Reasonably Certain
Welcome to Reasonably Certain with Ellen Larson!
Ellen covers topics she has learned about throughout her 20's such as mental health, body image, makeup, fashion, and living abroad.
Ellen offers insights and tips to promote emotional well-being, encourage self-acceptance and confidence, perfecting your makeup routine, and advice about living abroad. Overall, Reasonably Certain provides a comprehensive approach to self-care, confidence, and empowerment.
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Reasonably Certain
Everybody Has Commitment Issues!
EP #25: In her 25th inaugural episode, Ellen recaps her weekend skipping around town in Barcelona, wondering why people have commitment issues, and discussing an in-depth review of the first 30 episodes of season 1 of Pokemon.
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Hey, guys. Welcome back to Reasonably Certain. My name is Ellen. This is episode 25. Oh my God, I've made it to 25. That means I'm halfway to the point in which they can call a podcast successful, which I believe is 51 episodes. So I'm just about halfway there, guys. I can't believe it's already been 25 episodes. I think the next episode is gonna come out on Christmas, so I'll do a little Christmas special and then the following episode is gonna come out right around New Year's. So I'll do a little like 24 wrapped episode and then we're gonna be in 2025. I can't believe it. The time has absolutely flown by, but I just can't believe I'm at episode 25. Oh my God. Like, when I first started this podcast, I did not, like, I didn't think that I couldn't make it, but I was just like, oh boy. Like, what am I signing myself up for? It's just a lot of commitment. However, I really enjoy it. So it hasn't felt like a lot of work. I mean, yes, it's a lot of work, but it hasn't felt like, very hard on me. Uh, which I thought maybe it would. But to be honest, this has been like one of the easiest things to commit to in my life, which is great. So episode 25. Woo. I'm having a little party for myself. W. Okay. So, uh, it has been very busy as far as, like, my regular job the past couple weeks. Uh, yeah, I've just been busier than I would have thought. I kind of thought after Thanksgiving that everybody was justnn kind of like, check out for the rest of the year. Uh, that has not been the case. If anything, my job has gotten extremely, much more busier since Thanksgiving because I think everybody was like, oh crap, Thanksgiving just happened. That means we only have like one month until everybody's out of office, so we need to like, you know, chop, chop, get stuff done before the end of the year. So that's what's been going on for me. Um, but overall it's been good. Ve. You know, I don't really mind being busier because to be honest, it's, uh, a lot easier for me to do my job when I'm busier because I never have time to sit idle. That was the same thing for me when I was in college. I was actually way more productive when I was like, super, super busy. I tend to struggle when I have downtime. Like, I kind of. My dad actually Made a good analogy at one point. It was like. And he was making the analogy in comparison to physical exertion. But I think this also applies to me in my mental and emotional exertion as well. Is like he compared it to that we're kind of like a semi trucks. Like we're not really like that speedy. Like as in like a sprinter. Like he. I think he was talking to me as far as like in working out, like you need a we. He was saying we, like as in our family. I don't know how much truth there is to this, but I think there is some truth based on what I've noticed with myself anyway. Like, I'm not somebody that is that quick to just like jump up and go. I'm not super speedy. But once I have a good warm up in, I can go for a pretty long time as far as like working out goes or whatever. Like the warm up part for me is the worst part. Like just getting started, like starting your engine, metaphorically. Getting going, getting to practice, getting to the gym, doing the first 20 minutes of whatever you're doing sucks so bad. It sucks. But once you're like revved up, like operating at a new level, then it's like super easy for me to maintain it. But it's like the changing from like being sedentary to going to, you know, being like whether I'm like raising my heart rate, going on a walk, going on a run, going to the gym, going to volleyball practice, going to basketball practice, whatever I was doing. So hard to start, but really easy for me to continue. I'm very mentally tough in the sense that I will push past a lot of mental barriers. But the toughest mental barrier for me is the one in the very beginning. So once I get past the first hurdle, it's like much easier for me. I don't really know why I just started rambling about that. Oh yeah, it's because I think it applies kind of to what I was saying, like for today's episode, like, oh, and for work, um, because not just in physical exertion do I feel that way. I feel that way with work as well. Like when I was in college, I would operate just better in all areas of my life if I was just generally busier because I wouldn't have so many like downt times. It was just kind of always upime, you know what I mean? And so that's how I feel with work in my normal life as an adult as well. Like if I'm just like busier with things to keep me going, I don't have a chance to really, like, slow down and kind of get sluggish because the starting up and going fast again is, like, the hardest part for me. I don't know if anybody can relate to what I just said, but I relate to that so much. Like, I feel like I'm a semi truck in all aspects of life, which is also kind of funny and very fitting because my dad is a literal semi mechanic. But, like, I just. I'm not a sports car. I'm not somebody that's just like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and like, high energy all the time. It takes me a long time to get going, but once I'm there, I can maintain it for a long time. Um, and I feel that I have a pretty good balance and knowledge of my limits. Once I'm doing something difficult, whether it's regular remote work or exercising or whatever it is, you can apply it to different things. So I thought that was kind of applicable because I've been super busy recently. But also the topic of today's episode is everybody has commitment issues. And I feel that this can be a big reason to that. So if anybody relates to me in the semi truck analogy, I think that could be a big reason why everybody has commitment issues. Especially. I think I'm going to talk about it more obviously. But, like, particularly, I've noticed this since COVID Maybe I just wasn't really as much aware of it before COVID because I was also significantly younger as well. Like, Covid started almost five years ago now. That's crazy. Like, I literally measure my life in, like, pre Covid, post Covid. Like, yeah, I'm sure most of us do. So my life pre Covid was just so different because I was, like, 25 when it started. 24. 25. And now I'm almost 30. So, like, that's. You learn a lot in those years. You know what I mean? Like, I've changed a lot in the last five years, which is, wow. Oh, my God. I've never really thought about it yet because I think we all keep thinking, like, oh, Covid was just, like, right behind us, uh, blah, blah, blah. But now it's going to be a five years. Well, it basically is five years because it started in 2019. So, yeah, I mean, if I reflect on where I was five years ago, I was in Arizona. I was 24. I was going to therapy for the first time for, like, extreme anxiety and agorahobia. I was trying to date and had a terrible date that traumatized me and made me, like, terrified of men. I. Yeah, that was. That was when I remember the fall and winter of 2019. That's like what sticks out to me in my mind. Um, yep, that was about it. So I've come a long way since then. Um, and yeah, so before I get into all of that, what have I been up to over the past week? Let's pull up my 365 day calendar again. Oh yeah, I went and got ramen with my friend Marley last Friday. That was pretty good. Although I felt that the ramen was a bit. It could have used more flavor, but it was still good overall. Like, I still enjoyed it. Um, on Saturday I went to this Shein District event with my friend Tally. And I don't really love Shein. I don't really like to support Shehan, but I was like, you know what, I'm curious enough. I'll go because I don't know what is it like, I'm curious. I want to know what it is. So honestly, just from looking it up, like, I would have never known it existed if she didn't see, like she saw a sponsored Instagram story, like between stories, and it was like, by Shehan. Like, that was one of the ways that they were getting the word out, I guess. Um, but it was ran by a company called Fever, who I had never heard of before either. And I didn't really see any content about it other than that. Like, even when I looked at the website, it didn't have any photos of what it should possibly look like. So I was really like, I have no idea what to expect. But it did have a description and it was like, there will be five, you know, areas within this Shein district, which is supposed to be like essentially kind of like a Christmas market. Um, but the point is that you can like use the Shein app to get discounts and buy some of the clothes there. So within the areas of the Shein district, they were going toa have some different, like vibes or brands of clothing there. And they were also going to have like some other activities going on. Like they had some food trucks and a Harry Potter photo booth and a guy spray painting on a shipping container. But it was at Fied Monui and it was like in one of the giant warehouse buildings next to plus Espia. So it was just an empty warehouse that they filled with stuff. I should actually all include some of the clips here if you guys are curious. Because it was bad. It was so bad. It was probably one of the worst events I've ever been to. Like on the way there I was like, oh, duh, let me look at the Shein Spain Instagram account to see if they've posted anything recently. Because we went on like the second day that it was open, I believe u. Um, so I was assuming like they must have already posted some sort of content about it so we could like get a sense of what it would be. Um, first of all, we got there at 1pm which was a few hours after it started. Although I get maybe it was a bit early in the day. So like, to be fair, I don't know if it got more full later in the day. We were there in the afternoon so like I have no idea. Maybe it was a more pop in later in the day, I don't know. But anyways, there was like no one there when we went. I think there was like maybe 20 or 30 other people in the whole warehouse that were other customers or like guests, everybody else there was employees, paid influencers that were there to like promote the event and try and get people to come or characters. Um, what? So it's supposed to be like a shean city. It's supposed to be like a, ah, city district. Like that was the vibe of the look of it, right? There was like a conical Christmas tree in the middle that said Shehan and Clarna or whatever. Like it was also sponsored by Clarna. And then there were like characters. So Tally and I walked in, we were like, okay, okay, like let's see the vibe. We walked to one of the food trucks to like see what they're selling. And I'm not kidding, we had not even been there for five minutes yet. And this guy, like random employee, we didn't even know like that he was an employee. He like runs up to us and he's like laovia lanovar par la. We were like, what the hell are you talking about? The noia. Ah, who. What is. Why is there a bride? Is this. And we were like, is she like, this is a character, right? And then we were like, well, did she like decide to do her wedding here? Is that like a thing? No, no, surely not. So we were like, okay, it's probably a character thing, but like, what does a sad bride singing a song on a piano have to do with like a Christmas market? I don't know. I don't even know if she was part of the event or if she just like showed up in a costume and wanted to sing. Like, I don't know. It was so random. And I'm assuming it was a character because they had one of the employees, like, ran up and was like, stop what you're doing. Like, the. The wife is. Or the bride is gonna sing. And we were like, what? What? We've been here for less than five minutes. What? Um, anyway, so then she sang, like, one really sad song, and then the DJ came back on with, like, reggaaton music, and we were like, like, okay, what the fuck just happened? So then, uh, we decided to wait in line. I just got a drink, and then until I got a bagel. And we were justn toa sit and eat quick because we hadn't eaten yet. And while we're waiting for the bagel, this groom comes up to us with, like, a bouquet of plastic flowers. And we were like, okay, so it's definitely a character thing. Right? Right. But how does that have any. Like, what is the vision? What is the vision here? First of all, it's, like, empty. It's not like. Like, it's a super dead awkward vibe in here. Like, there's not nearly enough people to fill it out for it to be, like, kind of fun. Like, it was so empty. And there was just, like, a few influencers walking around, like, taking tik tooks and stuff to try and promote it. I get what they're doing. I would if I was hired, you know, I'd be doing the same thing, whatever. But the groom comes up to us, and he's like, saying all this in Spanish, but he's like, oh, my bride, she's mad at me. What do I do? What do I say to her? Do you have any quotes from, like, a movie that I can say to her? And we were like, what? Like, we were just trying to play along with it, but we were like, um, u. I was like, maybe if she's mad at you, like, just don't talk to her right now. Like, just go away. And, um, yeah, so he talked to us for, like, a few minutes, and we were like, what the heck was that? Like, is this genuinely part of the district? Because what, uh. What does it have to do with this, like, supposed Christmas market? I'm so confused. So then he leaves, and we're like, all right, then, whatever. We'll just eat. Eat and drink and have a break and. And walk around after. And there wasn't much to walk around. I think it was, you know, it was not very big. It was relatively small. So we walk around. There was, like, a total of, like, five or six food trucks. I didn't end up eating from any of them because they didn't really have much for gluten free options anyways. So I was like, e, do I really want to eat from one of these food trucks that is like not regularly pumping out food? So they might just be giving me something that's like been sitting on a heater for an hour. I don't want that. So I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna get a bottle of a Aquariios, um, like a Gatorade drink and I'll be good. And there was like a cute kids area. There was like a home Christmas decor shopping area in the back. Like, the idea was to like use the Shein app to like scan these different areas and like shop directly from the app. I guess nothing. There was something I would have wanted to purchase personally. It was like kind of. Well, it was like low quality clothing and low quality home decor. Like, I don't really want to buy any of that. Um, but the clothes, I mean, the clothes were cute, but they were just like, well, they were she in quality t. I don't really want to buy them. So, um, they did have some cute clothes there, but yeah, I just wasn't really interested in purchasing anything. So besides the few food trucks and like the little corner for kids and like Christmas decor and the Harry Potter thing, there was just a few clothing racks. Oh, and there was hiding behind one of the clothing racks in the corner like a, uh, makeshift Pilates aerobics gym space for people to work out where no one was working out. So I was just like, like, did they plan this very well in advance? Like, I didn't hear anything about it until Tali sent me that message of the sponsored Instagram story. So I was like, I just don't think they promoted it enough. Uh, also, what was the vision here? Also before we left, because we didn't stay that long, maybe 30 minutes. And most of that was eating the bagl and talking to the groom. So when we were kind of already on our way out, then we see like a surfer dude who was like very clearly dressed up with like a giant neon green surfboard walking around. And that was the last thing that I was like, what is going on? Uh, I so desperately want to speak to whoever was in charge of orchestrating this event because I am not necessarily experienced and making like, event creation and promotion, But I think I could have done a better job because, like, what is the vision? What are you telling people to do? Like, where's the direction of what you're supposed to do? When you enter, it was just. There was no, like, you should go here first, and then you should try this. And then there. It was weird. So, whatever. We tried that. Hey, I'm not mad that we went. Like, I was curious. So, hey, we went. We found out. We were like, okay, what? And then we left. But, uh, lucky for us, across the plaza Spania roundabout, there is a mall, which I've actually never been to. So I got to go to the mall for the first time. That's in, like, the old Pl place Tos building. Um, so we went shopping there for a minute. I just got, like, a white turtleneck from Mango, I believe, which I know I was just shitting on. Shein. Mango is not necessarily any better, but it's a nice turtleneck for layering, so that's my excuse because it's really thin and crappy, so it won't be too warm if I want to layer it under stuff. But I just want the look of, like, the collar to peek out. Um, what else? Then we went to the rooftop and went to on Noudos, which is like, just one of the restaurants on the rooftop there. Ah, really beautiful restaurant, really beautiful view. I got the burger and I asked for it to be gluten free. Like, if they could just put bread on the side or no bun or something. And they were like, oh, we have gluten free, like, roll that we can give to you. And they were so nice. Like, they made, like, they took the allergy seriously. Like, they prepared all the ingredients separately and put them all separately on the plate so that I could, like, prepare the burger how I wanted to prepare it. And I was like, oh, my God, this is so nice. Like, normally. Normally restaurants are not paying this much attention, but it was also not super busy, so they had the time to, like, take, uh, an extra second to pay attention to what I needed. But yeah, so we had a really nice lunch, and then we were headed off to an event at Cactus Botanical Society, which I thought was going to be the same Cactus Botanical Society where I had my podcast launch party back in July. And I was like, that's awesome. I love that place. I had a great time there. I would love to go back and, like, dumb me on the invite. Didn't check the physical address because I don't know, I just. Even when I researched back in July, I never saw a second location. So maybe they created a second location since July, or I just never noticed it to begin with. But we went to a second event, met with my friend Yli So it was the three of us, and we all met at the Cactus location by, uh, Urgel Metro, where I had my party. And I rang the doorbell. It Talian and I walk in, and they were, like, in the middle of their Christmas party. So we, like, accidentally crashed their Christmas party. This guy walked up and he was like, hey, like, who are you? And we were like, oh, we're here for this event. And he's like, oh, that's at the other location. And we were like, the other location? What? So that was a bit shocking, but it made a lot more sense because I had looked at the, um. Because we were going with the Connection Club, um, by Aisha, and I looked at the Connection Club stories, and I was like, why does it look like it's on a mountain? Like, surely that's just a promotional video, right? Like, there's no way. Because Cactus Botanical Society is in the middle of the city, not on a mountain. And then I was like, oh, like, it's on man week. So we just came from Pla Espania. But to be fair, the party was, um, on the backside of Mon week, like, facing the water. So they weren't necessarily close to each other. So we got in a taxi, went up to Cactus S Botanical Society on Mana week. Um, and it's stunning. The location, the venue is stunning. The view is stunning. The vibe was awesome. Like, they had a kada, where they have kats, which is kind of like a giant leek or like a giant onion that you cook on the barbecue and then you eat with KSUT sauce. And, yeah, I didn't eat any, but I saw it for the first time. That was my first Calsoada. And, uh, we just had some wine. Well, I had some wine. And, um, we just enjoyed the vibes and the music for a little bit before we headed back out into town. And, yeah, then I watched the La Joa Badail documentary with Tally at her house after I gave her a haircut. That was fun. And, um, then on Sunday, I went to go get coffee with Zarina and Yoli, and I did a little, like, virtual vision board session, which was fun. Um, yeah, so I did, like, two vision boards. But I think it's kind of nice because when you get, uh. She had, like, a different prompt for us to work on, and it was different from what I did, so I was like, oh, this is nice. I can work on, like, different ideas, and then I'll probably add them together. Um, yeah, so that's what I did. And then, yeah, work this week has Just been really busy and here I am filming. So normally I would have filmed on Sunday, but I decided to do my nails instead. I decided to do this like translucent snowflake blue color. I don't know if that makes sense or like a winter blue, icy blue. Um, I have color, a blue color from Kiara sky that's like a little bit too opaque. So I mixed it with the top coat and from mixed it with milky white from Kiara sky to like make some sort of like a lighter, more translucent color. And um, I actually could have made it less translucent because it took four coats to get to the opacity I wanted. Um, but I am happy with it. I think it's nice. I love this color blue. It's like probably my favorite color blue. My favorite color period. I love this color. And I haven't had blue nails for a while. So that was what I decided to do on Sunday instead of filming the podcast because I don't know. Although it's more ideal for me to film on Sundays, I also wanted to do my nails and either way, like, both processes take quite a lot of time. So I can actually film my podcast a lot faster than I can paint my nails. So I was like, you know what, if I'm goingna take time to do something today, it should actually probably be my nails because doing them during the week is kind of a pain in the butt because it takes like five hours to do them. I wish I was faster, but I've been doing my nails for like 10 years and I'm still not any faster at it. I'm just very slow. So yeah, that was five hours on Sunday doing my nails. And uh, uh, now it's Tuesday and I'm filming this podcast episode. Anyway, that was a super long intro. Let's get into the topic of the day, which is everybody has commitment issues and I need to talk about it. I'm not specifically talking about dating, even though I feel like that's probably what a lot of you think or when you read the title of the episode. Um, but I'm talking about it like in all aspects of life. And this has been something that's been on my mind for a while and I just haven't really like put any notes down to properly talk about it, but where I've noticed it the most, and I'm sure this is not everywhere, but I think this covers most of it. Um, like fear of long term relationships, like mostly having to do with dating, canceling plans with friends or canceling on plans, period. Uh, reluctance to take on major responsibilities and avoiding any sort of like, decisions that require any sort of dedication, whether it be small dedication or a large dedication. I just find that people are very apathetic, which is totally understandable. I'm sure there will be. I'm sure there already are. But I'm sure especially in the coming years, there will be a lot of like, sociological and psychological studies on humans post Covid. Because, duh, uh, obviously there will be, but especially in like, in relation to apathy and low commitment and low motivation. This is just what I've noticed. I think it was always pretty bad, but it's definitely gotten worse since COVID So I just feel like it's maybe something to talk about it because maybe, at least for me, I think it's like we don't really want to like, look at it in the face and recognize it and we're just like, uh, like, let's just get to the next day, uh, push it, like, roll the ball down the hill. Like, let's just keep. I'll do it another day, I'll do it another day. And then all of a sudden like another day never comes and you're like, you haven't seen your friends for six months and like, I don't know, I've just noticed that a lot where it's like, people just get really like overwhelmed with life and they just like want to sit at home. And it's not necessarily anything personal. Well, I know it's uh, it's usually like 100% of the time, usually not personal, but it does end up being a little bit crappy sometimes. If you want to try and get together with friends and people cancel on you, or if you want to try and date seriously and people are just not meeting you where you're at. So that's kind of why I wanted to talk about that topic in today's episode. Um, and I wanted to talk about some examples more in depth. Like with relationships, I feel like it's super obvious and it's obviously no surprise to anyone that we as people have had generally a fear of long term commitments, like for relationships especially. And like, being online has obviously have heavily contributed to this and Covid. So I feel like it's just gotten like worse and worse over time. Um, um. But yeah, everyone feels like the grass is greener somewhere else and like they can just swipe and find the next person to get attention and validation from. So that has been even worse as far as dating goes. Like, I've kind of just given up and I kind of just keep telling myself like I've deleted the apps for a couple months now and it's been such a weight off my shoulders. Oh my God. To just not even have to look and get disappointed by it. It's like great because I just in my heart don't really feel like whoever I'm supposed to be with is that I'm gon toa find on there for some reason. And I don't know if this is just delusion or me pushing it off because I don't want to worry about it right now. Probably a bit of both. For me personally, I just have a feeling that I'mn toa meet them once I feel a bit higher in my career and that I will just be in similar circles as someone and that I will meet them through either like a networking event or a mutual friend. I don't know why I have that strong feeling, but maybe. But anyways, the next one that I noticed like canceling plans with friends. U um, it just feels like pulling teeth to get your own friends to hang out with you sometimes. And it's not just me. Like I or it's not just I feel this way. I also do this. Like I get it. Sometimes life is just too overwhelming and you have people coming at you like, hang out with me, let's do this, let's do this. Uh, and you're like, uh, ah, stop talking to me. Or like I hear on TikTok all the time that people will be like the reason why I don't respond to a text is because as soon as I respond then I know that you're going to respond and then it's just going to sit in my inbox again and then I'm going to have the weight of responding again. So it's like, let me just not respond so that it doesn't have to keep going. Ding, ding, ding. M I get it, I get it. I never used to understand this. Honestly, like I don't like having notifications on my phone, so I still respond to stuff pretty quickly. But ever since getting a WhatsApp and moving to Europe, I don't know what it is. Like I never text that much or I never texted that much in the US Like I really was not a big texter. Uh, I never really have been like a huge texter. Um, um, I mean I enjoy keeping in touch, but I'm not ah ah. Like u uh, uh since I moved here, like if I hear too many dings in a row, I'm like, ah, stop it. Leave me alone. And'it's not that I literally want someone to leave me alone. It's just the like heart racing, like, acknowledgement that like my phone is like, something's here, something's here. Look at it, look at it, look at it. That I'm like, whoa, stop. And then so sometimes I'll be so avoidant from my phone that I like will forget that I have messages there for a while. And that's new to me. I never ever used to do that. Like I used to look at my friends phones. I remember even back in like 2018, 2019, they would sometimes have like 60 plus messages in their inbox in their text messages. And I would be like, are you okay? Like, why do you have that many texts? Uh, first of all, how many people are you texting? That's crazy. I can't imagine more than two or three threads, text message threads going on at one time. Like that's insane. Like 65 threads or something. Like that's crazy. But also, how are you not responding to them? I still to this day never have that many. I don't know, I don't know how many people are people texting. Like that's just too much. I can't, I can't understand it because I've never been there. If I had 65 text messages sitting in my text message app or like WhatsApp or whatever, I probably wouldn't respond either. Cause it would feel sickening to start looking through them all. It's like a personal inbox. It's just something else. Like it's like another job. You have to sit down and like look through. Actually wait, I totally do get it because I'm the worst friend on Tik Tock. I'm so sorry, friends. If you're listening to this, I'm so sorry, but I established this probably like three years ago. Three, four years ago, when everybody was really getting into Tik Took. I was like, hey guys, I really like my own for you page. And I engage with it. But I am not going toa probably respond to Tik Took messages. If you send me a bunch of Tik Tooks, I'm probably not gonna look at them. And it's still to this day, like four years later, I just don't read my TikTok messages. I'm so sorry. Because I know it's something special that you want to like share between you and a friend. I. I keep having it in the back of my hand that it's like headed that it's like something I want to get better at because I do appreciate sharing a funny video between friends. Obviously I freaking love memes. I freaking love the Internet and funny videos. But when I see that I have like 200 plus messages on TikTok messages, I'm like, ah, uh, like I can't, I can't. I'm so sorry. But, uh, one of these days I will, I will sit down. I will, I promise. Because there's a few that I have ve been sitting in the back of my head that I'm like, crap, I need to respond to that. But it is for me one of those things that I keep pushing off. So I, um, empathize with people when they get. It doesn't have to be TikTok specifically, but this is just when friends are asking you something. It could be a TikTok message, a text message, a call, um, an impending hangout, some point in the future that hasn't been planned yet. Maybe you're just like sick to your stomach thinking about it because you don't want to commit to a date or a plan and you're just like, ah, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. And then because you feel that way, it just never happens. So it's always kind of just like looming over you and you don't. You feel like you can't take an action on it, so you're just kind of like, ah, okay, I'll get to it. Uh, ah, like, don't bother me. I'm just a little too overwhelmed. I get it. But also I feel that it's a problem. So that's why I'm talking about it. Um, okay, next one was like being reluctant to take on major responsibilities. I personally see this in myself all the time. I now that I like actually on Saturday, yoli it. Tally and I were just saying like, I love that we are so like independent that we can kind of do whatever we want. And like we're living in another country and it just is like so cool. Like I feel so cool. And that's like so cheesy and so cringe to say. I know, but I'm saying this because we were talking about it in the context, like if we met ourselves as like little girls, like if we met our little girl self right now, all of our little girl selves would be like, you guys are so cool. Like, I am exactly who I wanted to be when I was like 10. Like 10 year old me, like would think that I'm so cool. Like I. I know that's cringe to say but you should think that you're cool. Like isn't that what you want? Like you should honor whatever you wanted. When you were like 10 and I remember distinctly when I was like 10, 11, 12 like preteenen years when you're just becoming aware of like all the older kids and teenagers and college kids and they're so cool and that for me that's who like adults were, right? Like I didn't think that a 29 year old was an adult but like I'm like who I imagined like would be so cool. Like I want to be a cool big girl. I want to be a cool big girl. I just want to say I'm so thankful that I think I'm fulfilling that dream just in a daily basis. So I have to be like thankful that I'm like okay, I feel like I'm fulfilling that dream. Part of that dream is though, part of that dream is no one telling me what to do, not feeling stressed to do stuff, basically just no one telling me what to do. It's from childhood, okay. I don't like my parents telling me what to do. I don't like anyone telling me what to do. It sparks something in me so irritating that I just don't like when people tell me what to do. So yeah, that also causes me to not want any long term commitments like pets, kids, house, long term relationship dating. Although I like I was just thinking the other day it would be so nice to have a boyfriend. Like I just had this revelation recently again like because normally I was kind of pushing it out of my head but I let myself indulge in the daydream for like a minute the other day and I was like uh, uh. It would be really nice to just like I just always imagine myself like with my boyfriend being like also my best friend and we just like giggle and have fun and like heehe haa. And do fun stuff together all the time. That's what I want. And I was like dang it, wouldn't that be kind of fun? Like it would uh. And then I was like dang it, no, I don't want thatus. It never happens. It never freaking happens. So I'm trying to be a bit more levelh headed about it but I didn't allow myself to indulge in the daydream the other day and I was like well it would be nice. Uh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. So um, anyways. But yeah, I don't want anything that requires long term commitment at this point because I feel like I just got my freedom. I just got my freedom and my independence. Like Covid happened. Now I live in another country now I'm really happy with myself. I'm really independent. I'm just. No one disrupt me. I'm enjoying my free time. So that's how I feel now. I think I will be more open to more major responsibilities soon, hopefully. I mean, I am almost 30, but I don't feel pressure because I don't really have a desire to have children. So I don't really feel the pressure of like a timeline, you know? Um, so for me, thir is like my new 20. And I know people say that all the time, but for me, truly, 30 is like the new 20. Like, I feel like I'm just getting started. Like, yeah, let's go, let's go, let's go. So anyways, um, that was me on major responsibilities. I'm sure lots of you can relate there. Also, the last one I wanted to talk about was avoiding decisions that require dedication. So like inaction, um, u like what I was just talking about when people have to agree to things and it's not just plans, but it's like I noticed this a lot because I attend quite a lot of events here in Barcelona. Um, and people, like people generally do attend to these events in pretty good numbers. Like I would say that's the one good thing about living here is that most people are very motivated to get out and meet new people. And it's so it's not a city of like a bunch of people that are really set in their ways. And like, I have my friends and that's it, blah, blah, blah. Like people are really open to doing things. So the events here, like a lot of people show up. But I'm more so talking about when I was in the US If I would have ever tried to plan anything, oh my God, you would think I was like yelling at people. Like, uh, people just don't want to do stuff, so people don't want to attend events. It's really hard to get people to commit to a plan, even if it's something like genuinely really fun, like someone's birthday party, a girl group trip. Like, you know, there's like all those trends on TikTok that's like when the group trip actually makes it out of the group chat. Because it's so hard to get people to commit to even like a super fun group trip. It's like, really what could go wrong okay, yeah, a few things could, but like, ideally it's super, super fun, like great memories to make with your friends. And even still, it's like, so hard to get people to actually, like, commit and say yes to something like that. I get that that's a bit of an extreme example because a group trip still is quite a lot of commitment. But anyway, also, it could just be like starting a new job search. Like, let's just say you're fed up with your current job. Like, just getting yourself to just start a job search could be very difficult. Or paying your taxes. Like, I'm pushing that off. Cause I'm gonna have to pay backlog taxes anyway. So, like, I need to do that though. I need to do that. U. Um, but yeah, these are all things that like, require more effort than, like, your daily life tasks. And like, honestly, some people are so burnt out just from like, life in general right now that like, even just like, doing laundry and making your bed and doing the dishes feels like too much. So then when you add in, like, let's go to this event, like, let's plan this thing, let's go hang out and get brunch and lunch and go on a walk can feel like, super overwhelming. So I totally get it. I don't really know what the answer is, but I think we should talk about it. I think we should talk about it. I think for sure a lot of it got worse after Covid because we were just kind of like, stuck inside. People got sick, which then in turn caused a lot of people to just be fatigued and tired. The political climate of the world, especially in the US but of the world, is just like, exhausting. People are overworked, inflation, like, all of these things obviously contribute, right? Like, we are all feeling just like, stretched to the max. So it's like, duh, hello, duh. I always think, like, if we put our pets under the same stress that we were in, like, in a appropriate way, that would make sense. You know what I mean? Like, but I always think, like, if you see animals exhibit symptoms that show that they're not okay, you're like, oh my God, like, my dog, my cat, my pet, whatever is not okay. Like, I have to do something to fix this. Like, let's just say, I don't know, even a super small example like, that a lot of people come over for the holidays, and usually your pets are not used to having that many people over at your house. So sometimes, unless you have a super social animal that loves when people come over, a lot of Animals are really stressed in that environment because they're like, oh, my God. Like, it's loud, there's a lot of smells. There's people in my space. Like, I don't like this. Like, my dog, personally, he is very. Well, my family's dog is very friendly, but also gets overwhelmed and, like, kind of shuts down after a while, like, after people are over for too long, because he really is like, this is my space. Like, why are you guys still here? Like, love y. But you guys can go. Like, he gets like that after a while that he'll be kind of like, okay. Like, you guys can be. Can be coming over another day now. Like, you can go. So, like, if you even just look at such a small scale, like, one day of a little bit too much commotion, smells, sounds like, vibes in the house, tension in the house, like, talking. Just one day of that can kind of, like, shut down your pet a little bit, and you're like, oh, my God, this was so hard on them. Like, imagine years of that, and, like, you're trying to, like, still keep up your house, still keep up your kids, bring them to school, bring them to sports, do good in your job, like, make more money, whatever. It is, like, years and years of that is like, that's crazy. That's crazy. So obviously, there's nothing we can really do, like, to just change all of that around. But I think a big reason why we might feel so, um, apathetic and overwhelmed is because we're so isolated. So it's kind of like a catch 22. It's like, you feel isolated, so you don't want to hang out with people, but then you kind of end up feeling more unmotivated and sad because you're not hanging out with people, if that makes sense. Because I always think, like, oh, I'm such a homebod. I really enjoy spending time at home because I can and because I'm able to tolerate it. I have a very high tolerance for spending time alone. Like, I have, like, a very. I think I'm like, if there's a spectrum, I'm really far on the side that, like, I could spend weeks alone. I did it for a few years in Covid. Like, was I fine? You know, my OCD got pretty bad, but, like, overall, I was able to withstand it pretty well, whereas a lot of people wouldn't. So I have a very high tolerance for spending time alone. That doesn't mean that I thrive spending time alone. So I have to catch myself when I'm even, like, Today I was like, yeah, I really should go out and socialize. Because even though I was just socializing with people on Sunday, like just the last, like 48 hours home alone, I was like, you know, I think I should go outside, like just for an hour. So I have to catch myself when I've been spending too much time alone. And I'm like, heay, I need to make an effort to socialize because on the one hand, like, I like, um, the thought of, like, spoons or energy or your battery. If you think of yourself like having an iPhone battery, but like, for yourself, if you have a battery, like, maybe you have a battery. I think everybody has a battery that gets slightly charged by being with people. And then you have a battery that gets slightly charged by being alone. And it might also consequently get drained by being with people. So you kind of have to pay attention to these two batteries and be like, hey, which one needs more juice? Which one's being drained? And I have to catch myself because sometimes I do gain energy from being with people as like an extrovert or whatever. I'm very much in the middle, though. On every personality test I've taken, it's almost 50 50, so I'm very much in the middle. But I notice when and why I need it and be more intentional about it, I think, if that makes sense. So I know when I'm starting to fade a little bit in social situations. I just removed myself and I'm like, hey, it's been so nice to see you guys. I need to go home. I can feel myself kind of hitting my limit and fading a little bit. I'm not really adding to the experience right now. If anything, I'm probably dragging the vibe down a bit. So, like, I'll cut myself off. See you later. Great to see you, whatever. And then I'll have times like today where I'm like, I, you know, have been working like crazy and, uh, just haven't seen anyone for two days. Like, maybe I should go out outside, because I haven't even. I haven't even been outside for two days. I've just been here at my desk working for 48 hours. Like, that's kind of insane. That's kind of insane. So I was like, I need to go outside. And that's when I notice that, like, my battery actually does gain b. Or I, like, I gain energy from being with people when I have been alone for a while. And so I always think that I need so much time alone. But in reality, I actually do gain quite a Lot of like happiness and energy and inspiration from being people. And I'm like, wow, the world isn't so bad. Like, I have friends. It's crazy. Like the change in mindset I'll have from like five minutes with friends, it's kind of crazy. I'll be feeling pretty like O, the world sucks. Like my life sucks. Like I'm never doing enough, Like O. And then I'll hang out with friends for like five minutes and be like, yay, the world is full of flowers and sunshine. Like it's crazy the difference that it makes. So I think it's kind of a catch 22 where you feel like a bit down in the dumps, apathetic, depressed, don't want to commit to anything because like you've probably been overworked, stressed, worried about money, worried about the well being of people in your family, whatever, whatever it is that you're like, uh, I just don't feel like I can commit to hanging out with friends. But if you do, I really think it will help. Even if you are like a true introvert, I think it does help you do gain some like inspiration. Like whatever you take away from the get together, it could be inspiration. It could be just a little laughter with friends, it could just be quality time, words of affirmation. Even like, yeah, like the love languages. Like you might have certain ways that you feel like more recharged and like happy with being alive after you hang out with people that you enjoy. So I think that's a catch 22 for sure. Because I even noticed myself just being like, I, um, would rather, I'd rather just like lay in bed and watch Netflix. I'm like so tired. But on the days that I do make the effort to like get up, especially living in Europe now, if I'm going out to meet friends, I'm getting like dolled up. Like, I'm not just usually going out with no makeup on. Like I. Unless I'm running errands or working out. That's different. But if I'm going to meet friends, I'm like, I'm getting dressed up. For me in the US this was like a, uh, really nice going out for dinner, like special occasion kind of thing. No, no, no. Like if I'm going out for friends now, it's this every time. So which I don't mind. I actually enjoy it now. But my point being, like, oh my God, it's even so much more effort to go hang out with friends here. Well, actually, no, let me, let me shut up. Let Me, Shut up. It's more effort physically because I'm like getting ready and like putting together a nicer outfit than just like sweats and crocs and like pair in a bun, which is fine. It's just not the norm here. Um, but I will let me showut up for a second because I can walk to my friend'houses in like 10 minutes. Like that's why I moved here. Hello. So I don't have to physically drive that far. Which I think in the US is a lot of the reason why people cancel on plans too. Or like don't want to hang out as well. Because I get it, like when I go home to visit my family and like, of course I want to see my friends too, but I live in Stillwater, which is like on one side of the cities and most of my friends live in like Bloomington, Lakeville, Wayiseetta, um, St. Louis park. And it's just not close. And I also don't have a car anymore. So when I go home I have to borrow one of my parents cars or like Uber somewhere which doesn't really exist where I'm from. So I, if I get an Uber, I still have to get a ride into town because like where I live is like so far out in the boonies that like an Uber would not go there. So yeah, when I go home, uh, even for me, I'm like, I would love, love, love to see every friend I have there, but it's just, it's just not feasible every time I go. So I get it. Like, things just come into play and like, it's hard to commit to plants. I get it, I get it. But yeah, I think a lot of people, especially for. I'm not just talking a lot of this is talking about friend plans because I think it's most applicable, at least for me anyway. But also just with like, yeah, committing to something you want, like kind of like, uh, what I was talking about in my vision board, like 2025 plans, my vision board episode, like just making a goal for yourself and like committing to it. I think a lot of people have like fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being trapped in a decision that you make and feeling like you can't go back. Um, anxiety, self esteem, like those all for sure play a role in, you know, you not taking an action. Um, but also me and Zariinaa were talking about this on Sunday, that not taking an action is also a risk because we were talking about like, if somebody really doesn't like where they live and they're debating, like, we have these conversations with friends a lot from, like, back home or other people that we know in our lives that are like, oh, I would really love to move to Barcelona or just to some other city. And they're like, uh, ah, but I don't know if I can do it. It's really difficult. I have to find a new job, find somewhere, know to live, like, maybe get a visa, blah, uh, blah, blah. It's really, really difficult. But we were saying, like, yes, it's difficult, but also it could be just as difficult and maybe even a bigger risk to just stay where you are. So you really have to weigh the options and be like, am I really going to regret not taking this ass in the future, or am I better off just trying? And, like, you can usually always go back to whatever you were doing before, but, like, at least you tried, even if it's really, really, really, really difficult. So you have to weigh your options there too. Like, is it more of a risk for me to do nothing, or is it more of a risk for me to do something? You know, that's a choice we make all the time. Also, like, obviously some people might have trouble committing to stuff if they have, like, negative experiences in the past. Hello, I have negative dating experiences. That's a big reason why I don't want to date anybody. Um, or like, family dynamics. Hello. I just said I don't like when people tell me what to do. So now that I have my independence, I'm like, clinging onto it for dear life because I'm like, no one's gonna take this from me. Paradox of choice. Or like, analysis paralysis when you're like, uh, ah, uh, do I eat? And you just, like, end up doing nothing. But then you also are losing out on an option because you did nothing. So, you know, that's always a risk as well. Or perfectionism. Oh, my God, I'm such a perfectionist. That also ruins opportunities for me as well. Or just like, I always try to think of, like, okay, stop being perfect because you're always going to learn something from it and it's going toa lead you to improvement down the road. And, like, you will never be perfect, so just throw that idea out of your mind. Um, but yeah, I always try to think of, like, if, even if I don't really want to do something or I'm scared to do it, at least I'll learn something for the next thing that I do, and I can take a learning experience from it. So at the very least, whatever you Do. Even if it doesn't work out the way you hoped, you can learn something from it. Oh, my God, I have this so bad. Actually, I had this so bad when I was in the US More than I do now. U, uh, fear of missing out. Fomo. Hello. Anybody heard of that? Um, like, obviously with social media and stuff, like, we have constant exposure to everybody else's lives and like the highlight reel of everybody else's lives. So it makes you feel like you're always missing out. So then I think that makes people feel bad about themselves. And then if you feel bad and down on yourself, then you don't really want it. Like, you're not in the mood or like, the vibe. What am I trying to say? You're not in the mood or like the mindset that you're like, yeah, I'm going to, like, tackle this challenge and I'm going to go and go and go. Like, it kind of. You kind of subconsciously beat yourself down a little bit and you're like, o, I'm not doing enough. Look at how good everyone else is doing. They already have a house and two kids. Uh, they already went to like 10 countries. They're already super rich and bought a second car. Like, there could be a million things that you tell yourself, like, m, I'm not doing enough. You're always never going to be doing enough. Because you could find that someone to compare yourself all the time that's doing something more than you. Literally, always. I mean, eventually if you run out of people, there will still always be like a billionaire probably that's doing way more than you because they're just filthy rich from, like, greed. So there will always be someone that's doing more than you. That shouldn't be something that you focus on. Cause, like, that's just not gonna be ultimately productive. Although it's way easier said than done, like, because obviously, like, we all compare. I compare all the time. But I'm going to get to it later. But I've been working on that. Oh, yeah. And if we want to talk more specifically about dating, I mean, obviously, like, everyone is super non committal in dating. And I was also talking about this with my friends this weekend. But it's like, if you want to date, I just have severe trust issues because, like, you see all the time that people get cheated on. So I'm like, you can't even get, like, the most beautiful, successful woman to feel safe in a relationship. Why should I? Like, um, Megan Fox got cheated on. Um, Beyonce has gotten cheated on, literally. Like, so many beautiful, successful women have gotten cheated on and it doesn't matter the type of guy they're with. The guy could be super rich and successful, the guy could be super ugly and successful. The guy could be not successful at all. Um, it doesn't really matter who they are. They're getting cheated on. So I'm like, at least. No, this is so bad. But I'm like, hey, at least if you're gonna probably get cheated on, at least make it a hot rich guy. Uh, but also I think, I think I'm gonna be doing a contract that is notarized that states if you cheat on me, you're gonna be paying me probably up upwards of a million dollars. So just if it's not gonna hurt you physically or emotionally, it's go going to hurt you financially. Just saying, just saying. Because that's crazy behavior. But yeah, how could anybody feel comfortable committing to a long term relationship? Because everybody cheats. And I'm saying mostly guys, but like, yes, obviously girls cheat too. Everybody cheats. There is obviously a statistic though, that men cheat, um, on women by a large amount. Okay. So yeah, yeah, shoot me, I guess, if I don't want to date because I'm worried that I'm gonna get cheated on. Okay, I will make you sign a contract. And I think we should normalize that. I think we should. Um, because especially at my age, 29, like, I'm not saying I'm dating for marriage, I don't even particularly care about marriage. But if we are dating at this big age, we have money, we have our own places, we have our own careers, like you're morphing two lives together. Even if you're still like just, just dating, whatever that even means. But if you're like committed to each other, that, that still, uh, to me is just as important as marriages. So why shouldn't you sign a contract? You know what I mean? We should just sign contracts because I don't know, my life is set up pretty good and if you're gonna come into it, you better, you better be acting right, you better. Or this is not going toa work out and we need a divorce. Um, even if it's a boyfriend, girlfriend, divorce, it's a divorce anyway. So. Yeah. Would it be a marriage contract? No, but I would dream something up and make sure that it's legal. So. Yeah. Um, that's really romantic. Yeah. Uh, anyways, actually, I mean, I get why guys are worried about commitment because, like, they do be cheating. But I don't really understand like if I was a guy, you could have literally like the best girlfriend in the world. Like there's so many girls out there that are like gorgeous, um, smart and make a lot of money for themselves and are just like generally overall extremely successful and kind. Hello, you could have. It wouldn't even be that hard to find like a really, really great girl to make your girlfriend and like hang out with for the rest of your life would be pretty chill. I mean that's like a big reason why, why guys like generally benefit from marriage. Um, because like women create life. We like make life awesome and amazing and um, yeah, it's like pretty difficult when I'm looking around, I'm looking around like there's like some tumbleweed, you know. Yeah, there's not much to look at. So uh, I mean every event I go through here, although Barcelona I think is a very girl heavy city, to be honest. Like if we're looking at statistics, I think it is technically more women. And also typically like if we're talking about the expat community or immigrant community or whatever you want to call it, um, typically they're usually women, especially if they're single. So like, but just by that statistic alone you're going toa have more women. But even if like I've talked with, because I know a lot of people that run events here and we talk all the time about like, well what if we did like events that were like, maybe not like speed dating or like a dating event, but like an event kind of geared towards like singles to mingle or like, hey, if you meet someone here, like kind of a nice side effect of attending the event. Am I right? That's where I imagine kind of dating going is like going to events, not where it's like singles come to mingle, hee, dating party, bowling, whatever, like whatever the fuck, that's kind of cringe. I would love for the main focus to be something else. But then like a secondary, a secondary focus could be like, oh, if you happen to meet someone like, great. So I mean you can do that at any event, period. But I think there would be something to be said for like having like focus number one be like, enjoy this charcuterie board, wine and paint. Literally anything. It could be anything. And then the secondary one is like, hey, by the way, if you're single, just saying, just saying doesn't need to be the main focus, doesn't mean the main. But just saying, just saying like maybe, maybe, um, maybe. But, but even if we do that like only girls show up so like, it's so hard to get. To get guys to even like, show up to events like that. It's like, even if we did make an event like that, guys don't show up to stuff. So it's all girls just sitting around being like, hey girl, let's take photos. Which is super fun, don't get me wrong. But if you do want to, like, try and not even with the intention of finding like a perfect match there, but just, I don't know, having some romantic, maybe slightly flirty or even just platonic conversations with guys, like, guys don't really show up to stuff that much. Um, yeah, so that's kind of a dilemma as well. Like, I know this one guy tries to do some sort of dating events between Madrid and Barcelona, but I don't know, it's not that frequent, um, that those types of events are put on. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. But I have tried to make an effort. This is kind of a tangent. Sorry. But when I have been trying to make an effort that when I do see a hot guy on the street, which I'm trying to go out on the street more often. This is so dumb. But if I take a walk in the morning or something, I'm trying to not just be like, I have to walk as fast as I can. Listening to my Brazilian funk playlist, like, trying to. Just because I'm like 0 to 100, like I said, like the semi truck thing, it takes me a while to get warmed up. But as soon as I'm like going at my peak speed, I'm like just tunnel vision. Like, walk fast, walk fast, walk fast. Walk fast. Must walk to the beat. Walk fast. And I don't like, enjoy the things going on around me. I just have like tunnel vision. So, uh, even if I do see a hot guy occasionally who probably already has a girlfriend, because 99% of the time when I see a hotw guy, they're walking with their girlfriend. But if I see a hotw guye that's walking alone, who maybe just his girlfriend is at home or something, I don't know. But maybe if he's single, maybe, whatever. I'm making a lot of assumptions here. But if I see a haw guy walking around and he's alone, normally I never look their way and I'm like, la, la la. Like never acknowledge his existence. Cause like, if he really liked me, um, he would be so shocked by my beauty and stop in his tracks and run the other way to get my number. That's what I'm waiting for, guys, if you aren't awarer. Um, but I've been trying to, like, make eye contact with them. Ugh, so cringe. I know, but that's the only way. Because my friends and I joke, like, maybe we should make cards and hand them out with our social media handles on it. But seriously, like, the only time I see hot guys in like a semi normal environment is when I'm like, walking on the streets. And I'm not actually intentionally looking to have a conversation with anyone because I'm walking on the streets, like doing my morning walk or like, running errands or something. So I'm not in the mingling mood. And usually that's why it would be awkward to come up and talk to someone on the street, because, like, you don't know if they're single. You don't know if they're in a mood to be talked to. Because I find that people usually aren't if they're just like, walking on the street. Um, but the other day I was walking and saw Hawkeye, and I did make eye contact with him for about one second, and then we both kept walking and I was like, what if. What if we both stopped and we're just like, wait, you're kind of hot. Should we, like, exchange Instagrams? Cause I don't really like exchanging numbers, but should we exchange Instagrams? Okay, maybe. Should we? So I think that just needs to happen one day because I also. When I was on my walk throughh the day, I was on such a tunnel vision that I didn't look next to me because I was like, there's the Hawkeye next to me. Oh my God, there's a Hawkeye next to me. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And I was standing at a crosswalk, like, waiting for the light to turn, and he was like behind me, to the right of me. So I would have had to, like, physically turn and look at him. And that felt a bit weird. So I was like, uh, I really want to look right now because I can see from the corner of my eye the vibe going on that I think I like. And I was like, oh, D. I do. I no cannot show any attention. Some sort of brain rot that I have. Um, so then he walked a bit faster than me, actually, which I was kind of surprised by, because normally I'm like the freaking speedy Walker on the sidewalk that probably looks like I'm about to shit my pants and I'm like, practically running home. Um, but he was walking faster than me, and I was like, oh, okay. So I just only saw the back of him. I never saw his face, but I was like, wait, wait. He's really cute, from what I can tell. And then I was like, crap, I'm never gonna see him again. What the frick? And then it feels just like a bunch of, like, missed connections. And I'm like, dang it, that guy was kind of hot. What the frick do I do about that? Because when I go to events, I never see guys that hot. I would go to events all the. I already do go to events all the time, But I would go to way more events if I knew there was a chance of having just like, a cheeky, flirty conversation with a hot guy. Like, can we just admit that it's fun to do that? Okay. I haven't had a crush, and I haven't had a freaking cheeky, flirty conversation in so long. Oh, my God. And it's funny because literally a month ago, I was talking about, like, 4B movement, which I still do standby. That's why I want to have, like, a contract and stuff. But I just. I gotta admit it, guys. I'm trying to separate male validation while also allowing myself to indulge just enough that I don't turn into a total recluse that's, like, terrified of men forever. I'm trying to have a weird balance between these two things, guys, but I do want to enjoy just a cheeky conversation once and every now again. And what. You know what I mean. So let me know what you guys think about that. Anyways, um. Um, I think as far as u people having commitment issues, though, we've. We've. We've talked through it. I think there's no one to blame. There's no specific answer. I just wanted to talk about it because, you know, I do get a little sad when people flake out on me. Thankfully, living in Barcelona doesn't happen so often. We're in a very healthy, walkable city. People are generally happier here than where I was living in the US So I guess when I'm speaking on these experiences of people being really flaky, it's usually in the US Because I get it. I feel like people are a bit more stressed out there, and, like, it's just you're reliant on your car and, like, by the time you get home, it's dark and you don't want to go out during the week. And then by the time the weekend comes around, you're like, like, oh, I only have 48 hours to, like, do chores and like, bedrot and like, u. Uh, I get it, I get it. But I don't really know what the answer is. Besides thinking, I think that the answer I have for you today is think about your two batteries, like your extrovert battery and your introvert battery, and be like, what if having social time with people actually does help? I think there's something to be said. We are so stripped from our communities in modern society. Like, mothers don't have communities anymore. People in general are, like, just very robotic and that, uh, they go to work, they come home, they go to the gym, they cook dinner, they go to bed, they watch Netflix, whatever, and they do it all over again. Which, like, can be fine, obviously, but it's nice to mix it up once in a while. Like, I'm still trying to get out of the mindset that I. I'm allowed to leave my house and do something social during the weekdays. Like, I. It's been a year and a half of me living here and I'm still like, oh, I'm not allowed. I'm being so naughty if I go out to lunch or dinner during the week because it feels like it's like a work night. Like, are you crazy? You can't do that. But, like, you can because you have free will and, like, you're an adult that deserves to enjoy things. You know what I mean? Like, you know, so I'm, like, allowed to leave the house and like, go have a social moment Monday through Thursday, you know what I mean? Or Sunday. Sunday through Thursday. Sorry. So that's what I've been working on. Oh, and then my, um, my big advice that I wanted to add at the end of this was basically in response to all this, I've been working on detachment, which has, uh, been made a lot easier by being on LexPro, I will admit. But even more than that, it's not like I just started taking Lexapro and just like, developedach detachment out of nowhere. I've been very pointedly working on this in the last, like, six months, specifically because I find that I'm just a happier person when. I'll put the meme up. I'll put the meme up. You guys have probably seen this meme a million times, but this specific meme I always think of when I think of detachment. But, yeah, working on detachment just helps me be a better person, honestly. And it's really difficult. And I'm not a therapist. I don't have the words to describe how to do it. But I've been working on just not being attached to the result or the outcome of something. So whatever I do, I can't have a very strong expectation on what the outcome will be because ultimately you're probably going to be wrong or it's not going to be exactly what you hoped, and you're almost always going to be disappointed. So it's better if you're just completely detached from the outcome and you are happy in your core of yourself that you're going to do whatever you want to do because you want to do it without any external circumstances. And whatever comes of it is whatever comes of it. That is extremely difficult to master, by the way. And I'm not even close. But it has made such a big difference just focusing on it for the past six months to be like, uh, whatever happens is what happens, and I can't. Well, this is also a big OCD hurdle for me. So I've made a lot of progress in that sense because OCD is so much about control and internalized shame and, and frustration and worry that if I practiced attachment, it actually really helps me with OCD as well. But anyway, for example, if I reach out to a friend and I'm like, I really miss this friend. I really want to hang out with them. If they don't respond right away, or if they don't want to hang out with me, or if they don't, um, plan something when I send them a text, then that means they hate me and I'm dumb. What? You can't. I mean, that's kind of an extreme example, but a lot of people think like that. I used to think like that too. And it's not fair to the other person and it's not fair to yourself. People usually aren't going out of their way to be, like, specifically rude to you. Um, so if you're getting frustrated, that, I mean, I will say dating, I don't think applies as much because I think a lot of people are super rude in dating. But when it comes to, like, friendships, planning, events, things like that, people usually aren't trying to be mean. Usually it's just that they're feeling overwhelmed or like, usually people are not taking an action on something because they feel confused and overwhelmed and fearful about it. That's what I find for myself. Like, when I don't want to do something for work and I'm procrastinating, it's usually because I'm confused and overwhelmed. And as soon as I can take down the overwhelm, which I can usually do that by just minimizing my like, stressors. So like, usually it has to do with like, like I'm watching a YouTube video that's like, making me pay attention to. To it too much and like, stressing me out with information overload that if I turn on an ASMR video instead, that I'm like, okay, I can focus or feeling confused. Usually you're just missing a piece of information that then will make you feel less worried about doing whatever you need to do. But whatever that is for you, that's. That's what it is for you, whatever. But detachment helps you, like, not feel so crappy on whatever the response is because usually it's not personal. So like, if I reach out to someone and say like, hey, miss you, I can't expect them to say anything specific back. I mean, there's a difference between, like, having expectations for what a friend should be and like, not allowing yourself to waste energy on people that aren't giving it back. But, but you can't expect people to always respond in the same way that you would respond because you're probably always going to be disappointed and it's go goingna really fracture the friendships and relationships you have in your life. So if you just allow people to come to you as they are, a lot of times it just works out better and there's a lot of nuance to that. Okay. Okay. It's not a hard and fast rule, but I've noticed that if I just act as I would like to do and come as my authentic self and let people respond to me with whatever they're feeling and how they're feeling, I don't have to put any expectations or like, borders on that, you know, and get frustrated by it. I can just accept it for what it is. U. Um, was that helpful? I feel like maybe that made it more confusing. But I would suggest if one thing to look up detachment and start practicing it, because I think it will allow you to feel a lot less stressed and a lot less disappointed with things in your life. Um, especially when it comes to people maybe flaking on you. I don't know though, because we. My other point in this whole episode is that we should try and make it more of an effort to spend time with people that we care about. But I think two things can be true at once. I don't know. That's what I wanted to talk about today. I hope that was helpful. I feel like, uh, it. Was it coherent? I don't know. Now I'm second guessing myself. Let's move on to pop culture and trends. So I have been watching Pokemon. Yeah, they U uh, Pokemon TV is a YouTube channel and they put all of the Pokemon episodes on YouTube for free to watch. And I was like, are you kidding me? This is amazing. I miss Pokemon. I used to watch. Like, I didn't even realize there were so many characters because in my mind, when I think Pokemon, I think Ash, Misty and Brock. Hello. Duh. So I guess I went into this whole deep dive because I started from season one, episode one, and I've been watching and I'm already like episode 30, I think. And uh, m it's been really enjoyable. It'it's not like a typical kids show where I'm like, okay, you can kind of enjoy it for like an episode or two. But then after that you're like, I actually am really enjoying watching Pokemon. U um, so I'm gonna keep watching it until I get sick of it. But so far I'm not sick of it. And it's been 30 episodes because the episodes are 15 minutes long. You know what I mean? Like their old TV style, 30 minute slot episodes, whatever. So Pikachu makes me cry almost every episode because, I don't know, he's just so cute and makes me cry. And uh, yeah, then I started like going down a rabbit hole of the Pokemon universe because the only other Pokemon universe that I've been exposed to is I used to be obsessed with Pokemon Emerald on my Nintendo ds and I've played that through several times. So then I was looking at like the Pokemon regions and I was like, okay, yeah, I knew that there's like Pokemon Emerald, Sapphire and Ruby. That was like the era of games that I was aware of when like, we got them, because I think my mom got my brother Sapphire and my sister Ruby or something. So like, we each had a color. Um, and those were the games that I was aware of. So I was aware of like the first season of the anime that was like the episodes that I watched when I was little. And then we got the Nintendo DS games. So those are like the two chunks of Pokemon that I've been exposed to. And then of course, like the cards, we had binders full of cards when we were little, but we didn't. I think we were just young enough that when Pokeon was popular, we were like a little bit too young to really understand how the game part of Pokemon cards worked. So we just liked collecting them and being like, look at this shiny one. Like we didn't really know what all the stats stood for because we were like, yeah, I think we were just a little too young to really understand. So Kanto is the region that's in season one of the anime, and Hen Hoen is the region that's in Pokemon Emerald. So I'm aware of the character May, because when you pick if you are going to be a girl or a boy in the Pokemon Emerald game, um, if you pick a girl, you end up playing the character me. So I was aware of the character because I was playing Pokemon Emerald and I'm aware of Hen or Hen. I really don't know how to say it. Uh, um, because of the Nintendo DS game, but other than that, I was like, oh, my God. I didn't realize that the anime, I think, is still going. And there's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 Pokemon regions. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't know the anime was still going on. I thought it must have ended like 10 years ago. Like, I just. I have not been tuned in, obviously. U. Uh, but yeah, now I'm kind of like, re obsessed with Pokemon. I was super into Pokemon as a kid, and now I'm re obsessed. I'm justnna keep watching it until I get bored of it. I will say, though, Ash is a fraud. And I'm, uh, Obviously, I'm sure they intentionally wrote the series like this to keep it interesting because if he just battled the gym trainer and just had a regular battle every time that was pretty cut and dry, like, the series would get pretty boring. So I get why they wrote it the way they did. But that doesn't stop me from thinking that Ash is a fraud, because he has. I'm on what, episode 30, and he's won four badges so far, and all of them have been through some sort of fluke. Like, he's never actually properly just like, battled and won the badge. Like, it's always been a fluke. Like the most recent one he was in, I think it was Saffron'city or I might be wrong. But he battled Sabrina, the psychic gym leader, and she was whipping his ass every time with the caadabra. Like, no, Like, I don't really know who could win against the Caadabra. Like, Ash even went like, Pikachu couldn't win. Then he went out to Lavender Town, found a haunter, because apparently ghost Pokemon are good against psychic Pokemon. He went and found a haunter, brought it back, but he didn't, like, catch it. But they, like, made an agreement. Like, hey, will you help me come beat this gym trainer? Okay, cool. Like, come with me. So he brought it with him back to do another battle against the gym trainer. But then the ghost po Haunter just, like, he just, like, never came back. He, like, never followed through on his promise. So then the next battle, the creepy trainer turned Misty and Brock into dolls and put them in a dollhouse. And then Ash left, and there's this, like, mysterious man that's been teleporting in and out because, like, the gym trainer and her dad. Spoiler alert. It's her dad. They have telekinesis. So the dad keeps, like, popping in and out to, like, save Ash and Pikachu and whatever. So then Ash comes back a third time to battle the trainer, and he's like, haunter, where are you, Haunter? Like, you said you were gonna help me. Like, Haunter, hello? The pokem. Haunter just never shows up. I was like, this dude on, uh, a second chance didn't keep his promise. I would be livid. So then Pikachu is like, what do we do? What do we do? Like, Haunter's not here. Like, what? We're gonna get turned into dolls? Like, this is scary. This gym trainer is legit scary. So then Pikachu is like, I got this. I I'mnna take on Caadabra. Obviously can't handle Caadabra is, like, getting his ass kicked again. And then the. Well, the Dash Apparates or whatever appears out of nowhere and is like, look, there's Haunter. And Haunter, on his own accord, under no commands because he's not Ash's Pokemon, shows up and, like, just wants to play tricks on people and not scare people, I guess. So just plays. Makes, uh, like, silly faces at Sabrina the trainer, while she's, like, trying to battle Pikachu. And the dad's like, look, my daughter's smiling for, like, the first time in her life. And she's like, like, starts laughing at Haunter because he's, like, making funny faces at her. And then since her and Kadabra areically link or telekinetically linked, Kadabra starts, like, rolling in laughter on the floor. U. Um, so then the dad's like, well, I guess you win. And I'm like, what? This is not a win. This is an interference. Pikachu, I love you, but you cannot beat Kadabra. So this is not a win. This is a fluke. And the dad is the one that on, no, he has no authority to give a gym badge. He's like, well, I guess you win, Ash. Here's a gym badge. Sabrina's incapacitated with laughter over there. And. And, and what? Her dad. Her dad who has been estranged from her or. Well, she's been estranged from her dad. Really? Her dad comes in and just decides that Ash wins and gets a badge. I was like, this storyline, I can't. Like, he's a fraud. Like, did Gary Oak just win on a fluke? I'm just saying, Ash keeps saying, like, oh, come on, Gary. Uh, did Gary win on a fluke? I mean, we didn't see what he did, but Ash keeps winning on a fluke and. And I just have to acknowledge it because he wants to get to the Pokemon League so damn bad. He's not even gonna be ready by the time he gets there because he hasn't even been actually winning any of them battles. Uh, okay. Pokemon Tangent over U. Um, that's really it for pop culture and trends. Okay, no, I lied. I lied. I'm. I haven't started Yellowstone season five yet. Well, I finished season four and then I fell asleep starting season five and kept waking up to all the really traumatic moments in it. And that kind of put me off of wanting to start it. Cause now I'm a little scared because I kept waking up to screams. So now I'm like, um, maybe I'll take a break from Yellowstone because now I'm just associating season five with like blood curling screams. Uh, so I'll get there, I'll get there. But in the meantime, um, Outlander Season 7 Part 2. I need to catch up on that as well from last Friday's episode. But it's been pretty good. Actually. You know what? I'll admit it's been pretty good. The part two has been pretty good. Um, but, oh my God, the T. Claire and John and I think that will do it for today's episode. Guys, um, really hope this was coherent because this was a topic I've wanted to talk about for a while, but it's kind of difficult to sum up other than, yeah, life has been hard and like, people are tired. But also I think people should make a better effort to hang out with each other. But also. I get it. But also you should practice detachment so you don't get too down on yourself about it either. I don't know. Um, hope this was helpful or entertaining in some way. Hope you guys have an amazing, amazing pre Christmas weekend or whatever holiday you celebrate. I'm not particularly super fond of Christmas, I guess, but that's just what I grew up celebrating. So that's what I'll be celebrating next week. Um, but I will have an episode out either on Christmas or shortly after Christmas. So I'll talk to you then. Have a great weekend. Have a great week, and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye, guys.