A Boomer and GenXer Walk into a Bar
Wit and wisdom, some smart assery, and a Mother and Daughter questioning “Are we even related?”
A Boomer and GenXer Walk into a Bar
Bystander or Upstander: A Mother-Daughter Debate on Social Responsibility S:1 E:26
When do you speak up and when do you walk away? This provocative question frames our entire conversation as we navigate the delicate balance between social responsibility and personal safety in today's increasingly confrontational world.
Please note: there is some mild swearing involved so it may not be suitable for little ears!!
Jane opens by observing the heightened anger permeating society, particularly around politics, and questions how this emotional climate affects our daily interactions. "You can stay strong, be strong, protect yourself, have your own boundaries and have a voice without being an a$$hole," she notes, setting the stage for a nuanced discussion about appropriate intervention.
The mother-daughter dynamic creates fascinating tension throughout the episode, especially when discussing specific scenarios. While both agree they would defend vulnerable populations like children and elderly people being mistreated, they sharply disagree on other situations. Their most surprising disagreement emerges when discussing theft – Bobbi admits she wouldn't report someone stealing essentials like baby formula or food, while Jane expresses genuine shock at this perspective.
The generational differences between Jane and Bobbi reveal how personal experiences shape our intervention thresholds and risk assessment.
Whether you're someone who readily speaks up or tends to avoid confrontation, this episode will make you examine your own boundaries for involvement. Join the conversation and share your perspectives – when do YOU get involved, and what factors influence that decision? Email us at boomerandgenx@gmail.com with your thoughts and experiences.
email: boomerandgenxer@gmail.com
Welcome everyone to today's show. A boomer and a Gen Xer walk into a bar coming to you from the Rabbit Run Studios because mom is still on the road, where you, as a listener, will experience some wit and wisdom, some smart assery and a mother and daughter questioning. Are we even related? My name is Bobbi Joy and my co-host is my mom, jane, and for the next little while we are going to try to entertain you.
Speaker 2:Yes, we are, and so I've been thinking about a topic for this week and, you know, some of the things that I've been observing have been behavioral issues with people, and there's a lot of anger out there associated, obviously, with the political arena. There always is. There always is Every four years. Everybody wants to have a heart attack over all this stuff and it's like calm down, slow your roll, hooker. You know we don't. We don't need to get all excited about this and quit being a pawn for your political party. They don't give a rat's ass about you. They don't know your name, they don't care whether you live or die. Come on, stop it.
Speaker 1:Stop, yeah, because even if you die, they'll still use your vote.
Speaker 2:Or you may still get social security. We're not really sure. So, anyway, just quit it. Just quit it. Nobody deserves that kind of attention or energy. But what I have noticed is there are a lot of people who are acting out and there are a lot of things that we observe, and whether it's somebody who's losing their cool in a restaurant or at a retail establishment, or if it is something that's going down like you see a theft, you see somebody being abused, you see something going on and you go, wow, you know, that's just dead wrong right there. The question is, and our topic for today is when do you get involved? When would you get involved? And so I kind of want to talk about that today, because back in my younger days I'll be honest with you I had a Back when the dinosaurs roamed, that's right.
Speaker 2:Stop it Back in the day when I was younger I'll be honest I had a lot of energy and I had a lot of negative energy and for some reason, when you're younger, you feel like you need to fight about everything, and I think people have misinterpreted when we say stay strong, be strong, have a voice. You know you can stay strong, be strong, protect yourself, have your own boundaries and have a voice without being an asshole, Right? And so I think that it kind of gave everybody a green light to just act however they wanted to, and it's okay. That's my truth, that's who I am.
Speaker 1:I'm protecting. No, my favorite is the oh, I have the First Amendment right to free speech and it's like, yeah, you do have that First Amendment right, but you don't. You're not like once you say something, you're not immune to the consequences. Exactly you know what happens depending on what you say.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and I think that you know, for me personally, when I was younger, obviously I was much bolder. That's hard to believe, isn't it? Because I pretty much say anything I want to say. But with that said, you know, I really wasn't that interested in people's feelings or how, what the outcome was, because I felt like I had a right. I had a right to say it and I had a right to do the things that I wanted to do. And let the chips fall where they may. And the fact of the matter is, is folks being strong, being a strong, independent person, whether you're male or female, being a strong, strong person, having your own ideas, having your independence, having you know, the tenacity to stand up to what's right and wrong or what's wrong, for that matter, you know, doesn't mean that you get to be vulgar, it doesn't mean that you get to be mean, it doesn't mean that you get to intervene at any given time. And so, again, my question is when do you get involved? When would you get involved? So we've talked about this before.
Speaker 2:You know, back in my time, there used to be a saying that said you know, it takes a village to raise a child, and what that meant was. We were all looking out for each other and the parents were looking out for each other's kids, and if we got in trouble by somebody at the school, our parents didn't go defend us. They didn't go defend our behavior. We got our butts whooped and we had to respect those in authority. And you know people go well, we don't have to respect everybody in authority. Yeah, you kind of have to respect everybody for that matter.
Speaker 2:And, um, you know, I've heard people also say you know you have to earn respect. Well, as a human being, I think everybody deserves respect as a human being. Now, once you get past being a human being, you know if you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. You be rude to me doesn't mean I'm going to be rude back, and I think that's kind of where our society is today. So I really want to talk about if you walk into a restaurant and you sit down loud and obnoxious or really being downright rude to the waitress, or let's say that the waitress was being downright rude to a customer, would you feel like you needed to get involved, bobby? What do you think?
Speaker 1:Well, a few points before I answer that. You know, one thing is it's good to have a voice and it's good to stand your ground and stuff like that. But let's be honest, some people just use that as an excuse to be an asshole and say, well, I have the right to have it, okay. Well, no, you're just an asshole. So let's just get that out of the way right now. You know, and we do have that bystander effect is what it's called, and I think a lot of us do fall prey to that, because not only is it, you know, we're taught to mind our own business, things like that, but it, you know, today's day, day and age, it can be dangerous to step in that's exactly right, life threatening.
Speaker 1:Life threatening, uh, to step between somebody, because I and I'm gonna say you got a bunch of pussies out here carrying guns that are gonna rip it out at any little thing, yeah, and you know they could just go fisticuffs and be over it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But you know, when it comes down to it, I would definitely assess the situation If I had. You know, when my kids were small. That would be something I would think about protecting my kids, things like that. But I'm not one to keep my mouth shut, especially in public, if I see someone who you know is being rude, disrespectful things like that. Because see, a lot of people are like, well, take the high road and kill them with kindness.
Speaker 1:No, baby, you go low, I take it straight to hell because you're going to be rude to somebody you don't have no idea of what you have just opened up in me, because I don't care. I don't know you from, you know from Adam, and I really don't care what you think, and I'm not going to stand by and let someone verbally or physically attack someone else just because they think they have the right to. And you know that's where we get the Karen's and things like that. Oh, you're being a Karen. Yeah, I will step in, I absolutely will, and I'm not saying that I'll physically step in their face, but you're going to hear my mouth, but do you think that's going overboard?
Speaker 2:Do you think that's where some of this you know? I guess, as I see people yelling at each other, it's like just spewing so much venom and hatred. And you know, like I said back in the day I I was probably more vocal and I was more willing to run my mouth. People ask me if I exercise. Well, I run my mouth a lot. Does that count?
Speaker 2:I run away from my problems I run away from my problems, um, but you know, I used to go to every fight I was invited to and as you get older and wiser, I think that for me anyway and I'm only giving my perspective you know, I look around and I go do I have a dog in this fight? You know, if I have a dog in the fight, then yeah, I'll probably get involved. But I've toned it down a lot because I I'll be honest with you. I think that you can, you can deescalate people pretty easily. And you know, I've been in some situations here recently that I've had people yelling at me and I just, you know, I've looked at them and I've said, listen, I'm not talking to you disrespectfully, please don't talk to me that way. And you know, let's just have a regular conversation and and let's just talk about what the issue is.
Speaker 2:And I think that we sometimes look at people's behavior more so than we look at what their topic matter is. Do you know what I mean by that? Like if you're mad about something and you come in and you're all enraged and you're saying, hey, somebody hit my car and you're just being an ass about it. Sometimes we have to look past that and say okay, I need you to calm down. And of course, telling somebody to calm down is, like you know, kicking a wet chicken, right. But um, I think that, uh, you know, we have to kind of look at what the topic is. What is it they're really trying to say? And when you kids were growing up I used to say that too. I used to say you know how they say, it is really not as important to me as what they're saying.
Speaker 1:Well, and I mean that's also situational you know you're talking about somebody who's like, let's say, you're in a restaurant and somebody is going off on the waitress and you know being derogatory, using racial slurs, things like that, just out of nowhere, like they have no right, no reason, no meaning Not that anybody has a right or a reason to do that. But there's no basis for this, other than you know they just want to be an asshole to this person that they think is below them. Now, yeah, you can come at that person and be soft and kind and things. Normally. That doesn't work Normally that doesn't work.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't say normally doesn't. I've been pretty successful with it.
Speaker 1:I don't know, with strangers People I know, yeah, I can usually talk them down or say, hey, wait a second. You know your tone of voice is completely overshadowing what you're trying to say, type of thing. But you know, when it comes to strangers, I think that we need to grab their attention away from the person that they are directing it at, because I'll take it like, you know, I'll look right at him and go, Ooh, excuse me, I'm going to step in this Now. This person has nothing to do with it. You direct your anger at me because I got, I got, I, I you're dead inside.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, yeah, I'm going to clear my schedule because I have time today. You're going to clear your schedule.
Speaker 1:Like I just wrote you in yeah, Well, and I get it.
Speaker 2:I mean I see both sides. I mean there are times when I have you know, there are times when I just really want to rip somebody's head off, right. And so I want to get back to my original question. You go into an establishment let's say it's a restaurant and somebody is, let's say that they're really just being terribly, terribly rude to the waitress, and you kind of notice the waitress isn't being a jerk and she's doing the best she can. And maybe it's her first day. And I've always said I don't know everybody's story. I don't know what happened to her before she came here, I don't know if her kid is sick, I don't know if her dog just died, I don't know if she's four months behind on her rent, I don't know. And so somebody is just being a really jerk, bad jerk. To this waitress you would say something, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I would make sure that everybody heard it too, because I will shame that person one way or the other for how they're acting, because there's no reason for it. You need you know. You don't need to be like that.
Speaker 2:You don't need to be like that. Yeah, so you're gonna come back at them with the same energy that they're giving her oh, absolutely isn't that kind of dangerous.
Speaker 1:I mean, that seems dangerous to me well, I mean it can be, but, like I said, you know, everybody wants to be like, oh, you need to take the high road. No, baby, my road is low. And like I will take it, because a lot of people who are at that point already kind of need that shock value of someone coming at them and going, you know, that same energy at them and then slowly bring it down, if it's possible, you know, and if it's not possible, where you're able to bring it down to, you know, a calmer place, then I mean, like I said, I got all day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think you know you really have to assess and you know, I think the reason some people just really don't want to get involved or don't want to say anything is because they're scared. You mentioned that earlier. You don't know when somebody is going to pull a gun, because they're, you know, just hell bent, for you know being an idiot that day. But well, let's take it a step further then. What if you saw somebody and I'm, I'm always for the underdog right. So if I see an old person or a kid being brutalized, I'm I'm all over it I'm all over it.
Speaker 2:What? What are you gonna say? We were, we were brutalized.
Speaker 1:Mom, wait a minute yeah, I, I, yeah, I'm kind of 50-50 on that. Now, if it's like a young kid, you know, type of thing and they're being abused, or like a I can't even say a really old person, because I have heard some of the stuff come out of these old people's mouths and I'm like you never got hit in the face did you? Because otherwise you would not be saying things like that to get you know, to start a fight, thinking that just because you're old, I'm not going to hit you, type of thing.
Speaker 2:So I remember a news story where a and they showed the video because there was a there was a camera on the building where a guy came up and he was going to try to take the vehicle away from this old man and the old man he all he was doing was walking up and to take the vehicle away from this old man and the old man he all he was doing was walking up and getting into his vehicle and the guy started just punching him in the face, just beating him, beating him, beating him, and the old man hung on to the door and he hung on to the car. Come to find out he was an ex-marine, but he was an old guy, right. So you lose your. You lose, you know, your muscle tone and all that stuff as we get older, and he just wasn't as strong, but he hung tough and what was really the saddest part of that was there were people in the background just watching it, yeah, and I thought, man, that wouldn't be me. I can't do. Do that, I can't do it.
Speaker 2:No, a child that, let's say, is your youngest daughter's age, is, you know, getting slapped around or you know, just something bad. I mean, some kids deserve to be slapped around. Let's say that it's a child. That's your youngest daughter's age, and okay, so like nine yeah.
Speaker 2:So you see someone and and you know some kids don't get me wrong, I have no problem with somebody disciplining their kid right. I, you kids got spanked. I got spanked, didn't kill us. I know, bobby, dead silence right there. Um, let's say that you're, you see this and they're really being bad. I mean it's, it's really bad. Would you jump in?
Speaker 1:Would you say something bad?
Speaker 2:No, no, no. Parent is really really, or whoever the adult is, is really really being horrible to this kid. Would you say something? Absolutely okay, and I would, absolutely, I would too. I, I would, I would probably say something. So let me take it a step further. You are in a convenience store, gas station, and you watch someone stick stuff in their coat pockets what is it?
Speaker 1:I don't know what it is. Well, because I mean they're honest to god, like if I see you stealing like actual food or baby formula or diapers. I didn't see nothing. Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't see nothing, gosh seriously. But if it's like alcohol or cigarettes or something, yeah, I'll rat your ass out we have a totally different view of this.
Speaker 2:Okay, so if I see someone who is stealing baby formula or something that you know, diapers or something like that and they're not going to shove diapers into their pocket, right, but it's something that you go oh man, they probably need that, and it looks like they need that I'm walking up to the clerk and I'm gonna say, listen, I'll pay for that and so and I've done that numerous times I've paid for their stuff.
Speaker 1:Well, I would say, if they get caught by, like loss prevention, I would be willing to step in if I'm able to and say, hey, you know, I'll pay for it, let him go, type of thing. Otherwise I didn't see nothing. I didn't see nothing.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness, Seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously. See, if somebody picked up a pack of smokes, or they, you know, shoved a turkey between their legs and and we're walking out under you know, it's under their dress, and uh, I'm saying something.
Speaker 1:I'm saying it's not my job. It's not my job really. You know what I mean. Like it's not my job. Now if, if they were like stealing like electronics or something like, yeah, I might be like, hey, you guys want to get on that, but I'd just walk away Like that's not my job, bobby but you understand that the reason a lot of stores close is because of theft.
Speaker 2:And people get all upset because these stores are closing and they say, oh, it's because it's you know they're racist and it. Oh, it's because it's you know they're racist and it's because it's a, you know, a black neighborhood or it's a Hispanic neighborhood or something like that. And yet it isn't because of that, it's because of the theft.
Speaker 1:Look, if you're stealing food or baby necessities. I'm blind in one eye and I only see 50% out of the other eye. I can't see nothing. But if it's anything else, if it's anything like electronics, alcohol, tobacco, things like that, I'd be like you know, I'd be like motion and be like, hey, you know, you might want to check them, type of thing. But no, I mean honestly, I, and I'm going to be honest.
Speaker 2:There's times that I have been in the position where I have had to do some unscrupulous things in order to survive.
Speaker 1:Now, it wasn't like I was stealing alcohol and stuff like that, but it was things to literally survive. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:And yeah, I didn't see shit, are you serious? Oh my gosh, I didn't see shit. Are you serious? Because if it was for the kids or something, all you'd have had to do is call and ask for it and you would have gotten it. Don't even, don't even. Why would you have stolen it? You had family members, the formula's expensive. What I know but you're the formula's expensive. Who are you kidding?
Speaker 1:I would have paid for it, or your dad would have paid for it. What are you kidding me? Well, you gotta remember. You gotta remember back in the time that Corey was an infant, he was on that specialized formula. It was $60 a, can we? Weren't exactly in the greatest of place relationship wise you could have called your dad.
Speaker 2:He would have given it to you. You could have called me anyway.
Speaker 1:Hey, okay well let's get past that.
Speaker 2:Let's get past that, because you know I'm going to hammer you on that.
Speaker 1:I mean like if I, if I saw, you know, like an 80 year old woman stealing packs of lunch meat and a loaf of bread, I didn't see nothing. Okay, I did not see a damn thing, Sorry.
Speaker 2:See, I, I, I've seen that before and I I remember this old guy. Do you remember lynn's supermarket in uh yeah, in des moines? So yeah, they got the best haunted house yeah, they do, or they think they still do, I don't know um, but anyway, this old boy was in front of me and I remember him putting some stuff up on the belt and he leaned over and his jacket showed that he had those breakfast sausages in his back pocket. What the hell was that?
Speaker 1:I know I'd have been like, sir, is that a sausage in your pocket, or are we gonna have an issue here?
Speaker 2:no, this was like you know. This was back when you had heard that.
Speaker 2:You know, older people were eating cat food and stuff because they couldn't afford it and I remember the clerk seeing it, because it's like it's a long package, it's not like you're gonna you know you're not, you're gonna miss it. And so I remember him leaning over and she, she saw it and I looked at her and I just, you know, motioned, hey, I'll pay for that. And so it was no big deal. But I, yeah, I just you know, that kind of stuff that that makes me that pulls on my heartstrings, other stuff I'm kind of like, hey, you need to pay for that crap.
Speaker 1:You know, that's why stores go out of business in your area like, let's say we're in a walmart and I see a teenager like grab an xbox and run for that front door, I might trip him. Whoops, I helped. Okay, you don't need that xbox, okay, sorry oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Well, I would be interested in what the what our listeners have to say about it, because you and I obviously don't agree. We're on two different ends of the spectrum on this one for sure, and it makes me sad now to know that you know you didn't reach out when you needed help with the kids. I mean, I thought you you did, and so you know. Sorry I wasn't there for you. Bobby, we're not gonna boohoo about that now because we're fine, uh, but anyway, I think that's probably as far as we're going to go today, unless you want to add something, bob.
Speaker 1:Well, here's a scenario, so let's do this one real quick. Let's say you see somebody that's broken down on the side of the road. Yeah, you can't see who the person is. If it's man, woman, black, white, old, young, do you pull over?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do all the time. Dr Domain and I, we pull over all the time.
Speaker 1:Well, that's you together. I'm talking by yourself. Do you pull over?
Speaker 2:You know, that's a tough one because I have unfortunately I have. It's a tough one because I have, unfortunately I have.
Speaker 1:And there's and there's instances, you know, even in this last January and the year before, where these off-duty officers even have pulled over to help a motorist and one guy he pulls over to help a motorist that they hit a deer. Well, they didn't get cell reception because it's in the middle of but fuck, egypt out here where we don't get cell reception anywhere. And they walked up to the nearest house. He goes let's walk up to this house and see if there's a landline we can use, because there's no cell reception.
Speaker 2:And the homeowner shot him wow, yeah, I mean those kind of stories. You know, there are stories where you pull over and they get shot.
Speaker 1:Trying to help this motorist, yeah, or what do you do?
Speaker 2:or the motorist something happens to them because somebody pulls over. Right, you know, somebody pulls over and you think they're going to help you and they end up murdering you. And, uh, you know, people say I'm I'm kind of negative on this. I don't believe that I am, but I do believe there are a lot of bad people out there. I hear people all the time go. There's so many good people out there, you know, just cause you do a good deed doesn't make you a good person. I apologize, but it does not. You can do a good deeds. It doesn't make you a good person.
Speaker 1:That's like saying go to church makes me a good person, right? No, it doesn't.
Speaker 2:It doesn't, and so you know I do believe there are a lot of bad people out there that if you weren't being watched or there wasn't some type of rule or you weren't required to do it for some other reason, they sure as hell wouldn't be good people or they wouldn't be doing good things. So, yeah, if you're scared when you get broken down on the side of the road that you're going to get raped or murdered by somebody on the side of the road, there's too many bad people out there. But I guess I would like to know from our listeners, you know, what do they think? And you know, would you get involved? And I understand the fear factor, but, gosh, folks, I think we still have to try our best to do the best we can for each other.
Speaker 2:Don we I think so yeah so, anyway, you and I didn't agree this time, bobby, and that's okay, but we appreciate everybody joining us here at rabbit run studio. Be sure to follow us. We look forward to spending time with you guys every single week. Please like us and, um, you know, if you have some positive feedback for us or you have a topic you want us to talk about, please, please, please, drop us a short email at boomer and gen x or at gmailcom. If you have some hate mail, you know we've talked about this before. We're not interested. We'll take your criticism. We, we're. We're tough skinned. Bobby's dead inside. I got tough skin, it don't matter. Um, so, uh, you know, if you've got some criticism or something that you want us to do differently, hey, talk to us about it. Until next week, I'm jane burt and I'm bobby joy and you're stuck with us. Peace out later.