EP. 30 Everyone Deserves Their Perfect Wedding Day, No Matter Who They Love

When it comes to wedding planning, every couple deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Yet for LGBTQ+ and minority couples, the journey to "I do" often includes navigating vendors who may not welcome them with open arms.

In this candid conversation, returning guest Winston Gaines doesn't hold back as he shares his perspective as both a wedding industry professional and advocate for equal treatment. "Anyone in our area knows I'm going to be an ally and champion for anyone treated differently, period," Winston declares, setting the tone for an honest discussion about discrimination in the wedding industry.

The episode reveals troubling stories, including one about a same-sex couple who fell in love with a venue only to be strung along before being rejected because of "that lifestyle." This prompts Winston to challenge discriminatory vendors: "If you're not gonna let a gay man get married on your property because he's gay, why not just put it on your website?" While not supporting such policies, he argues transparency would at least save couples from humiliation and wasted time.

Both Winston and Marco dismantle the notion that same-sex weddings require different service approaches. "The only difference is the name that's going to be on the printout," Marco points out, highlighting how arbitrary discrimination truly is in practice. They also discuss the problematic nature of "tokenism"—when businesses display support for LGBTQ+ communities only during Pride Month while remaining unwelcoming the rest of the year.

For couples concerned about facing discrimination, the episode offers practical resources including Texas Folx, a database of inclusive vendors. Winston closes on an optimistic note, emphasizing that most vendors in Central Texas are welcoming to all couples, suggesting the industry is gradually becoming more inclusive despite lingering challenges.

Have you experienced or witnessed discrimination in the wedding industry? Share your story with us and help create awareness for this important conversation.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:01

Welcome to the Tipsy Guest Podcast. I am your host, Marco Buenrostro, and every week I'm here with the top industry experts, amazing clients and all my vendor BFFs to bring you the best tips, advice and juicy behind-the-scenes stories to make wedding and event planning a breeze. So grab your favorite drink and let's get this party started. Hey guys, welcome back to the Tipsy Guest, Marco, your host, and today I he's back. He's back by popular demand. I have Winston, let's get it. Games.

Speaker 2 0:41

Entertainment. Back at it, man. I hope y'all watched my previous episode. I was dropping some gems, but leaving it open to your interpretation so you can be creative with your ceremony it is always fun to have you around.

Speaker 1 0:56

I mean, I never know what you're going to say next, which could be a good thing or could be a bad thing. I mean, talk about being controversial and getting canceled.

Speaker 2 1:09

He's already nervous.

Speaker 1 1:11

I'm definitely not nervous, but you know, sometimes you know you just got to be careful with this one. If you know Winston, he is, I would say, one of the only vendors out there that will tell you how it is. Like he is not going to be hiding shit from you. He will be. If you're doing something wrong, if you're doing something good or if you're doing something that is not going to go anywhere, he would tell you.

Speaker 2 1:44

Yeah, I've always just been not necessarily like purposely raised that way, but that's just a makeup of my family background. It's just what it is is what it is. So if you don't like it, you got to kick rocks.

Speaker 2 1:59

Be, sad about it in the corner for a minute, but like it is what it is. So I've always just tried to try to be transparent with everyone in the industry. Uh, from my super humble beginnings to where I am now I'm still climbing, by the way, so don't think I made it. I ain't made it yet, but I always want to be transparent. I always want people to know that if you have something on your mind and you want me to look at something, or just give me, give you my honest opinion, I'm, I'm all for it, let's get it.

Speaker 1 2:24

I'm not gonna lie to you and I and I like that, and that's exactly what we're going to be doing today. We have a very um, I would say, a good topic, because I mean, we live in san antonio, we're in central texas and things are not always pretty in texas, so we are going to be diving right in. I'm sure you are going to have a lot to say about this specific topic, and we so, I guess, for our listeners. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Speaker 2 2:53

Tell them, tell them, tell them about the show Marco.

Speaker 1 2:55

So yeah, so today we are going to be discussing LGBTQ plus topics minority couples I know that you are always very open about these topics.

Speaker 2 3:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:07

You know we've talked about this before, but I mean there's a lot of couples out there that are struggling to find vendors because some vendors don't like to work with specific, you know people.

Speaker 2 3:18

Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:19

So in this case, I guess let's hear it what has your experience been in general, just throughout the years, with LGBT couples or just minority couples in general?

Speaker 2 3:29

Yeah. So I first want to start out by saying that anyone in our area that hears from me on a regular basis knows that I'm going to be an ally and a champion for anyone that's treated differently, period. I don't care. White, black, green, gay, straight, whatever, I got your back. For you know, anyone that's treated differently, period. I don't care. White, black, green, gay, straight, whatever I'm, I got your back. Uh, so it's not necessarily me just like always trying to blow the whistle. I'm just trying to make sure that everyone's treated fairly right, because my, my background, the makeup of me, is a black man, so I really I've, I've witnessed wrongdoings, right.

Speaker 2 4:06

I mean I'm being comical right now and I'm being lighthearted, but I've been treated differently before in different settings, right? So I just don't like to see that happen to anybody else. So the overarching point for me on this subject as a whole, before we get into it, it into it is everyone should be treated the same. And if you're running a business and you don't want to work with a specific set of people um, I say this all the time and I can say it, so I'm blue in the face make it public, right. I'm not. I'm not for you treating people differently under any circumstance. But if you're not gonna let a gay man get married on your property because he's gay, why not just put it on the website? Why not just put it on your social media?

Speaker 1 4:51

yeah, because then I feel like in a way, like you know, it saves them the humiliation in a way of showing up to the venue or reaching out to them, and then they're like nope, sorry, you're not welcome here real, real story, and I never um.

Speaker 2 5:06

I'm not a good storyteller because I never fluff my stories, so so a lot of times when I'm at dinner parties or even like networking events I'm not my stories never get like a big pop of a laugh because it's just the truth. So this is a real story. A couple was looking for a venue. This is the short way to the story, by the way.

Speaker 2 5:23

A couple was looking for the venue and, um, they got to the first venue, really loved it, fell in love with it and they were like this is it? They had the date, they had the time, and then the uh, the person giving them the tour was like so, um, where's the groom and what's his name? So they could like put it on the paper and put information, yada, yada, yada, right. And they go oh it's, it's actually, it's for us, we're, we're getting married to each other, it's a female and a female. And then she kind of gives them the oh, no, right, and it it wasn't even direct, it was more like oh, we'll get back to you when we can never got back to them so they followed up because they fell in love with this place.

Speaker 2 6:04

They followed up oh, we will get back to you followed up again, like what are we doing? Because we're trying to plan a wedding, we have a strict timetable, we don't have.

Speaker 1 6:12

They need a venue, of course to start planning.

Speaker 2 6:14

Yeah uh, long story short. They told them we, we don't really support that lifestyle, so you can't get married here but they, they waited until the third follow-up.

Speaker 2 6:24

A lot of what happens in our area. I can't speak on Oklahoma, louisiana, alabama, like all these other states surrounding, but a lot of what happens in Texas is people will hide behind religious views and standpoints, which is fine. I support anybody that's faithful to anything. Ride it out, I'm with you. That's cool. But people will hide behind different things to try to maybe get their point across that they don't accept something. There's, there's a better way for me to say that, but you guys get what I'm trying to say. So I just think a lot of it could be avoided if it was just out there like hey, I'm a Christian business owner and I do not support that in any way possible.

Speaker 1 7:11

Put that shit on your website yeah, I mean, it's a it's 2020 time of recording time, it's 2024 yeah I mean, people are pretty open about everything nowadays everything they'll.

Speaker 2 7:24

They'll talk to you, to to your blue in the face, about how much they support a certain political figure yeah, right um, and we won't go into that because that could be a whole nother.

Speaker 2 7:33

That's a whole nother thing in itself. But they'll talk to you all day about how much they love the texas longhorns, but when it comes to, like, the business that they run and that they call a business which, again, these are things that just blow my mind um, they, they're not going to tell you that up front we got, we got to send you a message, a voicemail, and say, hey, you can't do this here because yeah, which is kind of like, if you really think about it as a business owner, you want to make money.

Speaker 1 8:01

I mean, if you look at it that way at least, for me. I'm like I'm in this business to make money. I'm going to try to accommodate my services to everyone.

Speaker 2 8:12

Which, in your experience I'm going to flip it on you as I'm going to be the interviewer now In your experience, I'm going to flip it on you, as I'm going to be the interviewer now In your experience.

Speaker 1 8:20

Welcome to the Tipsy Guest with Gaines Entertainment.

Speaker 2 8:22

Yes guest host Gaines Entertainment. I'm Winston. Guys Welcome. So in your experience, is it even hard to do a wedding for someone that's gay versus straight Like? Is it harder or easier? Is there any difference?

Speaker 1 8:34

There's no difference at all, like it is, we're still showing up to do a setup, we're still showing up to work three, four, five hours of of photo booth. Yeah, I mean, the guests are gonna say are the same, they're gonna have fun, some are gonna be dramatic, some are gonna be drunk, some are gonna be crying that's on both sides but it's on both it's everywhere you know, like it doesn't matter who it is.

Speaker 1 8:55

I've had young couples, I've had older couples, same-sex couples. It's crazy, like to me, the only difference is the name that's going to be on the printout.

Speaker 2 9:06

That's it, but that's it.

Speaker 1 9:08

But to me every event is the same.

Speaker 2 9:10

It's about the same.

Speaker 1 9:11

And I always tell my staff, you know, like, whenever we do, for example, wedding fairs. You know like, like whenever. You know, whenever we do, for example, wedding fairs, you know which. You do a lot of wedding fairs, you know, I do a lot of wedding fairs and I always tell my staff we need to be, you know, we need to make sure that we use inclusive. You know, with inclusiveness with everyone. You know, because there was one time and I felt so embarrassed I was at an open house, at a venue, and you know, I think it was like it was a group of people and I felt so embarrassed. I was at an open house, at a venue, and you know, I think it was like it was a group of people.

Speaker 2 9:40

And.

Speaker 1 9:40

I was talking to the mother of the bride and you know I was talking to them and I was like, hey, you know, so you know we can customize your printouts, you know, with the name of the bride and the groom. And she corrected me right away. She's like well, it's actually two right here, and I guess she felt that I was being a certain way but I was like oh my gosh, I am so sorry you know like so from that moment.

Speaker 1 10:03

Yeah, I made sure you know that we always say couples. You know we don't specify bride or groom or anything.

Speaker 2 10:08

You know, like it's just that's a good example, though, of of how you can discriminate and not really mean it, because I was just. I was just a slip up on your part but yeah I've done that before to where we're at a show and I'm I'm like honed in on this girl that's 24, she's like 24 ish years old and the mom is like I'm the one getting married oh my goodness so it goes so many different ways, so that's that's why I'm a huge supporter of just treating people the same across the board, because you don't know who's uh wanting your services, who's the client?

Speaker 2 10:42

yeah and, and you know, at the end of the day I'm I'm gonna be straight up with you if you're, if you're, a dick, you're a bad person and I and I catch that from my first meeting with you I'll turn you down for that yeah, I was just gonna ask if you've ever fired a potential client Absolutely, because either their attitude or views or whatever.

Speaker 2 11:04

If I can feel something's off, I either will say hey, I'm not going to work with you guys. If you'd like to meet with one of our other DJs, feel free to, because I have some really laid back DJs on my team that are just kind of like dude, I'm here to play the music, right, but myself my process is a lot more hands on. I'm with a couple, a little bit more than the usual, so if I feel like something's off. Another example this guy was like really. He was like really really disrespecting his fiance on our first meeting, which was a video call like you know, just face to face. He was like really talking down to her. So after that I was like I'm not gonna be available for you guys, like I can't. So I'm, I'm just about treating people the way they should be treated in general and not discriminating and, you know, doing all that stuff to make people feel less than in your, in your experience, I guess what would you say is I don't know out of how many, mean?

Speaker 1 11:58

how many weddings do you normally do a year?

Speaker 2 12:00

Ooh, that's a tough question.

Speaker 1 12:03

Just a, you know a more or less.

Speaker 2 12:04

Ballpark. I'll say for me, I'll say about 10. I don't do volume, I do quality. I'll do about 10 weddings a year For us as a whole. We do somewhere around like 150 or so. Like we do a lot, a lot of weddings in a year. For us as a whole. We do somewhere around like 150 or so. Like we do a lot, a lot of weddings in a year.

Speaker 1 12:21

Yeah, okay, and then so do you, I guess in the. In the past few years have you noticed an increase in in same sex weddings, at least for you as you know them hiring you as a bit. How has that been been?

Speaker 2 12:36

yeah, I, I think, um, now, what I get is I get this like influx of people that come to me and they kind of use me as a sounding board to just say like, hey, this is what I dealt with over here, what do you think of this? I get that all the time, where people they'll hit me up on social media or they'll just call me out, call me outright on the phone and say this is what's happening. What do you think and I'm cool with that um, as far as, like, the increase in couples from you know, the same sex background, um, I, I would say, like, if I was just giving it a number, maybe we've gone up 25 or so. Um, because people identify with you know this, this language that I'm putting out, which is treat everyone the same. But I do want to make it clear that this is me, this isn't, this isn't some marketing ploy where I'm trying to, like you know, jump on some bandwagon to get more, uh, same-sex couples. It's not that at all.

Speaker 1 13:28

I just want to make sure everyone gets the same type of service, because we all deserve the same shit exactly, and I have good thing that you bring up that point, because I have seen I mean I'm always on social media, you know just looking at videos and wasting time. Really, I mean it's a fun black hole yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 13:48

So I've seen a lot of people sometimes I love to read comments Like whenever I see a controversial video or something, I automatically just jump into the comments. And I have seen a lot of comments where people just go in and start talking about vendors, saying like oh yeah, they just recently started doing this type of weddings because they want to make sure that they're included and they call it a trend or whatever so, so, yeah.

Speaker 1 14:16

So I guess, if you're a vendor, if you're a wedding vendor out there, and you are just jumping on a trend just to be, oh man, trendy you're doing it wrong.

Speaker 2 14:25

You're doing it wrong and people, people are going to feel that they're going to call you out, they're going to feel it right off the bat and, um, there's a. There is a technical term for that, it's called tokenism.

Speaker 2 14:33

Um, so if you go, you know, if you look at big uh corporations in the month of june, they change the logo right away, and then july 1st comes around, bam boom or if you go to a certain photographer's website and you know it's uh, it's getting close to june and all of a sudden you see, like that their home page is a big ass picture of a lady and a lady walking down the aisle. Yeah, you're like all right, like what? What are we doing? Like, if you're gonna, if you're going to support like that.

Speaker 1 15:01

Their home page is a big-ass picture of a lady and a lady walking down the aisle. Yeah, You're like all right, what are we?

Speaker 1 15:04

doing, if you're going to support, support all year long. Don't just wait until June. For those of you that don't know why, we're just referring automatically to June. So June is Pride Month and yes, that's normally when you see all the companies changing their logo to incorporate the LGBTQ plus flag or colors onto their branding and other marketing stuff on their website and things like that. So, yeah, so don't just jump on a trend, just be supportive all the time and, trust me, it feels good, it does.

Speaker 2 15:42

I just man, let it out, let it out.

Speaker 1 15:46

Let me give you the burn book. Let it out.

Speaker 2 15:49

I really would like people. Let me start over. If there's anyone that is on the other side of the tracks in which they it's usually venues, I don't know why, but it's usually venues If you're a venue or a vendor in our industry and you're watching this with, you know, open an open mind because you just want to hear a different side. I applaud you, um, because I feel like what makes everything go forward is perspectives, and if you're not taking in different perspectives every day of your life, you're never going to go forward, right, you're never going to improve on anything, period. That's just the way it works. So I would say, if anyone is watching this, that's on the other side that like completely disagrees with what I'm saying. Just put yourself in their shoes for one second and think what if you had to go? I'm just going to give a super broad example.

Speaker 2 16:48

What if, when you pulled up to mcdonald's, you got to the drive-thru as soon as you said your order, they said oh wait, I forgot to, I forgot to ask you Are you gay? What if you had to do that shit every time? You went to go buy something, right, and you had to prove yourself worthy of being able to use that service. That's. It's insane, because this is the same thing, right? What if it was your daughter that ended up being lesbian, in which we all know you don't end up being lesbian? I shouldn't have said it that way, but you get what I'm saying. What if it was your daughter who was trying to find a florist and you went through this whole process getting quotes, you got the design right. They've sent pictures back and forth. You got the bill $24,000. And you're like're like, hey, this is great, we'll, let's do it. Then, all of a sudden, she has to prove herself. Yeah, so are you? Are you straight or gay? Because you know we don't like that's like.

Speaker 1 17:44

I just feel like that question is not even a thing anymore, or it shouldn't be a thing anymore you shouldn't give a fuck what yeah like yeah, how does that fire up? Yeah, how does that even affect you? It shouldn't be a thing anymore.

Speaker 2 17:52

You shouldn't give a fuck what yeah, like yeah, how does that yeah?

Speaker 1 17:54

how does that even affect you? It doesn't you know if you, if you think about it like you, I don't know.

Speaker 2 18:00

Just asking, or even having the thought of having to ask, that yeah it's just crazy to me some of my favorite actors in hollywood are gay and and you wouldn't even know it because the they don't scream, they don't have to, they don't say it, specify, they don't tell people and it's not that they're hiding it, they're just them.

Speaker 2 18:19

It's not relevant, it's just not relevant to their work, and you know what? That's what I was about to say. So the bigger picture is, people respect them for their work and not their sexual orientation or sexual preference. Rather, I think that a lot, of, a lot of this is really just coming down to being a good person at the end of the day. Another example this is a venue example is uh, there's a new venue that opened up. Um, going towards the hill country, and I'll just say going towards the hill country, because marco was like don't do that don't that name drop there.

Speaker 2 18:55

There's a new venue that that opened up and I love the way they designed this place because it's it's intimate and it's meant to be one of those places where you'll have a wedding of about 100 between 75 and 100 and it's going to be a time like people are going to leave that wedding going. Dude, I did not want to leave that. It's an intimate place, right, anyhow? Um, I'm doing the tour as a vendor just to make sure I understand where everything is. She's giving me the rundown explaining how everything works plugs, loading all that jazz that matters to me because we're djs and as I drive off, I was like, damn, I forgot which.

Speaker 2 19:30

I shouldn't have to do this. But I forgot to ask if she is okay with same-sex couples or like they're over, what have you? Um can get married there. So I I called back and I was like, hey, just so I'm clear, because we don't go anywhere. That is, you know, discriminatory against anybody. Are you gonna allow yada, yada? And then she goes. We haven't made up our mind yet and I was like, oh okay, I wasn't mad about it, it was just like it. It gave me hope, right, because she let me know throughout that tour that she's a strong christian woman and I was like, cool, like I said at the beginning, I respect that, I'm with you, faith to everybody. Like, do your thing, I'm happy for you. But but the idea that she was actually toying and, you know, thinking on it to see where she stood on that had me so excited. Because it's the opposite in Texas. It's. I'm a Christian and we don't do this, but anybody else that wants to get married here, that's just that. I mean, that's just horrible.

Speaker 1 20:32

I just keep going back to that because it just feels so wrong. It's so crazy to me that people even have to think about it. But anyways, I mean I'm sure we advice, I guess, for couples that maybe haven't been in that situation but are planning their wedding, you know what would be something that you would suggest to them, I guess. What kind of questions should they ask? Or should that be the first question they ask a venue or any vendor in particular? How, how should they handle something like that?

Speaker 2 21:15

yeah, so there's a couple things that are available to you as uh resources. There is a uh, there's a website my phone's over there, but, um, I think I can remember this. There's a website pretty new actually, it's called texas folks and it's uh folks. F-o-l, f-o-l-x.

Speaker 1 21:32

We can put it in the show notes as well, yeah we'll figure it out.

Speaker 2 21:34

But you can go there and if you're in Texas, anyone that's very inclusive and willing to serve everyone which should be normal they should be in that database and it shows you all the venues, vendors, everybody right that you can use from that list. So it kind of shortens that process and, like helps you to get to where you need to be quicker. Um, the other route you can go. If you're like me and you're like yo, this is my money, so I, I need to know what's going on. Yeah, you just ask, ask outright.

Speaker 2 22:05

Uh, some, some of these people, some of these people, some of the the couples now, right, um, that we're seeing it's not even them that they're checking, for my brother is gay. Are y'all like that? Are y'all with this or what? Because my brother's gay and if, if you, if you're not going to support, then we're not getting married here, because I don't want him to feel like that. Yeah, so why not just ask outright? Everyone knows, and I think we all can agree, who's you's listening to this or even watching this. It should just be out in the public so you don't have to do all this work. But if you don't have the balls to ask outright if you're not like me, because I'm kind of crazy. If you're not like me, use your planner. That's what your planner is for. They're supposed to know that.

Speaker 1 22:53

Yeah, I mean yeah, especially like. I mean yeah, I mean we as vendors here in San Antonio, austin, you know, the Hill Country area.

Speaker 2 23:01

Yeah.

Speaker 1 23:01

I feel like we're pretty close with everybody, absolutely. You know, we've been in the business for such a long time that I think we know, we know what, what vendors to recommend or who does what. So so yeah, like you said, that's, that's great. You know, just checking with your planner and they should be able to help you handle that situation.

Speaker 2 23:19

And I do want to close by saying for the most part, everyone in our area is not like that. For the most part there's I'm just thinking off the top of my head there's probably seven venues that I could name like right now, and you won't let me, but I could name. I could name seven venues like right now in a row, but out of that seven there's, there's at least 60 more. Wow, you know what I mean. So if you, if you look at it like that, then it is positive. But in the same sense, what are we?

Speaker 1 23:52

doing. You look at it like that, then it is positive, but in the same sense, what are we doing? Yeah, and if you want a list of of those venues or those vendors that that um winston is talking about, you can always send us an email and, uh, you know, send us a dm on on instagram or facebook, uh, tiktok, wherever you find us, and we can use the phone book. I bet you won't. Do they even make phone books anymore? They do, actually, they do, they do.

Speaker 2 24:16

What they do, they make in the video.

Speaker 1 24:21

I have not seen a phone book, and I don't even know how long. I mean, I don't even think my parents have one. They do. I used to love the guys that would come to school and rip. That is crazy anyways, we're running out of time. Thank you so much for being here again I used to love that all right, guys.

Speaker 1 24:40

Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the tipsy guest winston. Thank you so much for being with me today. H town to san antonio you know what it is. We will have you again. I'm sure you are a guest and I'm sure people enjoy your company as well.

Speaker 2 24:55

I appreciate that man, thank you guys Until next time.

Speaker 1 25:00

Thanks for listening to the Tipsy Guest Podcast. If you know someone who could benefit from these tips, spread the love and share it with them. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. Next round's on us, it with them. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. Next round's on us. Same time, same place. Cheers. This podcast is brought to you by MBP Photobooth, the number one photobooth rental company in San Antonio, Austin and Central Texas.