A New Take On Triggers

Join Ashlie & Jaclyn as they dive into the world of triggers and how they can help your spiritual and personal growth.  If you are not a fan of your triggers, or don't know quite what to do with them or how to manage them, this episode is full of tips and thoughts to support growth.

You can find Jaclyn @ www.jaclynkaminskibodyandsoul.com
Follow me on Instagram or Facebook @jaclynkaminskibodyandsoul

You can find Ashlie @ www.ashlieallen.com
Follow me on TikTok @inspiredashlie or Instagram @ashliealleninspired

Transcript

0:04

Welcome to Soul Talk for the Seekers podcast and channel. I'm Ashley Allen. And I'm Jacqueline Kaminsky. We're two intuitive soul sisters joined by synchronicity and spirit here to dig in. We want to invite you along on our journey where anything may come up, but if you consider yourself a seeker, you're in the right place.

Ashlie: 0:31

All right, here we go. I am super excited for our topic today. We are going to dive into triggers, bum bum bum, and how they're related to energy because they're incredibly related, right?

0:46

They are

Ashlie: 0:48

super related. So today is all about triggers. How are you processing them? What are you doing with them? What are some things that we can do to move them out and through and heal from them? Because They can actually be kind of a fun thing. I know I just called triggers fun, which is not accepted, but that's how I feel about it. I'm like, ooh, there's a trigger. What are we going to do there?

1:09

I love triggers. I always say, like, triggers are, are, I agree, so much fun. And they show us, right, just our unhealed parts that we just need to bring healing into. So I'm like, let's go. Show me the triggers.

Ashlie: 1:23

What is up with that? Yeah, that's what I love about him too. Whenever I notice myself responding to something in an out of the norm way, that is how I think. I'm like, oh, unhealed part of me, unhealed part of me. Okay. No taken.

1:36

Because it really is like, it's just a part of you that needs healing and that's okay. And I think we, right, as a society, we make like these parts shameful. And they shouldn't be because every single person has all of these emotions and all of these feelings and it's literally just signaling something to us so that we can heal it and if we could, like, actually come at everything from that place, we would really live in a much easier, better world, in my opinion.

Ashlie: 2:08

Don't it's so hard, it can be so hard sometimes though when somebody triggers the crap out of you, where it's hard to go into the position of, Wow, this person is bothering me, not because there's something wrong with them, which is what we want. We want everybody to be like, yeah, that was really effed up, wasn't it? You know, wasn't it so messed up that they did that? That's the natural place to go with it. And right. And how do you, that's

2:36

the easy one, right?

Ashlie: 2:37

Yeah. Like, how do you shift into a different place with it? Because when we learn to shift into a different place with these triggers. It's, it's when we're the ones in the driver's seat and we can actually create the healing that we need to allow it to not trigger us anymore.

2:52

Yeah, I take everything personal, like so for me personally, What's your

Ashlie: 2:56

biggest one?

2:57

Well, I can tell you this, so two things. Every single thing that happens in my life, and I mean every single thing, is 1000 percent my responsibility. So I, I own, all of the shit. Um, so I just kind of want to say that. So even if somebody else is doing something, I'm still going to be like, okay, well, I'm here and this is triggering me and a response in me for a reason. So what is that reason? Right? Like this isn't about them. This isn't a, this is a me thing. Always a me thing. So I just want to name that. Um, however, my biggest trigger easy, easy, easy would be my children and anger. Anger is right. I'm a triple fire, but anger is something that I jumped to like all the time. Um, and quite honestly, a lot of people don't really trigger me anymore, but. My children and my husband trigger the fuck out of me on a daily. And underneath the anger, I've realized it's really because, and I struggle with boundaries, which I call guardrails. Um, because it really is like, I want to be able to come at life from a place of where like, nothing's going to bother me, which is always going to happen. Let's be so for real. We're here humans. Those are the things that are going to happen. Um, it, it is anger is one and it's like when my, and it's really with my children, probably more than anything. And when I feel that they continuously, and it's a repetitive cycle that I live in and it happens to me bare minimum once a week. And it's the same pattern. We go through and through, and you would think that I would learn it already. And I know, I know this. Yeah, this one gets me every time.

Ashlie: 4:43

We all have the big one. What's your

4:45

big one?

Ashlie: 4:46

So it's interesting because anger is actually not a natural, like, I don't consider myself an angry person. I consider myself very patient. Like, it takes a lot. Yeah, it really takes a lot for me. So when I do what where some may resort to anger, which I'm not saying I never do, because when it happens, you can see my husband's eyes change, like he's like, Oh, okay, this is not norm. For me, it's overwhelmed. And And it's funny because it actually translates the people that get hit with it are my kids and my, my husband too. They're the ones that see it more than anybody. My mother has seen it. My, my parents have seen it. My brother and sister have seen it from growing up where I would have like a total and complete hit the wall. Where I get, there's a tipping point and we hit the tipping point. My immune system shuts down, everything shuts down. And it's like, I'm in shutdown mode. Don't don't mess with me. Like leave me alone. And I don't scream. I usually just start crying. Like I just go into deep on deep tears and, um, I might scream too. That's like a newer that has come in where I'm like, um, but it's a result. What I found for me, and I'm curious, like what you find for you. It's when I don't take time. To go get my energy out, it take, it turns into anxiety and then I get completely, the more gets piled on, the more gets piled on. I start, it starts with dirty looks and then it, and then it gets to a point where it's no longer dirty looks and it's a full on me wanting to sit on the floor and bawl my eyes out.

6:19

So you named so much there, which I love all of it. Um, so hold up first. I want to say the one thing that you had mentioned, like, even just like going back, like right, like now, obviously. So for me going back, are you kidding me? Anger was my thing. And like everything else was everybody else's problem. It was never me. And I would just turn my anchor out towards everyone else, which I don't do now. But I was like, Right. Very. So I just want to name very different from how I always handle things to like how I handle things probably these last five years. Very, very different

Ashlie: 6:55

changes.

6:56

Oh my God. And I love that yours is right. Like you go to like the tears and go straight to the anchor.

Ashlie: 7:03

Yeah. Not to say I don't, you know, because I do, but I don't feel like it's an express, like I don't ever feel like it's accurately expressed. Because in conflict, I shut down. I just, poof, shut down mode.

7:16

So I noticed, for me, um, I actually, anger doesn't feel, I actually don't mind yelling, I love it. Uh, so. Well, there's that. Um, but like I said, mine is a big thing, but the big thing that I do though now is, is anytime I get a reaction to something, I, and I can do this when it's other people, I don't, like I said, my My still where I'm really working on is with my family, but outside of that, I can be like, Oh, I just noticed this. And you know what I mean? And it's more just becoming aware of being curious and not holding like any judgment there and being like, Hmm, what is this trigger trying to tell me? Right? Like I have a need that's not being met. What is that and why being super curious and not placing any judgment or any other thing on it because it is just an emotion in our body that needs to be moved out of our body, right? We just get to feel that emotion. We're not going to, um, label ourselves with that emotion. For instance, those with anxiety, right? It's not the. Oh, well, you know me, I just have anxiety all the time and right living from that space. We're not identifying as the emotion. We're just saying we feel an emotion that emotion gets to move out of us.

Ashlie: 8:50

So I think something that is super helpful with triggers to is to be okay with an out of the box way to handle it because I think we have in our head the way that we need to handle and should handle things and I'll give a specific example because I talked about my kids making me angry making me overwhelmed. I am not a morning person if you know me you know this, not a morning person, I am not my best in the morning. Need a couple cups of coffee before I even can be coherent. Um, and I resort, like, if I don't get that, like that time to myself, time to exercise, time to meditate time. And it doesn't, I don't need a lot of time to do it, but I need it. If I don't get that first thing in the morning, then what happens is the overwhelm takes over. And I am in this hurried, I go into hurried mode where I'm. I rush my kids. There is no time. We're going to be late. Get moving. You're not listening to me. And I, and I freak out. Um, so for me, something that helped solve it, because my kids were not getting the best of me, Jack, like I told my husband, I'm like, it's not fair to them. Like, I want them at home with me longer because I can have them home, but I'm a worse mom and I'm creating worse core memories for them. Because I'm keeping them home with me in the morning when I know I'm at my worst. Why wouldn't I have you take them to school? It is early in the morning. It's at 6am. It's super early. I know. I know there's going to be some judgment. So some of you moms are like, that's really early for you to like, but it allows me to have my time. And then I am so much better during work. I'm so much better after work. I pick them up earlier because I can, because I get my work done. And when I pick them up, I am just so looking forward to seeing them that they don't see that nasty, rude, overwhelmed part of me that they were seeing for honestly years now because I was so adamant about having time with my kids in the morning because I let the trigger take over.

10:42

Yeah, no, I feel that so much. That is very much the same for me, except I am a morning person. However, it is a non negotiable for me. I have to do like, I have my whole morning routine and if I don't do those things, My entire day is just screwed up, but I um Have a harder time keeping I don't want to say like I will have a lot more triggers come in and my emotions I can't necessarily Just be able to witness them. I then notice i'm more attaching to it and then i'm like Off the handle and i'm out of control. Um Which is really then a me problem that I have now tried to put on other people

Ashlie: 11:31

No, I, I have the same thing happen. So I love, um, the best advice I've gotten from one of my coaches. And she said, when you don't know how to handle something, cause you can feel the overwhelm setting or whatever the trigger is.

11:42

Yeah.

Ashlie: 11:43

Step back. So you, and you mentioned witnessing it, which I love and just ask for source, God, spirit, whatever your word is to come in and take over and to guide you in the best way to manage it in that moment.

11:59

It's interesting. I call my higher self and I know so many people will at that point go into like inner child healing sometimes and they'll call in like, you know what I mean, that parent and I don't always love that. And I definitely don't always like a guide, especially even with my clients because that's not really my thing

Ashlie: 12:17

either.

12:17

I could have had a shitty parent. So why would we want to do that? Um, and I'm always like, let's just do right to me. Higher self always feels best because it's the all knowing the all loving, like the oneness, like. Oh, yeah, all day, every day. That's who I want.

Ashlie: 12:33

And

12:34

like helping me with that.

Ashlie: 12:35

So you may advise right now, take over. I can't handle it. Let's go over. Cause I feel like when you, we think of triggers, like we've anger and anxiety, probably like to an anxiety can be, can be triggered by things. So let's acknowledge that. Yeah. But. There's shame, there's jealousy, there's sadness, there's all these things that can be triggered because somebody does something or because you experience something like somebody being rude when you're, let's say you're holding the door open. This is a trigger for my husband. He's holding the door open at the gas station and nobody says thank you. Oh my god, watch out, he is going to freak out on you internally. Sometimes he'll say you're welcome, but that's a trigger for him. So, um, but yeah, those are these little things that sort of add up, right? Um, I think jealousy, I don't think that's a big one that gets overlooked and what that really means. And it, oh, and I love what it is. I love what it actually is.

13:32

I do too, um, and I do think jealousy is one that gets overlooked. And I think it's funny because I think a lot of people who are jealous, um, it's, it's such an easy one too because Right, like to me, right, what jealousy always means is where you want to be. So I'm

Ashlie: 13:51

so aligned. Yeah, we're so aligned there.

13:55

Oh, that is amazing. Right. And I don't like we could bring so like the energetic piece into that too, so much. It's like, Like attracts, like, of course, you're going to see the good in them too. Right. And of course, like if you're feeling jealous, like, yay, now, you know what you want. How about we look at it from that angle? It's like, okay, you're feeling jealousy. Okay, great. Now, you know what you want. Cause that's really what it is.

Ashlie: 14:17

I love that so much. So let's give some examples. So somebody like, oh my gosh, I love when I see people who are so super well dressed because. It's not something I'm really into, like clothes and me, we're just like, we're whatever. But when I see somebody super well dressed, I have such appreciation for it. It doesn't make me jealous now, but there used to be a time where it would, we're like, why can't I, you know, do that? And now it's like, Oh, look at their presence. Look at their overall presence. And it's like an opportunity for us to admire something in somebody else. And rather than saying, Oh, wouldn't it be nice? Wouldn't it be nice?

14:52

Yeah, no, I agree. And I do. And I love that one. Um, and that and that's what jealousy like does for me, I can be able to see the other side of that. Like, if I feel like, Oh, this is something I know I want now.

Ashlie: 15:06

Definitely, definitely. Um, I can say that you can apply this to so many things, you can apply it to your home, you can apply it to so when you go into somebody's home, if you're like, Oh, my gosh, like, take it on as something that, you know, Oh, maybe this is something I could enjoy too, or that I, I can bring it in a way, or the way somebody might be. Well-spoken. Oh, that's something that I appreciate. Somebody who's very well-spoken. Oh, I just drool over it. I mean, oh, what a skill. What a gift. I mean, so jealousy, again, such a big one to be able to go, okay, that's something that I can, it's doing something to me so I can note that. Ooh. Something that I want for myself.

15:48

Yeah. The other one that I think is a big one, like, and I had kind of mentioned this shame I notice, um, and everyone has shame and I don't, but people of course don't want to admit that they have shame. Like as if there's something wrong, right? Like, Oh, I'm sure, you know, but it's really just what needs acceptance and what needs healing. And that. Is such a powerful one because if we can release the shame of things because there's nothing right there's nothing wrong. There's no right. There's no wrong. There's never a reason to even feel shame, but our bodies are going to do something else and feel however they want to feel. So that's one that I find, um, so so so many people have and they don't realize that it's shame.

Ashlie: 16:33

Well, I, you know what I find is that so many times we're blanketing shame with fear. Yeah. Saying we're afraid to do it because we are literally ashamed to admit that we are, you know, ashamed to talk about XYZ. And I'll even say there was a point in time when I first started getting into this, some of this stuff, into energy work, into, you know, communication with spirit, into some of the stuff. I was like, Ooh, do I need to measure who I can talk? And I did, I was like, Ooh, maybe I shouldn't bring this up. Or maybe I don't talk about this with this person because I was a little ashamed, like what if, um, and, and you know what that was, it was old programming that I was working through because I was taught that I should be. And when I say taught, not by my parents. My parents didn't try to shame me. Let's be clear. The construct in which I grew up in was one where you should be, you should feel shame if you are exploring things that you shouldn't be.

17:30

A thousand percent. That is right. Like you should feel shame if you're not fitting into the mold, right? Of like the normal, what, right? Like what society calls normal.

Ashlie: 17:41

Can we just normalize? Like how beautiful would this be? How cool would it be? And I know you're going to love this. If we could normalize the acknowledgement of energy and its impact in every setting, in a work setting, in a people setting, why are we still ignoring it? It's why we're so freaking miserable. Cause we are ignoring it.

17:59

It's the truth. And I probably spew up on that like all the time.

Ashlie: 18:03

I feel like I do. I'm

18:04

like, you know what I mean? I love that. Like my coworkers are now used to it from me, but like my family, I'm constantly, I just can't help it. And I agree. We should.

Ashlie: 18:13

Yeah, I mean, and I think that there's a place for everything too, but like, why, if we know that we're seeing increased sadness, increased, increased triggers, okay, let's be real.

18:23

Yeah.

Ashlie: 18:23

Increased triggers everywhere, especially post COVID. We know that going into some of this energy work is an easy way to heal it. Why wouldn't we just do it? So there's me on my soapbox. I'll step back now, but you know, definitely, definitely if we just embrace some of these pieces that we know can heal. So let's talk about what can heal some of these things. Sadness, jealousy, you talk, I know we talked about moving energy through us. So I know for me, exercise, meditation are big ones, and those are commonly talked about, but I think there are some specific practices that, I don't know, maybe you your fave and I can share mine. I don't know.

18:57

So, I kind of do two things, um, mine, so, right, somatic coach, like, that's a thing, triggers, right, so, I did the whole somatic, um, piece, and I do bring a lot of somatics into everything that I do, but my favorite is obviously, and always, breath work, right, being able to, I just allow my feelings to come, and it's like, ooh, what are you here for, what are you trying to show me, And, um, I am super compassionate with myself. I call my higher self in. I don't attach any judgment to it. And if you sit with that emotion for 90 seconds, it will move out of your body because it's just energy. And the energy just needs to be moved out. So you can bring your breath to it. You can bring movement to it. You can just, right, let it go. Like do what. Feels right to your body checking in with your body. Do you want to like shake it out? Do you want to breathe it out? Do you want to scream it out? Do you just want to release it all to Mother Earth? Like. Just really using right what works best for you to be able to bring that in that is the way I always do it, and I really like to another thing to like for and there's different ones that I use for different things for anger. I will like take a pillow and like throw it on the ground. I will. So I have lots of ones for that for anger. Another one that I'll do is I will cup. My ears cover my eyes, make a humming sound like a B and go, and I'll do that over and over that also activates light language. Just so you guys know, that's a whole nother topic for a whole other day, but there's so many different ways that I do it. Um, so yeah, how about you?

Ashlie: 20:39

So on it, so the first, the first thing that you said, same, same, same, same, same. I ask myself, I close my eyes and I ask, okay, where does this sit? Where do I feel the most? And I, you'll find commonalities. A lot of this stuff will, we'll get stuck in certain places for me. It tends to settle in like my, my womb space, like my, my sacral area or in my throat stuff loves settling in my throat first. That's why it's important. We're doing this podcast because my, something I am working through is that fear of being seen. And y'all, the only way to, to work on healing stuff is to do what scares the shit out of you. So here we are. So, um, Which I know is true for you too. So I asked for it settles and then I do something to counteract. Like, so to create like a, like allow it out. So a relaxation and I mentioned, um, exercise, but for me getting in the bathtub and just being in water is healing for me, I think of the water, like getting in, it cleanses off whatever needs to move through. And I think of it literally going down the drain with the water so it can move through me. It can still be a part of me and I never try to just get rid of it. I'll say that I never. Oh, you just can't be here because the more I find you said you can't see something or can't have something it wants to stay attached to you. But if I say nope, you can be here, but we're going to move through differently. And this is how it's going to look so reframing, which I know we talked about is the other piece for me where Okay, how can I talk about this in a way or feel this in a way where it resonates differently and it can hit different so when my inbox is full. And I know you've heard me talk about this, Jack. My inbox is full and I'm overwhelmed because there's a lot of emails. Instead of saying, shit, when am I going to get through this? It's, oh, thank you for the opportunity to manage all these emails. I am so lucky people are reaching out to me. I'm so lucky I have a job that I love. I'm so lucky that, uh, that I have a chance to communicate with this, this number of people today. Like, thank you for giving me those emails. And then it changes how it goes.

22:39

Yeah. Oh, I love that. Well, I think this has been, um, really amazing. And I think we can wrap it up here and guys just really remember our triggers are not something to be avoided. They really are embraced. So it is, um, Just being with it, allowing it to move, finding your way, and knowing that our emotions are right part of us and here, and we get to love all of them. Even the ones that we don't think are lovable, they are all lovable.

Ashlie: 23:13

Every single one.

23:14

Every single one. And don't try to get rid of them. Just allow them. Really allow them. Awesome. Um, we will see you next week.

Ashlie: 23:25

See you then.

23:33

Thanks for hanging out with us. If you want to hang some more, you can follow us at Ashley Allen Inspired and Jacqueline Kaminsky Body and Soul. Until next time, keep seeking.