BeTempered
BeTempered
BeTempered Episode 52 - Failure Is Just Feedback: A Roundtable on Growing Through Challenges
What happens when 5 men drop their guards and speak honestly about faith, failure, and finding their way? In this special live roundtable celebrating one year of the Be Tempered podcast, hosts Dan Schmidt & Ben Spahr reunites with previous guests Brian Ballenger, Matt Roberts, and Shawn Ruebush for a raw, unfiltered conversation about the journey to authentic manhood.
The wisdom flows as these men reflect on pivotal moments when faith became personal rather than inherited. Sean's admission that it took him 38 years to make peace with God resonates deeply, especially when he shares that "no matter how far away you walk from God, it only takes one step back in." Brian recounts feeling completely exposed when he first truly encountered God's presence, while Matt discusses how consistency in faith practices transformed his life.
The conversation turns remarkably practical when discussing leadership through failure. These men reject the notion that leaders must appear perfect, instead embracing failure as essential feedback for growth. "Failure is good," Sean asserts, "because it means you're taking risks and putting yourself out there." Their collective wisdom about coaching their own children, maintaining meaningful male friendships, and leading families through tough seasons offers invaluable guidance for listeners facing similar challenges.
Perhaps most powerful is the discussion about male vulnerability. Brian acknowledges the pressure men feel to project strength, noting "I can't be vulnerable because I have to be strong." Yet all agree that authentic male friendship requires breaking down these barriers to find true connection and accountability. The story of Sean being challenged to practice the discipline he preaches illustrates how genuine friendship sometimes means uncomfortable honesty.
Whether you're questioning your faith, struggling with leadership responsibilities, or simply seeking deeper connections with other men, this anniversary episode delivers authentic conversation from men who've walked through fire and emerged stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. Subscribe now and join our community of listeners pursuing balance in a chaotic world.
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Speaker 3:Welcome to the Be Tempered Podcast, where we explore the art of finding balance in a chaotic world.
Speaker 4:Join us as we delve into insightful conversations, practical tips and inspiring stories to help you navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.
Speaker 3:We're your hosts, dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr. Let's embark on a journey to live our best lives. This is Be Tempered. What's up everybody. Welcome to the Be Tempered podcast, episode number 52. I didn't forget 52 and a special 52. We actually happen to be live on Facebook, youtube. We've got TikTok over there, we've got Instagram back there, so we're going to see how this goes. And joining us today we've got some special guests, extremely special guests. Guys, introduce yourselves.
Speaker 5:Hello, dan, good to see you again. Yeah, you too, brian Ballinger.
Speaker 4:Hey, brian Good to see you again. Yeah, you too, brian Ballinger. Hey, brian.
Speaker 5:Good to be here.
Speaker 6:Thanks for having us guys. Matt Roberts, episode 40.
Speaker 1:40.
Speaker 6:40. So episode 40. Matches your age Exactly. That's kind of you know. That's what I'm known for now, other than anything else, is episode 40.
Speaker 3:Appreciate that, guys.
Speaker 2:Hello, other than anything else is episode 40. Appreciate that, guys. Hello, my name is Sean Rubish, episode 24. I thought I was 40 and you were 41.
Speaker 3:Okay, I guess I'm 41. He's big time because he's two time Just want to make that known. Well, welcome guys. We're glad to have you on this special edition a year into the Be Tempered podcast. Would you have ever dreamt that?
Speaker 4:No never.
Speaker 3:You didn't think we'd make it this far.
Speaker 4:I thought we'd make it this far but wouldn't have as much traction.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. So it's been a fun ride. This is kind of a unique thing that we've decided to do and have a little round table with these men who everybody can go and listen to their stories and hear all the great news and information that they gave us during those episodes. So, gentlemen, while you're here, there are some gifts for you. As you'll see, I've got an employee, corey Miller, who is a phenomenal craftsman and he's got his own little wood shop set up at home and so he's made us these, these be tempered with our logo on the wood, and he's got a CNC machine that burns it on. So each of you got one of those. And then a special gift a book from John Maxwell, high Road Leadership, which I was given by Dr Matt Roberts gave me as a gift and one of the best books I've ever ever read. So gift for being on the podcast again on the live episode, and taking time, you know, out of your evening tonight to do this. So we thank you.
Speaker 3:So, without further ado, we want to welcome everybody again to the special edition of the Be Tempered podcast, our very first live roundtable event. Tonight we're doing something different. We've gathered these group of men, these friends, these leaders, these men of faith who've walked through the fire, face adversity and come out stronger. On the other side, around this table, are voices that have lived leadership in the real world, not from a pedestal, but in the trenches, on the farms, in business, in schools and in homes. Each one of us has a story and each story has a purpose.
Speaker 3:Tonight we're talking about life, faith and leadership, the hard stuff, the holy stuff and everything in between. We're not here to preach. We're here to be real, to be honest, and everything in between. We're not here to preach. We're here to be real, to be honest and to share what we've learned, where we failed and what keeps us going. And for those of you joining us live, we want this to be a conversation, not just a broadcast. So if something stirs in you or you've got a question, drop it in the chat. We'd love to bring your voice into the room and take your questions during the event. So, whether you're watching live, you're catching the replay, which the podcast will come out this Friday, or you're tuning in from a tough season, whatever's going on in your life, our prayer is that something said tonight will speak to you. So, without further ado, brian, can you take us back to a time when faith first became real to you and when you knew it wasn't just something that you were taught, but something you believed for yourself, and how that moment changed you?
Speaker 5:Sure, but before I answer your question guys, you didn't know I was going to do this, but I want to kind of flip the script a little bit. This is episode 52, so you've been at this for a year. Episode 52. So you've been at this for a year I'd like for you to tell me, and us and all of the listeners in your faith journey, how have you grown this year? Because obviously it's been a lot of hard work, dedication, probably toil at times. So before I give you my answer, I want to hear about this last year's journey.
Speaker 1:Go ahead Me.
Speaker 4:First off, I did see my mom commented and said congratulations on episode 52. So shout out, mom. Thank you for watching what's up. Mom, for me it's been a big. It's been a big dealing with the imposter syndrome which I deal with all the time. When we first started the podcast and Dan and I had conversations about it I think I've shared it before, but I just was like you know, dan supports you wholeheartedly Like I'm all the way around it. Then he made the website and then it had a picture of me on it and I was not ready for that.
Speaker 4:I always talk about you know, dan, being a graduate of UD Communications which you would imagine would run a podcast. I, dan, being a graduate of UD communications, which you would imagine would run a podcast. I'm a high school graduate but like my big thing is I live in like Lation 6. Like that's my biggest thing and it says if you are too important to help someone, you're only fooling yourself. You're not that important and that's one big thing that I always live by and it's. You know, there's a bunch of people like me out there that might feel like they're unqualified, but then they got people like Brian Ballinger right.
Speaker 5:I texted you. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 4:And you have no idea, Like that was one of the days, and that's the thing, like God, no-transcript. But there's been steps all along the way where I feel like I'm not qualified to do this, you know, and I really shouldn't be on here. And then there's times where you know you'll get something from somebody and I'll be like hey, you're impacting me, Like I can't thank you enough, Like your story, like the, you know having the courage to talk to guys, and every story impacts somebody that you would not expect it would impact. And so I think every time that I shouldn't say question my faith, because I feel like my faith strong enough that I'm not questioning God, but every time the devil starts to creep in there like Ben, why are you doing this? Like you're not smart enough, You're not good enough. Then I feel like God's always like, hey, nope, look, you're qualified and you get those texts like you did, so keep them coming, man.
Speaker 6:I think we've talked about it before, though, but God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called. So you take in that step. You don't necessarily have to be qualified, you just have to be called to do something. And then you have to step out in faith and do it. And then I've talked, talked about in my podcast either the door will be open or it'll be closed. Right, he'll give you the answer, but if you never take that step, then it's not going to happen.
Speaker 3:So I think it's awesome that you're doing it yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that was a big thing for me was just taking that step. You know, ben and I had had the conversation in the office about doing the podcast and, man, it was a, it was a tug, it was a, it was something like I I kept hearing this calling like you need to do this, you need to do this. But then I you know, I talked about it before on other podcasts where I've got the guy on my left shoulder saying you're not qualified to do this. You know who are you, you know, and so there have been many times throughout the past year, since we recorded episode one, that I prayed for direction, I prayed for guidance, I prayed, you know, hey, is this really the right thing to do? And there were many, many, many specific instances where I received a phone call, I received a text, I received an email. I mean, the biggest one that that hits me in the mouth or that hit me in the mouth when it happened, was, you know, it was after after episode nine, when, um, we hadn't hadn't came to the studio yet and and we were kind of on the fence, or I was on the fence, I don't know how Ben felt, but you know I was kind of overwhelmed with the amount of time and work that it took to get everything from my phone and to to cut the audio from it and then upload. I mean, it just took. It took time that I wasn't prepared for.
Speaker 3:So I received an email on a Saturday night after Episode 9 from someone I hadn't, coach, jim Place, who I hadn't heard his name in 20 years and had had a conversation with someone else prior to that week, and he just sent me an email through the website, the Be Tempered website, and just encouraging. You know, hey, I love what you're doing. You know, just keep going. I got some recommendation for some guys that I would would be good for you to interview and, uh man, I just remember sitting on the edge of the bed that Sunday morning reading that email and Kim, my wife, looked at me and she was like you look like you've seen a ghost, and so I explained to her the whole thing and I read her the email and she was like, holy cow, like you, you got to keep going. And so that that was the first sign for me that it was. It was, you know, we had to keep going. And then, you know, we met Kevin and and the rest progressed and, um, you know we haven't looked back since, but, um, you know it, there's been times my faith's been tested, but most of the time it's been such a positive experience hearing your story.
Speaker 3:And your story and your story, I mean look at, look at what Sean, for example, right, six, eight months ago, nobody knew Sean's story. Sean just wrote a book. Right, he just wrote a book about his whole life's journey. That's going to impact millions of people down the road. I mean just something like that. If I quit tomorrow which I'm not how many people are going to be impacted by his story? Because he was able to tell it, to get it out, and now he's going to have it on paper that people can read about. So it's been an awesome ride. We. We talked about it I think a week or two ago with Maddie. Um, it seems like forever ago. I mean it really does. When I, when I get back and I look at the pictures or the calendars, um, from last year, I was like, hey, this is when we recorded episode one. I was like that seems like a long time ago. So it's been a fun journey, but I feel like we're just getting started.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so you mentioned that voice on your left shoulder. You know what I would say to that? If not you, then who?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Sean, if not you, then who Same? If not you, then who Same for you, matt, but for all of us, if not me, then who? So I think you asked a question right, so I'll go ahead and get to that. So I guess I'll try to repeat the question in my own words. So, remember a time when you were younger where you first realized or understood this faith? So I guess, to give a little bit of context, I shared some of this and I won't go into all of it, but I was raised in a church. In fact, I don't really remember a time that mom didn't take me to church. It's just what she always did.
Speaker 5:But just because you are in attendance doesn't mean you understand, that you feel that you experience and know God. So I really feel like to answer this question. I need to explain who was God to me at that time. I need to explain who was God to me at that time. In my mind, god was who I made him to be. That's not a good place to be. You know, I didn't understand the holiness of God, I didn't understand righteousness, I didn't understand his judgment. I definitely didn't understand his grace, and if you don't understand grace, you can't possibly conceive the idea of mercy.
Speaker 5:But there was a time, shortly after I was married, sandy and I, I started attending church with her and you know, as I try to think back on that time I don't really recall like Sean you mentioned in I think your first might have been your second podcast. That moment there was something very specific that that minister spoke and it really touched your heart and you know exactly what I'm talking about. But for me it was not really what the minister said that day, but for the first time in my life I felt like God saw me for who I was Now. He's always known me, but I understood. God sees through me, he knows my heart, he knows all of my sin, he knows every transgression and the best way I could describe the feeling that I had that day and I almost get emotional thinking about it imagine being in public and we probably have had this dream. I've had this dream where you're naked, no clothes, but you also have nowhere to hide. And in that moment I remember thinking the only place I can go is under the pew.
Speaker 5:Because I felt so exposed, because God was showing me who and what I was, and what I saw was not good, because, to that point, god was to me, was who I had made him to be. You know, he was there when I needed him. I would pray if I needed something, and I needed it desperately. I didn't understand the concept of submission, and so that was a time for me that I couldn't then get enough of the word of God, because I was what? 21, 22 years old at that time, I'd been raised in church. I thought I knew the scriptures, but I didn't understand, and so for the next several months I just couldn't get enough. It was like I was reading the Bible for the very first time and understood that our God is a righteous God, he's holy, he's to be worshiped, he's to be reverenced, and so, yeah, that absolutely changed my life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's an amazing story. Thanks for sharing that, matt Sean. You guys remember specific times.
Speaker 6:I would say there was two times for me when I was 19, so around the same age, same thing. I went to church, my whole life, grew up in church but I knew the stories but I don't know that. I knew the scripture right. I knew about the Bible but I didn't know the Bible. I knew about God but I didn't know God. And I got the opportunity to go to an international youth convention and it was actually we were all disappointed because international we get to go to, they've been to Phoenix, they've been all over the place and this one happened to be in Cincinnati. It's like you know and as it was with our youth group. And honestly we were disappointed because you know we like to go, because once again the travel, the fun right, and went to this international youth convention and I mean it was like I don't know what happened there, but I mean it just a switch, just God grabbed at me on that one and it just switched right there.
Speaker 6:I don't know that I understood Well, I know I didn't when I was younger, didn't understand salvation being saved. I always joked that I thought being safe was when I took off from third and slid into home. And I'm safe, right. That was my definition of being safe or saved, in a sense. And at that convention, like I said, I actually went up in front of thousands of kids and just gave my heart to God and immediately there was a change of heart. Same thing, like you said. Then I started to actually, you know, read the word and try to understand it, versus reading just to read or not just focusing on, you know, what God could do for me, but maybe what I could do for God, and then how I could impact others. I remember a guy across the hall in college. When I came back to college that next year they were like okay, where did Roberts go? Where's Matt? Like you know, your, my language had changed, my, my demeanor had changed and and I think that might go back to you know, we may talk about that later on that's challenging because I changed who I was. It's kind of like with the discipline that you've done, Dan and Ben, where you know you change and people are like, hey, let's go party. Well, no, I don't want to do that now, I don't want to go too long.
Speaker 6:But then the next time was, you know, in my podcast I talked about some of the struggles with getting pregnant and you know my wife and I getting pregnant and when I was 30, so the girls were born, when I was 30, I decided to get baptized. You didn't get baptized until you were 30? Okay so, yes, so that's one of the challenges. I was baptized as a baby. In the Methodist church you do baby baptisms and that was confusing for some people, that they say even my parents to an extent. You know, you were already baptized and what I said to that was that I truly appreciate them dedicating me to the Lord and I truly appreciated bringing me up in the church.
Speaker 6:But I never made that decision. And so at 30, you know, normally you see kids going up there and doing it right. And so at 30, normally you see kids going up there and doing it right. And I just went to my pastor and I said I want to make that profession of faith, I want that outward expression of my inward faith and I want to show and I want to be cleansed and brought back up at 30 years old. And we did it in a creek, at an outdoor service, and again, that kind of refocused my life and I think we all know, as we have kids, that refocus, your priorities change and I knew that now I'm not praying just for myself and for my wife. I mean I am. I've got to bring up these two daughters in a way that I know that God would want me to. So those two instances for me definitely changed my perspective on faith, my focus on my faith and then how I can share that with others.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's powerful, sean. I see you, you sitting over there, a ball full of emotion man what you got?
Speaker 2:I got a lot. First off, it took me 38 years, um, and I'm still not a perfect and, uh oh, none of us so you ever joined?
Speaker 2:the club man so the jelly roll song. You only talk to God when you need a favor. I think that song was written about me. You know, brian, in your podcast you said I don't remember exactly the word, but you said that sometimes you didn't believe in God. And for 38 years that was me.
Speaker 2:So what God had did in my life? He stripped me down to nothing, to where I had nothing to lean on. God sent his only son down here to help us bury those crosses that we all carry. And that was the time. There was no way I could carry that cross on my own. None, no way. There was only that's the only way out I had. And it forced me and you're right In that church, going through the most difficult part in my life, justin Schwertzel, a good buddy of ours, asked me to go to church and I went. And I haven't been in church for years and I know I told this on my first podcast, but for years, man, I didn't step into a church and just to hear what that preacher said, because I was the guy we always talk about, the path I was so far away from the path.
Speaker 2:It wasn't even funny. Left out in the weeds is what they call it. Right, that was me and, like I said, I think god stripped me down because I wasn't living the life that he designed me to live, and that was the moment where I was like I need help, and there's a lot of things that men hide in and I wasn't gonna hide in drugs or alcohol or women why do you think it took 38 years?
Speaker 2:because I'm stubborn because I, because I, because I thought I was, because I thought he was not a good person to me.
Speaker 3:So you blamed him for everything that happened from childhood Absolutely 100% man, now that preacher.
Speaker 2:what he said that day did change my life, and it changed because I knew I needed help. I knew what I was doing for the past 38 years of my life, and it changed because I knew I needed help. I knew what I was doing for the past 38 years of my life wasn't working, so I leaned, started leaning on God, and my faith has gotten stronger. That was the start of it, and no matter how far away you walk from God, man, it only takes one step back in. Now I feel like I'm the most blessed person on earth. Darrell Bock Right.
Speaker 2:You start understanding grace Scott Cunningham you do and it's so hard for me to talk about. Here's the thing Like I love my life, but when I talk about it, and especially around men, like that's why I'm here, because I want to surround myself with better men and I want to establish a relationship with better men, better men of faith. I do not recommend you go on 38 years of your life without having Jesus in your heart.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a long time it's a long time, that's a long time to hold it all in. Absolutely yeah, that's pretty powerful.
Speaker 4:I love that you said about no matter how far you're off the path. Right, like that's the whole thing. If we really understand, like you said, god's grace right To really understand God's grace is to go back to where you know. They're sitting there with Jesus and the lady that committed adultery and they say cast the first stone. He didn't say, all right, now, look, now here's the line where, if you did something you know below adultery, go ahead and throw the rock. No, like all sin is equal, and I can I mean I'm pretty sure all of us would agree that we sin daily, like you know. And that's the thing, no matter what sin you've done, like no matter where you're at on the path, like just with one step, and jesus is right there, like god's right there with his mercy and his grace, and you're just one. Like that's why.
Speaker 4:That's what kills me the most is when people are, you know, they feel like they're so far off the path and you're like hey, you know, come to church, come to church. And the phrase I hate the most well, if I walk in church I'm going to get struck by lightning or something like that, you know, and it's like. No, like every single person has been on that same exact path. You know, and when I read that, back to church, when you know, lisa like grew up in church, like my wife, like that's one thing that she wanted. She wanted a husband that went to church. So we went to church together and then, like you know, then you start reading the Bible and it's like, okay, now you don't just go to church, now you got to be the church for your whole family. That's your goal. So, and that's that's what god calls you to do is to be the leader of your family. So then you got to take that next step to be the leader of your family. So, and then I remember, you know, going to clc before you had jude, and I took the next step, where we're there and I get baptized. And then it's like, okay, now I'm baptized, now I'm good, I'm saved.
Speaker 4:Well, they would always go to swaziland on these mission trips, like every time. Well, I was good with my faith. Right there I felt a calling, fellow calling. We had jude and, um, we just kind of got lost in church because we really weren't involved, so we didn't have anybody come pray for us with with judy's in the nicky for two weeks we kept reaching out. Nothing, nothing. Like god used to use that part of my life to put me back to where I'm like okay, I'm gonna move our family to another church, where I know the people, where I know that we're going to be part of a church family, and I feel like God put us there. Because then, all of a sudden, the next time a mission trip comes up, hey, we're going to Haiti. I'm not a doctor, I'm not qualified to go to Haiti, do anything there. And they're like no, no, no. Like we're building fences on a mission trip. Then, like, I'm driven. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4:Like you go over there. You come back home. You're like what am I doing with my life here, you know? Then, all of a sudden, the. So that was the next step where I felt like I was qualified. I'm over there. And they joked over there that every white man's gonna be called ben because I was tall enough to get these, these fruits called knips off the trees, which all these kids, because we were putting a fence up to block the playground from people riding their mopeds and everything through. That was it. But these people, they knew we were there to serve them, that we loved them. Kids would come up just to give you a hug. They weren't getting hugged at home, they just wanted that love and we'd have night revivals. I mean, it was just I'd go back in a heartbeat. And so then you come back and you're living on fire, and then you know.
Speaker 4:So then the next step, we we had the tornado in brookville and it was. That was the first time I felt like the holy spirit was just like, just go, ben. Like you don't know what you're going to do, just go. And so I started pulling off. You know, we started pulling off trees and debris and everything, and then all of a sudden, I started having men from our church at salem and reaching out like how can we help? How can we help? And you know, it's just funny because I didn't realize it till I look back.
Speaker 4:When I read that question I was like, ok, so you start with faith. And then God put Lisa in my life and it's like Ben, be the man you're called to be for your family. So then all of a sudden it was the next step OK, I'm going to lead my family church where it's like, hey, why aren't you going out and serving, why aren't you being one of god's disciples? Then all of a sudden it's like, okay, now lead. And then I felt like that was the first time that was a leader. And it's just looking back. It was like, okay, where'd your faith start? And then it's like, okay, I could see every step of faith that I had and every time that my, you know, god used it to grow my faith.
Speaker 3:And so yeah, that's pretty awesome. I, I uh know a lot of my faith. I was raised in the church as well. You know we went to church every Sunday but, like, like a lot of young kids, you know, you're like, we got to go to church again. Oh boy, you know so much fun we get dressed up. And so I was there. But I wasn't there.
Speaker 3:And then when I went off to college, you know, I was nowhere near God. I was, I was living the college life. I was nowhere near God. I was living the college life. I was having a good time and even getting out of college when I got my first job down in Cincinnati and still live with some of my college buddies and still having a good time. And then I met Kim. And that's when life changed for me, because I found out what true love was and I found someone who was the strongest person in faith that I'd ever met and I was in love with her, and so she was really that rock for me that brought me back to having faith, and I'm so thankful for her and all that she's she's done for me and now for our family.
Speaker 3:But more recently, you know, it's still kind of the same thing, like, always been a good man, always tried to do right, you know, always tried to be a good Christian, but never fully getting into my faith until really this last year. And you know, my prayer was I think I said it on last week's podcast with Maddie is, you know, we could be having a conversation and I'm looking at you but I'm not listening to you, right? I'm thinking about, I mean, just like today, I was sitting in a corn planter all day, right, we just had a baby calf right before we came, and then we had an issue with a tractor. I'm running all over and now I'm here. Guess what I got to be present, we're live, right, I don't want to look like an idiot and I think that's God's way of saying, hey, well, you prayed for this, right? So here you go and so being present, and then also hearing these stories.
Speaker 3:We interview someone almost every week or a couple of weeks and when you hear your story, I've known you for 20 years but I didn't know your story, right. Your story, I've known you for 20 years, sean. I've known you my whole life and I kind of knew your story, but I didn't. So when I hear these stories, that's where I hear God just saying listen, listen to this, listen to this story, listen to this man you know, listen to this woman that you don't know what she's been through, what he's been through. And so, really, this last year for me has been life-changing. This podcast for me has been life-changing, um to hear these stories and and to be present, to have to be present when I hear everybody's story, you know what I hear.
Speaker 5:He loves me anyway yeah isn't that true? For for all of us, in spite of what we are, all of our failings, he loved me anyway, yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, I think Sean hit the nail on the head, right. I mean, you talked about it in your first podcast. You know your dad went to church, right, He'd take you guys to church, but then what would he do when he came home? Not be a holy man, so it's easy to see why you know you didn't have that faith growing up because you didn't have that great example.
Speaker 6:I think, with the podcast too, though, speaking for you is that we talk about taking a step, so you take a step and I think God rewards that. When you step out in faith, god rewards it, and I said it before, opens or closes doors, but if it's the right thing, he rewards you. And then I think, because you are doing this and we're saying this live, we're saying this recorded, it's on there forever you have to be accountable for what you say. I mean honestly, after my podcast, I honestly think over that next month I was challenged more on. God did it to me on purpose, because he said you're on here talking all this stuff.
Speaker 2:Now you've got to walk the walk.
Speaker 6:Exactly. So you know, that was something for me that you know that I look at with the podcast, because I was I was one of them that I felt like encouraged you, but in the back of my mind I was kind of like, wow, it's crazy, yeah, and he's got all this stuff going on and now he's going to do this Right, and maybe because I didn't understand your, your motive behind it. But looking back, crazy like a year, obviously now there it's, man, I've listened to every single second of every episode and I've shared it with tons of people and I try to share it like literally every day and uh. So I think you know, when you step out in faith, uh, and you take that step, and God rewards it, and then you'll make an impact.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so yeah, that's a great. That's a great point because I I I've been challenged more this year than I've ever been challenged in a lot of different things, and I guess I never looked at it like that. That's a good point, sean, have you been challenged Slightly?
Speaker 2:So actually after my first podcast, a lady comes up to me, one of my neighbors, and says you know what I loved your podcast, except for one thing. I was like what she goes? You said you don't go to church. I go to her church now.
Speaker 5:That's awesome. I've been wondering about that, my friend I have too.
Speaker 6:It's funny, I've never texted you and asked you, but I wondered that same thing.
Speaker 2:And here's what I'll say about that. I still had a relationship with God, whether it was good or bad. We have a love hate relationship. I don't know if anyone else feels that way about it, but especially growing up. But lately it's all love. But I do want to talk about something. I know you're getting ready to ask your question, but I want to talk about something because I think this is going to relate to the podcast and everything. So, brian, you talked about being called to start that non-profit right when you said that God was relentless, just wouldn't take it off your mind. Right to the podcast and everything. So, brian, you talked about being called to start that nonprofit right when you said that God was relentless, just wouldn't take it off your mind, right, we have an amazing God, because I'll tell you right now.
Speaker 2:For about 10 years, god has put tell my story, tell it. I didn't put you through all of that not to tell it. I didn't know how, I didn't know what avenue.
Speaker 5:And.
Speaker 2:Dan knows what I'm getting ready to say and I had no clue how to tell my story where to go, nothing like that. And then we got a new head football coach at National Trail and one day he was like hey man, do you know anybody that'll sponsor our camp? Man, I just want to put their logo on a shirt. And you know any good guys? I said, yeah, dan schmidt, let me. Let me see if I can reach out and get his number to you. So text. Dan said hey, dan, we got a new coach. He wants you to maybe sponsor a camp. Dan, sure, send my number, they get in touch. Dan, uh, and his company, catrons, sponsors the camp day one of the camp. I show up and I see this, this guy I haven't seen forever. Um, good looking, bald, bald, shiny old there was a glare.
Speaker 6:Thank god I had sunglasses. Yeah, there was a glare coming off of it so, uh, it's beautiful.
Speaker 2:So me and dan start catching up and, um, we're talking and everything and, like I said, I want you guys to understand. I've been meaning to tell my story. It's been on my heart. God has been telling me. He's been relentless, relentless but.
Speaker 2:I didn't know how, and dan was getting ready to leave and we're talking and he goes. I don't even know why he said this. I would love for you to talk why you said this to me. I mean, out of the blue, he's just like hey, I started a podcast. I started a podcast and I reacted very calm. I'm like, oh cool, but in my head instantly, like my head started spinning.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is it because when you look for answers, I didn't tr. I still have trust issues with what I've grown up with. But as soon, soon as you said that to me, I was like this is it? Started watching the podcast and I didn't tell you nothing for a long time because that's the stubbornness in me and when you said that and then I watched Justin Swertzel's podcast and I'm like it's time.
Speaker 2:And I would like you to talk about. Maybe you didn't even know, but God put that on your heart. To start a podcast, right? Yeah, who was your number one? You were. You tell me that ain't God intervened?
Speaker 1:in there even yeah yeah, for years. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's powerful and that's why I told you that that day, and I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:Yeah but so you told me that, thinking you'd plant the seed, correct? Okay, yeah, I took a few months to grow.
Speaker 3:I planted a million of them. Yeah, that's exactly why I did that, Because and I don't even know if we talked about it we did. In the beginning I said I got a buddy, sean. He's got a story. I don't know if he'll tell it. Pretty stubborn.
Speaker 2:Got me pegged yeah.
Speaker 3:And so, yeah, I mean, and that's I do that with a lot of people. I always try to plant that seed because you never know, anybody that comes up here for the most part is pretty nervous, right, and nobody thinks they have a story. Matt, you even said that what do I got a story about you kidding me? I mean, you got a story. Everybody's got a story. You know, we met the other week for breakfast one morning and I think it was Matty. He's like are you? And I don't know that he meant it in the way that I took it but he's like are you afraid you're going to run out of stories? And he didn't mean it like that. But that's how I took it.
Speaker 3:No, everybody. There's 40,000 people in Wayne County, indiana. Every single one of them has got a story right. Wayne County, indiana. Every single one of them has got a story right. Every Saturday and Sunday I run through our local cemetery in Eden and it's an old cemetery. It's a beautiful cemetery. My great-grandfather, fo Gurdon, and my grandfather, virgil Schmidt, had a funeral home. They probably buried 70% of the people in that cemetery from 1901 until my, my grandpa Schmidt died in 1980, 80 probably, I think he sold the funeral home in like 82 or 83.
Speaker 3:Every time I walk through there I look at every one of those headstones and I think I wonder what that story is. I wonder what that story is. I wonder what that story is right. I'm sure my grandfather and my great-grandfather knew that story. So that's that's where, with this podcast, I want to share those stories, right? I want to share them so your great-grandkids can look back and know your story, yours, yours, all of ours, right of ours, right. This is time stamped forever. So I don't know my great-grandfather's story. I know some of my grandfather's story man. I'd give anything to know him, you know, to be able to have conversations about life, about business, about the struggles that they faced in the late 1800s you know, but I don't have that opportunity.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I don't know how I got off on that tangent, but my bad.
Speaker 2:It was you, sean.
Speaker 4:We gave that guy a hug, it's okay, you go off the path, but Jesus, get your back to him.
Speaker 3:Because it's right here on my iPad. All right, so great answers, guys. Question number two Matt. We'll start with you. What does it look like to lead with faith in a world that often promotes the opposite, and how do you stay grounded?
Speaker 6:Well, you know, I think in the world today, I mean there's not a lot of faith when you look out overall with the world. I mean, the world we live in is so against that. But I'm actually seeing a little bit of a shift. I mean, if I'm being honest, just something as simple, or maybe as big as some of these athletes, whereas before I felt like a lot of times it was a show, taboo, yeah. And now whole teams are doing this, teams playing against each other are doing this. And you know, I think that the great thing about that is it's maybe going to be a little bit better when our kids and these people that look up to them see those, those acts of faith.
Speaker 6:And you know, I guess for me it was one of those things that, during whenever I have, even when I was in college, when I had problems this is this was probably people thought I was weird. I think I told this on my podcast. I would, I would use, like when I had bad thoughts, when I was, uh, going down the wrong path, I literally would say get behind me, satan, out loud, and I'm walking to class Right, and I mean I can guarantee people are like what's wrong with this guy, but I mean it's amazing if you, you know you speak, they talk about positive self-talk and everything.
Speaker 6:Well, you speak Scripture and guess what? He's got to listen right, because as a Christian, you have power over Satan. So knowing that's literally what I was saying is like sorry, get out of here, leave. So I think in today's world, with faith and trying to lead, in a way, it's just your everyday example. I talked about it earlier with consistency, and I struggle with that. I struggle with I would say I'm really good at reading the Bible in the sense of being consistent with that, but prayer life maybe isn't as good because I've got to stop, be still stay awake, I mean you know, you're being honest.
Speaker 6:I'm being honest. I mean, most people will say that you know if you need to go to sleep, you know either read your Bible or pray, you know, but you know, I think, during you know in this world. I think you have to look in this world. I think you have to look at um, what God's already defeated, like you know, his the victory's already won. Now all you have to do is again step out in faith and whatever that is, know that he's not going to put you through anything that you can't handle. That's in scripture.
Speaker 6:Anything that you can't handle, that's in scripture, right? And I think that even with the world around us, we got to know that God has a plan and God's in control and then, at the same time, like some of the things you talked about, that happened to you and you were angry with God. At the same time, god creates everything for good, and you know, and that's what's happened with a lot of these stories and stuff, right. So I just would say for me, trying to be consistent, and you have to have the example too, like you've got to walk it if you're going to talk it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:What do you think, Brian?
Speaker 5:Yeah. So to answer that question I would go to the scripture verse that says that we're not to be conformed, but it says rather, be transformed. So what I take from that is you can't be conformed or you can't be like the world, and sometimes, like you said, that's not always easy. You know, I think maybe when I was younger I was challenged with that, maybe a little bit more. We all think about well, what do you think of me, how do you see me, how do you perceive me? Because if we're going to walk this life in faith, it's going to look different. But I think what we should really be focused on is what does God have for me today? And it really doesn't matter if anybody else follows that or not. If I'm ridiculed, if I'm challenged, so be it. Be strong in the Lord and he'll give you the strength and grace to walk in that.
Speaker 5:So again, to me I wouldn't say it's a simple answer, but if you think about God's Word it's very direct. He says we're not to be conformed but be transformed. If you're transformed, you're different, and he's made us to be different, not that we're trying to stand out, but when we walk in the pattern of Christ, it's going to be very different in the pattern of Christ it's going to be very different. So if you think about in Acts I think it's maybe the only time in the New Testament that it speaks about a Christian it says they were first called Christians at Antioch. They didn't name themselves Christians, they were called Christians. And why is that? They were different? They were transformed, they were not conformed to the others in this world. So to me that again not an easy answer, but in concept it's very easy.
Speaker 6:I would just add to that, though, transformed doesn't mean perfect. Otherwise why would he die for us, Right, Dr Darrell Bock? So I think transformed is a great. I mean it's great because you have to go from one thing to another.
Speaker 5:So you are different, dr Darrell Bock, and we're still growing.
Speaker 6:Dr, Darrell Bock, but we're still growing. You never totally get there. You don't confuse that transformation as being perfect, because you're going to continue to screw up, but you're going to continue to grow from those mistakes.
Speaker 5:Matt, that's a really, really good point, because when I so, I was baptized earlier in life and I remember thinking, man, this is going to be great, my problems are over.
Speaker 4:I'm not going to be tempted anymore.
Speaker 5:I'm not going to talk the way I used to talk. You know the things that I wanted to do. Now that that's that's going to be put behind me. I got this easy. This is going to be such an easy walk now because I've been obedient to God's call and you know, I think that was true for about four or five days, and then Satan, he just puts it on you.
Speaker 5:So you're right. I think we have to be mindful that, yeah, we're striving to be like Christ, but we'll never be perfect. And I need to hear that because, you know, I think I might have shared with you or somebody else recently. I remember I was very young. My mom looked at me and I didn't understand why she said this. But she looks at me and she said you're a perfectionist. I didn't know what that meant, but I think in my older life I've translated that a little bit into thinking that somehow, maybe, if I live well enough, there's going to be perfection, and I know better. So I appreciate you bringing that up. I need to be reminded that that's the mark, but we're depressed toward that mark. We're not going to achieve it. That day's coming.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure. What do you think, Sean?
Speaker 2:I think I should have answered this question first, because then you guys could have brought it home. Honestly, I don't live my life in faith a lot, and that's just God's honest truth, man, and I've been thinking about this, see, this is why I didn't want to know the questions, because I don't know how to answer it other than honestly.
Speaker 1:That's what we want.
Speaker 2:I can't hide around it man, that's why you're here. I struggle at it.
Speaker 5:You think all the listeners aren't struggling with it.
Speaker 2:I know, and that's why I'm talking and telling them the truth.
Speaker 2:My faith is I know God has my back and you talk about how you think, when you give your life to Christ, that it's going to be. So the crazy thing when I went to that church that day, the preacher had a bunch of sand toys, a bunch of beach toys, volleyballs and all of this stuff over here. And then over here on this side, he had just one single book bag. So he goes over here and, like you said, you side, he had just one single book bag. So he goes over here and, like you said, you thought this, this is going to be fun. I got a relationship with the lord and we're going to play in the sand, we're going to swim in the ocean and everything is great.
Speaker 2:It's not like that, if anything. It's like, like you said, it's, it's challenging. You know, living up to the words, walking the walk. Then over here he talks about a backpack. What's a backpack? Is it just functionality, right? You know, just just put it on your back and you know you, god's got your back, man and um, that's my faith. I know god has challenged me and I know he has challenged me more than I'd want to be challenged, so you can stop at any time, but my faith is. I know I'll be alright and I know I don't. You know, I don't know. One of my buddies used to call it Bible something. People, I don't, I can't talk scripture, I just feel God. I don't read the Bible hardly. People, I don't. I can't talk Scripture, I just feel God. I don't read the Bible hardly at all.
Speaker 2:I read a devotional, a daily devotional, and that helps a lot. It's because it's just small small verses descriptions, a prayer to go with it. Eventually, I'll get to the Bible. That's the way I feel, man.
Speaker 5:That's just me being honest, but I'd rather be able to feel him than feel nothing at all. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yep, wow yeah.
Speaker 3:And you know what, sean? Wow, yeah. And you know what, sean. Probably 75% of our listeners probably are just like you they can't quote scripture. I can quote some scripture, but I don't read the Bible. I've tried, I do every now and then I just try to live my life as I know you want me to live to help others, to be a good man. I'm trying to learn more and that's again that's my faith.
Speaker 3:Journey has really grown this past year with this podcast, and so I don't know what next year looks like. But I know, just like you, I know he's got my back. I know I'm going to take that step every day to get better, to walk the walk, because it it, it's a lot. You know we're up here every week talking, you know, saying all these, these, these grand things and and being very vulnerable in our lives and our and, and, you know, with our families and telling our stories. And you know can't be going hanging out at the bar on friday night getting getting drunk, right. You know I mean that's not and that's not who I am, but you still. You know there's, there's always temptations in life, right? So what about you?
Speaker 1:yeah, uh, you awake yeah, no, I'm just it, just it, just doing different because right now, you know, I think I told you dan, um.
Speaker 4:So, jude, this year has turned 12 and this is something that I've been dreaming about, and size in there, uh what's up Cy?
Speaker 4:So I talk to the boys. There's a book called and I mentioned it several times on the podcast called Play the man, and so it's basically with your boys. The guy does it, mark Batterson is his name, but basically the year when they turn 12 to 13, that's the year of discipleship, so that's the year that you're trying to develop them into becoming a man. So this year I'm like I read this book like four years ago. So I'm just sitting here and I've thought about it all this time and I have this great long list that I want to do with Jude. Like, okay, we're going to read the Bible every single day together. We're going to have a, and you know, I'm sitting here and I I just it was funny because I can't get, you know, just can't get him to to really want to do it, and it's a lot to put on him when you really think about it. You know what I mean, especially hearing like you guys like I just don't, you know not and that's okay right, right, 100, it's okay.
Speaker 4:But you know, the other day it hit me like a ton of bricks when dan, you know, I'm telling him, he's like what are you still doing that with Jude? And I'm like he just doesn't want it. And he's like well, is that, is that on, jude, or is that just poor leadership?
Speaker 5:And I'm like I didn't say that.
Speaker 4:I promise you, I think you said it, I think you said it off the cuff, like, just like a joke, but it hit me.
Speaker 3:It sounds like something Dan would say yeah, damn good yeah and I know you didn't mean it, I was saying to sean I well I got a story later that we're gonna talk about
Speaker 4:now we're gonna roast them. No, I'm just kidding, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm like a man. So I sat jude down and and jude and I jude, and I talked about it like I don't know this. I think we're on day 20, 21 maybe, of we're just gonna read the new testament, like that's our goal now. It's for the rest of the year. It's like 46 days.
Speaker 4:We're just going to read the new Testament, like that's our goal now. It's for the rest of the year. It's like 46 days. We're going to read the new Testament and I've made sure that we've been on track of reading it. But it's like it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm like man, like maybe I'm not leading my family the way that that I'm supposed to be leading it. You know Cause? Because you know the whole plan was we're going to do, you know, read the Bible. We're going to have prayer time, stuff like that, and we have done it, but we haven't done it the way that I want to do it. Because if I can set them up at this age to do it, man, so I think you said something there.
Speaker 6:You haven't done it the way you want to do it, Right exactly. So, I think that's what you got to be careful of is that you have to pray about it yourself right and see where god leads you, because, uh, you talked about bible thumpers or somebody that you know like I don't believe standing on a corner telling people that they're going to go to hell right if they don't repent, to me is not the best way to draw people to christ no right yeah uh.
Speaker 6:So you know, I would challenge you in that that you know you yourself become closer and, and it will, you know your, your, your kids and your sons will be like okay, I want to be like that right right, and then obviously you have to be intentional, so I'm not saying, well, don't, don't, don't have a plan right but sometimes that plan would change a little bit. Yeah, because you don't want to push them away either, right?
Speaker 6:I remember in junior high I stopped going to church because you know I want to push them away. Either, right, I remember in junior high I stopped going to church, or I gave my mom a hard time about going to church because I just was like this is boring. It's the same thing every time, you know, and it wasn't fun, you know, and so, like those are things where you also have to at certain ages, you have to make it fun for them.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:I mean, when I first got really interested in church I think I said it on my podcast is because there was a really pretty girl there and their youth group did some fun stuff. So I'm like this is cool man, like there's a really good looking girl at this, you know. But my point is, like you know, yeah you have to get yourself out of the way, sometimes too right and I'm speaking to myself when I'm trying to make my plans right what I'm hearing is choose your moments yeah, because that's why I struggle with those moments and let them be teaching moments yeah, because it's so hard comes in a
Speaker 4:lot of forms yeah, I feel like it's so hard as a father these days to father kids and and try get them to, you know, be in church and stay in. Because I look back when there was no social media, there was no, you know a lot of the different things that are pulling kids away nowadays and growing up not really growing up in church. Right, and I'm like man.
Speaker 4:If I would have known God back then, if I would have been in Scripture back then, because I believe the Bible is the living word, right, like, when I read the Bible I might read, you know, in the New Testament you might read it twice, or I might read the same verse twice in different plans. Two different things hit me right and like you're like man, like I just read that a month ago and I did not get that from that same exact verse, like, and it's that's why I believe it's like the living word, like that's where I hang to and it's just like man. If I could have had that back then, you know how much different would I've been back then. You know what I mean. How much struggles did I go through where I would have known that jesus was with me sooner and and those troubles would have been easier, and it's like you want that for your kid. Why not be a Bible thumper? Which?
Speaker 3:I agree 100%. There are two specific examples I was thinking of. I don't remember which one of you were talking about, how you see it changing Now. It used to be a cool thing. We can think about the Ohio State Buckeyes this year, what they've done and how powerful that was for so many young people, how awesome it was. I got two specific examples beyond that that I was really shocked.
Speaker 3:So you know, nate, my freshman son, was playing varsity basketball in a tournament. They're playing a public school, northridge, who is an urban school, and they kicked the snot out of us. And after the game the coach got all of the team, or his whole team, and all the cheerleaders in a big circle in the middle of the gym. They all held hands and they all said a prayer. In a public school's, in a public school by a public school it was. The whole gym went silent. It was an amazing thing to see. I would have never in a million years. It wasn't the north ridge. I remember as a kid and it was all 100 because of that coach. No doubt you could just tell by the way those, those young men played basketball how they handled themselves and then doing that at the end of the game. It was powerful. No doubt you could just tell by the way those young men played basketball how they handled themselves, and then doing that at the end of the game. It was powerful.
Speaker 4:And then the second thing, and this episode hasn't been out yet.
Speaker 3:I was about to say the same thing. Yeah, but last week we were over at National Trail Schools and interviewing a bunch of young 16, 17, 18-year-old kids and I asked the question and this is a spoiler alert, I guess, for the end of that episode, but I asked the question if you could sit on a park bench and have a conversation with anyone living or deceased, who would it be and why?
Speaker 4:And I think there were five officers that were standing up there, but they even looked at the side too of the other kids, and they all kind of just nodded.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and the one young man got up and spoke for them. He said we all kind of talked about this question and we all had the same answer and it was Jesus. And I'm like really I was just shocked. I was shocked that that wouldn't have been your answer in high school. That wouldn't have been my answer in high school. You know what I mean? I was blown away and they got done explaining why and I said, all right, somebody else, does anybody else here have someone else they'd like to speak to? They all said no same one. I mean, I was shocked. I was shocked to hear that. So I think there is a change Definitely from, I think, when I was in school. For sure, and especially coming out of the last I don't know five years of the political cycle that we've been through and the chaos of COVID and all that stuff, I can feel the change.
Speaker 2:And I think it's important what you guys are doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, I agree and I think the government can try to take God out of the schools, and that's where parenting comes in. And that's where and I'm like you, I'm speaking for myself like I need to lead better in faith, yeah, and that's why I started going to church, amongst other reasons, speaking for myself, like I need to lead better in faith, and that's why I started going to church, amongst other reasons. But to set an example, and we've got to take our country back. It gets back to it, and if we expect the government to do that, we're in trouble.
Speaker 5:It's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:So that's where what you guys are doing is greatly important, and there's a lot of other podcasts that talk about it and I think, like Matt said, I think there's a huge shift in athletes. Yeah. And the younger generation, and it is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's great. It's a great thing to see All right. Question three for you, sean as leaders, how do you handle failure, not just personally, but when others are watching? Depending on you.
Speaker 2:How I do it now or how I did it for 20 years.
Speaker 3:Give us both of them.
Speaker 2:I'll go with now. So if you fail at something, you have to like Jocko good, like okay, I didn't know something. That's why I failed at it. Let me learn. How did I fail? All right, analyze it, look at it. Don't point fingers. Look at yourself. You guys are business owners, I'm a manager and all that type of thing For me. If something goes wrong in my department, I can't blame anybody else. So you've got to take responsibility. First period and I think maybe it was last week when you guys were talking about failure Like failure is not failure unless you give up. Failure is just a stepping stone for you to improve and I truly believe that, and I coach football and a lot of times I don't see these kids willing to fail in the weight room. Their excuse and yes, national Trail, national trail, the kids. You know who I'm talking about when you're listening to this like fail the conviction um I just saw his face change trying to be cool.
Speaker 2:Sorry, the coach just came. Yeah, man, that was, that was real, I saw.
Speaker 6:And he looked at the camera too, no he hadn't looked at the camera yet, and he's like Is there any specific names you'd like?
Speaker 3:to call them no.
Speaker 5:You don't have to, they already know. Yeah, yeah, look one more time.
Speaker 2:They know who they are. Yeah, back to the point, though. Like I see so many people not giving effort because they're afraid of failure. They're afraid of if I give it my all and I still fail, so-and-so will make fun of me or this, that and the other, who cares? You'll learn, you'll grow. Growth is hard. People don't really talk about growth and how hard it is. You have to fail, you have to. I forget which business owner it is, maybe it was the guy that watched that show where they buy your business Shark Tank.
Speaker 2:One of the Shark Tanks will ask how many times have you ever failed? And if they say you haven't failed three times, then they won't even touch your business because they know how important failure is to you. And yeah, 25, seven, eight years ago I probably wouldn't have handled failure like I do now because I just wasn't in a good place mentally, spiritually and all that type of thing. But, man, you have to look out like failure is good as long as you're not, you cannot point fingers and point blame anywhere else. It's got to be responsibility. When I failed at my marriage, like I wanted to, but the fact of the matter is I I had to look at it as a good thing.
Speaker 3:I see my brother just made a post up there says failures feedback. It is because it's what it is.
Speaker 2:If you fail at something you don't know, like, all right, I'm not like that subject or whatever that is I failed at, so let me go look at that and you learn. Next time it comes up, you're better prepared for it Fail again. Okay, Now you have two experiences and you grow on that until you become an expert Now as a coach. Mistakes everyone's going to make mistakes. We all make mistakes.
Speaker 5:Don't make the same mistake.
Speaker 2:Do not make the same mistake. Learn, not make the same mistake. Learn from your mistakes. But failure is good. That means you're taking risk, that means you're putting yourself out there for the longest time. A little gut shot here to myself I didn't fail because I didn't try. If you, if you don't fail, you're're not right. Yeah, that's great, good luck.
Speaker 5:He just took half of my answer. I know I'd say 75%.
Speaker 6:My answer, I think you know I would say this with he hit on it where a lot of times we don't, it's because we don't want to fail. We don't step out there, we don't, we don't do anything challenging. We're in a comfort lane, comfort lane and boy feels, you know comfort is, you know comfort feels good at times. But you know, when you stay in that comfort zone you will will not grow. So you know, put yeah, pushing yourself to, to fail in whatever it is.
Speaker 6:I think people are scared to say they failed Right. But I think once you realize what it can do for you and how to learn from it, like you said you, you don't want to continue to make the same mistake over and over and over. That is failure. That's not, that's not growing right. But when you can fail, learn from it and know like, okay, this is the direction that I need to go and then follow that path. I think that with failure it is all about your attitude and how you handle that. You say you know back in, you know 10, 20 years ago you know you failed at something.
Speaker 2:You probably punched the guy in the face or something you know surely if he was from south, okay, and then he got punched back but uh, but no, I mean, you know, you it, and you tend to blame other.
Speaker 6:When you, when you are not mature enough to handle failure, you blame others, you say well, it wasn't meant to be. You get frustrated and you act out or you do things to basically hide your failures. As you become a little bit more mature and as you become a little bit more disciplined, you start to think okay, I'm stepping out, I'm going to do this. If I fail which you know, I will say this you better enter every game, every situation, expecting to win.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 6:But then know that from those failures, when you don't win, when you don't meet your goal, now what can you do different to challenge yourself the next time?
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's good. I see we got jason koger on air. Brad van vliet, koger fails daily.
Speaker 6:That's what he said, that's not my words, that's his that's his happy limb loss month, he's been posting.
Speaker 5:Man, he's been posting, I know, I know what do you think about failure, brian well, they've answered that really well, so I guess I'll have to put a little different twist on it. You asked as leaders, so I'll approach it from that angle. As a leader, you know people will only follow when they see you being authentic and real. And and you know, if something goes wrong within the company business, it can be in your own family. If you don't own that and you kind of touched on that, sean you have to own it, and your employees, your wife, your children, they're going to see that. They know if you have taken a wrong step, said something wrong, made a bad decision, they know it, you can't hide that. But the best thing you can do is own it. And then the sooner you own it, the sooner you can fix it too. Again, I don't know that I have a whole lot more to say, because these two covered it really well.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you got anything Ben.
Speaker 4:I agree, that's the easy answer.
Speaker 3:We got a couple questions out here. Do you get to read that far? You can't see that, Sean.
Speaker 4:Dan has bad eyes too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I can see it from this far, rose. What's up, rose? She says it is what it is is one of her least favorite sayings. An excuse that you can't change. Yeah, I don't like that either. And Carrie, hi Carrie, hey Carrie. It says how important are male friendships in your lives, and what does maintenance of those relationships look like in everyday life? That's a good question.
Speaker 2:Read it again.
Speaker 3:How important are male friendships in your lives, and what does maintenance of those relationships look like in everyday life?
Speaker 5:Can I take that one first? Yeah, go ahead. I really want to hear what these guys have to say. This is an area that I feel like I really need to improve upon, and I don't want to speak in general, but this is what I think is probably going on with most men, myself included. I don't need help.
Speaker 5:If I have a relationship with another guy, if it's going to be real, that means it's going to be vulnerable and authentic, right? So what's that mean? You're peeling back the layers and you allow them to see the real me. As men, we're not very good at that. I'm not, you know, in my position, you know, with husband, father, business, the nonprofit boards that I sit on, involved in church, I can't be vulnerable, and why? Because I have to be strong. They cannot see any weakness. I have to be strong for them, and I realize those are some barriers I need to break down and I'm trying to improve that Because it's important. You know I don't have all the answers. I try my best, but I don't have to be honest.
Speaker 5:So what do we do about that? The best thing that we can do is surround ourselves with men better than ourselves. It's probably one of the greatest pieces of advice. Surround ourselves with great men. You know we all have acquaintances and friends in life. They may or may not support you, they may not uplift you, they may not be there in your challenges to give you the words of encouragement that you really need, or be there when you need it most. But I also need those that have sound advice that comes from a place of wisdom, and I think you guys are part of that for me and I appreciate it. I'm getting to know this guy a little better. I'm getting to know Sean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a good question, Kerry, and you know, I think that's something for me that again this last year has really opened my eyes of how important it is not just to have friends but to have those meaningful conversations that you and I have months and and now I mean I feel closer to to you guys, you know, then then I have my whole life right. I've known most of you a better part of my life. So I think it's very important what you said, because as men we do hold things in right, you know whether.
Speaker 5:One you touched on this in your podcast. There are some things and you were absolutely right. There are some things, especially with our family. We need to struggle as men.
Speaker 2:We need to. You can't vomit on.
Speaker 5:Exactly. I remember you saying that Exactly. I didn't mean to interrupt you?
Speaker 3:No, you did, but you nailed that, Sean. Yeah, go ahead and talk about that, sean.
Speaker 2:Well, it's just one of those moments that I screwed up. Let's face it, I worked at a job that I hated. Now I want you to understand, brian. If you went home and you told your wife you hated your job, what would the burden of that put on her, without even knowing what I was doing? And that's a mistake I made and I hated my job. I worked at the travel center and we talked about it in my second podcast, man where it was just a toxic environment 24 hours a day. And you come home and, man, no amount of money is worth that situation and and you're right, man, and unfortunately I'm here to tell the men you have to keep that stuff to yourself. You have to fight your own demons. And that's why the question is very important what she said, because if I'm telling you that's okay, right, you're telling your spouse not okay. You have to be stoic as a man and you have to, like you said, you have to be strong.
Speaker 2:If you're freaking out as a leader, you give everybody else panic.
Speaker 6:You allow that.
Speaker 2:You allow that you allow that, and that's why, as men and as leaders, you have to be that way. I can't spew what's in my head all the time. People would think I'm nuts. So you got it, I'm serious.
Speaker 5:You are.
Speaker 2:I probably. Just kidding and I mean you're right. Like you're right, there is things that we got to push deep down and you got to work through it on your own.
Speaker 3:Um, so how does someone somebody may be listening right now, who may be like you, who was working a job that they absolutely hate, and they come home every day and they tell their wife, they tell their kids. I mean, sometimes you don't even have to say anything, right?
Speaker 2:You have this. I know the question and I'm sorry I jumped in but this is the easiest answer ever Form a relationship with God. Period. He'll guide you, and it's that simple.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it took you 38 years to figure that out and I'm still learning, yeah, yeah I think it's important.
Speaker 6:It talks about the male relationships.
Speaker 6:I think that you have to, just like, every person is an individual, you have to have different, different friends of different uh, that one friend that you can call in the middle of the night and they'll come over and they'll help you out or they'll talk to you. What are you doing in the middle of the night? Exactly, right? Hey, you might be the guy who'd call if I'm in trouble and I need somebody. Okay, you know someone to throw down or something, right? You know you might need someone who is more of a spiritual guide. You know you might need someone that's able to talk to you and say you're screwing up, man, like, what's going on? You used to be doing this and now you're off here.
Speaker 6:So for me, I think that's important not only to have male you know male friend friendships, but also to have them in ways that they're guys that can be honest with you and that can hold you accountable. And it's weird because I think guys, like it says you know how, what's the? I think the maintenance is what she said how do you, how do you how? What does the maintenance of those relationships look like? Well, that's the weird thing, you know, like for guys it looks totally different than for women, right? So like it might be for us, like I could not hear from you. Know, I talked to you quite a bit. I could not hear from you, for you know, a couple months, and then you call me or you text me, and it's right, you know, I'm texting right back, right, and I'm not mad that you didn't, that we didn't talk, for you know, I'll have my wife ask me hey, you see anybody at the gym this morning? Yeah, oh, would you guys, you know, would you we didn't talk?
Speaker 6:Well, right, but I said give a fist bump and that's it Right. But's time where I was having a you know some, some struggles and you took the time to sit there and talk to me, right. And then, at the same point in time, I remember you came to me and we both said, hey, we pray for you. And and then be sincere when you say, if you need anything, yeah, get a hold of me. Because that's just like when you ask someone how you doing Right, do you really want to know how they're doing, or is it just that's what you say, right? So when you say you know, hey, man, if you need anything and I'll be praying for you, you better be accountable to that.
Speaker 3:Well, and on top of that, what I tried to do, I think it's important to follow up. I think it's important to follow up later. You know when, when we had our conversations, when you were going through some, some things and I was going through some things, I put a reminder. So now I got out to my car, I put a reminder on my phone text, matt, how everything went today. You know, I think that's important. It's it's like you said be intentional with what you're saying, but then also follow up. I think that's that's very important um to do, because then it shows you.
Speaker 3:Okay, he was listening to me he didn't just say, hey, how's your day going, or then you actually care, yeah, exactly care, actually yeah yeah, great question, carrie. All right, question number four. Who's up sean I?
Speaker 2:think I went first time I think you just made that up. Well, let's see If this is the fourth question. One, two, three, oh then guess what?
Speaker 3:Guess who's trying to avoid Ben. All right, ben, this one's to you. What advice would you give to your younger self about leadership and staying rooted in your beliefs through a tough season?
Speaker 4:Well, I kind of go back to what we talked about. Well, actually, let me jump back first to what we were just talking about. So I believe it was what you said about you need to develop that right, and so we've been doing like a verse every week that we're trying to memorize, and so this week's, this past week's, was, uh, proverbs 17 17 a friend is always loyal and a brother is born to help whenever in a time of need. But that whole thing, like when carrie said that, what popped my head is who do I have in my life right now? That, and it sounds bad, but you can't really foster those relationships like I don't feel, like I have enough time in the day to foster a, you know, a true relationship. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4:So, um, I remember a season in my life where I had someone where you know it was a male that we both were going through things and we're able to be authentic and share with you know, you know it's just I don't feel you. You have to be able to trust somebody to have an authentic relationship where you can really peel back layers, right, because as men we bury it right. Well, if you have stuff buried deep that you know you're dealing with, you're struggling with. You keep that stuff buried unless you really trust someone you know and so that's just. I thought it was what you said and what the scripture we had this week kind of hit on the head. You know what I mean. A friend is always loyal, but a brother is born to help in time of need. I don't believe that's talking about a brother like blood brother. You know what?
Speaker 1:I mean.
Speaker 4:It's a brother in Christ, a brother that you need whenever you need help.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think, something I've realized in probably the last six months. I mean, we went to breakfast together and had some conversations. We've gotten together and had quite a few conversations. I think it's important to do that, to carve out time in your schedule, cause everybody's busy. Get something on the calendar, you know, and and maybe that, maybe that carries asking this question maybe for Mark, her husband, um, you know, I don't know, but I think it's important for uh, us as men, whoever that person is for you, you know, and it can be different, right, it can be different. Maybe once a month, get together with somebody for lunch, for breakfast, um, go have a cup of coffee, drink a beer, drink a beer, whatever it is, but just to have that, have a real, true conversation. Not how is your day? Like, hey dude, how's life going?
Speaker 5:How's the kid?
Speaker 3:Yeah, how's the kids, how's the family, how's business, how's work, whatever it is. I think it's important because, um, you know, as men, like you said, sean, there's a lot of things you hold in that you don't. You don't want to word vomit on on your family and on on, but you can with those male companions. So I think that's important. So now back to the question, ben that you were trying to avoid.
Speaker 4:I thought I went first last time. Well then I'll take this one. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3:Trying to avoid.
Speaker 4:So the younger me, obviously I didn't handle failure well at all. You know, younger it was always well. I failed because I didn't try hard enough. That was always my big thing. So I would try to read a veteran scripture and I wish I knew, I wish I had somebody to tell me you know, failure is where you grow.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that wasn't the question. We were just thinking the same thing.
Speaker 4:I went that way. Cy question we were just thinking the same thing I went that way.
Speaker 3:Si, are you listening to your dad in there? He's trying to avoid these questions. You aren't listening. No, the question. So here I'll start. You go second.
Speaker 4:I went with what was on my heart a minute ago and I forgot the question. I should have asked you to reread it. That's my fault.
Speaker 3:Hey Kevin, can you edit this?
Speaker 4:Nope, poor leadership.
Speaker 3:Wait, hold on Cy. What do you got, cy?
Speaker 1:Answer the question.
Speaker 3:Answer the question. Thank you, Cy. Oh, so what advice would you give your younger self about leadership and staying rooted in your beliefs through a tough season? So I'll answer this. I go back, I say it every week, I think is just keep going. So, no matter what the day brings, no matter what the challenge is, no matter how good things are, you just got to keep taking that step. You got to keep taking that step every day. I think about it when I walk in the Arboretum. I think about it when I'm at the cemetery and I'm running is no matter how bad this hurts, no matter how bad today was, no matter what phone call I received or what challenge I'm going through or somebody I know is going through. The advice I would give to my younger self is just keep going, Even when things feel like they're going to stop. They're not. The world's not going to stop because you had a bad day. So that would be the advice I would give to my younger self. What about you guys?
Speaker 5:Repeat that again. I want to make sure I get the question just right, because there's part of that, the second part of that.
Speaker 3:What advice would you give to your younger self about leadership and staying rooted in your beliefs through a tough season? Rooted in your beliefs through a tough season.
Speaker 5:So my younger self, with leadership, going through the tough seasons, I would tell my younger self and Ben alluded to this and you got onto him for it but I would remind myself there's going to be some failures and they might be ugly, they could be brutal, but as you lead, whether it is your family, the church, your business, I would tell them that younger self, god has this he knows everything before it comes to pass. He doesn't dictate it, but he knows and that he'll be there. He'll support you, support me, giving you the strength that I need for that day, not not in the. You know, sometimes I think we try to lump all of this into the big picture, but you know it's, it's now, it's the here and now. God, us, right now, and that'll be enough and that will teach you through those experiences. Then you go to the next day and you build upon it and I think that's probably a message that for my younger self, I would have. I really needed that that it's going to be OK. You know I'm, you know I'm impatient by nature. It's going to be OK, you know I'm. You know I'm impatient by nature. I try to fast forward everything, trying to get to the next goal so that I can then go on to the next challenge. That's, I guess, kind of how I'm wired, but I think sometimes slow down, enjoy the experience. Do you hear what I just said? Enjoy the experience. Sometimes I am so busy I'm not even stopping to enjoy it.
Speaker 5:I'll give you an example. So you guys, are you all four played football? I didn't have that chance or opportunity Anyway. So I've got three grandsons, and one of my granddaughters she's two and a half. So just yesterday we're in the backyard playing football and I'm getting them wound up. And so the oldest boy he's 11, down to the three and a half year old, and he's just an absolute bulldog. And so what are they going to do? They're going to tackle Pappy. So I've got little Isla in my arms and I tell her growl. So we're grow, growling, and they get me down and I'm trying to shield her so that she doesn't get crushed. And I'm laying there with these grandkids on my they're all over me trying to get the football away from us and I you know what ran through my mind be present, enjoy the experience. That younger self needed to hear that. Just Just enjoy the ride.
Speaker 3:I had that same experience yesterday. Ryan and I went into town, went to the fort and we were looking for crawdads. And so Ryan's 10, and I wanted to be walking and rucking. I wanted to get my workout in, and so I was hoping I could leave him at the creek and then I could go do my ruck. And he's like where are you going? I was like I'm going to go do my walk. He's like no, you said we're going to look for crawdads.
Speaker 5:He's holding you accountable.
Speaker 3:He was he was, and it clicked right. Then it was like no, you told him you were going to bring him here to look for crawdad. And so we did. We started at one end of the creek and we went to the other and and we had a great time, and at ryan, if you're listening right now, you, um, he was afraid to get four of them and I got the first one and then we were going to leave and I said, hey, wait till I tell nate you didn't get that crawdad because you're afraid he was going to pinch you. And he got, he ended up getting one, so, but the same thing it was being.
Speaker 3:It was being present in the moment and it clicked because my 10-year-old said where are you going?
Speaker 2:Now, did that count as an outdoor workout?
Speaker 3:I'm not on 75 hard rounds.
Speaker 2:Just making sure you got tackled by a 3-year-old, Brian.
Speaker 5:Yeah, we need to talk. Trust me, he's tough.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's good. What about you, Matt? What advice would you give to your younger self about leadership when things are tough?
Speaker 6:I would say that you know to have more of a plan. I think a lot of times I went through and I didn't have, I didn't think out steps that I should follow, I just kind of went with it. I didn't think out steps that I should follow, I just kind of went with it. And I think you know there is scripture that says you know that God basically plans each step. You know we have our own path, but he guides our steps. But I don't think I had enough of a plan. I do think that you have to prepare and I don't know that, as my younger self, that I prepared. I just kind of thought, well, I'm good enough to get this done, whether it was in my business family. So I feel like now I'm a little bit more intentional with my steps. It doesn't mean that I'm guiding everything. I try to obviously let you know, let the Lord lead me in what I do, but I feel like now I definitely think through things in a different manner. We mature as we get a little bit older and then I think following through with those steps and being more consistent.
Speaker 6:When I was younger, I was a hard worker in almost everything I did. I feel like, however, don't you know, I was a hard worker in almost everything I did. I feel like, uh, however, you know, was my consistency, there was my, you know, my dedication was there, but I don't know that I was consistent. So I feel like, and then, in my faith, the same exact way, I had a lot of, a lot of desire and a lot of, you know, drive in that sense, but, man, a lot of desire and a lot of you know drive in that sense, but man, I was so inconsistent in my actions that a lot of times I was just felt almost guilt because here I am, got all these, you know, these ideas of things that I should be doing and I'm not right.
Speaker 6:So, I think, having having a little bit more of a plan looking back, uh, I mean what you guys said, to keep going, you know, enjoying it, you know I think about that with my kids, uh, I worked a ton when I, when they were real little, so I'd get home and get to, you know, put them to bed maybe, and that was about it, because by the time I got up in the morning they weren't up yet by the time I got home it was about bedtime and you know I, but I will tell you, I cherish those moments, but maybe I should have been like planned it out a little bit better to get home a little bit earlier, you know, uh, so that I could enjoy those moments. That's one reason why I don't miss anything now. Yeah, I don't miss anything yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 3:What do you think, sean?
Speaker 6:what was the question, younger self?
Speaker 3:what advice would you give to your younger self about leadership? I?
Speaker 6:think it was fear of failure something like that right um leadership is hard.
Speaker 2:You have to have thick skin, you have to make the hard decisions and knowing that you're going to have to make tough decisions, I've had to fire good people for dumb mistakes, good solid people for dumb mistakes. Man, I remember a kid that worked for me. Man, our drawer was $5 over and he decided to put it in his pocket instead of keeping it in the drawer and I had to fire a great kid. Great kid. He was assistant manager for for me and I had to fire him for $5. So you have to have thick skin. You have to do the hard things a lot of the times. You have to have thick skin. You have to do the hard things a lot of the times. But I wish I'd have known that, because everybody wants to be the captain of the football team until you have to do the captain's work, that's right, you have to lead by example, you have to be the front of the 40s and all of that.
Speaker 2:And kids, I mean, they don't want to be unpopular, they want to be the cool kids. So coaching somebody and telling them like, look, leadership, captain, all that stuff it's unpopular but it's worth it. Yeah, um, the most rewarding thing I can I did at Finish Line when I worked there was promote somebody to get their own store. I loved it, loved mentoring young people, getting them in their own store and that type of thing. And I want to tell a story about true leadership, if I can.
Speaker 2:So we have a group text here for Be Tempered. We kind of bounce ideals off each other and some things, some memes and that type of thing. And it was a Sunday morning and I saw this meme about discipline and sent it to the group text and, uh, we always send pictures, we always send stuff, you know inspirational stuff and usually you get a heart, you get a thumbs up. Dan always sends the fire emoji, since that's his favorite one, um, so I sent this thing about discipline and, um, I want to pull it up and I want to pull it up, but instead of getting a heart, instead of getting an emoji. I was talking about self-discipline and somebody in the group text said and I want you to understand, this is true leadership. Okay, bush, if you're going to talk about discipline, it's time to walk the walk. There's four people in this group text. Three of them has completed 75 hard, some multiple times. There's one who hasn't. Do you know how bad that made me mad when you sent that?
Speaker 3:Sorry, not sorry. Well, now, who said it?
Speaker 2:but I want you to understand. You saw something that I needed to do to improve, to be a better person, to challenge myself, to be disciplined, to walk the walk that we talk about. And, man, you pissed me off but and I'm sorry, I know I mean everybody pees yeah but that's what true leadership is.
Speaker 2:They don't. They don't care about your feelings, they do. They care about what type of person you want to be. And we talk about leadership and we talk about discipline and we talk about all these things and I talk about discipline more than anything and you called me out on it and so, yeah, it hurt my feelings.
Speaker 2:Yes, I got my panties in a bunch, so to speak, but I'm on day 37 and I feel better and than I ever have in a long time. So being a leader is not always being popular and it's always not about being the cool guy because I can't. I. I don't know if you did that on purpose. I don't know if you were trying to make me mad.
Speaker 3:Yes, but okay I knew you were actually trying well, no, I knew it would, because here's the thing you you had. You know, we we're on, so it's it's ben and I and sean and rose, and we share all these these things that we can post and all this stuff, and and it's good, it's all good conversation, but you know, you kept preaching discipline, discipline, discipline.
Speaker 2:I was writing a piece for the, my football team, about self-discipline and how important it was. Yeah, like, just like. That's where I, that's where my mindset was at that time. And then, captain, ruin your day over here, boy it sounds like uh.
Speaker 5:I think what he was saying is lead by example. There you go.
Speaker 3:I didn't realize that. I said that to you about your year of discipleship with.
Speaker 4:I kind of remember it, but I don't know, it was off the cuff when I was in your office, like halfway in your office.
Speaker 3:I remember talking about it, but I don't remember saying that. So maybe you put words in my mouth, but maybe I did. Here's the thing If I'm close to you and I feel like I don't care if I piss you off, Well, you could get away with that with him.
Speaker 5:You knew that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I knew I could. Well, he couldn't get to me. I knew he was at a volleyball tournament.
Speaker 4:But the old.
Speaker 3:Sean would have been at the front door ready to sock me in the nose. The new Sean is different. He's doing 75 hard. He's doing 75 hard, you know. And and Ben's taking accountability for the year of discipleship with Jude right, If? If I feel close to you and I offend you, I did it on purpose. That's the way I look at it. What are you going to do Not be my friend? No, on purpose. That's the way I look at it. What are you going to do not be my friend? No, you're not going to do that. You may be ticked off at me for a while, but I do that with my kids but here's the thing it's exactly what I needed to hear.
Speaker 2:I just got done. I just got done writing the book, I just got done. So I just spent three to four months just immersed in that. And then then I'm like, what am I going to do? All my spare time was the last three months, was in that, and all of a sudden that's gone, it's out of my hands now. It's exactly what I needed to hear.
Speaker 6:I think, when you feel convicted about something, whether it comes from a friend or whether it comes from god, it happens for a reason. It's true, it's true, that's true. I mean, you know, and I think that a true friend is not offended by it. They're challenged by it, and then they've got to say, okay, is this something that I, that I got to do? It's like I talked about. Wouldn't you call somebody out? So I mean to me, I would rather someone be honest with me on all areas of my life, to where, if it convicts me, then I, you know, then I probably need to move forward or not.
Speaker 6:You know, a conviction, can you know? Being convicted could be hey, hey, I better not use that language because the kids are watching me and I claim to be this person, something as simple as that. Or it could be hey, you're Mr Discipline, you're coaching all these kids, but you haven't done the thing that really disciplined yourself, right. So I think that, for sure, the thing about it is good friends. Going back to the other question, having those friends that you're fine with doing that, that's invaluable. That is invaluable because you need those people to push you, you need those people to keep you accountable. You need those people to help keep you on track, and then you can return that to them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's good. Hey, we got a question from Andy Campbell. What's up, Andy? One thing I've noticed in several of you that coach your own children is that you do it well without being biased. Thank you. What advice can you give to future coaches that would like to coach their own children and share the success that you've had with your experiences? That's a good question. You want to tackle that one?
Speaker 4:um. So number one is accountability. I feel like I will tell you that coaching your own kid is not for everyone. No, and I say that from the kid's perspective, not just the parent's perspective. That's coaching Kids that have parents that coach, especially when they get older. I feel like it's very tough on them first off, like your kids, have to have thick skin Because, if it's like I struggled with it as a young kid, my dad used to coach me, and the one thing whenever you had success, well, what's the number one thing that comes out of everybody's mouth?
Speaker 4:Well, their dad's, their coach you know what I mean, and I feel like that's the first thing is the people that, um, the parents of the kids that you coach. You know we're lucky that. I don't think that we've ever experienced it. I've coached, you know, football, basketball, baseball. I've never experienced it with my kids. I experienced it. Growing up, though I said I was never going to coach. Because of that experience, I said I'm never going to coach a young kid. Now, I will never say no that I'm going to volunteer for a kid.
Speaker 4:I help out with way too many teams and the only reason I do it is because I have parents of these other kids that come up and they're just like. I can tell that my kid loves to come to practice, he loves you and the way that you treat him and stuff like that. That's the reason I coach to make them better. So the first thing is do it for the right reason.
Speaker 4:If you're coaching, you coach for every single one of those kids, not just your kid, and you've got to hold them accountable If they're not putting in the work. You treat them the same exact way. You don't play in the same amount or you know the same thing you do with all the other kids. But that's the first thing I feel like is accountability. You're doing it for the right reasons. You got to do it because a you love the game and you want to teach the kids that passion. B what I well, actually it'd be my a is the work ethic. Like you got to make sure they're putting in work, because I feel like work ethic is the number one important thing in sports, like that's what they're going to carry on for life right and leadership qualities. I mean, I feel like that's the main way I learned leadership was through my coaches that I had and through sports.
Speaker 3:How about you, Matt?
Speaker 6:I think you hit it on the head your motivation for doing it, for coaching in general. I've coached my daughters all the way through soccer and I've been lucky, very fortunate, blessed to be able to continue to do it, even now that they're playing club soccer. And I would say this, and I'm sure you guys would echo it, that if you have standards for your teams, I put those standards in writing and I would have the parents actually sign those Parents of the girls that I coached. They would crack up because I would give them those same rules, those same standards every year and I would not go away from those. They knew that I was going to hold their kids and my kids accountable and they knew what they were getting. They knew my motivation behind it was because I wanted to see their kids succeed. I wanted to see my kids succeed. I wanted to see them succeed way past, when they were just little right. I wanted to see them do that all the way through high school and if they want to go on past that, I've been lucky to have good assistant coaches too. Now I am an assistant I'm not the head coach, but they would have to reel me in because I was harder on my own kids than I was on everybody else.
Speaker 6:I actually have had to apologize to my own children because I may have treated them a little bit harsher than I would anybody else, and so I think that the key is is that you have your standards. You have those set standards and you don't go away from them, and then you have the correct motivation as to why you're doing it. It's not for you, it's fun to win. I love to win, man, I love to win, but you don't do it at the expense of another child, you don't do it at the expense to make your child stand out. And I've been very fortunate because I've never really had a problem because I've put those out there and I haven't really veered off. It's a joke. They send a thing like hey, you know, saw that your kid couldn't start because they didn't get to practice on time, and then they said, oh, your dad's a coach and I was the one driving, or something right.
Speaker 6:So my kid? That's a joke. But my kids had to run one time because my wife had them to practice late.
Speaker 5:Okay, hey, you got to be consistent.
Speaker 6:Yeah, and they, they and they go serious and I mean I about blew up. I said, yes, run right now. And I said you run until I tell you to stop right. And then I, you know I have to face the consequences at home.
Speaker 6:Yeah, that's the funny part. But you know, I mean I think that was it. They knew I was going to treat. I was going to treat them everyone the same right and and my motivation was the same for each kid. And I mean, if I saw, uh, one girl make an amazing play, that wasn't my daughter, I was just as happy as if it were, maybe even happier sometimes, because you tend to be like you tend to like give other kids more credit cause you don't want to look like you're being a favorite. So a lot of times I wouldn't even you know, one of my daughters could have had an amazing game and I didn't tell her I had a good game. But then I'm telling everybody else great job.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 6:So I think you have to be careful about that too. But that's how I did it and I just tried not to veer away from that and I put it in writing so that they knew my rules, they knew my standards, and then they could call me on it if I was not following those.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what about you?
Speaker 2:Sean, what was the question again? No, I started coaching when my son was one. I'm still coaching now that my son's not in football. So you nailed it. Why are you coaching?
Speaker 2:it's not because of my kids, um, it's because of the coaches I had and the influences that they uh have on me and have affected me for my whole entire life. It has nothing to do with my kid. Now, is it harder coaching your kid? Absolutely, oh yeah, but I don't coach. I didn't get into football coaching because of my son. Now, I was lucky, my son was very talented. But I think you were right, I was way harder on my kid and I coached with some other kids, so we kind of made a deal I'm not going to coach my kid. If you see him doing something wrong, you get on him and I got your kid.
Speaker 6:That is so true.
Speaker 2:We did the same thing, and I still do it to this day, because there's times where I wanted to go off on my own son for not hustling and doing this, doing that and for a kid that leaks back into the home. Man, so I think you've got to draw boundaries when you do coach your own kid. But for the most part, you guys are exactly right. Why do you coach? Um, and I think everybody that knows me knows why I coach. Yeah, I talked about it on my first podcast. It has nothing to do with me, um, it has everything to do with giving back and uh. So that's why I do it and that's why I continue to do it, and there is nothing like winning on a Friday night.
Speaker 2:The thing about being a coach is you have to be hard on the kids. You have to. You have to set an example, like you said, but you better be the first damn person to celebrate with them. You better be because that's what it's about. It's about giving the kid confidence and it's about uplifting the kid. After they don't believe in their self, just like so many people did in me, they saw something in me. That's what I try to do to the kids and calling them out, being a leader, being a coach and then celebrating their wins.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's important I have no clue if that answers the question, andy, but that's me coaching.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you did.
Speaker 3:I know for me. I've been fortunate. I think I've coached all my kids. I don't know if I coached you Leah or Leah Look her in.
Speaker 1:there Is she crying yeah she's crying.
Speaker 3:No, I was fortunate enough to coach, I guess, three of the five Schmidt kids and now currently coaching Ryan, our youngest. I always look at coaching my kids. I don't even look at them as my kids when I coach them. To be honest with you, I'm trying to build a team. I think back when I was coaching my older son, nate, who's a freshman, and that that group of boys that we had.
Speaker 3:I man, it is the most rewarding thing when you take a kid who is not very good and you you work them through practices and games and you push them and you encourage them and you push them beyond limits that they didn't even know that they could go through, and then you watch them have success.
Speaker 3:I mean, nothing feels better than that, in my opinion, to take a young kid and show them that they can do it, and so that that's why I do it. I don't, you know, I don't coach because my son is Ryan, or my son was Nate, or my daughter's Allie or Leah or any of that stuff. I don't, I don't see it. I in fact, like you guys said, I'm harder on my kids than I am the other kids. It's just for me, it's just the joy of building a team and watching them grow, watching them fail, watching them struggle. We put basketball, we put our boy, we call it the gauntlet. We put him through. It's pretty grueling, it's probably harder than our high school team goes through, but they love it, they eat it up and man, it just gets me so fired up to watch them just keep pushing and pushing and pushing and do 100 push-ups out of practice.
Speaker 4:That's what I was about to say. We won a championship and I think my most proudest moment was we were there supposed to do what? 90 or 95 push-ups, yeah, and they're like well, let's just do five more, let's get to 100. Let's do 100. And you're talking about 9-year-olds 10, you know. We said five. What was it? Five pushups for everyone. You missed. Yeah, for every layup, yeah.
Speaker 3:And then we had to do 95. Yeah, and they went ahead and did a hundred yeah, but when we started they were all whining.
Speaker 6:When we told you guys need to do layup drills.
Speaker 3:Well we did Growth Size and they're like yeah.
Speaker 4:So I, I was 90 of them. Just kidding, I love you, no. But when we first said you're doing 95 of them, they looked at us like there's no way that I can do 95 pushups. And I bet we didn't. I mean, we gave them a little bit of break, but I what in a minute? Two minutes probably, yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean they did it pretty. And I mean, oh man, and it was so awesome. Because you know, of course we pump them up and say, hey, tomorrow you get to go to school and tell everybody you did 100 pushups of practice last night, you know. And so then they get all fired up and that's what it's all about. So I think if you're going to try to coach your kid, make sure you go in with the right intentions. You know, go in with the intentions. If it's a team sport, that you're coaching a team, you're coaching a team. You're not coaching your son or your daughter. So, all right, here's what we got. We got seven minutes left. So I any final closing thoughts that you guys might have, any, any, any quote, anything you want to you want to discuss before we wrap this thing up.
Speaker 5:You're looking at me, I'm looking at you.
Speaker 3:Did you notice the shirt I wore tonight? I did.
Speaker 5:Yeah, keep moving forward. Yeah, so Tillball Holla project, of course, came up with that tagline, but you can't read it. But on the back of my shirt it lists all of these things that are acceptable. And we all go through challenges, we all have hardships, sometimes it's even trauma. But the very last one you know what it says Quitting is not acceptable. So to me, what a great lesson that is that, regardless of how hard life gets, how distant you might feel from God, how challenging that is, keep moving forward. It's all worth it. Never quit.
Speaker 3:That's great, matt, you got anything.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I think that you know, don't't be afraid, don't be afraid to step out. Um, you know, I think a lot of times, especially talking to some of the younger, younger people, they're scared to step out because they're scared of what people think. And I think, um, don't worry about what other people think and, at the same time, worry about what other people think. And what that means is don't worry about if you're different and you're stepping out and doing the things you're supposed to do. Don't worry about what they think, but if you're not doing what you're supposed to do, you better worry about what people think, because when you talked about the cemetery, I want someone to be able to walk by my headstone and say that guy left a legacy, this is how he was, not because of me, but that I passed it down to my family. So, don't be scared to step out there and don't care what people think, but care what people think. Keep God first.
Speaker 3:That's pretty good too.
Speaker 2:So yeah, sean uh, the long and hard road is the shortcut. Everybody tries to do things the the easy way. The right way is always the hard way, and I just think we forget that, the world we live in, the instant gratification, it's not going to come overnight. So, doing the hard thing I think you talked about it, right? I don't know exactly what you said, but the successful people do the hard things first. Quit trying to do the easy things. Try to do the hard things and you'll grow.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's, very true.
Speaker 4:Ben, last question, I'm just kidding, just kidding, it's getting late. Yeah, yeah, getting late, it's past Dan's bedtime.
Speaker 2:It's getting close, it's Dan's bedtime.
Speaker 4:No, I'm just really, really thankful for you guys and you guys doing this episode. Dan and I we were trying to figure out something for episode 52, and I think the iron sharpens iron the whole reason that we do this thing. Like, I think both of us view you guys as just great men of faith, great men to look up to, lucky to call you guys friends. I'm just really thankful for you guys doing this. My closing thought is just the word grace, what it actually means.
Speaker 4:I was watching a podcast, youtube, with Joby Martin and he wrote a book called the Grace Train by getting hit by the grace train and it talks about just basically the word grace. Like that's the whole meaning of, like Christianity, like the whole thing, like no matter where you're at, what you've done, like the word grace, like Jesus had grace to save us, like that is basically the gospel, is him dying on the cross, like that was grace for all of us and all of our sins. And I don't know when, when they explained that word grace, it just it hit me. I mean, it hit me pretty hard. Just no matter what you did, how much you've done, grace is always going to be enough and nobody's ever too far gone for that that's good, man, I'll tell you.
Speaker 3:Um, I've got a speech coming up here at a local school that I think about every single day, about what I'm going to talk about and what I'm going to say and what kind of impact I'm going a river, um, water flowing. Right, it doesn't flow backwards. Right, it continues to flow forward. If something is in its way, it's going around it, it's going over it, it's going to figure out a way to get through it. It it's not going to stop. It's not going to stop and look back, and I think that's a great metaphor for our life. Right, if you get to a point in your life where there's a tragedy that happens, or you've had a bad day at work, or you lose your job, or somebody ticks you off and calls you out to do 75 hard because you're Mr Discipline and calls you out to do 75 hard because you're Mr Discipline, right, that water is not going to stop flowing. Right, you can't stop flowing.
Speaker 3:So anybody out there who's in a tough time right now, who's facing a challenge again, just keep going, keep moving forward like that water flows down the stream, and don't be afraid to take the time to stop and look up, to look around you to enjoy the beauty, to enjoy the people in your life who have given you so much, who have given you a good advice, who have been there for you in tough times um, you know, and and be thankful for the things that you do have, because I promise you someone else out there has it much worse than you do. So I appreciate you guys. I really appreciate your time on. A is today, monday.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, I'd be saying yeah on a Monday night.
Speaker 3:I know Mondays are kind of chaotic for everybody and coming off of the weekend, but you guys are very important to me and I appreciate you sharing your stories on the podcast before, appreciate you coming over here tonight and, and um, just continue to, to spew out all this knowledge and to uh, offer hope to those who need to hear it. Because, uh, we all know people we talk to people at our jobs, at our businesses all the time who are facing adversities and they're looking for that little tidbit of inspiration and hopefully maybe they found it here tonight. So, if people want to get a hold of you guys, can you give us a quick way to get a hold of them?
Speaker 5:Sure, I'm on Facebook or you can look me up, Brian at WCI Richmond.
Speaker 6:Okay, matt, I'm not very good at social media, but I do have a Facebook and Instagram. Preble County Chiropractic. Obviously, you can get a hold of me at the office anytime in that way.
Speaker 3:You need a little snap crackle pop. Match your man.
Speaker 6:Not necessarily that, but if you do need that, you know where we're at.
Speaker 4:My son calls in a popcorn doctor.
Speaker 1:There you go, if you do need that you know where we're at popcorn?
Speaker 2:there you go, sean.
Speaker 3:I just have facebook, sean, rubbish you also have talk real quick, your book, oh, yeah, uh, coming along.
Speaker 2:I want to talk about humbled. So I wrote a book, was very proud of it, sent it to a ghost writer and she Sean, we got a lot of work. That's good, so it's a work in progress. Um, I, what's it called, uh, turning pain into purpose.
Speaker 3:Okay, turning pain into purpose, it'll be out, we'll. We'll let everybody know when it comes out. And, uh, proud of you for doing that, cause I know that was a big, that was challenge very, very difficult yeah reading it back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, after you write, it is what's challenging.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, ben, we know how to get a hold of you and me. We're on betemperedcom, we're on all the socials. Look us up. Please continue to share, please continue to do all those things to help get this message out there and everybody. Go out and be tempered.
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