Season 1 Finale: Reflections, Growth, and Moving Forward

In this heartfelt season finale of Hey Pops, Cori reflects on the journey that season one has been. From navigating waves of grief and anxiety sparked by both personal and global events to celebrating the quiet victories of consistency and connection, Cori shares raw and honest insights into what it has meant to process loss in the public sphere of podcasting. She opens up about the U.S. election's impact on her sense of self as an American abroad, as well as the realizations she's had about her career path and personal goals. The episode wraps up with a glimpse into what listeners can expect in season two: more stories, deeper conversations, and maybe even a few guest interviews. Take a listen as Cori closes this chapter, acknowledging the journey so far and envisioning what's next.

Show Notes:

• Season Wrap-Up: Cori reflects on the personal milestones and challenges of creating Hey Pops and Missed Calls over the past year.
• Living with Grief: From feeling the loss of her father anew to processing complex emotions during the recent U.S. election, Cori discusses the layers of grief and how they’ve intertwined with global events.
• Identity and Belonging: As an American living abroad, Cori contemplates what “home” means amid political shifts and personal growth.
• Rediscovering Purpose: After a year of exploration and new projects, Cori shares her evolving journey toward meaningful work that aligns with her values—taking on behind-the-scenes roles, podcast editing, and community engagement.
• Looking Ahead: Hints at season two, including more stories and potentially introducing other voices and interviews around shared experiences of loss and resilience.

Links & Resources:

• Learn more about the podcast - https://coriorak.com/hey-pops-podcast
• Submit your own voicemail or story about Dan - https://www.speakpipe.com/HeyPops
• Get involved and learn more about the Dan Culhane Memorial Fund - https://www.danculhanememorialfund.org/

Suggested Podcast:

• Listen to Flowcast here - https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/UXNYj7SrmOb

Transcript

Hello, my lovely listeners out there. This is actually the final episode of season one of Hey Pops and Miss Calls. I'm just kind of clumping it together, though. I'm not going to include a voicemail to my dad. This is just the end of season one. It's a little bit longer of an episode. And I am just really happy and excited that you're all here.

[00:00:24] So without further ado, here is the season finale of Hey Pops. [00:00:30] Hey, I'm Kory and this is Hey Pops. You know, normally I record this on Mondays. It's both Hey Pops and the Miss Calls episodes, and I'm just tired. I woke up Monday sad, and the last two days I've been off, and I tried to explain what I meant by off to a couple of friends.

[00:00:53] I can't put my finger on it, which is why it's off. I woke up Sunday with such horrific anxiety [00:01:00] that I felt as if I was actually having a heart attack. Which I felt that same way most of last week. I think what happened is that towards the end of October, my grief was in the cycle of being brand new. It was as if I had just lost my dad all over again.

[00:01:17] And I couldn't comprehend how that is reality, how that's real. And I spent a lot of time sitting in my grief and exploring it and allowing it to happen, allowing myself to be [00:01:30] sad. And then suddenly a week ago, Sunday, I kind of had an aha, like, Oh shit, it's the election in the U S this week. And I had this catastrophic fear and anxiety that came from regardless of what the results would be, things were going to continue being scary in this world.

[00:01:49] And because America is. It's so goddamn loud. So fucking loud that, like I say, regardless of which way it would go, it's going to be heard, there's going to [00:02:00] be ripples, scary decisions are going to be made, and I just, I was blindsided by just how scared I was of the, of the week, of the election. And it's no secret that the outcome is not what I expected.

[00:02:15] Would have chosen and it was a very confusing new form of grief that I had to accept again, a new reality that I didn't think was possible. But also I just felt this naivety that things were going to change and that we're [00:02:30] going to get better. And I was surprised that it didn't. And that surprise is what made me feel naïve.

[00:02:37] The first time I was able to legally vote was for Bush's second term, second Bush, George W., for his second term against Kerry. And I had believed wholeheartedly that Kerry was going to win. Up until the results came in, I just sincerely thought, there's no way we'd re elect George Bush. And then he was re elected, and it was my first time [00:03:00] voting, and I, my first time voting.

[00:03:01] putting a little bit more care, time, energy into learning about it and casting my vote. And I thought the people I surrounded myself with, I had already lived abroad for two years. Nope, nope, nope, nope. I hadn't lived abroad yet. Yes, I was living in Minneapolis. And my ex husband, who was my boyfriend at the time and the community we surrounded ourselves around with and the media I was consuming, everything was pointing in the same direction as my like minded thoughts.

[00:03:29] And it was [00:03:30] the first time that I was reminded that America is huge and that there's a billion people in there and a billion different ways of thinking. And I am surrounded by the things that I agree with by choice and by privilege, by being able to do that. And I voted abroad every election ever since.

[00:03:48] And I can remember waking up my ex as we were living in Switzerland. At the time, I did, oddly enough, spend a year under, just under a year living in Switzerland. And I [00:04:00] woke him up to tell him that Obama had won. And it's all those memories of each time these things happen, being reminded of, I don't know, trying to, Not be reminded of, but trying to align myself with leaders and organizations.

[00:04:14] And, and then when Trump was first even speaking about becoming president, he's living in Vietnam. And honestly, everything I saw online, I thought were onion articles. I literally thought it was satirical. News. I did not, I could [00:04:30] not comprehend that it was real life. And then I stayed out of the U. S. most of his presidency.

[00:04:37] And I remember feeling a little concerned on if I, if I was even allowed to come back because I live in Indonesia, which is a mostly Muslim country. I mean, it's not mostly. There's thousands of islands and thousands of cultures and communities within Indonesia, but just my passport being what it looks like, I wondered if I'd get questioned upon re entering the States.[00:05:00] 

[00:05:00] But anyways, I think that because those two Events, the re loss of my dad and the election results broke me open and made me this exposed nerve ending of a human in which everything felt anxious, everything felt scary, everything affected me more strongly. And it sent me back into the kind of.

[00:05:26] existential identity crisis I've been having the [00:05:30] last few years, and it's hard and confusing to identify with, with being an American. And to be honest, it's embarrassing to identify with it, and it just adds to the self exploration I'm going through right now. The world already is a scary place and where I'm from is only going to get scarier and that's a lot and that's heavy.

[00:05:53] And so, so far this week I have really struggled with being productive, with having a clear mind, with staying [00:06:00] positive, and I wasn't sure if I was even going to do an episode today. It's actually Wednesday morning, so I'm a couple of days behind my arbitrary schedule of Mondays that I set for myself. But I knew I wanted to talk through all of these feelings.

[00:06:16] Having therapy today helped going to a workout class today helped, but I wanted to talk through all these thoughts and feelings and I wanted to talk about grief and I wanted to talk about dad and I wanted to give myself [00:06:30] the space to do so. And I wanted to celebrate the podcast I've created, the consistency I've held for the most part of putting it out there and wrap up season one.

[00:06:42] I want to be able to honor what I've done so far, and I want to be able to take some time to reflect on what this learning experience has been and reassess and rebuild to come back for season two, bigger, better, stronger. I think next year I'm going [00:07:00] to explore more with other people, maybe interviewing a few people or sharing things they've written me.

[00:07:06] I'm just exploring all of the different multitudes of grief through this channel with my dad. He's someone I was able to talk to about this stuff and he still is because he's here right now sitting with me and. I just, I think I'm going to spend the rest of this year. It's now November 13th, 2024. [00:07:30] And there's, you know, about a month and a half left to this calendar year.

[00:07:34] Again, I live in Asia and have lived in Asia for nearly 20 years. So calendar years, lunar years, and different cultural years kind of cross paths with me a lot. So I have these. Resets have that happen frequently in my life and I think that's beautiful and I think leading up to the end of this calendar year, I'm going to take the time to really sit back and [00:08:00] honor everything I've experienced this year.

[00:08:04] I spent half the year in sabbatical living and exploring through my grief. I have spent a majority of this year alone. But at the same time, I've like reintroduced social engagements back into my life, be it through girlfriends here in Bali, hanging out with girlfriends and friends in Vietnam, rejoining online community spaces, which I find really Personally, very, [00:08:30] very helpful to the way I live my life because I do live such a life of solitude, having online communities that have monthly, weekly, bi weekly calls, give me this safe place to check in with and from the safety of my house.

[00:08:44] And I get this social dose of people from all over the world, usually talking about really good, deep things. I also get to see all of the people at my workout studio, which I go to about [00:09:00] four or five days a week. And that's my social in person dose, where I get to say hi to people, see familiar faces, work out together, share smiles and laughter.

[00:09:09] We're currently doing a 30 day challenge, which I'm not doing consecutive 30 days. I'm doing five, five workout classes a week. So. It doesn't even have to be five days. I could double up and do two in a day. It doesn't matter. It's my own personal challenge and it's just for me, but it's in a community of everyone else doing challenges, if that makes sense.

[00:09:27] So that shared camaraderie is [00:09:30] there. I've started working again and I've been trying and not just trying, but I've been exploring what that looks like for me and what that will look like for me. Moving forward, I'm learning. I do not like being an entrepreneur. I do not like setting my own prices. I do not like selling myself.

[00:09:48] Uh, if you don't like it and I'm not in it for the financial gain, I'm in it for the financial stability. So I'm learning that I want to be, you know, a [00:10:00] podcast. Editor producer, but you know I want to be behind the scenes. I want to be a community manager or, you know, community engagement person to join other people's teams and help push their visions out.

[00:10:13] I want to be that virtual assistant or executive is that whatever you want to call it, of being behind the scenes of helping you with like. Email management, setting something up, migrating your data from one place to another, all those things that take up so much time that creative people that [00:10:30] are front facing and are entrepreneurs and are putting themselves out there shouldn't waste our time doing.

[00:10:35] I want to be the wizard behind the curtain for the all powerful us to be all powerful and I want to remove that stress and fear and I want to give that support. So I'm learning how to try to figure out how to do that. Well, having a few, you know, really cool projects come along so far, I was able to do that beautiful project of four [00:11:00] episodes with my girlfriend, Heather, all within her community of Pembrokeshire.

[00:11:05] Forgive me for my pronunciation, my horrible pronunciation, but talking all about first blood, cycles, period products, and menopause, and that was incredible because I got to learn on every episode while learning those. And perfecting the editing and producing part of it. That's the first time I helped someone else go from zero to a full finished product, which I am [00:11:30] beyond proud of.

[00:11:31] And I will link to the first episode in the show notes of this one. And I'm also helping another friend who is creating a podcast. That's simply to share stories. from a generation that doesn't necessarily get asked about their stories as much anymore. The Boomers and the few interviews I've already listened to for that project are already so fascinating and interesting.

[00:11:58] And I love being able to hold space [00:12:00] for that, while also creating something again from nothing. And I love what I'm doing. But I love what I'm doing so far, and even though I'm struggling to define and really create that, that life and existence in my work life, I am enjoying trying things out and, you know, really learning what I don't like.

[00:12:20] I don't like, you know, pricing things for myself because sometimes it's hard for me to quantify what I do. And money is a [00:12:30] very big Tricky thing for me, and I haven't really ever had much of it. And so I've often needed financial assistance in things that I've purchased and in courses I've taken and in people I've worked with in therapy and all these different things.

[00:12:45] I've, I've needed a lot of financial assistance. So it's very hard for me to price things and not worry about people's financial position. And it being out of reach for them. So it's tricky. I'm trying to find industry standards and put myself on [00:13:00] databases where people can find me when they need my help instead of me making offers and putting things out and being creative and posting all these things.

[00:13:08] And it's just not me. And I'm not. I don't want to do it. I want to just exist and I want to help make other people's lives easier and that feels good and that feels achievable. So the rest of the year I'm going to just kind of fine tune what that looks like for me and continue creating a new sense of reality, a new balance, a new identity [00:13:30] for my 40 year old self.

[00:13:31] I'm going to start by next week taking a Three night, four day vacation. I'm going to drive up to Ahmed, which is my favorite beach town in Bali. My ex husband and I lived there for six months or so during the pandemic, we actually lived in a really fancy hotel, which I couldn't afford to stay in for a night now, but we lived there because, um, it was COVID and there wasn't anyone traveling.

[00:13:57] And so us being able to [00:14:00] stay monthly kept their staff employed. And even though it was, you know, way cut prices, it was, it was a cool opportunity. Creatures lived up there before. It is the best sea because you can see clearly through the water. It's clean, it's got snorkeling, it's, the beach is very rocky with a lot of sea glass and it's just perfect to just stare and zone out and look at everything that you're sitting around.

[00:14:25] So, and the drive is about two hours, two and a half hours from where I live. [00:14:30] And it is the drive there. Sometimes I just take the highway or the big road because it's faster and easier and I'm just excited to get up there. With the ride home I cut through the middle of the island and it's just gorgeous and it's just time for me to zone out and drive and see different perspectives of the island.

[00:14:48] And it's really fun to ride a motorbike for a long drive. It isn't fun for your bum, your rear end. My butt gets sore. My legs get sore, but it's such a [00:15:00] fun part of it. So I'm going to drive up there and take a few days of just being in the ocean, air, being in the sea, reading books, you know, reminding myself that beauty exists, that quiet exists, that life is beautiful and reset myself and my nerves.

[00:15:16] And just, you know, get more in touch with the Earth instead of I've really, really loved this experience. I think it's going to be fun to explore it each year. I don't know if I'll go past doing it more next [00:15:30] year. I don't know if it'll be one episode a month or two episodes a month. I think weekly is a little much for me.

[00:15:36] Only because when it starts to feel like an obligation, it no longer is. the passion project and beautiful exploration that I set out to do. So I will most likely make it twice a month, but I think it's important to have a place to explore grief. And having the person I'm grieving the most along for the ride definitely helps.

[00:15:59] There's so much to [00:16:00] grieve. I think I said it maybe in the first episode or in the trailer or something, but I'm grieving the woman I thought I would be, the marriage I thought I would have forever, the family I thought I'd have closest to me, uh, the career I thought I was in. I'm grieving. The world around me, I'm grieving for the people of Gaza who are simply trying to exist.

[00:16:23] I'm grieving for the people of so many places around the world that are simply trying to live and exist [00:16:30] safely. I'm grieving what I look like. I'm grieving what I feel like. I'm grieving security. And the thing is, is that we grieve things big and small all the time. And we just don't always. Give ourselves the space to do it or talk about it enough.

[00:16:43] There's nothing taboo about talking about grief. There's nothing taboo about talking about heartbreak and loss. And the more that there are spaces to do it, the better the world is going to be, because there is no reason for anyone to feel alone in the way they think, feel or act. Again, I like [00:17:00] to, um, disclaimer.

[00:17:02] those statements by saying as long as it's not hurting anyone else. You should have the freedom to explore all of these things as long as you're not hurting yourself or others. I miss my dad all the time. I look at a picture of him every day. Every single sip of wine or sip of a beer I have, I cheers him.

[00:17:21] Every time I read my book, I think about him. I do this hand tapping thing that he used to do. That I don't think I did before and now I do. I [00:17:30] think more about mortality and death. I care less about a lot of arbitrary things in comparison. I'm removing a lot of shame and embarrassment that I had built due to outside forces of who I am.

[00:17:45] The things I like to do. The silly things I say. The way I speak, the way I process things, I, I just, I'm leaving so much behind. And I'm able to do a lot of that through this process. So I'm really happy and proud [00:18:00] that this is season one of such a cool little project that I did. only for me and my dad, but decided to cast out the net further to welcome in anyone out there that's grieving as well.

[00:18:12] I love this. I love you and I love my dad.

[00:18:19] I can't thank you enough for taking a few minutes of your day to listen and to hold space for me and my grief. I've had so much fun learning more about podcasting, more about [00:18:30] editing, more about how to publish podcasts, learning more about who I am now through this project, and I'm beyond. I'm just grateful for those of you that have come along.

[00:18:40] I'm excited to see where the future takes this podcast. I think I'm going to put a little bit more into it for season two, but I just want every single person out there who's made it this far in the episode to know that your time and energy is valuable. In listening matters to me, you as a human being matter to me, I [00:19:00] am always there, I will always have an open door for anyone who wants to share and talk and I'll hold space for anyone out there who needs it.

[00:19:08] The world's a big scary place, but it's also a very big, very beautiful, very incredible place and I appreciate that it's difficult to find a balance. And it's difficult to navigate and I'm here and my dad's here. You ever want to talk to Dan, he's a great listener. You might find yourself having a prank played on you, but he's great at that [00:19:30] too.

[00:19:30] And I appreciate you and I love you. And I want you to continue to learn something and to enjoy your life. Do it for me. Do it for my pops. Do it for everyone who you've lost, who can no longer do it for themselves. Live your life with power, purpose, beauty, kindness, and love. Thank you.