10. Mr Dildo Bag & Deaf Device Inventions

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James & Dylan

Season: 1

Episode: 10

10. Mr Dildo Bag & Deaf Device Inventions

Description

Welcome to "Three Word Story," where each episode spins a tale from the unexpected. Join hosts James Royle and Dylan Jacobs as they unravel narratives sparked by three random words from the innovative app what3words. From "Behave.From.Goggle" to "Noisy.Deaf.Device" every episode promises whimsy, mystery, and creativity in just three words. Tune in for improvised adventures that blend imagination with spontaneity, proving that a world of stories can unfold from the most unlikely places. Ready to embark on a journey of words? Let's weave some magic together

Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!

Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!

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Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:29:06
Unknown
Look to three word story. I'm James. I'm Dylan, and this is the podcast where we take three words from the app. What three words and improve the shit out of the story. Today on three word story. If you just eat it. Yeah. But. Okay. Now, when you're murdering people from a distance, I mean, especially if you're kind of nearing the high school, you don't just want to get up and leave because you feel you need to go first.

00:00:29:07 - 00:00:58:00
Unknown
Like, I feel like the biggest thing of your life at that point. Hi there, Dildo Baggins. How are you today? Of Dill Shire, I think it's still a dill is a shire. Musicians. They come from the Shire. I mean, listen, please don't put me on the spot because a friend of mine actually calls me Dildo Baggins for quite some time now, and, I it took me a couple of times to know where it actually originated, something I don't.

00:00:58:00 - 00:01:16:05
Unknown
I'm back. Yeah. I'm done. Yeah. That's lame. I honestly, I don't know. Well, it's good to know that it's, it's not the first time you've had this nickname, so I will feel better now calling you dildo for the rest of your life. No sense, does it? So, Mr. Baggins. Yes? How are you? Yeah. Not bad.

00:01:16:06 - 00:01:36:12
Unknown
Yeah. Good. Friday, very Friday, Miss Mary. Friday to that fellow men. Yeah. Thank you very much, gents. You're so welcome, dildo. So, Mr. Baggins, today we have chosen our three words. You look disgusted. Look what you looks at. Disgusting. No, because, I mean, it's actually sitting in at this moment because you seem to be committing to it.

00:01:36:12 - 00:01:56:10
Unknown
So it wasn't just like a hey to the Baggins in there. No. Yeah, because you seem to be really honing it in. So every opportunity, it's not like you call me by my name. Like. Hi, Dylan. How how's Dylan doing today? In that mode? But now with the replacement. Well, you need to deal, though. Now, I know that you've already dealt with this.

00:01:56:10 - 00:02:16:12
Unknown
Let's say you're less likely to act violently, towards me. So I think if we just go with this straight in, Mr. Bag, Mr. Shorten, that's sure I'm gonna call you Dildo bag, because I don't want any issues with any lawsuits. So from now on, I'm going to change the front cover of Mr. Justice. Mr. bag, go back to the bag.

00:02:16:17 - 00:02:33:21
Unknown
Which which sounds fantastic. I think every field. Who needs a bag? Really? Otherwise you're just going to get hair and stuff, you know? And so, yeah, I mean, you'd be a great spokesperson for it, that's for sure. Well, I'm glad you heard your elbow. When did that happen? You know, it's like a line from a couple of years ago.

00:02:33:21 - 00:02:54:08
Unknown
If somebody gives a shit and then he's like, fine, I'm going to come out and say it. I'm glad you're Joe. I just thought it was a precursor to a violent attack on you dildo bag man. Anyway, dildo, we chose a story or we are. Three words are going to come from a place where we have been embarrassed.

00:02:54:08 - 00:03:19:10
Unknown
Now, I'll go straight into mine, Dylan, because I can't for the life of me remember exactly where this place was. So what I've done is I've gone to the office of the job that I worked for, okay? And have chosen one of the. So basically where that places, I used to work for a company that sold mobility aids to the elderly and the disabled.

00:03:19:10 - 00:03:37:08
Unknown
So which creates a lot of space for, for embarrassing things to happen to me. Yes. No to them. No, no, no, we don't get it disparage, Mr. Bag. We will not do that. So. But to me, embarrassing things happen and even in this job alone, I have probably multiple instances. But this is one of the first ones that came to my mind.

00:03:37:08 - 00:04:05:20
Unknown
I vividly remember it. So it's a mobility company. So like mobility scooters. Recliner chairs. But specifically for this trip, it was a, stairlift. Okay. So I would go in a van to people's houses and I would measure up for stair lifts or sell them chairs or whatever. And for this one I was selling a stairlift. So I arrive at, I believe it was in the town of Froome, which is like, it's an old world kind of town, not terrible, not amazing.

00:04:05:21 - 00:04:32:02
Unknown
You're a bit out into the country, not huge, just quite nice. All right. Harry Potter's from there. I'm probably some he's from that piece that I like to, Mr. Buck bring in the. But, so, so from, from, as you would probably pronounce it, from who I arrive. And there is a lady and her boyfriend. Lady is probably in her 40s, 50s, who knows.

00:04:32:04 - 00:04:56:22
Unknown
And they live on the second floor of this apartments, flats. So second floor. So there's a narrow staircase going up to the right hand side. You go through the door. So, they're here to measure up and sell a lift. Now, I would spend many, many, many hours driving around land so many hours. So I was a large purveyor of coffee and energy drinks at the time.

00:04:56:22 - 00:05:16:20
Unknown
So it was just caffeinate caffeinate caffeinated shit. So I do not drive off a ledge somewhere and, you know, and disaster all before me so constantly, I don't know, was that was the or constantly on the go. So I go upstairs. Now this apartment was small, Dylan. So let me try and paint you a picture. So I open the front door.

00:05:16:21 - 00:05:29:22
Unknown
The front door was already open. Wow. Knock knock knock knock. Come in. Button an opening in front. Thank you I, I was I honestly it was a top employ for because I would get through the front of the show. A lot of people would had to turn around and they would not get into. I get through the front door.

00:05:29:22 - 00:06:01:06
Unknown
So you step through the front door, you take one step forward. To your left is the bathroom door. You take a second step forward. In front of you is the kitchen door, and on the right is the bedroom slash living room door. So there's three rooms all within one set of each other. Yeah. It's like okay, a tiny, tiny hallway toilet on the left, kitchen right in front of me, room to the right.

00:06:01:08 - 00:06:28:14
Unknown
In the room on the right was a rather hefty lady on a rather large bed, and she was sat kind of in the position of, Jack, draw me like your French ladies or whatever that is. Right? It was. It was not fantastic, to say the least. Yeah, it was not a place of, a great gust to allow smells and and and stagnation to pass through.

00:06:28:17 - 00:06:51:13
Unknown
So there was a well worded the place. Thank you, thank you. So I'm trying to I'm trying to pick last. Yes. I want you to feel like you're there. So there she is. In all her splendor. Yes. And there is a boyfriend sat on the chair next to no avail, sat next to her, and he had at best three teeth.

00:06:51:15 - 00:07:12:17
Unknown
And he looked at me and went, hey, how about it? No. I went, yeah. So he went into the kitchen to make me a coffee. Apparently that noise was to make me a coffee. So I sit there in front of me. Goodness. He said, yeah, yeah. It's like, yep. I'm. I'm ready. Punch me. So think it wasn't to do anything bizarre.

00:07:12:17 - 00:07:30:13
Unknown
It was just a coffee. So he is literally on a very thin wall away from me making coffee. And I'm sat in front of this, gargantuan lady as she is talking to me. And I said, okay, I'm gonna measure up to the staircase. This is all very awkward. I'm just going to get this over and done with.

00:07:30:13 - 00:07:50:03
Unknown
So I go up to the staircase and I get my tape measure out and my stomach, you look at. There's a frown on your face. Mr. back. Yes. So. So as you step in right. You've got the bathroom or toilet to your left. Yes. Right. Kitchen in front. Yes. To the right. Living room. Slash bedroom. And then where's the steak case?

00:07:50:03 - 00:08:08:22
Unknown
Kind of in the staircase is the other side of the front door. So this is a first floor apartment. Oh okay. Okay, okay. And this under there's two flats that share this staircase. So it's just this it's just these three rooms. That's the whole apartment. So I go outside and I start measuring my stomach. Mr. bag is not well.

00:08:08:23 - 00:08:29:14
Unknown
I can tell the it is not well now. I am not a builder at this point, I do not I do not have a bucket in the back of my van which to shit. So I'm very much reliant on the toilets of the customers that if I do need to go and as I am exceedingly British, I do not want to defecate into someone's home.

00:08:29:14 - 00:08:56:20
Unknown
Yes, cause smells, especially in one which is the size of a shoe box. It is a small, not small small room. So I'm measuring up because she's in there. She she. If she was in there, there was. No, no, that was not even. It's even smaller. It's even smaller. But anyway. Yes, please. So please go again. Mr. toothless man brings me out a coffee and he stands there and he goes, try it.

00:08:56:22 - 00:09:17:07
Unknown
See if it's okay. Now, Dylan, I don't want any more coffee. My stomach is gurgling and rotating and not doing well. But he stands there. It looks at me. It's a friendly fellow. It's not threatening. But again, I'm a very British gentleman. Yeah, I must say. Yes, yes. So I take a couple of lovely. You want this coffee, sir?

00:09:17:09 - 00:09:38:04
Unknown
It is perfection. I have never had better instant good share. Coffee doll. Jolly good show. Toothless, manage the best coffee I've ever had. So I slap on the coffee to save face. And truly, my guts now do kick into gear, Dylan. I mean, they, I am sweat is on my brow babbling. Are they up? My stomach is babbling.

00:09:38:04 - 00:10:01:05
Unknown
My butt. My belly is a babbling brook of feces. Shit. Basically, to put it bluntly. I'm 40. Dylan. The sweat start to arrive. The stomach starts to gurgle. I have no way out. I need to go to the toilet so I don't need to ask the question of where the toilets. I just tell them I'm going to go to the toilet.

00:10:01:07 - 00:10:27:08
Unknown
So I go through the door into the bathroom and I turn around to close the door shut and lock it. Unfortunately, this had those hooks on top of the door where you had. Yeah, like towels, towels and everything. So it would not shut. It was impossible unless I took this out and it had 17 towels, dressing gowns. Considering the the heft of the lady.

00:10:27:08 - 00:10:52:17
Unknown
Yes. These were hefty garments. Those those were tents I imagined. I'm just imagining a dressing gown for a small whale. Okay. It was probably specially made. And there's a hell of a lot of cloth. Hence, maybe it was two stitched together. I don't know, delivered yet. Yeah, but it was impossible to close this door, so I pushed on it a little bit further, and I had to admit to myself there was no way.

00:10:53:03 - 00:11:17:21
Unknown
I turn around to look at the toilet. Now, this lady was a lady, as we say, of heft. You know, she had, whatever. Not going to go to too much detail, but yes, she had sat on it. She had some mobility issues, hence their fourth eye, and called into action to to sell products. So the toilet had basically a large booster seat on it, an enormous booster seat.

00:11:17:23 - 00:11:41:06
Unknown
So, I so how do that had. So when I sat on the toilet, you know, like usually you are basically at right angles in your knees. You maybe you're a little bit further up at the. Yeah, but you're maybe a little bit higher, or maybe your feet don't quite touch the floor at a. So usually my, my, my legs are at right angles.

00:11:41:06 - 00:12:06:20
Unknown
Now this boosted me up so much that my legs were essentially a 45 degree angle, which puts your anus at a slight angle already. Now, as I'm sat on the toilet, the door does not stay closed, which means you have less reach. So I have to lean forward. But then also still whilst kind of yes, leaving my anus at a very dangerous angle.

00:12:06:20 - 00:12:33:22
Unknown
Yes, an exceedingly dangerous angle to have what will only be described as an explosive diarrhea plosive. Diarrhea. So I'm there. I go for the pop guards. I explosive diarrhea. So there I am on this booster seat on a toilet, leaning forward, pushing on these dressing gowns and towels at the end of the table. Unfortunately, you can reach everything in this tiny bathroom.

00:12:34:02 - 00:13:00:04
Unknown
So I turn the tap on, you know? Yeah, just just to try and, oh, I should be reaching for the air. Just, just just just for anything. As if they're going to be next door thinking, yeah, he's probably done and he's having a jolly good wash of his hands because they're going to flush the toilet. But anyway, in my sheer desperation, I turn the tap on and I let rip.

00:13:00:06 - 00:13:39:21
Unknown
As I'm leaning forward and I turn around of the police, suddenly there's someone standing there. So that's it. I'm, The window cleaner was shot. It's like a Jack and Jill bathroom. Like you could enter from the side and then somebody stating it, he leaves a stool. Hope. Oh. So unfortunately, Dylan, because of the angle of my anus, the matter had spread from the very bottom of the toilet, up the side of the booster seat, onto the toilet seat, and then onto the lid that was lifted.

00:13:39:21 - 00:14:06:08
Unknown
So it was a full 180 degree, but, and I, I Dylan, I am one meter away from these people. I, I, I honestly, I could open the door and whisper to them and have a full blown conversation and I have just pebble dashed their entire toilet one meter away from them. So, I ram taps on a little bit more.

00:14:06:08 - 00:14:31:05
Unknown
Stench is powerful. It is powerful at this point, as you imagine, coffee energy drinks would do to you. Now, I will say I am grateful for the amount of toilet roll that they did have. You know, blessed. Thank you for that. So I was able to smear and mopping the fecal matter away. But the last embarrassment was cleaning up and I did believe I heated up for Jim.

00:14:31:05 - 00:14:53:14
Unknown
Yeah, I flushed and nothing went down. Some of it went down, it went down. But when you are a meter away from someone, you don't want a double flush. Dylan. You. Because there's no way you need to double flush a piss. You just. Everyone knows this, right? You double flush. You know that some decimation is happening. You also know that a van has gone out the window.

00:14:53:14 - 00:15:00:17
Unknown
Once you decided to return to the, from the get go. So you need.

00:15:00:19 - 00:15:22:09
Unknown
To. I just thought it was a very cleanly a clean man washing my hands for for a few minutes. That was my anus. Sounded like it. So then was very embarrassing. I cleaned up, went back out. I have kind of a stern look on their face for. Fortunately, Dylan, you might do. So. We are British. No one said a thing.

00:15:23:07 - 00:15:39:16
Unknown
It was already quite pungent in their already stagnant smell. Whatever. I don't think it made that much of a difference. But I sat there with still a sweaty brow, my belly still gargling. We did the business. We decided the money wasn't quite there. I didn't argue it. I didn't sell it. Let's just get the fluff out of that.

00:15:39:16 - 00:16:01:24
Unknown
So, as I said, that was somewhere I believe it was in firm. I couldn't locate the actual location. So the three words that I have are based on the office that I worked out of for the company that I worked for, the time line. And those three words gave me a noisy death device, which is I wish I had, I wish I had a death device.

00:16:01:24 - 00:16:33:22
Unknown
For them was a smattering. Well, listen, you did. Your anus was the death device. Because it was. It was a death device. No, this is a death device, so you cannot hear it. My anus was a death device. If devices would have destroyed any one within a meter, which they nearly were, they probably 1.2m away. So, unfortunately, Dylan, that was that was my tragic, tragic, diarrhea blasting story in a shoebox sized apartment, with a with a lady of heft and a man of little teeth.

00:16:33:24 - 00:17:00:10
Unknown
All right. So, Dylan. Yeah? What's it? What am I what was your embarrassing place and why? Well, again, I think it goes without saying that when it comes to embarrassment, I mean, it normally involves, some form of bodily fluids. I guess it's becoming a thing. It's not. It is becoming. I mean, I think we started off the first couple of episodes.

00:17:00:10 - 00:17:18:08
Unknown
It was, but probably a bit more sexual. And now we and we probably, well, podcast, YouTube, I don't know. I'd like to know what you're doing about maybe my story. Yeah. My, maybe my stories were I can't remember what. Would you like it. What would you say? You. You went to the stagnant lake and you kissed a girl was looking at.

00:17:18:08 - 00:17:45:22
Unknown
No, I don't know. I'm talking about like. Yeah, like it was the hospital. What was the list of things before you only done ten episodes. How did it exactly? It's ten. Welcome to a podcast about incontinence and dementia. Today I on podcast, I don't remember what I wanted to say is, yes, we'll stick with this theme. We'll try and veer away from it in the coming episodes.

00:17:46:01 - 00:18:15:04
Unknown
But it's a anyway, it's about she hasn't come yet yet. So, not mine. I was ten years old. We went to Monte Cassino, which is, What they what they try. It's a large casino in. I think it was four ways or close to four way somewhere in Johannesburg, South Africa. And it gives kind of like, the cobblestone streets of Italy effect, like inside the casino.

00:18:15:04 - 00:18:47:24
Unknown
Very fancy place, actually. And I was ten years old and normally my parents would go to the casino. Hello. And then they would drop the kids off at the arcade. So. Yeah. Yeah. So we had something to do. They had something to do. And it was just myself and my sister, and I was absolutely crushing this kind of sniper game, and I ignored the fact that I needed to go push.

00:18:49:03 - 00:19:07:06
Unknown
Right. Okay. Now, when you're murdering people from a mall, I mean, especially if you're kind of nearing the high school, you don't just want to get up and leave because he wants you. You need to go first. Like, I feel like the biggest thing of your life at that point. Listen, I'm ten years old and I am to this day, crushing.

00:19:07:06 - 00:19:29:19
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. Yes. Thank you. James, I got that very well. Okay. Yeah. So now I just wanted to stick around and I kept on doing all I thought I died by that point, but now I just keep on fucking acing it, and. Yeah, just like all the signs that I shot Africa's Secret Service. Just like watching you from a distance.

00:19:29:19 - 00:19:49:06
Unknown
They're scouting you out. They're like, this kid's got it. Oh, yes. If he gets any further and he doesn't piss himself. Yeah, this kid's got a career ahead of him. Yeah, yeah. Even maybe to to. This is a complete right side. He can be this extremist. But anyway, we'll find out. We'll find out. Yeah, but yet anyway, what I wanted to say, I just ignored that.

00:19:49:08 - 00:20:22:20
Unknown
And, I had to run to the toilet already kind of late. Needless to say, I did not make it. So I ended up pushing myself, but, like, completely like, it's so, you know, like I know it. Because what ended up happening is the last couple of steps, I literally opened the toilet door, to the men's room, and I literally, as I was then, kind of unfolding or taking it out on a ten year old delivery guy.

00:20:22:21 - 00:20:53:16
Unknown
Yeah, I was. To I did not get it from in any to announce it. Yeah. But needless to say, I got so excited by seeing the toilet that I then just released and I was not yet in. Like, I thumb tumbled and my, penis, my my penis wasn't yet out of my pants. And I started pissing and there was.

00:20:53:18 - 00:21:13:21
Unknown
And I don't know why. Maybe it was just me, the fact that I made the mistake. But I then just left it. I was like, fuck my life, fuck my life. Now I'm. I am now standing here pissing in my pants like it was. I don't know, I don't know, I was, but I could not stop anything. And I was like, yeah, I don't know.

00:21:13:22 - 00:21:33:22
Unknown
Like it was all this way running through me like over my leg. And I just accepted what is which was probably stupid. No, Dylan. No, that was a perfectly reasonable thing to do just to leave. You know, I gave up too early, so. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's just. Except for the CIA scouts are just looking at, you know, I don't think he's for us.

00:21:33:24 - 00:22:01:19
Unknown
And I don't think this is going to be on my list. So now I literally just stood there, and now I'm like, fuck. All right. Oops. Yeah. So what next? Now the mission is to then actually try and dry my pants, which is extremely wet. And, yes, there's a certain smell involved. Yeah, but now hydrated. Do you think you were at this time?

00:22:01:21 - 00:22:23:20
Unknown
Well, at that, not this particular. No, not like this. Like. No I'm not. No. I hydrated you now as a ten year old. It just so you know, are we talking like Sugar Puffs? Deep yellow, disgusting smell or are we talking. No, it was it was definitely, Sugar Puffs. And it was it. Yeah. It was no hiding in that and then.

00:22:23:22 - 00:22:45:12
Unknown
All right. But, I think it was less, less the stench that bothered me at that particular point at ten years old. But now I'm. I've been gone for some time. I just wanted to let my sister, my oldest sister, know that. Listen, I'm fine. So I have to run back into the arcade. With this whole situation going on down at the bottom.

00:22:45:12 - 00:23:10:11
Unknown
Yeah. So, just before I, just before I left, I stuffed my pants with toilet paper. It's a fresh morning today. I, like, properly stuffed it, but you and you. But you kept the underwear on as well as the shorts as well. So you didn't know I. No, no, no, no, I kept it all. Just stuffed it and figured, let me, let me just let my sister know that this had happened.

00:23:10:15 - 00:23:29:19
Unknown
And, it was it. Did she need to be told or did she see? No. This little pissed pants boy woke up. No, that's actually that. That was my tactic is to not stand still long enough so that people could see the stain. So you can think about that. That you can't think about getting your pissing out of your pants.

00:23:29:23 - 00:24:01:19
Unknown
Was this basic? So so then I eventually got to see my sister. Like I remember running back from from the toilet, kind of stopping in between these huge pot plants and kind of just veering over, looking to see, okay, now it's like on to the South African Secret Service, a bit like, right, this kid can sniper and he can stealth move around as well without me and my little, fuck it.

00:24:01:20 - 00:24:25:00
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I eventually made my way back to the arcade my sister's busy with. I ran a Dance Dance Revolution, and she seems to be killing it. But now because she had a chance before. But now I'm trying to. I'm getting her attention. But I'm doing this while she's not standing, at the same place, like.

00:24:25:00 - 00:24:46:04
Unknown
Yeah, it might. So I'm running and I'm literally explaining to what is happening while running away. So I'm like, man, now I need to do this. I'm an enemy. Not just what I say, but. And then she keeps like, she's like, what are you saying? Just fucking stand still. And I don't want to stand still. And I'm like, yeah.

00:24:46:04 - 00:25:11:24
Unknown
So I. And then kind of you do know everyone was look, everyone was looking at you at this point because you need it. So you join around so much attention to you. Actually, it got even worse because the stuffing that went into my pants started unraveling. So I started running, running back and forth with, this, this kind of toilet paper towel tail behind me.

00:25:11:24 - 00:25:32:18
Unknown
And eventually I got to my sister and I'm like, I pissed my pants. And, yeah. Needless to say, at that particular point, more eyes were on me than should have any finger pointing any like, no, no, I think I in all honesty, I, kind of just shut everything out at that particular point there is black.

00:25:32:19 - 00:25:56:05
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, actually, someone came up for an award and gave you an award and said, well done for the coolest dude of the arcade. Yes, me and my Strato shirt. Yeah, but no, that was that. And in all honesty, it was my like. We then proceeded to call my uncle somehow, some way and he was the one and I could just see the regret on his face.

00:25:56:06 - 00:26:19:23
Unknown
He's like, oh shit, upload. Like, oh no, no, no, we need to deal with this. And he was the one standing, I mean, with my pants while I'm chilling in need. The toilet stall and he fucking dries my pants in the, it's it's a nice warm, dry piss smell. Yeah. So, thank you to Uncle Louie. Thank you, Uncle Louie, for dealing with, a little master bag back then.

00:26:19:23 - 00:26:37:14
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. That was that was a fun, fun trip to the arcades. How did you beat the high school? No, not even so. It was a completely. It was a complete waste of time and pants and clean pants and, And you had a shark tail t shirt on at the time? I think so, yeah. So you were working at that?

00:26:37:14 - 00:26:53:22
Unknown
It was like a it was a it was a denim shorts. So it didn't dry easily as well. So yeah, that's the worst kind of they wouldn't show as much. Show some. It was a lighter jean though. As far as iron. Oh that's the worst combination Jean and a like that like yes I was wow. It was dark.

00:26:53:22 - 00:27:21:17
Unknown
Like it turned. It was dark. Yeah. It was done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the fact that I remember those what, in 17 years afterwards, is it still. Yeah, it's definitely still live. That was your embarrassing moment. I'm what three words did that give you? Behave. Oh, yeah. Baby, from and goggle behave from. And goggle. Okay. All right.

00:27:21:19 - 00:27:45:08
Unknown
So to decide who goes for this story. Yes, sir. We're going to do a quick quiz. You're going to answer these questions on this quickly. Wonderful. Yeah I do I do fucking well with it. No I am I am playing to your strengths right now. I'm playing to your strengths. Mainly because Dylan I went saw Dylan. I went on the Britannica website very quickly during that story, and I clicked on the first quiz I saw.

00:27:45:14 - 00:28:06:17
Unknown
That's not saying that I was unprepared and completely forgot that we do this little bit halfway through. It's it's just magic, all right? He's just magically happened. So this is a quiz called Dutch, Yiddish, Japanese or Hindi. Now you have a leg up on this because obviously, Afrikaans is just a rip off of Dutch, so you can kind of speak that.

00:28:06:17 - 00:28:23:24
Unknown
Anyway, and who knows, maybe that will play into a bit of Yiddish, Japanese or Hindi. So yeah, that'll be so right? I assume so, otherwise why would they lump it into a quiz. So we're going to do we're going to use the first three I don't know what they are. And if you get two at three you do your first number I do mine whatever you want.

00:28:24:00 - 00:28:46:13
Unknown
All right okay. So klutz. Is it Japanese, Yiddish, Dutch or Hindi? Yeah. Klutz. Oh, do I have to? Yeah, yeah. You need to say. Yeah. It's very Yiddish. And you're correct, Dylan. Well done. So one out of three. So you need to get this next one and you have one to date. Dutch, Yiddish, Japanese or Hindi quiz might be a weekly thing.

00:28:47:06 - 00:29:08:16
Unknown
It's okay. Karaoke. Is it Dutch, Yiddish, Hindi or Japanese? I just got to say Japanese. Oh, that was an easy one. We'll do the third one. Juggernaut. Is it Yiddish? Japanese? Dutch or Hindi? Juggernaut. I would say probably more of German, but yeah, sure. Let's say, it's not on there. Are we going to go duck?

00:29:08:17 - 00:29:34:24
Unknown
Yeah, we're gonna go get that. Dutch. Dutch? It is Hindi in the early 14th century, a Franciscan monk visiting India reported seeing religious worshipers when we throw themselves under the wheels of a massive carriage bearing the likeness of Vishnu, who is also titled Jaga Nath, Lord of the world. The monks account of this event is dubious, but the tale caught on in Europe and Juggernaut became an unstoppable force in English goodness.

00:29:35:01 - 00:30:00:19
Unknown
Okay, so don't say you don't learn something on this podcast, Dylan. Yeah, as you have managed to get two out of three on our most popular quiz so far. Dutch. Are you just Japanese or Hindi? Yes. You decide who goes first for today's three word story. Okay, well, in that case, I think I'll go first. James. Walter. So please, Dylan, remind the audience of your three words.

00:30:00:21 - 00:30:31:06
Unknown
So behave from Gogol. Take it away, honey. Drop it down low. A three word story. Right. The reason why I wanted to do my story first is because this is, I'm a bit tad bit worried, right? Yes. You know, pasty. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, I'm a tad bit worried because, I actually have deciphered a letter.

00:30:31:08 - 00:30:57:10
Unknown
Not a letter, but kind of a story that I felt the world should know. And this might be for the conspiracy theorists out there, or. And, people, thinking the world is falling apart because it actually is. Okay, you heard it here first. Listen here. The world is falling apart. So now with the words behave from and goggle, what stands out to you?

00:30:57:12 - 00:31:20:21
Unknown
Don't worry. Let me tell you. Okay. Thank you. Didn't thank you, right? I'm sure that's right. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Please get it right back. Yeah. I'm just accepting now. Like I did. This is like the piss in the shorts. They said it, like, just accept this. Accept it. Be f g. Oh, do you know the story? Yes.

00:31:20:23 - 00:31:51:00
Unknown
Right. Big fucking girls. It was my favorite magazine. No different one. No no no no no, it's a big fucking giant. Yeah, yeah, it's fucking just fucking giant. Yes, yes. The the story by Roald Dahl, story about a young girl who, Sophie who befriends the the big friendly giant, to embark on this adventure, to stop, the evil giants from devouring, devouring innocent people.

00:31:51:02 - 00:32:14:12
Unknown
Okay. Fair enough. So. So that's kind of the plot. And the evil giants within the the blood bottlers and the flesh lump eaters, flesh lump eaters, flesh lump eaters. So they would only eat lumpy flesh, lumpy flesh with would they lumpy? So did they eat flesh. They were lumpy and they ate. Or did they eat breasts? And this is just a weird why should I assume?

00:32:14:18 - 00:32:34:15
Unknown
Oh, is breasts lumpy flesh? Because that's disgusting. And I don't like those. The look. Why, if you just eat it. Yeah, but I guess if there's a lot of flesh to them. Yeah. Like if you were going to eat any easy kind of part, that's just wobble in there in front of you, then maybe. So we're saying these giants in particular just ate breasts.

00:32:34:17 - 00:33:01:21
Unknown
Well, yeah, sure. Let's say cookies. Yeah. Okay. So the fact that we lump them together with the, the blood bottlers and, obviously themselves, the, the flesh lump eaters fresh. Yeah. My lovely fleshy lumps. Okay. Check them out. So Roald Dahl wrote the book, the perfect Roald Dahl. Now he's actually the descendant of Nostradamus. Is he is he now?

00:33:01:21 - 00:33:25:11
Unknown
He is easy. It's okay. It's such a learning happens on this. Yes. The famous astrologer. Yeah. Physician. And seer a future. See it. The professional seer future. That is that is that is that is that is that you do that indeed you see, like, I have a PhD in seer. Yeah. I am the see a future. Future.

00:33:25:11 - 00:33:55:14
Unknown
Okay. Yeah. So he's a professional seer is old. Well, yeah. So, so so obviously Nostradamus famously sees things then see things predicted the rise of Napoleon and Adolf Hitler. That was that. Oh, I didn't think. Yeah that's right. Cancel added. Yeah. Hey ADHD. So, both world wars and then how the destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima then amongst others.

00:33:55:20 - 00:34:18:06
Unknown
Right. So I just wanted to say that. Oh, actually, yeah. He's keeping he's keeping up with the Simpsons at this particular point. Right. Nostradamus. Nostradamus. Right. Okay. Like, have you seen, have you seen some of the cartoons? But yeah, I how the fuck have we got here anyway? Sorry. As in The Simpsons predict the future. Yes. You do know they they can change them and they change it.

00:34:18:06 - 00:34:52:16
Unknown
I can believe that. Yeah, right. Anyway, he didn't want to live such a short life. So Roald Dahl didn't want to live such a so short life as he's descending and Nostradamus. So he wrote the book B, F, g as the cover up, as a warning him to say he. Behave. From Google. He can't just say he conscious like Gogol, right?

00:34:52:17 - 00:35:09:00
Unknown
Because that would be too obvious. Yes. Yeah, yeah, maybe he just didn't know exactly what the spelling was at that time at. Okay. Well, I thank you for that. Literally. Thank you for asking that. Oh, thank you for that. Thank you James Surmising hey I'm just thinking, you know, I was, I was I was being a professional CEO or I was attempting to be.

00:35:09:00 - 00:35:43:04
Unknown
Yes, yes. Oh futures. So behave. Beware of Google. So he knew they share process and access data without permission. Always going to at least so information information making them some of the most intelligent intelligent agencies, intelligent, more powerful than most of the intelligence I use is Google not no no no no no. They're separate now separating them okay.

00:35:43:04 - 00:36:24:22
Unknown
Which actually in turn selling info to the highest bidders. So Google might just be those evil giants that he's referring to. So now again, you look at the plot, okay, of the BFG and you think, well, who are these? These who are the actual lump, the flesh lumpy? They're the social media giants of the social media giants and the institutions she whether it be even, dare I say it and I listen, if I get assassinated now we know.

00:36:24:22 - 00:36:46:04
Unknown
Now we know. It's not that if he. If Dylan dies. Yes. It's not an accident. Well, you you heard it here first. You know, unless it actually is an accident. I mean, hey, make an accident. Choke on a chicken bone. Yeah, maybe it was, but. Which is highly like. So again, it can be the Rothschilds. It can be Vanguard, Blackrock.

00:36:46:06 - 00:37:10:05
Unknown
It can be the Clintons are probably involved somewhere. So that allegedly allegedly allegedly. Yeah. Yeah. Could be I could be potentially allegedly lady but not we don't have any evidence. Not at all. Yeah. Zero but could be. But I just wanted to highlight that these giants are not people like P Diddy Combs because, he's just one person.

00:37:10:08 - 00:37:31:14
Unknown
Well, I know honestly, like if I think about evil giants, I don't think of someone that kind of does parties. And then also allegedly kind of just even creates camps called Puffy Flavor Camp. So no, I don't I don't think that the Giants do that. No, I don't think so. It's I did see a story about his the other day.

00:37:31:14 - 00:37:46:09
Unknown
And I was like, why is there so many, Dylan's in his in his home, but it turned out to be $346. And it's like, I just thought you'd been there loads of times, but no, it was B. No, no, I still love it. Wasn't my bag of dollars. No, no no no, you would never leave yours behind.

00:37:46:10 - 00:38:12:19
Unknown
No, no. The two person very. He's what. He never reused his. That's why I would imagine so I think he just wasn't. He didn't have a dishwasher anyway. Anyway, so let me get this straight. You are basically saying the whole doll. Was the, related to Nostradamus? Nostradamus? Yes. Who was a C usher. So then Roald Dahl was also a seer.

00:38:12:21 - 00:38:45:10
Unknown
Seer. And what you're saying is that he was predicting the rise of the bloodthirsty, lump eating giants slash social media companies of the future. Using your info. Wow. Right. Selling them to the highest bidders. And he just wanted to point out that who the evil giants are he? So I'm just saying again reiterating behave or beware from. Google.

00:38:45:12 - 00:39:07:21
Unknown
Nice. That was a great three word story where you've choosing your own place. You just look at you just talking with you basically. Yeah. I mean you've I'm sure when this goes out, this will be taken by some journalists and some investigators and they will really open the door on what Mr. Dahl was really trying to say to us.

00:39:08:01 - 00:39:28:04
Unknown
You know, Charlie and the chocolate factory is trying to compare that to the the Catholic Church and what happened there, allegedly. So what he's trying to do, I mean, what what else, what else do we actually do? We'll do a four part series on this where we just take Roald Bell's books and then we decipher the messages like, you know, how like you have, like, murder mystery stuff is really popular.

00:39:28:04 - 00:39:43:20
Unknown
Yeah, we could do a full path to a moral, though. It's not a legal. I don't think so. Wow. So, like, if you if we just say alleged or if we say we cover ourselves, then that's four times. Yeah, I think so. Let's do that. I mean, I wonder what the law right now is. The law was pretty straightforward.

00:39:43:24 - 00:40:03:17
Unknown
So I stay stay away from men with mustache like your friend Abby. Yeah. So yeah, let's fuck it. Let's do that. I want to do that. I want to do a full part of his show, and we'll we'll create, not create. Sorry. I don't know where. We're not going to create anything. We're going to the this the stories within the stories already there.

00:40:03:19 - 00:40:24:21
Unknown
We will read between the lines with our extremely analytical minds. The guy who couldn't get his cock out of his pants. This out of that. A guy who shat all up the the back of a toilet seat. We have the analytical mind to look in between Mr. Dahl's words and see what these stories meant. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory BFG.

00:40:25:07 - 00:40:46:24
Unknown
What else does he have? Oh. What does he how Lorax was Mr.. Sorry, the witch James and the Giant Peach and freaking love that film. Do you ever watch that film? The stop animation one. He was like a real boy and then said, oh man, that is a good one. James in the Giant Peach. Look at that mean big peach, big apple, little boy, Wall Street, who knows the crash of Wall Street?

00:40:47:01 - 00:41:09:18
Unknown
They go to New York. Is that about. And they stepped in gum like I remember that. You remember I did Matilda. Yes. She's a special girl. But the the system tries to stamp her down. Fantastic. Mr. Fox, I was fantastic, Mr. Fox in school. So this all makes sense to me. If there's anyone who knows. Fantastic Fox like I do, an I can read between the lines of that story.

00:41:09:20 - 00:41:35:01
Unknown
Race hate allegedly, allegedly. You know, just getting that you know did the difference between others allegedly the man trashing homes of people that don't look like him? Allegedly. But we're going to get into this and we're gonna put we're going to put some shit. Right. Okay. Thank you very much, Dylan. That was, that was truly groundbreaking. And I think we've really unsettled the status quo of us right now.

00:41:35:01 - 00:42:08:00
Unknown
Yes. They don't know where it's coming. So next up, drop down low. A three word story. So my words were noisy. Death device. So, Dylan, for this time. Dildo. Sorry. So is Mr. Bag. Yeah. That's that that's why I know you're, like, puzzled look on my face. The corners have to be like, who's that? So, Mr. Bag, I today, this week have decided to be an inventor.

00:42:08:02 - 00:42:31:18
Unknown
I've invented some devices that are noisy for deaf people. So I went on a little bit of a tangent, and I looked back at what old devices used to be. Now hearing aids. We know what they are. They sit inside the ear, they help, you hear? But I want some more. I want some event, you know, because not all deaf people want to be discreet about their hearing.

00:42:31:18 - 00:42:55:16
Unknown
Some people want to wear it with a badge of honor. Yeah. Allegedly. Allegedly. Something that people don't do. Don't do it. Okay. Don't. I don't do it. I don't do it. We may lose all our deaf listeners, and we don't want. But we get that in itself. There might be. Just listen. We don't have subtitles on this yet, so we'll be fine up until episode ten.

00:42:55:21 - 00:43:19:20
Unknown
So, Dylan, I need you to get your phone, and I have basically created some inventions. I've created multiple ones, and I did a photo shoot with a few different people. And I know this is an audio medium, and we are not yet recording this podcast, so I will require us to work on some description to paint a picture for the listeners.

00:43:19:20 - 00:43:41:04
Unknown
Is that okay? Dylan? Okay, so the first picture I'm going to send you now, this is the original listening devices, okay. Before hearing aids. So we would essentially wear these like your typical headphones like we're wearing now just over the ears. And they would basically draw the noise in through what is a little bit like a funnel and draw it right into the ears.

00:43:41:04 - 00:43:59:23
Unknown
So they would sit into the ear and they would draw the noise in. And I like the it it's decorative stuff, you know, it truly is cutting edge technology. So these basically look like headphones. But they are they kind of fit in with what you're wearing. Back in Victorian days, I think they look pretty snazzy. Yeah. In terms of what they wore then.

00:43:59:23 - 00:44:14:23
Unknown
Yeah. And let's say you have, you know Henry who is hard of hearing. Well, you look at Henry with these and you go, this guy is a cutting edge guy. He may be hard of hearing, but I believe in this guy. This guy is, you know. Yeah. You thought about it? Yeah, he's thought about this, and he's. He's gone above and beyond.

00:44:14:23 - 00:44:35:04
Unknown
So this is kind of where I took my, my invention genius from. So I have a few of these to share with you and I, I understand some of these have pros and cons. And that's what I would like to talk to you today about the pros and cons of some of these. So, the first one that I had, this lovely guy that modeled them for, for me.

00:44:35:04 - 00:44:54:19
Unknown
I'll send you this one here. So this was the first one. Now what we have here. So for the listeners, we have two, typical music speakers of a large variety strapped above this man's head and attached with him. Yeah. Please, Dylan, help. Help the listener help paint the picture for me, as you have just seen this, obviously.

00:44:54:20 - 00:45:19:00
Unknown
Yeah, because I am historically very good at painting pictures to people. But, so basically what I'm seeing is this gentleman has two speakers. Yes, by the sides of his ears, attached to each other via, a mustache over, over the head. It does look a bit that I wanted it to blend in the hat, so it wasn't as obvious.

00:45:19:00 - 00:45:38:12
Unknown
Obvious. Okay. Know, because it was a strap. My original con to this, to the pro. And for me, the pro here is that it's very retro, very 90s. Right. Like, yes, it looks 90s. It's very interesting looking. It looks like a walking karaoke machine. That's what I thought you know, as we know, a very famous Japanese word karaoke.

00:45:38:12 - 00:46:02:06
Unknown
So I thought this would go well, you know, so I thought that's how it looks. So I wanted to go for retro feeling. Now the con, I guess some people would feel uncomfortable with large kind of stereo speakers on their head. No no no, no, he's not that not, not not the thing people beatboxing like the, you wear it on your shoulder, but in this case, you wear it on your head.

00:46:02:06 - 00:46:25:23
Unknown
Yeah. Now, the microphone, the pro is you can't lose it because it's attached to the con. If you get it too close to the speakers, it is going to go into your ears. So, you know, we will have to we will have to work with that. So and and also I feel like, opinionated people shouldn't have access to this, this device.

00:46:26:00 - 00:46:29:11
Unknown
I feel like.

00:46:29:13 - 00:46:49:20
Unknown
So why what would you say to this guy? Save the world. Who said that anyway? So, yeah, not that I'm saying they shouldn't save the whales. I'm just. It's. So you're saying that you hate the whales is what you're. Is what you're saying, James? Because that's what I said, right? Sorry. Mr. back. Sorry for the record, Mr. Bag loves the whales.

00:46:49:20 - 00:50:56:12
Unknown
Yes.