A Boomer and GenXer Walk into a Bar
Wit and wisdom, some smart assery, and a Mother and Daughter questioning “Are we even related?”
A Boomer and GenXer Walk into a Bar
Invitations, Confirmations, and Last-Minute Cancellations: A Mother-Daughter Perspective S:1E:52
Have you ever spent hours preparing for guests, only to have them cancel at the last minute? Or maybe you're the one who's confirmed attendance with the best intentions, but when the day arrives, your social battery is completely drained?
In this candid mother-daughter conversation, Jane and Bobbi tackle the evolving landscape of social commitments and the frustrating phenomenon of last-minute cancellations. Jane shares her perspective as someone who loves entertaining, recounting the considerable effort and expense that goes into hosting events like their famous Low Country Boils—where Dr. Domain meticulously sources the freshest seafood, conducts taste tests, and prepares for days, only to sometimes face disappointing turnouts despite confirmations. Meanwhile, Bobbi offers the introvert's viewpoint, explaining how social anxiety and limited "social battery" can make following through on commitments genuinely challenging.
Whether you're a dedicated host frustrated by no-shows or someone who struggles with the social obligation of attending every event you're invited to, this episode offers valuable insights into finding balance and maintaining courtesy in our social commitments. As Jane wisely concludes: "Enjoy the presence, not the presents."
Subscribe now and join our weekly conversations where nothing is off-limits between this refreshingly honest Boomer and Gen X duo.
email: boomerandgenxer@gmail.com
Hello, hello, hello and welcome everyone to today's show. Boomer and the Gen X are walking to a bar, coming to you from the rabbit hole studio, where you, as our listeners, will experience some wit and wisdom, some smart assery, and this mother and, I still think, that daughter down there are wondering are we even related? My name is Jane, my co-host is my daughter, bobby, and for the next several minutes we're going to entertain you, bobby, how's it going?
Speaker 2:today it's going good. How are you doing?
Speaker 1:I'm doing really well, I feel like I'm pumped up on caffeine, but I'm not really hey, I see you got the chicken with you. I do. What's his name? Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:His name is Richard Cranium III. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Is that dickhead?
Speaker 2:It is the third.
Speaker 1:The third, okay had to put some regalness behind it. Yeah, I guess you know he's not no, kfc chicken.
Speaker 2:I mean he's a slim chicken, he's got no wings, so he can't be a he got.
Speaker 1:He got a little leggies.
Speaker 2:He got some drumsticks.
Speaker 1:There got some little legs and little beak, yep, and he's still clicking, clucking, clicking clucking. I don't know, I don't know, hey. So, uh, what's new pussycat? Not a whole lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, just working, making money and avoiding people at all costs. I getcha, I getcha.
Speaker 1:You know, there's times when I'm okay with being around crowds and being around people and other times it's like not interested.
Speaker 2:I got like maybe five minutes With people With people Five minutes.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I do too, yeah, and then I'm done gets into our topic today, which is invitations, confirmations and last minute cancellations yeah um, because a lot of times we get invited to stuff or maybe we don't get invited. That's hurtful too I mean not gonna hurt my feelings, but yeah and the confirmations that maybe we're expecting, that we do get or don't get, and then cancellations.
Speaker 2:Or no-shows. Yeah, just straight up no-shows. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 1:So people used to send out actual hard copy in the mail invitations. Right Our SVP.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think they still do for weddings and some weddings they do not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, weddings, and I think I've gotten a couple for, like, uh, baptism and quinceaneras and things like that, yeah, so or even uh graduations graduations yeah.
Speaker 1:So you get a few of those, but not as many as we used to. It used to be like you said you'd get the invitation in the mail, they in the mail, They'd tell you the date you know, and then you had the RSVP Right. What's RSVP stand for?
Speaker 3:Do any of us know?
Speaker 2:Oh crap, Dr Domaine knows.
Speaker 1:I didn't look it up.
Speaker 2:It's French, yeah, reserve.
Speaker 3:I think it's like some people say it's like respond very promptly yeah.
Speaker 2:C'est la jambe.
Speaker 1:You just pulled that out of your butt. So, um, some of us still get a few invitations hard copy, otherwise most of them come through either facebook, facebook email yeah text messaging. Some even come through instagram. Yep, um, you know, there's a lot of times you get an invitation to anybody that's on the system and it's like wouldn't that be funny if a bunch of people really showed up?
Speaker 2:I think that'd be awesome if you just kind of put it out there and you're like hey party at this time, and then you got like 250 people that you don't even know show up. Yeah, that'd be kind of cool, I mean that's kind of what used to happen, you know, back in high school, but it was more of a word of mouth type thing or a little tiny flyer that someone would print out the day before, and say hey, here's the directions to the cornfield that we're partying in.
Speaker 2:And, yeah, tell your parents yeah, because it was.
Speaker 1:It was always back in the timber or back. Oh yeah, you know somebody's abandoned barn.
Speaker 2:You know that has been fallen down for ages.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just don't smoke in the barn, you'll see it on fire, Right right. Yep. So I've experienced this and I assume some of our listeners have experienced it too. Is you invite people over and let's say that you're going to have folks over for a picnic, a dinner?
Speaker 3:whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Barbecue, barbecue, yeah, and barbecue is it most of the time, right? Because people back in the day, um, if you had an adult barbecue where there was alcohol that was going to be served, kids really weren't invited. Right now, kids come and see their parents get wasted, white girl wasted yeah white girl wasted or dead ass drunk and uh, that seems to be okay with everybody, but I guess that's probably a different show and uh, we used to have ufo parties oh, we did have ufo parties, that is true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's how I forgot my first wine cooler was at a ufo party when you weren't looking. Yeah, so yeah that is true.
Speaker 1:We used to have UFO parties every year and we'd have people a bunch of our friends come out and we'd look for UFOs, Yep.
Speaker 2:Grill and drink. Yeah, do all that good old time.
Speaker 1:And then I remember we had a birthday party for your dad one year and I had tons of sand dumped in the driveway.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, the beach party.
Speaker 1:Because it was a beach party.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a Hawaiian-themed beach party.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I mean just cleaning up that sand. We had to get the skid load around and everything to get the sand out of there.
Speaker 2:It was a good idea at the time.
Speaker 1:It was a good idea, as it turned out, it was probably a little bit too much. And then the other one was one of his birthdays and I want to say it was his 30th birthday. I don't even remember if we were together at 30 years old, yeah and um, I had a casket, yeah, and had the food all set up, yeah, in the casket and everything was associated with you know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So we had some pretty good parties, so we had a lot of people that would show up. I remember we used I shouldn't even tell this, but we would take a couple of grocery carts and we had a big hill by our house oh yeah, and we had the grocery down the hill yeah, and the guys would push the grocery carts and they'd go down and it would cross a highway yeah, and it was.
Speaker 2:it wasn't like a small, I mean, it was a two lane highway, but man, that sucker was busy because we used to sled down the hill into that same highway as kids and yeah, it was great times.
Speaker 1:So back in those days it seemed like when somebody sent out an invitation or gave an invitation and you confirmed it, they showed up, you showed up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, unless you were deathly ill or you know your grandma died. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, it was something like oh man, this is going to be cool. Yeah, we're going to show up Now. It seems like and maybe it's just me, but a lot of times people will give a confirmation because I know I've done it myself. And then at the last minute, they cancel well, maybe it is just you, maybe they're like I don't want to hurt her feelings right now, but um, it isn't just me she scares me, it is then we're gonna have a spooky party.
Speaker 1:That's what there you go no I think it's true that I I think that things have changed a little bit where you know, I think it's a good idea, Like and I know I've done this, I've confirmed too quickly. You know it's like you get the invitation and it sounds like oh man, that sounds like a lot of fun, and then, two days before it rolls around, you're going. I don't want to go to that. I don't want to go to that.
Speaker 2:The introverts problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that this happens a lot though. Yeah, and to be honest with you, I find it quite rude.
Speaker 2:I find it quite rude with that.
Speaker 1:I do that myself well, I've tried really hard over the last several years not to do that yeah but people still do it to me. And here's what's problematic about it when, when you're the one who is hosting and I usually tell people don't bring anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you're going to provide everything I'll provide everything.
Speaker 1:So you need a headcount, I need a headcount, yeah, and we go out and we buy all the food and everything, and I'll tell you what's really expensive is when Dr Domain does the Low Country Boils, because that's a lot of seafood, it's lobster, it's king crab legs, it's all of that business and you're spending a buttload of money I wouldn't know. Yeah, we don't invite you.
Speaker 2:I can't eat seafood anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:We don't like you.
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 1:I know, but you could still come. But we don't even invite you? Yeah, that's okay anyway, um, we've invited you to christmas though we've invited you to christmas and thanksgiving or two.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know, what do you want from us?
Speaker 1:I mean, come on, I think it's every other thanksgiving now at least you know, I'm kidding, but um, it gets quite expensive and I know it does for several people, yeah, and I and planning.
Speaker 2:I mean it takes a lot of planning and it does, especially the day of to have everything you know ready and cooked right and things like that right, because you know I remember going to the point of renting tents and I'm not the only one.
Speaker 1:Other people have, you know, they'll rent a p tent yeah, they'll rent canopy tents yeah, make sure that they have tables and chairs a lot of times you can borrow them from the church or whatever fire department fire department. Yeah, otherwise you gotta go out and rent them from a company and you're doing all of that and then people either don't show or at the last minute, they cancel yeah and you think?
Speaker 1:Did you think that I went out today and bought this stuff Because it didn't? Okay, it took a while. The last, not the last, but the one seafood boil low country boil we had here, the first one in Iowa that Dr Domain did.
Speaker 2:Which I wasn't invited to.
Speaker 1:Gosh, let it go, will you? You're not going to be invited to any other Low Country World either, so Dr Domain went to the different locations to check out the seafood. Now, Iowa, of course, is not by the sea.
Speaker 2:No, we're landlocked.
Speaker 1:We're landlocked so we do not get great seafood. So you have to kind of shop around and he went to different places looking for the best shrimp, the best crab legs, the best lobster, whatever it was we were having, and we did taste tests. He brought, he bought certain amounts and brought them home and I remember I taste tested, of course, the shrimp because I'm a shrimp person, yeah.
Speaker 1:but you know we went to all of that trouble and then you know, people cancel at the last minute yeah, you got like 25 people saying I'll be there and like, and you're buying all that food show up right, yeah, and then I think that it's, first of all, I think it's discourteous, but I know that I had done it in the past and I think what happens is maybe we're responding to those invitations too quickly. I don't know. What do you think, dr Domain? I mean, you were involved in it too there's probably a certain amount of that and some.
Speaker 3:I mean, just, some people just don't think of that, they don't think that they're being discourteous, you know, or rude when they cancel the last moment yeah. It's no big deal. I mean they didn't go through the effort to have to bring me into the party. But the reality is you probably did.
Speaker 1:I guess the way I look at it is if I invite you to come to my house, and I'm doing all of this, I want you to be there.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And if you look at the invitation and you go oh, dr Domain and Jane are having a party. I guess we'll have to go.
Speaker 2:Just don't go, don't go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just say no, I don't need you there. Yeah, and I think what happens is is people feel obligated and it's like oh, I mean, how many times have you heard I gotta go to this party tonight?
Speaker 2:I really don't want to go well, I mean, I'm like that though because I'm a real introvert. So, you know, being around people I don't have a lot of social battery, you know, and I I run out real quick of tolerance and patience, especially for people who get stupid drunk at these places, you know, at these things, and they just go to just get wasted and do stupid shit. I mean I do too. Okay, yeah, there are places that you know, I do that too.
Speaker 1:There's times we've sat back and just watched.
Speaker 2:But I mean, yeah, a lot of people. It is a social battery type thing where they just they don't have it in them. You know they get it. They go up to that day thinking we're going to do this, here's my outfit, I'm going to do, and then the day of, you know the anxiety and things take over and you go God, I just don't think I can do this. I'm tired, you know, maybe I've worked all week and I just want to stay home and relax.
Speaker 1:But don't you think that you could plan ahead for that? I mean, you know you're going to work all week. You know you're going to be tired on the weekend.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I know I'm going to work all week, but it's whether or not I have all 16 hour shifts all week, type of thing, you know I don till the last minute. So, yeah, there are times where I'm like yeah, I'll do that.
Speaker 3:And then I'm like the day of, I'm just like please let there be a natural disaster where I can't even get to the house, type of thing. Yeah, yeah, and how much physical effort is there to sit there and drink and socialize a lot, a lot especially if it's people that you're not around a lot, I gotta get up get myself another beer.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, you know you have to talk to people. Maybe you don't really talk to that, maybe you don't like per se, and you have to kind of put on that face. And that is draining to put on a face of hey, everybody, it's going great and I want to talk to you, and I want to talk to you, and I want to talk to you and I want to talk to you. It's like shut up and sit down and drink your beer. Okay, don't talk to me, just leave me alone I gotta go along with bobby here on that.
Speaker 1:I now dr domain. He, he loves being out now I will tell you social butterfly. But here's the deal. The guy is funnier than hell here at home.
Speaker 2:I mean, he is he is fun, but he has to reel it in when he's in public, right? No, when we go out in public, oh yeah, he's like he doesn't hardly say anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's like he's. He's not funny when he's out, he's just quiet but here's the thing I'll go why aren't you talking to these guys? Well, I'm just listening.
Speaker 2:Well yeah, he's an observer I know that yeah, he's an observer, but at the same time he's like me. You don't know, you can't really gauge the people's reactions. So like, if I tell kind of an off-color joke, am I going to be ostracized and hanged by my feet, or are these people going to laugh with me, like?
Speaker 1:I'm scared to tell it to say things and there's and there's the difference between me and you. There's the biggest difference, because I will tell the joke and laugh my ass off all by myself I know, but I think I'm funny.
Speaker 2:I think I've been hit in the face too many times iffy on that thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't even care. I mean I'll sit down and I'll talk to anybody. You know that, yeah, and you know dr domain knows it too. I mean I can be walking down the street, I'll talk to anybody and anybody will talk to me that's the whole thing, it's tragic isn't it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she's walking down the street with her don't touch me shirt on. Yeah, right, or she's in walmart. Oh my gosh, are you getting that?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, are you getting that oh?
Speaker 1:my gosh, let me help you. It's like shut up and let us get out of this store. I don't do that. She knows it's her.
Speaker 2:I do not, she wants to know the cashier's whole life story. You are so full of it You're so full of crap why they're working today on a holiday.
Speaker 1:No, working today on a holiday, no, I don't do that because I don't want to start a conversation, because I really don't care most times okay, so it's not like I do that. But I have said, hey, how you doing today and they'll go fine, and I'll go. Are you really?
Speaker 2:do you really care, though? I mean like honestly, do you really?
Speaker 1:care if I ask that sometimes I do I mean I was in walmart and now that you mention it, and this little gal was checking me out, and I go, hey, how you doing today? And she goes I'm fine. And she kind of took a breath and I go, are you really? And she goes not really. And I go, what's going on? And she starts telling me about the work there and whatever. And I don't want to work at walmart either, right, right no one does, who does?
Speaker 3:no one quit.
Speaker 1:I mean, the worst job in the world has got to be a personal shopper. Who the hell wants to do?
Speaker 1:that yeah, customer service and personal shoppers, so anyway she starts telling me a little bit and I said you know you can't think about that stuff you got to think about. You know what your job is and you do the best you can and whatever. Gave her that little pep talk, but. And you do the best you can and whatever, gave her that little pep talk, but I will only take a minute or two to give that pep talk, then I'm out of there. Okay, don't engage me in anything else. Now you, dr Domain, every time you ask me about somebody you'll go who's that? And I'll go oh, that's Susie. And you'll go what'd she do? I don't know who she married to.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know how many kids does she have and he'll go he'll go.
Speaker 1:Wasn't that her husband over there? I don't know.
Speaker 2:You clearly know more than I do you go find out how about that?
Speaker 1:because I don't care and but he will do that. He will like engage in these deep discussions.
Speaker 2:It's like why but it is, I don't care. But you have to think of it like if you are invited somewhere, that like, let's say, you did invite me to a country boil which will never happen and you invite your friends, your guys' friends, okay, most likely I don't know them, unless they're family. I don't know them, yeah.
Speaker 3:The food all tastes the same, whether you know the other people or not. Well, yeah, yeah, but you have to, there's that expectation of at a social gathering that you're actually?
Speaker 1:going to be social and I just I can't handle that. I think you just go for the food.
Speaker 3:I think here's the difference too, so I'm just going to sit in the corner going. Don't talk to me. Put your mom's shirt on, don't hug don't touch me.
Speaker 1:My daughter running down my face, yeah, so just so everybody knows my shirt says free hugs and then in small letters it says just kidding, get away from me yep, and I have one too, and so, um, I think you know, one of the big differences is I notice that my friends who are my age or around my age, uh, they know their kids as friends really well and they're adult friends, and so how does that?
Speaker 1:happen and so their kids know their friends like their kids would know me or their kids, and I don't do that that's weird.
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, get your own life.
Speaker 1:I kind of say that it's like I don't hang out Now. Picnics or something like that yes, you kids, you act like you're not involved. You are, but when I have friends, when we have friends over, I usually don't invite my kids, and maybe that's a bad thing, but you guys are always so busy and you're working constantly.
Speaker 2:Oh please, oh thing, but you guys are always so busy and you're working constantly. Oh please, oh please. We're embarrassing. Let's just be honest, we're embarrassing. So there is that. Yeah, think about you're loud and obnoxious. Yeah, you are embarrassed and we fight half the time I have to say no, that's not my job not really yeah
Speaker 2:no, really that's how it goes. Yeah, I mean, for what? 20 years people didn't realize you had two daughters. They all thought you had one. They're like they come up to me and they go are you? And then say you're my sister's name? And I'm like no, I'm Bobby. And they're like which one are you where?
Speaker 1:did you come from? She acts like I never uttered her name.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you did, with a few cuss words behind it, but you know but you know, rolling into that, you know the whole um socialization of it. You know there is a new movement around, at least the united states, where um we are watching.
Speaker 1:What are you doing, dr domain? Is the weirdest monocle oh my god, this is when we needed to have the camera rolling this here why we can't take you anywhere we can't have nice things we can't have anything.
Speaker 2:So there is this kind of movement and I'm a part of this movement where, uh, yeah, about where parents actually aren't having birthday parties any longer, yeah, why would you? I mean, why? Why would you rent out a space? Why would you spend hundreds of dollars to rent out a space? You send out the invites you know, maybe their school friends, things like that and either you get all these rsvp saying, yeah, we're gonna come, and they don't show or god forbid, they do come. And then you have to deal with these kids, parents that you don't even like, like I'm, like I don't have to be friends with you just because my kid is like kind of thing. And then there's also you know, you see a lot of it on social media and things like that where these kids send out these invites, parents pay for you know this big party and nobody shows up. Not a single person shows up.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's just setting that kid up for disappointment because you can't rely on other people. You know what I mean? Like we're all busy. I get that. Anytime that I get an invite to one of my kids' friends' parties, we go. It doesn't matter, I will find a way for my child to go, because a lot of times we're one of three children who show up. Yeah, and it's sad to me and I know it's heartbreaking for those kids to know that they thought that they had all these friends and turns out they have three, they have acquaintances, right you know, just like we have and kids don't understand that.
Speaker 2:They think, you know, they're pure-hearted, they think everybody's their friend. They think that anybody who plays with them on the playground is their friend. Whoever sits next to them at lunch is their friend. They don't understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.
Speaker 2:But you know, my whole thing is I have completely done away with kids' birthday parties. I will not have one, I will not host one, I will not pay for one. What we do is we do an experience. So every year I ask the kids, when it comes to their birthday, what do you want to do? What is it that you want to do for your birthday? And they tell me we want to go to the zoo, we want to go to the science center, we want to go see a movie. And I'll let him pick one or two friends and say, hey, bring those one or two friends, we'll go to dinner, we'll go to this movie, I'll sit away from you if I embarrass you, type of thing.
Speaker 2:But it kind of solidifies the fact that unfortunately, not everybody's going to be there for you, not everybody's going to show up to your celebrations, let alone when you're at your worst. And so pick one or two, we'll do whatever you want to do. Here's your gifts, type of thing, and yeah, I mean it is a big movement. Now because it just I don't know. I'm kind of torn because I do see all these social media posts of these little kids just in tears because nobody showed up at their birthday party. Well, as a parent, that's my job to not set them up for that. So I'm not going to, I'm not even going to give it an opportunity to happen I think it's nice to just do it as a family anyway well, I'm not talking.
Speaker 2:Family birthday parties I'm talking. You know their friends, their school friends their you know little neighborhood friends type of thing. And, like I said, I think as a parent it is your job to teach your children the difference between friends and acquaintances, but at the same time it's also your job not to set them up for failure I see you ready to say something there, doctor.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying I think.
Speaker 3:I think we as parents, if you're talking about a child's birthday party, we set expectations. We're the ones that talk about it. Otherwise, a kid doesn't know that day from any other day. They know they were born that day, but they don't know that there's all this pomp and circumstance that mom and dad had built this big thing up where they're going to have a birthday party and a pony and all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 3:Well, I don't think it's just the parents I think it's society too yeah there's part of that, and I think in general we tend to celebrate it over the top. I celebrate one birthday a year, pretty hard, and that's December 25th, but you had a little bit of a birthday party Happy birthday, baby Jesus.
Speaker 1:Happy birthday baby Jesus, sweet little baby Jesus.
Speaker 3:But you had a birthday. I just did a little thing. I tried to decorate the place up and recognize, hey, it's your birthday.
Speaker 1:First year you took me to New.
Speaker 3:Zealand.
Speaker 2:Ever since then I got Kmart stuff. I was going to say, wow, way to set the bar high there, buddy.
Speaker 3:This is exactly the problem.
Speaker 2:I'm talking about yeah, you set the bar high.
Speaker 3:And then every year afterwards top yourself. So you know what happened. It was so much pressure on it. I felt so much pressure to have to throw a party in my past life or have a big event. Or it's not a birthday, it's a birthday week or birthday month or some kind of horseshit like that. It's like it's a day.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna wear my crown all month in my sash. I think think the reason that you know.
Speaker 1:I called a birthday week is because during the week everybody's still saying happy birthday. It isn't just that day, they say it, they say it throughout the week, and so it isn't like they're celebrating my week. A lot of people would send me notes and say, hey, I missed your birthday, or hey, happy birthday, or whatever.
Speaker 2:I get like three Really. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You, dad and my sister, Happy birthday week.
Speaker 2:Happy birthday month.
Speaker 3:Oh, happy birthday century. I know a lot of millennials that actually do.
Speaker 2:They'll be like oh, happy birthday month. It's so special. All month we have to celebrate you. And here's your crown and your golden shoes.
Speaker 1:Get over yourself, you self-absorbed narcissist.
Speaker 2:It's like what was your mother in labor the entire month. I mean bless her heart for having to deal with you.
Speaker 1:So you know we've talked about birthdays and stuff and invitations like that and dinner parties. What about like weddings and showers?
Speaker 2:So there's two things I don't do, and everybody knows it, so I don't know why they keep sending me invitations. I don't do weddings and I don't do funerals, and here's why number one weddings I, I, really, I truly I just don't believe in them. Unless I'm there to just cause chaos, I will not go to a wedding funerals.
Speaker 2:I want to know who invited you to funerals I don't go to because that's not how I want to remember that person. So if that person was important enough in my life that I would even consider going to a funeral, then I have better memories of them. Now if it's a celebration of life, yeah I might go to it and you know, just be around, you know family and friends and things like that. But I have funeral trauma, man, I swear I do from a lot of funerals and I just can't do it anymore. If I'm going to celebrate your end of life, I should be there celebrating your life throughout it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to come back to the funeral part, okay, so hang on to that ticket item. But I do want to talk about weddings and showers and that sort of thing, because now a lot of the showers it used to be that you had the bridal shower and so it was just the women.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thought you were talking about baby shower. Okay, we that you had the bridal shower and so it was just the women. Oh, I thought you were talking about baby shower. Okay, we'll talk about baby showers too.
Speaker 1:Okay, I want to talk about any type of event like that, whether it's a baby, whether it's bridal, whether it's invitation, whatever now you have. Oh, we're going to have an engagement party bring me a gift. Uh, now we're going to have an announcement party. Bring me a gift.
Speaker 2:Here's my gift list.
Speaker 1:Yeah now we're going to have a regular shower for both of us the week before the wedding. Bring a gift. Now we're having my wedding.
Speaker 2:Bring a gift.
Speaker 1:And now we need to have some money. Now we have to have some money to go on our honeymoon Drop us something in Denmark and those ones that have like a dollar amount yeah you have to bring a gift over a hundred dollars or you're not going to be invited, type of thing. Yeah, well, I and you know, I know the reason for that is because there's so much invested in the wedding itself, but you chose that's your problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you, I spent eight hundred dollars on my wedding, like get bent, get bent.
Speaker 1:The other part of it is like when you're going to have a baby. Yeah, oh, we're going to have the announcement party. Now we're going to have the. You know where they determine the sex. What is it?
Speaker 2:Gender reveal. Gender reveal party because, oh my, God, we all want to go to those. Nobody cares what's in your kid's diaper.
Speaker 1:And then we're going to have the baby shower.
Speaker 2:And then, once the baby's born, if you could just buy us some Uber Eats tickets. Oh, and I need a birth present for when the baby's born. Yeah, so you know, there's all these presents that you have to buy what was it like maybe 10 people showed up to my baby shower for my first actual, like born child?
Speaker 1:And there was over like 25 30 people who rsvp'd, and 10 of them more than that. No, no, I did not. I threw for you. Yes, no, there was more and it was all family. No, you had more than that but it was.
Speaker 2:I didn't have any friends I didn't have, and not a single friend showed up to mine when I had repeatedly showed up over and over again for them.
Speaker 1:It can be sad as it relates to that, so I'm sorry for that.
Speaker 2:I cut off a lot of friends after that I'm sorry for that type of trauma that you went through.
Speaker 1:That was not trauma, it was just bullshit. I'm just really sorry for that.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean it's just a reason why I don't you know like it goes back to the birthday party thing.
Speaker 1:We will show up for you, but I think some of the invitations are getting a little out of hand here. You know you don't need a party every time you take a dump, or every time you know, I mean it's like oh, you know, I got new nails, I'm gonna have a party for it.
Speaker 2:Or you know, I got a new haircut well, and it's like with social media, especially with, like the gender reveals. Just announce it on social media, like we don't need a party with an airplane flying by dropping little confettis of whatever color it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like stop because, to be honest with you, the only ones who really care about that our mom and dad, our mom and dad, maybe grandma and grandpa yeah everybody else is like shit, we got to be here right like hey, here's a pack of diapers, yeah, you're going to trade them in anyway.
Speaker 2:So, president, was you know?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so yeah, so, um, I guess I'm with you on that whole thing. Uh, I do want to come back to what was a funeral funerals funerals. What was I going?
Speaker 2:to say I had no idea for not showing up to funerals.
Speaker 1:No, I wasn't going to do that, but who gets invited to a funeral? That's all I want to know is who gets invited to that?
Speaker 2:Me apparently no you don't.
Speaker 1:No one what like the dead person sends out an invite. No, the family does.
Speaker 2:The family says hey, here's the funeral information and you need to show up by this time and things like that.
Speaker 3:That's called an announcement.
Speaker 2:Well, no, not when it's a text message directly to me. That's not an announcement.
Speaker 1:Please provide your donations.
Speaker 2:An announcement is hey, so-and-so died.
Speaker 1:That's an announcement, If you want to do something for them, a charitable event. Please plant a tree.
Speaker 3:What's wrong with?
Speaker 1:that. Nothing, I'm just saying that that's part of the announcement, but you had mentioned what do you?
Speaker 2:call it Her brain froze. It did.
Speaker 3:Celebration of life. Celebration of life. Celebration of life.
Speaker 1:And so Dr Domaine and I just had this conversation about, because he was like what is a celebration of life? I always go to the funerals. And now it's celebration of life and we kind of had that same conversation that Bobby just had is why are you going to a celebration of life when you didn't celebrate their life when they were alive, right, right, and so wouldn't you rather spend the time with them while they're alive? I don't know, maybe not, maybe they were shitty.
Speaker 2:But if that's the case, don't go to their celebration. Yeah, what are you going to celebrate? What life are you going to celebrate? That's like I've always said don't bring flowers to my funeral because you didn't bring them to me when I was alive like don't bother the why you know what I mean. But I'm just saying you know, a lot of people have a celebration of life because they can't afford a funeral. I'm gonna bring you little mini travels of alcohol what good is that I can't drink them.
Speaker 2:Bring them now the hell, but no, like celebration of life. A lot of times is because they can't afford a funeral they have a cremation. That's what I told him and they can't afford the funeral costs cost effective it's very and it's very expensive to have a funeral.
Speaker 2:But if you, you know, have a celebration of life, it's kind of like a potluck everybody can bring a little something. We talk about the person you know, good or bad, good or bad, we remember them for that day. Maybe we have t-shirts with, you know, their picture with wings on it, I don't know I don't know what say what?
Speaker 1:you know, yeah, somebody probably has done that well, or they put out the balloons.
Speaker 2:I've threatened to put people on a t-shirt with wings.
Speaker 2:But yeah, you know, you have the little t-shirts in memory of with their picture with wings behind it things like that but you know, and sometimes it's even I hate to say this, but sometimes it's even a little fundraiser where they ask people to donate um for end-of-life costs, especially if it's like a drawn-out sickness things like that, where they ask people to donate um for end-of-life costs, especially if it's like a drawn-out sickness things like that where they do have bills and they ask people, if you can, you know, donate, and it goes directly to the family that day so that they can pay.
Speaker 1:And I don't mind that, I really don't mind that and I don't mind, you know if I know that they're hard-pressed, you know, and they need the money um you know I've done that before, but I mean, if I haven't, seen that person in 10 or 15 years.
Speaker 2:Why would I go celebrate their life when I wasn't in it anymore? Right, you know? I just yeah, no, I, I understand it's almost like you know people want to be about the numbers, like how many people can we get here? Can we get 100 people here to celebrate this person's life? Okay, well, well, if five people show up, then that's five people that actually cared about me. You know what I mean. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, getting back to the invitations, the uh you know attending, and then the cancellations, and one thing that I would leave our listeners with is that you know when you get an invitation. If you're really not sure, or you have had a habit, or maybe not even a habit, you've had a tendency to potentially cancel at the last minute. Don't put the host on the spot like that.
Speaker 1:Just wait, just wait. You know, if you feel like you have to wait on the RSVP, you can always tell them. Listen, you know. I just don't know yet. I don't know what my work week's going to look like. I'm going to try to be there, but I don't know what my work week's going to look like.
Speaker 2:I don't know what's going on with the kids, you know, but I will let you know by this date and I'll even step it up one you know, if it's like a barbecue or something like that, you don't know till the morning of that you're coming. Give them a ring and say, hey, you know we're coming, but I know this is last minute, so I'm going to bring a portion of food so that you don't have to worry about it. Like, don't be an asshole about it, just be like hey, I know that I made an inconvenience for you. Let me make it right.
Speaker 1:I'd still like to come see you, type of thing right and and if you feel like, oh, bobby sent me this invitation and I guess we have to go, don't go so you'll never come into anything for me again, right, because? No, I didn't say that.
Speaker 2:I just used you as an example no, because I know that you get that text message going.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, every party you have is at my house anyway, so I don't ever have to worry about it. But that's because you have a nice house and big yard so, um, you know, I would just ask you to be courteous to people in that way and, if you know, if you feel like, oh, I don't really want to go, then don't go right you know, don't, don't put them on the spot like that and if you can at all, please, you know, be courteous enough and professional enough and just be a friend.
Speaker 2:They invited you right for a reason, and on both ends. I mean enjoy the presence, not the presence that they bring enjoy their presence. You know if I invite you to my kids birthday party. I'm not expecting you to show up with a present. I'm expecting you to be there, show up for your kid, show up and say hey, here I am, I'm here for you. I don't care if you have money or not. If I invite you somewhere and you think you got to bring a gift, don't? Yeah?
Speaker 1:don't you're not gonna hurt my feeling yeah, no, I think that's a good saying, bobby, I like that, and with that I think I'm done for the day.
Speaker 2:I think that is all the insanity that we have for today, but we do appreciate you joining us here at our rabbit hole studio, so be sure to follow us. We look forward to spending time with you each and every week. Please like us, and if you have positive feedback or if there's a topic or a question that you would like us to talk about, drop us a short email at boomerandjenexer at gmailcom. And if you have hate mail, well, you can send it to me, but I will not RSVP. So until next week, I'm Bobbie, Joy Fair warning.
Speaker 1:And I'm Jane Burt and you're stuck with us.
Speaker 2:Peace out Later.