Letting Go of Love – Even When You Don’t Want To

The Journey of Letting Go: Transforming Heartbreak into Healing

In this episode of The Integrated Healer, Science, Soul, and Spirit, we explore the painful yet transformative process of letting go of love. Addressing the emotional, biological, and spiritual aspects of heartbreak, we discuss the importance of feeling and processing grief to move towards true healing. By understanding the neurological responses to heartbreak and emphasizing the power of gratitude and self-awareness, this episode guides listeners through the challenging journey of releasing love and finding self-worth. Tune in to learn how to turn heartbreak into a catalyst for authentic growth and healing.

00:00 Introduction to Heartbreak and Letting Go
01:04 The Pain of Realization
01:39 Coping Mechanisms and Their Impact
02:23 The Journey Through Grief
03:11 The Illusion of Forever
03:51 Facing Reality and Emotional Challenges
05:07 The Biological Aspect of Letting Go
06:08 Listening to Your Inner Voice
07:29 The Process of Grieving
08:59 Finding Gratitude in Pain
10:07 The Importance of Feeling to Heal
10:55 Alchemizing Pain into Growth
12:01 Conclusion and Moving Forward

Transcript

0:00

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to The Integrated Healer, Science, Soul, and Spirit. Today, we're diving into something fairly raw, something that is Really bound to resonate with anyone who's ever loved and lost, or anyone standing at the edge of being able to let go. We're talking about what happens when you have to release love, even when every fiber of your being is screaming not to. When you've pictured your entire life with someone, only to realize deep in your soul that they can't, or won't, give you what you truly need. I wish I could tell you that heartbreak gets easier with time, and that the more you experience it, the more graceful it becomes. But the truth is, it doesn't. If anything, as you grow and evolve, as you come to understand yourself more deeply, the pain of realizing someone isn't right for you cuts even deeper. Maybe you weren't on the same page, or maybe the timing was all wrong. Either way, it doesn't stop the hurt, the endless loop of thoughts, the sadness that settles into your bones. Or, maybe you try to bypass grief altogether, numbing yourself instead. When we suppress grief or try to numb it, whether through distractions, overworking, drinking, or just pretending that we're okay, it doesn't actually go away. It gets stored in our body. Our nervous system shifts into survival mode, keeping us stuck in fight or flight or freeze responses. Over time, this can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, or even physical symptoms like chronic pain or tension. Numbing might feel like relief in the moment, but in the long run, it disconnects us from our emotions, making true healing even harder. So what happens after heartbreak? How do you move forward? I think naturally, we all go through the stages of grief. And then on the other side of that final step, which is typically acceptance, there comes the hardest part of it all, letting go. This is one of the toughest chapters in any healing journey. I know for me it has been, and I feel like I've been going through it time after time after time at this point. When love feels like home and you have to walk away, it feels like tearing down the very walls that you built around your heart. But sometimes letting go is the ultimate act of self love. Let's go on this journey together. I call this next part the illusion of forever. Love is so often tied to permanence. If we think about it, when we meet someone and fall in love, you don't just love them for who they are in the present moment, you fall in love with their potential, with the story that you start writing in your mind about your shared future. You picture holidays together, growing old side by side, maybe building a family or traveling the world together. You don't just fall for them. You fall for the dream of them. And that dream, it's intoxicating. But what happens when reality comes in, smacks you in the face, and interrupts that dream? When you realize they don't or can't or won't, let's be honest, show up in the ways that matter most to you. Maybe they're emotionally unavailable. We've all been there. Maybe they don't share your values. Maybe they dismiss the things that you hold sacred. It's one thing to fight for a love that nourishes you, and it's another altogether to keep clinging to one that depletes you. Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath with me. Think about the relationship that you're holding on to. Ask yourself, am I still holding on to the dream of this person, or am I truly seeing them for who they are? How does that feel? Are you feeling that anywhere in your body? What comes up for you when you think about that? Now, let's move on to talking about why letting go feels impossible. It's important to understand that it's not just emotional, it's biological. When we're in love, our brain is flooded with dopamine and oxytocin. It feels really good. And just like with any addiction, we crave more. The thought of walking away triggers the brain's fear response. The amygdala lights up, screaming, danger. Because even if that relationship was hurting you, it was familiar. And the brain, it craves familiarity, even when it's harmful. So when you wonder, why is this so hard? Why does it feel like I'm breaking apart? Remember, it's not just your heart, it's your body, your brain chemistry, and your nervous system. But here is the good news. Healing is possible. Rewiring is possible. And this is where we shift from science to soul. Always knows when it's time to let go. It starts as a whisper, doesn't it? That little voice in the back of your head, that feeling deep in your belly, little nudges. Maybe it's a conversation that leaves you feeling unseen. Maybe it's a pattern of disappointment that keeps repeating itself. And then the whispers start to grow louder. I've ignored those whispers before. I have rationalized, minimized, convinced myself that if I just love harder, or if I ask for more attention, they will change. If I'm more patient, they'll see my worth. Haven't we all gone through wanting someone to see our worth? But here's the truth. No amount of love. You can give to someone else, will make someone love you in the way that you need. You are the only person that can do that for yourself. And if you're seeking a relationship, you deserve a love that flows both ways. A love that doesn't ask you to shrink or compromise your deepest needs. Or your most simple needs, for that matter. And so now, we grieve. Letting go of love is a form of grief. It's not just about losing a person, it's about losing the dream, the life you built in your heart and mind. It's grieving the shared moments you thought would stretch far into the future. Grief can feel like an unrelenting storm, can't it? One moment you feel like you're making peace, and the next, a memory, a song, or an ordinary moment brings you to your knees. And here's the thing. That is okay. Grief demands to be felt, not shoved aside. If we suppress it, if we try to quote, move on too quickly without sitting in the depths of what we're feeling, it'll linger. It becomes unprocessed energy, anger, resentment, or numbness that leaks into other parts of our lives. But here's where we have the choice. How we move through grief determines how we emerge on the other side. Do we let it consume us, make us bitter, or cause us to close ourselves off? Or do we face it with an open heart, no matter how broken it feels, and allow it to teach us? Grief can be a great teacher, if we let it. It forces us to slow down, to feel, to reflect. And most importantly, it offers us the opportunity to alchemize pain into something powerful. I know when you're in the thick of grief, the idea of finding gratitude feels impossible. How can you be grateful for something that hurts so deeply? But even in the darkest moments, there's still small pieces of gratitude to be found. Maybe it's gratitude for the love that you experienced, even if it didn't last forever. Maybe it's gratitude for the lessons this person brought into your life about yourself, about your relationships. Or about what you truly need. Gratitude doesn't erase the pain, but it also doesn't bypass it. It does create space, though, for light to break through. It's like planting seeds in the middle of a storm. Small, but powerful. So when the pain feels overwhelming, ask yourself, what did this love teach me? What am I taking with me that'll serve me moving forward? Here's something I want you to hear loud and clear. It is okay to feel everything. The sadness, the anger, the confusion, the longing. There's no right way to grieve. There's no timeline. There's no rule book. Although I know we probably all wish we had one. But what I've learned is this. You cannot heal what you do not feel. And I know that sounds so cliche, like I got it off some Instagram post, but it's true. I have experienced it myself. If you do not feel your feelings, you cannot heal what's coming up. Or what you're shoving down. After that, we alchemize. I think people get confused on what alchemizing means. Alchemizing pain is about turning your heartbreak into something meaningful. It's about taking those feelings that are coming up in your body, anger and rage, sadness, and transmuting them into recognizing that pain. And as much as it hurts, Inviting it in to grow and expand so you can shed the layers of yourself that no longer serve you and you can step into a more authentic, aligned version of who you truly are. Your heart breaking open is not the end. It's actually the beginning. When the cracks form, that's where the light comes in. That's where the healing begins. And as you move through this process, remember, healing isn't linear. You will revisit the pain, but each time you'll be a little bit stronger, a little wiser, and a little closer to the life that you're meant to be living. Letting go is not the end of your story. It is the beginning of a new chapter. And you, you are worthy of a love that feels like home. If this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And remember, you are always worthy of love. Until next time, friends. Thank you so much for listening.