Why did you assign Meaning to Everything?

When you can’t differentiate what matters vs what doesn’t - you’re stuck in a mental roller coaster that doesn’t quite stop. 

p.s , cognitive dissonance is a Mental Psychological Disorder. Yet most humans still operate from this standpoint. Scary. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of If Not Now When by your truly Aerie Champagne. Hello, welcome, and welcome back if you're returning. If you're new here, hi, I'm your host and producer, Aerie Champagne. Thank you so much for joining in with me today. You can also reach me on Instagram at if not now when by AerieChampaign. And of course, I am listed here on YouTube, Spotify, and everywhere else. So that is the handle, if not now when by Aerie Champagne on most platforms that I'm on. So today I just wanted to dive in and talk about how we've assigned meaning to so much and so many different things that now in fact the things that should matter do or that do matter. You know, it's not perceived as as important or it doesn't hold as much weight versus the things that should not matter, if I'm making any sense. Anyway, we will break it down. So again, the more that I am just around certain kinds of people, different kinds of people, while also, of course, consuming some small amounts of uh content, I'm understanding and I'm noticing that so many people have assigned meaning to things that literally do not matter, that cannot seem to matter, matter, that literally is out of your direct control. A lot of us assign meaning to this. And again, I want to base it on being very sensitive around this topic because I have listeners all over the world. Like, don't get me wrong, you guys, I have nationwide listeners, and I appreciate all of you, and I love all of you, and I'm very thankful you're here, right? However, I have to give myself this humility by telling myself I can't, there's nothing I personally can do with the stuff that is happening, you know, across the world, let alone across the country and a whole different continent. There's nothing I personally can do about that. All right. And like I said, I say this with full humility, right? Can I stay informed? Sure. Can I stay up to date? Sure. But there's nothing in my direct control that should, that I should assign so much meaning and so much importance for if I if I can't do anything about it, you guys, right? Um, like I said, this is a very touchy topic, but it has to be had. We have to converse, we have to talk about the real things. Again, that's that should be important to us, right? What's important is that I'm able to hopefully afford groceries, right? With inflation in this current in my in the current in the country that I am, in the state that I am, right? What's important is that, you know, obviously we're paying down debt, we're paying down credit, your health, right? Your well-being. So having connections, going out, getting sunlight, uh, exercising, whatever the case may be. We've placed so much meaning to everything, and now we are stuck concerned about why everything doesn't feel meaningful or useful anymore, right? There was a certain point of time, um, and I spoke about this back on my Dissentering Men uh portion of the podcast. I still love the episode. I really do, because I said what I said. But um there used to be a point of time where, listen, at the end of the day, listen, men adorned women, okay? There used to be a point of time where men literally went to war over women, men fought over women, men actually outwardly competed over women, right? And we were held at this standard, at this kind of this pedestal, which we should still be, right? Not every woman, not all women, but right, some women should still be held to a certain uh pedestal pedigree. Um and that has simply become a lost art. And I again I keep I said this on my reel that I just created on Instagram, and then I I'm gonna post it on YouTube, right? I said, I don't know how, I don't know how my mind this is correlating with we've assigned meaning to everything to men somehow not understanding that the things that actually do matter, right, are are our relationships. Our men are women. I'm saying are like as and is should be, right? Those are the things that should matter, right? Again, men and women are obviously two different species. Men and women obviously serve two different purposes. We serve two, right? We're two totally different different beings, and that's fine. But at the end of the day, we were created here, we were meant to be here to be amongst one another, right? I say, um, excuse me, back to where I was heading. There used to be a time where men, like I said, he would do everything in his power. And there are still certain men who do this. I'm I'm not saying it's it's lost, because trust me, right? There would be men who would do everything in his power to make sure he impressed that woman, right? Even back in the day where the where every, you know, where it was a nickel to get a candy bar and 10 cents to get, you know, uh a milkshake, right? Whatever, right? Even back in those days, he will go out of his way and buy her a milkshake or a lemonade or a burger or whatever the case may be, right? Men did the things that they wanted to do, right? They they they made meaning to relationships. We we both did, right? Men and women, right? There were a time where women was like, you know what? I like this man, you know? So therefore, I'm gonna have him court me. I'm gonna show him a good time. I want him to come meet my family. Like, there was a certain time where we made meaning to the things that mattered. That actually mattered, that actually is gonna benefit us, that actually would well has moved society forward, right? We're all here because two people decided to forn to have some sex, okay? It is what it is, right? That is a fact. So when we've assigned meaning to so many things, so many things outside of us, right? We've assigned meaning to this AI, which I've been getting back in the Bible. It is absolutely in the AI is mentioned in the Bible, but it's not technically as it doesn't say it's AI, but it is that, right? We've assigned meaning to AI, we've assigned meaning to wars outside of our country, we've assigned meaning to, again, lower level things that none of us can fix, right? At the end of the day, I can't at the end of the day, I'm a black woman. I cannot go and change that, and I don't want to change that, period. We've assigned meaning to stupid, minute things that literally is not in our control. We cannot change. We cannot change it. Not in this lifetime, at least. So instead, we put our focus on the stuff that doesn't matter, right? Uh, you know, har um harming each other, using each other, um all this transactional nature, which it is what it is, right? Like I said, that that that's where we where we become, that's where we've become, right? We've assigned so much to things that just don't matter, and then we turn around and wonder, well, why does the things that I think are meaningful, why doesn't that matter to me? Catch what I'm just saying to you. When we log off the platforms and we when you are alone at night, sleep at night looking at the ceiling, and you're asking yourself, and you're talking out loud, or you're thinking, or whoever, whatever DT you serve or not, right? And you're asking yourself, well, what what truly does matter? Well, well, what what should matter? What should I be, right? This is why nobody can figure no one out. This is why a lot of people have mental health issues these days. This is why a lot of people are lonely, depressed, upset, angry, hyper-emotional, hyperfixated on stupid stuff that does not matter. Hello? Does that ever did that not ever cross your mind? Does is no one thinking anymore? No, you're not because you're too busy consuming and watching other people's lives that you think matter more, which is fine. We're all we we've all been there. I get it. Once we decide to give meaning to the things that actually should matter now, to the things that actually should be a thing, right? Once we take a step back and we're like, you know what, listen, what what do I want to matter for me? What what should I be focusing on, right? What is the thing that I know for a fact is in my control that I'm going to work on that I am going to master, that I am going to control? What is that? And that's what you need to be focusing on. A lot of people right now having a lot of mental health issues, and it's only because you've assigned meaning, you've aside, you've assigned important importance to so many other things that you cannot control. You never will be able to control again in this lifetime. And this is why, again, a lot of people have fallen short. A lot of people have identity issues as well. This is a this I believe this is a correlation. This whole identity thing, everyone wants to identify with everything, right? You want to identify with this, identify with that. Why? Just just be. And again, I I always say I'm speaking to myself with you guys. I'm not speaking at you. I was there. I once identified as, you know, the the pro-black queen that wanted this, I wanted that. You know, I've identified as um, you know, just so many different things that I've once that, you know, I once identified as. And I assigned meaning to things outside of myself that I could not control. And when I say I was the most unhappy and depressed ever in my life, again, it it just took so much, it took so much emotional toll out of me. Because I was too busy trying to put meaning on things that I couldn't directly help. And then I would fault, and then I would just look at the end of the night, well, what well, what would Julie accomplished? Well, what did I really get out of that? Well, what truly, you know, well, right? There was, I'm serious, like there was I really had to take a step back and look at everything in my corner and was like, okay, so all this for what you see, this is why I believe, you know, um, a lot of our parents, if not grandparents, they were able to work, you know, these corporate jobs for 40, 50, 60 years and still kind of come out seemingly, you know, normal and healthy, because they understood, okay, this is just a part of what I do. This is a part of what I do to put food on the table for my family. And this is also why, you know, they also had, you know, the third place. If you guys haven't heard of the third place theory, this is a place you go that's outside of work, outside of um, you know, the gym, outside of your uh church community, right? Outside of your basic things, there was a third place you went to just for you. And almost like every single night. You know, so for instance, we, you know, there was cheers, the show back cheers back in the 90s, early 2000s that was out, right? They you cheers, they would go to the bar every day, right? Um, a lot of people, especially grandparents' age, they had that bingo night, right? Every Thursday, every Wednesday, or every Tuesday and Wednesday, right? It was that third base place that people went to that made them them, that made them a person, that made them a part of their identity. We don't have that today. The average modern person goes to work, goes to the gym, and goes home. Or they may go out to a bar and have a cocktail, or may go out to a dinner or somewhere, and then that's it. But that's not a again, that that's more so um leisure, right? That's not a third place. We don't have third places anymore. Like I said, majority of people go to work, go to the gym, and they go home, period. I just want us to kind of think about what ways we can shift, can we maneuver, can we write maybe a different mindset? What is it that we can assign meaning? Again, this is for you. Again, I've I've been thinking, I've been brainstorming ever since I've kind of thought of this concept this morning. Um, um, well, really based from last night from a seminar I was in or listening to. What is it that I can assign meaning to that's actually gonna impact my life for the better? That is actually gonna give me answers, that's gonna make me less anxious with people or in the world, right? That's gonna give me the confidence, maybe give me a boost in salary, a boost, right? Some some kind of thing where I know for a fact that I'm building this from me from scratch for me. I think the reason why I brought up relationships is because um I think a lot of people right now are lonely because again, they've assigned meaning to things outside of them. So, for instance, again, a lot of men, or there's this whole, what is it, simp thing? Oh, you're a simp, or oh, you're weak for that, you know, vagina, whatever the case, like those are people who again, you're a sign, right? So that that whole frame, that whole whatever is is is stupid to me. Like a grown man should be attracted and want to impress a grown a woman, period, a grown woman, excuse me, period. Like, how did being nice to a woman become a sin? How did being respectful and treating a woman nice and being a good decent man to a woman how does that make like what? And no shade, but this is where the sprinkle sprinkle concept comes from. Because okay, if you guys want to look at this as like that's something so deifying, so traumatizing, then I'm just gonna look at you for your wallet then. You guys understand how all of this is bait, how all of this is interchanged into one. I'm not I'm not sitting here bashing sprinkle sprinkle. So please do not cut this, do not prompt this and say I'm anti-Sprinkle Sprinkle. I am not. I'm just saying I understand where that where that framework came from. Because on the receiving end, other men are telling men, how dare you treat a woman with respect? How dare you like a woman, want to take her out and give her roses and give her flowers and show her a beautiful time. How dare you? What? So so again, a w a man of his nature is to impress and hunt and go out and do good things for a woman now has become a framework to oh, you're a P U S S Y or a simp, or you're weak or whatever. So now that so I'm like, who am I talking to? I'm sorry, right? You guys know my brain, it it can go there, it goes there. Right, and again, I can again, I I mean, at the end of the day, we can get on women too, women coming out here half naked in the road and dressing, but again, a woman is she's still autonomous in her own body. A woman can do whatever she wants to do, right? A woman, I said on last time, a woman created a man. So so what are we really talking about right now? A woman should now, again, we've gone to we are now in the times where a woman understands her autonomy for herself. I am a woman, I deserve, I have rights, I have autonomy over myself, over my body. You are not gonna tell me what I can and cannot do. I now go out of right. So again, everything now, again, I understand men have this again. We've assigned so much to so many other things instead of focusing, okay, you know what matters, right? If if if men were truly honest with themselves, they would say, okay, you know what? A woman matters to me, family matters to me, uh, my legacy matters to me. And you will go out and conduct your life from that framework, period. But instead, here we are now. Well, what matters to me is what my what my friends think of me, my homeboys think of me, my co-workers think of me. What somebody on the internet may record me, what they may think of me. Maybe I care about what her the girl I'm taking out, what her friends may think of me, right? You've assigned meaning to so many other things outside of you, you don't know now what matters. And that's why you still lay in your bed alone. I'm talking to men and women right now. I'm not just talking to men, I'm talking to both, both, both, both parties. You've women, you've assigned meaning to that degree. So, okay, that's fine. Can the degree can the degree hug you at night? No, not necessarily. The diploma can't. But again, if you made meaning out of that, then that's fine. That's you. Go ahead, go for it. I've always been advocate, advocate for women being their best self, regardless of what. I've always been an advocate for that. Me personally, I'm not gonna share with what me personally what I think, but again, I'm saying I'm not gonna share me personally what my framework is, but I know for me, I'm never gonna assign meaning to every old thing in my life because I know what should be important. And not only that, I'm developing what is important in my life, and I'm gonna base my life and I'm going to move in the framework where I know that that this is what matters, this is what it is. And to be honest, it's easy to assign things outside of you to matter. It's easy because you don't have to have the responsibility, right? It's easy to cop out and say, no, I'm not gonna do that, I'm not gonna treat a woman well, because you know what? I like hanging out with my friends. You know what? I like falling back on my I like, you see what I'm saying? So it's it's I understand why people do it. It's easy to just cop out and say what you won't do, but you're still perpetuating a cycle of what it is that you don't like. You guys listen, you guys already know. I I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna I I have to bring it to you. I have we have to start having these honest conversations. Somebody has to tell it to you, somebody has to say it. So if everything is important, if every if we if everything is meaningful, then what do you have left? What do you have left if everything outside of you is meaningful? What actually truly matters? What actually truly what is it? Just a food, just a thought. Just a thought. Think about it. You guys let me know what you guys think. You feel free to comment. You can comment on obviously YouTube, you can comment on Spotify. I'm not sure about our Heart Radio and others, but um, again, this will be used listed on YouTube, Spotify. Um, again, feel free to shoot me a message. My email will be in the description as well if you want to collaborate, or if again you just want to say something to me. Again, this is if not now when by yours truly, Ari Champagne. Please, maximum amount of ratings on whatever platform you are on, listening to, and I will see you next time. Thanks. Bye.