Reasonably Certain
Welcome to Reasonably Certain with Ellen Larson!
Ellen covers topics she has learned about throughout her 20's such as mental health, body image, makeup, fashion, and living abroad.
Ellen offers insights and tips to promote emotional well-being, encourage self-acceptance and confidence, perfecting your makeup routine, and advice about living abroad. Overall, Reasonably Certain provides a comprehensive approach to self-care, confidence, and empowerment.
Make sure to leave a review and share this podcast with your best friend!
Business Inquiries: reasonablycertainpod@gmail.com
Reasonably Certain
I WENT ON A DATE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS!!!! ... or did i??
EP #53: Ellen officially went on a date after 6 YEARS!!! Or did she? She starts the episode venting a bit about customer service in Spain vs the US and then recapping her date. She ends the episode talking about manifesting her dream life and dream partner (if that even exists). Don't miss out on quite literally a rollercoaster of emotions!!
FOLLOW ELLEN:
https://www.instagram.com/larsonellen/
https://www.tiktok.com/@larsonellen
https://www.youtube.com/c/ellenn
TO BE FEATURED IN REASONABLY CERTAIN:
☆ Q&A with Ellen: https://forms.gle/onN4potuyDm4hn6g8
☆ Dating Mishaps and Wholesome Moments: https://forms.gle/vDVZVcauc3JypcDE9
FOLLOW REASONABLY CERTAIN:
https://www.instagram.com/reasonablycertain/
https://www.tiktok.com/@reasonablycertain
https://linktr.ee/reasonablycertain
Follow on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/0suDCk9ZpKFby2QKm54pdY?si=8fecd442bd014907
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/reasonably-certain/id1755043636
WATCH REASONABLY CERTAIN ON YOUTUBE:
Business Inquiries: reasonablycertainpod@gmail.com
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Hey, guys. Welcome back to Reasonably Certain. This is episode 53. I almost said 23 for some reason. 53. And I am gonna talk about how I went on a date, and I am manifesting my dream life. I mean, I'm always doing that. But I did something a bit more intentional today that I thought would be helpful to talk about. And, yeah, let's get into it. But I can give you a little catch up on what I've been up to over the past week. And I also wanted to give a little shout out. I'll get into it later. But they're not sponsored or anything. Or I'm not sponsored by them or anything. Um, U. They just gifted me this fragrance. It's Emel Elise. They sent me this fragrance called Choose Happiness. Um, um. But, yeah, I can get into that a little later. So. Yeah. What have I been up to this week besides going on a date? Oh, well, kind of sad, but my friend Tally just moved to Madrid. Yeah, I was a little bit sad about it, but, I mean, I still am, but, like, I'm also happy for her, but it's just one of those things where you're like, dang, okay, one friend down. So she stayed over on Friday night. We had, like, a little girl's night. She got me to start watching the Secret Life of More Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. So I think I have to finish watching it now. I mean, I'm a huge fan of Sister Wives, so Secret Life of Lives of Mormon Wives is not, like, that far of a stretch for me. And it's a good, uh, prep, because I need to go with her on her first trip to the US because she's from the UK and she hasn't been to the US Yet. Like, I need to be there to witness her experience experiencing the U for the first time. And it needs to be, like, in Utah at least at some point, because. Yeah, I mean, how could you not even. I want to go to Utah, and I'm from the U. I mean, I've been there before, and it was sad that I drove through Salt Lake City on a Sunday evening, so the town was, like, so quiet. There was no one outside, and I didn't get to see much of it. So I would like to go back. We can hit up all the spots where they go in the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. And, yeah, so I've got to catch up on my Mormon reality tv and then maybe I'll start watching the Real Housewives of Sal Lake City and just really get into my Utah Mormon vibe. But before we came home to watch Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, uh, we went to dinner at Boca Grande. And I've actually never eaten there since living here. I've gone to Boca Chica, which is the cocktail lounge above it U uh, many times. But I've actually never eaten at Boca Grande. It's a beautiful restaurant. Um, um, but that whole row of restaurants is quite expensive. So yeah, I was like, okay, yeah, let's go there knowing 'expensive but then I was like,€25 for a burger girl. But that's all they really had on the menu that I could eatuse. We were eating early
at like 6:30pm CA because it was a bit of an odd day where she was moving all day and hadn't eaten. So it's likekay, let's just eat now and then we can just hang out at my house and go to bed early. So got the burger. But it's just funny, like, uh, I don't mean to be so negative when I'm talking about my life in Spain all the time because like, I have a great time here. I live here, I'm very happy here. If I didn't like it, I would move back to the US or move somewhere else, but I'm very happy here. But it is just funny, like, the cultural differences. Like sometimes I genuinely miss the customer service in the US like, what can I say? I don't know. Like sometimes I feel like, is it the cultural barrier here? Is it the language difference? Like, I don't know what it is. I speak fluent Spanish and sometimes I'm just like, can we just cut the attitude? Like, damn m. Like, what is up y'all asses? Like, what the fuck? Uh, because I see on the menu, it says very clearly at the bottom of the menu, celiac bread. Great. They have celiac bread. That's great. That's perfect for me. I eat gluten free. I'll get a burger just with no bun and they can give me the bread on the side and I can eat little bites of bread with the burger and just eat it deconstructed with like a fork in a knife. It doesn't have to be eaten with my hands because I'm not gonna eat it with my hands anyway. I'm at a nice restaurant. I'm gonna eat it with a fork and a knife. So even though it's a burger, I'm gonna be eating it with a fork and knife. So I just say like, I don't know, I feel like it's better if I sayed it in Spanish first and if you understand Spanish, great. And if not, I'll just try to explain it in English. But anyways, I was liken, uh, and he's like, no noto pan gluten. I'm like, bueno, uh, so he's like, no, we don't have. We don't have breadit without gluten. And I'm like, okay, uh, panute el menugiem CI um estrarasa kotrasa and don problem. It's things like this where it's like, can uh, we just like, why are you being contrarian right now? You're the waiter. Like, what are we talking about? So I was like, non necessit start in forma de pan param borgesa no porta sk norgn po po panzutenued no cam el no port bun ah importa. And so I'm basically like, I don't mind that it's not like in the shape of a bun, you know, that's okay for me. It's normally not. When I go to places, I never have a gluten free hamburger. Bonnette. Nice restaurants. So like, if it's just a random baguette, sure, I'll take that. Like, I don't mind. I just would like to have some sort of bread with my burger. Because I'm paying for a burger with bread. You know what I mean? Sometimes they charge you extra for the bread. Like another two or three euros. Fine, whatever. But like, I just want bread with my burger. Because it also didn't say if it came with fries or not. I didn't bother asking. I was just kind of like, can I just get the bread with my burger, please? But it just had to be this whole thing where he's like, yeah, but we don't have that. And I'm like, okay, but yeah, you do. And he's like, yeah, but that's another thing. And I'm like, I don't need it to be in the shape of a bun. I just would like to have bread on the side. So then, then they bring us the burgers because we each got one. But then Tally obviously got hers with a bun. By the way, the bun that had gluten, like the regular bun was such a pathetic excuse for a bun. It was so small compared to the burger. I was like, why even. Whatever. So then they bring my burger. Like, no bun, just like a patty with cheese and pickled red onions on like a wooden, you know, whatever they serve it on. Whatever. Not important. With the Fries. And I was like, you know what? Okay, I'm not so mad about that. If they just bring me zero bread, I'm not going to complain. I'll eat it with the fries. That's probably all I needed anyways. I'm just hungry. Let me eat the damn burger. So we're deep in conversation, literally halfway done with my burger, and then like another random waiter comes out and just like plops a plate with a random gluten free baguette on the table. And I was like, I'm just like, we. It was just like in the middle of our conversation, just like plopped like a tr. Like a plate with a gluten free baguette on it. And I was like, oh, oh. So they did bring the bread. Like, okay, okay, thank you. I guess, like, now I'm halfway done with my burger. Doesn't really matter, but like, thanks. I guess I'll just eat it anyways. Uh, it was good though. Like, it was nice. They toasted it nicely. It was good, it was good. But it was just so funny that they like didn't bring it out with the burger and they just like plopped it down randomly and we were like, oh, there's the bread. I guess, like, so they did have it. Okay. Um, but yeah, that's just like, I hate complaining all the time, but like, the number one pet peeve I have is like, it's not just waiters and like in restaurants and stuff. It's just like any customer facing person that I speak with, whether it's for like a rental agency, the doctor's office, the bank, it's just like, there's always a dose of attitude. Like, there's always a little like. Like they have to throw a couple daggers at you before you can just like have a normal conversation. That it's like, can we. Can you just be nice? Like, does it hurt you to be fucking nice? So it's starting to really get on my nerves that I'm like, okay, it's been a year since I've been to the U.S. i'm visiting the U.S. in about 10 days. Maybe it's just because I need a little bit of US customer service to like even me back out again. So maybe it's just me being a bit crabby because I miss the U.S. but honestly, like, it just. I can't fathom being that freaking rude to someone on the phone or even in messages and stuff. Like, and I'm always giving the benefit of the doubt because I'm like, oh, maybe it's like a language barrier thing. Like, I know some words, I don't understand the meaning behind it. So, like, maybe they're not being mean, but then when I run it by other people, they're like, no, that was rude. And I'm like, well, then what the hell? Because I don't want to be rude back to stand up for myself. Or like, you know, I'm not. Not being rude back, but, you know, being a bit firm to stand up for myself because I think they hear that I have an accent. They hear that I'm like a young woman. And so it's just like they assume that I'm like a fucking idiot. I don't know. I'm like, I'm not an idiot. I know what I'm talking about. Anyways, so, yeah, it's like the other day, I know that I'm, you know, reaching out quite early, so I know that I'm probably going toa get a no, but I'm okay with getting a no. I'm of the belief that, you know, closed mouths don't get fed. So, like, you can always ask. Someone can always tell you no, but, like, you can always ask. It's fine. So I have been looking for apartments just to see if what I want with the criteria that I want, you know, like, for the price for the square meters, for the amount of bedrooms for the area, if that is even like, in the realm of possibility, or if I need to change up something and give up something. You know what I mean? So I've already been putting alerts up on Ed Elista, even though I'm not moving for a little while. And I reached out to this apartment or to this agency, whoever was in charge of the listing, and it's actually the same agency that I rent from now. So I was like, you'd think that they'd see my name and be like, checking quickly if they. If I'm a trustworthy renter because to see if I'm already in their system or not. Anyways. Not that that's necessary, but that's what I would do if I was them. I don't know. Uh, anyways, so I'm already messaging with. I'm messaging with some agency that I already rent from, like, with someone from the agency I already wentt from. So you'd think that they would, like, know who their current tenants are, whatever. And so then I just say, like, hey, I saw this listing. I'm really interested. Although I can only move in October, so I know it's a bit early, but like October is the earliest I can move. And she goes, it's dis bonile. Like it's already available, due, um, whoever the owner is. And it said on this specific listing that it was more of like a small private owner, whatever. It's like esp. Um, de Largia. So if it's like a long term rental, like five to eight years, they want someone to rent it that's like a very trustworthy person. And if they can't find it and if they're willing to wait for the right person, maybe they would be willing to wait a month for me to rent it. It's not out of the realm of possibility. And I know that they typically rent. Like the cycle of renting here is fucking nuts. They want people to move in. Like the day that the listing goes up, they're like, oh yeah, can you come now? Hello? Uh, what? No. What? So I do miss that in the US that you usually have a good two months in the US to be looking and like line something up here. It's like within a week or less. Whirlwind, whirlwind of craziness. So anyways, I was trying to be a bit proactive and just poke around and like, just ask. I knew the answer was probably going to be no, but I figured like, hey, you never know, maybe the star is perfectly aligned. And they were like, oh yeah, we're willing. You know, the owner isn't in a rush, they're willing to wait a month and blah, blah, blah. It's probably not going to happen. But I thought I would at least ask. But it's just funny that like the response was so rude and snappy like, buen oct. Mu de buen ob ob O Y uh, preno. Like girl, I fucking know, bro. Just o ah, mateito trquilo. What the fuck? Yeah, ete, buito tranquilo. What the fuck? Ah, uh, todoste calmane. No, whatever. So that was a bit rude. And then like I was on the phone with like, yeah, like I needed. I had to call a service to come to my house. And I was like, oh, I'm just like, um, a bit worried about something. Like could you please come and check? And they're like, u, uh, don't freak out too much, girl. And I'm like, I'm not freaking. You want to see freaking out. I'll freak out on the phone. I'm being very calm. And then they, it's just like that they won't be very clear about something. So I'll ask a clarifying question. Like, okay, do you need my information now, or should I fill out a form on your website? Like, what's the next step? I don't need to keep talking you on the phone to you on the phone. So, like, what are we doing here? And I remember she. She was like, tranquilo, tranquilo. Caltte not. Don't be so freaked out. And I was like, im'm not being freaked out. I'm just asking you what the next step is. And then I told her. I was like, no, noke. Im not, like, freaking out. Buooso. No. What was I trying to say? I was like, I don't know how these things typically go. This is my first time asking for this type of service. Do people forget that? Like, um, I was like, buenoasad par, uh, prime andeso mu, mu. Go necess, uh, uh, este momento. Ja. Okay, okay, okay. Whoa. Just had to get that off of my chest because it's. It's. Don't get me wrong, there's bad customer service in the US Too, but I just don't remember, like, almost every time speaking to someone, just getting attitude. Whoa, fuck you. Fuck you. E mostkit serkitomas simpathos janososros. Like, we don't want to have this interaction anyway. Like, we want to get this interaction over with. I don't want to call you, you don't want to talk to me, but let's at least be nice and, like, just get it over with the most efficient way possible while also still being polite. I just. I don't know why that's not more of a thing. But anyways, I had to get that off my chest. And so I will be moving soon. I'm very excited about that because although I love this apartment so much, I, uh, can't stay past December. And if I give them enough heads up, I can leave a little bit earlier. And I'm just paying a lot of rent, and I'm feeling like I'm outgrowing this space, and I really want, like, a dedicated filming space, and I really want my own furniture. And I'm just. I'm ready. I'm ready. Especially after Tally was here and I saw her apartment all empty. I was like, oh, my God, I'm just feeling the itch to move. Like, I want to move now, but I'm going to be in the US for most of September, so, like, obviously I can't move until after I get back, so, uh, there's no point in looking at apartments. Realistically, until I get back. Because everything that I see from now until the end of September is going to be gone by the time I get back. So I just wish, like, I hate than not knowing because there's so much uncertainty of like I can give my landlord like a 30 day notice and be like, okay, this is my official notice. I will be out by X day. But then you have to hope that within that 30 days you find something realistically that's gonna suit your needs. And if you don't, you're kind of just screwed. You know what I mean? So, uh, I mean that's how moving goes in every place. It's not like necessarily shocking news to anyone, but I just wish that they did it with a little bit more anticipation here. But instead everything runs like down to the hair on your chiny chin chin the last second. And it just is more stressful than it needs to be. Because if the rule of thumb is that everyone needs to give 30 days notice, which I think is standard with most contracts here, no matter if you're a short term, long term, then hello, you can put the listing up 30 days in advance, you know, to start gauging the interest. And it would be a win, win for everyone. Like the tenants could plan ahead. The landlord would know that they're not really like overlapping any days and they could plan it like so that it's just like the first tenant moves out, the cleaners come in, the second tenant moves in, and there's only 48 hours in between. Like, hey, it's a win, win, win for everyone. But uh, lasas la las cosas. No, no, no, no. Anyway, so yeah, I just had time with Tally this weekend until she moved. I'm sorry, Talia, I'm bringing you up a ton in this episode. Hey, if you're listening, hey, uh, uh, and then I did like five loads of laundry and then I just uh, uh, emailed like 200 brands and then I like slept a lot today and then. Oh yeah. So now let's get into the date that I went on. Ah, I went on a date. Ah. Anyways, it's been six years almost exactly to the day the since I went on a date and I found a guy on in Bumble that I was like, okay, he seems normal, he seems good looking, he seems nice. And he had like very chill conversation with me. He did not make it too overly flirty or overly weird or overly sexual or anything weird like that. And I was like, okay, he's attractive. Check. He's well traveled Check. He's nice. Check. He's not making it weird. Check. He has a nice, normal social media presence. Like, nothing, no weird red flags. Check. I, so far I'm not seeing anything not to like, it's going well. And I did notice a little, you know, he was only taking photos from a certain angle. And I was like, okay, like, he looks good from that certain angle. So I'm not mad about it. But anyways. And then the only thing I didn't really like though is that, like, I wasn't gonna completely cut off the date for this. Although if he was any less attractive, it's so sad to say, but if he was any less attractive, I would have been like, fuck this. And I would have probably blocked him or something. Um, so, yeah, attractiveness does play a role for sure. You get away with a lot more if you're more attractive as a person, which sucks. But that's just how it is. And I will fully admit, like, if a man's more attractive, he definitely gets away with a lot more bad behavior or like, stuff that I would, if he was any uglier, I would be like, oh, you can't, you can't have both. You can't be ugly and rude. You gotta pick one. So, uh, you shouldn't have to pick either or be able to pick either, but you know what I mean. So anyways, the only thing I was not really a fan of was that it was just feeling like, way too casual. But I was like, you know what? Like, don't be too strict about it'I've. Been looking for a guy that I find even remotely acceptable to spend an hour with face to face, getting to know him on a date. So let me not, like, toss this one aside too quickly. If anything, like, he's probably not going to be my soulmate. So, like, just let it happen. Let it be a good, like, exposure therapy, good practice, good, whatever. And it, it's not gonna be perfect. So, like, just get that idea out of your head right now. And I didn't, I didn't think it would be so, like, I wasn't super disappointed or anything. But the only thing I will say is, like, overall, if you guys want to know, it was a flop. But it wasn't like a major flop. It wasn't traumatizing. It was t. Bad and bad or anything. It was, it was honestly totally fine. If anything, it was a flop because it was just fine. You know, just fine. But that's pretty much the best outcome you could really realistically ask for besides having, like, major chemistry for each other. But I think if I did, I would be a bit freaked out and then I would turn a bit avoidant and then I would be like, I'm not ready for this. So if anything, it's probably the best outcome I could have hoped for given the situation. Um, um. But I think the thing I keep saying, the thing I was annoyed with was that he was just being a bit too, uh, not serious about it for my taste. Like, I would have just liked if he was a bit more proactive about communicating before the date. And it's not like he didn't communicate at all. He did just fine. It was fine. Like I said, um, um. But like, it was on a Thursday night and then he was like, coming in to visit Barcelona, um, from another country. So I was like, okay, so he's going to get here on Thursday. And he was very realistic about saying, like, oh, you know, we can still meet on Thursday. I arrive around like 3pm but maybe, you know, if you work till late, we can meet at 8 and like, it will give me time to chill and then we can meet later. And I was like, that sounds great. Perfect to me. Like, no big deal. And then he's like, I asked him. I was like, okay, but you're visiting Barcelona, so you're the guest. Like, do you have any restaurants that you have on your list that you, like, wantn to try? Because I live here, so I can go wherever I want whenever I want. But, like, if you have something specific on your mind that you've been wanting to try, like, you can pick. I don't mind. And he was like, oh, my God, I haven't done any research. You're the expert here. You're supposed to be my tour guide. Don't. Just don't. Don't. I don't want to be doing extra work. I'm not your tour guide. Like, I don't even know you. Like, I'm getting kind of sick of that pickup line that guys are like, you can be my tour guide while I'm m in town. Hu. Shut the fuck up. Do an ounce of research. This is the unpaid labor that women never get paid for. I know I'm good at research, but, like, do a little bit of the weightlifting yourself, for fuck's sake. My God. So he did like, zero research. He's like, no, you give me some options. I'm like, uh, okay. So I sent four options. And I was like, these are all great. I've been to them before. There should Be no surprises, you tell me. And not that it was a test because really I'm happy with all four of them. If I wasn't happy with them, I shouldn't have sent them, you know what I mean? But I sent the Barcelona edition Rooftop. Very nice. I sent the Havana rooftop, which is also very nice, very unique. And I was thinking, yeah, it's still summer, rooftop season is in full swing. A rooftop that's like nice. But we. I would be fully expecting to pay for my half of the meal if he felt like it was too fancy. Like I'm, I would like for him to pay, but I'm not gonna force him to pay. But don't be, you know, don't get me wrong, if I had to pay out, he would never hear from me again. But like I will still pay for my half if he insists. Obviously I'm not going to force him to pay. But then he would just never hear from me again. But like it was, I was still offering places where I would be willing to pay my half of the meal. And then I also offered Els, Fred and Alice Secret Garden. So I think those are all very suitable for date spots. Um, and I like Alice's Secret Garden because the garden is very whimsical, it's very fun, but it is definitely by far the most chill. It's like, which of these is not like others? Uh, Alice's Secret Garden is so much more chill than the other three. But I threw it in there like thinking like, oh my God, I don't really know what his budget is like, so I don't want to like force him into super something super high end where it's like€50 per person for dinner if that's not really his budget. So I was like, heay, let me just throw in out the secret garden. It is like more chill even though it's not like really what I would personally pick. Like my first pick was definitely Barcelona edition Rooftop. But like, okay, I should have just said that if I really wanted to go there. But I did give him four options. So like I can't fault him for picking one of the four options I gave him. But he did pick Alice'secret Garden. And I was like, okay, like I'm not mad about ituse I still think it could be a cute date spot. But I was thinking more, I guess if I had to be really picky. I think it would be cute for like maybe a third or fourth date when you're not trying to impress each other so much and you just Want, like, a chill place to hang that's like, still kind of fun and, like, it has a bit more of like, a mingly chill vibe. Um, um, so he chose that and I was like, okay, you know what? It's still fun though. I like it. And it's a low pressure date. I'm not trying to, like, make this be like a soulmate connection or whatever. You know what I mean? So I was like, okay, a little annoyed, but, like, it's fine. And then I showed up and I was like, super dressed up. Because why wouldn't I be? Hello. Like, I mean, I'm super dressed up. I say super dressed up, but, like, I get super dressed up every time I go out. So it's not like I did it just for him. Like, I get that level of dressed up every time I leave the house. But I was very nicely dressed. I did my hair and makeup super well. I had all my jewelry on. I had a really nice outfit on. I had my heels on. And then u. Um, he was just wearing like a T shirt and shorts and, like, had his AirPods in at the table. And I was like, oh, hey, like, not like it's illegal to wear airpods at the table when you're waiting for someone. But I was like, I don't know. I'm like, am I bothering you? Take your AirPods out before I arrive. Like, he knew when I was walking in. And yeah, just off the bat, like, you know when you immediately sit down with someone and you're just kind of like, oh, this is not going the way I thought it was gonna go. So, yeah, immediately when I walked up, I was like, oh, yeah, okay, this is not the vibe I thought, but it's still fine. Like, he was nice. Um, but I guess, like, good for me. I didn't have any nerves anymore. I was like, oh, this is strictly friend vibes. Like, within 0.1 second of seeing each other, I was like, okay, then this is. We're just go going toa be friends. So, um, um, honestly, it was fine. Like, he was super nice. We got along really well for the two hours. So that's why I say, like, it wasn't a total flop. Like, it was fine. It's just about as good of, uh, an outcome as you could have hoped for a date. But it was just like, he seems like he wasn't. He wasn't really taking it super seriously. He wasn't really planning with me ahead of the date very well. Like, when we. When he chose Alice's Secret garden, I Had to, like, pride it out of him because it was like, like, I think it was like Monday night and for a Thursday night is still pretty popular. So for rooftops, like, you definitely need a reservation if you want to sit down. Dinner, if you just want to sit at the bar. Okay, maybe you don't need a reservation. But definitely during the summer, for any of the nicer rooftops here, you, like, for sure need a reservation like at least four or five days in advance. So I messaged him on Monday and I was like, hey, can we like, you know, did you decide if younna eat at any of those places I sent you a couple days ago? Cause, because if you do, we probably need a reservation. And then that's when he was like, oh, I think let's just do Alice's secret garden. And I was like, okay, we don't really need a reservation for that one, so I think we'll be fine. And he's like, great for me. I'm like, yeah, it would be fucking great for you. Okay, fine, we're going there. And then, yeah, when we met there, it was like super chill. And then like, in the first couple sentences after we sat down, he's like, he's like, yeah, this is a good spot you picked. I approve. And I'm like, okay, interesting. Like, why don't you tell me more about that? Why? Why do you like it so much? And he's like, yeah, it's really chill. It's totally my vibe. Like, I would have maybe picked one of the rooftops, but they looked too fancy. And then I would have had a dress up. Uh, I was just kind of like, oh, okay. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, like, super dressed up with heels, and I'm like, oh, yeah. Cause that totally wasn't the vibe for tonight. Like, yeah, like, who would dress up and go to a rooftop? Like, like, lame. What? So I was like, oh, interesting observation. U uh, and I was like, you, you actually don't need to dress up like that fancy to go to the rooft tops. But he was literally wearing it like, just a black hay t shirt and like a black pair of, like, sporty shorts, you know? So we were already not matching on that vibe of, like, the level of outfits we were wearing. And then also to see him just sitting there with, like, his airpws in, like, we were in two different worlds. You know what I mean? Like, he was like, he gave 1 million percent. Like, he's just a solo traveler. Like, just meeting friends while he's out. It felt like he was just meeting up with a friend from like. Like, if we were both at the hostel and we met while we were just getting ready at the hostel. And he's like, hey, meet me at this bar later. Uh, and I was like, I'm going on a date. You know what I mean? Like, we were just on two different wavelengths. He was like, chill, like solo travel. Like, no big deal, dude. And I was like, I'm m excited to meet you. Yeah. So I just felt like a bit like, I just. There's some British terms that just you can't replicate in English. So I felt like I was just a mug. I felt like I was a proper mug. And it just was like, okay, we're just being friends. Like, it's fine, it's fine. We're just on two totally different wavelengths. He was treating this as like a silly, like, chill hangout. And I was treating this as like a very formal date. Two totally different wavelengths. So I was like, not gonna lie, a little bit offended that I was like, I spent all this time planning and, uh, working my ass off today to get off work a little bit early to get ready and leave the house to go on a date with you. Okay. After a stressful day at work and rushing to get ready to get out the door. And then you treat it like just some silly hangout. Okay? But besides that, it was fine. He was super nice. We had quite a lot in common. Like, he was in the fashion industry as well. So, like, we got to talk a lot about that. So honestly, like, I think we could stay friends. Like, I'm not goingna say that I, like, dislike him forever. Like, I just was a little bit disappointed by us being on two totally different pages. But. But, um, honestly, he was really nice. So I would still like to be friends with him, if that's possible. I think. I don't know that he was like, was he ever that into me? Now that I think back on it, like, he wasn't that flirty. So I was like, oh, thank God. But now I'm like, oh, maybe he just thought we were friends, but we met on Bumble. I'm so confused. I mean, I'm not like, super attracted to him after I sat down and talked with him anyways. So I guess, like, it's not the end of the world. But like, I was kind of like, uh, were we even on a date? Like, did I go on a date or do I just take that back? Guys? I actually take it back. I actually take it back. That wasn't A date, like, that doesn't count because it did not feel like a date at all. I did not have any date nerves. I did not feel any flirty banter. It was just regular friendly banter, which was fine. But it felt like I was, like, at an expat group meetup and just kind of went off on a tangent with someone that I met there. Like, it was a conversation that I've had a million times. So it did not feel like a date. You know what I mean? Like, I did not leave saying, like, oh, I went on a date. It just didn't feel like that. Um, but it was still good exposure therapy and practice, I guess. Um, and I was, like, a little frustrated that, like, even for friends, like, uh, this is what I mean. My friends and I treat each other to such amazing experiences. Like, when I go out to rooftop dinners with my friends, it feels like such a luxurious, enriching. Like, I love my friends. I'm gonna cry. Like, we treat each other so well, and I can't even get a man to do that for, like, five minutes. Like, oh, my God. Ah. Uh. I did not think I was gonna cry about this, but, like, I love my friends. Like, we all treat each other so well, and then it's like, a man can't even do that. Ah. Uh. I shouldn't be surprised, but, yeah, it's like, to my friends, like, uh, we will treat each other to things and, like, buy each other things and have such amazing, like, dinners with each other where we're just, like, girling it up and having the best time, and we'll still, like, I don't know, like, just for me, I guess. I obviously care about these things a lot more than other people, and I know I'm not this. I'm not. I don't have the same opinion, and not everyone feels the same as me, but I just think it's, like, a courteous thing to do to, like, thank someone for spending time with you and, like, make sure that they get home okay. I don't know. That's, like, the standard I've had with my friends ever since we. We could drive. Like, that's just what you do. I don't know. You just make sure your friends are home, and then you're just like, love you, girl. Thanks for hanging out with me. Is that crazy? Like, are you guys on the same page with me as that? Or am I, like, on a totally, like, weird tangent out here? That's not relatable. I. Maybe I'm not on the same Page with everyone. I don't know, but it's just frustrating that it's, like, even if he only considered me as a friend for the date, that's totally fine. But I just feel like it's so rude to have me have gotten ready, um, took time out of my workee to spend time with you. And you're just here on vacation, so even if we're just meeting as friends, it's like, I feel like the bare minimum is just to, like, thank them for spending time with you in, like, a timely manner. So I. We left. He was, like, a bit awkward when we hugged because we, like, walked out of the restaurant and, like, walked a couple blocks, and then I was gonna walk up a little bit further with him to get him closer to Gracia, which is where he was staying. And then, like, randomly, he was just like, oh, you go here, right? And I'm like, I can. Sure, yeah. And he's like, okay, bye. I was like, oh, uh, okay. Bye. Great to see you. Like, what? And then I got home, and I was just like, oh, I just got home. Thank you so much. It was nice spending time with you. Which is true. It wasn't a bad time, and I was still glad that we could meet. But then my mind changed a little bit because I. Guys, I know that this is not a normal reaction because I put it on my close friend story, and my girlfriends were like, girl, get a grip. Like, he's a grown man. And I just can't help but feel this, like, instinct over making sure people are safe. And so I know that I'm maybe on, like, a bit of the, uh, extreme end of the scale here, but I can't help but not worry about people unless I know that they're home. And I think that might be my OCD talking. But I texted him, literally, as I walked in the door, and I was like, just got home. Thank you so much. Had a nice time. That's it. Just something very simple so that he knows that I'm home. And I thanked him, and he did pay for my wine, which was five euros. So I guess thank you for the wine. And then he never messaged me back the whole night. And it wasn't that I felt like, oh, my God, he rejected me. That's not how I felt at all. I was like, he's never been to Barcelona before. What if he got kidnapped? Like, I'm being so dramatic. Barcelona'not dangerous at all. That never happens. And he knows where he's going. Like, he has a phone he has maps. He's a grown man. And the whole night he never messaged me back at all to even say like, hey, I'm back at my hostel, or I'm back at my hotel. It was nice to meet you. Like, um, am I just crazy for expecting that? Even if he had zero intention of ever speaking to me again? I feel like it's nice to just kind of wrap it up with a bow and just say like, hey, I'm back, had a nice time. I don't give a fuck if we never speak again. But I feel sick to my stomach being like, first of all, we left kind of abruptly because he was just like, okay, bye. And I'm like, well, okay, bye. And then that he just never messaged me the whole rest of the night. And I was like, what if he got kidnapped? Like, what if I need to call the police? And I was genuinely restless and I could not sleep the whole night because I was like, what if he never got back to his hotel? And he's like, in a strange country. He's just in Spain. He's in a strange country and he doesn't know how to get home and he's scared and he's alone. My friends are like, girl, he's a grown man. Like, stop worrying about him. And I'm like, I feel responsible. I don't know why I feel responsible. So it wasn't even that I felt rejected because he didn't message me. I was just genuinely worried about him because of my dumb brain or whatever. I don't know. But then the next morning when I realized, like, he still hadn't messaged me, I was like, okay, but from another perspective, what the hell, you know, that I'm from here or that I live here and that I'm comfortable getting around. But it's still just as a man, I'm just thinking like, if the roles were reversed and I was the man going on with the woman, even if I was visiting, like where she lives, I would absolutely be texting her, being like, hey, please let me know when you got home. Because as a man I would never be able to be comfortable with myself. Not at least like checking in afterwards, you know what I mean? So I'm like, how are you as a man not even gonna check with me as a woman that I got home okay? Hello? Or you're not gonna say anything afterwards? And it's not like he didn't ever say anything. It just took him until like mid morning the next day to finally message me back. And I Was just like, I was like, you know what? Uh, that just gave me the IC so bad. Even though I wasn't really that interested, but already I wasn't that interested. And now you're not even gonna make sure I got home safe or at least respond and acknowledge that I told you I got home. Like, I'm sorry, that's like a harsh or like, um, a strict boundary for me. But like, I do that for my friends. My friends and I do that for each other. That's like the bare minimum for me. So it's like he couldn't even do that. And then I was worried all night. Like, I just know that's crazy. So anyways, I mean, it wasn't like a total flop. It was fine. It was fine. But it really didn't feel like a date. I had no butterflies. I had no, like, it just felt like an expat meetup, honestly. Um, um. And I've had plenty of those, so it just felt like a friendly expat meetup conversation where we talk about like, oh, the cultural differences in your country versus my country and what do you do for work and like. Yeah. So anyway, that was. That was that. So I'm still open for an official first date, uh, uh, to break my six year spell because I feel like that one doesn't really count. Even though I did technically go on a date. It was like. Was it like, I literally left feeling like, was that even a date? Because I feel like he was not on a date with me. I feel like he was just blowing some time on his solo trip with. With someone that he found on Bumble. Like, I don't know. I don't know. So anyway, still looking for my prince charming. So let's move on to what I did today before filming as like a little manifestation journaling session. Because I haven't done one of those in a very long time. And I wanted to spend some time really with myself, not trying to like, I feel like I'm always trying to multitask and like, be as efficient as possible for every second of the day and MultiTask and kill two birds with one stone with everything that I'm doing. And I was like, just let yourself be chill. So I slept in, I did, uh, a load of laundry, and then right here at this desk, I had a little like tarot card reading pulled up on my laptop because I don't really know how much I believe in them. To be completely honest, I really don't believe in them at all. But it is weirdly Comforting to just have these like same voices from like the same accounts that I follow, like speaking, uh, and it's like a calming. It's not necessarily asmr, but in my brain it kind of feels like asmr. It feels like a nice calm massage on my brain because I'm not even really absorbing the words that they're saying. I don't know what the hell they're saying. I don't know what even half of it means because they're saying like this card means this and this girl. I don't know. I don't really need to know. Just keep talking and it's like a little murmur in the background while I'm thinking. And it's just something to have on that's like a little. It's not like asmr, like, hey, what's going on you gu. It's like just them talking like this at like a normal level. No like big peaks or whatever, in volume. And I love, for whatever reason, like the sound of them shuffling cards. Oh my God, the sound of them shuffling cards while they're talking is like music to my ears. It literally feels like a massage on my brain. So that's mostly why I, why I watch it is I love just like the consistent tone of chatting with like the occasional shuffling of cards. And it's like story time. Sometimes it's fun to listen to, sometimes it's a bit motivating, but I really take it with a grain of salt. Like it's not actually anything real, but it is. You can take what you want from it. So I don't think it's completely valueless. Um, I think it is still helpful for maybe it's maybe like a time to unspin some of your thoughts and like pull. Pull your thoughts apart and kind of just think about things. Um, but if they're telling you like, I can't stand tarot, that's constantly like, you're next, lover, you're. It's always lo and moneyy. Don't get me wrong, I love indulging in a little love and money topic from time to time. But I prefer like career and like growth based topics because for me it feels the most valuable and like the least sensational because I feel like lover and money ones are just always like, oh my God, someone's thinking about you
right now and I just saw 11:11 on the clock and that means they're thinking about you. Oh my God, this month you're gonna have your true love come in your life. That never happens. Guys, it just gives everyone false hope. I really don't like that. And then the money ones, sure, I mean, it can't be like the worst thing in the world to be a bit positively delusional about money, but the more you hear it and then the more that it doesn't actually line up with what they're predicting for you. It's just like, okay, so, yeah, it's just a bunch of Bs, because you can indirectly or you can directly impact how you make money by the work that you do. So I prefer the ones that are more like, how can you grow as a person? These are the things that maybe based on your astrology chart, like, in this time of your life, it might be more beneficial to focus on this area of your life. I feel like that's a little bit more scientifically plausible. But the ones that are just strictly cards and just like your lovers coming into your life, okay, I've heard that about 500,000 times. And a lover has never come into my life. I don't need to hear that anymore. But anyway, so, yeah, I have a little tarot. Little tarot. Just like, I like listening to Baba Jolie because to be honest, she's the best with just chatting the Gaia chimes. I love the way she speaks. And I do like her videos because I love that she speaks and she doesn't super sensationalize any specific topic she's talking about. It feels very, um. Um. It doesn't feel super like hyping you up to get you all like, ha. It's very like, matter of fact, a bit monotone, calm energy, just kind of reading what she sees. I can appreciate that. So, yeah, I just had hers up and then I had my journal out and I have my candle lit and I was just writing a bunch of like, I am statements because I saw this video on TikTok and this girl was like, if you want to do witchcraft to help manifest things into your life, you can write a bunch of I am statements on bay leaves and burn them over moon water or something with cinnamon on it. I don't know. I don't have bay leaves and I don't have moon water. So I was like, yeah, I'm probably not going toa do that. But I do like the idea of making a little meditational, intentional time for yourself and really like doing a bit of mood boarding, a bit of journaling. Um, um. So I just did a bunch of Iam statements because I think that's the best way to normalize what you Want. And I think the way I believe in manifesting is like, yeah, normalizing whatever you want and not having it up on this, like, unachievable pedestal and just kind of, like, metaphorically bringing it into your present. So I have a hard time with, like, putting a relationship on a pedestal, putting my dream car and my dream house on a pedestal, putting my dream body on a pedestal. So what you're doing kind of, like, while you're journaling and writing all these am statements, I am statements is, like, kind of like bringing them down off the pedestal and, like, in front of you and making them more realistic and ultimately making it not as big of a deal to have them. Which isn't to say you're not grateful for them, but it. It's to remove that barrier of, like, feeling like it's unachievable to you and just making it be like, yeah. And what. I probably do already have this. Like, I can do this. So it's more about creating a normalization around it as if you already have it. How would you feel inside if you already had these things that you've been dreaming about for so long and making it seem not so crazy that you could actually do that? Because you can. You can. It might take a little time. It might take a little work, but, like, ultimately you can. So I just did a bunch ofam statements over, like, three pages. It was like, I am financially stable. I am happy and confident in my body. I am, uh, successful in my career. I have a clothing brand. My. I have several streams of passive income. I'm in my dream apartment. I'm able to pick all my favorite furniture and decorate. I'm able to have. Or I have a filming room where I do my makeup and I film for social media. And then, like, I have, like, really defined glutes and hamstrings and back muscles, because that's what I would love. And then for the partner section, My God, that was long. But it was like, I have a partner who. And then I wrote a bunch of statements and qualities and characteristics about what I would want my partner to have. So, like, who, number one, understands the emotional and unpaid labor of women and does work to equalize that. Because there's also a side tangent. There's, like, such a hot topic on TikTok right now because one girl made a video that was like, oh, my God, like, the feminism. I'm fully feminist, but it's like, what are we defining feminism as? Because, yes, equality, but, like, how are we achieving that? Equality, I think, is like, where we disagree. So this girl made a video that was like, some of you feminists out there are, like, really missing the point about feminism because it's supposed to be equality. So why are you so angry about 5050 if. If that's. Isn't that what you want anyway? And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes, obviously. But we're not there yet. So it's like a conversation of, like, in theory versus in reality. Hey, great example of the date I just went on in reality. I can't even get the bare minimum of, like, a hey, hope you got home okay. Text was. Nice to meet you. That's where we're at in reality. So the 5050 things, not really working with me. And it's definitely a clash for me in Spanish dating culture because the girls here and the girls in Europe in general are very, like, they believe in 50 50, but not necessarily because they want to. Right? Like, they don't want to have to pay for all their meals and drinks and stuff, but they do it as a barrier so that the men won't hook up with them because they feel such immense pressure to hook up with the guy if the guy pays for something that they would rather be like, oh, no, it's okay. I'll pay for it. I'll pay for it. Um, then. Then you can't say that you owe me that I owe you something. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. I'm sorry. I agree with it. Like, if that's the way you want to cope with it and you feel more comfortable paying 5050 so that a man can't pressure you to have sex with him, that's fine. But for me, I want more than that. I'm sorry, I'm not taking that. No, no, no. Like, for me, the bare minimum is that a man should be paying for my meal on the first date because I did way more work to even show up to the first date compared to him. So it's like, the least he could do to try and court me a little and, like, show me a good experience. Why should I pick him? You know what I mean? Because, like, I'm not adding someone to my life, especially with women that have, like, independence and education and financial stability nowadays. What incentive is a man providing you to give up your independence and choose to cohabitate with a man? What is he doing to, like, make you want to be with him? Because I don't. I don't really need that kind of disturbance in my life, to be completely honest. So what is he doing to like make my life more pleasant or more fun or easier in some way. Um, um, yeah. So like paying for the first date is like in my opinion, like the bare minimum that they can do to show you like some sort of courtship. Obviously there's different types of dates. Like this date I went on, I wasn't like forcing it to be a full blown dinner date because we were out a very casual location that didn't have really any gluten free food. So I was like, let me just get a glass of wine. I don't want to make him feel I could tell the vibes already that it wasn't going to be a formal date. So I was like, let me just make it a glass of wine situation. That way I don't feel like it's weird. If he pays for my wineus if he's gonna have a fit over €5, then guess why you can literally go F ##uck yourself. But he ended uh, up paying for no questions asked, whatever, as he should. Anyways, so I just, in this 5050 conversation I'm like, yeah, ideally we would. But like until men can equal the amount of unpaid and emotional labor that women do that's not tangible in the form of like money and then they can handle a lot of the mental load and honestly, just like beauty u, uh, work like what am I trying to say? Like women have to work so much harder on their looks to even like go on a date with a man where they don't really have to do that much work on their looks to like show up on a date with a woman or just exist in society. So like that alone, like the beauty im balance and the mental and emotional labor that women do, like until men can really like equate that themselves and pull up like come with that already ready, then I'll be happily doing 50 50. But like until that part can happen, I'm sorry, the bare minimum they can do is pay for me. And honestly, like, I don't see why that's such a hot topic because if again, if I was the man and I was trying to date women, it would be like a slam dunk. If I was a man, I would get so many women because it's just not that hard to impress women. Like, I'm sorry, it's really not. Our bars might seem high. It's really not. It's really not for the majority of women. You just have to be like a little bit nice and pay for the first date and like, I don't know Trim your beard and get a haircut. Wear some nice cologne. Like, it's not that hard. I don't know, it's just. It's not that hard. So, yeah, the minimum you can do is pay for a first aid. And if you are on a budget, make that known ahead of time. Like, you don't have to say, like, oh, I'm on a budget. I can't afford this. You which most women want men to pay the date, uh, or to plan the date. You plan the date. If the woman's not okay with it, then she's not the woman for you. Like, it's fine. But if all you can afford is, like, a little glass of wine and, like, maybe a tapa to share, then you say, like, hey, sorry, for the first date. I'm really thinking that, like, just sharing, like, a tapa and a glass of wine might be a good vibe. Is that something you're down for? That's all it all. All it is is communicating. Think of it like as if you were setting up a date to go out with your friend. And I'm saying date, but really just, like, you're making a plan to go out with your friend. Sometimes you might not be down to spend, you know, €50 each on a dinner. That's totally fine. Like, I understand not everyone's in the budget for that. I'm not even usually in the budget for that. So, like, I get it. But you just need to, like, make your intentions and, like, your vibe that you want to have clear beforehand so that you both are, like, on the same page going into the date. Then if you don't communicate that, that's, like, when problems start happening. But it's like, until men can even communicate, they't. They're not even good at communicating the vibes of what they want the date to be beforehand. So, like, until we can even get there, girl, the 5050 conversation is out the window for me. Like, that's not even on the plate or on the table. But yeah. So I would like my man to understand the emotional and unpaid labor of women. U. Uh, first and foremost, um, obviously to just, like, be a champion for, like, every minority on the planet as well, like, and understand, like, the plight of political issues. Like, I personally value that in my life, and I would value somebody who is, I don't know, not completely ignorant to that. And then on, like, the more fun side of things, I want him to be, like, hot and handsome and entrepreneurial and motivated and a little bit type A and a little bit of A geropphobe like me, because I don't want to have to be the annoying one in the relationship that's always worried about germs. And then I would like him to be flexible about where we live, not be religious, not have kids, don't want kids. Like, so I tried to be really specific with, like, this long list of things. And then I also saw a tik took recently that was like, this girl went to. I think it was either her therapist or a dating coach. I forgot which one. But anyways, the person they were talking to said, hey, okay, make a really specific list of all the, you know, characteristics and features you want your ideal partner to have. So the girl made the list, and then the person she was talking to was like, okay, now read through that list and see if you check off each one of those characteristics. And the girl was like, no, I guess I don't technically check each of those off. And then the person was like, okay, so now this has changed from your, like, ideal dating list to your goals and to do list. So until you can check each one of these off for yourself, it's not really fair of you to ask that of your partner, is it? And, yeah, totally fair, but. But, yeah. So then anyways, uh, she ended up making that her to do list. But I read my list, and I was like, no, I for sure check each one of these. Like, I'm not asking for anything crazy here because I bring that same thing to the table. So I guess I just can't find anyone on my level. Okay, my camera just died. I had to switch to my phone quick, but I'm almost done anyways. So, yeah, I know that sounds a little bit harsh, but to be completely honest, like, I think we need to have more boundaries as women and, like, run a real strict program. I keep referencing Tik Toc, but, like, again, another girl on Tik Tok was saying how she runs a real strict program, and I was like, you know what? Yeah, not enough women run a real strict program because unfortunately, like, men will basically lowball you in every sense of the word and try to get away with, like, a really poor experience if they can, um, um, and put in minimal effort. So you, unfortunately, as the woman, which sucks. It's like another piece of unpaid labor that we do or emotional labor or whatever. It's like, you always have to be the one setting the bar and making them meet it, and if they can't meet it, then they're kicked the curb. Like, I don't know what to say. Like, it's just unfortunate that we have to be, um, the ones that set the boundary, but it's almost like a little kid. Like, if you let them get away with it, they will. And I really don't like the vibe of, like, that men. It seems like they're using the apps as, like, a freaking free prostitution app. And yeah, like, I literally saw on the app, like, the other day, like, ah, a guy's like, I'll be in Barcelona. I need a place to stay for the 24th. Excuse me, you're saying that on a dating app and you're asking a woman if you can stay with her for what? Why? Why? Why? Why? I'm sorry, why the are you asking someone on an app anyways. To stay with them anyways, but on a dating app, it's just baffling. Like, I just. So my bar of, like, my initial bar of, like, judgment of whether a guy is even worth my time is like, would I allow this from a friend? No. Then why would I allow it from a man if he can't even meet the bar of friendship? And then romant, uh, like, romance and like, romantic feelings, it's just not happening. Like, I don't know. I don't know. For me, I guess I don't even feel like I run that strict of a program, but apparently it's so strict that no one can get in. I don't know. But if no one gets in, that's fine, I guess. Like, whoever wants to be in a strict program, sign up over here. The line is that way. Um, but yeah, I think it's not to blame women, but I've had this thought for a while that it's like, unfortunately, we have to be the ones that set the bar and say, hey, jump this high. And if a man can't jump that high, then, like, I guess he can't. I don't know. Like, I just. I'm not settling for a terrible experience just for what. The most men I've met haven't even given me, like, any fun experiences, even without commitment. So, like, why would I. You know what I mean? Like, the incentive is just not there. So if I was comparing this to literally any other situation in life that was not dating. So, like, a job, a friend in a co worker. I don't know, any situation where someone was not just like, the basic human respect level, I would not even entertain their. Their presence for, like, more than 10 minutes. Like, I would just never. I would never allow that. So why are we, like, allowing it for men? I don't know. I know that a lot of people are lonely and there's like this weird thing going on in the dating scene. But, um. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I probably sound quite bitter and I am. But like, I just. Sorry. Like, if you can't, if you can't meet the standards, you can't get in. I don't know. Like, I have no problem making friends. So it's like, what's the problem with the dating experiences? Like, I just, I'm um, from men, I'm just expecting the same relationship I would have with any of my girlfriends and then the romantic part on top. So if they can't, they can't even meet the friendship standard, which is not that hard to be completely honest. It's like just be like a little bit nice and like communicate. Well, it's really not that hard. Like genuinely. It's not that hard. So then, then I'm like, if they can't even do that. Oh. Like the outlook is not looking so good. You know what I mean? So I just, yeah, I could ramble about it all day. But anyways'm, I'm. I gotta go to bed. It's getting late. Um, but I did want to talk about this perfume. And you know what? This is a perfect way to end the episode. Choose Happiness. This is what the fragrance is called. It's called Choose Happiness by Em Elise. And in the card they sent me, they said happiness is a choice. And I believe that is true. So I choose to be happy even though I'm given poor experiences sometimes. But genuinely my life is very happy. So I am like, I'm bitching to you now on the, on this episode. But like in a day to day circumstances, uh, I'm feeling very happy and I do feel that this scent is actually very happy. Like it's. Oh my God, it's so good. It's like a jammy fruity, sweet, pretty strong. Like I've already worn it a few times and I can smell it on myself easily like three or four hours later and I get little whiffs of it and I'm like, oh my God, it's so good. It's so fruity. And I did not think I was aity a fruity fragrance person, but after smelling like a month ago, commodity, uh, fragrances sent me a big discovery kit. I smelled all the juice u, uh, fragrances in the commodity line and juice is so good. And I would say if you like juice, you would Like Choose Happiness, I think Juice Bold is the closest one I could compare it to. Um, because Juice Bold is the most, like, well rounded of the three because it's a bit, like, deeper and projects more. Uh, and I've gotten compliments on Juice Bold and Choose Happiness is very similar, and I'm a huge fan. I also love the brand. I think they do mostly unisex fragrances. And again, like, this is not sponsored, but I just wanted to give them a little shout out, uh, because they sent me a full size and It's, I think€145 for a full size, like, 100ml fragrance. So, yeah, I'm really glad that I got Choose Happiness. Cause this one I think will be an easy daily wear for me. Cause it's, like, sweet, but not too sweet. But it is a really nice, fruity scent. And even though it's unisex, I do feel it leans a little bit more feminine, I think. Um, and then they also sent me a sample of Dancing on Goosebumps, and I sprayed it on the card. And it's definitely a different fragrance than Choose Happiness for sure. This one is more like woody, fresh, spicy green. Like, to me, I smell, like, a little bit of the incense in the mid. So, like, the top notes are bergamot, pettigraine, mid notes, bay rose incense. And then the bass is vetiver, papyrus, cashmere wood, and amber. I don't get, like, a super ambery smell, but the vetiver and the petigraine and the bergamot make it, like, a little bit more sparkly. And then the incense definitely comes through a little bit. Um, and the wood comes through. So I'd say it's like a sparkly green wood Z scent with a bit of incense. Um, but this one for me leans more masculine, for sure. And I just wanted to show, like, I don't know, I just wanted to give them a little shout out. Like, they sent me all these really cute stickers, and then they have this really beautiful insert as well. And they're a German brand. So I looked up everything in English online, obviously, but, like, yeah, I can't read the German. I wish I could, but, yeah, the notes for, um, Choose Happiness, I. I think I can read the German, but I looked it up. It's like lychee. I can definitely smell the lychee hibiscus in the mid. The top notes are lychee, bergamot, a rose, something else. And then the mid is rose, hibiscus, leather base is vanilla, amber, and maybe like a Wood, I believe. But I, um, also made a review about it on TikTok, if you want to check that out. And, yeah, I just love the whole brand. Like, their. Their branding is so cute, and I think it's, like, a really good value for the price. So I really recommend it and wanted to give them a little shout out as, like, a little palate cleanser at the end of the episode. Cause I know I was, like, a little bit frustrated in this episode, but I can't lie, the frustration comes through. So I think that will bring us to the end of the episode. I hope you guys enjoyed, uh, and I hope that I have a more fun date to update you guys on soon. Um. Oh, I was gonna say what. I think what I forgot about to kind of round out the manifestation topic was just that I'm trying to be more intentional with where I meet guys, and I just think the apps are not. It. Like, it's just way too many guys to sift through realistically. And I don't really trust the apps to show me people that I would even realistically be interested in, because it's not in the best interest of the app to actually show me people that I would be compatible with, because if they did, then I would never use the app again, and they would. You. They would lose out on customers. So I just, like. Like, even though the apps are there, I check them. Like, it's not a completely lost cause, but I really don't think I'm gonna find my partner on the apps. I really have this, like, strong feeling that I will find my partner through events in, like, the fashion world or the social media world. If we could, you know, circle back on this conversation. But, yeah, I don't know why. I just feel like, uh, the apps are not working. It's too broad. I'm not paying for the filters. I'm not doing that. Uh, I've already tried it in the past. Just. I feel like it's just a waste of time. Like, the apps are my op. I really don't. I think they're all of our op. Uh, I don't think that they're. I mean, it doesn't make sense. It's the antithesis to their business model. It doesn't make sense for them to actually match people up. So I really don't think that the apps are going to work. Um, I think what could benefit me the most is, like, just putting myself out there in general without the intention of necessarily dating and see what happens. So. Yeah, anyways, I'm delirious. It's late. I need to stop talking. But I hope this was helpful. I hope you enjoyed. I enjoyed spending time with you. And, uh, if anyone wants to take me on a date, uh, hit me up. Anyways, um, yeah, I will talk to you guys in the next episode. Bye.