BeTempered
We believe that everyone has the potential to achieve greatness, and that the key to unlocking this potential is through personal development. Our podcasts are designed to help you cultivate the skills and mindset you need to achieve your goals and live the life you want.
BeTempered
BeTempered Episode 109 – Identity Beyond Performance with Carson Brower
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
What happens when the thing you've built your identity around gets taken away?
Carson Brower shares a story that goes far beyond baseball. Born with VATER syndrome affecting his right arm, Carson grew up learning how to adapt, solve problems differently, and push through obstacles most people never have to face. Those lessons eventually helped him achieve his dream of becoming a Division I pitcher at Bellarmine University, but the greatest challenges of his life weren't on the field.
Inspired by Jim Abbott, Carson became obsessed with finding ways to make what others viewed as a disadvantage work at the highest level. He takes us through growing up in Eaton, Ohio, the frustrations and victories that came with doing everyday tasks differently, and the moment he returned to baseball after walking away from the game at age 12.
Hosts Dan Schmidt and Ben Spahr dive into the darker side of competitive athletics as Carson openly discusses the depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts that developed when his identity became tied to performance. He shares the phone call from his mother that changed everything, the community that rallied around him, and how his faith in Christ helped him rebuild his foundation when baseball could no longer define who he was.
The conversation also explores the wrist injury that ultimately ended Carson's pitching career, the difficult decision to prioritize his long-term future over one more season, and the perspective he carries today about gratitude, purpose, pressure, and resilience.
If you've ever struggled with identity, mental health, adversity, faith, athletics, or finding your purpose beyond achievement, this episode will stay with you.
Visit:
betempered.com
Support the show:
patreon.com/betempered
Sponsor Message From Catrin’s Glass
SPEAKER_00Hi, my name is Ali Schmidt. This is my goddamn hand Catrin's Glass.
SPEAKER_05Thanks, Allie. Things like doors and windows go into making a house, but when it's your home, you expect more, like the great service and selection you'll get from Catrance Glass. Final replacement windows from Catrins come with a lifetime warranty, including accidental glass breakage replacement. Also ask for custom shower doors and many other products and services.
SPEAKER_00Patrons Glass, a clear choice.
SPEAKER_04I
Patreon And Building Real Community
SPEAKER_04want to share something that's become a big part of the BTempered mission. Patreon. Now, if you've never used it before, Patreon is a platform where we can build community together. It's not just about supporting the podcast, it's about having a space where we can connect on a deeper level, encourage one another, and walk this journey of faith, resilience, and perseverance side by side. Here's how it works. You can join as a free member and get access to daily posts, behind-the-scenes updates, encouragement, and some things I don't always put out on other platforms. And if you feel called to support the mission financially, there are different levels where you can do that too. That support helps us keep producing the podcasts, creating gear, hosting events, and sharing stories that we believe can truly impact lives. And here's the cool part. Patreon has a free app you can download right on your phone. It works just like Facebook or Instagram, but it's built specifically for our community. You'll be able to scroll through posts, watch videos, listen to content, and interact with others who are on the same journey. At the end of the day, this isn't just about content, it's about connection. It's about building something together. Not just me and men putting out episodes, but a family of people committed to growing stronger through real stories and real faith. So whether you just want to hop on as a free member or you feel called to support in a bigger way, Patreon is the door into that community. Because at the heart of Be Tempered has always been simple. Real stories, raw truth, resilient faith, so that even one person out there that hears what they need to hear, and Patreon helps make that possible.
Show Intro And What We Stand For
SPEAKER_06Welcome to the Be Tempered Podcast, where we explore the art of finding balance in a chaotic world.
SPEAKER_03Join us as we delve into insightful conversations, practical tips, and inspiring stories to help you navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.
SPEAKER_06We're your host, Dan Schmidt, and Ben Sparr. Let's embark on a journey to live our best lives.
SPEAKER_03This is Be Tempered.
Prayer And Invitation To Be Vulnerable
SPEAKER_03And uh we just ask whoever's story or whoever needs to hear this story today, Lord, that you just uh put it upon their ears and just guide them and just give everybody the that feeling of okay inside them that they can be vulnerable and we're all battling something, and it's better if we do it together. That's your name we pray. Amen.
SPEAKER_06Amen.
Carson’s Story Beyond Baseball
SPEAKER_06What's up, everybody? Welcome to the Be Tempered Podcast, episode number 109.
SPEAKER_031010.
SPEAKER_06109. 109. Hey, today on the Be Tempered Podcast, we sit down with a young man from Eton, Ohio, whose story is about a whole lot more than baseball. Carson Brouwer is a Division I college baseball player at Bellarmine University. But what makes his journey so powerful isn't just the stats, the wins, or the level he's reached. It's the adversity he's had to overcome to get there. Born without a limb difference affecting his right arm, Carson could have easily believed the lie that baseball just wasn't meant for him. There were moments growing up where frustration almost made him walk away from the game completely. But through faith, perseverance, family support, and a relentless mindset, he found another way. Inspired by former MLB pitcher Jim Abbott, Carson learned how to adapt, how to compete, and how to keep chasing a dream that many people probably thought wasn't possible. Today, he's just recently completed pitching Division I baseball, inspiring kids and families all over the country, and proving that limitations don't get the final say. This conversation is about resilience, it's about identity, it's about overcoming doubt, learning to embrace what makes you different, and refusing to let adversity define your future. Carson's story is exactly what Be Tempered is all about. And I think this episode is going to impact a lot of people. Carson, welcome to the Be Tempered Podcast. Thank you for having me on. I appreciate it. Yeah, man. I I've known you since you were a wee little kid. Uh known your dad and and kind of watched you grow up from afar a little bit. Same town, you know, small town USA Eaton, Ohio. And you know, it's just it's amazing to when you when you see a little kid and as an adult, you understand that there's struggles involved with with what you the cards that you've been dealt, but then to watch you persevere and to overcome and to be to turn into the young man that you are sitting here today, recently graduated from college, playing Division I college baseball. Uh, we'll get into all that stuff, but man, you're an inspiration. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. You're you're an inspiration to so many. And um, you know, you could have easily sat back and felt sorry for yourself. And I'm sure there were probably times you probably did, but uh, you know, you're sitting here today for a reason, and and uh I thank you for for coming up here today.
SPEAKER_02I appreciate you guys having me. It means a lot.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, pretty awesome. So, you know how we like to start start every podcast is to start from the
Growing Up With Faith And Grit
SPEAKER_06beginning. And even though you're still a young man, like we discussed, 21 years old, there's a lot there. So talk about what life was like for you growing up as a kid.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, for sure. So, you know, starting off, I gotta, you know, look at my family side first, you know, grew up with my mom and dad and my sister eventually when she was born. But um, you know, I was raised in a Christian household growing up. Um, everything we did was built upon our faith. And it wasn't just from inside my our household and with my parents, but extended family. My my grandma was um one of the most, if not the most, you know, Christian, God-fearing woman I've ever met in my life. And, you know, I was grateful to have her influence in me, um, especially when we went over, my sister and I went over to her our grandparents' house over the summers when uh we weren't in school, and just having her not only like, you know, read Bible stories to us, always talk about something with the Lord and everything like that. It was really influential in my younger, younger life. Um, but growing up, you know, I developed early challenges um in terms of I was doing things that um I had to figure out how to do things that people thought it was just an everyday task, tying my shoes, um, you know, buttoning my pants, buttoning my shirt, just everyday stuff like that. Um and I I got frustrated a lot, but I'm grateful that in, you know, early my parents never let me use the word can't. Like you can't do this, you can't do that. Like I always wanted to say that word, and they would have to, you know, remind me, like, hey, we're we don't use that word. You gotta figure it out somewhere or another. And um, you know, it's a lot of process of elimination, like, all right, I can't do it that way, I can't do it this way, but how can I figure it out? Um, so I'm very grateful for my parents, you know, doing that. And it also helped that my mom's a physical therapist. So we always did stuff um every single day, basically, to help strengthen it, help and help learn different ways to do things. Um, so that was a big part. But um, you know, it was I always loved sports, always wanted to play sports. I was all about it, and that came from my household too. It was just we we loved it, and um I I wanted to play anything I could. And regardless, is it if someone was like, nah, I don't I don't think you could do that, or if not, I wanted to be able to try, I wanted to be able to play. Um, so look, and my dad, you know, coached me and basically everything. Um, and so it was it was a lot of fun just trying to learn different ways, not only you know, small tasks like that, but also now getting into sports, like how am I gonna do certain things? So, you know, I played soccer, basketball, baseball, um, and I loved each and every one of them for a variety of reasons, but I always had that true passion for baseball, true, true love for it. And, you know, I started playing at the earliest age. And, you know, sports were I could only play certain seasons when I had a lot of surgeries when I was younger. Uh, I don't even know how many I had. It was just I felt like I was always in a cast or something at some sort of time. Um, but it was hard because I had to adjust to that of like, all right, I had surgery, so I can't either practice, I can't play during the season. So how am I gonna continue to get better in certain ways? Um, so it was a lot of you know, process of elimination, like I mentioned. And it was is great just having that sports aspect because sports teaches you a lot more than just the game, not only like teamwork and leadership roles, but you know, how to how to not quit at something, how to continue to get better. Um, so there was a lot of things that I learned in sports as well that helped me through life at a young age. Um yeah, I I'm grateful for you know what God did for me at a young age and the the family and the teammates that He's given me, the coaches. I I've never had someone in my life that like wasn't cheering me on or wasn't like promoting like, all right, you got this, like you're not, don't don't stop, like keep going, keep fighting. Um, and that all always started in day one in my household and my parents. So I was never someone who thought of the word can't. I used it, but I never, you know, I I tried to keep reminding myself that you can always do something.
SPEAKER_06Um was there ever, you know, saying can't, that's a big deal. What about doubt? Did you ever have doubt and uncertainty in your mind when you were little?
SPEAKER_02For sure. I think um especially I'd get frustrated real easily, even with small stuff like trying to button my pants was the hardest thing for me to do, like jeans or like dress pants that like it was the hardest thing for me to do. And I would get so frustrated. I'm just like, no, I'm I'm just gonna wear shorts or whatever. Like, I don't want to deal with this anymore. Um, but there was always doubt, like, all right, what if I can't use it? What if I can't use my arm? What if I like what am I gonna do? Um, but again, that goes back to my parents. Like, they helped me out, but they're like, all right, you gotta go try first on your own. You gotta try to do it on your own. If you do it a hundred times and still can't get it, like, all right, come to us. But you've got to try to do it on your own. So I don't necessarily know if like there was always a full amount of doubt that I couldn't do something. I think it was just that I just get frustrated real easily and I'd be like, oh, well, I don't know if I can do it. But I I I would always try to get it and keep trying, keep trying, which I think helped me, especially when I got to my older years, or not older, but when I got to my college days of like figuring things out. Um another big thing with that was the weight room, is like you gotta get stronger. And it was always fun because I had personal trainers growing up. Uh, I always went to certain places, but they would like try to work with me. I was like, okay, you can't deadlift. So how are we gonna strengthen that? Like, there's a lot of different lifts that you know they do all the time for baseball pitchers, and they're like, Well, we can't do that because you can't do it, so we got to find a new lift to do that. So that was always fun. I enjoy it because I love lifting, yeah. So trying different, trying different things is was always fun for me.
SPEAKER_06Um so for those people that may not be watching on YouTube, um, can you explain it's not a disability, it's a blessing what you have. Absolutely. Right. It's a it's a hundred percent a blessing, and you recognize that for sure. And that's what's awesome. So explain to those who are listening and not watching what what how you were born and and where you're at now.
The Reality Of His Limb Difference
SPEAKER_02Okay. So I was born, uh, it's called Voder syndrome, V-A-T-E-R-S. Um, so it help it's a variety of different things, but mainly I was affected with my right arm. So I was born without a radius in my arm. And so there was a slight, there's a curve in my arm, and my arm is a lot shorter than my left. Um, and then I also I had five fingers when I was born, but my thumb didn't have a bone in it. So they removed it and then moved my index finger to my thumb so that I could still be able to grip.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_02So I only have four fingers on my right hand. Um, so yeah, a lot of surgeries. Uh, we did a lot of lengthening procedures to try to maximize the it's it's wild. So there's always something like to extend the bone and then try to make my arm longer so it's like the same length as my left. Um, but I have no wrist mobility, no wrist function, um, very limited, you know, hand movement. Um, all my fingers kind of have to work in sync basically. Um, so yeah, there's not a lot of whole lot of movement. So figuring things out. Like if you think of push-ups, I can't lay my palm flat, so I kind of have to use the side of my arm. So that was always fun. That was always fun to do. That didn't feel great, but still did them.
SPEAKER_06Talk about as a kid, I'm sure there were there were times where I mean kids can be brutal, right? Talk about how you handled maybe situations where you felt less than.
SPEAKER_02So I would it would be, especially when I'd get frustrated, we go out in the playground, you know, elementary school, whatever. We we'd always love to play like flip flag football or put touch football. And, you know, you always wanted to be in the action. You didn't want to be just the kid on the sideline. That's so I always wanted to be in there. But I, you know, we'd go play receiver, quarterback, and I'd always like drop the ball. And I and they would be like, well, just and then just don't throw it to him, like whatever, stuff like that. Um, but it was great because I always I always had friends that were like, I want to play the quarterback, and they'd they'd still get me the ball, so that was nice. But if like kids didn't know me or whatever, like weren't as close to me, they would just wouldn't throw it to me or they wouldn't give me the ball at all. But um, I don't know if I necessarily ever like in everyday tasks felt like less. It was more so like, okay, you can do it that way, but I'm gonna do it this way. Um, so it was more so of just learning and figuring things out in that in that sense. But I don't know if I necessarily felt less because I'm grateful. I'm so grateful for what God gave me and what I have, um, more so than you know, being frustrated, like, why was I born this way? Because I did question that early, you know, when I would get frustrated uh with that stuff, I'd be like, why? Why me? Why, why, why did I get this? You know? Um, there was a lot of that, but um definitely when I would learn and understand that like I should be grateful, you know.
SPEAKER_06Do you know, do you know when that was? What was there a specific moment where you were like, you know what? No, this is not a burden, this is a blessing.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think um in high school, um, I met someone, I met a kid that kind of had the same um same syndrome or um thing as me, uh condition as me. And you know, he was your his parents were like, you're so inspiring, and they like messaged me on social media, and it was kind of like it's bigger than baseball, it's it's bigger than just the sport, it's about like proving you can do anything you put your mind to. Um, so that was the that was the biggest thing. That's when I think I had the moment. It's like, all right, just be grateful for what you have. There's a lot of people that would still love to be in my shoes and would be grateful for what I have. You know, there's a lot of people that are way worse off than me, and I should just be thankful of that I that God's using me in in this way. It's a 21-year-old kid.
SPEAKER_06I mean, that's impressive, Carson, because you know, especially in this day and age with social media and you grew up with social media and all that stuff, and everybody's you know, portrays this perfect life. And so everybody, you know, has to look a certain way, has to act a certain way, you know, wants to to have X amount of dollars and be considered successful in whatever society says. But you're 21 years old, right? You you've been given a challenge in life that you recognize as a blessing, and uh that is impressive because uh in some cases it takes people their whole life to finally get over the fact that hey, this is these are the cards I was dealt, right? It doesn't mean that I I can't do this or I can't do that. Yeah, it may be different than how other people do it, but you do it and you show others that you can do anything, man. It's impressive.
Quitting At 12 Then Finding Jim Abbott
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I appreciate it. It was it's funny because I actually quit baseball when I was 12. Why? I couldn't catch the ball right-handed. And so I was so frustrated because I wanted to play. I love the game so much that I wanted to play. I didn't care about swinging, hitting the I wanted to be out there, I wanted to play. But when I couldn't catch, it made me so frustrated because my favorite thing was pitching. I wanted to pitch, but when the catcher threw the ball back at me and I couldn't catch it and I had to pick it up off the ground every time, I'm like, well, this isn't gonna work. You know, so I met a pitching coach um named Patrick Flanagan. Um, because the guy it was over at in Richmond at Hitters Hangout Academy. Um, it's called Case Cages now. Yeah, so he was there and he was like, Do you know who Jim Abbott is? Like, I have no idea. I've never heard of him. He's like, look him up, look him up. So I was 12 or 13 and we I started doing lessons with him, and you know, we we scratched hitting, you know, I was done hitting. I didn't, it was whatever, you know. I'd I'd go up there and swing the bed, tell me go up there and hit, sure, why not? But I was more focused on pitching. Um, and so we started learning that, and I fell back in love with the game immediately because I could catch left-handed, take it off. You know, it was a process. Like I was in the living room, even just if I was just watching TV or something, I was always just taking off the glove, putting it back on, just trying to be faster at it. Because I mean, if the balls hit right back at me, like, you know, I I don't want to get hit in the face, man. You know, so um at your money, mayor. Yeah. I'd like to think so. But no, it's um that was I was always doing that, just practicing constantly. I would throw a ball off our brick wall of our house and try to like field it and everything. So I was constantly doing that, but I found this newfound love of the game immediately. And I, you know, then I didn't have to worry about catching. I could focus on, you know, pitching, knew I just had to get the ball off and everything, like the glove off, get the ball. If I felt fielded it, throw it to first base, whatever. But I didn't have to worry about worry about that anymore. And I was able to just focus on pitching. So I got back into the love of the game and um just embraced every second of it, embraced like every moment of like, okay, like if Jim Abbott can do this, why can't I? And so then I was just like, all right, let's let's do it, let's keep going. And then it I continuous like I always still messed up, even in college. I it would be like, I'll be like, oh man, well, all right, next pitch, like whatever. Um, but it was it was so almost like relieving, like, all right, you can still play this game, you can still love this game in a different way, like you're gonna play it completely different from everyone else, but like you got this. Um and it was it was hard, it was hard to do growing up because um, you know, I I got in eighth grade.
Depression, Pressure, And Identity In God
SPEAKER_02Um I started going through like depression and anxiety, started getting thoughts. I didn't realize what it was at first until about my junior senior year of high school. And I had I started getting like all this pressure on me because I started, you know, getting college letters, getting college offers. Like I committed, and you know, I had like at that time friends who I thought were friends telling me like there's no way he can go this level, there's no way he can play this like at the college level. And that that hit home for me because I'm like, it's supposed to be one of my good friends, you know, and it it was hard for me because then I started putting more pressure on myself, like, okay, can I can I do this at this level? Can I keep performing in the way that I am? And so my identity was found in the game and not God for what I saw previously. Because I got, I mean, I got baptized at age 12 or 13. And, you know, looking back, I um I'm not regretting that I did it at that age because I knew the Lord, I knew who he was, what he did for my life, but I didn't fully embrace it until I got further down the road in college. Um, and that'll be part of the sec like when I'm talking about my depression and anxiety, but that that age, like in senior year and then going into college, I was going through a lot of pressure, just there was a lot going on in my mind that's like, man, I don't know. It was like it was like the devil was attacking me, man. And I didn't know if I I wanted to be on this earth anymore. I, you know, I I was fully committed to like end it all. I was like, I I'm going through a lot. I'm going through so much stress. And a lot of my good friends, like a lot of my family don't even know that, like my my parents do. And um some of my clothes like Malia, she's a I mean, since she was a guidance counselor, like a lot of people don't know. Like I kind of kind of put on this act, kind of put on this fake face, like everything was fine. But I was putting so much pressure on myself and so much, you know, I was hurting in many ways, like wasn't thinking right. And um, and that's part of where I had my identity was in the wrong thing. And so I was so focused on performing and just trying to, you know, be this act, be this person that I was, I was like, I don't know if I really needed, like, is it gonna matter if I wasn't here anymore? Like, what was that about? Um, and so like I was ready to go, like I was ready to leave everything behind and let go. And um my parents, you know, my I'm grateful for my parents, but my mom and I have this special connection. I mean, it was all throughout my life of not only just um when I was having surgeries, was in the hospital, like because she's a medical person, you know. So we always just had this uh special connection. But she called me one day when I was in college, and you know, I was I was in a bad place, and she was like kind of like, Hey, are you okay? Like it was out of nowhere. I didn't have any intention in talking to anyone, like I was just ready to let it go. And you know, she calls me and she was like, Are you okay? And I was like, No, I'm not, I'm not okay. And I talked to her about a lot, and you know, I it was a God moment that's like, hey, your your identity's in the wrong thing. And it's looking in like further down down the road, I got into a a church called Southeast Christian Church. It's a mega church down in Louisville Kentucky, got in a uh college age ministry group, met a bunch of people that um really changed my life um in this way because they put you in groups that's like you have no similarities to anyone. So I got in a put I got put in a group and I met these two people um from Africa who had to leave their country to go to the United States to survive. And it was like what it what was what was I thinking, man? Like these people were in so much worse, worse pain and so much worse hurt than what I was. I was playing, I'm playing collegiate baseball at a D1 level, and you know, I've got I'm got a full family that loves me. Like, what what is what was I thinking? And that was a God moment that in my sophomore year of college that he was kind of like, all right, your focus should be back on me. And I rededicated my faith and my you know life to him. And I'm like, all right, everything I do is for your glory. I'm gonna use my story to show the light of you. And that is what changed my life, you know, forever, because from where I was like ready to end it all, to you know, where where I am now, it's like everything I do is for the purpose of him. And that year, um, we played Indiana and my story got out. And so it's funny because every time we play a game, um, I like turn my phone off just because like I don't want it to be a distraction if it's buzzing or anything during our game. Like, and plus we're playing Indiana, like I'm at a small D1, we're playing Power Four conference, uh Power Four team Indiana, and I go out there and pitch, and I come back, we're getting on the bus, and I power on my phone, and I'm not paying attention, but I feel my phone just buzzing constantly, like notification after notification after notification. I'm like, what is happening? Like, I I mean, I get I threw a scoreless inning against Indiana, but it it wasn't that big of a deal. It's just another game. And then I see like I'm getting emails from people that I don't even know. That's like, your story's so inspiring. And I was like, when did my story get out? Like, what? And so someone at Indiana um posted about me throwing a scoreless inning and posted who I was, my story, everything like that. And it was at like 250,000 views or something like that. And I was getting emails, direct messages on Instagram, everything. And then it was like the parents of kids that are in the same boat as me that are like, you're so inspiring. I shared it, I showed it to my son, like he's wanting to play baseball now, or he's getting back into it because he sees you and everything like that. And I just like took a moment to, and I'm just like, that's that's God. Like I rededicate my faith that year, and this happens. It's like, that's that's God. That's God's love. It's like He's rewarding, you know, He rewards us who are faithful to Him. Um, and my my verse that I live by is Proverbs 16:3, and it's commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed. And, you know, I wasn't committing my actions to the Lord before my sophomore year, you know, I was doing the wrong things, hanging with the wrong crowd. Didn't I hadn't my identity in the wrong places? And when he showed me um where I needed to be, where I needed to be grounded um in him, it's like then he started to, you know, use me and uh for the bigger picture. And that's when I really realized, like, all right, it is way bigger than baseball. It's way bigger than that. It's like showing everyone in the world, like you can do anything you put your mind to. If you work hard and you you just dedicate it hour after hour, um, and you just believe in yourself, like you can do anything you put your mind to. But I mean, I wouldn't have been anywhere, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be anything without my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But yeah, that's that's a big part of my life of where, you know, depression and anxiety, where my, you know, pressure on myself and pressure on like that, don't like we can't put pressure on ourselves. And it was funny because when you contacted me, I had a buddy that texted me from my team, and he was like, Carson, I was just thinking about something. He was like, You can't have pressure and gratitude at the same time. And I was like, how how ironic is that? It's like that's something I wanted to hit on was pressure on yourself. Like, you can't have that. And he just texted me, like, you can't have pressure and gratitude at the same time. And I'm I'm looking back and I'm like, Yeah, he's completely right. Like after I let go of the pressure and the anxiety and depression, and you know, during that time, I was going to um like a doctor to, you know, help like get me medicated to drop down my anxiety and depression a lot. But even during that time, like I was still dealing with stuff, but it didn't like it didn't switch, it didn't like shut off at all until I repossessed, like reclaimed my faith to God. It's like he took it all the way. All that stress, all that anxiety, all that depression and fear is like it was gone. It's like when I started like just making sure like I was living for him and everything I was doing, everything I was saying, you know, just using my story for him and um just showing everyone like God is who he says he is, you know, he is good all the time. It's like once that happened, like all my depression, all anxiety, fear, stress, pressure on myself was just completely gone, and that's all thanks to him. It wasn't medication or talking to doctors, it was it was God. I mean, that's just who he is, that's what he is, and I'm so grateful. And that gratitude that I have for him, and that gratitude that I have for the love of the game more than pressure over myself is something that is gonna change me for the and it's just gonna keep with me for the rest of my life.
SPEAKER_06Man, thank you for sharing that. That's powerful, dude. That's powerful. I mean, that's I had no clue. Like you said, not many people did. No. Um well, I mean, what advice would you give a kid in high school going off into college?
Advice For High School And College Transition
SPEAKER_06I mean, there's we all put pressure on ourselves, you know, that we don't need to do that. But it's it's a challenging time. I mean, your sister just graduated, my daughter just graduated high school, same class. You know, it's a it's a unique time when that chapter of your life is over and then you're on to the next. It's kind of you're you're kind of out in la la land, like, holy cow, now what? Uh, even if you have plans to go to college, and then you get into college, and then you know, especially if you go away, and then it's like, holy cow, mom and dad aren't here. Who am I now? I've got to find this identity. And you go down that pat, you know, that depression sets in and and then it just starts stacking, right? Like you said, the devil attacks and just keeps stacking on top of of everything. So for that kid out there who maybe is is getting ready to go into their freshman year of college or or facing that same anxiety and stress that that you were facing, what advice do you have for them?
SPEAKER_02Well, I think first and foremost, you gotta you gotta stay rooted in your faith. You gotta stay grounded in that because prayer is so powerful, reading the Bible is so powerful because it's always so great to go back and look at certain stories in the Bible where you're like, that was so long ago, and it still relates to everyday life. That's the only book that can do that. It's the only, you know, the parables, every story in the Bible. That is the only book that can still relate to everyday life today that was from so long ago. And it's so special to continue to read that. And you're especially when you're like, you know, because I'm not saying, you know, it's gonna be easy for the rest of my life. It's definitely not, but it's something that I can always go back to when I'm dealing with certain things in life and just like looking at like, all right, I I'm fine. Like, I got this. You know, he he's gonna, you know, you're gonna have ups and downs in life, but they're always for a reason. They're always for something you that he wants you to see, he's he wants you to learn from every either mistake or just up and down that you go through hill or valley, that you you you climb you have to climb a mountain every once in a while. But it's something that you gotta look at first, you gotta go to him first. And if someone isn't in their faith or trying to be in their faith, I I can't explain it. It's that difference in not only my life before, because even though I was baptized, I wasn't true true uh to my faith and s until like my last year. And um just the before and after kind of flip, you turn the page and it's like, dude, life is just you look at it in such a different lens. And so for people that are going on to this next state, their next stage of life, um, whether that be for graduation, going into college or any stage in life, it's like stay true to who you are, you know, believe in yourself, stay confident, but you gotta focus on the Lord all the time, you got to stay rooted in him, and don't like, don't pretend to be someone you're not. That's the biggest thing is like stay true to who you are, stay true to how you were either raised or um, you know, what you believe in, but don't try to be someone you're not or don't try to do too much in life. Like stay true to who you are because it if you try to do something that you're not comfortable with, it's it's gonna hurt you for the long run. And um, I think just that, you know, especially going into college, I was I was scared, man. I I didn't know what to expect. I was excited, but I was also really scared. I mean, I was like, I'm gonna be away from home, parents, friends, like I gotta develop these new uh teammates, friends, coaches. Like I gotta, I just and I think that's what helped me was just embracing it, embracing the change at times is just like, all right, it's it's new, it's refreshing. Um and I didn't do that at first, and that's what really hurt me because I was not, you know, when I was going through that depression and anxiety, especially in my first year, like I was not sleeping at all. Like I'd get maybe one, two hours of sleep at night. And that's not good for an athlete who's practicing constantly, getting up at 4 30 a.m. to lift. It's like that wasn't healthy for me mentally, physically at all. So embrace it, but also like you gotta, you gotta make sure you're doing good. Like you gotta make sure yourself, like your mentals, your physicals, like you gotta make sure you're good first and staying grounded in yourself and um truly just you know letting everything settle in. Don't try to rush into anything, don't try to do too much at the beginning. It's just like making sure you're comfortable. But yeah, I think just making sure that you're staying grounded in yourself and your faith is is huge for for me, of what I wish I would have had at the beginning, is just making sure that I was rooted in my faith from from the very start and that you know I knew I had God and was able to go to Him for anything.
Why Vulnerability And Family Matter
SPEAKER_06Also, too, uh you mentioned, you know, your mom called you at that pivotal moment and you, you know, you kind of let everything out, right? Yeah. And I think that's the other thing too, especially as as men, as young men, you know, we're taught to be tough. Yeah, right? We're taught to, you know, whatever whatever's thrown at us, we're expected to handle it. And um it's not attractive to share our feelings and our thoughts and our emotions and the struggles that we face. But I think what you proved in that moment when your mom called, which was a God moment. Oh, right? Absolutely, 100%. What you proved is is that you know, God opened the door for you to tell your mom what was going on. For sure. And there's power in being vulnerable and not trying to do it all yourself. For sure. So you see that was a God moment.
SPEAKER_02Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it is not a doubt because I had I had people that were like texting me and calling me like before she did, and I had no intention of talking to anyone. And it's like it was one of those moments where you know she just called me, and I don't know if I I can't remember if I meant to actually accept the call or not, but I it happened. I don't even remember hitting the accept button. I I just think it it was truly a God thing of like, hey, like you gotta talk to her, you gotta talk to someone. But it was just so um, just because it was my mom, just because like growing up, that's who I went to. We just always had that special connection of like she was helping me, you know, with everything, learning how to do certain things, everything, like I like I mentioned. And for it to be her, it was just that's when I knew it was like, all right, God's trying to talk to me, like, hey, your story's not done yet. You're not you're not done. I'm not done with you yet. Um, and you know, I I'm that's why I'm so grateful for him. I'm you know, I I don't deserve his love. None of us do, you know, we're all sinful, we're all none of us are perfect, you know. Um, but he loves us, and that's you know, that's why he sent his son to die for our sins, and that's why he made made my mom call me, and that's why he made me answer and talk to her, because you know, I I don't I don't know what I would do without him. It's amazing.
SPEAKER_03It's powerful, especially we had a conversation Friday about identity. I don't know if you remember that, and that's it was almost the same exact type of story where you know somebody that was in college was wanting to end their life, and when he looked back at it and he was like, when it came down to it, where do I find my identity at, you know? You're your um in school, what were you always like? Everybody's like, You're an athlete, you're an athlete, you know, you're going to division one, like you're an athlete. And it's like, no, like it's not who I am, you know, it's what I do, but that's not who I am. And for you to notice that and like for you to say that, that's a powerful testimony, and it's eye-opening because that's what we talk about. I mean, what's our identity, you know? Even as men, like, what's our identity? People ask us what we do, who we are, and that's what they think our identity is. And it's not, you know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, for sure. And I think that definitely, you know, that that identity started, that lack of identity in Christ and more in my sport definitely started in high school. I think that's where that stress and depression anxiety really started because I was putting so much pressure on myself. Once I committed, and I was like, hey, like, I'm committed now. I gotta perform. Like, I gotta do these things. And that's just not what the case was. It wasn't, it wasn't about that. It wasn't about performing. Like, you know, when I committed, like I should have been like, hey, you you're good, you made it. Like you people know you can do it. You just gotta believe it in yourself. And I think that's where all that, you know, all that was just building up inside of me. It was just like, man, you gotta perform now. You've gotta, you've gotta like look the part essentially.
SPEAKER_06Was self-confidence ever a an issue going into college?
SPEAKER_02No, I was I was always confident in myself. Um, it was definitely, you know, intimidating when I'm a 17-year-old or 18-year-old getting there. And I I mean, at that time, that's when the COVID years were happening with like the transfer portal and everything. So, I mean, there were 24-year-olds on my team, and guys that I'm facing, I'm like, these guys are different. Like these guys are huge. I was never like, um, I never doubted, like, once I got there, I didn't have like lack of confidence or doubt in my abilities. I was like, you know, I was nervous just because I wanted to perform, obviously. But um, I was always confident in myself. And I think that just looking at it in a positive lens, like, all right, be confident. Like, you got this, like you're here, like you can do it. Um, so I don't think confidence was ever an issue for me.
SPEAKER_06How did things change after you had that conversation with your mom? How did how did that relationship with your mom and your dad change once you opened up?
SPEAKER_02I think it was just knowing that I can go to them for anything, honestly. And it was just it brought us closer. Um, and it allowed us to, you know, not only express our love for each other more, but like our faith that we gotta be focused on, we gotta and just, you know, not keeping anything in. Like we you you gotta let it out, like just keeping it in makes it, you know, because like you mentioned, like we're we're taught to just not be vulnerable, just keep it in, just you'll get through it, it's whatever. But um, I think just it's really helpful to talk to people, especially when it's someone you know genuinely cares about you so deeply that like they want what's best for you. Um, and so and that and that's what I was looking at too. It's like, I should have gone to God for all this too, because you know that that's who I mean, he loves me more than anything. And but he he sent my mom to do it for me for us.
SPEAKER_06So he he knew that's how he could get to for sure,
Wrist Injury And The Choice To Stop
SPEAKER_06for sure. So you you you get through that challenging moment sophomore year, going into your junior, senior year of baseball and of college, talk about uh what you're studying in school, what baseball looks like, because there's a couple more things that change. There was uh uh uh some things that happened, so talk about that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so um I brought in so I graduated early, so I only had three years of college, and I'm grateful for that because I I mean I gotta graduate early and um I brought in like 27 credits from high school, which I'm so glad that I was able to do that because I was already done with like a year and a half of school, uh, which allowed me to graduate early. So I'm majoring it, I graduated with a bachelor's in business administration and a minor in business analytics, and I'm currently getting my master's in business administration as well. Um, so yeah, I've played first two years coming in junior season. I had a great summer ball season. Um, and I was at my all-time highest confidence. Like, you know, I'm an upperclassman now, like I've I've been there, I've seen like what I got to improve on, everything like that. But I was coming in there with the utmost confidence in the fall. Like, I'm I'm ready to dominate, I'm ready to go. Um, and you know, I I did. I had a great fall. I was excited. Um, like coaches were like, you look really good. Like you, you're gonna be one, we're gonna need you. Like, you're gonna be one of our best like relievers, lefty relievers, lefty specialists coming out of the bullpen. And I was like, all right, cool. Like, that's what I wanted my role to be. Um, because in the past few years, like I was in just, you know, our pitching wasn't the best. So I had to be in situations that I probably shouldn't have been in, like, you know, starting certain games like against Tennessee, which was the coolest moment of my life. I mean, it was so insane though. I mean, going out there and you got you know 45 uh 4,500 like Tennessee fans that are just ruthless, man. Because I mean that's that's what they're they're about their sports, especially baseball. You didn't puke on them out. No, I didn't, I didn't, but I loved it. I was smiling. I don't think if I stopped, I stopped smiling ever, even though I got shelled in the second inning, but um, but I loved it. And so um, yeah, so certain situations that I was in probably shouldn't have been in because I was more of a more of a reliever. Um, so coming in, I was like, all right, cool. I've got a defined role, like I'm ready to go. So we got into January, and I was dealing with some wrist pain in the end of my or the summer of my sophomore year, but it wasn't anything crazy. I just had to rest a little bit and it was it was pretty much gone. Um I would deal with it every once in a while if I threw and had like threw a lot of pitches and had high intent. And this is in my left hand. And um when I threw, like the day after, I would be in a lot of pain. And I was just like, well, it's probably just discomfort, just you know, um, just a lot of use uh on the arm. So luckily it wasn't my elbow, so I wasn't really worried about it because usually pitchers are like more focused on the elbow. So I didn't really think nothing about it. I was just like, all right, just another athletic, you know, soreness or pain. Um, just deal with it. So early spring uh of my junior year, and we sc we inter squad, scrimmage, stuff like that. And I was hurting really bad. Like I was in a lot of pain, but I was throwing well, so I was like, eh, I'll I'll deal with it. Like, I I don't want to like tell coaches that I'm I'm hurt or anything. Like, I don't want to tell them that I'm in a lot of pain because they'll shut me down. I'm I'm still confident in what I'm doing, I'm throwing Really well. So we get to the spring. Um, first weekend, I throw an inning and I only throw like five pitches. So I'm like, all right, I'll be good. But I was in so much pain after I was throwing. And again, throwing well. I'm not, I'm not saying anything. And then the week after that, it starts affecting me when I'm like typing on my laptop. I'm like trying to open my car door, trying to open door handles, and I'm like, I can't do that. Like I'm I'm in so much pain, like I can barely open my door to my like uh door to my dorm room. Like I'm in that much pain. And I was like, all right, well, maybe it's just like forearm tightness, it's affecting my wrist. So I'm going to the trainer, I'm seeing him. We're like, all right, we'll just tolerate the pain, stuff like that. I throw my second, second weekend, and you know, we're we're losing bad. We're we're so we're trying to, I'm trying to eat up innings. And so I throw three innings that day, and my third inning, I'm in excruciating pain. But I'm like, I'm still throwing, like, I don't care. Like, I've got two scoreless. I'm I'm not coming out of this game. So I go out there and throw the third, get out of the inning, scoreless baseball. And you know, I I can't even pick up anything. Like, I'm I'm in that much pain. It's it was horrible. And my parents like, I'm still happy. Like, I'm like, I threw three scoreless. And I'm like, my parents like, how's your wrist though? And I was like, oh, it's it's bad. Like it, I can't, I can't feel it, man. And it's it's horrible. So he's like, All right, like, let's just, you know, go to the like go to the doctor or anything. Well, I can't schedule an appointment until after like we get back from we play Tennessee again, and I'm warming up in the bullpen, and it was like one of the late innings, and I'm throwing, and I'm like, dude, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to go out there and pitch. Like, I I can barely like squeeze this ball right now. And so luckily, I like I don't go in, we get out of the inning, so I don't I don't have to go in. And my dad's telling me, like, all right, just you know, you gotta you gotta tell the coaches. I'm like, give me one more weekend. Just let me let me let me try to find it out. Give me one more weekend. And he's like, I I can't tell you anything. Like, you got you gotta know your body, you gotta know, like, it's your choice. So we get to St. Louis the third weekend of the of my of the season this year, and it's our Thursday practice. So you usually play Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and you practice at their field on Thursdays. So we go to practice Thursday evening, and I'm doing my normal routine, just light tossing. So we get to 90 feet, and I throw a cutter, and I like sharp pain, like I thought I broke my wrist. And I'm like, okay, maybe it was just that throw. So I like light toss one back. Fine, it was fine. So then I'm like, all right, it was probably just that throw. Then I throw a change up and I don't even release it, and maybe it goes 30 feet, like my wrist is done. Like I can't squeeze the ball at all, like I can't throw it. Um, and I'm just like, dang it, man. Like, what am I doing? So I go see the trainer, and throughout those weeks, we're just rehabbing. Like, I go see a special hand specialist. Um, she's like, Yeah, you know, I I the the bone, your scaphoid bone, and your, I think that's how I'm I don't know if I'm saying that right. We wouldn't know anyway. It's one of the bones, small bone in your in your hand, is part of my condition, it's so underdeveloped compared to all the other bones. And she's just like, I think just from wear and tear, it's just eating at that bone. And she's like, I think you should still rest it. And so we she's like, I'm I'm shutting you down, like you're shut down because there's a bone in there that's super inflamed, and she's so worried about it losing blood flow and everything. And if that happens, it's it's even worse. So um she shuts me down for the rest of the season, and um we get to late April. Hold on a second. She shut you down, yeah. From no throwing.
SPEAKER_06What what were your thoughts?
SPEAKER_02I was frustrated. Like I was like, but I assumed that's what was gonna happen. So I wasn't like fully upset about it. But this is your I mean it's your junior season, but it's your last season, right? No, because I still had another year. You still had another year. I still had another yeah, so I wasn't fully worried about it, because I'm like, all right, through the first two weekends, like if I need to, like, I'm still gonna use my master's for my last year.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_02And so I'm I'm fine. I wasn't like, and the thing about this, and more I'll get more into my decision of why it it didn't, and it's my faith, man. Because if I had to make this decision as the person I was my freshman year, I I couldn't, I couldn't tell you what would have happened. Like I couldn't tell, like I would have been a mess, like a wreck. And I think just the my refound faith and love from God, I was at peace with everything. Like I was so calm. It was at like a weird calm. Like that's fine. My teammates were saying, like, are you good? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine, man. Like, I'm enjoying life. I'm still around the team, I'm still traveling. Like, I'm living my life, man. I'm playing, I'm with my teammates, I'm on the ball field, like I'm still traveling with everyone. Like, I'm loving life. And they're like, dude, I don't know how you would be doing this right now. Like, I'd be a mess. And I'm like, dude, that's it's all God, man. It's all, he's gotten me at so much peace of mind about everything. It's it's insane. So we go back to April, and I'm feeling great. My wrist is great. I don't have any more pain when I'm trying to open doors or type or anything. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna get back into throwing. So I'm on a throwing program, obviously, um, just rehab getting back into it. So it wasn't anything crazy at the beginning. So I started low intent, I throw that day, I feel great. Um, my next day is like four days later. I'm at low intent again, but I go further, I'm fine. Now the third time is moderate to high intent of just 60 feet. And one of my last throws, I feel it again, and I'm like back to the start. And I go back to see her, and she's like, let's get another x-ray or MRI. So I get an x-ray, and now the big bone in my hand is completely white, um, full of like just like fluid and like it's just it's bad. And she's like, You can't be throwing. And then I get another one like further down the road, and there's like less, and she was like, I I wouldn't advise it, but I throw again. And I realize, like, even at like low intent, like I'm still not back to where I was. Um, and so she takes my x-rays, my results, everything to this huge like um doctor like convention, basically, and she shows it to all her other friends that are like wrist and hand people, and they're like, We've never seen anything like this. Like, we like if he keeps throwing, like he can have his hand, like he's gonna lose blood flow to that bone, which could cause more blood flow loss to um other bones, then you're gonna have your hand fused, and then you have loss of function of that hand. And so she's like, I would recommend just completely shutting it down. And so that one kind of hit me more of like, dang, my my career's probably over. But the more I prayed about it, and like I'm so grateful for my parents, like through this whole process, because I mean they're still like, you gotta do make the right decision, like you've got to do what's best for you and your future and everything. Like, we're gonna support you whatever decision you make, but like we are advising you, you should probably shut it down. Like, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Like, you, I mean, and what came to me is like like what what made me make the decision so easy is that I want to be able to throw a ball with my kid. I like I've always wanted to be a dad. Like just seeing other like dads with their kids is like I want to be a dad. And I want to be able to play catch with my kid, even if it's just at a low intent. I don't need to throw high intent or moderate intent with I want to be able to just toss back and forth with my kid in the backyard. And that made my decision so much easier. It's just that love and faith for God and what he's gonna have for me for the rest of my life, just knowing that I've got so much more ahead of me, um, that I want to raise a family and I want, you know, and um and I'm I'm grateful for um my girlfriend right now. Like she, like, I don't know how like she was a mess at times. Like, like, how are you okay with all this? And I'm like, because I've got I know I've got the rest of my life ahead of me, and I know that it's all gonna be okay. Like it's just a game, and there's more to life than you know, just the game of baseball. Um, and that's where I think that change of my love for God and my faith is where my identity isn't in the game anymore, but it's in him, and that's why I was at so much peace with the decision that you know my career's over, but it was more so of like, I want to be a dad and I want to play catch with my kid, and that's where I'm at.
SPEAKER_03That's awesome.
SPEAKER_06Bob and Mindy, I know you're probably bawling your eyes out right now listening to your son because yeah, it makes me emotional hearing you say that at 21 years old. You know, you you're just you're just still a young kid, man, and uh the maturity level is through the roof. Um, it's it's impressive in your faith. And and when we talk about it a lot, Sean talks about a lot, Ben, about being bold in your faith. And uh, you know, there's no doubt you are, man. And God has blessed you, you know, not only with allowing you to uh to see what most people would look at as a burden, you turn it into a blessing.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_06To not be afraid to share what you shared about the depression and and you know, uh battling those thoughts of suicide and coming out of that and recognizing that you know what I think I'm probably uh focused too much on the wrong thing. Um, and I need to be focused on Christ and um look at what happened. You know, all those things happened for a reason. If that wouldn't happen, and that doctor would have said, Hey, I think you need to shut her down, that'd have been a lot more challenging for you and probably sent you into an even deeper depression than you had before. 100%. But everything happens for a reason.
SPEAKER_02It does, and it's it's so funny because I I see it more even now. Um, that just like God's just his plan is like just coming together. It's like, okay, I got hurt in my junior season and my career is over, but I graduated early. Like what that that's not a coincidence, you know. That's that's his timing, that's his plan. Um, and you know, he he used me for when I needed it. He used me in the right ways, he used me, you know, when it was his time, not mine. And I'm I'm forever grateful. And I'm, you know, I've got so much gratitude for what he uh did and what he's still doing in my life.
Competitor Mindset And What Comes Next
SPEAKER_06Can you explain to those people out there? I I'm sure there's someone listening who's like, you know what, you kept pushing it. You kept pushing it when it hurt, you know, you couldn't open your car door, it you kept pushing, you kept going. I I don't think if if you're if you don't have that competitive mindset, you don't understand that. Can you talk about the those people that may say that to you, like, hey, you know, if you would have shut her down maybe a month earlier, you'd have been okay, but you kept pushing. Talk about that mindset and how that's not an easy thing to do.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so as a competitor, like I still play golf like as a side outside of baseball because I'm still a competitor, but I still need something to do. So that's why I love golf because it's very peaceful, but also like I can still be competitive and play. And I'm I've always had that competitiveness, even in the little things, even uh just like you know, with my sister, even when we were younger, we were always competing. Um, so I think that when you have that competitive nature, you just want to keep striving for more and keep being successful. And I think that's what was hard for me to shut it down, is because like I'm throwing really well. Like I'm throwing the best I've ever thrown in my career. Like I'm at like four innings of baseball of only giving up one hit and no runs, and I have no walks. Like, I'm throwing the best of my entire career, even throughout high school and my in early college. Like, I can't shut it down. Like, I gotta keep going. Like, I'm gonna keep my mindset was I'm gonna keep throwing until my hand falls off, until like I for sure cannot throw a ball anymore. And you know, that's what happened to it. It was it was earlier than what I wanted, right? Obviously, like what I wanted to keep playing, absolutely, because that's just you know, when you have that competitive nature, like you almost can't get enough of it. Like you want to keep competing. There's just something about like you see a guy, and it's that's just why I love pitching so much, is like you see a batter step in the box, and you're like, I'm getting you out. Like you're not getting on base, you're not getting a hit. And it's like, even if they get a hit, it's like, all right, next guy's up. All right, I'm gonna turn a double play here, and both of you guys are gonna be out. It's like that's just that competitive nature that I've always had in everything in life. And I think that's why um I also never like stopped like trying to do stuff and never why and why I never um use the word can't is because I was always competitive, like, okay, I'm gonna figure this out eventually. Like, I've got to keep trying. So when you have that, like just that feeling of being competitive. Um, and I mean you guys lift, you guys know, like you you when you lift and you get a PR, you're like, okay, onto the next PR. Like, I'm gonna get the next one. And when you don't, you're like, all right, I gotta try it again. Like, I can I can't stop now. Like, I'm I'm so and I think that's just when you have that, like, that feeling. And I think you can have competitiveness in a lot of different ways, even uh outside of being an athlete. It's like I know people that like read for fun, and I'm not a I'm not a reader, but they love competing on like I'm gonna finish this book like by the end of this week. Like, and I think that's what people don't realize is like there's competitiveness in each one of us. But it's like, how do you use that? How do you how do you let it like fire yourself up to um using that in your own life? Of can you be competitive outside of like what you love to do to keep embrace something else or embrace the new? And um, I think that's just something that I've always had was that competitive nature, and that's why I love sports so much is just competing against the next person. Like, I gotta win, like I gotta keep going.
SPEAKER_06That's good. How did your coaches and teammates handle when when you told them I'm done?
SPEAKER_02My yeah, they I think they were more heartbroken than I was just because they know um they knew like how much I love the game, how much it means to me, like how much, you know, how much I like dude, I I cr so a teammate of mine, Zach Jones, um I uh we had an end of the year graduation ceremony, just baseball, because we missed the regular one because we were out of town. And you know, in the graduation ceremony, he said like um it was like what name some person that's like changed your life that you've met here at Bellarman. And he said me, and he was like, he's changed my outlook on life, he's changed like knowing that like I can do anything, stuff. And he he he said a lot of that stuff, and dude, it hit me. It's like um not only you know inspiring other people, like younger generations, but I'm also inspiring my teammates and just they see it so and my coaches see it, like how big of an impact like I had on like a lot of people. Um, and that that's I mean that I gotta remind myself like that's all from God. Um but they they were just more sad because they knew like how much it meant to me and how much that you know they're gonna they're gonna miss having me around, they're gonna miss like the enjoyment. Because, you know, even if like I had a bad outing one day, or if I, you know, if you had a bad day, once you step on the ball field, like everything's got to switch. Like you step on the field again, you gotta have a positive mindset. It's a new day, it's a brand new day, and I think you got to do that in every every day you wake up. It's like, all right, yesterday, yesterday's gone. Today's a new day. Um, and you got to continue to use that. So I think just having that is they they were they were pretty devastated for me. But and that and that's why they always were so shocked. They're like, dude, I'm struggling for you. And I'm like, I'm I'm great. Like, I I'm good. I'm serious. Like, I am a hundred percent like everything is good.
SPEAKER_06It's because your identity was not wrapped up in baseball. Your identity was wrapped up in Christ, and that that all happened for a reason. And I mean, it's plain as day for me to see all those things that happen to you, you know, up to that, up to that time, which is where we're at today. So I've got some I got some uh questions
Rapid Fire Baseball And Life Questions
SPEAKER_06here. You got anything you want to add?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I got a couple things. So my kids when they listen to this, they're gonna be like, Dad, why didn't you ask him what his pitches were? So what's your pitches? What were your go-to pitches?
SPEAKER_02Okay, so I had a um two seam fastball, I had a change up, a curveball, and then I had a cutter. But my cutter, I had two different variations of it. I had my strike cutter that I just it was like small, it wasn't super big, and then I had my bigger uh cutter that's like yeah, more slider-ish. That's my my O2, like, all right, strike them out basically. Um, so I didn't really use my curveball as much. I didn't really have a great curveball. It was more so just change the speeds, different, different like views, but I love my cutter. I I mean it was my favorite pitch. And so just because I had two different variations of it, and I love throwing it because I knew when I had like it was it wouldn't be surprising to me if I was tipping my pitches when I had a smile on my face, like I'm throwing my big cutter now, like like trying to hit this. So it's yeah, so that was my favorite pitch to throw.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, not all my kids would have killed me if I didn't say that. Appreciate you answering that one. For sure. No, I just think it's amazing because you know, like you said a minute ago, if it would have happened in different order, right? Like if a year, you know, your wrist starts going out a year or two earlier, we're in a whole different conversation right now. And I just think that's one of those God things where it happens like that. Um, I I think one of the biggest things for me is you know, we had Mason on last week, and here we are, we're talking about Division I again. And with him, we talked about like how much work it takes to become a Division I athlete and like your parents have to believe in you, and then here you are, and and it would have been so easy for you to make a mistake, like make an excuse just right off the rip, like if you didn't want to work or something like that. So to see you and like the the level that you achieved in D one and that not to be your identity, though, like that's not what you're like you came up here and you could have just talked about like the hard work, and I would have been absolutely enthralled with that, like just the hard work that it took, but like just glorifying God, man. Like you were a special human being.
SPEAKER_06Like it's impressive. All right, I got 10 rapid fire questions. All right, okay, you just tell us the first thing that comes to your mind. Favorite baseball movie of all time? Sam Lot. Yeah, killing me, smalls. If you could strike out one MLB hitter in his prime, who would it be? Um, King Griffey Jr. Oh, he's got a great swing. Beautiful. Favorite pregame meal Chipotle. What's worse? Walking the bases loaded or giving up a home run.
SPEAKER_02Walking the bases loaded. Can't give up free bases. There we go.
SPEAKER_06Walkout song if you're coming out from the bullpen.
SPEAKER_02Mine was count them by Brandon Lake.
SPEAKER_06Oh, that's good. Favorite place you've ever pitched?
SPEAKER_02Tennessee.
SPEAKER_06Where you puked on the mound. Just kidding.
SPEAKER_03Did they play Rocky Top at all?
SPEAKER_02They play it every time they score a run.
SPEAKER_03So they didn't play it at all when you were pitching, right?
SPEAKER_02They scored, they played it four times. You know, Kevin Bull had to do that.
SPEAKER_06All right. One teammate most likely to make you laugh during a game.
SPEAKER_02Landon Acres.
SPEAKER_06What's more nerve-wracking? First pitch of the game or full count with the bases loaded?
SPEAKER_02First pitch of the game.
SPEAKER_06Favorite junk food after a game. Nerd's gummy closers. Great. And the last question that we always ask every guest if you could sit on a park bench and have a conversation with someone living or deceased, who would it be and why?
SPEAKER_02It would be my uh mom's dad because he was he passed away before I turned three. And my grandma always said that we had a special bond together. Um and that he would have been at any any game, anything um that I was doing, um, and I didn't get a chance to have that.
SPEAKER_06Um so that's one person I would any question I should have asked you that I didn't?
SPEAKER_02I don't think so. No.
SPEAKER_06Anything else you gotta add? Sean, you got anything?
SPEAKER_01Who was the best player you pitched against? And what's the longest the ball ever been hit off of you?
SPEAKER_02That would be Andrew Fisher at Tennessee when he hit his face on the scoreboard. But that was a foul ball, right? Face was over on the I was just helping his draft stock. I mean, he got drafted first round, so I was just I was just helping his draft stock.
SPEAKER_03What pitch did he hit? No, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_02If you smile, you're probably like, oh yeah, I I knew it right off the bat and I was like, well, you know, just give me the next ball on fire, please. And then the scoreboard explodes.
SPEAKER_03I think it would be hard.
SPEAKER_01Rocky Top. Yeah, that's a thing.
SPEAKER_03I think if they started playing Rocky Top on pitching, like I think I'd end up just not paying attention, seeing it. Like that would be no. I thought it was the coolest thing ever would.
Final Encouragement And D1 Work Ethic
SPEAKER_06Oh, Carson, man. I I am I'm so impressed by the young man that you have become. Uh I'm not surprised knowing your parents. Um, you know, your dad not only coached you, but he coached my daughter Leah in soccer for many, many years. And uh, you know, just grateful for his leadership, for your mom's leadership in our community. Um, you know, I don't know what the future looks like for you, you know, five to ten years down the road, and I know you don't either, but you know, I hope that that uh you come back to your community. I hope that you uh I could see you coaching someday. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm sure that's that's in your DNA. And uh and those who you coach will be better because of it. So you know, thanks for uh, you know, recognizing the blessing that you have, the blessing that you are uh to others because a lot of people were watching and and we'll we'll put a couple links when this airs. Uh there was uh was it an ESPN special that was done or was that through Bellerman? That was the um it was here recently, just this was my school.
SPEAKER_02It was Bellerman. It was your school, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Powerful man, that was so cool. And we'll we'll link that so people can watch it. But uh I would uh encourage all of our listeners out there to go and go on YouTube and and search up Carson Carson and and watch watch how you pitch. I mean it's a it's Jim Abbott back in the day, and Jim Abbott was when I was growing up. Ben probably wasn't born yet, but uh you know I remember Jim Abbott clearly. And uh it just it's just a testament to no matter what your circumstance in life you can get through anything with faith. Absolutely, yeah.
SPEAKER_03All right. One other thing. What what do you have any advice for kids that's wanting to become a division one athlete?
SPEAKER_02Um I just think work hard, man. Like you gotta you gotta keep working, you gotta grind it out. I mean, it's it's a lot of practice and time and effort, but if you have the right mindset, I mean, like I said, you can do anything you put your mind to if you work hard and through God, and I mean anything's possible.
SPEAKER_03I can say that Proverbs one more time.
SPEAKER_02Proverbs 16, three. Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed. Love it, love it, love it.
SPEAKER_06Love it. All right, thanks again for coming up here, man. I appreciate it. Thank you guys. Yeah, good luck here uh starting work next week and your masters and all that stuff. Appreciate it. You got a full, full plate, uh, but uh no doubt you're gonna shine. So thank you. Appreciate it.
Like, Share, And Go Be Tempered
SPEAKER_06All right, everybody, be sure to like and share and do all those things. Go out and be tempered.
Sponsor Message From Catrin’s Glass
SPEAKER_00Hi, my name is Allie Schmidt. This is my dad Dan. He owns Catrin's Glass.
SPEAKER_05Thanks, Allie. Things like doors and windows go into making a house. But when it's your home, you expect more, like the great service and selection you'll get from Catrins Glass. Final replacement windows from Catrins come with a lifetime warranty, including accidental glass breakage replacement. Also ask for custom shower doors and many other products and services. Go 962-1636, locally owned with local employees for nearly 30 years.
SPEAKER_00Catrins Glass, the clear choice.
Patreon Reminder And Mission Close
SPEAKER_04I want to share something that's become a big part of the Be Tempered mission: Patreon. Now, if you've never used it before, Patreon is a platform where we can build community together. It's not just about supporting the podcast, it's about having a space where we can connect on a deeper level, encourage one another, and walk this journey of faith, resilience, and perseverance side by side. Here's how it works. You can join as a free member and get access to daily posts, behind the scenes updates, encouragement, and some things I don't always put out on other platforms. And if you feel called to support the mission financially, there are different levels where you can do that too. That support helps us keep producing the podcasts, creating gear, hosting events, and sharing stories that we believe can truly impact lives. And here's the cool part. Patreon has a free app you can download right on your phone. It works just like Facebook or Instagram, but it's built specifically for our community. You'll be able to scroll through posts, watch videos, listen to content, and interact with others who are on the same journey. At the end of the day, this isn't just about content, it's about connection. It's about building something together. Not just me and Ben putting out episodes, but a family of people committed to growing stronger through real stories and real faith. So whether you just want to hop on as a free member or you feel called to support in a bigger way, Patreon is the door into that community. Because at the heart of Be Tempered has always been simple real stories, raw truth, resilient faith, so that even one person out there that hears what they need to hear, and Patreon helps make that possible.
