Reasonably Certain

20 things I’ve learned throughout my 20’s

• Episode 46

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EP #46: In this episode of Reasonably Certain, Ellen shares 20 valuable lessons she learned throughout her 20s. From mastering the art of cocktail mixing to understanding the importance of safe dating and setting boundaries, Ellen reflects on her journey and the insights that have shaped her adult life. Learn about her experiences networking, discovering her personal style, and becoming more confident with age.


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>> Ellen:

Hey, guys. Welcome back to Reasonably Certain. My name is Ellen. This is episode 46, and we're going to be talking about 20 things I've learned throughout my 20s. This is a little late because I guess I could have framed it as a birthday episode. Um, but I've been 30 for a little over a month, and I think it's still fitting. So we're gonna discuss 20 things I've learned throughout my 20s. I could have done 30 things I've learned now that I've turned 30, but to be honest, it was getting quite lengthy. And I was like, I think we can, you know, cut the fat. Let's squeeze this into 20 and make it a good quality 20 things so that I'm not just making shit up just to get it to 30. You know what I mean? So 20 things I've learned throughout my 20s. Let's get into it. Number one, going way back, how to mix an alcoholic drink, learning your drinking limit, and learning what to order at the bar. So I didn't get drunk for the first time until I was 18 at my senior prom in high school. I had had tastes of alcohol before that, but I really didn't get drunk until I was 18 at prom. Actually, maybe I was almost 18. I was probably, like, two weeks away from being 18. Whatever. You get the point. I was basically graduated from high school at that point, so I didn't know how to mix drinks. I didn't know what the difference in different liquors was. I didn't know. All I did was mix vodka with Fanta. That's all I remember all night is there was, like, a little table with drinks, and I just mixed vodka Fanta Voda. It tasted good enough to me, right? Because, like, vodka Fanta covers up the taste of vodka, like, pretty well. Vodka orange juice is a fairly popular drink. So, like, it's not that crazy of a mixture, but I just didn't know how much to drink to get drunk. And we were sitting down the whole evening, and I. By the time I got up and I'm a chugger, I'm a chugger. If you guys know me, I'm a chugger. I have no chill. Like, I. When I'm, like, consuming things or doing things, I have no chill. I'm like a Labrador. Like, I have no chill. I just do things 100%. Especially when it comes to drinking. Now I don't. But when I was younger, I did, so. Yeah. Anyways, learn your limits. Especially, especially. Especially before you go to college, please. Hopefully you have parents that are understanding and will allow you to, like, learn how to do it on your own at home. Um, um. Otherwise, like, please learn how to do it before you go, uh, somewhere where you don't have access to a trusted adult. I'm serious. It sounds like, kind of silly that I'm saying it, but I got into, like, you. I'm so lucky that, like, something really terrible didn't happen to me during college because I was just way too drunk in way too many different stupid scenarios where thankfully my friends were with me and it wasn't like, super terrible. But learn how to drink and how to mix a cocktail and what to ask for at the bar. And like, the more fun one is what to ask for at the bar. Like. Cause nobody teaches you that. They don't give you a menu at college bars. Um, um, unless you're out at a restaurant or like a nice fancy cocktail bar, you're not getting like, a drink menu most of the time. So you kind of have to just like, no drinks off the top of your head to order and know, uh, what you like. And I think it's a much healthier mindset to go about it if you have, like, some very light exposure to the different types of alcohol that there are. Learn what you like, learn what's a healthy amount for you to drink that's not too much, and do it safely. That's my recommendation. That's the first oneuse. I'm kind of going chronologically a little bit. So I'm starting way in the beginning when I was like, 20. And uh, uh, when I started my 20s, I guess I. I guess 18. I was not 20 yet, but I still did not know how to drink well, even when I was 20, like, even two years into drinking, I still didn't really know. So just learn that first. So just be safe and. Yeah, okay. Number two, safe dating. So specifically meaning strong boundaries asking to be tested before hooking up with someone and not being afraid to say no. I wish I had this ever since I, like, hit puberty. I wish I could have learned this early on, but it wasn't really a thing back then. And I don't know how much of a thing it is now. Still, like, it's still very much a work in progress in society for women to have boundaries or for people in general to have good boundaries in life. But especially in dating, I don't know that many people that are asking their partners to be tested before they hook up with someone. And it's not to say that you're like, can never have a one night stand or like that you should feel bad if you've done that. Like, that's not to say that at all. I have. Like, it's, it is what it is. But I think moving forward, for me personally, I'm just not going toa go hook up with someone unless we are like serious. And I asked them to be tested first because I just don't trust anyone. And when I brought that up to my therapist, that, that was like one of my fears of dating. She was like, you mean no one in your generation asks each other if they've been tested and like what their results are? And I'm like, no, not really. Like I was really scared to ask this whole time because it would be seen as like weird or like ruining the vibes. And that's not okay. Like you shouldn't feel that way. So now I feel comfortable. Well, do I feel comfortable asking? No, not really. Because to be honest, it is a very personal question and it is kind of nerve wracking to ask, but you have every right to ask it. And to be honest, whoever you're asking should be more than happy to provide you with their results or to go get freshly tested. And if they aren't, or if they get really defensive, leave and do not speak to them again, like that's their issue. Maybe it's fine and they don't have anything to worry about. But like, the fact that they're even defensive about it in the first place is a huge red flag. And like, you just don't need to be. Being intimate with someone is like a really big deal. So just don't subject yourself to that. Even just the vibes. Like if they're weird about just simply asking if they've been tested recently and what their results are, then you don't need to be sleeping with them anyways because what the hell. And I also learned recently that you should never trust a screenshot because now I guess some people, uh, it's like one person ruins it for everyone. A screenshot should be more than enough. But now nowadays you can't trust a screenshotuse. It's so easy to edit the results. So you should be like, this should be standard for everyone. You should. Like in Sanitas. I just went literally a few weeks ago. And you should be able to just pull up in your health app whatever you use. MyChartt in the US whatever you use, pull up your app, pull up the most recent lab results and be like, here you go and show them in the app. Like in person, no screenshots, no texting results. Like, you should be able to send like a screen recording that can't be doctored or you should be in person, like seeing it in their app on their phone. Because you unfortunately can't trust people these days. So I wish I would have been more comfortable asking people to be tested first or what their results were. I wish I would have been more comfortable having just boundaries in general. That would have been great. Um, um. And I wish I would have been more comfortable saying no. And it's not always in dating, like just saying no in general and not being afraid to piss people offuse. Like I was such a people pleaser. But I think I have a point on that as well. So, yeah, back in College in 2013, 2014, boundaries were not really a thing. So. So yeah, safe dating is like a very new thing for me. And I say safe as in, like, as if it was so unsafe for me before. It wasn't. Like, I have, I don't even have that much dating experience, to be completely honest, because I'm scared of it. And I'm like, you know, I'm good. I'm good actually. So if I do, it's gonna be very cautiously and very conservatively if, if I could use that word as in, like, I don't really crave it that much because like, I'm really, I'm good. If I'm gonna be dating someone, they have to be open to being tested, open to showing me the results and not getting mad about it. Like, that's very bare minimum. Guys really, really, really, really, really bare minimum. And they have to be like, open to going at my pace for relationship, for more intimate things, anything. Because if they're not, then that's like a huge red flag. And I'm just saying this for younger girls that maybe don't, maybe. I feel like younger girls nowadays are probably way more evolved in that mindset anyway because it's like as the times evolve, like, I feel like we're all kind of learning this at the same time in a way. So I feel like I'm learning in it, uh, at the same time that like the 21 year olds nowadays are learning it, so they are lucky that they just happened to be younger when I feel like as a society we're all kind of learning it at the same time and you just kind of happen to be whatever age you happen to be. But in case you haven't learned that yet, learn it from me. So number three, networking, how to meet new People in a business setting and feel confident in intimidating spaces. This is a difficult one and it's something that you should definitely learn early on because it's super helpful. Uh, you might find yourself meeting people who are like quote unquote higher up and it feels intimidating. I mean, how could it not? Especially if you're like freshly out of College. You're like 21, 22, 23, 24. You just don't have that much experience that you're like looking for jobs. They're already, they're like entry level jobs requiring five, five years of experience. You might interview with a CEO, a cmo, a C level person in general, a vp. Like you're gonna have to be speaking to these people even very early on in your career and younna feel confident and that will get you places much faster. Just an air of confidence about you will get you places faster. Unfortunately, it's not even always about who has the best resume or who has the most experience. Like sometimes it really is vibes and they're not supposed to say that legally in the hiring process. Cause like it has to be completely fair. But like there's so many subjective qualities about a person that you just can't really quantify down on a piece of paper. And a lot of times when people are hiring they're looking for someone with like a certain vibe. So you have to really learn how to like uh, sell yourself. And it sounds so like pyramid, schemy, salesy. But it just kind of is like a little bit. It kind of is like the corporate world and like meeting people in that way or in that scenario feels so like uh, it feels really gross to be completely honest. Like the whole corporate America speak and like hierarchy and like ways of engagement between people. It is gross. It is gross. Like in my opinion, it is gross. It's super fake. It's just like this little like game that we played that we all know as Bs but we just like played it anyway. Cause like you kind of have to. So the quicker you learn how to sell yourself and like present your confident like self in front of these higher ups, quote unquote, the faster you will get to the places you want to go. Um, um, so honestly just remind yourself that no one really has any idea what they're doing and everyone just gets really good at pretending like they know what they're doing. And as you get older you do get more experience of course. But people also get better at bullshitting and pretending like they know what they're doing and like being really confident and being like, no, I know I'm the person for this job. Like, the quicker. The people that get places the fastest are not the ones that are perfectionists and mulling over the details. They're the people that just say, I'm going to fucking do it, fuck it. And seeing what happens. And you can figure out the details later because someone's going to beat you to it because they just said, fuck it, I'll figure out the details later. And you're the one like, like mulling over, getting nervous, overthinking. Well, somebody already just took it because you were overthinking. So you have to just be like, all right, I'm going toa send it and figure it out as I go. And that's kind of just how a lot of people operate in the corporate world or just in life in general. So the faster you get confident and charismatic and sell yourself and provide some sort of value to the people that you're speaking to, the faster that you will, well, the faster that you'll learn and the faster that you'll grow in, whether it's your career or just socially or networking, whatever you do. And I will say the number one thing I recommend is like, you can't just send people a message on like LinkedIn, for example, and just be like, hey, um, um, you know, I just applied to this job I'm really passionate about. Blank, blank. I really would love if I could get this job. Something like that. No, no, no, no, no, no. And this is what I mean. Like, people probably already learned so much just from chachy BT and shit like that. Like, I had to learn all this shit without chat gbt, okay, just through trial and error. But you have to provide something of value. Like, why should they hire you? Just becausee you seem nice and you sent them a message like, isn't enough. You have to provide something of value in that message. Caus they're, you're lucky if they even open your fucking message. And then if they open it, don't make them pissed off that they wasted your time opening it. Cause you know, execs and high, higher ups have so much shit on their plate that if they even have the time to open a silly LinkedIn message, that it has to be of, um, some value for them to not regret wasting their time opening it, if you get what I mean. Like, it has to be of some value to them that they're like, oh, okay, I'm not mad that I spent my time opening this message. It was actually beneficial to me that I just spent my last 5 seconds opening and reading this because if it's like, even I get this way if I have like email after email after email of just like some silly bullshit. I get really an, uh, irritated after a while. Like, what am I even reading these for? So give them something that they're like, u okay, I'm actually glad I read this one. Whatever that means to you in whatever industry, whatever reason you'messaging give them a reason to be like, hmm, I'm hm, glad I read this one. Nice. Whatever that means to you. U, uh, number four, figure out your beauty routine and how to optimize it. So, for example, I was too picky about my nail shape and too annoyed about how long it took to sit in the chair at the nail salon. So I started doing my own nail extensions when I was 20. And I've been doing my own nails ever since, even though I'm missing one right nowuse. I think I didn't prep this nail well enough. Oopsies. Um, um. But yeah, it saved me a lot of time, a lot of money. I've learned a lot. I can pretty much like, I could do anyone's nails now if they wanted me to. I don't want to do that, but like, I could. So I'm, uh. It takes a special person though, because you have to be dedicated to the craft. First of all, I'm dedicated to any DIY beauty treatment. I'm dedicated. I'm dedicated to not sitting in a salon for four hours. I'm dedicated to sitting in my own chair with food and a TV show in my house. That's awesome. Um, um. I'm also dedicated to being super fucking picky and never liking what they give me at the salon. So I know that I can at least learn it at home and get good at it on my own over time. And then guess what? If you just invest, like, it might take a few hundred dollars and it might take 20 hours of doing your nails. Like, like the same that you would spend 20 hours putting in driving hours and your driver's permit. You know what I mean? So over time, like, maybe it takes two or three times of doing your nails before you even get the hang of it. But then after, you know, 20, 30, 40 times of doing your nails, you get really good at it. And then all of a sudden you're cooking. You're cooking every two weeks. New set, new set, new set. And you can do designs and you. And now I've been doing my nails for 10 years and it's like, well, it's never that fast, to be completely honest, but I still prefer it over going to the salon because it's exactly how I want it. I'm always happy with the results. And I get to sit in my own house and binge watch a TV show for like three or four hours while I'm doing it. And it's freaking awesome. So just figure out what you like and if you can optimize it in some way, save yourself, um, from some money. Save yourself some time. Great. Like, I just started doing my own hair. Would I recommend that? Not really. To be honest. Not really. I wouldn't recommend doing your own hair at home. I wouldn't U. Um, but I am severely picky and I know I am an annoying client because somehow it's just never good enough for me. So I will just do it at home. And then if it's not that good, at least I know that I did it. And it's not like I paid $300 for it or $400 for it. So, like, it is what it is. But at least I did it at home and I saved myself some money. So just figure out what you want to optimize. And it doesn't have to be doing DIY beauty for everything, but there might just be, like, one or two things that you find that make you feel really good. And they don't have to be really complex or really expensive. But for example, for me, like, non negotiable, I have to have my nails done and I have to have a fake. A fake tan. I just have to, like. I'm sure it will change over time, but for me, I feel disgusting without a fake tan. And I know that's an inner issue that I should probably work on, but I've tried. I've gone through spurts where I've given up the fake tan for a couple weeks. And even I just did it like a week ago. I skipped a week of fake tanus. I was like, girl, I can't even be bothered. Like, no, I don't want a fake tan this week. And then guess what? All for the whole next week. Even though I'm kind of taned from tanning outside in the sun, I'm still not that tan. So I was like, pale all next week and I felt so gross and ugly. And I was like, there's a reason I tan every week. Because I feel like a bad bitch after I do a fake tan. I wake up on Friday morning and I'm like, ugh. I feel like Me again. And then I have my nails done and I'm just like, yeah, I need that. So whatever it is you need, it might even just be like you whiten your teeth once a month and you, like, spend a little extra time on your skincare and have like a little me time skincare routine in the evening or something. Like, Brity Broski just said in her podcast that she's like, you should, like, spend more time, like, caring about you. Like, light a candle in the bathroom, turn on like some jazz or like whatever playlist you like, and just do some skincare by candlelight for like 30 minutes and treat yourself to a little, like, salon. No, like a little, like spa moment in your house. That's all it takes. It doesn't have to cost extra money. It's just like maybe turning the lights a little lowerus. I think we don't realize, like, how many bright lights you have on. It's kind of fun to do things in low light. Sometimes I will even shower with just like the, like the nightlight version of my bathroom light on or like the fan light. So it's like the light that goes on with the fan. It's not very bright, but it's bright enough that you can like, see what you're doing, but it's not that bright. And sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm showering in the dark. Oh, I'm so crazy. But like, it's kind of fun to switch it up like that. So just like, I don't know, identify what makes you feel good and like, do that. Number five, get to know yourself and your values really well. So obviously going to therapy helps. Like, I know it's expensive, but for example, when I lived in the US I would only go to therapy in the second half of the year because I would hit my deductible around June and then my therapy would be basically free because I already hit my deductible for my health insurance. So I would only go to therapy for the remainder of the year, like June through December when it was free. And then I wouldn't go to therapy again from January to June because I couldn't afford it. That's a hack for you. Like, if you go to the doctor a lot and you have a certain healthare plan, like, just go to the doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor from like January, go to the doctor as many times as you can. Hit your deductible as fast as you can by like March, if you can then just free float, float the rest of the year. Therapy, therapy. Therapy for free. Because let's, let's face it, if you're gonna hit your deductible, uh, at any point in the year, you might as well just like smash it and hit it really early so that you get the benefits of like kind of free health care for the rest of the year. Just saying, just saying that's an option. Um, um, journaling. You should try journaling if you can, even if you can't go to therapy. And honestly, I know a lot of people are against chat gbt. I personally love it. I know a lot of people use it as a therapist. I would, I think it's helpful actually. I have used it as a therapist in a few casesuse I don't go to therapy right now. And sometimes you just need to bounce something, bounce your ideas off something, even if it's j gbt. And um, um, I will say I think it's coded to kind of be a yes man a little bit. So if you are having any real issues in life, chatybt might just kind of encourage you with whatever you already told it. So it might not give you any really valuable feedback, but sometimes it is very validating. So if you need to be validated in something, ChatBT is great. Um, um. But honestly, just trying different activities with your friend group I think can be extremely helpful for your mental health as well. And over time, you will get to know yourself and your values better. I think genuinely, like, I feel so happy at 30 and I feel much more happy at 30 than I did at 20. And I think a lot of that just comes with time and experience. Like there's no replacement for time and experience. You just have experiences. You meet new people, you have friends for a season, a reason or a lifetime. So maybe you outgrow certain friends over time and you kind of learn what you like and don't like in friends as an adult because it's very different than school when you're kind of like forced to be around the same several hundred people. Uh, um, but as an adult, it's kind of a free for all for the most part. So you kind of really learn like where you make friends, how you decide what a good friend is, what you like in friends, what you like to do with friends. Um, um. And so I think there's no replacement other than time because like, you're gonna go through different friend groups throughout your 20s and you'll eventually kind of figure out like what really fits with how you like to be a friend and how you like to hang out and Yeah, I think it just really comes with time. But the better you know yourself, the easier it is to navigate life. So just learn about yourself as much as you can and I think that will always benefit you. 6. Experiment with your personal styles. So don't feel like you have to follow the extremely fast, um, micro trends on Tik Tok. You can follow a few if they really resonate with you. But spend time on Pinterest, watch movies, watch really whatever media inspires you and pick pieces that really fit you. So like my favorite thing lately has been vintage, like vintage shopping. Because I have a very strong opinion that since like manufacturing and capitalism has been so like escal, like escalating so severely in the past like five, 10 years, I mean really for the past like 50 years, but for the fact past five, 10 years that I think vintage is going toa be more valuable than ever in the future in the next like five, ten years. So I think now is really when we should be investing in vintage pieces. And when I say vintage I mean like from 1990 to like 2010. Because that was before social media hit, that was before we really had these like microrennd cycles that were really fueled by the Internet. And uh, the benefit of that as well is that you can find pieces that are still extremely well made, way better made than even like a new item that you would be buying today. Like a Chanel bag. In my opinion, a Chanel bag or a Dior bag or a Louis Vuitton bag from like 2005 is a way, way, way better investment than a 2025 version of their bag. Because now they're made so cheaply. Even designer bags that are like 5, 6 do$10,000 that you would be better off finding an old one that was made in the 90s or the 2000s that has been kept in pretty good condition because it will continue to last. Whereas the ones you buy today are so cheaply made. And it's not just bags, like any clothes or apparel or whatever in general is so cheaply made today that even if you buy like a high end version will likely like wear out and look like shit in a few years. Whereas if you invest in a vintage piece, you'll have something that's unique that not many people have anymore. So you get points for being unique I guess, and, and you pick something that's very personal to you and it's just not because you're just following a micro trend or something. It's like because you found it and I feel like it's special because it's almost like you're like an archaeologist, like, sourcing something and you're like, I found this and it's specific and only I have it. And it's not something that just like, everyone can get and it's better quality and it's going toa be iconic and I can pass it down to my kids and it will be like this amazing, sick vintage piece that I can keep. And it's like, much m more special than just some, like, random bag from Zara or from, like, I don't know, Chanel or whatever. So I find that, like, learning what you like and not feeling, like, stuck to match trends or on the other side of it, not following any trends at all and just wearing T shirts and leggings every day. I think that can also make you feel kind of depressed, to be honest. And I love wearing leggings. I'm wearing sweat. I'm wearing a skims T shirt and sweatpants right now. Like, I also wear comfy clothes. But I think it is an act of self care to learn about yourself enough to the point where you have, like, a, uh, style. And it doesn't have to be super eclectic. It doesn't have to be like a Betsy Johnson level style or something, or Rick Owens S level style. Like, it can just be little things that you're like, no, this is so me. Or that you know yourself well enough that your friends could even see something and be like, that's so her. You know what I mean? So I think it's an act of self care to, like, really watch things and like, learn what you like and why you like it, and then save it to a folder on Pinterest. And then eventually, once you save enough things, you can go back in like three, six months and be like, oh, is there a pattern here? Is there something specific about this, like, array of things that I like that I can maybe channel into things that I buy in the future, which I recommend vintage. I'm really on a big vintage vibe right now. So I think it is an act of self care to experiment with your personal style and learn what you like and why you like it. Number seven, move out of your hometown. Obviously this isn't feasible for everyone, especially nowadays because everything is so expensive. But if you can make it work, I suggest moving to another state or even another country. Um, um, even better if you can move alone and really challenge yourself. It's not easy, but it's super exciting and really fulfilling. And I think it unlocks, like, another level of life. That you would never have known if you never moved or never lived alone. And like you could do both move and live alone, or you could just move with your partner, or you could just live alone in your hometown. Like I think if you could do both, that's great. But if you could do one or the other, that's also amazing. But I really feel like having an experience where even if it's just for two months, like you do like a two month stint where you're like living in another country and it's just temporary, but it's kind of like an extended trip that's I think enough to like really get you out of your comfort zone and like have you learn a new culture, a new way of living and just get you out of your comfort zone a little bit. But yeah, moving out of state, out of country is huge. And I think like just genuinely so life changing, especially if you can do it alone. I wish everyone could have that experience. I know it's not possible for everyone, but like, I don't know who I would be if I didn't do that. I can't even imagine. Cause my life would be like so crazy different. So that's my recommendation. If you can do it. Number eight, try new hobbies. So for example, I reconnected with my love of horses and horse riding. So I started taking riding lessons in my 20s. I've taken them on and off since I was like 23, I think. Um, um. So I have not been riding since I've been in Barcelona. I went on like a trail ride, but that's not like dedicated riditing lessons. So I want to try and do that this year if I can. I just need the time and the money to do that. But I really want to continue doing lessons. I think lessons is the right level of horse riding for me. Cause I don't really want the dedication and that. Well, first of all, I don't have the budget to do it even if I wanted to. But like leasing a horse would be also really fun. But I don't even have the time and money to dedicate to that. So like lessons is like the perfect happy medium for me. I get to spend time with horses, I get to ride, but there's no real commitment above just attending a class like once a week. I also started hiking when I moved to Arizona. I was never really like a hiker before. I didn't dislike hiking. I just never would have identified myself as like a hiker before moving to Arizona. Cause I don't know, it's not that, um. M. It's not that Minnesota's not a hiking state because it has beautiful terrain and a lot of hiking trails. I just didn't do it that much. I mean, I kind of did in college. Cause I went to college in Winona and there's beautiful bluffs there and you can go hiking there. Um, um. But yeah, and like my hometown in the Twin Cities, I wouldn't say that there's any hiking trails there. Cause there's no terrain in the Twin Cities area to be hiked really. But if you go outside of the Twin Cities, there is. So I started hiking more when I went to Arizona. And I love hiking. I also hike now that I live in Barcelona, but I don't do it quite as much. Cause I'm really trying to ramp up, you know, the whole social media thing. And there's. There's just only so much time in a week to do things. So I would hike more. But it's like, it's like a zero sum game. Like for every minute I'm hiking, I'm like losing a minute that I could be doing something else. So I have to kind of play the game of like, is it worth it for my mental health and my exercise this week to take away from other activities? Sure, whatever. And then the third thing I recently picked up, which is the most recent, is u, uh, knitting. I used to knit as a kid all the time, but never with knitting needles. We never learned how to do that. My mom m just bought me and my siblings the. Is it like the knitting loom? Like just the plastic circular looms that you just like wrap the yarn around and then you flip it over with like a crochet hook. And we used to make like, blankets and infinity scarves all the time. Like, it was super fun. We used to do that all the time. But now I decided to try learning with knitting needles because I saw these, um, um, Norwegian sweaters on TikTok and I was like, I want to knit a sweater. I'm go going toa knit a sweater. And I was so confident that I bought like an entire sweater, uh, uh, set from Scapo. And I will do it. I will do it. But guys, it takes so much time. And like I said, until I have more free time on my hands, I'm not knitting a sweater. So I do really enjoy it though. Like, it's a great way to get off my phone. It was a fun thing to learn. And it is pretty mindless once you learn it. So I can just watch a TV show and knit. And I really enjoy it. It's like such a wholesome hobby. I love being on knit talk. So I really highly recommend just like getting into some hobbies and trying something new. It's also a great way to make friends. And I guess it is also a great way to meet a potential partner. Even though with these hobbies like hiking, horse riding and knitting, not really like the best way to meet a partner, but like group sports, group activities, uh, uh, great way to meet people. Okay, number nine. Work smarter, not harder. I feel like I'm the queen of this. I feel like I'm the queen of this. But then again, I'm not because I'm a perfectionist in many ways. But in many ways I also feel like I'm the queen of work smarter, not harder. Because in school I was like, oh, C, good degrees. I am just cruising on by with like maybe an A, maybe quite a few Bs, and then if I get Cs, Cs get degrees, Cs get degrees, I don't really care. So, especially in your day job, learn what makes the most impact with the least effort. Stand out without having to put an extra hours. Be as intentional with your energy as you can. And don't just be doing extra stuff for free just for funsies. Unless it's actually gonna get you to a point where you can say, oh look, I did xyz. That's why I should get promoted. If it doesn't lead you to a promotion like directly, as in like what, what's the blueprint of your role? Like what are your role like? Everyone's role in their job should have a blueprint or a path of certain expectations for each level that you check off and that you review either annually or every six months with your manager. And if you can't put action items of what you're doing in your day to day to those things. And if you're doing extra stuff that's not listed in the expectations for your promotion, what are you doing? What are you doing? Save your energy. Uh, we only have so many hours in the day, so maximize your energy and save the best of your time and energy for your personal life and don't waste it on your job. Okay. 10. Create multiple streams of income. I'm currently working on this. I'm not quite there, but like and share like and subscribe pleasem. Um, it sucks, but we can't rely on a single day job anymore. I genuinely think we're at the point in like society in, in life where like just going to college and having a corporate job, like, that's not enough. You can't, like, you can't. I even like what I had my salary at Salsify in 2021. I remember when I got that job and it was 85k a year with like a 10k bonus if I hit my commission. And I was like, girl, I am bank rolling bitch. And even within two years I was like, this is not enough money. And then I moved here and now my salary is half. And I'm like, girl, this is not enough money. Girl, this is not enough money. Fuck, fuck, fuck. So you can't rely on a single job anymore. You can't. Like a single corporate job does not cut it. Like, you just have to have multiple sources of income somehow. So layoffs are always imminent and you don't want to feel the stress looming over your head of like possibly being in a crisis if you lose your job. Cause also I don't trust these companies. There's no faith or there's no loyalty to employees. So if you get laid off, you're fucked. You're fucked. So you have to have like 10 safety nets underneath you because, uh, you just genuinely cannot rely on a job to not lay you off. Or like, it would be nice if they at least gave you ample notice, like gave you a good like six months. I know some jobs give decent severance, so at least you might have that. But it would be in a, it would be nice to be in a position to not have to worry so much though, right? Like if you did get letid off one day that you'd be like, okay, I can figure this out. I can spend six months applying and not freak out. Like that would be nice, right? So you just have to have multiple sources of income. It's just like necessary nowadays. Number 11, consider anxiety medication. I was in therapy for three years before I considered trying medication. I was scared to even ask about it. But eventually my therapist said I should reach out to a psychiatrist and just ask about it. Because she was like, have you ever considered it? And I was like, well, um. And she's like, I think you should try it. And I'm glad she said that because now I'm thrivingm. Um, so I've been on Lexapro for, yeah, two and a half years and it has been literally life saving. I'm obsessed. I wish I would have tried it a lot earlier, but hey girl, you, you know, things happen when they happen. Uh, number 12, allow friendships to evolve over time, especially if you don't live near your friends. Your friendships will change over time. Um, I've found it'best not to have too many expectations or it will only disappoint you. And I had to learn this the hard way as a people pleaser and being disappointed over and over and over and over and over again. And honestly, I think the LexPro helped. And also, just like age and time and experience, like, getting older, it just gets easier over time. I don't think I could have had this mindset 10 years ago. It genuinely just gets easier with time. It's easier to just not have that many expectations on your friends, to be completely honest, because it sounds kind of toxic, but, like, having expectations just, like, only disappoints you. And yes, you should have certain expectations for, like, bare minimum respect and, like, be able to cut people off who are not being respectful or loyal or kind. That should just be the bare minimum. But beyond that, you. I mean, friendships go a lot better if you just kind of let people live how they live and talk to you, how they want to talk to you when they can show up, when they can show up. Because, like, we live in a society where people are stretched so incredibly thin that you can't, like, waste time and energy getting super upset if your friend, like, doesn't message you for a couple weeks. It also depends on the friendship dynamic and how close you are. And it does depend on a lot of things. But, like, for my friends at home, if I don't speak to them for, like, four months, no biggie. I mean, everyone's busy. A lot of my friends are married with kids. Like, they're busy with kids, girl. Like, they're, um, not. Their first priority is not, like, texting their friend that lives in Spain. Like, how are you doing, girl? Like, it's fine. It's fine. So as long as I feel confident and I'm comfortable and we're both happy, like, we can just check in when we check in. And honestly, my life has been a lot better ever since I stopped having any major expectations about how a friendship, like, should be. It's fine. Everything's fine. Um, but yeah, it's like your 20s are, like a busy and inconsistent time. And to be honest, your 20s are really hard. So your friends might move away, they might get married. You're all on very, like, different stages of life and it's okay to have periods where you're, like, very close and other periods where you're more distant. And it's just the way life goes. Like, you Might have a bestie. Like my best friend Samantha. We've been friends since, uh, were. We always say, like, since we were in the womb, because our parents were friends before we were even born. And, like, we've had periods of, like, being closer, not being close, and, like, I would say we're still close friends to this day. And it's just the way life goes. And, like, we'll still be friends forever. And it's just you go through waves, and that's what is what it is. And people are busy. And it's not a personal attack. If people don't message you, like, most of the time, it's just because they're trying to keep their head above water with whatever they're going on, whatever's going on in their life. And it's not because they're trying to, like, purposely ice you out. If you do feel like they're doing that, feel free to cut them off. Like, no hate. But most people, I don't think, are being that malicious. And it's nice to have friends for different reasons, in my opinion. I know I'm probably not in the majority on this, but I don't feel like every friend has to be your best friend. In fact, I prefer it. I'm not the type of person that actually likes to have, like, a BFF that I do everything with that's, like, attached at the hip to me. That's, like, a bit suffocating, and I don't really like that. So for me, I kind of like having different friends for different reasons. And you kind of get together for whatever you like. Maybe you have a friend that you go hiking with. You have a friend that you always go to dinner with. You have a friend that you ride horses with. Like, you just kind of have friends that you do different stuff with because not everyone likes doing the same stuff. And then if you get offended because your friend doesn't want to do this certain activity with you, it just gets everyone's panties in a bunch. And you can just like, hey, no sweat. I'll find someone else to do this with. You don't want to go. I'm not gonna force you. It's no beef. Whatever. So I think it's nice to have friends for different things. And, like, they can all still be amazing friendships, and they don't need to be, like, a ride or die bestie. And, like, it's fine. You can just be regular friends. It's actually really freeing when you think like that. Number 13, learn what you want in a partner. So get really specific. Make a list or a vision board if you want to. Lord knows I've made quite a few and I love making um, them in canva. But the more specific you are on what you want in a partner and what you are willing to allow in a relationship will make it easier to filter out all of the people that don't fit your expectations. And just statistically speaking, most people won't fit what you're looking for. So don't get disappointed. Don't let a dusty kusty get you. Don't let a dusty crusty get in the way of you finding your dream person. Caus statistically most of them are goingna be dusty crusties and you're just trying to brush them away to find the diamond in the rough or like the random crystal that's sitting in there, if it's even there. Uh, number 14. No is a complete sentence. Especially if you grew up as a people pleaser. Get comfortable saying no. No is a complete sentence. You don't need to justify every decision or response you make. If the people in your life are angry with you for your decision to say no about something, then you need new people around you. If you have to decline an invite to something, you don't need to come up with an elaborate excuse. You can just say that you can't go. You can even offer an alternate time in the future to get together to show you still care and that you still value spending time with that person. But you don't need to offer an elaborate explanation. And I find that the more you do this, the more that people will actually respect you for not over explaining yourself. It might be a bit awkward at first because you're like changing the expectations people have of how you communicate at first, but I find that over time people respect you and find that you're a much more like reliable and confident person. If you just say straight up like hey, sorry I can't come, but how about this? You don't even need to say the butt part, but if you want to offer an alternate then you can and it shows like hey, sorry, can't go. I'm not going to explain myself because no is a full answer. However, I do want to spend time with you, so why don't we do xyz? I think that's a great response to declining almost anything because it's showing that you're not going to overe explain yourself, but you still value that friendship or whatever it is and so you're still willing to find time to meet with them. Um. 15. Rejection is redirection, so don't get hung up on rejections or failures. Those are just a part of life. The sooner that you get comfortable with that idea, the quicker and faster you will learn and grow. So instead of seeing rejection as a blocker, just see it as an opportunity, literally. My life has changed so much since I've thought this, and it still hurts. Like, my default feeling is ouch. Rejection hurts. But the quicker that you move on from the feeling of that it hurts and that you kind of change your thought process or your thought pattern from ouch, that hurts. Why am I not good enough to, like, oh, hey, no biggie, move on to the next one. Oh, at the very least I learned something from it. What can I, like, apply to my next step that I learned from this? There's always, at the very least, even if it's like the tiniest shred of something, you always can learn from previous rejections or failures. So instead of seeing it as a blocker, see it as an opportunity, see it as guidance. Use it to your advantage, and you can take something away from it and use it as a stepping stone to the next thing. 16. Not everyone is going to like you again. Same with the rejection thing. The quicker you get used to this, and I'm still working on it, but the quicker you get used to this, the easier life is. Like, it's okay. Statistically speaking, not everyone is going toa like you. I had a really hard time with that. I was like, but why wouldn't they? Why? Why? Because not everyone is going to like you. It just is what it is. It's not even beef. It's not even personal. It's not like they hate you. There's a lot of feelings in between hate. And like, a lot of it is just indifference or just incompatibility. It's not even that they wish you harm or that they genuinely don't like you. It's just like, it's not that serious. It's just, hey, we don't like the same things that much. Or, like, maybe I'm not really vibing with the way you do certain things. It's no beef. It just is what it is. So that's fine. It's fine. It's actually great. The sooner that you weed things out of your life that you know aren't meant for you, the quicker you find the things that are. So statistically, that's just what it is. And do you like everyone you've ever met? That's a good question to Kind of put it in perspective. No, you don't like everyone you've ever met. So not everyone's going to like you either. It's fine. And as long as you've been aligned with your morals and your values and believe in yourself, someone not liking you is not a big deal. Like, it's just what it is. And as long as you're living like in your own confidence and morals and your values and your truth, then whatever. Who cares? 17 if you think school sucks. Same. And that's okay. I could not stand school. It was boring. I was constantly falling asleep. Like, I think I have an issue. Like I, if I'm sitting too long and listening to a boring topic, I actually like, will fall asleep. I fight sleep. And then it's like my brain's not even learning because I'm just fighting sleep. That's actually really traumatizing. I don't like having to fight sleep all the time. I could barely remember anything I learned. I only gave effort in classes I was interested in. And in every single other class I did the absolute bare minimum to get by and pass and be like, good enough. So the beautiful and amazing thing about adult life is that you don't have to go to school anymore. Oh my God, you guys. I cannot tell you the relief I had when I graduated college. And I was like, I'm free. I don't have to sit in a fucking classroom ever again. Fuck that shit. So I was like, I'm fucking free, bitch. I'm fucking free. Uh, it's the best feeling. But I still have nightmares about not graduating college. And it's been almost nine years since I graduated college. So yeah, the nightmares don't go away. I still have nightmares about missing in classes for months in a row. I still have nightmares about not graduating. But like, the feeling of not having to go to class anymore is literally priceless. Um, and it's not that I don't love learning, I love learning, but I just hated a learning in the format of school. So it's kind of nice as an adult to like retrain yourself to fall in love with learning again. Um, um, but in the way that you enjoy it best. I kind of had to do the same with like exercise and food. Right? Like you're just programmed a certain way by like either your parents or school or the town you grew up in or society at the time to feel a certain way about. I feel like, especially like school, food, exercise, dating and friends, those things are kind of like pre programmed into you and you don't really know that you have an option to think differently about them until you become an adult and then you get to like rewrite all of those things and just that independence and freedom is like genuinely one of the best feelings. I can't even explain it. And for those of you who are in your 20s and you felt that way, you just, you know. But yeah, so fall in love with learning. Learn what you like to learn about because then it becomes super fun and super easy and it doesn't feel like a chore or feel like prison. So I personally love learning about space history, documentary. I like watching documentaries. I like watching YouTube video essays about certain topics like pop culture, sociology. I love watching. Or I love learning languages. I love learning about traveling and different cultures. I just fucking love the Internet. And the whole world is at your fingertips. Like you can get excited about learning stuff just for fun. Nobody has to tell you what to do. You can do whatever you want. It's amazing. Number 18, understanding your parents. It took me a long time, but I learned to accept my parents for who they are. It's their first time doing life too. They don't have all the answers. You can create a better relationship with them by accepting them for who they are and when needed, holding the appropriate boundaries in place to maintain a healthy relationship. This takes time. Okay, it's not happening overnight, but once you finally get there, it. It makes your relationship a lot better. So for example, I get along with my parents a lot better when I'm living away from them. It just is what it is. I think that is what it is for a lot of people. I get along with them way better when I live far away from them. I call them multiple times away and we get along great over FaceTime. It's awesome. Number 19 comparison is the thief of joy. I know it's cliche, but in this day and age of social media and everyone sharing highlights of their life, don't judge the quote unquote success of your life by who you follow on social media. Cause almost everyone is faking it. I try not to. I try to be very authentic on social media as much as I possibly can. I hope that when people meet me in person that I am the way that I portray myself online. At least I feel like I do. But just remind yourself that most people I wantn, um, maybe I won't say most people, but a lot of people who seem to have like these, uh, extravagant, amazing, perfect lifestyles. It's really just all a front because it makes them money to look Perfect. There's a certain lifestyle that they want to keep up, so it's usually not actually the truth. Enjoy you for being you. Learn to appreciate your own unique beauty, your own mind, the way you make people laugh, the way you dress, the way you show up for people. Be confident in all these intangible aspects of yourself and people will love you more for it. Like, the more you're confident, like, this is what, like, learning about yourself teaches you so much about yourself. And, like, the more confident you are and, like, rock solid you are with yourself and with how you behave with people around you. It really draws people to you and, like, makes them feel comfortable around you, even if you are not a people pleaser. That's the thing. Like, people feel comfortable around you for you being, like, rock solid in who you are. And then they feel like, okay, I can expect this, this, and this from Ellen. I know who she is. She is always feeling like. Like, if they can understand you and like, name five things about you because you know yourself so well that you've presented yourself that then they also know you that well, if that makes sense. Okay, Last 1. Number 20. 30 is the new 20. I am so excited to be 30. I'm so happy. I feel literally amazing. Every year of my life, I feel more beautiful. I feel_ier I feel more at ease in my life. And so I'm like, why were people ever worried about getting older? Like, this is literally amazing. I love being older. Uh, I love it. I love it. I can't say anything bad about it. I literally love getting older. I think getting older is the best. I'm. I like, gonna cry thinking about it. Getting older is so fun. So I used to be scared of it, but that was back when I was in my early 20s and I still had a very, like, hometown mindset. Uh, I say hometown mindset because, like, of my specific hometown. But, like, everyone was like, oh, my God, like, you're only going to college to get your Mrs. Degree, which is like your Mrs. Blank degree, like, just to find a husband. You're only going there to date and find a husband and, like, get married by 23 and have kids by 25. That was literally my life goal, guys. Until I was like, probably halfway through college, and then I was like, girl, I'm not doing that. But for a while I was like, I'm just here to get my Mrs. Degree. Heehe, girl. I'm not. I'm not even sure I want to get married. And I'm definitely don't want Kids. So that all went out the window. And I'm so glad that I am not married with kids. Holy shit. I'm so glad. Um, um. So, yeah, I just get happy every year I get older. Like, I really love getting older. I truly think my life has only gotten more better with age. I'm more confident, I'm living more true to myself. I have more life experience. And just don't be afraid to turn 30. Use your 20s to experiment. Learn about yourself. It's like the trial period to adulthood. Like now when I look at people who are like 21, 22, 23, I'm like, dude, that is like a literal child. When I see college kids, I remember I used to think that when I was in college that we looked like so old. No, when I see college kids now, they look like literal 15 year olds. Like, they look so young. So just don't feel rushed to go through your 20s, like, truly enjoy it. I'm 30 and I still feel like a kid. So don't let anyone tell you that 30 is old. I think we're at a day and age now where, like, nobody thinks 30 is that old. Like, I really feel, okay, maybe 30 is not the new 20, but I feel like thir is like the new 25. You know what I mean? So I feel very young. I feel like I'm still not even a real adult. I'm like, uh, I'm always looking around like, where's a real adult? Where's a real adult? Like, I'm not a real adult. So, um, um, yeah. Only now do I feel like I am starting to really understand adulthood and what I want from it. And so I enjoy it. Just enjoy, learn, hold your boundaries and have fun. So I hope that was helpful and I think that's it. So I will see you in the next episode. Bye, guys.