Reasonably Certain
Welcome to Reasonably Certain with Ellen Larson!
Ellen covers topics she has learned about throughout her 20's such as mental health, body image, makeup, fashion, and living abroad.
Ellen offers insights and tips to promote emotional well-being, encourage self-acceptance and confidence, perfecting your makeup routine, and advice about living abroad. Overall, Reasonably Certain provides a comprehensive approach to self-care, confidence, and empowerment.
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Reasonably Certain
Christmas in Barcelona + Do I Believe in God? + Ash Trevino & Nurse Hannah Breakdown
EP #26: Ellen discusses her Christmas traditions growing up, her religion, whether or not she believes in God, and breaks down the latest TikTok tea about Ash Trevino and Nurse Hannah.
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Shes no throing there no your FR sleeing at your own nose. When we finally say good night on my hair'going their strong but if you only hold me tight all the way home Havey bom. Hey guys. Welcome back to Reasonably Certain. My name is Ellen. This is episode 26, and it's almost Christmas. So I'm doing a little bit of a Christmas special episode today. Um, nothing super different, but the topic of today is going to pretty much just be about Christmas. And yeah, also, if you're looking at the video, I have some glasses on my face. I know, I know I don't wear glasses, but I have been depriving myself of buying a pair of, like, I don't know what you want to call them, office siren bayonetta glasses. I haven't let myself buy them all year, even though I've wanted them for, like a good seven months. I just, I just didn't buy them because I was like, this is silly. Like, I don't even wear glasses, but I just love the look of them and I feel that I need them in my life. So I'm loving this. And they are real Marc Jacobs glasses that you can put a prescription in. But since I don't need a prescription, I just put blue light lenses in. So they're real glasses. Guys. These are real blue light glasses. So, like, I'm go going toa be wearing these. And I think they're very cute. Also, I got this dress recently from Naked Wardrobe. Very cute. And this is the extent of my Christmas decorations because I'm a bit of a Grinch. I'm a bit of a scrooge. I don't like buying decorations because then you have to put them away again and find somewhere to put them for like, the other 10 months of the year. And to me, that's just silly. I don't know. I think. I think decorations are stupid. I get stressed out about thinking where to store them. I get stressed out about them collecting dust while they're out. And then I get stressed out about thinking about how I'm going to have to move them, um, when I inevitably move apartments because I'm not staying in one apartment for that long at this point in my life. If, if I'm not going to be a Grinch forever, if I get to a place in my life where I have a bit more of a stable home that I'm going to be in for like, five plus years, okay, I'll start decorating. But in the meantime, I just got a big Fat candy cane that I'm gonna be sucking on this week. So, um, I also found out that Spanish people don't like peppermint. So I got this from the store called Normal, which is a Danish store. And yeah, so I found a candy cane there. I did get some mini candy canes as well. And I literally jumped for joy and giggled like a little kid when I ate a mini candy cane because I was like, oh my God, I haven't tasted peppermint in like two years. So yeah, I didn't even realize that I just was deprived of mint because I guess I just never noticed. But yeah, they really don't eat minty things here. Even the gumm. Um, it's like they have minty gum flavors, but it's not even that common to find a ton of minty gum flavors. Like, they will have yetereababen, which is like, like herb. Herb flavor. Like, yeah, I forgot what. I know what yerbabena is in Spanish, but I don't really remember what it is in English. But they have yera babena and they have ginger flavored gum. U. Um, so not even that many, like, mint flavors. I do find mint gum. I have mint gum. But it's like, it's not like you have an isle of like winter greeen, peppermint, mint green, like all the different mint flavors that you could find in the US like here it's just like one or two and then you have a bunch of other bubblegum flavors. Anyway, so I've just got this giant candy cane that I'm going toa be sucking on this week. And, uh, these bayonetta glasses, I did bring out my red lipstick like I do once a year for the holidays because, um, candidly, I don't think I look that good in red, uh, lipstick. But hey, I will take it out for the holidays because I do feel it's a bit fun to kind of jazz it up for once a year. Otherwise I don't think I'm a red lipstick kind of girl. But it's nice. It's the, um, Dior. Like, you know the one that went viral last year that was sparkly. Yeah, I went all the way to El Corain Glai to buy it last year. Not realized that there's also just a plain matte version. So I was so excited to get like the sparkly red lip last year for Christmas. And then I got home and tried it on and I was like, what the fuck? It's Matt. What the fuck? What the fuck? And then by that point I already put it on my lips and I was like, u, whatever. I guess I got the matte one. So, yeah, I have matte red lipstick that I bring out once a year. And, uh, it's almost Christmas. Uh, so it is Monday, December 23rd, and I went out for a little breakfast with my friend Marley this morning. We went, uh, to La Papa and decided to do some vision board session because she's actually never officially made a vision board. She's never officially made a vision board before. So I was like, oh, say less. Let's go get on our laptops and start perusing Figma, Canva, Pinterest, Cosmos. Yeah. Cause my friend Yli introduced me to Cosmos, which I guess is like an alternative to Pinterest. Uh, very aesthetic, very aesthetic. So I recommend checking out Cosmos if you want to check out, like an alternative option to Pinterest. I don't think I'll ever give up Pinterest because I have about 10 years worth, no more than that, 10 years worth of pins in there. So I don't know if I'll ever get rid of it. But I do enjoy them both for separate reasons. I think Cosmos is a lot more aesthetic and the search engines are different. So I kind of like having them both up and just seeing what each of them, you know, pulls up for similar search terms. And yeah, so I've been using figma more recently. I use it in my real job, like my day job, uh, for work. Um, occasionally I don't. I'm not typically the one going in there and actually being the designer and stuff. But we use like, FIG jam boards for team meetings sometimes if we're like, giving feedback and each of us will have like a sticky note and we'll be talking about, like, certain talking points where we want to maybe ``be, reflect on as a team or something. And so, like, we'll all simultaneously type in our little sticky note and then we'll have like, a quick discussion to go over all the responses. And it's a nice, like, you know, discussion board. Uh, also I've been using Figma for vision boards and also for content planning. Um, so I'll pull up some, like, templates in Canva that I want to post for, like, Instagram posts on my reasonably certain Instagram, for example. And then I don't want to, like, copy the templates, like verbatim exact, because, like, you can kind of tell when something's a Canva template. And I guess even if I make my tweaks to it, it's like, I know it's a Canva template, so it still kind of makes me cringe a bit just knowing. But whatever it is aesthetically pleasing, I do have to say. But then I'll just copy and paste like, all the Canva templates into Figma and then I kind of like move them around and it's just so much easier to like, move, draw, type, organize. So, yeah, I've become like, quite the Figma queen lately. That's been nice. That's actually been the really nice thing about my current job is I'm used to working in, like, software, like E commerce, ERP software. That's been my experience up until literally this year. And now I work at a graphic design agency. And I've learned so much about, like, marketing brands, brand guidelines, um, branding assets, um, ads, a B testing design. Yeah, it's been a really great, uh, you way to learn about, like, a totally new industry that I was never working in before. So it's actually helped a lot in my personal life with, like, content creation and things like that and like, learning how a brand works. And also, if you didn't see the episode with Yolli, like, she's a brand strategist and she does a lot of the same things that, like, my company does as a whole m. But she does it herself as, like a freelancer also in her own company, like Endless ID and working with clients, like one on one. So, um, I've learned a lot from her as well. Just like what a brand is, how branding works, why certain things go together and certain things don't go together. Like, there's just so many decisions that go into branding, which is just such a large, vast topic in itself. But I've learned a lot about that this year, so that's been really nice. Um, so, yeah, I have been exploring all these new tools. It's been so cool. Uh, and then what did I do this past week again? Let's look at my giant calendar. Oh, yeah, I was honestly really busy with work. Like I mentioned in my last episode was pretty busy. I went to breakfast with Marley. Actually, we hung out twice this weekend or this past week. Uh, we went to brunch and cake on Friday and we were chatting about, like, UGC content, how to get into ugc, creating UGC portfolios. So I created my own portfolio website this weekend. That was fun because I feel like my media kit needed an upgrade. So I was like, oh, my God. I'm just like, uh, knocking one thing out of, like, you know, like, it's like we talked about UGC portfolios on Friday and then immediately when I got home I like made one, refined it on Saturday and then finished it up and made a duplicate yesterday on Sunday. Because I want one to target for like fashion brands and then one to target for ugc. And they both kind of need to look a little different and have different content in them to pitch different ways. So I have two portfolios which I'm like, duh, it's so genius to make a website on Canva. You don't have to pay anything for a domain or anything. And it's so easy to make a website on Canva. Obviously it's not as polished as like a, you know, a maybe a different website domain, but it's so foolproof and so easy to make a website on Canva. And it's genius because I had been sending out like a presentation as a PDF for my uh, media kit up until now. And I was like, yeah, I noticed like a lot of times when I'm emailing brands and stuff like um, they don't. They automatically sometimes have like a, they sometimes have an email filter that automatically blocks like external emails with attachments in it. U. Um, and sometimes the media kit gets so big so I try to condense it and compress it down to like smaller megabytes and blah blah, blah. So it can just be a bit tedious if you have a PDF that you're trying to send to people. And sometimes it gets blocked out through spam filters and um, you can't really send it on Instagram cause you can't send attachments on, on Instagram. So if you have a link to a website that is your portfolio or your media kit, then you can just, you can hyperlink anywhere. Like you can send a link in Instagram, you can send a link in an email and links don't necessarily get blocked out as easily as an attachment will. So I was like, duh, how are we almost in 2025? And I didn't realize this yet, but then it's like, see, we just had this one conversation and I was like, oh my God, amazing, smart, let me do that. Blah blah, blah. So I just love when you have like brainstorming sessions like that. Cause I learned so much and it's just from like having a simple conversation over like a coffee. Yeah. So that was really nice. I. Yeah, that was pretty much it. Cause um, what did I do on Saturday? Oh, I just ran a bunch of errands like, oh, hey, worst shopping day of the year. Guys, worst shopping day of the year. I shouldn't have gone, but I knew I was going to go because I didn't have time during the week because worked, uh, whatever. And I knew I couldn't go on Sunday because everything here is closed on Sundays. So. Yeah. And today is Monday. I still technically have work today, so I need to be not running errands all day, you know. Um, so I, uh, uh, went to Action, which is a Dutch store that actually Marley recommended to me, but it's over in. I believe it's in Esplugus de G? Brgat, which is like at the. Almost at the end of the blue metro. So I went all the way there, checked it out. It was worth checking out for sure. I want to say, like, I was trying to compare it to like, a US Store. It's like Home Goods and menards mixed or. No, it'it's. Like Home goods with like, a touch of menards or like Home Depot. So, like, imagine a home goods, but it has, like an aisle for office supplies, an aisle for art supplies. Or maybe it's more similar to like a, uh, Michael's. I think it's almost more similar to a Michael's that might be more accurate because it has a whole aisle for home decor, for, uh, baking stuff, for cleaning stuff, for, like, home repairs, like drills, bicycle chains, bits. Drill bits, like everything you can think of for, like, home repairs. Um, maybe some car repairs, like a few things. Kids toys, some, like, clothing. I mean, not a lot. It seems like it mostly had, like, bras, underwear, socks, tank tops, T shirts, like kind of the basics. Um, yeah. And then it also had, like, a few bits of, like, candy wrapping paper. Uh, yeah, kind of like, uh, a Michael's Home Goods with a sprinkle of Home Depot kind of, you know, interesting. So it had, like, everything I needed at very affordable prices as well. I got like. Actually, I can just. Well, not that you guys really care, but I did do a little haul on my Instagram and I got, like, a few different baking pans because the reason I wanted to go there was I finally got a new oven. I never baked the whole time living in this apartment. And I finally stopped procrastinating and had the handyman come and take a look at it. And he did determine that it was just like straight up broken, uh, probably for a very long time. Because this apartment didn't come with anything to bake with, like baking sheets or anything like that. Uh, so I needed a place to go buy some baking sheets, blah, blah, blah. And they were very affordable. I, uh, got like a pizza pan, a regular baking sheet pan, and a loaf pan. And then I got, like, some silicone spatulas and, like, tongs and a few other things. Paper, uh, towel holder. Cause I just have been letting my paper towel sit on the kitchen counter, which is, like, fine, but a paper towel holder? I was like, you know, it's been a year and a half. It's kind of nice to have a paper towel holder. Uh, so I finally got one of those. And yeah, I think it was worth the trip, but it was, oh, my God, so full of people. I was trying to not to stress out, but I was having, like, a little freak out. And that was just the first errand of the day. So I was like, oh, o, oh, oh, it's really busy. Shit, shit, shit. And, um, I was trying to, like, keep my space with, like, my little cart, but there was just so many people in there. There was like, the shelves were just so messy. Because I think it's just like when you have that many people shopping before the holidays, it is not really feasible to, like, maintain the shelf organization in the middle of the day. So then I was, like, trying to, like, make my way towards the checkout. There's like, little kids running everywhere, like, playing hide and seek in the aisles, like, running into people. I was like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Like, I'm feeling very overstimulated right now. Um, then I got to the checkout and My total was€28 and 28 cents, which I didn't even notice at first. I, like, heard the total and I was like, okay. And the cashier looked at me like, beno m and I was like, yeah, okay, I'll pay with card. And she's like, you should buy a ticket today. And I was like, oh, yeah, I guess that is a nice number. Like 28. 28. Cool. But I haven't bought a lottery ticket here. I guess I don't pay attention to that stuff here because it does. It's a bit confusing to me. Um, but I guess there is, like, a big lotto going on right now for the holidays, so maybe I should. I don't really know how to do it. Um, but also, I never buy lottery tickets because I feel like it's just a bit silly. Um, what else? Oh, yeah. Then I finished going over to action. I took the metro back to hospital clinic, and then I got on a bus. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Guys, I was already feeling stressed because on the metro Back to like, I went from Espugas de Brat and I just wanted to get back like into the city center somehow. So I decided to get off atspl clinic and I got on a bus to take me to do the rest of my shopping because I wore, I worem like my heeled boots, which are very cute. But like, yeah, my feet were already starting to hurt. Okay. So I just decided to take a buzz. And um, I. On the metro on the way there, I was already starting to feel overstimulated because action. The store was so busy. And then I get on the metro and like, I don't know who was stinking up the metro. I have my suspicions, but I really don't know who it was. But I don't normally smell people like that are next to me on the metro. Like normally no one's smelling so strongly whether it's good or bad. Like normally no one's having a scent that's that strong that you can really smell. Unless you were to give them a hug, then maybe you would smell them. But like just standing next to people, I'm not usually able to pick out a specific smell that's like really strong. But on the metro, two sets of people got on at two separate stops at my door of the metro. Like the part of the metro that I was on when they walked in, they brought in such a draft of like stench with them that I was like, O my God, the first one. I have a suspicion that it was these two old ladies that just reeked of cigarettes and perfume. Like intense. Like they had to have been chain smoking indoors. They must smoke indoors. And that their clothes, their hair, like everything just like filled with smoke smell for it to be that strong. Plus probably putting a shitload of perfume on top of that. So when they walked in, I was likey sh. Holy shit. Like that was another level. I'm like, I should not be smelling someone like that much. Like, that's crazy. And then they got off and a few stops later these two guys get on and I don't, I think it was them, but I really, I can't say for sure because like a few people gone on at the same time. So could it have been just someone around me? Probably, but otherways somebody else gotne on and I think it was two guys, but again, I'm not sure. The ladies, I was more sure because they were like the only ones that got on at their stop. But this next one was a bit, you know, more cluttered, so I couldn't tell for sure. But someone got on again smelling, just reeking of cigarettes, but also like patchouli incense and like maybe a whiff of BO but like all those mixed together, it was so strong. I was like, whoa, holy shit, not another one. Like, this is crazy today. That wasn't so bad. But it was honestly just like a bit like the senses were being overwhelmed, you know what I mean? Like, like hearing, seeing, touching, feeling a bit claustrophobic and like, and then also the smell. I was like, whoa, like this is getting to be a bit overwhelming, guys. And then I got off at Host Speed Health Clinic. Like I said a million times. I got on a bus and I was waiting for two strollers to get on the bus and I'm like waiting very patiently. I was like, of course the strollers are going toa go on first. Like I'll get on a last. I don't really care because I didn't see anybody else waiting behind or like behind the strollers. Like I was obviously going to be next in my head. So I'm just patiently waiting for them like, hey, no rush, the bus isn't going to take off while they're like mid loading the stroller. So like, we're fine. Um, and then as I'm like starting to walk towards the bus to get on, like this family just barges right in front of me. And I was like, okay, like I normally I'll like hold it in, but that day I was like, no, no, um, I'm prepared to be a bitch today. I don't care. Because I was like, are you for real? Like, can we don just like, I don't know, wasn't it obvious enough that I was like waiting to go on after the stroller? Like, it was so rude in my opinion. So I was like, okay, go ahead guys, whatever. Um, and then on the bus it was fine, but when I got off, I went to Flying Tiger and in the store, like, oh my God, I know Flying Tiger is not that big. It is a little bit like purposely designed like a maze kind of like ikea, where like there's one direction that you're supposed to go around the store and the like aisle way of the store is not that big. So yeah, with the amount of people that were in the store shopping last minute before the holidays, like, I get it, we're all in there trying to do our last minute shopping. I literally just needed a gift bag and uh, I'm trying so hard to stay out of people's ways because I like, I don't know Sometimes I wonder if I have like sensory issues or something because if someone brushes up against me it like causes me irrational rage that I'm like please, like just don't touch me, please, please. I really don't like it, especially after I've already been like overstimulated with like smells and people being rude. So I finally get to the end of the line, I see that there's like some holiday candies and stuff and I am going to my friend's house for Christmas. So I was like, okay, maybe there's something I can grab to like bring over. I don't know, like let me just take a look quick. But of course they placed it right in front of the lines for the checkout. So I'm trying to like look quick. I already have all my bags of crap from action with me. So I'm like, oh God, this is obviously not ideal. I'm kind of standing like right here. But I was like, heay, let me just take a look quick. Like this man and his like 10 year old son are on both sides of me bumping into me, trying to grab shit that's like right in front of me. And I was like, what is going on? I know what is going on. Like they can't wait like 30 seconds until I'm done looking. Like I don't know, like why do people, I don't know, like why do you have to look at what's in front of me like while I'm here? Like I'll be done in 30 seconds or less. Like please. I would never barge in front of someone and just like start looking at the stuff that they're like actively looking at. I would just wait like 30 seconds until they're done and then you can look at it. Like what happened to taking turns? Let's bring back taking turns. I don't think people here take turns. It's so annoying. So I'm getting overstimulated with them bumping into me on both sides and I'm like oh my God, just let me get out of here. I don't care about snacks anymore. Just let me check out. Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. So I finally check out and I'm like, okay, one more errand left. Actually two more. I had to go to Maradona and then meiso it up and um, so I go to leave Flying tiger. And as I walk up to the automatic doors that slide open, there's a woman standing on the sidewalk facing like inside the store. She's like obviously waiting for someone to finish shopping and she's like having a cigarette outside. But she's not just having a cigaret out the outside. No. Because she couldn't just do that. She had to stand in the middle of the doors. And I don't know, I've noticed that like a lot of people here like't. They don't like move for you. I don't know why. It's genuinely baffling to me. I really, I don't understand it. So I was up to here already, guys. I was so up to here. Overstimulated. I was like, I really don't, uh, I'm going to be a villain today. I don't care. And me being a villain is likeona. But anyway, so the door open. There's not enough room for me to like really go on either side of her without being like, excuse me. So she's standing in the middle smoking her cigarette, looking inside. M. First of all, I'm a huge human being for the comparison to most people here. I'm five'eight I was wearing heels, so I was probably like five eleven. And also I'm just a large boned human being. You know what I mean? She's probably five to £100. So I'm towering over here. I'm like, you can clearly see me coming towards you trying to get out. And she still doesn't move. I was like, perdona, like, I don't know. Like, why are you standing in the middle and not moving? Like, I don't get it. You're in the door. Like, can you stand two feet to the side? You can still see through the glass. Ah. Uh, so anyways, I was like, whoa, Perona, like, let me out. And then I go to Mead, Dona, whatever. I get my toilet paper or whatever. Hey, everybody, she takes shits. Everybody, everybody. Hey, she takes shits. That's what I think every time I leave the store with toilet paper. Um, so I walk by all the people going out and their're nice outfits and stuff for dinner. And like, they're all going out, they're looking nice and I'm like schlepping like a bunch of bags and like toilet paper. And then I go to Miskota, which is a pet like toy food store. And um, yeah, so that was nice. I mean that was my last errand of the day. But holy cow, overstimulated is like, doesn't even come to explain it. Like, I can't. Also I noticed with like crowds of people here. I mean, I've noticed like, I mean I obviously have a very American way of walking on the sidewalks where, like, I just feel like there should be rules to walking on the sidewalk or, like, some etiquette at the very least. And clearly, I'm. I'm. You know, maybe I'm the minority on that. Uh, obviously, because it just is wild to me. Like, when I was walking through the busy streets of people going out because, like, I was finishing my errands when people were just kind of leaving to go out for dinner and stuff. So I get it. Like, there's groups of people all leaving, trying to get to dinner. But when you're at, like, a crosswalk and you're crossing, um, like, groups or you're walking through a group that's not moving, um, like, maybe they're all stationary, but you're trying to find a path, like, through them to, like, just get through. I'm not trying to, like, plow through people. I'm just trying to find some space with me in all my bags. I don't want to hit anyone because I know how it feels to be brushed up against with bags and stuff. I hate it. So I try my best to, like, not be bumping into people because I know how much I don't like it. And no one moves. So, like, whatever little room you have between people, like, they. It's just funny to me because how much I don't like being touched. Like, I will gladly shuffle over to give someone else room to, like, walk through a group, um, if they need to, because I don't want to touch them. They probably don't want to touch me. Like, we're all just happier if I move over a little bit. Right. Right. Am I crazy for that? Because here they don't even shuffle their feet, like, a little bit. Like, their feet are, like, planted. And, uh. So whatever space you get is what you get. And if you brush up against people, I guess they just don't care. Like, I don't know. They must not care, otherwise, they would move. Right. So I. Oh. Uh, it's just a cultural difference that I'm like. Doesn't make sense to me, but obviously people don't care for me. I'm like, my bubble is here, and I don't want anybody touching my bubble. Okay. But here, they really. I mean, obviously, I knew that before moving here, like, duh. But I am more shocked by it every time that I realize it, because I'm like, yeah, wow. Like, there was so many people out today. Obviously. It was, like, one of the worst shopping days of the year that's partially my fault for going out. Cause I know I don't like crowds, but. Yeah, it just shocks me every time because I'm like, people really don't mind brushing up against people and touching, like, shoulder to shoulder or stuff like that. Like, for me, it makes me want to barf. I hate it so much. Uh, so that was my week. Yeah, I just ran errands and, um, bleached my eyebrows again. Even though you probably can't really see because I'm wearing these beautiful glasses today. Um, yeah. So Merry Christmas to all who celebrate. I don't even really celebrate, honestly. Um, but I thought I would talk about it. And I love, like, I was watching more episodes of so True with Caleb hereon this week, and I love that in every episode he just, like, pauses randomly and he's like, so what do you think about God? And I love that question because I want to answer it myself. So what do you think about God? I don't really think there is one. But I was raised technically Christian, not really Catholic. Um, my dad was raised strict Catholic. My mom was raised, like, Lutheran, I guess. Uh, not really strict, though. They didn't, like, strictly go to church every Sunday or anything. And even my dad's family, I don't think they went to church strictly every Sunday. But they were raised, like, strict Catholic with, like, those rules and traditions and things. And then growing up, I went to an Episcopal Church. And we didn't. We tried going every Sunday a little bit, but I, uh, would go to Sunday school usually, or I would sit in the benches and we would, like, crochet or something so that we would shut up and listen. Um, um. But that was really the extent of my religious, uh, uh, exposure. I was, like, socially raised Catholic, though, I guess you could say, because I think where I grew up, a lot of people were Catholic and, like, the social norms definitely leaned Catholic. Uh, uh, so that's what I know. I don't know all the rules of Catholicism, though, because, like I said, we went to an Episcopal Church. It's pretty laid back. Like, my mom always described it as like a laid back Catholic church. So that's my exposure. I grew up with Catholic guilt and I wasn't even, like a Catholic churchgoer. Um, so I remember, like, when I was in school and I started going to junior high that everybody was starting to talk about, like, oh, did you get. I can't even remember, like, did you get confirmed? I think is what it is when you're about that age, uh, everyone's like, oh, did you get confirmed? I'm like, oh, I feel left out. Like, what is this confirmation thing that everyone's doing? Because, like, a lot of people would go to, like, Wednesday night church, Friday night church, Sunday church, and I didn't care. I was like, I don't want to go. Like, trust me, I don't like church. I knew from a very young age that I was like, fuck this shit. I'm not doing that. Um, but I would. I did admittedly feel left out because I was like, hey, what's all this church stuff y'all are doing? I don't know what just this church stuff is. What's this confirmation stuff and this bread and this wine that y'all be eating? Uh, I didn't know what it was. Uh, but I did feel a bit left out because everybody seemed to be talking about it, and I was like, what is this stuff y'all are doing? I've never heard of it before. And, uh, then I. I don't know. I just knew that people were doing, like, confirmations and communions and shit. I don't know what it is. I just heard about it a lot. And, um, that was the extent of my exposure, really. Like, once, um, we got old enough, like, I want to say, probably by the time I was 10, for sure, that was the earliest that we probably, like, ditched church and stopped going because we started having, like, tournaments every weekend for sports. And both my parents were like, yeah, we don't really want to go to church either. So it's a convenient excuse to not go to church if you have tournaments every weekend. So, like, basketball, baseball, volleyball, softball. Um. Um, yeah. So our life turned to sports. And with three kids in sports. Yeah. You have, you know, your life just becomes, like, dragging and your kids to sports, like, five times a week. So, yeah, kind of stopped going to church, but we did celebrate Christmas and celebrate all the Christian holidays. U. Uh, but never. I, you know, never really cared about them. But I did definitely grow up with Catholic guilt and not even. Really. Didn't even really know it or didn't even really understand, like, what it was, but all the things that you should feel guilty for in the Catholic faith. I definitely had, even though I didn't realize it. And now that I'm an adult and I, like, look back, I'm like, oh, it's almost like as if I went to Catholic church and got the whole spiel every week, But I just never knew that or, like, never actually did. But I got it just through societal Norms or my dad's parenting. So, yeah, um. So, yeah, lots of. Lots of weird guilt around things that I shouldn't have guilt about. But that's just, you know, the indoctrination of the Catholic faith. So obviously you can tell that I'm very anti. I'm very anti religion, just like any religion, period. I don't like any organized religion at all. I do understand why people like it, but for me personally, I'm not a fan, but I do, like, understand why it's beneficial for some people and why they enjoy it. Maybe it's a family tradition. Maybe it's something that brings you peace internally. Like, whatever it is, I totally get it. But I think just organized religion. Like, I think if you practice the religion and you enjoy it, oh, my God, please do. Like, I don't care. Who am I to say? But I'm just saying, like, I don't judge. Like, please, like, if it's something that brings you joy, brings you peace, please do it. But I just think, like, whoever's organizing the religion, like, at a larger scale, a higher level, terrible people usually. So, I mean, I think, uh, at, uh, a like, everyday person level, that's great. Totally fine, whatever. Like, whatever you need to do for you to feel, like, happy in this life. Because there's really no rules. Like, I think it's great. But for me personally, I feel that there's no religion that, like, totally makes sense to me. So I just kind of, like, freeball it. Maybe I'll take pieces from each religion that I kind of like, which is kind of what I do. I've learned about a little bit about most religions, and I kind of just take pieces that I think fit the way I want to live my life. And I kind of just take those into my life and leave the rest that I don't enjoy. Um, yeah, so mostly just things about, like, being a good person, being kind. Um, maybe you try to. I don't know, maybe there's some sort of larger being out there. I don't really think it's God per se. But, like, there's probably. There's probably something. I don't know. I don't think it's like a God, like how it's described in the Christian. Christian realm. Um, but I do think there could be something. I don't know. If anything I believe. I don't know. I feel really weird. What's up with mediums? I need to know more information about that because it is fascinating, but also it's so inconsistent person to person. But I guess if it is just like a skill that maybe you're born with and you can practice it, then obviously it's not going to be like cookie cutter. The same for every person who taps into it. I will say from the few people I've heard of like, that have experienced it, it's kind of undeniable that there's got to be something or everyone's just cuckoos and they're just making stuff up and the stuff they make up just sticks and like, it's a coincidence. I don't know. But I do think that there's quite a few, you know, real scenarios where it's like, wow, like nobody could have known that. It's very specific. So I think that's the only evidence, like I'm, um, very like science based in that way. Like, that's the only evidence I've seen for that. There. There's something else that we can't necessarily see. Uh, so I do think there's probably something. I don't know. Whatever. Okay, so Merry Christmas. I guess if you celebrate or not. Whatever. Uh, let's talk about my personal Christmas traditions. Let's just get right into it. U so my family growing up, like I mentioned, we kind of did the church thing. Weren't like super into it. I think nobody in my family actually really wanted to do it, but my parents probably felt obligated because of their. The way they were brought up. And then they eventually were like, nah, we don't even really want to do this. Like, let's be really honest. Nobody wants to do that. So then, uh, we just didn't go anymore, which was great for me. I didn't want to ever go. Um, but we always used to get real pine trees. That was like a big thing. We always got real pine trees for our Christmas tree. Um, we never had a super strict decora style, which for me as a kid was super fun. I see. Like m. I love that my mom didn't care about having like a super aesthetic house or anything because she would just let us like, decorate the tree however we want with like, whatever decorations we want. We had a ton of boxes and we don't even necessarily use the same decorations every year because we have so many lights and so many ornaments. So it's like you get to change it up every year because, like, not every year has to be the same. So honestly, it'pretty fun. Like, I can't remember a year that our tree tree has ever looked the same because we have so many variations of lights. And ornaments and even tree toppers. Like, we have like three different Santa Clauss and like two different stars. And it's just kind of random. Like, whatever one you pick out of the box first is probablynna be the one that you put on the tree that year. Like, nobody really cared. Which was kind of fun though, because as a kid, like, as a kid, you're not like, think, well, maybe nowadays kids are. But when we were little in like the 90s and early 2000, like, nobody's like, thinking about aesthetics. So it was just fun. Like, she didn't like, care how we decorated the tree. Like, we usually got to help decorate and like, pick out the lights and the ornaments. So that was fun. And then we also had a special kids only tree in the basement that was like a mini plastic tree or artificial tree, uh, that we were allowed to put together ourselves and decorate ourselves, which was fun. So that was like the one that we got to be like 100% in charge of. So that was fun. And I'm part Hungarian, for those of you who don't know. That's also how I live in Spain, as I have a Hungarian passport as well. So it's very easy for me to live in Europe because I'm technically a European citizen. So that's really cool. Uh, but yeah, so my Hungarian grandparents used to always have us come over on the evening of Christmas Eve. And I just thought it was like, oh, that's just how we split up the grandparents. Like we do my mom's side on Christmas Eve, my dad's side on Christma Day. I just thought that was how they, like, decided to split up the parents or the grandparents. Um, but I found out that actually there was probably a reason behind it also because, like, my American grandparents on my dad's side, like, they would always do Christmas on Christmas Day anyway, because I think that's, that's pretty typical for Americans anyway. So it kind of worked out in a good way that way. Um, but I guess Hungarians mainly celebrate on Christmas Eve, like the evening of Christmas Eve. So we would always go over there on Christmas Eve, open presents, have a big dinner. That was always fun. And then we would go, like I said, to the other grandparents house on Christmas day for, like, a big lunch and open presents with the other side of the family. So that was like, always the routine for a really long time, up until I was probably 15. Um, but then my grandma unfortunately passed away, and then she was kind of the glue of the family on my dad's side. So then we kind of just like, all stopped hanging out and doing holidays together. So that kind of crumbled after I turned 15. We never really did big group holidays after that. And then, yeah, on my Hungarian grandparents side, we would still go over, but it wasn't like, as big of a celebration because we were really the only, like, little grandkids at that point. So, I mean, it's not like we had a bunch of cousins to share presents with, because my other cousins were pretty much like, they were like, significantly older than us, so we didn't really have other kids our age to hang out with there anyway. So it was mostly just like, us going over to eat dinner and open presents. Uh, but yeah. So Hungarian Christmas, what do they do? They have salonuur, which is like marzapan covered in chocolate, in, like, these pretty little shiny wrappers that kind of look like ornaments that you hang them on the tree so you can eat those. And then, I don't know. I mean, we would always eat paaina, but that's just because our grandma knows that we really like paachinta, so she would always make it for us. Speaking of which, I just made palachinta yesterday. I'll insert a little clip of it because I love making palainta. It's just crepes. Um, but for me, it's paainta. So that's what we have. I've always had paleinta. Um, so instead of regular pancakes, we want painta. Yeah, painta. You remember that. And, um. But yeah, so since becoming an adult, um, and since all our cousins are significantly older than us on both sides of the family, they pretty much all have had their own kids for, like, the last 10 years. Like, since my siblings and I have become adults. Like, we really don't have any significant holiday traditions, like, for the entire year. Like, we just kind of do whatever. Um, which I guess is nice in that way that my parents aren't, like, super strict on, like, making us do a certain thing or like, being like, you have to show up for this day and you have to do this and you have to do that. Because I know some families are really like, oh, my God. Like, they would be. The parents would be, like, so offended if their kid didn't show up for a holiday or something. But I'm, like, actually really grateful that my family doesn't care that much, because I don't care that much. Uh, obviously, like, I don't have any decorations. Like, I just. I don't really care. I don't know. For me, it's just like another day of the year. Um, but yeah, so I am not going home, obviously. I'm in Barcelona, I'm not going home for the holidays. We don't have any really special traditions anymore. I think as kids it was a lot more fun because we still had like a lot of fun presents to open and like there was no social media so there's no like sharing your stuff or freaking out about what your friends were getting for Christmas. I mean there was still some freaking out because you would talk about it at school, but that was the extent of it. And um, yeah, other than that, like, it was just fun to like hang out with cousins because when we were young enough, the other cousins were still relatively young enough. So like it was still a little more fun. But then as we got older they were like in their 20s and 30s so it was like we were still like middle teenagers and they were like already like in their 30s so it was like kind of, kind of weird. Um, anyway, so yeah, we don't have any special traditions and my parents are not strict about having to celebrate together and I really like that because I don't care either. So I just, I'm just chillin in Barcelona because I mean I was just home in September and then before that I was home in June. So I was like the flights are so expensive. Like I just don't know if I really want to buy another flight home. Plus like I do like being home for Christmas caus, like the white snow, whatever, like it does kind of curate the Christmas vibe. But I also like not having snow. So I do like being in Barcelona for winter because you still get to wear your winter clothes. You still get to feel chilly and like cozy. But there's no snow and there's lights everywhere. It's very beautiful. So yeah, I'm here. I'm gonna hang out with my friends and uh, I'll probably FaceTime my family on Christmas and hang out with them over FaceTime. But I call my family every day anyway, so. Well, I call my mom every day. Um, so I'm always on the phone. I basically live there on the phone. Like I'm always talking to them on the phone so I don't ever feel that I'm that far away from them because like I call my mom at least once a day, probably two or three times a day honestly. So I'm always talking to them. I'm always knowing what they're up to. I'd never feel that far away. Like I get along with them much better over FaceTime. Anyway, like, I know if I'm there in person, I. I, uh, u. What do they call it? Like, devolve? I. Oh, I regress into, like, my teenage self, and it's just traumatizing. So I honestly prefer talking over FaceTime sometimes. I mean, it would be nice to be there in person for, like, a day or two, but. But yeah, it's just a big commitment to fly back and forth. And, like, it's like, if I'm flying that far, I might as well stay for a couple weeks, and then it kind of throws me out of my routine. So. Yeah, I'm really. I'm not mad about spending my second Christmas here in Barcelona because I spent my first Christmas in Barcelona here as well. Um, which was actually really nice. So. Yeah, I mean, I would maybe miss it more if we had more of a tradition, but, uh, we. We really don't, and it's totally fine. So, if anything, it's just like, another Thanksgiving where, like, everyone comes over and you just cook a big meal and then everyone goes home. So it's nice to see everyone, but it's not like some significantly different day than any other day that we would get together. Like a Sunday dinner. It's pretty much the same as that. So. So, yeah, that's. That's really it. But our, uh, Christmas is growing up. Like, that was. That was about it. So no major traditions here. Um, no plans for New Year's Eve, as far as I know. So if anybody wants to invite me to a party, hey, they hit me up. Um, but yeah. So let's talk a little bit more about what Christmas is like in Barcelona. Like I said, the city is full of lights everywhere, so it really does feel, like, so magical, and it makes me want to go out after sunset because it's, like, just full of twinkly lights everywhere, and it's really cute. Like, there's a few streets that have their own sets of lights along, like, the entire street. So, like, what streets am I thinking of? Like, Pass de Gracia, Ral, Catalunya, Balmes. I'm sure there's others, but, yeah, like, those are a few examples. Arago, Gramia, M. Yeah, those all have their own lights. So, like, there's a lot of streets that you can walk down with twinkly lights and take photos and walk around the Christmas market. I know there's for sure a Christmas market by the Barcelona Cathedral in Gothic Quarter. I think there might be another one over by Sagrada Familia, if I'm correct. And Then there's other random stands around the city that you can find with like roasted chestnuts, mulled wine, churros, um, maybe a few other snacks. I mean, not each stand is exactly the same, but for the most part you can find roasted chestnuts and mulled wine. Um, also at Racinta Mornista de San Pao, there's um, it's like a. I think it's like a university campus, but during the holiday season they transform it into like a giant light festival. So you have to buy a ticket in advance and you walk in and like every single building is like decked out in its own like, light theme. So like each building has a different theme and then there's also like these little walkways in between each building that has their own light theme as well. So it's basically like a light Christmas light holiday light theme park. And then in the middle of the campus, university campus, there's a huge ginormous cagatilllo. And so you can take a photo with the giant cagato. And there's also a huge Christmas tree in the middle. So it's just beautiful. I went last year with Tali and Romel and we went ice skating, but I guess the ice skating is not there this year. So this year I'mnna go again. But just u, uh, to see the lights. And then there's like hot chocolate and snacks and you can just hang out. And like there's a few, I think there's a few, um, like exhibitions inside the buildings as well. Like not every single building, but I think there's a few that you can go and side that have like indoor light attractions. I don't know what to call. I don't know why. It's like, I'm forgetting words for things. But there's a few like indoor things as well that you can look at. Um, yeah, so that's really cute. Also, at the Christmas markets you'll probably see a Kaganer, which is like a, ah, figurine of a man taking a shit. So it's like a man with like a white shirt, a red belt, a red hat and black pants bending over and like taking a shit. And there's literally like the poop emoji. Like shit on the figurine. Like he literally shit. And that's like the figure. And when I first saw it, I was like, who the fuck would buy that? Who the fuck? Um, but I guess the explanation behind it is that he's like a farmer and like he's taking a poop and it will, like, help fertilize his crops for the new year. So it's like a prosperous figurine. Like, I don't know, I guess you could think of it, like, shit out all the shit from last year and let it prosper and help grow the shit for the next year. I don't know. I'm personally probably never gonna buy one unless it's like a gag gift for someone. Um, but it is pretty funny because it doesn't just stop at the Kaganeair. They have every character you can think of, like, from any movie, any TV show ever in the form of a Kageaneair. So Shrek taking a shit, donkey taking a shit, Lord Farquad taking a shit. I can't think of anybody else but Shrek characters right now, but you get my point. Like Batman, Superman taking a shit. So, uh, if you want one of those, come to Barcelona. Other everywhere you can find them even. You can find them even not in the holiday season, but you'll especially for sure find them at Christmas markets during the holiday season. Uh, there's also cagatilllo, which I thought for the longest time. T. I was thinking it was tio, like uncle in Spanish, but it's in Catalan, so Theo is log. So it's like poop log. That's his name. Poop log. I thought it was called Shitting uncle, like Uncle Shit, your uncle who shits. That's what I thought it was called. And I thought it was just like they nicknamed this log in the living room. Like, hey, there's the Shitting Uncle. Like, that's what I thought. And I was like, that's'fucking hilarious. I mean, it's still hilarious because it's literally called the Caatio, like, poop log. So that's still super funny. Um, but yeah, it's a log that wears a little hat that you put under your tree and it has, like, a little face on it. And, um, it's a Ktalan tradition, so I think I can't remember exactly. You know what? We're on the Internet right here. Let me look at it. Um, let's just read it for you guys. So it's a tradition that's fun for the kids. And, oh, yeah, you cover it with a blanket and the kids hit it and feed it, um, dried fruit or like, maybe citrus, like some oranges or lemons or something. Um, and you hit it during December up until Christmas Eve. So I would say, like, I don't know, from what I've seen Like, most nights the kids will come. Maybe they don't do it every night because, like, I don't know, it might get a bit old. But you come, you hit the log with the stick, you sing like, kagat Kagalo. Like, shit us some presents. Katio Kagatlo. Like, whatever. There's a song and you keep feeding it at night. And then on Christmas morning, all of a sudden you pulled the blanket up and there's a bunch of presents under it because you fed it all, all December long, and then it gave you presents after you whacked it and yelled at it to give you presents the whole, whole month. Uh, so, yeah, that's another tradition. Um, and yeah, like I mentioned in the beginning, when I showed the candy cane, I found out that Spanish people don't like peppermint. And I guess it's because, like, it kind of makes sense because, like, if it's not a flavor that you're introduced to regularly as a kid, I guess by the time you're an adult, you probably would think it's a bit of a gross flavor. Like, e. It probably, like, probably the people that think like, mint, uh, candies taste like toothpaste, which, like, they kind of do taste like toothpaste. But I like the flavor. I love mint flavored stuff, though. I get like. But I can also understand why people might not like it. But especially I was thinking, like, oh, yeah, I guess, like, if you never eat peppermint candy growing up, if you don't have that many mint flavored foods growing up, then I guess by the time you're an adult and you're not exposed to that flavor very much, it probably would be a pretty jarring flavor to like, have pop up in your food or your candy. Um, so yeah, there's not like any peppermint flavored, like mochas. No peppermint flavored candy. No peppermint. Like candy canes. Um, I did see strawberry flavored candy canes. I did see, like tropical fruit flavored candy canes. Uh, but no peppermint candy canes. Unless you go to a. Maybe like. Like I went to a Danish store, for example, but at like the typical Spanish stores that are in the Spanish region, like, you're not going to see peppermint candy. Which I just was like, oh, my God, I never realized that. But then once I finally had that bite of peppermint, I was like, oh, my God, it is just the perfect Christmas flavor. Like, it's so good. Like, I equate Christmas with peppermint. It's so good. U uh, yeah. So that is how Christmas is in Barcelona. I wouldn't say it's like the Christmas destination obviously. I think if you're going toa want to go to Christmas markets, it's probably gonna be like Austria, Germany, Switzerland, like probably up we near Germany somewhere. Yeah. But I do think Barcelona is very beautiful around Christmas time. Like I think. I, uh, don't know. I guess I don't feel that it's necessarily any less busy. I feel like a lot of people have come here for Christmas time, so I wouldn't say it's necessarily an off season. But if you want to experience Barcelona in the winter, I still think it's veryth worthwhile coming here. Also, I wanted to mention for all my friends on here who are listening if you are. Thanks. Um, I want more people to come visit me because I have a hard time when I go back to the US like it's so hard to try and visit everyone. So just pay a few thousand dollars and come visit me instead. But don't stay with me. Um, I'm not that hospitable. I wish I was, but I'm really am not. Um, I wish I was just like super chill and was like, yeah, like just come stay with me. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not. I can make exceptions for my immediate family because like I could. But I don't have this two bedroom apartment anymore and I don't really want to make you sleep on the couch. And also I just kind of want my space to be my space. So please, please, please come visit me. I don't say that to be rude. I'm just saying that to set a boundary. But please come visit me because I love showing people around the city and I want to show people Barcelona and I wanna hang out with people and have quality one on one time with people and yeah. So please come visit me. Yay. And I can give you lots of hotel recommendations. Um, yeah, but how I'm celebrating this year. Like I said, I don't really have any plans or traditions so I don't have any plans for Christmas day. I'll probably just be editing this podcast, laying in bed, watching movies. Um, but yeah, I'm just celebrating Christmas Eve. So by the time you guys are listening to this, I've already celebrated. So I'm just going to Tali's house like I mentioned and uh, we're just having a group of friends over, that's all. Like people that are going toa be here for Christmas that are not going home to their home countries. And u. You know what's going toa be kind of fun is because, like, a lot of us are all from different countries, so we're all going to bring, like, a typical dish that we would eat at our Christmas dinners in our respective countries. So I think there's people from. Well, there's some. I know there's like a person that's here from Barcelona or Catalunia. There's, um, like, Romel's from Venezuela, Tali's from the UK uh, some others from South America. And there might be others too. I'm not sure exactly everyone who's going, but yeah, so we're gonna have a nice variety. And then me from the US Obviously. But as. As Tally and I were comparing our dishes and our traditions, like, I mean, hey, the US Got it from somewhere, right? Like, most of our traditions came from the UK So. So honestly, it's not that different than what they do in the uk so it's not going to be like, you know, super exciting. But I am going to bring mashed potatoes and I'm going toa bring some. Oh, yeah, I think I mentioned this in my previous episode, but I'm going toa bring some ingredients, uh, to make some cocktails. But I've had a hell of a time trying to find raspberry syrup here. Like, I don't know where to find it. I went to a wine store that sells like, well, I went to like, an alcohol store today, and I was like, do you just have raspberry syrup? And he's like, nop, we're out. And I'm like, oh, but okay, maybe you did sell it. But I don't know. I don't know if he said we're out or if he said no, we don't. I can't remember now. But yeah, I don't know where to buy raspberry syrup because it is kind of a very specific ingredient. But I would venture to guess that it's probably at, uh, alcohol stores, because it's definitely not at regular grocery stores because it's like such a specific ingredient. And I think people are really only buying it to go with cocktails. So I don't know. I've looked it up on Google. I still can't really find any definitive answers besides ordering it online. And I was likekay, I don't care that much. I'm not going to order it online. But, um, maybe I'll try one or two more alcohol stores later today. Hopefully I can find It. I mean, it's not necessary, but I was like, oh, I just really want to have, like, the full cocktail ingredient list to make, like, the actual cocktail. Otherwise, I mean, you can mix, like, Schwep's limon and orange juice with, like, any alcohol and, like, make a drink out of it. You know what I mean? Like, you know, I want all the ingredients. Wh. So we'll see if I can find that. And we also made a shared Spotify playlist to share, like, traditional songs from all of our countries. Like, traditional Christmas songs. And, yeah, like, pretty much all the ones from the US Are the same as the ones from the UK So, um, the traditions are almost the same, except we don't eat whatever the UK People. British people eat. Okay, The British food is a little scary. I'm not gonna lie. I love you, Tali, but the British food is a little scary. Okay, so we have. I mean, I was looking up, like, what is a traditional US Christmas lunch dinner? Like, what is a Christmas meal? Because I know for my family, my American side of my family, uh, we would just have. I don't know, it would be basically like Thanksgiving, except no stuffing, no turkey. And instead of the stuffing in the turkey, we would just have a Christmas ham. I think that's pretty standard, though, as far as I can understand. Like, mashed potatoes, ham, green beans, rolls, corn, maybe, uh, I don't know, some stuff like that. So, uh, pretty much, uh, the same as Thanksgiving with a few swaps. But, yeah, so that's about it. But I'm super excited for that. I was almost gonna wear what I'm wearing to Tali's tomorrow to wear in this episode, but then I was feeling lazy, so I put on this new dress instead. But I'm wearing it, like, all bunched up because I don't want to actually wear it like a dress. I'm just wearing it as a shirt. So you guys have something more visually pleasing than, like, the same five other shirts I've been wearing all the time. We always love you. I will always. U. Uh, yeah. So last week I talked aboutm, uh, watching Pokemon. Still heavy on the Pokemon train, Still heavily on Pokemon. Um, also, I have been watching Outlander, like I mentioned last episode, and Roger and Brianna really take me out of it. They really take me out of it. They just. I noticed the last episode I watched, they weren't in it at all. And I was like, oh, my God, I loved this episode. And I didn't realize why at first, And I was like, oh, yeah, it's because Roger and Briana weren't in it. Sorry. Um, not that I like can't stand them at all, but I just, it's why I haven't been like super loving the past few seasons because I just, I'm so sorry to them. It's not that they're bad actors or anything. I just for some reason their characters like really take me out of the like fantasy of it all. And uh, yeah, so I was like loving the episode where they didn't show up at all. But then this most recent episode, they were like the main storyline, uh, which I knew they would have to be because like, if they had an episode where they weren't in it, they were obviously going to have to circle back to like the Roger Brianna storyline. Um, but yeah, now I'm thinking like maybe I should start watching Outlander from the very beginning again because I just need to feel something. I just need to feel something. Once caus like last episode I mentioned if I can't have a freickin cheeky flirty conversation with a hot guy at an event soon, like I'm gonna have to start reading smut books like all the people are doing on the TikTok these days. Like I'm gonna have to be doing something because it's just getting real depraved. It's getting real sad and boring. I just need something like a little silly and happy and flirty. Like just something would be nice. Um, oh my God. Also you guys, you guys. Oh my God. Okay, if you don't watch the do we know them Podcast, please go watch Jesse and Lily. I've been obsessed with them like since the very first day they started their podcast. I mean I've been obsessed with Jesse since her vine days. But um, met Lily when she started the podcast with Jesse and I've been watching them ever since. Like I can't get enough. But I love that Jesse has broken down the Ash trbino drama on TikTok lately. And if you want like a full in depth, like multiple hours long discussion, just go to the do you know them? Pod do we know them? Podcast because it will be much better there. But if you just want to recap, here we go. So Astrobino, who is she? She is a 35 year old mother on TikTok who goes on TikTok Live. So I guess there's like this genre of people on TikTok that make their money by going on TikTok live, uh, like 24 hours a day almost and battling people and I guess you battle people by, like. Like, you go live with one or more people at a time. So, like, you join each other's lives. It's almost like a giant FaceTime call that, like, everyone can watch and they battle. So then, like, whatever person's live, you're watching. So, like, let's say Ash is battling Heffa, uh, who I guess is like, another influencer that she goes live with a lot. So you might be on Ash'live and you can still see both of them, but you're on Ashes Live. So you, when you click the screen to, like, double tap to like it, you're like, sending her more, like, support or, like, votes in the battle. But then if I go to Hefa's and I'm watching them on Heffa'live and I tap the screen, it's like, I'm, um, voting for Heffa. So then there's like this bar in the middle that, like, depending on who has more support, it will, like, move side to side. And then, like, if it ever touches the side, like, whatever side that is, that person wins, you know, so that's. I guess, like, I'm still not fully aware, but I know a lot of people make fun of Jason Nash because he does that as well. And yeah, just. That's another thing. But, yeah, I guess Jason Nash does it as well. But Ast Trbino just came up out of nowhere for me, at least in the last, like, month. And at first I, like, it's like, my fault, right? Because I saw one video and I was like, who the hell? And I searched her name and then I looked at a few videos and I was like, oh, oh. And now my feed is like, gotcha. And it's just been feeding me, like, Asrubino stuff for, like, a month straight. And I'm not going to lie, guys, I can't get enough. It's just like a train wreck that I can't stop watching. It's crazy. Astrobino is, like, the topic of the month for me. I can't stop watching. It is truly a train wreck that I cannot peel my eyes away from. Like, it' terrible. So like I said, she's known as. Or she was'originally I guess she's kind of become a bit more infamous for other things recently. But originally came up. I think she must have been talking about it on her TikTok lives. Uh, so that's how people came to call her this. But they started calling her the Inmate Hopper because she was, like, bragging on Live, I guess, about how she dates inmates and she had dated like 30 plus inmates or something crazy like that. And um, I think she's even had a boyfriend, like even up until recently, but maybe he's, he's like still in jail. So I don't really know. See, like, I don't know all the inner workings because I kind of don't really want to know all of that. But I guess that's how she got some notoriety, is that she was like known as the inmate hopper and she would like have relationships with these men in prison. And yeah, so there's that. That's how she was like originally known. I don't think that she's really referred to as the inmate hoppers so much anymore because she's kind of gained a new cringe fame for herself. Um, um, so she sits on Live all day eating like drinking Pepsi and eating hot Cheetos and u. Um, I don't know, like oversharing about her life and like not spending time with her daughters, like it's truly baffling. Um, but her daughters are 15 and 12 and she's 35, so she had them, you know, pretty young. Ash is not like really a full, full time parent. I think, like, she is, but she's not. They're also old enough now to kind of like look after themselves for the most part. Like they don't need immediate supervision. You know, they're 15 and 12, so like they're old enough to kind of like look after themselves. Uh, but I guess I've seen some therapists and stuff, like debate whether or not she's like histrionic or borderline personality, because that would make sense, honestly, with her behavior. Like obviously she's had her own things that she's gone through in life and that's obviously contributed to the way she is now. So I do feel for her in that way, like that it's caused her to be this person. But holy crap, holy crap. She is so mean to her daughters. Like so mean. Because she is the type of mother who competes with her daughters. So her most recent fiasco. Okay, uh, this, this is, this is truly wild. So she's like on Live, like all the time, every day, whatever. She starts flirting on Live with this guy named Santos who is 19. She acts like a teenager. She acts like a 15 year old, honestly, like 15. Uh, so she starts fling with Santos on live and she. Guys, guys, this is crazy. She is flirting with him like as if it's like a, a sexy FaceTime call. Uh, but on Live where everyone is watching and I'M seeing all this after the fact, so I'm probably missing a lot of details, Right? But anyway, the gist of it is they were flirting, planning to meet up, and it seems like he was like kind of really into it. And so she, I don't know. She, uh, I don't know if she was like, kind of joking and like turned on her vibrator off camera and pretended to use it for a minute. Also showed her nipple on the camera. And I don't remember if that was an accident or if that was real, but now everyone who watches her lives screenshotted that photo and changed all their profile pictures to that screenshot of her with her nipple out. Oh my God. So that people purposely give her gifts so that their profile picture with her nipple will show up in the live. This is truly unhinged, guys. What is the Internet like? I love the Internet so much. But also, what the fuck? So people purposely give her gifts so that it will keep showing up and she gets getting, keeps getting pissed off that like, that photo keeps comingm. Um, but anyway, so those two things happened on that live, which is already like, crazy. She plans to meet up with Santos. Oh my God. Sorry. Before the Santos thing, just really quick, I'm not gonna go fully into this. She was already going viral for like the. Did it smell? Did it smell? The. The. Did it smell? Because she was at her theia's house for Thanksgiving. And, uh, this is just a random lady she met on Tik Tock, like not that long before. And, uh, so that's why she went viral first. Um, if you've seen that sound or seen that video. And then so more recently she has this whole Santos thing going on. So they were on live. She did all that crazy stuff with her nipple in the vibrator. And then, um, they planned to meet up and she was like so giddy and exc. Excited, like as if she was going to freaking prom or something. You know what I mean? Like, it really seems like she's like a 15 year old, you know, like, mentally. So she, uh, plans to meet up with him. He comes to her house to pick her up to take her out on like a date, I guess. And she is like, like, oh my God, like I'm going on a date with this like, hot guy, whatever. Like, she was so excited. He came with like security. He brought her to this bar in Dallas. Um, they like had a. Their phones on Tik Toc live all night. Um, he had security with him, like, but it was super cringe that they were on live, and, like, there's these clips of him and her together and, like, she's, like, clinging on to him the whole night, like, clearly waiting for him to make any sort of move that shows that he's, like, sort of even a little bit into her. And you could tell, like, when he was with her that he was like, oh, like, I have to do this shit for real. Like. And in his mind, it was obviously for clout, like, for a collab for clout. And in her mind, she was like, okay, yeah, maybe there's like, a clout aspect to it, but she was clearly, like, really into him and, like, hoping that they were going to be on a real date. And so she was clearly waiting for, like, any moment that he would, like, lean over like that maybe they could kiss or something. And he kept, like, egging it on a little bit too, like, oh, yeah, like, we're gonna, you know, we're flirting, blah, blah, blah. But throughout the night on the live, while they were on there, like, date or whatever, you could see, like, how, like, very uncomfortable he was. And then the next day, she's like, oh, no, it was not a date. Like, it was clearly just for cloud. It was clearly just for a collab, whatever. So that all happened. Whatever. Um. Um. Also, more information came out, like, that she. She. Well, more information came out. She just oversh. Shared it on her own. U. Um, that she. She used to feel like she had to compete with her daughter for her baby daddy's attention or for their father's attention. And she used to get mad because she felt like their father loved them more than he loved her. So she would take her anger out on her daughters. And she admitted that, um, on live, that she would, like, pull their hair and, like, get really angry at them and feel like she had to compete with them for his attention. And she only really pursued going out with Santos because her daughters had a crush on him, because her daughters are a big fan of him on TikTok. And so it's just like, it's all very, very messed up, like, parentified. She's not like a. She's like just some other random person in their lives, but she's just not act like a mother to her daughters. Like, I feel very mad for her daughters, honestly. Um, um. And so, yeah, that's really the very short of it. Um, there's significantly more, but I. I don't think I can bring myself to talk about it. But. But, yeah, I mean, guys, if you are curious, look it up. I hope like, for the. To be kind. I really do hope that she's not going to be like this forever because it is really sad for her kids. I think. Like, they handle it extremely well. Like, they are way more mature than she is. Like, yeah. So it sucks for. For them, honestly, but it is also a train wreck that I can't look away from, so I had to share that with you guys. Also, um, Nurse Hannah, um, that has been crazy because she really does justify the, uh, I would call it abuse that she does, um, to her child. And I think she emulates a lot of, like, Ruby Frankie behaviors before Ruby Frankie was involved with Jody Hildebrandt. Um, and it is truly triggering to watch. So I would maybe not recommend looking up in Nurse Hannah if you don't want to see that kind of stuff. Um, it's not like, straight up abuse. It's very covert, like, very subtle. I actually, uh, no, I wouldn't even call it subtle, but I think a lot of people would talk out of it and be like, no, that's not really. No, no, you can't N. But if, you know, like, the signs and, like, know what is not acceptable behavior as a parent. Like, it's glaringly obvious with Nurse Hannah. So I was, like, crying watching some of the videos because it's. It's not like they're physically, physically abusing their son. It's just. U. Uh, it's really sickening behavior, though. It's really sickening. So worst, uh, mom of the year award goes to Nurse Hannah and Ast Trbino. They tie her first. Uh, okay, so moving on from that. Merry Christmas, guys. Um, my goals for the upcoming week, because this is kind of like, yeah, the last full week of the year. I'm. I'm sorry. The Internet is just so crazy, guys. I don't know. U. Um, so, yeah, I'm not really taking any time off work this week because I'm not going anywhere. Like I said, I don't really have any reason to take any time off work. Like, I'm here, I'm home, I can work. So I figure there's no point and wasting my PTO days. Like, I might as well just do some work while I'm home. And, uh, then I can take PTO for other things like trips in the new year. Uh, also I will m. Have a bit of a mental break because honestly, like, almost everyone else is out of office and it truly feels so peaceful. Like, I just love this week of the year because it is the only week of the year we'almost every single person goes out of office at the same time. So it's like, just kind of unanimously agreed that, like, work is not really being prioritized for the whole world. Like, how crazy. How often does that happen? It doesn't. It doesn't. Like, this week at the end of the year is, like, the only week of the year where it's, like, unanimous that, like, everyone's kind of like, uh, nothing's really getting done this week. And I would just like to say we should really cherish this moment because the older I get, the more I'm like, did I just not realize things when I was younger? Like, I think I was just so, like, go, go, go. Learning things like feeling stressed, feeling overwhelmed, feeling like I don't have control over my life. Like, every year it's like that Kylie Jenner clip that's like, I think I was just realizing things. Every year I'm like. I just feel like I'm realizing things that I never remembered before. And it's almost like post Covid, I'm like, I'm much older. I'm over 25. I am making new experiences and new learning, uh, journeys and just, like, new things in my life that I'm, like, now realizing stuff and learning stuff and kind of like banking stuff in my brain that I probably should have a long time ago. But it's like, when you're a kid, I don't know, you just. You're not, like, paying attention to the fine details of life all the time or, like, you are in some aspects and you aren't in others. I don't know. But it's like, I have a new memory now, and it's like everything from before 2020 is, like, I have a very spotty memory of, like, my life before that. It's actually kind of sad because sometimes my friends will be like, don't you remember that time when. And I'll be like, no, I'm so sorry, I don't remember. Like, I'm really trying to remember, but I don't remember. Um, so, yeah, it's, like, crazy because in previous years of my life, it feels like my memory is so spotty. But now I have all these new, like, things and milestones in my life that, like, help me remember how I feel in certain times of the year and then help me be more grateful for certain things. Like this last week of the year, I'm like, oh, my God, it's really the only week of the year that you truly, hopefully, I mean, not everyone, but hopefully Most people actually get a bit of a mental break, hopefully, even if it's just for, like, two days of the week. But it's, like, the only week of the year where almost everyone is on PTO and they're like, I'm checked out. Catch me on January 1st or January 2nd. Just don't talk to me till then. And even though I'm working this week, I will be working, but it's like, working without the buzz of everything else that normally is happening during work. And it's like a free week to just get other crap done that's normally on the back burner and just. It's like a metaphorical, spiritual, and also physical. Clear out your life. Make room for the stuff in the new year. Like, it's a very. Honestly, I feel a very special week. So, yeah, I'm just gonna use this time to rest, sleep, watch movies. Um, try to take some time offline and get off that damn phone. Also, I've been knitting. I forgot to give you guys a knitting update last upd###ode but, um, I'll just throw a clip up here because. Well, yeah, let me just show you. So this is my first attempt at knitting with knitting needles, period. And this is how far I am with the Sophie scarf. Do you see all of the mistakes? At first, I was like, oh, it's just giving it character. And I'm, um, keeping track on my iPad. I just reached. Okay, I don't know why the camera's doing that. I just reached section 18, which I'm, like, keeping track of how many times I need to do eight rows. So I just reached 18, and I'm at 30 stitches. What? Like, I somehow already have 30 stitches. And I was like, okay, maybe I can just keep going with 30 stitches across and, like, it won't be exact, but maybe I'll just keep going. And to be honest, uh, I think I'm just gonna unravel it. Like, it's really bothering me now because it increased so fast. Like, I added seven extra stitches. How did I do that? I can only, uh, think of that every time I made a mistake, I accidentally created an extra loop or, like, I don't know. I'm so confused. I genuinely think I'm gonna unravel and start over. Uh, so, yeah, I did knit a fourth of the Sophie scarf, and last night I was, like, feeling like, oh, no, am I really going toa regret it if I unravel all this work that I did? Because this was, like, a lot of work to get up to. This many rows. And then I was like, no, you know what? Because even if I try to push forward and finish the scarf, I just have a feeling now that after this many mistakes that by the end of the scarf I'm not going to be like that happy with it. So I was like, okay, whatever. Chalk it up to like a learning experience. Like, that was my first, like, practice garment. Uh, so I unraveled the whole thing and I'm just going to start over today. And uh, it was actually nice because I posted that video on TikTok and a lot of people gave me a really helpful advice. So somebody said download the app called Row Counter. And then somebody else said just like keep track of your rows or your stitches. Every row. Like, it's a bit tedious, but in the beginning when you're still learning to knit, it is like kind of helpful to just be a bit more like cautious so that you can catch mistakes earlier on and you don't have to unravel the whole thing. And I was like, yeah, you know what? Like, I'm happy on I unraveled it now because it's just now that I've had the practice and the hand movements, like it's not rocket science. You pick the stitch up, you put the thread around it, you drop the stitch off, you pick the stitch up, you put the thread around it, you drop the stitch off. U. Um, so that part is not that difficult. But. But figuring out how to hold it and hold the yarn in my fingers and like the hand motions, whoa. That took I would say about a few hours to really get down. Now I have the hand motions down pretty well. I still hold the thread in my fingers a bit differently every time. And I did figure out that English style knitting is best for me or like they call it like throwing. Uh, I could not. I knew that I wanted to try continental style knitting where it's in your left hand or the. If the free yarn is in your left hand. I just could not do it. Like, my left hand just feels very stupid because'I'm right handed, so my left hand is just a little too stupid for that. I think it's just much easier for me if my right hand is kind of like the orchestrator of everything and my left hand is just there to like drop the stitch off. That's all my left hand does. Uh, so yeah, I'mnna start the scarf over and I was really hoping to get started on my scapel sweater by now, but no, no, I. I have to knit the Sophie Scar first. I just have to. I need to, like, get down one small project first before my. I allow myself to do such a complicated thing as, like, a Norwegian patterned sweater. So. Oh. Uh, and I really want to go to Copenagen Fashion Week in January. But I just. I was like, oh, my God, I'll get the sweater in time and I'll just knit it up for January. Like, that would be great. No, no, that sweater will probably take me, if I had to guess, because the scarf alone is probably going to take me six or seven hours straight of knitting. Uh, I think if you're an experienced knitter, you could probably knit it up in about 4ish hoursers. Uh, but for me, it will probably take six or seven for sure. So if I had to do just that little scarf and multiply it into that giant Norwegian sweater, I want to say the sweater will probably take me 80 to 100 hours. No, maybe like 50 to 60 hours. But still, like, it will take me a long time. So. Yeah, that's all that's on my agenda for this week. Um, that's it. So I hope you have a very, very merry Christmas to those who celebrate, and I hope the rest of you have a great Hanukkah. Wait, what other holidays are being celebrated this week? From Time magazine, 11 holidays that the world celebrates in December. So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Yule. Uh, happy Boxing Day, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Zaratosh Dieso. Happy New Year's Eve, which is next week, and I'll talk about it in the next episode. Okay. All right, thanks for listening, guys. I hope you have a great holiday season. Holiday week. And I will chat to you before or maybe on New Year's right around that time. So have a great week and talk to you soon. Bye.