Reasonably Certain
Welcome to Reasonably Certain with Ellen Larson!
Ellen covers topics she has learned about throughout her 20's such as mental health, body image, makeup, fashion, and living abroad.
Ellen offers insights and tips to promote emotional well-being, encourage self-acceptance and confidence, perfecting your makeup routine, and advice about living abroad. Overall, Reasonably Certain provides a comprehensive approach to self-care, confidence, and empowerment.
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Reasonably Certain
Spooky Dating Stories, Fall Favorites, Therapy Throwback
EP #18: Ellen gets into the Halloween spirit by discussing her fall favorites, Halloween movies, dating horror stories, and some relevant notes from her therapy sessions.
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Hey, guys. Welcome back to reasonably certain. My name is Ellen, and this is episode 18. In today's episode, we're going to be talking about spooky dating stories. Oh, my God. I've never told them on the Internet before. My fall favorites and a little therapy throwback that I feel is very fitting for the topic today. So before we get into that, I'll just kind of let you guys know what I've been up to for the past week. and I hope you enjoy my little. I don't know. I tried to get into, like, the fall theme just a little today, just like, a teeny bit. I'm wearing my cape, which I'll talk about in a minute. And then I have a little bit of, like, sparkly, shiny orange eyeshadow on, which is actually two colors that I mixed together in my izumaya beauty industrial 2.0 palette, which is my favorite palette that I've ever owned. And it's a work of art. So I decided to go a little bit lakes spooky theme, like orange and black today. And, yeah, so we're really getting into the fall feelings. but this past week, I went to a jewelry upcycling class or workshop with Casa Capricious and supleis. And Casa Capricious is like a retailer kind of like what I've discussed, like the jewelry room, similar vibes. They curate, artisans and brands from Barcelona and Spain in general. And so I highly recommend checking them out. And then Suplez is, a jewelry, glass jewelry, ah brand. So I highly recommend checking them out as well. We got to use some of the glass jewelry that suplis makes to make our upcycle jewelry. But we were told to or suggested to bring some of our own jewelry that we wanted to maybe reuse in a new way. So I brought a few different things and, like, didn't use some of them, just kind of donated them to the table. And then I kept a couple, like, stones that I wanted to use on a charm necklace that I made. So that was fun because I've never fully made a charm necklace before. I think I did some jewelry making back in Girl Scouts, but I don't think I've really made much jewelry since then. so that was fun. It was a really fun activity to just take your mind off of things, meet some new people, and, yeah, I really enjoyed it. And then my friend Valeria and I went to see my friend Anya DJ at Koya at the W hotel. That was my first time at Coia as well. And it was super nice. I love the little balcony they have there, which is just, like, above the wet deck. It's like, the deck that you can see from the wet deck. Like, afro house vibe music. So one of my favorite genres of music, and that was really nice. And then yesterday was Saturday, and I, didn't know what I was gonna do, but I, like I said, I've been having, like, issues with sleep lately, and I just slept, like, the entire day. I slept until two. I woke up for a little bit, posted some reels and tiktoks, fell back asleep until, like, four, and then I fell back asleep again until eight. And it was one of those days where I, like, I just did not anticipate needing that much sleep. But I woke up, my computer was dead, it was dark outside, and I'm like, what did I just do? But I can't say I'm mad at it. Like, I kind of this weekend wasn't mad about, like, having my rest day be Saturday instead, because then it gave me today, Sunday. Like, it kind of feels like I get a bit of a head start on the week, so I don't feel like I'm catching up on Monday, if that makes sense, because now I don't feel so much of, like, the Sunday scaries, if that makes sense. So I got, like, my full rest today out of the way yesterday and today, I was a bit tiny, bit more productive. I can't say I was, like, extremely productive today, but, yeah, also, I I can make a whole episode on this. I think I might, just based or just talking about how I plan for traveling. And I don't have any plans to go to Paris in the immediate future, but I haven't been to Paris for nine years, so it's definitely overdue. And I was like, now that I think about it, like, I always think I know Paris because I've been there, like, the map and everything to do in Paris, but I was like, you know what? I really think about it. I feel more comfortable in life having very detailed maps in my head of cities, so that if I ever go to a city, I kind of already have, like, everything I need to know, like, stored in my memory, so I'm not so reliant on my maps, and I kind of, like, have a lay of the land. I know, like, the top 20 things to do. I know some good restaurants off the bat. I know where, like, good shopping is. Restaurants, grocery stores, like, the metro stations. Like, I just feel more comfortable in life having maps of cities in my brain. So I was up late last night. Like, I should have gone to bed earlier, but then I think sleeping late yesterday kind of messed up my sleep for the night. Anyway, but I started making a map for Paris, and now I'm like, oh, my God, I need to go to Paris soon because I haven't been in nine years, and now I'm all excited about Paris, and now I want to rewatch Emily in Paris for, like, the 7th time. I really don't know what came over me. Like, did I see something yesterday on TikTok or something that reminded me of Paris? I must have seen something that just made me be like, oh, Paris. I can't put my finger on it. But all of a sudden, last night, I was thinking about it, and I'm like, okay, well, obviously, like, from being there nine years ago, I remember the general layout of the city because, like, I was there with my parents, and I remember that we stayed by the Arc de Triomphe. We spent a lot of time on the Champs Elysees, and we went to the Eiffel Tower, and we did all the typical tourist stuff, right? So, like, I know the typical tourist stuff, but I was like, it's been nine years. Like, let me just make a little map so that when I do go there, hopefully sometime in early 2025, that would be great. But so that when I do go there, I'm like, I already have, like, ideas in mind of, like, what I want to do. But if you're going to Paris anytime soon, honestly, when I was reading on Reddit of people, like, suggesting things to do, most people were saying, like, do nothing. Not literally do nothing, but they were like, don't plan your days out so much. Like, just honestly start walking around and, like, stop at little cafes that you see. Stop into little restaurants and little shops and, like, kind of just meander. And you'll probably easily do 2030k steps a day. So just plan on basically walking and, like, exploring as you walk, because, like, Paris is just so beautiful. You kind of really can't go wrong. So I was like, yeah, you know what? I don't need to have such specific, like, things to do. But what I've been noting down is, like, really beautiful neighborhoods and streets that I would want to see. So, like, different routes and, like, paths along the city. That was super random, but I just thought I would tell you guys that. Cause I love making custom Google maps. And if you don't do that, I think you. If you like planning and you like feeling a bit more secure when you travel somewhere and, like, having a map in your, like, a map visual in your brain at all times. Just go to my maps. Literally, if you just type maps dot google.com, and you go to, like, regular Google Maps. If you click saved on the left, you'll see it pulls up a menu, and then on the right, it says maps. And then you can click open my maps, which, like, brings you to a new tab. and then you just click create a new map and, like, just start adding stuff. And I make different layers. but you can make it literally however you want. So I have maps of, like, obviously, Barcelona, Valencia. I just made that one because my friend Naomi moved to Valencia, and I want to visit her soon. M. And I was like, yeah, I've never been to Valencia before. I really have literally no knowledge about it other than they speak, like, a slightly. I don't think it's much different than Catalan, but I think they call it valencian, and they're known for paella. That's all I know. So I was like, yeah, I need to, like, get a bit more familiar with Valencia before I go there. Cause hopefully I'll go there before the end of the year. And then, obviously, when I went on my Scandinavia trip, I have one for, like, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Madrid, because I haven't really spent much time in Madrid. But when I do go, like, I want to have a good idea again. Like, a lot of this is preemptive because I want to, like, know where the things are to do, like, where to stay, so that when I do plan the trip, it's, like, just super easy. So I have one for Scotland because I really, really want to go to Scotland and do, like, an outlander slash, I guess, kind of, like, Harry Potter filming sites tour. That will be so fun. Whenever I do that, it's, like, on my to do list to eventually go there or on my bucket list. And then I made a new map of Granada, even though I literally studied abroad there. It's like, that was nine years ago. Things have changed. Budapest. Yeah. So that's really the maps that I have. But I think it's, like, the most fun thing to do, to just sit down and create a custom map, because then it, like, makes me excited to plan a trip one day, even if it's not in the immediate future. But if it's a city that, like, I have on my bucket list, I'll just be like, oh, yeah. And then sit down and, like, start adding stuff to it anyway. So, yeah, that's what I did last night that kept me up super late, and then hence I slept in late again today. Oops, I can't do that tonight, though, because tomorrow is Monday. So it's spooky season. Oh, my God. It's my favorite season of the year. I will admit though, being in spooky Spain, like, it's not as exciting because they don't really celebrate Halloween here. I think they started, or. Well, they do a little bit, because it is just like an excuse to have a fun party and dress up. And I think they have adapted a lot of american type celebrations just because there are a lot of Americans here and it's just fun. Why not? You know what I mean? They love to party here. They have celebrations at least once a month. So, yeah, it's like a good excuse. Why not? Plus, I mean, they still do celebrate, I think. I think Spain celebrates dia de mortes. Do they? Let's see if they have any spanish traditions. Okay. In Galicia? In Galicia, they have, rich local folklore and ghost legends. And the night of October 31 is known as noite dos calacus, night of the pumpkins, and is celebrated with relative or related activities like pumpkin carving, costume parties, bonfires, rituals, and sometimes even trick or treat. Okay, so I don't know how far that goes back. I'm sure lots of countries share the same traditions because, like, they all come from. I think Halloween is like a pagan holiday. Oh. One theory holds that many Halloween traditions were influenced by celtic harvest festivals, particularly the gaelic festival, saman. Saman. I've heard this said before, it looks like samhain, but I think it's samon, which are believed to have pagan roots. and then maybe saman had been christianized as all hollows day, and then, you know, know, Christianity just kind of took it and ruined it. I'm kidding. But kinda, kinda, kinda, though, I'm sure it was not, you know, voluntary for, you know, whatever. So let's see, how is Halloween celebrated in Spain? So Halloween lasts for three days in Spain. Day of the witches, all saints, day and day of the dead. Each autonomous community in Spain. So, like Catalunya, Galicia, all the different regions, they have their own traditions and events on Halloween. Halloween celebrations may differ due to the cultural context. By the way, this is from spainhomes.com, if you're curious. They do celebrate it, just not as similar as, like, the american way, so. Oh, interesting. Halloween traditions in northern Spain are deeply affected by celtic culture. So, like Galicia. So in Galicia, it's celebrated in a more enthusiastic and traditional way. Okay, cute. In Alicante, they take place in a more contemporary way because of the multinational demographic. Okay. So I think what they're trying to say is, like, a lot of people are foreigners in alicante, or they might have a higher percentage of foreigners, so they probably just follow more of, like, an american tradition where people dress up and have costume parties. Oh, my gosh. They do zombies in Malaga. Okay, fun. Didn't know that. They do a zombie march. But there's not as much of, like, they don't really do, like, trick or treating, and they don't. I don't think they fully dress up, kind of like how we do in America. So, they also don't really decorate, like, you know how Americans are, like, obsessed with decorating inside their homes and outside their homes. Like, that doesn't really happen here. Like, the fall and pumpkiny and ghosty type of decorations. Like, that's not really a thing here. So I think that's what makes me feel like it's not as fall. And also, there's not as many trees that, like, change color a lot. Well, at least not immediately in Barcelona, because there's not that many trees, like, in the actual city. So I don't see the trees that much changing color. So I think it just, it doesn't feel as much like it, besides the cold weather and, like, me knowing that it's October, but at least my mom sends me pictures of the trees changing in Minnesota, so I get a little bit of that. but, yeah, so they just don't dress up, like, quite as much or they're not, like, quite as enthusiastic about, like, the decorations and stuff. Plus, like, everyone lives in apartments here, so they can't decorate, like, the out. Like, nobody decorates, like, the outside of their building or their balconies and stuff. So, yeah, it's not a thing to, like, decorate the outside of your house, at least not in the middle of the city. I don't know what it is, like, out in the neighborhoods, out kind of on the outskirts of the city, but in the middle of the city, it's not really, like, celebrated or decorated like that. Let's see, we have some traditional dishes. Huslos de Santo, the saints bones. Oh, yum. I've never seen that. I want one. it's marzipan and sweet yolk filling. What? I've never seen those before. I'm gonna find one this year. and then this is pretty common. La castaneda is a roasted chestnut. That's served during Halloween season. It's believed that chestnuts were offered to the bell ringing workers on October 31. I don't know what that means, but. Okay. But during, like, the whole holiday season, at least in Barcelona, there's always, like, these little huts outside that offer roasted chestnuts. So you can find those, like, the whole holiday season, not necess, like, not just Halloween. and then there's also local dishes, sweet potatoes, almond sweets, and sweet wine. Okay, I want to learn specifically about the catalan Halloween because I'm in Catalunya, which is where Barcelona lives. Okay. so it's called castaneada, which is a typical catalan festivity that occurs on the evening of Halloween. It commemorates the death of loved ones and celebrates the autumn season. We love that. So what do they do to celebrate it? They gather with friends and family to have dinner and eat traditional katzalan food. so typical food they eat again. Roasted chestnuts, paneets. What are pont again, there's. Oh, yeah, I've seen these small, round sweets made mainly of marzipan and sweet potato covered with pine nuts, coconut, almonds, or chocolate. Oh, wait, so they're gluten free? What the fricken? Okay, I'm gonna eat some of those. I didn't know they were gluten free. Or they should be. At least they should be. They also eat sweet potato, like we said. I have not seen sweet potato. at least not on any, like, restaurant menus. Maybe people just do it at home. They also drink moscatel, which is a sweet wine that matches well with these types of foods. Okay, what the heck? I mean, I've seen paneets all the. All over the place, but I did not know that's what they were made of. Oh, my God. But I know pine nuts are, like, a pretty common, like, nut that they eat during the holidays here, as well as, obviously, the chestnuts. So that's what they do. So it seems like it's more like a Thanksgiving, vibe that they do on Halloween rather than, like, dressing up and trick or treating. So they celebrate it, but just not in the same way. Okay, well, we learned something new today. I didn't even ever. I never really looked into it because last year I was doing, like, full blown american type Halloween because, it was actually pretty fun. We had everyone over at my friend Kristin's apartment, and her roommate at the time was from Barcelona, so he brought some of his catalan friends over, and we did, like, we wanted to show them, like, an american Halloween, so we had, like, a full buffet spread with, like, all spooky treats and stuff like that. And, we all dressed up and, like, went out for the night, so that was super fun. So it was definitely more of, like, an american Halloween. but this year, yeah, I would love to, to learn more about how they celebrate it here. And, like, maybe I'll try some panayettes because I've never had them before, and I love marzipan. Okay, that was a bit of a side tangent. I wasn't expecting to learn about that, but I'm glad I did because I did not know how they celebrated here properly. I just knew they didn't celebrate it like, how Americans celebrate it, but I didn't know that they actually had, like, their own traditions, so that's cool. Anyway, so let's finally get into some of my fall favorites. And I, since I've been getting into the Halloween mood, here are some movies that are on my watch list. I just have not had time to watch them yet. But this week, I think I'm gonna try and watch, like, one movie a day because I have a lot on my list. Okay. practical magic. If you guys haven't seen it, I highly recommend, well, I highly recommend all of these if you haven't seen them, but I'm guessing most of you have seen these. but practical magic, the craft. Very good. Hocus pocus. Classic. Obviously, Halloween town. I'm gonna be watching at least the first one. And, Debbie Reynolds just reminds me so much of my grandma, and it just, like, makes me sad. But I love Debbie Reynolds, so I always love watching Halloweentown because it feels, like, so close to me. I don't know why. Twitch's obviously, the chilling adventures of Sabrina. I know this isn't a movie, but I really love the chilling adventures of Sabrina. It's just such a good show. So I haven't watched it in a long time, and I think I might just rewatch it because it's been a while and it is, like, kind of a cheesy, like, Netflix show. But, I mean, it's the same thing with, like, Emily in Paris. I'm like, it's kind of cheesy, but I kind of like it. the Scooby Doo movie, obviously not Spooky island. Like, the original, like, Og Scooby Doo movie, live action. but Spooky island. So good. So good. I, speaking of Scooby Doo, Spooky Island, I remember as a kid watching that, being like, is this what it's like when you're in college because I need to be there right now. And like, my whole, like, life when I was a kid, I was like, I can't wait to be like the cool kids at Spooky island. Like, I just want college to be like Spooky island. Like, I still want college and life to be like Spooky island. I think that's just you need to find like, an all inclusive resort somewhere. Yeah. Monster house. So many good quotes that come out of that movie. It's so funny. Death, becomes her. I actually have not seen this one yet, but I've been seeing so many tikToks about it lately and I've been meaning to watch it. So need to watch that one for sure. Jennifer's body cult classic zombieland. I wouldn't say this one's really scary, but it kind of goes with the Halloween theme. Well, none of these are scary, I guess. Like, I just don't think I would normally, like, classify Zombieland as a Halloween movie even though it's about zombies. But for some reason it just feels like a goof. I mean, it is a goof movie, but it's so good. same with the next ones. Scary movie. Like, scary movie one, scary movie two, scary movie three. I'm gonna have to rewatch those because I haven't seen those in forever. And that's really it for the movies that I want to rewatch or watch this week. And I just thought of this like, as I was writing this down, but I. Have any of you seen the movie called House of Wax? Because I think my mom got it for us, like out of a clearance bin at Walmart or maybe from like Goodwill or something when we were really young. I don't know when. I don't think she went out and bought it new. Like, oh, my God, look at this great new movie. Like, I'm sure it was in a clearance bin somewhere. Probably like three dvd's for$10 or something. And she probably just like, got it because it looked spooky. And I remember because it came out in 2005, so we probably didn't get it that much or that long after it came out. So I'm guessing we probably got it in 2006 or 2007. And I just remember me and my siblings watching it and me being like, what the actual heck is this movie? Like, it's actually so weird and. Oh, yeah, I don't know. Oh, it's just so weird. I kind of want to rewatch it again just because I want to remember all the. All, like, what it's like, but I don't think I need to. It's too weird of a movie. Yeah, it's creepy, though. Like, if you want, like, kind of, like, a tacky slasher thriller, then you would, like House of wax, but it has, like, Paris Hilton in it. Like, it's very, like, silly, but it is kind of scary. it's kind of spooky, but that's, like, my level of spirit spooky that I can handle. I didn't include any, like, for real, for real scary movies on here because I thought that I could handle them. Like, growing up, like, in college and, well, I saw, like, the legit, the exorcism of Emily Rose or whatever. I saw that when I was, like, ten. I think that, like, maybe seeing that, that young, like, effed me up or something. But seeing, like, extra spooky scary movies when I was really little was, like, kind of scary. And then I thought I could handle it again when I was, like, in my late teens and my early twenties. And I, kept being like, no, like, I can handle this. Like, this is not that scary. It's just fake. But I remember when the original paranormal activity came out and I was at my friend Ashley's house and we were all in her parents bedroom, like, as kids. Like, a bunch of us watching it, like, tears just streaming down my face. And I think, when did paranormal activity come out? 2009. So we must have been watching it not that long after it came out. Maybe it was 2010. No, I think it had to have been maybe the early summer of 2010. I don't know because we didn't watch it, like, immediately after it released. But we were watching it on their tv. And I just remember, like, that was the scariest movie I had seen in so long. And I was like, no, no, no. I can watch, like, saw movies and stuff because the gore, like, doesn't really scare me as much. Like, it's gross for sure. I don't, like, enjoy watching it. But the paranormal stuff, the stuff that, like, you don't know if it could be real or not. Because, like, I. Sometimes I'm like, ah. Just because I haven't had any personal experience with it doesn't mean, like, maybe it couldn't happen. And, like, that my brain, like, gets so overactive. Like, I get such an overactive imagination after seeing those that I convince myself that I'm seeing and hearing things when it's just, like, my brain freaking out after watching it. So that was terrifying. And I can't watch those. Like, it really does freak me out so bad. And then I, think in college, I watched insidious in theaters when it came out, and then we watched, like, the second insidious. And, like, those are, like, I liked them, but that's, like, the most scary that I can handle because I think I watched the conjuring, and that was, like, way too scary. Way, way, way too scary for me. Like, I was, like, traumatized after that. I was like, no, no, no. This is my absolute limit. I can watch american horror story. Like, even season one american horror story is, like, kind of scary for me. what other movies are, like, just a little bit too scary for me? I don't know. But, like, like, if you know the vibe, like, insidious is just about my limit. Like, I like a quiet place. Like, it's a bit of a thriller. It's not full blown spooky horror, but, like, you get little jumps of, like, but it's not, like, terror. I like that. Or I love a good thriller. Like, I've talked about this before. I freaking love a good thriller. Like, I love a good limited series with, like, a lot of plot twists. So earlier this summer, I watched, like, the haunting of Hill House, the haunting of Bly Manor, midnight Mass. All of those that are, aren't they all by the same director or something? Like, I can handle those. Like, that's, like, my perfect level of, like, spooky but not full blown terrifying. And it has a lot of amazing, like, plot twists and stuff. And I really like the story. So those, if you're, like, on the same level of, like, can only handle a certain amount of spooky as me, I would say those limited series on Netflix are, like, they're really good. They don't leave you, like, with an annoying cliffhanger at the end or anything because it's a limited series. So, you know, it's just gonna be for, like, whatever, like six or eight episodes, whatever it is. And so, you know that it's gonna be, like, over and the story will be nicely wrapped up by the end. And, like, you don't have to wait years for seasons and seasons. And anyway, it's very good. So that's kind of, like, on my list, like, some just family friendly movies for the most part, because I, I just think for me, like, moving forward, I can't handle super, super spooky stuff. Like, it's. It's just too scary for me. My sister, on the other hand, loves spooky stuff, and I can't. I don't know, my brain. I just get nightmares. Like, it. It really makes me, like, have fight or flight. Like, I can't. I can't watch it. anyway, so, moving on from my movie picks for fall and Halloween, I am also switching out my summer wardrobe for my fall and winter wardrobe. I think officially, the past couple weeks, the temperature has really dropped here. It hasn't dropped a lot. I think it's been, like, 60, 65 degrees sometimes. Still in the seventies on a few days, but then it gets down to, like, 55 at night. So I don't know what that is in Celsius because I really did try to keep my weather app in Celsius, and I just. I prefer it in fahrenheit. Or, like, I'll try and I'll switch it back and forth every once in a while, but when I really want to know the weather, I'm like, no, I just need it in fahrenheit. Which, by the way, I stand by fahrenheit. Okay. I think Celsius should be used for everything else in, like, a scientific setting, but fahrenheit for. For humans and for weather, temperature, I think, is. Is accurate because Celsius doesn't have enough degrees, like, fahrenheit. There's a big difference between 60 and 70 degrees, but, like, there's not enough difference between the equivalent of that in Celsius. I feel so I like fahrenheit also, in general. You can kind of think of, like, fahrenheit at zero and then fahrenheit at 100 degrees as, like, kind of, like, the livable limits for humans that you can, like, reasonably live within. So it's almost like, a percentage. And I don't know, I just think it's so much easier to think of temperature in fahrenheit than it is Celsius. Like, I've really tried to get down Celsius, and I just have, like, benchmarks in my head of, like, 30 in Barcelona is, like, super, super hot. 20 is, like, nice, but a teeny bit cool. And then as you get below 20, down to ten, that's, like, you know, your fall and winter temperatures, and if you get below ten, that's, like, pretty, pretty cold. So that's how I think of Celsius, but there's just not enough, like, precision. So I stand by Fahrenheit. But anyways, in the past few weeks, it's finally gotten to be, like, fall weather, which I love. So I think I'm officially retiring my sandals for the winter. I think it's a little bit too cold out for, like, open toed shoes. It's a little bit too cold out to, like, just wear a t shirt or, like, just wear a tank top. So, like, now I need to start bringing out my jackets and my boots. My fall and winter staples are my tan or beige trench coat that I got from El Corte and glace, my vegan leather blazer from Abercrombie, my reversible vest from we are tala. Because it's two in one. It's so nice. My patagonia marsupial that I wore a couple episodes back, I finally got a patagonia marsupial. I'm so in love with it. my oversized denim jacket from Abercrombie, and then this cape that I'm wearing right now from Adolfo Dominguez. If I'm going out in the winter here and I want to feel like a little bougie, I will put on this cape, and then I'm just wearing a long sleeve shirt underneath it. I'm loving a cape. I also want more capes. Like, it doesn't have to be one where it's, like, a pullover turtleneck vibe, like, this one. Like, it could clasp in the front. Maybe. Maybe. So maybe I will add another cape to my wardrobe this winter. We'll see. But those items are, like, my fall and winter items here, which I love the weather in Barcelona, because it's kind of like winter is just perpetual fall, which is kind of amazing. I mean, it does definitely get, like, a wee bit chilly in January, but for the most part, it's pretty like Minnesota fall. Like, if I could say that. So love the fall and winter here. And then for my boots, I brought out my platform boots that I have from asos, and I'll try and throw up pictures of these just so you can see them if you're watching. And, then my leather boots from El Corte and glace, which are similar, but my leather boots are much nicer, and they don't have a platform, so, like, I wear them for different occasions. But my platform boots from asos are, I would say, just like, a hair more comfy because of the platform, so I can wear them for, like, more occasions. And they're a bit more casual than my leather boots, which are, like, a bit more formal. So I kind of have, like, a casual boot and a formal boot, which is nice. So I can pick depending on the occasion. So, yeah. And then moving, on from that, let's get into the spooky dating stories. And you guys like, I really thought about it. I don't mind sharing these. Cause it's also just been so long. One, but two, I feel like it really matches the spooky season because these are truly spooky. Spooky. spooky. You guys are gonna freak. Actually, I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting, but just let me know what you think in the comments, because I don't even think I've told most of my friends these, like, in detail. Like, maybe I did back in the day immediately when they happened. But, like, since then, I don't. I mean, there's no reason to talk about it because, like, it's in the past, and it doesn't really bother me that much, but at the time, oh, so rude. And also traumatizing and also probably explains a lot about my previous episode about why I don't want to date anybody. So, you know, these are kind of some of the experiences. I'm just sharing a few, but I'm going to change their names, obviously. so let's just start with Travis. We're going to call him Travis. so this was back in summer of 2018. I was 23, and I was having a fun little afternoon drinking with my friends at the rooftop of cowboy slims in uptown Minneapolis, which I believe cowboy slims is no longer so rip. But while it was there, I had a super fun time every time I went there. we used to dare each other to go up to guys, and for some reason, this day, I was just feeling unordinarily confident. I don't know what it was. So I went up to Travis, and we were having a good conversation, and again, very unlike me, I decided to leave with him. Okay. I decided to leave. Okay. Dumb idea. Really freaking stupid idea. I was thinking, like, I just need to change it up. Like, I'm always so reserved, and I'm always so, like, shy and nervous, and I never do anything like this, so, like, maybe I just need to try something new. Stupid idea. Don't do that. So I decided to leave. This is a fairly short story, but anyways, the point of the story is, the next morning, he just rolls over and looks at me and goes, you look a lot different without makeup on. And I was like, oh, okay. So I'm just gonna go. bye. And I literally just left. And, like, never spoke to him again. Blocked him on Instagram, whatever. But I did look him up on Google, and this is kind of scary. He had been arrested at least one time before, so that was a literal felon. And I didn't even know this man, and I just left with him. Like, that's so scary. And, But I did notice even recently, like, as recent as, like, this summer, he still checks on my LinkedIn every now and then to this day. Creepy. Spooky. I should probably block him on LinkedIn now that I think of that. I think I just saw it, and I was, like, shocked. And I'm like, let me just put pretend that didn't happen. But no, I'm even shocked he remembers who I am since I must look so different. Anyway, thanks, Travis, for that experience. That was great. So the next one was in the fall of 2018, and I decided to agree to an official date for the first time in a very long time after meeting this guy. We'll call him Aaron at, you guessed it, cowboy slims. I met him there, so I thought it was nice that he asked me out on an actual date, so I agreed. I thought the date itself was okay, but I I was not good at setting boundaries at all. and I just didn't have that much experience with going on official dates and, like, knowing what the vibe is, you know what I mean? And when I should just leave and excuse myself. So he suggested that we go to a wine bar after the actual dinner date, and I was like, yeah, sure, why not? It's going good. I should have just cut it off and been like, no, m. I'd love to in the future. I just need to go home now. I don't know this man. I don't know this man. And I, like, already had, like, one or two drinks at dinner. Like, that should have been good. But then, of course, I was like, yeah, sure. Like, why not? Like, let me just try something new. It's all this, like. Like, going against my instincts. Like, I'm, I'm thinking, like, no, I need to, like, loosen up and, like, try something new. Just listen to yourself, okay? It's always better to leave early and leave them wanting more rather than, like, overstaying and just kind of getting yourself into a uncomfortable situation. Anyway, I ended up being too drunk after the wine bar to drive myself home. And we were in Minneapolis, and I was living in Egan at the time, so if you know, so it's, like, a 2025 minutes drive, and I didn't want to leave my car there the next day, even though it's not that big of a deal. I should have just done it, but I was like, no, like, I really don't want to have to uber all the way home. It's going to be expensive. And then I'm going to have to uber all the way back and get my car tomorrow. So then he was like, okay, like, just come to my house. I live much closer to here, and, like, you can just, like, wait it out for a while, and then I'll drive you back to your car. And I agreed. So guess what? He didn't drive me back to my car. He was never gonna do that. He didn't even have a plan to ever help me leave his house. He just said that so that I could get to his house. and then I had to uber back to my car late at night after I had sobered up and drive, myself home in the wee hours of the morning. Yeah, so that was really, really nice, but never do that. I didn't even know who this man was, and I just went to his apartment after being drunk. Don't do that. So he was super rude. And then the last guy I'll talk about is this guy. I'll call him Jeremy. So fast forward to the fall of 2019. I finally moved to Arizona and get the courage to go on a date with a guy named. Like I said, we'll call him Jeremy again. You see a theme here? I did not know how to spot red flags or set boundaries, so the first date was at one of my favorite mexican restaurants, and I thought he was so attractive, so I was already at a disadvantage. not funny, but, like, kind of funny, but I should have known right away that he was a giant, walking red flag when 50% of the conversation of our first date was him talking about how crazy his ex was. so if you guys have not ever gone on a date or talked to a guy that just talks about how crazy his ex is, you should know that that is a huge, like, huge, humongous, giant, in your face red flag. Like, just straight up, don't make. Don't give them the benefit of the doubt. Just don't. Because I will say, and I'm saying this straight up, probably 90% of the time, the guy did something that made the girl either act, quote unquote crazy or whatever he did. Like, he's actually crazy. Like, he's actually crazy. Almost every time I've seen this or heard this or whatever, witnessed it or been a part of it myself, like, the guy was the one being unhinged. Okay. I mean, I should have known that he was probably the one who was crazy, but I gave him the benefit of the doubts of, which was dumb. And I agreed to a second date. About a week later, we went bowling and got some food and it was fine. He didn't talk about his ex. So I was like, wait, this is actually going kind of good. Like, maybe I was right. Like, he just, you know, maybe she is crazy. No, no, no, no. so then it was almost like he, I think it was my first experience with love bombing. Cause I was like, I was like, wait, this is going so well. Like, maybe this what it is, what it means when it's going well with a guydeh. He's just so into me and like, we're, already had done a second date and like, we were trying to plan a third date, but then he, like, starts pulling away and, like, getting weird and, like, not responding as much. And I was like, okay, what the frick? You literally were obsessed with me for, like, the last few weeks. And so then we had a phone call and I'm like, if he really didn't like me, though, like, he, this is where I'm saying, like, something is messed up in his head. Cause like, if he really didn't want to continue with me, he would have just cut things off or ghosted me or something. But instead he, like, entertained me asking if we can just get on a phone calls to, like, because I was like, maybe we're just not understanding stuff over text. Like, maybe stuff is getting misconstrued. So I remember I was at home and I just called him and I was like, is everything good? Like, what's going on? Like, what are we doing here? Like, is this happening or is this not happening? And I don't even remember. I just remember being extremely confused. And that's exactly probably what they want. Like, they still want the drama. They still want to be in touch with you. But I don't know. I don't know. See? Crazy. I don't know what the fuck he was doing. I should have known though, already from the first red flag at the first date and from that conversation that this dude is, like, not somebody that I want to spend my time with. So I should have, if I had known better at the time, just cut it off and been like, hey, lovely to get to know you, but, like, think we're maybe better if we split ways. And I didn't, you know what I did instead of that, I was like, no, surely something must be wrong. I think if we talk in person that it will be better. And then instead of him offering to take me somewhere. I said, why don't you just come over to my apartment? We'll just watch some tv. It'll be super chill. Like, no. No expectations. Like, just, like, let's just hang out. Like, it's chill. Why? Why? Why did I offer that? Like, why? Big mistake. Big, huge, freaky mistake. So he brought a pizza, which was nice, I guess, and five minutes into us hanging out, you know, like, he wanted me to do something, and I was like, no. What the fuck? I don't even barely know you still. Why would I do that? Like, especially after the conversation we just had? Like, and this is, like, the first thing that we're, you know, this is, like, five minutes into us, like, chatting again. I was like, no. Like, I don't think I'm gonna do that. Which, by the way. By the way, very, very proud of myself in that moment. Because normally I would have just, like, gone along with it out of fear, and I said no. And I was like, I don't even know. Like, I don't know what came over me. I just had, like, a burst of, like, adrenaline and confidence in that moment. I don't even know if you would call it confidence. But I was just like, because it's scary. I invited this man into my home, and I don't know how he's gonna react if I say that. So I was like, no. Like, I was honestly kind of pissed that he asked that because I was like, dude, I don't even know you like that. Like, I don't. Like, that's not happening right now. Like, no. And so after I said no, he freaked out. He, like, stomped around, walked into my kitchen, which was only, like, 5ft away from the couch, and started yelling at me. And I don't even remember what he yelled because I was, like, already dissociating. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God. There's this angry man in my apartment, and I'm alone. Like, this is so scary. And, like, then he just took the pizza and left, which is, I mean, period, slay, take the pizza, whatever. But, like, kind of funny, but also kind of really not, because that was actually so traumatizing for me. And I know, like, in the real, like, in the spectrum of trauma, that's not that, like, traumatizing, but for me, I'm so sensitive. I was like, I'm terrified of this man already. Like, just from him yelling at me in my apartment and, like, storming out and slamming my door. I was like, oh, like, what the hell? Just happened. Like, I just invited this man into my home. Now he knows where I freaking live. And I don't even know this man that well. Like, he's clearly crazy. And I just told him where I live. Now he knows where I live. He's been in my house. And, so then I developed, like, an even worse phobia than I already had about leaving my apartment for the fear that, like, he would just be there or, like, try to, like, break in or, like, I don't know. I don't know what this man is capable of. Like, I don't know. So for the next, like, few weeks to a month, I was, like, terrified that I would run into him or that he would, like, come back and, like, do something. I don't know. I was so scared. So I was always looking for his, car everywhere I went for, like, at least a month after that. Just, scared that he would do something irrational because I was like, I don't know. Like, he just screamed at me in my apartment. Like, what if he comes back and does something worse? Like, I don't know. So eventually he sent me a text that said, and I quote, I literally went back in my photos and looked for this. It said, oh, and just so we're very clear, it's definitely not my fault you had surgery and gained a ton of weight with the middle finger emoji. And I don't think I responded to that. I think I just blocked him because I'm not, like, engaging in that. So I'm pretty sure I just blocked him and, like, went on with my life crying a lot after that, but, like, went on with my life. and I have not spoken to him since. He's blocked everywhere. One of the most lunatic freaks I've ever spoken to. but, yeah, so he said that to me because I think I told him, like, dude, I'm not that comfortable with, like, you know, intimate stuff. Like, because I just had, like, a super major surgery, like, three and a half months ago. And, like, I just, like, I can't be doing, like, I just need, like, a little bit more, like, understanding. And then that's what he sent me. I was like, oh, okay, so this guy really is crazy. Okay. so that was my most recent experience, actually. And I think that put me off of them so bad that I was like, you know what? I'm good. If any of you act like that again towards me, like, I'm done. Like, done. So anyways, those were spooky. Oh, my God. yeah, so I hope that wasn't too traumatizing. I don't know. I don't think that they're that traumatizing. Of course, I, like, didn't spill every single tiny little detail, but, yeah, so those are some spooky dating stories. Have I had any, really, since then? No, because the rest of the guys I've talked to have been, like, nice, so that's not really an issue. And then since then, I talked to one guy here in the Spain. we'll just call him Chad, but he was from Barcelona, so, like, his name was Chad, let's say. And we never met in person, but we did speak for quite a while. but that's the thing. Like, they don't. I'm saying they. Hey, I'm making a generalization, guys. But he never was like, let's go on a date. Like, let me take you somewhere. the most was, I'm tired. Come to my house. And I was like, I'm not doing that. no, I'm not doing that. And then me being like, okay, well, I'll be here this weekend. I don't really care. I don't need it to be formal. But let me know if you're gonna come out with your friends. And then just never. So, obviously, he wasn't that interested. Otherwise he would have been, like, asking me to go somewhere. So that was about it. I mean, it was one of those things where it just strung on, like, way longer than I needed to, but I didn't really care. But also, at the same time, it's like, oh, just, like, the effort that they put in is, like, so low, it's really bad. but there was, like, one really Hawkeye that I matched with on hinge here, but he was just visiting, and that was really sad, because I have not seen Hawkeye on the app since. And he's from France, but lives in Australia, so maybe if he moves back, I'll move to France. I don't know. I'm, joking, but kind of not maybe. I don't know. Anyway, those were my spooky dating stories. Hope you enjoyed, Hope you could at least get a laugh out of my unfortunate experiences, but also learn something from them, please learn, red flags and learn when to remove yourself from the situation. Those are, like, the two biggest takeaways. And don't feel like you're being rude. Don't feel like you're being rude. So I think this segues very nicely into the next topic, which is what I would like, to call a little therapy throwback. And I thought it was super fitting, specifically talking about spooky dating stories. And the last time I was in therapy was, like, exactly a year ago. Like, no joke, like, legit exactly a year ago. the last year has flown by, but thankfully, I have not really felt the need to go to therapy, nor have I really had the budget to go. but I stopped going to therapy when I dropped my us job last year and, like, quit and switched to my spanish job. So it was, like, exactly a year ago that I stopped going to therapy. But I thought I would review my notes from my therapist last fall, and we could kind of take some time to learn and have, like, a little therapy session. So I sought out this therapist last year, in specific, because I had so many fears of dating, and she specialized in that, like, dating and relationships and intimacy. So I just wanted to share some advice that she gave me. so when we first started meeting, she kind of prefaced with, like, the aim is not to go from dating is scary to dating is super awesome. We were aiming for neutrality so there's no, like, intense emotions one way or the other. We're feeling very neutral, very cool and calm, just very in our comfort zone. She asked, for example, like, we started to work on just kind of, like, some thoughts and, like, reflecting at first. So she asked, how can a guy express interest in me in a way that would feel neutral and non threatening? And I was like, oh, never thought of that before. I don't know if there is a way that that could happen. So she's like, okay, now let's work on that. but honestly, even to this day, if I were to answer the same question, I don't know. I don't know if I can give a specific answer because there's so much nuance that goes into it. Like the situation where you met the guy, how he's talking to you, if you're feeling a mutual vibe between you or if you're not feeling it and he's pursuing you way more than you want. Like, that already feels threatening. So I feel like it's so dependent on the guy in the situation. But in general, as long as they're very respectful and not pushy, I think that's a good rule of them. So our next session, we talked about setting expectations so that you're not leaving anything up to chance or confusion. And this made me feel like I could have a bit more control of the situation because I always felt like I was just leaving everything up to the guy. Like, I didn't get to have any role, in the matter or, you know, decision in the matter. So she's like, just set, expectations beforehand. Like, that's totally fine. If the guy's not into it, then he's not the right one. And I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, I can do this. So anyway, she's like, let's just decide. What are some expectations that you want to set that would make you feel more comfortable going into a date or, like, starting to talk to someone. And the talking stage to me doesn't, like, bother me so much. It's more like, if it ever evolves into, like, in person. Because, again, I'm, like, getting flashbacks to those, like, dating horror stories that I'm, like, afraid something like that is gonna happen again. So I'm just, like, doing everything in my power to, like, avoid it. And so she said, like, setting expectations beforehand can be super helpful. So, like, hey, you know, I'm planning on doing x, y, and z. Or, like, even if you want to make sure that you leave the date at a certain time, like, yeah, I'm so glad we can hang out until blank time, but I have to be up early tomorrow for something. Or you don't even have to have an explanation because, like, really, you shouldn't need one. Like, if you say, I have to leave by 1130 and I'll, And then we can plan a date for next time, like, that's all you need to say. You shouldn't have to have some, like, super lengthy explanation. Like, whenever you say you have to leave, like, should be the answer. And, like, period. That's it. But you can obviously say, you know, a little bit more if you feel comfortable, but, like, you shouldn't need to, like, no is a complete sentence. I have to go as a complete sentence. It was lovely to see you, but I have to go at this time. Like, sorry, I would love to stay longer, but, like, let's just plan another time. That is a fully normal conversation. And if the guy can't respect that, then that just tells you right there off the bat, like, right away, that that's nothing going to work because you don't want to continue down a path with somebody that can't even respect your boundaries. As simple as leaving at a certain time on the first date. Like, that's crazy. You can only imagine how worse it gets if they don't even respect you just needing to leave by a certain time on the first date. They should be more than glad that you're already like, hey, I love hanging out with you, but, like, let's just, you know, instead of staying longer, like, plan another time. That's how it should go. If you are needing to set a boundary of, like, I'm just using. You can only stay until blank time as an example, but you can set a lot of boundaries. Like, maybe you don't drink. And you're like, hey, I really want to have fun with you, but I don't drink. So if that's something that's super important to you, maybe we're not a good match. Or, like, is that okay with you? Just so that you don't show up to the date and it feels, like, kind of, jolty or, like, unexpected. You know what I mean? Like, they might have a totally different idea of the date than you will. So it's just setting expectations beforehand so that you can both have a good time and not have, like, any mismatched expectations about how it's gonna go. So that's what she talked about with me, and I was like, oh, wait, I really like that. Like, it doesn't feel weird to me to say what I need from the date or what I would like to do in the date. For me to feel comfortable, that should be a very normal thing. But I think in our generation, like, everybody's just so, like, they just tiptoe toe around. Like, they don't want to seem, like, demanding or naggy or awkward or weird, that they're just like, yeah, no, whatever. No whatever. Like, it's cool. It's cool. Like, just say what you need or what you prefer. Like, it's fine. You're not being rude. You're not being pushy. It's fine to set a boundary and an expectation, especially beforehand. Then we started talking about working on shame and embarrassment and terror and unsafety. So those we identified as kind of four areas that I was worried about in, like, in life in general, but, like, especially in dating. So then she suggested that I work on exposure therapy with platonic male friends first rather than with, like, a romantic person, because then I can just practice not feeling scared of men in a platonic setting rather than a romantic setting because it, like, removes a level of intensity, if that makes sense. And then we were talking about social stories and social constructs, which I wish I could remember more about what we talked about during that specific session because I felt like it was really good. And I remember being like, oh, social stories. Like, I never heard that before. but I only have what I wrote down for my notes, so I don't remember everything, but we were talking about, like, is it a rule? Or if it's a fact? And if it's a rule, whose rule is it? So I think we were talking about social stories, like, what's generally expected or told to us as, like, what's the normal? But that doesn't have to be a rule. And if it's a rule, like, does it have to be something you follow, or can you do something different that makes you feel more comfortable? So that was what we were talking about, and I was like, oh, I like that. Like, I can take a social story or a social construct that I don't really like and kind of break it down and be like, okay, what can I change about this that's in a reasonable way to make me maybe feel a bit better about it if I want to do it in a slightly different way. And then we also talked about what was the reason behind me feeling uncomfortable. So, like, working on my fear meter or, like, my fear scale and identifying if some of these fears I'm having are, like, actually being unsafe and actually feeling, like, refeeling trauma, or am I just having a dysregulated nervous system? So she was saying, like, we don't want to lose that fear meter, but we don't want you to go all the way to, like, super scared every time. We have to, like, figure out in these situations where you're feeling scared or uncomfortable. Like, where are we on this fear meter? Like, are we actually in danger, or are we just, like, a bit uncomfortable? And we need to maybe, like, do some grounding exercises to make you feel more comfortable and not freak out. But she's like, we don't want to lose that, but we just need to, like, refine it a little bit and, like, figure out when you should be truly scared and when you should just, like, work on grounding exercises, which sounds so simple, but it actually does take some work. And then, we talked about which grounding strategies that I could implement that wouldn't be super disruptive. But, like, let's say I was on a date and I'm getting super freaked out for some reason. I could do breath work. So that's pretty not noticeable at the table. Like, if you just want to start noticing, like, oh, maybe I'm not breathing as deeply. Like, you can just sit at the table and, like, it doesn't have to interrupt conversation. You can just kind of, in the back of your head, be like, okay, like, let's just regulate a bit, take a little bit deeper breaths. Like, it can be pretty under, like, the radar. also just remembering affirmations in your head. bilateral tapping. Like, you could do it under the table on your legs, even if you need to do that. Just, like some fidgeting, tapping. visualization. I would say visualization is probably best done not literally during the date, but, like, maybe before or after. And then she said, I can literally excuse myself from the date for a few minutes if I don't feel comfortable. And this is all talking about, like, me if I was having extreme, like, reactions to my own fear and nervous system during the date. I've never had this happen in real life. This is all theoretical, but it's, like, preparing me with the tools if that were to happen during a date so that I don't freak out. but I've never had this happen. I haven't really put it into practice either, but I don't think that this would happen realistically. But it was more so to bring the fear level down. Let's just go into the date with tools so that if something does feel scary, I have tools to work on it so that I don't freak out in the middle of the date, if that makes sense, because the date could be going perfectly fine, and it's just me freaking out. You know what I mean? So she also gave me the recommendation, kind of like we were talking about with setting expectations, but to let people know early and often. Early and often. Those were the words she used. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I can let people know stuff. but it's so true. Like, just let people know how you're feeling. Like, people can't mind readdez. if you're truly feeling uncomfortable, like, it's only fair for you to voice it and, like, let people know how you feel. So you could always just say, like, hey, like, you can. You can even preface with the expectation before the date. Like, hey, it's been a while since I've dated. Like, I'm, just gonna see how it goes. But, like, I don't want to put a lot of expectation or pressure on this date. Like, how do you feel about it being pretty casual, and then if you're on the date, just being like, sorry, I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed. Like, don't want to ruin the vibe here, but, like, just letting you know, maybe I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. And, like, if they're a truly understanding person, like, they should be completely fine with that. If they start getting weird that you are saying that you're feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed, then they're not the person for you. So, like, these are easy ways to also weed out somebody that would not be a good match for you too, if that. Or if you get what I mean. Again, we were still talking about, like, I still need to trust and understand my genuine fear. We don't want to erase genuine fear because that is still a response that you need to keep yourself safe, but you don't want to, like, over rely on your fear response or you're just never going to go on a date ever again in your whole life, which is kind of where I'm still at. but she did say it's okay to honor yourself and how you feel. Don't ignore your body and the feelings that you're having. Just, again, you can use the grounding techniques. excuse yourself to the bathroom for a couple minutes. Like, that's not really weird if you just say, I have to go to the bathroom. Like, they don't have to know anything different because a lot of my concern is, like, I don't want to seem, quote unquote weird if I'm feeling uncomfortable on the date. But also, that was part of the reason that we were trying to work on, like, set expectations early. Like, let them know maybe you might be a bit, like, uncomfortable and they should be okay with that. And then on the date, like, if they're getting weird about it, then they're not your person. So it's also fine. Like, that's fine as a result. But it's just good to know that, like, maybe they're not your person if they're, like, getting weirded out by you needing a little extra, I don't know, accommodation. so then the last session that we had that I had, like, you know, extensive notes on was just that it's okay to be direct. It doesn't mean you're being rude or mean. Because at the end of the day, it's better to be clear and communicate and, like, again, letting them know early and often how you're feeling so that there's no confusion, there's no miscommunication, there's no mismanaged expectations. So it's always better to just, like, a little bit over communicate and just be pretty honest with how you're feeling. and then it's okay to be genuinely curious about the other person. Like, don't feel weird about asking them questions. And if you, I think this obviously probably isn't going to happen on a first date. But if you start going on 2nd, third and fourth 5th dates and you want to start asking more deep questions to actually get to know this person. She said it's okay to preface a really kind of intense or scary question because I'm not saying scary as in this question itself is scary, but it might just feel scary to ask it. But she says you can always preface a scary question with a vulnerability before asking it. Maybe offering a little bit of it, of the answer for yourself first and then just saying like, yeah, I would love to know a little bit about that, about you. So you're like, offering just a little bit first as like an offering of vulnerability because, you know, and it's like you acknowledging that it's kind of an uncomfortable and a big question to ask. So for me, it was always like, I don't really know, like, when is it okay to, like, go past a certain level of vulnerability, especially when it comes to intimacy and, like, asking if people are getting tested. I have had a huge fear of that. And she's like, her and my previous therapist are both like, what do you mean? Why is it like, just ask? I mean, my previous therapist was a bit more understanding. She's like, no, that is a big, scary question to ask. But, like, here's why you should ask it and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable. But my previous therapist was like, what do you mean? She was like, what do you mean it's scary to ask? I was like, yeah, it's scary to ask that. Like, it's scary. And she's like, does your generation not ask that for every partner? And I was like, no. People hook up on a random night all the time. Like, people hook up without asking that all the time. yeah, like, you should. But do people know? And she's like, what do you mean people don't ask? So sometimes I wonder. I'm like, was she fully in touch with our generation? Because I'm like, I don't think any generation has ever asked that, like, on a regular basis. I don't think that's something that's ever been, like, a common practice for some communities and some people, yes. But, like, in general, no. So I've had to work on even just getting the courage to ask that. But now I'm like, okay, if you want to be with someone, and if they want to be with you, they should be 1 million, thousand percent okay with you asking that question. And I always tell my friends this, or like, I don't know. I've talked about this with my friends recently, like, not in specific to, like, std testing or anything like that, but, if you want to ask someone something that feels uncomfortable, but it's something that they get defensive about, that's a red flag in itself. So I even think about this for, like, let's, for example, when I go to the nail salon, I'm such a germaphobe, and I know there's certain standards of cleanliness and infection control between patients and clients, that there's a certain standard that they need to have to make sure that there's no cross contamination between tools and patients. And, like, pedicure tubs and, like, files and whatever, all the tools that are used in a nail salon, they should. I don't know if it's exactly the same in Spain, but I know in, like, Minnesota and in the US, like, I remember there was a significant point in time where, like, maybe some new laws were put into effect where, like, all of the tools had to be cleaned with, like, I think it's like, an ultrasonic, like, uv cleaner. And then they get repackaged into disposable, like, sealed packages so that, you know, each time that you're, like, sitting down for, like, a manicure or pedicure, they're, like, opening the new sealed package in front of you so that you know that they're cleaned and new. So that's something that, like, let's say, for example, if you're nervous to go to a new nail salon, you should not feel uncomfortable to ask, like, oh, how do you clean the tools between clients? It might feel a bit rude like, that. You're assuming that maybe they don't clean them well enough, but if they clean them properly, they should be more than happy to tell you exactly how they do it, there should be no defensiveness. If you ask them that question, they should be more than happy to be like, oh, my gosh, like, thank you for asking. We do it this way, this way, this way. Like, is that a good, for you? That should be how they answer the question. If they have truly, like, checked the boxes and been doing it right, if they are defensive, if they are mad at you for asking the question, for clarity, for you to feel safe, to accept their services, to do something with someone, it doesn't matter what the engagement is, but if you're asking a question, I'm just using the nail salon as one example. But this can be applied to, like, so many scenarios in life. But if you're asking someone to maybe clarify something for you or give you a bit of reassurance, and they get defensive. That is a huge red flag. So I've learned that. And this can also apply to asking somebody about STD testing. If you say, like, hey, like, can we get STD tested? Like, we'll both, you know, do it before we engage with each other, then they should be more than happy to at least tell you when's the last time they did it, what their results were, when they can go do it again. Like, there should be no issue of you asking that, at all. If somebody asked me, I would be like, 100%. Like, here's my last results. Like, let's go and pick a day when we can both go again. It's not that big of a deal. Like, I think just removing some of the stigma of these questions is a big part of it, because, like, everyone feels so embarrassed to ask, but you shouldn't be embarrassed to ask because it's a normal thing to ask. It's very healthy and respectful to ask, and you should not be defensive. If somebody asks you or, like, the person you're asking if they're defensive, that's a red flag. That means that they're feeling defensive, that they haven't been doing something that they probably should be doing. that they're embarrassed to tell you something. Of course, it's an uncomfortable question. Not everybody's gonna respond and be like, yay, like, my favorite topic, let's talk about it. Like, that's also not the response that you should expect. But if somebody's getting really weird about it, then that tells you kind of all you need to know. So I have learned that in the last year, especially, and I think it's really good to practice maybe asking those uncomfortable questions, because just because you ask it doesn't mean that you're being rude or pushy or too assertive or anything. It's just a question. It's just a question. And the way that the other person responds can tell you pretty much all you need to know. It doesn't even really matter what their answer is. It's kind of like, how they respond is what their answer is, if that makes sense. so I would say that's a big takeaway as well. So trust your fear, but make sure you're not completely, like, missing everything in between and just going to, like, extreme fight or flight fear every time. Like, you need to work on the gray area of, like, maybe I'm just feeling a bit dysregulated. Like, what can I do to help? Like, ground myself? What techniques can I do, And how can I communicate with someone to let them know how I'm feeling? And how can I feel better about that and not feel like I'm being, you know, weird or rude or whatever society might say? So I have had to think about that a lot the last year. I think I've come a long way. Just, like, I don't know. I think what I do, I never really followed a proper exposure and response therapy protocol because when I was working on that for OCD, I remember reading the exposure and response protocol protocol, and being like, I think for me, it's placing too much emphasis on the fact that I'm scared. So what I do is I kind of, like, consciously, but subconsciously just, like, add these things into my daily life without thinking about it much. And I don't really know how to explain how I do it because I just kind of, like. It's almost like a decision that I don't really make. I just kind of do it and, like, do it quick and don't really think about it, and I don't make it a big deal. I think, for me, exposure and response therapy sometimes makes it too big of a deal, and then you almost reinforce the fear. At least that's how it's felt for me. Like, I know this is not about OCD, this episode, but it kind of applies because, like, I'm going. I'm basically doing exposure therapy for dating, and I still do it for OCD in my daily life, but I couldn't even touch, like, a cereal box or something that I bought from the store, even after I disinfected it, because this was during COVID times. Even after I had disinfected it, I couldn't even touch it to, like, let's just say, pour myself a bowl of cereal and pour myself the milk on it without washing my hands after because I felt so disgusting and contaminated from touching something that, like, came from outside my house. So I had to start eventually. Just like, I don't know. I just would be like, okay, just pour the bowl in cereal and just don't think about it. Like, your hands are clean. It's fine. I. Fine. It's fine. And I don't know. I wouldn't, like, be like, okay, today's the day I'm going to touch the bowl or touch the cereal box and not think about it. Like, putting that much emphasis on, like, today's the day I'm gonna touch the cereal box. Like, that was putting way too much pressure on it, and I was like, it would almost freak me out more thinking about the fact that I had to do it. So it'll almost be on the fly that I do these things that I'll just kind of, like. It's kind of like sticking your toe into, like, freezing cold water, and you're just like, ah. I did it. Okay. Like, you just do it quick, and then you move on. Because I think putting too much emphasis on it, like, reaffirms, my fear. And if I just do it and, like, move on quickly to another task, I forget about what I just did. And then over time, I'm like, oh, see, remember, I did that, and it wasn't that big of a deal. So for me, I kind of like to do these things, like, sort of subconsciously, like, on the fly, so that I'm not focusing on it so much, if that makes sense. so I've kind of put these things into practice in general in my life, like, but not really in a dating sense. I think a lot of these things can be applied to, like, friendships, work, relationships, just in general, like, setting boundaries in your life. So, anyway, that was kind of a long therapy throwback, but I hope you enjoyed. I'm happy to do other therapy throwbacks in the future from, like, other therapists that I've worked with in the past. Like, maybe my therapist that I worked on the most with OCD, or, like, my therapist that I worked on with, like, binge eating and weight loss. I kind of enjoyed that. It was, like, nice to review my notes and kind of see what I learned. Anyway, so, moving on, let's talk about pop culture and trends. So the Victoria's Secret fashion show was this past week, and I kind of, like, had no idea they were doing it until, like, the day before, and I was like, oh, the versus fashion show's coming back. Okay. Kind of random. I don't really know what sparked them bringing it back. It kind of seemed a bit arbitrary and random, and it was, like, just after fashion month. So I'm like, were they trying to, like, scoot in with the fashion month? Fashion shows? Like, I don't know. I don't really know why they chose October, when in history or when in past shows. It's always been, like, early December. I don't know. It just felt quite a bit random. Maybe I just didn't see a much, much of the marketing hype leading up to it. But all of a sudden, I was like, oh, the versus fashion show is, like, tomorrow. What? You know, it was kind of, like, okay, like, cool. I guess I don't really know why they just chose, like, six years or whatever, six years or something later to, like, do it again. But I was like, all right, cool. so I watched it. Loved the models, but they were definitely missing energy. I think, like, Adriana Lima and maybe Gigi, I felt like, were the ones that really gave, like, a lot of, like, energy. Like, you know, when you're thinking of the B's fashion show, it's usually, like, they're, like, blowing kisses, they're waving, like, they're, like, really high energy, and I just feel like all the models were, like, so low energy, and it just wasn't really, like, giving. Super exciting. And then the stage flooring looked so cheap. Dousencros m lost her footing again. Like, her shoe got stuck in the stage flooring. It was just wobbly and super cheap looking. So didn't love the stage floor. What was up with the zigzagging? I did not enjoy the zigzagging at all. I felt like it was super, especially the way that they filmed it in the live stream. Like, it was just not. It was like they had a hard time getting people on camera. So there was, like, Jasmine tooks only got, like, 3 seconds of camera time. Like, just the models did not get their fair share of camera time, I feel like. So it was just weird. I don't know why they did the freaking zigzagging. That was weird. loved the music in the beginning, like, feminine nominon and stuff like that. But then just as the show went on, I was like, what? This music is not giving, like, for me, anyway, in my opinion, not really, like, fashion show vibe. I want. I mean, I've been obsessed with brazilian funk and all the edits on TikTok with brazilian funk over the model's walks, like, for me, hit so much harder than, like, rock music or, like, I don't know. I love Tyla, but I feel like it's too soft and slow for, like, a Runway. I don't know. Although I think Tyla, like, looked so good. Her walk was so good. I mean, her music is very good, but, for me, it just is not, like, Runway vibe. Yeah. Why can't they just use brazilian funk, like, on the Runway? I mean, I know it's kind of, like, a little bit, like, silly hehe. As well like, it. It's not as serious, I think, as, like, some of the other music. And I think if it was, like, the people in the audience, I don't know. I would just be curious to see an actual fashion show Runway with brazilian funk, like, as the music in real time. I think it would be very good, but maybe it's just only good for TikTok edits. I don't know. and I don't mind the live stream. Like, it is kind of fun to see stuff in real time, but it takes a lot of finessing to make a livestream look as good as, like, a pre recorded and edited show. And that's what they've done in the past. I don't really know. Again, like, I don't know why they made some of the decisions that they made this time, especially when they've had so many years to, like, prepare. but they did a live stream, and I'm not, like, really sure why they chose to do a live stream for this one. I mean, it was fun to see the interviews and stuff in the beginning, but you can still do all of that and do it pre recorded and, like, make it really nice. So I don't really know what the purpose of the live stream was. And then what else? Oh, I mean, in general, the TikTok edits eat so much harder than the actual show. The edits. Like, I was loving the edits. They were so good. and then Alex Konsani is always my favorite, so loved to see her on the Runway, but it just wasn't really, like, exciting me. The whole show wasn't really, like, exciting me. I mean, the models were great. Like, I'm sure they were told to walk a certain way. Like, the music gives a certain vibe as well. So maybe, like, that was why. I don't know. I don't freaking know. But I wasn't like, oh, my God, the Victoria's Secret fashion show. Like, oh, my God. Like, for a little bit, yeah. Ah, I guess. I don't know. Just the whole show in general, though, kind of, like, yawn. Not. Not really sure why they made some of the decisions that they made as far as, like, set design, some of the wings. Like, why did they put Adriana Lima in that outfit? Out of all the outfits they have, they put her in that. Also, what was up with, like, the excessive amount of leggings on people? I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, not. Didn't really hit like I would have hoped. also on TikTok, I've been seeing just an insane amount of, like, ariana on SNL from last Saturday. the only skit that I found was super funny was Bachelorette espresso, which is when, like, Marcelo Hernandez comes in at the end, and he's, like, direct from Domingo. That was hilarious. And I think I've listened to the entire song, like, at least five times this week, and I really hope that they put it on Spotify or something. It was so funny. and then some of my favorite Halloween costumes that I've been seeing on TikTok already, which I love, because I feel like if everybody waits till, like, the last week of October, it's, like, just costume overload, which also I love. Maybe I'll put together, like, a super edit of all my favorite costumes on TikTok that I see, because I did that last year, and I really loved it. Like, it's just so fun to see how creative everyone is. And, like, dressing up on for Halloween used to be fun in the past, but I feel like it's even more fun with TikTok audios because you can pull the audios directly from whatever you're referencing and make videos, and it's so much better with the audio. It's so much better than just a picture of you in the costume. So I'll play them here for you, and if you're listening, I guess enjoy the audio, but it's probably funnier with the actual video. but I love. Yeah, you know, I don't need to explain it. I'll just play them back to back, and you guys will. You'll get it. It's so funny. No, you're a full grown man. I'm a baby. I have no money. I can pay you in blocks. Well, mine's Lola. Come on, Mandy. Get your game face on. Tonka and I just found each other, and Tonka loved me as much as I love Tonka. They are selling chocolates, chocolates, chocolates. What they are selling, they are selling chocolate. I remember when they invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it. Where is your rope, Ignacio? It was stinky, but these are my recreation clothes. So goals for the upcoming week, I wanted to give a little update on my sleep schedule. I think I need, like, 9 hours of sleep per night. I'm not kidding. I don't know if it's something, like, just about me. Like, I think I do definitely have chronic fatigue from just the way my body is set up and the autoimmune diseases that I have, but I think I need a, like, legit 9 hours of sleep per night because lately I've been trying to get away with, like, six or seven, and it is just not enough and even when I get eight, I'm still tired so I think I might need nine. Let's just try nine and see how it goes. So I need to be in bed by like 930. I don't need to be asleep, but I need to be like in bed by 930 at the latest. Which is kind of crazy because, that means I can't really go out to dinner much during the week if I'm really gonna try and stick to that schedule. So I really am just gonna be like working and then going to bed during the week. So boring. I can make exceptions, obviously, but like for the immediate short term I need to like really get a handle on it. So I need to like stick to a routine and I need to start wearing my Garmin venue s s two or two s again like my smartwatch. It's been sitting in my electronics drawer and I just haven't charged it for months. So I really should be wearing that and like tracking my sleep and, and doing all of that because that's why I bought it in the first place. And I bought it to help encourage me to walk more and like track my steps. And I haven't been wearing it. That's not very good. So I need to wear my garment and like actually be in bed by 930. And then I have to finish making my Halloween costume this week because I have a little surprise for you guys next episode and you'll be able to see my Halloween costume and I'm very, very excited for it this year. So I'm just in general very excited for the next episode because the next episode will come out one day before Halloween. So it'll be like my Halloween special and I'm really excited. Maybe wait, maybe this is kind of a good idea. Like maybe I'll get some like of the traditional like catalan Halloween stuff to eat during the episode and we'll do like a little taste test. That could be fun. So I'll have to keep an eye out for that this week. but yeah, I'm really looking forward to that. But I just have to finish, making the outfit and then I'll show you next week. So that was it. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and getting into the spooky mood. I'm gonna be watching my spooky movies this week. So let me know in the comments what movies that you guys are gonna watch before Halloween and like what your Halloween traditions are and I will see you on the next episode. Have a great rest of your week. Bye.