How To Build Unstoppable Confidence | The 10 Leadership Myths Holding You Back

Self-confidence is a muscle that requires practice every day!

Are you ready to build unshakeable self-confidence? In this video, I’m sharing 10 myths about leadership along with 10 simple and powerful steps you can take today to boost your confidence and take control of your life. Whether you're stepping into a leadership role, pursuing a new goal, or just looking to level up your mindset, these tips will help you push past fear and start taking bold action.

We’ll dive into these 3 plus 7 more:
1. Doing it afraid – how to face your fears head-on.
2. Taking action before you feel ready – because confidence is built through action.
3. Focusing on progress, not perfection – to grow your confidence every day.

Leadership isn’t just about formal titles—it’s a mindset. And confidence doesn’t come first, it comes after you start taking action. So, if you’re ready to break free from self-doubt and step into your power, this video is for you!

Make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell for more tips on leadership, confidence, and creating a life you love.

Let's Connect: https://linktr.ee/ashleetate

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction

Transcript

Ashlee Tate (00:01)

Hey, Fierce Visionaries, welcome back to the Practice Your Perfect podcast. If you are new here, my name is Ashlee Tate, and you know that I love talking about all things, profit, purpose, and productivity. And for today, we're gonna be talking about, and honestly getting real, about leadership and confidence and self-confidence and what that actually means. So I wanted to really take some time today to talk about some myths that...

are out there and that make a lot of people really question whether they're ready to be a leader, whether they're ready to actually step into that role. And then for a lot of us, you don't even have a chance to really think about whether you wanna be in that role, you just kinda get put in that role and you better make it, right? And so today I wanna just, I wanna talk about some of the myths that are out there so that you can start to build some unstoppable self-confidence and

trust yourself and understand that this is a process, okay? This is not something that you just like start a nonprofit and just start, you know, leading and knowing everything and understanding everything. You know, it's something that is built over time. And so in today's video, I'm gonna be talking to you about the myth and then I'm gonna be talking to you about how to actually do some of the actionable steps so that you can become the leader that you wanna be. Okay, so.

Let's get started, because I am so excited about this episode. I love this stuff. Okay, so if you guys see me looking down, I'm looking at my little teleprompter thing, because I gotta have my little notes down here. So the first thing is, the first myth I wanna talk about is that confident people aren't afraid and they never have doubts. Like you guys, I'm showing up today, I've got doubts. I don't feel perfect. I feel like this is not exactly the way that I'd like things to be.

the day wasn't perfect, but we're sitting down to record, we're gonna get it done because the most important thing you have to understand about confident people is that they aren't, it's not that they aren't afraid, but they still just do it with fear, they do it afraid. And I think that's a really good mantra. Like I actually use this mantra all the time, it's like do it afraid, do it afraid, do it afraid. When I go to step up on stage to talk to organizations or sometimes when I have to have tough conversations with my kids,

It doesn't matter what type of leader you are. When you are taking on that role, you will sometimes still find that fear is right there next to you and you have to just do it afraid. Now, this is where my BGS method and I won't go into what BGS means for now, but BGS is basically a method of stages that you go through for fear. And I truly believe this in my heart. I've been using this for many years now.

And the first phase would be sink or swim. So as a parent, it's kind of like you can't really send your kids back, right? Like you have your kids, they're not going anywhere. And you just have to sink or swim. Like some of us sink, some of us choose to swim. And you don't really have much of a, it's not a decision. It's like the child is here, you've got to learn how to parent. And most of us will swim. We figure it out, right? You just make it happen.

and you're doing it with fear alongside you in everything. You don't know if you're doing it right, but you're doing it. Okay, so that's that first phase of fear. You don't get to make any decisions. Now the second phase of fear is to be courageous. So being courageous would be something like starting a business where you're choosing to do this. You're choosing to start this business. Now you're choosing to tell people about it. You're choosing to put yourself out there. You're making these choices.

every step because you do have the option to close it. If you get too fearful, you could just close it if you wanted to. But moving past that first phase of fear of like, don't know what I'm doing, but I have to figure it out and I have to go forward. Well, when you're courageous, you just, you get to make those choices the whole way through. Like even in my courses, I tell people, hey, start a YouTube channel or

you know, start posting online. And if you get afraid or you don't like it, you can always take it down or you can just stop doing it altogether. Like you have that choice. Now the last phase of fear in this method is don't give a shit. And excuse my language, but you know when you're like, you see 70 year olds and they just don't care anymore. They're like, I'm...

doing me and I don't care if you like it or if you don't like it, you just stop caring about what everyone else thinks. And that's like the highest phase of moving past fear and working with fear because I don't really believe that fear goes away. I think it's just with you all the time and it creeps up and you gotta acknowledge it and you know, and then move on. And so that's one of the things that I love about...

about this method, because you might fluctuate in those phases, but you can kind of recognize where you are and pump yourself up to keep going. So that's the first myth. Now the second myth is, and I know you've all heard this, leaders are born, they're not made. And I talked about this in one of my other videos where I talked about natural born leaders and just how that's not really true. It's just not a thing, right?

People think you either have this leadership quality or you don't and I just I don't believe that I think really leadership takes a lot of practice and it takes practice showing up every single day to be that leader and Once you move past those stages of fear or you're moving through those stages of fear you start to realize that

when you're practicing that leadership stuff, every single day you have to make that decision to keep showing up, to have a meeting with your board members, to put your business out there and say exactly what you're doing and tell people where you're trying to go. And as Fierce Visionaries, that's one of the things that I feel so proud about building this community of fierce leaders who are not only leading other people, but you're learning how to lead yourself.

when you're doing that, realize like confidence is like a muscle. You have to keep coming back and doing that strength training and building and building and building over time. And then you might look back years from now, like I can't believe that girl started this and is now leading X, whatever it is, but it takes time and it takes focus and it takes like a ferocity of, of showing up and deciding that you're going to stay fierce on those goals and stay focused on what you're doing. And

get to that ultimate goal, which is what a visionary is all about, right? A visionary makes sure that the people that she's leading or he's leading are on the same page and we're going in the same direction. And you understand that we're going to get there eventually, but we have to do these things, you know, before we get there. And that's really, to me, all a leader is, is like someone who is going to stay fierce on that same focus, that same vision over time instead of

focusing on the little things that happen. So leaders to me are not born, they literally are made with practice every single day and treat it like a muscle. Some days you're gonna wake up and you're gonna be like, I don't feel like leading today. I don't feel like showing up today. But when you're a leader, you don't really have a whole lot of a choice. You have to just move through that and do it.

Now, myth number three is that confidence is an unwavering self-belief, that you just believe in yourself and you always believe in yourself and that never changes. And just like we talked about a minute ago, confidence is less about your self-belief and more about self-awareness. So I think when you understand yourself better, you understand your strengths, your weaknesses, and you're leading from a place of

like I know I'm good at X and I know I'm not so great at this, then you don't try to overcompensate for the weakness. You just work in your areas of strength and you empower others to work in their strengths so that you guys can then work together to create this ultimate vision of whatever it is that you're leading them to. And so I think the most important part of that is realizing self-awareness is really where you're going to have to

Focus your energy if you feel like your self belief isn't that strong, maybe you don't trust yourself just yet. I feel like the best way to take action and make that possible is to really sit down and start learning about yourself. Take some personality tests. I'm a big science girl, so read about your sign. And don't forget to read about your rising sign. Read about your sign, understand yourself, read about, you know.

take some personality tests and kind of start to learn about you. A lot of times we're moving through the world and we're not thinking about like who we are at our core. We're kind of looking at external validation and external factors to tell us who we are and we take that in and that's how we develop our self belief. So I don't want anyone to do that. I want you to really think about what you're trying to create and the people you need around you.

and creating that form of self-awareness for yourself so that you really can create this strong, unstoppable self-confidence and self-belief in yourself. wow, you can't say self-belief in yourself.

So you really can create this strong self belief that's unstoppable. And it's just gonna continue to grow as you learn more and more about yourself and you understand, this actually, I know this is not gonna work out well for me because this is a weakness of mine. This is not something I do well with. Whatever that might be, good or bad, it's good to just understand what it is, recognize it and keep moving forward. So,

Mm-mm.

Now self-awareness is something that makes visionary leaders really stand out, okay? They know where they're strong and they know where they need to learn. And I think that's the key to really having this unshakable self-confidence is really understanding where you stand in the middle of those two, What you need to learn and where you're actually very strong. That's a very important thing. So just remember that.

Myth number four, myth number four is all about confidence drives success. If you have confidence, you're naturally gonna be successful. If you are confident, you are more likely to be successful than anyone else. And although confidence is great for success, it is actually not the main driver. The main driver of success is going to be really action, right? It's setting those goals and getting yourself closer and closer and closer to your vision.

And that's what visionary leaders really do. They set goals that are gonna get them closer to that vision and they're not focused on perfection. They're focused on progress and getting closer and closer and closer because over time as you get closer and closer and closer and you add more people to your vision and to get you guys there, that momentum really is what takes you to that level of success. Not giving up is what takes you to that level of success. Confidence is definitely a...

a booster and it helps and it's important to have and to build, but that's not the ultimate driver of success. in actuality, and I'm gonna talk about this later, but doing the action actually helps you gain more confidence so that you'll go back and do it again. And that's what really drives success. It's the action of doing.

So the key here is don't wait until you feel super confident and then go take the action. Take the action towards your vision right now and the confidence will follow. But you've got to move past those phases of fear. So if you're in the sink or swim phase, just start doing and you will learn and you will see that you can take those steps, just those tiny little steps. It's like, again, it's like being a parent.

You have your little baby, you're afraid that you're gonna hurt the baby, you're afraid that you're not gonna do something right or you're gonna forget something, but then you wake up the next day and the baby's still there and the baby's still doing fine. And then you build a little more confidence to go on to the next day and the next day and the next day. So that's what I look at the phase of sink or swim like, right? We wanna just keep on going and that confidence will follow. Take tiny steps each day towards your vision and the confidence will follow.

The key here is just not to sit around and wait. We don't wanna wait. Now, myth number five is all about the leader must be the expert. Now I will tell you guys honestly, for a long time I struggled with the leaders must have all the answers. Like I can't lead other people if I don't have all the answers. And what I've come to learn about that is that the leaders don't have to have all the answers at all. Sometimes the leaders are just the guide. You don't have to know everything.

but I can show you what I've done before and what worked for me. And that's really where I feel the power of a leader comes in because a strong leader isn't the one with all of the answers, right? They're the ones who empower others to bring their ideas to the table. And what that does is it allows you to show people that you can be humble enough to say, look, I don't have all the answers. Here's where I'd like to go.

What do you have as a suggestion to help us get there? And it also creates a level of buy-in from the people that you are leading so that you also know, they know and you know that they are part of this journey and they're part of getting you and them as a group to this specific vision that you're trying to get to.

Myth number six. All right, so myth number six is all about charisma. Now, a lot of times, yes, leaders are very charismatic. They have a big personality sometimes, and that is true. And a lot of those people will rise to the top and we'll hear from them when you think of like Tony Robbins or Gary Vaynerchuk or Marie Forleo or whatever. But there are a ton of great leaders out there who don't have these huge personalities and aren't super charismatic.

And it's not a must have for leadership. And that's where the myth comes in. The myth is that people must be charismatic in order to be a leader. And sometimes that can even come off as shiny object syndrome for a lot of us. Like we see somebody and we're like, my gosh, you're so charismatic. I want to be drawn to them. But really that's not the right leader that you should be following. And when you have to work with that person one-on-one, you start to see that

maybe they don't have the level or type of communication that they need as an effective leader. And really what that comes down to for me as far as how this myth is dispelled and what you should be practicing is becoming an effective leader. Really what matters most is respectful communication. Like are you listening to people? Are you speaking to them with the intention and care that they need when they are sharing an idea?

or something, some way that you're working with them that does earn trust and it earns, you know, the ability for them to feel like they can open. feel empowered when they're talking to you and when they're sharing their ideas, when they are coming to the table or want to be a part of your tribe or your group. That's where I feel like it really matters. You can have a lot of flashy personalities that will put you on blast essentially, like in front of a lot of people.

instead of pulling you aside and talking to you one-on-one. That to me is considered respectful communication as opposed to this big personality that feels that they can disrespect anyone. So it is really important to think about respectful communication as opposed to charisma as to what's needed to be a strong leader.

Okay, so this number seven is like my favorite. I tell this to my kids all the time. So basically the myth is that leadership requires formal authority and that someone kind of needs to knight you and make you into a leader. And honestly, leadership is way, way more about that. It's so not about the titles or the position. Leadership is a mindset that you have to cultivate and that you live and work

every day. Like that's not it's with every single person. It's not like someone is walking around saying, you're a leader, you're a leader, you're a leader, No, people respect you as a leader because of the way that you actually treat them and the way that you interact with them. That's what makes a good leader. In my opinion, it's not a title and it's not a position. It is strictly a mindset. And I think you could leave from anywhere. And

You know, you can lead as a parent and you have that vision for your children that you're constantly leading them towards. You can lead as a business owner and you have, you know, something that you're trying to do for the community and a vision for that community that you're trying to lead them towards. You'll be a non-profit founder and you have a vision that you're leading people towards. And that's really what it comes down to. It's about owning your space, owning your vision, leading with purpose, no matter your role. So,

Oftentimes people will feel like, I wasn't given that role or I wasn't given that position. And I say, still work like you were. The money is not what makes a leader. The position and title are not what make a leader. It really is how you treat people, how you act on a daily basis and the vision that you have that you're trying to take people towards. That's what leadership really comes down to.

So building from that, let's go into myth number eight. Myth number eight is that leaders must have all the solutions. So they say that, know, I feel like we need to really, really break this one down because leaders don't have to have all of the solutions. Instead, I think the most important thing you can do is really foster a growth mindset. And the way to do that is by asking questions, looking for input, finding solutions as a whole, as a group.

and not feeling like you can only come with the solutions and only your solution is the final best solution. I find that it takes a lot of pressure actually off of a leader if you just are willing to listen to other people and ask them questions about things that you may not have the answers for. And a lot of times I don't have the answers for a lot of things, but the people around me do. And it's like that saying, you know,

more brains are better than one and it's so, true. know, growth oriented leaders really focus on learning and evolving and not just, you know, knowing everything from the start. They feel like they can take in input and they actually foster that as well.

Okay, so myth number nine. Myth number nine is leaders need to be in control. Yep, so people think that to lead, you must be in control of everything. You must know all the things. And a lot of us, including myself sometimes, kind of can be a little type A and want to have your hand in everything. But I think the best thing that you can do is really empower people so that you can delegate.

and that way you don't have to control them. have their job and their thing, their project that they're working on, and you have your job and your project that you're working on, and yes, you can check in, but it's not necessary to be a full-on micromanager or someone who is feeling as if they need to control their team in order to get a project done, because what's really most important is to be able to trust your team and give them the tools that they need to really succeed.

So.

And this is a way to really create an environment where people can really thrive and bring their ideas and feel like they're invested and feel like they're part of the group. And that's what I love about, I feel like leadership, like if you're in that role, you really can create a place for people to feel like they can put their ideas in the hat too and be a part of the journey that you guys are taking. So.

Okay, last one guys. Okay, so last one. This is the one I really wanted to talk about because I think a lot of you stay here and I get stuck here too sometimes and it's a very common place to get stuck. So this myth is that confidence comes before action. Like basically we have to be confident before we take the action. And that's why I talk so much about practice because

You have to practice things before it's gonna come to fruition and be fantastic or be perfect, right? Confidence is built, and I'm gonna say it again for the people in the back, confidence is built through action, okay? It teaches you how to trust yourself. And every time you do that, every time you take that small action and just do a little bit more, do a little bit more, do a little bit more, you realize like, I actually do know what I'm doing. This actually is gonna work out. I'm good.

And when you take that action, especially when you're scared, you really learn to rely on yourself and your own judgment, okay? And to me, that's what builds true confidence. That's where true confidence comes from. Self-confidence is something that is built over time by failing and trying and trying again and dusting off your knees and getting back up and trying it again.

And I say this all the time to new entrepreneurs, but starting a business is the one thing that you start that you have no idea what you're doing. There is no manual, there is nothing to teach you how to do this. Parenting is the same thing. Aging, same thing. We don't really know what our bodies are gonna do, how they're gonna age, what our kids are gonna become, how they're gonna age, what our business is gonna do, what kind of external factors are gonna affect our business.

And you've got to be nimble. You got to be ready to like, okay, we're not doing that anymore. That's not going to work. Okay. We're going to try this. That worked for somebody else, but it's not working for me. Relying on yourself and trusting yourself is such a big piece of, building that self confidence. And if you don't take the action, then you'll never build the confidence. So my goal today is just to tell you all of those things that you've heard about confidence really stems from.

just taking action. And what we see as myths, now what I've just shown you as myths, are just things that we've seen over our lifetime. Because when you're looking up to leaders, we don't look back at their journey, we look at where they are today and what they're doing and saying today. We don't look back at the girl 10 years ago who was afraid to start a nonprofit because she didn't know exactly what to do and how to do it.

Was she gonna mess up and all of these things? We don't look at the girl who started an online business in like 2018 and didn't know exactly what she was doing, but just pulled from past experiences, right? And that's what you're gonna do when you start anything. You're gonna pull from past experiences and you're gonna start building whatever that may be. And you just have to show up and trust yourself. Whether it's going up for a speaking engagement or it's, you know,

starting a new business or starting a YouTube channel, it could be something very simple as like putting yourself out there on social media. It doesn't matter. The thing is you have to do it in order to decide if it's right or wrong for you. And that's what ultimately will help you build that unstoppable self-confidence. You do things and then you build that confidence. You do things and then you learn how to trust yourself and you do it, especially when you're scared. So that's all I have for you guys today.

Those are the 10 myths about leadership, totally busted. And leadership honestly isn't about perfection. It's not about control or even about being an expert. It's really just about practice, self-awareness and taking action. And the more you take those small steps, the more that you'll build this unstoppable self-confidence that you've been looking for and that you see in others. And remember, it's your own ship, okay?

steer it how you want, all right, on your own terms. That's how we're gonna get to the vision, okay? So thanks for tuning in today, guys. I really appreciate it. If this resonated with you, be sure to share it with somebody. And I would love if you guys leave in the comments section, I would love to see what myth has been really holding you back and what you plan to do about it. Because if you're tell me a myth, I wanna know that it's been busted and that now you're gonna move forward and do your own thing and start.

building that unstoppable self-confidence. So thank you guys again. And as always, keep practicing your perfect, stay fierce and get out there and unleash something amazing. Talk to you soon. Bye guys.