Three Word Story
Welcome to "Three Word Story," where each episode improvises a tale from the unknown. Join hosts James Royle and Dylan Jacobs as they stumble through narratives sparked by three random words generated from the map app what3words thethreewordstory@gmail.com
Three Word Story
AA-Ish Meetings & The Murder Mystery at Vegetable City
James and Dylan weave together two wildly different improvised stories based on random three-word locations.
• Dylan creates a bizarre support group at Victoria Falls featuring Skinny, Geek, and Bonkers - three awkward characters with unusual problems
• James crafts a vegetable murder mystery featuring a famous carrot influencer who glows in the dark
• Dylan shares a cringeworthy gym encounter where his attempted flirtation went horribly wrong
• James reminisces about Dunster Castle, complete with cultural attractions and a swearing parrot in the local pub
• Detective Dylan interrogates vegetable suspects including a stoned mushroom, a sweet potato with dark secrets, and a constantly crying onion
• The murder mystery culminates with a surprise twist revealing the true culprits
Next week, the hosts will improvise a story about starting a business in South America. Email thethreewordstory@gmail.com with your reviews or three-word suggestions.
Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!
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Welcome to Three Word Story. I'm James.
Speaker 2:I'm Dylan.
Speaker 1:And this is the podcast where we take three words from the app.
Speaker 2:What three words.
Speaker 1:And improv the shit out of a story.
Speaker 2:Today on Three.
Speaker 1:Word Story. You went from natural apex to sexual predator.
Speaker 2:I can't walk, walk past the spoon.
Speaker 4:Sorry, I think that's wanky in the comments.
Speaker 2:Hi, I'm bonkers. Murder mystery.
Speaker 5:Oh.
Speaker 4:I ain't shown my spuds to anyone. I think you're fine.
Speaker 2:Have you considered threesomes?
Speaker 5:Oh, god, no, sir, no, no.
Speaker 1:Hey Dilanosaurus Rex.
Speaker 4:Dilanosaurus Rex.
Speaker 1:Happy to be a Rex, a Rex or a Rex, you're happy to be a Rex. Or specifically, yeah, rex or a rex, you're happy to be a rex or a rex. Okay, we'll just go for rex okay, so we're going for a rex. So you're happy to be a dilanosaurus rex?
Speaker 2:rex. Yeah, as as as, as opposed to it, that's gonna sound too as opposed to a tops or a dactyl or okay, whatever.
Speaker 1:So if a rex so I do you think that I went for dylanosaurus rex because I thought of you as a ferocious apex predator? Or do you think I thought of it as someone uh, it would be hilarious if you had short arms and you were angry and trying to bite people all the time definitely an apex predator. As a vested dylan right now, you definitely look like a like an apex predator with those absolute guns out today with the guns double kill. Indeed, dylan dylan, how are you and why? Before we get to our three-word story today, hey buddy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm good, happy the week is, I don't want to say, done, but yeah, it was a busy week. Had a couple of things in there that were quite interesting. For instance. Yeah, we kind of touched on it yesterday, but I went to the gym.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, that sounds like a reasonable thing to do. Dylan, yes, what happened at the gym?
Speaker 2:And why I am not so happy. You asked no, you know when again, certain people make eye contact and I don't know. In a gym it's a weird place anyway. But now this particular lady who is lady talking?
Speaker 2:lady lady and she is, uh, she's quite attractive, she, I do have to say. But now she looked at me. I kind of caught her eye and then, however, in that moment, I looked away and I was like dylan, why are you looking away? This is a lost opportunity. So I look back within that within that, that half a second and then no, just within that half a second and, like I thought, I think she thought that was awkward, but I didn't want to break it because somebody just double take glancing back and then sticking to my guns, being like no, no, I'm not looking away and she's also not looking away.
Speaker 2:So I felt awkward in that moment. So what did I do, james?
Speaker 1:I winked for a double kill the double glance and straight straight into the wink and if you had to like, imagine yourself right, you're looking at yourself how would you rate your wink? One to five winks. Do you think it was a quality, kind of michael kane-esque? You know that looked like a handsome thing or, uh, like sexual predator in a library.
Speaker 2:What we're saying I probably would be leaning towards the latter because I don't know, um, maybe, maybe it was a natural sexual predator wink, because it did, it did. This is me saying that I, I confess, I confess to multiple uh crimes, you just rated yourself yeah. The natural you know what.
Speaker 1:You went from natural.
Speaker 4:I'm a sexual predator.
Speaker 1:All right, okay, so it was a it's fun yeah I don't I I don't know, it was very ted bondy-esque of me to do? I don't know I think that's. That's what happened. I don't know this. Uh, hey, a lot of women found it handsome before. It was the whole murdering thing, the w thing.
Speaker 2:Part of that. Yeah, the wink I felt was smooth enough. However, the situation I feel did not call for the wink and thus yes, it was. It was pretty, uh pretty weird.
Speaker 1:I guess that's fair enough I mean fair play for you for shooting your shot like. I have max respect for you as as once, being a single man, I wasn't shooting those shots right. I wasn't giving it that opportunity. I would be the one who would look away and stay looking away, hi, while sweating nervously like yeah, but saying hi to the weights and said like hi, weights please don't break my heart so you know what dylan to you for for actually killing her no, for not, ted.
Speaker 1:Bundying her just doing the wink and just keeping it keeping it not Ted Bundying, her fuck sake. This derailed quickly 5 minutes and 30.
Speaker 4:I'm hoping you didn't naturally sexual predator anyone else today or this week.
Speaker 1:You just kept it no more winks, you just kept it all cool yeah.
Speaker 2:I kept my eyes closed.
Speaker 1:I wonder why you're bumping into everything in the office all day oh well, I mean for me, dylan, it was compared to that very tame, so that is good. Uh, it's for me. I feel like I've been very corporate this week, so I'm hoping that my story will allow me to get some creativity out. Uh, yesterday we, you know, we were in a meeting together, dylan, we, we pod together, we work together, we commute together. My goodness, we even gym not together, we just gym at the same time because, if you're doing that shit anywhere near you drop it down low. Three word story right dylan.
Speaker 1:So for this threeword story there was a bit of conflict because two episodes ago I said, and for whatever reason, because I thought that maybe we could pre-plan. We announced that we were going to do somewhere where the strongest person in the world would come from, and I also announced that the episode after that we would do somewhere where we'd build a castle. Then the following episode completely fucking forgot about that and decided to do where the best park in the world was. So we could basically combine it right. We agreed that, after that silliness and stupidity from myself, that we could just find somewhere where we'd build a castle or whatever else. Keep it loose, find yourself three words on what three words? And create a story. So, dylan, where did you choose for your castle and or park?
Speaker 2:and why I kind of it was a toss up between. So let me start by saying right, just cancel whatever.
Speaker 1:I don't have that on the saturday I used to have a reverse, so we'll just go funky reverse with dylan why are you speaking Russian anyway?
Speaker 2:so, europe, all around Europe, great castles, quite a few of them. However, africa is not known for castles, that's, that's fair. That's fair right, especially, um, kind of the, the southern hemisphere right, not known for castles. So I figured it would need one. But I didn't want to go the obvious route, going back home to South Africa.
Speaker 1:You do like to do that. You are a man of comfort, of comfort.
Speaker 2:Of knowing what I know and kind of working within that.
Speaker 1:Realistically for the hide and seek episode. I probably just should have found your childhood home from the first episode. I think we did that from the first episode, right, yeah? And then, just, you would have hid there and played with your swords instead. So, uh, not, probably not gone to pyongyang. So go back to that episode if you don't know what we're talking about. So, yeah, dylan sorry, yes, where did you go?
Speaker 2:so it was a toss-up between a blind river canyon in mapumalanga, south africa, which I said no, because it is in south africa, okay. So I figured um, why not? Um, victoria falls right, so on the zambesi river and, uh, we're getting geographical, geographical, on the border between Zambia and Zimbabwe. It's a beautiful waterfall amongst Africa's wildlife and then I figured, yeah, it would be the ideal kind of setting for, for a castle.
Speaker 1:OK so you're thinking idyllic, angelic, right, you're thinking what a lovely tranquil place. So who like? Is this your residence? Are you thinking this castle is for you? King dylan, in this area, like what? What is this castle for?
Speaker 2:well, if, no, I think. Why not share it? Why would it be just for me? So, yeah, I think we can open it up, maybe some sort of hotel, however not-profit, maybe limiting the amount of people coming in and out, maybe making it ultra exclusive, I don't know. But nature comes first. We don't just deforest whatever. Okay, the idea is to to kind of integrate with what is already there and, yeah, just just have people witness, uh, this is this beautiful, yeah, this beautiful scenery, um aesthetics, what we're saying.
Speaker 1:So you've said like, yeah, a lot of european castles? Of course there are. We'd love to castle back in the day you're going to the mud castle?
Speaker 2:um, no, aesthetically wise, no, I don't know. Some fancy architect will probably look at a tree and say you know what, let's, let's, let's take the aesthetics of this tree, the boabab tree, and then we'll, we'll work around that, or whatever and if you looked at the tree, you would look away and look back again and wink at it, shh yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you would do that and put your finger on the tree's lid.
Speaker 2:Does this smell like chloroform?
Speaker 1:I know I'm going to make you into a castle, Okay so you're going to make it out of a tree. It could be a treehouse castle. It's your imagination, Dylan. Yeah, yeah, sure. Well, let's cover that, fuck it.
Speaker 2:Right move on to the next one, let's use James's imagination.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, all right On to my imagination, because funnily enough for my one, I used none Zero.
Speaker 1:Zilch Nada, I didn't use any imagination for my castle because I thought I would go to a ready-made, effing castle so near where I used to live. So now I'm going back to my roots and remember that, by the way, and I'm going to go to my home county, to Dunster. Okay, dunster had a castle and basically you would drive up and you would park at the bottom of the town or village, so you would have village, then the castle wall, big open gate. You would walk in through the castle up a steep hill and then through another gate and then bam, you're into the main manor house. This shit is fortified, right, they knew what they were doing. Build the castle on top of the hill, have the village for the people at the bottom. Yeah, they had it sorted. So why make my own castle when some made it a long time ago? And you could see right out into the bristol channel, you could see if anyone's going to come and attack you from a long, long way. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Okay.
Speaker 1:Now other reasons why I would choose this castle the. The gardens are tranquil and beautiful. Dylan, there was an old, I don't know aristocrat that used to live there and they collected plants and trees from all around the world, as the British did and claimed it for their own and planted trees and plants from all around the world in this beautiful garden. So you see Japanese, you see African plants, you can see North American plants. It is a nice place to be. So when you've absorbed all of this lovely culture and you've gone through the house and you've seen some lovely mahogany and you've seen some lovely paintings of people in dresses, you can then make your way down to the village and sample some of their many bars, in which I have done so.
Speaker 1:I used to go get the bus to there from my oh, I lived in a town called taunton at the time. Get the bus there, take 45 minutes or so because you didn't want to drive, because you want to go there and get shit faced. You take some culture, you walk down and then there was a pub and in the pub was parrot. Was, what a parrot? Oh, a parrot, just a parrot. Just you. You're classic run-of-the-mill pirate style parrot right blue, back, yellow bellied, white faced, black beak. Great, you know standard if you're going to dress up as a pirate.
Speaker 2:You want that.
Speaker 1:You're going to hire that bird right, we walk in and we're getting a nice fresh pint of thatcher's cider, as is the county drink and you just hear frock off, frock off and the the person behind the bar just going. I'm frightfully sorry about the bird, but it does tend to swear the locals just. And what more could you want? Right, you've just had some lovely culture and some lovely fragrant gardens. Now you're gonna get drunk next to a bird chatting shit to you. Yeah, what more could you want from a castle and surrounding lands? What more could you want? Tell me, dylan, tell me, what more could you want?
Speaker 2:no, you know what, james? I've had a. I've had a long think about what ideally I would want, and you know what? It was taking a 45 minute bus drive from taunton yes, the, uh, the town, uh to dunster castle, and then just thinking, you know what I want a fucking parrot shouting at me whilst I get drunk on this historic site.
Speaker 1:Yes, james, that's exactly what I would do, and next time I go to the UK maybe we should go to the UK together. We'll go on a three word story tour and we'll make our way to Dunster and we'll
Speaker 2:go meet that parrot tickets out to the live show 29 and we'll make our way to Dunster and we'll go meet that parrot.
Speaker 1:Tickets out to the live show out in 2029, 2029 and we'll make our way to Dunster, to their local palladium, and we will sell it out of 100 to 200 tickets and we'll give it away for free. We'll be massively in debt. But my god, will there be laughter and it will be very jiggy and we'll have a horn. Incredible Jiggy and we'll have a Horn. Stop winking at me, Right Darren For your place. What three words did it give you and why?
Speaker 2:So if you type in Victoria Falls, I did not square skip.
Speaker 1:So you typed in again. For anyone listening new. You go on What3Words, which is an easy-to-use map service. You search in as if it's Google Maps and it takes you to a small square and there's three unique words for that square. So you went Victoria Falls, and sometimes we cheat a little bit. We go one or two out from there to make the words a little bit better, but you are going direct with this one on victoria falls.
Speaker 2:Yes, sir, and what three words did it give you? Skinny oh, geek, oh yeah, and bonkers, wow bonkers bonkers also. Maybe I should have googled the word before I created the story. Now that I think about it. But bonkers, like crazy, yeah, you're crazy, right, yeah, you haven't heard dizzy rascals. Wonderful tune bonkers bonkers yeah, yeah, I wake up every day like a daydream.
Speaker 1:Everything in my life isn't what it seems. I wake up just to go back to sleep and I act real shallow. But I'm in too deep and all I care about is sex and violence and a heavy bass line is my eye contact is crazy, though, just for people watching.
Speaker 2:That was actually such a smart comment.
Speaker 1:YouTube anyway. Right, so those are some sensational three words. Well, I went to dunster castle and I typed in dunster castle and I did skip one square over, okay a multitude of squares had good words and it kind of threw me off a little bit.
Speaker 1:So I had a choice, yeah, and I nearly went for uh, three word story, second ever six word story, and I thought, nay, james, no, don't do it within the first 23 episodes, that's too soon. Save it for the 100th or the tour to dunster, you know, we'll save it for a rainy day. Um, so I know, for example, I didn't write them down, but there's other three good words around dunster castle for when we tour there. All right, the three words that I got that were one square away from Dunster Castle is vegetable hurt online.
Speaker 1:So it just flows right, like instantly. There's stories popping off in my head and we reached my story Now today. Dylan, we ain't doing any ching-chong-chow, or we're not doing any rock paper scissors, we're just going to let you do your story because your battery's flat and you only have one plug, so we're just going to go in for a double kill.
Speaker 2:Drop it down low with three-word story, right? So Skinny Geek Bonkers oh, I am excited. Uh. Skinny geek bonkers, oh I am. Now I know you're probably thinking, listen, this is a skinny geek going bonkers. No, oh no, okay, all right, all right. Skinny geek and bonkers are names of the archetypes that are now going to some sort of AA-like meeting to vent their issues of either being skinny a geek or bonkers.
Speaker 1:Okay, I didn't see that coming Okay right. So that is their personalities. Is what you're saying Basically, something of that coming, okay, right. So that is their personalities, is what you're saying Basically.
Speaker 2:Something of that sort. Okay, I hope it lands and I hope I don't offend.
Speaker 4:Personally, I hope it doesn't, it's much funnier if it doesn't land, right? Okay, dylan, take it away Ernie, all right.
Speaker 2:Okay all right, all right.
Speaker 1:I'm clear with that, okay, all right. All right, I'm clear. Clear with that, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, so setting the scene, please. We're all gathered around and we are now about to vent some of the issues that each of them are struggling with. And yeah, so, right guys, how are you guys doing you guys? Okay so skinny, um, yeah, please, please share. Hi guys, I'm skinny, um, I've been winds, windswept since birth and um, yeah, uh, I kind of just want to want to mention a couple of things, uh, that I've been struggling with and, uh, it's something called mirror madness and, um, basically, I can't walk, walk past the spoon, or uh, or uh, urinal, urinal pipe, um, or any reflection of myself, without uh kind of uh checking for my bicep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm sorry, sorry, just um, I'm, I'm, I'm another one of the the addicts here. Um, I'm just, I'm addicted to scratching my scrotum, just so you know here. Um, so, sorry, what was your name? Again, skinny, skinny, skinny. Uh, you're quite big for being skinny, so that's interesting. So, um, so, the two, the two, the two examples of the things, the things that you walk past on a regular basis in a in a body so our spoons, it's in your body, it's.
Speaker 2:It's a place of non-judgment no, no sorry sorry, I'm just it's a safe space supposed to be greg. Who's this guy? I'm just scratching my scrotum over here it's just I, I see I'm yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying I want to give my support and say well done, skinny, for avoiding the massive mirrors in public toilets where the urinals are, but it's just a shame to be caught out by the reflection on the pipes so I sorry, but I just sorry greg, I just wanted to point that out. I'm proud of skinny and, uh, my scrotum's very itchy.
Speaker 2:That's all I wanted to say right, thanks, thanks, scrotes, uh, appreciate that. Um so, yeah then. Um, another thing that a lot of people might not know is I wear extra, extra small, uh T-shirts, uh so tight that they squeak when when I breathe. Um, but it's not because of fashion choices, it's, it's. It's not that fashionable. I just want to show people I own a muscle. Yeah, yeah, so that's one. And uh, um, yeah, I can't visit Chicago. I can't the Windy City. Yeah, I got blown down a drain pipe and I hope it wasn't reflective skinny, because otherwise another pipe has got you again.
Speaker 2:I had to cling on to a rat as I was going down the storm drain. And then, yeah, another thing that I struggle with and some people might find this funny, but uh, I assure you it's not is um is being very mindful of who I take pictures with and next to um. Yeah, you never, you never stand next to a larger human and you avoid taking uh, pictures on 0.5 zoom. You always go for two zoom and then you just stand like further back okay, that's, that's something.
Speaker 1:So is that why outside with you and fat joe? Uh, you were like stood way behind.
Speaker 6:Why are you calling him fat joe?
Speaker 2:wait, that's not fat joe, that's it, it's just joe oh, oh shit oh, he's not even part of the circle.
Speaker 5:I'm so sorry, it's just a random guy, joe I'm so sorry, man.
Speaker 1:Man, I'm so sorry. You look great, by the way, joe, you look fantastic.
Speaker 2:Sorry, skinny yeah, so, um, yeah, that, that that's my story and that's what I I just wanted to bend um. Yeah, right, thank you very much for sharing um. So up, up, up, and that's what I just wanted to vent. Yeah, ryan, thank you very much for sharing. So up next.
Speaker 1:That's an applause sorry that sounded like a knock on the door.
Speaker 4:Yeah, hi is that a job coming in? Sorry, I think that's wanky why are you laughing, greg?
Speaker 2:keep your shit together. Sorry, geek would you like.
Speaker 1:Why are you laughing, greg?
Speaker 2:keep your shit together um sorry, all right, yeah, um geek, would you like to uh? Would you like to share?
Speaker 4:hi, dylan, I thought you put voices on hi, I'm geek.
Speaker 2:Um, I brought my own dice in case things get dangerous. So yeah, I just wanted to kind of shine some light on the Geek community. Yeah, we get made fun of a lot, but you don't understand. It's actually a very competitive group, I would say, because it's within our group of people. If you're not good at what you do, then kind of what's the point. You're not good at what you do, then kind of what's the point? So we like, if you don't nail your your golem impression from lord of the rings.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's um, it's that. That's okay, great. Just just want to chime in again, and I think, because it's very competitive sorry, my scrotum is really itchy um, I just want. I just would love to hear um geek's impression of Gollum right now, just so we can give him some positive reinforcement of that. Maybe his group of geeks don't give him to him, so I'd love to hear that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so this was actually why I was hospitalized because people, people, made fun of me too much, because it was such a terrible impression.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's such a shame. Well, this is a safe space, right he? Said yes, he said yes, yes, he said yes. So so I now is, now is the time. Fuck you, greg, my precious.
Speaker 2:That was that Was that. That Was that that.
Speaker 6:Is that it?
Speaker 1:I uh yeah, I was um oh man I wish we were recording this.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I don't know what your neck just did, I don't know. It was kind of like turtle I was trying to get up the double chin.
Speaker 1:Anyway, all right, thanks. Thanks again.
Speaker 2:That was great yeah yeah, um, then another thing is uh, cape maintenance, like you haven't lived, if you you haven't spent some time trying to clean your, your dr. Strange cape in the bathtub. I thought you said cape maintenance, no capes capes, um yeah, and the, the white, the white marks don't come out that easily.
Speaker 1:Anyway, sorry, greg, just one more time. Um, obviously, as a guy who has very, a very itchy scrotum, all the time I get through a lot of, get a lot of maintenance issues with my, my pants, slash trousers. So, uh, what, greg? What are the white stains on your cape, by the way? Just?
Speaker 2:maybe I can help you. So well you know what I brush my teeth a lot oh, that's good. Yeah, that's good, that's fantastic, and uh, very vigorously, sometimes with my left hand and, um, yeah, that's what it is, uh, scrotes okay, so you just maybe get a bit in your cape. That makes sense, I could see that for you.
Speaker 1:I really could.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so um besides that I don't know like people make fun of me for my action figures, especially children, because they, like I feel they don't understand. And then another issue is probably if, um, I have to replace my gaming controller a lot um so sometimes I have to have to sell some of my collectible uh pokemon uh oh, that's such a shame.
Speaker 1:And then just a question geek to replace. Actually I've heard this story in real life, like in in real real life, and there was an instance in my school where it was a guy a couple of years above me, he had a girlfriend, he was a bit dorky and she was a bit so he was above you and his girlfriend was no. No, next to you no, no, in a couple of years like he was.
Speaker 2:He was older.
Speaker 1:He was a bit older and um, he, apparently, according to her, and she told everyone that he used one of his star wars figurines, uh, as a, as a, as a, as a sex toy, so they, they got a bit and then I think he got like mace window or something convolved inside her vagina and apparently it was uh luke I am your father. So just so I know geek, just um, because this has happened in real life, in real real life, and would you, would you ever do something like that, geek?
Speaker 2:no, no, I haven't. I haven't seen a female in quite some time oh yeah, I'm too. Yeah, so it's a rough life, especially online. People bully and like I can't take the yo mama jokes or um, yeah, when I lose 1v1 battles online. But yeah, that's, that's kind of just me.
Speaker 1:Thanks, guys, thanks for listening okay, well, thank you very much, geek.
Speaker 2:Thank you, masturbator, stop it um, right, so I guess that leaves us with, uh, with bonkers, we're bonkers okay, oh, I can't wait to see this guy.
Speaker 1:What a weird meeting this is. What an eclectic array of people that we have. It's truly fantastic. So well, let's come in bonkers hi, I'm bonkers okay, sorry, get out here, uh, freaking shit joke. Uh right, let's introduce bonkers. Bonkers. Are we saying?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're saying Bonkers no, don't worry, I don't need to wear a hat anymore. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I just wanted to say that, yeah, I can't eat oranges in public anymore, because apparently you're not supposed to eat it with the peel. But what can I say? I just like the texture. Yeah, I think that's good. Then let me think something else that I can Alcohol. Yeah, I can't do alcohol, so it's like an AA within this meeting, I guess. But yeah, I can. Uh, can't drink alcohol because, uh, I've proposed to a traffic cone before and um, and how did they take it?
Speaker 1:did they say yes? No, I got rejected by a traffic cone, but thank you for bringing it up, james, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're very caution, so they're probably not likely to go through with something like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I don't really want to do that. So that's kind of the other one. And then something else about myself is I ask myself questions out loud and then I answer them. But I guess the weirder part is uh, I, I do, I ask myself questions in a British accent and then I answer myself in an Australian accent, just to just to keep things interesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's weird. How can you see? I mean, it's good that hasn't happened so far, I guess, and then it'd be interesting to see if it does happen. No, no, no, no, no, just going to leave that there. Greg shut up.
Speaker 2:Double, kill great shut up. Yeah, so, and then, um, oh, something that I also do is, uh, I've once spent uh eating uh pop rocks, um, probably about two cases of pop rocks, um, just to. And what's a pop rock? Pop rock like the candy that that goes tingly in your mouth like Pop.
Speaker 1:Rocks Right For the longest time, bonkers, I as a kid was so sure that they were bouncing around in my mouth that they weren't popping right.
Speaker 1:I can't remember what packet I had, but it was something like meteorites or something like that. So in my mind they were like bouncing in the inside of my mouth and I'm like why aren't they hitting my tongue? Like what? I'm moving my tongue around and you can't, and none of them are hitting my tongue. Like what a fucking idiot I was. Man, I want to come up to this small me and go. They're popping you, fucking idiot. What a dumbass sorry no judgment, no judgment.
Speaker 2:So, um, yeah, so what? What I kind of attempted to do is I ate 12 of these cases of pop rocks with the, with the attempt to uh, uh or in combination with uh, watching back to the future on loop to see if I can open a portal to try and travel and were you bonkers before this Pop Rock incident?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah. Oh okay all right it wasn't like we should put a warning on this and say you can eat 12 packets of Pop Rocks then you are fucked.
Speaker 2:No, not quite, cocaine does nothing to me, by the way. And then I guess I use my pet hamster as no. No, let me finish the sentence as a therapist as a therapist don't get me wrong, I think he judges me with those eyes, but I think at least he listens. So yeah, thanks guys. Thanks for listening thank you.
Speaker 1:I don't have applause anymore, uh, we weren't laughing, we weren't laughing you? No, no, it's fine, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you guys appreciate that all right and ah goodness, look who just walked in sabotage suzy, the middle child why did she have two names? I don't know it wasn't um.
Speaker 1:It wasn't geek gary or uh okay, fine, let's go back.
Speaker 2:It was uh billy bonkers.
Speaker 1:It was uh gerald geek you weren't happy with that one, and then it no, I wasn't.
Speaker 2:And then it was skinny Tim.
Speaker 1:Skinny Tim. Okay, see the alliteration you just went right out the door, skinny Tim. What a meeting that was.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and then sabotage Susie. Oh actually not. We fucking off sabotage Susie. We can talk about it. Oh, I'm interested.
Speaker 1:Why did she come in? I mean, I assume to sabotage. That's what she does, right.
Speaker 2:That means I need to do the voice. Hi, Susie, how are you doing? Hi? Sorry I'm late.
Speaker 6:Yeah, sorry I'm late Again. I was too busy being forgotten. So yeah, I just wanted to kind of talk as some of my issues. As a middle child. I get forgotten quite often. Statistically, I'm supposed to be in jail right now, or most likely to be in jail right now or most likely to be in jail right now.
Speaker 4:Double kill.
Speaker 2:Are you Dylan's brothers? Are you his sisters?
Speaker 1:I feel like this is just Dylan living through a girl's fault.
Speaker 6:Shut up, James. So basically, yeah, Kevin McAllister has got nothing on a middle child. Actually, the Home Alone movie was loosely based on me.
Speaker 1:Hence the sabotage. I guess there's a lot of sabotaging going on against those girls and adults.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I'm quite stubborn. I went on a couple-a-day hunger strike. I actually was hospitalized.
Speaker 1:Is that where you know Skinny Tim from?
Speaker 6:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Me and Tim go back.
Speaker 6:Yeah, yeah, because I wanted the TV slot on Wednesdays to watch Teen Wolf and my parents wouldn't let me, so yeah, Dylan, this is definitely you. Could you shut up, James?
Speaker 6:Let me just do my thing. Yeah, and then yeah. So my sister, she once got a haircut. I thought it looked beautiful, so I set it alight. I set it alight and then yeah, with regards to yeah, with regards to me seeking attention, because I don't get it, I kind of have to fight for it. So anytime anyone has a birthday, I announce that I normally get left alone and I'm neglected, and then I wait in the corner to see who comes speak to me.
Speaker 1:Sorry, sorry, sorry, I meant no. No, there's none. I'm sorry, Susie, I just have none. I have nothing on the board that can say how sad that is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so no, it's well. Thank you for sharing. Susie. Thank you, Susie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Wanky thank you, shut up wanky Scroats or whatever. No, I'm Scroats, you're Sc. I just thought that was itchy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so basically that was them, james. They had an interesting group dynamic. Geek was pretty sure that Bonkers was a mutant, and then also, geek envies Skinny for being able to wear comic T-shirts that don't stretch out. Um, and then, uh, bonkers keep shouting about the uh, shouting at the pigeon saying that's uh and it's a government drone. And then, um, I guess that's that okay.
Speaker 1:So that was just. Uh, it sounded like a day at the jacobs household to be honest.
Speaker 2:hey, hey, welcome to the jaco, and now my sister.
Speaker 1:Drop it down low with three word story, so Dylan we definitely should probably try and discuss kind of what stories we're going to try and do, because now I'm going to do a hell of a lot of stupid voices and if this is the first episode that anyone listens to they're going to go. There's something wrong with these two people and I never want to listen to this ever again. So it is. It seems like now for a while that our stories tend to kind of follow some kind of pattern or so, and it probably sounds a little bit suspicious, but it is completely. Uh, we get three random words, we don't talk about it at all, and then we turn up and we we speak some nonsense and bullshit. So we have the many personalities of DJ Rex himself, and now and now Dylan. Now it's James' turn For my multiple personalities. We, we, we, dylan, we, dylan for Vegetable Hurt Online are going gonna go to a murder mystery.
Speaker 1:Oh, dylan, I'm going to take you on a journey. Today, dj Dylan Rex becomes Detective Jacobs. You are gonna solve the mystery of the famous carrot influencer, mr carrot. He died in suspicious circumstances whilst online filming for his famous youtube channel. You, mr dylan, detective dylan, will have to question the key suspects. They will be Mr Mushroom, ms Sweet Potato, mr Swede, ms Onions and Mr Squash. Don't worry, it'll become very clear, don't you fret. There'll be clues, there'll be stories and, of course, in a murder mystery, there will be lies, dylan, and it's for you, as the detective, to read between the lines and find the murderer. Before they get away with Miss the carrot's murder, are you ready?
Speaker 2:yes, good was no an option. Yeah, that was the end of the episode otherwise. So I'm really glad, I'm really glad, I'm really glad you said yes.
Speaker 1:So, dylan, yes, we're gonna have to, we're gonna. We're gonna have to paint some scenes. Okay, we're gonna have to give you the whole picture, right, this is a bit like a netflix documentary, so now, this music is just a bit of ambience in the background, okay? Now dylan, as I, as I said, famous Mr Carrot.
Speaker 2:Mr.
Speaker 1:C In Vegetable City, there is a ray of characters, an array of people, and they are indeed vegetables with personalities.
Speaker 2:Did you just say car-a-tors?
Speaker 1:Carrot. Yeah, they're characters in Vegetable City. Oh, car-a-tors.
Speaker 2:That is confusing.
Speaker 1:No, not car-a-tors, I wasn't trying to throw some magical English towards you. That would confuse you. No, dylan. No, unfortunately, mr Karen perished whilst live on YouTube and I have the transcript here for you, okay, so you can understand the moment that he died. This was the excerpt of Mr Karen.
Speaker 5:Hi guys, it's Karen here talking to you about what it's like to be able to see in the dark. Sorry if I'm a bit spaced out today or if you see my eyes watering a lot, but I'm going to be my work. Oh, hey, what are you doing here? Oh, what have you got there? Wait, wait, what are you doing here? Oh, what have you got there? Wait, wait, what are you doing?
Speaker 1:no, no ah, that was the last we saw of mr carrot. Now dylan. At the scene, the investigators Investigators found a vegetable peeler, tissues and residue of vegetable oil, and they're confused. Who would do something to such a famous guy, millions of subscribers, famous around Vegetable City. Who would do such a thing? So they have brought in the world-famous Detective Jacobs to figure this out. You now will interrogate each of the lead suspects. You need to find out who killed Mr Carrot, double kill. So first up Dylan, first up up. We have Mr Mushroom. Mr Mushroom is gonna come in. He's gonna sit down Exactly where I am and you're gonna interrogate him. You need to find out when he was, what he was doing, what his motives may or may not have been. Come in, mr Mushroom. Hey bro, how are you today?
Speaker 2:Oh man, oh, mr Mushroom, oh, it's good to be here. What's going on? What's up man? Um, listen, it looks like you. Uh, you had a good time just before you got here, yeah, man, I'm mr mushroom man.
Speaker 1:I man, I'm seeing colors all day.
Speaker 2:Oh man Daylight's looking purple.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I don't really know what's going on, man. This all seems pretty good. What's the deal, man? I don't even know what I'm doing here, man.
Speaker 2:So unfortunately, I'm not sure if you're aware of the YouTube sensation, Mr Carrot.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, man, I'm in my bedroom all day. I'm watching a bit of Mr Carrot.
Speaker 1:That guy can see in the dark man.
Speaker 4:That's fucking cool man.
Speaker 2:All right, so you aren't just aware of him. Do you know Mr Carrot personally?
Speaker 1:I wouldn't say I know him personally. I, mr carroll, personally I, I wouldn't say no, personally. I sit in my sit in my bedroom all day long looking at shapes and colors and and I've got neon all over my wall. Man, I'm just, I'm just freaking, enjoying myself. I think we actually, I think we actually live in the same building, I think. But I don't really go out much, man, I'm just looking at the colors on my wall thinking, whoa man, they're just coming at me all the time man.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's good to know. So no personal connection to Mr Carrot.
Speaker 1:No, man, I just follow that dude. He's so cool, his orange, really freaking pops out of me.
Speaker 2:Man, he's just so colorful orange really freaking, pops out of me. Man, it's just so colorful. Do are you? Do you normally have the have the munchies.
Speaker 1:Uh, at some particular point, man, I'm always hungry man, and the food, when I eat it, it's popping out of me and oh, the sensation of the taste, man, oh, just just out of curiosity.
Speaker 2:What do you normally have for lunch?
Speaker 1:For lunch that's a very good question, detective I'm having some Cheetos and anything else that is not vegetable based, because that's cannibalism, dude, and I ain't all about that.
Speaker 2:I'm just trying to figure this whole thing out, alright. Alright, mr Carrot. Mr Carrot I was not finished with my sentence. Mr carrot is dead and um, yeah, look, I'll be honest. You are a suspect. I just wanted to kind of bring you in. Don't worry, don't be alarmed. Uh, it's just. You came up on my radar. I need to ask the questions. It's a formality for now. Thank you very much for your time.
Speaker 1:Thank you, man Appreciate it. Next up we have Ms Sweet Potato coming in.
Speaker 5:Hi there, I'm Ms Sweet Potato. How can I help you today?
Speaker 2:Hi, did you say Miss or Mrs, miss, miss, miss. Yes, where's your husband.
Speaker 5:Oh, unfortunately he passed away a few years ago, so it's a miss for now. I'm a father of three my condolences.
Speaker 2:How did he pass? If you don't mind me asking, oh, it's a mystery.
Speaker 5:You see, he just vanished one day, I think. Maybe he maybe ran away with miss celery oh, long legs over there and uh, she was minus sweet. But uh, I never saw him again and I'm just, I'm just a frightful widower or lonely all by myself, I guess so. But anyway, how can I help you today?
Speaker 2:Do you know, mr Carrot?
Speaker 5:Yeah, in fact I actually met Mr Carrot not long after my father sorry, Freudian slip.
Speaker 1:My partner left me or passed away.
Speaker 5:But yeah, carrot reached out to me. I have a little bit of social follow with Carrot reached out to me. I have a little bit of social follow with myself and he reached out to me when I was lonely. And yeah, we've been friends ever since. He's a great guy.
Speaker 2:Okay, you've got a bit of a social following. What do you do? Well, I'm just. I show my potatoes online.
Speaker 5:I'm sorry, sir.
Speaker 2:I am showing my potatoes.
Speaker 5:I'm sorry sir, I am showing my potatoes. I think you're fine. I ain't showing my spuds to anyone. I think you're fine.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just general sweet, I'm all about, you know, a good potato being at home for their partner.
Speaker 5:And you know, and I hang around with me and Mrs Onions is where we hang around with me, and Mrs Onions as well.
Speaker 1:We hang around together and yeah, so basically that's me.
Speaker 2:And how do you know, mrs Onion?
Speaker 5:Mrs Onion. We actually just met recently. She's, you know, as a sweet person myself. She's quite mighty upset all the time, so I thought that I would look after her. She lives in the same building as me, just across the road here, and yeah, we just hang out from time to time.
Speaker 2:Hang out from time to time and her husband like is fine with that, you guys are good friends.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's fine with that. He's mighty upset himself, just always in tears.
Speaker 2:Well, let me ask you so. Unfortunately, mr Carrad has been found dead. I'm not sure if you are aware of the news, my gosh, oh. Do you know of anyone that might have wished him harm?
Speaker 1:No, Mr Carrad, he's a wonderful person. He provides light in everyone's life, even at night, as he says. As he said, I guess.
Speaker 5:But last night me and Mrs Onions, we were out and we were at the tossed salad. You know the restaurant down the road.
Speaker 6:We were at the tossed salad together. Yeah, had a couple of margaritas.
Speaker 1:Yeah but you know as, us ladies does, but I don't know anyone who would, who would put harm on mr carrot. He truly is, truly, was a sweet guy thank you, mrs potatoes, thank you I appreciate your time thank you. So detective villain next up, detective Dillon Next up, we have Mr Swede. Mr Swede, you know, and we know this, mr Swede, and we know that actually he was staying lodging with Mr Carrot at the time. He's going to come in now.
Speaker 4:Here we're there, Detective Dillon. Here we're here to the year mr swede yes, I'm mr swede you know what it's.
Speaker 2:It's quite funny. I wanted to ask james, what is mr swede? And then you came in oh, I'm mr swede Sweet.
Speaker 1:I'm a kind of potato-ish kind of thing. I guess you would say it's what it was.
Speaker 2:Do you have any Canadian friends?
Speaker 1:No, I'm a Swedish, you're me, I'm a Swedish.
Speaker 4:Kind of the same hemisphere there. All right.
Speaker 2:So, mr Sweet, yes, all right. So let me explain why you are here. Why you are here we are just kind of interviewing a couple of people that were in the vicinity because, unfortunately, I'm not sure if you are aware of the YouTube sensation.
Speaker 5:Mr Carrot, yes, I've actually been staying with him.
Speaker 1:The past couple of years I've actually been traveling myself. I'm a travelerller on social media and Mr Currit kindly offered him a room to me, and I've noticed today that I've gone to see Mr Currit and I've not been able to get into his apartment. Are you a?
Speaker 2:cannibalist.
Speaker 5:No, no, Of course not. No Detective, why would you say?
Speaker 2:we're such a dear. No particular reason. It just popped up and I just wanted to see how you, how you reacted.
Speaker 1:No, mr detective, what was your material guy? I'm a perfect swede.
Speaker 2:Swede over here, sweet sweet, um, all right, and, and because you are a social media traveler, he obviously is very into the social media scene himself. How long have you known, mr? Mr Carrot.
Speaker 5:Mr Carrot, you see, we've been feeling each other probably for a year or so.
Speaker 2:You don't know if Mr Carrot was married.
Speaker 1:No, there was no lady there at all, right Understood, no, I just wanted to confirm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was no lady there at all, right understood. No, I just wanted to confirm. Also, I honestly don't know where I was going with that, okay any more questions from here motive, you wouldn't happen to know who would benefit from Mr Carrot's death. Hmm, let me see here to know who would benefit from Mr Carrot's death.
Speaker 1:Hmm, let me see here. Well, I guess he's got a load of followers, so maybe if you get into his account, maybe he could benefit that way.
Speaker 4:But other than there, then I would say he's just a mighty nice guy.
Speaker 2:Mighty nice guy, alright, and you think no secrets, there's nothing off that, you think. Just that guy can glow in the dark like no other. Okay, understood. Thank you for your time.
Speaker 4:Thank you very much.
Speaker 2:So now, detective Dylan James, by the way, what was the three things found at the scene? The three things found at the scene. The three things found at the scene, Dillon, besides, what's Vegetable? Vegetable, what?
Speaker 1:Vegetable Peeler, peeler Tissues and residue of vegetable oil. The three things found. So we have our penultimate suspect, mrs Onions, coming in Suspect.
Speaker 4:Mrs Onion's coming in, Hi Detective.
Speaker 2:That's ironic.
Speaker 4:Sorry, I've just got tears in my eyes. I just spoke to my friend out there, the sweet potato, and she just told me the news. I'm quite an emotional kind of person, detective. I'm always crying and we're just. We just can't help ourselves, you know. So what can I do for you today? I want to know why you are so upset I'm just just an emotional person, detective, I just any little thing sets me off. It's just like. It's just like this constant vapor in my eyes and I just can't stop crying.
Speaker 2:What did you? And you said you spoke to Mrs, Miss, Miss Potato.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And what did she tell you?
Speaker 4:Why are you here? She said that our good friend Mr Garrett has passed and he's no longer with us is what he said.
Speaker 2:Okay, and you are obviously saddened by that, of course, or is this your default setting? By that, of course, or is this your default setting?
Speaker 4:Generally. I am quite sad that this particularly has really really got to me today, detective.
Speaker 2:Did you have any love interests with Mr Carrot? Oh God, no I don't know.
Speaker 4:I'm very loyal to my husband. I'm in fact a very, very loyal person, detective, very loyal indeed. So I would never do such a thing like that Anything else.
Speaker 2:Have you considered threesomes?
Speaker 4:Oh god, no, no, sir, are you coming on to me detective.
Speaker 2:No, that's not where I was going.
Speaker 4:No, no, no, no no, I'm fully monogamous on you over here.
Speaker 2:What am I doing? All right, okay, understood. How did you guys become friends again? Please remind me.
Speaker 4:So a nun, Miss Sweet Potato, saw me one day and I was just a bit teary it was not that long ago actually and she came over to me and she was so mightily sweet and she said that she knew a great guy, mr carrot, who was full of life and he kind of just glows up your life, and said that maybe, maybe, that he could be the type of person that helps you know, that kind of friendship that just glows up your life. You know what I mean I guess it does.
Speaker 2:And when you say glows up, what do you mean?
Speaker 4:Well, you know he could see in the dark, you know his skin was luminous, you know, and I guess If anyone was, you know, kind of scared of the dark or you know, anyone who Just has a bit of fear or is a bit upset in life Could probably really benefit from a guy like that.
Speaker 2:Alright, understood, well, look, if anything pops up, all right, understood. Well, look, if anything pops up, we'll let you know. Please just wait outside, as I might just have to bring you in a bit later.
Speaker 4:Gosh. Okay. Well, I guess that's not a problem at all.
Speaker 1:Thank you, right, sir Dylan. Detective Dylan, you have one more. You have one more person to come in, okay, and then you will not have long To question these suspects, because under vegetable law there's a limited amount of time that you can keep people in Before they wilt. So your last person.
Speaker 4:Is.
Speaker 1:Mr Squash, come in, mr Squash. What is this? All about? Huh. I've been waiting out there For two hours, hours. I'm just my mad now. I'm mad that I've been waiting out there for what. What's going on, detective? You tell me now what's going on, huh quite an interesting accent you've got.
Speaker 2:Thanks very much. Well, I'm a squash.
Speaker 1:You see, your squash is a kind of hard nuts over here.
Speaker 2:All right, mr Hard Nuts, mr Squash, I just wanted to say well, how do you know, mr Carrot?
Speaker 1:Mr Show-Off. Mr, look at me, glow in the dark, give me a break. That guy sucks. He sucks in college and he sucks today. I wouldn't want anything to do with that guy sucks. He sucks in college and he sucks today. I wouldn't want anything to do with that guy all right, so you went to college with him yeah, god, mr, show off mr. You know he's always in the sports teams that us vegetables play. You know why would I want to be anywhere near that guy?
Speaker 2:all right. So you'd say there's a fair level of? We'll call it jealousy resentment. Yeah, I'd say there's a fair level of we'll call it jealousy resentment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd say that I don't like the guy. I'd say straight up to your face I'm a straight up kind of guy.
Speaker 2:And have you recently told him that, or when last did you see Mr Carrot?
Speaker 1:No, I don't see the guy. I mean, we live in the same building but I never see the guy. It's quite a small world. You know, there's only so many vegetables in the world, you know detective, that's fair, all right.
Speaker 2:Um, and you were aware of his, or you are aware of his huge social media following yeah, of course I like to tell him on his videos what a jerk he is all right and um what? How would you react if I told you that Mr Carrot has been found dead?
Speaker 1:Well, I'd say good riddance. I'd say, probably make a good soup. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Do you know how to cook?
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course I do. I'm a squash, you know.
Speaker 2:Okay, but back to the future. You know Okay. Back to the future. All right, and tell me, do you know a Mrs Potato? Mrs Potato, no Miss.
Speaker 1:Potato. No, Mrs Potato is a patent owned by Disney. So, no, it's got nothing to do with that. In fact, I believe it's Miss Potato.
Speaker 2:Miss Potato and Mrs Onion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I see them in the lobby every now and then. They're all like busybodies, but I don't want anything to do with them. You know, I don't want anything to do with that. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:All right, and what do you do for a living, Mr Squash?
Speaker 1:I work in construction fucking construction that's right actually deconstruction.
Speaker 5:I squash things.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying okay, understood, all right um, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for your time, mr squash you're welcome, detective, had a good day and, as I said, good riddance the one good day. So, detective dylan, I hope you've got enough information, uh, from you're going to get some clue from the investigation. Oh, so the DNA has come back from the scene.
Speaker 1:All we know is that the killer and the victim share a family and or type. That is all we know from the DNA taker. Now, detective, you only have a limited time left, as time is wilting, as they say in the vegetable world. You only have one question to ask each of the suspects and then you must make your decision. Who killed Mr Carrot? Double kill, drop it down low with three word story yeah, he's a Swede.
Speaker 2:What the fuck's a Swede?
Speaker 1:It's like a potato-y kind of vegetable, you know I knew A Swede is a vegetable.
Speaker 2:You see, this is literal, lost in translation.
Speaker 1:I thought he was just a Swede. No, no, he's a vegetable. I need to Google this.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're sure, bring in contestant number one.
Speaker 1:Okay, mr Mushroom. Hey bro, bro, how you doing? Hi man, god, this table is so fluffy. Man, is it hot? I don't know. Man, oh man, mr detective, what can I do for you today?
Speaker 2:all right, mr mush, mr mushroom, mr Marsh, mr Mushroom, did you kill Mr Carrot?
Speaker 1:No, man, no, I ain't no killer, I just like to. I just like to look at my pictures all glowing and moving towards me, man. But I know vegetable law and I believe that's the last question you got from me, man.
Speaker 4:But I can tell you one thing I didn't do.
Speaker 1:No man, thank you, mr.
Speaker 2:McConaughey.
Speaker 5:Hi, hi, it's me Sweet Potato Scat. Oh God, I'm just not over such terrible news. What can I do for you, detective?
Speaker 2:Mrs Potato yeah would you suspect Mr Swede of being the killer?
Speaker 5:I mean.
Speaker 1:I only met the guy a couple of times but he was staying with him and I I don't know. I he had a lot of followers and I know between influence and stuff there's a lot of, a lot of beef and uh, but I can't, I couldn't say thank you, thank you, but I couldn't say Thank you.
Speaker 4:Thank you, hey, there detective how can I help you right?
Speaker 5:now Mr Speed.
Speaker 2:Yes, who has had, let me ask, had, who has the most followers on all social media platforms, like, who would you say is more popular, you or Mr Carrot?
Speaker 1:Oh, I would say Mr Carrot has a lot. His unique selling point is the hookler and the dirtster for geese.
Speaker 2:So you know, I guess he would be the mighty one who has all the followers thank you, Mr Sweden hi detective, it's Mrs Onions, if you didn't know thank you for reminding me, Mrs Onions, while you are obviously in front of Mrs Onions, while you are obviously in front of me, Mrs Onion, point number one I wanted to apologize for the obvious advance I made earlier.
Speaker 4:Secondly, are you sure you don't want to take me up on that? Oh God, no sir, no sir, I would never do something like that to my husband. All right, I am a loyal, loyal wife and I am an even more loyal friend. Thank you very much.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Hey, what do you want now, detective? I'm going to watch my shows at home. You know, I got a wife to look after. I got kids to look after, you know.
Speaker 2:I got a construction slash deconstruction company to maintain over here. Mr Squash, yeah, yeah, squash, yeah. Given a chance would you, no matter how small, how big would you? Would you try and level the playing field or get back somehow at mr carrot for your, your days in, uh, in college?
Speaker 1:no man, I, I'm just a blue-collar car and a vegetable over here. You think if I wanted to kill the guy I wouldn't have gone over there with a hammer or a drill or a screwdriver by now and shot that in his stupid carrot face. Give me a break, man. I've got kids to look after.
Speaker 2:All right, no problem. Thank you for your time. Thank you very much Yep.
Speaker 1:So, dylan, you've had your one question of the rest of them. And there is one more clue remaining clue before you make your decision and it comes from an anonymous tip. It's come in the mail, it's come through the news and it simply says this the killer used a bulb to help with the murder and the murderer is certainly not a fun guy, Detective Dillon what are your thoughts? What are you thinking? What are you?
Speaker 2:feeling. Just quickly say something about the bulb again. What's that the killer?
Speaker 1:used a bulb. A bulb A bulb. Fuck. What's that? Bulb Bulb To help the murder. There may be people at home screaming now going. They know they get the clue. Oh, but that's it, that's all it says.
Speaker 2:Well, what I'm thinking is you highlighted and this is where I think it's probably comedic is I can't place them together, but obviously you keep on highlighting the fact that he's glow in the dark and then bulb and light and shit, um, and then bulb and light and shit, and then, uh, he probably wouldn't go for the obvious choice, um, of the person that do actually wanted to wish him harm. It's about kind of motive, and doesn't seem like too many other people had too much to gain besides Mr Swede, considering that's maybe a family linked kind of clue. However, I don't know how a bulb might fit in there. But, yeah, sure, let's say let's stick with Mr Swede, you're sticking to Mr Swede. Yeah, I thought there might be something weird. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the.
Speaker 1:So you are saying Mr Sweet committed the Double kill? Yes, Okay, Well, Detective Dylan, oh shit, you accused Mr Sweet of a murder. He's been locked up in prison. The justice sent him away as you are the world's best vegetable detective. Since then, a Netflix documentary documentarian has been questioning and reprobing the suspects. Was it indeed a hapless Swede out to gain more followers, or was there something else awry? Did you check the alibis of each of the vegetables, Dylan?
Speaker 2:No, because I figured it would be uh, how long is a piece of string? Because I couldn't actually confirm where they would be at a certain point.
Speaker 5:True Dylan true, but if you ask some questions.
Speaker 1:Maybe you would have found that Mr Swede that night was actually at Colander Heights taking some pictures and some videos for his blog Interesting, do you know who else was there that day? Huh, well, mr Squash had had a rough day in the construction site and he loves nothing more to go see some ducks and see some lovely wildlife around. I know, weird. No, no one thought that. Right, no one thought that. And he actually saw mr swede there that day. He didn't want to speak to him. He doesn't like people from not where, from. He's around.
Speaker 1:Now that more checks with this character, as you would probably agree. Now, if you asked mrs onions where she was that day, she would have said that her and sweet potato had spent the night out at the tossed salad. And if you had asked actually where miss sweet potato had been, she would have also told you that she was at the same place. But if you had asked her where she was, she would have told you that she was out with a friend because she's afraid of the dark. Now then, if you are afraid of the dark, what may you want to help you with such fear? Maybe you would take your friend Mr Carrot and you would heal him senselessly. With the help of your hapless, emotional friend, ingest the carrot and then nay be able to see in the dark, then solving your fears of being able to see in the dark.
Speaker 2:And then the followers would come. Nightlights aren't the thing? No, not in the vegetable world, there's no electricity you moron, but for some reason there's social media.
Speaker 1:And the clues. You may go back to the clues. The DNA type Detective Dillon, the killer and the victim share family. Slash type the sweet potato and a carrot are both root vegetables. Both root vegetables. They share the same family. It's a sweet potato.
Speaker 2:It's a sweet potato. I thought you were just referring to she's. Like she's fine.
Speaker 4:Just a random, more fucking weird.
Speaker 5:Or a random, weird, freaking human.
Speaker 1:It's like Jessica Rabbit, just a weird, fucking sexy person involved. No, dylan. And if you look at the clues, so they shared a family time. They were both root vegetables and the clue the killer used a bulb to help the murder. An onion Is a bulb vegetable. Help the murder. An onion is a bulb vegetable. Oh, and they are certainly not a fun guy, and a mushroom, as we know, is a fun guy. So there we go.
Speaker 1:You would have found out that Mr Swede's alibi corroborated the alibi of mr squash and that, if you probed a little bit further, that miss sweet potato was scared of the dark and, as we know, mr carrot could have helped with that issue. Bah, murder mystery number one. You've been fooled. And for the audience at home, we played a game of Wolf, which you basically have to find out if people are lying or not, and you have to find out who the killer was. And Dylan was exceptionally good at it. But the murder mystery has tricked him, duped him. I say he didn't find out who the double kill was about. It indeed was a double kill Because, as you know, mrs Onions was a loyal, loyal friend. She would have never snitched on her friend dylan. Come on, it's all connecting together. Now the dots have formed what do you say?
Speaker 2:yeah, james, in retrospect, yeah, it's quite easy to connect the dots now. Um, so I, I always, always, or let me say I had the inkling of, um, those two maybe being in cahoots with each other. Um, but I thought, I also thought maybe I don't know why maybe because of the, uh, the conversation what are you gonna say with a wink? With a conversation we had earlier I don't know like even pre, pre-podcast recording like yeah, um, I thought they might have something going on there sexually. Whatever vegetables then do?
Speaker 1:that's ironic yeah, just going. It's just a carrot going up to a swede or a freaking miss sweet potato so, yeah, the the obvious one was okay, I'm fine, mr swede has something to.
Speaker 2:And, uh, what's it like? A? Uh, it's not a rhubarb like there's. There's a, uh, a rutabag, no well, there's another. There's another word for this swede okay, okay, vegetable Okay, and I was also almost pretty sure it connects to like the family of a carrot. But I obviously went wrong there. I missed the whole bulb thing with the onion. So yeah, in retrospect, james, yes, the quality of my questions could have been better, and thus I have been duped.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so is Mr Swede, rotting away, wilting away in jail, that's right. Wow, well, remember that for next time. Find out those alibis Dylan, detective Dylan, and if anyone at home figured out who the killer was the3wordstory at gmailcom Let us know. Laugh at Dylan, record yourself laughing at him and I'll play it to him and watch him cry and I'll wink at you. I don't know, dylan. Next three words when are we going to find them and why?
Speaker 2:Let's go with, let's stick to a continent this time. Oh, okay, so we're going to. Yeah, so we're going to limit ourselves within the continent South America. South America, south America, that's fine, oh puppy Right. So we'll stick to South America and then we'll go for where you would start a business and listen, I know what you might be thinking right Obviously a logistics company. But no, no, where you would start a business and why you would place it over there, whether it's legal or not legal. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 1:Dylan, I love you pulled that out of my hat. So we're going South America, oi papi, and we're gonna find a business on what we are gonna do. Thank you for listening to today's three word story. We've seen Dylan's multiple personalities coming out in an AA meeting full of people scratching their scrotums geeks, skinny people and whoever the other guy was and we have found that Detective Dylan has been thwarted by the murder mystery and that actually sweet, sweet Mrs Potato and Mrs Onion committed the murder of the glow-in-the-dark influencer that is Mr Carrot.
Speaker 1:Join in next week to find out what South American company that we bring out. Have you got anything to say to the audience, Dylan?
Speaker 2:No, bye, bye.
Speaker 3:Catch you next week. Drop it down low with Three Word Story.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to this week's Three Word Story. If you would like to get in touch with James and Dylan, then please email us at thethreewordstory at gmailcom. Send your reviews, negative or positive, or even your three words, and we'll read them out on air. See you next week.
