14. Troll Wish & Dylan Bueller's Day Off

Welcome to "Three Word Story," where each episode spins a tale from the unexpected. Join hosts James Royle and Dylan Jacobs as they unravel narratives sparked by three random words from the innovative app what3words. From "Forking.Seaside.Delving" to "Breakfast.Deed.Saxaphone" every episode promises whimsy, mystery, and creativity in just three words. Tune in for improvised adventures that blend imagination with spontaneity, proving that a world of stories can unfold from the most unlikely places. Ready to embark on a journey of words? Let's weave some magic together.

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Chapters

• 15:00 1st Story
• 30:00 2nd Story

Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:25:03
Unknown
Welcome to three word story. I'm James. I'm Dylan, and this is the podcast where we take three words from the app. What three words and improve the shit out of the story. Today on three word story, there sits on the volcano, a little Dylan, an evil villain. He sits up there, scowls and down, and then he frowns and comes down to the village to have some food.

00:00:25:16 - 00:00:56:05
Unknown
I'm sorry. Bleh! Just just a little. Dylan. Eunice@hotmail.com says, I need to know. And that's a prostitute. Why? Why are you trying to pay for my services? Will be will be can be welcome. Two three word story F them. Dylan, I have only one question to ask you. Are you ready to rock? Oh, shit. Are you ready?

00:00:56:19 - 00:01:17:05
Unknown
Rock. And then I was, There we go. So. Yeah. Dylan, are you ready to rock? Are you ready to go today? Yay! Yay! Wow. The energy is electric. Which is extra funny, because I've just sat here in pure silence as you've been typing away on your laptop. I've been pent up ready to go. But.

00:01:17:07 - 00:01:43:24
Unknown
That is. That is so royalty free. So this is this is 100% rock and roll. Yeah baby. Oh yeah. Basically full disclosure, I have three jingles or three tunes that I'm using for my story. I had one left, so I just scrolled through the preset on this thing and that's what I ended up. So welcome to free one story and entertainment and and so Dylan, you're right.

00:01:44:05 - 00:02:05:13
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's there's absolutely I know that's boring to say. No. Nothing new. It's just been, been a busy week. We've got a longer week in the head, about, like, eight of us. Yeah, both of us. Both of us. But we both have a longer weekend. You are exceptionally right. It is National Day in the air.

00:02:05:22 - 00:02:24:20
Unknown
Where we stay, where we live. So we're going to. We've got Saturday, we've got Sunday, we got Monday, we got Tuesday. Yeah. And that is that is it, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just sounded like we, we kind of just listing the days of the week. Yeah. And then Monday. Tuesday. And then after that, what have you got?

00:02:25:04 - 00:02:44:00
Unknown
What next? Stop putting on the spot, James. You fucked it. I thought it was going to be like it's counted again because, I was editing the episode from two weeks ago. If your inability to count, I a good old chocolate. That was you fucking idiot was like, five, five, three, one, like all. Well, I have a load of pots for eight, nine, two for.

00:02:44:00 - 00:03:12:21
Unknown
Fuck. So, yeah, if you haven't listened to that one, listen to please don't do that. Go to the end where you hear Dylan be on a fucking mong, Connie. So? So nothing, need to add. Same, I've just been wandering around aimlessly. The editing. The some of the episodes that we have not done. But this is the first time in a while that we've done consecutive episodes ago as we are back on track, ladies and gentlemen, three word story coming to you on a weekly basis on a Friday.

00:03:12:23 - 00:03:29:10
Unknown
So no one will know what this episode is about them because we didn't announce the end. But I feel that's what most people do. Like, we don't get to that particular point in a lot of the episodes when we forget, and then when it comes to the day before recording this, we go, oh shit, we should probably come up with something of what we want a story.

00:03:29:10 - 00:03:55:21
Unknown
So we decided. I decided by messaging you, we were going to pick somewhere. Somewhere that we'd put a secret island or lair or something of a because I thought most of the world is ocean and the places that we're picking are on land. So let's have an opportunity to pick somewhere that is in the ocean, because I bet there is some really fucking good three word stories out there in the middle of the ocean.

00:03:55:23 - 00:04:29:06
Unknown
You will have no excuse to go to if we don't pick a random thing like Secret Island, and that. Dylan, where did you pick for Secret Island and all that and why? You know what's funny? I actually ended up picking one of the most popular islands for my for my imagination. Zero zero will just settle for the first one that I could think of, but there is some practicality to it because I thought, well, Dylan, what if you need to go shopping?

00:04:29:06 - 00:04:51:16
Unknown
Or what do you feel? Yeah, it makes sense. You can't do that in middle of the Atlantic. So where did you go? Would you? I went to Hawaii. Who? Hawaii. Sorry. That was you over there? Yeah, it was a Wahoo. So you went to Hawaii? Okay, Hawaii. And then I went to the highest point in Hawaii, which is Moana.

00:04:51:18 - 00:05:14:11
Unknown
Kihei. Okay. And, this episode is brought to you by Moana two to watch it here to get the energy check. All is not terribly. Was that what they do? They sound. That was my that was my attempt at, I don't know, speaking Hawaiian. I do apologize for the for the Hawaiian type. Potentially offended. Yeah. For our listeners in, Hawaii.

00:05:14:13 - 00:05:38:02
Unknown
We apologize for that for that hallway. Right. Yeah. I don't know why I said the phone brand instead. Hawaii way. Wow. Okay. So. Yeah. So volcanic island. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Volcano on the island of Hawaii. And. Yeah, although with a height of 4200m above sea level. Oh, why, you got facts of these disposal as well.

00:05:38:04 - 00:05:53:21
Unknown
Why not? But then also, I thought, you know what? Yeah. Just a quick drive down the mountain and I have got some of the best weather, some of the best beaches. Oh, so your like, is in the volcano. You're going to evil. Is that what you go. Yeah, that's kind of more so. Right. Okay. So then like the can't even.

00:05:53:21 - 00:06:14:10
Unknown
Yeah. Like the base evil layer. That's kind of where it's, where are you going to put your skis and your dramas. Yeah. I'm like the Grinch like on the outside of the city, like, oh, I'm, I'm going up there and. Yeah, every now and again I might just come down and around there sits on the volcano a little Dylan and evil villain.

00:06:14:10 - 00:06:33:12
Unknown
He sits up there, scowls, sun down, and then he frowns and comes down to the village to have some food. Yeah, and that's about it. That sounds wonderful. Thank you. Oh, I was getting my Christmas spirit. My, Doctor's useless. Maybe they'll pick it up. Maybe I going to do an episode one day. A story like a doctor zoo star.

00:06:33:12 - 00:06:50:04
Unknown
But that wouldn't be very impressive, would have to. Would have to figure that one out. I don't do that one time. Yeah, I'm going to make a note about that mentally right click save in my brain. What was it again. Yeah I just want it. So you want you evil air in the volcano. And you're going to trundle down to the local village where you can still get some snacks.

00:06:50:04 - 00:07:21:18
Unknown
Yeah, that's for sure. Reenact. Yeah. So Hawaii, we gave you what he would send. It gave me. I wrote them down breakfast. Oh. Where you would go for the bomb. Yeah. Yeah. So you get breakfast. Yeah. Yeah. But the deed. Okay. Brandy media saxophone. But breakfast deed and saxophone I, I'm looking forward to where that's going to take us on this episode of the three word story.

00:07:23:15 - 00:07:51:18
Unknown
Oh. Yeah. I was a bit late, but hey, we've got this. Right. So my place. So now I want this to be super, super mega secret. So I have decided to go to the Mariana Trench. Dylan. Okay. The lowest place on earth, obviously, at the bottom of the sea. And specifically, I have gone to Challenger Deep, which is the lowest point on Earth that you could possibly.

00:07:51:18 - 00:08:20:24
Unknown
Oh, okay. Challenger deep, maximum depth. So I so I got some facts for you. Fucker. Yes. Maximum depth of 10,920m plus ten meters. Now, I don't know why I went on Wikipedia. I don't know why. Like they came to the number 10,920 and they had no more. No. But I also feel like this is somebody that played the Trump's card like the like the Trump games, like you talked about Trump.

00:08:21:03 - 00:08:41:10
Unknown
We've only played it several times. And this Top Trumps. And then somebody was like, well, you know what? This is actually how high my mountain was or whatever or how deep my track was. And then, you were like, no, but mine is actually this deep plus ten. Yeah. Plus ten. Well, I've got Challenger Deep. It's 10,020 plus ten,

00:08:41:12 - 00:09:02:19
Unknown
My, my trenches deeper than yours. So. Yeah, that oh, that. This is the supposed deepest trench. So what would I have hit? Wipe. So what I would what I was thinking basically you can build downwards for a long, long time. So you can basically build like a reverse skyscraper. Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty sure this is something like Saudi Arabia be involved in.

00:09:02:19 - 00:09:28:20
Unknown
They like doing like they have the the world's longest lying down skyscraper don't really you doesn't really make sense to me where it's like it doesn't go up. It goes sideways. Sideways. Yeah. Well this goes fucking downwards. Right. So we're going down and you know, it could be evil layer one layer. We can have like a lovely condominium section, and then we can have a supermarket and we can just go like further and further down and everything will always be.

00:09:29:01 - 00:09:46:21
Unknown
This is the lowest, Castle, for example, this is the lowest shitty golf course. And you don't want to see big car full out of all the Superbowl. I went for something that would be more internationally known. I guess it would be like, Fuck. What's an American one? Yeah. Come on, God hit me. You've got one.

00:09:47:04 - 00:10:06:19
Unknown
Yeah. Walmart. It would be like, the world's lowest Walmart and we can get. Look, we're going down 10,920 to make up something like chippies. It might be one. I can imagine the chippies would be like, a department store with a little squirrel mascot on it, you know, like, welcome to Gibby. Yeah, but I also have is something like a what do you call them?

00:10:06:19 - 00:10:24:21
Unknown
Like a fuel station. One of those convenience stores. They would probably call chippies. You'd have a chippies like a little squirrel like me have some chocolate chips, and you have, like, give them chocolate chips. There you go. There's a franchise idea for you. So we could have the world's the world's deepest chippies. I don't know why you need fuel, down there.

00:10:24:21 - 00:10:44:09
Unknown
And chippies would fuck it. That's you. If we just had the world's stupidest fucking fried. Someone out there. There's someone out there. Is that right now with a pen and paper gone that goes up. Thank God I could be. I reckon we in Canada would love that. A little Canadian screw. He will come to GP's give you a chocolate chip cookie.

00:10:44:09 - 00:11:03:16
Unknown
Those holes there say I'm not sure what that was. I don't know what I was either. Didn't have it. So let's just move on. Yeah. Let's move on. So okay. So I mean we've fucking we've gone through we didn't put much thought and process into actually what the fuck we were going to do for describing what our legs would look like.

00:11:04:08 - 00:11:24:19
Unknown
Such is the, the laziness of when we do those kind of setups. Has your three words got anything to do? So you'd like your lair idea? Got anything to do with your story, or we just kind of fucking go? No, that's none of your business. Your not just, No, no, no, I can probably make it relate somehow, somewhere, but no, I prefer not to.

00:11:24:22 - 00:11:58:17
Unknown
Okay, so fuck you. Basically a thumb middle finger of fuck you. You'll find out when I get to it. All right? Are fair enough. So as we did, I hope some like I hope people understand the reference with you doing that over it. It was, I was thinking of putting that in the soundboard, but I was like, there's probably more than the three steps involved in doing this, so that'll be for another time to one day again, we'll, we'll briefly go back to because like we mentioned all the time, it was the family fortunes of family fortunes.

00:11:58:17 - 00:12:15:15
Unknown
What what's the fucking game show the link wheel of Wheel of Fortune. It's beautiful. Yeah. Wheel of fortune. And he get any? He solves it and he goes, Scooby, Scooby doo shagging Scooby doo. And then he goes, I've only got one thing to say to you, ro ro ro. So we get on the soundboard one there, he will be one of the four.

00:12:15:15 - 00:12:42:02
Unknown
So that's normal. Dylan, we found off three words. You'll three words. And I found my three words, which was fucking seaside and delving. Okay? Forking seaside and delving, which was seaside. It's nice to find a middle of the sea. I was happy I was, I was overjoyed, I was like, oh, New Zealand is the seaside is amazing. I'm in the sea all, all the, the sea.

00:12:42:04 - 00:13:06:10
Unknown
But I wasn't I was in my living room as I have been all week. So, Dylan, as usual, we need to have a shootout to find out who does the first three word story and back by popular demand. And by popular, I mean compelled to think of any new. We have a good old classic gang of pistol, Robert Caro, or in Afrikaans.

00:13:06:12 - 00:13:37:01
Unknown
I think that's terrible. But what is it? Is ching chong cha? I never gets old. There's still rabbit. Carrot for everyone who speaks a regular language. So we have pistol is going to be this the actual carrot? Well, I fucked that up the previous time you got drunk people wrong to the fucking situation. So. And it was your game, you dickhead.

00:13:37:03 - 00:13:59:01
Unknown
You. It's your game that you brought. So we got pistol. Is it going to be like this? Yeah. Carrot like this. And then, Rabbit. Rabbit. Yeah. Just as long as I'm going to go devil horns. All right, so, ladies and gentlemen, three. What story is we going to have? The first round of pistol rabbit. Carrot, Karen. And then, so we're going to do one, two, three because we can't get to our last one.

00:13:59:01 - 00:14:23:17
Unknown
So 123123. Go. Right. Okay. I'm not all right. People. Look at that. That. Just listen to the diabolical goodness. Ready? One. Two. Three. Go! What's that? Rabbit? I think this is a carrot. Shit. So one nil. Okay, wait until they start it. You all, it's always three. It's all you want to. That's cool. What? I'm one of those people.

00:14:23:17 - 00:14:42:21
Unknown
One of those people that, like, it's one off normally. Why would I want to do three bit? We've always ever done three. We've. We raced through the beginning very quickly, so we need to build some tension. Dylan. All right. You need to post extension. So second one ready for the sprout. You need to push the button. 123. Go.

00:14:42:23 - 00:15:12:23
Unknown
Fuck, yeah. Rabbit, beat your carrot, motherfucker. So dead heat. This is why it's interesting. Now we have. Yeah. I'm dead. Rubber. Are you ready, Dylan? Three. One. Two. Three. Go! His carrot stuff went up the other barrel of my gun. Yes. And that means Dylan. Yes. You have today's first three. What story? Oh, I get to choose, or you get to choose.

00:15:12:23 - 00:15:29:00
Unknown
I can do it first if you want me to. That would be. That would be a plot twist. That if ever I've seen one. Because I think we've always just. If you can. But no, I actually think why not. Yeah. Well I'll go first. Yeah, sure. Fuck yeah. Okay. I didn't see that coming. Yeah. You seem taken aback.

00:15:29:00 - 00:15:51:07
Unknown
So do you. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm pronouncing it this way. Let me know what I did. Was I really expecting this right. Cut it. Drop it down low. Three word story. Dylan. Yes. See what I did? That, you know, let's the guy. Yeah. So when I say cut it and then he goes, drop it down low.

00:15:51:07 - 00:16:10:19
Unknown
Three word story, and then we go into it, people may assume that, then we have a discussion about it. And actually it was literally a millisecond after it because we do not put that much effort into this, which would surprise people because it's such a phenomenal piece of art that we put together on a daily basis. I feel like I feel this is this is a way out for me to kind of normalize how weird I can be.

00:16:10:19 - 00:16:40:05
Unknown
Like, I just literally just say words and then Dylan, what was that? And then I'd be like, I know this for editing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not just me being weird. Yeah, but it is actually. Yeah it is. It is a deep, deep weirdness that looks deep within you. Yes. So onto this story. We have Dylan, a story based on the words forking seaside and delving a story where you, Dylan, are going to be the main character.

00:16:40:05 - 00:16:55:23
Unknown
So I will need to come to you a little bit later on. But let me let me just paint some pictures. Now, that scratching noise that's very terrifying that you may hear on the microphone is just a cat being a dickhead. But don't worry about that. The stories about you, Dylan. Not about that cat, not about sausage. It's about you, Dylan.

00:16:55:23 - 00:17:21:20
Unknown
So, Dylan, let me take you to the seaside. Oh, wow. Here we are at the seaside, and we have a young little scamp named Dylan. And now we want to picture Dylan for everyone at home. We're going to picture Dylan in his little pristine shorts. Little denim shorts that have still got the way that you remember his denim shorts.

00:17:21:22 - 00:17:40:16
Unknown
Yeah, because it held the piss. So that's why there's, there's still there's still a slight outline but makes it look a little bit tidy. But actually we'll know at home that it is indeed the piss stained denim shorts of the time that he went to the arcade with his sister. So we have a little Dylan in there. He has gone to the seaside.

00:17:40:16 - 00:17:59:14
Unknown
He's been dropped off by his parents. That's fucking had enough of him for the days they've dropped in to the seaside by himself. He has his little shorts on. He has his little bucket and he has his little spade with him, and he's going to play at the seaside, the beach, his a golden. They're running out. There's hills off into the distance.

00:17:59:16 - 00:18:18:16
Unknown
And little Dylan digging little holes and having generally a great time. You've never been to the seaside before. It is the sea like south. That was quite big. Big, quite big. But it has lots of coast. Do you live near the coast? Yeah. No, I don't probably about, I think the closest one. And I'm. Please don't keep you hold me to it.

00:18:18:16 - 00:18:38:10
Unknown
But probably around 700km. I think it's okay. So anyone at home find out where Dylan lives using these three good stories, and then they basically do the distance in the nearest coast. And then if he is a liar, taken to court and sue him immediately. So. But but no. So I don't come from a coastal town. But yeah, it was always there was always a holiday destination just going to.

00:18:38:11 - 00:19:10:06
Unknown
Okay. So yeah. So this this is young Dylan is pretty happy. He's at the seaside. He's usually 700km away. So he is digging and forking around on the seaside. It's so lovely and it's so welcoming. But Dylan gets this one isn't I don't I oh no no no no it's it's I just to explain to everyone I was I mean I was in the setting I was happy and then all of a sudden the sound stop and I'm like, oh, I don't want to, I don't want to leave.

00:19:10:06 - 00:19:36:20
Unknown
Yeah. Just relax. It's like. And then suddenly, suddenly, a man appears and says he has sweets to get into his van. Don't worry. It's not that. Okay, I going do this. So Dylan, he's having a lovely time. Pockets full of sweets and he's dancing along merrily and gaily along the beach. And he goes towards the caves and he starts to delve in and around the mouth of a cave.

00:19:36:21 - 00:20:12:13
Unknown
So he's by the seaside now. He's traversing across these rocks and starts to make his way down. Down into the caves. So now we have water dripping down from the stalactites and stalagmites. Why the fuck his parents have left him here? We don't know. Maybe because maybe because he is so weird, as we discussed earlier. But this really is Dylan exploring and weaving around the caves, and until suddenly he sees a little genie and or troll and or witch.

00:20:12:15 - 00:20:47:15
Unknown
All right, who goes there? Says the little troll, and Dylan trundles up the little piss stained shorts, and you go, I'm sorry. Blue, charges the little Dylan. Just all the way down. Oh. Dad? Dad! Oh, yeah. Yeah, you shouldn't be down here. This is my private cave. But you are very brave, boy. So I, a magical troll, will grant you three wishes.

00:20:47:17 - 00:21:24:02
Unknown
So, Okay. Yeah. So, Dylan. Yes? I want you to put your mind into that piercing, short little boy. And I want you to think the three wishes the friends. Now, just have to be really. So you need to think about the three wishes that you would ask this little troll. Dylan, I am a magical child, so I know your name immediately.

00:21:24:04 - 00:22:00:24
Unknown
I will grant you three wishes. What will they be? You? Well, I guess like any kid, it would normally fall down to two toys. Toys? These want to, Dylan would be specific. I can't give you all the toys because I'm just one little troll. What toy would it little Dylan like today? Hit the bench press? That's a mighty weird thing to say for a young boy.

00:22:00:24 - 00:22:25:00
Unknown
Is that what a little boy used to like back in the day? You know what I got for my 10th birthday? For free? Something. I mean, this is. All right, let's get out of the cave for a second. So, ten year old Dylan. Yes. Got himself a bent. Yeah. So. And that's what you asked for, or your dad just thought you're a bit of a pussy.

00:22:25:02 - 00:22:48:17
Unknown
I don't know who that was. I was like, oh, Dylan, you know, you know what? What I enjoy and what you should enjoy is, is exercising. Yeah. What's this? Like it? You unwrapped it and you were like. He was like, oh, wow. Look up for the Christmas present. Yeah, obviously it's a bit big for you now, so, you know, I'll keep it warm for you, and I will use it.

00:22:48:17 - 00:23:09:03
Unknown
Oh, Lord. Oh, your bags start opening. Oh, dad, could you please stop working out in my room? No. Sorry. So this is my gym. You just sleep in my. Oh, okay. That's so. But it was. Was it, like a kid size bench? Yeah, it was small, I think, like the max weight that I had, like, could put on.

00:23:09:03 - 00:23:28:12
Unknown
It was probably about 30 kilos. 35, 40 kilos. I think that's quite hefty for a ten year old. Yeah. I mean, as a ten year old, I was quite strong. But as a 16 year old, lifting the footy cages I've been lifting since I was 18, the progression wasn't cool. So 16 year old was the strongest ten year old to me.

00:23:28:14 - 00:23:54:15
Unknown
Yeah, now that's a video game I want to play. I want to play ten year old Dylan I, a 16 year old Dylan fight. So Dylan, thank you for that little prelude. What would you like kill first toy? It doesn't have to be a bench press because you got that one. It's a wish, Dylan. What? What do you like and why?

00:23:54:17 - 00:24:18:00
Unknown
As a kid. Yeah, like a boat. A a boat about holistically, I fuck this, I know this. The adults way too deep into the way I grew up, but I have. I didn't have normal. Like I didn't want normal people. Shit. It was always, yeah, at least let's get a boat. So, Dylan. So I can make this wonderful, magical wish happen.

00:24:18:00 - 00:24:54:20
Unknown
What kind of boats can I wish for you? Bearing in mind you're 700km from the fucking sea. Yeah. Thank you, thank you. Or you could wish to be closer to the sea. But anyway, what sea boats would you like? It would be an outboard. Kind of like Sunseeker. Probably in, like a 19ft boat. 20ft boat, but basically, yeah, just the boat that I could use even on, on the dam or some of the lakes, some of the rivers and.

00:24:54:20 - 00:25:31:21
Unknown
Yeah, just just ski tennis. Just, baby, just just ski the feet. Yeah. I can't wait to clip that. But w just ski, baby, baby, jet ski is your wish. Is my command. Young Dylan. Here is your boat. Oh, shit. You have little Dylan to which is left? What wishes can I grabbed for you today?

00:25:31:23 - 00:25:44:12
Unknown
I probably could have made this, like, a combination deal or like a package deal, but in all honesty, skis.

00:25:44:14 - 00:26:07:09
Unknown
There's no point in me getting a boat. And then I can't fucking jet skis alone. Boat is. That's the reason why I'm getting the boat is to ski. So I don't. So question number two, I probably could use these better, but as a kid. Yeah, that those are, so, like ski skis. Snow skis is the same as water skis.

00:26:07:14 - 00:26:40:24
Unknown
Are they the same or. No, they're slightly different. Okay. So which one do you want? Snow skis. Okay. David. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. And it's troll. Troll. We don't get along with the deeney's racist water skis. Please. Your wish is my command. No piss stained pants. Still, you have just but one wish less fuck you troll.

00:26:41:01 - 00:27:03:10
Unknown
Is it out? Don't call me that. Don't. Did name you little shit. Wish number three. I wish for my parents to come pick me up.

00:27:03:12 - 00:27:36:13
Unknown
I'm sorry to break this tedious shit. Do I need to wish for parents? Oh, yeah. I'm, I'm actually a midget hired by your parents. And it's just an elaborate thing to to find out what you want for your Christmas list. Yeah. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that your father's already got you a present at it.

00:27:36:14 - 00:28:00:15
Unknown
So that is what you'll be getting. And your parents will be picking you up tomorrow. So feel free to stay in this cave with me. I have sweets and candy for you. Okay? Okay. So no need to pony to to wish for sweets and candy. So you have that back. You can wish whatever you want for your third wish.

00:28:00:17 - 00:28:34:24
Unknown
I wish. And again, the logistics don't matter. When I wish for a brand spanking new. Ferrari cherry red. You know what? I. I'm not even sure how to pronounce it, though. Okay, let's go for the for the Ferrari 911. That. Yeah. It's it's just a tough pronunciation, but that's a Porsche 911 I know. Right. Okay okay. So I'm going to call a different car.

00:28:35:01 - 00:28:56:11
Unknown
So you will an amalgam ation of a car or do you want a specific Ferrari or not. I wanted the amalgamation of the horses I did. So you want to do range a cluster of deformed bolts is you are not some little child. No. I, I've actually just just settle for for the Ferrari then, Okay.

00:28:56:13 - 00:29:31:08
Unknown
Your wish is my Camaro. Actually. Scratch that. Oh, fuck. Hang on. Let me undo it. I'll do it. I got, I out it. That's my wish. Reversal guitar. What would you like? Feel free to think a labradoodle puppy Labrador puppy? Yes. Now, would you like him to always be a Labrador puppy? All grown in Labrador? No, I think it's.

00:29:31:08 - 00:30:03:14
Unknown
It's a natural progression. Yeah, sure. They'll even make him. Make him grow up. So he reads Raise your Labrador. Do, How happy are you now? Little ten year old Dylan Pierce pants McGraw. The fact that I still have the best thing ever. Wish them away. Did you? It? Yeah. Now get the fuck out my cave. Get back into the seaside.

00:30:03:16 - 00:30:27:21
Unknown
So that was. We're back out to the seaside now, but we're out of that magical cave. Your parents will be back in 2 to 3 business days to pick you up, but at least you have a ski boat and some set skis and a dog to look out for for the next few days. So look, that was just a little insight into ten year old Dylan's thoughts of how he would like his wishes and dreams.

00:30:27:21 - 00:30:55:15
Unknown
And I didn't prepare you for that. I wanted to really. I really wanted to know exactly what you truly wanted. And when you think of something, you know, crazy that maybe you would or wouldn't want so we really thought of, we thought go into that. So next up, drop it down low. Three word story. Dylan Jake James I wanted to appear like, after that, dropping down the three with so that it was a complete, like, a completely different time.

00:30:55:17 - 00:31:17:18
Unknown
And, you know, after having that elf here in that story, then, fucking the cats, they got, trying to super smash it in the door. They've got everything in there. They've got toilet, they got water, they got food. They just want to be elsewhere. And I'm sorry. No, they have to respect that. The recording studio is also my bedroom.

00:31:17:18 - 00:31:43:18
Unknown
So this is what it is, right? And this is not a weird Hollywood creepy thing. Dylan is perfectly safe and fine. Everything is okay, all right? Isn't that right? Didn't get. So these are your wishes, Dylan? Yes. What were your words? Breakfast deeds. Sack, deed sacks of. All right. It's deeds you stuck. Nestle! No, you cheeky bitch!

00:31:43:20 - 00:32:10:09
Unknown
Hit me! Well, if you go, we'll you go for today. If you want. Story nation, come at me. Well, it's kind of kind of, a twist on what little Dylan has just been through. So that little puss stained kid. Yeah. Actually grew up to be a piss stained adult. Yeah. I'll. How's the shitty royalty free rock song it's going to be?

00:32:10:09 - 00:32:36:24
Unknown
Every time I take the piss out of your, I'm going to hit you with that anyway. So. Yeah. So he grew up to be a, gazelle gazillionaire. Okay. And, this would be his day in the life if he didn't know what to do with himself. Always time, always money. Okay, so he. I guess from that point there, he took up water skiing.

00:32:36:24 - 00:32:56:10
Unknown
Obviously. A he trained his dog to drive the boats because he had no friends. And then he became like a championship water skier. And then he went into probably stocks and stuff like that as a side hustle. And then hit it big and then founded many pharmaceutical companies and then became a gazillionaire. Right. And that's actually exactly how it happened.

00:32:56:10 - 00:33:26:12
Unknown
But I did trade in, actually, I didn't need to trade it in because I'm a millionaire now, just in case. You and what and what what were you going to say? You traded in for a yacht. You said, okay, well, you just bought a yacht. I just bought an additional yacht in my time on. Okay. And, now I basically just kind of do a bit of, I do a bit of touring around the Mediterranean and kind of around Europe, maybe the Riviera.

00:33:26:14 - 00:33:58:05
Unknown
So. Riviera. Yeah. Riviera. Okay. Riviera. Yeah. And, yeah. So I probably would settle down in somewhere like can maybe. So this is basically, these words are connected to my ideal day and then incorporating them into that. Okay. All right. So this is like Dylan's big day out or. Yeah my day off. Or was it that big day.

00:33:58:07 - 00:34:14:11
Unknown
Ferris Bueller's day off. Day all day off. Yes it is. Yeah it is that right. So this is your it's my day Dylan Jacobs day off. This is your Dylan Bueller's day off. Is it day off? No it doesn't Sam Rhodes. Day out. Yeah. Day out. Yeah, yeah. Greg, would you just please check check that for us?

00:34:14:11 - 00:34:39:22
Unknown
Yeah. Like, if we've got someone, it's okay. I mean, no, wait a day. Fuck that. You did it. Me? Instead of me pretending to search. Sorry. Pretending for Greg to search. Greg, you could have just, You could have just find out that it was obviously the 1986 film Ferris Bueller's Day Off. So. Okay, this three word story is going to be Dylan Bueller's Day Off.

00:34:39:24 - 00:34:56:23
Unknown
Nice and cool. I yeah, I paused it because it seemed like you forgot my name for for a month. It's just like, who am I? Who am, I guess for a second? And then I just was going to give you bullets for is my second name. It's Jacob's like the crackers. My second. Okay. No. My surname. So what's your middle?

00:34:56:23 - 00:35:18:18
Unknown
My middle name. It's my name. Yeah. Fuck you, D.J. all right, James, by the way. So. And security number. Social security number. Yeah, yeah. All right, so start off the day with what breakfast makes sense. I mean, what else would you start with, right? Yeah. It's not like you you really shoehorn that word into your story. It's just not just.

00:35:18:18 - 00:35:41:20
Unknown
It starts to wake up. Okay. Have breakfast. But considering I'm in the Marina, get off the yacht. Go to a little cafe, the French cafe. I get myself a croissant. Nice. All right. The ocean was spot on as well. And, by this point. By the way, have you traded your Pistons jeans at this point. Oh, we we stop because, look, we need to put some blood.

00:35:41:21 - 00:36:01:15
Unknown
I honestly think with. And I might be wrong, any billionaires or, feel free to to reach out if you feel differently. But I do a story@gmail.com the three words story at gmail.com. So so please reach out if if you don't agree with me, but I do. Oh, think. Well, I just got an email from Mr. J.

00:36:01:17 - 00:36:26:18
Unknown
Dot Bezos. Amazon.com. And what was the question again? So I'm going to say. Well, I wanted to say like, I think if you get to a certain level of success, there's a certain level of fuck nice to just just not giving you. Sorry. Can I just that was fuck you, nurse. Not fuck Eunice. No, no. Yeah, because I don't want to.

00:36:26:19 - 00:36:48:03
Unknown
I don't want a whole campaign against Eunice is out there. I just received an email from Eunice. You. Right. So you get Eunice at hotmail to come. Says, I knew it was on file. No. Yeah. So, yeah, Eunice is pretty pissed, so let's. Dude, sorry. The list is out there. It's fuck you dash ness. Yeah. Like so.

00:36:48:03 - 00:37:08:20
Unknown
Yeah. So I, I'm pretty sure that there's a certain level of confidence and honestly, people not not giving a shit. Right. So I think at that point, whether I have put in pants or not, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. You're a billionaire and a billionaire. Yeah. Okay. So so it's just we're still at the Marina. Is that okay?

00:37:09:01 - 00:37:37:02
Unknown
Let me help you out here. Oh. Thank you. Okay. Yeah. So just got off. Just got off the docks and now heading over to what ideally would be my regular breakfast spot. Or there might be a black coffee croissant with maybe an egg white, a little. Do you might be a full Twitter? Soon. Any. Could I please.

00:37:37:02 - 00:37:47:23
Unknown
I go get because Billy Netherlands, probably southern. Yeah. Boy, can I get you a newer coffee?

00:37:48:00 - 00:38:13:18
Unknown
Well, we. Yeah. Sorry. I'm just again, entrepreneurship, creating an environment, an atmosphere, you know? Of course. Play with, Wait wait wait wait wait. Yeah. So I get that. So ideally, maybe black coffee, croissant, egg white omelet. I think I'm good for the day. And you know what? Considering it's my day out. Enjoy. That means day after day off day all day off, day off.

00:38:13:20 - 00:38:40:24
Unknown
And then I settle for a cheesecake. Okay, so you have a little, a little left of it. Oh. You got all the small. Okay. Oh, come on, to wait for me. You know, all I have. Fubon. Yeah. It should be on. We have a beyond. Yeah. Three bones buds. I have a bomb for you. Wait, wait.

00:38:41:01 - 00:39:02:03
Unknown
So, yeah. Ideally, I think that would be my breakfast. And then second would. Well, actually, on to the rest of my day. And that is about doing deeds. Of course, you're a billionaire. You have many deeds to do. I have many deeds to do. But. Oh, actually, now that I think of the deed. Yeah, yeah, I might.

00:39:02:03 - 00:39:16:09
Unknown
I would like to do the deed. I would like to have sex for breakfast as well. I think you want to have that. You're going to do that. I think I would do that deserves a person then. Yeah. So that deed. So you are a billionaire. So what you're saying is that you're going to pay for sex for breakfast.

00:39:16:11 - 00:39:19:22
Unknown
I would.

00:39:19:24 - 00:39:44:09
Unknown
Do it for you. Wait. Sorry. You were walking in the road and that was a car. Horn it. Yeah. I'm walking here. No, I don't think I, I don't think I, I don't I wouldn't like to pay for sex. I just like to have it. Okay. So it's a like this is your day off? Yeah. Stop it.

00:39:44:11 - 00:40:04:20
Unknown
Sorry. So you're not paying for sex? You you just have. I just have you have some knowledge. I'm not sure exactly where I get it from, though. Well, we were just in the cafe, so, all it, bulges you mobility, the weather. No. Thank you for lunch. But if you don't look la suck. Look look look look look.

00:40:04:21 - 00:40:27:24
Unknown
Even though. Wait, wait. No no no no the wait no wait wait no no no no no no no. She you know you no no no. But if you could saw a please, just get the attention of that lady over there. The, the, the my daughter died. Is my daughter the two are pointing. You have a lovely daughter, but the one sitting next to your daughter.

00:40:28:08 - 00:40:45:02
Unknown
That is my my grandmother. My haven't tell my grandmother. See you. Would you turn to see to me that the. I guess it's better than paying for sex. So. Yes. What's her name? You. This.

00:40:45:04 - 00:41:03:10
Unknown
I knew it was a yes. It's a yes. So. Right. Okay. All right, so we've had sex with Eunice. This man's great grandmother. Yes, chick, you've ticked that off the box on your day off. Great. Eunice has been. You've had some fucks, Eunice. Good. Now what? What's next on the show? I think let's let's stick with the direction of the deeds.

00:41:04:04 - 00:41:27:24
Unknown
I did, and I honestly think, considering I'm a billionaire, I would like to do a couple of good deeds. Good deeds, okay, good deeds but random deeds. And now, in all honesty, I thought about, okay, if I were to be in the French Riviera, I don't think there's too many people that might need charity. So it might not be the best place I can think of.

00:41:27:24 - 00:41:47:01
Unknown
Far better places to do it, but I also don't like I'm not going to create vaccines or do something extraordinary that changes the world. It would probably just be an old lady across. Well, you kind of already have to. So you're helping Eunice across the street because I. Because you're doing good deed and that, you will you're about to do the deed.

00:41:47:01 - 00:42:10:15
Unknown
Her back's already pretty broken, right? So you're you're getting your deed done with Eunice. And so you get back to your yacht, right? And, Eunice is there, and she's all like, she is. She is. She is ready for you. So you could think that your your good deed is doing the deed now is usually just great grandmother Eunice.

00:42:10:20 - 00:42:28:19
Unknown
So there she is. She's open wide. And this is what you can hear. I'm just giving a sponge bath. Just relax. Oh, that's very that's very nice. And then you're gonna have sex. Now. You know, I think if we stick to the sponge ball. Okay, but, Yeah. No. So I think I'll stick to to deeds. Okay. Right.

00:42:28:21 - 00:42:49:11
Unknown
Good deed. Maybe just handling. Maybe somebody on the street say there's somebody's having a bit of trouble. Maybe a homeless person. I give him a couple of bucks, a good couple of bucks. That would actually make a difference in his life. Right? And then I feel better about me. Okay? Okay. So. Right. So you're you're you're Dylan, his day off on the on the homeless guy.

00:42:50:06 - 00:43:10:05
Unknown
So I knew that, put a bunch. Do you have a he is this guy. He has quite good English because he he knows his. Let's begin. Yeah. Do you have any spare change? Please, please, if you have any spare change, of course, you know of my friend. I actually have a bit of excess.

00:43:10:17 - 00:43:35:03
Unknown
Thank you so much. So here is, €10,000. Thank you so much. Let me go tell my wife over there. Eunice. Eunice, this lovely man. This lovely man has just giving us a €10,000.

00:43:35:05 - 00:44:02:08
Unknown
I think I'm changing a little bit. I am not, and a prostitute. Why? Why are you trying to pay for my services? What you're saying, Eunice, are you saying that you. I had sex with this rich man? Why did you do this to me? This rich man? This €10,000 will not make up for sleeping with my my very moist wife.

00:44:02:10 - 00:44:24:16
Unknown
How could you do this to me, Dylan? Why? What you do in this circumstance? On your day off, did I reply to an email saying, fuck you, Eunice. You know what? I was trying to be nice. But thank you for for just working your way back into my life after trying to to help your husband spiritually. All right.

00:44:24:20 - 00:44:33:14
Unknown
Right. There we go. This is there we go. Set.

00:44:33:16 - 00:45:03:12
Unknown
Right to Dylan Bueller's Day Off, right. So we've we've done the deed, Eunice. We've given some man some money for sleeping with his wife, Eunice. Now. But then also, like, I don't know, there's there's always some. I think being a superhero or, like, a vigilante would be pretty cool. Like, honestly, the whole Batman thing, I think, is pretty cool, but I don't want to be as risky, like, okay, so.

00:45:03:14 - 00:45:24:12
Unknown
Right. So what? What do you mean by risk? Do you not want to take part? I, I don't think I'd actually put myself in those situations where I could get killed because I, I'm not I am not invincible and I do not have the, the legit suit that is maybe bulletproof. So I want to I want to be your billionaire.

00:45:24:12 - 00:45:41:21
Unknown
You could you could get one. I could probably see if they shoot you in the mouth. You fuck. Yeah. But you know, I've, I've thought about so many times. Yeah, yeah. You're like, why would you build a mouth? Glory hole into it? I don't know, you just cover that up. Batman's free sound, man. Yeah. You're shot. No no no no no.

00:45:42:02 - 00:46:02:19
Unknown
Right. So there will go no, no Bane. So. Okay. You you don't want the bulletproof suit. You don't want to get into the necessarily the real nitty gritty of it. So what is Dylan Bueller's Day Off vigilante justice look like to you? Not as extreme. But I do think maybe just, like, you know, small little grievances that we as normal human beings have to go through.

00:46:02:19 - 00:46:29:14
Unknown
Like, let's say, a flat tire. Okay. Right. So just imagine them, like, I don't know, on the way of doing something terrible or bad or coming back and then just having me just having that, like, I see you. All right. So, so, like. Okay, so you, you are obstructing crime. Yeah. You're not necessarily getting fully involved, but you just maybe letting down a tire just to slow them down a little bit.

00:46:29:14 - 00:46:47:15
Unknown
So. Yeah. It's it's just a bit of a nuisance. Yes. Yeah. I think was all like, if I could kill a Wi-Fi connection only link to them, like, like or fucking unplug the the phone that it isn't charged the next day. Oh right. So they're like, we're going to rob a bank. Yeah. 6:00. We need to set the alarm.

00:46:47:15 - 00:47:05:05
Unknown
Yeah. You sneak in and you set it to like, 630. You fucked him. You fucked him immediately. Yeah. Nice. Okay, so you want to. You want to do some minor vigilante justice on your day off, so you get some. You have some good feelings. You've stopped some crime or slowed down some priorities. Okay. What else? Right. So that's going to take a few hours.

00:47:05:05 - 00:47:24:22
Unknown
What else are we going to do on Dylan Bueller's Day Off? Well, I probably have to get to where the saxophone comes in. Probably. Probably. This is day off based on these three words. So we've covered the two. Yeah. So I think after a fair bit of deeds, whether it be good deeds or slowing down criminals, I.

00:47:24:24 - 00:47:48:18
Unknown
Okay having sex with Eunice or having. Hi, Eunice. Oh, you. I think I probably head out to dinner. Okay. Yeah. I'm not I'm not going to go to into what I'll have for dinner, but I think what I'd be looking forward to is maybe the the later night, let's say about nine ish. The local jazz club. Okay.

00:47:48:18 - 00:48:03:12
Unknown
Are we still in the Riviera? We may say I think we can. Yeah. I mean, if we don't all of a sudden jump to, I don't know, New York streets or something like that, but. Okay. Yeah. Sure. They'll we're going to stay in the Riviera. Yeah, let's stay in the room. Okay. All right, so we're in, we're in some kind of, like, jazz ball.

00:48:03:14 - 00:48:23:08
Unknown
Jazz would say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're. With, definitely a. Oh, there we go. It's just a we're in a jazz by now, so the seaside doesn't really make too much sense unless it's like, seaside open. You kind of sat outside, so it's like, alfresco dining. Okay. Fucking fucking. Well, we're back home. We're back in. Right?

00:48:23:08 - 00:48:48:07
Unknown
So we're alfresco dining outside of a jazz bar, I think. Yeah. All the all the nice whiskey. Okay, so you're alone at this point? I'm alone at this point. Eunice has been put to bed. Yes. Before she pops up somewhere. Okay. So. All right. Okay. But you've put to bed, okay. And, yeah, we'll do a nice little whiskey watch.

00:48:48:09 - 00:49:23:16
Unknown
Watch the sunset. Maybe. Maybe. No, no. Okay. But. Okay. But who's that coming? Coming through the, through the tables. Yeah. Oh, it's funny, the saxophone player and, Dylan, I'm the old man that's. You gave 10,000 other to earlier, and you fucked my wife. So I have spent 999 9909, on this handgun. Everyone everyone said it was.

00:49:23:16 - 00:49:58:12
Unknown
We need silence here. You. Dylan. I've fucked my wife, so I am now going to shoot you. But I have spent the other €100 on this second hand. This saxophone lay down a little saxophone bit that will melt my little hearts to mend my fixed hearts. After you had sex with my beautiful wife, Eunice. So now, Dylan, do it or die.

00:49:58:14 - 00:50:15:04
Unknown
Me? No. That doesn't. That's not the sound that I. I my lips are dry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Just think of this. There you go.

00:50:15:06 - 00:50:36:19
Unknown
Lay down a bit, Dylan. What? I know, I know, I think I might just have to, Dylan, Dylan Bueller's Day Off is. Oh, you couldn't lay down the saxophone. Well, there we go. That is the end of the day off. He was shot by. Well, I just wanted to say. I just wanted to have a sick beat played by him.

00:50:36:19 - 00:51:06:24
Unknown
I don't know, some person probably called Ernie. Take it away, Ernie. Yeah, take it away, Ernie. And then, I enjoyed my whiskey. And after that, I probably just, call up Eunice and go to bed. Yeah, but, yeah, it's Eunice time. So, like, Dylan, we can't always have the day off that we want that some people make sure that.

00:51:07:01 - 00:51:21:11
Unknown
Each episode needs the moral of the story from now on. And this one is going to be you can't always have the day off you want, but sometimes you need to have the day off that you have.

00:51:21:13 - 00:51:52:06
Unknown
And that so, so on. On that note, Dylan, next time I actually have one for you. Oh yeah, I actually have them for us to think about for one whole week or a few days, whenever, whenever we get around and relating to take it away. Annie from Harry Potter the Prisoner of Azkaban. In the in the, the bus, double decker bus, I want you and me, I shall I did not got.

00:51:52:08 - 00:52:22:17
Unknown
Much like that was a surprise guest I want you I want me I. But what episode? Only me. Yeah. I want to summon us. You and me equals. Oh, I want us, want us to look at where you would hide a Horcrux. What? Oh what? Oh, what a Horcrux. You've seen Harry Potter, right? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Well, that was a very honest a just worthy.

00:52:22:17 - 00:52:48:06
Unknown
Yes. So a Horcrux for the listeners. Yeah. I'm Dylan is you essentially, or Voldemort? That's in the books. In the film, he basically cuts his soul down to many pieces, and he puts his soul into different objects, different things, and he essentially hides them places. So you cannot defeat Voldemort until you have broken all of these parts of his soul.

00:52:48:08 - 00:53:09:18
Unknown
Put example. One of them is a diary. Pretty fucking stupid. One of them is a snake. Another one is a diadem. Like a bit like tiara. Yeah, it could be anything, anywhere. Okay, sure. So I don't know why you just wouldn't do, I don't know, that screwdriver. You know, just chuck it in the ocean somewhere. Maybe in the Challenger Deep.

00:53:09:20 - 00:53:26:17
Unknown
Who knows? And then how the fuck's Harry Potter going to do that? So essentially, if you're going to cut your soul into many pieces and you'd be invincible unless people could destroy them, where would you hide one of those pieces? Yeah, because it has to be top, top secret. The challenges, the the challenge. So my three words are fucking.

00:53:26:17 - 00:53:54:03
Unknown
So it's hard to delve in. And right there, Dylan, boom, you're dead yet. That's a very. That was two jolly wotsit. Sorry. I should have didn't it didn't. Then thank you for joining us on three. What story next week. Well, you will hide a Horcrux. It's been a pleasure. Any any last word? Soon? No. Cool. Thanks. Yeah. Sorry.

00:53:54:05 - 00:54:01:01
Unknown
It's been great. Okay. Drop it down low. Three word story.