Why Smart Women Podcast
Welcome to the Why Smart Women Podcast, hosted by Annie McCubbin. We explore why women sometimes make the wrong choices and offer insightful guidance for better, informed decisions. Through engaging discussions, interviews, and real-life stories, we empower women to harness their intelligence, question their instincts, and navigate life's complexities with confidence. Join us each week to uncover the secrets of smarter decision-making and celebrate the brilliance of women everywhere.
Why Smart Women Podcast
Bonus Ep: David has the Man Flu. Is feminine energy the cure?
Ever wondered why your partner melts into a puddle of misery with a cold while you power through the day with a raging migraine? This episode dives into the amusing reality of how differently we handle being unwell in relationships.
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I hear this noise from the back of the car where Ryder was.
Speaker 2:It can only mean one thing.
Speaker 1:You are listening to the why Smart Women podcast, the podcast that helps smart women work out why we repeatedly make the wrong decisions and how to make better ones. From relationships, career choices, finances, to faux fur jackets and kale smoothies. Every moment of every day, we're making decisions. Let's make them good ones. I'm your host, annie McCubbin, and, as a woman of a certain age, I've made my own share of really bad decisions. Not my husband, I don't mean him, though I did go through some shockers to find him, and I wish this podcast had been around to save me from myself. This podcast will give you insights into the working of your own brain, which will blow your mind.
Speaker 1:I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land in which I'm recording and you are listening on this day. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. Well, hello, smart women, and welcome to this week's bonus episode of the why Smart Women podcast. This morning, as per usual, we are broadcasting from the northern beaches of Sydney, new South Wales, Australia, where it is a clear, cold and sunny day, although not, as I said last week, not Canadian or European cold, but still for us Sydneysiders. When I woke up this morning at six, it was five degrees, an apparent temperature of two. So it's nippy but beautiful. And today I'm talking to David.
Speaker 2:Hello there, I heard an interesting thing about people's experience of the cold at the moment, because everybody in Sydney is talking about how cold it is, but our national broadcaster's weatherman was telling us the other day that the reason why people think it's so cold at the moment is because the temperature dropped really, really quickly.
Speaker 1:Oh, we didn't have an autumn. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:We went from summer to winter, summer to winter, and because it's not necessarily much more freezing than it's ever been, but because it happened so very, very quickly. People perceive it to be much more the case.
Speaker 1:Oh, plus, sydneysiders do become hysterical as soon as it turns into winter. You know everybody's wearing three puffer jackets and thermal gloves. I mean honestly, you'd think we were living in the Arctic. We're not.
Speaker 2:I'm finding it very cold.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but oh my God, and there's the rub. And there's the rub and there's the rub david's cold yeah, I'm cold, he's cold, I've got the man flu david's got the man flu. We'll talk about that in a minute. To the man flu issue I've bought a new um, we've bought a new EV, an electric vehicle. Is that what EV stands for?
Speaker 2:It's a funky cat.
Speaker 1:It's a funky, it's super cool. It's a GWM Aura and I've called it Orca.
Speaker 2:It's super cool.
Speaker 1:After Orca Sagittarius. It's super cool and super pretty. It's really pretty, I love it. Anyway, I was in it this morning. It's really pretty, I love it, anyway, I was in it this morning. So I get up at six and it's cold and to go to the gym and I toddle downstairs with Ryder because Ryder likes to come to the gym with me because I work out in a warehouse and he comes with me and and is tied up while I work out and then howls at people and barks at people if I don't pat him enough, and that's pretty much our routine. Anyway, on the way to the gym, I'm in my perfect little brand-new electric car and I hear this noise from the back of the car where Ryder was.
Speaker 1:It can only mean one thing anyway, I dangerously looked over my right shoulder and rider was making that face that dogs make when they're, um, about to vomit. And so I've got, like, in the back of the car we have managed to strap onto the back seats a dog car seat cover anyway. So the dog started making these vomiting noises, but not in the direction of the aforesaid car seat cover. He made this sort of the. The direction of the potential vomiting was down the side of it, onto the floor of the car. Anyway, I started yelling at him do not vomit, do not vomit, do not ride it, don't vomit like that. And then, as I was driving, I was trying to push his head while he was vomiting back, so that the vomit would be caught by the dog car seat.
Speaker 1:Um, it was a dangerous maneuver, but one that I thought was necessary under the circumstances. So, um, anyway, when I got to the gym, I opened the back car door and luckily, there wasn't a lot of bright lime green plastic that he had chewed. I'd given him this ball yesterday at the gym, thinking that it was indestructible and he could just, you know, chew on it and just have a nice time. But he hadn't done that. He had managed to actually chew off some of the lime, green rubbery plastic stuff and ingest it, and that is what he elected to vomit up in the back of my brand new car.
Speaker 2:Okay, so does that go to explain why you're cross with me this morning? No, it does not go to explain it. Oh really.
Speaker 1:That is a contributing factor in the general crossness. I'm not just cross with you, that's mean. It makes me sound mean, I'm not mean. Anyway, also, I am quite busy and yesterday Harry and I managed to shoot seven TikToks, which is a lot, a lot of TikToks. They're going very well. Anybody who's watching them, thank you, because they cut across the normal bullshit that's associated with influencers.
Speaker 1:Anyway, we did that and then I thought because David's unwell, so then I did the washing and I put the washing out and then I thought I'd better walk the dogs and then I walked the dogs down to DY.
Speaker 1:But then I wanted to have a swim when I got down there, because it's really, really beautiful at the moment, even though it's cold, and I am quite heroic. So I went down there and then I had to organise myself to take treats down, because if I don't take treats down, then what happens is as soon as I get in the water, ryder goes off and starts barking like he's being murdered and people feel sorry for him. But anyway, I gave them both a treat and I got in the water. I was only in for four minutes, but it's very cold. And then I got home and I finished doing the washing and I went downstairs and I did the shopping and I got food and I cooked a meal and I oh, that's the other thing that's really irritating me is you're in this brand new apartment and no five years old Sort of new, isn't it?
Speaker 2:New enough.
Speaker 1:And the dishwasher stopped working and, to your credit, you did try and fix it and you know we had to call in a dishwasher guy and when he arrived I said well, it's not working, it's only five years old. And he went only five years, that's a lot, that's long for that sort of dishwasher. It's not. Is that bad? I'm doing that accent? I don't know, is that how he sounded. Yeah, okay, accurate. He said for smegs not good. Five years is done. He said I can do you caught, I can send you parts to probably not fix it what is that the industry's perspective?
Speaker 2:that a dishwasher is done after five years?
Speaker 1:I don't know, and I said what? You're going to send me parts and it's going to cost me another $600?. He said, oh yeah, you may as well get a new one. I was like, great, thank you. So I paid him the $187 anyway and then. So now we've been without a dishwasher for I don't know over a week, which sounds really first world. It's such a first world problem and I do apologize for that. However, I cannot do anything unless there's order around me, and dishes piled up in the sink drive me to distraction. So there's also that.
Speaker 2:It's hard. You're a bit overwhelmed at the moment, aren't?
Speaker 1:you Shut up.
Speaker 2:What Shut up? I'm just supposed to sit here and admire you Admire your my fortitude. Yeah, off to the gym at 6 o'clock in the morning. Well, I do Caring for the animals, I do Looking after the new car.
Speaker 1:I do. I looked after you. Yes, I made you beautiful chicken and rice and vegetable soup and then last night I did special vegetable and beef strip wraps.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you. Thank you so much, is that all right? Yeah, yeah, okay, good.
Speaker 1:That's all right.
Speaker 2:I'm enormously grateful and I'll make it up to you, darling. I'm so sorry I got sick.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's all right, you can't help getting sick, it's.
Speaker 2:Just like you can't help being irritated by the fact that I got sick.
Speaker 1:It's not just the getting sick, I think. I think there is a difference between men and women when they get sick. Ah and this is well documented mostly anecdotally, Mostly anecdotal.
Speaker 2:So are we going to use this time to dispel the myths of the man flu? You know the misunderstanding that.
Speaker 1:Do please go for it, go and dispel. Really yeah, sure, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I'm not imagining that you're particularly irritated that I wasn't well.
Speaker 1:It's not the not being well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know. Well, I don't know about that. I mean, I know that's what you're supposed to say. Well, I don't know about that. I mean, I know that's what you're supposed to say. You're supposed to say it's not that you're. It's what you do around not being well yeah and would you like to describe the irritating thing that I do when I don't feel well, go, go, go you talk a lot about being cold and it is cold.
Speaker 1:I just like to say it's cold. It's not particularly relevant that you feel cold.
Speaker 2:I get that. It's cold. I get, I get that it's generally cold. Yeah, but I'm saying the reason why I think I am, you know well, less than my best.
Speaker 2:Oh, you are unwell is because I feel particularly cold. It's like I can, I can put on many layers, I can be in a warm place, and yet I still feel cold. So that tells me, oh you know, maybe there's something not right. This is not my normal state. Sure, right. My normal state is to have a lot more energy and a lot more, you know, push through or whatever you like. And when I notice my energy dropping and my mind getting fuzzy and a persistent feeling of cold that I can't shake with putting on extra layers, I think I'm a bit crook. Sure, now, a bit crook. I'm not super crook, I'm not even sort of, you know, medium to well done crook. I'm just a bit crook and I don't want to get worse. And so I do the thing that I think is going to stop me from getting worse, and that is I lie down.
Speaker 2:I might even get under the doona. I might even have a sleep in the middle of the day yeah and um, and I'm doing that only because I think that that is what is going to get me back to where you need me to be, which is yeah, what which is, yeah, what which is what Useful. Yeah, useful, you know. Washing up hanging stuff out, taking the dogs out.
Speaker 2:You do you're really good with the dogs. Thank you very much. Well, the dogs are really. They're gorgeous dogs. They deserve better, I know, but yeah, it's a. I've come to identify with myself as someone who rarely ever gets sick, yes, and when it does happen, I really don't like it. I, I haven't. I haven't had any sort of really serious long pieces of illness in my life, you know, except for you know you had covid I had I had the flu.
Speaker 1:You've had the flu twice and pretty bad flu I was not bad in you know you know the flu was bad almost six decades yeah but yeah, and so when I feel it coming on, I know it's coming on and I just want to kind of lie down and get better again so that I can be back the way I should be.
Speaker 2:But you know it's not. I have to say it. It's not really easy to do that around you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:You know, because you're Miss Push Through.
Speaker 1:I push through.
Speaker 2:You know, because you're Miss Push Through, I push through. You know you're the fitness Nazi, and so I feel like not only am I failing myself and my own self-image, but, even worse, I'm failing you in this moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, that's not a good dynamic, is it? Well, I think I know that, like, when I get get a, like I'm a migrainer and I've had a couple of corkers in the past couple of three weeks, right, I've had two proper, two proper migraines where I have, um, um, disturbed vision. I have visual disturbance and I get a bit of aphasia. So I was, I've been, quite unwell with it, but unless it really which you know, I think, the first one that I had, then I actually had to sit on the couch at the end of the day I couldn't function. But generally speaking, if I get one, I will just push through it. I don't, that's just what I do. I generally have, and I know that I have a lot of push through.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1:And there is a general sort of societal consensus that even though you know, there's all this awful stuff in the zeitgeist at the moment about feminine and male energy, which we'll talk about in a minute, because it drives me insane is that women, generally speaking, have more push-through, I think, than men. Would you agree with that? There is a sense of just having to keep going.
Speaker 2:Keep going that's all.
Speaker 1:I'm just I mean yeah yeah, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 2:Let me, let me think about that. I mean is it, is it, is it, is it so? Is it so generalized that you can say that that's a distinction between men and women? Women will push through.
Speaker 1:I mean I, you know, I know women that are useless as well, so I don't know. That's not very nice to say, is it? You know what I mean? Some some so um, you will remember a while ago that I did a um a course via an app on better management of migraine, and what it did was was retrain you around the sort of language that you use when you get a migraine. Do you remember that?
Speaker 2:oh yeah, so it wasn't like very well, um this, this migraine is horrible.
Speaker 1:it was things like um my head is not as comfortable as I would hope it was that sort of stuff right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:yeah, it was coming out of resistance to the fact that you've got the migraine. Yeah, that's right, and you're going with the flow, which kind of makes sense.
Speaker 1:It wasn't just that, it was also being very careful about the language that you used in relation to the migraine, do you remember? Yes, yeah, and so I think the way we um, what we'll do everybody's, we will find it for you and we'll put it in the show notes. At the end, harry, we'll put this in the show notes. So what I think matters as well is the language that we use around, how we are feeling.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know I have said to you I find you quite dramatic with the language that you use.
Speaker 2:I don't think that I am that dramatic.
Speaker 1:I know, but you'll come back from a gym thing and you'll say I'm spent.
Speaker 2:I'm spent. Yeah, I'm spent.
Speaker 1:But that's very dramatic. You're not spent. You're a bit tired. Why are you spent? You're a bit tired, why are you spent? Spent infers this sort of you know that the energy is gone and you're going to have to lie down on a chaise lounge with a you know, with a, wrapped up in a.
Speaker 2:You're being dramatic, you know. No, I'm not. That is the I'm spent. I had a whole bunch of Okay look up spent. I had.
Speaker 1:Look up spent.
Speaker 2:Look up the word spent.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know it makes sense to me Go on.
Speaker 1:Spent, spent, spent. Spent meaning, not the one where you've spent money.
Speaker 2:Yep, I don't know what you're hoping to prove with this. Here we go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, spent meaning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's the past and past participle of spend. Yeah, having been used and unable to be used again. That's what it means.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:Having been used. Having been used, I had, you know, all these muscles in my body. I had used them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they have been spent.
Speaker 1:Why are you spent? You've just done a workout. You're not spent, I am spent.
Speaker 2:I am spent after the workout.
Speaker 1:Well, why I'm not spent? I'm just a bit sore and then I go and do something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you know you're only going at half speed. Oh, oh, oh, my God. You know how I, you know, you know when I do a workout.
Speaker 1:Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on right there. What? What are you suggesting that I do at the gym?
Speaker 2:I think you work very hard.
Speaker 1:Oh my.
Speaker 2:God and, as we were talking about the weather, it is a subjective experience and your perspective on it when change happens quickly can be somewhat distorted.
Speaker 1:Oh my fucking God, my peak heart rate often gets to 98%.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, that's your peak heart rate.
Speaker 1:Excuse me, what are you? That's your peak heart rate. My excuse me, what are you saying about my peak heart rate?
Speaker 2:I'm saying, your peak heart rate and your experience of being spent after going to the gym is different to mine, and I don't say I, I, I, I don't say I'm spent.
Speaker 1:I just say I've just been to the gym and now I'm home. I I did a very, very heavy squats today.
Speaker 2:You're fabulous, magnificent, I mean. I think that's terrific. I'm not disputing that at all.
Speaker 1:But you are. You're inferring that you work harder. I hate you now.
Speaker 2:No, I'm inferring that you have an experience and I have an experience, and they're different.
Speaker 1:You're more dramatic.
Speaker 2:And my experience and the way that I describe it seems to attract a certain amount of scrutiny and skepticism, whereas if you come home and you go, gee, I'm tired, I have to go.
Speaker 1:I don't, I hardly ever do.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, just a minute.
Speaker 1:When do you ever hear me say I'm exhausted? When it has to be, I have to be.
Speaker 2:When About 9.30 every night you go. That's it. I'm going to bed now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it's because I've been up since six.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly. But I don't, then you know tell you and I'm saying that that's a fact, it's not an opinion. You've been up since six.
Speaker 1:And I don't stop.
Speaker 2:And you don't stop. Yes, I know that.
Speaker 1:I don't stop.
Speaker 2:I know that, yeah, I'm very busy, and somehow you think that other people in your orbit particularly me if I'm not keeping up with you or expending my energy in the same periods as you are then somehow I'm being overly dramatic.
Speaker 1:No, I think that the language that you use to describe how you feel is dramatic. I think you say things like I'm exhausted, I have to have a nap. You have to nap in the middle of the day.
Speaker 2:Look, I could be much more. I could be much more dramatic than that.
Speaker 1:Thank God, you're not much more dramatic than that. Why do you need to nap in the middle of the day? You don't? I hardly ever do.
Speaker 2:Seriously, yeah, yeah, I don't know whether your position on this is reasonable.
Speaker 1:Okay, no, possibly not.
Speaker 2:Because all you are doing is you're looking at the external of what it is that I am doing and you're comparing it with your own expectations of yourself and you're going.
Speaker 1:Well, I wouldn't do that so it must be wrong, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is not right, is it?
Speaker 1:I've got to get inside your perspective.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's never going to happen.
Speaker 1:That is not true.
Speaker 2:How long have you been together?
Speaker 1:I'm really good at actually standing back from my own thinking and looking at your perspective.
Speaker 2:Then why are we still talking about this?
Speaker 1:Because maybe I'm right.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, okay, okay. So so you're good.
Speaker 1:You're good at stepping back and looking at other people's perspective, except for the times when you're right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, that's right, okay, fine, that's um, that's, that's um. Yeah, that's that's familiar.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I was looking at this. Besides that and this is sort of relevant to what we are talking about is there's all this stuff at the moment that's awful around masculine and feminine energy.
Speaker 2:Because you found a new quiz, haven't you? Yeah, did you do the quiz About to Okay?
Speaker 1:What core energetic essence is most active within you and how to use this knowledge to amplify your growth and healing, in order to attract a terrible punctuation as well, like full stop healing in order, anyway, lowercase, in order to attract healthy relationships, abundance, uh-oh, and live a truly fulfilling and authentic life. There's just so many words in that that are ringing alarm bells for me Abundance, healthy relationships, healing, authentic.
Speaker 2:And are they saying that this life force can be described in terms of male and female?
Speaker 1:Hold the line.
Speaker 2:That's the go.
Speaker 1:Specific action steps that will assist you in working through an unhealthy masculine feminine essence or enhancing a positive masculine feminine essence see this language as well whilst empowering you to create new beliefs around love and relationships. Specific tools and processes I use with my private clients I always got private clients poor them to help them heal, evolve and amplify the love within their life ready. I'm going to do it, okay. I'm going to do it here.
Speaker 1:We go find your core energy now, okay ready yes, right, when I enter a room, I one have strong presence to attract people because I seem nurturing and free. Three make myself small so that I'm not really seen no which one is it they're? My three options.
Speaker 2:That's all I got okay, so you make an impact.
Speaker 1:You attract people with your loving, nurturing essence well, I'm also, I am actually people do like me a lot, yeah, they do they do?
Speaker 2:I mean, do I have to pick one of the three?
Speaker 1:yes, you can only pick one okay, I'll pick number number two yeah, okay good if I'm working out. I'm one flexible flexible because I'm in the flow see it's terrible language. Two laser focused on my fitness goals. Three distracted by others needs, such as answering calls and emails whilst working out. Four oh, he's got four options, focused on areas that probably don't need work, but I'm trying to be the best this is you working out yeah is there another option around? What did you want?
Speaker 2:diminishing your, your husband's, workout efforts? No, okay, um, I think. I'm pretty laser focused laser focused on your, your business, no no, what was the first one?
Speaker 1:work hard you do.
Speaker 2:What was the?
Speaker 1:firstible because I'm in the flow.
Speaker 2:Oh no you're not flexible. You're laser focused. You're more laser focused, I think.
Speaker 1:I'm not distracted by others' needs, such as answering calls and stuff, when I'm working out.
Speaker 2:Except for when the instructors are trying to tell everybody what the workout program is going to be.
Speaker 1:I definitely don't listen you gossip. No, I just don't listen.
Speaker 2:You don't listen, no, but you chat to the other ladies I chat on, exactly I don't listen, but then when I start, I definitely I'm you know. Laser focused. All right, let's go with laser focused, all right.
Speaker 1:We're just pausing for a minute to hear a word from our sponsor.
Speaker 2:Smart Women Podcast is brought to you by KOO, a boutique training, coaching and media production company. A KOO spelt C-O-U-P is a decisive act of leadership, and decisive leadership requires critical thinking. So well done you for investing time to think about your thinking, If your leadership or relationships would benefit from some grounded and creative support. If you want team training or a conference presentation, reach out for a confidential one-on-one conversation using the link in the description or go to coupcom.
Speaker 1:When I'm having a tough conversation with someone, I tend to one keep myself open so that we can have a constructive conversation.
Speaker 2:No, depends on who they are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right. I'm good with clients. Two take up space, but respect people's personal space. How bad is this language?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Three make myself as small as possible.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Four take up my space and may at times invade others' space. Yes, I don't do that. What? What are you talking about?
Speaker 2:You invade people's space. Well, no, I mean yeah, you invade. Well, I mean not physically, but you tell me you know.
Speaker 1:Don't just. It's not just about you?
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, okay, it's about other conversations I'm having. Okay, take up space.
Speaker 1:Respect people's personal space. What about that? Okay, yeah, oh yeah yeah, yeah, okay, oh, beauty, I love this.
Speaker 2:Which element best?
Speaker 1:represents you earth, water, wind or fire. You're asking me yeah, I have no idea. Water, it's bullshit.
Speaker 2:Okay, water, why Water?
Speaker 1:Because I like it.
Speaker 2:Because you're yeah, you like it. You know you're fluid, you go in all sorts of different directions.
Speaker 1:That's enough of that. When it comes to my romantic relationships, I relate most to the following statement Okay, which romantic relationships are you talking about?
Speaker 2:Well, there's only you, only me.
Speaker 1:One I love it when my partner shows they care. That gets me in the mood. Two my partner is always coming to my rescue. Better not say that one. What?
Speaker 2:What Well I do sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do.
Speaker 2:Like, if you're in a lift, in a lift, but that's a very specific context. Or a car park.
Speaker 1:If I'm stuck somewhere, like in a lift and a door wouldn't open, and I start saying your name and sometimes whimpering hilarious.
Speaker 2:Okay, you're very brave.
Speaker 1:I commend your your transparency tree I just want to hang out when it suits me, and usually for a reason I don't even get that netflix and chill oh yeah, we have a healthy sex life, shared vision and take time to connect.
Speaker 2:Oh, what's wrong with that?
Speaker 1:taking time to connect really annoying.
Speaker 2:yeah, well, you know that's how you have a healthy sex life. Oh God, shed vision. I want to vomit.
Speaker 1:All right, I reckon I'll just go. I just want to hang out when it suits me, usually for a reason. What?
Speaker 2:about that yeah.
Speaker 1:Or I love it when my partner shows me they care.
Speaker 2:I do love that, yeah, but you know you don't sort of respond immediately.
Speaker 1:No sort of respond immediately. No, all right, I'll go for three. Okay, all right, in your, in your relationship.
Speaker 2:Who's in charge? Okay, what are the options?
Speaker 1:option one. Ah, I struggle with this because we both want to be in control. Two, we have a pretty good balance. Three oh my god, it's like we can't even make a decision. That's like status. That's like a status question isn't it?
Speaker 2:It is a bit. But that's not all the possible answers. Oh, it's a stupid quiz but let's just do it, hang on. What was A again? The first one.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to read it for you. Ugh, this is the option. Ugh, I struggle with this because we to be in control Two, we have a pretty good, hang on, okay.
Speaker 2:So let's think about that. We don't both want to be in control?
Speaker 1:No, no, I don't, no, no, I have no interest in it. We don't battle about who's in control of the relationship? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We have a pretty good balance.
Speaker 2:We have a pretty good balance.
Speaker 1:I think that's. When a friend or a partner has a big win, I tend to oh my God, as if people are going to be honest with this. This is stupid. Anyway, when a friend or a partner has a big win, I tend to ooh A, celebrate their win. Two, share how I'll never have success. Oh so I guess they mean, if it wasn't so badly written, tell them how I'll never have that success, Is that?
Speaker 2:what they mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess. So Three show them. I'm just as good as they are.
Speaker 2:Oh, a 100%.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but what a stupid thing, yeah. Anyway, when I communicate in my relationship, I tend to A share on the surface but withhold who I really feel no. B allow myself to have a constructive conversation. Three control, judge or criticise the other person when we're talking Yep, yep. Four be an active participant but also support the other person in the conversation. Which one do you want to go for? C oh, that's so mean.
Speaker 2:What kind of I mean? That's your, it's only sometimes I'm really nice. I know, I know you are, I know you are, I know you are Well.
Speaker 1:why did you make me do C Well? What's the question?
Speaker 2:It's too late now. What does it say at the top? It says when yeah.
Speaker 1:It's gone, it's too late.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:What kind of leader are you? One, rational, strong and overall balanced. Two, David, kind, generous, wise and supportive. Three, overbearing at times and thrives on praise and validation? No, no.
Speaker 2:Four super flexible and trying to lift up everyone around me, almost to a fault, I'd say B with that one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, good. What best describes you from the list below? I am constantly keeping myself occupied with stimulus, busyness and excessive socialisation. Two I carry a strong need to disappear away from society.
Speaker 2:to be alone?
Speaker 1:No way, no because I can't deal with the world. No, I have a regular experience of group chanting.
Speaker 2:Oh my, God Of all the choices, group chanting is one of them. Oh, this is the worst. Hang on. I have a regular experience of group chanting is one of them.
Speaker 1:Oh, this is the worst, hang on. I have a regular experience of group chanting, collective singing and group movement. I have a regular spiritual practice of solitude, stillness and silence.
Speaker 2:Oh God, it was number one, wasn't it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, keep myself busy. Apparently, that's bad.
Speaker 2:What keeping yourself busy?
Speaker 1:Listen to the way this is framed. Yes, I'm constantly keeping us of occupied with stimulus, busyness and excessive socialization.
Speaker 2:So they've inferred the socialization is excessive do you know what people have said that about you, though? What people whose, whose whose perspectives you have been a bit, you know when they've said that to you've been thoroughly irritated about the fact that you can't travel, you know, from one country to another without making best friends, with the person sitting next to you chatting to them in the queues.
Speaker 1:It's true. It's true, I'm highly social and apparently that comes under the banner of excessive socialisation, whereas if you look at the data around it, Maybe you wouldn't be so tired. Yeah, excessive socialization, whereas if you look at the data around it, maybe you wouldn't be so tired. If you look at the data around it, one of the most dangerous things as we age is.
Speaker 1:loneliness Is the absence of it, yeah Is the absence of socialization. And there's just so many programs now trying to get people to have connection with other people. Because they know that loneliness interestingly enough, the reason they've worked out why loneliness is as dangerous as smoking is because in our sort of caveman days, if we were isolated from the tribe, then what that did was it set up an inflammatory response in the body because it was dangerous. So they know that actually being lonely is a very, very it's a dangerous thing. So go me.
Speaker 2:I guess what they're angling for with the excessive social contact is people who lose themselves into social media or they go to parties not because they want to go but because they feel they've got to be with people.
Speaker 1:Well, there is this thing, and I can remember it from being in the personal growth industry is what are you trying to stay away from? Well, you know this inference that you there was something deep and sort of profound that in in, in your interior experience that you were trying to stay away from, whereas now we know that. You know, do you really have to deep dive into your personal pain every 25 minutes?
Speaker 2:probably not I mean one of the things that that that make that that answer inappropriate for you, um, and that is that even when we've got very good friends over for dinner, you know very good friends over for family yeah you. That's right. You know, when it's excessive, I do you.
Speaker 1:You'll say okay, nine o'clock time to go bye yeah, I do so um yeah people come over and then at about nine, nine, thirty, I go. Okay, thanks very much everybody.
Speaker 2:That was great, I do so you like to keep yourself busy, but you won't let it get excessive.
Speaker 1:I also, and I do like my own company, that's why I? Write. Yes, I like to write and be on my own anyway. Which statement do you identify with the most? We could make up a really crappy thing like this. No worries, um, I want to celebrate life and everything it has to offer yeah, bless that's you yeah, I want to transcend life and experience freedom. What does that mean?
Speaker 2:tell me what that means transcend life and experience freedom. What does that mean?
Speaker 1:I don't know it's some sort of spiritual bullshit thing yeah, it probably is.
Speaker 2:Transcend the body. What's the multi-syllable Amazon gum mind-altering substance that people take Ayahasa? I think we've both got that wrong. Ayahasa, ayahasa, yagamumi, whatever it is, people go into the Amazon jungle and take a.
Speaker 1:Can you look it up for me? Just hang on one sec, Carrie. Do you mind looking that up? I think it's Ayahasa or something like that that they take in the Amazon. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, so transcendence? I mean people will take drugs in order to transcend.
Speaker 1:What does transcend mean?
Speaker 2:And feel free to transcend.
Speaker 1:The physical body and the sense of that you are separate.
Speaker 2:That you are more than your physical presence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know this.
Speaker 2:I mean, your physical presence isn't enough.
Speaker 1:It's enough. The thing is, there is the business about how, if you understand the sense of there is a oneness that connects all people, then you know that gives you a sense of personal peace. There's a whole lot of people. I don't want to be at one with Right. That was okay. Three. I'm too caught up in my mind to be celebrating anything. No, I'll celebrate. When something in life happens, it's worth celebrating. We know people like this, don't we?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I am. I'll celebrate. When something in life happens, it's worth celebrating. We know people like this, don't we?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I am.
Speaker 1:I want to celebrate life and everything it has to offer. Would you agree? Yeah, and what we were talking about before was the ayahuasca which causes? Read out what it causes. David Sounds lovely.
Speaker 2:I mean? Well, I mean ayahuasca, and I'm not even sure that I'm saying it right. It is a drink, an indigenous drink, that was used amongst the indigenous folk in the 19th century in South America, I think. And so you know, transcendent-seeking Westerners have gone and they've taken this hallucinogenic drug, and some of them have had terrible trips on it. I mean, some people must have had a nice time.
Speaker 1:Some people have died as well and the notion is that you vomit and have diarrhea and you purge yourself or something, and then you're enlightened.
Speaker 2:Transcendence and freedom.
Speaker 1:So that's the next one. So did I want to celebrate life? I've done that. What comes when it comes to my spirituality? What does it have? One, that I don't have any. I know that I have a lot to learn on this journey and I'm open. One two I have faith and trust in what I cannot see. Three I constantly doubt it unless I can see evidence for it. That's three. Four I tend to struggle to trust the spiritual events that I've witnessed. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:Well, number four assumes that you have witnessed spiritual events. I think you're number three, aren't you?
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I mean yeah, I guess, when it comes to expressing my emotions, I oftentimes express my emotions and see what I can learn from them. Actually, I do do that Shy away from expressing my emotions because I'm too afraid of what will happen. No no, no, no, no, um three, honor my feelings and experiences so that I can take whatever action is necessary to live in integrity.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, bottle it up and move forward to get past whatever the issue is number one when I'm working, I feel like I show up as someone this is very long, is it nearly over? It's killing me. When I'm working, I feel like I show up as someone who is always learning so that I can create solutions. Two powerless, and sometimes I feel a little like a victim. No Three confident, consistent, reliable and assertive. A leader who has to control and dominate everything to get things done right.
Speaker 2:None of the above.
Speaker 1:What about someone who's always learning? I do learn, I'm a self-learner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you do.
Speaker 1:B Powerless. Well, you know if it's Powerless, and sometimes I feel a little like a victim.
Speaker 2:No, but I mean, I think about you and technology, you know.
Speaker 1:What the fuck? What are you bringing up technology for? What about the rest of the stuff that I do Like when I lead in a room?
Speaker 2:Oh, when you lead in a room.
Speaker 1:What is this when I'm working?
Speaker 2:Oh, when you're working.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:Okay, sorry, yeah, whatever you say.
Speaker 1:Someone who is always learning.
Speaker 2:Okay, you're always learning.
Speaker 1:Oh, david, I do I am I know. What about reliable and assertive? I am like that in the room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1:Thank you oh my God, which statement do you resonate with the most? I love it when I'm just being productive and contributing. Yes, I do love that. I'm my happiest when I'm just being, and in the flow of things, what I am a super high achiever and I just want to grind it out. I feel like I'm all. I feel like I always need to be doing instead of just being a go for the a what? How do rest days make you feel?
Speaker 2:Underutilized.
Speaker 1:A. I love them. Fill up my cup, which is vital for my creativity.
Speaker 2:No, you hate them.
Speaker 1:I hate them. I need a rest day every once in a while. No Ancy, I need to be working on something constantly.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep, yep, that's me.
Speaker 1:L4, actually feel kind of lonely and sometimes, okay, that's antsy. If you ask my friends about me, they'd say that I one don't Don't stand up for myself as much as I should. No, no, follow my heart and it never fails me. Or Maybe have a pretty big ego. No, ego, Friendly and nice.
Speaker 2:Anyway, shut up, david, go after what I want with passion and integrity. No B.
Speaker 1:Follow my heart.
Speaker 2:Closest when ordering dinner.
Speaker 1:Oh, here we go. This would be a goodie when ordering dinner. I'm most likely to order it and make david eat it um right, take one look at the menu and be fairly clear and confident as to what I want new, new um, this is classic. Ask my friends theaff what I should get.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Glance at the menu, listen to the waitstaff's recommendations, then decide Order for everyone at the table without asking. No way, Ask my friends, the waitstaff what I should get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean, you'll do that. Fourth one if you're with a group of people who are irritating you, you just go shut up. I'm going to order. You just go shut up, I'm going to order.
Speaker 1:Do you ever have an interest in sharing your feelings? Do you ever have an interest? That's the question I want mostly facts, not feelings Two yes, feelings, thoughts and actions all work together. No, I'd love to share my feelings, but doing so might hurt me or someone else. No, I do, and my preference is that I process my feelings first, so that they do not spill onto others.
Speaker 2:You don't want to share your feelings because you're worried that you're going to bore people.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:You don't expect that anyone's going to be terribly interested in the way that you feel.
Speaker 1:That's right, I'll go for. I want mostly facts, not feelings.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:No. Feelings, thoughts and actions all work together. I'll bet that. Okay, it's bullshit anyway. People close to you would best describe me as letting my emotions get the best of me. Super analytical and logical, maybe a little too distant, pretty balanced, level-headed and open-hearted.
Speaker 2:We'd have to say C, the last one.
Speaker 1:When, oh, they want to send me my results?
Speaker 2:Yeah, put in your email address, go on as Annie's putting it in. You know, the terrible irony of this is that Annie and I are actually having a conversation around creating our own kind of diagnostic around people's critical thinking and the way that they do apply critical thinking to relationships, to wellbeing, to their careers, you know, maybe to their finances, and so, yeah, almost quite by accident, we've we've stumbled over this quiz that annie has, um, just completed. They're probably going to send the results to her in in my box and I can assure you oh, it's there already.
Speaker 1:How come it sent it to me already?
Speaker 2:oh well, that's great. Oh okay, their tech stack is obviously working healthy feminine core essence oh good on you, that's what you want to hear, isn't it?
Speaker 1:You have healthy feminine energy. However, you don't have to be female to have feminine energy Few.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's good.
Speaker 1:Being in the divine feminine energy means you're open and receptive and led by your heart. Creativity is one of your strengths. You're able to share openly, trust your body's intuition and collaborate openly to create magic in the world.
Speaker 2:You create magic in the world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your energy can shift in different scenarios, making you adaptable and versatile. So you want to make sure you're reflecting on maintaining that healthy balance of energy and when you need to practice the law of polarity.
Speaker 2:The law of polarity. What the hell is the law of polarity?
Speaker 1:You own your space, meaning you believe in your own gifts. You know what that comes under.
Speaker 2:The Forer Effect the.
Speaker 1:Forer Effect. So, Dave, just explain the Forer.
Speaker 2:Effect because that is classic. The Forer Effect, sometimes known as the Barnum Effect, is that when you make statements that people would go, you know generalised statements that people would find personal relevance in and presenting that as some insightful perspective on who you are it's like horoscopes Horoscopes that say something interesting is going to happen to you today or you're the sort of person who can hold your own but is really, really friendly.
Speaker 1:Or you're the sort of person who is trusting of people, but also um, you're no fool yeah actually that actually said nothing to me yeah and and the.
Speaker 1:The issue that I have with this notion of testing for the feminine and masculine energy is it's pointless and um. It will not lead people to actually analyse the way they are thinking, which then leads to the way they behave. So the only way to make better decisions is by having good analytical skills about your thinking, and that is what is missing from most of it. So we are going to try and develop a diagnostic, because I think it would be quite helpful, don't you? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:When I say we.
Speaker 1:I'm useless at that. I'm useless at anything techy, but David's really good.
Speaker 2:Which I'm going to help you with. I don't think I'm very good, but I'm willing to.
Speaker 1:You are. You're very, very clever at that.
Speaker 2:I'm willing to give it a crack because I do want to make the look. I do want to sort of offer you and your listeners something that is a bit more interactive, where they can get some useful feedback on what their patterns might be, their patterns of thinking yeah and not just reply with a you know, you know, you are creative, or you are creative and flexible. You are selling yourself short. You are not taking the opportunities that you could do. You are leading yourself into the valley of the shadow of death.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:I think these diagnostics that do come up with these formulaic judgments on who you are and what you are are less useful than something that gives you feedback, that has some humility, you know, based on the answers to your questions. You know we notice these kind of patterns and, if's the case, you might try this, you might do this, you might talk to your partner about this, you might have a conversation with a therapist about this. You might do something. You know, a diagnostic is only over the beginning of the conversation and what's distasteful about these ones is that they, you know, they kind of kind of sit on the podium inside the temple and say you know, this is who you are.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's all the spiritual bullshit. It's unbearable.
Speaker 2:When really they don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they don't know.
Speaker 1:They don't know who you are, and you know I've been doing posting a lot this week about the notion of trauma and that some of us are traumatized and some of us aren't.
Speaker 1:Some of us have interviewed somebody this week who genuinely had an out of control anxiety disorder, um, and she had terrible ptsd from a work issue, um and um, yeah, she was traumatized. She was genuinely traumatized because her body, she just couldn't work, she couldn't get her head off the pillow. And I think the issue is is that we we are now, um, every negative experience gets put into the trauma bucket or we're triggered by something. We're not all triggered and we're not all traumatized. However, we have all emerged from childhood which thinking, with thinking patterns and beliefs and also the rest of our lives as well that either work for us or don't, and that is what I think is worth looking at belief systems that are useful or not useful, and repetitive thinking patterns that are unconscious and then affect the way you make your decisions, because the decisions that we're making about relationships, work, health are, and yet the analysis we put into them is quite minor.
Speaker 2:So if I was to say that I was completely spent after a gym workout and was feeling quite traumatised by the way that you were not allowing me to lie down and have a nap, you'd just say toughen up, princess. There are people who have worse problems than you do. Get into perspective.
Speaker 1:Well, I know that that actually is not a good perspective to have is that there are people worse off in the world. We know that and I'm sorry about that. I just, yeah, we have a different approach. We just have a different approach. I think, yeah.
Speaker 2:And look, I don't object to having to hear it sometimes that I'm possibly leaning into my own dramas or my own tiredness or that you're not happy with what it is that I'm bringing In. The moment, I may not enjoy it, but over time it does set a message. I get a sense of what the expectations are and what I need to do in order to contribute to this relationship in a way that is constructive and sustainable.
Speaker 1:Well, that's good. So can we go and buy a dishwasher.
Speaker 2:Sure, thanks, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, thank you, darling. Are you feeling better?
Speaker 2:uh, I'm still cold oh my god and this this um this exhausted you I've been a bit triggered by this conversation and I might need a little bit of a lie down now just to just to find my center again so I can transcend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we need to transcend to freedom transcend to freedom, and while we're doing it, let's find some abundance.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay. Thank you so much, david, thank you so much to Harry, my wonderful producer, and thank you to all your listeners, wherever you are in the world. I hope you're having a lovely day and it's farewell from the northern beaches of Sydney, new South Wales, australia. See ya. Thanks for tuning in to why Smart Women with me, annie McCubbin. I hope today's episode has ignited your curiosity and left you feeling inspired by my anti-motivational style.
Speaker 1:Join me next time as we continue to unravel the fascinating layers of our brains and develop ways to sort out the fact from the fiction and the over 6,000 thoughts we have in the course of every day. Remember, intelligence isn't enough. You can be as smart as paint, but it's not just about what you know, it's about how you think. And in all this talk of whether or not you can trust your gut, if you ever feel unsafe, whether it's in the street, at work, in a car park, in a bar or in your own home, please, please, respect that gut feeling. Staying safe needs to be our primary objective. We can build better lives, but we have to stay safe to do that. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and share it with your fellow smart women and allies Together, we're hopefully reshaping the narrative around women and making better decisions. So until next time, stay sharp, stay savvy and keep your critical thinking hat shiny.
Speaker 1:This is Annie McCubbin signing off from why Smart Women. See you later. This episode was produced by Harrison Hess. It was executive produced and written by me, annie McCubbin.
