Why Smart Women Podcast
Welcome to the Why Smart Women Podcast, hosted by Annie McCubbin. We explore why women sometimes make the wrong choices and offer insightful guidance for better, informed decisions. Through engaging discussions, interviews, and real-life stories, we empower women to harness their intelligence, question their instincts, and navigate life's complexities with confidence. Join us each week to uncover the secrets of smarter decision-making and celebrate the brilliance of women everywhere.
Why Smart Women Podcast
When Beth Calls at 2AM, Everything Changes Pt.1
Today's episode takes a creative turn as I share the opening chapter of my forthcoming book. Set in Sydney, Australia, this story follows three sisters whose lives have been shaped by a mysterious incident in their past and the subsequent estrangement of middle sister Beth from her siblings Harper and Emmy.
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You are listening to the why Smart Women podcast, the podcast that helps smart women work out why we repeatedly make the wrong decisions and how to make better ones. From relationships, career choices, finances, to faux fur jackets and kale smoothies. Every moment of every day, we're making decisions. Let's make them good ones. I'm your host, annie McCubbin, and, as a woman of a certain age, I've made my own share of really bad decisions. Not my husband, I don't mean him, though I did go through some shockers to find him, and I wish this podcast had been around to save me from myself. This podcast will give you insights into the working of your own brain, which will blow your mind. I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land in which I'm recording and you are listening on this day. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. Well, hello smart women, and welcome back to the why Smart Women podcast.
Speaker 1:Today I am broadcasting as usual from the northern beaches in Sydney, new South Wales, australia, and it is a rainy spring day. So today, for regular listeners, you may have heard me mention that I'm working on a book, so I thought I would read you the beginning of the book and I'd love it, if anybody has any desire, to maybe give me some feedback on whether or not they stayed engaged in it. Um, it's sort of basically the story of three sisters growing up in Sydney, australia, and there's been an incident in their background, um, which I won't divulge, which has caused them all some difficulties in their later life, and there's been an estrangement. So there's three sisters and one has become estranged from the other two the other two still flat together in their 20s and this beginning of the book describes how this estranged sister gets back in contact with the two sisters and why she gets back in contact with them and how they manage it. So the two sisters that are still together are called Harper and Emmy, and the third sister is called Beth. So here it is a little bit of my book. I'm not sure what to call it. I was thinking of calling it either the Wild Birth or Snaggletooth, I haven't decided. Anyway, hope you enjoy it. Talk to you at the end. Bye.
Speaker 1:The sisters decided early on that when Beth ended her ridiculous campaign to sever contact with them, they would go down the saintly Christian forgiving route, or at least Immy would. She'd cautioned Harper. If she turns up out of the blue, I'm more capable of the saintly response you should just stay quiet and look into the middle distance in a dignified way. No, harper would say. I'm going to say oh hi, beth, like we spoke last week, I'm not going to reference the two-year break in proceeding. It's going to drive her crazy. Emmy would drain her glass of wine and say no, you won't, harper. You'll go all pathetic and grateful You'll cry.
Speaker 1:The two sisters would convene after work for a glass of wine on their tiny balcony and the conversation would drift towards their estranged sister and what would push her to re-establish contact. So, as it turned out, they're actually not up to the task of imagining the situation which presented itself. So here it is. Harper is deliciously asleep. The phone rings 2am. She drags herself up to consciousness, picks up the phone, hits decline and turns over. The phone rings again.
Speaker 2:Harper. Is that Harper?
Speaker 1:A male voice, something in the tone.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm Jet. I'm Beth's husband.
Speaker 1:You're who.
Speaker 2:Beth's husband.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 2:Your sister.
Speaker 1:Harper snaps out of sleep. She sits straight up in bed like a sleepwalker in a horror film. Did you say Beth? Did you say husband?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You're married. Yes, look I how could Beth be married, thinks Harper. Who are her bridesmaids?
Speaker 2:She's asking for you. It's not going so well.
Speaker 1:What is?
Speaker 2:Sorry, labour. She's in labour.
Speaker 1:He says she hears a scream in the background. What I can't hear you properly. Did you say she's pregnant? Why are you whispering?
Speaker 2:She's in labor.
Speaker 1:She's in labor.
Speaker 2:Yes, she wants you to come.
Speaker 1:Harper half falls out of bed, finds her track pants, pulls them on her. She says are you sure she's in labor? We've heard nothing for two years. How could she be in labor?
Speaker 2:I know all about that, but she asked me to call you.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? You know all about it. What has she said?
Speaker 2:Listen, she'd like you to come.
Speaker 1:Right what hospital?
Speaker 2:She's at home.
Speaker 1:Home. Oh God, why is she at home? Jet sounds impatient, as if her questions are intemperate.
Speaker 2:She's giving birth at home. Just please come. She's asking for you.
Speaker 1:She trips over the dog. He growls stupid dog, she says. She turns the light on, the dog blinks, climbs up on the bed, puts his head in his paws and watches her with one eye. She's holding her phone against her shoulder, hopping on one foot, putting her run in the other. Well, where are you? Lawson lawson, as in the Blue Mountains.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Why, lawson, he sighs it's where we live.
Speaker 2:Please come. It's been going on for a while.
Speaker 1:Tell her I'm coming, send me the address.
Speaker 1:She's coming, beth. He says he hangs up, stay. Harper says to the dog. She grabs her keys, stands at the sink filling the dog's water bowl, dials her sister, immy Beth's in labour. She says what says Immy Beth's in labour? Harper, it's 2am. Yes, I know that, but that doesn't change the fact that Beth's in labour. She rang you. Yes, god, says Immymy, she's pregnant. Obviously she's pregnant. Or she couldn't be in labor. And she's in the blue mountain. She wants us to come. The blue mountains. Yes, stop repeating me. Harper, calm down, I'm calm. What hospital? She's at home, at home. Yes, you're still repeating me. Oh, this is so, beth. How long has she been in labour, emy? I've only had the information for five minutes. I don't know any more than you. And she wants us to drive to the Blue Mountains. In the middle of the night, says Emy. Harper turns the tap off. Port, is at the sink balancing the bowl on the edge. Choose her fingernail. Well, she only asked for me. She says, says, but I'm assuming you're invited as well. Labor isn't a party harbor, emmy says.
Speaker 1:The second last time the sisters had seen their middle sister, beth, she had come to stay in their tiny three-bedder they shared with their flatmate fox. She had appeared fresh from a failed attempt at opening an organic scented soap business. They'd picked her up from the train station where she presented them with two cashmere and cedarwood mini travel soaps and a sad story of love among the scented soaps gone wrong. He said there'd be a huge market for it. Beth had said, pulling her battered suitcase along the platform, it had one wheel missing. Like Beth, harper had thought one wheel missing. Thought one wheel missing. Who's he? Harper had said Jackson. Beth had said who is? Harper had said my business partner and lover. Oh God, beth, do you have to say lover? Emmy had said Anyway, harper. Beth had said, turning her back on, emmy Jackson invented this amazing soap recipe. Her back on, immy Jackson invented this amazing soap recipe, right. Well, immy had said, lifting Beth's bag into the boot, colgate, palmolive and Procter and Gabble may just have beat you to it, beth. I was talking to Harper, not you.
Speaker 1:Beth had said, buckling up her seatbelt, do you have any idea of the amount of chemicals and toxins in a normal cake of soap, emmy? Emmy looked at her in the rear-vision mirror. No, I don't, beth. I had weevils in my flower the other day and thought of you, emmy. Beth had said Right? Emmy had said Well, you studied them at the zoo, right? Beth had said she's a doctor of entomology. Beth, harper had said she studies all sorts of insects. Well, harper, I know that it doesn't mean she doesn't study weevils as part of her daily rounds at the zoo. She doesn't do rounds, beth says Harper, she's not a nurse. And yet only yesterday I attended to a weevil with a broken leg. Emy had said Wow. Beth had said Did you have to make it tiny, weeny little crutches? And though it wasn't that funny, they're all tired and slightly overwrought from being together. So they all fell about laughing in the car, emi wiping her eyes and Harper clutching at Beth's arm.
Speaker 1:They had arrived back at their flat. Ooh, a funky flat. Beth had said who's in this room, fox? Emi had said who's in this room, fox? Emmy had said he's in Europe. You can sleep there, cool.
Speaker 1:Anyway, jackson wants money back from me. Beth had said Sitting on the couch cradling a cup of hot water. She'd waved a chamomile tea bag over. He wants money back from you. Harper had said so how much money did he invest? Hmm, it wasn't so much a financial investment. He wants money back from you. Harper had said. So how much money did he invest? It wasn't so much a financial investment. Beth had said it was his time. And creativity. He said it was an intellectual property claim. What creativity. Harper had said Exactly the recipes and method. Beth had said Can you send him a cease and desist letter? I'm not a proper lawyer yet? Harper had said compliantly, sitting at her computer, please, beth had said, standing behind her, catching Harper's hair in her hands and twisting it into a ponytail. Think of the weevils. Harper had smiled, downed a large scotch and sent a legalist-looking letter to him. Beth had watched her press send. I loved him. She'd said I really did. Emmy and Harper had rolled their eyes behind Beth's back. Later that night, on their tiny balcony, while Beth slept the sleep of the emotionally depleted, they yet again tossed around the assumption that Beth's wildly erratic relationships with men and careers was the result of their father's abrupt abandoning of their family.
Speaker 1:One September afternoon, when Harper was 13. Harper stood for a second at her front door, patting her dog's ears and explaining how they're not going for a walk because it's 2.12am. He looks up at her, his eyes full of trusting enthusiasm. He always looks nonplussed when the anticipated walk doesn't eventuate, which reminds her of Beth, her exuberance at the beginning of all projects and relationships, and surprise when yet again, the promised land of love and artistic endeavour hasn't eventuated.
Speaker 1:She had slept in Fox's room for two months before heading to Adelaide to join a theatre company mounting a production of Chekhov's the Cherry Orchard in an actual Barossa orchard. She'd shown Harper pictures of the proposed orchard. The afternoon she left she was alight with enthusiasm. They're putting a modern spin on the classics, she'd said. All the characters are going to be seasonal fruit pickers. Harper went to say but why would the aristocracy be fruit pickers? But stopped herself.
Speaker 1:She sighs, closes the door of her flat, locks it, holds the phone in her left hand, her bag in her right, starts down the stairs. So says Immy on the phone. Why did she ring you? I'm nicer than you, says Harper. True, but you did say the bad thing. Anyway, she didn't ring me. Her husband did, says Harper. Harper has leaned heavily into the word husband. If the roles were reversed and Emmy were imparting the news that Beth had betrayed them and had married persons unknown behind their back, harper would leap on the information like a grizzly bear catching migrating salmon, but not Emmy. There's a long pause. Harper can hear her breathing on the information like a grizzly bear catching migrating salmon, but not Immy. There's a long pause. Harper can hear her breathing on the other end of the phone. And she's having a home birth, says Immy.
Speaker 1:Harper has always resented Immy's ability to prioritize the pressing over the sensational. Harper yes, is she having a home birth? Harper pauses Two can play at the measured game. Yes, apparently. So there's another pause. Well, I'll come tomorrow. What are you panicking for, harper? She's probably in early labour having Braxton Hicks.
Speaker 1:Harper steps out of the foyer of the flats and out into the cold night. Of course she thinks Immy is probably right. Beth could well be two contractions in and being hugely hysterical. She had arrived back from the cherry orchard, thrown herself on the couch and sobbed hysterically that it wasn't the avant-garde tour de force she had hoped for. The cast were lame, the orchard was just someone's garden, the decisions the director made were, in her opinion, very pedestrian and the relationship she'd been having with one of the actors was going well until his wife and child turned up from Melbourne. You didn't know he was married, emmy had said Beth had paused. No, emmy, she'd said I didn't. Also, you wouldn't understand the emotional life of actors. I was done yasha to his yasha.
Speaker 1:There's a very strong attraction between the characters. Art bleeds into life. Forgive me for being pernickety, but isn't the cherry orchard mainly set inside? How did you do the lounge room? Harper had said we had chairs. Beth had said you wouldn't get it. Harp, you're so literal.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I'm trying to put Tom and the production behind me. Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward. The past is the past. She puts her hands out in front of her like a cardinal giving a blessing. So anyway, I had this audition. She'd said, dropping her hands. It'll take us half an hour tops to film for a self-test. Hey, immy, can you film me on my phone? It won't, though, will it Beth? Harper had said nothing, takes half an hour. Okay, immy had said, smiling and looking at the script. A tampon ad. It's only six lines, shouldn't take long, she'd said, squeezing Harper's forearm. Harper shook off Emmy's hand. How do you know how long it'll take, emmy? Harper had said you and the insects do many auditions together over there at the zoo. Okay, emmy had said you read the other lines, harper, I'll film it.
Speaker 1:For the next two and a half hours, harper had sat with the script taped to her forehead, so it would look like Beth was looking in her eyes while reading the lines. Emmy crouched behind Harper filming on her iPhone. Beth, for her part, had paused, proceeding several times to reply to a text. She would pull the phone out from her back pocket, smile at it then with light and quick thumbs, tap out a reply. Halfway through the endless takes, the front door had opened. Cut, beth had said. Harper heard a set of keys being thrown into the bowl on the hall stand. Hey Fox. Emmy had said. Harper could feel Fox standing in the doorway taking in the scene. Harper sitting on a dining chair, a piece of paper attached to her forehead, emy crouched behind her and Beth, alive to the fact a male had entered the room, flicking her hair and bestowing upon him her coquettish wild animal smile. Hey girls.
Speaker 2:Sorry, what have I disturbed?
Speaker 1:Fox had been flatting with the girls for six months. He was six foot four, handsome in an unconventional way. He could have been modelling for some offbeat perfume. He was, however, unconvinced and disinterested in his own looks. He couldn't be relied upon to wash up his own cup, but his take on American politics was outstanding. This is our sister, beth. Emmy had said oh, you're not disturbing anything. Beth had said my sisters are helping me with a screen test.
Speaker 1:Fox had said You're an actress Actor Beth had said Harper had looked out the side of the piece of paper and seen Beth approach him. I'm a theater actor but you know you have to get the wolf from the door. There, it is thought, harper the wild animal. So Beth had said, putting her hand on his arm. I am therefore auditioning for an ad. Harper was unhappy about the hand on the arm move but was unclear why.
Speaker 2:Why does Harper have a piece of paper over her face?
Speaker 1:Don't ask. Harper had said from behind the piece of paper. Okay, so what do you do?
Speaker 2:Fox Beth had said I'm a lawyer, like your sister.
Speaker 1:Right, Beth had said Well, I guess someone has to keep the hegemony going. Right, he'd said good-naturedly.
Speaker 2:I'll leave you to it.
Speaker 1:He'd walked past, harper touched her lightly on the shoulder before she heard his bedroom door shut. Also, immy, could you get me a free pass into the zoo? Beth had said Tom's coming to Sydney and brown bears are his totem animals. Hang on. Immy had said Is this married Tom from the cherry orchard? Beth took pause. Yes, immy. Beth had said Is that who you were texting while harper and I waited? Beth raised her eyebrows and smiled enigmatically at immy. So what happened to every moment wasted in the past is the past? Immy had said what's it to you? Beth had said what about his wife? Immy had said oh, now you're the judge in jury, are you? I seem to remember a time, beth had said.
Speaker 1:Harper had put her papered forehead in her hands and tried to shut out the bickering. Why did she ever agree to any request Beth makes? She'd just read a book on boundaries. Why say yes when you mean no? It was called so, why. Why did she say yes? Emmy's the same, incapable of saying no. Maybe it's a genetic flaw. Maybe their DNA is all tangled up like the cord around a baby's neck. Maybe it's a heritable trait. Maybe the word no has been expunged from their collective future.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's get back to the audition action. Emmy had said no thanks, ellie, I won't come out. Beth had said oh, come on, replied harper, it'll be fun cut. Beth had said sorry, harper, I keep telling you it's an american commercial. Harper ripped the paper off. I was trying to do an american accent, she'd said wasn't very good. Emmy had said Can you just re-tape the page in your forehead, harper? Beth had said you don't know it yet. Harper had said it's only two lines. Even I know it. Oh yes, well, it's easy for you. You're a lawyer, you're used to memorising torts. Beth had said oh yes, beth, studying law was a total walk in the park. Anyway, harper. Beth had said some of us are exploring the murmurings of the universe until we find our calling. Maybe you should have tried it instead of giving over to the capitalist fantasy you've bought into. The murmurings of the universe. Oh my God, beth. Harper had said Just re-stick the page, harper. Emmy had said sticking her knee into the back of Harper's chair. Harper taped the scene to her head. So I'm guessing the murmurings have told you your calling is acting. She'd said let's just give it one more time. Beth had said, smiling at them both.
Speaker 1:Harper tries to push the memory of the ill-fated audition out of her mind and opens her car, plugs her phone, in Immy's voice, now comfortingly being broadcast through her car speaker. What's Braxton Hicks? Says Harper. False labour pains, says Immy. No, I don't think it's false. You must come now. She says to Immy, you're more medical, I'm medical with insects.
Speaker 1:Harper says Immy, did you say she's married? Yes, says Harper. I wonder how big the wedding was, says Emi. You're thinking about bridesmaids, aren't you? Says Harper. So this husband says Emi, how did he sound, I don't know? Panic, says Emi. He was whispering for some reason. Emi sighs Okay, weird. Okay, I'll come.
Speaker 1:All right, bring towels and hot water, says Harper. Well, don't they have hot water in the Blue Mountains? Says Emmy. I don't know, says Harper. Harper, settle down, says Emmy. Labor can go on and on.
Speaker 1:You know what Beth's like. She's bad enough in normal life. She's going to be a massive drama queen having a baby. Okay, you're probably right, says Harper. It will bring scissors, scissors. She says I don't know. Says Harper, swaddling. Bring scissors, scissors. She says I don't know. Says Harper, swaddling cloth, just come. She hangs up and wonders why pristine memories from two years ago can rudely intrude with a moment-by-moment replay of your poor behavior. But what you did yesterday is dumped out by your brain like yesterday's garbage. So the memory of the night of Beth's audition now presents itself in full color. It recommences with Fox emerging from his room in time to hear Harper say it's Saturday, I've worked all week, I'm tired. Every take we've done sounds exactly the same. What's the point of keeping going? It's not improving.
Speaker 1:Beth had stood looking at her red hair curled perfectly over her shoulder. Thanks for that vote of support. Harper Beth had stood looking at her red hair curled perfectly over her shoulder. Thanks for that vote of support. Harper. Beth had said no matter what I try to do, it's always the same. Just negative, negative, negative Girls. Come on. Emmy had said let's just do it one more time. Emmy, being the peacemaker when she was temperamentally unsuited, set Harper's teeth on edge. Beth stood there's no point, emmy, I'm not in the zone. Harper has upset me. You're not in the zone. Harper had said what zone? It's a menstrual product ad. There's no small parts, harper, only small actors. Harper could feel it coming.
Speaker 1:The generalized anxiety disorder had kicked off a migraine which would last for days. The crawling of ants across her head, the flash of light in the corner of her eye. Their sister, their middle sister, their troubled sister, their sister who always brought the egregious family history with her, who carried it in her battered brown, one-wheeled suitcase, who will unpack it every time she arrives with a Tom or a Jackson or a Mark or a Harry. Their sister who would never grow up, who will want and plead and cajole and toss her red hair. She's an assault on Harper's neurology. Her very presence will cause Harper's neuronal pathways to take a misstep. She is Harper's migraine.
Speaker 1:Harper had stood. Well, that's all very well, beth, she'd said. But the problem is, it's not that you're a small actor or a big actor, it's that you're a bad actor, a very bad actor. There, thinks Harper. I've said no, take a step back, dna, you are no longer in charge. Harper felt Emmy sit down heavily behind her. Beth stood, picked up her backpack, tied her hair up efficiently in a knot, went to the door and slammed it behind her. Harper looked to Fox, who raised his eyebrows and twisted his mouth to one side. They hadn't seen her for two years. They'd called, texted, even sent letters For someone who appeared to have no staying power. Her capacity to punish them was sensational.
Speaker 1:Harper gets to her car, straps herself in attempts to banish the audition memory and sits for a moment in what she considers to be a quiet, meditative and non-panicked posture. Repeats Immy's words to herself labours in a Tory, as for going on and on herself. Labours in a Tori, as for going on and on. She puts the address in the sat-nav, then, abandoning the quiet and meditative mode, plants her foot. It's 2am so the streets are blessedly empty. She wonders if Beth has forgiven her for the bad actor comment. As she hurtles through Penrith, the blame shifts. What is Harper to be sorry about? Beth has had two years to forgive her for one simple little comment. Beth had clearly taken no responsibility for her difficult, demanding behavior. Yes, no doubt about it, beth has a lot to answer for. No contact for two years and then having them appraised of all three pieces of vital information simultaneously.
Speaker 1:They had endlessly discussed weddings, sat on Emmyy's bed after lights out when they were teenagers Harper being the youngest had sat enthralled by her older sister's entries into the world of boys. Boys, of course, would not remain boys. Their light dusting of hair above their lip would flourish and blossom to full-blown moustaches. Their spindly legs would grow calves and thighs and other things would happen which Harper would prefer not to think about. She had only seen these remarkable transformations take place from a distance, but her older sisters had seen these boy men up close and had even sat with them and said things. So the natural progression of these meetings between her sisters with these newly minted men was that one of them would marry one and the other two would be bridesmaids.
Speaker 1:So if Beth had adhered to the plan, she would have had a slap-up wedding in the Hunter Valley with Harper and Emmy in pale pink shot, silk, nipped waist slight bustle bridesmaids dresses as discussed when Harper was in her 13th year. There would be throwing of rose petals after her as she descended the steps of the adorable 120 year old church. Then, having fallen pregnant after a respectable period, she would have delivered the happy news discreetly after the first 12 weeks, perhaps posting progressive baby bump pictures on insta like a reasonable middle-class person. Perhaps having a baby shower. Perhaps hosting a gender reveal party, standing before their close family and friends with a non-alcoholic champagne, telling them they're having a girl, looking tearfully across the room at Harper and saying and we're calling our darling baby Harper because if she grows up anything like my little sister, we will be blessed. And even though Harper detests the word blessed, she would smile at Beth and take a bite out of one of the pink macarons which would have given the game away. And she'd listen to Beth's art dealer husband saying we thank the universe with deep gratitude in our hearts for this baby. And Harper would wish she was at home drinking scotch, watching an English crime drama.
Speaker 1:And as she starts to climb into the mountains she realizes she has left Emi out of the baby scenario. She feels this is remiss and perhaps prescient that something bad is going to happen to Emi as she wasn't in attendance at the imagined baby shower. She rings her. I'm on my way, says Emi. The call woke up, nicholas. You know what it's like getting him back to sleep. You should have texted me. It's quieter. Why didn't you have it on silent, says Harper. Well, how would I have heard it? Vibration, says Harper. Anyway, whatever, drive carefully. The new medication the psychiatrist has put her on for her generically named and persistent generalized anxiety disorder doesn't seem to be working. Her brain is still a heat-seeking device on the lookout for any thought, scenario or conversation which would herald the approach of a catastrophe. She drives through Glenbrook, blaxland, Warrimoo, woodford, hazelbrook. Why, why couldn't Beth have lived in the lower Blue Mountains? No, she had to choose somewhere as far as possible. Her phone rings.
Speaker 2:Harper says Jeff, are you close?
Speaker 1:She's right up against the tail of the car in front. Are you sure she isn't having Braxton? Hicks says Jeff, are you close? She's right up against the tail of the car in front. Are you sure she isn't having Braxton? Hicks says Harper.
Speaker 2:What? No, she's in labour.
Speaker 1:Where did you get married? There's a pause.
Speaker 2:Here in the Blue Mountains, are you close?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think so. Did your family go to the wedding? Are you close? Yeah, I think so Did your family go to the wedding?
Speaker 2:Just my sister and my mother and father and two of my cousins, but that's all. Can we talk about this later?
Speaker 1:Sure, well, that's nice for your family. It's midwinter and as she's peering through the windscreen, passing the sign that says Welcome to Hazelbrook theok, the snow starts just a light dusting. But she's not driving a four-wheel drive. She grips the wheel tighter, the car in front slows down. Come on, nana. She says she has to stop herself from tooting beth's asking for your mother, our mother.
Speaker 2:Yes, I I know I know they they don't speak much, but she wants her. I can't find her number in her phone.
Speaker 1:John, our mother's number won't be in her phone. Jet, he says slightly testy, my name's Jet. She rolls her eyes. Jet, our mother will not be useful. Oh God, is that her crying? I can hear.
Speaker 2:Yes, she doesn't look too good.
Speaker 1:Well, sort of not good. She hears what seems to be a muffled cry. Jet, are you okay?
Speaker 2:It's just not working.
Speaker 1:What's not Jet. What's not working.
Speaker 2:Just come.
Speaker 1:Jet, is there a doctor there? Shouldn't she be in hospital? She hears a wail in the background like an animal in pain. God Jet, what's going on with her? God Jet, what's going on with her?
Speaker 2:The midwife said she's okay.
Speaker 1:Doesn't sound okay, jet, jet. The call drops out, the snow thickens, visibility drops, the pace feels agonizing. She's peering over the top of the steering wheel like an old lady. They're down to 30k an hour. Her phone rings again. It's Immy. Where are you? Harper? Um, past Hazelbrook. Look, I don't think it's early labour. She was wailing in the background. Where are you, harper? You don't know anything. You're a panic merchant. I'm in Penrith, says Immy. Immy, she's asking for mum, says Harper, there is a pause. Oh, harper, says Immy. God Just be be careful, emmy, it's snowing. She hangs up. They're down to 25k an hour. Oh, fuck it. She says out loud.
Speaker 1:She puts her indicator on moves onto the other side of the road and accelerates. She goes past the car, indicates left to move back into the lane, plants her foot and feels the car's wheels skidding underneath her. She yanks the wheel in the other direction. It feels like all four wheels haveidding underneath her. She yanks the wheel in the other direction. It feels like all four wheels have left the road. She has no control. The car goes into a full skid. It's happening quickly and very slowly.
Speaker 1:She's still trying to wrestle control back by wrenching the steering wheel when her car leaves the road and nosedives into the ditch, landing with its back wheels halfway up the embankment. She sits for a few seconds, wonders if she's dead, feels her arms and legs. A tap on her window. She turns. A face is at the window. Open the door, the face, says. She flicks the door lever.
Speaker 1:The door opens, a rush of cold air enters the car. The face belongs to an older woman wearing a full-length mauve puffer and a beanie. She has a handbag over her arm. It's now snowing heavily. You all right, says the woman. Harper, feels her right arm, which hit the door in the spin. Yes, she puts her foot on the brake and tries to pull the car in gear. Nothing, oh God, she says. She undoes her seatbelt, climbs out of the car. The door closes behind her. You'll have trouble getting a tow truck tonight, says the woman with a Welsh lilt. No one knows how to drive in the snow. Her head feels stuffed with cotton wool. I must find my phone. She turns, grabs the handle of the door, pulls the door, refuses to budge. The headlights start flashing.
Speaker 1:She turns, grabs the woman's arm my sister. She says Listen, says the woman, you nearly ran me off the road. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's just my sister. Don't you have a jacket? I left home in a hurry, Please, she says my sister.
Speaker 1:What about your sister, says the woman. She's in labour. I need to get to her. She's calling for our mum, who is awful. I have to get my phone. My sister can come and get me. She tries the door handle again. Not if she's in labour. She can't. My other sister. What hospital? Says the woman. She's at home In early labour, says the woman. No, I think she's been at it for a while. The woman rolls her eyes. Come on, she says Harper follows her up the incline.
Speaker 1:They get to her car. The woman climbs into the driver's seat. It's an old Holden. She reaches across and opens the door for Harper. Harper climbs in. The smell of old leather and petrol assails her. She's wrenched back to her early childhood long un-air-conditioned trips punctuated by bouts of vomiting in her grandfather's car.
Speaker 1:The woman reaches into the back seat and produces a cardigan, hands it to Harper. I'm okay, says Harper. Put it on. She says it's a pink angora cardigan. That's my cardigan, but you're welcome to wear it.
Speaker 1:A voice from the back of the car. Harper swings around. There's a child in the back seat of the car. Looking at her gravely, harper has the strange feeling she has conjured her. She looks exactly like the lead character from her favoured childhood book, mary maryigan. That's okay, says the child. This is Amelia, says the woman. Hello, amelia, says Harper. Amelia waves at her from the back seat. What's the address? Says the woman. Oh God, it's in my phone. I can't remember. I need to call my sister, my other sister. I told her the address. The woman hands Harper her mobile. Oh god, says Harper. I don't know her number. It's under me in my phone. You wrote the address down. Yes, says Harper, where in my phone? But I was barely awake, says Harper. You wrote it down. It's in your brain somewhere. It's not, says Harper. I can't remember.
Speaker 1:The general anxiety disorder is showing off its talent for taking advantage of a crisis and is preparing to take over proceedings. She can feel the claw of panic reaching up from her chest and wrapping itself around her jaw. The woman puts her hand on Harper's arm. She has light blue eyes and pale lashes the skin of someone who grew up in Wales. Listen, she says labours are long things. She'll be all right. Settle down, take a breath, it will come back to you. What suburb. Lawson says Harper, right, she says. She leans across Harper and opens the glove box, pulls out a book of maps, turns on the interior light before phones. She says we had a Gregory's. She opens it up. Here's Lawson. Harper's eyes scan the page Nothing. Her general anxiety disorder scans the database looking for similar incidents to enact the crisis protocol. There's nothing exactly matching the current scenario.
Speaker 1:The storyline of driving car off-road in snowstorm while a strange sister undergoes dangerous labor at home presents the anxiety with a lot of new inputs. So it hits the button on basic routine number one, which it enacts when clear thinking is required. Basic routine number one block access to all rational thought and specifically remove access to memory. She turns to the woman. I can't remember. She says it's a blank. I have to break into the car to get my phone. She starts to open the door.
Speaker 1:You can't get into the car, says the woman. She takes Harper's hand. Look at the map again. Take a breath, look properly. Lawson, isn't that big. Nana had to pick me up because I got homesick. Having a sleepover at Maddy's, says Amelia. All right, says Harper, turning towards Amelia. I used to get really homesick. This is a lie. She couldn't wait to get away from her mother. But the small change in focus has knocked the anxiety out of pole position. She looks back at the map. There she says Mill Street. Good, says the woman.
Speaker 1:The woman starts the car, puts on her indicator, looks at Harper Seatbelt. She says Harper exhales. Clicks it. The woman looks in the rearview mirror Seatbelt Amelia. I never undid it, says Amelia. What number, says the woman. I can't remember, says Harper. Doesn't matter, says the woman, we'll find it. Harper exhales. Looks out the window, chewing on her nails. You shouldn't bite your fingernails, says Amelia. The snow is now heavy. The woman drives slowly on high beam.
Speaker 1:The generalized anxiety disorder, sick of the generalized and fleeting nature of its creations, is working on some specific, disturbing and deadly scenarios. Beth will die before she arrives. Emmy will be killed in a road accident in Hazelbrook. Harper will be the only remaining sister and will die alone after spending her life tending to her bitter, furious mother. The woman flicks on the indicator. They pull off the highway. It's dead dark. Excuse me, says Amelia from the back seat. What's happening? This young lady's sister is having a baby and she's going to see her. Oh, it's very late to be having a baby, says Amelia. It is, says Harper, I'm very sorry to stop you from getting home. Oh, that's okay, says Amelia. Last New Year's Eve I stayed up to 12.30. I'm a real night owl.
Speaker 1:Harper looks sideways at the woman. She is staring intently at the robe with a slight smile on her face. She makes a left turn onto the street Right. She says your sister. She owns the place or rents, I don't know, says Harper. Rent, I guess, unless her boyfriend owns Rent. Probably Okay if it's rental. There's a few options. Let's start with 14. Harper looks at her. Lived here all my life. She says Right, look, thanks. Says Harper. I don't know your name, rosemary, I'm Harper. They enter the street, pull into the driveway of 14. Harper leaps out of the car. It's freezing. She runs up the driveway, knocks on the door. A dog starts barking inside, frenetically pouring at the door. A light goes on, a male voice.
Speaker 2:All right, all right, Max, Buck up boy. She can hear a scuffle on the other side of the door.
Speaker 1:Max, get out of it. Um hello, I'm looking for my sister max says the voice.
Speaker 1:I swear to god, just move back she can hear more snuffling and pouring on the other side of the door. The snow is falling on her face and on her neck. Her hands are going numb. She puts a hand on the door and yells over the noise Please, I'm looking for my sister. The door opens a crack. A face appears, A man somewhere in his seventies Large forehead, heavy jowls, military style haircut. Below him the nose and the eyes of a border collie. The man sticks his knee in the crack.
Speaker 2:Yes, he says.
Speaker 1:Harper pushes her face close to the crack. I'm looking for my sister. Who is it John? A female voice behind him. This new entry to the conversation sets Max off. He starts barking furiously again. The female has to raise her voice to be heard above the ruckus. It's not Helen, is it? She? Yells, no, yells John, not Helen. Something about his sister Max? The woman yells Knock it off, take him by the collar, john, max, back up, you stupid dog. The door opens. A woman stands there doing up her red padded dressing gown. Behind her a man holding onto Max's collar. Hello, love, says the woman. She's tiny, her hair tucked into a 1940s style chignon net. John, why did you leave her standing in the snow?
Speaker 1:Harper can't imagine why her sister would be giving birth in this house, but maybe the woman is a midwife. I'm looking for my sister, says Harper. Right, look, come in. Is she here? Says Harper. She's in labour and my car's gone off the road and self-locked and my phone's in it. Harper puts her hands under her armpits for warmth. The woman pulls her into the doorway, pats her arm In the driveway, rosemary toots.
Speaker 1:Harper waves at her. Oh, she's not here, love. I hope she's only in early labour at home, though my labour with Helena tell you, I just made her to the hospital in time, didn't I, john? I'm lucky I didn't give birth in the Mazda which I'm here to tell you is not a big car anyway, right, says Harper, I hope Helena's brought you a lot of joy. I must go. Oh, she's had her moments, but all in all, you know, kids will be kids. You don't know what number your sister lives in, do you love? No, she says, stepping onto the porch, just the street. Oh, okay, well, there's a pregnant couple in 27. She lowers her voice. Is he covered in tats, with a nose ring? I don't know, I've never met him, says Harper.
Speaker 2:Oh yes says John Where's the kilt? Pretty sure it's McLaren clan, but anything goes these days Do you want a cup of tea?
Speaker 1:love, says the woman. No thanks, but thanks. Harper runs down the driveway, jumps in the car. Any luck, says Amelia. Maybe Amelia, maybe 27. Rosemary pulls out of the driveway. Harper looks back at the couple framed in the front door as they pull away. The dog has lost interest and has disappeared into the house. The woman waves Right, says Rosemary. Twenty-seven, here we are. She pulls over on the curb. Harper jumps up, gets to the front door. It's open. She enters the house. The hallway is dark where there is a light coming from a room off to the left, Jet. She calls a boy's voice Harper. Yes, First, A boy's voice Harper.
Speaker 2:Yes, first hour on the left.
Speaker 1:She enters the room there's a strong smell of lavender which takes Harper back to her mother's bedroom. Stale cigarette smoke ineffectively obscured by lavender oil. For the first four steps all seems fine. She can see the back of Beth sitting in a blow-up pool. She gets to the pool, looks down Beth is lying back against the edge of it. Jet is next to her pool. Looks down, beth is lying back against the edge of it. Jet is next to her holding her hand. He looks up at Harper. He has a shock of black hair standing straight up, green eyes and a narrow chin. He looks like a confused and anxious elf.
Speaker 1:Harper kneels next to Beth. Her eyes are fluttering, her hair plastered to her forehead. She's white with exhaustion, harper, she says. She turns her face towards her. She seems surprised to see her attempts to smile. Harper feels like she's been kicked in the chest. She cannot reconcile her beautiful, vivacious sister with this gaunt and angular creature. Where's mum, says Beth. She shuts her eyes. Harper takes her hand. She's gripped by a contraction. She arches her back, moans, opens her eyes again, squeezes Harper's hand. Thanks for coming.
Speaker 1:Harper hears Emmy at the front door. Hello, down the hall to the left, calls Harper. She arrives at the doorway. God, she says, are they renting? I hope they haven't got the carpet wood. It'll cost a fortune to steam clean it. It'll come out of the bond. Otherwise I better get some towels to put around the.
Speaker 1:She has arrived next to the pool, has looked down at Beth. God, beth, she stands behind Jet Hi, mimi, what's going on? She looks terrible. How long has she been in labour? Well, how many weeks is, she, says Harper. Baby comes when baby is ready, says a voice from across the room.
Speaker 1:The room is freezing gloomy, a dozen or so candles burning fitfully. In the draft they hadn't noticed her. She's standing near the unlit fireplace in a long crimson dress with a white apron. Her black hair is piled on top of her head. She looks like a head housekeeper who's wandered out of a Daphne D'Amorea novel. She's holding something in her arms. Who are you, says Harper.
Speaker 1:Beth is gripped by another contraction. The woman puts her fingers to her lips. Breathe through it, beth. Her voice is breathy and high. We don't disturb the energy. We don't allow negative vibrations. We don't disturb the energy, we don't allow negative vibrations. She's deep in the birthing space. She extends the S and C in the word space. The word trails off like a snake. What says Harper? They hear a tiny sound emitted from her arms. Hang on, says a voice from the doorway. She's already had the baby.
Speaker 1:Harper and Emmy swivel around. Rosemary is standing in the doorway in her long mauve puffer jacket, amelia hiding behind her. She's pulling off a pair of gloves. She squints through the gloom. And you are, she says to the woman. The woman straightens her back. I'm Freya the doula. Rosemary looks at Harper, raises her eyebrows, takes off her jacket, jacket which she drops near the door. Harper turns back. Wait. She says she's had the baby. Yes, says freya, but it would seem there's another one coming.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's the beginning of the first chapter. Um, yeah, things do deteriorate fairly rapidly from this point in proceedings. Um, I hope you enjoyed that. Part two will come out um the following tuesday. So, um, great thanks for listening. Um, smart women, stay well, stay safe and, as usual, keep your critical thinking hats on. See you later. Bye, thanks for tuning into why smart women with me, annie mccubbin.
Speaker 1:I hope today's episode has ignited your curiosity and left you feeling inspired by my anti-motivational style.
Speaker 1:Join me next time as we continue to unravel the fascinating layers of our brains and develop ways to sort out the fact from the fiction and the over 6,000 thoughts we have in the course of every day.
Speaker 1:Remember, intelligence isn't enough. You can be as smart as paint, but it's not just about what you know, it's about how you think. And in all this talk of whether or not you can trust your gut if you ever feel unsafe, whether it's in the street, at work, car park, in a bar or in your own home, please, please, respect that gut feeling. Staying safe needs to be our primary objective. We can build better lives, but we have to stay safe to do that. And and don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and share it with your fellow smart women and allies. Together, we're hopefully reshaping the narrative around women and making better decisions. So until next time, stay sharp, stay savvy and keep your critical thinking hat shiny. This is Annie McCubbin signing off from why Smart Women See you later. This episode Annie McCubbin signing off from why Smart Women See you later. This episode was produced by Harrison Hess. It was executive produced and written by me, annie McCubbin.
