BeTempered
BeTempered
BeTempered Episode 36 - John O'Leary's Journey: Defying the Odds with Resilience, Faith, and Family Love
What happens when a young boy given less than a 1% chance of survival defies the odds and transforms his life into a beacon of hope and inspiration? Join us for an extraordinary conversation with John O'Leary, a captivating storyteller whose journey from a devastating childhood accident to becoming a best-selling author and motivational speaker will leave you moved and inspired. John shares how the unwavering love of family and the profound strength of his mother shaped his path to recovery, mirroring the trials and triumphs of Job from scripture. His story is one of survival, resilience, and the power of faith, culminating in an upcoming feature film that promises to touch hearts worldwide.
Discover the pivotal role John's family played in his miraculous recovery. From the heroic actions of his siblings on the day of his accident to the relentless support of his parents, John recounts the moments that fueled his determination to prevail. We delve into the influence of caregivers like Nurse Roy, whose compassion and encouragement taught John invaluable lessons of self-reliance and resilience. The raw and heartfelt discussion showcases how these experiences helped John transform his scars into symbols of hope and joy, reminding us of the importance of embracing life’s challenges with gratitude and purpose.
This episode also serves as a celebration of familial love and the lessons learned along the way. John reflects on the wisdom imparted by his parents, particularly his mother’s insistence on independence even amidst adversity, highlighting the significance of fostering resilience in children. As we close our conversation with holiday greetings, we express our deep gratitude to John for sharing his remarkable story and the insights it offers about living with courage, faith, and authenticity. Let John's journey inspire you to find strength in your own struggles and the beauty hidden within adversity.
What's up everybody. Welcome to the be tempered podcast, episode number 36. Boy, do we have a powerful?
Speaker 2:one today. Oh yeah, because Kim's here say hi Kim hi.
Speaker 1:Kim is my lovely, amazing wife and the mother of our five children, and we just she's here today because one of the most inspiring people that we've ever heard talk or read a book about we're fortunate enough to have on the podcast today. And what a story. I mean, what a story John O'Leary has, and I'm going to read the bio about John and then we'll just talk a little bit about because we did just record it, so it's fresh on our mind. I got goosebumps by having this conversation. What if one message could change your life? What if one person could provide hope that the best is yet to come? This person is John O'Leary.
Speaker 1:As a nine-year-old boy, john was burned on 100% of his body and given less than a 1% chance to live. His amazing journey of survival illustrates the incredible power of the human spirit. Today, john is the author of the national best-selling books On Fire and In Awe. He's the host of the top-rated Live Inspired podcast. He's an inspiring speaker who's taught millions of people around the world how to live inspired. And are you ready for something exciting.
Speaker 1:His story has recently been turned into a full-length feature film, slated for theatrical release in 2025. He's a business owner, he's a writer. He's a husband and a father of four, once expected to die, now teaching others to truly live. That's John's intro and he even talked about what you you'll hear coming up is that he's embarrassed by that when he gets introduced, um, you know, at speaking events. But he is a humble man, he's an amazing man and I think the most amazing part of this the story with John and we don't even really get into is that you know, this happened to him when he was nine years old. Um, he makes a recovery, he goes into, uh, the workforce, uh, eventually, and and I think it's 20 years later, roughly from from uh, when all this happens that he, he tells his story to a group of girl Scouts. And again, that's not something we talk about today, but if you read the books you'll hear that and I think that's what's amazing, and now that's his life is telling that story Right.
Speaker 2:And he went back to school and, uh, the class that he took, I think they gave him a C and he said John, the only reason I'm giving you a C is because I love you. And then the Girl Scouts. He struggled with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's amazing. And I remember, kim, you and I we were flying somewhere, I don't know, going on vacation, and this was when we first heard John's story and you were reading the book On Fire and I just remember sitting on the plane looking over and you're crying and I'm like what are you crying about? You already know this story, but the book goes in such detail and I think you know, as parents as we are, and having kids at nine years old, at this very moment when we do this interview, you know you just relate as a parent and you have those feelings of man what if that's Ryan? Or what if that's Cy? You know, just an amazing story and I'm excited for everybody to hear it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think one of the things, too, that he talks about in there was what his mom said. Yeah, I think that's one of the things that hits home for me is because the way he worded it when he was talking kind of hit me, because he said you, you were talking about what's the percentage that you live? And then he said you take your age plus the way his body was burned. Well, his body was burned 100 percent. Nine hundred nine percent chance of death.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he said that the doctor was telling his mom that, because you know we want she would, they were wanting her to know like, hey, it's, it's not looking good, like your son's going to die. You just need to kind of comes with grips with it. And what's the first thing that she tells her son? Like what do you want to live? Okay, I can't do anything for you. You've got to take the hand of God and just trust him, and I feel like that's like a big thing with faith is that's what we have to do, and I don't know. That's one about God and like what he does.
Speaker 2:And the scripture that you read was a Job at the end there, right? Well, did Job have a very, uh, fun life? You know what I mean? No, and you know a lot of people when they go through like um trials and everything through life, they go back to to Job and that's what they read and you know how they constantly you know nope, you know I've have my faith in God. I have my faith in God and it's kind of. You know, john's story kind of does the same exact thing. You know what I mean? What are you going through? Were you burned? Were you supposed to die? No, and the way he just puts his faith in God and stuff like that, I think is just really inspiring. That's one of the things when he worded it like that. That's what was going through my mind, at least.
Speaker 1:He's a humble man. He's an amazing man. He's got an amazing story family, it's, it's um, you know, it's, it's just awesome. So I'm I'm super excited for everybody to hear this and, um, you know, here he is.
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Speaker 1:Welcome to the Be Tempered podcast, where we explore the art of finding balance in a chaotic world.
Speaker 2:Join us as we delve into insightful conversations, practical tips and inspiring stories to help you navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.
Speaker 1:We're your hosts, Dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr. Let's embark on a journey to live our best lives.
Speaker 2:This is Be Tempered.
Speaker 1:John O'Leary, welcome to the Be Tempered podcast.
Speaker 5:Brothers, I am thrilled to be on man. Thank you for hosting me.
Speaker 1:You got it. We are so excited to have you on here, and I told you here just a little bit ago that you know we've read your books on fire and in awe and listened to your Live Inspired podcast, and so this is truly an honor to be able to have this conversation with you this morning.
Speaker 5:Well, man, listen, what people don't realize is when you jump onto a podcast, there's always the pre-record conversation, and that's when you actually get to know the heart of the guy you're about to sit across from. And as we were chatting, I realized these are not only podcast hosts, but these are the kinds of guys that are my brothers, man, they're my friends, and so to join you two and to join your community this is a pleasure.
Speaker 1:Oh, we appreciate it. So, john, your journey is one of incredible resilience and transformation, and it all began with one moment that changed your life. So can you talk about growing up as a kid in St Louis and then that experience that happened when you were nine years old?
Speaker 5:Yeah, man, you know it's so strange because so much of your life you don't realize. It is that moment until moments or days or years or decades later. And for me, this moment you're asking me to define, I actually ignored it for 20 years, and so I'm sure later on in our conversation we'll talk about how do you, how do you ignore something that massive? But that was my way of coping with it. So here here's the story in a nutshell.
Speaker 5:I grew up in St Louis Missouri, just outside, about 20 minutes from the gateway arch. I had a mom and a dad who loved each other fiercely and loved their six kids let us get dogs and catch rabbits and bring in turtles into the house and like we had an awesome upbringing. It was, it was great. And then at age nine, I had witnessed the week previously kids playing the fire and gasoline, and these were boys I looked up to and I assumed if they could do it, I could do it as well, maybe even better, maybe even bigger.
Speaker 5:So I waited till my mom and dad left the house on a Saturday morning, as their driveway was now empty, their cars rolling down the street. I walked into the garage, let a piece of cardboard on fire, walked over to a can of gasoline and try to pour just a little bit of gas on top of this flame, and, guys, you know the story. Your listeners probably already know where the story goes. Before the liquid came out, the fumes pulled it into the can, created this massive explosion, picked up the nine-year-old little fella and then launched him 20 feet against the far side of the garage, and so that is the moment that began this profound change in my life that began this profound change in my life.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it's profound indeed. So talk about you know that happens. You're nine years old, you know you're playing with fire which you shouldn't have been and, uh, obviously learned a very, very hard lesson, but there was some pivotal points from the time that that happened. Your parents aren't away, but you've got some siblings that are home, right.
Speaker 5:Right? Well, it's cool that you know that. I mean most folks don't, because I don't share this frequently on podcasts and almost never in speeches because it's so intense. So yeah, but my siblings were home and they were ordinary Midwest siblings, which means they weren't all that man. We fought over table space, we fought over food scraps, we fought over dessert, we fought over who had to take the trash out or do the dishes kind of typical upbringing. And so that day, as I'm truly on fire, guys, I came out of the garage, I ran through the house. My clothes are covered in gasoline and the flames are leaping off of those clothes. And so it is.
Speaker 5:This little boy is a little torch man, and my sisters, who saw me first, they started screaming. It woke my brother up. My brother, jim, was 17. He came racing over to me, picked up a throw rug, began beating down the flames, burned himself in the process, took him almost two minutes to knock down the flames entirely. I'm just like for those of you who've touched anything hot lately, what do you do? Naturally? And you draw back, you save yourself. But what makes my brother so remarkable is, although he was burning himself, he didn't draw back. He just kept stepping closer and beat down the fire, beat down the flames, saved my life, carried me me outside, rolled around on the wet snow and with me trying to put down the fire, the rest of the way goes back into the house, calls 9-1-1.
Speaker 5:And that's when these two little girls come outside on their nightgowns. It's January in the Midwest, it's cold, it's it's bad outside. They're barefoot. One of the girls comes over to me in a nightgown and she just holds me and like you know years to reflect on this. It makes more sense now. But even then I knew it was good to be held. Just when you're struggling to be comforted and to know you're not alone, it does matter. So this 11 year old has comforted me in the front yard and she just kept saying John, everything's all right, have faith and fight. And I remember thinking well, it's nice to hear.
Speaker 5:But I looked down, guys, I saw my hands all burned up, my arms I'm naked, my legs are burned up, everything is trash. And when I look up, that's when I see my house on fire. You know I caused those flames like that's on me. And so just the weight of it all, it just crushed my soul as a nine-year-old and I remember looking at her and saying, amy, knock it off. With the encouragement I'm not okay, go back into the house, I don't care if it's on fire, get a knife, come back out of here and just finish me off Like I'm not fine.
Speaker 5:And this little girl I remember, guys, she pulls me closer and she says John, shut up. What's wrong with you, man? Have faith and fight. The best is yet to come. And to put a bow on this story and kind of move forward from this story, overhearing this, conversations, conversations, my younger sister, susan, she's seven. She goes after I tell everybody to go into the house and get a knife and she takes off running for the front door. She goes through the smoke I don't know where she's going makes her way into the kitchen, blindly, feels around, grabs whatever she went in there for, comes back outside.
Speaker 5:And, guys, I'll always remember standing in front of my mom and dad's house being held by one sister, being naked in the front yard, watching the flames leap through the roofline and watching this little girl with dark hair come running through the smoke over to my side, tears over her big fat cheeks, and then she throws a cup of water right into my face Like that morning. I wanted to die. And this girl's risking her life for water to beg me to live. She turns, goes back and gets a second cup, and then she turns and she goes back and she gets a third cup.
Speaker 5:It's one of the most remarkable stories in scripture. No greater love is there than this, than to be willing to lay down one's life for one's friends, and very few of us actually know what that's like to try to do that, to be willing truly to do that. And yet, on the day I was burned, I saw it in action. I saw a little girl go into a burning house, risking her life for mine. She came out safely and I think, ultimately, her love that day not only gave me hope to move forward. But, guys, I'm burned from my neck to my toes, not on my face, not on my scalp, and that is where they drew the rest of my, the skin from my body, from it's called a donor site, but they use my scalp and the doctors credit her with saving that part of my body.
Speaker 1:That's amazing, john, and I'll tell you. I think what probably relates for me and I think, for my wife and for Ben, is, you know, we have kids. My wife and I have five kids. Our youngest is a nine-year-old little boy. Ben's got three boys and he's got a nine-year-old son, and so you know, when you hear stories like this that are just unbelievable, you know you relate it to your family.
Speaker 5:So you know I'm picturing my nine year old son, this happening to him and you know, and it's just, it just brings it all home and the love that your siblings had for you and just the wherewithal to to do what they did to help to, to save you. Essentially it's overwhelming. I mean, as I've grown in my life and I don't like the word success but the world would define it as that Like I'm I'm two time bestselling author and movies about our life and like success. But I, if you look at my book covers, I'm not photoed on the front or the back.
Speaker 5:Um, I recognize how little I did in this story. I was almost more like I hopped into a canoe and went down some wild rapids, but, man, I never even held an oar. I had parents, I had siblings, I had volunteers, we had friends in the community and strangers and nurses and doctors and people praying all over the country and all over the world. So I I'm able to share this story again and again, day after day, because it's not about me. Like, if it was about me, if I was telling you how I climbed a mountain, I would be so freaking bored with myself and these podcasts and these stories and the books I'd be so bored. But it's not man. It's about a seven-year-old girl risking her life for someone else and I think that connects with me. I'm glad it connects with you and I hope it's connecting with your audience.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely, and I want to fast forward a little bit. You get into the hospital and you know everything's going on. You're burned a hundred percent of your body, essentially giving what a 1% chance to live.
Speaker 5:That's the math. But the real math is this so in 2024, if you, if your little guy, got burned, they would take the percentage of his body burned, they would add age nine and they would know what mortality is. So if he was born burned on 60% of his body, he would have a 69% likelihood of death. That's in 2024. In 1987, this boy presents with burns to 100% of his body, he's nine, he's going to die. I mean, they're going to fight, they're going to do the good work, but but they know what's about to happen here. And so when they told my mother that he's got less than a 1% chance of surviving the first night, they weren't saying 1 in 200 or something. They were trying to slowly let her know she's got to start letting go of her son. They were trying to be as sweet and as tender with her as they could.
Speaker 1:And it's amazing because I want you to talk about. You know you're laying in bed and you don't realize you're fighting. You know you're fighting for your life but you don't realize you're nine years old, right, you can't really comprehend what's going on, but talk about the story when your dad walks in and the fear that you had and that whole conversation and that whole conversation.
Speaker 5:Right, man, it's the same fear that I had when I looked into my son's eyes last night as he brought me his second quarter report card. So I am familiar with that fear in a child's eyes. I mean, when we disappoint someone else who we look up to. We all felt the pang of that fear, haven't we guys? We've been late for curfew or back the car into the mailbox or whatever we've done mistakenly as kids. We all know that fear. We all know that fear.
Speaker 5:And so my fear was this I just burned down his house. This isn't a report card, this isn't a bumper on a car. This is, this is everything. Man, I burnt down his house and so I remember thinking he's going to just kill me. This old man, this army vet, this type a leader, is going to rip me up and down when he finds out.
Speaker 5:And so I'm laying in this bed, the emergency room. I'd never even been in a hospital bed before. So I'm laying in this new space, I'm all by myself, the doctors and nurses are kind of moving around me quickly, and then I hear my dad's voice down the hall and he's barking out at some poor nurse. Where is my boy John and I'm not hearing the voice and I'm thinking to him. This old man has come to finish me off.
Speaker 5:You know these guys are wasting their time and one of them does me no favor. She brings him back into the room, pulls back the curtain, he marches in, points down and if you've ever been in trouble, you know that what sometimes works is if you cross your arms and shut your eyes and try to get small. So that's what I'm trying to do, man. My arms are crossed, my eyes are shut, I'm trying to get super small in that bed, just disappear.
Speaker 5:And then I hear my father's voice cut through it all and he says John, look at me when I'm talking to you. So I look up and then he adds I have never been so proud of anyone in my entire life and my little buddy, today, this morning, I'm just proud to be your dad. And then he says I love you and there's nothing you can do about it. You know, as adults, guys, you hear my voice and you know what's going on, but as a kid I remember thinking, oh my gosh, nobody told my dad what happened. He doesn't know. I burned down the house, man, maybe I can get away with this.
Speaker 1:That's an awesome story and what a uh, an amazing man your father is. And talk about your mom, too, because she's she plays a pivotal role in all this, you know, as as her son's fighting for his life. And and talk about your mom a little bit.
Speaker 5:When I spoke yesterday at a conference and there was the session I was teaching was kind of on heroes Like what does it look like to be a hero? And normally we think they wear capes, I guess, or it's certainly they wear tights, and and normally we think they wear capes, I guess, or certainly they wear tights and they're definitely jacked. You know, I mean, that's a hero right there and in other words, they're make-believe, like that's our version of hero so often today and I was trying to remind them what heroism actually looks like. And so I'm walking them through this Byrne story and where everybody in that room thinks I'm going is, of course, talking about my dad and dude, my dad is a hero, he's certainly one of my heroes, but he's not the hero in this story. If you had to distill it to one, it's my mom. She is, she's fierce in the way she loves and the way she prays and the way she shows up and her expectancy, like what she knows people can do in their lives. That that is, that's a heroic trait.
Speaker 5:So my mother comes into this room, she takes my right hand and if your audience is able to see like I have no fingers on either hand today. Back then I did, but they were just massively damaged, burned up. So she takes that broken hand p, pats my bald head and she says I love you. And I remember thinking like man, this must be really serious, that both parents are saying they love me. So I look up at her and I say Mom, knock it off with a love. Am I going to die? And I remember asking the question because I was looking for hope, not truth. There's a difference. Sometimes I just wanted to be kind of patted on the back, if you will, and just encouraged. And instead of doing that, she provided truth, which we need in families, in business, in our health, in our nation, nations, nations. Truth, man, not not your version of it or the way you're feeling today. I'm not not that kind of truth. I mean capital t.
Speaker 5:And this lady looks at me and she says baby, do you want to die? It's your choice, it's not mine. And so I looked at her and I said mom, I sure don't want to die, I want to live. Her response at Soho Roke, I think, was good honey. Then look at me. You take the hand of God, you walk the journey with him and you fight like you never fought before. She said your father and I are going to be with you every step along this fight, but do your part, baby Fight. And guys like that, that morning man, you know, I'd never heard a third degree burns or amputations or skin grafts or debridement. I had no idea the process. But I knew, with conviction on the front side, we, we I like that word better than me we would get through this thing. I knew. I knew we were clear on where this thing was going. I knew it would be hard, I knew it would be difficult, but I knew we would get through it, we would fight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, amazing mother and father, amazing family, and to be able to encourage you to push through. You know to push through, encourage you to push through. You know to push through. You know, you, you push off all this uh on on your family about how they helped you get through it. But deep down, you're the one that had to make the choice. You're the one that had to make that decision to hey, I am going to fight, and you did, and, and it's a, it's a testament to you. But as we fast forward a little bit, I speak to that for one second.
Speaker 5:Yeah, go ahead, Let me, because I still struggle with that. And I was speaking to a group of Marines a couple of months ago. I love our servants, man. I love our veterans. I love our Marines. I'm an honorary Marine now, so I'm deeply grateful for that.
Speaker 5:And this man was just telling me like thank you for the work you do and thank you for the story you have. And I kept deflecting. I'm like, well, but you guys. Then he's like, yeah, your story. I'm like, yeah, but my mom. He's like, yeah, but you're the love. I'm like, dude, that's my wife. And finally he took both of his big old, fat Marine strong hands, put them on my shoulders like this, like you would if you were talking to, like a young teenage kid, and he looked me in the eyes and he said John. And then he cursed. He said take the effing compliment, say the words back to me, Thank you. And those are hard words for us to say and like mean, but I'm trying to learn what he's really trying to teach me. When someone praises what you've done, it's important to recognize that you're part of that story, and so I struggle with this. But, dude, I appreciate what you're saying so, I'm looking back at you and I'm saying thank you. I do recognize that I was a part of this story now.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. We fast forward a little bit and you're recovering in the hospital and a story probably not a lot of people know unless they've read your book. There's a special nurse, Nurse Roy. Can you talk about Nurse Roy?
Speaker 5:and what he meant for you in that time of recovery. I can't talk about him in the amount of time we have because it would fill up three podcasts, but Nurse Roy was a minimum wage CNA and my dad is in and out of the hospital a lot lately and what that means. Cna sometimes they're the ones oftentimes who are like helping with bedpans, flipping patients, getting them in and out of wheelchairs, doing the most difficult work so often and oftentimes being overlooked for it, oftentimes being underappreciated for it, oftentimes being grossly underpaid for it. They're the frontline caregiver and it is, I think, some of the most difficult work that takes place within healthcare. They're awesome, in other words. But that's this guy's job, just to do the difficult work.
Speaker 5:But this man had been inspired by our doctor His name was Vachiavajan, just turned 90 last weekend, vachiavajan to do bigger things in his work and in his life. And I hope all of us hear that the leader had inspired the staff to do bigger things in their work and in their life. So Roy would come into the room every day and not just like flip me or move me around or check the bandages. He would inspire me, he would pick me up from the bed. He would unhook me from all the things that connected me to that bed the, the legs, the beeping machines pick me up upright. My legs would then dangle between his guys. I back then I had no muscle mass at all, so I can't bear weight and most people think I never will. Most people are pretty sure I'll never walk again. He brings me back toward the bandage change and my little legs are just dangling between his. And on the walk back he says to me in my right ear boy, listen to me, you are going to walk again. You might as well get used to it. Now move those legs, because today you walk and I'll walk with you.
Speaker 5:First time I heard I'm emotional saying that story right now. But first time I heard those words I wasn't emotional with pride. I was emotional with hate Because I knew the guy was not only inflicting physical pain on me Like this causes throbbing I can't describe but I also knew he was lying. I was never going to walk again. So he's wasting his time and he's inflicting pain.
Speaker 5:And the following day I'm hanging out in my little hospital bed by myself doing my thing and then the door opens up. Nurse Rory comes back in, this big, old, tough African-American man looked just like Apollo Creed picks me back up, unhooks the left arm, the right arm, the left leg, the right leg, swoops me up into those big masculine arms and says to me boy, listen to me, you're going to walk again. You might as well get used to it. You might as well get used to it. And then he adds because this is the critical piece, guys, move those legs, because today you walk and I'll walk with you. I'll walk with you.
Speaker 5:This guy, for about minimum wage, doing incredibly difficult work, being overlooked, being underpaid, being fought against by the other patients, was teaching a little boy not only how to walk forward in life but how to cast a bigger vision for his life. Like this guy wasn't just moving me back to where the bandits change, which was his job, he was casting a vision of possibility. And I didn't understand that during the five months I was in hospital. But as I walked into the office today, as I walked out of my bedroom, kissed my wife goodbye, walked into my four babies rooms to make sure they were all doing all right before I left for work this morning, as I walked through life, I realized so much of what I'm able to do today rests on the shoulders of that great man that vision, his work, those words, that life. So yeah, I mean, Roy is a warrior, he's a, he's an awesome man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what an inspiration again. I mean you just keep stacking these up with your family, with nurse Roy. Another critical piece to this story that for me you know, ben and I, we coach our young kids in basketball and in football and so we're heavily involved in our children's lives and we deal with a lot of parents, and you've already talked about your mom and dad. But I think for me, what really hits home the most is when you make it home and you're having your first meal with your family. Talk about that story because you know, in today's world it seems like what they call helicopter parents, where everybody wants to protect their child. You know, and your mom essentially does the opposite of this. She puts it back on you, she doesn't let you become the victim. So talk about that story when you finally make it home and it's time to have your first meal with your family.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and I hope every one of your athletes and their parents and their parents' neighbors and their parents' neighbors' neighbors and their neighbors listen to this Because it's I don't know anybody who parents like this anymore. I don't know anybody including the guy about to answer know anybody who parents like this anymore? I don't know anybody including the guy about to answer this question who parents like this anymore. So, hang, buckle up and get, get ready for a difficult story, but the story that ultimately leads to you and I connecting today on a podcast, yep, I mean, we're like it's that important of a lesson she's about to teach. So I mean you all can just you can imagine what it's like. Just imagine to spend five and a half months in hospital, have all of your skin burned off and have it slowly piece back together, piece by piece, to go through rounds of amputations, bandage changes for two and a half hours each day, physical therapy that is indescribably grueling, ot, like all the weight of hospitalization, and then you come home, so like that is finally behind you the end of the chapter, the beginning of the. The best is yet to come. Celebration time, people. So it's on all of those heels that the story rests, like this should be a moment, a climax, and it's not. So here's what happens.
Speaker 5:We have a big, huge surprise party when John gets rolled into the house, Like I did not expect it, but marching bands and friends and school buses of kids the thing was awesome. It was an incredible party. Door shuts. Mom makes my favorite dinner. We sit down I'm in my little wheelchair at the head of the table. We say a prayer together. Then it's time to eat. Everybody starts eating. The only issue is John O'Leary, at age nine, had no fingers Still doesn't. It turns out they don't grow back, so I can't eat. My sweet sister, amy she's the one who held me in the front yard. She remains this compassionate woman today. I think, like trees, you can see who you're going to become as an adult by identifying who you are as a kid, like those rings grow upward. So this beautiful, compassionate girl picks up a fork, scoops up some potatoes, brings them toward my mouth, scoops up some potatoes, brings them toward my mouth and right as the potatoes are about to enter on in man, I hear to my right my mother say Amy, drop the fork.
Speaker 5:If John's hungry, he will feed himself. I remember first of all seeing Amy's mouth like open, like a gasp, like what? And then I look to my right and my's mouth like open, like a gasp, like what? And then I look to my right and my mom isn't even looking at me anymore. She goes back to cutting her chicken or whatever she's doing and I'm like Mama, I can't eat. And then I hear my mother say again to Amy honey, if he's hungry tonight he feeds himself. And you think about that, guys. I mean seriously like think about that for a moment.
Speaker 5:I wrote about this when the book came out in 2016 for a parent magazine and many of the comments were negative, saying that is cruel and unusual. Why in the world would that mother not feed her child? Do your job, mom. That's what we do in society when you feed your kids. And that's what we do in society. Man, you feed your kids. And that's what it should seem like. That's what it felt like to me and eventually what happens is I figured out a way. It took two hours. Two plates were flipped. Our golden retriever, who came into dinner that night already obese, had two mighty meals. Man, because this thing just sat at my foot side and was going to town eating up. But by the end of that night this little boy figured out a way to wedge a fork between his two hands, scoop up potatoes, move it toward his mouth, take a bite and, while chewing, look angrily toward his mother. But the piece to the story that Bear is repeating is but he's feeding himself. He is taking a mighty freaking step from being a victim to life circumstances to becoming a victor over them. We can't always choose the path we walk in life, but we can always choose the manner in which we walk forward. And although I didn't have language like that back then, as I reached down and got my second bite of potatoes and then a bite of chicken and then about a green beans, this evil, cruel, mean mom is teaching a little boy agency. And you you brought it up in the way you asked the question. Man, we love snow plowing for our kids. Man, if that coach doesn't play our kid the right way, we'll switch teams. Well, some of us will move houses to move into school districts. So our kids get the right coach, the right class, the right whatever we want for our kid to get exactly what we know they need, and sometimes the harder thing to do is to allow the child to learn the painful lesson that sometimes life doesn't go perfectly for you. And there's a beautiful lesson in that too.
Speaker 5:I had a guy on oh man, seth Godin. I don't know if you've heard of Seth Godin he becomes this marketing guru but he talked about one of the times when he learned the most about life is not when he was on top of the world athletically. It was the worst season he ever had athletically. He sat at the end of the bench. The parents wanted to get him off the team. I'm sorry, he wanted to get off the team, but his parents refused. They said, man, there's a lesson to be learned. And he said dude, that season taught me more about leadership, more about sacrifice, more about life than any other season from my childhood. This is a guy who's probably written 15 bestselling books, has a beautiful family, big impact in charity, who learned a lesson through adversity we must go through the fire to learn.
Speaker 1:That's 100 percent and I hope that everyone hears that. I hope that every parent hears that, because you know my wife Kim and I we try to parent like that and it's hard because you don't want your kids to struggle. But when you look back on your life I look back on my life what I remember the most, where I made the biggest gains in my life or when I was in the deepest struggle, when I was struggling the most, is where I learned the most and I got better, and that is such an important thing for all parents out there.
Speaker 5:Yes, preach, and it doesn't matter whether it's coaching classroom, and that is such an important thing for all parents out there. Yes, Preach, and it doesn't matter whether it's coaching classroom, faith, doing your chores around the house, serving on the weekends, volunteering, Whatever it is. The struggle will make us better and in removing that struggle you remove the ability for your child to reveal grit, courage, sacrifice, agency I know we've used that word a bunch of times but, man, that is a powerful word. Agency, the ability to overcome struggle.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so, john. You have an awesome podcast called the Live Inspired Podcast. Again, I don't know if I said it on the podcast or we were talking before. You know that's one of those. I've got about seven. I listen to every week and I actually, when I first heard your story, it was when you were on Ed Milet and I was walking in our local arboretum and I hear your story and I mean there's just tears rolling down my face and Ed's an amazing guy and he's able to do amazing interviews. But you're right there with him. But what I want to say is I want to flip the table on you a little bit. So you end every podcast the live inspired podcast with a list of seven questions. You call it the live inspired seven. I'm going to do the same for you, because I haven't heard you answer these.
Speaker 5:That's cheating. I had to come up with my I'm not doing your work for you because I haven't heard you answer these questions. That's cheating. I'm not doing your work, you do your own work, man.
Speaker 1:Sorry, this is my show. So question number one what's the best book you've ever read?
Speaker 5:Wow, so I don't know if anyone's ever walked me through these. So it's funny because I've done, as you mentioned, the Live Inspired podcast now for seven years or so. We've interviewed 700 people, you know like from Bob Costas to some of the guys you've had on your show, to astronauts like Jim Lovell he's the guy from Apollo 13. Houston, we've got a problem. It's like all these types of folks have gone through these seven questions and now I get to line up behind them, which is pretty cool. So, uh, the best book I've ever read the way I'm asking that question most recently is what's been the most impactful Cause? I think that's a different answer and I'm going to give you that one. For me, the most impactful book I've ever read is called overwhelming odds A little, a little nothing book. Impactful book I've ever read it's called Overwhelming Odds A little nothing book.
Speaker 5:Man, written a dozen, 15 years ago or so by my mom and dad. They wrote it to tell their church community what happened in our family, what happened in our community, how God showed up in mighty ways through each of their work. They printed a hundred copies. They've sold about a hundred thousand cents. One of the copies they sold was to your guest today named John O'Leary, and if you're reading between the lines, that means my parents made me buy my own book. Ok, so for 10 bucks, man, I got to give mom and dad Alexander Hamilton and and read what happened to me, and it was the first time I'd ever really identified the fact that the ugliness was beautiful. I'd always tried to hide from my scars, always. And then I read this book and in fact I'm looking at a picture. I'll show it to you. It happens to be right in front of me.
Speaker 1:Looking at this little picture Oops yeah.
Speaker 5:I'm going to switch back to the other camera for a second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's amazing, overwhelming odds.
Speaker 5:It's a picture of a little boy, on the front of it with scars, with a neck brace. All this other stuff is going on in his life and yet he's got this radiant joy in his eyes and he had it as a kid I think. He lost it shortly after the fire for a while, but I've got it back again, I hope. Now because I've read it in my mom and dad's story. I finally recognized that my life was a precious, priceless gift and I need to say yes to being used for good. So the overwhelming odds changed my life.
Speaker 1:Great answer.
Speaker 5:What's one positive characteristic or trait you possess as a child that you wish you still exhibited today? You probably won't believe it, but audacity. I was fearless and now I fake fearlessness. You know like I walk on a stage and I try to break up fights. When I see them taking place in airports, I'm like, I try to pretend like I'm fearless, but every single time I'm scared walking into it. And when I was a kid I just I didn't even know what fear meant. That's probably what got me burned, but it's also what allowed me to be so radiant as a kid and so alive. And I think when we are most alive, we're not living in fear, we're living in faith.
Speaker 1:So I want to return to that If your house caught fire and your family and your pets were safe what's the one item you'd run back in and save.
Speaker 5:I have two hands, so I would grab two things. Did you? I don't? Did you guys read a book called in all that? I wrote, yes, wow, all right, so you've really really done the work. But there's.
Speaker 5:I wrote in there about, uh, what you focus on, grows, and so for in 2016 and 2017, my marriage it wasn't bad, it just wasn't awesome. So I, uh I wanted to improve it by focusing on her beauty. I found myself kind of um, focusing on the things she was doing wrong rather than what made her so awesome. I do that all the time. It's one of my weaknesses. So that year, I tracked my wife Beth's beauty and I just wrote down little things I saw her do every day that were just beautiful, and I quietly wrote it down, never told her I was doing this, and on Christmas I gave her this journal of 360 entries of her shining light whether it was something she wore, something she did for a neighbor, the way she's raising our kids, something she did for my dad who's got Parkinson's disease, whatever, just moments of grace that Beth embodied. And so it was this awesome gift that changed my life during that year. I wrote it, but it's also changed positively our marriage sense. So I would grab that book with my right hand and in my left hand.
Speaker 5:You guys know the story, but I had a radio announcer and friends named Jack Buck. He uh, he was the broadcaster for the St Louis Cardinals. He was a hall of famer in seven different Hall of Fames. So this was a celebrity and one of the things that he got for one of the Hall of Fames when he went into Cooperstown in New York for baseball is he got a crystal baseball.
Speaker 5:It's an heirloom, it's priceless, and when I graduated university, because of our friendship, this man showed up at the party and gave me this crystal baseball and I did not feel worthy of it then. I don't feel worthy of it today, but I want to make sure that when the house burns, we grab that Because I want to remind my kids and those who see that ball later on what generosity looks like, not success, facebook and Instagram, and your neighbors will tell you what generosity looks like, not success, facebook and Instagram, and your neighbors will tell you what success looks like. I want them to see what significance looks like. My friend Jack Buck was a successful man, but what made him meaningful, memorable and unforgettable was the fact that he gave it all away. Throughout his entire life. This guy was just serving people, and so my wife's journal is in my right hand and this crystal baseball is on my left.
Speaker 1:That's awesome If you could sit on a bench overlooking a gorgeous view and have a long conversation with anyone, living or deceased. Who would it be?
Speaker 5:Yeah. So I got two cheeks to sit on man. So I'm going to grab two friends my dad and I'm not going to go into detail because you'll see a grown man cry in front of you, but my dad's got Parkinson's disease. He's had it for 33 years and right now he is just struggling big time. He's been struggling for decades but right now it's climaxing. So he's in and out of hospital, in and out of normal cognitive function. So he's in and out of hospital, in and out of normal cognitive function, like. So he's just, he's just wrestling.
Speaker 5:And I haven't heard his voice in a decade, not not in the way I used to hear it. I would love to hear my dad's voice. I would love to grill him on what it was like growing up. I'd love to do a podcast with my dad and I can't. So I would love to have dad over here. And and then on my right side, you know, I think half the new Testament is written by St Paul. This dude was crazy. I mean just a crazy man who was stoned and beat and broken and ultimately murdered, and yet did it all for something bigger than himself. And here, 2,000 years later, we're still reading words that were relevant 2,000 years ago when they were written, transformed little communities to whom he wrote it Corinth or Rome or wherever else he sent these letters and still transform lives today. And I would love to just sit down next to a guy as mission centric, as Paul, and say, dude, what was it that made you blind and what was it that opened back up your eyes? I'd love to hear his story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's amazing. St Paul and your dad, that's awesome. What's the best advice you've ever received?
Speaker 5:From my mom. She, growing up, had a little plaque in our kitchen and it said this too shall pass and dude. For a while my family just had no issues Like my dad was an attorney, small business owner, successful, six kids, good marriage, big yard, healthy dogs, and then we had a house fire. Then we had Parkinson's disease, then we had some emotional health issues with some siblings, then we had a second house fire. If you can imagine like thing after thing, then Parkinson's disease and then the loss of job, lack of employment, loss of all income, big weight.
Speaker 5:So my mom had this little plaque in her house when we were on top of the world this too shall pass. And my mother had this plaque in her kitchen when we were on bottom of the weight of the world this too shall pass. And I think that's a really good reminder, regardless of where you find yourself today listening to our conversation, that whatever you're going through, man, it's just a moment and I don't think we should give it a little more weight than it deserves. We ought to just kind of celebrate the fragileness, the sanctity, the beauty of this moment and uh and pray that the next moment is even better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's great. What advice would you give yourself at age 20?
Speaker 5:you give yourself at age 20? Um, be yourself, just um. I back then I was trying to fit in. I took on the employment of what my buddies were doing. I took on the drinking habits and other addictions that my other buddies were participating in. I was masking up because I was unworthy of of who I was, and it would be really cool to just be genuinely, unabashedly, unashamedly, who I was unworthy of, of who I was, and it would be really cool to just be genuinely, unabashedly, unashamedly, who I was and who I am. It's enough, I'm, I'm. This is kind of inside information, but I'm kind of working on a book now called enough, and it's two pronged One. Is this reminder like like enough man, like kind of like explanation, point enough, like you've got enough, you've done enough, stop, enough already. But the other side of it is like you are enough. Why do you strive, man? Just like you know you're sitting next to your wife today. That's enough, dude, enough. So I would remind myself that you are already enough. Stop faking it.
Speaker 1:It's amazing. And you know the last question, john. It's been said that all great people can have their lives summed up in one sentence. How would you like yours to read?
Speaker 5:Man, like when they do my introduction at like at speaking events. It's almost embarrassing. I, I always had to pivot from my story to remind these people I'm not an arrogant jerk because they do my introduction at like at speaking events. It's almost embarrassing, like I, I always have to pivot from my story to remind these people I'm not an arrogant jerk because they talk about two-time best-selling author in a film and like. They go on and on like dude, that is so not me. I'm a missouri kid, I'm a dad, I'm a husband, I love going out to my parents house, like I'm so boring and ordinary.
Speaker 5:So, uh, what I want on my tombstone ultimately is this I did a podcast years ago in New York and when I walked out, this guy, this guy lived near a temple and up on the temple I don't even know what, like, probably Hebrew, I guess it was up in Hebrew in stone, face on, in, in on this temple in New York, and I'm like what, what is that? He said it's Micah. I'm like, well, okay, what's what's it say? And what it said was seek justice, love, mercy, walk humbly with God. Pretty, pretty good sign to put in any, any language in New York or Ohio or Indiana or Missouri or anywhere else, or I'm a gravestone. So as I race forward through podcasts and books and everything else we do, as we race forward raising kids and trying to stay married and loving our parents toward the sunset years, what I want to do more than anything else is just seek justice, love, mercy and walk humbly with God.
Speaker 1:That's amazing, John, and I know we're getting close here to our time, so we'll wrap this up, but can you give us some information, our listeners some information on where they can find you, where they can buy your books? Kind of give that information out in your podcast.
Speaker 5:Sure man. First of all, this was just a great time, like sometimes this stuff feels like work and it's a thank God for it, and other times it feels like a couple of guys having a coffee or a beer and this feels far more like the latter. So you guys were great, it was an honor. And if folks want to stay in touch with me, I'm at John O'Leary inspirescom so John O'Leary inspirescom and on that website they can learn more about our social media and our podcast. It's called Live Inspired Our books, my emails there, my phone numbers there. I know, on Ed Milet, I don't think I would call it a mistake, but I gave out my number on that podcast and that was an overwhelming deal because I wasn't expecting what was about to happen and it's kind of funny.
Speaker 5:But it wasn't like hey, john, great podcast. It was like hey, john, I am about to take my life. What should I do? My wife left me. What should I do? My parents are getting divorced. What should I do? It was this weighty, weighty stuff. But I gave him my number because I wanted them to know like I love him. I'm here for you, and so I give you my website, john O'Leary, inspirescom and uh, on that site you'll find my number, you'll find my email and you'll know my heart and if I can do something for you guys, you got me.
Speaker 1:Oh, John, we, we really appreciate it. I want to end this with a Bible verse. It's Job 23, verse 10. It says but he knows the way that I take when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. John O'Leary, you, my friend, are gold.
Speaker 5:That is a solid quote, man. Way to drop the mic. Let's go to the tattoo parlor and get that on our biceps.
Speaker 1:Hey, John man, we appreciate you. I know you got a busy day today. I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a safe and healthy new year, and we thank you for being on the Be Tempered podcast.
Speaker 5:Honor man, God bless you guys. Have a great Christmas and a wonderful start to the new year.
Speaker 1:All right, thank you, take care. Bye-bye.
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