BeTempered
BeTempered
BeTempered Episode 60 – Real Freedom Isn’t About Doing Whatever You Want—It’s About Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be
What does true freedom really look like in our daily lives? In this thought-provoking Independence Day episode of BeTempered, hosts Dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr welcome guest Brian Ballenger for an intimate, wide-ranging exploration of how personal discipline—and the courage to confront our own weaknesses—shapes genuine independence.
Freedom, as the trio discovers, isn’t simply about doing whatever we want or escaping life’s responsibilities. Instead, it’s rooted in self‑regulated integrity: the quiet resolve to make and keep commitments to ourselves when nobody’s watching. Brian explains, “Habits are developed through routines, routines create patterns, and patterns become lifelong habits,” reminding us that our true character is revealed not by what we say, but by what we consistently do—moment by moment.
Dan, Ben, and Brian offer candid, often humorous stories about their personal journeys. Dan opens up about overcoming his ice cream addiction—joking, “I was like a crack addict, except it was pints of vanilla bean.” Ben shares how he turned down a lucrative job opportunity in Texas to maintain his children’s stability and connection. Brian draws from decades of experience guiding men toward purpose, illustrating how small daily disciplines can lay the foundation for a life marked by calm rather than chaos.
Their conversation reframes what freedom really is: the greatest threats to our independence often aren’t external, but internal—our own lack of discipline, aversion to discomfort, and misaligned priorities. It’s a powerful paradigm shift: recognizing that the oppressor we most often need to overcome lives in our own excuses and comfort zones.
They also challenge the popular idea of “work-life balance,” arguing instead for a mindset of alignment—making decisions that honor your deepest values in each moment, rather than trying to evenly distribute time and energy. This shift offers a more sustainable and meaningful approach to living in sync with what matters most.
Brian also brings a faith-based perspective on perseverance, drawing on his work at Brighter Path, Inc. and his leadership role at Whisenhunt Construction, Inc. in Richmond, Indiana. He emphasizes that discipline isn’t just a tool for self-improvement—it’s about stewardship of the life, talents, and relationships we’ve been entrusted with. As Brian powerfully states, “We have a fight before us every day—are we going to run from it, or realize that yes, it’s here, but by God’s grace, I’m going to run into it and overcome?”
Whether you're struggling with self-control, feeling stuck in harmful habits, or longing for a deeper sense of independence, this episode provides practical insights and encouragement to live with intentionality.
Explore more compelling conversations at betempered.com, and discover Brian Ballenger’s mission to help others build healthier, purpose-driven lives at Brighter Path, Inc. (www.brighterpathinc.com) and through his work at wcirichmond.com.
Hi, my name is Allie Schmidt. This is my dad, Dan. He owns Catron's Glass.
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Speaker 3:Welcome to the Be Tempered Podcast, where we explore the art of finding balance in a chaotic world.
Speaker 4:Join us as we delve into insightful conversations, practical tips and inspiring stories to help you navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.
Speaker 3:We're your hosts, dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr. Let's embark on a journey to live our best lives. This is Be Tempered. What's up everybody, welcome to the Be Tempered podcast, episode number.
Speaker 4:We got confused 60.
Speaker 3:Huh 60.
Speaker 4:Is it 60? Yeah, it's 60.
Speaker 3:I'm 100% sure right.
Speaker 4:Producer it's 60.
Speaker 3:It is it's 60. Yeah, he's shaking his head. You're good, ben, good job hey.
Speaker 4:My mind wasn't on that part yet. I didn't even realize we're recording. We've been recording for a while. We're deep in conversation, hey.
Speaker 3:first off I want to say happy Independence Day. Hey, first off I want to say happy Independence Day and I want to welcome in again our friend Brian Ballinger.
Speaker 4:The legend.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the living legend. You know, Brian, you and I had a conversation a week ago. Seems like I think we get together once a month and have coffee and have a very good discussion, bouncing ideas and issues, things we're dealing with off of each other, and it's super impactful for me and I appreciate that, and you know we met last week, right what's? Today.
Speaker 3:Tuesday. Yeah we met last week and we're kind of discussing things and discussing the topic for this podcast and you know we had such a good conversation. I said, hey, why don't you join us?
Speaker 3:Right, I think you've got a lot to offer on this, on this topic, but what I want to start off today is is discussing Independence Day and what it means to each of you guys individually. What it means to me, because I think there's a lot that we I don't think I know, there's a lot that I take for granted with our freedoms in the country that we live in, and a lot that many Americans take for granted. So, in thinking about this and as you've given some thought, Brian, what does Independence Day mean to you?
Speaker 5:Well, it means a lot of things to me, but I guess the first thought I have is shedding ourselves from tyranny. I think that's really what motivated the early settlers in this country to be able to shed tyranny to have true freedom.
Speaker 5:And I think back to my ancestors. You know the very first Ballinger that came to this county in the early 1800s. He was in that war and can imagine the probably the fear, but also imagine the excitement that they had that for the first time for most of them in their lives, they would know true freedom and they would be able to build a life that they felt like God was leading them to, and to be able to raise their families. And then, not knowing what does that mean for the next generations? I think that's something that we don't often think about is the freedom I have today that I enjoy? How is that setting up the next generation, for my children, our grandchildren?
Speaker 5:So you know it's not to be taken for granted. Obviously it didn't come free. There were a lot of sacrifices. But you know, thankfully we're in a time now where we're not really challenged. You know we don't have foreign enemies on our soil. I mean, I know they're here, but you know we don't challenge, we're not confronted with that every day. So what do we do on a daily basis to ensure that we still have freedom? And I think that's really where we're probably going to dive deeper into this podcast to really help discover what am I doing today to live as a free man, and there's a lot to that.
Speaker 3:What do you think, Ben?
Speaker 4:Yeah well, 4th of July, there's two times that we get together. It's like spars, my side of the family, and it's christmas and fourth of july. Those are the only days that you know easter and all that we don't get together, but those are the two days. And it's because the importance of fourth of july, just our independence, um, you know it's, I know the war that you know they had for our freedom and why we celebrate Fourth of July. But we reflect on the people that served.
Speaker 4:Some of my friends that I have that went overseas and I have a buddy that IEDs, that was his job and he lost a buddy right there, in front of his eyes, right up the road. One exploded. Think of the stress that he did, how he came back and tried to, you know, adapt back into civilization, which is tough. I mean, it's tough to go for being a soldier and then, coming back to, you know, be a regular citizen. And so those are the sacrifices I just always think about and try to, you know, have the boys reflect on and, you know, just praise God that we live in the greatest country in the world.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I agree, you know, again, freedom for me, as I was kind of reflecting on what Independence Day means for me, you know, I've been fortunate to go to different countries that have freedoms but don't have the freedom that we have, the faith, freedom to be able to practice whatever religion, the ability to criticize our politicians, to practice whatever political, whether we're Republicans or Democrats or independents. You know to be able to practice that and to be able to criticize. You know, um, that's obviously something we take for granted, and when you see things in other countries, especially in impoverished countries, where people, uh, you know, live with very, very little means, um, man, it really makes you reflect on how good we have it. And then you think about, like what you said, ben, you think about these families who have military members who paid the ultimate sacrifice. You know for our freedoms, you know the selfless act to run, run into the fight and to be willing to give their life. You know for our freedoms that, again, I think we take for granted a lot. And so you know for me, the ability to, to, to practice my faith, to be able to run a business how I want to run it, not how somebody wants me to run it, the ability to have these conversations, you know, to be open and to be honest and to be vulnerable. You know that's the freedoms that we enjoy. But I'm so thankful for those military men and women who continue to sacrifice on a daily basis.
Speaker 3:We just had this past week, you know the um, the bunker busters that were dropped on Iran, you know, to destroy their, their nuclear um things. You know those, those men and women flew for 36 hours straight. 36 hours straight going into something they didn't know if they were going to be seen, if they were going to be fired upon no idea. I mean, I'm getting ready to go on a 24 hour hike. I'm not sitting in a plane for 36 hours going into a storm that I don't know what's going to come from it, that I could essentially very easily lose my life. So I put that all into perspective and I think, holy cow you know what?
Speaker 3:I'm going to do is nothing compared to what you know, what those men and women did for us you know, essentially for our freedom. So you know, I hope everybody out there, I hope you know whatever Independence Day means to you. I hope at a minimum, you know a minimum. You look to those men and women who serve those families who lost loved ones, who paid the ultimate sacrifice, and you just say thank you, thank you for what you do, what your family member did for us, because it's important and it's easy to take that for granted for us. So, and kind of staying along those lines, brian, you know you and I talked about habits, we talked about discipline, so let's expand upon that unless you got something else.
Speaker 5:Yeah, before we jump into that, because this is going to be really important you said something a moment ago that I think is really important. You said a soldier when facing the enemy, they run into the fight. Now, we're not called to do that today. We're not soldiers in the military, but as men, we have a fight before us every day and we should be running into it. So that's really what I want to get into today, and what I'm excited about is sharing some of our thoughts and our ideas. Hopefully it helps and challenges others to realize that you do have a fight before you every single day. Are you going to run from it or are you going to realize that, yes, it's here, but by God's grace or the strength that I'm going to find within me, I'm going to go run into it and overcome. So really, I think that's what today's about. So now we'll get back to your question.
Speaker 3:So we talked about habits. You know, you and I we met last week and we talked about habits, we talked about discipline, we talked about balance and we're going to kind of touch on all those things. But I think everything starts with your habits. So can you expand upon your habits, brian, and how you've developed habits, maybe from discipline, and how those two kind of relate?
Speaker 5:Yeah, so we, we had a pretty in-depth conversation last week and at some point I think I might've mentioned I said, you know, we probably should have been recording this right now, and that's when I think you mentioned well, well, let's get together next week and you can join us. So you know, I think a lot about our habits. You know, when we think about how we would want to either define ourselves or how we want others to perceive us. I think we, as humans, we that's not, that's not factual at all, because I can tell you, if you don't know me, I can tell you a lot of different things about myself. May or may not be true, but if you watch and observe me long enough, you'll see what my habits say about my character. And you know, habits are developed through routines. Routines create patterns and then those patterns obviously become at times can be a lifelong habit. So we really need to think about our daily lives, our daily choices, the actions that we take, remembering that those develop habits and that's really what defines us as a human being.
Speaker 3:Yeah that's a good point, but you've been on habits, what? What are some habits maybe you have developed or that you try to do on a daily basis? You know to show people your strength and the and the kind of man that you are.
Speaker 4:Yeah, the first habit that I picked up was the four to six, the workouts, four to six and um, you know it's about being intentional. My main thing is I want to be known as a family man. Like that's my main goal, like I want everybody to know that I am there for my family. So, the four to six you still have to take care of yourself, right, when I go to work out, four or six am my family's asleep. I'm not losing family time to help make myself better.
Speaker 4:And and then the other thing is you say about, like, who you want to be, right, well, 4 to 6, I feel like in order for you to be the person that you want to be, you have to develop habits that make you into that man. Right, and from 4 to 6 there's almost nobody in the gym and I feel like that's the time that you really develop that, um, self-confidence. You can really figure out who you are when there's nobody in there with you and it's just you and you, and that's when you really identify who you are. And then you can set your habits up to you know, shape yourself after that and you know that's one big habit. And then another habit is the intentional, like what you're talking about being present all the time. When I get home, like a lot of people say, I'm the worst person to text back, and I can tell you exactly why I've noticed, oh yeah.
Speaker 4:As soon as I get home. My phone is away from me, but you know, that's a good thing, I think.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I mean that's one that I used to always be, and Lisa used to, and it's like, well, I have 50, some missed messages, like I keep getting texted and texted and texted, and then we have the conversation about being present and it's like those messages can wait. You know what I mean. Like there I have to prioritize my family, and that's one. So that's, that's probably the most. That's probably my favorite habit that I picked up and it's it's almost a discipline too. You know, you hear, man, like I texted you and you didn't text me back and it's like it's not that you're not important, but like my whole life, like my family, my family, my faith, those are the two things that are important to me. So if I don't get back to you, it's not that you're not that important, it's that my family is that important.
Speaker 4:Like when I'm home, you know how easy it is to just, you know, when evie's in a little rant or something and talking, you know to ignore that and just be like yep, yep, yep and not really pay attention and be present. And I'm sitting there responding to text messages that you know, most of the time I mean a lot of the text is a group messages that don't. You know, don't better my life, but it's like no, like I want to be there because you know, you know how fast a four year old grows up. I want to remember every single second that that four-year-old says and all the things that he says. And so that's one thing that's probably my favorite habit I picked up is just putting the phone aside and being like that can wait until they go to bed, that can wait until tomorrow morning, but I'm at home, like I'm going to be at home.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think too, the relationship between discipline and habits. I think you know a lot of people when we talk about discipline. A lot of people and I may have fallen into that category 10, 15, 20 years ago that discipline was something you were born with, like athletic ability, like intelligence. Well, it's not. Discipline is something you have to work on every single day and you can not have any discipline and have really bad habits. Or you can develop that discipline that four to 6 AM getting out of bed and going and doing your workout or or your walk or stretching, whatever it is that you do, your reading, your prayer, um, develop that discipline which will, in return, develop good habits. So there's a big relationship between discipline and habits. So can you talk about maybe something new for you, brian, where you maybe struggled with thought you didn't have time for, and then you realize, no, you know what, I can be more disciplined to do this to develop a good habit.
Speaker 5:Right Before I answer that, you're talking a lot about discipline, but one word I noticed you didn't mention and I'm kind of glad you didn't use it and it's the word motivation. Let's dispel a myth about motivation. Motivation is only an idea, it's just a thought. It doesn't move me to do anything right. So really, where all of this happens is with discipline. It took a lot of discipline for you to start working out at 4 am. So to your question about four months ago.
Speaker 5:I've been going through a period of time for about eight months where really just searching, digging deep, feeling like, all right, there's something missing, I have a lot to offer, I feel like, but I'm not doing enough, I'm not fulfilling the life that I feel like I'm called to be. It's not that I've found anything really wrong, necessarily in the sense that, all right, I need to get rid of this, I need to shed that habit or whatever, but I'm not spending all of my time that I have access to, every day to its fullest. So about four months ago and this kind of challenged me, I've gotten into the habit the last several years that you know I slow to wake up, you know, maybe I hit the snooze once or twice feels really good, takes me about an hour to wake up, and so this thought occurred to me you know you've got a lot of time in the day that you're not using well, so, um, I think I was talking to you and you I think this is the idea that kind of sowed the seed it was the 75 hard and realizing all right, it's, it's time to get up earlier, let's get get a walk in. And my first thought was I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this. Can I really get up at 10 to 5, be out the door by 5? But you know, what I found out is that first morning alarm went off and I knew so I had this. Yeah, there was some motivation there. Motivation in itself is not wrong, so I had the idea, but you have to act on it. I didn't lay there in bed, I didn't hit snooze, I just immediately got up, got dressed, out the door.
Speaker 5:This is back in early March. It was pretty, pretty cold out, but it felt amazing and I've I've only missed maybe two or three, maybe two days in almost four months, so that that sounds like such a small, insignificant thing, but it's not, because it's helped me further develop my personal self-discipline to moderate my own time, and what I've gained from that it's not just good for my body, good for my high blood pressure or whatever, but mentally, spiritually, it's feeding my soul. But mentally, spiritually, it's feeding my soul. There's a lot of times where it's just me and God. I feel like I can have more time to pray, think about other people more often, something I want to share with you.
Speaker 5:I think it was two weeks ago, it was a Monday morning. I was headed out partway down the drive and it's pitch black out. I can't see anything, but just had this feeling like man, it's going to cut loose on with some rain. So I turned back and I got my raincoat and I got about a mile and a half out and was turning back and it started sprinkling and then all of a sudden, I mean, the skies opened up and it's just an absolute downpour and I loved it. It was amazing. I'm getting soaked other than, you know, kind of dry with the raincoat, but it didn't matter too much. It was one of those just absolute downpours and I was walking along and of course you can't see it, but up to my right I could hear this bird just singing its little heart out and that was such an amazing moment for me that in the midst of that storm, that bird had a song to sing and I felt like that was just for me.
Speaker 3:It was an amazing moment that you know, we talked about that last week and and I I share a similar story because I also do the walk. You you know I typically do my walk, my gratitude walk at the end of the day, because you know the days for us men and for many people out there listening are very chaotic Right, and to be able to take 45 minutes to an hour, and I've said it numerous times, Hayes Arboretum here in Richmond is like my little heaven on earth.
Speaker 5:It's your sanctuary.
Speaker 3:And it's not because it's beautiful and it is, it is beautiful, um, it's because that's where I have grown the most in the last three years. And it's not because I've gotten amazing workouts there. I have, um, but more often than not it's because that's allowed me to decompress the day, to just open my mind to whatever comes. And you know, there, I don't know. A month ago you know I was I was asked to give the speech at my former high school for graduation, which was an amazing honor and I was well prepared, ready to go. And that was on a Saturday and my best friend's daughter had her graduation party. We went to the graduation party in the afternoon. I was supposed to be at the graduation at 630. I'm ready, I feel good, and I go to the at the at the graduation at six 30,. I'm ready, you know, I feel good and I go to the graduation party, see a bunch of friends and great conversation and my mentors there. And then we started talking and he was asking you know, are you, are you ready? You feel good, you know, tell me, tell me what you're going to talk about, tell me what your speech is about. And so I started talking and and he was just having natural conversation. He's given many speeches and then many talks and and I know he didn't mean to place any doubt in my mind, but he did and here I am, it's three o'clock in the afternoon. I got three hours to go before I go up and speak to, you know, these students and their families.
Speaker 3:And, man, I start second guessing myself. I mean I'm just like holy cow, like I need to change everything that I worked on for the past five months. And luckily I drove separate from my wife and kids and I, because I knew I needed to go for a walk and I went to to the Arboretum and I just started praying and saying all right, god, I need you right now, because I am full of anxiety, I'm full of doubt, like I don't know how I'm going to do this. And I went and I walked for an hour and it was amazing how, when I went into the woods, how I felt and when I came out, I was just at peace. I was at peace because I knew again that he he didn't, he didn't mean to place any, he was just bouncing ideas off of me which I probably should have went to him four months earlier, maybe to have that conversation, um, but when I walked out of that Arboretum I was at peace and I was.
Speaker 3:I was thankful, and that's all that kept coming to my mind was you put in the work, be thankful for the opportunity that that the school has given you to talk to these kids?
Speaker 3:And when I, when I went there that evening, I was I mean, I don't, I don't know any videos of me, but I felt like I had a smile on my face the whole time because I was so grateful.
Speaker 3:I sat up on that stage and I looked at all those kids and all those people, a lot of whom I knew and seen in many years, but I was just so grateful for that opportunity. So, just from that transition of I'm ready, holy cow, I don't think I'm ready to going through and and and doing that walk, which I had done I don't know hundreds of times in the past couple of years in the same spot and walk in the same paths in the same area, it just that habit that I had developed, from the discipline that I had started, helped me to get through a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, what could have been a challenging time and, and you know, I feel it was, it was successful. So you know, but because of that discipline and because of building those good habits, um, that saved me in that moment.
Speaker 4:I feel like nature does that so much for me, like anytime, like you know, you talk about the birds singing or you just being out in the woods, and I mean anytime you're just able to sit back and just look and just think like man, like God created all this, and then you put that and you know, you see the birds flying, the birds singing. The other day, evie and I were walking and we see a woodpecker that's. You know, they're usually high in the tree and you can barely see. Well, this guy was right on the ground at the base of the tree where we were both, I mean, we sat and I bet we watched him for five, 10 minutes. Just stood there and watch and it's just amazing, I mean. But whenever you think about, like, how big God is, you know what I mean, and then you bring it back to how small our problems are. Yeah, I don't know, I just feel like so many times that's that's what I need to put stuff in perspective.
Speaker 3:So yeah, and that's where I'm at right now for this coming weekend.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You're going to have a lot of that, a lot of doubt in my mind. How do you build habits when life feels chaotic? Because in the positions that we're in and the jobs that we're in in the construction field, there's a lot of chaos, and I think how you handle that is essential in leadership to your team, um, to your customer. So talk about that when, when things are coming at you I just had it on this last Friday just constant, like oh my gosh just bang, bang, bang left punch, uppercut.
Speaker 3:You know knockout punch. How do you? What habits can you build to get you through what feels like chaos?
Speaker 5:I think it's important to remain calm, you know, have a presence about you, making sure that you don't allow others around you to feed off of any anxiety that you might have, and you just simply analyze. You know we have these situations, we have these problems, but what's most urgent in the moment? It's easy to get overwhelmed with everything in totality, but if you break it down, just simply look at what's most urgent that I need to take care of right now, at this very moment, and then you just start prioritizing and going through the list, you know, taking that which is most urgent first and, again, not allowing it to overwhelm you.
Speaker 3:You stole my answer.
Speaker 5:So it must have been a good answer.
Speaker 3:I mean.
Speaker 4:I've been the right answer.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean. I write down you know, I, I it's kind of like triage, right?
Speaker 5:I mean, you have something's bleeding, you go there first.
Speaker 3:That's right, yeah, and it and staying calm is so important, so important because you're right, because you, we've all been around people who get really excited.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and then that, what's that do? It amps everybody around them.
Speaker 3:We've got plenty of people in our organization that get really excited about things and just take a breath. It's going to be okay. Stay calm. This is not a life or death situation. Um, but that's exactly. You know I, I've got it right here. Build the habit of remaining calm in all circumstances. Take deep breaths. It'll be okay so that that's. That's that's what I feel when things get chaotic. What about you, ben? I just had to just keep it small. That's that's what I feel when things get chaotic. What about you, ben?
Speaker 4:I just had to just keep it small, like start ridiculously small. And I feel like it's funny because the way that I read the kind of the notes of what we were talking about and then the way you just put it and puts it in another perspective. Cause, like a year and a half ago, you know, like I came in the construction industry, green is the green can get, you know. So that's one thing that I realized. I mean I can.
Speaker 4:The past year and a half has been really chaotic because you know the podcast and then doing this, the construction, like new to everything, and it's just you gotta keep it small, like just try to just try to keep it small and try to every day just try to win the, you know, win the little small things. And so I feel like the habit is just keep it small, keeping a perspective. There's an issue, you know, like you guys said, prioritize it, but just kind of keep it small to where you can handle this situation. If you look at everything in a giant scheme of things, you know it's a huge wave right.
Speaker 4:But then you see that first wave you got to get over. Okay, now we're there. Now it's just a little bit more and a little bit more. So I just feel like you can keep it small and chaotic and you know, the habits are nowhere, the goal's at right, even if not in construction, but like if you're trying to do weight loss and and you're like, okay, well, I got to fix my diet, I got to get my workouts, now I got to do this, I got to do this, and you just bombard yourself with all this stuff. Are you going to be successful? No, okay, now that we got this, let's get the next wave.
Speaker 5:In that moment, how much time and energy should we put on the things that we can't control? Because in in chaos, a lot of things we can't control. So, we should give zero energy to that. Yeah, very little, very little thought.
Speaker 5:That's really hard, I know, so maybe that answer was pointed back at me because I'm kind of a control freak, but I honestly I try not to control things that we have no control over. That's a distraction. It's not going to allow you to really focus on the problem at hand and deal with that, which is really urgent.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I mean, we just talked about it earlier. You know about what I've got coming up on on Saturday, which I'll be by the time this airs. I'll be through my, my 24 hour track.
Speaker 4:But hopefully this is the last hurrah.
Speaker 5:I'm going to build you up, dan, you are going to do it.
Speaker 3:Oh, I know I'm going to do it, I, but I doubt right.
Speaker 5:Um, what are you going to suffer in the meantime, right?
Speaker 3:That's right, you know. I know suffering is coming. I know pain is coming, I know my mind.
Speaker 5:So if that's the case and you know that's true, and I'm, I know it's true and have a little bit of an idea of what you're about to go through, so why do it?
Speaker 3:Because I want to see where I'm at. I want to push myself to the next level. That's why, but it's still, there's still anxiety.
Speaker 5:So would you say, you don't really know what the next level looks like and that's why you're doing it. That's correct.
Speaker 3:You know I, I've been and again, I think, if there's anybody out there new listening what I'm doing is I'm going on. It's called the Rite of Passage. It's with the Three of Seven Project, which is a group of men down in Rome, Georgia, so Northwest Georgia, north of Atlanta, One of which is a retired Navy SEAL, Chad Wright, and this R. This rite of passage is 24 hours, nonstop movement. Uh, we're going to be hiking. I got to carry my own pack, my, my water, my snacks, uh, any other, you know, clothing that I may need to change into all that stuff I've been training for, but there's no stopping. Um, what I can't control. I can't control the weather. You know it's going to be close to a hundred degrees, 70% humidity. Um, I can somewhat control my mind. I can control my mind, but I don't know what limits I'm going to be pushed to. Um, I've put in the work, so I feel like my body is ready, but you still have that doubt Is it really ready? You know, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I'm going to find out, but everything I've done to this point to train for this, I've done pretty much by myself. I'm going to be with 15 other people. We're going to be in teams. I'm going to meet, hopefully, like-minded people, maybe crazy as me to do something like this, and I'm excited for that. I'm excited to be able to feed off of them. Hopefully they can feed off of me. There's going to be times when I'm sure we're going to need each other, but I'm still anxious, excited. You know all those emotions you talked about when you, you know you talked about your grandfather fighting in a war. You know the not knowing. You know pain is coming. You know suffering is coming and, in his instance, potential death. But what if you get past that? What is next?
Speaker 5:That's what I'm doing. It's the hope of something better. That's correct.
Speaker 3:What am I going to learn from this? Who am I going to meet that I may have never met in my life without doing something like this. So that's why I'm doing it. I'm doing it to bust through that wall wherever it may be. So I don't know where we got off or where I got off.
Speaker 4:I don't know, but that's what this was the conversation we were having before when, all of a sudden, you decided to start the podcast, like right away.
Speaker 3:But what I was about to say I'm sure Kevin will edit that out.
Speaker 4:But in my mind, my main thing that I was thinking of is, for me, like knowing you, knowing the type of person you are, like to hear you say the word that you have doubt. It's like man, like I have zero doubt that you're going to do this, like just knowing A your mindset, like B the work you put into it, and I feel like you have, you've been training alone, you know this whole time, you've been doing everything alone and then that you're going to have somebody like you're going to have people there to go with.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I guarantee, if one person finishes that like, you're going to be right there with them, like I have zero doubt.
Speaker 5:Something you just said, ben, brings to mind the thought of integrity. You know, you, or Dan, I think you're showing the highest level of personal integrity. Yeah, you know cause if you do it alone. You know I think we're going to get into integrity, probably a little later here, but or maybe this will lead into it. You know, it's easier to have integrity with other people. You know my coworkers, my wife, my family, my church family. With others, it's pretty easy for me to have integrity because they're watching, they're going to see the results.
Speaker 5:But what about with myself, this self-integrity, and I want to tie this into freedom. We've got to come back to freedom a little bit later. But when you're alone, that's when you're really questioned, that's when you really demonstrate. Am I a person of integrity or not? And for today's segment, I'm not even talking about integrity that we have with others. I think most people that are listening to this podcast today, they probably have a very high level of integrity with others. But what I want to look at is ourselves. Do I have a high level of self-integrity, that I hold myself to a very high standard? And then, when no one else is watching, what am I doing? Does it, does it meet up with the habits that I want to project, and does that tell someone else? At the end of the day, that's who that person is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's that's powerful. I mean yeah, that's that's powerful. I mean I, you know. The other thing that I hope that comes from me going through this and doing this is I hope that it inspires others and not not inspires them to go out and do what I'm doing, but maybe inspires them to get off the couch, maybe inspires them to take that step, maybe inspires them to reach out to a son or a daughter that they haven't talked to in a long time, a family member, a brother or a sister that maybe they have a severed relationship for whatever reason.
Speaker 3:I'm not doing it to motivate you. I'm not doing it so that you can start developing a discipline. I'm doing it because I hope that you find some inspiration that inspires you to help someone else. That's the whole reason that we're doing this podcast. That's the whole reason that I'm going to go do the rite of passage and put my, my mind and my body through pain is because I hope to. My whole goal is to help make our community in this world a better place, and if I can do it by putting myself through a little bit of pain and talking about it, I mean I'm just a farm kid from Preble County, ohio. Three years ago I was almost 300 pounds. I have five kids. We got 20 employees. Life is can be very chaotic, but if I can do it, there is no reason you can't do it.
Speaker 5:So everything you just said I'll kind of summarize no more excuses, that's right, and I'm not going to allow the ceiling that I have today define me. I'm going to break through that ceiling. That broken ceiling creates the next new floor. It does. And that's that's what I'm excited that can take shape and form in a lot of different ways. Just like you said, maybe somebody doesn't go out and do a 24 hour hike, but maybe they uncover something in their life that you know has been debilitating.
Speaker 5:You know, like you mentioned with maybe there's family members that they don't have a relationship with, or maybe there's bad habits that need to be broken, disorders. So it's time to not settle or accept excuses. Break through that.
Speaker 3:That's right, yeah, so with that, let's talk about balance. Do you believe in balance, or is it just something that people say to make them feel better?
Speaker 5:All right. Well, this, this, I think, could become a pretty deep subject, so I think for today, we'll maybe keep it a little more on the surface. I don't remember when this idea of work-life balance came to be. I started hearing this a few years ago and I kind of jumped on that bandwagon. It sounded good, and I've talked to several different people and I look back now and, really, what I had to offer them, I don't think it helped them at all. Maybe it might've even made the matter even worse.
Speaker 5:Because when we think about work-life balance and what that means, it's well, okay, in one area of your life you have work, and if you're highly motivated, if you're very passionate about that work, it can become very consuming, and to a degree it should be. We should be very passionate, we should put a lot of effort into our occupation. And then when you think about, well, how does that impact my family? Well, you can have such an imbalance that one area of your life or any other habit it could be your exercise, it could be anything that you love to do, that you're passionate about it can become a problem in that it takes so much time away from your family. So that's that whole concept of work-life balance. How do you make sure that you're not impacting one in a very negative sense just to uphold the other? I've since had a different thought or different idea about that. You know, we need alignment in our lives. Balance is one thing, but if we are not aligned, we all have different things in our lives that define us, whether it's by our habits or our occupations, the things that we do every day, habitually, repetitively. That defines us. So we need to have alignment in all of those areas. I'll take work, for example. We might work 40, 50, 60, some people 70 hours a week. Well, there's no way you're going to be able to devote that same amount of time to the other areas of your life.
Speaker 5:And and I in the past I've kind of, I've almost, brutalized myself with guilt because I put so much effort into that one aspect of my life Well then, that means I'm taking away from all the other areas of my life. So there's not balance. So I I I've dealt with a lot of guilt over that, but what we really should be focusing on is their alignment and what I'm doing right now. So obviously I'm face-to-face with you too. Am I present? Am I totally intentional and focused on on the moment. Yeah, later today I've got other things that I'll be doing and I need to be intent and focused and deliberate in those moments. So alignment to me is what I'm doing today. Is it what is critical for the moment, and am I doing it to the very best that I can in a way that impacts another person? And to me, alignment really doesn't have a whole lot to do with me. It's taking my gifts, my talents and my abilities, and how do I transfer that energy to others so that they're lifted up?
Speaker 3:That's a good point. What about you, Ben? What do you think about balance?
Speaker 4:I had alignment as well, actually about just alignment as the alignment of your priorities.
Speaker 4:I feel like which is different than the balance, like the work life balance. You know, as soon as you get home, you turn off work. Well, that's not necessarily true, cause there's times where you work, you know, kids go to bed. Now it's time I can work again, you know, um. But I feel like it kind of the same thing as alignment, just in a different kind of view, where you know it's priorities and as long as I keep those, that alignment, the same of faith's first, like, no matter how my day is, the first thing I want to have is my faith. Second is my family which goes, my wife and then my kids, cause I feel like you know Dan just shared a post about that, you know today that we talked about you got to keep your wife and then your kids, and then after that you know work and your mission after that. And I feel like, as long as you keep that aligned, no matter how it is throughout the day, I feel like you know that's what I feel like is more important than the balance.
Speaker 5:So what's at the very center of all of that for you, the very center of Everything you do, everything you just mentioned, what is at the center? That's the most important.
Speaker 4:Most important for me is my faith, my relationship with Jesus. Yes, sir, I mean, but that, and I feel like that is every other place in that alignment, though. You know what I mean Like am I preaching the gospel at work to people that you know? And probably not, but am I trying to do my job in a way that I believe would the way that jesus would, yeah, like, is he glorified?
Speaker 4:right, exactly, your work exactly you know, and I feel like, no matter what, if I do that, am I loving my wife that same exact way. Through that, through my faith, am I loving him the way that Jesus said love the church. You know, and, and so I feel like, as long as that, that is the center of everything you know. Before we got married, we had a uh had to go through like a class. You know they used to do it all the time before you get married, and that was the one thing that they said you know, no matter where you're at in life with your wife, with your kids, as long as you and your wife are on the same page with who's in the center of Jesus, and that triangle is always going to be complete. You know, you guys can always meet in the center. Ground of Jesus is the main thing. So, yeah, that's kind of where. Where I am, though, with the alignment whole thing that he will, that whole thing will align you.
Speaker 3:I agree. Yeah, I think when you're, when you're chasing a purpose, if you're, if you're building a business, if you're raising a family, if you're leading others, uh, in in business or faith or whatever it is, something is always going to get more of your time than the other. And I don't that's not failure. I think that's focus. And again, it goes back to you know, focusing on what we're doing right now, being present, being in the moment. Um, I think balance assumes everything should get equal weight, but the real leadership means knowing what needs your weight right now.
Speaker 3:That's. I think that's key in everything, and I think sometimes people use balance as a way to justify comfort or to avoid doing the hard things. I think I think it's sometimes used as an excuse, but I think we know that that growth growth comes from discomfort, um, and you can't always balance growth and comfort. One's going to give you know, and I think you both hit on that. So let's ask this have you ever let go of something to stay aligned with what matters most?
Speaker 5:Yeah, probably the first time I knew that that's what was actually happening was shortly after Sandy and I were married. There was a friend group good people. After Sandy and I were married, there was a friend group good people. But in order for me to stay aligned and stay true to her and to where I felt like my life was going, I had to let go of that and that was kind of a hard thing. But there's no regret in that, as long as you're aligned with the direction and the course that you feel like God has for you, and I think that's going to be something that's lifelong. There's been other friend groups along the way. As you grow, as you mature, as your passions realign to different movements or different aspects throughout life, it's going to introduce you to new people, new opportunities. So I think that's going to be something that'll be constant in order to stay aligned.
Speaker 3:That's good, Ben. Have you ever let something good go to stay aligned with what matters most?
Speaker 4:Yeah, so back when I was a sales rep, there was an opportunity in Texas where they wanted me to go out there and be a sales manager. It was, you know, it's more pay, more responsibilities and everything. But, like I said, what's number number two on my alignment list that I have is family. So if we were to move to Texas, we don't have any family that our kids won't know their grandparents, you know.
Speaker 4:So we decided's not the the best opportunity to go with and yeah, it was a temptation, though I'm sure, oh yeah, yeah, I mean every winner you think about, but no, I mean for sure. And then that's that's what it was it was. You know, our companies got bought out by there are two competitors, and then one company came and bought both of us. One was on a commission scale. The other One was on a commission scale. The other one was not on a commission scale, which was where I was. So that was their pitch was well, you can come work for our company, we'll make you a sales manager. Out in Arlington we're building a brand-new building and we thought about it. But then it's like you know, those grandparents are only around for so long and my grandpa was my biggest, you know, my best friend growing up and not going to take away that from my kids.
Speaker 3:So good decision.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think so. Now I work for a glass company with a boss that's just a jerk, just kidding. Well, played.
Speaker 3:That's me, you know. For me I go back to three years ago. My diet was dreadful, and it was dreadful because it was comfortable. You know, I ate whatever I wanted, not good ice cream, chips, carbs, all this stuff. That man tastes good, but it was not good for me, and when I finally had that come to Jesus moment where I was like, all right, having a big old bowl of ice cream at nine o'clock at night is not good for your health.
Speaker 3:And if you want to improve your mind and your body and and the leader that you want to be and and, uh, to be fulfilled in life, and um, you gotta, you gotta, cut that stuff out. And I knew it, I knew that's what I had to do, but boy was it hard, you know, and I think that's hard. So that was hard for you to give up. Oh my gosh, yeah, I was like a crack addict.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, I mean, and I would have ice cream a couple of times a day and not just a little tiny bowl you were serious, I was going to get my money's worth.
Speaker 3:Um, yeah, it's hard, and I haven't had it for I don't know, since I was 2022. Uh, and I don't crave it at all, but boy, you know I, it was just one of those things, it was a comfort thing. You know, I was a stress eater, um, and that was something I knew I had to get past.
Speaker 5:Do you ever see yourself going back to it?
Speaker 3:I'm never going to say never, but not today.
Speaker 5:Yes, sir, I don't see you ever going back.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. So I don't know, you know, I think, hopefully, that I've developed a discipline where I, um, you know, can withstand that temptation. But I know I'm human, you know, so I know I'm not going to do it today.
Speaker 5:Well'll help hold you accountable. Thank, you.
Speaker 3:I need that, All right. So to tie this all back together with freedom and what today is, with 4th of July and our independence, um, how do we teach the next generation that our freedom isn't free Because we've we've had a lot of safety and security the last 20 years, you know we haven't necessarily going back to September 11th um, you know, been fairly comfortable in America, probably too comfortable. So how do we teach this next generation that freedom's not free, but that it starts with each one of us? So talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 5:Yeah. So I want to take a more of a self-introspective look on this, because I think it comes down to each individual and as parents, and for myself now, as a grandparent, I feel like I have that responsibility to teach and train my kids, my grandkids, these concepts. And I think it comes back to integrity, and that might sound crazy. Well, how do you tie integrity with freedom? And so let me expand on that. So earlier we were talking about this idea of self-regulated integrity. So, in other words, there's a lot of ways that you can define what is integrity. If I ask 10 different people, I'm going to get 10 different answers, and probably all 10 would be right. But if you really boil that down, to me integrity means this I do what I say, that I'm going to do. When I say I'm going to do it, whether or not anyone else is watching, it's just that simple. So, as an individual, again I'll go back to what I said earlier. For you, ben, it's easy for me to be a person of integrity to you, because you're going to know immediately whether I was or not and you'll judge me for that. I don't want to be judged by you in a negative light. So I'm going to be a person of integrity to you. Integrity to you probably every time, same with you, dan, or other people around me in my life. But what about when it's just me, when it's something that I've said in my mind this is what I'm going to do? Am I going to do it every single time? And so how do we do that? Well, we self-regulate, we self-moderate. That goes back to for you, your challenge was food. I've never really had that. I've had other things that I've had to deal with, but never been tempted by food. But we learned to self-regulate and then, through those patterns, that becomes a habit. What have we just done? Through that process, we've made ourselves accountable, not to anyone else, because this is really what it boils down to. I've now held myself accountable to myself, and that is when you achieve true freedom, when you are able to move and navigate through life being self-regulated, self-moderated every time, holding myself accountable to a higher level, higher degree. Then I now have freedom that I didn't ever have before. Now that might sound a little bit crazy. So what do we mean by this freedom?
Speaker 5:Well, so let's go back to those in the American Revolution. What were they trying to get out from under. It was tyranny. They wanted the freedom to be out from tyranny, and so then, what is tyranny? Well, that's oppression. It's the freedom to not act and live and decide for yourself. That's really what tyranny is. And isn't that exactly what you had yourself under? You were bound to the actions, choices you were making with food, whatever. Ben, you've probably been through something I've been through other things that because I was not self-regulating, not self-moderating my own lifestyle, I'd brought tyranny on myself, which is just a form of bondage. And when we shed that, that to me, is the ultimate freedom. And we can look all around us and look at different examples where people they don't have physical shackles but, they are shackled.
Speaker 5:They are not free to live and be the person that God has called them to be because of choices, decisions, patterns and habits.
Speaker 3:That's good. What about you, Ben?
Speaker 4:That's really powerful. I feel like when you talk about that and it's not just a once you break those chains, that freedom's there. You still have everything that creeps into you. Know that freedom's there, like you still have everything that creeps into your life, that that battles, that integrity, you know I think every day I've talked to you about it the imposter syndrome, like that's constant, you know, and no matter what it's, it's something you just got every day. Nope, I, I am, who, who I am and who I say I am. And you know, as long as you stack those, those wins of keep doing that and making yourself a man of integrity and answering yourself for accountability, then I feel like that shuts up the imposter syndrome. But the devil's really good at his job, so he's going to try to shackle you with that bondage, no matter what. I feel like.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean for sure I think about the next generation, like with my, you know, I make sure they're fully aware that freedom isn't about doing whatever you want right and that different people aren't raised in the same home that you're raised in with the same values.
Speaker 3:You know, my kids are fortunate enough to live on a farm, to be able to raise animals and livestock and to to see that those animals need them for food, for water, for shelter, for air and um. But not everybody's raised like that and in fact a majority of people's kids are not, and that's okay. But what I tried to instill in my kids is that, through all those circumstances that everybody else is, is brought into in their lives that to not judge and to take a step back when someone says something or someone does something that's out of line or may not be in line with what we believe or what you would do or what I would do, to put yourself in their, their shoes. Because once you do that and you take that step back and you put yourself in someone else's shoes, it gives you a whole new perspective on life and then you say, okay, I can see why this person did that. Um, doesn't mean it's right, Right, but. But I can see why they did that, and so that's.
Speaker 3:I think both your answers are great, and I think the personal responsibility for each of us is so important to show others that you know freedom does start with us in our daily lives and, you know, trying to inspire others, whether that's through our actions or our words or just the people that we are, and showing that we have high integrity in our lives. So good answers. Last question, and we'll close this thing up. I want each of you to answer this. One thing I'm committed to this year that strengthens my personal freedom and helps someone else experience theirs is this oh, we're going with me first, yeah.
Speaker 5:Uh-oh, you're up this time.
Speaker 4:No, I just intentional, like the discipline of being intentional, especially with, you know, just with the family. Like I feel like that's something that every day I realize I have one less day to really impact those kids, you know, just with the family. Like I feel like that's something that every day I realize I have one less day to really impact those kids, you know, and especially not just my kids and family, just being intentional with every kid that we come through, whether it's basketball, football programs. I mean it seems like every day, when I reflect back on the day, if I handled stuff the right way. Every day there's a chance that those kids are, you know, there's a discipline that they don't have or a habit that they have that it's like man, like I could affect it that if I was more intentional you know what I mean Like maybe that was a learning moment, the reason why God put me in their life and use this program to to change their life, and so to really reflect in the moment and be intentional in that moment so I don't miss those moments.
Speaker 4:I think that's something I you know a lot of people they coach and stuff because they love the sport and I do and I love, but I feel like that's where God has me Like. I feel like God puts me in these situations and these programs for kids that and you see it all the time that don't have, you know, maybe a good role model at home or someone that they're, they don't listen to at home. Right, I mean, maybe they have good mom and dad, but they just they don't look up to their mom and dad. But in every program there's at least one or two that I can tell that I'm helping change. And just to make sure that I'm intentional in those moments and with my own kids, um, that I'm just intentional whenever there's a chance that God's wanting to use me in that moment, to actually do that moment, like be in there, don't miss the moment, take the shot and and have it and change their life. So I think that's my, my discipline.
Speaker 5:That's good For me, uh. Personal development, you know, as I mentioned earlier, I've been on this I guess I'd call it a journey for about eight months now. A lot of self-reflection, I feel like a lot of growth internally, and I've had several opportunities over the last few months to work with others in their personal development space. I think I have about five people now that I meet with on a regular basis, pouring into them. Sometimes I feel like I get as much in return, uh, as I do in what I have to offer them, but I'm really grateful for those opportunities to take those that are very serious about life, about their, their passions, their desire to, to give back and be more. And if I, if there's in some way that I can help them in that in their journey, then to me that's going to be a great thing. And I, if there's in some way that I can help them in that in their journey, then to me that's going to be a great thing, and I've, I'm really enjoying that.
Speaker 3:Yeah that's awesome the thing for me and it's kind of a popular thing If you're, if you listen to any of the, you know the inspirational gurus out there on the all the social medias is. But it is true for me as just being more present and again, I think that's why God put us here today and this past year with the podcast, was to force me to be more present. But I want to be more present with my family. You know you made a good point about turning off the phone when you get home. That that's difficult for me.
Speaker 3:Um, it's difficult, um, in the morning and the evening it's, it's I feel that pull and I know that it's going to be there the next day when I wake up. But it's, it's challenging because you know, you feel like you know my whole life I've been able to. When someone's sent me a message or a phone call, I've been able to respond instantly. Um, but to recognize I don't have to. I need to be present in the moment today I need to be present when I get to the office.
Speaker 3:I need to be present at home. Most importantly at home, I need to be present when I'm at church, I need to be present when I'm praying and um. So that's. That's. The big thing for me is just to continue to work on that, to be more present and to listen. So that's where I'm at. I think all three are good for sure. Freedom isn't found in doing whatever we want. It's found in doing what's right, even when it's hard. True independence begins with discipline, grows through service and lasts when we live for something bigger than ourselves. As we close this special Independence Day episode, we want to say a sincere thank you to the men and women who have served and continue to serve to protect the freedoms we so often take for granted. Your sacrifice makes it possible for us to worship freely, speak openly and live boldly. We do not take that lightly and we honor you today and every day, so we thank you. So happy 4th of July to everyone out there. Be safe today for all you fireworks crazies out there who like to blow up your money.
Speaker 4:Pyromaniacs yeah have fun with that.
Speaker 3:I'll spend my money in other ways. Brian, we thank you for your time today. Thank you, Thank you for your friendship and for being open and vulnerable. I think it's important and I think, with the AI technology that we are in right now and it's coming, whether you like it or not I think vulnerability is something that will never go away and it's coming whether you like it or not. I think vulnerability is something that will never go away and it's something that others will be attracted to.
Speaker 3:So I think that helps our podcast, that helps the connection between men, between women, and sharing those stories. So, everybody, we ask that you continue. Please share these episodes to others out there who need it. I hope that you find it inspiring and, if you do, we ask that you share. So go out and be tempered.
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