Three Word Story
Welcome to "Three Word Story," where each episode improvises a tale from the unknown. Join hosts James Royle and Dylan Jacobs as they stumble through narratives sparked by three random words generated from the map app what3words thethreewordstory@gmail.com
Three Word Story
25. A Komodo Dragon's Luck & World Cheerleading Cheers
What happens when a Komodo dragon, a Chinese exchange student, and a few clueless tourists cross paths in a Bangkok nightclub? According to Dylan, it leads to a multi-million yuan casino empire in Beijing. Welcome to the wonderfully absurd world of Three Word Story, where fictional business ventures spring from random locations and three arbitrary words.
Fresh off their sunburned and boulder-bruised two-week hiatus, James and Dylan take their entrepreneurial imagination to Asia. Dylan weaves an elaborate tale of how he and three companions—Peter Ink, Glenn Layers, and David Dragon—leveraged a lizard bite into political capital with China's "Minister of Infrastructure and Strategic Amusements." The story takes an unexpected comedic turn when Dylan's pronunciation of "glares" as "glayers" becomes the episode's running joke, revealing his tendency to add extra sounds to certain English words.
Meanwhile, James develops an international cheerleading competition based in Phuket, Thailand (which he consistently mispronounces to hilarious effect). Rather than focusing on athletic ability, his cheerleading business emphasizes culturally-specific chants and audience engagement. The episode reaches its peak as James performs three increasingly outrageous routines for South Africa, the United Kingdom, and the United States—each packed with stereotypes ranging from vuvuzelas and safari references to Brexit jokes and Donald Trump worship.
Between the mispronunciations, cultural stereotypes, and completely implausible business plans, this episode perfectly captures the show's signature blend of improvised storytelling and friendly banter. Listen now, and discover why sometimes saying "fuck it" (or as James would say, visiting Phuket) leads to the most entertaining business concepts you'll never invest in.
Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!
Follow us on:
- Insta: @three.wordstory
- TikTok: @Threewordstory
- X: @_threewordstory
Welcome to Three Word Story. I'm James.
Speaker 2:I'm Dylan.
Speaker 1:And this is the podcast where we take three words from the app.
Speaker 2:What three words.
Speaker 1:And improv the shit out of a story.
Speaker 2:Today on Three Word Story.
Speaker 1:You've got yourself a casino in Beijing.
Speaker 2:Casino in Beijing.
Speaker 3:Yeah right, okay.
Speaker 1:Lady boys no, that's a different Okay you can't just keep saying the word Gliars. Let me tell you, gliars, it's actually Big Ben Chime. Tea Time Rhyme Bloke let's go. Yeah, yeah, let's go, dylan, let's go. Yeah, yeah, let's go, dylan, let's go. Yeah, yeah, let's go, dylan, let's go, let's go, let's go, dylan, let's go.
Speaker 2:Hey, dylan, how are you, dil Pickle? I am now ready, I'm psyched. You just put me in the mood for this podcast With a bit of let's go, team let's go, as we are.
Speaker 1:Team Three Word Story Are you ready?
Speaker 3:to rock today.
Speaker 1:Dil Pickle yeah, we are Right. So it's been two weeks because we are lazy little shitheads. So shall we remind the listeners at home what we're trying to do here, dylan? Yes, we shall. So we are going to pick a random place in Asiaia this time, I believe it was. So we are going to pick somewhere in the world, specifically down to a meter square, that we would set up a business in asia and we're going to use what three words? Which will give us three unique, individual words that we can then use to create a story. How does that that sound, dylan? Does that sound like a?
Speaker 3:Nice job, fantastic job, fantastic.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you said something, because I was just going to do this whole podcast with me and this guy and these guys. The fact that they are my competition right, I think I need to up my game somewhat.
Speaker 2:Just being like let's go, we need to get you some catchphrases.
Speaker 1:That's what we need to. Get you some catchphrases, that's what we need to do.
Speaker 2:Uh, well, it has been a while, it's been a while and so hopefully our stories have. No, that's, uh, it's beautiful, it's true, and I saw your face.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to let this keep on going. Something along those lines yeah, was that it, I like it Nice job.
Speaker 3:I miss this guy honestly, Tom.
Speaker 1:Tom, he's given us a nice job. I was going to go through and maybe find more quotes from Tom, but Tom just likes a nice job, that's all he needs. So, wow, what a wicked car job. That's all he needs. So, uh, wow, what a wicked car crash. To the beginning of this podcast, we've, we've stated, indeed, what we do, which is finding three random words. So let's, let's, skip the small talk because, honestly, I've done sweet fuck all these past two weeks, which really lends me to believe. What have we been doing? Why not do a podcast? But we've just been doing stupid, smelly work, which sounds about right yeah, that honestly sounds about right, I mean within the word context.
Speaker 2:Even I try and pick stories honestly leading up to those, because I know we have to. I mean, do do the small talk portion of this, and that's actually what I strive for, james, is to make interesting stories. Uh, just that I can actually relay them here on the podcast and then I just that's good.
Speaker 1:Well, what do you say producer tom? Nice job, he likes that he likes it. You're coming in with a pop of small talk. What have you got for me? No, no, no, no, but I failed.
Speaker 2:That's what I wanted to say listen I'm building and I'm working with scraps here. So, yes, I just wanted to tell you of the process and yet then still failing at the uh, at the process.
Speaker 1:I mean, what have I done? Uh, when I sat on a beach, nothing interesting. Oh, I burnt like a motherfucker. There we go. I sat on a beach back up and I use right, okay, okay, like, let me start, let me just say, and you know, let me just go in a caveat that I love my wife blah blah, blah blah, but she fucked something up for me, dylan, she fucked something up because he just he kept on going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's what?
Speaker 1:no, no, no, no no, no, she fucked it up for me, dylan, because we didn't take sun cream with us, right, which is a silly thing when you go on a 45 degree beach holiday. And she said James, don't you worry, your dear, dear face, what your?
Speaker 2:English skins will be fine. No, no, no.
Speaker 1:She said there is communal sun cream on the beach. There's like these dispensers.
Speaker 4:That dispense sun cream. That's nice, that's what I thought If it were to be true, that's what I thought it were to be true, that's what?
Speaker 1:no, no, no, no, they did have these, but, dylan, if I'm if I'm a business and I won't name the business because I don't want to get into trouble for besmirching their communal sun cream if I'm a business, I'm probably gonna not put the most expensive sun cream in these dispensers, right?
Speaker 1:because, people are just gonna fuck it around everywhere, have sun cream fives, put it accidentally on hot dogs and give it to someone, maybe as a joke, right, as like sun cream mayonnaise, it might even taste like mayonnaise, so I'm not going to. It's quite expensive sun cream by the kilogram, so I'm probably not going to put the most refreshing.
Speaker 2:Win for kilogram and not liter. I do mine in kilos.
Speaker 1:I do kilos of sun cream. I'll have five kilo your finest sun cream. I'll have five kilo your finest sun cream, please, sir.
Speaker 2:So we were Feel the weight on me.
Speaker 1:We were left with the communal sun cream. Now we went into the little shop that was there, thinking they'll have some reasonably priced stuff. You'd be surprised, dylan. They had the cheapest shittiest sunglasses per exemplar that would have totaled around a hundred dollars, us dollars like and they were the stuff that you find in just a pharmacy, right like you know, that that stuff that has like combs hair bands and a pair of sunglasses.
Speaker 1:So it's 400 dirhams, which was insane. And then they had sun cream. That was awful anyway, yeah, communal sun cream. So I was like, okay, fine, I'll trust the sun cream. You know my wife's usually going to look after me. It should be fine. Slathered myself. I slathered myself with this sun cream because it's free. Yeah, because it's free and I put it on my hot dog and I put it in some sandwiches.
Speaker 2:It does taste and it was great, you know.
Speaker 1:But no, I was. It was just a weekend. We're back to work on monday and I didn't want to look like a silly prick you know, as an English person does going into a predominantly Arab office. I didn't want everyone to laugh at me more than they usually do, so I slathered myself. Did it work, did it fuck? So I had like third degree burns on my back and chest. Thankfully my face wasn't too bad because we had a teeny, tiny little bit of 50 spf in a little bottle that we had. So I reserved that for my beautiful, beautiful face.
Speaker 1:But my body totaled, ruined, absolute fiery car crash for my body and there was pain, upset, discomfort so that's been that's been my two weeks right, there's you fucking small talk and shove it up, your ass, we go did you do anything? Did you do like boulder or something?
Speaker 2:like that oh shit, yeah, yeah, I went. Some bouldering is what I now know it's called I really didn't know.
Speaker 1:I just chucked a word out there and just so happened. That's something you did crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't know the. Uh, it was called bouldering and then, as opposed to, was it rock climbing or wall climbing?
Speaker 1:well, you tell the listeners at home. Dylan, what did you do?
Speaker 2:why? I think, well, it's called boulder zone, but then you basically just fucking climb up the walls and, uh, what is it probably about? Three meters, four meters. It can't be higher than that but yeah, you've got this.
Speaker 4:Zero ropes, no ropes.
Speaker 2:Uh, you got the mats down at the bottom. Should you you obviously fall? And uh, yeah, you've got this, this series of rocks. Then to climb. The idea is not to use all of the colors, it's to stick to a certain route. That obviously varies in difficulty and I actually really, really enjoyed it. I don't think I was too bad, but I probably fucked up my knees a bit because, jumping from up there instead of climbing down, I figured, yeah, that just wastes energy.
Speaker 2:That wastes energy for the next one, because some of these things are really not that easy to climb. And yeah, needless to say, the next day I couldn't walk properly.
Speaker 1:You had climber's knees or boulder's knees. Boulders, boulder's knees, and to what degree? How hard did you go? How difficult did you go? Or did you stick to the big chugs, as they call?
Speaker 2:them. I don't know what the difficulty level is like. I know it is better than the kids, than the kids area um at restaurants, like because you try because I'm trying to warm up there.
Speaker 1:You're like kids, fuck off, move out the way.
Speaker 2:Right, I didn't want to be a prick about it, but they keep on hogging the fucking walls like fuck you guys. Yeah, um, so I chased them away to the playstation so that they could go. It's a bit late, guys, come on. Um, no, so, um, I think the level was uh, six. Uh, there's apparently yeah that I chased away. Yeah, um, I guess, or you just said that I chased away um, yeah, apparently the difficulty scale is from 1 to 12 or something, and we just got up to 6.
Speaker 1:I think it was, and then like slipping off at 6, or you were like comfortable at 6?.
Speaker 2:No, no, it took me probably about 5 times.
Speaker 1:We're talking about the difficulty of rock climbing anyone who's at home is going to snap that up and get Dylan in trouble.
Speaker 2:He's talking about the difficulty of climbing that sound bite would go viral.
Speaker 1:it would go but we wouldn't then be going. Let's and get Dylan in trouble. He's talking about the difficulty of climbing. That soundbite would go viral. I'm pretty sure it would go. It would go, but we wouldn't then be going. Let's go, team.
Speaker 2:Let's go. No, we wouldn't, we wouldn't take a team, anyway. Oh, that was, that was.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, that wasn't a.
Speaker 4:Nice job.
Speaker 1:Right. So, dylan, let's sprint away. Nay, let's run away. All right, drop it down low. Three word story, dylan, we last week, last two weeks, whenever it may be we decided to uh start up businesses in south america, yes, which gave us our stories.
Speaker 2:Uh, we had, uh, my company was going to create nicknames and surnames in suriname and you were gonna coca leaves you were coca leaves guys, coca leaves in south america, and then I thought, yeah, let me just take it to asia. So we got the same story in asia so yeah, I mean, uh, we've started those.
Speaker 1:Now they're in production. We've, uh we've fundraised so far. Uh, we're in development stage. So if any investors are out there that want to get into business in Suriname for nicknames and surnames, hit me up. If anyone wants to get into not drug smuggling- let's make it very clear to the authorities out there that we are nothing into drug smuggling whatsoever. It's just cocoa leaves. Please leave us alone. We're very sorry so it was just a joke, so uh dylan, in asia and asia is famously large why did you go to set up a business?
Speaker 2:and why so? Pretty serious. Oh sure, I actually already have set up this business and it's already quite profitable. I've kind of been operating for the last two years, so I will tell you where it is. I will leave the three words to myself until I get into the story because, I'm not going to tell you.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to tell anyone and you have to decipher them from the story which, if history says anything will be a fucking stab in the dark you couldn't even even get to my three words, despite me actually trying to use those three words.
Speaker 1:Honestly. You tell me that in the beginning your story and at the end I'm like there is no way. There is no way that those three ways corresponded.
Speaker 4:But I'm sure this time, dylan, they will.
Speaker 1:So where is this business? What is this business? What have you been doing?
Speaker 2:casino not in macau beijing, beijing. So you've got yourself a casino in beijing casino in beijing yeah, right okay, I have to pull some strings forward, um, but I think it's. This would be uh, this would kind of be the definition of a plan coming coming together, and that's what. Uh, that's what I'll explain to you just now.
Speaker 1:Okay, so is your story about this casino. So I can't now ask you anything about this casino, which is usually a good four to six minutes of our patter. Uh, to really eke out this absolute horseshit that we talk about, okay, right so, and this is me shaking my head like the listeners can yeah? Yeah, they can hear your, your breathing, go in and out, and in and out, and in and out. So maybe that's why, yeah, um, okay, well there's four fucking valuable minutes in the podcast.
Speaker 3:Gone, jesus. Well done, dylan, nice job no, tom, not nice job.
Speaker 1:We needed some patter to get to at least 45 minutes for the algorithm. So anyway, okay, dylan. Well, I guess I will try and eke out my piece of shit that I have to talk about, so half an hour, here we go so, dylan, I take you to a country that I obviously know is the country and I'm not zooming out, just to clarify.
Speaker 4:So don't get it wrong don't be silly.
Speaker 1:I go to the british tourists favorite traveling destination, thailand. Now because I am not middle class and above and slightly posh. I have not been there myself in to be a British uh kind of in your early twenties, late teens. To travel to these places you usually have to your parents have to have a bit of money, um, and that's about it. Me, not so much scumbag would only go to uh anywhere in Europe, so, uh, I've not been. The life-changing stories and about how I don't know bowl of noodles changed my perspective on camels or whatever, uh, or how the water is so fresh that it cleaned my soul, or whatever, um, so it's all new to me, so I'm coming at a completely business point of view.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, we're talking business. I'm not going there to take drugs, to kind of find myself right. I'm going there for a different reason, because I didn't go there as someone in my 20s or late teens to live it large, as the kids say. I'm going there as a fully fledged adult, okay, an adult that has, let's say, a bit of rage, a bit of a bit of bit of stuff, bit of life baggage to let go. Okay, and I think Thailand has the perfect place to go to let out that rage.
Speaker 2:Ladyboys Sorry no, that's a different.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no no, no, no, Not ladyboys, so we are going out. You might have to correct my pronunciation.
Speaker 2:We're going to Phuket. Yeah, it's pocket.
Speaker 3:And I teed it up. Do you know?
Speaker 1:what you've got.
Speaker 3:Nice job.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've got a nice job Because, yes, I believe it is probably pocket Pocket. Oh, a little bit of an accent on there as well.
Speaker 2:Okay, wow, that's coming for you.
Speaker 1:I didn't realise I was with a tie in the room. Are you a lady boy? No, so we have.
Speaker 1:Right, so I'm sure it's called Puckett for a reason, but because of my colonialistic nature, I'm coming in with the Isle of Fuckit. All right, I like it. So for the people that didn't go there and find themselves in their late teens and early twenties, they just figured fuck it their late teens and early 20s. I'm going back there and I'm saying fuck it, right. I'm saying fuck it and fuck you. What am I specifically going to do there? Well, there's shit loads of trees, so I can go there with a hatchet or an axe. That's so specific.
Speaker 1:It's not that specific because the map is in my eye gaze and I see a lot of green which I assume to be trees. It's just moss, yeah to be trees, so you can just moss yeah yeah, moss growing on wood I'm seeing. I didn't realize you knew it's a dirty lake. It's just one massive mossy lake. No, dylan, no that, I believe that they are probably trees. Um, you'll be happy as I zoom it onto this map.
Speaker 1:There is rebel rock climbing there, so you could say fuck it all right I'm gonna do some rock climbing and or bouldering with a six-year-old or not, or I'm gonna do it with six difficulty or above, or I could say fuck it. I'm gonna go to an elephant conservationist and ride a fucking elephant and give it a high five and be its friend, befriend it and talk about deep, meaningful issues, like you know what do they do when their nose gets blocked. You know what do they do when they need to pick something out their teeth. Do they use their trunk? Or did they get someone else's tusk? I don't know, fuck it. That's what I'm saying. So my business is to bring people to the wonderful country of Thailand, to bucket country of Thailand to Phuket, phuket.
Speaker 1:sorry, it's like I'm with the Thai man himself, and you come here and you say Phuket, fuck it all, right, okay, so is that my cue every time?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, I mean I'm looking can you not read this sign that I'm holding it up and oh, it's me again. Okay, yeah, okay, okay, um, so, yeah, so it's basically, you go here and you say, uh, you say fuck it. Okay, what else can you do? Swim, fuck it. You could go to moo one, you could go to moo two. Uh, am I just reading off this map? Yes, yes, yes, sir, yeah, what do you reckon, tom? Nice job. Yeah, the prep has gone hard into this one, so I think that I've eked out as much patter as I can.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's definitely four minutes.
Speaker 1:And now, I'm sure, because they seem to have regions here, a different Mu can have a different region.
Speaker 1:Look, I'm making up for your lack of patter okay, so I'm gonna go into the fact that there's regions in thailand called moo dylan and you're gonna fucking like it, okay, right. Moo one okay, they can have it where you hit trees. Moo two okay, that's where you freaking, just go in and bash one out. Moo three okay, you could do. You could do, freaking, clay pigeon shooting dylan. Move four you could say fuck it I'm gonna go swim.
Speaker 2:Listen, could I just tell you it's. I think it's funny because I kind of wanted to do the same thing. I'm looking at this map and I'm like, yeah, so, dylan, what can you talk about? Yeah, it's in the town, town, or it is uh, the guang uh or the uh jheng.
Speaker 1:Is this your casino?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you should fucking know, it's your casino apparently so okay.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, so you get it now. The regions of Mu 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, they can all have their own fuck it regions, you know? So fuck it, dylan, right, okay, so are we with these stories team? Yes, let's go drop it down low with three word story, right, dylan? I have formally announced. I've talked to the group, the team who are cheerleading in the corner, remember that, oh, I didn't announce my three words fuck it, we'll get to that later you're holding.
Speaker 1:Yours is the theme of the theme of the podcast. You're gonna do your story first.
Speaker 2:And you've already spoken to the team about this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. What do you say team, let's go, team, let's go. That means yes, it's you first. And Tom, what do you say? Nice job? Yeah, he says a nice job. Give it a nice job, because you are holding back your three words and I know the listeners at home Busting to find these three words. What is your casino in Beijing about All?
Speaker 2:right and why the story reported as widely known or not so widely known, but this is the true account of it and I'm going to keep this pretty straight to the point pretty serious.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, sorry, sorry yeah okay as um.
Speaker 2:So you don't want any of these. You don't want any of no, no, no it's not an a-hole story. Okay, all right, but I will allow you to ask me some questions after I recount. Is that a word? Recount my story? You can, it depends Anyway. Okay, tell me. Alright, three words Story.
Speaker 1:Pink. Okay, we're going straight into the three words Dragon Layers.
Speaker 2:Glayers, ooh Layers, sorry.
Speaker 1:Sorry, do you want to go back over that? I'm not going to edit that out, we're going to go back into it Because you were so sincere and then you hit me with a misword at the end. So again, pink, pink Layers.
Speaker 2:Dragon Glayers glares, glares, glares, g l fuck. Now you make him spell g l a r e s glares. What is that? Not a word?
Speaker 1:help me, help me out glares glares.
Speaker 2:Use it in a sentence I am glares. Fuck off Glares, okay.
Speaker 1:Wait, you can't just keep saying the word glares. Well, let me tell you.
Speaker 2:It actually has nothing to do with my story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no shit, because you don't even know what the word means. Wow, welcome back to Three Word Story. Right, come on, help me out Glares. Right, I'll tell the story. Let me to Three Word Story. Nice job, right, come on, help me out Glayards.
Speaker 2:Right, I'll tell the story Let me just go into this yeah yeah, tell the story once and swiftly. Okay, I am not a gambler, I'm a strategist. Okay, I'm a planner, mm-hmm. So when people ask how I, of all people, helped launch the most successful business in Asia, I give them the truth.
Speaker 4:Komodo.
Speaker 2:Dragons. Let me explain Please. There were four of us P Ink, g Layers, d Dragon. So Peter Ink, emotionally damaged, suspiciously good at limbo. Glenn Layers Only wore swag pants, believed mercury was a vitamin Vitamin. David Gragan, chronically unemployed. And me, chronically yeah. And me the fourth amigo, the one with the plan, it was 2015. Bangkok, let's go. Team. We were on a Contiki tour. Regrets, optional Hangovers, mandatory, okay. And then we found Club Pink. Motto we love bites. This will become important.
Speaker 1:Sorry, what was it the motto of the?
Speaker 2:The club.
Speaker 1:So you found the club.
Speaker 2:Club.
Speaker 1:Pink, we love bites For Peter Inc. No, no, they've got nothing to do with each other. Pure Quinky Dink.
Speaker 2:Quinky Pink. So here's where most people get it wrong. Earlier that day, david showed up holding a sack Inside a Komodo dragon he had rescued from a man behind a tuk-tuk in exchange for my wallet. He named it Gary yes, my father's name Again. What David didn't know and I absolutely did was this ordinary lizard. What I am saying was this ordinary lizard and that was my wallet Was no ordinary lizard and that was my wallet.
Speaker 2:According to the plan, as he didn't own a wallet, gary was the only Komodo dragon I've ever encountered who responded to jazz flute and had a deadly allergy to papaya. He also hated eye contact. I loved the scent of a woman's perfume so I stopped wearing it. After that, in Club Pink, david set Gary down during a lap dance. He claimed it was to let him breathe. However, moments later, wei Chonglong, a Chinese exchange student and a sandal enthusiast, walked past Gary, lunged and bit his ankle. Chaos Screams. The dance had to put a dick back. Peter ink tried to negotiate with a bouncer using interpretive dance. I remained calm. I wrapped gary in a curtain, applied great goose as a disinfectant and recited a line from mulan way. Survived through the pain, blood and possibly light venom, he looked up and said I owe you a life debt. Then he blacked out, cut to.
Speaker 2:Eight years later, wei Junlong is now China's Minister of Infrastructure and Strategic Amusements and yes, that is a real name, I checked. He controls the licensing and tour grants. Great for our plan. David messaged him a couple of years back, about two years back. Hey bro, you remember when, uh when, gary batu, three weeks later, we were pitching the pink dragon casino? The name, a tribute to his trauma. The logo a komodo dragon wearing aviators. They're sent in the lobby papaya, because revenge is subtle. Today the pink dragon casino brings in 72 million huang per quarter and gary, immortalized in bronze wearing a bow tie, still allergic to papaya. People say it's the luckiest business launch in history. It wasn't luck, it was planning, it was precision, it was me. You want to build an empire? Start with a Komodo, name him Gary and wait for him to bite.
Speaker 1:Thank you, let's go, team, let's go. Wow, okay, wow, I was engrossed, I didn't want to get you off your vibe there. Pretty serious, it was serious, a lot of detail. It was painting a picture. It was painting an extraordinary picture in my head. So I've got a few questions. So where did you meet these people? Where was Club Pink Bangkok, thailand, ah, thailand, okay, right, because you did say the Chinese exchange student. I thought for a second the Chinese exchange student was in China and I was really confused as to why he would be exchanging in his own country as a chinese exchange.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's in thailand, he was in thailand fuck it by any chance.
Speaker 1:No, no, he wasn't okay. No, it was too early for that. Okay, right, and so you are part of this, uh I am incredible casino. The fourth amigo the fourth amigo, so excuse me. So, uh, just to go back to, was it gary?
Speaker 2:layer. Uh, no, no, no. No, gary was my, not mine, it's not my lizard, it's komodo, komodo. It was glenn, glenn, glenn glenn layer layer.
Speaker 1:Okay, and peter ink, peter ink. Okay, so paint for me peter peter ink, right? What type of guy is he? If I'm going to bump into peter ink down the road, what? What were we saying?
Speaker 2:Peter Inc. Yep, very good at limbo, probably wears a lot of hemp. Um, very free spirited. He's probably the person that wanted to find himself on this tour. He was that guy.
Speaker 1:He was that guy that the hemp checks out. He was probably riddled with cocaine at the time, I imagine. Yes um finding himself in quotations trying to save the planet whilst also inhaling things that were destroying the planet also have third eye tattoos um everywhere. What is the third eye tattoo?
Speaker 2:it's like the, the uh, the two eyes and the third eye, like the uh the, the mind of eye. Eye of mind, mind of eye tattoo.
Speaker 1:What is it. Did he have it tattooed on his forehead?
Speaker 2:No, that's not where it would be, but it would be tattooed somewhere else. So he had them tattooed?
Speaker 1:Now for the third eye. Did he have two eyes and then another eye above it, which would then make it three extra eyes.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, it would be three eyes, with the mind's eye included into your two additional eyes.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's what I mean. So now this man is riddled with eyes. Yes, so he must have been riddled with cocaine too, and just mushrooms and all kinds of things to be like. That's fair. Feed me with eyes, okay. And so who got poisoned again? Who was the? It just went so quickly, I was.
Speaker 2:That's fair. Wei Wei Wei got poisoned, got bit by Gary.
Speaker 1:By Gary, who was the Komodo. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:And he was in a sack. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And where's Gary now? Where's Gary to these days?
Speaker 2:Gary, is he got? We actually took him to a taxidermist first because he unfortunately has metaphorically kicked the bucket. Okay, but they said they couldn't help us. So, yeah, we dipped him in bronze. So now he's in bronze. Just dipped him in bronze, yep. Just his lifeless iguana body Just dipped him in bronze In a Komodo.
Speaker 1:Komodo, sorry, I could tell how angry you were about that. Sorry For misracing your lizard, not gendering Misracing, yeah. Race, race racing, your lizard miss not gendering miss racing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, race right species, species, your uh, your, your pet, your friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, look, it was very calculated. I mean, look, did I know the komodo will strike way in particular? Yes, yes, I did. Oh, I also knew way's kind of background. I knew he was, uh, he was going. That's actually his reason for uh going on the kontiki to. It was before going to study political science in beijing, china. So, yes, a very calculated decision on my part. Um comes from a family of diplomats. That's ironic, is it? I don't know, I am the diplomat in in china yeah, yeah, you can be a diplomat wherever you want.
Speaker 1:Dylan, it's very diplomatic yeah, nice job.
Speaker 3:So yes, nice job tom, fuck's sake.
Speaker 1:Okay, right, well, can we? It was an extraordinary story and I was really engrossed in everything that was happening. I think it'd make a great film unless it is a film, and I'm completely missing the point in which I apologise greatly, but it no, but I can probably speak to the uncanny resemblance that it might have to the Hangover 2 movie okay, well, I missed that boat entirely. Did they start a casino?
Speaker 2:No, they don't start a casino. However, they are in Bangkok, thailand, and, yes, mr Chow is probably there. And, by the way, I only thought of this afterwards and I'm being completely serious, dylan.
Speaker 1:I have no doubt that you could unknowingly recite an entire script of a mid-2000s comedy movie and paint it as your own with no malice whatsoever.
Speaker 4:I can. Very nice I can you could?
Speaker 1:And this is my friend Horat. He's very nice, he's from.
Speaker 3:Kazakhstan. Oh, he is actually from.
Speaker 1:Kazakhstan. But I can. I would understand that from your encyclopedia-level knowledge of mid-2000s comedy.
Speaker 3:It's actually sad.
Speaker 1:It is your best trait. If you want to call that sad, then I wouldn't call it I like it and we would all say let's go, team, let's go, let's go Right. Can we get to the bottom? Because I know the listeners at home are dying to know what the fuck is a glare Right define glare. We need to do it right now.
Speaker 2:Is somebody not glaring at me. So if somebody glares, would then be past tense glare, stare, stare, right layer. No, hold on, hold on okay, I get what you're doing you are letting me dig, and I appreciate that, but I'm going to use this opportunity to, yes, dig deeper okay, right yeah, okay, fine, we're gonna stick with it yeah, you're gonna stick to glare, because, right, what's your spelling of a glare?
Speaker 2:g-l-a-y-e-r. No, no, oh the g-l-a-r-e. Glare, glare, just glare. What fuck? G-l-a-r-e? Yeah, glare, yeah, well, and then the s. There's an s at the end. Glares, yeah. So that's past tense of glare, whatever the fuck that means. What is it? Just to glare?
Speaker 1:at someone yeah is that? Is that? Is that not a thing? I mean, you glare at someone. I'm glaring at you right now, in disbelief of what is going on. I feel like I'm having a stroke. But where did glare come from? It's not like glare, glare, glaest. What is?
Speaker 2:it my mispronunciation of the word. Well, I hope so.
Speaker 1:This is the letter glare, but you said glare, g-l-a-r-e. Glare, glare, glare.
Speaker 3:Glare, yeah, glare For the next Glare, so glares.
Speaker 1:Glares for the next. So glares, glares. That was phenomenal, that was, that was digging deep into it. Look again, everyone at home. English is Dylan's second language. You would think maybe the fifth or sixth, but it's it is.
Speaker 2:It's not glaire, glaire, it is glaire, glaire actually I think my dad has brought this up, where I tend to add some sounds sounds to a word that isn't actually there, just sticking some spice on glare it's the same thing. When, uh, I say the word bold, right it like now, I said it correctly. But normally I would say bold, old, bold, and he's like what?
Speaker 1:the fuck. I'm a quarter bold over there, maybe that.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's what it so yes, this is me confessing yes, dad, you're right, fine and bold and glares, you just want to go for like a bit of Louisiana spice on all your words.
Speaker 1:I say a glare over there for that by old man Shit Okay. Well, there we go. I mean, I hope you lean into that. I want that to be your personality.
Speaker 2:Glare.
Speaker 1:Glare. I mean, I hope you lean into that. I want that to be your personality. I do say I declare Well, thank you very much. Thank you very much, it sounded like. Again we can go back through it and see is it copyrightable or not, which I'm sure 70% of the shit that we say, is copyrightable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've got some ideas on kind of building backstories to the character, but no, I just wanted to tell you how serious I I was about my plan and it's just the uh, the sheer genius of me uh being able to, uh, to deliver the genius of you genius of me, drop it down low with Dylan.
Speaker 4:Yeah, what's up.
Speaker 2:So Right, we've got a couple of minutes out of that. I know we're absolutely.
Speaker 1:I know I love how you purposely messed up that word, because you were like, if I throw some spice on it, that's going to get the four to six minutes of patter that we missed at the beginning. And our listeners, they love patter. You're just pip-p padding her way to our next story. So obviously I went to fuck it in thailand, which will be named this, because we're going to say fuck it about things and my story's got, thankfully, nothing to do with fuck it, um, or who cares it's actually more of the jing song.
Speaker 1:You right, just for the listeners at home. I assume you're, uh, you're just looking at a map and saying, yes, okay, thank god for that. I just, I just thought you were just looking around and just saying these things blindly. No, you were reading a map. So these words are real and they are not characterizing anyone in a stereotyping way, because we have three word story.
Speaker 1:Don't believe in that. We believe in making ourselves look like nincompoops and no one else. Okay, yes. So my three words for my area in bucket that I would say fuck it to are wincing hampers cheerleading, okay, wincing hampers, cheerleading. Now, these words flew very well. Flowed flew, flew. They flew very well, um, and I could have gone for a whole story about how wincing hampers cheerleading, um, but like my lovely business that I'm going to set up, I said fuck it. And I'm really just going to focus on one word, because I want to fuck it, okay. Theme of the podcast Dylan. I want to Fuck it, okay. Theme of the podcast Dylan. Fuck it, okay. So I looked into cheerleading and not in a creepy way, okay, and I thought what do I enjoy about cheerleading? Right, what I enjoy about cheerleading is the chance.
Speaker 2:That's my favourite category.
Speaker 3:Oh Dylan, that's not a Nice job.
Speaker 1:Right, that's it. Purpose it purposely what I wanted to go, what I didn't want to talk about. Cheerleading dylan, I'm sorry, yeah okay right. So you, your favorite dance category. Shall we say, yes, the uh, because you know we want to keep this podcast completely so fuck it, we are. We're talking about cheerleading right now. I thought what do I remember about cheerleading, uh, in films, because we didn't do this in the uk. I don't know. Yeah, did they do cheerleading?
Speaker 2:no, I think it's a very, very recent thing. They've kind of started to work in but not really.
Speaker 1:It's not really like a big deal anywhere else in the us. You know, like american football, how they're like. We're the world champions at this thing that only we do. Um, they kind of the same thing with cheerleading. Yeah, so I want to bring cheerleading out to the wider world. But when I looked in, they do already have a world competition for cheerleading and I was disgusted to see that it was based on teamwork, athleticism, choreography and just general impressiveness. Okay, it was more of an athletic endeavor and I don't want anything to do with that. I want the chance. Okay, give me a D, give me a Y Give me an L.
Speaker 1:Give me an A.
Speaker 3:Give me an M there's a lot of spelling involved.
Speaker 1:There is a lot of spelling involved which you could do with. So we don't end up with a glare opportunity again. We'll get a glare right. So we can take this worldwide and we're going to focus on nations having their own cheer squads. That is based on the song, not the athleticism, because you know what happens with the athleticism, dylan a lot of wincing hampers the overall joy of what cheerleading should be, which is rallying a group behind you and getting them to shit on the other team, which is basically what the olympics should be about.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right. So it just means that anyone can be involved. Whether you're fat, thin, tall, small or whatever you may be, you can get a chance together. Okay, dylan, it does that make sense. Yeah, okay, so I've prepared a couple of cheer chants for you, okay, especially for you, um, and then we can see. Maybe we could play around and and see what we can get. You know, to make our own chance, or you know, we'll just see how long this takes. We'll just fucking chat, shit until, uh, it hits roughly 45 minutes and go home. All right, how does that sound? That sounds fun, festy, let's go Right. So, dylan, for the first one. I've picked RSA South Africa. You know your land of joy and freedom, and whatever else you say about it, I don't know.
Speaker 4:Sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah and I, I just fit it with some words played it around, right, and I need this is a cheer, right. So I'm going to point at you and I need you to hit me with a word like yeah or go or whatever. It's a cheer thing, right? It's going to be a lot of a lot of spunk, a lot of sassy nars, right? A lot of you know cheer. Don't say glares, okay.
Speaker 4:Don't say glares either.
Speaker 1:Not a cheerleading competition. For the last time, dylan, stop glaring at cheerleading competitions, okay. So I have a song here. To be honest with you, I downloaded this just before I left. I have no idea if this will work at all, which it usually doesn't, but let's go for it, okay, sure, okay, I think this just might be cheering, right? So we're in the chair stadium, okay. Okay, south Africa has come out to the cheer group. Wow, the idea of this is to get people on your side. Right, we're going, we are fucking out, they're going crazy up there. Did you hear that? They're really here for South Africa? So in this cheer, we are going for the key things of South Africa, something that says South Africa to the world. Okay, and you are going to hit with a word, a bam, to get that spunk, that spazziness at the end. I don't know why I said that word, but okay, right, okay, right. So we're just going to go for this, dylan, right, we're going to go for this.
Speaker 4:We are going to give you a cheer, Are you sure? Right? So?
Speaker 1:it'm going to need you to do that for me. I think. Right, okay, right. So you're going to give me a bum-bum clap, right, all right? Table Mountain, skyline High, yeah, safari Drive, big Five Drive, hee-hee-hoo, vuvuzela Blast, rugby Fast. Lee-lee-lee Bright Flames. Bill Tongstash Ha-ha, eleven Thongs One Big Song. Le Le Le Bright flames. Bill Tongstache, ha Ha, eleven tongues. One big song. Like a Front five strong Sing along. Hey, give me an R, r, give me an S, s, give me an A. A For the rainbow a cotton tray. Hey, there we go. Wow, so that was South Africa's entry to the cheerleading competition. How did you find that, as a member of the state of RSA Of the Republic? Sorry.
Speaker 3:Republic, yeah Of.
Speaker 1:South Africa. How did you feel about that?
Speaker 2:Well, I think I only heard the last two sentences of the Republic, sorry, of South Africa. How did you feel about that?
Speaker 4:Well, I think I only heard the last few sentences because I was trying to keep the rhythm and try and not do something inappropriate which I found more difficult than it should be.
Speaker 2:But yeah, like I enjoyed the chant, I enjoyed all the references.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's not difficult getting a crowd in your corner with that chant.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you enjoyed it. Yeah, so any more references that you would have had for our essay. So I had Table Mountain, some Safari, big Five, we had the Vuvuzela in there. We had Rugby in there. We had Rugby twice actually had the vuvuzela in there, we had rugby in there, we had rugby twice actually. Because I also put front five in there, because obviously that's like you know, you're famous for your big, your big forwards bri flames, bill tong um, I think we could have gone for for wildlife.
Speaker 2:I think we could have gone big five, big five. I got the big five.
Speaker 1:Oh shit, so uh safari drive, big five jive there we go Big Five Drive. Yeah, rainbow Nation, maybe Rainbow Contre. I said at the end. Ah, that's what it was, because I said Give me an R, give me an S, give me an A. A doesn't rhyme with nation, so it was Rainbow Contre.
Speaker 2:I actually really like that. I didn't, is that? Even? I didn't know that was an English word. What country Cont?
Speaker 1:I didn't know that was an English word. What country?
Speaker 2:Contre, contre. No, it's just me, it's me, it's me. You're saying country, you're saying that way.
Speaker 1:It's me putting some sparse on Contre, oh shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, it actually that's ironic, like Contre in Afrikaans, I mean kind of refers to area, or like I think it means area. Oh, it refers to to area, or like um, I think it means area, yeah. So yeah, I accidentally did an african, yeah, that's why I was kind of shocked by that and I was like the the rainbow kind of contrary, or or community, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, I fucking winged that.
Speaker 1:I hit. What do you reckon, tom? And there's nothing offensive in there which I, you, we can all say is great and we can all say let's go so. Rsa for the win who's up next, or are we going to have?
Speaker 2:to do something for no, no, I've got.
Speaker 1:I've actually got two more which, judging by the time, might be fucking enough, dylan.
Speaker 2:I was really really scraped and barred okay, so I went for I'll.
Speaker 1:So I went, for I'll, I'll admit I went for your country, went for my country and I've gone for the USA as well, mainly because I didn't want to get into trouble with any accents or anything like that. You know so that's unlike us. I know, I know so. I nearly did a German one. I know that would have gone down very well, but I didn't have time or the effort. But you know what, If this goes well, fuck it. I might come back to the uh, cheerleading international championships later, because we do France, and then we do um.
Speaker 2:What is it? We'll do Spain. Why not? Okay, all right, do you know what? I Fuck it.
Speaker 1:We'll add it in again next time. We'll come back to the cheerleading.
Speaker 2:Maybe we'll do a special.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, maybe we'll just do a special on the international cheerleading competition. Fuck, there's so many things that we said we should do and we never do. Maybe we'll do them one day. I'll write it down somewhere or I won't Right. Next one Next up, dylan we, the United Kingdom, entering the stadium. We're getting ready. Okay, it's the same stadium, so everyone's like, really, you know, we've opened the doors again. The crowd are hot for this one. Okay, so I want to stomp, stomp, clap, clap, clap again. Okay, so I need you on your sharpest behavior, okay. And then again I'm going to point at you and try and embolden yourself in some Britishness. Okay, like, give me a tally-ho, give me a top of the morning. I was Irish, literally. The second thing I had to fucking say wasn't even British. Just, you know, fucking, just give me anything Morning, whatever, right, I want you to embolden. You know you've got an English side to you, dylan. I know this. Feel it Be. So, again, we want the stomp, stomp, clap, clap. You got it for me, or are you prepping?
Speaker 4:yourself. I'm prepping myself.
Speaker 1:Okay, right, the crowd is warming up. I wonder if that woman's going to go fucking mental again like she did before there she is I can hear her Right ready the UK team. Let's go, big Ben chime, tea time rhyme.
Speaker 2:Blokeke, stop clapping.
Speaker 1:Double deck ride River tames, glide Pound what.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying.
Speaker 1:Castles, locks, valleys, green Dodgy the best queuing you have ever seen Knackered, I like that one.
Speaker 1:It's a very little shine Chips with gravy Bob's back, footie fans drinking getting wavy Locked up. Give me a? U? U, give me an N? N. Give me an I-O-N. I o n, I o n jack. Somebody. Give us our country back. Oh right, well, that was the? Uh, that was, that was the united. By the way, I don't share that, that sentiment of I don't give a shit anyone. Go to the uk, freaking someone trying make people work, because we have a million people in that country not being bothered to fucking work. So I don't give a shit anyone. Go to the uk freaking someone trying to make people work, because we have a million people in that country not being bothered to fucking work. So I don't feel that sentiment. But there's a lot of freaking white supremacists out there that do. I just thought it would be hilarious to chuck it in, because they would be the ones who would be well up for this cheerleading concert I'll fucking tell you something about the uk sunshine, and I loved your words.
Speaker 1:What were your words? Because there was one that the crowd loved. Yeah, it's knackered, knackered.
Speaker 2:I'm fucking knackered.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was good, that was good. Right, okay, for the next one, then I'm going to need you to get some American phrases out there, I can do that.
Speaker 1:Okay, because it's going to be. Look the USA, as we know, famous for their cheerleading competitions, but I think this one will level the playing field a little bit for them. Okay, we're not going to go for athletic merit, we're not going based on how short your skirt is, dylan. We are literally just going on lyrics and getting the crowd in action. Okay, dylan, so when you are ready, you're going to put your American hat on, you're going to get your Americanisms out there and we are going to hit the USA team, not hit them physically. We're going to, we're going to see them. So we're going to open up the doors again. We're going to need some stomp, stomp, clapping and we're going to see how this crowd reacts. Let's go, team. Let's go coast to coast. Messicle to toast bet, grand canyon deep tariffs are steep. Cool child pageants at 6 route 66 no cap world champions of american football chill no cap.
Speaker 3:World champions of American football Chill.
Speaker 1:Don't mention Vietnam, because that'll be hurtful Lol.
Speaker 4:USA will make everything.
Speaker 1:Bff Donald Trump is our king Woo. Okay, I think they like that one. They like that one. Well, dylan, I like the lol. By the way, I like the pre-lol which was a laugh out loud.
Speaker 2:They're followed by the lol, which is amazing.
Speaker 1:Okay, dylan Wright, obviously you are's put. Try and put your impartial hat on now. If you are the judge of this competition. You've just seen rsa, you've seen the uk and you've seen the usa. Who would you give the trophy to, and why?
Speaker 2:um my unbiased opinion yes. Third party outsider.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no personal interest in the matter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, rsa.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, dylan that was truly a remarkable three word story episode, where we found our Asian businesses and we located a location to place them, which gave us three random words using the wonderful website what three words map service to get us for you An amazing casino, I think, in Beijing, revolving uh iguanas, not iguana, oh my unspeaking your fucking come on.
Speaker 3:Sorry, your.
Speaker 1:Komodo dragon. Okay, and your three words were layers.
Speaker 2:Glare, glare, glare. Maybe I should start saying it like that. Words were Glayers, glayers, glayers, glayers. Maybe I should start saying it like that Okay, so Glayers, mm-hmm Pink.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm Dragon. Okay, and mine were Wincing Hampers Cheerleading. I think we absolutely, phenomenally, phenomenally smashed that one Now Dylan for next week.
Speaker 2:What are we gonna do and why?
Speaker 1:and I'll ask you this straight up, where would you find a genie?
Speaker 2:imagine putting you on the spot, right there, and then being like you need to pick a location right now and then don't fucking tell me, because I'm gonna ruin next week's story I'm going to north k week's Three Word Story.
Speaker 4:I'm going to North Korea back to Pyongyang.
Speaker 1:Next week on Three Word Story.
Speaker 4:Let's go team, let's go Drop it down low with Three Word Story.
