if
 1:10 you guys have PL Happy Valentine's Day no no but you're like we're but got me flowers so that was sweet oh did he a
 1:18 still waiting on mine that's that's all I'm getting though wait oh okay you know and he was
 1:25 always like it was funny because when we first got together he'd be like yeah I'm not about these commercial holidays and I'm I was like yeah I'm so cool I don't
 1:32 need Valentine's Day but now I'm just like if it's going to be a reminder for you to do something for me then I'm
 1:40 gonna take Valentine's Day I will take Mother's Day I'll take Valentine's Day I'll take any day that is just like a
 1:46 like an alarm clock that goes up and says oh [ __ ] I need to get something for her especially because if it's not
 1:52 happening randomly through rest of the year exactly do you need that you need that I feel that I feel that I can
 1:57 respect the ones that say they don't care for because they're probably being showered and pampered like all the
 2:04 time we don't want to about it so but yeah Happy Valentine's Day to you
 2:09 I'm cursing you out in my head but beep beep um yeah no I haven't
 2:18 gotten flowers yet but I do you guys do that though is that like yeah so far it's been it's been consistent we
 2:23 usually do dinners we're having dinner tonight like going out or yeah yeah once the once the baby is sleep and then the
 2:30 older one enjoy going around the corner it's not like it's still I think it's
 2:37 yeah yeah it's something it's something and then we're doing what you had said where you kind of have a rule you don't
 2:42 talk kids so yeah so we'll see how long we last we we've had moments where it's
 2:47 like silence cuz that's all we can have like that's the only topic that we have
 2:52 in common sometimes you know so and I think back and I'm like we used to have telephone conversations for like eight
 2:58 hours at a time we had so much [ __ ] to talk about I'm like what happened what were we talking about cuz it wasn't the
 3:04 kids obviously like what wow oh man but yeah we'll see we'll see

Weather Woes: When You Think Winter is Over… But It's Not
 3:10 how it goes but yeah I'm excited okay yeah you had a good week anything I did I
 3:15 mean I had a regular week because you know my schedule uh language class and
 3:20 um kids and that's it and sporadic workouts that I can fit in and when it's
 3:27 not snowing like it is today yeah it's a bit I actually thought that like the
 3:32 worst was over I literally put did you put stuff away I no but I thought like
 3:38 I'm standing at the bus stop yeah in the snow kind of took the umbrella and I'm
 3:45 just like it's snow like why do I need an umbrella like who needs a freaking umbrella it's not like brainware you're
 3:50 literally dren just and which was yesterday by the way yeah so um I was
 3:56 sitting I was like I really thought we were done with it me too I'm not going to lie I was just like you know what we
 4:01 we dodged a bullet this time we didn't get that much snow Yeah and mother nature was like February it's usually
 4:08 like that it like tricks you like it's almost like springtime and then boom yeah cuz it was like 9 degrees last
 4:14 weekend and then now it's like Psy that's so nice for us here in the winter it's meant to be minus six like next
 4:22 week stop it and then back to 11 it's all over the shop it's I don't know this
 4:27 is not real place anyway um yeah so my week was trudging through
 4:32 the rain yesterday and ridiculous weather to go to class Etc and I told

Lisa’s New German Teacher: Drill Sergeant Mode Activated
 4:38 you a little bit about our new teacher that we have the drill drill sergeant honestly it's the kind of it's also the
 4:44 kind of coach that I like to like I like a coach that's kind of going to make me want to curse them out but at the same
 4:50 time I'm like yes so good because I need to be pushed and I enjoy that and I you
 4:55 know a tough Lov person there's no love where this woman concern she's just tough and she doesn't
 5:02 let us get away with anything and she makes sure we practice speaking which as I said to you is my like the one thing
 5:09 that I'm sort of lacking with I don't speak too much but written comprehension that's that's fine so yeah it's like
 5:17 everyone's ass cheeks are clenched for the whole session because we are like she's GNA call on me please don't call
 5:24 me please keep asking me questions to like give her the answer that she wants and it's painful I saw it happened to so
 5:30 many people and I was like oh thank Jesus was me yeah and I made sure I was
 5:36 on my [ __ ] because I was like oh oh no I'm really a student I need to tap in I need to like because you know I've been
 5:42 like co- State and been like I just have to be here I'm like oh no no I need to actually start studying and be on my
 5:50 game and I think that's actually the the kick in the ass that I needed and um yeah she's good but
 5:56 like everyone was looking at each other like now you're feeling it oh yeah now we're class now we're learning but like
 6:03 I told you I think I think this is what you need and I think that's the only way that you're going to learn the the the
 6:08 language absolutely absolutely I mean the other teacher so if they if you don't know she had a different German
 6:14 teacher and they've switch and the other one like like had you guys like singing to like kids music like songs that like
 6:20 the baby listens to and she's like let's dance and she's like like conversationally in Bavaria this is what
 6:26 they'd say I'm like I don't need to know the cultural translation in Vish yeah
 6:32 for the exam so don't tell me about it I need to know what I need to know for the
 6:37 exam pass the exam like so if you're telling me oh this won't be on the exam I need I don't need to know it it's a
 6:44 limited class like let's let's get to it yeah yeah you'll be a
 6:49 German offic not I was like let the rest of that sentence CU that could go in all
 6:56 kinds of directions a lover German language or no
 7:02 okay lover is very optimistic I will be a
 7:09 sufficient Germans speaking non-native resident okay wow yeah
 7:18 specific you heard it from her that'll be me that's theal that'll be you oh man
 7:24 anyway how was your week good good I um you know Aid from the usual mommy duties
 7:32 and um and just doing content that's pretty much what takes up um I did go
 7:40 to what the hell that's the speaker going off I thought it was my stomach
 7:47 FL I like please God don't let that be my stomach um no the mic too if your
 7:56 stomach made that sound I'd be like you know we could we're we have bigger problems than we need to talk about
 8:01 right now I went to I went to the house of thany U oh the exhibit exhibit again
 8:08 I know I went I told you I went with my kids before a good one that you where you could go more than once but this one
 8:13 but when I went with my kids it was like they really liked it and they really enjoyed it but they're not readers so
 8:19 they were just looking at pictures and then just walking through but this time I went and you read and I actually got to read like everything like the history
 8:27 behind each or the meaning behind um behind each painting or each piece
 8:34 piece yeah yeah piece so that was cool yeah it's really good I love that they had that that hotel portion as well like
 8:41 that's just so the walled off hotel that you find in Bethlehem if you don't know about it just Google House of Banky and
 8:47 and and you see all it's pretty good and like he's such a genius well it's it may not just be a might be a colle group
 8:56 which actually when I saw that in at the exhibit I'm like that actually makes the most sense because the scale is just
 9:03 yeah but also at the same time many that many it can't be that big of a collective because that many people
 9:09 can't keep it secret no I yeah I agree I think I feel like maybe it's like 10 people yeah it's like secret thousand
 9:18 people that would it's like 10 people and there's like a Ironclad NDA and they're just like never reveal your
 9:25 identity exactly even after one of us dies no one can be yeah so but I love it I I I've always
 9:32 loved their stuff his stuff whatever I've always loved bie so one of my highlights yeah very nice I ventured out

Girls’ Night Out: Making New Connections & Dodging Unwanted Advances
 9:41 with um some of the girls last was it last Saturday yeah um I think so you did
 9:48 like a lunch and an evening thing no we didn't I actually went to um help my friend out with um some content like
 9:56 some copy that she's writing for brochures and stuff okay and so that's why I was there like at lunch hour in in
 10:02 the afternoon but then we we were like we'll go out in the evening with with a larger group of girls I think it ended
 10:08 up being like like eight of us right some of the girls I met on the night and
 10:13 um yeah so it was me and uh the two girls that you know oh I don't think you know I haven't met her no but I her yeah
 10:21 and um so we went to um like the Courtyard area of hugos there's like the
 10:28 more formal dining at the and there's like the back entrance where you have dinner um but they play music and it's
 10:35 outdoor but like they have heaters actually some of the song no they had like really nice remixes of
 10:42 like R&B and I was like okay this is kind of cute we got there we had some wine and like you know like little like
 10:49 food pizzas whatever so we're eating and I met like some girls from um I think one was from sier Leone another one was
 10:56 from um Gambia and uh nice yeah it was really cool and then another chick came
 11:03 later she was from Rwanda okay and um so all of them lived here for like I think
 11:10 minimum of 10 years so they were all like how do you find it and I was like do you want my honest answer
 11:17 or H yeah and I was like how do you find it actually I'm curious to know so um
 11:23 yeah like one of the ladies used to be in London and she's like I can't believe I used to live there because like now when I visit it's too crowded and loud
 11:30 and fast-paced and I was like really she's like yeah I'm just always happy to come back to Munich so they are happy
 11:37 being here so I think they've acclimatized there's a lot of things where they were like it goes without
 11:43 saying where they were like we manage and I know what they mean
 11:48 so like it didn't even have to kind of go into a discussion but they were like actually you get to the point where you
 11:54 like the fact that it's especially because they're all moms too so they're like you know you know that it's safe like in London you can't let your kids
 12:01 just go like on the Underground and Etc things like that so you realize that you give up some things to gain other things
 12:08 and so I think that's the the perspective they look at it and I'm like yeah you know what actually that is a really good point and they're like just
 12:15 give it some more time and I'm like Lisa's already thrown in the towel
 12:21 I'm like no I am I'm trying you know I'm F even the even these Ventures out I'm
 12:26 like there's more to the city than what I see let let me give it a chance let me venture out let me yeah did you have
 12:32 fun I had fun meeting these girls and hanging out and like chitchat but like you know like at one point these like I
 12:39 think people from Alania or something like these guys like like we got up a couple of us went to the bathroom we
 12:46 came back these guys had like sat down on like half of our table because we got this big table they're like hi ladies
 12:52 and we were all like M like stop and they were just like can we buy your drinks like we all got drinks we're fine
 12:59 and they're like is everyone married at the table so everybody's married with kids and like or if not married like one
 13:05 of the girls she's her son is like 21 year old she's been married like we're past this and it's because we all look
 13:10 young so they were like uhhuh and they're sitting down and one of the guys goes oh Naomi oh God I'm like is it 19
 13:20 no shade to Naomi Naomi is still killing it looks amazing but like the reference like doing that is so like played out
 13:26 like stop and he's like so Naomi like you your boyfriend let you come out like
 13:32 this I was like no because I don't have a boyfriend I would give me the I said I
 13:38 got a husband and the reason he's not here is because he's home with our kids and the guy was like I just saw him like
 13:44 SC and he was like and then I was like yeah yeah we all got kids and they were
 13:50 like and they got up in life I was like exactly exact just play the mom card don't get
 13:56 twisted [ __ ] is is is all plays but yeah no like we got kids out here and like
 14:02 some like you know some of the women have kids like in their 20s it's just that you know we we we look good and uh
 14:10 yeah but don't get it twisted we're just having a really fun girls night so we went there and then we went um to this

Club Entertainment Gone Wrong: When Michael Jackson Covers Miss the Mark
 14:16 other bar afterwards which had like a live band and for the life of me I just
 14:22 didn't have the energy because it was already midnight but I would have videotaped this woman singing
 14:30 as part of the band or or like as part of the band she was the front runner singer singer yeah trying to sing
 14:37 Michael Jackson's want to be starting something oh God oh God TI to get over
 14:44 yeah to to get up yeah yeah and then there was a guy who because there's like
 14:51 in the background of the song the band was insane like they were playing really well there's like a sound the guy who
 14:58 was shaking the thing was counting like this throughout the song to make sure he was shaking the
 15:06 little instrument on be got a feel I was like you need to take a different job in
 15:14 your life just saying it for you and then you know how like there's Parts in that song where you know Michael he he
 15:19 he RS down he's like he does his little like yeah girl was trying to do the 's
 15:26 and the sounds no you got to make it your own if you're going to do a song like at least make it your own don't try
 15:32 to be Michael don't or don't do it Michael Jackson that is biting off a lot
 15:40 Michel Jackson can is like a karaoke kind of it's really not it's really not and especially like if you're singing if
 15:47 your career singing career is like no shade like in like a little club like in in like a basement like
 15:57 girl I'm sorry this like goes to goes totally against
 16:02 our topic today I know I really sort of though but like the entertainment was
 16:08 not what she was entertaining but not in the way she I was entertained because I
 16:13 was just like this is like watching a train wreck is what is happening up there it was yeah so that was a little
 16:20 bit like it was funny because we were all like oh my God but you know like when you're all kind of just like we
 16:26 roll with it and so like because everyone was chilled out it was it was kind of a nice a nice Vibe and then I
 16:32 was just like dude it is 12:30 I'm tired what the I was but you made it so yell I
 16:39 really stretched it to that 12:30 I was like listen um my Uber was outside yeah I
 16:46 gotta go um and everyone was like dude yeah we're on the way so yeah it was um
 16:51 and I was still sick like the next day I I completely lost my in fact that night my voice disappeared um and then yeah
 16:59 was completely gone for several days thereafter so I was like yeah just I don't have it like I used to have it but
 17:04 yeah it was nice to get out and about um and uh yeah like just kind of see
 17:11 that there's all kind of different different types of women types of obviously I knew that but just people
 17:18 who you know you can meet randomly like that and still have things that you know
 17:23 experiences that you hold in common with each other um and just yeah just kind of
 17:29 of I don't want to use the phrase but like feed off of each other's like nurturing energy which is nice I think
 17:35 it's so important and I'm only finding this out more so in this phase of my
 17:41 life that like female relationships are really important um all relationships
 17:48 are all healthy ones but yeah like just having that Sisterhood it's really quite
 17:53 important it was nice it was just nice to be something different for a change I think that's healthy and I think that
 18:00 leads us into our topic for today which is something that is that

The Importance of Female Bonds & Community
 18:06 affects Every Woman yeah whether we realize it or not and it's just this just how important these bonds between
 18:14 women are and I think there is something to be said with how um
 18:22 historically you would see societies matriarchal societies that would Thrive
 18:28 off of the social bonds between women you know like you'd have for example men that are gone
 18:35 and at War all the time and so women whether they were relatives or not would
 18:41 get together would would band together to create their own little Community kind of not just as a okay let's take
 18:47 care of our kids let's share our resources but also to protect ourselves from possibly raids from another from
 18:54 other tribes or men or like men that did not we're not invited to the war say you
 19:02 know so um throughout history you've seen that there's these that that women
 19:08 thrived in these societies but I think what we want to address today also is how one that it's so important and two
 19:16 that these like in this day and age you're seeing more and more women pitted against each other yeah and in it's not
 19:24 just like it's it's not just in our day-to-day but you'll see it in like our in off is politics you see it in the
 19:30 media you see it on politics is a good one you know on uh reality TV real
 19:35 housewise you don't see a real house okay there's Real Husbands of Hollywood but that was like a parody yeah with
 19:41 like um Boris Cojo and Kevin I didn't see watch it you'll like it but it was a parody it was like making fun and it
 19:48 scripted but yeah you don't really see uh like a reality how House Husbands no
 19:54 like franchise cuz there's just no audience there's no audience like being caty and literally being CAD is
 19:59 associated with like a female sort of trait like women figh each other or a cat fight you know um and yeah like I
 20:06 think we I am guilty I love consuming that sort of content guilty of that too
 20:14 um good sometimes but it's just that that just shows how women have no longer
 20:22 we don't see each other as allies but we see each other as competitors and there
 20:28 could be this connection to what we're being fed on a daily basis exactly from
 20:33 the media from you know what we consume on social media on you know on TV on all of that exactly exactly we want to
 20:40 address that today and just kind of see I think that there's also room to change the narrative you know like even if it's
 20:46 just between you and me or within your circles or you know like just be able to change the narrative so
 20:52 that we can get back to that level of bonding and Sisterhood and
 20:59 yeah allyship for each other all for each other yeah I think you know like this whole allyship and advocating for
 21:05 each other and really coming to the defense of each other is something that is is so hard to find and not only that
 21:12 but like the biggest enemy in some cases to women is other women like if a woman is attacked you find so many women
 21:18 actually standing up and saying well what did she do like well that's what she gets for like like in the case of
 21:24 the whole me too thing like you had a lot of other women were like saying like well she probably deserved it or how was
 21:29 she dressed or how [ __ ] shaming the biggest people who do that is is like women and even the term like itself is
 21:36 like [ __ ] refers to a woman whereas like what about men who were like promiscuous
 21:41 and like in the same way acting the same way there's no term for that it's just like even [ __ ] like you don't say the
 21:47 man is a you say he's a man [ __ ] so it's it's a man [ __ ] right because the the default default for females right
 21:54 that's such a good point and like [ __ ] wouldn't have any business if they weren't men like sorry but the demand
 22:02 fuels the supply so I mean it's the oldest tradition or all this trade out
 22:08 there profession in the book for a reason because the demand continues but anyway I digress but the point that I
 22:13 was trying to make was that like women stand kind of as The Gatekeepers of how we choose to change that narrative and
 22:19 how we choose to I think Define our relationships with each other because we nurture um the children we nurture the
 22:26 men and as you said in traditional women-led societies and even in patriarchal societies um you'll find
 22:33 that you know the the the heartbeat and the and the tone of how the interaction
 22:39 for the community is set is by the women the community is the women the kids are collectively brought up for example in
 22:46 some cases and that's the women who do that the women talk about the interaction the women are the ones who
 22:52 pass on the traditions and the ideas it's called your mother tongue because your mother is considered to be the
 22:57 person that speaks to you the most as a child and so I think we have such a huge
 23:04 like a core role in creating or changing that narrative um and um as women that's
 23:13 just individually but I think even collectively as a community like think of how much power and influence we have
 23:19 which is honestly on some level I think why they want us to keep fighting yeah there's like the systems have been put
 23:26 in place so that we are divided think that's what they want they don't want us to unite collectively like are I don't
 23:35 know if I don't know if I'm a feminist but this is like it's encroaching Onin encroaching on but no I really think and
 23:42 it is true like we would be I think like a forc to be reckoned with if we actually um the one thing that I admire
 23:49 about men is they good or bad and it's application but like they will ride or
 23:55 die for each other no matter what like a man who is like cheating and doing dirty knows his boys are going to back him up

Women Supporting Women: Why Does Competition Exist?
 24:01 in many cases without even like giving them the heads up like rose before hose
 24:07 you know and they always will back each other up and whereas like there's really
 24:13 not that sort of a default um a woman will blame the woman before she
 24:20 absolutely I'm coming to you as a woman yeah um to tell you about your really
 24:26 like you know and then I'm you know I'm going to go and fight and victimize the
 24:31 woman or or villainize the woman vilify the woman rather than dealing with
 24:37 everybody both male and female whoever is involved in equal parts you know so
 24:43 and that's part of our conditioning but I think it's also part of the fact that we have have um
 24:50 fractured what should be a very um a
 24:55 healthy Collective Community um that we build between each other as women so if
 25:02 you're in an environment let's say for example like music and we've talked about having a
 25:09 community and building a community and meeting people and you've even discussed it in Prior episode like the importance
 25:15 of that the importance of this interaction that we have um the importance of also having a larger group
 25:22 of women there is even on like a data level
 25:29 there is studies to show that there's so much more benefit to that not just for our own psyche for being able to talk
 25:35 for being able to share experiences from being able to learn from new experiences and you know get support but also even
 25:42 just from the fact that you know that there's someone who can support you so
 25:48 one of the really interesting things I read basically they did a study where there were women who um said these are
 25:54 the people that I designate can support people to me um and and like women and
 26:00 these are people who I consider to to sort of be more transient and when given like a stimulus of like low-level pain
 26:08 when they were shown an image of the person they considered more um supportive they registered the stimulus
 26:15 of pain at a lower level so they actually experienced less discomfort
 26:21 from another a third stimulus when they saw a person that they considered
 26:27 supportive do get what I'm saying yeah so like I don't know what the stimulus
 26:32 was in this but like say like I'm pinching you yeah right and then like you consider your sister really
 26:38 supportive so I'm pinching you and I'm pinching you at like a level eight and you're like ow this is a [ __ ] level
 26:43 eight and then you see a picture of your sister and you register not only do you
 26:49 register it as like a five once you see an image of a person that supports you
 26:55 but also your cognitive your physiological iCal register of that pain or that discomfort actually comes lower
 27:02 so your reactions to pain and discomfort obviously there's like bodily reactions
 27:08 also that cor correspond with that when you actually only even see someone so are in the presence or close by or
 27:15 reminded of someone that's supportive it actually reduces your Stress and Anxiety receptors which is or response which is
 27:23 like amazing yeah that's just so beautiful like that just shows how powerful
 27:29 these bonds can be and why it's so important for us and I think so important that's just it's just that was
 27:37 like crazy to me amazing yeah yeah there was so many like studies like that that but really they were all pointing to the
 27:44 same um sort of conclusion that not only
 27:49 is so what we consider like loneliness and what we might sometimes say oh I just felt kind of lonely that day which
 27:56 we we talked about earlier like it's actually a legitimate feeling
 28:01 and it only it doesn't only have an emotional effect it actually there
 28:07 physiological like effects of that experience so isolation and things like
 28:14 that actually affect your brain and how your body like there were even studies that showed there was like higher
 28:20 mortality rates for people who felt like they were isolated for a longer period of time which is like crazy that's
 28:27 definitely they say like so if you have these bonds it lowers your stress levels
 28:33 it there's a third one also and then it also it could possibly increase lifespan
 28:38 yes yes so there was yeah increase in lifespan decrease in um stress levels and cortisol cortisol yeah that was the
 28:46 other one cortisol is the thing that we all like I mean it's not a bad thing inherently but like build up of it is is
 28:51 obviously great and that's what causes a lot of like weight gain when you do feel depressed because you know you have um
 28:58 levels that increase and that is actually something that happens when you don't have sufficient support so um that

The Science Behind Social Bonds: Stress, Cortisol & Lifespan
 29:05 was and women are more susceptible to these effects so the importance of women
 29:12 having those connections and that support is even more important men of course require it as well but um I think
 29:19 it's so important for us to even know and understand that about ourselves but like some of that was wild to me I was
 29:25 like yeah like it's it's nice to have your girls and like no it's not just nice it's essential it's essential and
 29:31 that hit home I know for me and and I've I've mentioned it to you several times that I do have these bouts of feeling
 29:39 lonely although I know people yeah that I feel like I still don't have that
 29:46 closeness that I would like to have yeah I feel so and there's definitely I think
 29:51 also because throughout the month like you know your hormones
 29:57 are doing the most doing doing the most you know and you're just trying to
 30:03 survive and so there are some days where the loneliness like hits
 30:08 hard you know so I know like like last week it hit harder but this week like I
 30:14 feel okay you know what I mean so but I know that on those days where it hits
 30:20 hard I really feel like I just wish that I had like one or two people that I
 30:25 don't need to see them I don't I just feel like I want to be to just call them and just have that closeness yeah yeah
 30:32 no I totally agree and especially even there's studies obviously that go into like cultural implications and social
 30:37 implications based on how you grew up yeah and like we both come from like cultures that are quite social and also
 30:44 quite um strong female Bonds in our cultures but also we have families where
 30:49 we have you know like lots of siblings and like so like going from an environment that's so like rich in that
 30:54 interaction to a place where it's really hard to move Mo somewhere where you are
 31:00 an adult and making these like connections from scratch again it's it's
 31:05 hard not just for the fact that you're older and you know less susceptible to change but it's also like the fact that
 31:11 you're like I understand that I still have these needs for this closeness and
 31:17 it takes long to establish that and I might not even establish that because
 31:23 there's a uniqueness as well to having like that circle of people or even if it's one or two two people that like
 31:29 just get you you know where you can all just like sit in a room in silence and even if all of you are like this on your
 31:35 phones but you just it's Vibes yeah you're just like we here like you know
 31:40 and that's it's hard and I feel you want 100,000% all that because it's so yeah
 31:47 difficult adult relationships are different and I there's a study that I read that said so there's like there's
 31:54 levels okay to the relationships based on the number of hours you spend with somebody so I think it's like 50 hours
 32:02 you need to spend with somebody to get past a little bit past like the surface level and then I love a good scale and
 32:10 then 90 hours to get to the next level and then it's like 200 hours with some to feel like this is
 32:17 somebody that you can call like a sister I was like damn it like who got 200
 32:23 hours how do I calculate that into my into my into our lives 200 hours we
 32:30 don't even have 20 minutes to take a I mean we don't we don't but why we in
 32:38 and out in 30 seconds seriously cuz somebody's or just walk knocking on the door just oh Mommy I want to ask you
 32:46 something yeah yeah it's yeah no but that actually makes sense because when you think about how many hours we contribute to learning a language for
 32:54 example or like even being with your colleagues at work so if you've like worked with your colleagues for like say
 32:59 two years that's crazy amount of hours that you spent together to the point when when you're leaving you're like
 33:05 [ __ ] like I'm GNA miss these guys I'm gonna miss miss these guys even if you never hung out outside of work you feel
 33:11 a connection already and yeah because you've spent so many hours together you've literally put in the hours you've
 33:17 put in the time whereas yeah like it's it's a lot harder to actually when you don't have a mechanism like a job um or
 33:25 you know a government mandate to go to a class then it's harder to be able to like
 33:30 designate that time and say you know what I'm really going to commit to um spending this kind of time with my
 33:37 friend and you know you know having a standing like meet up or event or
 33:43 something that we do every week which is not like the most exciting thing but I think is is is not a bad thing it's not
 33:50 a bad thing I think it's needed and we were saying we don't do it enough so like we kind of I think have we used to
 33:56 be um granted what maybe little bit better but we've been pretty [ __ ] about even now
 34:03 like at least we used to even like talk about like doing stuff like yeah let's do this and and it was totally like the
 34:11 you know the trip that never leaves the group chat sort of energy like we plan all this stuff with good intentions and
 34:17 then you know life happens and like things like that but like now we're just kind of like H you know like it's hard
 34:25 to sort of like Get but we we need to also kind of to do that hold each other accountable because like yes we get
 34:30 together once a week to to record but like we never have I always like feel that way like we never have enough time

Finding Your Community: Challenges of Adult Friendships
 34:36 to actually like catch up and spend time together and we try like we try to do that like one hour before we start
 34:42 recording where we are catching up but it's just like we have to fit so many different topics in that one hour and
 34:48 then it's just like okay now let's record and so you still don't get that we don't get that actual bond that I
 34:55 know I know we need for each you know yeah yeah so we need to do better no I
 35:00 will do better I will too I will commit to doing better okay and um
 35:06 yeah Witnesses locked in locked in we're going to do better we'll report back as
 35:12 well on it oh man and this it's not it's not about I don't have an issue with
 35:17 being alone like I don't mind going out on walks by myself sitting in a cafe by
 35:23 myself yeah for bathing if anyone wants to come I'm class dying and I'm like you would
 35:30 not want to do a forest bath you'd be like that's how bad class almost was like I would rather be
 35:37 in that Forest right now where she is oh man yeah that's like my that's what's been keeping me same honest to God my my
 35:45 mind is always I'm an overthinker and it's always going going going and I swear to you I don't know what it is as
 35:52 soon as I step into a forest my my brain shuts off there's
 35:57 nothing there's literally nothing the fight shuts off in the forest because do I need to be consern
 36:03 no like the fight or flight is there like if I to come get if I see some animal coming at me like I will still
 36:10 you know bust it but it's just like I'm not like overthinking like why has nobody called me why am I not finding
 36:17 more clients why am I not you know um yeah and I I like what you also posted
 36:23 on I think it was the one that you had yesterday where you said I'm going to um after you got your content in you're
 36:29 like phone off no airpods not hiding behind a podcast or music just hearing
 36:35 yeah the environment I think that's really really good and that's literally as soon as I do that like I take my airpods out and I sit there and I and
 36:42 I'll sit on a log also like it's my ass is freezing but I'll sit on a
 36:48 log and I just take in the sounds and that has helped so I have no problem with being alone but it's I think being
 36:56 alone and feeling lonely cuz you can be in a crowd and lonely yeah are two different things like I can
 37:01 be in a group setting and still feel lonely absolutely I that's happened
 37:06 to me up teenth times since and I've been like wow there is really just nothing for me here and yeah you know
 37:14 there's no connection there's no depth there's nothing and that's almost worse and you almost feel like I should have
 37:20 just stayed home I would have been fine on the couch yeah you know netflixing or whatever and um so yeah I think
 37:27 loneliness and being alone is two different things certainly very good and we've advocated for this before to be
 37:33 comfortable being alone oh yeah but it's certainly um a very legitimate feeling
 37:40 and state I would say I would even call it a state of being lonely I think it's
 37:46 not just an emotion and a mood or whatever like I think there's
 37:51 there's there's legitimacy to loneliness is is it's so difficult too it's so
 37:58 difficult because we almost feel like it's self-indulgent to even acknowledge it you know yeah like I should just like
 38:05 I'm having like a pity party or something just walk exactly just walk it off walk it off [ __ ] yeah walk it off
 38:12 go have a drink like you know not saying that that's no no that's not what don't
 38:17 to alcohol with this no but yeah like I think yeah we we sort of like feel like
 38:23 okay you know what like I'm not you know it's not a a mental illness and it's not a physical disability and it's not but
 38:29 like it's still something that can be quite debilitating and as we have seen from these studies like physically as
 38:35 well as as emotionally and mentally so um taking it seriously and really trying to build legitimate genuine connections
 38:44 and putting work into them is important yeah yeah are you into are you into see
 38:51 whenever whenever she starts like this what was the last time it was like a
 38:56 hiking something no something that you said camping it was a camp are you that's the last time
 39:03 that you started like are you in no no this is okay and I was like are you into
 39:09 astrology and like birth charts and all of that oh no okay no I'm not so I have
 39:15 because there's so many different calendars and parts that yeah I do have a friend that's very much into it and so
 39:22 I was with her and she was like let me read your birth chart and so I had to give her like my um birthday birthday my
 39:30 name the exact time that I was born and where I was born and then is it related
 39:35 to your zodiac sign or is so and everything like and so she
 39:41 then reads it out for me and there was one element in there and this is when when I met her I was feeling super
 39:47 lonely so she told me one of the elements which is social related is that
 39:52 I have lots of friends but I don't have
 39:57 like a circle like a community and so I was just like that's
 40:03 exactly what I feel is missing like and so she was trying to explain it to me
 40:08 she was like but you have your own community in your own way it doesn't have to be the same group of people that
 40:14 you see all the time but you have different you know groups that you can
 40:20 call on if you need something and so but I and I now know also like why I crave
 40:26 it so much is because I'm someone that has lived in different places so much and each time I'm often having to start
 40:32 from zero and I don't know anybody and then I'm surrounded by people who have known each other since kindergarten and
 40:39 now you're kind of like breaking into this already existing and so that alone is exhausting and I was just like man I
 40:45 would love to know what it feels like to have known the same people to you know
 40:50 since I was little like to have gone to the same school and then and then gone
 40:56 to the same University grown up to their together come back and then all got married together had kids together
 41:01 raised our kids in the same town that we grew up in and all but then I'm like but I also love that I am like
 41:08 this worldly child that got to have all these different experiences and you know
 41:14 Embrace these different cultures and meet so many different people so it's just like but again it's like sometimes
 41:21 it gets it gets exhausting and like I'll watch like real housewives and be like I
 41:27 want that I mean it's such a toxic Community they fight but together
 41:32 together and they always come together at the end honestly I know I know a lot of it is probably scripted but yeah I'm
 41:38 like they have a community they always come together and like I want that I want I want to be like a group of eight

Cultural Differences & The Struggle of Starting Over
 41:44 or 10 women that I see regularly that I you know yeah can socialize with it
 41:49 doesn't mean that all those eight people I'm going to like give my deepest darkest you know thoughts to and like
 41:56 anytime I'm I'm hurting that I'm going to tell every single one but it's just you're not going to connect connect with all of them at the same level it's just
 42:02 to have like that yeah I think it's so important it's so important the last time I be here in a foreign country the
 42:10 social support already no support I don't have I don't have many other Arab
 42:15 friends um I think you've probably met more Kenyans or you know people from
 42:21 like women from Africa than I've I have not but only met oh really two Arabs
 42:27 that's it I don't know where the rest of them if you're here like where are you hiding
 42:33 you know like just come out come out from under the Rocks I'm here for you with open arms
 42:41 you know yeah no I think it's really important I told you about that community that we found that's for um
 42:47 the biral yeah for parents of biracial kids and that you found that yeah I mean
 42:52 it was um really kind of just random it was actually referred by um the lady who
 43:00 um the daycare lady that we take the baby to and she is a mother of a biracial child so she has all of these
 43:07 um all of these references and yeah yeah and she's like oh there's these ones and so she gave us a whole bunch of
 43:12 information this one kind of stood out and they had like this woman who's half Nigerian half German um who'd written a
 43:19 children's book and so she was doing a live reading so initially that's where we went to hear her read and then just
 43:25 being in this room where it was for the first time in my boy's
 43:30 lives that all of the kids look like them and so there's two things that
 43:36 stood out to me that we were in a room where all of the kids were biracial which I think must be so incredible for
 43:43 them obviously my experience is different um from a biracial person's but I could see that that was so
 43:49 important for them and like the other thing that stood out to me which I forgot to mention to you before actually was um there was an older
 43:57 white German couple there okay and I think they are grandparents so I was like that is
 44:05 what's up like they probably have a son or a daughter that's married interracially you need to bring so they
 44:12 have by oh no we already talked about it and we're like yeah they're gonna come but I was just like the fact that they
 44:18 were there I was like [ __ ] yes because that's even something I never even thought about because it's not only
 44:23 support for my kids it's support for the people who will become the support the
 44:29 community about right and the need for them to learn and experience and I was like this is amazing and so I was just
 44:36 really happy to and everyone was just so nice and you know like them e some food
 44:41 of course and um it was just like a really really cool environment and I said this for the kids because for me I

The Need for a Support System
 44:49 went there and I was like for the kids for the boys for the boys so I didn't have any expectations for myself and of
 44:55 course like your kids are playing and you're like like next to a mom and you know me I don't like meeting new people
 45:03 you know I don't like it like just because our kids are friends like it doesn't mean we have to
 45:09 be friends like [ __ ] anyway so I was like watching the kids and not really
 45:15 talking to anyone and the moms were just really obviously quite open and they're like or you knew it's your first time
 45:20 coming talk to a couple of the moms that were like just like amazing like it was
 45:26 that one mother I told you about who had the um the son who was non-verbal and she was just so funny and so chilled and
 45:32 so I was like dude like I'm sitting here being like it's so hard and she's like dealing with the fact that like her kid
 45:39 has autism he's also going through the biracial stuff and she's also like between two races and then like her
 45:44 husband and I was just like this is part of how you start to establish the
 45:49 community because like as much as my personality fights it because I'm
 45:55 actually introverted like it doesn't matter your soul needs it yeah you know even when you were out
 46:02 with the girls exactly in fact I didn't want to go out because I was like dude it is one degree yeah out tonight I'm
 46:09 actually once I got back home from lunch I was like guys I don't know if I'm going to make it and I just literally
 46:15 dragged myself out and Yeah it but like how did your body feel after you like like it was like I went out and like you
 46:22 know those run-ins with like you know guys hitting on you and being in this environment like that place is a very
 46:27 you know like sort of like that that sort of a lot of funny people watching
 46:33 because like there's a lot of people trying to be something they're not so like funny but kind of like but like our
 46:38 group was just kind of like this little Oasis this little pod of like us
 46:44 just once we started talking to each other and listening to each other's stories and hearing like I was like this
 46:49 is nice like just even just being and we don't all have to be best friends we don't even have to even see each other
 46:55 again but like just having that that opportunity to talk about our experiences to talk about things that
 47:01 are similar to understand that like what you're going through it's not just you it's hard for everybody but like a lot
 47:06 of them have come out on the other side and been like yeah we got through it and this is how we see it and being like okay so like this is not only something
 47:13 that can be overcome but it's also something that common I'm not yeah you're not alone in this and you're not
 47:18 alone in it and I was like and there is that possibility of thriving at the end
 47:25 of this which is you know something I've not given myself the chance to really
 47:31 contemplate surviving yes I'm like look cuz I'm you know tough his nails and I'm GNA like make it work that's more the
 47:37 attitude I've had as opposed to like actually thinking that I could get to a point where I'm like oh I actually love
 47:43 it here I'm still skeptical but we're working on it yeah
 47:48 we'll see we'll I mean we'll see you know God is great yeah miracles happen
 47:53 but yeah like that was just kind of nice to to see that people have started in a in in a situation that's the same or in
 48:00 some cases even harder and come out on the other side so um yeah I had a lot of
 48:05 those kind of little perspective moments um one I forgot to tell you about is one
 48:10 of the girls in my language class A lot of my classmates are Ukrainian refugees
 48:17 and um I forget that because we're just all in this class struggling struggle
 48:22 Street together you know and all kind of around the same age and I like I forget that people have come from a life that's
 48:28 like War torn and you know um and like this one girl was talking and she was saying you know it's so hard because
 48:36 when something goes wrong like you're un unwell here in in Germany it's hard to
 48:42 know which doctor to go to you just have to go to whichever one and I was like that's even that that familiarity of
 48:49 like you know like back home we have the guy that fixes my shoes we have the guy that remember we said the guy that's
 49:00 kindes ofunity and like here when I go to the doctor I don't know what HEI is
 49:05 going to look like I don't know if there's going to be a rapport and she and it's not even the same doctor it's
 49:11 not even the same doctor in some cases because yes we have this great health care System but that means you get
 49:16 whoever is there that day yeah and like I asked her I was like how's your weekend and she's like what did you do I
 49:23 was like yeah I was with the kids went out with the girls it was okay and she I was like how was your she she's like well um I ended up in an ambulance going
 49:28 to the hospital I was like Fu damn and she said um I had this back pain which I
 49:34 had from when I was pregnant she has a little boy um slightly older than than than lindsy and she was like um I
 49:40 developed a lot of back pain I was like yeah yeah yeah it's common and she said yeah but it was really bad so I went to
 49:47 um see a doctor earlier last week and he said I'm going to give you an injection for the discomfort like she's like now
 49:54 of course limited language barrier she doesn't know how to ask or explain the questions to this doctor um that she has
 50:02 about this shot and she's just like he's a doctor I trust him he gives her this shot that was on Friday she said
 50:08 Saturday morning she woke up and she was paralyzed oh [ __ ] she said paralyzed
 50:13 legs couldn't move she said she was crawling to the kitchen on her elbows like this and her son happened to walk

How Can We Make It Easier for Women to Support Each Other?
 50:21 in I think he he'd been out of the house and he walked in her older son now and he was like Mom what can I do and he was
 50:26 so worried she's like just was she said I just like I just posed on the ground and was sming I was like this is how I'm
 50:33 making breakfast she said you know and she said it I know what she was trying to say
 50:39 because you know obviously her English was limited and our German is limited but she was trying to say you know as a mom we smile even when we're like dying
 50:47 and I was like girl and she's like so I just sat there and I was like can you bring my phone
 50:54 please it's on the counter and I can't reach like you know she basically called
 51:00 her husband and they ended up calling an ambulance wow yeah and she ended up in
 51:05 the hospital and they were basically like oh yeah we'll just give you this medication for pain but whatever he injected with you you with you react she
 51:12 reacted you reacted and he should have actually done a test to see that first that's what paralyzed you oh my now can
 51:18 you imagine the terror of waking up and I don't know how long I'm going to be not able to walk will I be able to walk
 51:24 again will I heal like and probably not like she herself doesn't have anyone that she can call on either like like
 51:31 yeah like that's like back home I'd be like oh I'd call like one of my uncles at like who the [ __ ] is this doctor and
 51:36 what is this and and like you can't even get a second opinion because you don't even know who else to call and I was
 51:42 like that sense of community and support is so important because like even if you
 51:49 don't personally know someone like I could be like hey who's your dentist for example like your kids like him is he or
 51:56 she good with the kids all right like that gives me transiently a sense of community because I'm like someone whose
 52:02 judgment I trust that allows me to immerse myself into a new environment
 52:08 and like when you don't have that it's literally flying by the seat of your pants you're just like hope for the best
 52:14 and she said something to me she said it's so terrifying she said it is more terrifying to me than the moment when I
 52:21 had my son in Ukraine and I said why and she said I had to have him
 52:27 basement with a doctor who was operating on me and were bombs going off know and
 52:35 there were bombs going off oh my God that was more this was more Terri was
 52:41 more terrifying because she didn't know she's like I don't know what to talk my she said I'm in an environment where if
 52:46 I'm paralyzed I can't go to class I can't go to work I can't support my kids I can't have the right to be able to
 52:53 stay here guess what happens we get sent back like I it's just one there needs to be
 53:00 like when someone come when someone moves to a new country there needs to be like at the airport like a welcome
 53:06 committee that on boards you and just says I'm Gonna Hold Your
 53:11 Hand see what country we live in until you figure this [ __ ] out welcome
 53:17 committee a welcome committee like I mean at least us expats should be doing that for each other listen now that is
 53:25 where the community because then you B say there's like this for us here other people are going to
 53:32 come under the same circumstances we have the benefit of having been here let us not let it be as hard for them as it
 53:38 was for us yeah and that's how we change the narrative that's how we need to so that's one thing I'd also like to
 53:44 address is like how can we make it easier for us like what is it that we
 53:50 need to be doing I think yes so that we're not competing with each other that we are supporting with supporting other
 53:56 and I know also there's like a level of women competing against women there's mothers competing against mothers like
 54:03 everyone's trying to you know one up the other person but it doesn't have to be that way yeah no it doesn't have to be
 54:10 that way and I think that's just something that's been sort of fed to us that we just kind of perpetuate in everyday life but it doesn't have to be
 54:16 this way also because we don't live in a society of of limited we are lucky anyway I should say
 54:23 we don't live in a society of limited um resources there is enough here for everybody and we are fortunate to be in
 54:29 a position of privilege um as much as complain as much as I can play of
 54:36 privilege where you know like I I have the opportunity and the means to be able to make this this journey easier for
 54:42 someone else and why would I why would I not do that yeah so people are living
 54:47 lives out here that are just you know she's like anyway that was my
 54:52 weekend you poor thing holy [ __ ] and smiling through it because and you hear
 54:58 class on Monday one you don't want to show your weakness to another woman because you don't know how it's going to

Ending the Episode on a Powerful Note: *You Are Enough
 55:04 be perceived to she like what are you gonna do it is what it is yeah and she's like three I'm lucky I'm walking again
 55:11 now and I have to come to class I can't not come to class because I need to be able to stay here where I'm safe and my
 55:18 kids are safe like you need to you need to learn the language to be able to work and you need to work to be able to stay
 55:24 and to support like it's just everything is connected interconnected so like I
 55:29 just realized I was like okay you know what I really need to like get my head out of my ass sometimes how I complain
 55:34 about [ __ ] because honestly I'm not just getting an education in language like the fact that that um like the
 55:42 resilience of these people like they're people who most of them are younger than me and they've gone through [ __ ] that I
 55:47 will thank God never ever have to even consider seeing but it really helps me put in perspective the fact that like
 55:54 I'm in such a privileg privil position um in terms of as much as I you
 56:00 know complain about [ __ ] like you know it it's it's not the same circumstances that we're all in and yes I'm going
 56:07 through things socially that they aren't because they come from a European country so there's refu it just makes me
 56:12 think that's also all subjective or refugees from Arab countries like brown
 56:18 people who are in the same situation as them War torn country you're on Asylum
 56:23 so they're going through the racial [ __ ] and all of this
 56:28 I I can't imagine that's why we need to band together more than ever because yeah
 56:35 that's I think that's what gets us through that and I think through those hard times in a position of privilege
 56:43 comparatively it means that we need to preserve like sort of that community and
 56:49 that sort of strength that we have so that we have a full cup to be able to now give yeah to other people you know
 56:56 if we're sitting here and we're not doing what we can to preserve that and build that then we don't have enough to give it to other people and we we have a
 57:03 responsibility yes in that respect not just to ourselves but yes once we fulfill that to ourselves and our
 57:08 families like you know go beyond yeah and um not just the benefit that we've
 57:14 talked about in having a community creating one I think can also be beneficial it also gives you a sense of
 57:19 purpose and um and you're helping people like that can never feel bad no
 57:26 it's always um it's very it can be very fulfilling yeah to do that really really
 57:31 quite so so um especially women like when we are tiptop when we are do like
 57:38 operating at full capacity we are unstoppable like I agree like forces to
 57:44 be reckoned with forces of nature really honestly and you know for us to encourage that and celebrate that in
 57:51 each other is something that we need to start doing a lot more I think that's one of the things on how to change the
 57:57 narrative is is to do that is to celebrate each other is to you
 58:03 know and verbalize it and say it you know like oh I'm proud of you for this
 58:08 or I think that's awesome that you're doing this or like you're doing such a good job or this like you know it's just
 58:13 to actually verbalize it and to say it out loud um because a lot of the times you know sometimes we're like in this on
 58:20 our own and you know and I said earlier we don't want to show our weakness we don't want to show that we can't do
 58:25 something or sometimes even as mothers we we realize we think that we're not doing a good job and it's so important
 58:31 as mothers to tell each other that hey you're okay you're doing you're doing okay you're actually killing it you're
 58:36 doing to be in a foreign country on your own it's also to say like hey you've got this like you're okay you know it's this
 58:44 too shall pass you know and I think that it's important to hear that in it it's so hard to
 58:49 see past it which way is up yeah yeah it's hard yeah I think that's a really good
 58:55 one kind of just like we don't say that enough you know we tell little kids hopefully but like generally we tend to
 59:02 tell little kids good job you did well and like why does that stop you know when we get older why does it stop why
 59:08 do we stop celebrating each other's wins and and and achievements it's still
 59:13 really important to hear I think there's like this level of jealousy that maybe or envy that comes in yeah like
 59:19 resentment resentment and so it's like oh like you know I wish I had that or something yeah or well why is she doing
 59:26 like I have it or what that's the part that I we
 59:31 definitely need to investigate more as to why why there is that yeah animosity
 59:39 where did that divide start to happen um yeah to kind of fracture that bond that
 59:47 existed throughout history and I think like I mean historically when there were
 59:52 issues of of of competition I think it was like you said like limited resources limited men limited access to you know
 59:58 alpha males or whatever it is depending on how far back you go but like we're that was and it was a survival thing
 1:00:05 like they literally needed to live to survive but we're not living in socities
 1:00:10 like that anymore we're not in like polygamous societies where there's one man that has five wives some still do
 1:00:17 exist still are yeah but we personally anyway aren't in a situation where you
 1:00:24 know that's happening and we have like limited resources from this one man and we're totally dependent on him to
 1:00:30 support our children versus like all of these other children like there's there's not a situation like that and
 1:00:35 there's certainly not a situation where if you do well it means you've taken over resources and opportunities that
 1:00:42 now don't exist to me like there's still enough for everybody you know the
 1:00:47 opportunities are still abound like your talents your skills your abilities and you using them and shining in no way
 1:00:55 dims mind no so um yeah I think we're quite lucky in that respect that we
 1:01:00 don't have to worry about that stuff and so I don't really know where I think it comes to
 1:01:08 also understanding and valuing yourself legitimately because then there's nothing that can threaten and that's
 1:01:15 where we are um I would say lacking is that maybe we haven't done a
 1:01:24 good job maybe it's the school system or I don't know what we could attest it to
 1:01:30 but that that building the confidence up for women as you know as we're growing
 1:01:35 up yeah like that's not really there I mean what did we see growing up like the people women who were successful were
 1:01:42 like super skinny or super like they just had corporate [ __ ] or corporate you know to be successful as a business
 1:01:49 woman you had to be an [ __ ] or like you know and like give up the family life you couldn't do both and yeah that
 1:01:56 image has changed but like also like a lot of those first perspectives kind of still it's
 1:02:03 changed for the Next Generation but like for us and maybe our parents like it would it would have been a different
 1:02:10 yeah our parents like forget it like the mom should be at home although my mom wasn't your mom wasn't but she I think
 1:02:17 she was but that was the time I also feel like it would have been great to have her at home more but she was like
 1:02:23 working a lot and she was basically like ridiculed in society for you know for doing that looking back I'm like oh like
 1:02:31 I wish we would have had her like around when I came home from school and like nobody but like the maid was at home and
 1:02:38 I was like there for my by myself for hours so yeah you kind of see that yeah like you couldn't really do both at that
 1:02:45 point in time but we we kind of can but even so picking one or the other or picking
 1:02:52 whatever combination is not like I don't know there's not one that's better than the other because there's
 1:02:58 just something that works for someone that might not work for you and I think if you are true to yourself and you know
 1:03:05 this is what I want this is what's best for my kid and you're in a healthy place with yourself like it doesn't matter
 1:03:12 what someone else is going to do it doesn't matter what achievements they have you'll be able to clap for them and
 1:03:19 you'll also have the energy to help pick them up able to as they say straighten her crown when she needs it and still
 1:03:25 not feel like it's taken or depleted you in any way right and I think that's that you need to get to the point where your
 1:03:30 own cup is full yeah is that self-work that we keep talking
 1:03:36 about beautiful beautiful complicated keep coming back around keeps going back
 1:03:42 around same day like work an assessment and building yourself up and um yeah
 1:03:49 looking inside yourself and constantly checking in but also still being able to recognize that
 1:03:56 um and I think even checking in with yourself helps you pick out the right people for your community to create that
 1:04:03 support system because when you're desperate you're going to reach for anything and I think it's the same as
 1:04:09 like when women enter or even men enter into abusive relationships it's because
 1:04:15 you're trying to fill a void with something else yeah that needs to be filled here yeah you know already and um
 1:04:23 and it's the same thing with the friendships now you pick the right people to be around and you have no problem letting the people that are the
 1:04:28 wrong ones out because you don't feel it that you're losing anything you're enough um easier said than done I'm over
 1:04:36 here talking about it I'm like all to do but you said it I think we can I think
 1:04:42 that's that's right there is that knowing that you are enough yeah knowing and believing that you are enough that
 1:04:49 is that is such a beautiful concept and I know that's something that we say and
 1:04:56 it's it's a struggle we preach it but I know that it's a struggle within ourselves and just knowing that you know
 1:05:02 like I also literally have to remind myself on those days that I am lonely I literally will tell myself you are loved
 1:05:08 you're loved like there are people out there that love you that care about you but you are enough as you are and you
 1:05:14 are loved and that's you know those are things that you have to remind yourself of sometimes but I think you saying you
 1:05:19 are enough is so so important and so beautiful and I think we can end it there um so is there anything else that
 1:05:28 you wanted to add before me no no I think I think that's really that's really it I think
 1:05:34 we've yeah so with that we will see you again next week

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