Three Word Story
Welcome to "Three Word Story," where each episode improvises a tale from the unknown. Join hosts James Royle and Dylan Jacobs as they stumble through narratives sparked by three random words generated from the map app what3words thethreewordstory@gmail.com
Three Word Story
18.Cotton-Eyed Chaos & Gymnastic Glory
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Ever wonder if "Cotton-Eyed Joe" is more than just a catchy folk tune? Could it actually be a cryptic tale about a guy—or even an STI? Join us on this whimsical episode where we unravel the hilarious history of this mysterious song, with plenty of tongue-in-cheek speculation and poetic analysis. Prepare to be entertained by quirky historical tidbits and our outrageous interpretations that will leave you seeing this classic song in a completely new light.
Brace yourself for a rollicking ride through the chaotic fun of Creely Adventure Park, a place where youthful misadventures and near-death experiences are all part of the charm. Picture this: teenagers navigating a theme park designed for kids, complete with intimidating toddlers and slides that earn the ominous moniker of "death slides." Our tales of exaggerated fear and immature antics will have you laughing along with our nostalgia-fueled storytelling.
Switching gears, we share some mind-boggling misconceptions and gleefully debunk them, from giraffes being lightning rods to the peculiarities of twin fingerprints. As if that wasn't enough, we whisk you away to Uzbekistan for an inspiring tale of an underdog gymnast who somersaulted her way from circus-inspired dreams to an awe-inspiring Olympic career. With plenty of playful banter and unexpected tangents, this episode is a delightful concoction of humor, curiosity, and the sheer joy of storytelling.
Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!
Follow us on:
- Insta: @three.wordstory
- TikTok: @Threewordstory
- X: @_threewordstory
Cotton-Eyed Joe and Gorge Adventure
Speaker 1Welcome to Three Word Story. I'm James.
Speaker 2I'm Dylan.
Speaker 1And this is the podcast where we take three words from the app.
Speaker 2What three words.
Speaker 1And improv the shit out of a story. Today on Three Word Story Nailed it, a cloud weighs around a million tons.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1You've got a very hungry brain, a tight tie and you're in trouble.
Speaker 2My friend, takes us to. I did not write that down yeah, where did you come from?
Speaker 1where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton? Did you go? Where did you come from cotton-eyed dylan? How are you today?
Speaker 2I'm not sure where you were going with that.
Speaker 1I'm like where did you come from, almost scared, where did you go?
Speaker 2and I'm like wow poetry james, how lovely, yeah, that is poetry.
Speaker 1It's a beautiful piece of poetry that that's an origin story.
Speaker 2Eh, it's like, is that not where the what was the?
Speaker 1Yeah? Yeah, it's an origin story of who Cotton-Eyed Joe, of where he came from, no of what they say Cotton-Eyed Joe is.
Speaker 2But what is he? No, no, no, it sounds like a very philosophical thing what is cotton eyed joe?
Speaker 1what is a cotton eyed joe? And well, I'm glad, well, I'm glad we're going balls deep into this because, uh, we've just record. We just recorded our other podcast immediately before this one. It was, it was a great occasion, it was amazing, uh. And now we're just going balls deep into to cotton eyed joe. Have you managed to find anything about cotton eyed joe?
Speaker 2um, so you seem to think it is a so I'll tell you no, no, no, I yeah have you got it.
Speaker 1Do you want to explain? You've got it in front of you please okay, well, the person that are for you and the listeners at home.
Speaker 1Cotton I joe, also known as cotton I joe thanks, wikipedia and it's a traditional american country folk song popular at various times throughout the united states and canada, although today it is most commonly associated with the american south, your favorite place, dylan. The song is most identified with the 1994 rednecks version, which became popular worldwide. The song is an instrumental banjo and bluegrass fiddle standard. But does that tell us where it comes from? Uh, what? Here's the interesting thing, dylan. It dates back to 1878. Something about dorothy, something. Okay, it does that make sense to you?
Speaker 2yeah, I don't know there was. It was something about.
Speaker 1That's where you continue talking okay well, let tell me if this, if this does or doesn't sound like poetry to you no codna joe.
Speaker 1Codna joe, what did make you serve me so fur to take my gal away from me? This is how, how it's spelt, by the way it's spelled F-U-R-T-E-R. Take my gal E-R-W-A-Y, f-u-m me for to take my gal away from me, and so your whole. Does that sound beautiful to you? Yeah, his eyes was crossed and his nose was flat and his teeth was out. What oof that? For? He was tall and he was slim, and so my gal, she followed him. If it hadn't been for cod night, joe, I'd have been married long ago. Does that sound like a beautiful piece of poetry to you?
Speaker 2Is that?
Speaker 1what you wanted.
Speaker 2No, I actually thought Cod and I might refer to and this is where the theories came from might refer to someone with cloudy or milky white eyes, possibly due to cataract, syphilis or trichoma, or blindness because of the moonshine yeah, that's true yeah it's cotton eye, joe, yeah red lights all the time to cover the syphilis I actually thought it was a lot darker than that, but you just kind of covered it up with this beautiful, beautiful breakdown. Um or?
Speaker 1at the end of the day, yes, she was the prettiest girl to be found anywhere in the country road. Her lips was red could have been syphilis and her eyes were bright and her skin was black, but her teeth were white. I'd have been married 40 year ago if it hadn't have been for cotton. I, joe, I don't know what. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that?
Speaker 1means. And then it goes on to say that girl, she sure had all my love and swore from me she'd never move. But Joe hoodooed her, don't you see? And she run off with him to Tennessee. I'd have been married 40 years ago if it wasn't for fucking Cotton Eye. Joe so are we any further or closer to understanding? Is Cotton Eye Joe a good guy or a bad guy?
Speaker 2no, I think either way he would have been married if it weren't for Cotton-Eyed Joe. What? I was trying to zero in on. Is Cotton-Eyed Joe? Was Cotton-Eyed Joe the person that was Cotton-Eyed, or is it a song about the spreading of syphilis? I'm not sure.
Speaker 1Well, I think we can categorically say on this podcast today it has everything to do with syphilis. Uh, I'm not sure. Well, I think we can categorically say on this podcast today it has everything to do with syphilis. And now we know, and now, and the crowd goes wild for us solving the meaning of cotton I do.
Speaker 2Well, it's a good segue of um it's, it's.
Speaker 1It is exactly a great segue into somewhere you thought you were gonna die, right? So our three word story today. So we have gone on what Three Words? And we have found ourselves a place where we thought we were going to die, that was going to give us three wonderful words that we could make a story of. So, dylan, where did you think you were going to die?
Speaker 2And why the place where I thought I was going to die was araby gorge in south africa. Right, don't get me wrong. I can tell you the three words and you can look up. But basically it's this rather large gorge in kuzulu natal in south africa. Just an altar and um, yeah, I honestly, on that day I thought I was going, I thought I was going to die, but not in the way that you. If, let me give a brief story and then uh and give a bit of bit of background okay, I'm basically I'm kind of waiting for like a.
Speaker 1It was a peanut allergy or something.
Speaker 2No, no not quite, but basically, right, you have this gorge and we ended up going there and it was basically between, uh, going deep sea fishing or then doing zip lining, okay, and wow, what an adventurous choice that was this was literally the choice and I basically said, no, I'll give a skip to the deep sea fishing because I don't do well with motion sickness.
Speaker 2So I figured, yeah, let me go. And despite me being scared of heights, I have done the ziplining before. However, I did not know that this gorge was nearby because I actually thought, okay, well, this is fairly flat, like it might be amongst some trees.
Speaker 1I did not know there was a so you signed up to the zit lining. Before you knew there was some hot gorge action.
Speaker 2We drove out yeah, because that was fucking rocking.
Speaker 1Yeah, hot, hot, gorge action, gorge action. If any, uh gorgeous want any marketing done, then three-word story james and dylan, we're here for you, brought to you by our big gorge ziplining. It's free advertisement yes, yeah, okay. So you reluctantly went ziplining and you didn't necessarily knew what you were into, right? No?
Speaker 2no, not at all, and I kind of looked at everything. I was looking at the lines and I know it's a set of lines kind of going down. However, one of them and I mean this sincerely because it didn't make sense to me and we got to, I think, the seventh line, and it's obviously a range of these and I said, well, where's the next one? And they kind of show me and it's literally doing a zip line off of this 300-meter fucking gorge, right, okay, at that point I wasn't happy going down there.
Speaker 1And do you feel safe at this point? Do you feel I?
Speaker 2still feel safe, but that's not actually where I thought I was going to die. I thought, okay, maybe from a heart attack, but in terms of safety, no, I still felt rather safe. Where I did not feel safe was on the way back up the mountain. It's hard to zip line upwards, so I've heard.
Speaker 2And I failed miserably because I didn't want to get on the back of this pickup truck that now has to transport all 12 people back up this mountain and it's a pretty standard pickup truck and everybody sits at the back like a bunch of so why don't you want to go into it?
Speaker 1what do you mean? You don't want to go in the back of the pickup truck? I don't why.
Speaker 2No, because the road that that guy must drive up this mountain it. It fucking was terrifying like he literally refs this truck up there and takes angles and turns that you probably shouldn't with people.
Speaker 1So it's the guy sounds pretty cool.
Speaker 2To be honest, it sounds like a pretty dude handbrake turns up there he's probably enjoying himself, but me being scared of heights and then also like I'm not attached to fucking anything really, and we are bouncing around on the back of this truck and I'm just thinking there's, there's. I'm sure this guy has done it a few times before, but the edge of this.
Speaker 2Just several pickup trucks just on fire down to the bottom, the fucking edge of the cliff is right there and I I couldn't, couldn't get myself to to look because it was fucking terrifying. So actually on the way back up was uh was really where I thought we were going to die because this guy so you did get in the back in the end.
Speaker 1So you reluctant, you cried, you threw a tantrum, you like grabbed your penis.
Speaker 2What I, not what I do. I wanted to say that what I normally do, but yeah that was exactly what I did how did you know? I just I know how you.
Speaker 1You kick off when you don't want to do something, and it's just the crying. You drop your trousers, you pull your penis as hard as you can, uh, and that's just how you get out of it, dylan. So, but you, you, you went up and out with no dramas. It was just in your mind. There was no near misses. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 2Well, I feel every turn was a near miss, but no, that that was.
Speaker 2that was the moment that I really thought I was going to die, the moment that I really thought I was going to die, the day actually, um, that didn't end there, but that was actually the same day that my um that my sister got engaged, like it was actually just after we done the whole zip lining thing. My, uh, my now brother-in-law, robert, asked me moments after we just reached the top of the mountain, kind of back to where we started, and he was like listen, dylan, you mind me asking your sister to marry?
Speaker 1me. I was so close to death that I feel like I should do that. And what was your response?
Speaker 2I was like, well, well, yeah, I think it's, I think it's great, but what do you mean now? And he was like, yeah, that that's actually why we're heading to this rock um out there, yeah, yeah it's like no so the marriage the marriage rock.
Speaker 2I don't know if you have you seen I don't think I've shown you the video but basically you had to kind of go off the beaten path to this uh rock that has this amazing view of the gorge, but I still had to kind of fucking jump over this. I don't know, it felt like a fucking meter and a half and it was just, yeah, yeah, you had to clear this Small crevice, small crevice, yeah, small crevice. However, if you fall there, you probably also die.
Speaker 1So it was a double whammy, so you had choices of places.
Speaker 2You felt like you were going to die. It was really an overwhelming day for me in terms of height.
Speaker 1I bet you slept well that night, yeah.
Near-Death Adventure Park Story
Speaker 2I really did. I got drunk and then I slept that night. Nice a baby. But yeah, that day I uh, there was really a bunch of times where I thought I might just die.
Speaker 1Uh, but did I die? No, find out. Next, on the three word story.
Speaker 2But did you die?
Speaker 1no, and and we can confirm he is alive to this day.
Speaker 2Hi guys, Hi and Dylan.
Speaker 1Yes, no, I'm joking. The crowd is very happy that you're alive. They are ecstatic and for the places of near death.
Speaker 2Oh yes, that's why we are here. What three words did they give you Unequipped Somewhere, not all Unequipped Somewhere, gymnastics?
Speaker 1Wow, that really took me left field, because that felt like you could have been describing where you were. You're unequipped to deal with the pick-up In some way.
Speaker 2And then I just randomly did the gymnastics and popped the splits, because, when in doubt, split, split it out.
Speaker 1It's good advice. Thank you, dylan. I appreciate that. Yeah, take that. I should probably stop that one, I think the listeners for fuck's sake, shut up, james.
Speaker 1Well, I had a couple of stories I could have gone down. I could have gone, you know, very self-gratifying, I nearly actually died, nearly died, I fell down a cliff or whatever. But no one wants to listen to that. People want to listen to more pathetic things where I felt like I was going to die, but I wasn't really going to die. So I thought I'd go for one of these stories, right? Well, I'll save the other ones for another day when I want to really talk about how radical I am. Wrong one. So we're gonna, I'm gonna take you back out to you. I was roughly 13 years old 12, 13.
Speaker 2I was roughly 30 years old. Yeah, it was yesterday. Yeah, four weeks ago it was yesterday.
Speaker 1I missed the toilet and I fell on the uh, the toilet brush uh, and I know I thought it was gonna die.
Speaker 1I fucking believe that and that's why it looks like I have a small tail. It's not. I know that didn't happen, didn't? That was? Uh? Was uh just a hilarious lie? Uh, but what actually? Uh, when I was 13, uh and me and the school, uh, at school year we would sometimes go as like a special end of year treat to a place called creely adventure park. Okay now, creely adventure park just outside exeter.
Speaker 2Uh was a wondrous name, magical place where geez james yeah, no, this really sounds like something out of out of uh some other british movie that, uh it's creely adventure park like it was.
Speaker 1It was a wonderful place and it was. Most of it was outside, so you'd go there. There was a log flume where you are guaranteed to get wet in every way. There was like a rocking ship that would rock you back and forth. There was a wonky house that you would walk in go karts. It's kind of it's it's peakness that was. It was a bit shit like oh yeah, I completely.
Speaker 1I kind of get the towers, whatever it was a bit shit, but it was endearing because it was a bit shit, right, you could just walk. Yeah, they know what they are. Though, yes, yeah, you know you. Just you know you're not expecting much. So you have a you know a rambunctious and wonderful time, yeah, okay. So where my near-death experience happens in this particular place is actually in the indoor play area. So the indoor play area, not the log flume, not the log flume. That was safe, wet, but safe okay. So thank you, creely, for your very safe log flume. Now you're not supposed to eat the fucking plastic balls. No, no, no, and I wish you would stop because this gets getting uncomfortable now. So, um, no, you're not meant to eat those. So it was like your. I don't know if you had like the kind of soft play places where you would take as a kid and probably the age of 12, 13,.
Speaker 1We were a little bit too big and too old for this, but you know we're a bunch of school kids, we're going to go there and cause chaos, right, and this indoor one was. It was amazing, right, like it was multi-layered, very large. It had an enormous ball pit that you would just like swanton bomb in wrestle each other.
Speaker 2It was the time of your life? Okay, no, I just wanted to say were you like yeah, it's all right. Were you trying to play it cool beforehand, or were you actually like? Guys, this is yeah, no, I was I thought I was playing it cool.
Speaker 1Now, the more I'm thinking about it, the more aroused I'm getting, because it was a fantastic time, it was top notch, all right, good. So me and my friend Matt at the time, we're running around and you know, just fooling around, chasing each other, and this little kid starts to kind of like, try and play. And I'm talking like little, we're 12, 12, 13, I, I guess this kid's probably seven, eight, oh okay all right, so he's running around, yeah like little snotty prick, you know, and we're like go away, little snotty prick, we don't want anything to do with you, go away.
Speaker 1But he is hell bent on chasing us right like he is just like I'm decided that I'm coming after you, fuckers, and for whatever reason. It was terrifying because you would let you go around, like there was like a dark, like a pitch black maze, for example. You'd go through the maze and then you'd come out the other side of the maze, little cunt was there, you shit yourself and you'd run back again. So it was, it was fun, right, it was, it was hilarious. So you have death slides. You know what I mean by death slide? So death slide is just a slide, that is just a sheer drop, yeah, yeah. And then it kind of whooshes at the bottom. So there's a it was called the Red Devil Huge, big red death slide in the middle of this.
Speaker 2I love how everything has names, like in your stories. I mean, it's like this one was called the Red Devil, this was the Red Devil.
Speaker 1It was the third largest drop in the southwest region of death slides.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's kind of how I was seeing it.
Speaker 1Yeah, but this well, fuck you did. It was really cool. Uh, this way, it was the largest death slide I'd ever seen in my life, and they may have ever seen?
Speaker 2oh okay, I just wanted to say up until the years of the dubai dominator no, this was this was hairy right and if mistreated, could cause grave injury.
Speaker 1So we're running away from said child. It's terrifying. We're running away, we're scared. I get to the top of the death slide and the thing is at the death slide. You just need to just drop. Yes, not jump, not jump. Or be pushed. So, as I was at the top of the slide, matt came up from behind me and pushed me outwards, and I plummeted and slammed at the bottom like slammed hard, and he said that he looked down and thought I've killed James.
Speaker 1Yeah, now what actually happened to James? I mean, I play rugby, someone's used to be knocked around, but I did just splat and my arm dragged along the plastic, the skin, so like no long sleeve or anything, yeah, and the inside skin of my kind of elbow area just peeled off and ceased to have skin on it anymore. So just removed my skin. I was never really gonna die, no, no, but at the time felt pretty hairy, yes, and it was. You know, he just decided fuck it, I need to get away from this child. And, james, I will sacrifice you to Cthulhu. We'll call the kid Cthulhu the demon squid face, and you will die to doing so. And that for me was as good as a near-death experience.
Speaker 1Now I've kind of clicked around where I think the red demon devil, whatever the slide was called in there. Think the red demon devil, whatever the slide was called in there. And it is given me examples, gentlemen learning, oh, yeah, so, and that is roughly, I think, where the red devil was in there, conveniently Right, so. So that is where. That is where I'm going to host my, my three word story of today.
Speaker 2It kind of makes for.
Speaker 1It's a combination of words that could make for a very boring story, but hopefully not uh, almost certainly will, then, and whether it's a story or whether it will be examples of some gentleman learning, we will see. All right. So, dylan, we will do this time, yes, a game of, uh, rabbit, um carrot gun. Yes, yes, but we'll just go one, two, three and then we'll do the action right, to save any potential upset from anyone in the world.
Speaker 2Thank you, yeah, yeah, saves me from looking stupid.
Speaker 1So yeah, we don't want that Dylan, because Michael can't shoot that himself. Yeah, so we're gonna go one, two, three shoot, yeah right one, two, three shoot.
Speaker 2That's funny.
Speaker 1One, two three shoot, that's my carrot in your gun hole.
Speaker 2Oh fuck why why did I get excited?
Speaker 1I was like I'm gonna shoot your carrot, my carrot goes down your barrel, so I, I win, so I'm going to go first. Oh, that's you, I'm going to go first.
Speaker 2Drop it down low with three-word story.
Speaker 1Look, I'm not going to say it's a story. You know I like to mix. Uh, my, the way I I perform these stories and last time I went to a lot of effort. You know I had to speak to hans zimmer, I had to do record music. We have to get a whole band in here, so you remember you did do.
Speaker 2You did no story. I did the opposite this time okay.
Speaker 1so what I've done, what I've prepared, is some examples of gentleman learning. So what? That's what we're going to have right now. So I have a list of facts, all right, some of these facts will be fact, oh, okay, some of these facts will not be facts, and it's for you, gentlemen, gentle man, to decipher between what is learning and what is examples of not learning. Okay, and I need you to, I need you to work through it right for the listeners at home. They need to see an insight into the enigma that is your brain. Oh, so, god, help us all. Who knows what?
Speaker 2we will see, the empty space that is just a, just a dripping noise, just a dripping noise in a cave sound.
Speaker 1So we need to know what you're thinking, where you're going, and then I need to decisive this is fact or not fact the beach.
Speaker 2Okay, after discussing my, my train of thought yeah, yeah, well, where?
Speaker 1you're going with it. You know, did you actually know this? Or you know, did you do some scientific research? Or were you touching yourself once you accidentally clicked the wrong tab but you were like, oh shit, you know this, know, this was this. You know, I don't know them, I don't know, but judging by the blister on your hand, who knows? So we're going to do examples of gentlemen learning. So, dylan, the first fact, or no fact, is a cloud weighs around a million tons.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, what about it? Yes, a fact I can click through these pretty soon.
Speaker 2Listen, if there's ever something, I can fail a test with blistering speed.
Speaker 1I can imagine the only thing you can do a blistering speed, just fail test dylan, you walked in and you failed immediately. That's incredible. Well done without any thought. Yeah, so a cloud weighs a million tons. Now how would a cloud sit in the sky weighing a million tons? Dylan? That sounds, that sounds ridiculous. No, sounds ridiculous.
Speaker 2No, yeah, well, again it's. So let me start with clouds and rain.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, Do you see where I'm going with this? I'm not a clown. No me neither.
Speaker 2No, I'm not entirely sure, but I know I mean it rains from the clouds. It must be heavy.
Debunking Common Misconceptions
Speaker 1That's a nice one. It's a good train of thought. It's a good train of thought. But a million tons, Dylan, and they're just sat up there in the sky drifting around.
Speaker 2Come on A million tons, a million tons, a million tons, maybe, but then yet, yet again, you also won't leave. It's either fact or not. It's not like you'll take the amount of a million tons and it was actually just, uh, half a million tons. And now you were like, yeah, maybe maybe we'll try and catch them out that way. No, no, we're not.
Speaker 1We're not going to be, we're not going to play semantics we're not gonna play semantics, we're not gonna be like one out, like actually it was 999,000. We're not gonna do that right yeah, I'm gonna stick with it.
Speaker 2You're gonna go. True, it's possible. We're gonna go true and congratulations.
Speaker 1And that one was true, nice one, well done, that's one for one. So the next one, dylan fact or no fact, giraffes are 30 times more likely to get hit by lightning than people. No, no, you're gonna, you're just gonna go straight. No, I'm gonna say yeah, um, by the way, these giraffes have, um, they've had, neck surgery, so they have like a, you know, like a metal, titanium, how, how would the odds increase that much, despite them just only being I mean, that's a little bit higher I remember a little bit higher yeah yeah like I'm being serious.
Speaker 2I've seen enough giraffes in my life all right, sure?
Speaker 1no, I'm being serious okay, fine so you don't think a giraffe's neck is 30 times taller than our neck despite that, the neck size doesn't matter no right no, uh it's, it's just the sheer height of whatever this fucking thing is.
Speaker 2So, whether it's, why don't the trees then get uh stroken struck?
Speaker 1by stroking trees. Yeah, stroking fucking trees, why?
Speaker 2aren't the trees getting stroken? Yeah, so it's not like it aims for something with a heartbeat, and just because this thing is taller than we are, it must by default hit that.
Speaker 1So so you are cat? I mean, you would seem quite aggressive on this. Do you like giraffes? How would you, how would you know?
Speaker 2no, you know it's not particularly the, the giraffes. I'm just thinking of the stories, because I grew up quite scared of lightning and I was I remember that because we have pretty severe thunderstorms back home and I just remember thinking. My chain of thought was please, fucking strike the house, please where we are now, so that I know it doesn't get strike there again.
Speaker 2I remember thinking this when I was smaller and then like another with regards to something being taller than I am and then it having better chances of getting struck. I remember running with a group of people and I remember I wanted to go home because I can clearly see there's a thunderstorm approaching, and this particular gentleman was like listen, stop being a little bitch about it. And I just remember thinking you know what? How old were you? I was probably about 10, 11. No, because I remember him being relatively harsh. I still felt like he was harsh, despite me actually being a little bitch about it. But him actually saying it, I was like listen, you are tall as shit. So he was roughly around two meters tall and I just remember thinking listen, that's fine, odds are you'll get struck first.
Speaker 2I remember thinking this Ten-year-olds, but this was ten year old dylan's uh chain of thought. But no I as time goes on um. No, it doesn't increase or decrease it doesn't increase.
Speaker 1Okay. Well, ladies and gentlemen, is dylan correct in saying that it is false that giraffes are 30 more times likely to get hit by lightning? It is true, they are 30 times more likely to be hit than humans. Now it's basically just because they're taller. Um, so there are only five well-documented fatal lightning striking on giraffes, but due to the population of the species, it makes it more likely that they're going to be hit by lightning.
Speaker 2I didn't take that into account, yeah.
Speaker 1So it's like you've gone caught based on semantics, yeah, but I can see where you were coming from and I enjoyed that trip through memory lane and fuck that guy, yeah, it was like oh it's gonna thunder and lightning, I'll fucking beat the lightning out of you. You little puss, poor little 10 year old Dylan.
Speaker 2Um, okay, yeah okay, one all okay you might know a bit about this. Anyway, this is kind of in your, in your ballpark um now I don't know what he was when you said to me I'm like, I'm like, oh shit, dylan, just shut up that is not it.
Speaker 1Identical twins have the same fingerprints no I don't know I I really um so could your could? The twins? I don't know. Are they identical or non-identical? They are identical, okay. So do you think one could commit a murder and the other one could blame the other?
Speaker 2Based on their fingerprints? No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1So you're thinking that they so everything is identical, but for some reason their fingertips are a little different? Yeah, but then yet again.
Speaker 2James, there's identical is also just a word they use to say that they've got enough of each other's genes to look as close as possible to each other, but that they don't look like each other. Have they been given a?
Speaker 1percentage, because I've known some people who are twins and they're like, oh, we're um, like. We worked with a girl who was who said that, like she was, her and her twin were the the closest, yeah, like 99.8.
Speaker 2I don don't know with regards to my sisters. I don't know what the percentage is, but I mean I can clearly tell the difference between them. For other people it might be something different, but when it comes down to fingerprints it never came up. But no, I can't see that something so specific and so small would be identical. No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1Okay, Well, dylan, you are correct, Congratulations. The crowd goes wild. So you can't blame your crimes on your twin. This is because environmental factors, such as during development in the womb, umbilical cord length, length, position of the womb and the rate of finger growth, impact your fingerprint. Who would have thought it? Now, the next one, dylan, is one I. I thought that that would relate to you a little bit in your life. This one, 100, relates to you. Your brain is constantly eating itself.
Speaker 1Yes, so it's just inside your head right now it's just chewing. That's what's happening right now in your brain.
Speaker 2True or false. No, what I'm kind of thinking it may be in the lines of this is going to sound bizarre. Yeah, maybe in the sense of it fucking has to. There's a process, maybe, of it cleaning itself somehow and maybe it eats something out of something. Tell me about that process. How do you?
Speaker 1think it's working well at this particular moment it's full food. It's not particularly great so what are you thinking?
Speaker 2there's like little men in there with like those brushes that they used, they used to, is in there, yeah, just spraying and washing um.
Speaker 1So you think it's eating itself and not eating itself?
Speaker 2yeah, but it's eating itself, maybe in a good way, so it doesn't atrophy away or fucking die, or like it gets a, gets rid of, uh, old stem cells or stem cells or fucking some cells that die in it. I'm not sure. But yeah, let's say it's eating itself then the crowd goes wild and congratulations the uh but why is it? Yeah, so?
Speaker 1the process is called phagocytosis, where cells envelop and consume smaller cells or molecules to remove them from the system. But don't you worry, dylan, phagocytosis isn't harmful, uh, and it actually helps preserve your gray matter, um, except for in your case where it's too hungry and it's just eating everything inside and there's a and there's nothing.
Speaker 2Other people have a medulla oblongata. I just have the meh Meh, you just have the meh.
Speaker 1That's all you have. Okay, last one, Dylan.
Speaker 2Yeah sure.
Speaker 1So you're two, one up, I think I wasn't really no, me neither. Water might not be wet, true, so why might it not be wet? Why would water not be wet? When is wet? Wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, sorry, sorry.
Speaker 2Wet, wet, wet, wet, wet. It might not be wet, it might just feel wet. So again, it may be just with how we perceive it, or our brain maybe just can't comprehend. I don't know. This is normally how the fact that you're asking the question might make me think, might make me think.
Speaker 1Oh no, I think that. Do you know what that was, mer? That's a classic case of phagocytosis right there. So, yeah, what are you thinking? Water is wet, not wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet wet.
Speaker 2No, I don't think water is wet. I think we just maybe experience something and we call it wet. But, yeah, I'm not entirely sure and I can't really make that much sense out of it. But, like I said, I can fail a test pretty fast and even if it is with my well, dylan, you know what.
The Story of Uzbekistan Circus Success
Speaker 1You were on the right wavelength, um, basically, scientists, fucking nerds, uh, basically define wetness as a liquid's ability to make contact with a solid surface. Nerds, we obviously know it's what it feels like. So, um, you know whether you agree with the nerds uh or not, that's up to you. So you were three-way man. You've absolutely smashed that. Um, thank you, uh. Another little, another little one, uh, that I'll I'll just give you. I'm only gonna ask if you think this is true or not. And this again with the, um, the, the, the brain eating itself, the, the phagocytosis, and I worry that you may have a very hungry brain. Also, wearing a tie can reduce blood flow to the brain by 7.5. So you've got a very hungry brain and a very tight tie and you're in trouble, my friend. Yeah, and you're in trouble town, you're in trouble town.
Speaker 2I actually think I might be in trouble because I wear a lot of ties and, in all honesty, I I think the the, the shirt and the neck and the tie ratio like yeah, in order to make the tie look right, I need to tie it tighter, so you're just asphyxiating yourself.
Speaker 1Yeah, I do wonder why you're just constantly like red-faced coughing.
Speaker 2Because either I need to shit like constantly or the tie is too tight and your brain is too hungry.
Speaker 1Well, congratulations, dylan. The crowd goes wild for that incredible, amazing, wonderful search through the facts there, and that truly was examples of gentlemen learning Wonderful.
Speaker 2Well, thank you James. Yeah, that was actually really interesting. Why am I so surprised? Fuck you, Drop it down low with three-word story, Right?
Speaker 1Dylan.
Speaker 2Alright, let me get to my three words.
Speaker 1Unequipped somewhere, gymnastic yeah, baby, can't wait to hear how, when, when, once you take this one yeah.
Speaker 2So, um, I go somewhere where someone, someone was unequipped, yeah, to get to the level of success that they ultimately did. So again, unfortunately, there's a theme going and it's like a, uh, an origin story, or maybe a success story, an underdog story, whatever you want. I mean, as I said, before dylan.
Speaker 1Um, we are becoming the place where you can find out where things came from. I mean, we opened up with a little deep dive into cotton eye joe, uh, where we could definitely say it was related to syphilis. And now people know, people get it. Obviously I'll research that and maybe if we are so criminally wrong about that that we could uh that you know we could be immediately cancelled. So right now I'm just going to throw in allegedly on that.
Speaker 1Allegedly that it has a syphilis, um, but we may just be naive and wrong, but this is the place where people come to, to learn, I think, more than anything. Laugh second or maybe even third. Um, it's probably to learn first, marvel at how stupid we are, second, and then laugh third, yeah, so so don't worry about it. If it's an origin story, then fuck it, drop it down so somewhere?
Speaker 2yeah, now, actually looking at it, I think somewhere is better than nowhere. What do you think of when you think nowhere? Right, so we're going philosophical right, so yeah isn't like in terms, no, of actual geographic location, like if you think of nowhere, so I guess, so it's somewhere is like that's somewhere to be right, so I'm gonna go somewhere.
Speaker 1Then maybe there's something to do there, maybe that's where people go yeah, there's nowhere is.
Speaker 2No, I'm not feeling good about it. I'm not feeling nowhere is like desert.
Speaker 1Or I'm not feeling Nowhere is like desert, or I feel there's, like it's usually, the precursor is usually buttfuck of yeah, then followed by nowhere, right, like you don't go the buttfuck of somewhere because that's like well, there's something there. That's somewhere there, but I would say that this is, yeah, desert, barren land, the inside of your head, for example.
Speaker 2That's what I would say thanks, thanks for that one. Where's the crowd laughing on that one? There we go.
Speaker 1Um, okay, no so they just really like that one, really good one. What is the standing? Standing, oh, fuck guys, it wasn't that good next time I.
Speaker 2I get control of the buttons, so sit down, everyone sit down. I think we should start doing that. We should start rock paper scissors.
Speaker 1To see who gets control of the buttons. Okay, well, next week on Three. Word Story you're just going to constantly get.
Speaker 2Dylan, they need to make sense, the timing needs to be there. What do you mean?
Speaker 1I'm not even listening to it.
Speaker 2All right, do you want to download Three? Make sense, the timing needs to be there, but you have phones on, you're not even listening to it. All right. So where I figured is this place is at least somewhere and not nowhere, right? So it's not quite in the middle of the desert, or amazon, or dot com, yeah, dot com, um, but they are somewhere. And this level of somewhere takes us to Uzbekistan.
Speaker 1Okay, wow, yeah, so dramatic. Paul's really emphasized.
Speaker 2Yeah, because, honestly, I was in true Uzbekistan and I needed to look down Uzbekistan. Was it? No, it was Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan.
Speaker 1And for the listeners at home, who are thinking never heard of it and they've not watched Borat.
Speaker 2Which is also just a neighbouring country, because Kazakhstan is where Borat's from.
Speaker 1I'm sure they're all friends, or maybe not. You tell me. So, yeah, roughly. Where is Uzbekistan? Where can we find those? Right next to Kazakhstan, nice, thank you very much.
Speaker 2Just south of Russia, which is a big old place Fondly known as the Stans, yeah, and the Stans, a couple of Stans, but the story originating or the success story, underdog story that originates from there is someone who was unequipped for what they wanted to do. Now, there was a circus in town in Uzbekistan and the particular city where this person is from. I Go on, give it a go, give it a go.
Speaker 1I fucking didn't even write it down you just yeah, probably too many K's W's Z's.
Speaker 2I'm not even. I'm going to butcher.
Unbelievable Gymnastics Career
Speaker 1I would love to hear you give it a go. Can you find it? I'll just, I'll just chat some shit, so you know.
Speaker 2Uzbekistan is a wonderful, sparsely populated, quickly backspace.
Speaker 1Cotton Eye Joe, no bookmark that page, bookmark that, and I really want to know what city this is, because I'm sure you're going to eloquently put it. You know an Uzbekistani you are very fond of. I'm sure he could teach you. He speaks Russian, I believe, as well, as well as English. Extremely well, I'm sure he speaks about lovely things. No, no, this one is actually really not difficult. It's.
Speaker 2Bukhara Huh.
Speaker 1Wow.
Speaker 2Bukhara, bukhara. Okay so hopefully I didn't give away my guess. But it's not a guess, it's a story about this person. Okay, but what I wanted to compare her story to was, I mean, we all know kind of Sylvester Stallone story where he was kind of Hollywood and he sold his script and he only had $106 in his bank account but he wanted to star in the movie, like JK Rowling, Michael Jordan, oprah Winfrey the list goes on and on. However, this person is maybe the most famous unfamous person.
Speaker 1Okay, all right, might know.
Speaker 2Okay, her story and I, before I give her a name, like I actually wanted to give her a name away first. But let me let me kind of delve in.
Speaker 1Such a tease Okay.
Speaker 2The circus was in town. This little girl then saw these trapeze artists and they thought, wow, absolutely fantastic. And after the show asked listen, how did they kind of get into this, etc. Etc. And they, et cetera, and they said, well, gymnastics is where we started. And she thought, well, this is amazing. And she went back to her parents asking listen, is this something that we could do? Is this? And unfortunately, in their village there was nothing right.
Speaker 2There was no gymnastics club at that stage, and at that stage I'm talking about the, the 70s, yeah, okay, it is tracking yeah, tracking back that far and um so unequipped and her parents also not being in a financial position to drive her around, um, they kind of had to make do with what they had. So, if you don't know, or for those of you that don't know, uh, female gymnastics. You have a beam bar, a vault and then floor okay, no, I didn't know.
Speaker 1I didn't know you're such an expert on female gymnastics.
Speaker 2Well, I should, I should have guessed really after seeing that blister.
Speaker 1So I.
Speaker 2I've got three sisters and all three of them to this day still do gymnastics, autistic gymnastics. So I, um I had quite a few crushes on their friends, don't worry before.
Speaker 1Yeah, let me just get get ahead of that. I'd love that, by the way, standing up. Yeah, nothing weird here, guys.
Speaker 2Nothing weird, nothing weird yeah so, um, I I grew up listening to all right. So, ladies, and we will now move from beam to bar, bar to floor, floor to fucking vault, to who's this fucking weirdo telling his words?
Speaker 2why does he keep pointing to his crotch every time he says beam and bar anyway she kind of really had to dig deep and go back to basics because I don't know, if you know, it's not the floor, isn't actually just the floor, it is basically, uh, and this apparatus that has a slight more bounce to it okay, so it's like a trampoline that makes sense, because I did think how are they not snapping their?
Speaker 1knees and ankles, yeah, yeah so okay, so it's like a whole, the whole floor then is springy. Yeah, what is it? How is it? How does that work?
Speaker 2yeah, like springs down at the bottom um springs and sponges. Basically Sounds like a great company name Springs and sponges. Sounds like we went for your fun day.
Speaker 1Springs and sponges. Yeah, go down to.
Speaker 2Creeley Springs and sponges. The children chase you when you get pushed off a slide, yeah, but no, basically she actually used I always want to say the elements. So she started practicing on the actual floor and the actual grass. So this has actually been said in interviews that that's where she learned and that's how she got her power, Because she, up until this day, is quite a powerful female gymnast, because she can generate I mean so much, I guess plyometric forces or oomph, yeah.
Speaker 1I think it's a technical term.
Speaker 2Oomph, yeah, so basically doing that on floor beam. She literally just found a beam and did a routine on this just just abby, just a random uzbekistani beam.
Speaker 1She was just like I'm fucking all over that uh, bars that one?
Speaker 2uh no, there's no joke. They were bars, though she'd hang around in bars, yeah, just be spreadies, spreadies, yep, okay, um yeah, bars, basically just uh started practicing on them and then uh vault, she actually used some tires, like uh car tires, and yeah, used that to to practice some of her skills. But now to go into her long list of achievements. She's been active on the international scene for gymnastics, like female artistic gymnastics, since 1988. Right, gee, whiz, and she is also I read this she's been to eight Olympic Games. Eight Olympic Games.
Speaker 1Eight Olympic Games. So work that out, yeah, as I'm trying to rapidly and failing.
Speaker 2What's that? Every four years?
Speaker 132 years.
Speaker 2Yeah, so 32 years 32 years, Nice, nice, nice that she has been able to qualify for various teams, though by the way over the years, various teams, as in nationalities or within gymnastics, to qualify for various teams.
Speaker 1though, by the way over the years, various teams as in various things, or yeah gymnastics within gymnastics, but for different countries so she actually could you do that?
Speaker 2for yeah, yeah well, I mean I'm not sure, but the reason why it kind of split up and kind of bounced around, because she initially uh competed for the USSR Right, and then from there on I think yeah so from 93 to 2005,. It was Uzbekistan, 2006 to 2012, germany and then 2013 to present. I did not write that down.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Classic phagocytosis coming out right there, yeah, but basically this is oksana chusevina, and she is the the uzbek born gymnast that has fucking shocked the world because she was unequipped within where she grew up and kind of, where she's from is really somewhere, but just a wee bit better than nowhere, and, yeah, she was an absolute fantastic gymnast. So, yeah, well, fuck me.
Speaker 1I mean, the crowd goes wild for her and they are standing up and going. I'm really worried, dylan, that we may have actually learned something today, and that was very factual and very interesting as well well, not all of it was factual, but it wasn't factual.
Speaker 2Hang on a minute, I was really invested. Yeah, sorry, I told it in a way that I thought, yeah, maybe it wasn't actually, it was mechanics and it wasn't Uzbekistan, it was actually South Sudan.
Speaker 1And she wasn't a woman. Her name was Jeff and this actually happened. No, it didn't happen, I made it up.
Speaker 2No, so she actually did. She was. She had been to eight Olympic Games. I'm not sure it might be nine, however she is um 49 years old at this particular so. So just to give you an idea, she's still a gymnast.
Speaker 1And just to give you an idea, most professional female gymnasts retire at the age of like 24 yeah, but like before they, like they, they get out of puberty, do it for a few years and then that's kind of that now she has managed to stay relevant for for quite some time.
Speaker 2But no, the the where the fakeness of the story probably comes in is I'm not sure how. If she actually did gymnastics just on the floor or just on the beam, there's okay. What was the name? What was the name? What was oxana?
Speaker 1a fucking, what aux?
Speaker 2as in I'm gonna, I need a jack okay.
Speaker 1Okay, it's's okay. It's a okay S a N a gymnast right.
Speaker 2True, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1Um, okay, well, well, yeah, 49 years old, she's five foot tall. Um, I'm really like. So she's served net like different country. Why Germany?
Speaker 2I'm not sure how that one. Yeah, I'm not sure how that one.
Speaker 1Yeah, maybe we don't want to know, so she's gone back to Uzbekistan. Oh, so, ussr, uzbekistan, germany back to Uzbekistan. Which is? Which is nice? Yeah, I guess, yeah, um, and she's, she's still, she's still flipping. I mean, what a quality human being. I mean, hats off to Oksana. Thank you very much for your time.
Speaker 2And then I kind of wanted to say, well, look, I mean I actually think she might be the most famous person. But then I googled other famous Uzbeks and the yeah, did you get anyone? Good?
Speaker 1Nope, our friend Fails on there. He does real estate in Dubai.
Speaker 2I don't know.
Speaker 1Dubai he could be. Maybe that's why he's in Dubai. Maybe he's too famous in Uzbekistan. Yeah, I mean, she deserves to be up there for the most famous. I would say yeah.
Speaker 2I don't know. Do you know Amir Timur?
Speaker 1no. What does he do in that case?
Speaker 2no, does he do gymnastics no, I'm just going as celebrities of uzbekistan is literally the uh, the title of the article that I'm now going into, and, um, I'll also just uh okay, well, she's got loads.
Speaker 1She's got golds in world championships, gold in olympics, gold in asia games so I actually think j yeah, we actually learned something. Fuck, I don't know how to feel now I feel I feel a bit weird.
Speaker 2Um where's the comedy? Where's the bullshit?
Speaker 1Where's the? Where's the delicious phagocytosis that usually spurs you on with some ums and ahs, Uh, uh, but well, I mean, the bombshell to end on, I guess, is we've all learned something. Oh shit, this feels terrible.
Speaker 2We will change this.
Speaker 1Well, the next episode. Let's do something that we will definitely not learn something. Maybe we'll make that pact. I don't know what that means.
Speaker 2I don't even know what we should. We'll steer away from whatever happened this episode.
Speaker 1Yeah, maybe we should just make it more crass again. I don't know, find somewhere. Find somewhere where you shit yourself and then, and then we'll do that, but I don't think I've done that. To be fair, that's not a very good one. Uh, find somewhere where, if you were going to uh clear a land and and move into it, no, that's not a good one, I just made that political.
Speaker 1We don't want that one either. If you were going to make a theme park based on you Dylan Land, me, james Land where would it be? And then you also need to come up with exactly what does this look like?
Speaker 2Yeah, what's the theme? What does it look like? Walk us through it. What's? Yeah, what's? What's the theme? What? What does it look like? Walk us through it. What's the idea? What's the theme?
Speaker 1exactly, and and the three words needs to be on like the key right. So for me I'm gonna obviously replicate the red devil slide from where I nearly died as a young age and okay, so take us through memory lane, exactly memory lane so we're gonna, we're gonna find our three-word story from the place where we're gonna to have our own theme park and we're going to what that theme park is.
Speaker 1Um, I tell you what, fuck it. The three-word story needs to be about the theme park some way you need to relate it to the theme park. Yeah, I'm gonna add an extra layer of difficulty and that should then prevent it from being too informational and too factual, um which I'm scared we, we can't really carry on that train at all because we're stupid, which was point two of why people tune in. Till then Dylan, till then.
Speaker 2Three-word story, all right.
Speaker 1Thank you for listening to this week's three-word story. If you would like to get in touch with James and Dylan, then please email us at the3wordstory at gmailcom. Send your reviews, negative or positive, or even your three words, and we'll read them out on air. See you next week.
Speaker 2Drop a download with three-word story.
