#79 Beltane Blessings; Grounding and Landing Post Burning the Wickerman

This week on Nonsense in the Chaos, I’m talking about how strong, grounded, and genuinely supported I feel after this year’s La Beltane Festival here on Sark.

The day began with absolute chaos... an unexpected torrential downpour just as everything was starting. For a moment, it felt like the whole thing might unravel. But the crew held steady, everyone pulled together, and we somehow ran a very smooth ship.

Then, after an extra special blessing from Peruvian shaman Ben, the skies cleared and the sun came out for the rest of the day. It was truly magical.

Since then, the land itself has felt different somehow. Blessed, open, and welcoming. As though by honouring her properly, something shifted.

This episode is about community, ritual, resilience, and what happens when people gather with real intention.

The music and artwork is by @moxmoxmoxiemox

Nonsense in the Chaos is available on all podcast platforms or you can listen to it here… https://nonsenseinthechaos.buzzsprout.com 

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Transcript

0:12

The mountains and the caves. Wicked witches. Trusting the unknown. Welcome to the Nonsense in the Chaos. I'm your host, Joely Rose. For anyone who is watching on video, you will see that I am in my pajamas. I have very funky, silky, satiny, stripy pajamas which make me look like the boy in the striped pajamas, uh, as everyone pointed out this weekend when I was wearing them over Beltane weekend. But they're really comfortable. I've had them from ye- absolute years. Uh, probably about eight years at least. But they're so comfortable, and I love wearing them, and I have had a pajama day. So I am actually in a unicorn onesie, but it's boiling up here in the studio in my room, and I had to c- uh, shut the windows because it's actually only 5:00 in the afternoon. Normally, I record my podcast at night when everyone's asleep and being quiet, but because of it being Thursday, and this comes out tomorrow, I needed to record this now, uh, so that I've got time this evening to edit it. Because I have had a day off today. I've actually li- laid on the sofa. I slept. I slept sitting upright at the sofa, having opened my laptop and done some writing, which was great. I haven't done any writing for ages, and it was just such a joy. And my period is due, so it was also a red tent day. I haven't actually started bleeding because obviously why would I start bleeding today when tomorrow is Friday, and I can start bleeding at work? So my darling body, as always, has decided to prolong my period and go to 26, I think it'll be 27 days tomorrow. So it's really pushed, pushed the boat out just to make sure that I bleed on the only day of the week this week that I would be working. So I've changed my hours at work, which is really exciting. So I normally work Thursd- Wednesday, Thursday daytime and Friday night. But I've actually now changed my hours to Friday night and Sunday day, which is a double shift. But because it's a Sunday, we close early, so I can choose when I close, which any other night of the week or, um, or especially not a Friday, m- midweek actually if it's quiet, we will shut early, but on the whole, you're expected to stay open till closing. If there are people in there, then you're expected to stay open till closing. Whereas on Sunday, I have full control over when I shut. I can close at 6:00, anytime from 6:00 onwards. If I'm knackered, I can choose to shut at 6:00. So I'll, I'll lose out on hours, but at least I'm in control of what I do. But what I am going to do is push on through to 9:00, and then by the time I've finished cleaning up, it's 10:00, and then I only miss out on one hour's work a week. But I canceled a subscript- subscription to something I was no longer using that was actually a little bit more than... Although, actually I thought about it afterwards, that's just a... In fact, it was t- two weeks' worth, so I'm only losing out on, Yeah,'cause I'd be missing out on a shift a week, and so obviously that's four shifts a month. Um, but by canceling the subscription I miss out on two shifts which I think I can just about manage. So I, I think I can manage doing that even though I'm on incredibly low earnings as it is. To have Monday to Friday free is such a huge thing, and I feel so relaxed and relieved about that being the situation because although it means I'm losing my weekends, I still have all of Saturday free, and Friday nights if I want to I can drink. So I, I'm basically getting paid to be at the pub where I would be anyway, and I'm getting to speak to everybody because I'm behind the bar. So I'm actually a much more social butterfly, socialized, got something to do rather than having to sit in one corner all night with one group of people and being a bit, like, weirded out by the fact that loads of people don't necessarily talk to me when I'm actually there socializing, but obviously talk to me because I'm behind the bar. So I'll actually, you know, get to socialize with everyone, get free drinks'cause people are buying me drinks, and w- get paid to be there. And the same on Sunday. Sunday's the other day that I tend to go to the pub. So again, I'm getting paid to be in the pub all day, and again can have drinks, and it's always a lot more chill on Sunday. Like, everyone's in a relaxed mood, and it's quite fun staying open late but I can shut whenever I want. So i- it's ideal to have those two days, um, because also everyone I care and love and live with, uh, work in hospitality, and so they're working at weekends as well anyway. So we have days off during the week where we can... You know, that, that's actually our weekends especially during the season. So it, yeah, for me to be able to go out and party on a Wednesday night is better anyway for me than, um, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It means that I'm going to have Monday to Friday free, and what I'm going to do is I'm going to work on my event organizing. I might do two more festivals next year, although the thought of having just packed up Beltane and then next year another festival happening at the beginning of June s- does not feel possible. I mean, where are we? Yeah, 7th of June. Yeah, that doesn't feel possible really, although obviously a lot of stuff would get left up or just moved straight to the site, so we would just sort of carry on. I wouldn't be able to party as hard at Beltane next year would be the thing. But yeah, basically I'm meant to be putting on two more festivals next year. Seems insane to me at this moment in time, but it might be doable. But the, uh- The other thing that I'm going to be able to do is I will be event organizing Monday to Friday, and then on, on alternate weeks I'm going to write. So I'm going to give myself a week of writing and a week of admin, and do a out of office response for the weeks when I'm writing, and just keep alternating. And then I think that will actually push me on my way to being a writer. And I was reading my book again today,'cause today was a day off. I was letting myself have a red tent day, so I did some writing today'cause that's something that I do for pleasure. And I sat on my sofa and I reread the last edit that I did on my book, and it's... I'm so pleased with it. I think I'm gonna get it published which is really exciting.'Cause I, I've sent it to small publishers already, and I did have someone who was gonna publish it, but I think I might be able to get it published by someone a little bit more established. So I'm going to send it out again after this last edit,'cause I'm so pleased with it. It's completely, it's completely upgraded. Because as a writer, if you're always writing, you're always improving. And where I've been doing, um, courses and I've been listening to podcasts and I've been in my, uh, creation hibernation writing group over the winter, things like pennies dropped that meant that I was like,"Oh, that's the way round you're meant to do things." And therefore I then had to re-edit my whole book'cause I was like,"Oh yeah, I'm, I'm saying it in a passive voice and I need to change that." And just very simple things that once you clock, you need to rewrite the whole book which is amazing,'cause I'm really... I'm just so pleased with it now. It's improved hugely since the first edit. I mean, I sent it out to alpha readers. I mean, I- this year at Beltane,'cause Beltane just happened. I'll get onto that in a second. But this year at Beltane I did a spoken word segment, and I didn't do an extract from my book because I've done an extract from my book for the last two years. And I thought,"Do you know what? It's getting a bit embarrassing that I still haven't got it published and it's not out there yet." So instead of doing an extract from my book, I read three poems out that everyone loved, so that was lovely. And I'm going to, Yeah, so that, that, I just, yeah, it, it made, it made me feel good that people enjoyed my poetry so much on the day. Uh, that gave me a little boost, and I will share one of them on social media. Uh, I just thought of that. Someone gave me a video where it cuts off just as I'm about to say the poem, so it'd be perfect if I then put the poem in the comment. And yeah, I feel, I feel good. I feel energized. Definitely the HRT and the, um, thyroid medications worked'cause although I'm absolutely shattered and trying to do all of that in a, in the midst of a menopause is, was, uh, is a lot. And so yeah, again, like the thought of putting on two more festivals next year, I would just have to do it differently. That would be the issue. The main issue I have is people being reliable and being able to pay them because, uh, and then people work harder when they work for free is the thing. Because if you're working for free, you're doing something out of love, and so the value that you're putting on your time and your energy is what you value that love and that, what you value your time as, which means that you work harder than if someone says,"Oh, here's a token amount of money." Because then in your head you're like,"Well, the amount of work I just did wasn't worth that token amount of money." So, you know, once you're actually putting money in the equation, people wanna get paid properly for what they're doing, which is totally fair enough, and I would, uh, that's what I want. I want to do that. And with the festivals that we're doing next year, the idea or the dream would be that the festival that would now be happening in June, which is the Norman Metal Festival, isn't a festival I want to go and hang out at. That's one I'm gonna just put on from a work perspective, and that one would be charging proper money. It wouldn't be a day festival, it'd be a weekend festival, and we'd be charging more money for it, and then I could therefore pay people. And so that would be a, a different entity to the Beltane which is a fundraising, people doing things for free or for cheap, and something I want to go to and party at festival. Like, I basically just put on a weekend festival party that I wanted to go to, and that was brilliant. So yeah, Beltane just happened. It was amazing. It's now the 7th of May, and that week has just flown by as yeah, so the 1st of May would've been the Friday, and we had the site set up. We got everything ready, and I was meant to hold a ceremony, and I really wanted to'cause it was, it was the full moon, it was the Scorpio full moon on Beltane, and that's my favorite full moon. Last year, my dear friend Sophia died on that full moon. Well, actually she died yesterday, so the 6th of May and the full moon was after that last year. And so we had a very profound Scorpio, uh, grief focused ceremony because not only did Sophia die, but everyone else who came to the ceremonies, who are part of the usual circle of people that come, also seemed to lose people as well, or it was around the same time of year as people they'd lost. And so lots of us were feeling grief. It felt like everyone who was in the circle that day felt grief, and we shared it together. And I wanted to hold space for the father of, of Sophia, who's someone who regularly comes to my circles, and just to tune into it all and to relax and to just... I, I... And I think I would have benefited from it. It's something that would have been useful to have done, but there was just, the timing-wise, I couldn't. I needed to eat, and I didn't have any food at the house, and there was no way I could cook. I'd lost all capacity to do anything. And we'd gone to the old hall where, um, someone who comes to my circles and does my moon ceremonies a lovely girl called Suzanne, she was over from the UK, and she was singing at the hall, at the old island hall, as a kind of opening gig for the festival, and I wanted to support her. And she'd, she was meant to have been on much earlier at 7:00, but for whatever reason, it had ended up being more like half 8:00. And I wanted to just stay there and support her and and then we were also having food. And I just looked at the time and I was like,"There's no way I'm gonna be able to get fed, get done, and also get over and set up in order to do the ceremony by 9:00." Like, there was the slightest chance I could do it, and then my friend just t- convinced me and said,"Look, stop. Don't." Just,"You don't need to try and do this." So I didn't. And I, I hate, um, letting people down, and it's very rare that I cancel a ceremony, but it's only if I'm on a pilgrimage and we don't have signal or, again, it doesn't, time-wise doesn't line up, or something like this where it just, there was just no way. It, it wasn't gonna work in terms of, um, timing with the setup. But, uh, um, it meant that I was able to sit and relax, and I had a nice relaxing meal. And then on the Saturday we had forecasts of rain all day long. It was meant to be rain, rain, rain all day long, and it looked like it was gonna be quite heavy and get heavier as the day wore on. And so it was, you know, a bit of a dismal situation to be heading into, but it meant that I was fully prepared for it to rain. So we had a wet weather plan. We, uh, had cover and gazebos for everything. Every single bit of the festival was covered. And so even the audience in front of the acoustic stage was covered so that people could sit and watch the bands and the music that was on the stage and not get wet. And then we did the opening... Uh, so we're waiting for the- The May Queens to, uh, get onto the carriage. So there's a really beautifully dressed carriage with a horse, and they're over at the colonette, which is where when people come in on the boats into the harbor, you get driven up by what we call the toast rack, but it's a tractor with some sort of, uh, safari-type chair things at the back where people sit, and it looks like a toast rack. And the- you get dragged up the hill because it's quite a steep hill, and dropped off at this place called the colonette, which is where the horse and carriages wait for you. And the May Queens were there with the goddess, who was the earth goddess, and she was there with the two... Well, there was meant to be four little girls. And the heavens opened. It was torrential rain, like absolutely ridiculously torrential rain, and then thunder and lightning started. And so the little girls all were scared, and I got a phone call from one of the mums, and she said,"Her hair was all curled and everything was beautiful, and she looked so lovely, but she's completely soaked and bedraggled. She doesn't want to do it. Is it okay if we call it a day?" And I said,"Absolutely, don't worry." But two of them did want to come and were happy to get on the carriage. But I was like,"Only if they really want to'cause I'm worried." But they were like,"No, it's okay." And I spoke to the carriage driver and he said,"No, actually, they're undercover. It's, it's quite a good place for them to be." So they got undercover on the carriage, and they started going along. And I was in the chapel, which we use as a green room, at the seigniory, which is where the seignior of the island, who's like the lord of the island, when it was a feudal system up until 2008 it was a feudal system, and then we changed to being a democracy, which has now got its own government, which I'm part of. And we, uh, we're all in the, the chapel in this, the grounds of the, the lord of the manor's house, the seignior's house, uh, which is where we hold the festival. And suddenly this crack of thunder went off straight over the top of us straight after the lightning, like it was instant. It was directly above us. And I was so terrified because I just had a vision of the carriage and the horse bolting and those little girls getting killed. I was just like,"Don't kill the May Queens." I was so terrified. And when I next went to the toilet, I looked in the mirror and I had a blood spot in my eye, like I'd burst a blood vessel in my eye through stress because I was so scared. But luckily nothing happened. The horse was completely fine. Yeah, the driver had someone else holding the reins, kept the horse calm, no problem whatsoever. It was absolutely fine. They arrived. We didn't realize they'd already got there because it was so wet we didn't- We just hadn't gone out until we needed to. But found out that they'd arrived, so we got umbrellas, held it over the top of our amazing costumes. So my mother-in-law had made us new headdresses,'cause we have, uh, costumes that was made by LOM, Louise O'Mahoney, who's a fashion designer who lives in, did live in Brighton. She's now in, um, Hastings, St Leonards, um, in Hastings, and she makes extremely cool festival gear. If you've ever been to a festival, someone will be wearing her amazing outfits. They're always in really bright colored patterns. And she, over lockdown, made me five outfits that represented the four elements, plus the fifth element, which is spirit. And I'm always spirit, and then we've got other girls that each year different women play the four elements as the priestesses of earth, fire air, and water. And we all went out, and we... And so the headdresses that was made in lockdown, it's obviously five years later or six years now, they were getting a little bit tatty and starting to fall apart a bit. So I'd commissioned my mother-in-law to make new headdresses, and she made these giant, incredible dragon-themed headdresses. So they still represented the themes and were still the same colors, like red for fire, white for spirit, blue for water, et cetera. But, um, they were giant dragon heads. It-- They're just incredible. They're absolutely stunning, and they're gonna be, uh, for us to use at Boomtown this year,'cause every year I open Boomtown, and we'll be wearing them as our new costumes for Boomtown this year. And they're off the charts. They were so incredible. But we didn't want them to get wet, so we're holding umbrellas over the top of our heads, and we go out in this procession completely being drenched. Get to the field, and there is about 30 people under the gazebo, uh, waiting for us to do the opening ceremony. And normally we do this whole opening ceremony where we, we explain about Beltane, and we explain about the elements and the different uh, elements are present. Like, we have a bowl full of soil, and we have ribbons for the wind, and all these things. And we were kind of going to do the opening ceremony, but because it was raining so hard, I said,"Well, should we just wait an hour for it to calm down, and then we'll do the opening ceremony properly?" And people were nodding and stuff. But I had a Peruvian shaman there with me who I had been connected to through Claire Cole, who I interviewed on the podcast, and she put me in touch with Ben the Shaman, who I'm also going to interview for this podcast, and he was just so beautiful. I didn't know what to expect. I hadn't met him before. And he was there, and I just said,"Well, do you wanna do the blessing now?'Cause it might help." It might help the rain. So I said,"Do you wanna do the blessing now to open the space?" And he did this blessing, and it was so powerful and beautiful and authentic, and he called on the five elements. He called on the stars. He called on so many things, and it, it would be good when I interview him to talk about what he was calling to and, you know, what that process is that he went through.'Cause it was, it was... went on for a while. But as he did it- The skies cleared, like the rain calmed and then it cleared. And by the time he had finished, it was, it had finished basically. It was just thick mist. And so then the priestesses were able to go out with the four elements and pass it around the onlookers for them to touch the soil, to put their blessings in the earth that we buried the wishing tree with and to, um, be fanned by the feather and told to go and plant their wishes on the wishing tree with the ribbons, um, et cetera. So they, and they passed around a candle flame and blew their wishes into the candle. And yeah, we just passed it all around. We were able to actually do the opening ceremony properly. And then it began and it was misty and foggy for about half an hour, and then it cleared and became brilliant sunshine all day And it wasn't meant to, so it made it additionally magical, the fact that happened and that Ben had done this ceremony. And so it just, yeah, it was like,"Well, that worked," which was brilliant. Absolutely loved that. And I was shaken by what had happened that morning and by the thunder and lightning. But I was also impressed by how, uh, prepared we'd been. And because it now cleared, uh, b- and there had been so much covered space, there was loads of dry places. So even though it took a little while for the sun to dry off all of the rain that had just fallen, there was still dry places for people to be. There was dry hay bales under the gazebo, uh, in front of the stage. There was a tea tent that we'd acquired uh, that was something that I'd purchased, uh, to mean that we had a space. So there was a, a cake and tea tent where the merchandise was for sale, and there was some, like, gluten-free snacks and someone weaving, and we had loads of workshops going on all under gazebos. So suddenly it just became really slick, and it-- everyone commented on how it felt the most professional one that we'd done so far, and it felt really slick. And I, I was very proud of how well we had put the festival together and yeah, just what we'd achieved. And so although it was a stressful start and a bit chaotic, it smoothed over really quickly, and it made me feel very proud, which was nice. And then I went down to... So we'd h- created a whole new area down at the pond, and this pond is so the layout of the seigniory is that there's sort of a raised area, which is where the house is, and that's the same height as the road, and there's, there's almost like a plateau where most of the, what you would call the village of Sark exists on. So there's this sort of rectangular plateau where most of the village exists. And then on all sides of the island, the land drops away very steeply. It's b- almost cliff edges down to the shore. And there's only a few little ravines because of rivers streams and things. We don't have any rivers, but like streams, tiny little trickling streams that have cut through the rock and caused there to be bays where there are places that you can use as beaches. And there's only one sort of accessible beach, but if you have proper access issues, like you couldn't get down there in a wheelchair it, it's not, it's, it's not easy going even for that one. Most of the beaches are extremely inaccessible and up and down very steep, slippery steps. And the valley that we're in is a very steep s- uh, set of steps down to the beach, but it's gorgeous. So it's quite a steep incline to get down our valley. And so the seigniory begins up on the top level, which is the level of the plateau. And the archery field, which is where we hold our festival, is on the plateau. But then at the back of it, it drops a level, and that's where we have the wicker man. Um, so that we're all standing on the archery field watching the wicker man burn, and he's down a level. Uh, but obviously'cause he's tall, he's higher up than that, and we're sort of, uh, watching him burn from sort of mid- middle of him. And then it's another step down, and then the bottom step is our garden, is our house. That's where we live. So that's how close we are to the action and to Beltane. It's insane. So I had 16 people camping in our garden. I... And it didn't even, it wasn't even full, so we've got a big enough garden for that many people to stay there. And we've got a boun- downstairs bathroom, so people were able to use that and shower downstairs, and then we kept the whole upstairs just for us, where we've also got a shower. Um, I had two guests staying in the upstairs with us, uh, who are good friends of mine that were part of the organizing group. And then obviously my housemate Ellie, who moved over at the start of the month. She was here, and she worked her butt off, bless her. So she prepared... we always do a thank you meal on the Sunday, and she spent Friday cooking the meal as well as working all week and starting a new job and having to kind of, you know, all of the politics that goes with working in a new kitchen and figuring out, trying to please the owner and all that kind of stuff. And she also cooked a meal for 50 people that was for the Sunday, but she cooked it on the Friday, and then worked all day on the Saturday, then came and partied with us and enjoyed herself on the Saturday night, and then went back, uh, to work on the Sunday, and then came and served the meal on the Sunday night. Oh my God, it was crazy. Yeah, no, sh- no, no, no, sorry. She had the Sunday off, but then she did the meal on the Sunday and then had work on Monday. So really intense. Like, all of us work so hard here. Dizz was back at work on Wednesday. I'm not back to work till tomorrow, Friday night, because I've changed my hours. But normally I would've been back at work yesterday, which I, I don't know how I would've been able to do that. That would've killed me, so I'm very grateful that hasn't been the way things have fallen. But, um, yeah, our house was just there, which was incredible. And by our house, so you go down these steps at the end of the archery field, and then it turns a corner where our gate is. Like, if you carried on, you'd go down the valley. So you'd go through our garden and through our land, and then through the neighbor's land, and then you're down into the valley, which is all just nature, all the way down to, there's a place called The Nook where we have fires and hold ceremonies, uh, which is an old quarry, so it's really sheltered'cause it's all cut into the rock. And, um, you get a bit of shelter, but you got an amazing view of the sunset. And then on the other side of the valley to that, there's the window in the rock, which is a famous tourist spot, and that's this amazing window that got blasted through the rock as, as a folly. Um, but so that you had an a view of the beautiful bay below, which is my favorite beach, which is called Port de Murlon. And yeah, you carry on down and you get down to Port de Murlon, and there's another route where you can go up onto this, like, peninsula of rock that sticks up. That's where Dizzil proposed to me. So this whole valley is so special and sacred to me. And, and directly opposite our garden and our house is where the monory was built, which is the, the name of the monastery. Uh, it means monastery in, probably in Sarques. I don't know if it's French, but it'd be Norman French probably. And That's directly opposite us. So the monastery built themselves across the valley from us, like 50 meters away. It's not that wide a valley. It's only probably about, like 50, 60 meters wide. So they're the other side of the valley to us, and then they had a water mill a bit further down just before the Nook, and that's why it's called Port de Moulins,'cause this was the, the port with the mill. So that's all going, running down to the sea, and then behind... So from our land, where the steps came down, where the wicker man was, you turn a corner, and then there's a pond, and it's a duck pond with a, an island in the middle and a weeping willow and a bridge, bent a, a lovely curved, uh, bridge that's new. The seigneur built it a couple years ago. And because of it, because of the bridge and the weeping willow, it looks like those China plates that have the blue and white design on them, that have the, the s- sort of Chinese scene of the weeping willow and a bridge. It really looks like that, and when we're sitting on our patio in our garden eating breakfast, that's what we get to look out over, and it's wonderful,'cause the seigneur doesn't come down. I mean, he comes down occasionally, but it's his garden, and he pays for the upkeep and it's a tourist destination. But how often he actually goes down there is not, nowhere near as much as we get to enjoy it, which is lovely. It's like,"Oh, thank, thanks for that." Um, so we have this lovely view, and then there's the monk's well. So you got this gorgeous pond, and then the monk's well, which is the oldest well on the island, that has a, a gorgeous, um, medieval structure over it with a cross, a stone granite cross on the top. And then sort of water features trickling, and it's all... There's the whole of our... The bottom of our garden is just the sound of a trickling stream. So this trickling stream runs down through the pond and then carries on down through Port de Moulins and all the way down to the sea, and it's stunning. It's absolutely stunning. And in my previous podcast, I talked about how there are very strong entities here, so definitely the monks and their ghosts, and there's loads of elementals. Like this forest is thick with fairies. It's probably... I mean, I definitely feel like this is the strongest energy line on the island runs through here, which is why the monks would've been drawn to be here,'cause there's other valleys with water running through it, but this one, this, it's got... There's something else going on here. And the monks were here. The oldest well is here. Like, people felt like this is where they wanted to settle. You got the Neolithic burial m- the Neolithic, uh, dolomite mine right in front of me, which is off to the right, just slightly up the hill of the valley. And, you know, this is, this is thick with history and people and ghosts and memories and all sorts of things. And because Ben was so amazing, I went to him And I don't normally take time out of organizing the festival and running around doing things to actually participate in anything that's at the festival. I normally miss out on everything, sadly. But this time I thought,"You know what? I'm, I need this. I need this, and it will help, and it will help everyone else if I do it." So I went down to him for a cleansing. So he opened a despacho, which is a ceremony where you're giving thanks. It's like a, a blessing and thanksgiving ceremony. So under one of the gazebos he had this sheet, and he had a circle of orange material and, like, a ring, and then all these shells that had sweet corn and, uh, glitter in one of them, and, um, corn and, like, like maybe, trying to think what else are there. Like, little shells. All sorts of different things. There was just different shells full of things writing underneath explaining what they were like, um, giving, oh, sunflower seeds, things like that. So it was, like, blessings, new beginnings glamour and magic or uh, love, whatever it was. They all, they all had different meanings. And you went, and you did a despacho. So you gave your prayers and intentions to it, and that got rolled up at the end and put in the wicker man. But before you put down your blessings, you got cleansed yourself. And he did this cleansing on me, and it was absolutely incredible, and very much reminded me of the ceremony that I had done to me in my early 20s when I went to an ayahuasca ceremony with a Colombian shaman who was, the real deal, absolutely incredible and chang- uh, changed my life, healed me'cause I wasn't well, and I needed, um, I needed healing. And my body was going into shutdown. I was rotting. I was getting abnormal smear tests. Like, my body was totally not well. And they did, he did this healing on me, and it was so beautifully done, and taught me the sort of theatrics of it as well. Like, I could sort of, I could feel and tell how I was healing myself through placebo, through theater, through the theatricality of it, but that that was, in its own right, incredibly powerful. It didn't mean it could fix anything. It doesn't mean it can heal anything. It's still a great thing that we have modern medicine. But it was, it was deeply, profoundly powerful what I realized we were able to do with our bodies and with our minds. And it worked, and I stopped getting abnormal smears, and I started to feel well again, and I can... I reprogrammed myself, and I changed the trajectory I was on. And that's what I've done ever since. So all of the work that I do is healing theater. That's what I see it as. So fooling and ceremony and the books and plays that I write are all an act of healing and theatrical healing using placebo and theatricality as a way to heal and to change the narrative. And so really beautiful and profound. And, um, he did the... He, he's the real deal as well, so I can't wait to interview him. He's a beautiful, beautiful soul, and it was a very touching and, um, authentic healing that he did on me. And took his time, and it felt good, and it felt good to have given myself that space and time, and my whole nervous system just was completely put to rest, and I felt capable of doing the rest of the day. It calmed me after the thunder and lightning of the morning. And then I gave my thanks, and it felt so wonderful. And we also... He did a healing down in the space in this- area and the land, and we did that together as well. And it's changed everything. Like, I feel like, you know, we just did a huge worship and huge act of worship for the land. We had 500 people come to the space, uh, burn a wicker man, send out their love and intentions to the land to give thanks for how beautiful it was, to give gratitude, and then stayed in our house, and we had a massive party, and we were up all night with a DJ, um, playing music. Uh, nine in the morning, everyone who still hadn't slept, I managed to convince them to come with me up to the site and take the field down so that when the other half of the team who hadn't stayed up all night with me woke up, they woke up to a message saying,"I just took everything down. You don't have to do anything today. Relax and enjoy yourselves. But tomorrow I'm gonna pass out, and could you do the marquee?" So I did the field. They did the marquee on the Monday. So it was a really good tag team. It worked well. And, um, yeah, we managed to get everything done by Wednesday, which was yesterday. Everything was done. Everything's gone, which I think is the quickest I've ever packed down as well and got everything out of there. So feeling very proud of myself. So that's all that happened. The land feels so different. My relationship to this house is extraordinary. We've kind of started to-- I feel like we've spread into it now, and now I feel r- ready to decorate. And, um, Saffron, after the podcast I did last week with her listened to me talking about setting up the studio, and she suggested to not get soundproofing but to hang up my lovely clothes and headdresses, which I thought was a great idea. So what I'm gonna do is paint my studio Yves Klein blue, which is my favorite blue. If you don't know it, look it up. Yves Klein, the artist, decided instead of painting pictures of things as an artist, he decided to perfect the color blue. How cool is that? And it is the most perfect color, and I've got a load of it, and I'm gonna paint at least like this half of the room in that blue'cause I love that color. Um, maybe do something else with the other part of it, but paint this part blue and then hang my clothes over the top of it to make this a more sound, cozy less reverberating space. And I think that's a great idea. So she gave me that idea. So thank you, Saffron, and it was lovely chatting to her for the podcast. I loved that. But yeah, so got plans now, and I actually feel ready to do it. I'm not broken from the weekend and not able to do anything. I feel able to move forward and get on with doing things in the house. But I feel like the goldfish has grown to the size of the tank now, and that we belong here, and that our work here has begun, and that our relationship to it has begun. I'm not scared of it anymore. I will happily... Also, my relationship with the seigneur, which had become a bit fractured, is good again from doing this, doing the festival. It just feels like one space. We crossed that gate and moved into that space so many times coming backwards and forwards that even though, you know, technically now we're not allowed to just keep going into that space, it doesn't feel Like there's this horrible wall between us, and it feels like it's all one land and this magical land that's all connected, and we've done ceremony and worship and given gratitude to it, and it feels really rich. Okay, so now I'm gonna pull a rune. If you enjoy this podcast, then please consider supporting me on Patreon, which is patreon.com/jolierose. We have just finished Beltane. It's been amazing, and I've changed my hours, so I've got more time to focus on doing things, which is extremely exciting. And the next thing that's coming up is to put out the Witchfall U course. So this normally starts towards the end of May, and it's a online self-taught, self-governed, uh, one-month immersion exploring what you're run by. So what is your inner world? S- what does it smell like? What does it look like? Who are the deities that run it? Who are you here as an embodiment on Earth? What are you... What's your part in the play of life? And that's what we discover, and it's deeply profound work. I love doing it. I do it myself every year, and I learn something new each time. I've learnt my archetypes, I've discovered my archetypes, and that's brilliant. But there's something, every year there's something new to discover. Uh, you keep going deeper and deeper with it. But it's the deepest work that I do, and I love it. Uh, that will be for going out soon, so that's gonna be the next thing that I do next week, will be starting to, like, promote that and push that. And yeah, just being able to support me on my journey, it would be great to have enough supporters giving me, you know, a, a pound, couple of pound, whatever it is you're able to do a month, just means that I can fully concentrate on doing the work that I love doing, which is putting stuff out there that supports you on your journey with also healing yourself through theatrical placebo spiritual enrichment, and creative enrichment so that we live the life we wanna live.'Cause life's great. It's so magical, and I had such an amazing time at the weekend dancing with friends from the island who are a bit more, normal than me. And them saying, like,"I've realized I need to spend more time with you, and I need to embrace my creativity," and we talked about doing drag and all this stuff. And it's just so nice to hear people that you maybe think judge you or think you're weird saying that they are inspired by you and need to spend time with you because you make them feel more themselves. And I'm like,"Fuck yeah. That's awesome. That's all I want to do." I want everyone to be their biggest, brightest, most weird and wacky extraordinary selves,'cause then I get to hang out with you, and I wanna hang out with you. So let's have a fucking party. Let's have a huge, fabulous party of amazing, higher- version of ourselves, authentic archetypal gods and goddesses and all that's between just having the time of their lives. That's all I want. So let's try and create that world together and poo in the face of anyone who comp- compartmentalizes, and squashes, and pushes fear, and, agendas of greed and all of that. The best way to fight it is to be fabulous. So let's all be fabulous together, and if you're able to support me in that process, then I would hugely appreciate it. So thank you. Now on with the show. So the rune today is Uruz, which is the rune of strength. I think I have pulled this before because I have explained how this is the rune that So I've walked the long 500-mile pilgrimages that I've done. I have done five of them, and four of them I knew were a body of work, so I went there and back again in each direction of c- like a St George's Cross across the UK. And so I started in Cornwall, and I walked to the Norfolk coast, 500 miles, and then I walked from the Isle of Wight to Edinburgh, 500 miles, and then I walked back from, It was actually kind of, uh, Swindon area back down to Cornwall, uh, in the opposite direction. And then I walked from Edinburgh back down to the Isle of Wight in the opposite direction, and I knew that was a body of work'cause I was going there and back again Doing a St George's Cross over the UK. And it felt really important, it felt like a huge bit of work. And I pulled runes for the beginning and end of each journey. And especially, like, the first journey I took, I knew what the runes that I was going to pull before I pulled them, and they were f- the, um, Thorn rune, Thurisaz which is the rune of, like, shamanic journey. Like, it's not gonna be easy. There's gonna be thunder and lightning, and Thor's gonna chuck everything he's got at you, but it's gonna be worth it'cause it'll be like a shamanic initiation, and you're gonna come out more powerful and more e- empowered, and a higher version of yourself, so it's worth it. And the second rune I pulled for that journey was my rune, which is Ing, Ingwaz, which is the rune of s- male fertility, so it's the sperm. So it's a little seed, it looks like a diamond, and it's about the sperm popping the egg and nothing ever being the same again. So it's full transformation, but from this creative place. So it's not like the death card, which is also a full transformation, but it's a life-giving, something new's been created, germinated. You know, your world will never be the same again, but something amazing is coming, um, out of it. And also it was my rune, so it was, like, leading me to my higher self, so it was like it was gonna be more me than I already was, uh, but in a deeply profound and spiritual way. And I saw them before I pulled them. I knew I was gonna pull them. So I was quite surprised when, for the last pilgrimage, the runes that I pulled ended, the whole thing ended with Uruz, because it was the rune I felt the least about. It meant be strong, and literally that's all I ever had to say about it. So if I pulled it, it was like it was saying to be strong, and that was all I'd ever say. So, like, you know, in any reading, normally that's enough, you know, be strong. But when I finished that pilgrimage, I was the strongest I have ever been. And I think the reason why it's come out now, having just done this weekend, was this weekend killed me. It was really hard work. But actually... And I was sort of thinking,"God, I don't know whether I could do two more festivals straight off the back." But it was only when I started talking to you, and also because I had a day off today, and I had a proper red tent day, and I let myself fall asleep on the sofa. I'm in my unicorn onesie, I'm in my pajamas. I I sat and literally rested. I feel okay. It's Thursday, I'm okay. I could now see myself putting on a festival in three weeks.'Cause at, like I say, a lot of it would've just been transferred straight over. Like, we'd, we just carry things on. And also, if I knew that's what I was doing, I wouldn't necessarily party so hard at Beltane. Like, I'd get some sleep. I'd, I stayed awake for 42 hours because I'm a lunatic. It was great fun though, but it was, yeah, it was insane. I didn't need to stay awake that long. But it actually worked out well. Like I say, we tag-teamed, and so it ended up being- perfect. But I feel strong, and I'm feeling it in the way that I'm talking to you, the clarity, the excitement. I feel back. And it, it's being in this valley as well, and being in this house, and having connected to the land and had such a spiritual experience. You know, I had the pilgrimage that we just did, which was going back along that line from Cornwall to Norfolk, doing the full thing again, which I hadn't done since 2020. Now, it's a long time since I actually did that full walk, and it was so different this time. The energetics of the people that walked with me were completely different. It was, it was awful and harrowing in many different ways. We were walking for a different reason, walking for a pilgrimage for peace. Last time I wa- I walked on my own for grief, for people that I loved that I'd lost, and then also it ended up being the grief of my marriage coming to an end, and that was painful. That was a painful journey, but it felt extremely healing. This one was, in the end, it's actually been incredibly healing, but it was just not... It was the dynamics of the group were really painful and un- and uncomfortable to be in. And then I was physically in pain, which was probably because of the fact that I was sort of emotionally in pain, psychologically in pain from the situation. But also we were walking a pilgrimage for peace as Third World War was unfolding, and that's a heavy thing to walk with and be with for that duration of time, like seven, eight weeks of sitting with that and thinking that Greta Thunberg was gonna be bombed, and that everything was about to kick off, and the chance that we might get stuck there in the UK, and then seeing the George Cross flags around the place and... but then so heartwarming, the actual conversations we had. And even though things were difficult on that journey, my memory of it now is totally positive. Uh, it's positive'cause we, we learnt so much. It was so nourishing to be around people And talking to people and to de-de-demonize them and to rehumanize them, which is what we all need to do to everybody, to stop the polarization, to support with love and compassion and kindness and connection. And it felt, it felt so powerful and, and it was one of the most powerful ones I've done. But it was very detrimental. When I came back and it took a long time to get over it, came back to quite a different dynamic in my relationship with my husband when I came back. Things changed a lot. He, he developed a group of friends that hadn't existed before I'd gone away and, and we weren't part of that group of friends, and suddenly they were his group of friends and he had a whole group of friends, which I didn't. And then I've got to know them, and they have become my group of friends, but they're all in their early 20s, so they're a lot younger than me. Obviously, like, I'm 47 so it's a lot, lot younger than me. But over here that doesn't really matter, like, we're all in the same social spaces anyway, and it doesn't feel like they're that much younger than me, and actually I've ended up becoming really good friends with them. But also, my best friend's moved over. Like, you know, Ellie's moved over, who's been one of my best mates since I was, you know, in my 30s. And so now I've got someone here, I've got an ally that is really close. And so that, you know, that probably is a bit weird for him, but he's got his allies who are really close. So it's nice. We've got our own lives and our own friendship groups and things, even though actually we're all friends. You know, Ellie absolutely adores Dez, and I adore his mates as well. But it feels nice that we've both got our people,'cause I think before we only had each other. Um, but that was a bit clunky to come back to'cause, especially'cause I felt broken. I wanted to just get a big hug and then came back and came back to this new situation and that felt jarring. And then we had to move house. And now we've gone through all of that, and here we are with a whole bunch of lovely people. We're- here we are with a whole bunch of lovely people, people who are really good friends in a house that everyone wants to hang out in, in a space that we just did incredible hosting in, and loved hosting and felt, you know, it, it was an open space, people just coming and going. It- everyone feels like it's their home. Everyone knows that they can stay here whenever they want. We've got this beautiful open space for people to come and enjoy, and everyone loved it, and someone planted our wisteria,'cause I bought some trees that I wanted to plant, but I just hadn't had the time, and I was too tired, and da, da, da, I just hadn't had time to do it. And the flowers were starting to drop off the wisteria, and this beautiful man who does the spoon carving at our festival, he planted it for me. You know, just people doing things like that. People-- Someone put the shower up in the downstairs toilet so that people could use the shower downstairs. So things got done around the house by people helping and supporting, and we put on a whole festival, and it was just so lovely. You know, people are incredible and kind, and now I feel so strong because I know that I'm loved, I know I'm supported, I know that- We can make things happen. We can make miracles happen. We've got these gorgeous people supporting us, and then we got the gift of this house and this land, and we're meant to be in this valley, and the elementals and the spirits here have accepted us and made room for us and welcomed us in. We've blessed and cleared and enriched the space, and I've met a lovely bunch of new people that I'm looking forward to getting to know better through Claire, with, um, Ben and his world, and it's just been lovely. Um, you know, and even putting on the event, people saw me cleaning the toilets. People saw me doing... I was literally everywhere doing everything, and I was up on the stage having it large dancing, and, you know, we really had it. So I just feel so cl- much closer to people and supported by people because they've seen the work that I put in and, um, had a good time, and we all danced and had a laugh together. You know, it just feels so enriching. So I've come out the other end of this weekend and this festival feeling akin to how I felt at the end of that fourth pilgrimage, and it's not just about being strong. It's about being your highest self. It's about feeling like a superhero. When you're there and you're actually in that space, you feel like a superhero, and the only thing I can describe it like is being an oak tree and feeling as solid and as strong and as comfortable in your bark as an oak tree. And yeah, I'm looking straight out over an ash and what are you? I think you're, um, a cherry trees. I think they're both cherry trees. Yeah, they are cherry trees. Yeah, there's three cherry trees and an oak tree and a sycamore in front of me, and I'm just sat here up in the canopy with them, uh, feeling like an oak, and it's a beautiful thing. So for your chaos crusade, I invite you to do some kind of redecorating or rejigging of an area in your space to make it more sacred or more magical, more creative. So maybe it's something you've been thinking about doing for ages. It might be that there is a thing like a pile or a box or a bunch of stuff that you've got so used to you don't see it anymore. I invite you to creatively clear it away make packaging or what's the word? My brain just did a menopause fart on me. Storage. Create some sort of creative storage to put it in and clear it away and/or to, like, paint a mural or stencil or some kind of colorful, creative, additional thing to your space. Because I'm, I'm gonna start doing that this week, and I'm just gonna do it for fun. It's not gonna be like,"Oh, God, I've gotta decorate now." I want to start painting this room Eve's Climb blue and do stars, gold stars, and gold detail around it and just make it really beautiful and magical. So I'm going to start doing that this week, just to this end. So there's, like, I'd say a third of a room that I'm gonna paint from the window to my left to the same side on the right. Uh, so it's about a meter and a bit of wall, and then ceiling, and then the wall that the window's in that I'm f- facing. I want that all to be Eve's Climb blue, and then I might do something else with the rest of it, but just this corner I'm gonna do Eve's Climb blue, and I wanna make it starry and gold and magical. So that's what I'm gonna do this week, is decorate it, make it beautiful, so that when I look out this window it's, it's fitting with it. You know, there's this beautiful view, and then the actual room is also this beautiful view. And I'm gonna decorate it and make it magical. And then I think I might do a mural on the back wall. But it's just to start giving yourself a bit of space and time to do something creative and weird and wacky to a part of your house. So that is the chaos crusade. Thank you so much for being here this week. I've thoroughly enjoyed coming into my room and having this conversation with you. I was absolutely dead on the sofa earlier, but I just felt like, actually, I'm ready to sit and have a chat and talk to you about what's going on. I'll get this out for tomorrow morning, share it with you, and hopefully I'll see, actually, if I can interview Ben before next week. I think that s- feels like the right person to speak to next. So fingers crossed I'll manage to get Ben on the show. If not, it'll be someone else. But I shall speak to you next week. And until then, see thee anon.