2. Bobcat origins & A magical cyst

Welcome to "Three Word Story," where each episode spins a tale from the unexpected. Join hosts James Royle and Dylan Jacobs as they unravel narratives sparked by three random words from the innovative app what3words. From "Navy.Resist.Damp" to "Panel.Ponies.Suprise" every episode promises whimsy, mystery, and creativity in just three words. Tune in for improvised adventures that blend imagination with spontaneity, proving that a world of stories can unfold from the most unlikely places. Ready to embark on a journey of words? Let's weave some magic together.

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Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:27:05
Unknown
Welcome back to Three Word Story, the podcast where we take the wonderful geo positioning app of what three words. We find a specific area. It gives us three unique words, and we go above and beyond to create a story that maybe may be bad or may actually be factual. I'm here with my colleague and cool story, a big death of Dylan of the African of South.

00:00:27:07 - 00:00:47:12
Unknown
How you uses the big day? Yeah. Hey, that's not bad. Yeah. Good day. Good day to to have a podcast, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. It is. I mean, I don't know what that means. What makes a good day for a podcast for, Honestly, I just have to be, awake. Yeah, yeah. You manage that today?

00:00:47:14 - 00:01:09:23
Unknown
You did postpone this by an hour and a half, just so everyone knows. So I assume you weren't awake beforehand to get to this? Yes it is. So, no, actually, I was, I had some work to do this morning. I had my my trousers fitted downstairs. That's actually why I was running late. And it was nice of your dad to come in and help you with that.

00:01:10:00 - 00:01:24:12
Unknown
You'll get hold of his locks one day, and you'll get the hang of it. So thank you, Papa D, for doing that. You know, I did wonder why what I was driving in as we were walking to work and just these little y-fronts little panties. But yeah, it's quite warm, so I thought it was just a heat thing, but,

00:01:24:17 - 00:01:44:01
Unknown
No, no, no. Have they been altered? Actually not this. I was so far wrong with these pants, so normally. So I purchased this, the suit back home in South Africa a couple of weeks ago. But I normally just fit the jackets, and, I've got a very, very different build. So how would you describe that?

00:01:44:01 - 00:02:10:09
Unknown
Those, very short legs and, you have the upper body. Well, well, short legs, maybe, thick as, as some people call it these days. It's not a t Ike thing. It's a yeah, icon style. Anyway, so that could be anything like. But but anyway, so I bought this pants and the, the waist is like a size 34.

00:02:10:11 - 00:02:38:01
Unknown
And I was like well that's, that's way too big for my waist. And when I fitted as I assumed it was going to be too big anyway, too large. And I was like, I would have to have these altered because I'm very short and normally, like 20cm has to be cut off my pants. Like, obviously you can make shorts out of.

00:02:38:03 - 00:03:02:20
Unknown
Kind of that. And then, so I was like, no, these are way too large. I'll have them tailored. Not a problem. Coming in this morning, I was like, oh, you know what? I'm maybe. But kind of push for time. But considering it's down, down the building, I mean, downstairs. So I thought, let me quickly do it and when I put on these pants, they were incredibly tight.

00:03:03:14 - 00:03:25:01
Unknown
Nice. Like, I could hardly fit into them. And this particular tailor was waiting for me to get dressed, and he's like, oh, no, no, no no no, oh no no. I saw I see your shop. So I saw I was like Yeah. So never mind. This was completely useless exercise. But that made me even later than I was going.

00:03:25:01 - 00:03:46:05
Unknown
So is there anything that can be now done to these trousers. I guess, lose weight. Oh, no. Gain height, lose weight, height and height. So weight. The two, pants together cut a hole like through them. And where is it, a kilt? Yeah, it should be another one, right? Yeah. Let me do it. Y'all gonna shoot you, then?

00:03:46:05 - 00:04:10:14
Unknown
Not pull up your wig. Boston. That could appear. Who? Neighboring. Okay, how about you? I mean, okay, well, fantastic. Well, I mean, at least you weren't just sleeping. You were, failing to alter your trousers. The most bizarre. So just is is thick. Thick, but short as h o t. And that actually kind of links into to the story, I guess, later on.

00:04:10:14 - 00:04:31:14
Unknown
Okay. But what a fucking good segue. And that was almost professionally radiant. And so, today we have chosen the words based on, our first schools. Okay. So we've gone on to, what, three words and we've searched our primary school, whatever the fuck you call it in South Africa. And then it gives us these unique three words.

00:04:31:14 - 00:04:51:09
Unknown
So how was school for you, Dylan? Yeah, school was fun. I don't think I was the the the top is pencil in the packet. However, I was eager to learn. Oh, what else could you. Yeah, yeah. Who said that? Oh, it's the show, kid. The funny child. But it's a little behind the kilt. Yeah, he's tripping over his trouser legs.

00:04:51:09 - 00:05:13:10
Unknown
His parents just think they will grow into it one day. But I honestly, the feedback that I got after school was done. And you could have worn bigger trousers. So yeah, I think that's really been like being your baby penis keeps poking out somehow. It's incredible. Yeah. So I don't know, it's a recurring theme. Maybe I should have just, gotten bigger trousers growing up.

00:05:13:12 - 00:05:36:16
Unknown
Maybe. Maybe. What a chore to trousers centric. Yeah, it's actually terrible. I actually want to move away from it. And actually saying how high school was for me. Yes, I enjoyed school. I enjoyed break more so than anything else. Maths. Give your brain. Yeah. Give my brain. Erased from having the rest. Yeah. So, No, I was terrible at maths, I enjoyed languages.

00:05:37:09 - 00:06:01:04
Unknown
What was your favorite language? Dylan, this is ironic, actually. English. But what happened to what happened? But, because, so just to kind of, give people insight. It was English. First additional language. So yeah, it's not at the level. What does that mean? Is a first additional like caveman level. Oh, no. So first additional language.

00:06:01:04 - 00:06:29:01
Unknown
So meaning it's not your home language, it's, it's, it's English at a kind of a second tier level or like it's it's easier okay. So it's not so it's not like English then. So I thought like first edition was like, you'd welcome xyz xyz school. It's because I wouldn't do much good for you. It would be. I would appreciate if you brought it to the podcast back to the first edition of, thy improve list stories, so forth.

00:06:29:03 - 00:06:55:05
Unknown
But anyway. So yeah, so first edition it first additional language. So yeah, I'll for cons with my first language and then I could speak fairly well, but because that level was higher, I automatically, did scored lower on test results because the test was more difficult. But now, because my because English was the first additional language, they made it a lot easier.

00:06:55:10 - 00:07:17:13
Unknown
And a lot of Afrikaans kids can't speak English well at all. And apparently you can't speak Afrikaans either. You didn't do well, so you fucked either way. It was kind of like that, like a 60%, 60, 70%, like kind of in most cases. And then, when I got to English at that particular level, it was like, like, yeah, distinction.

00:07:17:13 - 00:07:42:18
Unknown
So okay, well, congratulations. You were distinguished. Yes. Distinguished in, in the, the second. Yeah. Yeah. Well that's nice. I mean, that's nice. I mean, I can't remember really how good I was in primary school. It was Ashkan. Ashcombe, was my primary school, and, the slogan was achieved to grow, across our, sweaters, jumpers, whatever you call them.

00:07:42:18 - 00:08:05:17
Unknown
So, you would have failed immediately because you failed to grow and still, yet to grow. So, I did okay with that. I was relatively tall, personally, so I did quite well at school. I was a chonky boy. So whereas you are now thick, thick in the thighs, I was thick all over. My grandmother had a pendant for feeding me cheese on toast by the plateful.

00:08:06:20 - 00:08:27:08
Unknown
Like, listen, there's a difference between thick and fat. I'm okay, all right? I was fine, all right? I had big, old milky titties for a kid, okay? I had big old juicy titties and a rump behind that. You could literally sit a child on and, take around, like, on a on a tour. So, I, I, I was, I was okay at school.

00:08:27:08 - 00:08:46:08
Unknown
I did, I did fine, whatever the exams we did, we just did the Sanders standard subjects. I had a crippling lisp. So I speak like this. No bullshit. Said no. I think, you know, my name is James, and I speak like. So you were a tad bit overweight, so you would know I was a chunky boy.

00:08:46:10 - 00:09:09:04
Unknown
Like I was in my tit stance on my belly. You know, like, if I sat down, it looked like a disgruntled frog looking at you if I didn't have my tip. But. Okay, well, but normally, or at least in most cases, like people kind of grow into the fat amount or like like but you would, you would rather tall from the get go and then rather biggish.

00:09:09:04 - 00:09:28:19
Unknown
So that's that's an interesting one. My grand mama just fed me and fattened me up on a Sunday morning watching wrestling. Would you like a pallet of cheese on toast? And of course I would say yes, grandmamma. She would walk in after she would like, would you like another pallets of cheese on toast? And I said, yes, Grandmama.

00:09:28:21 - 00:09:49:18
Unknown
And where was the, where was the, the oven, like in, in this whole like, it feels like a Hansel and Gretel story. Well, Hansel and Gretel, notoriously fat little German boys. So I basically was like that smart fleece and give me, like, cheese and toasted. And I would like a dip in the bucket because we had a bucket was just full of snacks and chocolates and Crunchie bars.

00:09:50:13 - 00:10:08:16
Unknown
I get it. I see, like it was fairly accessible to have. It was extraordinarily, accessible. So much so that pretty much every single one of my baby teeth that I lost was actually lost on what is called a crunchy bar, which is like a honeycomb kind of, Yeah. Golden. You do have the crunchy.

00:10:08:16 - 00:10:24:00
Unknown
Do we actually do a Cadbury's crunchy? So I would say at least 60% of my baby teeth were lost to those bars. So how some people would go to you manage to find them. What. The teeth. Yes. Oh it would be like you'd bite into it. You would know, right? Oh, I got a wobbly tooth. What does some kids do?

00:10:24:00 - 00:10:41:03
Unknown
They had to pull them out. Go to the dentist. You just. Child what I did crunchy and crack. How did crunchy Bar knock down on it? Tooth gone. No bueno. So that's kind of the level of, the trail of diabetes that I was, heavily onto. Thankfully in secondary school, which I'm sure we'll get onto another time.

00:10:41:03 - 00:11:07:15
Unknown
Puberty hit and sorted me out. So riddled with the lisp. Chonky boy with fat titties resting on that couldn't have been easy for you. Not to go down to deep shit, man. It was horrible. I think that's maybe where, I sharpened my sensitivity. Ability to, get away from the, fat titty jokes, but I don't I from what I can remember, I didn't really have much of that, to be honest.

00:11:07:15 - 00:11:23:07
Unknown
I don't know if, people were afraid of just because you were a larger kid. Maybe they were like, oh, shit. I mean, I was just got on with people, you know? I got on with it. So, other than that, you know, so I was very much on a on a different path of where you end up, where I end up now.

00:11:23:15 - 00:11:45:13
Unknown
I starred in a couple of school plays. Fantastic. Mr. Fox, I was the fantastic Mr. Fox. And I was a little fucking dork. Like, honestly, if I could go back and slap me as that age, I would, because I knew everyone's lines. And when someone didn't know their lines, because there's a VHS copy of this Emma Watson, I was,

00:11:45:15 - 00:12:07:05
Unknown
Yes. Fantastic. Mr. Fox, you could see my little fucking shitty face. Kind of like, looking like I know your words. It's a book. I spent some being more fat on jawline. Like what a little fat dickhead I was. And I was also cast as our head teacher in a year six play. And I thought, that is a great, achievement.

00:12:07:05 - 00:12:23:14
Unknown
You're like, wow, I'm going to be cast as the head teacher, as the head teacher of the teacher currently at your school. Yeah. So I will play to oh, that's that, that must be fun. And that kind of gives you freedom to really kind of hit it out the park. Okay. I thought maybe if give them some shit.

00:12:23:17 - 00:12:50:04
Unknown
Exactly. I thought maybe it's because I'm super funny. Maybe, you know, because I'm so witty. On reflection. And so that there's a VHS copy of my time in fantastic Mr. Fox, and the head teacher comes out afterwards. It can only be described truly as a extraordinarily effeminate man. I mean, I'm talking, but thank you so much, children.

00:12:50:07 - 00:13:17:17
Unknown
Thank you so much for coming. And the parents and everything. We're talking under disrespects. Man. He was a lovely man. We're talking, I think I think it's called in the LGBT community. Flaming. I think it's when you are, you are so flaming with, sexuality that you would call him a flaming, man, you know? So, like, okay, burning with, with with homosexual energy and, and just want to make this clear.

00:13:17:19 - 00:13:37:05
Unknown
He was banging the Spanish window cleaner, apparently, which I learned later on in life. So it's not like I'm just putting him a box. Right. He he was very much of the the window cleaner, that is, I'm assuming, of the primary school that I was at. So I don't consider it homo homosexual. So, so yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you know the male.

00:13:37:06 - 00:13:56:18
Unknown
But that's who I was cast to play as a chubby little soft boy with a lisp. And a love for flowers and skipping in the dandelions. Not so much that, but, Okay. So. Okay, so I understand the kind of, artistic side of you, kind of creative side. He did a couple of school plays. I actually, that is a couple of school plays, but only in high school.

00:13:56:18 - 00:14:17:23
Unknown
But again, we'll go into that later. But primary school? Nah, I know, I yeah, that I've played a bunch of sports. I think I was a, a fairly we should probably get into it. But anyway, not not into that, but, if we get into getting a little boy, let's get into that little boy. No, I wanted to say, like I was a I was a I think I was 3.8 kilos.

00:14:17:23 - 00:14:38:21
Unknown
Now I'm going back to birth, but I was gonna say fuck me or something. Yeah, yeah. Well, that being said, and what did these other butt cheek weigh? So no, it was, yeah, 3.8 kilos at birth. And then I was two weeks born, two weeks too early, and then I. Ooh. And then I kind of,

00:14:38:23 - 00:14:58:06
Unknown
Yeah. And then I felt like, like a fat kid. Then I started doing some sports in primary school. Kind of slimmed myself down, actually, to to the point where I figured I was going to be a bodybuilder because I was so short, I could wait. Yeah. Probably about I mean, 11, 12. So I did gymnastics as well, so I could that's it was okay.

00:14:58:10 - 00:15:23:07
Unknown
It was kind of like proportionately, I looked like a gymnast, like pretty bulky gymnasts from a fairly young age. And then. Yeah. So it was kind of okay because like, I thought like maybe eight years old is a bizarre thing to think that my true calling is greasing myself up and posing in teeny tiny little trinkets. I, I'm sure we can dig down into the archives and you could see my poses.

00:15:23:07 - 00:15:41:23
Unknown
So even at eight years old, I did some some, some bodybuilding poses. So yeah, that's actually we'll make an Instagram. We'll put it on there. I'm, I'm sure we'll get loads of, pedophilic subscribers. Hey, we need the numbers at this point, as the only person listening is the person edited this. And who is thinking, what the fuck?

00:15:42:00 - 00:16:08:08
Unknown
What are these doing? Yes, George, thank you very much. Yeah. I mean, it's bizarre. Like, as a kids, you don't really notice. What the fuck? You're doing because, in our talent show, last year, we had talent show and me and, my two friends, Nathan and Jamie, we. And we're talking at the age of ten, 11, decided to sing the seminal classic Tom Jones, sex bomb.

00:16:08:10 - 00:16:29:04
Unknown
So we're 11 years old, like sex bomb. Sex bomb. You're my sex bomb. And you can give it to me when I here to come along. Search bar search. Boom! You are my sex bum. I'm baby, you can turn me on. Is as an infant child. We sang to the rest of, our school. Now, the interesting thing, and the only thing I really want to touch on.

00:16:29:04 - 00:16:47:07
Unknown
I just want to put this out in the ether, is we had to have, like, trials or like an audition beforehand. So you just wanted to prove you could be sexy? Yeah. Yeah, I could be on the stage. And it clearly wasn't to check if it was appropriate. Not because it fucking wasn't children, singing Sex Bomb.

00:16:47:07 - 00:17:11:11
Unknown
But that wasn't enough for our head teacher. He said, wouldn't it be a great idea to start the song facing away from the audience and thrust your hips, as in, like humping? And then when it turns on, when the song gets in, you turn around and then you're bam at the audience, and then you're just humping along. You're just use that little kid and have private lessons.

00:17:11:13 - 00:17:29:13
Unknown
No, no, no, no, I mean, a lot of it is blank to me. Committee member too much. But all I remember is that I don't believe the humping was there before the audition, but the humping was there after in the main show. And, so there we are, three little kiddies. Sex bomb. Sex bomb? Yo, I'm out. Just hot.

00:17:29:13 - 00:17:48:14
Unknown
Just swinging on little teeny kitty wieners towards a load of other kitties. Really fucking bizarre. But they let it happen. But the worst thing of it all, Dylan, we came second to last. We came second to last. Because, of course, wrong audience. Right? You got reception. You are like fucking four years old. They don't know what sex is the wrong audience.

00:17:48:14 - 00:18:09:02
Unknown
But, again, kudos to Troy and Ben who won with Baby Girl, right? Audience. They dress up as girls. Make sense? On hindsight. So you had transgender. You had frickin, you know, a kids humping at the, the, the crowd. And you had kids in white pointed hoods, with a burning cross. They came in third.

00:18:09:04 - 00:18:28:10
Unknown
That one didn't happen. Now, with that one, I know I made that one on TV. Just listening to it. Animals. I mean, I'm sure if you do it now, I mean, I think actually Monday, Monday morning is coming up, so I'm sure if you start, start the meeting like that, which one you with the cross one or the, the it I should probably say the hump one.

00:18:28:10 - 00:18:53:20
Unknown
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Well, if I'm gonna win, the euros tonight as it's hopefully coming home, then I can possibly pump out 1 or 2. Right. Okay. Alrighty then. So. Okay. So our three blitz, this is probably going away too long. Yes. Hey, hoses. Your three words, Dylan, for your primary school. Ponies. Okay.

00:18:53:20 - 00:19:19:12
Unknown
Yeah, right. I actually like it. Like pony ponies? Yep. Panel. Okay. Surprise. Oh, right. I felt a surprise about it. So. Yeah, I actually thought this one. And this was. So with this app you've got. I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm going to. But sometimes I tend to cheat a bit because you don't have to click just on one block.

00:19:19:12 - 00:19:48:14
Unknown
It's kind of a couple of blocks. I mean, because they did. The squares on this app are ultra small, so your primary school could cover, 20, 30 squares. Yeah. So literally I just worked off of the main building and I clicked on two squares and this was the first square that I clicked on. And honestly, I think, I think I really got handed a golden opportunity, which I'm not looking to mess up, which I hopefully don't mess up.

00:19:48:18 - 00:20:09:09
Unknown
But with ponies, panel and supplies, I think it's great. I liked, I like, would they in that order or did you lead the surprise to the no, no, no. Actually no. It was ponies panel surprise. So yeah, that that was really I thought, wow, look at the oh. There goes my English again. It's like, oh no, it was an alliteration.

00:20:09:09 - 00:20:30:21
Unknown
It's adulteration. Yeah. That was it. Yeah. Like if it was three like. Yeah. But needs prize. Yes. Take that would be So yeah. So that's when you need a pop guard for those kind of get out for, for that. Okay. So ponies prize ponies panel ponies panel surprise. It's right. So my three words for my primary school very similar to yourself.

00:20:31:04 - 00:20:51:08
Unknown
I started on and in the first square horses horse name and hooves. Yeah. So what I actually had was the first word. The original one was lots, which for those who may have ever heard the first one we did was the first word that I had previous. So I thought, there's only so much we could talk about.

00:20:51:08 - 00:21:18:06
Unknown
And Frank, I think we're going to move on like the rest of the world should about, Frank. So my three words for this time are resist damp and navy, resist damp and navy. And those are my three words that I am going to to use. So, I think we now need to go away, come up with our stories and come back, and we are going to smash these three word stories.

00:21:18:07 - 00:21:39:22
Unknown
Oh let's go. We'll be back after this break. So. Hi, Dylan. We're back, over an enormous break that we just had. And we definitely had it. We've gone away. We've had our three word stories. We've made some notes, and we're going to come in hot. Now we need to decide, as we did before. Who says the first story now?

00:21:40:10 - 00:21:58:20
Unknown
As before, the only thing we could find was a little delicious. Strong, menthol flavored candy known as a tom tom. And it was very much either tom tom or no tom tom. So we're going to flip the. Tom. Tom, are you ready? Tom Tom or no. Tom. Tom I'll go. Tom. You're gonna go down to. I'm gonna go flip the tom.

00:21:58:20 - 00:22:26:06
Unknown
Tom. Yep. We've gone Tom. Tom. So biggest death for the first time in three word story history. The second episode, you are going to tell us your story. And before you start, could you please remind me and the listeners, you'll. Three words. So hello, popcorn. It would be ponies panel and surprise, surprise. Yes. Surprise. Take it away, Dylan.

00:22:26:08 - 00:22:51:06
Unknown
Take it away. No pressure. Right. So, Well, with ponies, my, panel, surprise. You thinking. Thinking didn't don't incriminate just south of the. By admitting how you surprise the pony with your penis. And I'm like, no no no no no. Oh. If they was, I don't know, some sort of panel involved. They as well. It might be.

00:22:51:06 - 00:23:12:14
Unknown
It is syndicate of people surprising ponies panels. Anyway, I went to the duck website. You right. Yeah. This time, let me just say this before, and I'll. I'll go with a different story. The previous time I, I told them all the story. I just want to point out, as this is an audio medium, you cannot see, for no apparent reason.

00:23:12:14 - 00:23:34:04
Unknown
Dylan has one arm raised right in the air, like he's desperate for someone to answer a question of his. I need it because I'm taking it back. I don't know if I'm going to be bitch slapped from across the room. Actually, I have no fucking idea why. I'm honestly something. Yeah, you without going into it too far, but sometimes I fall asleep with the remote like this.

00:23:34:04 - 00:23:53:14
Unknown
Like upwards in the air. It doesn't make sense. I don't like I would lay down and I'd keep my hand up into the air. So, I don't know, maybe. Maybe muscle memory just took over. But let me get back into it this time. I'm telling a bit more of a, the I'm not saying it's not factual, but it's not based on myself.

00:23:53:16 - 00:24:24:02
Unknown
But yeah, the story goes, hopefully, hopefully it doesn't. Hopefully it doesn't bother anyone. So now let's start off with, Not deep at all. God created all things on heaven and earth, right. So he's almighty, and I'm sure he, he had a pretty big workload. And, thus, the first thing he created before anything else was a panel, right?

00:24:24:02 - 00:24:48:13
Unknown
A panel of people just to kind of share the workload. Right. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah, it must be. Let's let's call him, Larry Bob deacon. Susan. Okay. Yeah. As part of this panel to help him create all things. And they kind of then went with, the animals, they kind of started at a point I'm not sure what was first, the chicken or the egg, whatever.

00:24:48:13 - 00:25:14:16
Unknown
But they have another. That's for another one. That's for another day. But they kind of just figured, okay, let's just jump right into it. Let's have a meeting. So they started off with, with, with animals, and I'm not sure how the, the hardware regarding creating the animals worked, but, just in terms of creativity. So, so what you're saying is.

00:25:14:21 - 00:25:43:21
Unknown
All right, so where where there is a panel, the working, but you don't want to divulge how they make it. But to be fair, I'm like, I, I'm not sure how the animals would get created. In terms I can't think they've got an assembly line, so I'm not going to go into that sort of things. But I'm talking about ideation of the particular animals and, but and kind of the traits of them.

00:25:43:21 - 00:26:07:20
Unknown
So got a panel right. And now Bob was like, you know what, killing machine. Let's start off with this, Bob. You know, Bob keep making. Bob, we haven't even got things to kill. But even like a killing machine. But we need to sort these out some way. All right? I get a bunch of fucking lunatics just so you was like, yes, yes, yes.

00:26:07:24 - 00:26:38:10
Unknown
Right. Killing machine will go for agile, agile, fast, agile fast fangs. Stealthy. And, they will be terrible pets for the human race yet so carnivores thinking tigers, lions, kind of anything in that line, we kind of thought, okay, we'll kind of stick a pin into that. He was kind of thinking more catlike, stealthy, agile, but then they move on to kind of dick.

00:26:38:10 - 00:27:06:12
Unknown
Dick was like, okay, okay, I'm going to bounce your idea. Yeah. So mine is like yours, Bob. But just more fluffy. Oh, big and fluffy. Each a shit ton of food and shit. So food shits a ton of food and sleeps 100 days out of the year. And that day, Salem was made. And that is then your, that's your bag.

00:27:06:16 - 00:27:28:09
Unknown
So he kind of figured. So Bob went full for the cats. The cat like family went full, so just into. Is that where the, the animal bobcat comes from? Oh, no. Yes, I was I just shut that down. No, no, no, I don't like your sense of humor. And I don't like your joke. You know, that's not how it works.

00:27:28:09 - 00:27:37:18
Unknown
This is my story. Was a different ball, but it was a different cat. It was. Yeah, I it.

00:27:37:20 - 00:27:58:16
Unknown
Was actually Dick's idea, but anyway. But they call they could call him Dick cat. Yeah. Though it doesn't go down. Well, would you take a cat anyway? So yeah, you just kind of figured that, Yeah. Let's kind of create a bear. But then, Sorry, I know this is kind of going off off the rails, but, you know the interesting fact.

00:27:58:20 - 00:28:24:11
Unknown
Yeah. And I read this article another day, and I'm not shitting on Americans, but this particular article said, and don't get me wrong, I'm not sure what the tasting group was, but 6% of Americans think they could beat a grizzly bear in A1V1 match in a fight. And just. And it's just funny to bet. Yeah, yeah. I mean, maybe if you could Dick bear, they would be less like.

00:28:24:15 - 00:28:42:04
Unknown
It's like, no, no, I ain't down there. I ain't doing that. I ain't no fun, no dick bear. I don't want no bear dick. And inside my get that dick Bear Lake family. You know it's funny these like we go to the southern states. But honestly, I think the southern states probably have more of a chance to to beat the bear.

00:28:42:05 - 00:29:05:08
Unknown
Do they mean, like, fight like fist? Yeah. Like fist. Fight the fan? No, no. It's like no guns. No no no. They they they make it straight up. I check this because I was like, surely, surely these people don't think they've got a chance at something that stands between a like on shoulder level, 1.5m tall, like without standing it up with it standing up.

00:29:05:08 - 00:29:29:22
Unknown
And I actually googled this is 2.7 fucking meters tall. Are you Gary, in this situation? You're trying to tell me that this is what you meant? Bone density to match a fucking hyena. It's the agility of a falcon anyways. So no, I just wanted to bring that up. And the most stupid thing is, like when people say like, no, don't make yourself bigger.

00:29:29:22 - 00:29:48:12
Unknown
I'm like, it's like, if I had to go into this metaphorical fight, then I'm like, he's 2.7m tall standing up. I'm it's that's why you need stairs anyway. Yeah, but your last one, if you ever go into the woods, take your best odds with the best odds. Yeah, yeah. Running best patented, by the way. Anyway, is better still.

00:29:48:15 - 00:30:24:24
Unknown
This is the exact same conversation that Bob and Dick had. And in this panel discussion, bobcat and Dick. Right. Think. Anyway, so, Larry kind of heard all this, heard all the violence and figured, and this is this is this is just too much. We'll go for. I'll go. Something even bigger than a bear. I'll go. I'll go to this particular animal created even bigger.

00:30:25:01 - 00:30:43:00
Unknown
I'll give it an exceptional memory, but it only eats plants. Right. Suspense is killing. Then. We'll add a trunk to the middle of its face.

00:30:43:02 - 00:31:14:19
Unknown
Penis face. Well done that. Well done. Larry, you fucking childish bitch! Larry, it's going to take it. Just got fucking biggie had penis face. Let me guess. The is meant to be the balls. I know, fucking Larry a creep. Let's. We got bobcat dick there and Dick great dictator. Definitely. Man, there's a recurring theme. Yeah, I checked it, but so not needless to say, Larry was kind of the oddball.

00:31:15:07 - 00:31:37:07
Unknown
I, I'm assuming of of the group, the fungi, the gram. That's. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Interesting fact I know him. Yeah. Interesting fact. They kind of do consume, the rulers, for those who don't know, is the amarula plant contains alcohol or it doesn't contain alcohol. But in the haunt African sun, it kind of ferments and creates alcohol.

00:31:37:07 - 00:31:56:01
Unknown
So elephants actually eat them and get drunk on purpose and get. Yeah. So elephants. It's an actual fact. That's an actual fact. Yeah. Wow. This just got factual. So that's why if you see the Amarula bottles is called a major elephant like in the middle, because they actually do get drunk off of the amarula fruit. Back home.

00:31:56:04 - 00:32:16:12
Unknown
Yeah, that was his trousers. So elephants are shitfaced most of the time. Yeah, I wouldn't say most of the time if I could find fermented enough. Amarula is. And I remember this was fact dating, like, way back myself, trying to eat amarula fruits as a child. Knowing this fact, I'm like, I'm going to get drunk like my mother, me and my friends, all my friends.

00:32:16:12 - 00:32:38:08
Unknown
And I then used to, I mean, just grab a shitload of amarula fruit and, I don't know, eat enough of them to try and get kind of tipsy. Yeah. Tastes like shit. So that's why the elephant's from Texas doesn't? Because it's just constantly too drunk. It's just. It's two trunks. Oh. Right, right. That needs an edit. Cut, break.

00:32:39:01 - 00:33:18:15
Unknown
We would still through it. Back to the story and back to the story, mindset. Anyway, so Susan, Susan, the only female, in this particular panel, she was like, okay, let's go for an animal. Yeah. Was, she just like something poised. Let's, She said, hey, let's make something with the long face. She work in a bar at the time, but, let's let's make a long face that humans can make.

00:33:18:15 - 00:33:54:01
Unknown
It should be that joke about that. Here we go. Yes. Walked right into it. Anyway, so, but the main thing for her was. All right, the, the human race is, is weak. So we'll create an animal that could just, assist with some transport. Right. So she kind of thought of the, the horse, which obviously has helped helped us immensely with the, with the work load and, and, and the enhancing of penises as well.

00:33:54:01 - 00:34:18:07
Unknown
Horses have helped us dramatically with that. Well, I kind of actually just wanted to steer away from that, considering I normally focus on on the penis. I think every single person, every single animal has been related to the penis. Yeah, yeah. So so I kind of felt like, see if we have it, but then boom. Bob was like, you know what surprise.

00:34:18:09 - 00:34:41:07
Unknown
We'll take this exact same line of animals, and then we'll just, just create miniatures of them, right? Yeah. Right. Just just sounds like a good time just to improve, fuel consumption. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So, so so just just shrink it down, like, you know, Bob, the fucking psychopath. He's probably wants things for his killing machines to kill.

00:34:41:08 - 00:35:07:04
Unknown
To kill. So he. He does it. Yeah. So he kind of just wants this, the smaller thing, but, Yeah. So I kind of try to work in surprise over there. I did have the, tried working surprising to the about the miniature thing. And that is how he created the pony. But but the pony, just to add it to the story.

00:35:07:06 - 00:35:39:15
Unknown
The interesting fact is, pound for pound, stronger than the, the large penis horse. Right. Pound, pound for pound. Stronger. Okay. Right. Which actually makes me think a lot of myself, but Surprise! I actually just wanted to say I have a big cock. Nice. Nice. All right, so I got. Yeah. So. Yeah, that was, that was basically my, my my attempt in working in and finding a date on the medium of podcasting.

00:35:39:15 - 00:35:56:08
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. So, so by the way, ignore all the short talk. I have a big dick. Yeah. So I use this whole story just just to kind of bring it back full circle moment. Yes. Ponies. Yes. Might be small. However, they still have a launch pad. I never saw that coming as well, because that was the first mention of penises for that entire story.

00:35:56:08 - 00:36:14:13
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Right. So, I think I need to go to, some, some kind of shrink, but, Yeah, that was my. That was my three words. It was, it was ponies. Panel. Surprise. Thank you very much, Dylan. I mean, the panels, I just had, like, a square fucking, you know, panel in my mind, I didn't actually think of a panel.

00:36:14:13 - 00:36:40:13
Unknown
A board of people. Genius. I love how we've explored the origins of bobcat and Dick. There's, like, we now know where they come from, where the pony originated from. So incredible stuff. Those at home comment. How did Dylan do on Instagram that will make I'm sure. Tell him. Was he right? Was he wrong? Are there Christians out here that are pissed, that are pissed now that God actually had a panel of people?

00:36:40:13 - 00:37:04:10
Unknown
And what are you more annoyed about? That God had a panel or there was a woman on the panel. Please tell us in the comments. Next up, my three word. Oh yeah, that's fair. James. Yeah, I'm I'm actually excited for I, I'm always excited when you open that sometimes Dylan see the psychiatrist for fuck's sake. Yeah.

00:37:04:11 - 00:37:31:02
Unknown
So Fox. Right. So I'm going to be honest with you, Dylan. Yes. I phoned it in again, last week or whenever it was, didn't put much preparation into it, and I had to go on the interweb and find what turned out to be a true story. So, again, I call bullshit. All right. No, no, Dylan, honestly, there's been today, we'll see when this comes out.

00:37:31:08 - 00:38:04:17
Unknown
How much? In fact, there's been an enormous piece of news that has happened today where, an old man representing the Republicans, attempted to headbutt a bullet. But he missed, and it just grazed his ear. And that is basically all I've been looking at. Been tuning into the news. Been thinking what is now there for the Western free world where there is a choice between, a guy who cannot finish a fucking sentence to say his life.

00:38:04:23 - 00:38:27:23
Unknown
Save his life. Pot kettle black. Me fucking this can't even say this sentence. So. Yeah. And a man who, literally cannot be assassinated. So there's only there's only one fucking winner that, Yeah. Dylan that have that just fucking hit me. I was actually just thinking about a joke of, of another Republican that I wanted to throw in there, and I couldn't get to one, so actually, I was.

00:38:27:23 - 00:38:51:02
Unknown
I was blanked, like, if there was a camera on my face, I was literally just thinking of a joke, and I wasn't paying attention until it hit me like the bullet hit his ear. Yeah. So Deejay Trump survived an assassination attempt. Someone shot at him. He grazed his ear. Secret service jumped all over him. And no matter what you think about Donald Trump, whether you're for him, whether you're.

00:38:51:02 - 00:39:10:18
Unknown
You're against him. Yes. I I'm not going to say either way. You know, it's pros and cons of the gun as a every gun. But the guy got up afterwards, he pumped his fist in the air and he looked fucking cool right there. You cannot tell he had crimson face, blood all over his face. Just survived the fucking assassination and pumped his fist in the air.

00:39:10:20 - 00:39:40:02
Unknown
How is a man who cannot utter a sentence? Who introduced the president of the Ukraine as the president of Russia? Like there's only. Oh, he did that on purpose. Like hot soup? Surely hot. You didn't like it? There is only he could have said anything. He could have said the Prince of Darkness like, yeah, prison. He could have said, the.

00:39:40:02 - 00:40:05:19
Unknown
And honestly, was was kind of the, the energy he probably oozes. He probably will just typical people will just do. I honestly do think he does. Some of these things might be a tad bit strategically because I mean, like you say, you have to you can't just make that mistake. Surely. Like surely someone said to him, you can call him whatever you want.

00:40:05:20 - 00:40:24:11
Unknown
Fuck you. Just call him Elmo of the fucking Sesame Street if you want to. Just don't call him President Putin. Just the one thing, please. And then that's the one thing he did. But anyway, this is not a political podcast. We're going to move on from this. Yeah, sure, sure. But what I'm trying to show is I'm still exactly see, see how I feel.

00:40:24:11 - 00:40:51:18
Unknown
So when I'm trying to, you know, conjure, a story with extreme, emotion, creativity like yours had, I felt it. So I went to Google and I saw what I could find that has happened in the real world that I can regurgitate to you, and maybe pass it off a little bit as my own and also educate the audience, about a certain individual.

00:40:51:18 - 00:41:15:19
Unknown
Now, I regret to inform you that, again, we go to the land of film and the land of actors and celebrities. Right. We have done previously, but here goes. So let me take you back to 1992, Dylan. And just to remind of the words, the right to go back, do do. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Right. So we've just gone back to 90s.

00:41:15:24 - 00:41:35:23
Unknown
Can we now go back? Yeah. I just want to just say well done on that. Yeah. That's a Dylan move. Yeah. Well done. Yeah. Now we're going to come back. Now we're in 2004. Right. We leave in 2004. And my words are resist damp and navy. Resist damp Navy Navy. So we're now going to leave 2021. We're going to go back to 1992.

00:41:36:01 - 00:42:11:09
Unknown
Hello. 1990 tells you we have the film of its time Under Siege, an incredible film starring the superstar, internationally renowned superstar that is Steven Seagal. Ooh. So back in the early 90s, you may or may not be aware Steven Seagal was crushing the fucking Skull Planet. Yeah. Skulls? Yeah. Crushing films. I assume they only didn't give him an Oscar because he would have slammed down whoever was on that stage.

00:42:11:15 - 00:42:38:20
Unknown
Bro snatched the Oscar round his head, then Ichido master 100%. Yeah, either karate, judo, Brazilian jiu jitsu, fighting tigers, fighting dragons, apparently. And no crouching. Lunge and no crouching. Yeah, they were stood up. Yeah, they were, they were. They were created by Bob himself to send to kill him. And he said, no, I'll keep calling you. Yeah, yeah, I'll use your energy against you, bitch.

00:42:38:20 - 00:42:59:19
Unknown
Exactly. That's how he does. We've all seen the videos of the dozens and dozens and dozens of hapless individuals who are highly trained athletes themselves, coming towards the Steven Seagal, I mean, flipped on their ass, being swatted aside by the masterful genius aikido, karate, judo, Brazilian jiu jitsu. He didn't pay us, by the way. This this is.

00:42:59:20 - 00:43:27:01
Unknown
No, no, no, there is there is no chance. There is. No. You cannot fight, Joe dojo. We'll get we'll get the we'll get the we'll get the videos up. And you tell me if that day I can shit. All right. They are factual. Yeah. So we go back to 1992, Steven Seagal. He has just starred in the seminal film Oscar worthy film Under Siege, where, Steven Seagal plays a cook on a ship.

00:43:27:03 - 00:43:57:10
Unknown
He typically used to be a Navy Seal in that film. So we're talking. He is the height of badass. He is the height of macho, the height of everything, and the height of six foot two and an approximately six foot two and some many, many pounds of muscle. I'm Brian Muscle. At the time he was indestructible, undefeated, never ending success.

00:43:57:14 - 00:44:23:06
Unknown
But big day. He had an issue for every movement. Every side would step, every kick, every due to throw, any Aikido flip. There was a deep pain within him. And I don't mean emotionally because Steven Seagal, as we know, has no emotions. No, it cannot be so high. And if Iceman had a mentor, it wasn't. It was. It was him.

00:44:23:08 - 00:44:51:20
Unknown
Even though even though the movies after. But any. No, no, it doesn't matter who Steven Seagal at this time. It's past time. Popped up in the Bible. You know he popped up in the Magna Carta. He was everywhere. So to say that at this point in 1992, Steven Seagal was on top of the world, but he had a deep pain with him in not emotional, but deep between the gap of his bum hole and his ballsack as we know as the Gooch.

00:44:51:22 - 00:45:21:18
Unknown
Now, the Gooch was actually termed by Steven Seagal himself, because he had, unfortunately a cyst, a painful cyst that let out some odor. So he would take his favorite brand of aftershave, Gucci, and spray it in between his balls and hole, thus coining the phrase Gooch that came from Steven Seagal. Hey, listen, if it's from him, I honestly, I, I believe it as would you have to know.

00:45:21:23 - 00:45:41:13
Unknown
I'm a Dylan. I want to stress that this is a factual story. I have not made this up. This is come from Google itself. This has come from his, biography, My Under Siege Gooch. And this is comes directly from it, written by himself in the blood of his victims. And he sold over 200 million copies. So that is a lot of victim in that.

00:45:41:13 - 00:46:02:18
Unknown
That's motivated. So, yeah, it's a day to day. He was in this crippling pain. He obviously hid it from the outside world, because we need to know that Steven Seagal was our savior, not our Lord and savior, but our savior. So, Steven, Mr. Seagal goes to the doctors. Finally. He's had enough. He doesn't want to live in this pain anymore.

00:46:02:20 - 00:46:23:14
Unknown
And he goes, hey, doc, we, help me get rid of the cyst. And the doctor. Well, Steven, I'll see what I can do. About get rid of this list for you, because, there's one thing I can do is get rid of cysts, but I can't put them back. I want you to know that right now, camp gluten back.

00:46:23:16 - 00:46:47:16
Unknown
That's okay. Doc, I don't want this system. I got no more. Take it out, son. It is decided. Surgery is penciled in in three hours time. The doctor says, move all my surgeries to the side. We got Mr. Siegel, doctor put him in. So within three hours, he's there on the operating table. They have to use more anesthetic that's ever been used on any human being.

00:46:47:16 - 00:47:12:10
Unknown
Because to try and get Steven Seagal to pass out is non impossible. So they have to get all multiple hospitals anesthetic to get it knocked out. And they do. So the doctor is hacking away. Well I say this is the day in the toughest society to sign them all off. Nurse, come over here and help me. Saw it out and she she they pull out the cyst.

00:47:12:12 - 00:47:44:17
Unknown
This glowing orb of magic hovers around the room. Oh my God, I've never seen nothing like it in my life. And with a swift dunk into the bin, the seemingly magical cyst is gone. Within one hour, Steven is woken up. He sits up. Pain is gone. Steven feels fine. Stephen feels refreshed. I don't have that pain in between my legs anymore.

00:47:44:19 - 00:48:04:21
Unknown
I feel fine. He gets up and he's like, oh God, my legs feel a little bit wobbly. Sorry, my little bit wobbly. There we go. Thank you. I almost had no idea why he's changing his story. Yeah. And, it goes dark. Am I going to be okay? And, yeah. Y'all be fine. Stephen. You go on. Weird.

00:48:04:23 - 00:48:30:12
Unknown
You have a little bit of a rest, and you'll be Razzies roses. You'll be winning Oscars in no time. You'll be fighting off scourge, the scum in no time at all. Thank you very much, doc. So, Steven, thinking otherwise, goes home feeling fine. Now, as we know, Steven, he is a sought after man. He people want to come at him all the time, right?

00:48:30:12 - 00:48:52:23
Unknown
You defeat, Steven Seagal. You are going to be the master of the world, essentially. So as normal, Steven Seagal opens the door and there are ninjas there ready to fight him. They are ready to throw down. And now Steven Seagal gives it a ton. Okay, then bring it. I don't know, honestly, it makes make space for the debate.

00:48:53:01 - 00:49:15:22
Unknown
Like, as long as Mr. Miyagi was not there, or potentially even the three ninjas, like not only three ninjas, the three ninjas. I'm just kind of regurgitating the, my heroes growing up. But anyway, not to take away from the, the absolute mammoth of a man who is Steven Seagal. Exactly. So we all know the guy's indestructible.

00:49:15:22 - 00:49:39:11
Unknown
Can do what he wants. One ninja charges to him, so it's a slap on Steven. What's going on here? The next ninja kick, bam! Hits him in the head. The third ninja bam! In the knee. Steven drops to the floor. What's going on? The ninjas look at each other. This is unprecedented, but the respect for Steven Seagal, they back away.

00:49:39:13 - 00:50:01:08
Unknown
They don't believe that this is the one true master, and they slink into the shadows. Steven goes to his bed and he picks up his phone and he looks through his emails. Sorry, Steven, we're gonna have to reject you from the role. Sorry, Steven. We're not interested. Sorry, Steven. You will not star in Green Mile. Sorry, Steven. You will not be Rose in Titanic.

00:50:01:08 - 00:50:31:07
Unknown
Sorry, Steven. You will not be Godzilla. So he's rejected from all these films. He like what's going on here? So Steven picks up the phone. Was that Elvis? Thank you very much. Steven picks up the phone. Doctor. What's happened? Well, Steven, I did notice that that cyst, seemed pretty magical to me. But unfortunately, that this has gone and has been a scan of raided.

00:50:31:09 - 00:51:13:19
Unknown
Doctor, you've got to resist me right now. Well, as I said, Steven, we take this away, but we don't resist here. Not in this place. Dammit, doctor, what have you done to me? Cut off! From that point, Steven Seagal has been trying to get that cyst back. And in between his balls and his bum hole, his Gucci has a little tub of water to keep his gooch damp as much as possible to get this cyst back, to bring back the magical cyst that brought the film of undersea.

00:51:13:21 - 00:51:43:13
Unknown
And now every time you watch absolute dive bomb films such as The Foreigner, out for a Kill and Half Past Death, you know, the Steven Seagal has a damn beach. And look, I'm sorry, I've again had to go to the internet and to biographies and not even make up my own stuff and go factual again. But I think it's it's a remarkable story.

00:51:44:05 - 00:52:04:21
Unknown
And I think it was something that maybe not everyone knows. And that's where we are with it. That's Steven Seagal. That's why he was at the height of his career, almost indestructible. And you can compare the videos of old where he's flipping people that are genuinely coming out. And I'm telling you now, the ones that you see to this day, unfortunately, are fake.

00:52:04:23 - 00:52:15:08
Unknown
The Steven Seagal as we knew him is no more because he cannot be resisted.

00:52:15:10 - 00:52:43:02
Unknown
That's when I like I actually wish this this one was recorded like on video because I think the the moment of me actually realizing where you were going with that and he's like, yeah. Resisting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's actually embarrassingly late. So maybe it wasn't a good. Yeah, it was it was it. Yeah. Yeah yeah, yeah 100%.

00:52:43:04 - 00:53:03:13
Unknown
But, No. Damn, man. Good story. I liked it, you know, and I really and and that's the thing, when you tell stories, you do it with, with a fair bit of emotion. So I kind of get into it, and that's maybe why I stop kind of interrupting later on because I'm like, oh, shit, I know what's happening.

00:53:03:15 - 00:53:29:09
Unknown
What's happening, what happened. So yeah, I mean, hey, whenever you need to interject, you know, it's it's just what you get when you get a perfectly straightforward, run of the mill, factual Steven Seagal story, I guess you get engrossed. That's kind of what the guy was back in 1992. But there we are. There is our three word stories of the day.

00:53:29:15 - 00:53:53:06
Unknown
Next time we're going to find the place of our first job next week on three word story. All right. Well, yeah. Up until then, share. Like, subscribe, share with your friends. Share with your mom. Share with your dog. Share with bobcat, share with Gary Bear, share with Steven Seagal's Gucci. Cheers, Larry. And thank you, Larry. All right.