BeTempered
BeTempered
BeTempered Episode 41 - The Journey Continues: Shawn Ruebush’s Hard Truths on Trauma, Recovery, and Finding Purpose
Childhood trauma, profound loss, and the road to recovery—Shawn Ruebush returns to the BeTempered Podcast with a story that continues to strike a deep chord with listeners. Sitting down with hosts Dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr, Shawn reflects on the incredible outpouring of support following his first appearance, revealing how opening up about his past led to unexpected yet powerful connections.
From the heartbreak of losing his father and grandfather to confronting personal demons, Shawn shares the pivotal moment that set him on a path to break the generational cycle of alcoholism. A blackout during a work trip became his wake-up call, forcing him to reexamine his relationship with alcohol and its impact on those he loves.
We dive into the role of a dedicated men's group in providing the accountability and support that fueled his transformation. Shawn’s journey is a testament to the power of vulnerability and self-belief—one that extends into podcasting, writing, and the challenge of sharing his truth with the world. He opens up about the enduring influence of family, the unwavering support of his beloved Granny, and the resilience required to rebuild after losing his home to a fire.
This episode goes beyond personal struggles; it’s about embracing authenticity and taking risks. From storytelling and legacy-building to the courage it takes to inspire others, we explore the power of trusting the process, even when the road ahead is uncertain. Whether you’re navigating personal challenges or seeking meaningful connections, this conversation offers invaluable insights and encouragement.
Hi, my name is Allie Schmidt. This is my dad, Dan. He owns Catron's Glass.
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Speaker 3:Welcome to the Be Tempered Podcast, where we explore the art of finding balance in a chaotic world.
Speaker 4:Join us as we delve into insightful conversations, practical tips and inspiring stories to help you navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.
Speaker 3:We're your hosts, Dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr. Let's embark on a journey to live our best lives.
Speaker 4:This is Be Tempered.
Speaker 3:What's up everybody? Welcome to the Be Tempered podcast, episode number 41. How you doing, ben?
Speaker 4:Very good, how about yourself?
Speaker 3:I'm doing good. I'm doing good, I'm doing good. We've got, uh, a returning podcaster with us today, my good friend, mr sean rubush. Sean, welcome to the be tempered podcast. Hello, thank you again, again again, welcome back sean, what 16 weeks ago?
Speaker 3:yeah, yeah I mean we're hard up for people. So, yeah, I mean we're hard up for people. Well, I appreciate you having me back. No, we obviously, after we recorded episode 24, which, if you haven't heard, sean's episode number 24, it is powerful and we got done. And you said, man, there's so much we didn't talk about and I was like, yeah, there is Well, guess what we can do another one. And I was like, yeah, there is Well, guess what we can do another one. And so that's why we're here today.
Speaker 3:And, um, sean, for those who haven't heard your story, um, I encourage you to go back and listen to some of those key and pivotal moments of of your childhood and and then into your adulthood. But there's, there's more to this story. Like I said, that we didn't get to before. And, um, you know, beyond the loss of your dad, the fire with losing your grandfather and all the emotional struggles of your childhood trauma, everything that you've been through there's more to come. But I want to ask you something from that episode what kind of response did you get personally from people?
Speaker 5:The only word I can think of is overwhelming. You predicted it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 5:You told me exactly what was going to happen and it happened. I got about a handful, maybe two handfuls of phone calls and those were the comments and all that stuff was very impactful. But to get a phone call from people that you don't expect to get, a phone call from um, and then some of them that you're really close to, and uh, it was overwhelming. Man, I mean I I remember talking to the baseball coach at Trail man and he's my neighbor now and the love he showed me that day was incredible man, and he knows what I'm talking about and he called me and we both got emotional.
Speaker 1:It was awesome and I.
Speaker 5:I, the people that I didn't even know, like I remember reading the comments, like I've waited over 30 years to hear that and I'm like what, why? Yeah, so it was overwhelming. And it still continues to kind of like filter in, as you do, the little shorts and the reels and all that stuff. So I mean it's been overwhelming, it's been good and you were correct. Again, a lot of people have come up to me at basketball games events that would never say hi to me and has said hey, thank you Like being vulnerable doing this and just I appreciate it and it helped me so much.
Speaker 3:Well, I think it's a, it's a testament to kind of why we do. What we do with this podcast is is you know I? I knew your story, not not the depths of it. Uh, and a lot of the people that we have come on here, we know the stories, most of them, but every single person has a story right and a lot of people hold it inside, like you did for for 30, 40 years, and talk about what it was like, not the responses, but what was it like for you, just to let it all out here's the thing I've let it all out thousands of times in my my own mind, just not to other people.
Speaker 5:Um, and that's how maybe that's coping mechanism that I got through it all you know. Um, you know, I've told the counselor that I talked about you know, she kind of briefly got the short version of it, but I mean, I I think what has happened that's been more impactful is, now that I've talked about it, more people are willing to approach me about it.
Speaker 5:Um, yeah I, I and I'm okay with that. That that's fine. I have zero problem with that. I think that's probably the most impactful thing that's happened from. It is um, people can see my passion on the football field, but they have no clue where it came from. Now they have exactly they know exactly what, where it came from, that type of thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but like we said before, there's more to this story, and there there's some other pivotal things that had happened in your life, and I don't know which came first, but there were. There were a couple of things we wanted to talk about, one of them being alcohol and the other one being the car accidents you were involved in, and maybe those two are related and maybe they're not.
Speaker 5:But talk about those two things in the kind of order as they went okay, um, so I, I, I when I didn't drink a lot, but, boy, when I drank I surely did drink the drink. There was no stopping me. I don't care who you were, if once I got that feeling in me like it was going to be a long night for other people too, and it happened. So, like I said, I didn't drink every night, I would never have considered myself an alcoholic back then. But I really got lucky.
Speaker 5:I was with one of my good buddies and we were at a party in New Paris and we were drinking left, didn't get in the car yet, but we were walking down the streets of New Paris and the cops saw us, flash his lights and we ran through a creek, kind of got away from him and everything like that. Um, but then we made a stupid decision later to get into a car and I went to. We went to his house but his father was mad we were drinking this, that and the other thing. So we we leave and head to my grandma's house in new hope. Well, my buddy at the time and he knows who it is when he hears this, because this is a funny it's funny now. But we stopped over at National Trail High School because he had to go to the bathroom. And we pull into the football field and I turn my car off and, sure enough, here comes a cop, flashed his lights and sat there.
Speaker 5:So I got arrested for underage drinking and so did my buddy that was with me. So I was lucky, got very lucky that I didn't have my car on and didn't get caught that way. But the crazy thing is that that didn't even faze me one bit. Went to jail, didn't spend very much time in jail, like maybe six hours, and just later. You know I think that was about 19 years old. And then, when I was 21, got a job at my first real job, at Finish Line well, second job but went to a buddy's bachelor party and just worked late, got there late and in your mind you had to catch up, got to catch up and, uh, they take your.
Speaker 5:They took your keys. They did everything right. They just didn't know the extent of how stupid and crazy I was, so got hammered, drunk and found my keys, got in my car and headed down 40, doing about 85, hit a low guardrail that goes up and flew about 200 feet into a corn cornfield, rolled it who knows how many times and sat then that was at like four in the morning and I didn't get found till 7, 38 o'clock in the morning and I sat in that cornfield all for about four hours. Uh, cuts everywhere. I am so when I say I think I've had an angel that's watched over me because I should have been dead and it's hard to even think about and comprehend that you sit in a car that you just wrecked for over three, four hours. But that's what happened and the doctor?
Speaker 5:I went to Miami Valley Hospital in Dayton and he says you're probably lucky, you were drunk because you're kind of flimsy and if you would have been tense you would have broken way more bones. But I shattered my right arm. I got the scars right here. I got two steel plates, 13 screws. I don't have the full function on my right arm. I hide it really well. Most people never even notice it. And I broke my left, uh, left tibula. Um, yeah, so that was the accident and um, like I said, it wasn't that, it was just me being stupid. Do you remember sitting in?
Speaker 3:the car? No, you don't remember, I don't even remember I barely.
Speaker 5:I don't even remember much of the party okay I, I drunk I was that hammered.
Speaker 5:I remember wake. Here's the first part that I remember. I remember paramedics somewhat pulling me out and I remember who the paramedic was, um, and it was someone I knew and she was like like oh my God. I remember hearing that. And then I just remember waking up in the hallway of Miami Valley Hospital and in a hallway with just what seemed like hundreds of people because they were so busy. So they sent me to Greenville but Greenville couldn't deal with my injuries that I had, so they transported me to Miami Valley and I just remember laying in the hallway sleeping and then all of a sudden I wake up and my best friend and my girlfriend at the time was right there and I was like hey, and they didn't even know who I was. They didn't even see me. There were so many people there, wow.
Speaker 3:So I had surgery on my right arm to get everything fixed and yeah, I remember I was at UD then and I remember coming to the hospital and seeing you, um, you know, I think it was after the surgeries, but it was. It was pretty, pretty close after it had happened and, um, that was tough. It was tough for me to see you like that because you know, you're this man of steel, you know in my mind and to know what you had been through and and to know kind of where you were at, as far as not know where you're at mentally, but you know, knew what the cause was, but did that stop you from drinking? Nope.
Speaker 5:Not even that. So, and again, I think, as life progresses, if you, I think the creator creates your life for a reason and when you don't live the life you're expected to live, things happen, things happen. The life you're expected to live, things like things happen, things happen. And you know, I mean I can maybe. I stopped for six months, but I continued to drink.
Speaker 1:I was smarter, I didn't drive but I still drank.
Speaker 5:I still I wouldn't say I struggled with the urge of drinking alcohol, cause I've never done that. Um, never, ever, ever have I ever gotten home and just wanted to crack open a beer like that's just not me. Um, in my head I'm like I'll have more fun if I drink um, which is not the truth.
Speaker 3:And then, once you got the taste, then it was once you get, yeah once you get, once I get that little bit of buzz.
Speaker 5:I was the guy that just you wouldn't stop me. So no, I mean, I remember many a times getting blackout, drunk and having kids.
Speaker 5:You know. You know I had Chase Hunter. So one very impactful story I can tell you about me drinking and how stupid I was is when I worked for finish line we would always do these shakedowns. What a shakedown is is where a manager either got got fired or quit and the store was tore up, ran down to where a new manager would come in. All the managers in the district would go to that store, clean it up, give that new manager a fresh start to where he wasn't always fighting from behind. So those were called shakedowns.
Speaker 5:We did a shakedown in Bloomington, indiana and Hunter wasn't born yet. He was about six months baking, maybe six, seven months baking. And this was before cell phones too. So I had a flip phone. I remember having a flip phone. So we went to the Shakedown at 8 o'clock in the morning in Bloomington, indiana. So I get up early in the morning, drive to Bloomington, we work until about 7 or 8 o'clock at night. We went to the Crazy Horse in Bloomington, indiana, which is their main bar, and work all day. Don't eat, get there, eat and just start drinking. And I didn't check into the hotel beforehand. Some of them did. Some of them didn't, but I drove to the bar and, long story short, I ended up 25 miles south of Bloomington, indiana. I have no clue how I got there. I was in a gas station and I was sleeping in my car and I got a knock on the window and I look up and there was a lady, was like, and I roll my window down and she's like are you okay?
Speaker 5:And I said yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm fine.
Speaker 5:And then I gather myself and I'm fine, and and then I gather myself and I'm like where?
Speaker 5:the hell am? I had no clue where I was. It's not like I can get on my cell phone. This was back in the days, like I said, I had a flip phone. So I gather myself a little bit and I'm still you know how it is. And when you're hung over, I get up, walk into the gas station. I'm like where am I at? And she tells me. She tells me, and I was like so how far away is that from Bloomington? She goes you're about 25 miles south on the interstate. So that was about 6.30ish in the morning and I had to be back at that store at 8 o'clock in the morning. So I start driving and I get there about 7.15ish my phone's about to die. Phone dies as I'm waiting and I got to make a decision. I got to make a decision whether either I go in like I didn't know how my boss was going to react I didn't take a shower still probably smell like alcohol smell like alcohol.
Speaker 5:I wasn't going to work there for the next eight hours smelling like that right didn't check into the hotel, so I make a decision with a dead phone to drive three and a half hours home, about 7 30 in the morning. All right, so that's about a three and a half four hour drive, no phone. We're supposed to be there at eight. I'm not there at eight. I'm not there at 8 30 I'm not there at nine you can't get a hold of me.
Speaker 5:So the district manager calls the hospitals, calls the jails, nothing. So then he calls my wife at the time, sends a panic in her, which it any it would anybody sure. So so I don't make it home till 11, 11, 30, charge my phone and I call jamie and let her know like that's the type of asshole that alcohol and that shit does to people and that and I was that guy. So that put that, definitely put the brakes on the drinking a little bit, but it still didn't stop you, still didn't stop me.
Speaker 3:Man, what stopped you? The divorce?
Speaker 5:that's what stopped you two things the divorce. That's what stopped you two things the divorce. Because she was afraid of me when I was drinking, yeah, and it why I mean in my mind, there's no reason to be afraid of me. But right she was yeah so that hurt. And then I got into a men's group with some other really good men and we always talking about generational curses and the first one that comes into my head from my from my dad drinking I see I don't even like it's gonna stop with me yeah period.
Speaker 5:My kids are gonna not blame me for the generational curse of alcoholism in our family, and I some. So I stopped. For about six years after divorce I didn't drink at all. Then one time, like one time, I was like, okay, I'm going to go to this party, I'm going to have fun. And I got drunk again. And never again. I'll never, ever drink alcohol ever again in my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and now I drank a beer in Florida last year because we're playing spike ball and it was hotter than hades and but you said you didn't feel like you had to get drunk.
Speaker 5:No, I just drank it, threw it in the trash and just to clench the thirst and I never even thought about it. It was either that or a capri sun from, and I didn't want to steal a capri sun from all the kids but the big thing is degenerational curses um, and alcoholism is in this family and it's not no more yeah, that's pretty awesome.
Speaker 3:It's crazy to think, though, that it took you 40 44 years. Yeah, I mean from the time you were, you know, 17, 18 until again worse yeah.
Speaker 5:And that's why the divorce is okay. Yeah, and um, I know I get emotional about that, but I get emotional about what it's going to do for my kids.
Speaker 3:Right yeah, Because that's what's for my kids. Right yeah, because that's what's important. Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 5:And I know we talk about it all the time. But it's hard to break those curses when your kids are going to try to be just exactly like you, exactly like you've been exactly like me, and if you don't set that example that you're setting, it doesn't matter what you say, it's what you do, it's how you act and I made a decision. And if they drink and they become alcoholics, it's on them.
Speaker 3:It's not because of you.
Speaker 5:It's not because of me and that generational curse and that family anymore.
Speaker 3:Man, that's dude. I don't know how you keep coming up with all this stuff.
Speaker 1:It's life.
Speaker 3:I know it is but you know it's just so impactful. And there's something else that's impactful, you know, when we go back to your story from the first episode and you talk about your childhood, growing up, and talk about your dad, you know there was a piece of that puzzle we didn't get to and that was your mom. Talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 5:So when I was young, growing up, all I knew was life with my dad. Was young, growing up, uh, all I knew was life with my dad, um, my mom was never a part of it and I never knew why, um, never knew why, um. And then you know, I had a stepmom, stepbrothers, um, but then when my dad and my stepmom got a divorce, and then you know, my dad, what happened.
Speaker 5:When my dad happened. There was a brief custody battle with my real mom and my grandmother and I don't know a lot of the details I was only 10 but I do remember the judge pulling me and my brother into his chambers and, you know, talking to us a little bit but but I remember him asking us like who do you want to live with?
Speaker 1:And I said my grandma like.
Speaker 5:I didn't know my real mom right. Uh knew nothing ever. I knew my grandmother, I knew that was security to me.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 5:So we went to live with them, uh, with my grandma and grandpa, um. But there's this whole other side of the family on the other side that are great people that I never got to meet, um so fast forwarding a long time. Um, they have tried to contact my grandmother for years. Um, they, she just my grandmother. Remember how?
Speaker 1:how protective, she was.
Speaker 5:Oh, yeah, okay well, this is one of the, in my opinion, the dark side of it. Um, because I have two great, unbelievable aunts that I've never met until six years ago, and I'll talk about that in a little bit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but they're great people, um but grandma protected you from them because she was afraid she was afraid of my mom.
Speaker 5:Yes, yeah so, and I may be off base and I surely don't want to, you know, anger anybody, but I, from what I've heard, my mother was a drug addict and I don't, I don't fault my grandmother for doing that with what we've been through with, what we just went through with the dad, I understand all of it.
Speaker 5:But when I was 18, when I'm becoming a young man, that's where I find a fault. You can tell me about them and you can let me make that decision. And you know what? I never sought out to find my mom, but one of my aunts was really persistent uh, vicky. She would message me on Facebook almost every year, once a year, and I ignored. I ignored her for a long time. Why did you ignore? It's a good question. I have no clue. Maybe because I didn't want to open. I didn't want to open that door.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Because it was just one other thing. One other thing.
Speaker 5:Like like look man, we shove our men as men, we shove our feelings deep down and not to know my mom and not why. My mom didn't want to be a part of my life. I didn't want to deal with that. Opening that door to that conversation Maybe open those feelings, and I didn't want, I wasn't ready to do that, yeah, yeah. So so after the divorce, or as we're, going through the separation. I uh, she messaged me and I responded and I'm pretty sure she had to go change her pants after sorry vicky.
Speaker 5:She's been trying for 40 years. She's been trying for a long time, yes, and I finally responded. And she lives in Hawaii, beautiful house, great human being she's been. She's been nothing but great to my kids yeah nothing but great. Every year she sends them way more than they need, and my kids have grown accustomed to that during christmas and it's. It's important, yeah, so so the hiding of it. That's where I got super frustrated, even in these later years. I'm like why? Why didn't she just tell me that at least my aunts were?
Speaker 1:good people.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so, and Gwen lives in Eaton came to all the Chases, like came to a ton of Chases. Events once we met had thanksgiving, all that stuff, man.
Speaker 3:So you can see how yeah, things happen for a reason. Did you ever meet your mom? No, never did and she's not not here anymore no, she.
Speaker 5:So when I first got in contact with Vicki, my mom, my mother was still alive and I wasn't. I was hesitant at first. Because of this, because in and she came out and told me yes, everything like that is true. But she loves you, so never met her. I had the opportunity to meet her but never did and she passed away before I could meet her.
Speaker 3:Did your aunts, did they talk about your mom in any way where where they could give you any insight to how she felt about you?
Speaker 5:yeah, they, I mean I gotta meet my great my I gotta meet my other grandma met her okay, um, but yes, they. They tell me how much that she loved us and missed us and how much, how many times she contacted and tried to get in touch. Um, but ultimately, she lived a hard life, um very hard life. She probably makes mine look a little, you know not so hard yeah. Um, from what I've heard, right.
Speaker 3:Right, but from all that you've got some ants I do. Yeah, wonderful people.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Which is great. You know things happen for a reason and we don't know that reason, but you know there's a reason that that happened now, you know, or happened six years ago, um, and, and you know, we didn't spend a whole lot of time on granny.
Speaker 5:No, we didn't but.
Speaker 3:I'd like to talk about granny, because I have lots of memories of granny and, um, I know she's she's no longer with us, um, but but let's talk a little bit about granny, because you know when I, when I think back to you, know when we were kids and and when everything happened with the fire, and you know I can remember and my mom has probably told you the story. I think you were coming over to spend the night one night when we were kids and granny called my mom and she said now I want to make sure that Shawnee's not going to be drinking my mom's like no, granny, we don't, we don't drink, we're good, everything will be fine, we'll take care of them. So she was super protective for a reason, right, and, like you said, maybe in some cases to a fault. But if you know your story and you know what she went through and what she lost, you know she was not going to lose you boys, right? So talk about her a little bit.
Speaker 5:She was 4'9", about 110 pounds. But when you angered her she was 7' tall, 250, middle linebacker for the Bears. Yeah, she was a spitfire. The bears, yeah, um, she was a spitfire. She was um, I I don't like she was. She was the person that would. She wouldn't be okay unless everybody in that room was okay. Like she wanted, she would cook clean she'll. She was a caregiver. She was a caregiver. She was 100% just a caregiver.
Speaker 5:She felt at her best, I think, when she was helping people and or waiting on them I guess that's a terrible word to say, but like just helping people, cooking, being the wife and being the mom and the grandparent and just providing. Like that's where she was, and if you got even remotely on her bad side because of us boys, you were going to hear about it. Yes, she wasn't afraid to tell your opinion and my brother got in a lot of trouble and it was always the school's fault. Yeah, always, even when I did bad things, well, they probably deserved it. Um, even when my brother got arrested, it's probably probably their fault. Stupid, stupid cops shouldn't have arrested him. He didn't do anything wrong. Like that's the stuff that, looking back, i'm'm just like no, and that's why fathers and mothers are important in the household.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 5:To give that balance, because I think the discipline, a lot of that, comes from fathers and we didn't have that. So she was also very I've already said this but she was the best cook, and I mean that we very rarely ate out. She was also very I've already said this but she was the best cook, and I mean that we very rarely ate out always was eating home meals, home cooked meals I mean, that's where she was at her best and she also taught us to fight Like she.
Speaker 5:So when our house burnt down, we had all kinds of different things we could do. We lived in an apartment over here on 40, tiny apartment.
Speaker 3:I remember, yeah, tiny, close to Petro, one bedroom.
Speaker 5:Yeah, Close to Petro down the hill.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 5:But we lived there for a year while she rebuilt, because that's what she wanted. She's like that's my, that's where we live. So we rebuilt and, um, you know, moved back to that property where the house fire happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:How was that? Did that have any effect on you as a kid, going back to that same spot that you, where you saw the house burn and you lost your grandfather? I mean, did that affect you in any way?
Speaker 5:I've never even thought about it until right now. Um, I think we were more excited yeah, to get back.
Speaker 5:You know, I had a best friend next door uh, I was probably 11 at the time um, she put a big concrete pad in the back, played basketball back there. So at the time though I've never even really thought about it um, a big concrete pad in the back, played basketball back there. So at the time, no, I've never even really thought about it, but I had fun at that apartment because there was a huge woods behind it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 5:And I just go running through it all day, playing huge lake in the back. So I think, but it was a tiny apartment.
Speaker 3:You're on top of people, yeah, so I think it was probably relief to get back.
Speaker 1:Right, and you could be a kid. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So we've had some conversations and you know I hear people talk about on different podcasts, about don't be afraid to bet on yourself. That's came up in your life a couple of times. Talk about betting on yourself.
Speaker 5:So I told a story about you know, plan B and the last time and all that and people putting doubt in your mind. So two quick stories. When I worked for loves that, if you guys all remember, I said you earned your pay, um, and they did they. They would even tell you if you, if you got, if you get 60 of the stuff that we tell you to do done, you're doing a good job. They would tell you that they would come in doing inspections. A, b, c, d, f. You would automatically start with a, b. They don't give, as that's the type of company you're working for.
Speaker 5:I'm not bashing the old company at all. I was very appreciative, met some great people, that type of thing, um, but this was after the, the separation and divorce. I just remember my DM just needling, needling, needling, and I was like, well, we're going to have to start terminating people if they can't get this done. Like that was their comment. They would, instead of trying to motivate you, they would. They would do it through fear, verton, instead of inspire you, they would do it through fear. And you can motivate people through fear, but it's a short-term right turnaround.
Speaker 5:If you try to challenge them, inspire them to be better people, to move up in a company, that type of thing, you get way better results. Um, but I remember just he cut like my boss came on a visit and just nitpicky as could be and he said that term again. He said it like two times. Well, we're gonna have to start terminating people for it. And I was like why do you threaten?
Speaker 1:people like that.
Speaker 5:Well, you know you got to get the job done, if not, we're going to start terminating people. I go, do me a favor and fire me right now. Do me a favor. You can't find anybody to run the store better than I can. And just instantly, a switch just changed in my brain. I said fire me. I dare you Because I know what I brought to the table. It took me a long time to understand that, a long time. And then when you start thinking like that, like you know what. I got this, this is I got this, and I don't need you.
Speaker 5:I didn't need my boss, I didn't need need him I needed the people around me, right, but I already had the respect of the people that I worked with. But I finally stood up for myself and I finally told him that and that gave me the confidence to walk away from that job. About six months later, I was done and I made a lot of money. Yeah, to walk away from that job. About six months later, I was done.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 5:I made a lot of money and it's the best decision I've ever made. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made. And was it scary? Sure, just like when you bought Cajun's Glass.
Speaker 1:I couldn't imagine. Yeah.
Speaker 5:But yeah, it was scary stepping away from that. But at that point so many emotions come to you when you're just fed up with, you know how your life's going, especially when there's leadership like that yeah, yeah and um, yeah and um it it was at the time, which is crazy, like going through the divorce, going through the separation just got done through counseling, like my mind's starting to shift and not drinking anymore, that type of thing, and I walked away from that job. I walked away from that career. I walked away from that career. Yeah, that takes a lot. I had no clue what I was going to do either.
Speaker 3:You just knew that.
Speaker 5:Hey, I had an ideal that maybe I like at the time I was in AdvoCare doing that, but I knew that wasn't going to be my main source of income, Right?
Speaker 3:So so you? So let's say, there's kids out there, adults out there listening, and they have those feelings that you had, but maybe they don't have the confidence. What do you tell them? What's your advice to someone who's who's got a boss like that, who's you know? Just constant negativity, just wearing them out Every time the boss comes in. They're on pins and needles because they know something's coming, but they know they're doing what they're supposed to be doing, but they're ready to take that next step. They're just afraid to take the step. Um jump, have faith.
Speaker 5:If and I've said this the last time if you're not happy, that's on you and that's that mindset that that I set that I had, like I here's what it really came down to and this is the advice I had to give people. I knew what my next 10 years was going to look like working in retail. I knew it. I can walk that out. I didn't want that, okay. So what are you going to do about it? I took the plunge because it wouldn't have pushed me as hard in what I was doing if I was still working here because you had the comfort of the job when you have the comfort of the job.
Speaker 5:You're not. I don't think you're going to push yourself to be the best you can be, but when you take that faith, when you take that step of faith, yeah there's no looking back, yeah and you. You have to get it done on your own. And and again that comes back to taking responsibility for your own life and your own happiness and your own choices. When you do that, the mindset you know what. I don't need them. They need me more than.
Speaker 1:I need them yeah.
Speaker 5:And they did and that's the mindset that from that point on, that I did and that I lived and I never, I've never started. I stopped thinking about money. Also, you got to. I tell my kids find what you enjoy, find what you're passionate about and go after that. Money will come. If you chase money, you make stupid decisions, like I did, and get into a job that ultimately gets you divorced. Hating your life not a bad father coming home hating life, drinking Just spirals out of control. Smart man told me men hide in three things women, alcohol and their job. And I had enough of it, man, and I stepped away. And I just stepped away, man.
Speaker 3:Took that leap of faith. Yeah, man, oh man, sean, you're freaking awesome you are. And you know, I, as you're talking, I, I we've had many people on here, ben when they get their backs up against the wall, that's when it, you know, that's when you really shine right. When your backs up against the wall and you got nowhere else to go but forward, right, that's when you see the kind of person that you are and that's where you're at and you took that step and it was like I'm done with this. I mean that's, that's awesome.
Speaker 3:So what I want to get to next, um, you know from the podcast that we did originally, where we are today, you, you've had a big mind shift and I've kind of pushed you in a couple of directions and you kind of pushed me in a couple of directions, and you kind of push me in a couple of directions, and we've got a lot of things in our minds of of where all of this can go. But there's one thing that you started doing a couple of weeks ago, maybe, to get your story on paper.
Speaker 5:Talk about that. If anybody knows me, they know my English skills is an F minus, so I think it came on. The ideal has always been in my head.
Speaker 1:but then, when you had Jason Koger on here, and he talks about his book and this, that and the other thing.
Speaker 5:And I got this bully of a friend. The ideal was always in my head. But I have started writing a book. You want to talk about bringing up emotions. I don't type very fast, so I use Siri to put it in there and then I use some AI to help me clean it up. And then when I go back and reread it tough, very tough it's I almost don't do it Like I think I'm five chapters into it and I've probably got more emotional reading what AI says about me after I tell it what. I tell it what. Here's what happened Right. And then I got to tell, like I know Kevin said some things. I got to tell it not to use words happened right. And then I gotta tell, like I know kevin said some things.
Speaker 5:I gotta tell it not to use words that I would never use like gently flowing creek, like you'll never say that awesome creek that you can jump and play in or something like that, like so, but rereading it back like it, it's not easy for me to do, and it's. If you'd have told me that I'm trying to write a book and I don't, I I'd have literally said you're an idiot. Why it's uncomfortable, 100 uncomfortable. Anybody that reads my email at work, they know that I cannot write a book, so it's just uncomfortable. But again, who puts thoughts in your mind? Who Do you think?
Speaker 5:do I think of them, or are they planted there? I don't know, but that's been in my mind.
Speaker 3:You, it's been in your mind, oh yeah it's been in my mind for a lot of years. We've just never. We've just never had that connection to actually talk about it. And, for whatever reason you know, we started a podcast which, and still, is very uncomfortable for me. I mean, believe it or not, this is uncomfortable. I mean I'm putting myself out there. You know Ben's putting himself out there and we've got no problem talking to people. But when you do it in a setting like this, every week, having conversations, I mean you're really opening the door to the kind of person that you are and the life that you live and your thoughts and your feelings and all these things. It's tough, but I love it, it's worth it.
Speaker 5:Yeah, it's worth it, anything worth doing. It's not going to be easy, that's right, and I bet you were very uncomfortable a few times last week with Kim on here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I was excited for her. That was I've been pushing her.
Speaker 5:I saw you squirm over there a few times You're making me squirm right now I know that was the best part of the podcast, but Kim did great.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she did Um, but you're right, you know, did great. Yeah, she did Um, but you're right. You know, I keep leaning on the fact that there are people out there, because we get messages daily from people about how much they've enjoyed this episode or this story or whatever it might be, and if we can bring joy to one person, that's what it's about and what we've learned is it's a lot more than one, and so it's. It's such a fulfilling thing to hear those things and have people open, open up to you and tell you their story and um, because you just I never realized before, you know what people have went through or going through and everybody deals with it differently. And so, from starting the podcast, you and I, you know, for whatever reason, you listen and you start to get this calling of you need to get your story out. We get it out. You're writing a book.
Speaker 5:I'm telling you what I tell you the other day what I text you, what I tell you, what's going to happen. I think you're full of it. What'd I tell you? I don't? It's embarrassing even saying you can say it. I'll confirm it.
Speaker 3:Don't nod his head. I, I told you that there's going to be a movie about your story. Now, this may be 10 years down, this may be 20 years down the road, but, sean, your, your story is so unbelievable, so impactful, that there is no doubt in my mind. Your story will be a movie at some point in time, and maybe we're dead and gone, I don't know, maybe your kids will see it. But part of part of the process and and I don't know why I think this or where it came from but I knew that there was a book for you that will be impactful to millions of people and from that there will be a movie, and now it's out there for people. So I'm telling you, man, it's super impactful. I am, I am proud to call you a friend. I'm proud to call you a friend, I'm proud to call you a brother.
Speaker 3:I don't want to talk about where we think this is going to go yet because, um, it's going to take a little time, but we're getting there on on, uh, you know, having even more of an impact in in the lives of some youth. I think is is what's to come. Uh, I'm excited for that. I'm scared for that, because there's a lot of things and we've had this conversation there's a there's a lot of uh things that that I think need to happen. I'm more of a person where I'd like to have everything in line, uh, and I know that's not always the case and sometimes that's not always the best way, because what do you say?
Speaker 5:just jump jump leap of faith. There's this picture that I saw and it's. I forget exactly what it was, but the guy's looking over the edge and he can't see but there's a net down there or whatever it is, and all they got to do is jump. Are you the type of guy that, when you're going swimming, do you dip your toe in? You're just cannonball and go for it I usually can't, oh yeah why don't people do that in life, though?
Speaker 5:why? Why do people not take risks in their lives? Like you, can live a mediocre life very easily, and I feel like that's what I've done. God didn't put this on me all of it to do that? I don't think, and it's time to jump man Like I know. I've had faith in my abilities and my work history, but now that I think there's something bigger and we're going to find out, we're either going to find out or we're going to. Hey, you know what? We're going to fall on our face maybe.
Speaker 1:Who cares?
Speaker 5:I don't care. You know why?
Speaker 1:Because we're going to learn from it. Whatever it is, we're going to learn.
Speaker 5:I feel, like this podcast, I've held my emotions a little better, like I mean, that's what I feel like. Maybe I've talked a little better, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I think you did great both times.
Speaker 5:Just, I always tell my kids to believe in themselves, and it's time I start doing the same.
Speaker 3:Sean, this is a good place to end it. Man, powerful, inspiring, enthusiastic I mean, these are the. This is you, you know this is you and I'm thankful for you.
Speaker 4:Um, I'm excited to see where we go from here. Yeah, one of the things you talk about, you know, when you talked about alcoholism and it's in and with you, right, like not going down, like if that happens with your kids it's not because of you, cause you ended it. I feel like the same thing's kind of true when you say like, do you believe in yourself? Like if you believe in yourself, go do it. You know what are your kids seeing? They're seeing exactly the same thing. You putting yourself out there, you saying, hey, we only got one life, we're going to go for it. You know, I just yeah. And then you talk about the movie and it's just like yeah, I know, I know you think it's far fetched and all that Right, but take yourself out of it, okay.
Speaker 4:So a young boy goes through very difficult circumstances all throughout his life, all the way growing up to adulthood. Then one day it just clicks and it's just like you know what? Like been through all this stuff and it changes. And then all of a sudden the trajectory is up and you take chances on, you bet on yourself and it's the true American underdog story. It is. Would you go see it? You know what I mean. Take yourself out of it and then think about it. All the crap, all the stuff that nobody can even imagine and it really happened to somebody. And somebody comes out on the other and stronger and better than ever, and nobody can stop his joy. Like that's the American underdog story. I mean I'd watch it.
Speaker 4:I would too, so you got two.
Speaker 3:you got two viewers, yeah.
Speaker 4:That's double our goal Originally when we started this podcast. Yeah, that's right, two people.
Speaker 3:Anything you want to. That's double our goal originally when we started this podcast. Yeah, that's right, two people. Anything you want to say to finish?
Speaker 5:thank you for both of you for the kind words that's almost embarrassing to hear but that's the truth, that's the way I feel about it. But again, but that's the truth, that's the way like I feel about it. But again, one comment on Facebook there was a kid in Dayton that was struggling and had some similar circumstances and I remember a lady was like I'm going to have so-and-so. Watch this.
Speaker 5:So, I mean Knowing that maybe someone did watch the podcast and it did help them, because when you're walking through, like Jason Coger, the John 13-7, like you don't understand why he's doing it right now, but one day you will.
Speaker 3:Starting to understand it yeah.
Speaker 5:And I fight against it. I don't know why I fight against it. I don't know why I fight against it Like I feel this and I'm like nope, nope, nope, don't want to do that.
Speaker 1:Don't want to do that.
Speaker 5:But like, why do people resist it? I don't know why, but I get anxious when you say movie, book.
Speaker 3:I get anxious when you come to my office and we sit and talk about, you know, doing the things that we talk about doing for for the youth. Um, I get anxious about that. So I get it. You know, those it's change. It's not easy, um, but what I'm trying to do is is look at it as, uh, you know, like, like I do now with with the podcast is, you know it's, it's inspiring. You know there's there's so many people out there struggling for whatever reason and, um, you know, if we want to make this world a better place which I do, and I've said it before it starts with us. It starts with us as men, as fathers, as friends, husbands. You know people are looking at us and how we react in situations, and there's kids out there, like you, that don't have a dad, that don't know how to handle certain situations, and maybe that's where we come in in some small part to help that child to get through whatever difficulties they're facing. So I'm right there with you.
Speaker 4:We talked about it earlier this morning. Imposter syndrome yeah, I mean, I feel like that's something I battle constantly is imposter, no matter what section of my life I'm in that I'm trying to do better at, it's just like you just feel like, ah, I don't know if this is you know, just feel like you're faking it almost. I you're not, but it's like I don't know. I always think it's the devil trying to insert, you know, doubt in your mind I mean, that's what he does right to me.
Speaker 5:So that brings me to one of the football lessons that we just taught. The kids trust the process. Like there's no instant gratification in the work we're doing right now, like the message is absolutely the helping people, but long term, if this goes where we want it to be, like it's a lot of hard work and it's going to take time um and I know your kids are like well you only
Speaker 4:got x amount of views.
Speaker 5:Dance getters are very supportive, yeah right, you've been doing this for 40 weeks. That that's not even a year.
Speaker 3:I know yeah.
Speaker 5:Just we. You got to trust the process of why you started it and believe in it. Yeah, you're going to have haters Everybody does and that's one thing that you guys, I commend you on. Like you're a business owner, you don't have to do this. I know Like you're putting yourself out there and I commend you for that. Um, I couldn't imagine, like I know, a lot of the good stuff that comes from this, but I'm sure there's bad things, maybe, maybe not, there hasn't been a lot.
Speaker 3:No, I'm not. I mean not really Okay. I'm sure people are talking under their breath or whatever, and that's fine. I don't. That doesn't bother me. I recognize that everybody's got their own opinion and I'm okay with that. There hasn't been any like hatred towards anything.
Speaker 5:I don't know how there really could be unless it's just because we suck, because you don't know what an ultrasound is.
Speaker 3:It's just because we suck, yeah, because you don't know what an ultrasound is. Well, yeah, that could be one, but you know we haven't seen that yet. But you know we're not really all the way out there in the world either, you know. So, yes, that'll come. No-transcript people. People come in my office crying, you know, and want to pray with me, uh, because of of a podcast that they heard or a story that they heard, and want to tell me what they're going through. That that's, that's tough. I mean, that's feels really good that they have the trust in me to come and sit down and just tell me their life. But, man, it's, it's hard for me because, you know, I lay in bed at night and then you start worrying about that person.
Speaker 3:You know I mean, you know, I had a conversation with someone I'm very, very close with, um, Saturday night.
Speaker 3:They texted me late and wanted to know if I could talk and uh, I did, and they told me some things that I was um, that was very difficult for me to hear and difficult for me to process, um, and all you know, all I could do, all I kept thinking in my mind was I, you know, you gotta be encouraging to this person because they're in a dark spot and um, and they're going to get through it.
Speaker 3:But I didn't sleep that night. You know, I didn't sleep because of all the things that I I felt for them. You know, I felt the challenges that they were going through and, uh, they're in the fire, you know they're, they're in the middle of the fire and, um, you know, so that's a burden, and so a lot of times for me, you know, when we get done recording here, I'm going to the Arboretum for for a walk. You know my daily walk, I go and I just, you know, a lot of the times I'm uh, if people see me out there, they're probably like who the hell is that guy talking to?
Speaker 3:You know? Because I'm just like all right God, why me? You know? Why did this person call me and tell me what they told me? I'm not a psychiatrist, you know, I don't have, I don't feel like I have the answers. I guess I just listen. You know, I listen and I try to be encouraging because, uh, that's all I know you know, but it's, it's a heavy burden.
Speaker 4:Half time that's half the battle.
Speaker 5:People just need somebody to listen to them you know, and I, and I think the feedback that I've got was I was clearly not a trained actor telling a story, um, but I think people can relate to that with you like I know, you I know, like we're real like we're not yeah we're from Preble County, ohio, like not Hollywood, yeah like there's no acting. This is who we are. This is who you've been, this who I've been've been.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And yeah, I mean and we truly are here to help. Like, like you said, this is not an act. I mean, this is who I am, this is who you know. Us three men, we want to help people, right? Uh, there's nothing to gain here. This costs me money to put this out, right, I'm okay with it. I'm okay with continuing to do it because I think there's a big need for it, and whether that need is just our little area, I'm okay with it. If it becomes more than that, I'm okay with it, because it's not my plan.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. It's God's plan.
Speaker 3:For whatever reason, we're here because this is where he wants me to be. I still, every day, give me some direction. Well, you know where's this going, but I'm grateful for sure, and I'm grateful for you, men because, you know, we all go through a lot and and we need important men and women in our lives, you know, to help us.
Speaker 4:So and the authenticity is where it's at. I mean, we talked about the reel that we posted about your you know, can't fake it. Yeah, the divorce, but that was what if you actually go in there. I know you didn't know that a lot of people were the reason why that there's so many views, because how many people are commenting on it?
Speaker 4:and one of the big things is, I mean, I've been where, like I've been where you're at, I am where you're at, like all these, you know, and these are men that probably don't have anybody talk to. They go on social media thinking, you know, nobody else is looking at this. I can be real on it and there's some people that put like a lot of thought and comments on there and it's almost like those people don't have somebody to talk to. But they heard you in, like your story, and they just put out there what they're feeling about, what they're going through or what they've been through. And I mean I read some of the comments and just like, man, yeah, you can see the, the need there and uh, the authenticity and and real is where people I feel like get their therapeutic need that maybe us men struggle with and I know I said something about how men suppress their feelings we should right let Right, Let me.
Speaker 5:Let me. Let me explain that comment, though. We should never vomit onto our wives, girlfriends or anything like that. Group of men? Absolutely, but you cannot, you gotta. You can't go out and I. That's a mistake I made. Um, and I know if we text each other about that, but when I hated my job, I'd come home and let everybody know about it and that was wrong, 100% wrong, because you have no clue what the other person is thinking.
Speaker 5:Oh, he says he hates his job, he's going to quit this, that and the other, and the burden that it puts on her shoulders or your significant other's shoulders is great, and I didn't even know I was doing that. So when I say, suppress our feelings, like there's some of that stuff you have to, that's a part of being a man.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 5:But when you get other men around like, it's okay because we're men, but you cannot put that on your family and your significant other.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Because that's a huge burden, huge burden that they don't need to. Men should struggle, like that's a part of being a man. Um, but if you're excited about that, like the struggle, like once you know it, you just start laughing when you struggle yeah and you can just get through it. You can just get through it, you can just get through it, because it's only 10 more feet, right, you know this is going on a little bit here, but I like it.
Speaker 3:Um, so I'm in the. I'm in the middle of phase one of the live hard program, which is the second step after 75 hard, and the most difficult thing is I have to take a five minute cold shower.
Speaker 3:I thought it was going to be the fasting, the fasting has been very difficult, but that's, that was my doing. But I heard Goggins say something on a podcast or on an Instagram reel or something about pain. And they ask him you know why? How do you just embrace pain? And he says it's tells me I'm alive. So when I'm in the shower and I tell siri hey, set my timer for five minutes, I'm standing there.
Speaker 1:I'm like dude I feel the pain, I'm alive, you know. But man, oh man, is it cold.
Speaker 3:So yeah, that's part of suppressing those, that's hilarious, so I too started taking cold.
Speaker 5:I'm not as consistent as I need to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 5:But I got an, my son got an ice bath. Oh, yeah, we filled it up and then it froze. But so when you're in there, when you're in that shower and it's running down your back and you're literally freezing about 30 to 40 seconds into it, I just start laughing because I know like, yeah, I just know that I'll make it through it and it sucks but that's funny.
Speaker 5:You say that because at about the 30 to 45 seconds is when you start getting a little bit comfortable and you're just like because I close my eyes and I just try to go to a different spot yeah, and you know, pretend I'm at a beach or something very cold beach, yeah but what I'm saying is, if you embrace it, it's actually easier they say embrace the suck, that's right?
Speaker 5:yeah, easier said than done, but very easy, yeah, I try uh, I'm gonna start doing, I'm gonna make a prediction right here. I'm gonna start doing a cold plunge for three minutes once it freezes out. Like hold me accountable to that, okay all right I'll send it to global media.
Speaker 3:Now, sean, I won't tell you this in the summer. I do it for 11 minutes, 11.
Speaker 5:That's unhealthy Go 15. How cold is the?
Speaker 3:water. Uh 58 is what I can get it to. Yeah, Out of the well, I put it in the garage. It's an old cattle trough. I didn't buy this you do 11 minutes in a cold plunge.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, 11 minutes. Like I'll go run. I mean it'd be hot outside but I'll go. I'll go run for 45 minutes. I'm drenched in sweat and I get in that thing and yeah, 11 minutes. Set the timer and once you get past, uh, I think the numbness sets in like at a minute 30, two, two minutes and then you're pretty good. But getting down into it especially once you get like right to that spot on the backside of your neck and your your spine. Yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 4:Just got a cannonball. If all you want to do is three Sean.
Speaker 5:I heard that's all. They recommend is three called hypothermia.
Speaker 3:Hey, embrace the suck. I want to keep my toes All right. We've probably lost all kinds of people here, but that's okay I'm. I'm good with it. Man, great conversation. Thanks for telling you know more of your story and, um, one thing I want to tell people is we, we always appreciate you listening, watching on YouTube, all those things. We always appreciate you listening, watching on YouTube, all those things. What we've learned is the algorithms like it when you share, when you comment the subscriptions, the likes, all those things. But if you can comment, make a comment, whether it's hey, episode sucks or hey, this is great.
Speaker 3:Give us some comments, keep sharing. That's what's important, to continue to get this message out there. But we appreciate your support, sean, always appreciate you. Excited to see where this all goes for everybody sitting at this table and for those that will be impacted. Go out and be tempered.
Speaker 1:Hi, my name is Allie Schmidt. This is my dad, Dan. He owns Cajun's Glass. Thanks, Allie Thingsie Schmidt. This is my dad, Dan. He owns.
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