When Loved Ones Turn Lethal: Why We Notice Celebrity Tragedies But Miss Our Own S:2E:14

A joke, a clink of glasses, and then a hard turn into the question that lingers behind so many headlines: how well do we really know the people we love? We trace a line from household secrets to celebrity tragedies, unpacking why cases like Marvin Gaye, Phil Hartman, and OJ Simpson command the spotlight while similar horrors in our own communities barely register. It’s a conversation about attention, empathy, and the uncomfortable truth that intimacy doesn’t guarantee clarity.

We explore the messy overlap of psychology, media narratives, and family dynamics. From the Menendez brothers to Jennifer Hudson’s loss and Charlize Theron’s self-defense story, we examine how fame amplifies grief and distorts our empathy map. 

This is not a true-crime recap; it’s a call to re-center our attention on prevention and care close to home. We share practical warning signs to watch for—escalating control, isolation, threats, obsessive jealousy, financial coercion—and simple, real steps to support loved ones without fueling more harm. The takeaway is simple but demanding: love your people, listen with intention, and act early. If this conversation resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review with the one insight you want others to hear. Your voice helps more listeners find the show and, maybe, find help when it matters most.

email: boomerandgenxer@gmail.com

Transcript

Banter, Drinks, And Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Welcome everyone to today's show. A boomer and a Gen X are walking to a bar coming to you from the Rabbit One Studio, where you, as our listeners, will experience some wit and wisdom, some smart ashery, and a mother and a daughter questioning, are we even related? And um, my name is Jane. My co-host is my daughter Bobby, and for the next several minutes, we are here to entertain you, Bobby. How's it going?

SPEAKER_01 0:40

I am definitely not claiming you on this one. Holy cow!

SPEAKER_00 0:44

How many drinks have you had? I have only had one drink, and you know that I can't hold my liquor. After two drinks, my skirt is up over my head, and you have to take me home. But I have only had one holiday drink tonight, and so I think I'm in rare form.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

One drink, like a bottle?

SPEAKER_00 1:04

One one bottle? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What are we gonna talk about tonight? Let's see. What should we talk

Introducing The Core Topic

SPEAKER_00 1:13

about? You know what I wanted to talk about today is um the number of better known people or celebrities that have been murdered by family members. Why did this come up today? Well, Rob Reiner and his wife were recently stabbed to death by their son. Now this hasn't gone allegedly, this has not gone to court. We don't really know all of the details, but that's what we have been told thus far. But let's face it, he's not the only one. And psychologically, I have always said, I don't really think that you truly know somebody. Do you think you do, Bob?

SPEAKER_01 1:58

I don't think that you actually can know somebody unless they really want you to.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

And what makes someone divulge every last detail to another person? I trust I have some secrets. Don't you have secrets? Oh, I have lots of secrets. I mean, you you've kept a lot of secrets from me for a year. So, Dr. Domain, do you think that you have some secrets that you've never told anyone? I think he just fell off his chair. That sounded like he just fell off his chair. Yeah, I think we all have kind of we all have secrets. Come on, there's things that we have locked away that we don't tell each other, but does it get to the point where we have psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies? And the fact is, is the answer is no, it doesn't always happen. Once in a while it does happen, and sometimes people get out of control and they don't know

Secrets, Psychology, And Trust

SPEAKER_00 2:52

how to handle those things. You know, there's a number of tragedies that have occurred over the years. A lot of recognizable celebrities uh that had family members that actually murdered them. Do you remember Marvin Gay, either one of you? Yeah. So he was the Prince of Motown, and he was fatally shot twice by his father, Marvin Gay Sr. And that was just during a domestic altercation at their home, and that happened in 1984. And to think that you could be in a domestic, now domestic just means argumentative, right? You're in a domestic with somebody else. Maybe there might be uh few well fists thrown.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Well, domestic actually means there's more to it to that. Uh to be an actual domestic, it has to be two people who are either related, were related, or have some sort of

Marvin Gaye And Defining “Domestic”

SPEAKER_01 3:45

living situationship.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Do you remember Phil Hartman, who was on Saturday Night Live, and he also uh was a star on The Sim Simpsons. I did not know that.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Yeah, yeah, he did a voice actor on The Simpsons.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Who was he on The Simpsons? I think he played himself, didn't he? He was murdered in his sleep by his wife. Her name was Brynn Amdahl in 1998. She later took her own life. We are not investigators, we are not detectives, we are not cops, we are not legal teams, we are not medical advisors, we are just people talking. So, some of the other folks that have been in the news for their, you know, family members killing them. Anybody you can think of, Bobby? Um, I know that you had mentioned the Menendez brothers, yeah. And so they were also on that show, that uh series Monsters, even though they took some

Phil Hartman And Media Narratives

SPEAKER_00 4:46

a lot of liberties in that particular show, and so not everything is exact, right? Right, but there are some things that were very factual in that in that particular series uh about the Menendez, and they're still in prison serving time, correct? Right. Okay. What about Jennifer Hudson? You know who she is? Yeah. So in 2008, her mother, brother, and seven-year-old nephew were murdered by her sister's estranged husband. What a horrible situation that would have been. Shalise Theron, I love her. As a teenager in 1991, she witnessed her mother shoot and kill her father in self-defense after he attacked them uh while he was intoxicated. Do you know anybody personally that has ever shot and killed a family member or had that happened to them?

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Gosh, off the top of my head, I know that there's been some like pretty vile stuff happened to friends of mine. I can't think of like anybody, I know a few that have like stabbed family members, but I don't think any of them actually died.

Menendez Brothers And True-Crime Framing

SPEAKER_00 5:53

I had two situations when I was younger. Uh, one was from a co-worker that her daughter and her three children were killed by the father and husband, and she was the grandmother. And uh her three grandchildren and her daughter were killed by this man, and this is gonna be horrendous. Uh, they found the the three children underneath the bed, and they were, you know, they had been killed. What a horrible, horrible situation. I mean, just to lose someone under abnormal circumstances is one thing to have someone taken from you, having their life taken from, you know, from you by another person, especially someone that was supposed to love them and care for them, is just horrendous. Uh, another situation that I remember, and and you may, Bobby, once I mention it, was I had a girlfriend

Jennifer Hudson And Charlize Theron Cases

SPEAKER_00 6:56

whose mother and father and sister were killed by her their her sister's husband, her brother-in-law. And they came in and they were farmers and shot and killed the three of them. The reason I bring this up is because we have seen, you know, it really doesn't people don't really pay that much attention attention until it's a celebrity. And it's like, why does it have to be a celebrity for you to pay attention that we have a mental health issue in our country? Um, it has nothing to do with someone using a gun, it has to do with who's behind that gun and pulling the trigger until it is someone that is on TV and I don't follow celebrities. I could care less about celebrities when somebody mentions someone. There have been times I've gone, who is that? And they're just shocked that I don't know who it is or that I don't haven't followed them. And I just don't, because the people in my life are more important to me than any celebrity ever will be. I really don't pay that much attention to celebrities, but don't you find, Bobby, that until it's someone that's famous, it doesn't really get attention.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Yeah, I mean, unless it's in your own life. Like I I had a very dear friend um just you

Personal Stories Of Family Violence

SPEAKER_01 8:17

know recently, her grandson was murdered uh by his own father, and he was an infant at the time. I mean, he didn't shoot him, but it was it was very horrific. And so, unless it touches you personally, or you know, a lot of people they think that they have this connection with celebrities. And so when something happens to them, you know, I I get, you know, they might feel some kind of way about it. Uh, but yeah, the headlines, I guess it just it's it's hard to explain because it it is a mental health issue, but I also think that it's a morals and values issue because it does seem to happen so often, we've almost become numb to it unless it it directly affects us. And you know, it it's sad that it's like that, or unless it's a celebrity, you know, where it's like televised everywhere and and the court case is televised and things like that. You know, um, I think the biggest one from my day was, you know, when they chased down OJ Simpson uh for killing his ex-wife and and her partner. Uh and I don't care who says what, OJ was guilty. He was guilty as hell.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Yeah, no kidding.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

But you know, one one that um really hit my generation hard, and you might remember this. Um, so there were two movies. One was called The Land Before Time, and one was called All Dogs Go to Heaven. The little girl who voiced Ducky in The Land Before Time, and the little girl who voiced the little girl Anne Marie in All Dogs Go to Heaven. Her name was Judith Barcy. And she was only 10 years old. She was only 10 years old. 10 years old, and her father uh shot both her and her mother and then committed suicide himself.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Um, the problem is, you know, that we we feel like we have to have closure on everything. And let's face it, folks, I don't care whether it's a relationship, whether it's uh uh murder, whether it's an accident, I don't I don't care what the situation is. The fact is, is you do not get closure. Psychologically, we all look for closure, and

Why Celebrity Cases Dominate Attention

SPEAKER_00 10:31

you don't get that opportunity that is not a luxury in this lifetime, and you know, the sooner you learn that, the better off you are. But a 10-year-old child and her mother, yeah, yeah. And do you remember Selena? Oh, yes, yes, you know, she was a superstar, superstar, world star, yeah, and she was murdered by someone who was not a biological family member, but was a trusted associate, uh, described as having a close like sister-like relationship with her, right? And it's sad. Uh I've said this before, I'll always say it. I don't care how long you know someone, I don't care how long you're married to someone, you truly never know someone. No, because situations, circumstances, environment, conditions, uh values change. I mean, everything changes and they can change that person. And it's sad because you mentioned values, Bobby. You know, when someone values a celebrity's life over someone who is in your own community or someone that's in your own family, and you go, Oh my gosh, you know, Marvin Day died, or you know, Phil Hartman died, or whomever it is, and don't get me wrong, very, very sad situations. But the fact is, is people die every single day, and we don't get you know, we don't get overly concerned about it because they're not popular people, yeah. And that right there kind of makes me sad.

Numbness, Values, And Media Saturation

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Yeah, and you know, circling back to your um statement about that you never truly know somebody, uh I believe that because, like you said, circumstances change, you know, things like addiction, um, things like traumatic brain injury, uh, things like post-traumatic stress disorder can actually change a person's, you know, neuropathways in their mind, and they can become somebody that you just don't know. You don't know what they're capable of, you don't know what they're thinking. And a lot of people, especially nowadays, a lot of people they put on a mask because we're so distant from each other to open up to somebody else. I mean, I I have people ask me all the time, they're like, How are you? And if I'm not close with that person in my mind, I'm going, you don't give a shit how I am. You're just making conversations. So I'm gonna tell you that I'm fine, you're gonna tell me that you're fine, and we're gonna go about our day. Um, because they don't care, they don't have that connection. And it I think a lot of people's circles have grown very, very small over the last probably 20 years to where you know we don't have that village, we don't have the friends and family like we used to. And it is scary because even someone that you wake up next to every single day could, you know, look at okay, look at uh BTK, the BTK killer. His own daughter had no idea who her father was and what he was doing. She just knew that he was a pretty good father.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

And there is a there's a documentary out there about that. Is that correct? Um I remember seeing it, and and it is, you know, it is interesting to hear their point of view that he was a good dad, he spent time with us, he was very kind, he was very um,

Child Victim Judith Barsi And Closure

SPEAKER_00 14:15

you know, he taught us things. And you know, I I just I truly believe that no matter who you are, where you are, I don't think you always know someone, and I don't think you ever truly know someone. And to your point, when someone asks you, hey, how you doing, you're absolutely right. That's very surface. It's just hey, you know, I'm just I'm just wasting time with you. Hey, how you doing? If someone truly wants to know, they're gonna sit down with you and say, Hey, Bobby, what's going on with you? Sometimes you can really tell with people what's going on with them, but you don't know what that is. And I agree with you with OJ Simpson. I always felt that, you know, when he murdered his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, obviously, I mean, it was just it was so obvious. Oh, but who would have ever thought someone like him would, you know, just snap like that? And people went to his defense because he was a former NFL player and an actor, and they they they knew him so well.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

And it's like, do you anybody who has you know either studied the crime scene report, that man almost beheaded his ex-wife, and the people in his life were like, there's no way he could do that, and yeah, yeah, actually he did. That's the hill I'll die on. He did that. I I don't care what anybody says. I was gonna say, you know, even when you're talking to somebody who's trusted and someone who you do have in your life, you don't ever fully open up to them because, you know, between the weight of not wanting to burden them or worrying about what they'll think about, you know, you if you do have, you know, some

Selena, Parasitic Ties, And Trust

SPEAKER_01 16:05

thoughts that maybe aren't acceptable or mainstream, or you're struggling with something, you know, you you learn to keep that inside because a lot of times it's either used as you know, ammo against you, or it's used to further slander your name.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Exactly. I mentioned Rob Reiner because that's the most recent one in our news as of this particular podcast recording. And that actor, and he was kind of an influential political activist, also, uh, was found dead alongside his wife. That was in December. And right now, allegedly his son Nick was arrested and charged with with you know first degree murder. Now, how that pans out, we do not know, right? It has to go to the court system. People go, oh, well, you know, his son had some psychological issues. Who doesn't? Right. Um undiagnosed, but we know. Undiagnosed, and no one has given me a prescription yet. But and then I don't know if you remember Huey Long. You you well, we neither one of us would remember this because this was before

Changing Brains, Masks, And Isolation

SPEAKER_00 17:21

our time, but Huey Long was a former governor of Louisiana and he was part of the U.S. Senate, and he was assassinated while not by an immediate biological family member. It was the son-in-law of another judge, uh, one of his uh political enemies. You just kind of go, what the hell is going on? You know, especially with politics. And I've mentioned this before, we do not talk politics on here. I don't know where you stand, Bobby. You don't know where I stand. We could probably surmise surmise, but we don't. But the fact is, is you know, we don't need to be a political pawn for anybody. Come on, be your own person. You don't need to be a political pawn to have somebody feel like even for political reasons, that they need to assassinate someone, it's just mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Well, I mean, there's a huge history of that, though, all over the world, political assassinations for the further of you know the the advancement of other politics, or I kind of like that's kind of why I've stayed away from politics. I mean, not that I would even be in it anyway, I'm not that kind of person, but you know, that's that's just one way to get killed is to be in politics, in my opinion, because you look all over the world and uh it's all the time, it's all the time that there's uh assassination attempts or assassinations or bombings or you know, things like that that go on in politics, and that's why I've just kind of been like, eh, you know, not my cup of tea.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

So well, one of our previous episodes has been on the science related to some of the murder cases, and then this came up, and I just wanted to talk about it just because we never know somebody, we never know, even if it's your own family members, you really don't know them. I hate to tell you this. What you can do is really just love them and listen to them and make them a part of your life. And I just want to say this because I I really feel

BTK And The Myth Of Knowing

SPEAKER_00 19:26

strongly about this. Celebrities and politicians are not a part of your day-to-day life, and you don't need to worry about them, they'll take care of themselves, and all you need to do is take care of you and your immediate family members and love them, care for them, and while you're on this earth, make a difference, you know, to bring peace to everybody. And Bobby, that's all I got to say today.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Well, and I gotta say, you know, uh, if you see signs in somebody that you love, don't ignore them. You know, I'm not saying, you know, turn them into the government, but I I'm saying maybe take some steps or read up on some stuff, you know, uh visit a psych ward or two, whatever you gotta do, you know, because uh I'm not getting murdered, that's for sure. I'm not gonna turn into uh Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love type of thing where uh yeah, they find me and go, Oh, yeah, that was a suicide, and 20 years later we all damn know that's different.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

So yeah, no kidding, no kidding. Good point.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

I forgot about them. Like I said, that's another hill I'll die on is uh Courtney Love murdered Kurt. So uh killed my music for a while. But oh my gosh, that's a whole different podcast, Bobby. I do think that's all the insanity that we do have for today. We appreciate you joining us all over the nation at Rabbit Run Studio. Be sure to follow.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Hey Bobby, wait a minute, before we go any further, let's talk about how many countries we're in and how many uh cities we've hit. And we encourage everyone. We have

OJ, Fame Bias, And Denial

SPEAKER_00 21:02

hit a lot of them, and uh, we're in so many different countries now. We're so thankful, but we encourage everybody. Hey, hit us up, throw us out there on your Snapchat, throw us out there on your TikTok if you have an account, throw us out there on everything. We really appreciate it. You're just you know what? You're just helping us out. We really appreciate that part. Sorry, Bob didn't even roll.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Oh, it's okay, it's okay, and I want to welcome Columbia to the chat. Hey, buddies, hey, you're you're our newest country.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Okay, I'm not even gonna ask about that. I'm not even gonna ask about Columbia.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

Okay, that is our newest country that has joined us. So uh yeah, hey, listen. Yeah, welcome. So if there's a topic that you want us to talk about, if there's a question you have, or you know, even some constructive criticism, hey, give us a shout out at boomerandgenxer at gmail.com, or you can hit up our Facebook page, a boomer and a gen Xer walk into a bar, the official podcast. And if you have hate mail, well, uh maybe send it to Columbia. I don't know. But until next week, I'm Bobby Joy and I'm Jane Bird, and you're and you're stuck with us.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

We can't get that together. Peace out later.