Parental Self-Care

In this episode, clinical social workers Kristina and Heather dive deep into why self-care isn't a luxury for parents—it's a necessity for all parents to avoid burnout. With warmth and insight, they unpack the myths around parental selflessness and explain how prioritizing our well-being is essential to being the best parents we can be. From rediscovering hobbies and incorporating movement into our day, to setting healthy boundaries and leaning on community support, they share practical, relatable strategies that make a real difference. The conversation also explores how the pandemic has reshaped parenting stress, the value of adult connection, and when to seek professional help. Whether a new parent or deep in the trenches, this episode offers encouragement, perspective, and tools to help us thrive—not just survive—in our parenting journey.

Gear Up! Adventures In Parenthood is recorded and edited by Dave Purnell and produced by Jen Plante Johnson for the ODC Network in Holland, Michigan.

The ODC Network is a non-profit organization that strives to advance outdoor education and conservation in West Michigan. 

Since 2000, The ODC Network has served over a million people through hands-on, outdoor learning experiences and conserved thousands of acres of native habitat through restoration and preservation projects.

The ODC Network’s vision is building a better community by connecting people, land and nature. To learn more and get involved go to: www.odcnetwork.org.

Transcript

Kristina  00:00

Today, we're talking about something that's absolutely essential but often overlooked, self care for parents.

Heather  00:08

Oh, it's so true. Being a parent is both all encompassing and unfamiliar, and often we end up putting everyone else's needs, our kids, our families, our friends, before our own. But self care isn't selfish. In fact, it's one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and our families. 

Kristina  00:30

It's  so easy to feel guilty about taking time for ourselves, but we're here to remind all of us that prioritizing self care is not only okay, it's necessary. When we don't make time for ourselves, we're more likely to experience burnout, feelings of sadness, fatigue, even physical symptoms like poor sleep or a lack of pleasure in activities, and we all know what that means for our parenting. When we're running on empty, we can't be the best versions of ourselves for our kids.

Heather  01:04

We sure can't. We're going to talk about some practical ways to combat that burnout, from simple things like taking a 10 minute walk to getting enough sleep to reconnecting with hobbies and even learning how to accept help from others. 

Kristina  01:18

That  is not easy. We'll also discuss how to work on that mom guilt or dad guilt, and remind ourselves that we can't do everything. We all have limits, and acknowledging those limits is actually a huge part of being a strong parent.

Heather  01:34

Yes. And we'll also touch on the power of self compassion, how changing the way we talk to ourselves can shift our whole perspective, and if it gets really tough, asking for professional help is always an option. 

Kristina  01:48

It's all  about balance. Being fully present for our kids doesn't mean we should completely sacrifice ourselves. So let's explore how to practice meaningful self care while navigating the ups and downs of this parenting journey.

Heather  

Welcome to Gear Up! Adventures In Parenthood.

Kristina

A podcast where we explore the struggles and challenges we all face as parents. We'll share ideas and offer tips and strategies for raising happy, healthy children. My name's Kristina Boersma

Heather

And I'm Heather Bouwman. Kristina and I are clinical social workers who've been working with families and children for a good long minute. We're Support Service Directors for the Early Childhood Network of ODC Network in Holland, Michigan. And we get to support parents and children as they navigate the tricky terrain of raising children and growing up in today's world.

Kristina

We're here to help unpack the hard stuff and connect with the joy of parenting. 

Heather

Are you ready? 

Kristina and Heather

Let's hit the trails.

Heather  

This project is made possible by the ODC Network, an amazing nonprofit organization based in Holland, Michigan, where we get to work supporting preschool aged students, their teachers and their parents.

Kristina  

The ODC Network is all about nurturing the community and the next generation through a wide variety of innovative nature-based initiatives.

Heather  

Please visit www. ODCNetwork.org to learn more about the ODC Network's mission and impact.

Kristina  03:28

Heather, I am so glad we are talking about taking care of ourselves. It's

Heather  03:33

such an important thing to talk about that people shy away from or don't

Kristina  03:38

take the time to do. Yeah, and I'm particularly bad at this.

Heather  03:42

I think so many of us are Yeah, and we don't realize it until we're super lousy at it, yeah, unfortunately,

Kristina  03:49

right, when our well is bone dry, and then we need intervention from somebody to help us take care of ourselves. And you've been that for me along the way,

Heather  03:59

likewise, yeah, and spend that for one another,

Kristina  04:03

saying no. Need to be a hero. That's to do something

Heather  04:07

else. So

Kristina  04:08

let's get started talking about how we as parents need to take care of ourselves. It is so easy to focus on taking care of everyone else, and

Heather  04:21

it's so necessary. When our kids are little, we're keeping them alive, right? Yes, and we set our own needs aside, but we can't do that

Kristina  04:30

forever, no. And even when they're little, we have to come up with some strategies so we can still take care of ourselves. So let's get started. Let's get started. It can be hard to figure out how to achieve this balance, but the first step is recognizing that self care isn't selfish, and we do not need to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves, laying down that mom guilt or that dad. Guilt is super important, right? If we're not taking care of ourselves, we can't possibly help support those in our lives.

Heather  05:08

Can I get a hallelujah? Hallelujah, preach?

Kristina  05:13

So since the pandemic, really, we've seen this increase in pressure on us as parents, to kind of be everything and to do everything, and that leads to tapping our Well, yeah, and we get really fatigued when we're giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and not replenishing and giving to ourselves as well. So when we've gone too far. We've given too much. The well is empty. And I mean empty,

Heather  05:47

yes. And so often we get there before we even realize we're halfway to empty, yes, right? We're all the way empty, right?

Kristina  05:54

And then this is the other thing that we do, Heather, is your well will be completely dry, bone dry. Somebody will say, girl, you need to take care of yourself. And you'll get a little water in that well. And you think I'm replenished, but actually you just are barely, barely

Heather  06:14

covering the bottom. It's gonna get you around the corner. Yep. It's not gonna get you into next week, no.

Kristina  06:18

So this is a regular practice we need to take it's not an emergency procedure,

Heather  06:23

right? And we're not talking you need to go vacation in Mexico for 10 days. These aren't big things, right? We'll make it very practical, yep, and bring it down. So I don't want anybody to think, oh, here we go. This is going to be things I can't afford, things I can't make time for, right? No, we're gonna talk about the little Teenies, tiniest things we do in our lives to set us up. Well,

Kristina  06:47

yep. I mean, there are parents. There's this kind of interesting Heather. There's been this shift in parenting where there are a group of parents who take ample me time. It's kind of like we had children, but we don't want it to interfere with our, you know, yearly ski trip with our friends out west, or we always go to Cancun with my college roomies.

Heather  07:14

Kind of marvel at that. That has not been my life, no. And kind of

Kristina  07:17

keeping up with all of those things that you did pre kids. So finding that balance between really being fully engaged and present with our children and taking care of ourselves without sacrificing ourselves for our

Heather  07:33

children, like everything, there's a happy middle ground there is, and

Kristina  07:37

part of it is accepting our limitations, right? We can't do everything, and we all have our limits, and we need to not be ashamed when we've reached it,

Heather  07:50

right, because when that shame and guilt gets intertwined with it, it takes us down even faster it

Kristina  07:55

does. And when we are done right, we are tapped out. Tapped Out. Well is dry. Yes, we start experiencing things like anxiety and depression,

Heather  08:07

and we start hurling those at the people around us. Yes, they start coming out sideways and wonky.

Kristina  08:13

We can feel hopeless. It can affect our sleep, either not sleeping or sleeping too much. It can change the way we eat, if we're eating too much, if we're not eating enough, and we can lose pleasure and just the things that used to bring us pleasure. It's kind of like we're numbed out when we have nothing left to give. Sometimes it comes out as anger at the people around you, because you just don't have enough water in your well. So Heather, let's talk about some strategies that we can use as parents to take care of ourselves.

Heather  08:50

Let's do it. Number one, I love reconnecting with a hobby or a passion area. Both of us were professionals and had children, I think I was 27 when I had Zach, it was after finishing grad school, and we had worked full time. I had for a number of years, worked full time through grad school. So when I had him, it was a very different pace than I was used to, and I welcomed it for a while, right? Because it was Go, go, go. When you're working full time, you're in a full time 64 credit hour grad school program. It's intense. A one year clinical internship. It was very intense. And so to be able to be home, to step away from work for a bit was a very different thing for me, but there was kind of this mind numbness and this unsettled feeling within me. Yeah, I remember it well because, you know, I love to create. I love to have this outlet. I like to keep my brain engaged and. And so for me, I had to really focus on after the birth of every one of my children, focus on reconnecting with something that I love, whether it be photography and taking pictures of my children, whether it be gardening in my yard. So reconnecting to our hobbies, our passions that we love, we're discovering new ones, yes, that fill us in different ways that we didn't even know we maybe needed, and spending that time remaining true to ourselves while we're in the midst of raising our children and prioritizing those things helps us feel more connected to ourselves, it provides an inner sense of safety and security, and it helps root us in our true identity. Yeah, I know for me as becoming a mom, it's a whole new identity. It's a role I had never had before. So we are evolving as humans. I had been a wife. I had been a sister, a daughter, but I had never been a mother. And so you are reinventing this whole new piece of yourself, and it's all brand new, but going back to what roots us and who we have always been helps us not feel that identity crisis quite as intensely. I

Kristina  11:25

love that you put it that way, because parenting is all encompassing, and it's easy to lose those other pieces of who you are and solely take on this role of parent.

Heather  11:37

Yes, that is so true. And for me, I have to have two things. I have to have physical activity and I have to have a creative outlet. So for me, it might be mowing my lawn. It might be doing something after dark when my child or children are down to bed, and going and working in my gardens. It might be taking the dog for a walk, because physical helps me. I've always been someone who has worked out and done that. So it takes me back to who I am at my core. And it's that brain chemistry again, right? It gets that squirt of serotonin, that hit of dopamine, yep. Exercise just helps us so much physically and mentally, yeah, right, thanks to our body's response with endorphins, right?

Kristina  12:24

And that's actually the second strategy, right? First, reconnect with a hobby or discover a new one. And the second, move your body. Move

Speaker 1  12:34

your body, and if you can do it in nature, all the better. It's a gym is great, but there are tried and true benefits to sunlight, to fresh air, just being in nature is so healing and healthy and regulating, especially when maybe we have a crying newborn or a fussy toddler or whatever it might be, it's regulating to all of us. So if we can do those things in nature, all the better. Yep.

Kristina  13:00

So the serotonin and all of those endorphins that are let off in our brain when we're moving our bodies, they actually reduce pain, they reduce stress, and they improve our moods. So that's a massive benefit, yep. So number three is channeling our breath. Boy, it is so easy to not think about how we're breathing Yes,

Heather  13:27

and all of a sudden we're panting yes through our day, and we didn't even realize it, and our jaw is locked and our shoulders are tight.

Kristina  13:34

So taking that time to really do some good deep belly breathing. It's great in a time of feeling overwhelmed or upset. We can also do this deep breathing proactively. It doesn't have to be always in a moment of upset. It's a beautiful thing to start our day with some good deep breathing, thinking of something that we're feeling grateful for, and then embarking on our day. That's a great way to take care of ourselves before we launch into the busyness of a day.

Heather  14:14

It's a beautiful way to take that time for ourselves and to acknowledge that we matter.

Kristina  14:20

Deep breathing helps us center ourselves and promotes this deep relaxation within the body, so it helps take the edge off, and that means less yelling, less guilt, and you don't need any special equipment to do it. It's

Heather  14:38

a great way to begin our day by putting a little water in our Well, yeah, exactly. It sets us up for a good day,

Kristina  14:45

yeah. And we can do it any time, and

Heather  14:49

we should, it should just become this practice that we get into the habit of. And it does. It happens once we use it and it's effective. So. To the point where now I have a tell my kids, know when I take these big, deep breaths or, like, what's happening, Mom, what's going on? I'm like, I'm breathing. And they're like, No, you're not. Something is happening, and I'm like, breathing. So we, you know, it's one of those things, and our kids pick up on that too, and they will model that, which is

Kristina  15:26

a great strategy for them. It absolutely is. So that's beautiful number four. And I had a really hard time with number four. Get a sitter. Yeah,

Heather  15:35

I remember making you go out for dinner on your anniversary, and taking your child, you

Kristina  15:40

did and you bought our dinner. I mean, it

Heather  15:44

was so nice. It was really, really nice. Because for me,

Kristina  15:50

Grace was really tricky when she was younger, and so we didn't go places if it wasn't my parents watching her and I, Boy, am I blessed because my parents retired to the city that I live in? I mean, come on, right jackpot. Oh, big time for in so many ways. And if it wasn't my parents, you know, spending time with grace, or, you know, she was at child care, and that's when I was working, we didn't get that space from each other, and so getting a sitter, finding a friend, getting a little piece of time where you can just be you, and maybe you meet a friend for coffee, maybe you go for a walk and get to spend that time. I had a group of women that had agreed to come up with this little system for watching each other's kids, and we used clothespins that represented time. So one child for one hour was one clothespin. And so if I was going to watch three of your children for an hour, I'd get three of your clothespins, and then I have those clothespins to use when I need to have somebody come over and watch my child. It's a way that we could do it without paying for it, because, Good golly, it is expensive to get a sitter these days. Back in the day, we were sitting for 50 cents an hour, like four kids getting a bathed and in bed. And now it can be quite an expense, but it's important to get that time away. So if you want to come up with that kind of a swapping kind of thing, or compensating each other, so that nobody feels taken advantage of, and everybody gets to have the time. Another great strategy, super wonderful

Heather  17:37

and important strategy.

Kristina  17:41

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Heather  18:09

so number five. Rely on our community, and this is kind of like, I think your anniversary in the dinner, and the recognition of that was a really trying time. Grace was not sleeping. Yeah, you didn't know about the ear infections. You were exhausted. Yep, and we can tell ourselves in those moments so easily that it's just us and that we're all alone and that we're doing worse than others. Yeah, it's so easy when we're down and in those places and not getting rest but reminding ourselves the truth and honesty of the situation that all people struggle, yeah, all people feel like a failure at times. Allows us to be gentler on ourselves, yeah, and to open our minds to the possibility and the truth that everybody has these feelings at times, and when we're feeling that way, and we have someone that offers to help, we take them up on it. Take their clothespins. Give a clothespin, right? Yeah. And take the dinner offer. Take the care offer, and if someone hasn't offered, ask,

Kristina  19:27

Oh, girl, that is so hard to do. Is

Heather  19:31

so hard to do, but we have our village, and they're willing to help us, and we need to remind ourselves of that, and it'll come back around, right, right, and we will help them as well, well.

Kristina  19:46

And I often think I love helping people. I love it. And so it brings me a lot of joy when I get to help somebody else. And maybe it was you, maybe it was another friend of mine that said you are robbing people. Of that joy when you do not accept their help. And I mean, that's not at all what I was thinking. I was thinking you got better stuff to do than help me. And I can do it. I can do it. I can do it without accepting my own limitations, right? But

Heather  20:13

it is so true. Let people help. Yep, it is a pleasure. This includes help with children, yes, but also with other things, maybe cleaning house, bringing food, doing laundry, any of those things are tremendous helps. Accepting help is an act of strength, not a show of weakness. Amen, we need to flip that narrative in our minds, and our culture and see it truly as strength, because it is talk to us about the importance of spending time with other adults number six.

Kristina  20:52

So as parents, we spend an awful lot of time with our children, right? And our kids are awesome and sometimes extremely challenging, but it's wonderful to spend this connected time with our children, right? Beautiful, but we also need to have other grown ups around, yeah,

Heather  21:12

adult conversation, yes, adult laughs, adult commiserating, right? That then turns to laughter oftentimes, because you feel less alone,

Kristina  21:23

right? Instead of spending all of our time talking about sticker charts and about snotty noses, that laundry. So it's important to incorporate time with other grown ups, whether it's again, going out for a coffee, getting your village together, right? The kids can play and the adults can spend time together as well. Doesn't have to necessarily be without the children, but you need to be able to have adult conversations and adult connections as well. And

Heather  21:55

this goes back to protecting your identity and holding that deer and remaining rooted in your identity within your village, we're more than just parents.

Kristina  22:07

Bingo, we are more than just parents. So another strategy is to really foster a gratitude practice, to be focused on the things that we are grateful for, because there is always something that we can be thankful for, to focus on the things we're grateful for, to express our gratitude to others, it shifts something in our brain, right?

Heather  22:38

It does. It can take us right from those feelings of overwhelm and ground us in the here and now,

Kristina  22:45

yes, and out of this practice of gratitude grows a practice of kindness. Right? When we're more grateful, we approach people and situations and the world with more kindness,

Heather  23:00

and we have a greater sense of internal joy. Yes, it

Kristina  23:04

helps us not get stuck in the painful, difficult times, right? And not get overwhelmed by that, because we continue to surface and express gratitude.

Heather  23:14

And it's one of those things that will again, add some water to your well. It's a

Kristina  23:19

wonderful practice, and it takes some intentionality. It's very easy to focus on things that aren't going well. Focus on things that didn't go the way you thought they would or hoped they would, to focus on the darkness, and intentionally developing this practice of gratitude brings you into the light. You know, Heather, we've talked about how the practice of gratitude is important in raising our children, yes,

Heather  23:46

and teaching gratitude in general, right? It's also

Kristina  23:49

a powerful act of self care for us as parents. It

Heather  23:55

absolutely is a powerful act of self care. So

Kristina  23:58

I want to add one more thing into that strategy of really cultivating this attitude and practice of gratitude, and that is, you remember when we talked about the red plate? Yes, it was in one of the episodes. The red plate is really about acknowledging people's successes and acknowledging and celebrating the values, the characteristics we see in our children, and making note of that, the beautiful practice. It's called the red plate, because at least in our home, it was a red plate that would get pulled out at mealtime, and if somebody had the red plate, it was significant. It was and we were celebrating something. So that's also in that practice of gratitude is just acknowledging and celebrating the things that are good. Love it Okay, tell us the last strategy. It's

Heather  24:53

a great one. It is, oh preacher, go to sleep when we're while, right? Stood we're a better version of ourselves, and we can trick ourselves into thinking, Oh, but I want to stay up late and I want to watch this, or I want to get into social media and I want to scroll.

Kristina  25:14

Girl, that's my weakness. I Doom scroll after grace is in bed

Heather  25:19

that does not set you up for rest. No, and it can look like

Kristina  25:24

self care, right? I'm taking this time for myself, but it is not actually caring for myself. No,

Heather  25:31

it's so true. So we need to do better. We know how important it is to get our kids rested, and we know the consequences of not getting them rested. The same is true for us. We have the same limitations, and we need to rest ourselves well and make that a priority. Our days are full of work appointments, taking care of little ones, and when they're asleep for the night, it can be so tempting to just stay up late, but that is not setting us up. Well, no,

Kristina  26:04

they call it revenge, bedtime procrastination, yes,

Heather  26:08

and we're hurting ourselves when we do it. Yeah, it leaves us sluggish, more moody and more likely to become ill. Yeah, sleep is so important, and we need to prioritize that for ourselves as well

Kristina  26:22

getting enough solid rest.

Heather  26:26

Yes. So let's go deeper into what practicing the self compassion can look like just on the daily, because so often when our well goes dry and we find ourselves stressed, it is common to doubt and blame ourselves or others around us, probably the people closest to us, in our homes. It can get ugly real quick. Yes, and it's helpful for us to remember that this is oftentimes just our mind's way of problem solving and mitigating potential threats. Sometimes this alarm sounds within us, and it can be a false alarm, and we're not actually to blame for it. So I think the first thing is noticing the alarm sounding in our brain, and then what we want to do is acknowledge and catch ourselves being overly critical and harsh towards ourselves, and we really need to look at the lies that are driving our overwhelm. Because I think as parents, we go here too quickly. We're so hard on ourselves, and that lie can maybe have a shred of truth within it, but our overwhelm causes us to swallow the whole lie in our inner voice we know is powerful, and so if we are swallowing this whole lie. Let me give you an example. These are some things that I think we can tell ourselves, I'm just an angry parent. I get angry all the time. I tell who I am. That's the lie. The truth is, I get angry more than I want to. I'm doing the best I can. Yep, I'm making gains, and my anger doesn't define me. So different. Oh, wild, don't you just feel the weight lifted off, versus I am just an angry person. Yes, and

Kristina  28:36

that statement right there is condemning, right where the other it's so defeatist it is, and the other is a growth mindset, right? It's saying I'm not perfect. No, none of us. It's okay. Yep, I'm getting better. This is what I'm hoping to do, and I can take care of myself, and that's gonna help

Heather  28:58

tremendously. I will call out my growth and celebrate that, versus looking at my failure, shining a light on the growth rather than the failure. Here's another one. My anxiety is crippling my child.

Kristina  29:16

It's a big one. It is a big one. That's the lie. Yep,

Heather  29:20

the truth is, my anxiety has the ability to impact my child, but it doesn't control my child. We can practice calming strategies together that will benefit both of us. Yes, so different

Kristina  29:38

when we believe those little half truths. It's like we take chunks of our self worth, yes, with each accepted half truth, right? And we're containing ourselves in this, like, I'm a terrible person. I'm angry all the time, I'm anxious, and that's ruining my children,

Heather  29:58

and they just need to pull. Those thoughts out and visualize running them through a paper shredder and while shredding them,

Kristina  30:05

yeah, and I often visualize like, taking the belief or the comment and looking at it and saying, Okay, so there may be pieces of that, yeah,

Heather  30:16

there's a shred that's helpful in there, yes,

Kristina  30:19

pulling that out and then chucking the rest of it.

Heather  30:23

Yep, keep the shred and the rest goes on, yep. And then think about

Kristina  30:26

what you can do with that shred. Yes. Aim

Heather  30:29

to practice within ourselves self talk and doing small actions of self care to set us up. Well, what I like to say, what we teach our teachers to say, is, I'm safe. Keep breathing. I can handle this. The words we tell ourselves in these moments really matter, and when we say I'm safe, we are disarming the stress alarm system in our brain. We're sending the message to our brain to say, you can disarm I'm safe, right?

Kristina  31:02

When we say, keep breathing and pause and take three of those deep breaths, we assist our bodies in relaxing and we short circuit our habitual reactions, right?

Heather  31:15

So the I'm safe disarms our alarm system, and you're absolutely right. The keep breathing, and the big breaths stops our brain from going south,

Kristina  31:25

yes to the emotions, right? And it helps us relax.

Heather  31:30

It gets us back in logic, and keeps us there. And then, by saying, I can handle this, we affirm to ourselves that we've got this, then that goes back to our inner voice truly matters, yeah, so shred the lie, yep, take out the piece of truth and remind yourself I'm safe. Keep breathing. I can handle this, and this approach allows us to stay calm and even heal from past wounds because we're staying in our executive state versus our emotion centers

Kristina  32:08

or survival centers, yes.

Heather  32:12

So let's talk, you and I about some of the things we do in our lives for ourselves. One thing that I do for myself every night is I set up my sleep space before I leave for work each morning. And I leave for work pretty early in the morning, but I make sure that I do that meaning setting my vitamins out that I take before bed. My glasses are on my nightstand. I have a nice little hand cream there. My lip balm is at the ready. I just have it all right there. And you know, I am, I'm a chronic bed maker. I like my sleep space as I've aged. It's just something that I take great value. And I like nice sheets. I like nice bedding. I like crisp, cool. I want to climb into bed and be able to feel rest, yes, so I set that up for myself before I leave for work in the morning. You can do that even when you're at home. Take just a couple minutes to yourself and get your sleep space set up well for yourself, so you don't have to do it when you're bleary eyed and exhausted and over. It just like a little gift I give myself. You talked about morning time in deep breaths. I think you took morning time with coffee for yourself. Oh,

Kristina  33:31

yeah, and especially when it's not, you know, 18 degrees here, my favorite thing to do is get my morning coffee, go onto my front porch and enjoy that while I listen to the birds and I get to breathe in the fresh air. It is this little sacred time in the morning,

Heather  33:51

and it's sacred time, and it's just time in a different zone, almost before the little feet hit the ground and are up for the day, and there's a different pace involved, right, right? So it truly is about that moment of mindfulness and centering and grounding and

Kristina  34:10

caring for myself, Yes, before I launch into the day. And it's not one of those like, don't talk to me before I have my coffee kind of a thing. It really is, oh, it's just beautiful. I love my coffee. I make happy coffee. It smells good, it tastes great. Sometimes it's more like a dessert than it actually is like a morning coffee. But gift to yourself, it is and I love it, yes, a kind thing I can do for myself. Another

Heather  34:35

thing that we can do throughout our day is when our minds are determined to focus on coping with negative emotions and wanting to fix what's happening that's going wrong around us is we can lose sight of what's going bright yes and what truly matters, yep. So I think it's really important to carefully consider what success. Actually truly look like for each of us as individuals, and it's going to be different for everyone, right? Maybe it's I'm going to take time in my morning and regulate my central nervous system. I'm going to have my gift of my sweet coffee. I'm going to listen to the birds, because that starts my day off in a regulated state before everybody else is up and whatever is coming in the day comes at me. Yep, maybe it's not comparing ourselves to others. That one that's key of joy. Yes, Comparison is the thief of joy. I will say it over and over and over again. So maybe it's just working on not comparing our life, our home, our children, our clothing, whatever. Right, not comparing right? Maybe it's focusing on a kinder inner dialog. It's our inner voice. It's the things that we're telling ourselves, going back to disarming that alarm system in our brain and bringing us back to our executive state.

Kristina  36:01

This can be really hard for people. I have a hard time practicing self care, and it's okay if it's hard, we can do hard things, right? But sometimes we need to solicit the help of a therapist, and there is nothing wrong with that. I actually think everybody could benefit from being in therapy, because we learn things about ourselves. So working with a therapist for me helps me. You know, it's like looking in a mirror. They help us see ourselves more clearly, and it's a beautiful, compassionate, kind place to work through our guilt, to work through our stress and overwhelm and figure out how to prioritize ourselves yes

Heather  36:47

and our worth Yeah, and to cultivate, I think, meaningful connections within our home and our village and being true, going back to our identity that's evolving as we become a parent, yeah, a therapist can really help bring us back to who we are at our core.

Kristina  37:08

Yeah, we live in incredibly stressful times, and having that person that you can go and do the work with can be really, really helpful in setting us back on the path to leading a healthier life, and we can work with a trained therapist to address some of those lies we tell ourselves. We can think that we have to achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve. Well,

Heather  37:37

you bring me right to our next thing, which is being able to let go of something, yeah, being able to say with confidence, that's wonderful, and I would love to be a part of it. I don't have the capacity in this moment. Yeah, that's fair, that's honest. It's a boundary we can hold for ourselves. Yeah, we

Kristina  37:58

need to get better at exercising that power before we're at the very brink. And that's where, boy, we can get there so quickly.

Heather  38:08

That's where all of our guilt can kick in real heavy. I should do this. I should be able to do the so and so can do this. And it manages fine. It looks like it's doesn't matter. Let go of that and do what you can do and be able to say no to some things. Christina, let's talk about what we can do if maybe we're not in a position to be able to secure a therapist, I find tremendous power in having an honest and vulnerable conversation with a friend, yeah? And maybe we get those calls because we are therapists, right, yeah, right, and we make those calls to one another. But I think so often we convince ourselves no one else is feeling the way we're feeling right. And it goes back to that do you have eight minutes remember we talked about in an episode that a phone call with a friend for eight minutes has a profound effect on reducing stress levels and feelings of overwhelm. Eight minutes. Yep, phone a friend make

Kristina  39:15

a human connection. Yes, right? And we've talked about our village a lot, but we also need to make sure that those relationships are relationships where we can show up as our true selves, and

Heather  39:28

it's not. I don't want anybody to think this is a village of like 20 people, right? This is your inner circle, your tight people. It might be two, it might be three, yep, it might be five. Yeah, the size doesn't matter. It doesn't the quality of that relationship and the authenticity is what matters. So

Kristina  39:47

find your people that aren't going to just Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, oh, it's nothing to worry about. Oh, you're the best at that. We want people who can give us authentic. An honest feedback holding the space where we need to be held because we're experiencing something really difficult and feeling really tender, and the people who can be brave enough to say the things that need to be said,

Heather  40:16

yeah, it may be asking someone if they've read a great book lately that was helpful to them. It might be asking someone to go for a walk with you in the evening after kids are in bed. It may be asking someone to help out with childcare so you can have some time with a spouse or a parent. It may

Kristina  40:36

be beginning a practice of yoga in your own home. I mean, that is such a powerful way to help regulate mood and for us to care for ourselves. Yes, right. So it doesn't have to be expensive, time consuming. It doesn't but if we need help caring for ourselves, we are worth getting it,

Heather  41:00

And it's worth filling our well.

Kristina  41:07

Yes. Thank you so much for joining us for Gear Up! Adventures In Parenthood. I'm Kristina.

Heather  

And I'm Heather. And we're so grateful to join you on your parenting journey, until next time…

Heather and Kristina

See you on the trails!

Kristina  

The Gear Up! Adventures In Parenthood podcast is brought to you by the ODC Network in Holland, Michigan. It is produced by Jen Plante Johnson, recorded and edited by Dave Purnell, with original theme music by Dave Purnell,

Heather  

The ODC Network is a nonprofit organization that strives to advance outdoor education and conservation in West Michigan.

Kristina  

Since 2000 the ODC network has served over a million people through hands on outdoor learning experiences and conserved thousands of acres of native habitat through restoration and preservation projects.

Heather 

The ODC Network’s vision is building a better community by connecting people, land and nature. To learn more and get involved, go to www.ODCNetwork.org.