BeTempered
BeTempered
BeTempered Episode 39 - Kim Schmidt's Story: Embracing Change and Cherishing Family Values
Co-Hosts Dan Schmidt & Ben Spahr is joined by special guest Kim Schmidt to happens to be Dan's wife. Kim's journey from a small-town farm in St. Henry, Ohio, to becoming a passionate interior designer is a story filled with charm, resilience, and life lessons. Growing up with five siblings on a family farm, Kim learned the value of hard work and family bonds early on. Transitioning to town life, she discovered her love for gymnastics and cheerleading, all while actively participating in school activities. As we reminisce about these formative years, you'll glimpse into the values and memories that have shaped Kim's life and the playful dynamics that define the Schmidt family.
Life took unexpected turns as Kim navigated early adulthood, initially pursuing fashion merchandising before finding her true calling in interior kitchen design. Financial constraints in Cincinnati made bus commuting a humbling experience, yet provided opportunities for chance meetings that would change her life forever. At a college graduation party, Kim crossed paths with her future partner, Dan, without either realizing the significance of this encounter. This serendipitous meeting set the stage for a shared journey, emphasizing how life's intersections can influence both personal and professional paths.
Kim’s story also touches on the enduring values of marriage and family traditions. She shares insights into balancing faith, family, and communication in a marriage, while emphasizing the cherished family gatherings that create lasting memories. From keeping the tradition of family dinners alive to passing on core values to her children, Kim reflects on the fleeting nature of these moments as kids grow up. Join us as we celebrate the lessons learned from life's challenges and the importance of family, faith, and those treasured Sunday dinners with grandparents.
Hi, my name is Allie Schmidt. This is my dad, dan. He owns Catron's Glass. Thanks, allie. Things like doors and windows go into making a house, but when it's your home, you expect more like the great service and selection you'll get from Catron's Glass. Final replacement windows from Catron's come with a lifetime warranty, including accidental glass breakage replacement. Also ask for custom shower doors and many other products and services. Call 962-1636. Locally owned, with local employees for nearly 30 years, kitchen's best, the clear choice.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Be Tempered Podcast, where we explore the art of finding balance in a chaotic world.
Speaker 3:Join us as we delve into insightful conversations, practical tips and inspiring stories to help you navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.
Speaker 2:We're your hosts, Dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr. Let's embark on a journey to live our best lives. This is Be.
Speaker 3:Tempered.
Speaker 2:What's up everybody. Welcome to the Be Tempered podcast, episode number 39. 39. Ben, it feels good to be back in the studio. We've been away for a while.
Speaker 3:Been away for a long while. Yeah, nice hiatus.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we recorded a bunch of episodes for those listening prior to the holidays and then, you know, had some episodes in the bank that are still yet to come out. And then here we're back in the studio today and exciting for me.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We have someone who is near and dear to my heart, who I have known for over 20 years and been married to for almost 21 years Don't mess that up and I am excited to have my wife, kim Schmidt. So, kim, welcome to the Be Tempered podcast. Welcome, kim.
Speaker 4:Thank you, glad to be here Now, that's a lie, okay, maybe.
Speaker 2:So it took a little persuading to get you to come in here today. Why is that?
Speaker 4:Why is that? Maybe because I'm a very personal, her very private person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's good. You are, you are and that's why I love you. But, um, I keep getting messages and emails and phone calls and the fans want to hear Kim Schmidt's story the backbone of the Schmidt family the rock of the Schmidt family or maybe the story behind Dan, the backbone of the Schmidt family, the rock of the Schmidt family.
Speaker 3:Or maybe the story behind Dan. That's what I want to hear.
Speaker 2:There's no story there. No story there. So you know how we start these off. Give everybody a little bit of background of growing up in the small town that you grew up in your family, Kind of talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 4:Well, I grew up in a the small town that you grew up in your family. Kind of talk about that a little bit. Well, I grew up in a very small town, st Henry, ohio. When I was really little, before I was 10, I lived on a farm out in the country. I grew up in a family of seven, five siblings and my parents.
Speaker 4:But we farmed when we were growing up and as kids we had to participate in that too. So we got to help. We raised pigs and raised turkeys and we had a blast on the farm. I mean, we were outside all the time. That's the only thing I ever wanted to do. When it came time to school, I did not want anything to do with it. I'd hop on the bus and be like, oh man, I can't wait until we can get home so we can go back outside. We had great neighbors who we played with all the time. It just it was a great life. We didn't have a ton of money, but it's not what we made us happy.
Speaker 4:So shortly after that, when I was 10, we got the opportunity to move closer to town. So we moved off the farm and moved closer to town, but we still had some of the farm responsibility that we had to do as us kids. We had to work in the turkey barn and when we moved, we probably moved maybe five, seven miles away. We still had to ride our bikes out there for a short while and take care of the animals, and then, I don't know, we just we enjoy it. I would say we enjoyed it but at the same time we hated it. The chores were fun.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we would fight, sometimes we would have a great day fight, sometimes we would have a great day, um, but now, if I talk to your, your oldest, your older brother, jeff, he would make the comment that he did all the work on the farm.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, he always did everything. Um, we did more of the inside work, but we did have chores outside too. Of course we would get paid for it, and that was always our argument. Anything we did inside, we did not get paid for, and everything he did outside, he got paid for. So we were like that's not fair.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's good. So you move closer to town. You're in school, you're at St Henry Um, talk about any activities that you did during school and Talk about any activities that you did during school and what that looked like.
Speaker 4:Activities in school I was a cheerleader. I mean I started out with the typical played a little bit of volleyball, played a little bit of basketball, but didn't really excel at that. My height definitely was not to my advantage. So, and I really really enjoyed gymnastics so that was the only way that I could do it because it was such a small school. So I was a cheerleader so that I could tumble and do gymnastics. I was student council, I don't know, just the typical stuff that you did at school.
Speaker 2:National Honor Society.
Speaker 4:National Honor Society.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got kind of razzed for that when our kids got inducted and I wasn't in the national honor society and that happened to be a big deal for some of our other friends Kim was and Dan wasn't like oh boy, so we know the smart one in the family.
Speaker 3:That makes sense.
Speaker 2:That's where our brains definitely come from your side, that's for sure. I will say that.
Speaker 4:Well, not for me, maybe more so. My parents, my siblings, they were always, always, always smarter than me. I don't know about that.
Speaker 2:So one of the cool things I think about in any small town is your family is very close, and not only your siblings, but you had cousins, your grandparents, I mean. You had such a strong family system at St Henry when you were growing up. Talk about cousins and talk about your grandparents and all the things that you guys did together growing up.
Speaker 4:Well, where we moved it was a community in the woods, so there were at the, there were three houses, and now in St Henry you're not allowed to do this anymore, but it was you pull in the driveway and there were three houses off of that. So it was a great time in the summertime We'd run back and forth to everybody's house because there's no road to cross or anything like that. It just so happened to be that it was all of my cousins who lived back there. One of the house originally was Wally Post, and then his sister or his parents lived in the house that we actually had bought. Actually, it's not his parents, it would have been his wife's parents. So it was my mom's parents or grandparents that lived there, and every generation would just sell to the next or give it to the next family. So there were three lines of families there.
Speaker 4:Well then, a couple of years after we had lived there, my uncle also wanted to build a house back there, and my parents had enough land, and so they asked my parents to be able to build some land back there. So now we had four families that were living there. So really it's just a close-knit community. And then, of course my dad had said before that Saturday mornings was where my grandma had our family over every Saturday, which was the coolest thing for me, because back when I was really young we really weren't involved in a lot of sports. So Saturday morning was always go to grandma and grandpa's and they called it coffee or coffee, and cookies, yeah, and and it actually stayed for such a long time when I went away to college.
Speaker 4:So when I was in high school I had I had probably three or four cousins of mine who were in my grade and my grade was very small I only graduated with maybe 66 kids in my class, but I had a lot of family that was there. One of my best friends, um was Lindsay, who I graduated with, and she went off to college and went to UD. And then my other really good friend was Shelly and she went to college with me and we were roommates for four years and became really close because we would go to college and live together and then when we went home I would see her at all the family parties and Saturday mornings. So it just was such a cool thing because you just could catch up with everybody in the family. So I saw everybody all the time and my grandma still kind of carries on that tradition. She doesn't do as many of the family anymore, it's more like just come whenever you can, because it's just hard for her to have too many people there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what's cool is that we actually interviewed your grandma, mary uh, who was 94, 95 now, as a birthday in February and she will be, I think, 96 should be 96. Yeah, so if you haven't heard Mary's episode, it's, it's very unique because you know from her generation and all that she's seen through the world wars and all those uh, you know the kids growing up and all those stories. It was pretty cool for you and I to go out and interview her.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you describing it, we did it at her house. So when she's describing it, I'm just sitting there thinking was that pond back there when you were growing up too, or did they build that?
Speaker 4:It was. I remember quite a few winters because I feel like nowadays we don't get as much snow However, this year we have but back then we would get a lot of snow and we would go out on the pond and ice skate and a lot of family would come and the pond is it's only a field length away from town and it's such a small community. I remember a bunch of the guys in my grade would go play hockey out there and one of our teachers lived on the other side of the field and he would take his binoculars out and watch them play and we'd go to school the next day and he would make comments about somebody scoring or somebody fighting.
Speaker 3:That's awesome.
Speaker 4:And so when we were really young it wasn't really swimmable because it just wasn't deep, because they didn't nobody really took care of it over the years before my parents bought it and then, within the last I don't know 10, 15 years, my parents started to fix it up and now it's really nice. There's a pond or there's a barn back there that they have redone and now that's the source of where my whole family meets.
Speaker 2:So it's awesome.
Speaker 4:We'll go camping, usually over the 4th of July, with me and Dan and bring some friends, and then I just call everybody in my family and say, hey, we're going to be here for the week. Whoever wants to stop by, come. So it just it's really nice.
Speaker 2:It's nice. Yeah, it's a great gathering place and the pond's beautiful.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like an oasis back there, so so good. So you graduate high school, you go off to college. Where do you go and what? What's your? What's your? What are you studying?
Speaker 4:Well, when I went off to college and the back of my mind I thought I do not want anything to do with farming anymore. I just did it. I had had enough of it, didn't think it was very cool. So when I went to college I my goal was I was going to be in fashion merchandising, and at Bowling Green they had a program where you could go your senior year to live in New York city and I was like, okay, this is awesome, I'll go to Bowling Green, which is a bigger town, college kind of prepare me, and then I'll go off to New York. Well, I got through my first year, did an intern and I was like, okay, fashion merchandising is not for me. So I changed majors and went to interior design. It was either dietitian or interior design. I decided interior design and from there I had a class that I loved. I don't know why I fell in love with it, but it was a drawing class and it had to do with kitchens and I was just like this is the coolest thing. So from there on out I knew that that's what I wanted to do.
Speaker 4:After four years I graduated and I looked for a job in Cincinnati because I still had that desire to live in a city, and so I got a job in Cincinnati. But I had interviewed with a company who was not ready to have a kitchen designer yet, and so they said just come down here, find a job. And I found a job interior like a decorating job which was not what I loved. I really wanted to specialize in kitchen design. So I took this job. It was in downtown Cincinnati. I did not make much money at all. I think what I made was 18 000 a year, and so I lived with a couple of people and my first month I bought a parking pass in downtown cincinnati.
Speaker 4:It was 27 a month and I couldn't afford it oh geez so I ended up buying a bus pass and rode the bus down there and thought it was. I thought it was pretty cool, like I get off this bus and I'm walking around the city Like I made it. I made it to the city you work Cincinnati.
Speaker 3:It's kind of the same.
Speaker 4:Yeah Well, the funny thing is you know you're born and raised out in the country. It's kind of in your blood thing is you know you're born and raised out in the country, it's kind of in your blood. So about three months into the job I was like I I've had my fill of the city, I don't need to do this anymore. I contacted that company again and they were ready for uh to hire a position. So I came. I was not quite in a design position yet, but I had to work my way up. So it was a great opportunity and I really enjoyed it. So it brought me out of the downtown life a little bit. But still, whenever I wanted to go down there I could, because it was pretty easy to get there.
Speaker 2:But and then somewhere along the way, actually, our paths crossed a couple of times. So you know, I went to UD and you had a summer internship one year, right, yes. At Dayton. Yeah, and you lived in a house in the ghetto which is the student neighborhood at UD. I think it was 108, lawn View is the address, which the home's no longer there. It's been taken down, so you live there in the summer and then, immediately after you move out, I move in with my roommates into the exact same house.
Speaker 4:We don't know each other, yeah.
Speaker 2:We don't know each other. You know she's in college at Bowling Green, I'm at college at UD. But you know I go home for the summer and work she's staying in Dayton. Then she goes back to Bowling Green and here Brad and I move into the house that she just moved out of. So you know, I don't know how all that timing worked out, but our paths cross there. But then fast forward to. You know I graduate, you graduate, you go to Cincinnati. I'm in Cincinnati. I buy a house in Oakley near downtown.
Speaker 4:And wait a second. Okay, before that, your graduation party. Oh yeah, I forgot about that, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I had one of my um college teammates at Dayton, was from St Henry and graduated with Kim, yeah and um, so when we had our big uh, college graduation party, you were there.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because my high school friend Lindsay. She went to UD and graduated from there while she still kind of hung out with Randy Um, and she was invited to his graduation party and we all were at um, bowling Green and thought, hey, we'll just come down there and celebrate with you guys. So we ended up going to Dan's graduation party, which is so funny because his parents, his brother, everybody was there and we've gone back through pictures to see if we can see us like in the background or something, and I don't remember ever really seeing you, but it's just funny that we happen to be at the same place same time.
Speaker 4:So you don't remember like any, like CNN or yeah, I mean there were a lot of guys that, and probably, I think, some of the girls too, who had this graduation party together. So it really was a great big party, yeah, but I'm sure she saw me.
Speaker 2:It was like, ooh, look at that guy, that guy behind you. So our paths had crossed there. We didn't know about it. You know, fast forward, you know I don't know what it was to. Well, not quite two years a year, two years in Cincinnati. Um, I buy a house in Oakley, randy, who we're talking about. I went to college with moves in uh into my house with me as as a roommate for a while, uh, to help pay my mortgage, which was nice, along with a couple of other guys. And uh, randy comes to me one day and he said hey, I'm going to play in a co-ed flag football league. You should play. Yeah right, I'm like a co-ed flag football league. Are you kidding me? He's like well, listen, there's a, there's a girl there that I went to high school with. She's pretty good looking, she's single, he's like you might want to go and try. And I'm like like, okay, that convinced me, so I did. We go to this co-ed flag football league and you can kind of take it from there.
Speaker 4:The funny thing is that I actually had joined this league so that I could meet somebody, and I was. It had been probably a year or two that I had played on it and I mean I met some people but I was like, okay, I'm well done with it. I think me and Randy must've been at a wedding somewhere and he had ran into me and he said, hey, I'm moving down to Cincinnati. I'm like really, he's like yeah, he said I'd like to get involved, do some stuff. I said, well, we're on a flag football league. If you want to hang or play with us, then maybe we can all get together, and so that's when Dan came along.
Speaker 2:Came and we played, and then we met and so you guys were on the same team.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we were on the same team and the funny thing is I was just talking to Leah, our daughter Leah, about this yesterday. There were, so it was Randy, and then there was another guy and then Dan. Well, the other guy had gone to. He was good friends with one of my roommates in college, his boyfriend, so they had gone to school together.
Speaker 2:We'll call him.
Speaker 4:Alan. He came to college once and he he had a reputation and he started hitting on me and I was like, uh, no, and I he came to our back to our house that night and I was like somebody get rid of him. And so when Randy brought Dan and Alan, I was like Dan, how are you Because I did not want Alan hitting on me again. So that's kind of how it's.
Speaker 2:Oh well, that doesn't make me feel as good. No, I knew that, yeah. So we, we kind of hit it off a little bit and we're both in Cincinnati and I guess you can kind of take it from here where you know how it kind of progressed from the flag football, because we ended up going out on a date. It was kind of set up a little bit. I think I was more excited about it than you, but maybe I wasn't, I don't know. You tell me.
Speaker 4:I. You know it's funny because when you date, you have a specific type that you date and I had never dated a type like Dan before Stud Football stud and so I was very leery about it and that probably was good, because I was a little bit more hesitant instead of all in at first. So, but Dan, on the other hand, was all in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good. I knew I'd been in long distance or not long long-term relationships through college and in high school and you know I was to the point where I was ready. You know I was ready to settle down and once I met her, I, I knew I, you know I mean it's. It happened pretty quick.
Speaker 3:How many games ended before you finally asked her.
Speaker 2:How many games. I don't even know that we finished the season.
Speaker 4:I think we had a game, and then everybody was like, hey, let's go catch a drink somewhere. And so the next day and then so we probably played on Saturday, and then on Sunday Dan called and said hey, kim, you want to go do something?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we went to Chipotle. I remember that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And then I said hey you want to come home and meet my parents.
Speaker 1:That quick, huh Wow.
Speaker 4:Actually, let me explain this. We met each other probably the following weekend. We went with a bunch of friends down to Ohio state. We were still young, we probably had way too much to drink and Dan, at the end of the night, says you're the one that I'm going to marry. And I'm like so I think it had been two weeks actually and I was like, wow, wait a second, he's just drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying, so we go home and that next it was probably Sunday. We got back Saturday, sunday, he calls and said hey, you want to go to lunch together? So we go to lunch and I am in mid bite, I'm putting this in my mouth, and Dan says, hey, do you want to come and meet my parents? And I dropped my food and Dan's like did I say something? I was like you aren't kidding like did I say something?
Speaker 3:I was like you aren't kidding.
Speaker 2:Do you know what you said the other night? Did you remember? Yes, we were young, I, you know. I, I, our, our kids are listening to this.
Speaker 2:So really we didn't talk about it again for probably three months, and then after that probably three months, and then after that we booked the hall and probably five months later we got engaged, yeah, and then a year or so later, a year and a half, whatever it was, we got married. So, yeah, no, it did. It went quick, I knew, I mean I, I, I did know I was, I mean I was head over heels, and, and then once I met her family, you know just great people and you just you know, you know and, and, and I and I knew so how old were you guys when you guys got engaged?
Speaker 4:Probably 25. Cause I think we were 26 when we got married, so both of us were to the point where it was I'm ready to get married. I know what I want it. So, we're to the stage that we weren't gonna.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, we bought the business in October of 2003 and we got married in March of 04.
Speaker 3:So yeah.
Speaker 2:So we had the business before we were married, so yeah, so you know, fast forward through all those times, that kind of made me a little uncomfortable hearing that.
Speaker 4:I'm glad you're uncomfortable.
Speaker 3:See, this isn't bad, right, Kim?
Speaker 4:I'm only here because he's pushing and pushing and pushing.
Speaker 2:The people want to hear. The people want to hear. So, yeah, so we get married in March of 2004. Man, I think back on that. I've been thinking back on that kind of preparing for this and just racking my brain with. You know where we live. You know we moved into the farm. You know Allie was born in 2005. Right September, and so we're living on a farm where I grew up, you know, and you were still working in Cincinnati farm where I grew up, you know, and you were still working in Cincinnati, right, I was working there for a short while until we got married, and then, I think, I found the job here in Richmond, cause when you first got engaged you guys lived in Oakley and that house.
Speaker 4:No, we yeah you lived in Oakley and I lived in an apartment in Oakley. Yeah, when we got engaged and then we decided to move, we moved home to get the business and I stayed there for a short while, and then I moved back and just traveled back and forth to Cincinnati.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a fun haul.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, I would try every different route to see which one was easiest, but they all had just as much traffic. And then that's when I really was like, oh, I'm glad that I'm not living in Cincinnati.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know life was man. I think back on those times and you know we didn't have any money but man life was good. And then we have our first kid and you know it's so hard now to look back and know that Allie is 19 years old, you know, and to think back in those early years and kind of the struggles you know with the business and raising a kid and all those things. So what kind of memories do you have from those early years?
Speaker 4:I remember not having a lot of money, but I feel like we always had more money than our parents. So, you know, you look back at their generation, but it's all you know. It's it's in the eyes of the beholder. Like I, I didn't know any different and I was happy with what we had. I was happy with being creative to try to make something look neat, or I mean, I always remember trying to fix something up and I don't know we'd go on vacations with our families and that's what all of our kids eventually like.
Speaker 4:We had this discussion the other day about going on vacation with just us and our immediate family, and they were like why would we ever want to do that? I'm like that's the only way we had vacations as a kid and I was happy in there. They've just always been able. I mean, we've been fortunate enough that we've always gone with people, so we just I've always had good memories with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a lot, of, a lot of good memories and you know, and then we moved into town and to Eaton and eventually built a house and all those you know.
Speaker 2:Just looking back on the last 20 some years it's just been, it's been awesome to think about all those things. But one thing I want to I want to hit on a little bit is your faith, because that was one of the things that drew me to you when we first met was I had never met anyone like you that was so strong in your faith. And meeting your family, uh, your parents, your siblings, your grandparents, your aunts and your uncles uh, faith was such a vital, important thing in your life and it and it was in mine too. But when you know, when you go off to college, you know you kind of stray away from from things a little bit in college can get wild and crazy, um and and so that's not your main focus. But that was one of the big draws for me, for you is is your faith so kind of talk about faith and your family and and and how you have all been so strong in that faith as you continue to to get older.
Speaker 4:Um, I think I was very grounded and having parents who were very faithful and their parents who were very faithful and they talked about it, they were active in their faith and they participated in it, and I think that was a huge part and I I trusted my parents so much that I just did what they said. And it wasn't until I got older and married and started having kids where it was like, okay, so they have instilled this belief in me, but why so? Then it was me to go out and discover what this faith is all about. And so actually, after we started having kids, I started getting more involved in the church and started teaching religion classes. And I was so paranoid to teach classes it almost made me sick to my stomach and in fact, we're going to be gone next week and the assistant that's in our class I was like, hey, can you teach the class? And she's like that makes me want to throw up. She's like I don't think that I can do that.
Speaker 3:And I'm like, hey, can you teach a class?
Speaker 4:And she's like that makes me want to throw up. She's like I don't think that I can do that and I'm like, hey, that is the exact feeling that I had. But the cool part about it is that it forces you to learn your faith. If you want to teach it to somebody else, you have to be educated in it. I mean, there's no problem with you not knowing something and being like, hey, that's a good question. Not knowing something and being like, hey, that's a good question. Let me look that up. But it really, really forced me to dive into my faith and learn more about it and I realized how much I love it and I have that all. I mean, I have my parents and my grandparents to thank for that, because they have passed it down, and I think it's been a really strong point in our our family too, because when we all get together, all my siblings still have the same faith and they live their faith too, and so when we get together, we talk about it a lot of times.
Speaker 2:So yeah, it's a. It's a pretty awesome, awesome thing for sure. Um, so I don't know that I should do this, Ben, but I'm going to open it up to you as the outsider. Is there any questions that you would like to ask my wife? That will not make me look like a fool.
Speaker 3:Well, if I'm looking, not one that's going to make me look like a fool. I got to scroll here, Well, for both of you guys. What do you think makes your guys' relationship work?
Speaker 4:Well, for both of you guys like what do you think makes your guys' relationship work? I think the ability to talk to each other, and I've struggled with this in the past because I am more of a private person. I hold my emotions in and I don't like to show people that I'm suffering or doing anything. But I always realize that if I hold something in, then nobody else can help me and nobody knows how I feel, and so I have had lots of cases where we just put it all out on the table and talk about it and it's like, okay, it's nice to know that that's how you feel, because this is how I feel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I I agree. I think you know marriage is not easy, um, and you know there's good days and there's bad days, just like anything else. But I think it's it's all about compromise. Um, you know, we are not the same person, but we we feel the same um about a lot of situations or um, or things that are going on with our kids or our community or whatever it is. So, you know, it's been very important for us just to keep an open line of communication and sometimes, you know, that means she just has to get away from me and I have to get away from her and then we'll come back in and have a conversation and um, you know, and recognizing that that's okay and there will be differences, but it's about compromise, it's about love.
Speaker 2:You know, I, I I tell our kids um a lot. You know, I think the most, one of the most important decisions that you will make in your life is who you will marry. And you know I am so grateful that you know I made the right decision, you know, with you and with your family, because you know a lot of kids go through divorce and you know I've been through things that you know we didn't have to go through. You know, your parents are together, been together for 50 years. My parents are together, have been together for just about as many years. Um, and, and it's, it's an awesome foundation to have, and and we will, we will carry that on and so, um, you know, I think it's, it's about compromise.
Speaker 4:I think another big thing is and our kids have not dated a lot Our oldest started dating a little bit, and one of the biggest things I had heard this a long time ago, where they said what would you tell somebody? Give them advice on a quality to look for in somebody? And their response was somebody who can sacrifice for you. Because that's what marriage is about is. It's not always about you, it is more about them, and I think that's where our faith comes into. Because you're grounded in faith and with your faith, you have to make sacrifices, because what does it say in the Bible? That if you're a Christian, it's not going to be easy, but it is very glorifying. So I think when you are able to sacrifice something for somebody else, it shows that person how much you love them, and so I think that's a great piece of advice that I had learned early on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I really liked that one. That might be an Instagram, that might be look and smile. What's something that you guys have like learned along the way. That might maybe like at the beginning you guys they really didn't know, but you kind of learned along the way that helped you guys in marriage.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, obviously there's not a real good book on there about how to raise kids. You know that's um. You know we were blessed to have five healthy, amazing children and and, uh, and I I truly mean amazing. But, um, you know, you, just you. You learn I'm a big learner by observing. You know, observing other people and how.
Speaker 2:I learned a lot from my parents. I've learned a lot from from Kim's parents about, um, you know, it's not about being your child's best friend, um, it's about being there for them when, when they need you. But it's also about, um, disciplining them, pushing them to get better at whatever they do, and so that you have that relationship where it's not, hey, we're buddy, buddy. I respect my parents, I respect my mom, I respect my dad and I know that they're going to tell me to do what's right, even though I may not want to do it or may not feel like it's the right thing to do. So you know, for me, what, what I've learned, or, you know, I think what we've learned together is what's hopefully, um, what we think is the right way to raise our kids, because we're pretty darn proud of them. Um, it doesn't mean that they're the greatest thing in the world, because they've all got improvement to do just like we do. But I would say that's. That's probably what I've learned.
Speaker 4:Yeah I, I would say, um, I don't know, I was just thinking of this little video and it just slipped out of my mind, yeah. Um, I don't know. Come back to me.
Speaker 3:I will what kind of off the topic we're talking about. But one thing that I admire about your family is like Dan talks about your guys' like dinner time, about, like how much you value like sitting at the table and eating dinner. Like is that part of like you think that you developed as a kid that you really enjoyed those times with your family, like did you have that or where did that come from?
Speaker 4:I do value that a lot. My dad, um, my dad is probably the hardest worker that I know. He worked, um in a bank for 40 years and he farmed at the same time and and we did not go on a lot of vacations because he would take vacations to plant the crops or he would take a vacation to harvest. And it wasn't until years later that I found out that my dad would work all day long and then he would come home and plant until two o'clock at night. He'd go home and set his alarm clock for four o'clock so he could get up and feed the animals again and then go back to work. And he did that all the time without complaining ever. And the the one advantage of that is that he worked in the bank and was always home at five o'clock every hour, five, 30 every day.
Speaker 4:So we always sat and ate dinner together, um, and that was very memorable. You know you, that's where you have your conversations with your kids and you teach them life lessons and stuff. And so this past winter, when we were off for holidays and because of the snow, we haven't had to have a lot of family meals together, especially because Allie's away at college and the conversations and the nitpicking on each other. It's just so fun and I think that's where you build your family bond and your family relationships. So I I really, really cherish it.
Speaker 2:And I do too, and it's it's difficult. I mean, our kids are are involved in everything from sports to um, you know, 4-H to and be involved in the church, all the school activities, everything. So you know, there there's times where it's impossible for us to have a family meal, but, uh, I mean you do a fantastic job of, uh, you know, trying to get everybody together at whatever certain time that I'm going to be home from work or whatever. Somebody's got a, you know, basketball practice or track practice or whatever's going on, and and it is, and and what's what's been cool? You know it's not cool. Getting older, as my kids say oh, you're almost 50. No, I'm 45.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:You know it's, it's so cool, especially now, and I, I, I think about with having a daughter in college and another one that's a junior in high school going to graduate next year, and a freshman son and a seventh grade daughter and a fourth grade son.
Speaker 2:You know, like, with Nate being a freshman, I coached him in all those sports, you know those youth sports, and at the time that felt like it wasn't ever going to end. And then now he's in high school and it's like, oh my gosh, there's only three years left and then he'll be gone. And so, you know, like having little Ryan kind of starting to over, it's really forced me to take a deep breath and to cherish those times. And that's really one of the only times that we get as a family to to really sit down and have open conversation and you know, and to see all the nitpicking and to complain and you know, but it's fun, you know, and that's. I know that those days are coming to an end, you know, as Allie gets done and Leah goes away and to college and all those things. So it is very important for our family to do that, hopefully every day, but it doesn't always work out like that. It's pretty awesome.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it is, and I remembered what I was going to say about the challenges in life, like things that you have learned along the way, and one of them really is and Dan is such a good person to teach this lesson, too is when you, when you have challenges in life because you're going to have it, especially in a big family um is to see the good in it. What, what is God trying to teach you in this moment? That you can learn from it and either use it to help somebody else or to use it in your, your own life to become better. And he I mean he shows it in so many aspects with the kids too. I mean they all get up and go to the Y early in the morning and it's like how can I better myself? It's always about trying to be better so that you can help other people too, because we're ultimately not here forever.
Speaker 4:You know, we're here to help other people, so yeah, that's one thing I think from outside.
Speaker 3:I think that's one of the things, like when we talked about starting the podcast, that I feel like coming from the outside was like looking at your family, like if you're around your kids, like your kids are the most respectful kids, like I mean there's something that you can tell in those families. You know what I mean and and uh. So that's like. You know, I talked about iron sharpens iron when I started working here. So it's like taking those things Like I love that on Sundays, you know, you guys go over to your parents' house and you guys have family dinner with there. Do you have the knee camp Saturdays? You guys do you guys have that dinner, that special time, whenever we can, we're going to have dinner, and it's just like those things that it seems like so little. You know, like we're going over to grandma and grandpa's house for the kids. Well, looking back, like they're going to realize, like how blessed they are to have that you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and our kids do you know, when we go up to the pond and we camp, I mean those are some of their favorite memories is is going to this small little pond with this cool old barn that's been redone, and they just love it because their cousins are there, their aunts and uncles, their grand, you know, grandparents, great grandparents. I mean it's just a big family event and we don't even we used to go camping other places and now that's the only place we really go, and uh, and it's, it's really cool to see how excited the kids go to do that, and it's and it's all about family, um, and and that's that's that's so important for both of us as our families.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I've seen the pond and I've seen some bass swimming in there, so I could see why they would like to go there.
Speaker 2:And there's a zip line. Yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:It looks like a little, you know a little mini camp, like you would go away for summer. Yeah, A little oasis, yeah, yeah, so how do you might be stepping up on this one?
Speaker 4:I just send them to Dan.
Speaker 2:I just try to, you know, you just got to take a deep breath. Um, I try to see whatever the issue is from, from, you know, whether it's her perspective or the kid's perspective or whatever. I mean, that's what I try to do in any conflict, even at, you know, at the glass shop or on the farm or um, you know, if it's youth sports, you know there's, there's, there's always conflict, but a lot of times it's really not as bad as whomever might make it seem. So, if you can take a step back and take a deep breath and um, you know, maybe see whatever the issue is from whomever's perspective and, um, you know, kind of talk it through. It's never good to um act on emotion. You know that's never a good time to try to resolve conflict. Uh, that usually always goes the wrong way.
Speaker 2:Um, so, um, I guess that's how I look at it is just try to take a deep breath. If I feel my blood pressure rising, it's like, okay, let's take a step back, and that may mean we've got to come back to it at a different time. Um, but for me it's it's, you know, try to remain calm and take a deep breath, but we really don't have or we haven't, knock on wood, had, like between you and I, major conflict. I mean, we have differences of opinion and we work through those and we've been together long enough. Now, now that we know you know our what, how I can push your buttons and you can push my buttons and, um, yeah, I, I mean I, it's all about for me just taking a deep breath.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think for the kids perspective too, if they come home from school and are struggling with somebody, if something that they've done, we try to tell them look, you need to see their situation, you need to take it out of your perspective and look at it through their eyes, because they may not have the same thing that we have. They may not have two parents to go home to, to talk to, and have different personalities and perspectives to bounce it off of. Or maybe they just didn't have somebody there to teach them because they didn't love them enough. So it's always in the eyes of the beholder. Look at what is really happening to that person to cause them to do something and and now you have the opportunity to be the good influence for them and be there for them, so what, uh, what's one thing you think every couple should do to strengthen their relationships?
Speaker 4:I think in the busyness of society and the busyness of sports, we tend to forget about ourselves and focus solely on our kids. And I think it is so vital for us to do things together, just the two of us, because honestly that's the most important, because if we fall apart, then our kids are going to fall apart. So if we can't fix what issues we may have and keep building a loving relationship, then we can't pass that on to our kids, and you always want the best for your kids.
Speaker 2:So I think definitely cut out some time for you to either go on vacation, just a date night, just an hour, walk together something you know, if you really look at it, that maybe it's because they put so much emphasis on their kids and they don't actually focus on that relationship with each other, and so, um, you know that that is important for us and we, we try to do date nights here and there and we're getting ready to leave next week on a, on a vacation where we'll be, uh, you know, together for for a week and, um, you know, and just enjoy time together and kind of get back to, um, you know, not having the kids around and not having to run them to different things.
Speaker 2:I think it's important because you know we do a lot of stuff. You know we're involved in a lot of stuff with the businesses and the, the farm and and the church and the sports and all everything that that you know a lot of people do, um, and it's easy to forget about one another and it's easy to kind of nag and pick and, you know, had a bad day and come home and take it out on on her, and you know, I, I, I really, really try to not do that, you know, and um, so it's important for us to to get away, uh, whether that's just a Friday night, going out to dinner, um, or, you know, being able to take a trip, and we're blessed to be able to do that, um so, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 3:I just from the outside looking in it, just I don't know. I just always admire, like, like I said, like I go back to like you guys see your relationship, you guys can tell you guys are still in love, and then you know the way you parent your kids. It's just, I don't know. I'm sitting here like listening, trying to take like notes in my mind, like remember that, remember that.
Speaker 4:Well, and so much of it comes from having great parents of our own and grandparents of our own that set such great examples for us. Grandparents of our own that that set such great examples for us.
Speaker 3:So it's it's a smart thing to hang around people that you want to be like, yeah, and how thankful you are that your parents instilled that in you guys. I mean the, the traditions you guys are carrying on. But, uh, what's been the most rewarding part of raising a family together?
Speaker 2:For me, it's just, it's watching them grow, it's watching them learn, it's watching them, um, you know, succeed and fail, um, at the same time. It you know it's hard. As a parent, you want, you want what's best for your kid, you want your kid to be, you know, the superstar and to to be the starter and to do that and, uh, and when they're not, it's it's hard. But you know, I just spent yesterday morning with a group of young ladies from a local school talking about leadership and um, you know, I asked them have you learned more in your life when you've had success and you've won, or when you've lost and you've failed?
Speaker 2:And they all said I remember the loss, or I remember the fail, or I remember, you know, something bad that happened. That's what. That's what you remember and that's where you learn is through those difficult times. So you know it's hard. As a parent, you know we've had kids who have had success in in certain things, whether it's sports or it's school or it's 4-. A parent, you know, we've had kids who have had success in in certain things, whether it's sports or it's school, or it's 4-H or whatever it might be. Uh, we've been very blessed to have that. But then you know, some of our kids also tried different sports where they were not very good.
Speaker 3:I don't believe it.
Speaker 4:That comes from me.
Speaker 2:Um, but what is cool? As hard as it was to watch some of that. What's cool is like, for example, allie, you know stories.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's the stories that get you know she was our oldest. We put her in every single sport, like every parent does. I think they got to do everything and they're going to be the best at it and she wasn't. She struggled at it and she struggled at basketball and softball and volleyball. She wasn't good with her hands, um, and she'll admit it, and I'm not, I'm not just picking on her, but what did she do? She found cross country and she found track and she had success, you know. But would she have had that success without going through the failures of all those other things? I don't know. You know it. It pushed her to drive her and to motivate her to to be the best at what she had found some success as, and now she's. You know, on Friday I get to go watch her run in her first college track meet, you know yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean it's pretty cool. So, um, I don't even remember what your question was. Well, I.
Speaker 4:I think one cool thing about being a parent too is it's good and bad at the same time, because your personality comes out in your kids a lot of times. Sometimes, that's really cool to see, and sometimes it's like, oh, I need to fix that. I need to work on that because that's showing through on my kids.
Speaker 3:And the best thing is when they do that, and then you look at your spouse and your spouse knows where they got that from and you're just like oh, I can't tell you how many times I've heard that, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Usually all the negative things are. I say, oh, it came from your mom.
Speaker 4:Everything negative comes from me, everything positive comes from Dan.
Speaker 3:And that's how you have a perfect marriage.
Speaker 2:It is, yeah, and that's how you have a perfect marriage. You just understand.
Speaker 3:We all know the truth. What values do you hope?
Speaker 4:to pass down to the future generations. That's a deep one. I honestly think things revolve around faith. Faith is number one and family is number two, and if you can keep those two in order, things will be great. They're not always fantastic, but I mean you'll have your hills and your valleys, but if you keep them in that order then you will have a good life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, I was going to say the same thing. I mean, you know, faith is not easy and your faith is tested, and same thing with your family. You know there's there's good times and there's bad times and, um, you know, you just got to learn to, um, that the highs are high and the lows are low, and that tomorrow's a new day, and, and you know, just keep moving forward. So, um, yeah, I would say the same thing.
Speaker 3:So kind of switching it up.
Speaker 2:What's one of your favorite?
Speaker 4:memories of you guys together there's so many. I will say, um, when we first started dating, we lived in Cincinnati and we skied cause we had nothing else to do. We snow skied and got passes, and that actually was one of the first times that he had told me that this was serious. We were going to get married. Something about your coach, coach.
Speaker 1:Kelly or something.
Speaker 4:And we just had so much fun. And when we got married we stopped doing it. And then, probably five or six years ago, I was like I don't want a birthday present, I don't want a Christmas present, anniversary present, I just want to go on a vacation with you. And so we decided, well, hey, let's go skiing again. So we went skiing and we were like, why are we not doing this anymore? So the following year we took our three oldest, and then the following year we took all of them, and ryan, to this day, is like I would go there over the beach. I would go over there over anything.
Speaker 3:yeah, that's all I was about to say. I was about to say I've seen videos of ryan going down. He has to be your best skier in the family, right uh, he probably will be someday.
Speaker 2:Nate's pretty good, they're all not bad. Don't want to hear about. Nate Ryan is a stud on the skis.
Speaker 4:You know, if everybody could learn to ski at that age, I think most people would be like that, because you're fearless for one and you're low to the ground. So if you fall you're not going to get hurt that bad.
Speaker 2:So yeah, funny story about Ryan skiing. I know this is kind of off topic a little bit, but we it would have been his second year and we we go with some friends, um, and their two daughters, and uh, we're up in Michigan.
Speaker 4:I think it was his first year, the first year that he maybe it was his first year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so he's in these tiny little skis and we ended up making it over. It was me and Matt and Nate and Ryan, and it's a big hill and down at the bottom of the hill is the lodge and there's not a whole lot of space from where the hill levels out, um, and the lodge, and there's a lot of people down there. And so here goes little Ryan and he, so he's seven or eight years old on these little skis and he just takes off and he squats down into the, uh, the ski sprinter position where he can get aerodynamic. And I'm not a great skier, uh, I mean I'm okay, but I don't like going fast because I got a big body and I mean you're not low to the ground.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't want to hurt myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah so he takes off and I'm like oh, oh, boy, what? Like how am I going to explain to Kim that Ryan just died? I mean he is cooking, so we're. I mean I'm falling. I'm looking over at Matt, we're going, I'm trying not to fall Ryan just, and he gets to the bottom and turns his skis and stops and I go flying right and I finally get stopped and I'm like Ryan, my heart, I mean. I'm like looking at this kid is like he's going to die. Like how are we going to do this? And I was like, buddy, were you scared? Why would I be scared, dad?
Speaker 2:I'm like OK so that's a scary story. I would say the same thing. You know, we've had a lot of memories. We've been, we've been blessed to go to a lot of different places. Um, you know, costa Rica is a place that we went. That was absolutely amazing that you know. You and I just went together and, um, you know, the skiing thing, though, is fun because, um, we enjoy it. Uh, you know, we like to work out and and and you get a pretty good workout skiing. Um, and and and it's been fun to see the kids pick up on it and enjoy it. And, um, you know all the things that come with that. You get cold and then you get to go sit next to the fire and, uh, you know all those fun things. So that those are. Those are some really, really good memories that I have for sure.
Speaker 3:And you guys do it with your friends, right?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, yeah, which is a lot of fun. Yeah, a lot of fun.
Speaker 3:What's something you've always wanted to try but haven't, and what's holding you back?
Speaker 2:We're getting deep here. Yeah, who came up with these questions?
Speaker 3:Something you wanted to try, yeah, and you haven't yet.
Speaker 4:When I was younger. I always wanted to skydive, but I don't know that I have a desire to do that anymore. No thanks, I'm not fearless anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean something that I want to do. Um, you know I I would like to hike the Appalachian trail or go and raft the Colorado river. Uh, you know, they know they've got different things you can do, where you hike down the Grand Canyon, you get on the raft and you raft for a couple of days, or whatever. You camp down in the canyon and then you come back out and you know that's something I'd like to do. You know, sooner rather than later, you know, trying to squeeze it into the schedule would be fun, but I think that's something I'd like to do.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it would be fun, but I think that's something I'd like to do. Yeah, yeah, I honestly, and I almost made it this year, but I would love to go to Rome or a pilgrimage, and even more than that, I think it would be really fun to go on a mission trip like you did I just think it's something that is meaningful and that can really change your perspective on a lot of things.
Speaker 3:Yeah, definitely does.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You come back and it's like why am I getting upset? Like why would I? You know people get upset about it. Yeah, it's mission trips. That's one thing I want to do with the boys was take them on a mission trip before they turn 18, just so they can get a taste of the third world countries before they realize, you know.
Speaker 2:How good he got it yeah. Yeah, well, let me, let me wrap this thing up. Um, you've been awesome.
Speaker 3:Thanks, I think so.
Speaker 2:Yeah, You've been great.
Speaker 4:I don't know what you're so nervous about but uh, so you never know what's going to pop out of my mouth.
Speaker 2:So you know we always end this with uh. I steal it from John O'Leary, as you like to tell me. But two final questions. One of them if you could sit on a park bench and have a conversation with anyone, living or deceased, who would it be and why?
Speaker 4:I would say my grandma Stammen, who was my dad's mom, because I think I was three years old when she passed away and she grew up providing for their whole family. So she canned everything under the sun and I I have recently, over the years, started getting involved in that and I just think to to learn the recipes or to learn the things that she knew would be really cool to know. Plus, I missed having her in my life as a kid, so it really would have been cool to spend some time with her and get to know her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's pretty cool. There are Bible verse quote that you live by. Maybe when things are tough, oh, you're gonna pull out your piece of paper.
Speaker 4:I'm not really good with, uh, memorizing things by any means, but, um, I wrote down two of them. One is Colossians 4, 23,. Whatever you do, do from the heart as for the Lord and not for others, and part of that is, um, you know, sometimes you say being a mom or being a parent is such a thankless job, but when you really read that because I can fall into that trap a lot that I'm just selfish. I am getting no respect from my kids. I'm doing all this stuff and they get their clothes dirty again. I got to wash it all over again.
Speaker 4:But it's in the eyes of the Lord that you do everything and I don't need that reward. I don't need that thanks all the time. I mean, you want to teach your kids to be thankful, but that's the one thing that I have to remember is that it's not for anybody, but God, and so it holds true that you really want to do things 100% all the time, because he's always right there. And I've gotten into situations where I, okay, I'm full force, I'm going to do this, and I was out feeding the cows and the feeder was all clogged with feed and I'm like, if I just do this, I'll get it out of there and I'm like, okay, 100%, kim, 100%.
Speaker 4:So I climbed in there, dug it all out. I'm like, all right, that's for you, lord. The other one is 1 Thessalonians 1-2. We give thanks to God always, for all of you, and I think that goes back to finding the good in everything, that if you can find the good and even the bad, something that you learn from it, I think everything is meant for something. So those two verses that's pretty awesome.
Speaker 2:You're pretty special.
Speaker 4:You're very special, so are you.
Speaker 2:And I love you dearly and I thank you for coming on here, because I know you had a lot of anxiety to be on here, but you did fantastic and I thank you. Had a lot of anxiety to be on here, but you did fantastic and I thank you for that, so I love you.
Speaker 4:I love you too.
Speaker 3:I'm not going to say it.
Speaker 4:We love you too, Ben.
Speaker 3:Anything else to add? No, I really enjoyed this and you did amazing, so I can't thank you enough. Thanks for being brave.
Speaker 4:All for the glory of God. Amen and Dan.
Speaker 2:And Dan and Dan. Hey, everybody, please continue to like, subscribe, to share. You know, hopefully you've enjoyed this message from my wife and from me and kind of got some insight on the Schmidt family and, you know, maybe gain something from it. So we appreciate your support, we appreciate you listening and go out and be tempered.
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