14 Things All Kids Need, Part 1 of 2

In this heartwarming episode, Heather and Kristina share some favorite resources they’ve collected over the years as clinical social workers and passionate advocates for children’s wellbeing. In this first of two-part series, they introduce their list of the “14 Things All Kids Need More Of...” And guess what? They’re all FREE! They explore the profound benefits of unstructured play, the magic of sunlight, and the grounding power of nature. With warmth and insight, they discuss how hugs foster attachment and emotional regulation, why children need the freedom to explore their world, and the critical role of playtime with parents in building deep, lasting connections. They also highlight the joy and health benefits of laughter. This episode is a beautiful reminder of the simple yet powerful ways we can support children’s development and happiness, one moment at a time.

Gear Up! Adventures In Parenthood is recorded and edited by Dave Purnell and produced by Jen Plante Johnson for the ODC Network in Holland, Michigan.

The ODC Network is a non-profit organization that strives to advance outdoor education and conservation in West Michigan.

Since 2000, The ODC Network has served over a million people through hands-on, outdoor learning experiences and conserved thousands of acres of native habitat through restoration and preservation projects.

The ODC Network’s vision is building a better community by connecting people, land and nature. To learn more and get involved go to: www.odcnetwork.org.

Transcript

Heather  00:00

Today, we're sharing something really special: 14 things kids need more of. Over the years, as parents and professionals, we've collected resources we think are helpful to parents. And this list is one that we pulled from our collection. It represents some basic things that cost nothing but are so important for kiddos. This will be a two episode conversation, starting with the first seven things. 

Kristina

In this episode, we discuss the power of unstructured play, the magic of sunlight, the benefits of nature, and why hugs, freedom and laughter are essential for our kids wellbeing. 

Heather

We'll also chat about why play time with parents is so important for bonding and brain development -  and how these simple things can make a huge difference in our kids' happiness and health. 

Kristina

It's all about giving them the space and experiences that help them thrive. So…let's jump in. This is going to be a fun one.

Heather  01:03

Welcome to Gear Up! Adventures In Parenthood.

Kristina

A podcast where we explore the struggles and challenges we all face as parents. We'll share ideas and offer tips and strategies for raising happy, healthy children. My name's Kristina Boersma

Heather

And I'm Heather Bouwman. Kristina and I are clinical social workers who've been working with families and children for a good long minute. We're Support Service Directors for the Early Childhood Network of ODC Network in Holland, Michigan. And we get to support parents and children as they navigate the tricky terrain of raising children and growing up in today's world.

Kristina

We're here to help unpack the hard stuff and connect with the joy of parenting. 

Heather

Are you ready? 

Kristina and Heather

Let's hit the trails.

Heather  01:54

This project is made possible by the ODC Network, an amazing nonprofit organization based in Holland, Michigan, where we get to work supporting preschool aged students, their teachers and their parents.

Kristina  02:07

The ODC Network is all about nurturing the community and the next generation through a wide variety of innovative nature-based initiatives.

Heather  02:14

Please visit www.ODCNetwork.org to learn more about the ODC Network's mission and impact. 

Today, we are going to be talking about a list of things that we think children need more of.

Kristina  02:30

We gather information from all over the place. We read a ton of books. We follow a lot of people, and – 

Heather

We get asked a lot of questions. 

We do. And so, over the years, we kind of curate this - I have these folders in my drive that are like “good ideas”, “wisdom”, “quotes”, things like that, where I just dump the good stuff that we find.

Heather  02:52

Yes. And this is something that we think children need more of. And it's impactful. And we want to share it with you today.

Kristina  02:59

And it's a list. And I love a good list, especially if there are check boxes involved. I mean that that is my jam, right?

Heather  03:06

You do like a good check box. That is very true. 

Kristina  03:10

So, we're going to talk about the first seven.

Heather  03:12

Yeah. First thing on the list that we're going to talk about is unstructured play. As we go through these things, it's really important to remember that it's never too late to start something new. If you haven't done these, it's okay. We hadn't done them. It's never too late to start something new in any given moment. So Kristina, walk us through why we feel unstructured play is so important for our children.

Kristina  03:42

Yeah, and those two words “unstructured” and “play” are super important.

Heather  03:47

They are. Because play date is not unstructured play necessarily.

Kristina  03:53

Many times. So we've talked before about, you know, the good old days where our parents just like shut the door behind us when they put us outside and we played unstructured - 

Heather  04:04

That was unstructured to its fullest. And unsupervised. Mostly.

Kristina  04:09

Okay, so we want to up the supervision, perhaps. But the unstructured part we really want to hold on to. Unstructured play is play that is focused on the process, not the product. So, allowing children to really use their imagination and to engage in things that they're naturally interested in is the beautiful part of this unstructured play. For optimal learning to take place, children need time to explore. They're natural explorers, right? And given time to really explore their environment is important for their learning. In fact, that's when they have the optimal learning taking place.

Heather  04:56

And we call that “deep play,” which usually takes 30 minutes for them to kind of look around. Our teachers cultivate invitations to play, because we have a play-based program. And so it's very much child -led and play-based. So there are invitations to play. But it takes those kids a bit, even though they know they come in, they have 60 full minutes of free play minimum. But it takes them a bit to kind of window shop and look around and decide what they're going to get into. And then when they're in it and they're creating, that's the deep play. And that's what you're talking about, the learning that occurs.

Kristina  05:34

Right. And in that deep play, that's when connections are built in the brain. So, if you say to kids, “Hey, you can go play.” And then in 20 minutes, they need to clean up, and we're gonna go, they don't get there. They haven't entered the deep play. Now, there's nothing wrong with playing for 20 minutes. But we're looking for longer periods of time that are unstructured so that you can have that optimal brain development.

Heather  06:01

Right. And when our kids were younger, I feel like we were in this play date phase. 

Kristina

Yes, very much so. 

Heather

Let's have a play date. And we're gonna have stations set up for the children, and it was all parent-led and parent-directed. 

Kristina  06:16

“Here's a cute craft you're gonna do,” right? And “here's what it's gonna look like when it's done.” That's product driven, as opposed to, “Here are materials.” We call them “loose parts” at school. And you can do what you'd like with those. Create what you'd like to create, not “now we're going to make a little penguin. And this is what the penguin is going to look like when you're done.” So focusing more on that process than on the product and giving it ample time. 

Heather  06:45

Absolutely. It's a really important thing for children. And it cultivates their joy of learning.

Kristina  06:52

Right. There's a quote that I saw at some point along the road, and I love it because it reminds me of the importance of those first five years. And this is the quote, “The first five years have so much to do with how the next 80 turn out.”

Heather  07:14

Absolutely, it's so true, because it's huge brain development and it's huge foundation building for all of the things that come later. It's all those soft skills of interpersonal communication, problem solving, waiting your turn…

Kristina  07:31

And bigger things like feeling safe in the world, right? Knowing you're worthy of love and you can love. It's when we begin to build their inner voice. So these first five years are critical. And it's easy to say things to yourself like, “Well, they'll never remember this” kind of thing about when they're really young. But the truth of the matter is, you're teaching skills that ignite brain growth and development. And missing out on that does affect somebody, right? For the next 80 years of their life. So that's the first thing children need more of: unstructured play.

Heather  08:13

Powerful, powerful stuff. I think far more powerful than many of us realize. The next thing, also powerful: sunlight. We don't need to talk about sunlight quite as in depth, because I think as adults, we know how powerful sunlight is for us as well. At least I do well. 

Kristina

Well, we live in Michigan. 

Heather

We live in Michigan. We're in the season of darkness right now, called Winter. So I feel like when there's a break in the clouds, because we have that beautiful, gorgeous, giant lake, but it brings the clouds and heavy to us right on the lakeshore. And when those break apart and we see blue sky and sunshine, we all just kind of rush outside and point our faces to it. It's the same for our kids. It impacts our mood. It impacts their mood. We need that Vitamin D within us. It plays a crucial role in so many body processes, from bone development to our immune system to healthy sleep. We learned about that in our sleep episode, that the morning light is actually the most powerful light for brain chemicals and things of that nature. And that it actually helps us get to sleep earlier, and so impactful on our mood and our bodies. And our brains just work best when we have sunshine in our day. So get those kids outside in the sunshine, in unstructured play, in all seasons. Even if you're in Michigan, where it's not as sunny. 

Kristina

Take advantage-

Heather

Be out there so that when you get that peek, you're right there. The third thing on our list, perhaps it should have been the first. 

Kristina

It could have been.

Heather

Nature.

Kristina  10:01

Nature.

Heather  10:03

So important. There is a Richard Louv quote that I absolutely love. I know you do too. We use this all the time in our preschool world: “Every child needs nature. Not just the ones whose parents appreciate nature. Not only those of a certain economic class or culture or set of abilities. Every child.”

Kristina  10:23

So true! And I would add, “every adult,” not just the children. It's all of us.

Heather  10:32

It is all of us for all of the amazing and wonderful benefits that we've talked about in the past. But also, this is a staggering statistic: in America, the average child spends four to seven minutes outside each day. Four to seven minutes. 

Kristina  10:52

That makes me feel sick. And it's probably moving from the home to the car or the car to the school. 

Heather  11:00

Yeah. It's not enough. It's not enough time. Most of our time with children is spent inside, and that's largely technology-driven in our world today. And spending time outside isn't just enjoyable, it is necessary. 

Kristina  11:19

It is. Isn't there some kind of- No, I'm not going to remember it, Heather, so you're gonna have to help me. But it's like another form of poverty is having such limited time in nature.

Heather

Yes. Absolutely.

Kristina

And we don't think of it that way, that it's that important to get out into nature for our well being. 

Heather  11:37

It is so important for our well being. And reason being, kids who play outside are happier. They're better at paying attention and focusing, and they are less anxious than kids who spend time indoors. It impacts physical health, mental health, mood, all of those things are impacted by time being spent in nature. It also builds their confidence. There's much different play for children outside than indoors. We know this right? Kids play so differently indoors versus outdoors. They're way more physical. There's way more large body, gross motor movement. They have vast spaces that are open, so they can get more creative outside. I think of the structures that our students build outside versus inside, right? They have the blocks inside, and that's great, right? But when they're outside and they're hauling, you know, huge branches, huge branches, and it takes three of them to haul them, and then they have to try to stand it upright because they're building a structure. Look at what's really happening there with the skills that are being built, all the problem solving, right? All the designing, all of the working together. 

Kristina  12:53

I love it when they figure out that they can make a seesaw outside with, you know, stumps and logs and branches. And it's like, yeah, very different than seeing at a playground, like, there's a seesaw. Here I go. 

Heather  13:07

And I always wonder, like, where's the little blossoming architect in the group? Like, what about this play is nurturing something within each child, to your point of: what we do in these first five years creates what we are doing in the next eighty. So true. We watch these kids play, and they play so differently outside. It gets them moving differently. It gets us moving differently. You know, I was out last week with our students. And I'm pulling kids on sleds. And so much sledding, which is so much fun. And what joy a five foot hill with very little decline can bring. And if they hit the fence, they're so excited. And so the movement is just different. And there's more exercise involved than if they're on the couch. Powerful. Not only is exercise good for kids’ bodies. It helps them be more focused in the mind. It's especially impactful for kids with ADHD.

Kristina  14:08

Yes, game changing, right? And I was reading a research study recently, and it was identifying the difference between focused attention and passive attention. And that being in nature allows us to utilize our passive attention. Birds are singing 

Heather  14:29

Because as adults, we filter that out right? Children don't-

Kristina  14:35

The wind blowing. Right. And spending that time with our passive attention being ignited allows us to better have focused attention. Holy moly! So, getting outside can help so much with that. And I often think at work, if I'm working on something and I kind of get that brain fog or this sense of like that's all kind of jumbled in my brain. What do I do? I go outside for a walk. Or I go outside to play with children, because that's going to allow me, when I come back in, to be refocused. 

Heather  15:13

I do absolutely the same thing. Or, if I'm working on something and it's maybe weighty, and it's a bit draining emotionally or mentally or whatever, I have to get out. And I have to play with those kids. And I have to really focus on the joy of what we get to do. And I always say “what we get to do,” because it truly feels like that. What an honor to be with those kids and to play with them and grow them and watch them grow.

Kristina  15:43

Well and you noticed something in me. Over the course of the past year, there have been a lot of things happening in our world. I have a child who has a passion and a heart for all of the people and all of the things. And when there's suffering and when there's tragedy and when there's unrest, she feels that very deeply. That's my nature as well. But you pointed out that, in this last year, I'm managing it better - the unrest and the distress and the suffering in the world - because I'm outside more. And that has allowed me to manage my angst and heartbreak over things that are really tricky better. It doesn't mean that I'm like this little, you know, “Pollyanna” where everything's fantastic because I can be outside. But it allows me to manage that stress level. It helps all of us.

Heather  16:45

Nature has no desire to keep us angsty or stressed. And it has the opposite effect, right? It calms us. It regulates us for all the reasons we've talked about before. It impacts your central nervous system, and like you said, whether it's consciously or subconsciously. For adults, it's more subconscious because we've just dulled our senses to some of that because we move so quickly. Children, their senses haven't dulled. They notice it all, and they go at such a beautiful pace…

Kristina

And their awe and wonder. 

Heather

Oh yeah, when the student becomes the teacher. 

Kristina  17:21

Yes. Because we fly past so much of that. Because we're focused on getting where we need to go, as opposed to slowing down and actually experiencing the awe and wonder that is all around us in nature. 

Heather  17:33

I will never forget when we were going to one of my boys’ T-ball games, soccer games, I'm not really sure. Ava had been in threes preschool. She was probably in fours preschool by now. And we were walking through, like, where the rec fields are by the local school system. And all of a sudden she went, “Oh!” I was like, “Oh, my goodness. What?” It caused panic within me, you know. And she bends down and she's got her cupped hands. And she picks up the wooly caterpillar. And I thought, “Oh!” I thought something terrible was about to like…it startled me. But to her, it was this wonder of this wooly caterpillar is going to get stepped on. She's like, “Mom, I must move him. He's in the path to be stepped on.” And it was totally her reaction. And I never saw it. I would have never seen it. She knew immediately what was there, and took care of it. It's what nature does for us and for our children- the fresh air, the sunlight, the impact on our physical and mental health. Powerful. 

Kristina  18:44

And I know we beat this drum a lot, right? “Get in nature. Be in nature. Nature is healing for all of us,” but it's because it's true.

Heather  18:54

It is absolutely true. And it has a powerful impact. You know, we talk about the world wanting us to be angsty and it just there's so much out there. Nature has no desire to do that. It just wants us to be at peace.

Kristina  19:10

And it's accessible for all of us. So nature. That was our number three, right? 

Heather  19:17

Yes. Number four is hugs. Talk to us about hugs.

Kristina  19:19

Hugs. I am a hugger. And I love Hugs. Hugs are another thing that children need more of. Actually, adults need more of it too. So we've talked before about how attachment to your primary caregivers is more important than food and water to the child. So giving hugs and having that joining of gentle, loving touch is super important from the time they're infants. And they don't lose that as they grow up. Now, there's a weird little time, kind of in puberty, where kids can be like, “I don't want to. I don't want to hug you. I don't want to hug you.” That's okay. They'll come back around. But having that kind of physical love and physical expression of you are important. “I care about you. I love you.” And actually, hugs are very regulating. Heart to heart. And you're breathing next to each other's ears. And it's a time of, again, coming together and softening in times of upset. And it's also a way to express joy and excitement at being back together, giving good hugs. 

Heather  20:32

This wasn't easy for my husband. I'm a hugger. I know how important - and I'm just a physical touch person. And if I am dysregulated myself, I'm so sensitive to physical touch that if I'm on the brink of tears and then someone expresses that touch and that compassion, I'll lose it. But I just always have known that I wanted to be very loving and hug with my family. It takes me back to like, was it Danny Tanner, who was always like, “We hug in our family” on Full House, right? They were always huggers. And that's kind of how we are in our house. And this wasn't as easy for my husband, because his dad didn't show that physical affection. And they were divorced. And he was out of the home by the time my husband was a teenager, young teenager, so it was just different. And that had to be something that he had to come into his own on. And it's a “love language,” of course, physical affection is or touch. So that was less natural for him. But, man, he's really gotten there. And our kids have just always hugged. Before they leave, they give a hug. They say goodbye…when they return. It's really very lovely. 

Kristina  21:52

It’s lovely. It is. Grace is not as natural a hugger. And oh, I'm a hugger, so that's hard. And so really listening to your child and finding out, how can I…

Heather

What are they more comfortable with? 

Kristina

What are they more comfortable with. And how can I continue to express this kind of physical affection? Because what it does is, you know, in those first five years, the architecture of the brain is being built and nurturing touch increases the oxytocin receptors. So that's brain development. That's happening. And that nurturing physical touch allows that to take place. It's really important. 

Heather

It is really important.

Kristina

At work, you know, when a child is distressed, many times I will say, “Would you like a hug?” And they'll say, “Yeah.” And you give them a hug. And it's better. Life is better after a hug.

Heather  22:49

I like to say to them, “Do you need a hug?” And then they know me well enough, they'll be like, “I need a hug, Ms. Heather” because they know that question is coming. So they just let me know they need a hug. 

Kristina  23:03

So it's something to pay attention to. Are you a hugger? Are you not? Do you hug a lot in your family? Do you not? And if not, how do you show that kind of physical, nurturing, gentle affection? 

Heather  23:16

Because you may not be a hugger yourself, but your child may be. And that's a need that needs to be met.

Kristina  23:23

So pay attention. How much are you hugging? And then hug a little more.

Heather  23:29

Hey, listeners. We're so grateful to be a part of your village. If these conversations and episodes are impactful to you, we deeply appreciate your support to continue doing the work that we love so much for such an amazing nonprofit organization. Please visit www.ODCNetwork.org, to make a tax deductible contribution. Thank you.

Kristina  23:55

So, the next thing that children need more of is the freedom to explore. And oftentimes, because we are in such a fast-paced, busy culture, we don't allow for that freedom to explore. My daughter loved experimenting with all kinds of things. How did things smell? How did things feel? What might happen if I did this? 

Heather  24:23

What is the right consistency of slime? Your slime phase, girl, lasted longer than any slime phase I've ever known.

Kristina  24:32

Yes it did. And Grace struggled to find the right consistency. She did. 

Heather

And she was not pleased about it. 

Kristina

No. And so there are the times when I would come downstairs and it would literally be dripping off the edges of my dining room table. 

Heather  24:47

I remember when you had to move the slime lab to the basement. 

Kristina  24:50

Oh, my word. Because I just couldn't handle it anymore. The slime was everywhere. But the point was Grace needed that freedom to explore. And so that did mean that we had a lot of slime in carpet and allowed for that freedom, right? Not to just to explore inside with what happens when you paint your body. Or how do you make the slime and make it work? I want to experiment with this recipe and with that recipe and doing different things. But also just exploring her world. So that's, again, getting outside and having the opportunity. There's no agenda. We're just here to discover and explore. Something that we do at our schools is we'll have days in “the beyond.” And “the beyond” is any area -  the meadow, the pond, the forest - that's outside of the gate where our children play on their playscapes. And getting into “the beyond” allows children to just explore and create and discover. And that act ignites massive neural connections in the brain. Massive because they are problem- solving. They can let their imaginations run wild because there's no agenda. And it increases their confidence.

Heather  26:08

It absolutely does. And I know for my kids, my own children, where we live, in our home and on our property, as they grew and they're seeking more autonomy, being able to have that freedom, to go out a bit farther, to be at the edge, where we didn't really go when we were younger, and to branch out, felt like, “Ooh, this is a big deal.” And they could stand a little taller. And they felt a bit more confident. And kids need that. So I remember looking out the window, and Zack and Luke had created some sort of rope pulley system. And Zack was pulling. And they had thrown it over quite a high branch. And Luke was being lifted into the air by this pulley system. But I mean, just think about all that that takes to do that. And they just loved it. As they got older, having that space to ram around and then just being able to go out a bit further.

Kristina  27:09

Oh, and you never knew, like when I would come to your house and I'd pull in, you never knew what kind of contraptions may have been developed and built. And I had no idea what they did, but those kids were out there exploring and creating and using their imaginations, and it was awesome. 

Heather

It was. Yes.

Kristina

Awesome. Yeah, it's the confidence you see in kids at our preschools as they're climbing trees and figuring out that they actually can do it. And it feels good to trust your body and to be able to assess, “Do I feel safe doing this? Do I not feel safe doing this?”And letting kids explore their own capabilities? And a lot of that is more easily done outside than in.

Heather  27:57

Absolutely. Let's talk about our next item on the list, which is play time with parents. And this one can be tricky, because there's the right amount of play time with parents and there's the right amount of parental influence in play. So talk that through with us. What's the right amount here?

Kristina  28:18

So even taking ten minutes to join with your child in play sets them up better for the whole day. And when we talk about joining them in their play, we want to think about one not interrupting the play, but coming alongside

Heather

And not directing the play…

Kristina

Not directing the play, but coming in alongside. And it does a number of different things. First of all, doing that allows the child to continue to use their imagination and to show their leadership. They're trying to determine, “Am I capable? Am I competent?” And when you come in and don't tell them, “Actually, this is how you use Playdoh,” or come in and start directing, it allows them to have those feelings of, “I'm leading, I'm guiding. I can do this.” And so we like to ask questions. When they ask, “How does this work?” And say back to them, “How do you think it works? What do you think that might do?” And allowing them to continue to explore their own ideas and coming up with their own solutions and suggestions and plans.

Heather  29:25

It's so interesting to me that there are things from our generation, like a rotary telephone, for example, that young children have no idea what that is. They've oftentimes never seen one, and so they make it be whatever they want it to be. But then if someone moves in and says, “Oh, that's not what that's for. That's a telephone.” They're like, “This is how you use it.” And then all of a sudden, the young child can't see it as anything but a telephone anymore. And so the wonder has been crushed because they were just thinking it was who knows what. And they were using it for play in the way that they had created it to be. But as soon as an adult says, “That's not what that is. That's a phone…” 

Kristina  30:11

“And this is how you use it.” It really limits their imagination.

Heather  30:16

Absolutely. And makes them feel like, “Oh, that was wrong. I did that wrong.” 

Kristina  30:21

And now I'm a little embarrassed, right? Which is not what we intend to ignite in our children. So it can get tricky as they get older. I'm in the midst of this now with my daughter. The things that interest her are not necessarily things that interest me, right? But I actually had to have a little talk with myself and say, “You will, Kristina, engage in the things that Grace is interested in, because doing so communicates to her I hold her in high regard and what she is interested in and finds joy in, I can also find joy in and enter into that joyful space.“ 

Heather  31:05

And it's how we do enter into it that matters. Really, really matters, because they smell us coming.

Kristina

Oh boy.

Heather

If you're just phoning it in?

Kristina

Right.

Heather

They know.

Kristina  31:18

Yes. So you guys, I'm going to use the example of My Little Pony. Because Grace has re entered that interest in that. And it has to do a lot with the music. She's very interested in music and in the relationship aspects of that show. Okay, do I seriously care if it's Pinkie Pie or if it's Fluttershy, or if it's any…I mean, whatever, right? But engaging in that with her allows us to spend really beautiful time together. And so that's what a lot of play looks like for her. And then she'll say things like, “Mom, if I was in that situation, how do you think I might respond?” And I might say back to her, “Well, how do you think you'd respond?” And we have these lovely conversations. Now my daughter who does not mince words, and I appreciate that about her, and sometimes that's hard…Probably a year and a half ago, she had gotten really involved in this game. And it has so many characters, and the names of the characters and the powers of the characters and where they live, and all of this stuff. And she would try to talk to me about it. And I said to her - this is not a proud parenting moment - but I have said to her, like, “Girl, that's like a foreign language to me. I don't even get any of it.” And I said that a couple times when she tried to talk to me about it. And then my daughter, who shoots from the hip, said, “Mom, it actually really hurts my feelings when you say that. It's not a foreign language. I'm trying to share with you these things.”

Heather  32:49

Which really was her saying, “You just don't want to learn the language.” 

Kristina  32:52

Right. And so, it's not important to you. Am I not important to you? 

Heather

Because they tell themselves those things

Kristina

They do. But when you're like, 13 year-old schools, you and stuff like that, especially when you do what I do, like, “Yeah. You're right.” So play time with your children. Play time together in what interests them, in the books that they're reading and the things that they're engaged in. 

Heather  33:18

Girl, I know more about horses than I ever thought I would care to know.

Kristina  33:22

You do. It's impressive, actually. When you talk about it, I'm like, ‘Where did this come from?”

Heather  33:26

And I know a lot at this point. I still don't know nearly as much as my daughter. But it's also kind of nice for them to be the expert in something as our child. And to be able to have us in the role of learning. She knows what she's talking about on this. And I don't have to know everything all the time. I can let her be in that role and really marvel at her knowledge and confidence in that.

Kristina  33:52

And this interest in things that the people that we love are enjoying and are interested in is something that is important for us to do for the people we love. Period. I remember when I first started my relationship with my husband, I discovered that he was really into Star Trek. Guess who care not one iota about Star Trek? Moi. But because I loved him and because he loved Star Trek, I started watching Star Trek with him. And then was able to find things that I really enjoyed about it. So, we do it with the people we love, right? 

Heather  34:30

It’s so true. And we do those things sometimes even - I think about my husband, Travis and I, before we were married - I had no idea he was terrified of rollercoasters.

Kristina

Oh, Vince too.

Heather

I love rollercoasters.

Kristina

Me too.

Heather

And so we go to the theme park. And I'm like, “We gotta go on the biggest one.” Because why wouldn't you, right? We're here. We gotta do that early. Let's do it early before all the lines get huge. And so we would go. And I think I still have the picture somewhere. It's a picture of our marriage. Me? Hands in the air. Wave ‘em around like you just don't care. Big smile on my face. He? White knuckle hanging onto the bar, looking like he needs to change his pants. 

Kristina  35:08

Yes. Yes. Well, I remember this when we were in Japan one time. Vince took me to some kind of amusement park. And he hadn't shared with me that he didn't like rollercoasters. I love rollercoasters. So we went on this thing, and I didn't even know until later that he really really didn’t like them.

Heather  35:22

Oh he never fussed up either.

Kristina  35:26

No. But he knew that I loved them, so he went on it, and God bless him. I mean, that was a really sweet thing for him to do. He does not do that anymore, because now we know more about it. But showing interest and finding joy in the things that your child finds joy in and is excited about is just another way to love them. 

Heather

Absolutely.

Kristina

All right, so now we are to number seven. The last thing we want to talk about today regarding what children need more of in their lives, and it is something that the Bouwmans do really, really well. And actually, I grew up with a lot of this, and still have a lot of it in my life, and want to usher in more. Ooh, what is it? What is it? 

Heather

Laughter!

Kristina

Yeah baby.

Heather  36:16

Laughter is so fun and so good for everyone. And it's just healthy. It lightens moods. It cuts tension. It's a skill that you can teach your kids. It's something that for us, just we laugh a lot in our home and outside of our home and with our kids. And it's really important for children. It helps them relax. It does relieve tension. It gives their mental health a boost. It's all the brain chemistry comes into play on this again, because it releases endorphins. When we're laughing endorphins are released in our brain. And they are just saying to us, “Don't be stressed. Just take this moment and have some fun and relax. Go ahead.” And that's a really powerful thing in busy lives. I don't think we do it enough. 

Kristina  37:09

No. Well, you've always said, you know, laugh or cry, you lean toward laughter. 

Heather

I do.

Kristina

And I think we talked about this way back in the beginning of our episodes, that I can falter and land on the side of taking myself way too seriously. And instead, ushering in the laughter is like so much of the time, it's ridiculous. Whatever it is that I'm hoping to do, or I'm wanting to do, or I just did. It's like, “Just laugh about it. Yeah, it's okay.”

Heather  37:40

And it becomes this thing, at least in our house, as my kids have grown, there are just some things my husband and I have done to them to keep them a little humble, to just have them lighten up, where we drop them off somewhere, and then we'll shout something, like, ‘We love you so much!”

Kristina  37:59

Yeah.

Heather  38:01

And they're like, ah, but they just need to and then they walk in just kind of shaking their head and laughing. I have always done this thing. It's probably a terrible idea, but I've done it to every one of my kids, and they all joke about how, “Well, yeah, we can jump in or out of a moving vehicle. Mom taught us that,” like, when she would go to pick us up, not when they were really little guys. This is when they're bigger. They would be getting in the vehicle. I'd be like, and move up, oh yeah, it's terrible. But they can get they can jump at a running pace in or out of a vehicle, if they ever have to, and like, and I'll say to my husband, “I taught him that. I did that.”

Kristina

Skills.

Heather

Yeah. I remember Ava walking out of Target one time. And I'm picking her up by the door. And I do this to her, and she's just looking at me and shaking her head, and she's, I'm sure, embarrassed, right? Because she's trying to get in the vehicle. And I keep pulling forward. And I remember this dad walking in just laughing so hard. And that's not why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because this is what I do to my children on the regular. I did it to her the other day, dropping her off at the barn. She had to get the stuff out of the back. She's trying to pull her boots, and her Carhartts. And I keep moving the vehicle forward. 

Kristina  39:17

I'm just so glad you don't do it to me, because guess what?

Heather  39:21

My mother knows, because she's been with me, and she's like, “Don't you dare.” And I'm like, “Well, now I have to,” like, “Now that you made that big deal out of it.” So it's just those things that I know my kids will remember. They probably do drive them crazy. And it's gonna pay back, right? They're going to do this to me. I know they will when I'm old and frail and way less limber than they are now. But it's those types of things that just kind of create your feel and your tradition.

Kristina  39:56

Yeah. I think open up your home to more laughter and your family to more laughter. You know, when we laugh together, we join. And when things are really tense, sometimes saying something just a little… 

Heather  40:10

Oh, my kids know. And have I ever told the story about Luke went through this phase where he would try to anticipate what you're saying and then kind of like mime words back to you? And he did this one time in church. I looked over he was doing it to the pastor. That was like,”Not funny.” But it was funny. So, in those moments, you have to be like, “Dang it. They're too funny.” And then you got to reel that back a little bit in. I would be one to kind of laugh in church, much to my husband's dismay and chagrin and all of that. And sometimes he would laugh with me, because he just can't help it. But it's a good way to go through life. And it does just relax our bodies. It improves our mental health. It reminds our kids and us not to take everything so seriously. It's okay. I've always been the person to be like “This feels really big, right now. Tomorrow it will feel less big.”

Kristina  41:18

Yes. And if I can laugh about it. Let’s laugh about it. 

Heather

Yes, we’ll get there faster. 

Kristina

Well, here's another thing, which I find really interesting, partly because I like science and that kind of thing, but laughter actually increases-

Heather

Your life for one thing-

Kristina

Yeah. Well but your infection fighting antibiotic production increases when you laugh.  So laughter actually makes you healthier. 

Heather  41:41

It makes you healthier and you live longer. I mean, there's real research to back that up. Like people that laugh more live longer. I don't know what that means for me. I'm gonna be real old. Good luck, kids!

Kristina

And will still be laughing,

Heather  41:59

Still be hoppin’ in vehicles at 102

Kristina  42:04

I can picture it. And it's not pretty.

Heather  42:08

No, it's not.

Kristina  42:13

Thank you so much for joining us for Gear Up! Adventures In Parenthood. I'm Kristina.

Heather  42:19

And I'm Heather. And we're so grateful to join you on your parenting journey, until next time…

Heather and Kristina

See you on the trails!

Kristina  42:30

The Gear Up! Adventures In Parenthood podcast is brought to you by the ODC Network in Holland, Michigan. It is produced by Jen Plante Johnson, recorded and edited by Dave Purnell, with original theme music by Dave Purnell,

Heather  42:41

The ODC Network is a nonprofit organization that strives to advance outdoor education and conservation in West Michigan.

Kristina  42:49

Since 2000 the ODC network has served over a million people through hands on outdoor learning experiences and conserved thousands of acres of native habitat through restoration and preservation projects.

Heather  43:02

The ODC Network’s vision is building a better community by connecting people, land and nature. To learn more and get involved, go to www.ODCNetwork.org.