BeTempered
BeTempered
BeTempered Episode 64 – Why Vulnerability Changes Everything
Strength isn't pretending everything's fine—it’s having the courage to be real about what’s hard.
On Episode 64 of BeTempered, hosts Dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr open up about how this podcast has become a journey of transformation through vulnerability—for themselves and for the community it’s building.
From a young age, especially as men, we’re taught to suppress emotion, to “man up,” and to keep going no matter what. But that kind of emotional isolation can be a heavy burden. In this episode, we challenge that narrative head-on—because the truth is, vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s a doorway to healing, connection, and real strength.
We dig into powerful biblical truths like Galatians 6:2 ("carry each other’s burdens") and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ("when I am weak, then I am strong"), and we share stories that prove how honesty changes lives—from Kevin Love’s mental health advocacy to a recent men’s rite of passage event where Dan witnessed how 18 men sharing their stories led one man to seek help and enter rehab.
If you’ve ever felt unsure about opening up—or wondered if your story matters—this conversation is for you. Your vulnerability might just be the permission someone else needs to begin their own healing journey.
Learn more at www.betempered.com
Let’s keep choosing courage over comfort—together.
Hi, my name is Allie Schmidt. This is my dad, Dan. He owns Catron's Glass.
Speaker 2:Thanks, allie. Things like doors and windows go into making a house, but when it's your home you expect more like the great service and selection you'll get from Catron's Glass Final replacement. Windows from Catron's come with a lifetime warranty, including accidental glass breakage replacement. Also ask for custom shower doors and many other products and services. Call 962-1636. Locally owned, with local employees for nearly 30 years.
Speaker 1:Kitchen's best. The clear choice.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the Be Tempered Podcast, where we explore the art of finding balance in a chaotic world.
Speaker 4:Join us as we delve into insightful conversations, practical tips and inspiring stories to help you navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.
Speaker 3:We're your hosts, Dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr. Let's embark on a journey to live our best lives. This is Be.
Speaker 4:Tempered.
Speaker 3:What's up everybody? Welcome to the Be Tempered podcast, Episode number 64. 64.
Speaker 4:Hard to believe.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that is hard to believe.
Speaker 4:I don't know. I just thought that we're over halfway to 100. Now we're getting there.
Speaker 3:We were over over halfway to 100.
Speaker 4:I'm saying, I'm just now thinking that we're halfway to 100.
Speaker 3:I don't know just that triple digits so ben went to dixie high school yeah, yep yep, now it is hard to believe. To be honest, honest with you All the stuff we purchased for when we started the podcast I've got in a bag and it's sitting at the house and I hadn't seen it in a while. I saw it sitting there and I was like man, that seems like an eternity ago.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know that we were recording in the basement and all that stuff.
Speaker 4:Like just man hard to believe, scared to death to put it out there. Yeah, everybody listen.
Speaker 3:Yeah, now we don't shut up, yeah, which leads right into today's podcast episode. So welcome back. Today, ben and I are going to have a real, unfiltered conversation about something that's often avoided, especially with men vulnerability. We're not just talking about it, we're living it. Every time we sit down behind these microphones and we share our stories, we're choosing to be vulnerable. Whether it's the struggles we've faced, the failures we've had to own, or the moments like my recent experience going through the rite of passage, the 24 hours on my feet, mentally broken down, emotionally stretched. We're learning that strength isn't found in pretending everything's fine. It's found in being honest about the hard stuff. This episode's about opening up, letting people in and realizing that sharing your story doesn't make you weak, it makes you relatable, it makes you stronger and it can help someone else find freedom too. So, ben, with that, why do you think it's so hard for men, especially, to open up and share their struggles?
Speaker 4:Well, I feel like the word vulnerability is mixed up a lot of time with being weak.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I feel like that's one of the big things you know whenever you're vulnerable. Maybe people think that you're complaining or something like that. Maybe people think that you're complaining or something like that and I feel like, um, growing up, you're always taught be strong, you know especially as a young man right, or whenever you talk about a problem that you had, or or somebody explains it and you're like how'd you get through it?
Speaker 4:pushed it down deep, you know. I mean, that's just what you're taught to do. So I feel like that word vulnerability is often misused as weakness and misviewed as weakness, and I think that's one of the big reasons.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I agree, I think you know I was raised on a farm where it doesn't matter what the weather is, it doesn't matter what's going on, you know, outside of your life or with your friend group. I mean there's, there's things that have to get done and so, you know, as a young man, you learn to kind of push those, maybe those, those feelings of uncertainty, um, whatever it might be, that you push them down right and you just, you just focus on the task at hand and you push through those things. And I think you know what I've learned to realize about being vulnerable over the past year and a half or so, since we've been doing this podcast, is what it does for me, how it makes me feel to talk some of these things out. I mean, the things that we deal with at work, the things that we deal with at home, um, you know the stories that we hear sitting here at this table from other people and the challenges and the adversities that a lot of of our guests have face, um, it really opens you up and by sharing those stories, I think it helps so many and I you know for me and I know I know for you as well.
Speaker 3:You know when we get messages from people who are like man. You know the story that Sue told last week. You know I could relate so well because I know someone who's dealing with a pornography addiction, or young lady may have been battling anorexia. You know all these things that that she went through and, again, the different things that all of our guests went through divorce of a family right, you know that that would happen in your life, right? And, um, you know how often have you talked about it? Right, you know and shared it, shared how you felt as a young, as a young man and, and those things, and, and I think by talking about it, that's, that's therapy, and it's important for us as, as men and and as and as women, to share those stories, whether it's with a group of people, whether it's with a good friend, a pastor, a counselor, whatever it might be. I think it's important to share that and to not hold that in.
Speaker 4:Right, and that's why I feel like it's therapeutic for sure, and it also builds relationships, and I feel like that's one of the other issues with men, and really it's men with vulnerability.
Speaker 4:Susan, she was just talking about walking out here like, well, that's easy for women to be vulnerable, but for men it's hard and it's like we weren't created by God to be that way. You know, and later we'll talk about some Bible verses where God talks about it, that you're supposed to share your burdens and stuff like that, and it's just, um, I feel like a lot of times that that's where vulnerability stops, is where we don't feel comfortable enough building those relationships. Or you know what will Dan think if I'm? I'm vulnerable and I let him know some of the battles I'm chasing or facing and you know if, if we as men got rid of that and we actually opened up, I might realize that you might be dealing or dealt with the same battles that I was facing and you can tell me how you got through it or give me advice or be praying for me and just feel like it's something we really got to do a better job as men.
Speaker 3:I agree. Well, you know, when I was on the uh, the rite of passage on that 24 hour trek and all those men that I was with that were on our on our team, you know, and we did a lot of time talking and you could hear other guys having conversations and those guys sharing stories and I could tell in a lot of their instances they hadn't told a lot of people those stories and these were pretty, pretty deep, so in some cases, some dark things that those men had dealt with and and this was their time where they felt comfortable enough to share it with the guy next to him, knowing that, you know, these 18 other men were going to hear their story. And then, from that, you know, we've got a text group and and it's been amazing to read some of these texts where these guys are like you know, hey, I battled addiction. You know, one of our guys that was in our group the following Monday, from the event, a week later, you know, he checked himself into rehab and he talked about that in our group text.
Speaker 3:From coming out of that, that 24 hour experience and and the, the stories that he heard from other guys being vulnerable, that it made it, you know, made that switch in his head where he thought you know, I know I need help and, uh, I know I'm not the only one going through it, cause I just, you know, I just went through this, this um, this challenge in my life with these other men and they were open to the things that they have went through and the challenges they had faced and it's time for me to get my life straight. But right, there is a perfect example of how, you know, 18 men were vulnerable with their stories and from that, one guy checks himself into rehab to better himself and his family.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I think it's. It's powerful, and you know you always talk about the Galatians six verse to carry each other's burdens. And you know you always talk about the Galatians 6, verse 2, carry each other's burdens and in this way you'll fulfill the law of Christ. I mean, it's right there in the book.
Speaker 4:Right, right, and that's what I feel. Like the Bible, you know, for me personally, that's what I try to when I'm in the Word, that's why I feel like I'm on fire with life. And the other one is the 2 Corinthians 12, 9 and 10. But he says to me my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all more gladly of my weakness so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with my weakness insults, hardships, persecution, calamities for when I am weak, then I am strong and I just um.
Speaker 4:There's sometimes in the podcast where we talk about, uh, not dumping stuff on our wife and stuff like that, um, and I agree a thousand percent with it. But I feel like when I am vulnerable with my wife you know what I mean Like those moments that builds on our relationship and uh, you know, lisa and I we have conversations about that all the time that you know, the vulnerability part is what makes her feel safe in our relationship. We last, um, last episode we talked about she was having problems feeling safe in her relationship and uh, so it's one of those things that whenever we talk about it on the podcast about not dumping on your wife. It's like I agree a hundred percent like not every day going home and dump stuff on your wife, but in the same thing you need to be very vulnerable with your wife, in my opinion.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and share, you know, share some of the struggles that you may have faced during that day of work or whatever it might be. Um, it's important to have have those conversations, you're right, um. Another one is Ecclesiastes four, verse nine through 10, two are better than one. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. You know again, maybe that's your wife that you have that conversation with, maybe it's your, maybe it's your friend, maybe it's your mentor, maybe it's your counselor, but there's, there's someone out there, um, that you should be able to confine in, to have those difficult conversations. Or or maybe addictions that you're facing, or, or, you know, maybe you've lost a loved one. You know, and you just don't know how to deal with that, how to, how to move past. You know, past the pain and the struggle of losing that person, but there's someone out there that can be those ears and that can listen. And it's important to be vulnerable and to share that story, because you're not the only one dealing with that.
Speaker 3:A lot of people are Another one's James 5 or 16. Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. There it is Proverbs 27, verse 17 is iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. We talk about that a lot and it all goes back to just being open and being honest and finding those people. And again to that ROP Team 12, all my brothers out there, you know, like I said, I think in some instances that was maybe the first or second time they've told some of those stories, but to see what's come from that, and all these guys are going to be on the podcast, or a lot of them are going to share their story, and so I'm excited for that because, um, boys are some powerful ones you know of these guys, so um, it's important.
Speaker 4:And I feel like you know, you and I, in our weight loss journeys and our training, life transformation journeys, we I feel like um, at least I'm I shouldn't speak on your behalf, but you know we looked at podcasts for inspiration right To find you know what other people are doing to better themselves, or you know motivational speakers. Like you have a whole list of podcasts that you listen to to help you get through it, and I feel like a lot of times it almost podcast almost used to fill a gap where that was where the maybe the relationships aren't built, where you're able to be vulnerable. But hey, I can relate to this guy and what he's dealing with, how he got through it.
Speaker 4:so we go back and we watch and you know that was one of the big things for our podcast was, you know, we want to help one person yeah and that was one of the big things why we started doing the interviews and stuff like that is because you have people coming in here that's brave and laying it out there, being vulnerable about different things that they're going through and know. We've known from messages that people are gaining stuff from that, from them being vulnerable. They're, you know, dealing with the same things. Now they realize there's light at the end of the tunnel and stuff like that. So, yeah, I feel like vulnerability is a big part of this podcast.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I agree a hundred percent. It's powerful and so you know, you know somebody that that there's a, there's a story out there, a former nba player, he may still play kevin love yeah, does he still play?
Speaker 4:he just got cut, but yeah, he's going to sign somewhere else.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he got traded then got cut, but yes but that was kind of a big story back in the day, um, you know, five or six years ago, where he had a panic attack during a game.
Speaker 3:You know, here's this guy, I don't know, he's 6'10" big guy, you know, very successful, and he had a panic attack in the game and he opened up through an article that he wrote called Everyone is Going Through Something, and that response that he received from that was overwhelming because many said that his honesty saved lives and changed conversations about mental health and professional sports and it shows how vulnerability can, from from leaders, can have a ripple effect, you know.
Speaker 3:And so you take someone who? You take these professional athletes who you know everybody puts on this pedestal like they live this perfect life, they're making all this money, they're there, all this talent, They've always been told how great they are, but they're still human, they still have faced adversities in their life, maybe from their childhood or, um, you know all these different things. And for him to come out and to um, own it and say, you know, yeah, I had a panic attack and this is why, because I'm battling some demons, I'm battling depression, and you know that that was a big step for someone like him to to do that. So you know, powerful from a professional athlete.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we had the same story in in our church, our pastor. He actually took a sabbatical because he had a panic attack and anxiety attack and you know, when he came back, well, before he left, he actually had a conversation about what he's dealing with and you know, when he came back, he explained why he was having that. You know he was feeling like. You know we're all saved by Jesus, by the grace of God and everything. He said that he was still, even as a pastor and understanding what he was, you know, dealing with every day, but he still felt like he had to achieve something to get that. You know what I mean. Even though he's a pastor, he understands the story, he understands that Jesus died for all of us and our sins and he still battles, trying to feel like, every day you're trying to earn the grace, when the grace is just there for you to take.
Speaker 4:I know hearing that it set our church on fire. I mean everybody was starting to be very vulnerable. Why were you able to be vulnerable? Cause the leader of the church was like hey, I'm battling this.
Speaker 4:You know, I know the word. I went to school, studied the word and you would never doubt for a minute that man's a Christian. I mean, he was just amazing man on fire. But the fact that he was vulnerable, he's dealing with the same thing that I deal with. That a lot of people deal with that. You just try to do enough, like you just try to well, that's not good enough. I got to do better. I got to do better to earn the grace. And yeah, it's at our church on fire when that happened.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Vulnerability is not weakness, it's bravery. When we share what's really going on, we give others permission to be real too. We break chains of shame, isolation and pride. If you're listening, today, we challenge you to open up to someone you trust. Reach out, speak up and remember your story could be the key to someone else's breakthrough. None of us are meant to carry life alone. We were designed to walk together, to sharpen each other and to lift one another up. So, from Ben and I today, go out and be vulnerable, go out and talk to someone, go out and share your story and go out and be tempered.
Speaker 1:Hi, my name is Allie Schmidt. This is my dad, Dan. He owns Catron's Glass.
Speaker 2:Thanks, allie. Things like doors and windows go into making a house, but when it's your home you expect more like the great service and selection you'll get from Catron's Glass Final replacement. Windows from Catron's come with a lifetime warranty, including accidental glass breakage replacement. Also ask for custom shower doors and many other products and services. Call 962-1636. Locally owned, with local employees for nearly 30 years.
Speaker 1:Kitchens Glass the Clear Choice.