A Boomer and GenXer Walk into a Bar
Wit and wisdom, some smart assery, and a Mother and Daughter questioning “Are we even related?”
A Boomer and GenXer Walk into a Bar
Listen Up: Hilarious Tales and the Art of Truly Hearing Others S1:E3
- What if your best listening skills could transform your relationships overnight? Get ready to chuckle and reflect as we open our latest episode with a cheeky dad joke about chickens and Reeboks, setting the stage for a thoughtful conversation on the art of listening. Jane shares a touching story from a dinner with her grandsons, prompting us to question what truly makes a good listener. We dive into personal tales, like Bobbi's struggle with traditional listening cues, such as eye contact, and her unique ways of staying engaged. Jane, drawing from her rich background in customer service, highlights the subtle power of reading facial expressions and body language. Plus, we explore how a simple gesture at an airport can be so easily misunderstood, revealing the complexities of tone and perception in communication.
Have you ever felt unheard or misunderstood in your relationships? We tackle this common issue by examining the different listening styles often adopted by men and women. By understanding that men frequently approach conversations with a problem-solving mindset, while women might just need a sympathetic ear, we can foster more meaningful interactions. Our discussion even reaches back to the teenage years, dissecting the distinctive listening habits of boys and girls. For a fun twist, we introduce the hilariously titled book "Brenda's Beaver Plays Around" and share a snippet to lighten the mood. Finally, we underscore the importance of respecting each other's viewpoints and how listening skills evolve as our children grow. Don't miss out on this mix of humor, personal discovery, and practical advice!
Credit:
Brenda's Beaver Plays a Round
Book by Bimisi Tayanita and Matt Williams
email: boomerandgenxer@gmail.com
oh, my goodness, welcome everyone to today's show. A boomer and gen x are walking to a bar, coming to you from the rabbit hole studio, where you, as a listener, will experience some wit and wisdom, some smart assery, and this mother and daughter questioning. Are we even related? My name is Jane Burt and my co-host is my daughter Bobby. Say hey, bobby, hey, hey, and for the next several minutes we're going to try to entertain you. And we're just sitting here talking about bad dad jokes, weren't we? I don't know, but they're over there laughing at the other end of the table. What's your joke down there, bobby?
Speaker 2:okay, so, uh, what kind of shoes does a chicken wear? I?
Speaker 1:don't know what kind of shoes rebox, oh my gosh, okay, okay, that's our bad dad joke for the day. So I just got back oh my goodness, I just got back from having dinner or supper, whatever you want to call it with two of my grandsons tonight, and one of the things that we had talked about and I think it's a really good and important topic to talk about, uh, because it's been on my mind for a while is listening skills. Huh, huh, what did you say? What did you say? Something to me? I don't know. Uh, anyway, we, uh, we were talking about kids. You know listening, and neither one of my grandsons have good listening skills, and one of the things that we had talked about was what do you do when you're listening? And are you a good listener, and are you a good friend listener? And a lot of times when you're talking to people, they're really just thinking about what they want to say next, don't you agree? I agree somewhat.
Speaker 1:Somewhat.
Speaker 2:What were you?
Speaker 1:just thinking about Nothing in your head.
Speaker 2:I was, like I don't know, thinking five days ahead at this point.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:You know. It kind of goes back to people and how they are really at, what their listening skills are. Now you know what may be a bad listening skill to one person may be the only way they can listen to another. What do you mean by that? So, for an example, um, I fidget and my brain moves a hundred miles an hour. So if I'm listening to something, I have to have something else to look at to kind of refocus that energy on. And I'm not great at looking people in the eyes, cause that creeps me out. Like looking people in the eyes honestly, if like we're, we're talking face to face creeps me out to just stare. Like which eye do I stare into? Creeps, your which?
Speaker 1:eye.
Speaker 2:You can't look at your which eye like you know, you got two eyes you can't look at two eyes at the same time, all the time like, do I look at this one and then this one?
Speaker 1:how long do I wait before I?
Speaker 2:you know switch between eyes.
Speaker 1:I see where this is going.
Speaker 2:This is going down the rabbit hole in this studio but it is uncomfortable for a lot of people you know to have what other people would call outward listening skills. So it might be rude to people. You know if they're fidgeting, if they're looking at something, if they're, you know it seems like they're not paying attention because their focus isn't right there on your eyes. To where with me? If I'm looking at you in the eyes like I have this deer in the headlight, look like why are you staring?
Speaker 1:at me. I'm just total opposite. I'm looking at you in the eyes like I have this deer in the headlight look like why are you staring at me?
Speaker 1:I'm just total opposite. I'm the total opposite, and I have to look at their face. I want to read their face, I want to read their body language, and I was in customer service throughout my entire career. I wasn't really a customer service rep throughout my entire career, but customer service was a big deal for our organization and they put us through a lot of classes about customer skills and customer service skills and listening skills, and some of the things that they talked about was exactly what I started this conversation with, which was, you know, are you listening just to respond? Are you listening to what I have to say because you've got a thought in your head and you want to get it out, like right now? Or are you really taking in what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:Not always how I say it, because sometimes it comes across angry or people think that I come across really angry. I have a very abrasive behavior sometimes, sometimes so I can get in your face. I don't really mean to be mean, I'm just really very adamant about my point and well, it's like I tell my kids tone of voice Okay, you need to sit down.
Speaker 1:It's funny you say that because we just got back from a trip and in the airport it's funny you say that because we just got back from a trip and in the airport this gal was in front of me and I will tell you that I, we were on this airline that I've never been on before and it was like kind of a shit show, I'll be honest with you, because they don't really assign seats, oh lovely. And so you get in these lines and I was in line. This gal comes up and she walks in front of me and I don't even know the process right and this other gal is like I don't know four or five people behind me and she's waving for her friend to come up, come up here, come up here. And so her friend comes up and she looks at me and this original gal that's yelling come up here and she says she belongs up here and I just motioned go ahead.
Speaker 1:I didn't say anything more than just point the finger and said, go ahead. And then of course I said it's not like we're not all on the same plane.
Speaker 1:I mean they're not taking off without us. And she turns around and I mean I'm just'm just talking, right, I'm just kind of talking. Turns around, she goes, you don't have to be so rude. And I kind of started laughing and I said, well, if I was going to be rude I would have told you. No one probably called you something. And she said it was your tone of voice and I thought, darling, I hate to tell you this, but this is what I was born with. This is all I got. I got nothing else.
Speaker 2:I can't pretend and now let me ask you were you up here in the north or were you down south? When that happened, I was up north. That surprises me because I was going to say if you were down south, that is a big thing. Your inflection, your tone of voice, your pitch of your voice, they can take that and run with it like you just insulted their mama.
Speaker 1:If you have the wrong tone of voice maybe so, but you know, I, I, I guess I just really didn't think that I was being nasty. But nevertheless, getting back to the listening skills, I guess you know sometimes it is the way you come across, but I do like to look somebody in the face, I do like to look at their body language and to me I just want to hear them. I don't need to tell them what's going on with me. When my friends are in distress and they want to tell me what's going on in their life, my job is to listen. My job is to hear what they have to say, not to interrupt them and say, oh, that happened to me one time and I did this. Or oh, my brother-in-law, that happened to him and here's what he did. Whoever's telling me that story typically just wants to be heard, and I guess for me personally, that's what a good friend does.
Speaker 2:They listen, true, and on the other side of that, you know, a lot of people interject their own stories as someone is telling them something, as a way not of saying, well, I went through this too, or trying to one-up them, but more of a I understand where you're coming from because of this, not just oh yeah, I went through this too, we're trying to one-up them, but more of a I understand where you're coming from because of this, not just oh yeah, I understand. You can say you understand anything and you haven't been through it. But when you give that person the information of oh yeah, three years ago that exact thing happened to me, I get where you're coming from. Some people find it offensive and see it as you're not listening to me or you're trying to interject and make this about you. Other people see it as I'm just showing you that I understand and that you know I can feel this with you because I've been through it as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess I kind of see your point there. But when someone says to me see your point there. But when someone says to me hey, I, I, that happened to me about three years ago and I understand where you're coming from, and they let me keep going with my story, that's okay to me yeah, but once they take that story away from that other person and say you know, and as an example says, you know, that happened to me three years ago.
Speaker 1:I know what you're going through. Oh my gosh, it took me forever to get through that and I had to go through counseling to me. That's stealing their thunder it does.
Speaker 2:It pulls away from the original you know conversation and it does pull it in their direction and it wasn't about them, it wasn't about you today.
Speaker 1:It was about me. I was trying to tell you something and I was trying to get that off my chest. And there's a lot of times I just listen and I say, oh my goodness, you know, or, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:Now let me ask you this and this hasn't been a lifelong thing, because you and I have not always talked deeply to see the least.
Speaker 1:Is that like a deep voice, or is that deeply? I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2:You know heart to heart talks and things like that. But even within the last few years, you know something that we try to do I know with each other and that I do with my friends is when they start to tell me something, I ask them do you need someone to listen to you or do you need me to help you?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Because that way, the mindset's already there. Okay, they just need to vent. I'm here as, basically, you know someone who's just listening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sounding board.
Speaker 2:To where. If they say I need help with this, my mind, I, you know. Obviously it'll go with each section of okay, my car broke down in my mind. Okay, cars broke down, where's the car right now? It goes in sections of what we can do to help this person?
Speaker 1:yeah, absolutely, and I think I think in a relationship you do that a lot right, because if you're having that conversation with your spouse or your significant other and you say, oh, you know, this happened today, especially men, they like to fix things for us.
Speaker 2:Yes, they like to fix things for us.
Speaker 1:And so they immediately go into Mr Fix-It mode, right.
Speaker 2:What can I do to fix this? What can?
Speaker 1:I do.
Speaker 2:Or what does she expect me to do to fix this Right?
Speaker 1:Yes, and a lot of times you know it comes back as let it go, it's no big deal. Well then, we take offense at that, correct, correct. And so most times I have experienced this has only been my experience and I think, for the most part, what I've read from some people who have given responses on this is we're not looking for anybody to fix us, we're really just looking for someone to listen To hear us, to hear us, and you know, one of the things that I want to hear is Bobby, you have a new book in front of you, isn't that correct?
Speaker 2:Oh no, I do, thanks to my wonderful mother. What's the name of this?
Speaker 1:book Bobby.
Speaker 2:So the name of this book, and I wish I could say it's the worst title, but it's not even close.
Speaker 1:Brenda's Beaver plays around so are we gonna listen? Are we gonna listen to this folks? Because, bobby, are you gonna read a little bit of that for?
Speaker 2:us, so I will. How far are we wanting me to go here?
Speaker 1:let's start. No, just a few pages, couple pages.
Speaker 2:Brenda's beaver does okay, so forewarning this book is fictional and anyone who is named in this book is is a fictional character, not to be.
Speaker 1:Your name is beaver if your name is brenda, I am so sorry I'm so sorry okay, because it could be suzy, it could be, or it could be madeline, it could be anybody, but we're going with brenda.
Speaker 2:Yep, brenda's it today, all right, brenda who's the author of this book, bobby?
Speaker 1:this is a real book, right this?
Speaker 2:This is an actual physical book I'm holding in my hand. It is written by Bemisi Tainita. Oh, we're going to slaughter this one. Tainita, I'm so sorry if I slaughtered that, but it is a small hardcover book Very nice.
Speaker 2:Very easy, very easy, very easy, brenda. Nice reading. Very easy, very easy, very easy, brenda. Okay, let's put our listening ears on, okay, and we'll hear about Brenda's beaver. I can't wait. Brenda's beaver's bored. It's been in hibernation Tonight. She looks toward some social recreation. She practices her swinging at the country club on the driving range adjacent to the pub. Oh, my goodness, brenda polished up her beaver, thinking that she might take it out on the course and play around tonight. She might play with Larry and his wiener dog or take some strokes with Gary who's got a big old hog, I think that's enough for today, Bobby.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you, I can't believe this book because I saw this in a store when we were up in minnesota and I thought, oh, my goodness, I have to pick this up. So, listeners, this is the type of literature that we read to educate ourselves on certain topics, and you'll be reading other parts of that book in future podcasts I will so stay tuned to see where brenda's beaver goes. What happens what happened to brenda's beaver? This might be a good time for that therapy chicken that you've got.
Speaker 2:I might need it.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. Back to what we were talking about listening skills.
Speaker 1:So, I guess, yes, we're all different and we all view it differently. You know, one of the things that I like to tell people and we have all changed over the last several years you know, when I was raising my kids, when they were younger, I didn't have a whole lot of patience to listen to what they had to say. As I've gotten older, my daughters are adults. They're intelligent women and I'm very proud of them. I do try to listen to their points of view and I think they try to listen to mine. We try to respect each other's points of view.
Speaker 1:And one thing that I would just say is, if you've got somebody who's come to you with a heartache, somebody who's come to you with a problem, give them their moment. Just give them their moment and let them say what they have to say. And you know, we don't have to drag our stuff into it. We don't have to make it about us today. We just really want to make it about them and let them get it off their chest. And you know, and I agree with you, there's a lot of times when I have said to you do you want me to just listen or do you want me to give you my opinion Right, and there's a lot of times you say, well, I really would like to know, you know what you would do. Or you say I don't know, I just needed somebody to talk to, and I think we have to respect that, Because there's no real playbook in this.
Speaker 2:Every parent is growing with their child. As that child grows up, you learn new things, you have new challenges, things like that. One thing that I have noticed, and a lot of other parents have shared this with me, is the different listening styles of boys versus girls, especially in their teenage years, pre-teen, teenage, pre-pubescent years. It's very different, it's very different. It's very different. Like my daughters, my older daughters, I will say I can look at them face to face. We can have a discussion across the table, you know, sitting next to each other. We can have a discussion in a McDonald's, Doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:My son, who's a teenager totally different ball game. The way that I noticed that he opens up to me and he feels comfortable is sitting next to him, not facing him, Like we can both be looking at the TV, we can both, as long as we're both facing the same way. He's more comfortable opening up to me and I think a lot of that is is there's no pressure for him to make the eye contact to. You know, feel like he's being read or, you know, disseminated against or anything like that. You know he's disseminated.
Speaker 1:Don't start with me. Was that the word you wanted to dissect?
Speaker 2:it, there we go.
Speaker 1:Okay, but you know, and and another thing is is so much for that. My daughters are intelligent women. Oh my goodness you know.
Speaker 2:Another thing is is uh, you know the great dr phil likes to say and he says this a lot you know when people are talking to him and stuff on his show is he goes you can't sit there and listen to me when you fire back in a 10th of a second from what I've just said. You're listening to answer or to talk over me. You have to sit and you have to have those few seconds of thought. You have to chew over that idea. You have to actually think in order to be listening to me. So when I'm talking to somebody and they're firing right back as soon as I start talking or as soon as I close my mouth, I know they're not listening and we're done with that conversation, right, and, and I mean, when you know they're firing back, it's like I might as well just walk away.
Speaker 1:The other part of it is when somebody asks you for your opinion and you kind of you know I I kind of question now do you really want my opinion, or are you wanting?
Speaker 2:to share your opinion. I want the truth, do you, though? Yeah, I'm not sure this could, and do you really want my opinion, or?
Speaker 1:do you just want to give me yours? I think that's really what's going on here, but I guess you know, as we talk through this, we all have some learning to do as it relates to listening skills, whether it's with our coworkers, whether it's with our family members, our spouse, our partners. I think we can all do a better job. And you know, one of the things that I've noticed here recently and I know we're running out of time, but the political arena right now is really hot and heavy and we want to make sure that we are listening to other people we don't have to agree with them. All we have to do is listen. All they want to do is be heard. This is America. Everybody has a right to vote and to follow whoever they want to. That's their right. We need to respect it Absolutely.
Speaker 2:With that, bobby? What do we got? That is all the insanity we have today. We appreciate you joining us here at the Rabbit Hole Studio. Be sure to follow us. We look forward to spending time with you each and every week. Please like us, and if you have positive feedback for us or if there's a topic you want us to talk about, drop us a short email at boomer and gen xer at gmailcom. If you have hate mail, well you know where you can put that. Until next week, I'm bobby joy and I'm jane burr and you're stuck with us.
Speaker 1:Peace out later.