Back When Life Felt Simple… Or Was It Really?

In this month’s episode of HER Side of the Story, Raye and Ash are taking it back to when life felt simpler—slower days, lighter moments, and fewer distractions. We’re talking about how to bring some of that ease back into our lives while still staying focused on finishing the year strong. Think of it as a mix of nostalgia, motivation, and real girl talk. So pour your coffee (or that glass of wine) and settle in for a conversation that will leave you feeling grounded, encouraged, and ready to keep going.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

For me, I think getting that dose of my community makes me really happy and makes me want to continue to push towards my goals and what I'm looking forward in life, because I want to share that with the people I love. Recently had to go back home, go to D.C. for work, and I hadn't seen my best friend at work since I moved. And when I say we had a effing ball, like it was just so like I didn't even know how much like I missed her.

SPEAKER_00: 0:31

Welcome to Her Side of the Story. This is the podcast where sister friends tell their side of the story about relationships, lifestyle challenges and triumph. Here are your hosts, Ray and Ash.

SPEAKER_01: 0:53

Hey guys, welcome back to Her Side of the Story. We are always excited to be here with y'all. We're so happy to be back. Hey, Her Side. This is Rae. This month, we're just kind of having girl chat again. Kind of some nostalgic 90s vibes. And we're just going to see where we go today. How are you doing? I'm good. It's, you know, it's Monday. The sun is out. The weather here in Maryland has been amazing. So I'm just taking that and always get to see your pretty face of course I'm happy so thank you I'm excited likewise yes and you know the weather's here it's good still in Florida may try to get some cool time in today but that's that's it good so of course we have to play a little game okay we got a game yes we have a game okay so talking about nostalgia talking about the things we loved and of course you and I talk about this all the time. One of the things we loved were the 90s and the early 2000s. Yes, what a time to be alive when things were so much simpler, funner, chiller. People wasn't doing too much. It's just, I just really miss the 2000s. Me too. I do too. The 90s was so good too. Like, oof, we're 90s babies. So of course, the best things happened in the 90s. But it was just, like you said, simpler, Lower, just a better, I agree. I think a better time. So one of the things we love, of course, were the fashion. Yes. The 90s. Okay. So our little game is fashion focused, you know, of course, because it's fall, fall fashions, all the things. But question number one, were you an Air Force One girly or Converse girly? Oh, interesting. I actually was an Air Force One girly. Like I remember having the bubble ones, like with the clear box. them oh my gosh yeah I was in the baby blue yes I had those I was eating the girls up but I was yeah Converse has always hurt my feet to this day like I don't I never got the height like I don't wear them so yeah they hurt my feet too Converse do you know I was neither of these I'm trying to think in the 90s I think I was a Puma Reeboks girly yeah I like Puma yeah Yeah, back in the day, I always had Nikes, but I don't know what the brand was. Like the Nike maybe was like my gym shoe. Like I didn't have, I wasn't into the shoe yet. So I don't know. But the sneakers I definitely remember were like the classic Puma. You remember the Pumas with the suede? Right. No, they were nice. Those were nice. Yeah, they were making a comeback. And like the Reeboks back in the day when those were popular. But I agree, the Converse always hurt my feet too. I had a pair. I remember that were gray and pink when I was in like my emo era. And they hurt my feet so badly. I recently bought a pair like a year ago that were like supposed to be like extra cushion. Girl, I wore them to the airport. I was like, never again. Am I traveling with this shoe on? It's a no. On the shoes too, I might go ahead and throw in an honorable mention. I don't know if you wore the pastries, but I love them. Yes, the pastries. They were so cute. The pastries were cute. The pastries had the girls in a frenzy. Yeah. So I got the next one. Did you like Baby Phat or Rock-A-Wear? Definitely a Baby Phat girl. But... I definitely had the Rock-A-Wear puffer jackets. Always with the little fur on the. Yes. But the baby fat like clothing with the like the cat on the front would be dazzled out. On the butt. Yes, but Rock-A-Wear, I definitely always get the little puffer with the fur. What about you? Rock-A-Wear. It was very trendy. Baby set. I don't know if I connected with that brand, but Rock-A-Wear, I had like shirts, jeans, a corset jacket. I just remember having a lot of pieces from them. I don't remember having much from Baby Phat. So I'm going to say Rock-A-Wear. And Juicy. We have to have Juicy in there because Juicy. The Juicy necklaces. Girl. And the bracelet. Yes. They used to. And the velour suit. I had one that I just had for so many years and the diamonds. Well, you know, the CZ started falling out and I finally had to let it go. Let it go. Bad heart necklace. Girl, I still have my bracelet. I still have my bracelet. I will not give it up. The necklace I

SPEAKER_02: 5:48

lost.

SPEAKER_01: 5:49

It's vintage. And I still got my little juicy velour terrycloth bag. I was like, I'm keeping these for my daughter. She gonna be fly. So that's speaking of funny enough clothing, the airbrushed tee or graphic tee? Girl, I don't know where this one came from. I don't even know because airbrushed tees, I always thought were so tacky. Like, but I live for a little graphic, like a little character. Yeah, right. People used to be wearing them airbrushed tees down, especially senior week. I'm like, this is so corny. So I didn't like airbrushed. I would wear a graphic tee like. Yeah, the graphic tee, I definitely wore those. The airbrush, I remember it would be cool if you and like your friends got the same airbrush, you know, whatever the same was on the airbrush. I remember the only airbrush thing I got was these little velour Terry Croft white shorts and they had my name airbrush on the on the butt child. I don't know where I thought I was going with those, but that was the only airbrush thing I had because I agree with you. I never did the matching shirts or nothing with my friends. If y'all want to do airbrush, count me out. I can't do it. And then I got the next one. So would you say you like the throwback jerseys or were you a denim jacket girly? Definitely a denim jacket. I'm still a denim jacket girly. It's a millennial thing. It has to be. Because I don't see the younger girls wearing denim jackets like that. Yeah, not really. Yeah. So I was a denim jacket girl. I still love a good denim jacket now. Yeah, that was me. What about you? Girl, I didn't wear like the jerseys, but the jersey dresses. The jersey dresses. That was a time to be alive. Ooh. Oh, my God. Yes. I had the Laker one. Yes. That was probably my favorite outfit for a long time. The Laker one with your Air Force Ones or your pastries. Yes. Yes. And then I had a baby blue one. Now, don't knock me if it was real or not, because I don't know if the Lakers had baby blue jerseys at one point in time, but I had a baby blue jersey dress and it was just perfect fit. They were made really well. They were cute. They were really cute. When them video girls were wearing those, we had to get ourselves on. Oh yeah, I remember. Okay, baggy jeans or skinny jeans? That phase is really hard for me to remember because I don't know if I ever really liked baggy jeans, but I feel like skinny jeans were within the past 10 years. But I think I really truly like the boot cut or a flare lace. I'm about to say flare. That's what we were wearing back then. Yeah, yeah. We were wearing more. I feel like if we're talking about high school to college I was definitely wearing skinny jeans the skinnier the better with like a flat and one of those shirts that go over your butt like a long right right tunic tunic style

SPEAKER_02: 8:59

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 9:01

yeah that would be my go-to outfit if I had to pick so definitely a skinny I was never into the baggy jeans I agree more of a like you said either bootcut flare or skinny Yeah. And I have the last one. When you got your nails done, did you have a friendship or did you like designs? So I really did not get my nail done until college. Like my mom would let me go get a little pedicure manicure for my birthday or something, but it would just be like regular polish or like back in the day, you could do the little flower with the rhinestone. Yeah. So I did not get acrylic nails until college. And that was very short lived because the girl ain't got no money. So when I would go, I would definitely still be getting the airbrushed hand paint painted designs like we're in 1990s. And sometimes the French, I feel like the long French tip came more so to France. when like second year of college, like I was noticing a lot of the girlies doing that French tip again. I was like, okay, I would do that on my toes, but on my nails, I still wanted the, the little bling bling. Yeah. What about you? Girl, I, it was a trend. I don't know if you remember the junk nail. How about the junk nail? My nails stay with the junk nail. And that's like what crystals and all types of junk. Yeah. Just basically whatever the person had, they just do it on your nails and stuff. I don't, I feel like I grew up in French tips were like saw as like oh you're too grown if you have that or red red nails yeah yeah so I avoided French tips for a long time but now that's like my preferred like I see some really cute nail styles but I just can't get with it it just I guess it don't really fit you're my persona yes last one pass yes we can't wait to hear what y'all think or what your vote was because that was a good throwback definitely a throwback. So being nostalgic and talking about the past, we kind of mentioned it when we just started the conversation. Do you think life was actually simpler back then? Or do you think it just feels that way now? Wow, that's really the question. I feel like life was simpler back then. Like, unfortunately, I do think social media has caused a lot of disarray in people's mental health. health or just even the way they perceive themselves and this comparison culture that we have right now. But I think the biggest thing that I remember about it being so much simpler back then, it wasn't this big wave of fear and doing everyday activities or having to be hyper vigilant of things that you just need to get done. I'd say, or community, like I say, like just a lack of community is just something that makes it seem not so simple anymore. more I like remember living in Philly right and I walked home from like karate practice one day no one bothered me it's like everybody out there know like oh that's so-and-so's daughter she lives two blocks up watch her make sure she get there like you had community back then and just like maybe it feels like it was similar because we were children and we were young but I think as an adult I feel like community is different now It's less of it. That's a really good observation that you stated there saying like community is maybe what made it feel simpler because that makes a lot of sense, right? When you have people to assist you through life, it helps a lot, you know? And I agree. I don't think we have that as much anymore. I think sometimes people now, either two things are calculated. with when they're choosing to ask you for help or if, you know, if you are giving them help, they're expecting help in return, right? Where before, I think genuinely it was just... I'm helping you because that's the right thing to do. I think we've lost a little touch of humanity. Oh, for sure. And a little touch of just looking out for your neighbor. Like that saying that African proverb takes a village, it really does. Like it really, really does take a village to, I think more so now than back then, which is crazy that it's just not there like it used to be. I agree with you, that sense of community. Like when I was little, even like where I live, you would stop and talk to your neighbor. You know what I mean? And like, how are you? They would come to your house. You've been inside their house. There's my neighbors. I've never even, I don't even know their name. It's crazy that that's what's going on now because like, that's not what I remember. Yes. Speaking. Yeah. engaging like hanging out is it's just very different now yeah and I do think I think life was simpler because we were kids and I think we grew up like you said in a time where people looked out for each other so those doing those daily tasks where you don't have to be looking behind your back is this happening is that happening is this going to happen to me right made the difference because your your neighbor cared about you cared about like I said they had humility they had understanding they had wanting to protect their neighbor and I don't I don't think that's there anymore and I think that's it's not just with violence but it's also with what we say to each other I think people like you said the social media the internet make it so easy like okay this is a great prime innocent example you know I love Bravo so there's a show that I used to love used to love called Ladies of London they took it off for like now maybe nine years it's been a minute they're bringing it back okay they just teased a little trailer and it said coming soon so I commented on Bravo's Instagram and was like we are so excited to see them back and then someone comments it's not the same girls it's yeah the negativity be loud and I said hi there thank you for that I know it's not the same women but I'm still excited to see this franchise come back I know it's not the same women. If you follow Bravo, they've told us they ain't going to be the same ladies. One of the older ladies is on Housewives of London right now. So I know it's not the same people. I'm just excited they're back, like ladies of London. I don't care who the lady's going to be. I'm excited the franchise is back because it was such a good show on Bravo. But it was like that quick, literally, girl, I posted that. Not even 10 minutes later, I get a comment. I'm like, I don't even know you. So that's what I'm saying. It's so easy to correct. I'm doing air quotations for wreck someone because you're being hidden over social media and all that stuff. But yeah, I think life was simpler. I do. I think it was simpler. I think we cared more for each other. And now we're just going with the flow and become more selfish. Really? We wasn't even trying to go there today. But really, this epidemic of selfishness and I'm only going to do what's best for me. Doesn't matter how bad I hurt someone. It's just, hey, this one makes me feel good at the moment. But, you know, back then it just was a lot less of that pressure and comparison. So what would you say? Like, how can we really kind of change that energy or bring that same slower simpler times into today's world or even just your world? I think... how we could do that is actually slowing down. Like, I think this weekend I spent really not doing anything. A friend of mine invited me last minute, which I'm one of those people who I'm such a planner. It wasn't last minute. It was out the blue. She was going to a cafe, regardless if I was going, invited me to go. And I was like, yeah, actually, I don't have anything really to do today, but I'm going to go. And it was lovely. It was, I think I needed that to sit outside because I hadn't sat outside and so long to get like that vitamin D, to have conversation with her, like to slow down. And we were there from 11, 12, one, two, three, five hours. We were there. And it was just so nice to slow down. And I think that's actually it is slow down. Like take time for yourself. This weekend, all I did, girl, I came back after that, took my clothes to dry cleaner, went to get my eyebrows done, came home, ate, put on a face mask, put on a feet mask. Watched a show, just had like a slow weekend. And I really was like, this feels so good. Like this felt, it reminded me, I don't have to plan everything. I really, and if something comes up where I have an opportunity, maybe I should just go for it. Because at first I was going to be like, no, like, oh God, this wasn't planned in my day. But then I'm like, you know what, Ashley, go. Like you've been wanting to see her. I've been trying to get together. It hasn't happened. It was nice just to be, to slow down. Really, that's what I would recommend. Slowing it down a little bit, taking a moment for yourself and, you know, recharging, recharging that, that battery. But what about you? Oh, I love that. I'm just, you can't fear going this episode, but I'm grinning so hard. Cause it was like, really, you have to like, like you said, just slow down and just hearing that, like you were able to be spontaneous. It makes me think of the thought, like, in order to bring some of that slowness, you cannot be married to your plans. My day is going to go like this. I feel like the more rigid you are with being married to plans or even, I'm going to just say it, even expectations of other people, you're more likely to feel like things aren't going smoothly or things aren't simple anymore because you're too married to your own thoughts and not the ways that the world around you can move. I would say that Like just having some flexibility in your day. Knowing when to rest. We talk about it all the time, like self-care. And then back to the community piece, like just be a loving, nice person. It's so much harder to be the opposite. Mean, not looking out. Like you just never know who you'll need and what impact or what you can learn from somebody. I think people think they know every freaking thing and they don't want to learn from others. I think that too like just get in the habit of wanting to be more open yes for people's experiences and what they can teach you yeah I that's a that's a beautiful way to put that and I agree with those sentiments for sure because I definitely being more rigid with yourself causes I think disappointment yeah and just a little loosen up let the reins go a little bit you know right and you would be surprised what you can learn, what you can find, what you can discover about yourself, about someone you love, about other like all different things. So I like that tip. So kind of tying into, you know, how we can bring some of that energy back. Why do you think that we crave simpler times? Do you think it's because we're like we said, we don't know how to sit down. We want to sit down, but we can't. We got to be on go. What reason do you think we're having those nostalgic moments? And, you know, we just sat here for like 10 minutes talking about what we just used to wear back in the day and we relaxed. and smiling and all the things. And I feel like sometimes we've lost some of that. Why do you think that is? Like, why do you think we're, we're struggling to enjoy the now? Girl, I hate to bring the science into it, but you know, I got to. I feel like the advancement, we got to just think about our time as millennials. I think the advancement of like AI and all these, like, remember when we first got in the game of like being social teams, did you have a cell phone I barely ever like just imagine yes how much technology has transformed in just our 30 plus years and I think for some people they're becoming heavily reliant on that and they don't even know how to build natural humanistic relationships I think so some of us who didn't get like we know technology but it doesn't consume us we do crave for simpler times like you know me like we talked about this in our very one of our earliest episodes do not text me like call me or send me or FaceTime me or something I would prefer the interaction because like texting you're just gonna get a short answer from me you're not gonna know why you're not gonna be able to read my expression you're not gonna really know you know what I'm thinking or what I'm trying to say so I think that's what the issue is one of the issues and why some of us really just you know don't want to deal with social media and these other new technology advances because they kind of like you said it's dilute in our humanistic empathy and all those good things that come with being human minded yeah I agree with that because I think too the AI point is so interesting that you brought up but I did have a cell phone but you remember back then you couldn't make calls until after nine and then you only had yes you had to use the house phone or you could text, but the text was so hard. It would take you 10 minutes to just say hi. So we weren't texting much. You know, I think we braved the simpler times because you really had to, and I'll say this with communicating, you really had to be intentional about communicating with someone. Like you said, calling on the phone, you had to use the house phone. So I would see my friends way more back then than I do now. Of course, yes, we are working. We're like adulting. A lot of us went to school together. I get that. But I had to plan a date with my friend. Like, hey, do you want to go to the mall on Saturday? And you had to keep it. Because that's how hard it was to set up now. And people don't keep their appointments now for whatever reason. So I can just catch up with this person later. Later, yeah. You had to keep it. I think, too, because... Well, one, because... That's what you were looking forward to. There was no other distraction. Remember, like even TV, we didn't have on demand like we did until like later on. So like watching a show, that show would be scheduled on Friday night. I used to watch TGIF Fridays. That was my thing. On Friday night with Sabrina the Teenage Riff, Clueless, Boys Meets World. Those were scheduled shows. If I missed it, I missed it. I couldn't go back and I would have to catch a rerun when they did a little marathon. That's one. Okay. Two, Thank you. I think you really, we weren't drained. Whatever it was about that time, we were not drained. So you looked forward to seeing the person you got to see. You were excited about it. And I think now when you're even just, you're just saying like, oh, we could cancel with people so quickly because we do, we all do it. Like I do it. My friends do it. Oh, I can catch up with this person so easily. One, like you said, the social media of it all, there's people girl okay there's I think people confuse being in someone's life with being connected to their social media accounts but what people think is oh I see her on social she must be well she's posting she's this she's that I can cancel on her hey girl let's catch up another time because I've seen her she just went to that trip in Spain okay look lovely great what do I need to meet with her I see it on here that doesn't mean you're connected to my life as I've always said social media is for a lot of people especially now because when we first started Instagram it was just post whatever you want kind of thing post a picture with you and your friend whatever now it's so about curation that I'm really filtering what I'm posting to you yeah you know so I think there you lose people think they know you because they're or connected with you because of social media people are tired people are drained the world has gotten really wild and crazy and people are just drained right like they're saying more people are showing signs of anxiety and depression than ever like yeah the numbers real bad the numbers are bad and that's from lack of community and that's from a lot of self-isolation on the social so that's that's my take on it for sure Yeah. So switching gears just a little bit because literally we're on the go all the time. We're canceling. We're making plans. We're doing we're doing the most. But what helps you personally to slow down but still keep the momentum towards your goals? And what's the balance with that? For me, it's being around my community. people you love, you're just really happy. And for me, I think getting that dose of my community makes me really happy and makes me want to continue to push towards my goals and what I'm looking forward in life, because I want to share that with the people I love. Absolutely. For me, it's like, OK, when I accomplish this, I can text my friend and be like, listen, this is I did it. I did that. I got this done because I know they'll be champion me on. And congratulating me and that feels good and it's so again another time for me to celebrate with the people I love so that means I get to bring the people I love together though I feel like that that really is my another way I kind of recharge my energy is spending it with the people I love like maybe I think part of not only was I slowing down this weekend but seeing Lexi really helped me like it was someone who I hadn't seen in a while and it was like I loved this person And it really feels good to see them and be with them and talk and jibber jab and all the things and explore a new place. And, and even on Friday with Lindsay, I went out with Lindsay, had a, I was telling Leland this morning, I was like, I had a great time on Friday. He was like, yeah, I could tell. I was like, yeah, I had a great, because he was away this weekend. I was like, I had a lovely time on Friday. I was jamming out there playing good R&B, 90s, 2000s music at the restaurant. And we were going, going off her and I. So that would be mine. What would be yours, Veray? I'm going to echo. I have two points when I look at it. Two ways. But I really want to echo what you said. Like that, sometimes you just don't even know how bad you need a dose of your community until you get the dose. Because there's two situations. I'm trying to tell them quick. But I recently had to go back home, go to D.C. for work. And I hadn't seen my best friend at work since I moved. And we're When I say we had a effing ball, like it was just so like, I didn't even know how much, like I missed her. I didn't know. I haven't seen her in a year. I didn't know the conversation with how it was going to go so well, but it was just like, we were texting each other out afterwards. Like, oh my God, I missed you so much. And it was just like, why? I wish we spent more time before I moved away. Yeah. So just slow down and admire the people that you have around you. This ain't even a second point, but then you came to see me recently and I I literally text you the same thing after I left you. Like, you don't know how bad I need to see you. And you also invited me to Lili's family's house. And I was just like, I needed me a good Black family grand old. He had that ball on his face. And I was just like, I didn't even know I needed this so bad. And that's just the hard part about when relationships are in distance now. Like our friendship is a long distance relationship. it now and it's just like yeah you miss those things so definitely the community the community piece getting those I think that slows you down and it really tells you how much of this experience is with your relationships this human experience also too I don't know if you heard like right now it's like something trickling through social media TikTok the great lock-in of like this year the end of the year quarter four and you know some people slow down they lose momentum I think it's a good thing I think Or you don't lose momentum. It just looks different is what I think. So, you know, you're not as outwardly showing all your moves during September through December. You're just kind of quietly grinding. And I think that's the perfect season to do it. You know, you don't need to be out spending all your money, doing all the eating out and just focus on what you really want to gear up for the next year. So I slow down. It means of I'm not like I post a lot less during the fall like I probably post on my personal page maybe once a month if that during the fall but you know you'll see her side posts and things like that but now I gotta focus I gotta recalibrate and I'm still moving towards my goals it's just at a slower kinder pace because you have to be kinder so I'll be grinding so hard all year long it's just a kinder pace during the fall months I like that. Yeah. I like that. I didn't know about the Great Lock and now I have to go watch some videos. They say it's no alcohol, no sex, no... Oh. For the non-married people, no sex, no... I don't want to say, maybe it's just like things that are personal to you, but just working on you and your brand or whatever you feel like. It's kind of like a cycle, like, you know, in the beginning of the year, that kind of thing. So kind of like start really almost like starting, finishing off the year with how you want it, how you want it to start for yourself. Right. Okay. It's a couple other points that slip in my mind, but I was like, you know what? I'm going to participate in the great lock-in, like no alcohol, no this, no that, whatever. Like just focus, no eating out or spending, like some people have spending limits, no spending warranty or budget for the week and stuff like that. Okay. I will say there's no clothing shopping for me. I definitely took that one on. I'm like, you have enough clothes and you brought them and stop. You got a problem. Stop. I know. I know. I'm getting there. Yeah. Not a problem. I started, I started the year off like that, but I really, well, we were talking about this, how I'm like in this declutter mode. Yeah. And like I was telling Lili that I only want to have, which is still a lot of shoes for one person, 50 pair of shoes. Like that's where I would like to get myself to because I have quite a few, but I would like to at least only have 50 or less because I really don't wear, Some of my shoes are just so like certain outfit too. And I don't even have the outfit like, and like we were talking, some of them are just sky high heels that a girl can't wear no more. I can't, I can't rock them. So I, I'm in the same, but in a different way of like the decluttering and, and reorganizing myself and everything to feel like I'm looking at my beauty desk, which I'm sitting here at now. And I'm like, this is how it should look. I I can actually see all my jewelry on my lip glosses on my foundation. Like, yeah, it's like it should not have been looking chaotic for all of literally quarter three. But yeah, I love those. We've talked about community and platonic relationships, and this could still relate to platonic relationships. But do you think relationships were more genuine back then? Yeah. Back then, yes. You don't have to really like a person. You know, because it was effort. Everything about friendship or relationship was a lot more effort put into it. Yeah. Yeah. And genuineness. Like, I don't remember recalling any relationships back in the day that felt fake to me. Like, they ran a course for sure, but the love was real. Now I just feel like nobody really wants to work. for these relationships. Everybody want a quick fix, whatever makes them high in the moment. As soon as it doesn't, then it's not for them. And that's not really the case. You just don't want to put in effort or work. And I think that's more like a romantic relationship that I'm talking about because I still feel like friendships are genuine. A lot of the friendships have carried over through those nostalgia and tenacity. So I feel like your friendships, I just think that every, like, Not everybody, but romantic relationships are a lot harder now. Because there is so many options. And I don't mean options and like looks wise and things like, okay, I feel like this person ain't working for me today. This person might though. So I don't know. It's a mess. That's the access to like the phone, the quickness ability. The quickness of it all. Yeah. You give me problems, it don't even matter because I didn't even put in that much work. Yeah. That part. Yeah. I... also believe that not that the relationships weren't genuine because a lot of my relationships have carried on from that time like we said to now I definitely reflect the same sentiments as you with the dating side of things I think we are much more easily able to discard someone now because we can say there's options we can say whatever the excuses that this person wants to give but I do think that is what has really changed is that one we also don't go outside like that so where before we used to like that's the only way because we didn't have technology to communicate with someone right you know you can you can be texting someone for two months before you meet them in person I mean it can happen right same with your friend like you can be like oh I haven't seen my friend all year or or what this year but I text them all the time so it feels like I'm whipped up you know what I mean but I think that is what has changed a lot and I think there is one thing that will never change is when you are face to face and in the same space as someone there's no amount of AI that can help you with that there's no amount of texting that can help you with that or social media scrolling that can help you with that it is something to still be sad about like being near someone in person and yeah dating is hard it is very very hard now it is and and I still too think the options that you're talking about does have to do with the looks and stuff like that because it's the apps you could just literally just scrolling aimlessly you'd be like sometimes you forget you're like what am I even doing oh here oh I'm just scrolling you don't even care to look or read what what the person's profile is. You're just looking at their one picture, like, ooh. And then two hours later, you're like, I done scrolled through this whole thing. It didn't match, not once. It didn't match, not once. I DM'd 10 different people. I was talking to someone the other day. I was like, how did you and your partner meet? He was like, I slid in her DM. I was like, see? He's like, I saw her on one of my homegirls. They went out and she posted her and I slid in her DM. I mean, luckily they were together, but he was like, yeah. Like, that's how crazy That's not how crazy, but like that's dating now. Like I see someone, I'm going to DM you. Instagram is the modern dating app. They should really put that in their bio. Like modern dating. It gives you, it kind of gives you dating for free. I mean, it does because you can look at the person if they're public. And a lot of Instagram now, I get requests all the time for people who I don't know. We'll have mutual friends, but I don't even know you. And you're

SPEAKER_02: 39:20

requesting a follow.

SPEAKER_01: 39:21

Yes. Yeah. And it's like, okay, you're just trying to see what I've got going on. You know what I mean? Which, if the profile is public, you technically could. You could go over his or her photos. Yeah, I'm like, okay. Or at least what they want you to see. Exactly. Yeah. No, they like going to karaoke on Thursdays. Oh, they want to go. I'm going to go to karaoke. Oh, they frequent this place. I'm going to go over here. I'm going to go see a man. That's so I didn't even think about it like that. I mean, it is. They work out at this place. I'm going to get me a gym membership. I've been needing to get me. It's like, there's so many. Or you'll see, oh, we have a mutual friend. Oh, we have three. Oh, I'm going to hit up so-and-so and ask what's going on with him or her. Don't lie that it never happened. I hate that. I've messaged you a few times, like, who is this person? Yeah, somebody I knew when I saw your picture. Mm. And vice versa. Exactly. You'd be like, girl. Girl. You don't want to know. You don't want to know. So, yes. But I definitely, the same sentiments. I think it's made relationships harder in this world we live in. So what would you say slowing down? How does slowing down, you know, everything's quick and easy right now. Playing, keeping relationships healthy today? I think slowing it down allows you to reconnect with... your person and that's platonic or romantic I think it allows you to hear them listen to them really check on them really see what what's going on with them it allows you to sometimes reevaluate the way you show up for them or don't show up for them I think that when you choose to slow down with someone you care about it's because you really care it's because you want to put Right. Right. The role that it plays is an important one. You have to slow down to keep the relationship healthy. You have to slow down to hear your friend out, listen to your friend, listen to your loved one. Because especially when you have relationships that are old, sometimes you get so used to them. You feel like I don't need to put effort into this. This person's here with me, for me all the time. I could call them whenever, but it's nothing else. One of my, one of my girlfriends was having a really rough week last week. And I was like, I'm going to send her flowers. And that's what I did. And she was like, I'm just very grateful for this. Like this brought a smile to me that, yeah, it took me two seconds to do that. And yes, money, but it was, I knew it would make her smile. And in that moment, I was like, I can slow down and take 10 minutes out my day. to do this for someone because I know will make them smile. And so it's important. It's important to have that. If you want a healthy relationship, I think you have to slow down. So that's my take on it. I agree with everything you said. I really don't even have much to add. Like that visibility that gets clouded the longer you're in a relationship or a friendship goes. Just the routine becomes it becomes just that routine and you don't think like hey maybe I should spend an extra hour checking on my friend maybe I don't maybe I should spend some time just listening to my partner continuing with them continuing to date them so that slowing down piece and really visually looking at your partner and allowing them to be vulnerable or visible like it that's that's the good part about slowing down like hopefully your friend isn't going anywhere what's the rush hopefully you man, your girlfriend, they ain't going nowhere. What's the rush? What's the rush? Ask yourself. I am hot and ready like Little Caesars. That's how people want it. That's how they want it. So, yeah, I agree. Everybody wants to be seen. And I know it's the golden rule. Treat others like you want to be seen. You want to be seen. You want to be listened to. You want to be understood. Try doing all of that to yourself. And yeah, so I agree too. so what is one thing as we talked about kind of the great reset is that no what was it was the great lock the great lock in the great lock in what is one thing you're leaving in the past and one thing you're carrying forward into your present really question is so deep i don't even know if i'm ready for that i'm leaving in the past I think for me, I really need to let self-doubt go. I've been burning myself up with that. And just like, okay, y'all. Elaborate. Maybe it's like some self-worth issues. I downplay my ability and myself a lot for things that probably don't serve me no more. And the self-doubt is weird for me to describe because I have every capable skill set and I still don't know why I would doubt but like I have to recognize that that's been instilled in me in a not so good way and so like I really want to leave that in the past like self-doubt like not honoring myself in my pursuits and what I've done in my life and who I am today I think a lot of people like to keep you in your past and that can cloud how you feel about yourself too so like that's what I'm leaving I'm not going to dishonor myself I'm not going to downplay myself or doubt my ability because I know I can do whatever I put my mind to. I wasn't planning to go that deep, but that's the truth. Yeah. And one thing I'm carrying forward into my present is hope. I love that. I love that. Like, life has a way of trying to tear you down, right? But I've always been an optimistic person. And, like, I just want to lean into that. And I hope, like, I have bigger hopes for, like, the future. It's a lot of stuff going on right now. And we aren't a political podcast, so we don't talk about politics much. But we'll allude to them. So I'm going to allude to, like, this just being challenging times for a lot of people, whether it's financial, whether it's political influences, whether you feel like you're in danger. It a lot of things going on. So, like, I really want to carry into the next year, like, hope, optimism, and just, like, being mentally free of anything that's bonding my mind, like, binding my mind down. So, yeah. Didn't mean to go that deep, but it is what it is. No, it's true. I mean, that's the one thing about our broadcast. Like, we don't sugarcoat. We tell our truth. So... Those are some deep and real ones. And it's good that you can be vulnerable like that. So for me, what I'm leaving in the past, I don't know yet. But one thing I will say I'm looking forward to the future about is living and being happy. Like reminding myself.

SPEAKER_02: 47:28

Yeah, simple.

UNKNOWN: 47:30

Yeah, like...

SPEAKER_01: 47:32

I don't know why, like sometimes, you know, this weekend for me, I felt so happy. Like I felt really happy. It's, and I've really, I've been posting a lot about it. Like, My friends, how, I don't want to get emotional, but like how proud I am of my friends, how much I love my friends. Going to my family reunions on Lili's side and on my side, I was so happy, like being around my loved ones, seeing my loved ones thriving, seeing, you know, it was Elsie's birthday on Saturday and I FaceTimed her to see her like so happy. She was away and like to see her, I was like, you look, I literally texted her after I got off the phone. I was like, I love you. When I'm seeing you happy, it makes me so happy. So like just simple stuff like that, like just being happy, like finding happiness in little moments and little things, not always having to be so extravagant and so big to be like, oh, this brings me joy. But like literally something like going to grab coffee with your friend or something like your friend driving down, you know, to come to your family reunion or like, Being meeting family you haven't met in a long time or receiving a text message from your friend just saying, I'm proud of you. Like, I love I love this for you. Like, you are that girl. Like seeing that spending a Friday night eating pizza with your friend, you know. at a local spot like it was a simple thing that I just want to be happy about and and I feel like stuff that we take for granted yes yeah like really those things that can make us happy but you'll pick it for granted yes like stuff and I think where we were with seeing like how the world is and how like life really no one knows what life will bring to you it's like well in this life that I have I just want to be happy and I just want to live and do things that make me happy. That's it. So that's mine for the present. For the past, I want to stop being so tolerant of things. I think with me, I tolerate a lot from people just because I'm like, I don't feel like going here with you. So I'm just going to let it roll off my shoulders. And I'm really done with that. And I want to keep it in the past. I don't want to bring that into the rest of this year. And I think I need to start standing up for myself more. I do. I'm someone who is crazy because if you bring conflict to me, I will finish it. But I'm not going to bring the conflict to you. I think I need to speak up more. I really do. I think I need to express myself and be like, I don't like that. I didn't like what you did. I didn't like how you spoke to me. I didn't like how you made me feel. feel you know and I feel like I'm like I said I tolerate it so much and I think for me to be enjoy myself and live in that happiness that I want for myself in the future, I can't keep tolerating stuff. And I feel like I've done it. That's my word for the year. Tolerate, not tolerate. Two words. I've really done that this year. I've emptied relationships that no longer are worth it. I've let go of clients who I'm like, listen, I can't get you what you want and you can't get me what I need. Right. Which is the this deal to close let's just leave this where it is you go your way I go mine and that's it I'm done like I'm really done tolerating things that really bring me angst and anxiety and all these type of things just because I'm afraid of what the way the person will perceive me they probably already perceive me away anyway but clearly if they're trying me they think I'm weak and meek and mild hence why they keep right so So it's like, for me, I'm leaving that extreme toleration of bad behavior. Right. I'll be specific. A bad behavior in the past. I'm not doing that no more. But that would be mine or what we're leaving in the past. I love that. What would you say is your personal strategy for slowing down, but not losing your spark to close us off? For me, I think this really speaks to me, like romanticizing my hustle, my grind, turning like that, doing that little face mask was very nice, turning my routine into a ritual. So. Okay. Yes. I have to, we all have to work most of us every single day. Yeah, for sure. So how can I make this day sweeter? What does that mean? Okay. If I can work from home, maybe I can work from outside for a little bit. Maybe I can get a smoothie, right? Make myself a smoothie. Maybe while I'm working, I can, you know, put my feet in the little pedicure at home, pedicure thing. I got, you know, how can I, How can I romanticize this for myself? Because if we just keep going like this, we'll never remember happy times. Yeah, we won't. So that would be one of them. And then I think really for me, because sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm over here, I'm over there, I'm over here, I'm over here, I'm over here. Simplifying it, like we said, going back to simpler times, focusing on, you know, like this month, I've picked two goals I want to focus on. That's it. I've already scheduled my outings for this the rest of the month. That's it. I can't add any more on for me. And I think that's it. Just giving myself one or two things that I can focus on. Right. Like and that I could really put my attention to, but I get them completed, whether that's hanging out with a friend going to do see a movie or that's me like I'm doing now organizing my mess of a closet that that's those are my tasks you know what I mean and that's it I can't take on any other planned events if something spontaneous and I'm feeling up for it yes I probably will go but those that's it and I think just simplifying that like just taking it instead of spending which I always trouble doing spending the whole day cleaning which you know me you do no two hours that's it because after when we spend those days we get so sick and we're tired and then we can't even do anything the next three days because it took us yeah because it took us one day whole day when we like some now. So that's what I mean by kind of just simplifying it and taking it easier. What about you? I would agree like on the focusing on lessons more to really slow down, but still like keep your momentum up. Like when you have too much on your plate, it's not a good thing. I think like we've been trained that, okay, we're doing all these things. So that means we're like, what's the word? Productive. And actually like we're just stressing ourselves out and kind of real progress is and how I remember is like like the tortoise won the race not the rabbit like it's okay to slow down and take your time and focus on one or two things I have to go and it's a shameless plug I think I mentioned the affirmation app on a previous episode

SPEAKER_02: 55:27

that thing

SPEAKER_01: 55:28

I love it because it really reminds me of how much I have done already like the things that I'm trying to think one in particular oh I had I will you know you can to record your own affirmations. I literally said, I will fix my teeth and girl, who can my teeth fix? There's a line. Like, it's so many affirmations I have on here that have already been completed and I find it very comforting to be like, yo, you're not behind. You're doing all these things. You're right on time and you don't need to focus. Like, this haul will be a little busy for me, but I'm literally focusing on her side and romanticizing moving because I hate to move. This time it's going to be a good move. I'm going to spend my life. It will be what I got to do. So yeah, just focusing on two or three things and reminding yourself how, how much you really have done, how far you really have come from things. It's okay. It's okay. You're not behind. Okay. You're right on time. You're right on time. I love those. That's a great way. to close out this episode you're right on time so you are okay before we forget our whatever of the month her pick okay so my first pick is oh my god I'm gonna slaughter this name is it Elmine Elmine Elmine he's a singer Elmine I can't get it right y'all got their spelling E-L-M He is an R&B singer and influenced by D'Angelo. Yeah, he's good. He got that 90s vibe to him. And just the music he makes is so beautiful. And for him to be so young, he's only 24. He's a cancer like us. Of course. His birthday is the day before mine. It made a lot of sense. I'm just latched on to his music. It's so putting it on while you're cleaning put it on while you're like it's music you can do anything to it like while you're working you just dropped the album maybe four or five days ago listen to the album and the thing about it is the new concept of albums you know they make albums shorter now so there's like 12 or 13 songs but it's only 26 minutes and when I looked up and saw it was over I was genuinely like heartbroken like no I need two more hours with this yeah I gotta play this over and over again 26 minutes but that is my product of the month and then my second one is you I really wanted to honor you today just like you mean so much to me and I feel like how Oprah felt about Gail like I don't know I don't know a better person and you listen to all my BS you're there for the highs and the lows and you know that's hard to find in a sister or a friend sometimes and it's not for play play you really are who you say you are That's even rare. You're always there. You're always celebrating. Thank you. She did it literally this week and I kept the voicemail because it ate. I was like, what? You said my girl, what? I had to keep it. It was so uplifting. I see you and I'm really looking forward to seeing what God's going to do for you and until next year thank you amen honey okay amen and you too I love you and adore you cherish you truly you are my beyond my friend you're my family so I love you you amaze me daily you really are and same with you who you say you are is who you are and that's rare so you are a gem a diamond thank you girl you're a pearl okay here But you're still shining. Okay. Okay. So my item of the month is by MediCube. Have you heard of this brand?

UNKNOWN: 59:55

No.

SPEAKER_01: 59:55

So I have been loving their kojic acid turmeric night wrapping mask. It's a mask that you wear at night. You remember that day you were like, girl, you look like you look like I was because I remember I told you I put that mask on. And it feels, you know, because it tightens your face. So you have to peel it off in the morning. But it gets you like, oh, my God, it gives you like a suppleness to your skin and your cheeks. And there's a few other products I've been loving. Buy them too. I do remember that day. Yes. Yeah, we were talking. Yeah, we were. My girl's skin was looking flawless. I said, what are you doing? She said, oh, I got a new regimen.

UNKNOWN: 1:00:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:42

And I've been liking their PDRN pink peptide serum, which is what I think really helped that serum. Then like you duster during the day and then putting the mask on. I do the mask twice a week. I really, really love their items, their beauty items. I don't know if they're Korean skincare. I have no clue, but I really like their items and check them out. You can get them on Amazon, Ulta, all the things. And then Lindsay put me onto a show called The Girlfriend on Prime Video. That show is so freaking good. And the premise is you're seeing two perspectives of these two women. And at the end, it's like, well, whose perspective was right? Really? Like, really, really? It's one of those that you're like, okay, was she right or was she right? Or were both of them wrong? What is the truth and what is the lie here? That's a good one. And then the Emmys were just last night. A lot of shows on there I loved. A lot of the shows we've shared with y'all won Emmys or Emmy nominated. But one of the ones that we loved was this show called Adolescent And it was on Netflix. If you have not watched it, one of the characters in the movie was a young man. And he just became the youngest person ever to win an Emmy. And it was so well-deserved. So Adolescence and The Girlfriend, check it out. You know, which show did we say we wanted to mention? Because there was a show, it's been like two months, but I do want to go ahead and throw it out. The Women in... No, we mentioned that show. We mentioned it. We did with Anne Hathaway. She was in it, right? Mm-mm, mm-mm. Y'all, we'll figure it out and we'll plug it because it's another show that was like... Not Hunting Wives. It's a girl's show. We don't have many male listeners, but it's a girl's show. It is. They just got renewed for season two. So you already know. You need to go watch. It's juicy, honey. Yes, we, you and I were talking about it. Yes. And we were saying how good, yes, you're right. Hunting Wild. Oh girl, yes. That was a juicy, that was a Netflix one too. It was on Netflix. Netflix has been coming with some good stuff lately. All right, you guys. Thank you for listening. We can't wait to see you next month. We hope that your quarter four is amazing, filled with joy, filled with happiness, filled with blessings and all you deserve. And of course, as always, thank you for listening. Yes, thank you for listening. I echo Ash. I hope this quarter four is simpler and peaceful and full of prosperity. We'll check in with y'all next month.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:45

If you enjoyed listening to the podcast, follow us on social media at HersideofthestoryRA. And don't forget to rate the podcast and subscribe. Thank you. See you next time.