EP. 32 Black Tie Affairs: Creating Unforgettable Formal Weddings

Ever wondered what truly makes a black tie wedding worth the formality? Caroline Gollner of Volare Planning and Design joins Marco Buenrostro to reveal the stunning reality behind luxury celebrations that many couples overlook.

When guests collectively invest $30,000-$40,000 in formal attire for your wedding, you've created an unspoken contract with them. Caroline breaks down exactly what elements must be present to honor this commitment, from venue selection and floral arrangements to food service and entertainment. With her background spanning broadcast journalism, fine dining, bridal fashion, and interior design, Caroline brings a unique perspective to creating cohesive, sophisticated events that justify the tuxedos and floor-length gowns.

Most refreshingly, this episode dismantles the myth that black tie weddings are only for unlimited budgets. Caroline shares practical strategies for creating formal elegance at various price points, whether you're planning for 300 guests or an intimate gathering of 50. She highlights specific San Antonio and Hill Country venues that naturally complement formal celebrations, while acknowledging the special considerations each location requires.

For couples concerned about guest compliance with dress codes, Caroline offers a masterclass in effective communication strategies, from proper invitation wording to creating visual Pinterest boards that eliminate confusion. She also outlines the entire spectrum of formal dress codes, explaining the subtle but important differences between black tie, black tie preferred, cocktail attire, and semi-formal guidelines.

What sets this conversation apart is the behind-the-scenes wisdom about assembling vendor teams that understand the heightened expectations of formal events. As Caroline notes, "It's all hands on deck to make that event amazing," reinforcing that true luxury comes from seamless, attentive service at every touchpoint.

Follow Caroline's stunning work on Instagram @VolarePlanning or visit volareplanningdesign.com to see why her black tie events consistently exceed expectations. Ready to elevate your wedding vision? This episode is your essential guide to celebration-worthy sophistication.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:01

Welcome to the Tipsy Guest Podcast. I am your host, marco Buenrostro, and every week I'm here with the top industry experts, amazing clients and all my vendor BFFs to bring you the best tips, advice and juicy behind-the-scenes stories to make wedding and event planning a breeze. So grab your favorite drink and let's get this party started. Hey guys, welcome back to the Tipsy Guest. I am Marco, your host, and today I am excited because we're going to be discussing black tie weddings, which is definitely one of my fave, fave, fave ever, and for that we have an expert Caroline Golder from Volare Planning and Design. Hello, hello.

Speaker 2 0:47

Hi, Marco how are you? I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 0:53

Of course, I've been trying to get you to come and do an episode for the longest time. I'm fine. I'm glad that we're finally getting this done Because, oh my god, I have to say your weddings are one of my favorites in the industry. Like every time I go through your Instagram feed, it feels like I'm just like going through my Pinterest mood board for my own wedding.

Speaker 2 1:19

Oh, that's so kind of you. Thank you so much Of course, of course.

Speaker 1 1:23

But talk to me. I want to know everything about your business. I mean, how did you get started? When did you start? What inspired you to do this? I mean, again, your stuff is beautiful, so I want to hear everything about how you got started.

Speaker 2 1:38

Oh, that's so nice, Thank you. You know, Marco, I've sort of been. I was one of those young people that spent most of their life trying to figure out what they wanted to be when they grew up. But I didn't realize that it was sort of a metamorphosis happening before my own eyes until I came here. So I started my career in broadcasting we have that in common.

Speaker 2 2:03

Yes, yes. So I got my degree in broadcast journalism and I actually worked at CNN, I worked for Fox, and it didn't take me very long to realize that I just didn't really even like the news. Oh no, so I picked up, I moved to New York City and I was always interested in fine dining, food and beverage, and I worked for some pretty prestigious fine dining restaurants in New York and learned as much as I could about fine dining, about wine service, about what is considered fine dining, what's good. And then I actually worked in bridal fashion showrooms. So I learned a lot about bridal gowns, so kind of mixing those two at the same time, living in New York and doing and working two jobs, because it took two jobs to pay the rent.

Speaker 1 2:56

Oh yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 2:58

But it was great. And then, of course, post 9-11, because I was living in New York during 9-11, which really ages me. But I moved back to the South and I was a teacher for almost 10 years. Wow.

Speaker 1 3:13

I taught.

Speaker 2 3:13

English. So I brought that journalism career back in. But I had this urge like I love the kids and I love the people and I really felt like there was purpose in what I was doing. But I missed that creative edge and so I decided I'm going to go to interior design school now. So I went to interior design school and I liked it a lot, I learned a lot, and then I got engaged.

Speaker 2 3:40

And I planned my own wedding and after it was over, my husband said that was pretty good. I think you need to do this for your job.

Speaker 1 3:49

Where was your wedding?

Speaker 2 3:50

It was in Florida. It was in St Augustine, Florida. It was at a Marriott hotel in St Augustine called the Casa Monica. It's very similar to the St Anthony here in San Antonio.

Speaker 1 4:03

It's like an to the.

Speaker 2 4:03

St Anthony here in San Antonio. It's like an autograph collection hotel, but it was built by Henry Flagler and it was adjacent to a museum where I had my ceremony. But it was a beautiful wedding, intimate though that sounds beautiful.

Speaker 1 4:16

Yeah, so that's how you Okay. So after your husband said you need to do this, what was your first reaction to that?

Speaker 2 4:23

I was like, okay, you know, not much overhead, you know I've got nothing to lose. And I was always a party planner. Anytime anyone was getting married or get having a baby, I was always like let's have a party, I'll plan it. So just sort of happened.

Speaker 1 4:41

I like that. That is such a cool. You know, like I, every time I talk to people, you know clients, for example, like you know, we do their weddings. I mean you do weddings all the time. We always at least I always get that vibe from the couples, from the, especially the bride, of course. You know they're like, they're so into their planning of their wedding and you know, like, all the connections that they made with all the different vendors. And then you always hear that like, oh, I think I want to do this for a living, I want to start planning, but it's a lot, right, I mean, walk me through, uh, I guess, a day in the life of a wedding planner. How's? Because we were discussing earlier. Like you know, normally here in san antonio or central texas, the summer is so hot that we don't have a lot of weddings happening. So people think that we, that we get a break, but we don't, right? No, talk to me about that.

Speaker 2 5:31

So wedding seasons in the United States they vary. But in South Texas we have really two wedding seasons it's the spring and it's the fall. In the Northeast it's the summer spring and it's the fall. In the Northeast it's the summer. So of course we're not having weddings past mid-June. In July and August very rarely. They start sometimes up mid-September, but the day in the life of a wedding planner, let's say. I got up at 4.30 this morning and I have been working ever since planning fall weddings.

Speaker 1 6:06

Yeah, I think fall weddings for me are my favorite. What's your favorite season?

Speaker 2 6:12

It's a hard choice. I do love fall weddings, but I love the freshness of spring too, and it's a toss up, but I love the crispness in the air for the fall.

Speaker 1 6:22

Yeah, do you have a favorite venue here in San Antonio?

Speaker 2 6:27

Favorite venue Gosh. I can't be partial. There are so many beautiful venues.

Speaker 1 6:32

We like the drama here at the Tipsy Guest. I do.

Speaker 2 6:37

You know I love all the, I love the Riverwalk.

Speaker 1 6:40

Yeah.

Speaker 2 6:41

It's timeless. It's beautiful. I love the convenience. I love how it can be. A destination wedding in san antonio is a destination wedding location where people come to have their destination wedding. They love the river walk. We have beautiful hotels downtown we do.

Speaker 1 7:00

You know I me that I live here in san antonio I I don't go to the downtown area as much as I should be going. I try to avoid it. I mean, I hate traffic, just in general, but I feel like I should explore downtown more. I used to live downtown and then I got away from downtown and I don't normally go anymore unless it's for an event. But yeah, we do have a beautiful downtown.

Speaker 2 7:24

We do. We have the Riverwalk and I had a wedding recently where the couple rented one of the cruise boats, the Rio cruise and that's how they did their send off and it was the sparklers and there was this beautiful light behind the boat and it was just so exquisite. I'm thinking where else in the United States can you leave on a river boat like this? And it was really special.

Speaker 1 7:47

See for all of our listeners that are not local to San Antonio, make sure that you check out. You know all the different venues that we have here in San Antonio. It's a beautiful place and, like Carolyn was saying, you know, like the Riverwalk, it's very unique. I mean, I can just imagine the photos and the videos of the send-offs that you're talking about right now, like it's just something that's going to look so pretty. And then the lighting in the Riverwalk like I love the lighting during the holidays, but even when it's not the holidays, the lighting down there at the Riverwalk it's always so pretty. I feel like it photographs really, really beautiful.

Speaker 2 8:23

It does. I can't wait for the gallery to come back.

Speaker 1 8:27

Yes, okay. So I mean again, I keep mentioning this because I am a huge fan of your work and I always, again, I always see your stuff and it's always so stunning. So, as a company, your brand, your philosophy, what does Volari? I want to, I want to hear all about that.

Speaker 2 8:46

Well, thank you, um.

Speaker 1 8:48

For those of it know me personally, know that I'm, like, completely obsessed with italy yeah, I do know that because I'm always so jealous when you're you travel to italy all the time.

Speaker 2 8:57

I know people are like why don't you go anywhere else? Like why are you always in italy? And I've tried, it's just. Every time I go somewhere else I get disappointed. I wish I was in Italy.

Speaker 1 9:06

Yeah, no, I mean, I travel a lot and I know every time I see you out at events, we always end up talking about trips. But yes, italy definitely a fave, but talk to me, okay, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.

Speaker 2 9:17

No, no you're fine is Italian and it means to fly, and when I started this business, of course, I was just coming out of being a bride myself and just all in love, and I thought, oh, that's such a pretty word for a wedding business to fly, because when you're in love, you feel like you're flying, and so that's where it comes from. And there's a famous song too.

Speaker 1 9:41

I know you were just singing it right now, before we started recording. Being tipsy. Oh, my goodness, it's all about being tipsy, all right, caroline. So now let's talk about our main topic today, which is black tie weddings. I mean, I want to know everything. I mean, what are the guidelines? What's the right etiquette? I mean, sometimes wedding gifts can be a little complicated and even if you tell them how to dress for your wedding, they just show up with something completely different. I mean, what is the right way of doing a black tie wedding?

Speaker 2 10:22

black tie wedding. Okay, so first of all, that's the main discussion is that the dress code black tie it must match the actual event. So we have a lot of couples that come to us like, oh, I want to have a black tie wedding and like, great, but I'm so excited, I'd love to help you plan that. But there are some guidelines as far as planning the event. So if you think about the cost that's involved in your guest purchasing attire for a black tie wedding, a tuxedo rents for around $200. A gown a floor-length gown which is black tie attire can cost to upwards of around $300. If you have 150 wedding guests and only 80% of them choose to buy new or rent new attire, they're investing about $30,000 into your wedding. If perhaps that extra 20% is that's maybe wearing something that they already own, but perhaps they buy shoes, then they're investing $40,000 into your wedding. So you're requiring your guests to dress and play a part and they have expectations that are involved. So it's important for you to recognize that, that they're not just dressing up for you. You need to give them a reason to dress up.

Speaker 2 11:42

And usually a black tie wedding the expectations are the venue it must be an elegant location an estate, historic building, something really interesting. And then you know, invitations usually are, you know, nice paper, nice presentation. Floor arrangements are usually pretty robust. The dining it should be a plated entree, sometimes multi-course, even with wine service, champagne service, top shelf, full bar. You know all those special details. And then also some guest experience details too, like photo booth or even a guest experience that results in like a nice favor or gift for the guest.

Speaker 2 12:32

Usually a show band is a significant part of the event too. But having said all that, you also you don't have to break the bank to have a black tie wedding Just because you can't afford, like all these major things that could result into a wedding that's over $100,000. You can still have a black tie attire, perhaps by keeping the guest list short, maybe putting large floor arrangements on every other table or doing just a single plated entree with mostly premium brands for the bar with glassware. There are ways to scale it down but still get the aesthetic that you want.

Speaker 1 13:17

Yeah, I was going to ask that you know about, I guess, like the average you know talking about budget. So let's say, for example, if it's a wedding, so what would be considered? Let's say, for example, if it's a wedding, so what would be considered? Let's say, for example, a big wedding, what's the amount of guests for a big wedding?

Speaker 2 13:33

Oh, in Texas or the regular world.

Speaker 1 13:36

I would say in Texas, let's say Texas.

Speaker 2 13:39

I would say a large wedding to me is 300 guests 300.

Speaker 1 13:42

Okay, okay, so, more or less based on about 300 guests, what would be an ideal budget for a black tie wedding?

Speaker 2 13:50

for 300 guests. Um, probably over a hundred thousand dollars for for that amount of guests.

Speaker 1 13:58

Yes, okay, and then let's say, if you want to, you know, of course, still do a black tie wedding, but what would be considered a a very small wedding, like an intimate wedding under 50 people under 50, and what would more or less what would be the budget for something like that, let's say 50 for a black tie wedding under 50 um, I believe that you could do it for around 60 to 75 000.

Speaker 2 14:22

Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 14:23

Okay.

Speaker 2 14:23

Okay, all right, if you were smart with your decisions.

Speaker 1 14:26

Yeah, have you ever done any destination weddings or do you try to just do weddings here in San Antonio, the Hill Country, austin?

Speaker 2 14:36

Oh, I do weddings mostly in San Antonio, but definitely in the Hill Country area too.

Speaker 1 14:44

Let's say, for example, the Hill Country. I know you mentioned right now that the venue would really need to match the vibe. You know, if you're really wanting to go for a black tie, do you think we have something here in the in the area, in the Hill Country area of San Antonio, austin, that could be considered a great space for for a black tie wedding? And you don't have to give me a name, but just do you think we have that?

Speaker 2 15:06

I think that I think that we do. I think that, um, I'm thinking of a few places that I think that would be suitable for that, that, what places that I know that I I've done more black tie events at. Um, the mission, lost mission yes, it's very lovely. I loved lost mission, me too, it's, it's one of.

Speaker 1 15:23

I loved Lost Mission Me too. It's one of the venues that you feel like you're not even here, like you're not in San Antonio, like it just I don't know. It just feels so. That chapel is so pretty. Yes, I love that one. I think I've done a couple of black tie weddings at the preserve as well.

Speaker 2 15:39

Yes, the preserve.

Speaker 1 15:45

I just did a black tie wedding, the preserve yeah, I, I like the preserve, I, I personally I think I like working weddings in the in the hill country versus going to again, going back to downtown. I love downtown, for you know, if I go as a guest but as a vendor, I think sometimes it's harder for us as vendors to do weddings downtown because of the loading situation, yeah, parking situation and all of that like the whole behind the scenes for a wedding. It's a little rough for us vendors, for the guest experience downtown is amazing, but I feel for us vendors, I personally I prefer out, like in the hill country yeah, I've had some pretty crazy situations where florists were trying to deliver flowers at the saint anthony and couldn't find a place to park and the roads blocked.

Speaker 2 16:32

and I'm meeting them in the alley and we're unloading, you know, with the, and I'm trying to figure out how to get the alarm off the back door so the fire alarm and the hope doesn't go off at the hotel and we're trying to unload and it's always hectic downtown and then you need an elevator to get up.

Speaker 1 16:49

There's always something unexpected happening downtown, always. We just had a wedding a few weeks ago where there was a huge protest happening at Travis Park and the wedding was at the saint anthony. So so you know it was. It was known that the that the protest was going to be happening that day. So, of course, you know, the wedding planner reached out to all of us, all the vendors and they, you know they pretty much told us like, hey, make sure you go with enough time, be prepared, because there's going to be a lot of people at the park. You know there's going to be this going on, blah, blah, blah. But but yeah, these are things that you know happen.

Speaker 1 17:27

Or construction, I mean there's always construction downtown so so it's a little challenging sometimes. But, um, but again, the venues downtown lovely, and I feel like we do have a lot of different options downtown for for black tie events. Uh, I have to say the saint anthony has to be one of my favorite venues when it comes to black tie. I mean the peacock alley at the saint anthony, it's just beautiful. I mean the chandeliers, like everything is just stunning it's so elegant.

Speaker 2 17:56

Yes, I agree yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 17:59

So now question when it comes to the vendors. Right now that we're talking about vendors, what are the expectations for vendors when it comes to a black tie event? What's the attire for them?

Speaker 2 18:11

That's a really good question. One of the details that I explain to couples is you really have to have, just in general, a very professional vendor team, a very welcoming and helpful vendor team, not a vendor that says, okay, well, that's not my job, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 1 18:30

Yeah.

Speaker 2 18:31

I mean your job is customer service and all those guests don't know what your job is. They just know that you're working that day and that you're helping and so it's all hands on deck to make that event amazing for that couple. So I think it's just being on board and giving it your all and dressing professionally. On board and giving it your all and dressing professionally. I tell couples all the time you have to hire professional vendors. One of the things that I think people would be disappointed about if they were asked to dress in black tie is if they came to an event and there weren't professional vendors. Or maybe the DJ acted like he didn't really know what he was doing, or maybe there was no team welcoming guests or no wedding planner, no one really in charge. Those are all very important details. The vendor team is a huge part of the event.

Speaker 1 19:26

Yeah, I mean we got to communicate with each other, like you said.

Speaker 1 19:28

Right now, you know, saying it's not my job, it's just not the way to go. Mean, I've been at weddings where you know things are running behind and and and the florist is arriving and or the dj setting up, or I don't know, I can't think of a specific example but it's like, hey, if I'm already done with my setup and if I'm just there, I'm willing to help, like I've. I've been in that situation where, like I see people still setting up, well, you know guests are about to arrive and you know I always tell in that situation where, like I see people still setting up, well, you know guests are about to arrive and you know I always tell my team I'm, like you know, be be a team player. You know, like, if you see somebody bringing in flowers or somebody doing this or somebody doing that, offer to help, you know if we're already done with our setups, offer to help, you know, like it's, because, who knows, we might need it, we might need some help sometime too, On Advent Day.

Speaker 2 20:14

there's always help needed.

Speaker 1 20:16

No, seriously, like it's always, you know things, of course you guys, you know you have a timeline that you have to go, based off, but you know things happen and you know you might be running late or you know things can be just. I mean, it's a stressful day just in general For us. Of course we try to not make it stressful for the couple, you know, for the guests, for the people that are coming to the party, but you know, sometimes things happen. Have you ever had now, this is my favorite part of the episode because I want to hear the juicy stuff here have you ever had you know're, obviously you're doing a black tie wedding and have you ever had a situation where somebody shows up and they're really not dressed accordingly? And if you have, what happened?

Speaker 2 21:04

it happens every single time, and I think that's why couples are worried when they have a certain dress code. They're worried that someone will show up, and it's just inevitable.

Speaker 1 21:17

Um has there ever been like drama where, like the bride or the couple, they're like no, we can't let them in because they're not? I mean, everybody's wearing black and they're wearing like red, or you know?

Speaker 2 21:26

no, I think it would be even worse. It would be not very gracious. They obviously missed the memo and you wouldn't want to embarrass them.

Speaker 1 21:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2 21:38

And I think they're already feeling bad enough by looking around and seeing what everyone else is wearing, and they like, darn it.

Speaker 1 21:42

Yeah, I just, I feel like, for example, with you know, like, at least you know, like the, you know, my, my, my family, you know like I, you know like I don't think like my sister, for example, like she would never do a black tie wedding. Or you know like my brother wouldn't do a black tie wedding because I know, you know us as mexicans, we normally don't care. I, I'm a vent, you know, I'm a wedding vendor, so I know that you need to respect certain things. But like, for example and this is a, this is a great example like with my, my, my sister, when she had uh, the sweet uh 16 for my niece, you know, my niece wanted it a certain way, oh, but then my sister was like, you know, we can't ask people to dress a certain way because we, you know, mexicans, don't care, we don't care, we're just gonna show up however, we want to show up. So my niece was all like, oh man, like I really wanted a certain way. But my sister was like, no, I know my people and they're not going to respect it.

Speaker 1 22:34

But in a way, I guess, like this is a two person job, you know, like as a couple, yeah, you know, obviously you know your crowd. So in advance you already know what you're getting yourself into. Have you ever had any discussions, you know, with your couples to where, like, they wanted to go a certain route. Let's say, for example, in this case, black tie. But then there's, like you know, the bride wants something, the groom wants something different. Have you ever encountered like where they're deciding if they wanted to black tie or not?

Speaker 2 23:01

really uh, different. It's in opinions in that regard. Usually they're on the same board. But I I have had couples worried like well, people know what to dress and there are several ways that you can catch guests. First of all, black tie needs to be written in the lower right corner on the wedding invitation that goes out, so it's given to them by hand, they receive it in the mail and they see it on the invitation. So that's the first connection with the expectation. Then, usually on a reception card we'll have the wedding website address. People will go because they have to RSVP.

Speaker 1 23:38

Yeah.

Speaker 2 23:39

So on that RSVP page we usually suggest let's have it there written again, just in case people forget, they can see it again when they RSVP. Now people are even getting so creative where they are making like pinterest boards of and they send them out.

Speaker 2 23:59

Yes, or they. They put it on the wedding website under the frequent asked question section. On their wedding website they list the question what is the dress code or what should I wear, and we can put a p Pinterest link where people can click and see okay, these are the types of clothes that I should be wearing. So they understand.

Speaker 1 24:22

I think that is one of my favorite things, just in general, because I'm a visual person. So yeah, when people say like, oh, it's black tie or it's cocktail attire or it's, you know, business, professional or you know, sometimes people don't really have an idea what that even means right, I think including a link to a pinterest mood board. I think that is.

Speaker 2 24:40

That is such a cool idea, just to make their life easier when they're selecting their attire right I had a bride once tell me oh, I want to do black tie because I'm just worried someone's going to wear jeans. And I said, well, dear, there are several other dress codes that are between black tie and casual, and this is what they are. So there are a few others If you're like. Well, you know, I think I'd like for my wedding to be formal, but I don't want to require someone to have to rent a tuxedo or someone to have to wear a floor length gown. I want to give a little more freedom with the attire.

Speaker 2 25:23

You can do what's called black tie preferred, also known as black tie optional, but I kind of prefer black tie preferred. That means that you prefer for everyone to wear a black tie, but it's not a must. It's not a requirement. If you just did not get a chance to go and get fit for a tuxedo, but you have a lovely dark suit in the closet that you wear to all of your weddings, it is welcomed. Also, ladies can wear a cocktail dress, a midi or knee-length cocktail dress. Every lady has a little black dress.

Speaker 1 25:57

Yeah.

Speaker 2 25:57

So if they also did not get a chance to go shopping, they have something.

Speaker 1 26:01

It's acceptable, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 26:02

It's acceptable.

Speaker 1 26:03

I like that. You know, I learned a few things today.

Speaker 2 26:06

And then you have cocktail attire, which is very similar to semi-formal, but it just eliminates the black tie altogether. So gentlemen, other than those that are in the wedding party, are not required to wear a tuxedo, or it's not even suggested. And ladies have a little more freedom in the attire they are not required to wear a floor-length gown, but they are required to wear a cocktail dress. And then for the more, I guess not casual but less formal, would be what's called semi-formal, and those events usually start in the daytime. So gentlemen can wear a sport coat or a light colored suit, ladies can even wear like a dressy pantsuit or a nice skirt or a pretty dress that they might wear to church.

Speaker 1 26:57

I love it. Thank you so much, Caroline. We are running out of time. I learned a lot today. I am obsessed. I'm going to go look up black tie mood boards now, but OK. So I want you to tell our listeners where they can find you. I want them to see your work. Maybe somebody wants to get in contact with you. How can they reach out to you?

Speaker 2 27:18

Thank you. We're on Instagram at Valarie Planning and our website address is valarieplanningcom.

Speaker 1 27:26

Perfect. There you have it, guys. Thank you so much again. I'm so excited that you finally were able to make it out to us, and I'm sure our listeners are going to be so excited to hear everything black tie related. Thank you so much, caroline. Thank you All right, guys. There you have it. We'll see you next week. Thank you, thanks for listening to the Tipsy Guest podcast. If you know someone who could benefit from these tips, spread the love and share it with them. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. Next round's on us, same time, same place Cheers. This podcast is brought to you by MBP Photo Booth, the number one photo booth rental company in San Antonio, austin and Central Texas.