Why Smart Women Podcast
Welcome to the Why Smart Women Podcast, hosted by Annie McCubbin. We explore why women sometimes make the wrong choices and offer insightful guidance for better, informed decisions. Through engaging discussions, interviews, and real-life stories, we empower women to harness their intelligence, question their instincts, and navigate life's complexities with confidence. Join us each week to uncover the secrets of smarter decision-making and celebrate the brilliance of women everywhere.
Why Smart Women Podcast
Bonus Ep: Why David didn't pick up
Have you ever found yourself furious at a partner who simply can't remember to charge their phone? In this refreshingly honest episode, we dive into the small irritations that can trigger major relationship conflicts and reveal the surprising solution that might save your sanity.
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Do you remember when we met?
Speaker 2:No, we're not going back to the pre-mobile phone days.
Speaker 1:You know, I remember the first time I saw you and I thought what a fascinating person.
Speaker 2:You are listening to the why Smart Women podcast, the podcast that helps smart women work out why we repeatedly make the wrong decisions and how to make better ones. From relationships, career choices, finances, to faux fur, jackets and kale smoothies. Every moment of every day, we're making decisions. Let's make them good ones. I'm your host, annie McCubbin, and, as a woman of a certain age, I've made my own share of really bad decisions. Let's make them good ones. I'm your host, annie McCubbin, and, as a woman of a certain age, I've made my own share of really bad decisions. Not my husband, I don't mean him, though I did go through some shockers to find him, and I wish this podcast had been around to save me from myself.
Speaker 2:This podcast will give you insights into the working of your own brain, which will blow your mind. I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land in which I'm recording and you are listening on this day. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. Well, hello smart women, and welcome back to this week's bonus episode of the why Smart Women podcast. Today is Thursday, the 6th, 5th of June, and we are here recording on the northern beaches in Sydney, new South Wales, australia, where it is very cold. It's most unusual.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's wintertime, isn't it? It's wintertime, I know it's June already. I can't believe it.
Speaker 2:I know there's something about Sydneysiders. We always forget that here in Australia it does actually get cold and then when it does get cold, it doesn't get properly cold. It's not like Canada cold, but it gets cold. And then we're always surprised and then we spend a lot of time talking about how cold it is. And the other thing is is because it really only gets cold for about three months of the year. Our houses are underheated Like, for most people live in these sort of very cold houses, not like Britain or Canada or the United States, where people are prepared for the cold. We're fundamentally unprepared. But anyway, I digress. So this week we're going to be talking about what happens when you have a disagreement about something. How can you resolve it? Is that right, David?
Speaker 1:I think so. You're not talking about Saturday night, are you?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Look, I don't know whether I'm comfortable to talk about this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, aren't you?
Speaker 1:No, Well, I mean I know where it's going to head.
Speaker 2:Well, excuse me, that's Yo-Yo. That's Yo-Yo having a drink in the bowl. That sound. Thank you, Yo-Yo. Thanks, Well, you just have to talk about it because it's relevant.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I'm worried that I'm going to come across with some dreadful mansplaining defensive nightmare here. No, you won't here. Who just causes you trouble?
Speaker 2:no, you won't. It was annoying, though, um so no, it was a double banger.
Speaker 1:That's the trouble look, I, I just I just want to know whether, whether this is a safe space for me to actually for me, for me to actually um share my actual perspective. You know well, don't expect me to agree. Share my actual perspective, you know.
Speaker 2:Well, don't expect me to agree with your perspective.
Speaker 1:The authentic truth of it from my perspective. Oh my God.
Speaker 2:Stop talking about authenticity in safe spaces. I'll vomit Anyway.
Speaker 1:Can you see why I'm a little anxious?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can. I wouldn't want to counter me either, but let's just talk about there was two incidents that set me off yes one incident one what was that? Incident one saturday night yes so saturday afternoon? No, hang on, let's go back. Let's go back back. So we'd been invited to friends for dinner on um saturday evening about a month prior, with some old friends as well.
Speaker 1:And why did you accept that on a Saturday night? Well, what?
Speaker 2:I told you at the time.
Speaker 1:You know that I play football on a Saturday afternoon. Well, you often play Occasionally. We have a fire, you know, by the side of the pitch at the end of the game.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's lovely. Yes, so, but you often have play at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. This was at 7 o'clock at night.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, please continue.
Speaker 2:And anyway, at the time I did. It's like one of those scenes we've written. At the time I did say to you we've been invited to dinner and you said, all right well, I'm very agreeable anyway, then on. Then you said to me you said all right, um, I'm going to have a fire after the game. And I said that david plays over 45 um soccer. Oh my, every week, nearly every week, someone breaks something, anyway. So David then set off in the afternoon.
Speaker 1:And my brazier.
Speaker 2:He had the brazier, the portable brazier I had some kindling.
Speaker 1:I had some nice big redwood to put on after it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's sort of like some sort of not caveman, what's the period? Sort of some Stone Age period thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fairly primal.
Speaker 2:Primal, where the men get together around a fire and chew. After battle After battle, and they've killed the beast, and then they're going to throw the beast on the fire and then rip off the legs and eat it. It's a bit like that, isn't it? With a goblet, a goblet of wine.
Speaker 1:Not quite as brutal as that.
Speaker 2:Did you have goblets?
Speaker 1:No, we had tinnies.
Speaker 2:Tinnies for those that were not born in Australia, and we had a barbecue and we do sausages. I was explaining about a tinny. A tinny for those of you who are not Australian born is a can of beer.
Speaker 1:A can of beer. Oh, come on.
Speaker 2:That's not new news to anybody surely you don't know that there's people that are listening to this that are in Israel.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And Ghana.
Speaker 1:A can of beer. So instead of tearing the legs off the beasts that they've slaughtered we eat sausages with a goblet of mead we have beef sausages with tomato sauce yeah, so and we talk about the game and then and that's where we bond, you know, that's that's where, that's where the males of the species, you know, drop their masks, show up as human beings, and you know, it's a very special moment. It's a very special moment.
Speaker 2:And you don't want to rush it. Yeah, I'm getting tears in my eyes about the beauty of the moment that you had with the men. So do you talk about anything else but the game?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, like what Do you talk?
Speaker 2:about geopolitical events. I do, I do, and are they like? Oh, shut up, David. No.
Speaker 1:I had a good chat with, you know, one of the other fellows in the team who happens to? Be a CFO and we were talking about Trump's tariffs. Oh, okay, good, you know what the broader strategy was. Actually, towards the end of the evening, one of the lads decided to go there. Go where Go, where To?
Speaker 2:America, no, no no, no, no.
Speaker 1:He went there, he went Pro-Trump. No no no, I mean look, it wasn't quite as direct as this but who around the campfire believes in God? You know he was actually angling for a conversation around the existence of the Creator, and what it meant, and did anybody? Well, he did.
Speaker 2:Who is that?
Speaker 1:Don't say yeah. There were some voices who were quite vehement in their rejection of the notion of the all-seeing, all-loving creator.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm with those guys.
Speaker 1:You know why would that all-seeing, all-loving creator kill my sister?
Speaker 2:I'm with them, and this is the interesting thing. And then the explanation to that is genuinely well, you know, God works in mysterious ways.
Speaker 1:Well, so there you go. You know, you look at this group of aging football tragics and you'd think we don't talk about anything important. But there you are. You know, the biggest questions were being posed.
Speaker 2:Biggest questions Around the campfire with the sausages and the asahi. So you had said in the afternoon that you would come to dinner later.
Speaker 1:Did you notice the way that I said that?
Speaker 2:Did you notice the way that I said that? Say it now and I'll listen.
Speaker 1:I said well, you know it's the fire tonight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got that bit, I mean.
Speaker 1:I'll get there, you know I'll get there, rising inflection, you know, hoping that you'd see through my covert communication and say it's all right, sweetheart, don't come.
Speaker 2:But that would be bad, wouldn't it? Because our friends really like you and we're looking forward to your attendance.
Speaker 1:It's not like we never see them, you know.
Speaker 2:Well, that's an interesting point, isn't it? Because I think if you accept an invitation, you've got to go. You can't then just beg off. Well, you accepted the invitation I asked you at the time.
Speaker 1:Remember there's a standing rule like don't organise social events on a Saturday night.
Speaker 2:There is no standing rule. There is a standing rule.
Speaker 1:You've made that rule, I have not made that up.
Speaker 2:You have post-rationalised a standing rule conveniently forgotten it, you know. So now on, okay now on no events on a saturday night um, that's, that's the default I'd like to say something about this right now right okay, right last week we had a friend over julie and she said she had said to me that her, her daughter's son, had made a film and would I like to come.
Speaker 2:I said yes, and she said would david like to come? I said no, he wouldn't like to come because you don't seem to want to go to those things. And it was on a saturday night. And then she came over here and said would you like to come? And you said yes, I'd love to yeah, yeah, yeah yeah and it's saturday night so where's the standing rule gone?
Speaker 1:one of one of one of your, one of your favorite principles is that in good communications you've got to go from the general to the specific. Okay, so you have a general rule, a default rule, like don't organise anything on a Saturday night to avoid those awkward conversations, right where you say, oh, look, you know.
Speaker 2:You're babbling now so I don't have to adhere to the. That was a specific thing, whereas the dinner party wasn't.
Speaker 1:I can't believe you have forgotten the conversations that I've had with you In years gone by, where I said please don't organise anything for a Saturday night.
Speaker 2:My point is you said yes to Julie last week to this Saturday night.
Speaker 1:Is that this Saturday night?
Speaker 2:Yes, fuck's sake, it's this Saturday night.
Speaker 1:All right, okay. Does she think we're coming?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, she does, because she's got a ticket for you. Because after I had said you didn't want to come, you then said, yes, I'd love to come Saturday night. Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, all right, what Well, I'll be there. What? Because there's a ticket. You know that's like a formal thing, it's not like dinner.
Speaker 2:It's not like just showing up for dinner, oh my god anyway. So let's go back to last saturday night I, I'm still worried you should be so then. So I'm at this dinner and, um, and there's a table set for nine and they the host, had said to me what time will david come? And I said I'm not sure, and he said which is the right answer I haven't finished yet, well, but I'm just commending you on your handling of that moment.
Speaker 1:You know what time is david coming? I don't know. You know because there's a fire.
Speaker 2:Um, I didn't extrapolate on the fire anyway that could have helped.
Speaker 1:I said if you'd mentioned the fire, they might have said.
Speaker 2:I said that you were at um, a post soccer fire side chat event with beer, that's all anyway. So then I said I don't know. And then he said, oh, do you want to give him a ring? Because I you know we may as well wait. And I said don't wait, don't wait. Good, again, terrific. And he said, well, can you just find out? So I rang you yeah 11 times in the 11. That sounds a bit excessive 11 times.
Speaker 2:I thought at some point you might work out that time was, you know, marching on and I might want some sort of vague. You know arrival time.
Speaker 1:You rang 11 times.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:So I mean, after you'd rung 10 times and the phone didn't answer, you didn't work out that maybe my phone was out of battery.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did. But then I thought what you would do was realise that the time was marching on and you would borrow a charger or do something or ring me from somebody else's phone.
Speaker 1:I actually did try and get a charger.
Speaker 2:And here's the point about the whole thing is that you're a repeat offender on not having your phone charged well, you know, sometimes there are more important things, like what like, like saving goals, like providing spiritual guidance.
Speaker 1:you know helping my teammates, you know navigate the tricky conversations about religion and spirituality and where the distinctions lie, that's hilarious, anyway.
Speaker 2:So then I tried, and then our host may have asked me another two or three times when I thought you'd be there, and I said I can't get hold of him. And at one point we sat down to dinner and your chair was next to him, empty, and he had his arm around the chair, the empty chair going. When can we expect david?
Speaker 1:so anyway, eventually you did turn up of course, because I said I'd be there and, and, and I was true to my word, I got there as quick as I could. And I was true to my word, I got there as quick as I could.
Speaker 2:And I was a bit by that time. I was a bit cranky pants.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 2:Wow, you don't know why not being able to get hold of you is a frustrating experience.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, it would be frustrating if it was always. You was always a dire situation.
Speaker 2:And this is what happened. Okay, and then that happened.
Speaker 1:And then, on the Monday, I was Hang on, so we're leaving the party.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I'm going on to another event Thank goodness for that. And then I was at the shopping mall on the Monday and I wanted to return something and I tried to ring you because my email wouldn't come up on my phone to get the receipt.
Speaker 1:What was it the wrong size?
Speaker 2:That's irrelevant. It's the thing you were trying to return.
Speaker 1:It's not relevant. You don't think you rushed the purchase at the time it was too big, if you must know.
Speaker 2:Oh, really. So then I tried to. She's standing there, the girl at the counter, and she goes I can't do this unless you've got your receipt. I said well, I know that, but I asked you to email the receipt. She said so, have you got the email? I said no, but haven't you got the record of the email? She said email. I said no, but haven't you got the record of the email? She said no, I need the reference. I said it was only you know yesterday, would you not anyway?
Speaker 1:that's not a very flattering portrayal of the young lady it's accurate, though, really, yeah, entirely accurate flat delivery, flat delivery. I can't do anything without it. Yeah, okay, so that would have been very frustrating don't load her in.
Speaker 2:actually, that's true, I will load her in anyway. Then I thought's true, I will load her in Anyway. Then I thought I'll just ring David and get him to open up my computer. I began ringing you and again there was no pick up. You didn't pick up because when was this. Monday morning, oh, maybe Sunday, sunday morning Maybe. Sunday. It could have been quite close to the event the Saturday night.
Speaker 1:Ah, yes, or maybe anyway.
Speaker 2:Event the Saturday night Ah yes, or maybe anyway I think I was walking the dogs at the time Then I so ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. And then eventually you picked up by which time it was too late and I had left. Which dog was that? Oh, ryder wants to go in there, come here, come here.
Speaker 1:That's right, I'll look in there.
Speaker 2:There's nobody in there. Darling the dog wants to go into the bedroom for no reason that anybody can discern. And the thing is that it is an accumulation of instances where you have not charged your phone and I can't get hold of you. It's not an anomaly. So then, when I rang you and said I have been trying to get hold of you this is also what happened on Saturday night you said, well, something along the lines of well, if it's important, it's on my phone yeah, that's right, which is not true, because you can't anticipate when, the person, when I will require you to pick up the phone.
Speaker 2:You can't anticipate something that hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 1:Now, gee, you know, I'm so pleased that you just said that, because this lies. You know, this is the crux of my defence. If I may, be so bold. If I may be so bold as to suggest that there is a defence. I think you just said you know I can't anticipate when you're going to have, you know, some important reason to talk to me. I can't anticipate that, and that's reality. I can't anticipate it. So why are you getting cranky with me when I don't anticipate it?
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:You said I can't anticipate it.
Speaker 2:Because generally speaking, and then you also irritatingly said to me I can't get hold of you sometimes, which is true, which is true, it's false equivalence. My phone is hardly ever, ever, ever ever, run out of charge. You can't get hold of me because I'm engaged in something.
Speaker 1:Are you the only person who has an important reason to speak to me? Do you think I never have anything important to talk about? And try and get hold of you, and I'm not able to get hold of you.
Speaker 2:For how long, david? The period matters. Once the event is over that, my phone is off, I turn it back on. You can't not get hold of me all night. Do you remember when?
Speaker 1:we met.
Speaker 2:No, we're not going back to the pre-mobile phone days.
Speaker 1:I remember the first time I saw you and I thought what a fascinating person you know, she's pretty, she's smart, she's funny. Do you remember those days, annie, pre-mobile phone? That's right, I do, that's right. And you know, we managed to communicate with each other.
Speaker 2:Yes, times have changed, haven't they?
Speaker 1:They have All right, and so is it reasonable to expect that you can be in contact with your partner.
Speaker 2:No, it's not that you can click your fingers and. I'm going to be there. No, it's not, but I think it's not that unreasonable to hope that your partner might try and keep their phone charged so that there's a better chance of it. Anyway, the thing is, I cried because I was so frustrated, didn't I?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I got very upset about it.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry I made you cry.
Speaker 2:Are you not?
Speaker 1:I am sorry Okay.
Speaker 2:We're just pausing for a minute to hear a word from our sponsor.
Speaker 1:The why Smart Women podcast is brought to you by Coup, a boutique training, coaching and media production company. A Coup, spelt C-O-U-P, is a decisive act of leadership, and decisive leadership requires critical thinking. So well done you for investing time to think about your thinking, if your leadership or relationships would benefit from some grounded and creative support. If you want team training or a conference presentation, reach out for a confidential one-on-one conversation using the link in the description or go to coupco. See, this is the bit that I don't think that you get right, just because I don't think it's reasonable.
Speaker 2:What is not reasonable about you actually trying to keep your phone charged?
Speaker 1:Look, I do try to keep my phone charged, but not very well. I know I'm not very good at it.
Speaker 2:Okay, and then we're back to the Okay, so that's right, you've got your ADHD. I know it's really hard for you to keep your phone charged, so this is what happened at the end of it. So I got really frustrated. I cried because of, you know, an accumulation of things. And then I came into the unit and you'd said that you would, because you don't like it when I'm upset, you would try really hard.
Speaker 1:What was the receipt for, by the way? What was the item?
Speaker 2:Nothing. It's a very small pair of pants, and that's my point. No, no See, that is really annoying. Yes, okay, that's just really annoying, because then I have to. The whole thing devolves into the validity right of my request and trying to get hold of you. That's not the point. It's like you said, you were going to ring the host and say to him you know it's not Ando's fault. Maybe don't ask us often which was an irrelevancy. That's a stupid place to put your focus.
Speaker 2:Okay, trying to change other people's responses is just not remotely helpful.
Speaker 1:You're trying to change my response.
Speaker 2:The dynamic is between you and I.
Speaker 1:And you succeed. You do change my response, and this is the thing that I don't think that you do pick up, because, even while I will take a somewhat defensive position, as has been, I think, a bit ingrained in my psychology, I probably am biased towards self-defense. Before abject apology, because I think about it in functional terms. I can't rewrite Sunday morning and be on the phone so that I could get the receipt, so that you could.
Speaker 2:Or Saturday night.
Speaker 1:So that you could return those pants that you.
Speaker 2:Can you stop talking?
Speaker 1:about returning the pants, you know, and if I'm late to the dinner, I mean, we got a good story out of it, didn't we? But I get that. Even though it looks like I am defending my position and saying that you're being unreasonable, the truth is that when you are emotional, that does have an impact, and I do notice that my behavior does change. I do want to do better.
Speaker 2:I know, and I'm not emotional that often, am I? It's not like I'm bursting into tears every 25 seconds.
Speaker 1:No, no, well, no, not that kind of emotion, no.
Speaker 2:No, but I do get cranky. Yeah, you do to like, I know that. And that when you said you were going to try, and you know, prioritize charging your phone, I could tell then that that was going to put make you anxious, like it, like when you can't find something like I can't find a charger yeah, like that's right and that sets an up an anxiety response and I thought to myself I don't want that for you, I don't want you to have that response.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2:So do you know what I thought? What I just removed all expectation. I thought no, instead of wanting David to do this differently, I'm going to change my expectation that he's going to be available and I have oh, yeah, yeah. So in just be careful of that response. So in terms of um, in case of emergency yes they don't ring you. They would ring anita, my friend right, because you're unlikely to pick up.
Speaker 1:Am I that unlikely to pick up?
Speaker 2:Yes, that's the reality, and that's not your fault, because you do try. So I have actually changed my expectation around it. So I now you'll notice, I'll only ring once. If you don't pick up, that's it, and then I just change tack. And that takes a lot of pressure off me to try and control a situation I can't control. It takes pressure off you because you'll just do the best you can and, um, I just think it's a much, much better approach. So that's what I've done. I'm like, if I can't get hold of you, I can't get hold of you and I can't get hold of you, and so then I just divert.
Speaker 1:And there it is. Is that working so far?
Speaker 2:Oh, good so far.
Speaker 1:So far I'm glad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think if in these situations it's not like it is not like you don't have good intentions around doing things, it's just that your brain is chaotic. So I don't want to put that pressure on you, and then I don't want the upset, so that's what I've done with it.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you.
Speaker 2:God, I'm amazing, you are amazing.
Speaker 1:And I promise you I'm trying.
Speaker 2:I know, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:That makes it even better.
Speaker 2:I know, I know, and I reckon, reckon there's anywhere in our existences where we can go. Well, you know, it's around to what you can control and what you can't control, and I can't control that yeah all I can do is try and control my approach to it. So that is now my approach.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know, I could probably learn from that.
Speaker 2:Oh, I am a guru. Yeah, you should invite me to the fire after the game. I could give them a lecture.
Speaker 1:I could drop my expectation that you're ever going to remember any of your passwords.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know it's so bad. It's really I cannot. And do you know what? As soon as you say to me what's your password, I get that trill of anxiety because, I never know it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the feeling that I get when you say didn't you get my call?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:And I have to confess that my phone's out of battery.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know. Now we've got the calendar with the passwords on it, but yeah, my lack of technical memory and expertise I'm sure is a constant thorn in your side.
Speaker 1:Look, I've been lowering my expectations of you for years, but you'd need to.
Speaker 2:I think that's it's actually right. Do lower them with me in terms of technology. I'm terrible at it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that also comes down to the other point that you know, you with the losing things, et cetera, or whatever is that, and this has always been my belief and approach is that you have so much value in other areas. You are so clever, You're not controlling, you know, you are hardworking, You're all those things that I really like about you, and you know, at the end of the day, hey, nobody's perfect.
Speaker 1:How do you know that, um, that your acceptance of my, um, sort of patchy performance of keeping my phone charged? You know your acceptance of that, your lowering of expectations? How do you know that that's not just you operating under the sunk cost fallacy? You know I've done this many years with him. Oh, I guess I better. You know that that's not just you operating under the sunk cost fallacy. You know, I've done this many years with him. Oh, I guess I better, you know better keep accepting this nonsense, because I've invested so much already oh yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 2:It's not sunk cost. It's definitely not sunk cost, because I just you just explain the sunk cost fallacy.
Speaker 1:Well sunk cost is that you put up with something you keep investing in, something that is not in your best interests, on the basis of the fact that you've invested so much so far. It's like staying with a bad investment or staying in a bad relationship. You've done so many years with somebody who is abusive and you think, well, you know, I've invested all this time in this person, so I might as well just settle and stay with them, and that's not a good decision.
Speaker 2:No, it's not a good decision and I think the sunk cost fallacy and I've just done a couple of little posts on the sunk cost because I think it's really relevant you know, women especially that stay with men who are disengaged, disinterested, potentially abusive, feckless, any of the above humorless non-contributors, and then they stay with them, as you say, because they have done 15 years with them, or they're going to stay until the child's done their high school certificate, or they're going to stay until until, until and um, I think it's a major cognitive flaw and a really big problem. Um, this is not the sunk cost fallacy, because it takes away and um, and it's and that can't just be a financial thing. I suppose it could be. If I mean, we do know of people who've stayed in relationships that are absolutely disastrous, um, because their, the, the, their partner is a really, really good provider.
Speaker 1:So they get financial stability, nothing else. No psychological safety Nothing else, nothing else.
Speaker 2:They're not. Even the men are abusive, they're just disinterested, just disengaged. Yes, you know. Or someone stays with someone because they just are so attached to the idea of having a partner, regardless of how much that partner brings to them, you know, financially, um, emotionally, you know, socially, whatever else a partner has to bring. We were talking about it when we were watching television the other night and we were watching that show on four seasons. No, four seasons is great. It's the Tina Fey show. It's really good. No, the other show, and we both didn't like it.
Speaker 1:Oh Department Q.
Speaker 2:Department Q, and I reckon we sat there and we both noticed the identical thing of what was wrong with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was so self-conscious, self-conscious, interesting characters with Scottish accents.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and also it had that it was set in Scotland. High levels of exposition, which we both loathe, and then cardboard cutout characters that are then sort of posturing and placed, and both coming from an acting background. There's something so satisfying about watching a show together and then noticing the same things and agreeing that we don't want to watch that anymore. And then going on to the Tina Fey's fourth season, which we loved.
Speaker 1:So if we were to have a column of where I'm helpful and where I'm not?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm terrible at keeping my phone charged. Yeah, I'll get a bit defensive and frustrate you.
Speaker 2:You're messy, you're very messy.
Speaker 1:And frustrate you with my rationale.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's the other thing you go.
Speaker 1:But on the other side of the column. I love your mind. I'm really interested in what you think. I appreciate your creativity. I make you laugh. You make me laugh.
Speaker 2:You're hardworking.
Speaker 1:Hardworking. We like the same television shows.
Speaker 2:You're smart.
Speaker 1:You're not controlling, so I guess what you're talking about. There is perspective that the frustrations and the disappointments that I cause, you're willing to shift your expectations because it's not so much a sunk cost, it's less important than the good stuff that's going in the other direction.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it's not sunk cost and, honestly, when I had that moment, it was almost revelatory because I think trying to control something is so tension-producing and I just went. I stood here and I went, I'm just letting it go, and you know what? It's the same as the second bedroom.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It's a mess in there because you're chaotic. Right, you're chaotic. What, fucking God? Because it's a big. There's a reason for that.
Speaker 1:See, I'm being true, to form.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I've gone to the template reason for that.
Speaker 2:See, I'm being true to form. Yeah, I've gone to the template. Yeah, it's chaotic in there and now what I do. It's a bedroom, it's a studio, it's a workplace it is, and I can keep the rest of the flat in order. And now what?
Speaker 1:what you say. You say that like you're the only one who does anything to keep the flat in.
Speaker 2:No, I know you do, but I'm much more interested in neatness than you. Come on, david.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, david.
Speaker 2:Right. So the thing is now I go well, it's not going to get as fine, Just don't look at it, it's great yeah, yeah. And I think that that, honestly, it's made quite a big difference in the available space I've got inside myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, great. And so there you go. I mean I shouldn't be too forthcoming with praise for accepting my deficiencies. No, you should Well. Okay, well done.
Speaker 2:Well, you sold the car yesterday too, which is really good, because I'd be shit at that. I'd be really I've got to put a warning in this, because I've used some bad language. Anyway, thank you, david. Thank you. Thank you, harryry, for recording us. Thank you, um rider, for interrupting us because you wanted to go and lie in the bed. Um, where's yo-yo? Thank you, yo-yo, for interrupting things by having good old slurp at the water bowl and um are you doing a gratitude practice at the moment?
Speaker 1:oh my god, no. Who else can you thank?
Speaker 2:I'm not thanking God.
Speaker 1:The fire, gods yeah the fire gods.
Speaker 2:That's right. So, wherever you are, wherever you are in the world you know, I'm super appreciative that you are listening to my little podcast, which is coming to you from Sydney, australia, and I hope wherever you are in the world, you're having a really fantastic day and keep tuning in, and we will be discussing more and more interesting cognitive flaws and fallacies that will be dominating your life without you even knowing it. See you later. Bye, thanks for tuning in to why Smart Women with me, annie McCubbin. I hope today's episode has ignited your curiosity and left you feeling inspired by my anti-motivational style. Join me next time as we continue to unravel the fascinating layers of our brains and develop ways to sort out the fact from the fiction and the over 6,000 thoughts we have in the course of every day.
Speaker 2:Remember, intelligence isn't enough. You can be as smart as paint, but it's not just about what you know. It's about how you think and in all this talk of whether or not you can trust your gut, if you ever feel unsafe, whether it's in the street, at work, in a car park, in a bar or in your own home, please, please respect that gut feeling. Staying safe needs to be our primary objective. We can build better lives, but we have to stay safe to do that. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and share it with your fellow smart women and allies. Subscribe, rate and review the podcast and share it with your fellow smart women and allies. Together, we're hopefully reshaping the narrative around women and making better decisions. So until next time, stay sharp, stay savvy and keep your critical thinking hat shiny. This is Annie McCubbin signing off from why Smart Women. See you later. This episode was produced by Harrison Hess. It was executive produced and written by me, annie McCubbin.
