Why Smart Women Podcast
Welcome to the Why Smart Women Podcast, hosted by Annie McCubbin. We explore why women sometimes make the wrong choices and offer insightful guidance for better, informed decisions. Through engaging discussions, interviews, and real-life stories, we empower women to harness their intelligence, question their instincts, and navigate life's complexities with confidence. Join us each week to uncover the secrets of smarter decision-making and celebrate the brilliance of women everywhere.
Why Smart Women Podcast
Bonus Ep: Why David didn't pick up
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Have you ever found yourself furious at a partner who simply can't remember to charge their phone? In this refreshingly honest episode, we dive into the small irritations that can trigger major relationship conflicts and reveal the surprising solution that might save your sanity.
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Setting the Scene for Conflict
Speaker 1Do you remember when we met?
Speaker 2No, we're not going back to the pre-mobile phone days.
Speaker 1You know, I remember the first time I saw you and I thought what a fascinating person.
Speaker 2You are listening to the why Smart Women podcast, the podcast that helps smart women work out why we repeatedly make the wrong decisions and how to make better ones. From relationships, career choices, finances, to faux fur, jackets and kale smoothies. Every moment of every day, we're making decisions. Let's make them good ones. I'm your host, annie McCubbin, and, as a woman of a certain age, I've made my own share of really bad decisions. Let's make them good ones. I'm your host, annie McCubbin, and, as a woman of a certain age, I've made my own share of really bad decisions. Not my husband, I don't mean him, though I did go through some shockers to find him, and I wish this podcast had been around to save me from myself.
Speaker 2This podcast will give you insights into the working of your own brain, which will blow your mind. I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land in which I'm recording and you are listening on this day. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. Well, hello smart women, and welcome back to this week's bonus episode of the why Smart Women podcast. Today is Thursday, the 6th, 5th of June, and we are here recording on the northern beaches in Sydney, new South Wales, australia, where it is very cold. It's most unusual.
Speaker 1Oh, it's wintertime, isn't it? It's wintertime, I know it's June already. I can't believe it.
Speaker 2I know there's something about Sydneysiders. We always forget that here in Australia it does actually get cold and then when it does get cold, it doesn't get properly cold. It's not like Canada cold, but it gets cold. And then we're always surprised and then we spend a lot of time talking about how cold it is. And the other thing is is because it really only gets cold for about three months of the year. Our houses are underheated Like, for most people live in these sort of very cold houses, not like Britain or Canada or the United States, where people are prepared for the cold. We're fundamentally unprepared. But anyway, I digress. So this week we're going to be talking about what happens when you have a disagreement about something. How can you resolve it? Is that right, David?
Speaker 1I think so. You're not talking about Saturday night, are you?
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Look, I don't know whether I'm comfortable to talk about this.
Speaker 2Yeah, aren't you?
Speaker 1No, Well, I mean I know where it's going to head.
Speaker 2Well, excuse me, that's Yo-Yo. That's Yo-Yo having a drink in the bowl. That sound. Thank you, Yo-Yo. Thanks, Well, you just have to talk about it because it's relevant.
Speaker 1Yeah, but I'm worried that I'm going to come across with some dreadful mansplaining defensive nightmare here. No, you won't here. Who just causes you trouble?
Speaker 2no, you won't. It was annoying, though, um so no, it was a double banger.
Speaker 1That's the trouble look, I, I just I just want to know whether, whether this is a safe space for me to actually for me, for me to actually um share my actual perspective. You know well, don't expect me to agree. Share my actual perspective, you know.
Speaker 2Well, don't expect me to agree with your perspective.
Speaker 1The authentic truth of it from my perspective. Oh my God.
Speaker 2Stop talking about authenticity in safe spaces. I'll vomit Anyway.
Speaker 1Can you see why I'm a little anxious?
Soccer, Fire, and Male Bonding
Speaker 2Yeah, I can. I wouldn't want to counter me either, but let's just talk about there was two incidents that set me off yes one incident one what was that? Incident one saturday night yes so saturday afternoon? No, hang on, let's go back. Let's go back back. So we'd been invited to friends for dinner on um saturday evening about a month prior, with some old friends as well.
Speaker 1And why did you accept that on a Saturday night? Well, what?
Speaker 2I told you at the time.
Speaker 1You know that I play football on a Saturday afternoon. Well, you often play Occasionally. We have a fire, you know, by the side of the pitch at the end of the game.
Speaker 2Yes, that's lovely. Yes, so, but you often have play at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. This was at 7 o'clock at night.
Speaker 1Okay, all right, please continue.
Speaker 2And anyway, at the time I did. It's like one of those scenes we've written. At the time I did say to you we've been invited to dinner and you said, all right well, I'm very agreeable anyway, then on. Then you said to me you said all right, um, I'm going to have a fire after the game. And I said that david plays over 45 um soccer. Oh my, every week, nearly every week, someone breaks something, anyway. So David then set off in the afternoon.
Speaker 1And my brazier.
Speaker 2He had the brazier, the portable brazier I had some kindling.
Speaker 1I had some nice big redwood to put on after it.
Speaker 2Yeah, so it's sort of like some sort of not caveman, what's the period? Sort of some Stone Age period thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's fairly primal.
Speaker 2Primal, where the men get together around a fire and chew. After battle After battle, and they've killed the beast, and then they're going to throw the beast on the fire and then rip off the legs and eat it. It's a bit like that, isn't it? With a goblet, a goblet of wine.
Speaker 1Not quite as brutal as that.
Speaker 2Did you have goblets?
Speaker 1No, we had tinnies.
Speaker 2Tinnies for those that were not born in Australia, and we had a barbecue and we do sausages. I was explaining about a tinny. A tinny for those of you who are not Australian born is a can of beer.
Speaker 1A can of beer. Oh, come on.
Speaker 2That's not new news to anybody surely you don't know that there's people that are listening to this that are in Israel.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2And Ghana.
Speaker 1A can of beer. So instead of tearing the legs off the beasts that they've slaughtered we eat sausages with a goblet of mead we have beef sausages with tomato sauce yeah, so and we talk about the game and then and that's where we bond, you know, that's that's where, that's where the males of the species, you know, drop their masks, show up as human beings, and you know, it's a very special moment. It's a very special moment.
Speaker 2And you don't want to rush it. Yeah, I'm getting tears in my eyes about the beauty of the moment that you had with the men. So do you talk about anything else but the game?
Speaker 1Oh, yeah, like what Do you talk?
Speaker 2about geopolitical events. I do, I do, and are they like? Oh, shut up, David. No.
Speaker 1I had a good chat with, you know, one of the other fellows in the team who happens to? Be a CFO and we were talking about Trump's tariffs. Oh, okay, good, you know what the broader strategy was. Actually, towards the end of the evening, one of the lads decided to go there. Go where Go, where To?
Speaker 2America, no, no no, no, no.
Speaker 1He went there, he went Pro-Trump. No no no, I mean look, it wasn't quite as direct as this but who around the campfire believes in God? You know he was actually angling for a conversation around the existence of the Creator, and what it meant, and did anybody? Well, he did.
Speaker 2Who is that?
Speaker 1Don't say yeah. There were some voices who were quite vehement in their rejection of the notion of the all-seeing, all-loving creator.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm with those guys.
Speaker 1You know why would that all-seeing, all-loving creator kill my sister?
Speaker 2I'm with them, and this is the interesting thing. And then the explanation to that is genuinely well, you know, God works in mysterious ways.
Speaker 1Well, so there you go. You know, you look at this group of aging football tragics and you'd think we don't talk about anything important. But there you are. You know, the biggest questions were being posed.
Speaker 2Biggest questions Around the campfire with the sausages and the asahi. So you had said in the afternoon that you would come to dinner later.
Speaker 1Did you notice the way that I said that?
Speaker 2Did you notice the way that I said that? Say it now and I'll listen.
Speaker 1I said well, you know it's the fire tonight.
Speaker 2Yeah, I got that bit, I mean.
Speaker 1I'll get there, you know I'll get there, rising inflection, you know, hoping that you'd see through my covert communication and say it's all right, sweetheart, don't come.
Speaker 2But that would be bad, wouldn't it? Because our friends really like you and we're looking forward to your attendance.
Speaker 1It's not like we never see them, you know.
Speaker 2Well, that's an interesting point, isn't it? Because I think if you accept an invitation, you've got to go. You can't then just beg off. Well, you accepted the invitation I asked you at the time.
Speaker 1Remember there's a standing rule like don't organise social events on a Saturday night.
Speaker 2There is no standing rule. There is a standing rule.
Speaker 1You've made that rule, I have not made that up.
Speaker 2You have post-rationalised a standing rule conveniently forgotten it, you know. So now on, okay now on no events on a saturday night um, that's, that's the default I'd like to say something about this right now right okay, right last week we had a friend over julie and she said she had said to me that her, her daughter's son, had made a film and would I like to come.
Speaker 2I said yes, and she said would david like to come? I said no, he wouldn't like to come because you don't seem to want to go to those things. And it was on a saturday night. And then she came over here and said would you like to come? And you said yes, I'd love to yeah, yeah, yeah yeah and it's saturday night so where's the standing rule gone?
Speaker 1one of one of one of your, one of your favorite principles is that in good communications you've got to go from the general to the specific. Okay, so you have a general rule, a default rule, like don't organise anything on a Saturday night to avoid those awkward conversations, right where you say, oh, look, you know.
Speaker 2You're babbling now so I don't have to adhere to the. That was a specific thing, whereas the dinner party wasn't.
Speaker 1I can't believe you have forgotten the conversations that I've had with you In years gone by, where I said please don't organise anything for a Saturday night.
Speaker 2My point is you said yes to Julie last week to this Saturday night.
Speaker 1Is that this Saturday night?
Speaker 2Yes, fuck's sake, it's this Saturday night.
Speaker 1All right, okay. Does she think we're coming?
Speaker 2Yes, yes, she does, because she's got a ticket for you. Because after I had said you didn't want to come, you then said, yes, I'd love to come Saturday night. Yes.
Speaker 1Okay, all right, all right, what Well, I'll be there. What? Because there's a ticket. You know that's like a formal thing, it's not like dinner.
Speaker 2It's not like just showing up for dinner, oh my god anyway. So let's go back to last saturday night I, I'm still worried you should be so then. So I'm at this dinner and, um, and there's a table set for nine and they the host, had said to me what time will david come? And I said I'm not sure, and he said which is the right answer I haven't finished yet, well, but I'm just commending you on your handling of that moment.
Speaker 1You know what time is david coming? I don't know. You know because there's a fire.
Speaker 2Um, I didn't extrapolate on the fire anyway that could have helped.
Speaker 1I said if you'd mentioned the fire, they might have said.
The Dinner Party Dilemma
Speaker 2I said that you were at um, a post soccer fire side chat event with beer, that's all anyway. So then I said I don't know. And then he said, oh, do you want to give him a ring? Because I you know we may as well wait. And I said don't wait, don't wait. Good, again, terrific. And he said, well, can you just find out? So I rang you yeah 11 times in the 11. That sounds a bit excessive 11 times.
Speaker 2I thought at some point you might work out that time was, you know, marching on and I might want some sort of vague. You know arrival time.
Speaker 1You rang 11 times.
Speaker 2Yep.
Speaker 1So I mean, after you'd rung 10 times and the phone didn't answer, you didn't work out that maybe my phone was out of battery.
Speaker 2Yeah, I did. But then I thought what you would do was realise that the time was marching on and you would borrow a charger or do something or ring me from somebody else's phone.
Speaker 1I actually did try and get a charger.
Speaker 2And here's the point about the whole thing is that you're a repeat offender on not having your phone charged well, you know, sometimes there are more important things, like what like, like saving goals, like providing spiritual guidance.
Speaker 1you know helping my teammates, you know navigate the tricky conversations about religion and spirituality and where the distinctions lie, that's hilarious, anyway.
Speaker 2So then I tried, and then our host may have asked me another two or three times when I thought you'd be there, and I said I can't get hold of him. And at one point we sat down to dinner and your chair was next to him, empty, and he had his arm around the chair, the empty chair going. When can we expect david?
Speaker 1so anyway, eventually you did turn up of course, because I said I'd be there and, and, and I was true to my word, I got there as quick as I could. And I was true to my word, I got there as quick as I could.
Speaker 2And I was a bit by that time. I was a bit cranky pants.
Speaker 1Yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 2Wow, you don't know why not being able to get hold of you is a frustrating experience.
Speaker 1Well, I mean, it would be frustrating if it was always. You was always a dire situation.
Speaker 2And this is what happened. Okay, and then that happened.
Speaker 1And then, on the Monday, I was Hang on, so we're leaving the party.
Speaker 2Yeah, but I'm going on to another event Thank goodness for that. And then I was at the shopping mall on the Monday and I wanted to return something and I tried to ring you because my email wouldn't come up on my phone to get the receipt.
Speaker 1What was it the wrong size?
Speaker 2That's irrelevant. It's the thing you were trying to return.
Speaker 1It's not relevant. You don't think you rushed the purchase at the time it was too big, if you must know.
Speaker 2Oh, really. So then I tried to. She's standing there, the girl at the counter, and she goes I can't do this unless you've got your receipt. I said well, I know that, but I asked you to email the receipt. She said so, have you got the email? I said no, but haven't you got the record of the email? She said email. I said no, but haven't you got the record of the email? She said no, I need the reference. I said it was only you know yesterday, would you not anyway?
Speaker 1that's not a very flattering portrayal of the young lady it's accurate, though, really, yeah, entirely accurate flat delivery, flat delivery. I can't do anything without it. Yeah, okay, so that would have been very frustrating don't load her in.
Speaker 2actually, that's true, I will load her in anyway. Then I thought's true, I will load her in Anyway. Then I thought I'll just ring David and get him to open up my computer. I began ringing you and again there was no pick up. You didn't pick up because when was this. Monday morning, oh, maybe Sunday, sunday morning Maybe. Sunday. It could have been quite close to the event the Saturday night.
Speaker 1Ah, yes, or maybe anyway.
Speaker 2Event the Saturday night Ah yes, or maybe anyway I think I was walking the dogs at the time Then I so ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. And then eventually you picked up by which time it was too late and I had left. Which dog was that? Oh, ryder wants to go in there, come here, come here.
Speaker 1That's right, I'll look in there.
Speaker 2There's nobody in there. Darling the dog wants to go into the bedroom for no reason that anybody can discern. And the thing is that it is an accumulation of instances where you have not charged your phone and I can't get hold of you. It's not an anomaly. So then, when I rang you and said I have been trying to get hold of you this is also what happened on Saturday night you said, well, something along the lines of well, if it's important, it's on my phone yeah, that's right, which is not true, because you can't anticipate when, the person, when I will require you to pick up the phone.
Speaker 2You can't anticipate something that hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 1Now, gee, you know, I'm so pleased that you just said that, because this lies. You know, this is the crux of my defence. If I may, be so bold. If I may be so bold as to suggest that there is a defence. I think you just said you know I can't anticipate when you're going to have, you know, some important reason to talk to me. I can't anticipate that, and that's reality. I can't anticipate it. So why are you getting cranky with me when I don't anticipate it?
Speaker 2What.
Speaker 1You said I can't anticipate it.
Speaker 2Because generally speaking, and then you also irritatingly said to me I can't get hold of you sometimes, which is true, which is true, it's false equivalence. My phone is hardly ever, ever, ever ever, run out of charge. You can't get hold of me because I'm engaged in something.
Speaker 1Are you the only person who has an important reason to speak to me? Do you think I never have anything important to talk about? And try and get hold of you, and I'm not able to get hold of you.
Speaker 2For how long, david? The period matters. Once the event is over that, my phone is off, I turn it back on. You can't not get hold of me all night. Do you remember when?
Speaker 1we met.
Speaker 2No, we're not going back to the pre-mobile phone days.
Speaker 1I remember the first time I saw you and I thought what a fascinating person you know, she's pretty, she's smart, she's funny. Do you remember those days, annie, pre-mobile phone? That's right, I do, that's right. And you know, we managed to communicate with each other.
Speaker 2Yes, times have changed, haven't they?
Speaker 1They have All right, and so is it reasonable to expect that you can be in contact with your partner.
Speaker 2No, it's not that you can click your fingers and. I'm going to be there. No, it's not, but I think it's not that unreasonable to hope that your partner might try and keep their phone charged so that there's a better chance of it. Anyway, the thing is, I cried because I was so frustrated, didn't I?
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2I got very upset about it.
Speaker 1I'm sorry I made you cry.
Speaker 2Are you not?
Speaker 1I am sorry Okay.
Speaker 2We're just pausing for a minute to hear a word from our sponsor.
Speaker 1The why Smart Women podcast is brought to you by Coup, a boutique training, coaching and media production company. A Coup, spelt C-O-U-P, is a decisive act of leadership, and decisive leadership requires critical thinking. So well done you for investing time to think about your thinking, if your leadership or relationships would benefit from some grounded and creative support. If you want team training or a conference presentation, reach out for a confidential one-on-one conversation using the link in the description or go to coupco. See, this is the bit that I don't think that you get right, just because I don't think it's reasonable.
Speaker 2What is not reasonable about you actually trying to keep your phone charged?
Speaker 1Look, I do try to keep my phone charged, but not very well. I know I'm not very good at it.
Speaker 2Okay, and then we're back to the Okay, so that's right, you've got your ADHD. I know it's really hard for you to keep your phone charged, so this is what happened at the end of it. So I got really frustrated. I cried because of, you know, an accumulation of things. And then I came into the unit and you'd said that you would, because you don't like it when I'm upset, you would try really hard.
Speaker 1What was the receipt for, by the way? What was the item?
Speaker 2Nothing. It's a very small pair of pants, and that's my point. No, no See, that is really annoying. Yes, okay, that's just really annoying, because then I have to. The whole thing devolves into the validity right of my request and trying to get hold of you. That's not the point. It's like you said, you were going to ring the host and say to him you know it's not Ando's fault. Maybe don't ask us often which was an irrelevancy. That's a stupid place to put your focus.
Speaker 2Okay, trying to change other people's responses is just not remotely helpful.
Speaker 1You're trying to change my response.
Speaker 2The dynamic is between you and I.
Speaker 1And you succeed. You do change my response, and this is the thing that I don't think that you do pick up, because, even while I will take a somewhat defensive position, as has been, I think, a bit ingrained in my psychology, I probably am biased towards self-defense. Before abject apology, because I think about it in functional terms. I can't rewrite Sunday morning and be on the phone so that I could get the receipt, so that you could.
Speaker 2Or Saturday night.
Speaker 1So that you could return those pants that you.
Speaker 2Can you stop talking?
Speaker 1about returning the pants, you know, and if I'm late to the dinner, I mean, we got a good story out of it, didn't we? But I get that. Even though it looks like I am defending my position and saying that you're being unreasonable, the truth is that when you are emotional, that does have an impact, and I do notice that my behavior does change. I do want to do better.
Speaker 2I know, and I'm not emotional that often, am I? It's not like I'm bursting into tears every 25 seconds.
Speaker 1No, no, well, no, not that kind of emotion, no.
Speaker 2No, but I do get cranky. Yeah, you do to like, I know that. And that when you said you were going to try, and you know, prioritize charging your phone, I could tell then that that was going to put make you anxious, like it, like when you can't find something like I can't find a charger yeah, like that's right and that sets an up an anxiety response and I thought to myself I don't want that for you, I don't want you to have that response.
Speaker 1Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2So do you know what I thought? What I just removed all expectation. I thought no, instead of wanting David to do this differently, I'm going to change my expectation that he's going to be available and I have oh, yeah, yeah. So in just be careful of that response. So in terms of um, in case of emergency yes they don't ring you. They would ring anita, my friend right, because you're unlikely to pick up.
Speaker 1Am I that unlikely to pick up?
Speaker 2Yes, that's the reality, and that's not your fault, because you do try. So I have actually changed my expectation around it. So I now you'll notice, I'll only ring once. If you don't pick up, that's it, and then I just change tack. And that takes a lot of pressure off me to try and control a situation I can't control. It takes pressure off you because you'll just do the best you can and, um, I just think it's a much, much better approach. So that's what I've done. I'm like, if I can't get hold of you, I can't get hold of you and I can't get hold of you, and so then I just divert.
Speaker 1And there it is. Is that working so far?
Speaker 2Oh, good so far.
Speaker 1So far I'm glad.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I think if in these situations it's not like it is not like you don't have good intentions around doing things, it's just that your brain is chaotic. So I don't want to put that pressure on you, and then I don't want the upset, so that's what I've done with it.
Speaker 1Well, thank you.
Speaker 2God, I'm amazing, you are amazing.
Speaker 1And I promise you I'm trying.
Speaker 2I know, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1That makes it even better.
Lowering Expectations, Finding Solutions
Speaker 2I know, I know, and I reckon, reckon there's anywhere in our existences where we can go. Well, you know, it's around to what you can control and what you can't control, and I can't control that yeah all I can do is try and control my approach to it. So that is now my approach.
Speaker 1Yes, you know, I could probably learn from that.
Speaker 2Oh, I am a guru. Yeah, you should invite me to the fire after the game. I could give them a lecture.
Speaker 1I could drop my expectation that you're ever going to remember any of your passwords.
Speaker 2Yeah, I know it's so bad. It's really I cannot. And do you know what? As soon as you say to me what's your password, I get that trill of anxiety because, I never know it.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's the feeling that I get when you say didn't you get my call?
Speaker 2Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1And I have to confess that my phone's out of battery.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know. Now we've got the calendar with the passwords on it, but yeah, my lack of technical memory and expertise I'm sure is a constant thorn in your side.
Speaker 1Look, I've been lowering my expectations of you for years, but you'd need to.
Speaker 2I think that's it's actually right. Do lower them with me in terms of technology. I'm terrible at it.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And that also comes down to the other point that you know, you with the losing things, et cetera, or whatever is that, and this has always been my belief and approach is that you have so much value in other areas. You are so clever, You're not controlling, you know, you are hardworking, You're all those things that I really like about you, and you know, at the end of the day, hey, nobody's perfect.
Speaker 1How do you know that, um, that your acceptance of my, um, sort of patchy performance of keeping my phone charged? You know your acceptance of that, your lowering of expectations? How do you know that that's not just you operating under the sunk cost fallacy? You know I've done this many years with him. Oh, I guess I better. You know that that's not just you operating under the sunk cost fallacy. You know, I've done this many years with him. Oh, I guess I better, you know better keep accepting this nonsense, because I've invested so much already oh yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 2It's not sunk cost. It's definitely not sunk cost, because I just you just explain the sunk cost fallacy.
Speaker 1Well sunk cost is that you put up with something you keep investing in, something that is not in your best interests, on the basis of the fact that you've invested so much so far. It's like staying with a bad investment or staying in a bad relationship. You've done so many years with somebody who is abusive and you think, well, you know, I've invested all this time in this person, so I might as well just settle and stay with them, and that's not a good decision.
Speaker 2No, it's not a good decision and I think the sunk cost fallacy and I've just done a couple of little posts on the sunk cost because I think it's really relevant you know, women especially that stay with men who are disengaged, disinterested, potentially abusive, feckless, any of the above humorless non-contributors, and then they stay with them, as you say, because they have done 15 years with them, or they're going to stay until the child's done their high school certificate, or they're going to stay until until, until and um, I think it's a major cognitive flaw and a really big problem. Um, this is not the sunk cost fallacy, because it takes away and um, and it's and that can't just be a financial thing. I suppose it could be. If I mean, we do know of people who've stayed in relationships that are absolutely disastrous, um, because their, the, the, their partner is a really, really good provider.
Speaker 1So they get financial stability, nothing else. No psychological safety Nothing else, nothing else.
Speaker 2They're not. Even the men are abusive, they're just disinterested, just disengaged. Yes, you know. Or someone stays with someone because they just are so attached to the idea of having a partner, regardless of how much that partner brings to them, you know, financially, um, emotionally, you know, socially, whatever else a partner has to bring. We were talking about it when we were watching television the other night and we were watching that show on four seasons. No, four seasons is great. It's the Tina Fey show. It's really good. No, the other show, and we both didn't like it.
Speaker 1Oh Department Q.
Speaker 2Department Q, and I reckon we sat there and we both noticed the identical thing of what was wrong with it.
Speaker 1Yeah, it was so self-conscious, self-conscious, interesting characters with Scottish accents.
Speaker 2Yeah, and also it had that it was set in Scotland. High levels of exposition, which we both loathe, and then cardboard cutout characters that are then sort of posturing and placed, and both coming from an acting background. There's something so satisfying about watching a show together and then noticing the same things and agreeing that we don't want to watch that anymore. And then going on to the Tina Fey's fourth season, which we loved.
Speaker 1So if we were to have a column of where I'm helpful and where I'm not?
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Yes, I'm terrible at keeping my phone charged. Yeah, I'll get a bit defensive and frustrate you.
Speaker 2You're messy, you're very messy.
Speaker 1And frustrate you with my rationale.
Speaker 2Oh, that's the other thing you go.
Speaker 1But on the other side of the column. I love your mind. I'm really interested in what you think. I appreciate your creativity. I make you laugh. You make me laugh.
Speaker 2You're hardworking.
Speaker 1Hardworking. We like the same television shows.
Speaker 2You're smart.
Speaker 1You're not controlling, so I guess what you're talking about. There is perspective that the frustrations and the disappointments that I cause, you're willing to shift your expectations because it's not so much a sunk cost, it's less important than the good stuff that's going in the other direction.
Weighing Flaws Against Value
Speaker 2Oh yeah, it's not sunk cost and, honestly, when I had that moment, it was almost revelatory because I think trying to control something is so tension-producing and I just went. I stood here and I went, I'm just letting it go, and you know what? It's the same as the second bedroom.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2It's a mess in there because you're chaotic. Right, you're chaotic. What, fucking God? Because it's a big. There's a reason for that.
Speaker 1See, I'm being true, to form.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1I've gone to the template reason for that.
Speaker 2See, I'm being true to form. Yeah, I've gone to the template. Yeah, it's chaotic in there and now what I do. It's a bedroom, it's a studio, it's a workplace it is, and I can keep the rest of the flat in order. And now what?
Speaker 1what you say. You say that like you're the only one who does anything to keep the flat in.
Speaker 2No, I know you do, but I'm much more interested in neatness than you. Come on, david.
Speaker 1Okay, all right, david.
Speaker 2Right. So the thing is now I go well, it's not going to get as fine, Just don't look at it, it's great yeah, yeah. And I think that that, honestly, it's made quite a big difference in the available space I've got inside myself.
Speaker 1Yeah, great. And so there you go. I mean I shouldn't be too forthcoming with praise for accepting my deficiencies. No, you should Well. Okay, well done.
Speaker 2Well, you sold the car yesterday too, which is really good, because I'd be shit at that. I'd be really I've got to put a warning in this, because I've used some bad language. Anyway, thank you, david. Thank you. Thank you, harryry, for recording us. Thank you, um rider, for interrupting us because you wanted to go and lie in the bed. Um, where's yo-yo? Thank you, yo-yo, for interrupting things by having good old slurp at the water bowl and um are you doing a gratitude practice at the moment?
Speaker 1oh my god, no. Who else can you thank?
Speaker 2I'm not thanking God.
Speaker 1The fire, gods yeah the fire gods.
Speaker 2That's right. So, wherever you are, wherever you are in the world you know, I'm super appreciative that you are listening to my little podcast, which is coming to you from Sydney, australia, and I hope wherever you are in the world, you're having a really fantastic day and keep tuning in, and we will be discussing more and more interesting cognitive flaws and fallacies that will be dominating your life without you even knowing it. See you later. Bye, thanks for tuning in to why Smart Women with me, annie McCubbin. I hope today's episode has ignited your curiosity and left you feeling inspired by my anti-motivational style. Join me next time as we continue to unravel the fascinating layers of our brains and develop ways to sort out the fact from the fiction and the over 6,000 thoughts we have in the course of every day.
Speaker 2Remember, intelligence isn't enough. You can be as smart as paint, but it's not just about what you know. It's about how you think and in all this talk of whether or not you can trust your gut, if you ever feel unsafe, whether it's in the street, at work, in a car park, in a bar or in your own home, please, please respect that gut feeling. Staying safe needs to be our primary objective. We can build better lives, but we have to stay safe to do that. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and share it with your fellow smart women and allies. Subscribe, rate and review the podcast and share it with your fellow smart women and allies. Together, we're hopefully reshaping the narrative around women and making better decisions. So until next time, stay sharp, stay savvy and keep your critical thinking hat shiny. This is Annie McCubbin signing off from why Smart Women. See you later. This episode was produced by Harrison Hess. It was executive produced and written by me, annie McCubbin.
