Self esteem ~ and the lack thereof. (Slight ramble session)

Reaching one’s own full potential is predicated upon self respect, self confidence, and most importantly self esteem. Huge shoutout to Nathaniel Brandon as the author of “Six Pillars of Self Esteem”. Phenomenal book. 

i touch on how almost everything in life is based upon one’s own self esteem - or the lack there of. 

Transcript

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Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of If Not Now When by yours truly Ari Champagne. Hi and hi, welcome, welcome back. I'm your host and producer, Ari Champagne. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Um, honestly, you guys, this is kind of gonna be just like a random episode just because I care about y'all. And I do realize that I have been actually pretty um, you know, pretty absent as of lately. Um, so I just wanted to, you know, create like a random segment for you all and just to show that I am here, um, just to kind of again just kind of clear up my mind. Like I said, I don't have much to talk about these days. There is a lot going on in the world right now, but you know, I at this point I'm letting everything kind of just unravel, unfold on its own. Um, also, I'm not on social media as much anymore, so I don't really have much to talk about with current events, but but but but in the retrospect that I do other things, obviously than scrolling my phone, and hopefully you guys do too. I have become a very, very, very much chronic reader. So I want to kind of go over the book that I literally just got done completing. This is titled The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Brandon. You guys, when I say this is probably the second like life-changing book that I've ever read. Um, at least in retrospect, uh, this this will be it. The first one are um uh it's a book about boundaries. Um, God, I'm really missing the title, but it's a book about boundaries, and it pretty much um it's it's Christian-based because I'm I grew up Christian and was raised in a church, so I have that foundation behind me. So it it that book right there was just wonderful. But anyway, the most recent book um that I just got done completing is yeah, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. I jeez, where where do I even begin? So, um, well, let's just get back. Well, I'll go over obviously a brief summary of it. But again, this is just kind of remind you guys again, social media is just again, you're you're watching other people's lives, you're living your life through a screen, through a phone, which is not inherently something that humans are naturally supposed to be doing, right? This is why the more chronically online someone is, the more depressed, the more lonely, the more agitated they get, you know, their self-esteem dwindles, right? Um, self-respect dwindles, and again, they just become this fluff of a person that's not really contributing contributing anything um great to society. So, anyway, so um this is the book that I just finished. I also talked about in my last episode. I am also reading You Are Not a Gadget by Jerome Lanyer. Um, that's kind of more of like a slower read. Honestly, that book is that book is not as thick as this book. This book probably ranges at about um obviously well well over. Let's see. I think this book is only about 400 pages, but uh three no this book is only okay, yeah. So 330 pages, roughly. Um, but when I say that I had to literally take breaks, I had to write notes, I had to write in my own right noting pad. This book is one of those books where it's like you can't just read straight through, you gotta take breaks. You're gonna have to probably journal a bit. This book honestly triggered me in a lot of ways where I had to like literally sometimes throw the book across the room and not touch it for a week, right? So, this is what I mean when I say a life-changing book that if you really want to kind of understand yourself, if you're into the self-growth, self-development, right? Um, if you're into those things, I would absolutely recommend you picking this up. So, um this again, uh as the book was titled, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Um, so he really talks about self-esteem and how um honestly everything in your life is interconnected to um self-esteem. Uh before reading this, I I was kind of I would say we were, I was, I was still kind of on the same page about this. You know, I obviously knew for myself that you know um a lot of stuff goes back to thyself. This is why in this podcast, I always tell you guys, you have to think for yourself. You have to, you have to reel all your problems back to thyself. And I didn't even know this is part of one of the practices of self-esteem. I just knew that, okay, for me, especially personally speaking, I knew that all my problems redirected me back to myself. This is why I always tell you guys, don't ask other people what advice or anything like that. Don't consult with other people what you should do for yourself. Obviously, if it's a therapist, psychotherapist, whatever, right? But outside of that, you should honestly be asking all of these things to yourself and if you believe in God or whatever, right? Then then in sourcing that way. There should be no reason why you are asking somebody else what directionals or what you should do with your life or anything. There should be no reason why you are doing this other than the the the few things that I just mentioned. Um, and so uh like I said, I I I just got done finishing this this book, and it's it's phenomenal, you know. Um I'll just read the first page, you know, the self-esteem, and how it really correlates with uh sense of being worthy of happiness. So the first thing is self-respect, self-efficacy, self-trust, self-excuse me, self-trust, and self-reliance. Um, those are the biggest key bullet points of the meaning of self-esteem as the book reads. And again, you know, with reading this book and really understanding that a lot and even like when when I'm, you know, witnessing things in the world or seeing plenty of things unfold unfold in the world, I I instantly go back to, oh, this is a self-esteem issue. Oh, this is an issue where this person doesn't have self-esteem. They don't trust themselves, right? Since obviously I've been bombarded with this on my timeline as of recently, you know, there's this whole new TikToker girl where she's okay. I'm so sorry, you guys. Um, I keep getting notification when my phone's still on do not disturb, which is very triggering and annoying to me. I'm so sorry. But anyway, um, so there's this TikToker girl that, you know, she uh apparently was professing to people like, hey, you know, men are trash, and she was one of those like very much red pill females, I guess you would call it, right? The opposite of red of a red pill male. She's a red pill female, so you know, she thought men were disgusting, you know, the lowest of the lowest of the earth, don't get married. Like she, like this, this is what her content was about, right? And apparently this same girl is now engaged. So I thought it was personally, I thought it was a classroom case study of why you should not trust the people or these content creators who who just who who are so stronghold on a certain topic because again, you don't know these people offline. See the difference is I'm considered a podcaster, right? I'm a podcast host, I'm not I'm not really a content creator, but also I I do this is content, right? So I don't really know, but again, nonetheless, I'm a podcast host, I'm not a content creator, so you know there's certain things, um, there's certain nuances with that. But again, this is the content creator who her entire platform was dedicated to preaching to women of why you should stay single, you should make your money, you should just live your life on your own terms and not get married. Key word, keep in mind, not get married. This woman is now engaged, she got engaged in Paris, right? Uh, right in front of or whatever the Eiffel um um the towers there in Paris. And I just think that again, again, it's a class one case study. It's like, do you the ladies who followed her content and who are now mad at her or in an uproar and everything like that, they are literally under her page dragging her. Um, allegedly, there was a uh female who was in the comment section where she said or she professed that I her that she herself she actually turned down her own engagement because she listened to this said woman's content. So do you see it now again? The whole it's it's again, this is all a class one case study of people being stupider than ever before, although they have so much knowledge at their fingertips. Class one case study, class one, and you guys wonder why I say say off these phones again. This is a podcast, you don't have to watch me, you know. I'm saying you could do this and do in um in multitask, right? You can listen to profound information and do whatever else you're doing. Class one case study why the social media it's I mean, come on, right? So I just thought it was really interesting. I I don't I have I don't have anything to say, it's neither here nor there. I don't really care that much. I mean, she she chose to do this with her life, and you know, I mean, hey, right, she has money in her bank account, she's now married. Although she she although she professed a woman to never do set said thing, I think it's actually hilarious, to be honest. I think it's hilarious, and I also think it's funny that you know, women literally listened and they restructured their own life just off a person they knew from TikTok. Okay, so back to the book of self-esteem and how this all correlates is you know, self-esteem plays a big role in the way you show up in the world, the way you think, the way you treat others, right? Um, and obviously the way you treat yourself, you know. A lot of times, you know, the people who don't want to go for anything, and this is more this message here. I'm I'm gearing toward towards my younger Gen Z crowd, you know. Um, the reason that you feel lost or stuck or you don't know what to do is because you're constantly you're looking, you're outsourcing your your own gifts, talents, and um and divinity, your, you know, your self-trust, your self-trust. You're you're outsourcing that to other people in the world. You care much more about what your your classmates think. You care much more about what your neighbor thinks. You care much more about whoever it is online that you will never meet, you will never know, and that you will never care about, right? You care so much, so therefore you're you you don't do um you don't do the things that you want to do for yourself. As I mentioned, self-trust is a big thing, a part of self-esteem, because again, if you don't trust yourself, then you're really not gonna trust other people, right? Because you don't trust yourself, you don't trust your own judgments, right? You don't trust your your own baseline of self, right? Um, I was watching um a nice webinar the other day. Shout out to Rook, Rook the Great, right? She was mentioning about how all this dating and this relationships and how everyone right now is just in a big, it's just a whole whirlwind circle of men do this, women do that, right? And not knowing that again, listen, this is for the the the females and the and and the fellows, right? If you like somebody, if you really choose to see, like, no, this is my person, I like them. She got her own thing going for her. She's smart, she's beautiful, she's in shape, or whatever the case may be, right? Whatever vanity-driven things as well as internal things, you're willing to throw that away just because of what your your friends may say, your colleagues may say, your family may be throwing in your ear, right? So there's a again, like I just said, the the young lady who threw off her own engagement because of a TikToker, you don't trust yourself enough to make important decisions for yourself. So how are you ever how are you ever gonna trust anyone else? Right? How are you ever going to trust someone else? Or how are you ever going to what do I want to say? How do I wanna put this? How are you ever going to move the needle for yourself if you keep outsourcing your own internal gift or your own internal wisdom? How are you gonna do that? How does that how does that even make sense? How does that even work? Right? So again, this book, and when I say this book is completely marked up, I'm probably gonna post a picture here on uh YouTube and uh Instagram here in a second, just to show you guys how much I've marked through this book, right? Um, and and you know, another thing with self-trust is self-acceptance, accept who you are, right? Accept who you are as an individual, you know what I mean? And accept that okay, maybe you are not the best person with money, maybe you are not the best cook or the best whatever, right? Maybe you're not certain things, but accept that first and then try and change it. I think a lot of times we're just trying to change who we are or change our circumstance without even trying to accept anything first. You don't want to accept it. This is why certain people, I know I trigger them, and I'm talking about now in real life. I trigger certain people because I'm the mirror to show them what they aren't. Right? Think about it, you know. Currently, I work, I work amongst most women, you know, and if you're a fellow woman and you know how hard it is to work amongst a whole group of women, it's very much exhausting, but it's also beautiful, right? Because you kind of see the different personalities, the different kinds of archetype, like the you just see the different kind of things, but majority of the time it is very, very, very exhausting workings amongst all women, right? Because you got the cattiness, the jealousy, whatever, right? Now, you know, what I say when you know I trigger some some people because I hold the mirror, is because I'm asking them of why don't they do certain things, right? And I'm also reading, I'm also looking at the book right now, too. Um miraculously, I just I I stumbled upon this page, but again, a key pillar in this book is it it reads, I can accept what is and be determined to evolve from there. It is not self-acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck. I cannot be truly for myself, cannot build self-esteem if I cannot accept. Like, sit with that and ponder. Like, this is what I'm talking about. This book goes deep. Sit with that right there and ponder. Because again, everything that you do, everything that you are, everything that you show up as, and everything that you don't show up as, right? And everything, every decision you make all leads back to yourself. You are the mirror. This is why many times, you know, we say yes to things that we don't really want to say yes to. This is why, you know, we show up for people when it's like, look, hey, I really want to stay home today. This is why, you know, we may treat others, you know, in a certain manner because because of our own insecurities or triggers, right? Everything leads back to you. Again, it just read, I cannot be truly for myself, cannot build self-esteem if I cannot accept myself. If you cannot accept yourself, if you cannot accept the fact that you need Mary Jane every single day to get you through the day, if you cannot accept the fact that you need a glass of whatever at the end of the day or during the day, or even for with your coffee to get you through the day, you cannot accept again. These are all things that it leads back to you. Haven't I preached this on pretty much every other episode, right? Listen, um, I it like when I say this, this whole entire book is just it's it's phenomenal. But you know, just speaking back to every uh, like I said, and this is like I said, just a ramble episode, but I definitely wanted to just touch note and touch basis with you guys because self-esteem is everything, self-esteem is the driving pillar of everything. When I say I get on here and I stay in my lane as a podcaster, I stay in my lane. I'm not you guys know I don't springboard based on other people's content, I don't springboard, I don't I don't go and look at other people's stuff and then create content on my own. I stay in my lane, and also still, I I truly, I mean, you guys can comment. I mean, I'm I'm not a content creator, I'm a podcast host, I'm a podcaster. But again, isn't that the same thing? Because it's still content, like please, anyway. Um, nonetheless, I just wanted to say again, um, thank you. You know, we have new and upcoming topics to discuss. Again, I just kind of wanted to take a break, take a hiatus, and literally return to myself. And uh a real a big goal of mine was to finish this book. I ordered this at the end of January. Uh, yeah, towards, yeah, it's like I bought myself this for a birthday present, and I just now finished it here in April. So, again, I think I think this and like I said, I took breaks, you know, January, February, March, April. That's three months to finish a really profound, um, excellent, thought-provoking book. I personally don't think that's a long time. I mean, there's people who hasn't read a book since high school or middle school for that matter. So, but um, again, I just wanted to come on here and just share that with you all. That's um, like I said, I'm gonna post this on my Instagram and Twitter feed or sorry, Instagram and YouTube feed just to show you guys the cover of it. And um, like I said, this is really just a pointless kind of not pointless, but a really just kind of ramble episode. I wanna say thank you, thank you, thank you to all of everyone who has supported me, who has been here with me, who has rocked with me, listening to me. I want to say thank you, thank you, and it does not go unnoticed. I promise you, like it's just the matter of when you stay in your own lane and what I'm talking about, like, right, like I I don't need to compare and compete with myself. Do I see other podcasters who seemingly quote unquote right may be look to do better than me or may do the again? That's fine, but the authentic authentic authentic authenticity here stays, right? I don't need to compare myself, I don't need to, you know, it's not a competition, and that's another big thing that this book here explains. Like the need to always compete. This also goes back to you know working amongst a full woman staff, right? The need to always be in competition and compete, that is a direct reflection of very, very, very low self-esteem. Because what are you competing against when we're all on our own journey? When we're all we all have our own different experiences in life. We all do not start or begin our journey the same. So what's this whole competition culture, especially amongst women, um, again, just low self-esteem, low self-esteem. That's all. That's literally it. Um, so again, I stay in my lane, I do what I need to do for myself, and um that's that's it, that's all. So, anyway, without further ado, thank you so much for tuning in with me today. Again, this is if not now when by yours truly, Erie Champagne. Please, please, please, maximum amount of stars or rating on whatever um platform you're listening on. And again, thank you so much for tuning in. Bye for now.