A Boomer and GenXer Walk into a Bar
Wit and wisdom, some smart assery, and a Mother and Daughter questioning “Are we even related?”
A Boomer and GenXer Walk into a Bar
When Your Child's Values Diverge From Yours S:1E:33
What happens when the moral framework you carefully built for your children doesn't quite stick? And whose is right? In this thought-provoking episode, mother-daughter hosts Jane and Bobbi Joy dive deep into the fascinating reality that our children often develop values and principles that diverge significantly from our own.
The conversation unfolds through personal revelations as Bobbi challenges her mother's long-held beliefs about discipline, religion, forgiveness, and the very foundation of moral behavior. Jane maintains that spiritual guidance provides her essential boundaries for ethical conduct, questioning what prevents immoral actions without religious accountability.
Their discussion takes unexpected turns through deeply personal territory, particularly when addressing trauma response and what Bobbi calls "toxic positivity"—the societal pressure to forgive and find silver linings in devastating circumstances. The raw honesty in these moments reveals how our most profound experiences shape our values, sometimes leading us to conclusions that contradict our upbringing.
Despite fundamentally different perspectives on many issues, they maintain profound respect for each other's viewpoints, modeling how families can honor different value systems while preserving loving connections.
Whether you're a parent wondering why your carefully taught lessons didn't quite take root, a child who's forged a different path than your upbringing suggested, or someone interested in the evolution of ethics across generations, this episode offers valuable insights into how we develop our moral compasses. Subscribe now and join the conversation about what shapes our deepest values and how we navigate those differences in our most important relationships.
email: boomerandgenxer@gmail.com
welcome everyone to today's show. Boomer and gen x are walking to a bar, coming to you from the rabbit hole studio, where you, as our listener, will experience some wit and wisdom, some smart ashtray and a mother and daughter questioning. Are we even related? My name is jane and my co-host is my daughter, bobby joy, and for the next I don't know several minutes. We're here to entertain you now before I turn this microphone over to bobby.
Speaker 1:Uh, she has not told me the topic today and she would not give me any forewarning for me to look up any information, to do any research whatsoever, and she just flat out refused to give me the topic. Did she give it to you, dr Domain?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I don't have a topic.
Speaker 2:I've got a present for you all though.
Speaker 1:What is?
Speaker 2:it. Who wants to open it?
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 3:Uh-oh, uh-oh.
Speaker 1:What is it?
Speaker 2:Let's go, it's a present, who asks what something is before they actually open it.
Speaker 3:I do, I do it doesn't make any sense. No, it's because we don't trust people.
Speaker 1:Okay, what present do you have for us, dr Domain? Well, you've got to open it, okay.
Speaker 3:All right who's going to open it? Are you sure?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you want me to open?
Speaker 3:it that way, if it explodes.
Speaker 1:Oh, this is, If it explodes. If it explodes.
Speaker 2:I'm out, hey, hold on hold on. Hold on hold on Before you finish opening it, there's a condition.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm not looking. Oh my goodness, she's the worst.
Speaker 3:She is, she's the worst.
Speaker 1:Oh, my presence and pulling. So listen, if you open it, you have to use it in the show. Uh-oh, dead silence. Crickets right there. Uh, you open it, bobby. No, you got it in your hand.
Speaker 3:You already ripped that sucker open.
Speaker 1:Nope, it's yours, it's yours. We have to use it in the show. Okay do it.
Speaker 2:do we have to use it in the show?
Speaker 1:Okay, Do it. Do we have to use it in the show today?
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 3:Okay, here it goes.
Speaker 1:Do it. What is this? Oh, it's a new book.
Speaker 3:That wheeze and laugh, man, you're killing me.
Speaker 1:The book is called who Will Eat my Clam by Jen Genevieve. This is for mature audiences only. So you might want to have the kids you know. Step aside for a moment.
Speaker 3:I better cover my ears.
Speaker 1:Should I read this right now? This is funny. Oh my gosh, I have a clam.
Speaker 2:Who wrote it, by the way?
Speaker 1:Jen Genevieve yeah. It says, I have a clam. It's the freshest you will ever see. It's so tasty and sweet. It's deliciously fishy. Oh sweet baby Jesus.
Speaker 3:It's so tasty and sweet. It's deliciously fishy. Oh sweet, baby Jesus, I'm going to need to finish my drink.
Speaker 1:Go on, who will pry it open? Who will get a chance to swallow my clam juice and put them in a charade? Oh God, sally, can you smell my clam? Doesn't it smell? Sally, can you smell my clam? Doesn't it smell? Doesn't it smell yummy? Will you eat my clam? It's free. I don't want any money. Why would you offer it out like that? Is that what people do? Now, sally, you missed your chance. Ciao, you're lost. I didn't see the problem. I didn't understand the drama. Look at my clam. Do you want to taste, tatiana? What is wrong with you two? Tatiana seemed offended by the offer of my dish. Get that away from me. I'm allergic to fresh fish.
Speaker 3:I thought she was going to say get that away from me, I'm allergic to fresh fish. I thought she was going to say Get that away from me, you bitch.
Speaker 1:I didn't understand why people would refuse. Normally my clam gets a Five star review. James was walking Just following his nose.
Speaker 2:Oh god.
Speaker 3:We can't have anything nice.
Speaker 1:He can smell my clam from the next row.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:Run, run away. I had to come and see what was making that scent. Can I pry it open and eat it with your consent? My clam was juicy. It was so sweet. James said I can't wait to eat this treat. Oh my god. James slipped and munched. He loved the taste. Every drip was consumed. Nothing went to face. My clam was fully open. It was truly devoured. James took his time. He was eating for an hour. There's no way.
Speaker 1:There's no way that was delicious, james said with a grin. I'd love to eat it again. Or is it a sin now?
Speaker 3:you, you're asking Now, you ask.
Speaker 1:James was a real one. He loved eating my clam. He ate my clam perfectly and said more. Where that came from, ma'am, I'll have more, sir. The moral of the story is this If you are giving your clam away for lunch, find someone who is a proper munch. Oh, my goodness, so that came from dr domain. Now we know what kind of sicko we're dealing with behind the board oh man, that was please, folks, don't hold that one against us.
Speaker 1:But you gotta admit that was pretty funny. That falls right into that. Uh, brenda's beaver plays around.
Speaker 3:That was like 10 times worse than brenda's beaver oh my god, I'll get the show started for y'all all right, let's talk about what we can talk about bobby, because it fits right into that.
Speaker 2:I think yeah. So first I'd like to introduce my emotional support chicken yes.
Speaker 1:I see your emotional support.
Speaker 3:This is Clyde Clyde. Hello, Clyde, Okay so I'm going to need him today for protection. Okay. And you are at the other end of the studio.
Speaker 1:That doesn't mean nothing. That means nothing because I can come over a table like a spider monkey, like a spider monkey all hopped up a mountain dew. What is our topic today? You two seem to know. I don't even know.
Speaker 3:Well, so today, you know, we've touched on a few things on the past episodes and I thought, man, you know, this would actually make a really good episode and might get you a little riled up. So I see you got your drink there.
Speaker 1:I've already had mine 48 hours murder mystery.
Speaker 3:This could be an episode of snapped, because I know how to hide bodies.
Speaker 1:I mean.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying yeah, you guys know where my money is hidden in case I never your dollar 20 my dollar $1.25. So today we're going to talk about morals and values. Now specifically we're going to talk about the fact that your morals and values aren't mine. And why is that? When I am your child, waka, waka, waka, waka, waka Waka wakaa, squeeze that duck um that's a good topic. It is because you know we've touched on it. We touched on it with the bystander effect episode.
Speaker 3:We touched on it with the death penalty episode we've touched on it here and there, and a lot of times when we're talking about some things, I do let you talk and I let you talk for me, and uh, I don't know if you can see, you know, we do have kind of stuff between us, but not always when you're talking for me, it's not true. But you know, I kind of let you go because I I don't want to get slapped. So, uh, we're actually gonna, we're gonna bring this to the table you're saying that maybe you disagree with me on some things I'm saying that I do disagree with you on things yeah, I do
Speaker 3:and it's. It's funny because you know a lot of families and parents and things like that they go. Well, you know, I raised my child like this, I raised them like this and then, a lot of times, even in society, they're hold to. You know, they're held to that standard of well, your child did this wrong or your child, you know, chose this path, and so we're going to hold you, as a parent, accountable.
Speaker 3:Okay, I don't agree with that. Okay, because you can raise somebody in a household with one thing if you don't turn that phone off, I'm gonna throw it in the toilet. But you know, you raise your child in a setting that you try to instill morals and values on them. You try to raise them as you want them raised, but from birth, they're their own person. You know you can hope and pray over them and you can try to guide them in the right direction, but ultimately, this is their life, this is their journey. They're going to choose what they choose, regardless of how you raise them, and so we're going to discuss some of this today.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, let's do, let's open it right up, because you're the one who brought this topic up. Yeah, and we have. You're right, we have touched on it in the past and we've kind of floated right over it. We have, um, and you know, I, I do know, based on your facial expressions and how badly you're snorting at the other end of the studio sometimes, on how much you disagree with me, but you don't, you haven't said anything, and some of that let's say. You know morals, values and principles. You do that out of respect.
Speaker 2:It isn't it isn't, you know?
Speaker 1:because I agree with my mom and fear and fear, and there's nothing wrong with instilling a little fear into them.
Speaker 3:So let's give our listeners a little visual here.
Speaker 3:So my mom how tall are you? 5'7"? Okay, so my mom is 5'7". You know, maybe 130 pounds soaking wet. You know, maybe a 130 pounds soaking wet. I am 5 foot 10, 5 foot 11 almost, and I'm right around 200, 220 pounds. So the fear that I feel towards my mother is a very deeply embedded fear that goes back to, I think, pre-birth. At this point because and it does it kind of meshes with that respect thing, because I do respect you and I do respect you as a person and the fact that we can disagree, the fact that we can have differing opinions, but when it comes right down to it, you scare the hell out of me and you always have.
Speaker 1:And I'll go toe-to-toe with a, you know, 300 pound six foot five man before I'll go toe-to-toe with you I think I don't know that that's fear as much as I think that it's a fear of what the repercussions are.
Speaker 1:Right, no, it's fear I think, and let me explain what I mean by that. I think that a fear of the repercussions are I'm going to, not, you know? I mean, could I take her out? Yeah, I probably could. Um, you're not going to, but on the other hand, you could take out a relationship. You could take out my grandkids is relationship by doing something like that. Yeah, um, you know, I think there's a lot more at stake. So, you know, when you say fear, um, yeah, you probably do have fear god in you.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, yeah, from a very early age. I mean anyone who knows me personally let's start there. Let's start there, because that is something that we do not agree on. So let's go go back to the year of our Lord, 1985-ish. Okay, we'll say a little earlier you know for my on a physical punishment level with you. Yeah, now I will say that my father never laid a hand on me, right, um, his was more of a disappointment. I didn't want to disappoint him. That was, you know, worse than any physical thing.
Speaker 3:That he could have done to me you, on the other hand, you beat the shit out of us when we needed it right and you know to the point. Where my mom had a paddle, my dad made her a paddle to hit us with. I, on the other hand, I can count on one hand, and not even use all my fingers, on the amount of times that I have physically punished my children.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:And I have made it a point not to Okay.
Speaker 1:And I think it's different times, you know. I mean I really and truly do. I think it's different times. We've talked about this before. My dad was abused. I was abused. You know you come from that cycle. You tend to, you know, have that abusive type of behavior. Now, you know, your sister was the firstborn and so she probably got more of the discipline from me. I was pretty Well. She screwed up a lot more too.
Speaker 3:She screwed up a lot more, and so you didn't really get a lot from me, because you were already scared of until I got a little older and decided to take doors off the hinges and things like that, but yeah but you know, back then that was your values, that was your morals, that's how you raise your children but that was how I was, you know kind of, and we've talked about this how I was raised.
Speaker 1:I wasn't raised with a loving, soft hand, right. I was raised with a very, extremely hard hand, more so than any child should have to go through.
Speaker 3:Correct and I do know most of your story. I don't know all of your story.
Speaker 3:but you have my kids, you have told me a lot of things and it breaks my heart for what you went through. Yeah, I you know, but back then those were the morals and values that you instilled in us. Now, going forward, I won't ever speak for my sister. If she wants to speak on it, she can come on and speak on it. Um, myself, personally, I worked my butt off to break that cycle because I remember how it felt to have that humiliation of the physical beating. But back then that was your morals and values and that's how you raised us on, you know, um the child. You know, seen and not heard, spare the rod, spoil the child, things like that. And it was more of a thing where you were a single parent raising two children who were, to put it nicely, hellions, I mean yeah you were hands hell bit for leather when it came to breaking every rule in the book and I'll admit it, I mean I?
Speaker 3:I probably should have been in juvie quite a few times, yeah, um, but you know it's it's that, it's it's morals and it's values that I grew up with, that I have since broken and have stopped with my own children.
Speaker 3:Now I'm not saying I'm better than you, I'm not saying that it's what kind of sounds like no, but I'm not I'm saying that, with the tools that I have, with the tools that you gave me, this is how I chose to do it, and that's one thing that we differ on. We do, and there have been times that you have put hands to grandchildren. They deserved it.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you first of all, it would be rare to get their asses.
Speaker 3:It would be so very rare, but, and it was- a lot early on, you know, with the older grandchildren and things, and it would have been very, very rare, because I felt like extremely rare you guys needed to discipline your own kids or take them correct but that's just one example. Now let's look at another example. You know we talked about um the bystander effect when we were talking about what would you do kind of thing. What would you do?
Speaker 3:and you said you know I would the let's take our listeners back who haven't actually listened to that podcast uh episode you know we were talking about. Well, what if you see someone stealing food or baby items or necessities? And I, I told mom right away I didn't see nothing. I'm blind in one eye and I only see 50% out of the other. I didn't see nothing.
Speaker 1:Now my mom, on the other hand Now wait a minute, I'm going to stop you right there, because you categorized it under food, baby items, that sort of thing, Correct? I just said, what if you saw him taking stuff?
Speaker 3:Right, and I did categorize it. You categorized it, but you categorized it, but you said you would step forward and offer to pay to where not all of us are able to do that.
Speaker 1:Right, I get it.
Speaker 3:I didn't see nothing and that's just how it is. And I do have the morals and the values of it's wrong to steal and people do suffer. You know the small businesses, things like that, when people steal but at the same time get it. Yeah, you know, I, I'm more of the. I'm not going to, I'm not going to make their life harder because if they're stealing baby food, their life is as hard as it's. You know, ever been at this?
Speaker 1:yeah, and and categorizing it like that. I, I, you know. I understand where you're coming from. I really and truly do. Now, when we talk about morals and values, discipline is, is a subset of morals and values. Yes, I was trying to teach you, kids, morals and values, what's right, what's wrong, what you do to people, what you don't do to people, what you say, you know, you work hard, you know you. You don't steal, you give. You know the all of those things my morals are do the right thing, even when nobody's looking right, you know my my standards and my principles and those sorts of things are the things that I live by.
Speaker 1:The discipline is what happens when you don't do those things correct. So let's make sure that we understand those levels, because the discipline is a totally different thing. Right, and we're gonna. We're gonna levels, because the discipline is a totally different thing.
Speaker 3:Right, and we're going to be bouncing back and forth on all different levels here. I'm just kind of giving examples here, when we talk about morals, standards and values and principles.
Speaker 1:Okay, to me those are the things of. You know. My morals are what's right and wrong, correct. You know what's good and bad.
Speaker 3:Now would you say that your religion holds a good chunk of your morals. Like you, draw from your religion a good chunk of your morals.
Speaker 1:That's where you draw from. I draw from my spiritual belief in God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. You know I've said this before Religion to me is kind of a sketchy thing, so we aren't going to get into that.
Speaker 3:Well, we're not talking organized religion. I'm talking your own personal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would say yes. And we were down at the farmer's market one day and one of the guys they had a booth there of atheists, yeah, and one of the guys was kind of yelling out, you know, are you limited in your life, you know, and blah, blah, blah and he was kind of you know obviously.
Speaker 3:He was drawing people in. Yeah, he was advocating for an atheist.
Speaker 1:And Dr Domain looked at me and he said do you think we're limited? And I said, absolutely, we're limited by the word of God, right, and we want to be limited by the word of God, right, and we want to be limited by the word of God, right, we want to follow those rules. And so, yeah, I think that that, yeah, I think that drives me. Um, my mom was very, very religious and when I was a kid, you know, I did the same thing you kids are doing to me now is I said oh, for the love of God, please stop talking about.
Speaker 3:No wait, I don't do that.
Speaker 1:No, you don't. I don't do that to you, but I did.
Speaker 3:And I was always there with Grandma Dickie, you know, with her Her Jesus radio was always on.
Speaker 1:Oh, God love her.
Speaker 3:And I never had a problem with that. I did, I did.
Speaker 1:You know, I felt like it was being shoved down my throat and I was being judged all the time. And now here's but wait, let me. Let me just explain. I think there's a difference between treating, teaching. You know morals and values about. You know a religion, that that focuses on love and understanding and forgiveness and that sort of thing, as opposed to being threatened. He's coming after you, you.
Speaker 1:He'll be back one day and you're gonna burn in hell yeah and that was that was kind of how we were raised, you know, by brimstone and and fire, and so we were scared, you know, and so, yeah, that was something that I kind of I really rejected right now.
Speaker 3:I remember that.
Speaker 1:I remember that yeah, and now that I've gotten older and I certainly understand, I feel like I understand a lot more and I feel like I'm much more understanding with people than I've ever been is, yeah, it is about love, it's about understanding, it's about forgiveness, it's about give them the benefit of the doubt for crying out loud. You know what's it going to hurt you.
Speaker 3:Let me ask you this. So we all know you are very spiritual, you have a very strong spirituality whatever people want to call it a religion a bond with God.
Speaker 3:Okay, Do you think that without that, the morals and values cannot be the same? Like, let me give you an example, like, let's say, you know that I'm I'm very open with my children. I do not raise my children in a religious household for a reason and it has nothing to do with anything bad against you or religion or god or anything else. I have raised my children with morals and values and respect. Now do you think that without that religion that it could still be having this? Those morals? Like you know, like you know, don't kill people, or let me just answer that real quickly.
Speaker 1:The answers no, you don't believe that. I do not. I do not beyond a shadow of a doubt. Do I believe that that you know, because there's too many people that do wrong unless they're being watched to do right.
Speaker 3:So you think that the threat of damnation, let's say, is what keeps people's morality on the level that allows the population to coexist in a peaceful way?
Speaker 1:I think that it plays a big role.
Speaker 1:Now, I want to mention this because and I'm not talking one certain religion, I'm talking all relations, sure sure, because they're all tight, you're all you know it's all tied together one way or the other, one way or the other, right you know, we have a niece that, or I have a niece that is she doesn't believe in god at all, you know, and she's made that very clear to me, and uh, love her, love her to death. Now does she go out and murder and kill and steal and do all of that stuff? No, she doesn't, right? Okay? So there are some boundaries there and you have to ask yourself what's stopping you? What is stopping you If you don't believe in in God, you don't believe in Jesus, you don't believe in that Holy Spirit, or you don't believe in your creator? What's stopping you?
Speaker 3:So what is stopping people then?
Speaker 1:That's a good question. That's a great question.
Speaker 2:Natural law.
Speaker 1:And I think it is natural law. And you know, maybe you want to weigh in on this Dr Domain because you're more of an expert on this than I am by far, but I really and truly do feel for the most part, bobby, yeah, we have to have, there's always a so you have to have that threat of.
Speaker 1:I don't think you have to have that threat. I think there's always an opposite right Good, bad light, dark. I think there's always an opposite right Good, bad light, dark. I think there's always. We know there's evil in the world. There's got to be good right and it isn't just oh, I'll do a good deed today. A good deed does not a good person make. You have to have something in you that drives you to be a really good person, and I think that there is.
Speaker 1:There are some boundaries that you have to live by I think, that there's some rules that you have to live by, so yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, dr domain. No, I was just saying a natural law, it's all it's the basis for I think it's an inherent morality that we all have. We objectively probably realize that it's not good to kill someone, and so I think that's the basis for a lot. I mean, the Lord even handed down a lot of the commandments that are based on natural law.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:And so that's, I think, really a guiding principle of what keeps us all from being incarcerated or murdering other people or whatever that right.
Speaker 1:there is an excellent point. He did hand down a lot of things that are natural law that we would never do. We would never do because we know they're wrong.
Speaker 2:I don't know man.
Speaker 3:God killed a lot of people just to kill them.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I'm not saying.
Speaker 3:But I don't want this whole podcast to be about religion? Yeah, but I mean I don't want to pull it all into religion because that's not where I'm going with it. I get it.
Speaker 1:But I do want to say this that you know there's a lot of confusion out there about what's in the Bible and what God did and what Jesus did and that sort of thing. And you're right, there were a lot of people that went to war for God right there were a lot of people that were killed on behalf of God, smited off the earth.
Speaker 1:Off the earth, they're done, you know. And to say that I understand every decision he makes, absolutely, I do not. You know. We've had those discussions. How is is it that happened? The bible is full of brokenness. That bible is not where somebody says, oh, I'm not going to read the bible, I'm not going to go to church, I'm not going to doing that because, you know, uh, everybody thinks that they're so great, they're nothing but brokenness in that bible to show that he created us and we kept screwing up.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean people are going to people. They've been people in since the beginning of time.
Speaker 3:You know it is what it is and it's not like you didn't know it was going to happen and like I said I, you know I don't want to pull this into religion type thing, but one thing that you did say that I'm going to kind of piggyback off of is when we had the episodes about the school shooting. Now, let me let me forward this by saying we haven't that's really been the only time that we have fully and it's not even been fully that we have opened up about the school shooting. One thing that I do remember that you had said, and you've said a few times, even in the death penalty episode, um is the fact that I and I did let you speak for me and I shouldn't have, but I didn't want to ruffle the feathers right then you had said you know where, we were not about hate, we were not about revenge, we were not about, um, you know, hurting other people, things like that. Listen, and this might come as a shock to you I don't think it will, though, because I think that you've learned a lot about me in the last 10 years that you didn't know before.
Speaker 3:But, um, I got a lot of hate and I'm not, I'm not ashamed of it and I'm not gonna let that go, because that's a lot of hate and I'm not, I'm not ashamed of it and I'm not going to let that go, because that's a lot of people say. Well, you know, hate is like drinking a poison and expecting the other person to die. No, that's not how it is. A lot of people have come to us and said things which I call toxic positivity, and you and I've had this discussion before and I and I've actually had to stop you before. Well, it could have been worse.
Speaker 1:Well, thank, god, I've never said it could have been worse.
Speaker 3:Well, but you have on other things what I it could be worse what I did.
Speaker 1:I've never said no.
Speaker 3:No, I'm saying on on other things. So you know, you say, hey, look at the bright side, it could be worse, you could have it as bad as other people. That's toxic positivity and that is something that we don't do in our household, because sometimes shitty things happen and there is no damn reason for it. You cannot sit there and tell me that there was a reason for things to happen as they happened or when they happened, because sometimes shitty things just happen there are shitty people out there and they do shitty things and nothing can sit here and tell me that there was a reason for it.
Speaker 3:Are we stronger for it? Yes, but you know there's a lot of toxic positivity that does not allow us to fully grieve for what we have been through, and I think that that is very damaging to people. And a lot of people have said you know, we're about forgiveness, we're about positivity, we're about things like that. I'm not going to lie. Had that kid not taken his own life in that school that day, he never would have made it to court.
Speaker 1:Taking his own life in that school that day he never would have made it to court and I would have made sure of it. So listen, I'm just and I never and I never would have thought twice about it let me just say this bobby, I have never said, oh, things could have been better, especially well, you said things could be worse.
Speaker 1:You know when we come to you with problems, thank god you know, thank god that that we still have court, thank you know. Well, yeah, no to you with problems, thank god. You know, thank god that that we still have court, thank you know well, yeah, no, I'm talking about other things you know like oh, you know we're in a bad spot.
Speaker 3:Well, things could be worse. You could be this person. You know things could be worse like that.
Speaker 1:But okay, I get what you're saying it's. I get what you're saying, but that's not what I've ever said, because I I'm very careful not to say that. But what I will say is this we don't understand everything. No, we don't know why things happen. And to sit here and act like we do, I will never know why people do things. How silly is that Because we don't know.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:We don't know anything About everything. I mean, there's so many things. All we can do is try to pick ourselves up. So when I say I try to stay positive on it, I do. I've never, ever said you know well, things could be better. I've never said that. But what I have said is listen, here's what we have to do. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And you have been a good source of that positive uplifting we have had to stay positive just to keep ourselves moving.
Speaker 1:Do I understand why? I don't have a clue. I don't have a clue why things happened in the Bible the way that they did when you want to talk about religion and what happened with God. I don't have a clue. I ask it all the time. It's like how can that happen?
Speaker 3:And yet we're told never to kill and that comes back around to the morals and values you know. You are a very spiritual person absolutely go with the word of god.
Speaker 1:Yep, um, so you do things like thou shall not kill thou you know things like that I am not along that line but you were the same one that said I I don't agree with capital punishment correct, correct.
Speaker 3:but at the same time, like I said, had that person been walked out of that school, I would have made sure upon my dying breath that he never would have made it to that courthouse and I. I know that that disappoints you and I know that that breaks your heart, but there are some times when I believe in the eye for the eye and that is only because I cannot trust. There is no justice system. There's a legal system.
Speaker 1:Right, we've talked about that.
Speaker 3:We have talked about that. We have talked about that. I will never trust the legal system to put back our family, or anyone else's family, to be whole again you and I do not disagree on that bobby and I will and I will take my dying breath if it means that I have revenged something that has been so horrific against my own family. Now does that mean I'm right? Does that mean I'm going to hell for killing somebody? Possibly, possibly, but I can justify that in my own personal space rather than to myself to my future, to to my if there's an afterlife.
Speaker 3:I can justify that and I can close my eyes and know that it doesn't matter, because what I did I did and I do not have any regrets for it, and that is something that we do, we on, and there's a lot of things we differ on we do, and that is.
Speaker 1:We do and you know I mean we did differ on the death penalty and after you and I talked about it, I kind of agree with you on that, you know.
Speaker 3:But if it got right down to it and you know, I'm just not in agreement with the government doing it, oh gosh, because they're idiots yeah, they're idiots anyway.
Speaker 1:But um, you know, I mean we joke all the time about hey, well, you know, we know how to hide a body.
Speaker 3:I mean I mean we do the thing is we kind of joke?
Speaker 1:we do, but you know um, you know the thing is but I would, but I wouldn't lose sleep over it. I will say that, yeah, you would.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:But these people who say you know he killed my son, but I forgive him in court, they go. I've forgiven him. God love them for being able to do that, because I don't know I could never. And God help me, because I don't think I could.
Speaker 3:But the forgiveness is not for the offender. The forgiveness is for the survivors. I don't need that forgiveness. I don't need to forgive him or his family for what they allowed, for what they did, for their role in it. I don't need to forgive them because I don't need that forgiveness for their role in it. I don't need to forgive them because I don't need that forgiveness.
Speaker 1:So, getting back to the whole topic in general, you know of morals, values, standards, you know ethics, that sort of thing. They're all different things, obviously. Religion, you know, to me helps drive. That's kind of a guideline for me, right?
Speaker 3:For you?
Speaker 1:yes, yeah and for many people.
Speaker 3:For a lot of people, yeah, For a lot of people, a lot of people. But there are people out there that have no religion, no spirituality, and yet they still follow those moral lines.
Speaker 1:They still follow those ethical lines and I think that gets back to that natural, natural, uh, you know, way of life, natural rules, Um but I do see a lot of parents looking at their kids going man, I didn't raise you like this.
Speaker 3:These are not our morals, these are not our values. How did you ever come up with this? And all I can say to them is look, they're their own people.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, bobby, when you guys were being, you know, when you were younger, one of the things that and I've said this before I thought I was a good parent. I wasn't a really good mom because I wasn't a real nurturer, but you know, my whole objective was to teach you right and wrong, what's good and bad, what you do and don't do. You know the things to make yourself feel valuable in this lifetime, and you know to move forward and you know turn you out to be a good citizen of society, not to be a burden to society.
Speaker 3:It only took 40 years to stick.
Speaker 1:Well, but I mean.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about how many people are raising kids that are literally burdens to society, correct? Oh, you know whether it's. You know that I have. You know, problems where I can't get a job because I can't go to work, I can't be with people, or you know I play games in my parents' basement, for, you know, 14 hours a day. Whatever you know I mean, to me that's just part of society anymore. But my objective, you know, was really to turn you out to be something of value. I truly believe we are not here for ourselves. I truly believe we are here for other people. I truly believe that my job every single day is to look for a way to help someone else. Right now, I don't get to do that every single day, but I really do look for it.
Speaker 3:I think that that should be something that is in your daily life. How can I help? What can I do? What can I do? But at the same, I don't agree with that Because, in the overall cosmic universe of it, okay, who's going to make me happy? Who's going to look out for me? Who's going to make sure that my mental health and my life is something that I will enjoy and not just trudging through every day? And I'm going to tell you right now, we have a lot of mental health issues out there.
Speaker 3:There are absolutely real mental health issues and we're not putting any of those down.
Speaker 2:There are a lot of fake ones.
Speaker 3:It's a trend. At this point it's a trend, but when it comes down to it, no one else is out there looking out for me. No one is Everyone, and it's a narcissistic tendency. I'm not saying we're narcissists it is narcissistic tendency. We are born with narcissistic tendencies absolutely what's without them? But without them, no one else is going to give a shit. If you're happy, no one is. No one cares, no one cares. Bob down the street doesn't give a shit if you woke up this morning wanting to kill yourself.
Speaker 1:He doesn't. I don't think that's really true. I mean, you know what?
Speaker 3:When it comes down to it, I am the master of my happiness, right, you're the master of yourself, you're right. But you know, when it in the end, all be all. I'm the only one that can make me happy. In the end, all be all. I'm the only one that can make me happy. And if that means that I have to kind of shun some things of society, then so be it. If I want to go live off grid in a cabin in the woods and not talk to people for 402 days, leave me alone. Absolutely, I'm making myself happy. So what if I don't go down and volunteer at the food bank every week?
Speaker 1:so but if I don't donate, it's all about I'm.
Speaker 3:You're right, but I'm just saying you know, in the overall, you know the forest for the trees type of thing. In the overall thing, no one else is looking out for your happiness. Your parents might be your, you know your partner might be. Those are they're choosing to. A lot of parents anymore are not choosing to look out for their children's happiness. What they're looking out for is their own. I get that, you know. But as children grow and things like that, even you you're looking out for your own happiness and I don't fault you for that.
Speaker 1:I am looking out for my own happiness. I hope I don't fault you for that.
Speaker 2:I am looking out for my own happiness.
Speaker 1:I hope that you do, but I don't put your guys' on a shelf anymore.
Speaker 3:You're correct, but I hope that you do look out for your own happiness, because we're too busy trying to survive to worry about your happiness. I get it. I get it and there's a lot more. You know that we can say that we disagree on. You know morals and ethics wise, but you know that just kind of touches on it and I think you know that that's that's really a good thing to kind of throw to our listeners about how, growing up, even me and my sister have different morals and ethics, right? So you know, sit down and think how are my morals and ethics different from my brother, from my sister, from my mother, from my father, from my grandparents? And I'm not talking about generational ones, I'm talking about ones that you grew up learning and have either altered or shied away from, because you have learned a truth in life that maybe they didn't have to deal with or you've grasped it.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know. I mean there's always that and you know what experience did. Experiences did you have as a child growing up, or not even just growing up, but even in your 20s and 30s right? Every day, every day, every single day, and so you know to say you know, I don't care about somebody else's happiness, you're right, I'm responsible for my happiness. I honestly am responsible for my happiness. Um, if I, you know, don't feel something is going the way it needs to go, I'm gonna. It's up to me to change that.
Speaker 3:Correct. Like they say, you know, pray to God, but row towards the shore because nobody's coming to save you.
Speaker 1:You can pray to God, but he gave you those arms to row Exactly. You know so, and I do.
Speaker 3:I'm going to tell the listeners I do use a lot of religious terms and things like that, because I have learned how to communicate with my mother and my grandmother, who has passed on, and I do that out of respect for them, because when I am comforting someone, if they have a you know a religious tendency or a spirituality, I try to use that in order to connect with them now, bobby.
Speaker 1:You told me one time that you do believe in god I didn't say i't.
Speaker 3:I've never said I don't believe in. God, but my spirituality is different. It's different and it looks different and it sounds different and it's personal to me, so it's not anything that I would ever need to put on a show for or in a building or share with other people, because there's a lot of things that contradict other things with me and I don't feel like I want to explain them okay, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that's probably where we should probably end for the day. I think that was a really good topic, but I do not appreciate you dropping stuff on me at the last minute where I can't look anything up or just even prepare. But thanks anyway. Some of the best podcasts come from the unprepared.
Speaker 3:So I do think that that is all of the insanity that we have for everybody today. We sure do appreciate you joining us here at the Rabbit Hole Studio. Hey guys, if you like us, be sure to follow us. Share us with your friends. If you hate, follow us, share us with your friends. If you hate us, share us with your enemies. We don't care, um, if you have positive feedback for us or if there's a topic you want to discuss, if you have some constructive criticism, we've got an email. It's boomerangenexer at gmailcom. If hate mail, well, we're just not interested in that. So until next week, I'm Bobby Joy.
Speaker 1:And I'm Jane Burt and you're stuck with us. Peace out Later.